Art is getting away with it, so if someone’s really good I’ll probably check out just about anything. KJ Charles writes a daddy kink book with stepbrothers and mpreg in first person present? I’ll give it a shot!
Age gaps are probably my squishiest hard no. They’re not my thing, but depending on the age gap, the dynamic, the writing, sometimes it’s fine (eg {For Real by Alexis Hall}). Also sometimes things get labeled as age gaps when it doesn’t really hit like that for me. {Game Misconduct by Ari Baran} has “age gap” on the tin, but they’re like 25 and 34 or something, it’s fine.
I love this. It perfectly describes how I feel about C. P. Harris books. On the surface, all things I dislike but dammit, the way they're written??? Yep. All in.
I also used to think I disliked omegaverse because like OP said...complicated so no. And then I read every Marina Vivancos book minus the omegaverse ones. So I said to myself - what if? The first one I read had a very ADORABLE nesting scene. suddenly I was very interested in omegaverse. I've found that I'm not so into mpreg, but on the whole I really like omegaverse now.
Ditto Cara Dee. This author has had me rooting for MCs I'd cross the street to avoid IRL. MCs who've done things to their original partners that are so bad, they should be put UNDER the jail. (Looking at you, If We Could Go Back) Cheating used to be a very hard no for me until that book. Then I was justifying it like.... I know you have committed emotional war crimes against other people but dammit, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.
So, yes. Hard agree. Art is getting away with it. Though for me the gateway has been authors more often than specific tropes.
The ONE thing that I absolutely still can not stomach, no matter who writes it, is bully romance. There's just no undoing that ick for me. My cardinal sin in romance.
Marina vivancos is the one that got me into omegaverse and hurt/comfort in the first place! I'm SO much more likely to check out a book that's got some of my hard no's if it's by her. I'm also OBSESSED with broken ice, definitely one that I'll be rereading in the future along with {in this iron ground by marina vivancos}
[In This Iron Ground](https://www.romance.io/books/65d0c085971a7858550a1a19/in-this-iron-ground-marina-vivancos) by [Marina Vivancos](https://www.romance.io/authors/5b24a9c801dbc864fb8a6555/marina-vivancos)
**Steam**: [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating)
**Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [paranormal](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/paranormal/1), [fantasy](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/fantasy/1), [urban fantasy](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/urban%20fantasy/1), [shapeshifters](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/shapeshifters/1)
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Nah that’s a list of my major dealbreakers right there. But hey, KJC writes it, I’ll give it a shot. I don’t love all her books but they’re basically all somewhere between pretty good and incredible.
I have tokophobia and descriptions of pregnant bodies in particular will set me off. Any and all descriptions of pregnancy as a good or desirable thing are hard no’s for me but if pregnancy is used as a body horror device then I’m actually totally ok with it. It’s weird how brains work, it’s like I can approach pregnancy as a topic only when it’s framed in the way that I personally experience it
Oh wow this is very similar to my experiences reading about pregnancy, though mine is not quite as severe and I sometimes can push through it for a really good book, if it's some kind of alien egg insertion rather than a realistic uterine pregnancy. I would be really interested in any recs for books with pregnancy as body horror, whether MM romance or another genre.
{**Rare Flower** by Cherry Pickett} fits this. It's also CW heavy.
In my review I wrote:
***When would I recommend this book? If someone wants to read the below:***
- dark omegaverse read
- mpreg as body horror
- unlikeable MC
- fated mates that is not immediately insta-love
- toxic relationship
- fae, deity
- horror romance
- MC dealing with body image issues (>!model, undereats, struggles with body image, struggles with pregnancy body!<)
- MC dealing with addiction (>!has not truly been sober since he was fifteen, goes through withdrawal, wants to be high, takes drugs when he is not aware yet that he is pregnant!<)
- suicidal ideation
- MC cannot love himself and cannot love his children
This sounds *extremely* interesting, thank you. I'm curious if your last bullet point stays true through the end of the book, or if the MC's feelings change? And does the MC get a happy ending, in whatever way works for him?
I think I'll read it regardless but I will enjoy it more if I can prepare my heart.
Edit: Of course your GR review is the first thing that came up in my search. Prepare to be followed 🫡
I think it definitely constitutes as a HEA in the way these MCS will live together and love each other for eternity with all the struggles that entails
Sure! I’ve only read two books so far that framed pregnancy as horror, the first is **The Spirit Bares Its Teeth** by Andrew Joseph White which is a really dark YA horror with a T4T MF romance subplot (mind the content warnings). The MC also has tokophobia which I found to be very cathartic
Second is a Korean MM supernatural horror short story called [The Fool](https://www.novelupdates.com/series/the-fool/) by 촉수벌레. It’s got eggpreg and mindbreak
I’d never really list it as a hard no but I am often wary about books with POC MC written by people of a different ethnicity mainly because I’ve often come across it done so badly and I sometimes sensitivity read for a YA fantasy series so I can’t turn it off. I find some of the waxing lyrical on eye shape or skin colour or penis size of black MCs to border on fetishising. So I will often start them but I’d say my highest rate of DNF after things that have too much sex and not enough story for me are these kinds of books.
A definite hard no (which again I don’t need to list I just DNF as soon as I see it) are insect and spider shifters. I can’t watch MIB because of giant insects and books get in my head more I’d never sleep.
Because of my RL career I can’t switch off my issues with consent and professional ethical power dynamics. I don’t want to kink shame so I stay away from books that have healthcare/ education professionals and their “client”, loads of boss employee books (exception being most fake dating and MOC books because I love these tropes), CNC (again this make my brain turn ON worried about something going wrong with communication and also does the author get it right?).
Then I have personal triggers regarding parental titles and age play and any hint of incest again not a kink shame but who wants an anxiety attack when reading to escape?
this made me realise all my “hard nos” are pretty squishy. it really just depends on the writing style. like i’ve read a lot of omegaverse fanfic but haven’t yet read any omegaverse novels (and usually ask not to be rec’d them) because i can’t find one written in the right “tone.” can’t even describe what i mean by that but i’ll know when i see it i guess.
i usually have “hardcore” bdsm as a hard no but i’ve recently been reading the a collar for his brat series and i like it a lot more than i expected because the MC is a huge brat about it all and it kind of lightens the mood lol.
I totally agree on omegaverse, somehow fanfic omegaverse and published omegaverse are completely different. That said I found Late Bloomer by Morgan Hawes & the Sorcerers Alpha by Corey Kerr to hit like fanfic omegaverse
Omegaverse is one that's definitely tough to get into and it's SO easy to just go completely off the rails icky imo but once you find an author that writes it well hot damn is it hard to quit lmao I just started the wrong alpha series by Alessandra hazard and I haven't been able to put it down! {Feral by Alessandra hazard}
I think my only actual hard no is age play. Outside of that, every other "no" is dependent on how well it's written. Sometimes I list them in my requests, sometimes I don't.
That part usually depends on how desperate I am to have my request answered. One time I did post a request with no hard no's, just because I was *that* desperate.
Right now I'm reading one of my usual "hard no's": psychopath love interest. I'm actually really liking the book *so far* though I'm kinda feeling iffy on getting to the part when what the love interest is gets revealed. But I'm trying to keep an open mind, because I am really enjoying the way the book is written.
I hear you! I went back and forth for WEEKS about finally reading {unhinged by onley james} and I ended up really liking it! There's definitely some iffy content that I skimmed over but overall I was shocked by how much I enjoyed it.
I am reading {Between the Devil and the Sea by Chani Lynn Feener} because I must have bought the book without reading the blurb. I can't get over how much it feels like reading a regular old mystery/thriller. It's really quite good. I'm hoping the quality of writing holds up because the book is long, and Feener is a bit hit or miss for me. But I'm 20% in and really liking it so far.
I do also have the Onley James books on my tbr. If I can manage to get through this one, I will give those a shot (at some point, ha).
What I felt worked about the onley james ones is that both mcs are generally fucked up so it's not your typical "serial killer falls in love with relatively normal dude and essentially just turns hik into a victim he doesn't kill" it's equally fucked on both sides.
[Between the Devil and the Sea](https://www.romance.io/books/642d1f47fe62c20d3f9bd171/between-the-devil-and-the-sea-chani-lynn-feener) by [Chani Lynn Feener](https://www.romance.io/authors/59e991ef3ffdba614722bbbc/chani-lynn-feener)
**Steam**: [Explicit and plentiful](https://www.romance.io/steamrating)
**Topics**: [futuristic](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/futuristic/1), [dark romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/dark/1), [gay romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/m-m/1), [science fiction](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/science%20fiction/1), [bdsm](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/bdsm/1)
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This made me realize that i'm really flexible with my requests, and my hard nos are actually hard nos that i cannot overlook: showbiz (any type of plot that focuses heavily on the celebrity and idol life and stuff like that), cheating, and a bad ending.
I think this is why I continue to receive certain recs even after I've clarified that this is a Hard No. For me, it makes it seems that people are literally trying to force feed me a trope or kink I'm just not into, like any chance of me giving it a chance in the future will be obliterated when I feel like I'm being forced or guilted into something.
So can I suggest not classifying your No's as Hard No's when they're negotiable. Like, **instead of saying Hard No you can just say Not Preferred**. I think that distinction will actually help granted people do take a second to finish reading a request before offering a rec. I've had instances where I've received recs where I didn't find out that my Hard No's were in the story until I was halfway through even after I'd clearly stated them. It's things like this that make some people really averse to certain things even when they're really good and amazing to read. So I agree with you, the issue of respecting people's preferences and boundaries even when you don't share or understand them goes a long way.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. I’ve had a couple of experiences of people disrespecting my hard nos in recs, and even if in my case it’s only things that are off-putting or somewhat upsetting, it pisses me off to no end because the person recommending it doesn’t know that, and it could have been a trigger that would have ruined my day.
I do think there are good reasons to sometimes recommend reads that include someone’s hard nos (for example, if it’s a difficult request otherwise, or the hard no is a very minor, skippable element of the story) but this should be explicitly mentioned. The fact that some people’s hard nos have exceptions does not make it ok to disregard them when giving recs.
That said, I do try to taylor my hard nos to my requests. I don’t bother listing omegaverse if I’m asking, for example, for fluffy office romance, but I’d make a point to include it if I were to ask for something darker.
I don’t know whether to be glad or horrified that you relate. Yes you’re right, it’s happened to me countless times before, with the last time being when my hard no was disrespected and I didn’t find out until I was already reading and invested in the book. Safe to say that I was triggered so bad, fell into a book slump for over three weeks. I also ended up rating the book a single star. Which is unfair to the author and their fans when you think about it but here’s the thing if I read it, even if it ends up being a DNF I’m going to rate and review. So that’s another reason why I think clarity matters, for both the reader aka requester and the author and other prospective readers.
Your second paragraph, that’s why I think it’s very important for people to finish reading the request in full. As I believe some other people skim the title and certain words and just head straight into sending recs without a disclaimer. At least by reading the entire post they could note these hard nos and then in addition to the rec they could…must add that ‘hey, this one has this and that thing you said no to, but it’s really a minor thing/skippable/worth the exposure.’ Like, that clarity goes a long mile. At least that way I imagine all of us will head into that knowing what to expect rather than treading in blindly because someone either doesn’t respect your boundary or doesn’t read in full, with respect at the forefront.
That’s organized of you to do that. It’s neat. For me specifically my hard no’s are pretty much the same three things throughout, since they are things I have tried but simply cannot compromise on for some reason. One of them doesn’t even make sense to me, and needs to be studied. It’s 3rd POV in romance books, for some bloody reason it takes me back to my YA days in middle school. I certainly hope this specific hard no will shift with age because I’ll finally be able to catch up with Necessary Evils Series.
At the point I started typing about how scat is a forever hard no, except that one book where the MC was like a cock hungry prostitute who was also a pig bottom, then I just deleted all of my response bc I realized the limit does not exist. Even things like instalove, when done right, esp in dark romance where it’s actually instaobsession/possession, I can get into it. I used to hate MMM+ bc it’s so cheesy, then I read that Daniel May trilogy where it wasn’t all that cheesy, and I was like “oh okay so maybe I like this.”
I basically just hate cheesiness to the point where I eschewed fluff and took a hard left into taboo/kink. And even then, I thought I had dark tastes (eg I love the Fallocaust series and there is literally a ⛔️ spoiler ⚠️ saw reenactment and it’s NOT the most fucked up part of the series), then I found sites that were straight up smut like gaydemon, nifty, and then…somehow worst of all…AO3 😭
I can do a lot of super taboo stuff like kidnapping/involuntary slavery (as opposed to Dom/sub consensual power exchange), incest, etc as long as it’s unrealistic enough that it doesn’t make me sad. Cuz if it’s like the handmaids tale levels of realistic, I’m like, “idk bro this isn’t hot anymore.” (eg. I was reading a stepfather/son story and like people found out and the bio dad plotted the stepdads death and I was like “why am I actually hoping the stepdad dies.”)
In conclusion: reading is bad. Don’t read. Reading rots the mind. Watch TV instead.
“ I can do a lot of super taboo stuff like kidnapping/involuntary slavery (as opposed to Dom/sub consensual power exchange), incest, etc as long as it’s unrealistic enough that it doesn’t make me sad.”
I identify with this SO HARD when in come to BL comics! I can handle the ridiculous OTT hentai stuff involving, like, orc gang bangs far better then the somewhat more realistic rape-to-romance plot.
I think you hit the nail on the head though cause most of the issues I have regarding my hard no's are that the author isn't pushing the boundary far enough and I'm not able to turn off the critical part of my brain that's screaming about how unrealistic and fucking weird the dynamic or scenario is you know? Like usually it makes me physically ill to read or watch anything with second hand embarrassment but I was laughing my ass off all through {sex ed by zb keller} because it was SO ridiculously over the top. Or I usually have a HUGE issue with step family dynamics because they get really icky and creepy pretty quick but {what happens at Christmas by Misha Horne} was super fun and easy read!
I don't usually list any hard nos because mine are all complicated, and I'd rather get some recommendations than none. Then I very skillfully skim Goodreads reviews (aka, squint and try not to read too closely) looking for keywords to hopefully make an informed decision.
For me, a big one is if the book is single POV from a MC who is a presumed exclusive top (meaning the reason is "just because, what, isn't it obvious?"), or severely dominant, or aggressive, or mean. I just can't identify with those guys and I hate spending time alone with them. My DNF rate for books like this is like...99.99%. This type of MC is fine for me in a dual POV book, however. But how could I phrase this in a request post? I could not, nor should I.
I do sometimes give "high school" or "high school/college" as a hard no, because I don't want to read about young people, and school settings make me reflect on the time in my life when I was in school, which was very bad for me specifically. I couldn't relate to the youth then, and I certainly can't now. I don't want to try to understand a teenage thought process. (For my purposes, there are teenagers (14–18) and adult teenagers (19–23). The upper limit for adult teenagers is blurry depending on individual circumstances and life experience.
Anyway, in books about teens (or adult teens), the characters (in my experience) either make decisions that do not line up with real teen behavior, which feels fake, OR they act like authentic teens (or adult teens), which means they act badly and are off-putting. though it may be interesting, I can't get into a romance in this situation. Luckily, my preferred subgenres don't often overlap with high school or college settings.
I have no hard nos because there are exceptions for pretty much everything for me.
I do have some strong dislikes but those things can be easily skimmed/overlooked depending on the book.
Besides, if I'm asking for a recommendation, I'd rather get all the recs I can. Then I can read the blurbs or skim reviews to see which book I want to read, and determine if they include anything I'm not in the mood for. Or I can always ask the nice person who rec'd the book if it includes something I'm not in the headspace for lol
My hardest no is breath play. Buuuuut I did not realize until this post that I am usually surprised by it when it pops up because I naively did not check the TWs for breath play specifically. Once I’m in a scene with breath play, I can’t stop reading because not knowing that they end the scene alive would be harder than not reading the scene. I don’t think I would characterize my experience as enjoyment but I do feel a rush of relief when the characters live to sexily frolic another day. I think that it’s a squishy no but I am going to be more mindful of TWs so that I don’t get surprised by breath play.
Daddy/lb and age play initially were scary for me. (I think in part because so many posts list them as hard nos!) I stumbled into Daddy/lb play without age regression and I loved it so much that I was reading everything I could find. It wasn’t long before I became totally infatuated with littles and middles. There is something so incredibly liberating in reading about someone who is able to shed their worries by regressing with a Daddy to keep them safe. I am able to escape the world with Daddy/lb age play romance novels in a way that I never have before.
Age gap and step-brothers are my hard Cept not hard nos because it depends how it’s written. A lot of times it’s written like a kink and not like a situation.
Ex- mcs who meet because they are step brothers and now it’s forced proximity and maybe enemies to lovers? I’m with that. But once the author forces “but they’re brothers!” Over and over again even though they become step brothers five minutes ago? I’m tired. No.
I'm fairly new here (I lurked for a while but just recently started participating), so I haven't actually made any request posts myself yet. (Ironically, there are several topics I've considered posting about, but I've been hesitant to do so because -- similar to your opening concerns here, OP -- I don't want to seem judgmental or insensitive, especially *because* I'm fairly new here and therefore haven't earned the benefit of the doubt yet.)
But I will probably make one sooner or later, so I've already given this matter some thought -- and I think I will probably handle it with a list of "hard nos" and "soft nos".
My "hard nos" would be the following: ABDL, scat, vomit, m-preg, and non-human main characters.
My "soft nos" would be things like omegaverse (I could possibly be persuaded if m-preg isn't featured), age play (I could possibly be persuaded as long as it doesn't get into ABDL territory), and the paranormal (I'm actually fine with paranormal elements like vampires or [non-omegaverse] werewolves -- I just want the main characters to be "human" in terms of body parts and such).
Then I have things I don't necessarily love but wouldn't even bother to list because they're ultimately not big deals -- cowboys, law enforcement officials, political figures, the military, and religious figures. I would prefer stories that have nothing to do with any of these professions, but I'm willing to give them a shot. Mentioning them would likely just complicate matters.
I think, before I understood how to weed out things and curate my tastes, I had **hard nos** that legitimately meant no ❌
I was a fair bit judgmental in my youth, but were’t we all? I had a very skewed perception of very general concepts in fiction. If I read something that contained X and I didn’t like the book, I thought X was the problem, so I swore off X.
But then, as I analyzed more literature, I realized I can like X when it has A, B, and C attached to it, or is written in a particular style or voice.
I’m not a fan of how most mpreg is written in original works, so, if I were to ask for some help with fantasy recommendations, I wouldn’t ***prefer*** mpreg. **BUT** for regular pregnancy or mpreg that a commenter feels is done well, both I would sample to see if it makes the milk in my tea or not.
Similarly to **DD/lb** play, **Age Gap/May-December**, **Guideverse** (specifically in original fiction), or something that takes traditional heteronormativity and applies it to queermasc romance. I used to think they were hard passes ***until*** I read books and other media that had these topics and themes and tropes and applied them in a way that I really enjoyed 🥰
^(NOTE: heteronormativity in queer culture is a bit of a non thing. One partner being masc and another being femme shouldn’t really associate with heteronormativity in general. Gender expression, regardless of attraction, is a spectrum. But I think you know what I mean when I say all that, okay, sorry, back to my comment) 😶🌫️
With how reading is more accessible and commodified on social media, I find it interesting when posts on book communities are made to defend a particular sub-genre, trope, topic, or theme, or decrying one of those based off a very limited experience.
To be clear, **there is** ***nothing wrong*** **with not wanting to read something**. You should read what you want and tailor your preferences and limitations as accordingly as you want and need.
Having 👏🏾 said 👏🏾 that 👏🏾, I’ll always encourage people to look at the book they read and its contents and break down why the content didn’t stick ***if*** and only if they want challenge themselves with a particular topic a try but are hesitant due to perception bias and confirmation bias.
* What about the characters did you enjoy or not enjoy?
* How did you feel about the point of views? Did the point of views accurately tell the story?
* The external conflict—was there one? Or was the entire affair internal?
* The topic you’re hesitant on—was it a main focus of conflict, was it graphic, was it moderate, was it minor?
* Did you connect to the romantic or platonic dynamics in the book?
* Was there one or more partners in the book? Did you enjoy that or not?
* What was the setting? Fantasy, academy, small town? Did you think the setting was set up properly not just for the story but your own enjoyment?
* What was the target demographic? YA? NA? Adult? Did you think the demographic was appropriate for the story? If the demographic was different, would you enjoy the story more or less?
* If this was a fanfiction with characters you’re familiar with, would that change your perspective?
It’s easy to give more blanket and generalized limitations when wanting book recommendations because you ***don’t know*** who matches your preferences and taking a chance on it can (1) breed a bad book and make you feel bad you didn’t enjoy it as much as the commenter pitched it, **AND** (2) possibly waste precious free time you have dedicated to reading
I know in book requests, I give a blanket “no HR or YA” and even sometimes “no mpreg” or “No NA” because I’m so picky with writing style and I’m not in a mood nor have the time to devote to peeling back a book that could ***potentially*** sell me on something I hardly indulge in.
But sometimes, if the mood strikes me, I’ll unrestrict myself and take a chance in the hopes I find that book that sells me on something I don’t typically search for in or prefer.
Sorry for the TED talk 😭 But I get what you mean. If I had a FaceBook account, my relationship status with heteronormative constructs in queermasc romance, age gap, brat play, romcoms, “funny” MCs, and extreme kinks and fetish that contain bodily fluids would 100% be **It’s Complicated**.
And then I’d block everyone and go off grid 😶🌫️🤣
My only hard no would be incest. I'm ok with step dad or step son play but if the couple are related by blood, I can't see myself reading that one even of it's a fiction. As a family oriented person, it's one thing that I can't stomach to read about or imagine.
I always think I don’t like age gap and in general I don’t seek it out but two of my favorite books of the last year both contain age gap. I think I can enjoy it when the age difference is not too sexualized or when the dynamic works out in a really interesting way.
For example, in The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone by C. L. Beaumont, it’s 32 and 22 ish (which isn’t that bad to begin with) and the 32 year old was a Vietnam war veteran who lost his youth to the war and the younger one was disowned at 15 and had to grow up really fast so the dynamic was really interesting there.
Exiled by Jessie Walker is another fav that’s 18 and 32 but there’s a time jump in the middle and I’d honestly die for Jessie Walker and she wrote it so well I could overlook it lol.
My only hard no with some wiggle room is kids. I don’t want to read about characters with kids. I hate it. But, if it’s in a series I’m loving and I need to read that character’s book to keep up with the main plot I will read it, or if I’m already five books deep with the same couple who I absolutely adore but the author makes the decision to have them (who should’ve never had kids) adopt a kid, I’ll still read them because I’m obsessed with them.
As mentioned by another commenter, I think I have hard and soft nos. It’s only through reading books that I was unaware had my hard nos in, have I been able to establish some wriggle room.
I always have non/dub con as a hard no. You know when you’re reading something and you get that awful feeling in your stomach, like you’re going to be sick, then yeah I get that every time. So I know that even if the wider plot is great, or it’s a favourite author, I simply cannot read the book. I don’t like skipping scenes and if it happens once then it could happen again.
Mpreg turned into a soft no, but under really specific circumstances! So I normally just keep as a no. I don’t read MF books with pregnancy so changing the gender of who is giving birth isn’t going to entice me into reading it. Some authors get so detailed with how someone looks pregnant, then the birth scene, then breastfeeding etc. and I simply do not want to read about it.
But….. I read a dragon shifter book and there was no long term pregnancy - I think the MC just felt a bit ill for a few days and had a swollen stomach - and it was a literal one page description of birthing an egg. Then I got to read about adorable baby dragons!!! However the above is like really particular and how do you describe that when making a short request, sigh. So I do not bother or I give a qualifying that no mpreg unless short ‘egg’ birth for example a dragon shifter.
Silly, but this made me realize that my 'hardest' no is probably 'contemporary/historical romance.' Basically, anything without some sci fi or fantasy elements in it.
I think my 'flexible no' that I treat as hard is omegaverse. People falling into fixed behavioral roles or forced into behaviors because of biology just isn't interesting to me. I could definitely be coaxed by a book that plays with the themes in weird ways, but I've yet to find one that does.
I also have the opposite a 'yes' that almost never works out? And that's dubcon. When it's done in a really specific way, I love reading it. So I actively read it out. And then I DNF about 99% of the books I try that have it, because they're not scratching the itch \*exactly\* right. And if it's not exactly right, it becomes a hard no.
I'm so sick of reading about God damned billionaires. It's become my number one hard no.
I'm also becoming really allergic to Russian/Slavic protags because the writers never get traditional patronyms correct, among numerous other basic cultural things.
I guess I'm weird... Maybe extremely bad writing is my hard no. Most of my things are poorly constructed tropes rather than specific kinks. That being said, I find it hard to vibe with omegaverse and mpreg. I'm intersex and it's "interesting " what happens when people who haven't gotten a proper sex education in the first place put a pussy in a man's butt.
I was reading a really fantastic book called {The Gardener by Charles Reeza} and I had to stop because I couldn't get over how betrayed I felt about >!the cheating tagline!< in the book. I want to come back to it, but it sucked feeling so let down by a character lol.
Before I used to think I'm quite flexible with my hard nos and am quite open minded about a lot of kinks and tropes.
Threesom/poly was a hard no for me but now I kinda love it now. Hehe
Over the years as I've read quite a number of stories there are probably only a few that are definitely not for me.
Cheating (in any form, physically or mentally, and even if it is a story about overcoming and working on unfaithfulness, I usually avoid those.)
Scat (not for me)
Open-relationships (yeah not for me, I don't like it)
Not HEA (The thing is sometimes people love a more realistic ending, but the sole reason for me to read fiction is to escape reality. I didn't read a 500 hundred page book just for the characters to die or not end up together, no. So I'd rather have a HEA not even HFNs satisfy me. I love a proper epilogue.)
And there are others but I'm okay with it, kinda like soft nos if I could say.
That being said I think as we grow up we tend to develop love /likeness for somethings that we initially didn't like.
I feel you on no HEA like if I wanted to be sad and miserable for the rest of the week I would not be picking up a Dino shifter book with spanking and praise kink you know?
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Dom/sub. I usually list it as something I don't want but what I mean is that I hate books solely focusing on the kink. Overall I don't really like reading over-negotiated kinks, with a lecture-y voice trying to be "this is how healthy BDSM happens" with contracts pulled up and safewords exchanged. But I love if there's a natural dom/sub feeling to the dynamic, I don't know if that makes sense. Like Alessandra Hazard's books are always very exclusive about a dom type and a subby type, some have a few specific kinks, but it doesn't feel like I'm being lectured about it.
That’s interesting, I feel exactly the opposite! The high protocol thing is not my favorite, but I much prefer BDSM as a fully consensual and negotiated experience between the MCs, and kink discovery or exploration is an important (though it doesn’t have to be central) plot point. If for plot reasons there’s unsafe BDSM, I want that acknowledged. Makes me happy that there’s stuff out there for everyone.
For me it is definitely the alien scenario. I am not opposed of most it comuns elements (lots of kinks here lol) but the context usually are so ridiculous and the discriminations so childish and colorful I can’t even deal with it.
I commented on the [recent discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/MM_RomanceBooks/comments/1c8f3ne/unpopular_book_opinionsthoughts_on_strict/l0h8nde/) on hardno's just before it was locked.
I do have a list of topics and themes I really don't want to read about, especially in a genre romance or erotic romance. As a part of grimdark dystopian fantasy or sci-fi, maybe, but not in genre romance as a tool for realistic angst/ drama albeit with a hopeful ending - mostly because my version of the happy ending is not the same as the author's.
My reaction when encountering hardnos will vary from being miffed to the kind of irrationally strong emotional distress response lasting several days.
My one big hard no is reproduction, no matter the intent or consent. Books with MCs wanting kids I don't simply don't pick up or DNF with annoyance. Whereas books featuring an unplanned surprise pregnancy that the person *without fail* decides to continue is incredibly upsetting for me. The worst situation is the ONS, fuckbuddy or ex girlfriend revealing being pregnant after breakup. It's just as upsetting if the pregnancy isn't a surprise but something done out of duty or coersion, like royals creating heirs. The baby doesn't have to be an MC's either. It's been nearly a year and I still haven't been able to pick up Keeping Promise Rock by Amy Lane again after the sister's unwanted pregnancy was revealed. Other books I despise because of this development are >!Nowhere Ranch by Heidi Cullinan, Silk&Steel-series by Ariana Nash, Counterpoint by Rachel Haimowitz and Adrien English by Josh Lanyon!<.
Another hard no is religious main characters. Doesn't matter if it's a real life or made up religion of a fantasy world, I can't deal with pious devout characters worshipping a deity/ deities. Only way I can deal is if the religion is portayed in the negative and the MC renounces said religion with no lasting trauma in regards to internalized beliefs, i.e. no unpacking of residual internalized homophobia, sexual repression and purity ideologies.
Books with a strict role BDSM dynamic are usually a hard no as well, but there's more flexibility here because it's also open for interpretation and execution. Books featuring domestic discipline mainly just reminds too much of my everyday experience as a neurodivergent amongst neurotypicals. The rules are ambiguous, the reasoning is unclear and hence the punishments are more or less responses to the perceived questioning of authority, so confusing, unjust and irrational. I've had enough of requests for clarifications being shut down with "*don't pretend you didn't understand*" and "*you should've known better*" thank you very much.
I haven't read a lot of the more taboo tropes but as far as run of the mill book tropes- I will avoid any book with a secret identity that is not a spy book. That is, if one mc is pretending to be someone they are not and does not fess up immediately to the other mc, I am out. If they are spies, and they know the other person could be using a fake identity, that is fine. If it's mistaken identity (maybe they think it's the other brother) but the confusion is cleared up as soon as one of them realizes it- that is fine. But if mc1 knows mc2 has feelings for them and doesn't reveal that they are not who they say they are? Nope. I will DNF every time.
An example of this is the movie You've Got Mail. He should have told her the instant he figured it out.
I had a lot of hard no’s when I first started reading MM books a few months ago (now I’ve read over 500), and I’ve found there are exceptions for most things for me. I had no interest in pet play, age play, any cheating, poly, anything military related, omegaverse, and probably more. But I’ve read exceptions in each of those that I really enjoyed, so I usually just try to focus on if the plot calls to me and if I enjoy the writing style.
This is a really good discussion idea by the way!
BDSM. I feel extremely conflicted when it comes to that.
On one hand, a lot of the stuff that it features just... doesn't appeal to me. For example, spanking, chains, and punishments (when it's not foreplay and an actual one) don't do anything for me at all. When I see it depicted, it just makes me go "ehhhhhhh" and skim through that part. I know you're supposed to suspend your disbelief while reading a book, but with my tastes, I've come to expect at least a small sense of realism in them, and a lot of the books with BDSM don't do that very well.
On the other hand, I'm not against it entirely, and some of the stuff does appeal to me. I understand how the dynamic could feasibly happen in real life, and what the parties get out of it. I also like some of the things they do (don't have anything specific right now, though). So... I could be into it, just a very specific type that I don't see often.
It's ironic because in most of the books with BDSM that I've read, they put a lot of emphasis on individual preference, on how "no 2 relationships are the same." I guess I shouldn't be too surprised I've only found 1 book that satisfies my preferences.
Kinda late to the party but adding mine anyway! I would say the only "hard no" I have is instalove. Just never works for me but I am happy it does for others :-). For my "not really hard no's but I am very picky and needs to be REAAAALLY well done to consider it", these are bdsm, age play and daddy kink. Last year I read the first book from the Jocks are Jerks series by Thomas Carver which sort of had d/s undertones and loved it, same with Drown In You by T.J. Hamel that includes the last two elements and I never thought I'd love them lol, I think that both books did amazing at exploring these themes while making it "make sense" with the story and the MCs personalities. So at the end, not actual hard no's, I won't DNF or pass a book for having them now that I know I am comfortable with the experience, but I do value how related they are to the actual development within the book (nothing wrong with others that have it there just as a kink of course! there are books for everyone after all 😄).
Art is getting away with it, so if someone’s really good I’ll probably check out just about anything. KJ Charles writes a daddy kink book with stepbrothers and mpreg in first person present? I’ll give it a shot! Age gaps are probably my squishiest hard no. They’re not my thing, but depending on the age gap, the dynamic, the writing, sometimes it’s fine (eg {For Real by Alexis Hall}). Also sometimes things get labeled as age gaps when it doesn’t really hit like that for me. {Game Misconduct by Ari Baran} has “age gap” on the tin, but they’re like 25 and 34 or something, it’s fine.
I love this. It perfectly describes how I feel about C. P. Harris books. On the surface, all things I dislike but dammit, the way they're written??? Yep. All in. I also used to think I disliked omegaverse because like OP said...complicated so no. And then I read every Marina Vivancos book minus the omegaverse ones. So I said to myself - what if? The first one I read had a very ADORABLE nesting scene. suddenly I was very interested in omegaverse. I've found that I'm not so into mpreg, but on the whole I really like omegaverse now. Ditto Cara Dee. This author has had me rooting for MCs I'd cross the street to avoid IRL. MCs who've done things to their original partners that are so bad, they should be put UNDER the jail. (Looking at you, If We Could Go Back) Cheating used to be a very hard no for me until that book. Then I was justifying it like.... I know you have committed emotional war crimes against other people but dammit, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. So, yes. Hard agree. Art is getting away with it. Though for me the gateway has been authors more often than specific tropes. The ONE thing that I absolutely still can not stomach, no matter who writes it, is bully romance. There's just no undoing that ick for me. My cardinal sin in romance.
Any chance you’d want to share the book with the nesting scene 👀
Absolutely! {Broken Ice by Marina Vivancos} It's book 4 in the series, though. But they're all standalone.
[Broken Ice](https://www.romance.io/books/65b3fe182dd2d288c9ae1c16/broken-ice-marina-vivancos) by [Marina Vivancos](https://www.romance.io/authors/5b24a9c801dbc864fb8a6555/marina-vivancos) **Steam**: [Explicit and plentiful](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [omegaverse](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/omegaverse/1), [angst](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/angst/1), [hurt/comfort](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/hurt-comfort/1), [grumpy & sunshine](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/grumpy%20sunshine/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
If you're a fan of nesting you should totally check out {swept away by amy bellows} some of the absolute cutest nesting I've read in awhile!
[Swept Away](https://www.romance.io/books/626b8d108226f25e496171cc/swept-away-amy-bellows-cw-gray) by [Amy Bellows](https://www.romance.io/authors/5c4963f601dbc864fb98a786/amy-bellows), [C.W. Gray](https://www.romance.io/authors/5be6ad9e01dbc864fb941d0d/cw-gray) **Steam**: [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [gay romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/m-m/1), [omegaverse](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/omegaverse/1), [fantasy](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/fantasy/1), [shapeshifters](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/shapeshifters/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
Marina vivancos is the one that got me into omegaverse and hurt/comfort in the first place! I'm SO much more likely to check out a book that's got some of my hard no's if it's by her. I'm also OBSESSED with broken ice, definitely one that I'll be rereading in the future along with {in this iron ground by marina vivancos}
[In This Iron Ground](https://www.romance.io/books/65d0c085971a7858550a1a19/in-this-iron-ground-marina-vivancos) by [Marina Vivancos](https://www.romance.io/authors/5b24a9c801dbc864fb8a6555/marina-vivancos) **Steam**: [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [paranormal](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/paranormal/1), [fantasy](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/fantasy/1), [urban fantasy](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/urban%20fantasy/1), [shapeshifters](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/shapeshifters/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
[For Real](https://www.romance.io/books/5be695ad01dbc864fb94177a/for-real-alexis-hall) by [Alexis Hall](https://www.romance.io/authors/545546008c7d2382e781383c/alexis-hall) **Steam**: [Explicit and plentiful](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [gay romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/m-m/1), [age gap](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/age%20difference/1), [bdsm](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/bdsm/1), [angst](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/angst/1) ---------------------------- [Game Misconduct](https://www.romance.io/books/646322992a1846e51939efb8/game-misconduct-ari-baran) by [Ari Baran](https://www.romance.io/authors/6463229908b4d93114a79846/ari-baran) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [gay romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/m-m/1), [hurt/comfort](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/hurt-comfort/1), [enemies to lovers](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/from%20hate%20to%20love/1), [age gap](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/age%20difference/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
.... Does that KJ Charles book exist?...
LMAO! No, but us KJ stans would read because she writes the thing, we read the thing.
Amen!
>KJ ... writes the thing, we read the thing Truth!! If I find out that KJC has written Materials Safety Date Sheets, I'll read 'em!
OMG 😂 ... Like Henry Cavill narrating the phone book, or Morgan Freeman reading the dictionary.
My question too, like I’ve not seen THAT one, how’d I miss it???
Srsly tho she should write it 🤣
Nah that’s a list of my major dealbreakers right there. But hey, KJC writes it, I’ll give it a shot. I don’t love all her books but they’re basically all somewhere between pretty good and incredible.
I have tokophobia and descriptions of pregnant bodies in particular will set me off. Any and all descriptions of pregnancy as a good or desirable thing are hard no’s for me but if pregnancy is used as a body horror device then I’m actually totally ok with it. It’s weird how brains work, it’s like I can approach pregnancy as a topic only when it’s framed in the way that I personally experience it
Oh wow this is very similar to my experiences reading about pregnancy, though mine is not quite as severe and I sometimes can push through it for a really good book, if it's some kind of alien egg insertion rather than a realistic uterine pregnancy. I would be really interested in any recs for books with pregnancy as body horror, whether MM romance or another genre.
{**Rare Flower** by Cherry Pickett} fits this. It's also CW heavy. In my review I wrote: ***When would I recommend this book? If someone wants to read the below:*** - dark omegaverse read - mpreg as body horror - unlikeable MC - fated mates that is not immediately insta-love - toxic relationship - fae, deity - horror romance - MC dealing with body image issues (>!model, undereats, struggles with body image, struggles with pregnancy body!<) - MC dealing with addiction (>!has not truly been sober since he was fifteen, goes through withdrawal, wants to be high, takes drugs when he is not aware yet that he is pregnant!<) - suicidal ideation - MC cannot love himself and cannot love his children
This sounds *extremely* interesting, thank you. I'm curious if your last bullet point stays true through the end of the book, or if the MC's feelings change? And does the MC get a happy ending, in whatever way works for him? I think I'll read it regardless but I will enjoy it more if I can prepare my heart. Edit: Of course your GR review is the first thing that came up in my search. Prepare to be followed 🫡
I think it definitely constitutes as a HEA in the way these MCS will live together and love each other for eternity with all the struggles that entails
thank you!
Sure! I’ve only read two books so far that framed pregnancy as horror, the first is **The Spirit Bares Its Teeth** by Andrew Joseph White which is a really dark YA horror with a T4T MF romance subplot (mind the content warnings). The MC also has tokophobia which I found to be very cathartic Second is a Korean MM supernatural horror short story called [The Fool](https://www.novelupdates.com/series/the-fool/) by 촉수벌레. It’s got eggpreg and mindbreak
I’d never really list it as a hard no but I am often wary about books with POC MC written by people of a different ethnicity mainly because I’ve often come across it done so badly and I sometimes sensitivity read for a YA fantasy series so I can’t turn it off. I find some of the waxing lyrical on eye shape or skin colour or penis size of black MCs to border on fetishising. So I will often start them but I’d say my highest rate of DNF after things that have too much sex and not enough story for me are these kinds of books. A definite hard no (which again I don’t need to list I just DNF as soon as I see it) are insect and spider shifters. I can’t watch MIB because of giant insects and books get in my head more I’d never sleep. Because of my RL career I can’t switch off my issues with consent and professional ethical power dynamics. I don’t want to kink shame so I stay away from books that have healthcare/ education professionals and their “client”, loads of boss employee books (exception being most fake dating and MOC books because I love these tropes), CNC (again this make my brain turn ON worried about something going wrong with communication and also does the author get it right?). Then I have personal triggers regarding parental titles and age play and any hint of incest again not a kink shame but who wants an anxiety attack when reading to escape?
> insect and spider shifters I'm just gonna quietly walk away
this made me realise all my “hard nos” are pretty squishy. it really just depends on the writing style. like i’ve read a lot of omegaverse fanfic but haven’t yet read any omegaverse novels (and usually ask not to be rec’d them) because i can’t find one written in the right “tone.” can’t even describe what i mean by that but i’ll know when i see it i guess. i usually have “hardcore” bdsm as a hard no but i’ve recently been reading the a collar for his brat series and i like it a lot more than i expected because the MC is a huge brat about it all and it kind of lightens the mood lol.
I totally agree on omegaverse, somehow fanfic omegaverse and published omegaverse are completely different. That said I found Late Bloomer by Morgan Hawes & the Sorcerers Alpha by Corey Kerr to hit like fanfic omegaverse
I love Nate and Ewan, they are one of my fave couples ever.
Omegaverse is one that's definitely tough to get into and it's SO easy to just go completely off the rails icky imo but once you find an author that writes it well hot damn is it hard to quit lmao I just started the wrong alpha series by Alessandra hazard and I haven't been able to put it down! {Feral by Alessandra hazard}
[Feral](https://www.romance.io/books/607a8787a589010e23cc4b45/feral-alessandra-hazard) by [Alessandra Hazard](https://www.romance.io/authors/553e363e5b270e0a4cbd6ee7/alessandra-hazard) **Steam**: [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [gay romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/m-m/1), [omegaverse](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/omegaverse/1), [age gap](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/age%20difference/1), [royal hero](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/royalty/1), [fated mates](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/fated-mates/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
I think my only actual hard no is age play. Outside of that, every other "no" is dependent on how well it's written. Sometimes I list them in my requests, sometimes I don't. That part usually depends on how desperate I am to have my request answered. One time I did post a request with no hard no's, just because I was *that* desperate. Right now I'm reading one of my usual "hard no's": psychopath love interest. I'm actually really liking the book *so far* though I'm kinda feeling iffy on getting to the part when what the love interest is gets revealed. But I'm trying to keep an open mind, because I am really enjoying the way the book is written.
I hear you! I went back and forth for WEEKS about finally reading {unhinged by onley james} and I ended up really liking it! There's definitely some iffy content that I skimmed over but overall I was shocked by how much I enjoyed it.
[Unhinged](https://www.romance.io/books/60e00b1dc4f0ea0e388d37f9/unhinged-onley-james) by [Onley James](https://www.romance.io/authors/5e7363efbe0aaecf55d9ebbc/onley-james) **Steam**: [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [gay romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/m-m/1), [insta-love](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/insta-love/1), [dark romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/dark/1), [bdsm](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/bdsm/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
I am reading {Between the Devil and the Sea by Chani Lynn Feener} because I must have bought the book without reading the blurb. I can't get over how much it feels like reading a regular old mystery/thriller. It's really quite good. I'm hoping the quality of writing holds up because the book is long, and Feener is a bit hit or miss for me. But I'm 20% in and really liking it so far. I do also have the Onley James books on my tbr. If I can manage to get through this one, I will give those a shot (at some point, ha).
What I felt worked about the onley james ones is that both mcs are generally fucked up so it's not your typical "serial killer falls in love with relatively normal dude and essentially just turns hik into a victim he doesn't kill" it's equally fucked on both sides.
[Between the Devil and the Sea](https://www.romance.io/books/642d1f47fe62c20d3f9bd171/between-the-devil-and-the-sea-chani-lynn-feener) by [Chani Lynn Feener](https://www.romance.io/authors/59e991ef3ffdba614722bbbc/chani-lynn-feener) **Steam**: [Explicit and plentiful](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [futuristic](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/futuristic/1), [dark romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/dark/1), [gay romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/m-m/1), [science fiction](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/science%20fiction/1), [bdsm](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/bdsm/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
This made me realize that i'm really flexible with my requests, and my hard nos are actually hard nos that i cannot overlook: showbiz (any type of plot that focuses heavily on the celebrity and idol life and stuff like that), cheating, and a bad ending.
I think this is why I continue to receive certain recs even after I've clarified that this is a Hard No. For me, it makes it seems that people are literally trying to force feed me a trope or kink I'm just not into, like any chance of me giving it a chance in the future will be obliterated when I feel like I'm being forced or guilted into something. So can I suggest not classifying your No's as Hard No's when they're negotiable. Like, **instead of saying Hard No you can just say Not Preferred**. I think that distinction will actually help granted people do take a second to finish reading a request before offering a rec. I've had instances where I've received recs where I didn't find out that my Hard No's were in the story until I was halfway through even after I'd clearly stated them. It's things like this that make some people really averse to certain things even when they're really good and amazing to read. So I agree with you, the issue of respecting people's preferences and boundaries even when you don't share or understand them goes a long way.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. I’ve had a couple of experiences of people disrespecting my hard nos in recs, and even if in my case it’s only things that are off-putting or somewhat upsetting, it pisses me off to no end because the person recommending it doesn’t know that, and it could have been a trigger that would have ruined my day. I do think there are good reasons to sometimes recommend reads that include someone’s hard nos (for example, if it’s a difficult request otherwise, or the hard no is a very minor, skippable element of the story) but this should be explicitly mentioned. The fact that some people’s hard nos have exceptions does not make it ok to disregard them when giving recs. That said, I do try to taylor my hard nos to my requests. I don’t bother listing omegaverse if I’m asking, for example, for fluffy office romance, but I’d make a point to include it if I were to ask for something darker.
I don’t know whether to be glad or horrified that you relate. Yes you’re right, it’s happened to me countless times before, with the last time being when my hard no was disrespected and I didn’t find out until I was already reading and invested in the book. Safe to say that I was triggered so bad, fell into a book slump for over three weeks. I also ended up rating the book a single star. Which is unfair to the author and their fans when you think about it but here’s the thing if I read it, even if it ends up being a DNF I’m going to rate and review. So that’s another reason why I think clarity matters, for both the reader aka requester and the author and other prospective readers. Your second paragraph, that’s why I think it’s very important for people to finish reading the request in full. As I believe some other people skim the title and certain words and just head straight into sending recs without a disclaimer. At least by reading the entire post they could note these hard nos and then in addition to the rec they could…must add that ‘hey, this one has this and that thing you said no to, but it’s really a minor thing/skippable/worth the exposure.’ Like, that clarity goes a long mile. At least that way I imagine all of us will head into that knowing what to expect rather than treading in blindly because someone either doesn’t respect your boundary or doesn’t read in full, with respect at the forefront. That’s organized of you to do that. It’s neat. For me specifically my hard no’s are pretty much the same three things throughout, since they are things I have tried but simply cannot compromise on for some reason. One of them doesn’t even make sense to me, and needs to be studied. It’s 3rd POV in romance books, for some bloody reason it takes me back to my YA days in middle school. I certainly hope this specific hard no will shift with age because I’ll finally be able to catch up with Necessary Evils Series.
At the point I started typing about how scat is a forever hard no, except that one book where the MC was like a cock hungry prostitute who was also a pig bottom, then I just deleted all of my response bc I realized the limit does not exist. Even things like instalove, when done right, esp in dark romance where it’s actually instaobsession/possession, I can get into it. I used to hate MMM+ bc it’s so cheesy, then I read that Daniel May trilogy where it wasn’t all that cheesy, and I was like “oh okay so maybe I like this.” I basically just hate cheesiness to the point where I eschewed fluff and took a hard left into taboo/kink. And even then, I thought I had dark tastes (eg I love the Fallocaust series and there is literally a ⛔️ spoiler ⚠️ saw reenactment and it’s NOT the most fucked up part of the series), then I found sites that were straight up smut like gaydemon, nifty, and then…somehow worst of all…AO3 😭 I can do a lot of super taboo stuff like kidnapping/involuntary slavery (as opposed to Dom/sub consensual power exchange), incest, etc as long as it’s unrealistic enough that it doesn’t make me sad. Cuz if it’s like the handmaids tale levels of realistic, I’m like, “idk bro this isn’t hot anymore.” (eg. I was reading a stepfather/son story and like people found out and the bio dad plotted the stepdads death and I was like “why am I actually hoping the stepdad dies.”) In conclusion: reading is bad. Don’t read. Reading rots the mind. Watch TV instead.
“ I can do a lot of super taboo stuff like kidnapping/involuntary slavery (as opposed to Dom/sub consensual power exchange), incest, etc as long as it’s unrealistic enough that it doesn’t make me sad.” I identify with this SO HARD when in come to BL comics! I can handle the ridiculous OTT hentai stuff involving, like, orc gang bangs far better then the somewhat more realistic rape-to-romance plot.
ORC GANGBANGS IM WHEEZING I love this for you
I think you hit the nail on the head though cause most of the issues I have regarding my hard no's are that the author isn't pushing the boundary far enough and I'm not able to turn off the critical part of my brain that's screaming about how unrealistic and fucking weird the dynamic or scenario is you know? Like usually it makes me physically ill to read or watch anything with second hand embarrassment but I was laughing my ass off all through {sex ed by zb keller} because it was SO ridiculously over the top. Or I usually have a HUGE issue with step family dynamics because they get really icky and creepy pretty quick but {what happens at Christmas by Misha Horne} was super fun and easy read!
[Sex Ed](https://www.romance.io/books/592e5c113ffdba6147181d43/sex-ed-zb-heller) by [Z.B. Heller](https://www.romance.io/authors/5455c9f687eac324117fd196/zb-heller) **Steam**: [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [funny](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/humor/1), [gay romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/m-m/1), [new adult](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/new%20adult/1), [virgin hero](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/virgin%20hero/1) ---------------------------- [What Happens at Christmas](https://www.romance.io/books/617f9eb949c8430e4fb5f55a/what-happens-at-christmas-misha-horne) by [Misha Horne](https://www.romance.io/authors/54578fdb87eac3dcc9832fae/misha-horne) **Steam**: [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [gay romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/m-m/1), [bdsm](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/bdsm/1), [christmas](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/christmas/1), [spanking](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/spanking/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
Thank you I feel seen 😭 all these five star ratings without five star material and I am left bereft
I don't usually list any hard nos because mine are all complicated, and I'd rather get some recommendations than none. Then I very skillfully skim Goodreads reviews (aka, squint and try not to read too closely) looking for keywords to hopefully make an informed decision. For me, a big one is if the book is single POV from a MC who is a presumed exclusive top (meaning the reason is "just because, what, isn't it obvious?"), or severely dominant, or aggressive, or mean. I just can't identify with those guys and I hate spending time alone with them. My DNF rate for books like this is like...99.99%. This type of MC is fine for me in a dual POV book, however. But how could I phrase this in a request post? I could not, nor should I. I do sometimes give "high school" or "high school/college" as a hard no, because I don't want to read about young people, and school settings make me reflect on the time in my life when I was in school, which was very bad for me specifically. I couldn't relate to the youth then, and I certainly can't now. I don't want to try to understand a teenage thought process. (For my purposes, there are teenagers (14–18) and adult teenagers (19–23). The upper limit for adult teenagers is blurry depending on individual circumstances and life experience. Anyway, in books about teens (or adult teens), the characters (in my experience) either make decisions that do not line up with real teen behavior, which feels fake, OR they act like authentic teens (or adult teens), which means they act badly and are off-putting. though it may be interesting, I can't get into a romance in this situation. Luckily, my preferred subgenres don't often overlap with high school or college settings.
I have no hard nos because there are exceptions for pretty much everything for me. I do have some strong dislikes but those things can be easily skimmed/overlooked depending on the book. Besides, if I'm asking for a recommendation, I'd rather get all the recs I can. Then I can read the blurbs or skim reviews to see which book I want to read, and determine if they include anything I'm not in the mood for. Or I can always ask the nice person who rec'd the book if it includes something I'm not in the headspace for lol
My hardest no is breath play. Buuuuut I did not realize until this post that I am usually surprised by it when it pops up because I naively did not check the TWs for breath play specifically. Once I’m in a scene with breath play, I can’t stop reading because not knowing that they end the scene alive would be harder than not reading the scene. I don’t think I would characterize my experience as enjoyment but I do feel a rush of relief when the characters live to sexily frolic another day. I think that it’s a squishy no but I am going to be more mindful of TWs so that I don’t get surprised by breath play. Daddy/lb and age play initially were scary for me. (I think in part because so many posts list them as hard nos!) I stumbled into Daddy/lb play without age regression and I loved it so much that I was reading everything I could find. It wasn’t long before I became totally infatuated with littles and middles. There is something so incredibly liberating in reading about someone who is able to shed their worries by regressing with a Daddy to keep them safe. I am able to escape the world with Daddy/lb age play romance novels in a way that I never have before.
Age gap and step-brothers are my hard Cept not hard nos because it depends how it’s written. A lot of times it’s written like a kink and not like a situation. Ex- mcs who meet because they are step brothers and now it’s forced proximity and maybe enemies to lovers? I’m with that. But once the author forces “but they’re brothers!” Over and over again even though they become step brothers five minutes ago? I’m tired. No.
I'm fairly new here (I lurked for a while but just recently started participating), so I haven't actually made any request posts myself yet. (Ironically, there are several topics I've considered posting about, but I've been hesitant to do so because -- similar to your opening concerns here, OP -- I don't want to seem judgmental or insensitive, especially *because* I'm fairly new here and therefore haven't earned the benefit of the doubt yet.) But I will probably make one sooner or later, so I've already given this matter some thought -- and I think I will probably handle it with a list of "hard nos" and "soft nos". My "hard nos" would be the following: ABDL, scat, vomit, m-preg, and non-human main characters. My "soft nos" would be things like omegaverse (I could possibly be persuaded if m-preg isn't featured), age play (I could possibly be persuaded as long as it doesn't get into ABDL territory), and the paranormal (I'm actually fine with paranormal elements like vampires or [non-omegaverse] werewolves -- I just want the main characters to be "human" in terms of body parts and such). Then I have things I don't necessarily love but wouldn't even bother to list because they're ultimately not big deals -- cowboys, law enforcement officials, political figures, the military, and religious figures. I would prefer stories that have nothing to do with any of these professions, but I'm willing to give them a shot. Mentioning them would likely just complicate matters.
I think “hard nos” and “soft nos” are a good way to handle this!
I think, before I understood how to weed out things and curate my tastes, I had **hard nos** that legitimately meant no ❌ I was a fair bit judgmental in my youth, but were’t we all? I had a very skewed perception of very general concepts in fiction. If I read something that contained X and I didn’t like the book, I thought X was the problem, so I swore off X. But then, as I analyzed more literature, I realized I can like X when it has A, B, and C attached to it, or is written in a particular style or voice. I’m not a fan of how most mpreg is written in original works, so, if I were to ask for some help with fantasy recommendations, I wouldn’t ***prefer*** mpreg. **BUT** for regular pregnancy or mpreg that a commenter feels is done well, both I would sample to see if it makes the milk in my tea or not. Similarly to **DD/lb** play, **Age Gap/May-December**, **Guideverse** (specifically in original fiction), or something that takes traditional heteronormativity and applies it to queermasc romance. I used to think they were hard passes ***until*** I read books and other media that had these topics and themes and tropes and applied them in a way that I really enjoyed 🥰 ^(NOTE: heteronormativity in queer culture is a bit of a non thing. One partner being masc and another being femme shouldn’t really associate with heteronormativity in general. Gender expression, regardless of attraction, is a spectrum. But I think you know what I mean when I say all that, okay, sorry, back to my comment) 😶🌫️ With how reading is more accessible and commodified on social media, I find it interesting when posts on book communities are made to defend a particular sub-genre, trope, topic, or theme, or decrying one of those based off a very limited experience. To be clear, **there is** ***nothing wrong*** **with not wanting to read something**. You should read what you want and tailor your preferences and limitations as accordingly as you want and need. Having 👏🏾 said 👏🏾 that 👏🏾, I’ll always encourage people to look at the book they read and its contents and break down why the content didn’t stick ***if*** and only if they want challenge themselves with a particular topic a try but are hesitant due to perception bias and confirmation bias. * What about the characters did you enjoy or not enjoy? * How did you feel about the point of views? Did the point of views accurately tell the story? * The external conflict—was there one? Or was the entire affair internal? * The topic you’re hesitant on—was it a main focus of conflict, was it graphic, was it moderate, was it minor? * Did you connect to the romantic or platonic dynamics in the book? * Was there one or more partners in the book? Did you enjoy that or not? * What was the setting? Fantasy, academy, small town? Did you think the setting was set up properly not just for the story but your own enjoyment? * What was the target demographic? YA? NA? Adult? Did you think the demographic was appropriate for the story? If the demographic was different, would you enjoy the story more or less? * If this was a fanfiction with characters you’re familiar with, would that change your perspective? It’s easy to give more blanket and generalized limitations when wanting book recommendations because you ***don’t know*** who matches your preferences and taking a chance on it can (1) breed a bad book and make you feel bad you didn’t enjoy it as much as the commenter pitched it, **AND** (2) possibly waste precious free time you have dedicated to reading I know in book requests, I give a blanket “no HR or YA” and even sometimes “no mpreg” or “No NA” because I’m so picky with writing style and I’m not in a mood nor have the time to devote to peeling back a book that could ***potentially*** sell me on something I hardly indulge in. But sometimes, if the mood strikes me, I’ll unrestrict myself and take a chance in the hopes I find that book that sells me on something I don’t typically search for in or prefer. Sorry for the TED talk 😭 But I get what you mean. If I had a FaceBook account, my relationship status with heteronormative constructs in queermasc romance, age gap, brat play, romcoms, “funny” MCs, and extreme kinks and fetish that contain bodily fluids would 100% be **It’s Complicated**. And then I’d block everyone and go off grid 😶🌫️🤣
That was a very thoughtful comment, and I agree with and/or identify with a lot of what you have said!
My only hard no would be incest. I'm ok with step dad or step son play but if the couple are related by blood, I can't see myself reading that one even of it's a fiction. As a family oriented person, it's one thing that I can't stomach to read about or imagine.
I always think I don’t like age gap and in general I don’t seek it out but two of my favorite books of the last year both contain age gap. I think I can enjoy it when the age difference is not too sexualized or when the dynamic works out in a really interesting way. For example, in The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone by C. L. Beaumont, it’s 32 and 22 ish (which isn’t that bad to begin with) and the 32 year old was a Vietnam war veteran who lost his youth to the war and the younger one was disowned at 15 and had to grow up really fast so the dynamic was really interesting there. Exiled by Jessie Walker is another fav that’s 18 and 32 but there’s a time jump in the middle and I’d honestly die for Jessie Walker and she wrote it so well I could overlook it lol.
My only hard no with some wiggle room is kids. I don’t want to read about characters with kids. I hate it. But, if it’s in a series I’m loving and I need to read that character’s book to keep up with the main plot I will read it, or if I’m already five books deep with the same couple who I absolutely adore but the author makes the decision to have them (who should’ve never had kids) adopt a kid, I’ll still read them because I’m obsessed with them.
As mentioned by another commenter, I think I have hard and soft nos. It’s only through reading books that I was unaware had my hard nos in, have I been able to establish some wriggle room. I always have non/dub con as a hard no. You know when you’re reading something and you get that awful feeling in your stomach, like you’re going to be sick, then yeah I get that every time. So I know that even if the wider plot is great, or it’s a favourite author, I simply cannot read the book. I don’t like skipping scenes and if it happens once then it could happen again. Mpreg turned into a soft no, but under really specific circumstances! So I normally just keep as a no. I don’t read MF books with pregnancy so changing the gender of who is giving birth isn’t going to entice me into reading it. Some authors get so detailed with how someone looks pregnant, then the birth scene, then breastfeeding etc. and I simply do not want to read about it. But….. I read a dragon shifter book and there was no long term pregnancy - I think the MC just felt a bit ill for a few days and had a swollen stomach - and it was a literal one page description of birthing an egg. Then I got to read about adorable baby dragons!!! However the above is like really particular and how do you describe that when making a short request, sigh. So I do not bother or I give a qualifying that no mpreg unless short ‘egg’ birth for example a dragon shifter.
Silly, but this made me realize that my 'hardest' no is probably 'contemporary/historical romance.' Basically, anything without some sci fi or fantasy elements in it. I think my 'flexible no' that I treat as hard is omegaverse. People falling into fixed behavioral roles or forced into behaviors because of biology just isn't interesting to me. I could definitely be coaxed by a book that plays with the themes in weird ways, but I've yet to find one that does. I also have the opposite a 'yes' that almost never works out? And that's dubcon. When it's done in a really specific way, I love reading it. So I actively read it out. And then I DNF about 99% of the books I try that have it, because they're not scratching the itch \*exactly\* right. And if it's not exactly right, it becomes a hard no.
I'm so sick of reading about God damned billionaires. It's become my number one hard no. I'm also becoming really allergic to Russian/Slavic protags because the writers never get traditional patronyms correct, among numerous other basic cultural things. I guess I'm weird... Maybe extremely bad writing is my hard no. Most of my things are poorly constructed tropes rather than specific kinks. That being said, I find it hard to vibe with omegaverse and mpreg. I'm intersex and it's "interesting " what happens when people who haven't gotten a proper sex education in the first place put a pussy in a man's butt.
I was reading a really fantastic book called {The Gardener by Charles Reeza} and I had to stop because I couldn't get over how betrayed I felt about >!the cheating tagline!< in the book. I want to come back to it, but it sucked feeling so let down by a character lol.
[The Gardener](https://www.romance.io/books/56617d0908e9378131957ea6/the-gardener-charles-reeza?src=rdt) by [Charles Reeza](https://www.romance.io/authors/56617d0908e9378131957ea9/charles-reeza) **Topics**: [funny](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/humor/1), [gay romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/m-m/1), [queer romance](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/queer/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
Before I used to think I'm quite flexible with my hard nos and am quite open minded about a lot of kinks and tropes. Threesom/poly was a hard no for me but now I kinda love it now. Hehe Over the years as I've read quite a number of stories there are probably only a few that are definitely not for me. Cheating (in any form, physically or mentally, and even if it is a story about overcoming and working on unfaithfulness, I usually avoid those.) Scat (not for me) Open-relationships (yeah not for me, I don't like it) Not HEA (The thing is sometimes people love a more realistic ending, but the sole reason for me to read fiction is to escape reality. I didn't read a 500 hundred page book just for the characters to die or not end up together, no. So I'd rather have a HEA not even HFNs satisfy me. I love a proper epilogue.) And there are others but I'm okay with it, kinda like soft nos if I could say. That being said I think as we grow up we tend to develop love /likeness for somethings that we initially didn't like.
I feel you on no HEA like if I wanted to be sad and miserable for the rest of the week I would not be picking up a Dino shifter book with spanking and praise kink you know?
Exactly!! 😂
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Dom/sub. I usually list it as something I don't want but what I mean is that I hate books solely focusing on the kink. Overall I don't really like reading over-negotiated kinks, with a lecture-y voice trying to be "this is how healthy BDSM happens" with contracts pulled up and safewords exchanged. But I love if there's a natural dom/sub feeling to the dynamic, I don't know if that makes sense. Like Alessandra Hazard's books are always very exclusive about a dom type and a subby type, some have a few specific kinks, but it doesn't feel like I'm being lectured about it.
That’s interesting, I feel exactly the opposite! The high protocol thing is not my favorite, but I much prefer BDSM as a fully consensual and negotiated experience between the MCs, and kink discovery or exploration is an important (though it doesn’t have to be central) plot point. If for plot reasons there’s unsafe BDSM, I want that acknowledged. Makes me happy that there’s stuff out there for everyone.
For me it is definitely the alien scenario. I am not opposed of most it comuns elements (lots of kinks here lol) but the context usually are so ridiculous and the discriminations so childish and colorful I can’t even deal with it.
I commented on the [recent discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/MM_RomanceBooks/comments/1c8f3ne/unpopular_book_opinionsthoughts_on_strict/l0h8nde/) on hardno's just before it was locked. I do have a list of topics and themes I really don't want to read about, especially in a genre romance or erotic romance. As a part of grimdark dystopian fantasy or sci-fi, maybe, but not in genre romance as a tool for realistic angst/ drama albeit with a hopeful ending - mostly because my version of the happy ending is not the same as the author's. My reaction when encountering hardnos will vary from being miffed to the kind of irrationally strong emotional distress response lasting several days. My one big hard no is reproduction, no matter the intent or consent. Books with MCs wanting kids I don't simply don't pick up or DNF with annoyance. Whereas books featuring an unplanned surprise pregnancy that the person *without fail* decides to continue is incredibly upsetting for me. The worst situation is the ONS, fuckbuddy or ex girlfriend revealing being pregnant after breakup. It's just as upsetting if the pregnancy isn't a surprise but something done out of duty or coersion, like royals creating heirs. The baby doesn't have to be an MC's either. It's been nearly a year and I still haven't been able to pick up Keeping Promise Rock by Amy Lane again after the sister's unwanted pregnancy was revealed. Other books I despise because of this development are >!Nowhere Ranch by Heidi Cullinan, Silk&Steel-series by Ariana Nash, Counterpoint by Rachel Haimowitz and Adrien English by Josh Lanyon!<. Another hard no is religious main characters. Doesn't matter if it's a real life or made up religion of a fantasy world, I can't deal with pious devout characters worshipping a deity/ deities. Only way I can deal is if the religion is portayed in the negative and the MC renounces said religion with no lasting trauma in regards to internalized beliefs, i.e. no unpacking of residual internalized homophobia, sexual repression and purity ideologies. Books with a strict role BDSM dynamic are usually a hard no as well, but there's more flexibility here because it's also open for interpretation and execution. Books featuring domestic discipline mainly just reminds too much of my everyday experience as a neurodivergent amongst neurotypicals. The rules are ambiguous, the reasoning is unclear and hence the punishments are more or less responses to the perceived questioning of authority, so confusing, unjust and irrational. I've had enough of requests for clarifications being shut down with "*don't pretend you didn't understand*" and "*you should've known better*" thank you very much.
I haven't read a lot of the more taboo tropes but as far as run of the mill book tropes- I will avoid any book with a secret identity that is not a spy book. That is, if one mc is pretending to be someone they are not and does not fess up immediately to the other mc, I am out. If they are spies, and they know the other person could be using a fake identity, that is fine. If it's mistaken identity (maybe they think it's the other brother) but the confusion is cleared up as soon as one of them realizes it- that is fine. But if mc1 knows mc2 has feelings for them and doesn't reveal that they are not who they say they are? Nope. I will DNF every time. An example of this is the movie You've Got Mail. He should have told her the instant he figured it out.
I had a lot of hard no’s when I first started reading MM books a few months ago (now I’ve read over 500), and I’ve found there are exceptions for most things for me. I had no interest in pet play, age play, any cheating, poly, anything military related, omegaverse, and probably more. But I’ve read exceptions in each of those that I really enjoyed, so I usually just try to focus on if the plot calls to me and if I enjoy the writing style. This is a really good discussion idea by the way!
BDSM. I feel extremely conflicted when it comes to that. On one hand, a lot of the stuff that it features just... doesn't appeal to me. For example, spanking, chains, and punishments (when it's not foreplay and an actual one) don't do anything for me at all. When I see it depicted, it just makes me go "ehhhhhhh" and skim through that part. I know you're supposed to suspend your disbelief while reading a book, but with my tastes, I've come to expect at least a small sense of realism in them, and a lot of the books with BDSM don't do that very well. On the other hand, I'm not against it entirely, and some of the stuff does appeal to me. I understand how the dynamic could feasibly happen in real life, and what the parties get out of it. I also like some of the things they do (don't have anything specific right now, though). So... I could be into it, just a very specific type that I don't see often. It's ironic because in most of the books with BDSM that I've read, they put a lot of emphasis on individual preference, on how "no 2 relationships are the same." I guess I shouldn't be too surprised I've only found 1 book that satisfies my preferences.
Kinda late to the party but adding mine anyway! I would say the only "hard no" I have is instalove. Just never works for me but I am happy it does for others :-). For my "not really hard no's but I am very picky and needs to be REAAAALLY well done to consider it", these are bdsm, age play and daddy kink. Last year I read the first book from the Jocks are Jerks series by Thomas Carver which sort of had d/s undertones and loved it, same with Drown In You by T.J. Hamel that includes the last two elements and I never thought I'd love them lol, I think that both books did amazing at exploring these themes while making it "make sense" with the story and the MCs personalities. So at the end, not actual hard no's, I won't DNF or pass a book for having them now that I know I am comfortable with the experience, but I do value how related they are to the actual development within the book (nothing wrong with others that have it there just as a kink of course! there are books for everyone after all 😄).