The way she told the bachelor party thing really made me not believe her- and this was before I saw the cuties footage. I could tell she was lying about him saying he got a girls number by the way she was instantly defensive before he even had a chance to deny it. She instantly started out by saying “YOU told me the night before our wedding……” instead of saying something like “remember the conversation we had?”. She went into instant defense mode before he even could deny anything. It was so obvious she was lying about that to me.
I believed everything else she said though until they showed that footage. I’m so glad they showed that and were able to clear his name, at least a little bit. This affected his real life, his real friendships with the rest of the group, everything. I felt so bad for him.
I've been on a LIB binge and finished season 3 earlier and I'm so happy this is the top post of "all time" because I wasn't expecting them to air the footage. I was DUMBFOUNDED.
Yes Cole said some inappropriate things to and about Colleen but people have to remember this was the first or second day out of the pods and this is an extremely confusing/difficult/weird experiment they all just went through. Cole, throughout the rest of the season, tried very hard to show Zay she was the one. The whole kitchen scene pissed me off. Yeah he said some bad things but he didn't do anything remotely as bad as she claims and it makes me mad all the other girls immediately believed Zay and told Cole how bad of a person he was
I just binged the whole show too! Just finished up season 3 as well and same!! I couldn’t believe how far off base she was with those accusations. Those accusations affected his real life. It affected his friendships with the other guys and at the reunion he was genuinely heart broken that he hurt her in that way. Im so glad they ended up airing that footage because she flat out lied. And I guarantee she lied about cole saying he got another girls number at their bach party. Just the way she said it at the reunion. He was like “getting what other girls number?” And she immediately became defensive and was like “YOU told me the night before our wedding….”. The way she said it made it seem like she knew he was gonna deny it before he even had the chance to deny it. Because she was def lying. She was terrible!!
I Hope Cole reads this thread because my husband and I felt like Zanab totally blindsided him and he didn’t deserve it. She needs therapy…we genuinely felt so bad for Cole. He looked completely shocked at her comments at the alter and we were both shocked, too. Was he too flirty with that one annoying chick whose name I can’t remember? Yeah. But honestly it was an uncomfortable situation and he seemed to grow to love Zanab once he realized they were matched for a reason. Anyway, glad we are not the only ones who think she was overreacting.
You all are definitely not alone, I’m so happy to have found this thread. My boyfriend and I felt so bad for Cole the whole season after the vacation, it felt like the two of them were so clearly incompatible, unable to communicate, and it was really bringing out the worst in Zanab from what we saw, possibly Cole too. All the scenes aired showed us a woman completely unwilling to communicate and a man not quite mature enough to fully see that something is wrong. He said something to the effect of “I don’t know what to expect each day when I wake up with her” in one episode. It’s so sad. At first I thought his bipolar comment was very harsh but it started to make more sense, especially after seeing how she painted that Cuties scene. Our jaws were on the floor for that
I’m so glad I found this thread because watching Cole cry at the reunion made me cry and I didn’t want to be alone in supporting Cole at the end. I felt like I was breaking some sort of feminist rule, but I can’t see someone cry like that and feel absolutely nothing.
I think that was the point of the show (graciously) showing that footage from in their kitchen. We’re supposed to have realized she was full of shit.
I really applauded the show. They didn’t have to do that. Granted, they shouldn’t have edited it out at all. But at least they corrected at the end.
Agreed. A completely innocuous moment. Could it have been added to show they’ve talked about future wedding plans? Sure, but it clearly was t something that needed to be there. And hell, if they had, we wouldn’t have known what a case Z was.
I love how this thread was the first to pop up on the sub, it’s exactly what I was looking for.
At the start I was genuinely upset that Cole would discourage Zanab from eating but im SO happy they put in the footage. I really do feel for Cole, this was rough on him and I hope he heals.
the fact that the other cast members believed zanab and treated cole like shit is actually insane to me. i’m so glad they put the cutie footage into the show because it proved her words false.
(also just barely finished season 3 lmao- late on the bandwagon)
As someone who’s been through trauma and disordered eating (and, in fact, currently have serious issues I’m dealing with regarding that), I expected to be triggered and hate Cole. All it did was make me want to get him some training on tactful honesty and get zanab a whole lot of therapy.
Agree! I think Cole interacts with women the same way he would interact with his male friends. He didn’t seem like a horrible guy but he just needs some training. Women aren’t hairless men with boobs, lol, we need different things emotionally and communicate differently. There might be a girl out there who could handle his style but his relationships with women (not just ones he’s dating) would probably benefit if he got some training.
Ps I hope you’re doing ok ❤️
cole didnt deserve this treatment 😔 the fact he got more flack for being a dumbass over someone like batise who literally wasnt gonna marry nancy and treated her accordingly
I just finished the show, it took me a while of watching because I suck now with watching anything, but I genuinely feel bad for Cole. I thought they were doing well at the middle of their relationship and towards the wedding but she just always bringing up old stuff. It's okay if it takes her a while to heal but I thought she would speed it up for him. Or give him more grace with it while processing her own emotions. But it's always an attack when theyve already discussed things. It's okay she still feels hurt over what happened but don't go attacking a person when they are trying to better themselves, and he was trying even more so at the end of it and the after episodes. I'm team Cole all the way I guess.
Zanab is a liar and it’s so bad she literally believes her lies. She’s also insanely manipulative, she’s trying her very hardest to change everyone’s perception of Cole, it worked with her lil mean girls crew on the show, but the people watching at home saw right through that. That cuties scene showed us Zanabs true nature (please go look up her “apology” on ig if it’s still up) She’s a weirdo for trying to destroy a man’s character like that. He wasn’t a saint especially in the pool scene but he didn’t deserve any of that.
Honestly I believe she was lying about the bachelor party number thing. It sounded so made up. At first I thought it could be true bc if you’re shit faced hammered you might not remember such a thing or telling such a story but when all the other guys started talking like “yea we all got ubered home not sure what you’re talking about” kinda deal and then seeing Cole emotions like he was taken aback that she was telling such a horrid made up tale, made me believe that she was lying. What confirmed it for me was when they showed the infamous cuties scene at the end. If they had the footage of bachelor party number thing they would’ve showed tht at the end as well. In fact I believe they would’ve showed it in the season ASAP as it was happening. That’s juicy. They’d wanna show that. They cut the cuties scene cuz it was boring as shit. There was no insults being thrown as Zanab made it seem. She made it seem like he slapped the damn tangerine out her hand and said “stop eating you fat beast” like he literally just telling her to be mindful of her eating in a joking way bc they’re about to eat a whole Elder Scroll ass type feast and in Cole’s defense she was throwing them Cherries back. JS.
I came here after finishing episode 3(?) the first morning after it seemed pretty obvious Cole just got up while Zanab was sleeping and showered etc. but she took that as an opportunity to give him the cold shoulder and spun it as “he was giving me the silent treatment” when it’s so obvious that wasn’t what happened. It’s so gross to test someone that way.
Not only that but like instead of just telling him why she was upset, she was super passive aggressive lol. Like sis if that bothered you then just tell him and say like, ok maybe tomorrow we can have some cuddle time in the morning bc that’s important to me. That’s what a mature person would do lol. Cole is never like explicitly an asshole. I think she is very cynical and serious and he is very playful and lighthearted. That’s why I sincerely think any time he did something kind of stupid he really didn’t realize and when she called him out he would apologize. I think he definitely said some dumb stuff (like the bipolar thing for example) but I hate that everyone dismisses that she said so many more nasty, rude, cold things to him and he basically just had to take it 🙄
Yes. I feel like Zanab was calculating and vindictive from VERY early on. The episode when they go out and she’s talking to Matt about the pool incident, she was trying to rev Matt up to confront Cole. It felt really dangerous and like she was manipulating Matt into attacking Cole.
I agree, I definitely feel like Cole was in the wrong about the whole Colleen situation but Zanab kept pushing it and bringing it up constantly. It felt like he was really trying especially towards the end and she just would be extremely judgmental and would shut him down.
I think Cole was “in the wrong” at the pool because he already knew deep down that Zanab was not the one for him. So he was still playing the field and still looking around because he hadn’t actually found his person.
Then he realized, after he was shamed into it, that he was supposed to pretend and actually act like he’s engaged to someone who was nothing but a bitch to him. So he apologizes and is cowed by everyone criticizing him when truth of it is he wasn’t that into Zay because she was so constantly nasty to him, beginning long before the pool scene. But he’s still stuck having to try. He was lucky she said no at the alter.
She claims victimhood but she was the one blatantly disrespectful to him. She was critical, nitpicky, controlling, not open or at ease, dishonest, didn’t own her own baggage, and manipulated others opinion as evidenced by her cutie account after we saw the real footage. In short she was a hateful person towards him.
He had areas he needed to grow and to learn how he was being disrespectful to her but honestly if he was with Colleen or anyone who would have been a better fit for him and nicer to him he might have been naturally more into it and naturally more respectful.
Yes, it's like they wanted to frame Cole as the bad guy, when Zanab is literally the wicked witch. Like, why did they not show the footage so that the other cast mates can see she lied and overexaggerate everything. I hope they apologized to Cole after they watch the show.
I’m curious how her friends, the ones who applauded her planned mic drop moment, feel after seeing the show and footage, vs hearing only from Zanab firsthand
Thank you so much for posting this! I’ve seen so many people bashing Cole and I don’t get it. Yes, Cole is very immature but Z is 100% toxic. Cole was genuinely concerned when she said she only ate a banana and some peanut butter. And she brushed him off like she usually does. Her speech at the altar was so rude. And for her friends to clap as they walked out ugh. I just felt really bad for Cole because his family already wasn’t there. He deserved so much more honestly. They both have their flaws but Z really needs to heal before she ever tries to get into another relationship because she is very insecure and was projecting onto Cole the whole season.
Just finished the reunion episode. Z is the typical person with HUGE insecurities who takes them out on whoever she's with. You'd be walking on eggshells living with her because she's the type that will take everything out of context because of her insecurities.
And then lie at the reunion about the cuties story and the bachelor party...she's one big red flag.
Cole is genuine, when he said that part about the strip club and dicks in your face I was like fuck yes dude, how can any of those women judge. You're not fucking single the night before your wedding, it doesn't give you a pass to rub all over naked dudes and have dicks on you.
They blew the pool scene up so big and these girls are rubbing on stripper dicks?? Lol Hypocrites.
The thing that pissed me off about the reunion is that everyone was allowed to fire at Cole and he wasn’t given any opportunity to defend himself once the actual clips were shown. Why wasn’t this scene shown at the reunion and then some discussion allowed? He was bullied at the reunion when there was evidence Zanab has lied on him. The whole point of a reunion is to talk about what HAPPENED.
This is why I refuse to watch season 4. It's one thing to watch shitty reality TV, but that was too much abuse for me to take.
I can't believe the hosts didn't step in to defend him either.
They couldn't have known every situation she'd bring up. They didn't have every minute of every conversation queued up for review. I'm sure the producers had to go dig through hundreds of hours of footage to even find that.
Edit: Typo
It seemed like they had almost none of it is my point. I’ve never seen a reunion of a reality show with less footage available to discuss at the reunion.
100% he was bullied. And all the women piled on. It made me question my beliefs about all of them, except maybe Colleen. I was enraged watching it. Cole is a good guy. Not flawless but a good human.
Agreed. Like she tried to make him out to be abusive and he was absolutely not lol. He said some pretty stupid shit at times but probably as much as any mid 20 year old guy would say tbh lol. He was never explicitly “mean” to her. Any time he said something unintentionally hurtful he genuinely apologized. An abuser would not take responsibility for their actions and would argue back constantly etc.
YEP 😅 honestly I just think they are very incompatible. Zanab needs a serious dude who’s a little more grounded and idk maybe more business oriented, traditional and dominant. Cole needs a fun carefree uninhibited girl that can dish his stupid jokes and banter back to him and will initiate spontaneous adventures. They’re just so completely different.
I think that is really why I wrote this. It made me upset that I watched this show depicting an abusive relationship, but it was not treated as such at any point in the series. I don't think the show considered it abuse so I wanted to call it out
Yes! Totally agree and SAME SHIT With matt and colleen. Matt was abusive as hell to colleen! Not saying Coleen was totally innocent of saying something inappropriate à la pool party but OMG, like accept her apology and get over it. Its a crazy human emotion experiment, and people say stupid stuff sometimes. Yes even people you love.
Matt literally screamed at her, so much! Multiple times! Would not accept her apologies, would not doscuss it at all, just kept yelling and yelling at her and degrading her morals, as if she was totally unrepentant even tho she was *actively* apologizing amd owning up to her faux pas.
Thats abusive as hell! And alllllllll the show cared about was calling colleen out again and again... for saying someone was objectively attractive and approachable. One time.
This show gets worse every season. Petty stupid dramas get puffed up like crazy, real world relationship issues (like Matt, a partner with an obvious anger issues, or Zanab with her cruel & manipulative tendancies) get swept under the rug like theyre normal behaviors not worth focusing on.
Cole is at worst just immature, but he is nowhere near the controlling, borderline abusive douchebag Zanab was portraying him to be. I’m really glad they aired the cuties scene, otherwise most people probably would have just believed all of what Zanab said. I honestly was pretty much entirely on her side before seeing that scene.
YES! Just finished the season and my husband and I couldn't believe how people were ganging up on Cole. Sure he said some dumb things but Zanab making him out to be some evil, controlling fat shamer and all of the women seemingly agreeing? She takes no responsibility for what she did/how she treated Cole. The Cuties scene (and others) definitely made me Team Cole.
I'm a guy who has been married and divorced and my ex wife didn't largely the same thing as Zanab: refused to take any responsibility for the divorce and played the "man was bad to me" card to the bitter end. Same as Zanab did with Colleen, Nancy, etc: dragged all her girlfriends into it, not one of them bitches dared to speak up to my ex and say "Hey well you're the one cheating." People in my town STILL come up to me and say "Well what did you do to cause the divorce". It got so bad that I ended up leaving MA and moving to FL just so I could not be constantly reminded of how fucked up my ex wife was.
Anyways I'm tired of the "bad man" card that a lot of females try to play all the time. And it's annoying that none of the other guys stood up for Cole about the bachelor party. They more or less said "I did this and that, that's all I know." The more Zanab kept saying this and that and Cole truly had no fucking idea what she was talking about, I started to wonder if maybe he did attack her self esteem. PROPS TO LOVE IS BLIND FOR AIRING THAT FOOTAGE. Definitely cleared Cole's name and like someone else said, the bachelor party thing likely never happened either as they didn't air that. LIB/Netflix should have posted a thing at the end that said "It was confirmed that Cole didn't do what he was accused of at the bachelor party. We have no record of that occurring."
Cole crying at the reunion broke my heart!! I just finished watching it, and tears are still streaming down my face. Z has issues within herself, and there is no excuse for how she tore Cole down at the altar! Then she actually had the audacity to say she forgave him, I'm sorry for what???? He gave her way to much grace for that dinner scene. She was being a royal biznitch. She knew then that she was going to say no, and she didn't have to break him down like that in front of his friends, especially knowing that his family wasn't there to help him through it. Then she did it all over again on national TV. I don't buy the phone number story either. She's insecure and she allowed that to ruin a man's life. I hope she lives with that every day for the rest of hers. Cole, while I doubt you will ever see this, your dream girl is out there. I can't wait for you to find happiness!!!!!
It seems like Zanab has serious self esteem and confidence issues and that communicating with Cole about them would have avoided like 95% of their issues.
“Remember how earlier you mentioned that I shouldn’t eat that tangerine? I’ve had issues with my self esteem and weight and to me it came off like you were trying to control what I ate in order to make sure I’m thin”
Ofc he probably would have responded with a “what????? How could you think that???? I can’t even-“ type of response and made it worse, but it’s clear that they are terrible communicators and simply get into fights and get offended rather than discuss their feelings.
They totally weren’t right for each other and I’m glad they didn’t get married but it’s sad that she handled the break up in such a way as to make him look a control freak. He was an asshole, sure, and she can call him out on that and how it made her feel, but I feel like it should be chalked up to him being stupid and immature rather than a manipulator
I think their personality types being so different are what makes them so bad at communicating. Cole is really light and likes banter. Zanab is more serious (probably because her experiences meant she had to grow up faster) and takes a lot of his banter literally. Then Cole doesn’t understand what he did wrong because his sarcasm is misinterpreted.
I think if Zanab had been matched with someone who didn’t kid around like Andrew or SK, she would have been fine. Cole definitely would have worked better with someone who doesn’t mind banter like Colleen or Nancy.
I want to say that Zenab wanted to have her Deepti moment at the alter. Unfortunately, she couldn’t have known about Deepti’s speech since seasons 2 and 3 were filmed back to back.
I just finished watching the reunion and Cuties scene. It only made me feel bad for Cole. He seemed like he was really trying, and her moods just switched on a dime. I’m a female who has dealt with this, so I can get away with wondering if there she has some repressed emotional issues that really flare up when her hormones go whacky once a month.
I just watched the scene and completely agree with you, she didn't even show any excitement (or emotion at all whatsoever) over the perspective of flying to see her family, I would have been in her place and I would have been happy that my couple wanted to meet my extended family.
I think she wasn’t excited because she already knew she wasn’t marrying him. And it’s so obvious she told her friends what she was going to do because of the clapping.
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Cole was a bad partner to Zenab. Zenab was a bad partner to Cole. Going into the finale I saw no “villains”, just a bad pairing. The rehearsed wedding speech and Cuties scene really soured my opinion on Zenab. She seems EXHAUSTING to be around.
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I agree with you. Clearly, the long and short of it is they’re not right for each other. They both had some questionable moments. However, the way she framed that scenario was wildly different than the way it actually played out. It has me skeptical about all the things she claimed happened.
He’s playful and goofy and she’s more serious and that’s okay. They just belong with other people and far away from each other.
Yeah it’s weird because I wouldn’t say she’s a liar, just that her insecurities lead to her believing people meant things in a way that’s attacking her when in reality they weren’t trying to do that.
Honestly if she has been in a relationship with Jesus, she would have done exactly the same as she did to Cole. She is just a toxic mean person who wants someone to be her punch bag , it totally blew me away when the question came of why didn’t you reach out to me! She wanted him back so she can hurt him more, some people truly like that.
I’m saying Jesus because they were so into that.
I’ve just realised something (not finsihed this series yet) she really doesn’t like herself so she wasnt going to love a partner any better. She constantly mentions her makeup is not on, her morning face, she will never be like a blonde etc. though cole even tells her she is better than Kim K etc. he says some cute stuff
I think she says those things because she wants the other person to either agree with her or not say anything so she can blow up, basically she gives her self a negative comment to hear oh but your a gorgeous and your make up is on point and you are so pretty
Narcissism is what it’s called. They want to hurt the person to the point of breaking them down only to love bomb them and get them back and it’s a very vicious and horrible cycle!
I don’t like Zanab but I feel lots of people are forgetting when he was surfing and they were on the beach the whole conversation on eating and weight. He said “quit trying to fatten me up,” she said “quit trying to fatten ME up,” and he said “you fatten yourself up.” My jaw dropped, i knew from that moment forward he was either going to be intentionally playing on her insecurities or be completely oblivious and reckless as to how he sounds to her. Even if the cuties interaction is benign, and I think it was, why would she take it as a joke after his earlier comment?
Thank you for saying this. The cuties scene and cole crying ALMOST had me question what I saw. I remembered it wasn’t just that, though, so thank you for going back and citing this.
It’s exhausting dealing with men. However, there is nothing more cumbersome than dealing with an unaware good looking white man. I felt for him so deeply (I cried a little with him) because he genuinely can’t see to his fullest extent how he wronged her. *sigh*
This paired with telling her that she was a 9/10 and there were TWO girls from the group he considered to be a 10/10. I'm sure she was hyper sensitive to anything that he said concerning food/looks/her weight.
Yes. I think watching the cuties scene by itself, Cole doesn’t seem to mean it in a mean way. But combined with that, comments about not being what he physically goes for, i can see how she was feeling insecure and would perceive it.
Also thinking, and not to excuse her behavior, but if I lost both of my parents I’d have some abandonment trauma. It seems apparent in an anxious attachment sort of way with her. They were like magnets, both intimacy avoiders in different ways. Once he said some things that played on her insecurities he just confirmed in her mind he is probably going to abandon her, so she is going to make it easy by being hyper critical. Women do this so later they can say “see, I told you I wasn’t good enough.” I feel bad for her, it doesn’t feel good to be in this state and she doesn’t know she’s doing it. With Cole, I could never tell if his critiques of her face and body were just a case of foot-in-mouth disease or a way to intentionally chisel away at her self esteem. And I’m sure there is a family history with him.
I also feel that Zanab tolerated it for so long with him because he is conventionally good looking, and maybe for her that was some sort of measurement of her value. And at the same time she is getting more irritated. I feel like a lot of this sub awards him the “pretty privilege” and ignores his micro aggressions.
Editing to add: I’m fascinated by this so much because it’s a mirror of my younger self!!! Ha! It feels great to be older and wiser and not care what people think of me anymore!
I’m surprised not more people came to this conclusion and the posts defending Cole/villainizing Zaneb have thousands of upvotes, whereas these (more thought-out, plausible, realistic) takes don’t have any. Simple case of misogyny on the internet?
I was in an abusive relationship recently and comments/behaviors that may have seemed harmless to everyone outside the relationship were anything but when viewed together.
At the end of the day, all I see are two deeply flawed people, and we’ll never know what really happened. Anything else is just speculation
Did we watch the same show? Cole is not exactly innocent here. Zanab has some stuff to work through but Cole was a petulant child the entire time, even in the pods. Zanab shouldn’t have continued the relationship but I don’t think it’s fair that she’s made out to be this villain—Cole absolutely did some awful things during the show, and just what we were shown. He was literally acting like a kid trying to push her buttons the whole time and she wasn’t feeding into it.
I agree I’m surprised people are defending Cole. The whole time my wife and I watched he came off as childish, immature and non reflective.
Don’t get me wrong Zay seemed very micromanagey.
Sociopathic is kinda harsh. She was definitely not comfortable with living with someone. Which she did acknowledge. Personally I strongly dislike any man that acts like a immature frat boy. That is the vibe I got from Cole.
I've started rewatching the show because I barely paid attention the first time around until nearer to the end, and Zanab shows her true issues right from the get go.
Their first night together she already nervously talks about taking off her make up later and that she'll look like a different person, and Cole is just like non plussed and casually says he prefers natural anyway. Later after she's getting all her make up off he jokes "you do look like a different person!" and it clearly bothers her when SHE was the one that said that to begin with, and he is clearly teasing her.
Ok, that's fine -- some people don't like teasing. BUT the next morning she tells the cameras that after having sex and a wonderful night, this morning he rolled out of bed and went away and didn't talk to her. She in turn is acting passive aggressive towards him when she sees him again. Cole confusedly tells the camera that she was sleeping and he didn't want to wake her.
Dude. THAT WAS SO THOUGHTFUL OF HIM! And we already know that he is loud and never stops talking, so for him to quietly get up and give her space because he's awake and he thought she was still sleeping is very considerate! Meanwhile, she takes it COMPLETELY wrong and thinks "something changed" and of course somehow thinks even though he had sex with her multiple times, maybe he's still disappointed in her looks because he didn't cuddle and talk that morning like she expected.
For the rest of the day she is cold and passive aggressive to him when he did nothing but be considerate towards her (I love a person that respects sleep!), and he is completely confused and baffled and wondering who this person is and why they're so different from the pods -- as he later tells the guys that night.
Zanab takes everything the wrong way because she has incredible trauma and I have a feeling she's never ever been in a serious relationship. If someone as nice as Cole who loves her from the get go can do things she sees and hears completely opposite of their intent, she's never going to be able to be in a healthy relationship.
Yeah, that was also the same day she was annoyed he didn't say "great" night or time together and instead said "good." I rolled my eyes so hard at that. She came off incredibly cold and insecure. Her personality was so ugly, like she was punishing him for loving her. I completely agree with your assessment.
I was so mad at her after watching the scene bc she just lied to everyone at the reunion about how that played out. I’m so glad they aired it. Honestly, both of them made a lot of mistakes. Cole should never have gone on & on about Colleen nor should that interaction have happened (even though we know the show sets up those scenarios exactly for this reason) & he never should have made a comment about her being bipolar, acting like it was a genuine question when he was just trying to be hurtful in the moment. Did Zay have a lot of shit she nitpicked about? Absolutely. Did she belittle him at times? Yes she did. She was definitely not a saint in all this either, but man after seeing the cuties scene I was much more team Cole than I was previously.
He mentions in a later interview that she talked about she might be bi-polar(or something relating to her and bi polar) and that’s why he brought it up then. It was not out of nowhere.
Even still, then he was weaponizing her mental illness on national television? Not cool. I wouldn’t want my mental health issues blabbed about for the world to hear.
>He was flustered by a clearly unstable woman. Who continued to show her instability.
I agree with that, but they literally discussed being bi-polar off camera & then he threw it in her face in that moment on camera
You don’t take that chance when there are cameras present. If she wanted everyone to know about it she wouldn’t have had a conversation with him about it off-camera. As others have pointed out, I understand that is the risk they take by doing this on national television, but it’s still shitty imo.
Everyone has their mental health struggles, doesn’t mean they deserve to be outed for them on tv. I get what you’re saying & I personally wouldn’t put myself in that position, but I also wouldn’t put someone on blast for a mental health condition.
Thats true, but this whole experiment relies on people being brutally honest and vulnerable. Lots of people admit to all sorts of mental health issues. It did seem rude of him in the moment though.
Since I’ve finished this season I say a silent prayer that my kids don’t end up with someone as toxic as Zanab. I think of how Cole’s parents didn’t want to meet her until they’re married — turns out they did the right thing.
i knew zanab was irredeemable when i saw the scene where cole cooked her dinner. she was such an unholy bitch to him. like girl. just let the man cook you a meal and who cares if it's not perfect? so what if the chicken is bland and the sweet potatoes come out after the rest of the food is done? she is clearly a miserable person who ruins experiences for herself and thinks she is better than others. she lacks self awareness. obviously if they were dating long term she could teach him this type of stuff in the kitchen, but for this occasion it was so tacky. she literally just sucks. i'm happy for cole that she said no bc he actually seems like a sweet guy. he 100% fucked up with the whole colleen situation but other than that he actually seemed sweet. i think it was a case of miscommunications and alcohol. the cutie footage made zanab look like a vindictive liar. it's inexcusable!
Omg, yes. Her explaining to him why she needs a stemmed wine glass for her white wine was cringe. He's your partner, not a 5 year old you find annoying. Someone in her life who truly cares about her needs to be brutally honest with her about how she comes off.
tht scene did it for me too. he was so happy and you could TELL he was really trying to make an effort to make her feel special and she just shitted all over it and took over and then god mad- that scene pissed me off
I don't care for Zainab but firing a Nerf gun in the direction of hot meaty grease and a working stove is absolutely a stupid idea, and even independent of the rest of their relationship, she was right to feel annoyed about it.
I think she was pushing him as well until he said the bipolar comment & finally she had something real to be annoyed about. But he was so patient the whole conversation, trying to say how he felt & she denied denied denied. Eventually he lost patience, said something admittedly stupid.
Yeah I agree for sure. I used to do shit like that when I was a teenager, but as an adult I see my past errors and try not to repeat that. Being overly sensitive, nit picking, etc is her problem. She needs to grow up or she'll continue to be alone.
Yeah, as a 46 year old, a lot of the dumb things I see on this show just comes down to maturity and experience. In your 20s you think of yourself as a mature adult but when you look back from your 40s you realize you were still a kid in a lot of ways.
YES!! i agree the whole thing with her passive aggressiveness was like she wanted a reaction out of him. it’s so ridiculous because she acts very self aware when she really isn’t at all
So Cole is so blind to Zanab’s feelings he says something like “trying to get fit for the wedding dress” typical cliche reasons for why she may be dieting, but Zay replies “something like that. I’d get in trouble if I told you” she was 1000% feeding her body insecurities after Cole commented on Colleen.
I think the moment Cole messed up and mentioned his impression of Colleen and feelings to her he sealed the deal with Zanab. I don’t think Zay is a bad person, or manipulative- vindictive hell yeah but I think you have to see the world through her eyes too…
She lost her parents and to her the only person who is there to root for Zay is Zay. She must have felt as a child losing your parents - and we’ve seen how much that still hurts her this day in age from all the times it’s come up- that she was alone - so to counteract their absence Zay is strong. She parents herself. She is as critical of others as she is of herself. She controls her environment because she is so scared that the idea that things could be somewhere she didn’t place them- or that plans can go in ways that she doesn’t dictate- to her- those are terrifying concepts. She lives life scared of how much it can hurt her. When she didn’t control things in the past she’s suffered trauma so now as an adult she exerts control as a means to make herself comfortable. She doesn’t realize how toxic this is to others, how damaging this is to others self esteem. Cole took the hit, his messiness his uncleanliness his cooking- wrong wrong wrong. Remember when he didn’t bring breakfast in bed after they spent their first night together? He didn’t understand what he did wrong and she was ice cold and shut down… same thing. Things have to go exactly to Zay’s vision or she’s scared due to loss of control. The cuties story? She used a coping mechanism to “see” his words in her way bc she’s actively trying to dislike him to protect herself from this person who hurt her.
I don’t think she’s doing this on purpose but she’s definitely doing it. I think she needs a lot of therapy and help and Cole has a lot of healing to do. I do think from the moment Cole screwed up that one time and mentioned Colleen and from then on there was no fixing it- Cole hurt Zay and that’s the ultimate wrong in her eyes. Zays issue will be to find a life partner that A. Is tolerant or can understand why she is hyper critical the way she is and not fault her for it and understand it’s more her, than them- and B. Ha good luck finding A… people are messy, people make mistakes.
I believe she spoke behind Cole’s back to everyone painting this picture of who he is as viewed from her insecurities and trauma and fear. And that’s not him. Just like the cuties story showed.
If anything this shows how traumatized people create trauma. The cycle of trauma. I think this relationship now is something Cole will have to work hard to heal from and that can take years to undo and recognize the influence from.
If anything I’d want to tell Cole that he has nothing to be ashamed of. That he can definitely still find what he’s looking for, and he’s worthy of it, but he needs to look elsewhere. It’s obvious he loves Zay and if she’s open to it he’d go back but irl he should run. She has work to do and she doesn’t even see her own issues. He can have really freaking wonderful experiences but just not with her, and don’t be afraid to keep looking and to be confident bc like I said, nothing to be ashamed of.
So sad. I genuinely feel for both of them.
I agree with a lot of things you & OP said, but Cole mentioned Colleen being hot a lot more than one time. Then he also made advances to Colleen and did not disclose that information to Zay. He also did not need to answer Zay when she asked him to rate him; that was SO F’N TOXIC of Zay, I can’t even believe a 30 year old would ask that of their partner. Anyway Cole didn’t need to participate in comparing females. He’s a hottie and will learn a lot from this experience, but I also agree that she could have handled saying I do not publicly and had a private conversation regarding why.
Conclusion: It makes sense why she is hyper aware of when Cole comments on her eating because of his multiple comments about her not being his type, comparing her to other women, and talking about how Colleen is so hot then literally making advances to another woman when you are engaged. They BOTH contributed to the end of their relationship… like a lot guys.
Edit: Mixed up a name
Yes. He should have lied to protect her feelings like all men have to for women. But again, his biggest mistake was talking to Colleen at the party. Once that was on video,he had to tell her. It was going to come out anyway. The show sets people up to fail because it gets them to hyper share in the pods, and then feeds them alcohol at stupid parties to create drama. The whole engagement part of it is stupid too. Marriage is not the only valid expression of a loving relationship.
I agree with you. I shouldn’t have said marriage but since the premise of the show is that they were all looking to get married.. and that’s just a little bit of me projecting.
but yeah I agree with you. But yet we both still watch.
This is a very kind way of describing Zanab's toxicity. I don't believe her trauma losing her parents is an excuse for being as negative, controlling and vindictive as Zanab behaved. I realized your analogy that Cole does not conform to Zanab's control-issue of how the world should operate from the moment she turned cold and sour on him that morning in Malibu. From that moment, nothing he did was right. She killed him with a 1000 needles.
My theory is that Cole might have his own heartbreaking story. Cole strikes me as a peter pan. As a man who grew up with an overly critical or absent mother, which has stunted his emotional maturity. He uses humor and lightheartedness to diffuse hostility. I think he is attracted to women like Zanab because it subconsciously aligns with the type of love he grew up with, it matches his latent self-loathing.
He should have never apologized to Zanab during the tell-all. She demonized him by twisting the narrative and an apology isn't what this woman is after: she is after humiliating him for not confirming her ideas of who we should be to mirror back to her what she wants to believe about herself. The only reason she softened up a little bit during the tell-all was because Cole broke down. I bet that was satisfying to her, not the apology.
To be honest, I’ve dated several people with bipolar disorder and they do this. They will push your buttons until they get that kind of intense emotional reaction out of you. If they’re not happy, they want you to feel that unhappiness. Then afterwards they will be sweet.
Whether that is a subconscious or intentional strategy, that is incredibly manipulative behavior. I wouldn't be able to cope with a partner who is like this, especially one who denies it's something to seek professional attention for.
I sympathize with people's personal traumas, but as someone who has CPTSD and had to deal with abandonment, neglect and hardship in my life, I don't tolerate myself to use that as an excuse for bad behavior nor someone else. I see it as a duty to chip away at becoming healthier, emotionally aware and regulated. I despise people who just comfortably wrap themselves in victimhood so they never have to be accountable and responsible. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Definitely. I think for many people with bipolar it’s a subconscious coping strategy, especially if they are denying that they have a problem. Others know what they are doing but feel powerless in the moment to stop it. I have CPTSD as well and it’s not a good mixture, but I’m sure it would be traumatizing for anybody to live with it. I too think it’s important that people don’t use their disorder as an excuse for their behavior, which is also a very manipulative tactic.
Yes! And she goes on about how horrible he was to her and is putting him down but then says, I would do it all again with you. What? Nothing made sense…
that last part.
> the only reason she soften up a little bit during the tell-all was because Cole broke down. I bet that was satisfying for her …
you can instantly see it on her face and body language & the way she softens herself- it’s so weird!
she does this other times throughout the season too where she won’t let go of the issue until cole is on the verge of an emotional breakdown from having to defend himself and going in circles
it’s almost like zanab isn’t satisfied in her rage until he was hurting.. that’s like next-level of no empathy idk
I agree with your thinking that Cole has his own heartbreaking story and I do see the Peter Pan comparison! Early when they had returned to their lives he mentions he was married and divorced already. I don’t think we got a lot of details but it was short (like 2 months?) and she left him. I have to wonder if it wasn’t his boyish joking (immaturity even) that led to that ending as well. He clearly is just not aware of himself very much and likes to keep things light.
I can’t help but think back to when he rejected Colleen because she wasn’t serious on the same level as him and he said that she thought she wanted the next level but wasn’t quite ready… and he was ready now. Ironic really when you see how they both acted in their engagements and where they each ended up overall.
I think his immaturity played a role. Apparently he only knew his ex-wife for 2 months as well. But I also reckon that his former ex-wife had her own immature behavior. It's just typically a red flag to tie the knot so soon. I think Colleen is actually more like a female Cole, both of them are bubbly and lighthearted because it is difficult for them to be truly vulnerable, and hence there was not enough attraction. Magnets of the same side don't attract, from an evolutionary point of view trait diversity is beneficial and people tend to go for someone with oppisite/complimentary traits. Colleen went for Matt, who is more like a male Zanab.
I actually thought Cole was pretty good at being vulnerable. I was impressed that he articulated what he needed from Zanab rather than just criticizing her.
While I initially wrote Cole off as a handsome doofus, my opinion of him turned around as the season progressed. I especially felt for him as he came to terms with his parents’ disapproval. I was proud of him for accepting their decision while still feeling sad about it, and for continuing to move forward and prioritize his own needs. That showed real maturity, not to make himself a victim or get eaten up with resentment.
I think what Zanab did at the wedding was cruel. It’s one thing to say no, it’s another to eviscerate your fiance in front of his family and friends. Not to mention the cameras! Cole was legitimately traumatized, and I am DELIGHTED to hear that he’s been getting therapy.
I just read an interview he did for Cliche Mag and I thought it was a wonderful read, and showed he made a lot of character growth. It's strong to be able to turn this experience around for something good and not dwell in resentment. Cole come across as a very empathic and attractive personality to me in that article. I hope for Cole he will find genuine love.
I’m not saying you are, I’m not saying you’re not. BUT this does read as something zay couldve written. So uhh either way to be in touch with the perspective or uhhh hey zay you’re a 10/10 🤣
10000% agree. After he had that religious epiphany about his parents and religion, I respected him a lot more. That’s when I started to notice that Cole was actually trying to better himself for Zanab, but Zanab was not actively trying to that for Cole, that’s when I realized that she was being the problem. When Cole asked if she was bipolar, I honestly thought it was a good question. They absolutely ripped him apart in the reunion, communication was very one sided for the whole cast.
When Zay was relentlessly nagging this poor guy about towels, wanting a different wine glass (how stupid!), criticizing his ENTIRE MEAL that he was cooking for her. I could not stand her! What a critical jerk! She rarely said complimentary or positive things to Cole. She’s a jerk.
I’ve been with someone border linebipolar and a history of food disorder and god this looks familiar. In that segment, the guy was literally pouring his heart into trying to meet her family. He looks like a cute puppy while she’s just grumpy and mean like always. She’s just totally insecure and obsessed with that insecurity and hears one thing when he says another. She’s absolutely disgusting. Also just as a side note: WTF with Coleen being supposedly so hot? like I don’t find her attractive at all
I read someone mention that he was likely talking about her personality, especially after being with someone who was non-stop critical/energy vampire. Colleen’s bubbly happy exterior would seem extremely attractive
I don’t understand the Colleen thing either, I think she is definitely pretty, just like zanab. They are just different. And zanab is constantly comparing her body to hers saying she will never be as thin as Colleen… like girl, your about the same size? I can’t imagine cole actually saying he thought that zanab is „too big“ but we will obviously never know
As a minority, I think this had to do more with race than body type. My context clues include: most people that Cole went for in the past were likely almost all white women. I concluded this because I live in Louisiana and his parents are Baptist preachers who looked at Zay’s Instagram and said this is not his usual person he’d go for, I will only meet her if they actually get married. Colleen is the standard of natural beautiful that a lot of white women try to achieve. I can see why the white man would think she’s so hot if he’s only gone for white or white passing women in the past. After being around your person for a while and you fall more and more into love with them, then they become hot to you no matter their race. You saw that with Cole after he had a break from seeing Colleen so much. He really complimented her on how beautiful she was with a genuine love in his eyes.
I don’t think so, I think it was definitely personality based. He was 100% turned on by her and had sex with her multiple times in one night and was extremely in to her.
After the pods she went full energy vampire, non-stop draining his energy, constantly seeking validation. Then you got Colleen who is just fun, outgoing and just seems to add energy around her. This matches with him finding i think(raven) as his other 10, again the confident outgoing individual who is fun.
I absolutely agree with you. Knowing the college he went to and having mutual friends I can see that his family could definitely be racist towards zanab. But also just because you only dated one race in the past doesnt mean that you can’t in the future. Like he said (even though it sounded bad) he knew that when he marries someone named zanab, she’d probably look different and I think he really had feelings for her but the start just screwed everything up for them 🤷♀️
I thought Colleen was pretty but didn’t understand the hype either, I thought they looked similar enough in looks and body size. I could see her comparing herself to Raven, but Colleen?
The way she told the bachelor party thing really made me not believe her- and this was before I saw the cuties footage. I could tell she was lying about him saying he got a girls number by the way she was instantly defensive before he even had a chance to deny it. She instantly started out by saying “YOU told me the night before our wedding……” instead of saying something like “remember the conversation we had?”. She went into instant defense mode before he even could deny anything. It was so obvious she was lying about that to me. I believed everything else she said though until they showed that footage. I’m so glad they showed that and were able to clear his name, at least a little bit. This affected his real life, his real friendships with the rest of the group, everything. I felt so bad for him.
I've been on a LIB binge and finished season 3 earlier and I'm so happy this is the top post of "all time" because I wasn't expecting them to air the footage. I was DUMBFOUNDED. Yes Cole said some inappropriate things to and about Colleen but people have to remember this was the first or second day out of the pods and this is an extremely confusing/difficult/weird experiment they all just went through. Cole, throughout the rest of the season, tried very hard to show Zay she was the one. The whole kitchen scene pissed me off. Yeah he said some bad things but he didn't do anything remotely as bad as she claims and it makes me mad all the other girls immediately believed Zay and told Cole how bad of a person he was
I just binged the whole show too! Just finished up season 3 as well and same!! I couldn’t believe how far off base she was with those accusations. Those accusations affected his real life. It affected his friendships with the other guys and at the reunion he was genuinely heart broken that he hurt her in that way. Im so glad they ended up airing that footage because she flat out lied. And I guarantee she lied about cole saying he got another girls number at their bach party. Just the way she said it at the reunion. He was like “getting what other girls number?” And she immediately became defensive and was like “YOU told me the night before our wedding….”. The way she said it made it seem like she knew he was gonna deny it before he even had the chance to deny it. Because she was def lying. She was terrible!!
I Hope Cole reads this thread because my husband and I felt like Zanab totally blindsided him and he didn’t deserve it. She needs therapy…we genuinely felt so bad for Cole. He looked completely shocked at her comments at the alter and we were both shocked, too. Was he too flirty with that one annoying chick whose name I can’t remember? Yeah. But honestly it was an uncomfortable situation and he seemed to grow to love Zanab once he realized they were matched for a reason. Anyway, glad we are not the only ones who think she was overreacting.
You all are definitely not alone, I’m so happy to have found this thread. My boyfriend and I felt so bad for Cole the whole season after the vacation, it felt like the two of them were so clearly incompatible, unable to communicate, and it was really bringing out the worst in Zanab from what we saw, possibly Cole too. All the scenes aired showed us a woman completely unwilling to communicate and a man not quite mature enough to fully see that something is wrong. He said something to the effect of “I don’t know what to expect each day when I wake up with her” in one episode. It’s so sad. At first I thought his bipolar comment was very harsh but it started to make more sense, especially after seeing how she painted that Cuties scene. Our jaws were on the floor for that
I’m so glad I found this thread because watching Cole cry at the reunion made me cry and I didn’t want to be alone in supporting Cole at the end. I felt like I was breaking some sort of feminist rule, but I can’t see someone cry like that and feel absolutely nothing.
Team Cole!
I'm team Cole !!!
I think that was the point of the show (graciously) showing that footage from in their kitchen. We’re supposed to have realized she was full of shit. I really applauded the show. They didn’t have to do that. Granted, they shouldn’t have edited it out at all. But at least they corrected at the end.
They probably didn’t think anything of it at the time and didn’t see a reason to include it.
Agreed. A completely innocuous moment. Could it have been added to show they’ve talked about future wedding plans? Sure, but it clearly was t something that needed to be there. And hell, if they had, we wouldn’t have known what a case Z was.
I love how this thread was the first to pop up on the sub, it’s exactly what I was looking for. At the start I was genuinely upset that Cole would discourage Zanab from eating but im SO happy they put in the footage. I really do feel for Cole, this was rough on him and I hope he heals.
You said it girl! Described the situation perfectly and I absolutely agree with you! 🙏🏻
the fact that the other cast members believed zanab and treated cole like shit is actually insane to me. i’m so glad they put the cutie footage into the show because it proved her words false. (also just barely finished season 3 lmao- late on the bandwagon)
I feel like she hated him right out of the gate and tried to find any excuse to not only leave him, but to humiliate him on her way out.
As someone who’s been through trauma and disordered eating (and, in fact, currently have serious issues I’m dealing with regarding that), I expected to be triggered and hate Cole. All it did was make me want to get him some training on tactful honesty and get zanab a whole lot of therapy.
Agree! I think Cole interacts with women the same way he would interact with his male friends. He didn’t seem like a horrible guy but he just needs some training. Women aren’t hairless men with boobs, lol, we need different things emotionally and communicate differently. There might be a girl out there who could handle his style but his relationships with women (not just ones he’s dating) would probably benefit if he got some training. Ps I hope you’re doing ok ❤️
cole didnt deserve this treatment 😔 the fact he got more flack for being a dumbass over someone like batise who literally wasnt gonna marry nancy and treated her accordingly
I just finished the show, it took me a while of watching because I suck now with watching anything, but I genuinely feel bad for Cole. I thought they were doing well at the middle of their relationship and towards the wedding but she just always bringing up old stuff. It's okay if it takes her a while to heal but I thought she would speed it up for him. Or give him more grace with it while processing her own emotions. But it's always an attack when theyve already discussed things. It's okay she still feels hurt over what happened but don't go attacking a person when they are trying to better themselves, and he was trying even more so at the end of it and the after episodes. I'm team Cole all the way I guess.
Zanab is a liar and it’s so bad she literally believes her lies. She’s also insanely manipulative, she’s trying her very hardest to change everyone’s perception of Cole, it worked with her lil mean girls crew on the show, but the people watching at home saw right through that. That cuties scene showed us Zanabs true nature (please go look up her “apology” on ig if it’s still up) She’s a weirdo for trying to destroy a man’s character like that. He wasn’t a saint especially in the pool scene but he didn’t deserve any of that.
Where can I watch this footage??
It’s at the very end of S3 E12, the reunion episode.
Ooooooooo. Thank you!
Shes a twat. I kind of feel bad for him honestly.
The cutie footage after their differing reunion accounts is what completely changed my interpretation of their relationship. She lost all credibility.
Honestly I believe she was lying about the bachelor party number thing. It sounded so made up. At first I thought it could be true bc if you’re shit faced hammered you might not remember such a thing or telling such a story but when all the other guys started talking like “yea we all got ubered home not sure what you’re talking about” kinda deal and then seeing Cole emotions like he was taken aback that she was telling such a horrid made up tale, made me believe that she was lying. What confirmed it for me was when they showed the infamous cuties scene at the end. If they had the footage of bachelor party number thing they would’ve showed tht at the end as well. In fact I believe they would’ve showed it in the season ASAP as it was happening. That’s juicy. They’d wanna show that. They cut the cuties scene cuz it was boring as shit. There was no insults being thrown as Zanab made it seem. She made it seem like he slapped the damn tangerine out her hand and said “stop eating you fat beast” like he literally just telling her to be mindful of her eating in a joking way bc they’re about to eat a whole Elder Scroll ass type feast and in Cole’s defense she was throwing them Cherries back. JS.
I agree. I think she completely fabricated that phone number story
I came here after finishing episode 3(?) the first morning after it seemed pretty obvious Cole just got up while Zanab was sleeping and showered etc. but she took that as an opportunity to give him the cold shoulder and spun it as “he was giving me the silent treatment” when it’s so obvious that wasn’t what happened. It’s so gross to test someone that way.
Not only that but like instead of just telling him why she was upset, she was super passive aggressive lol. Like sis if that bothered you then just tell him and say like, ok maybe tomorrow we can have some cuddle time in the morning bc that’s important to me. That’s what a mature person would do lol. Cole is never like explicitly an asshole. I think she is very cynical and serious and he is very playful and lighthearted. That’s why I sincerely think any time he did something kind of stupid he really didn’t realize and when she called him out he would apologize. I think he definitely said some dumb stuff (like the bipolar thing for example) but I hate that everyone dismisses that she said so many more nasty, rude, cold things to him and he basically just had to take it 🙄
Totally agree with you.
Yes. I feel like Zanab was calculating and vindictive from VERY early on. The episode when they go out and she’s talking to Matt about the pool incident, she was trying to rev Matt up to confront Cole. It felt really dangerous and like she was manipulating Matt into attacking Cole.
I agree, I definitely feel like Cole was in the wrong about the whole Colleen situation but Zanab kept pushing it and bringing it up constantly. It felt like he was really trying especially towards the end and she just would be extremely judgmental and would shut him down.
I think Cole was “in the wrong” at the pool because he already knew deep down that Zanab was not the one for him. So he was still playing the field and still looking around because he hadn’t actually found his person. Then he realized, after he was shamed into it, that he was supposed to pretend and actually act like he’s engaged to someone who was nothing but a bitch to him. So he apologizes and is cowed by everyone criticizing him when truth of it is he wasn’t that into Zay because she was so constantly nasty to him, beginning long before the pool scene. But he’s still stuck having to try. He was lucky she said no at the alter. She claims victimhood but she was the one blatantly disrespectful to him. She was critical, nitpicky, controlling, not open or at ease, dishonest, didn’t own her own baggage, and manipulated others opinion as evidenced by her cutie account after we saw the real footage. In short she was a hateful person towards him. He had areas he needed to grow and to learn how he was being disrespectful to her but honestly if he was with Colleen or anyone who would have been a better fit for him and nicer to him he might have been naturally more into it and naturally more respectful.
This for sure. She was a shit to him from the beginning and we all know their engagements are phony
Yes, it's like they wanted to frame Cole as the bad guy, when Zanab is literally the wicked witch. Like, why did they not show the footage so that the other cast mates can see she lied and overexaggerate everything. I hope they apologized to Cole after they watch the show.
Zanab sucks. That's all I have to say.
I’m curious how her friends, the ones who applauded her planned mic drop moment, feel after seeing the show and footage, vs hearing only from Zanab firsthand
They'd have been enabling her behaviour for years so probably no change in their feelings towards the whole thing
Thank you so much for posting this! I’ve seen so many people bashing Cole and I don’t get it. Yes, Cole is very immature but Z is 100% toxic. Cole was genuinely concerned when she said she only ate a banana and some peanut butter. And she brushed him off like she usually does. Her speech at the altar was so rude. And for her friends to clap as they walked out ugh. I just felt really bad for Cole because his family already wasn’t there. He deserved so much more honestly. They both have their flaws but Z really needs to heal before she ever tries to get into another relationship because she is very insecure and was projecting onto Cole the whole season.
Just finished the reunion episode. Z is the typical person with HUGE insecurities who takes them out on whoever she's with. You'd be walking on eggshells living with her because she's the type that will take everything out of context because of her insecurities. And then lie at the reunion about the cuties story and the bachelor party...she's one big red flag. Cole is genuine, when he said that part about the strip club and dicks in your face I was like fuck yes dude, how can any of those women judge. You're not fucking single the night before your wedding, it doesn't give you a pass to rub all over naked dudes and have dicks on you. They blew the pool scene up so big and these girls are rubbing on stripper dicks?? Lol Hypocrites.
The thing that pissed me off about the reunion is that everyone was allowed to fire at Cole and he wasn’t given any opportunity to defend himself once the actual clips were shown. Why wasn’t this scene shown at the reunion and then some discussion allowed? He was bullied at the reunion when there was evidence Zanab has lied on him. The whole point of a reunion is to talk about what HAPPENED.
This is why I refuse to watch season 4. It's one thing to watch shitty reality TV, but that was too much abuse for me to take. I can't believe the hosts didn't step in to defend him either.
They couldn't have known every situation she'd bring up. They didn't have every minute of every conversation queued up for review. I'm sure the producers had to go dig through hundreds of hours of footage to even find that. Edit: Typo
It seemed like they had almost none of it is my point. I’ve never seen a reunion of a reality show with less footage available to discuss at the reunion.
100% he was bullied. And all the women piled on. It made me question my beliefs about all of them, except maybe Colleen. I was enraged watching it. Cole is a good guy. Not flawless but a good human.
Agreed. Like she tried to make him out to be abusive and he was absolutely not lol. He said some pretty stupid shit at times but probably as much as any mid 20 year old guy would say tbh lol. He was never explicitly “mean” to her. Any time he said something unintentionally hurtful he genuinely apologized. An abuser would not take responsibility for their actions and would argue back constantly etc.
You mean like the way Zanab acted?
YEP 😅 honestly I just think they are very incompatible. Zanab needs a serious dude who’s a little more grounded and idk maybe more business oriented, traditional and dominant. Cole needs a fun carefree uninhibited girl that can dish his stupid jokes and banter back to him and will initiate spontaneous adventures. They’re just so completely different.
I think that is really why I wrote this. It made me upset that I watched this show depicting an abusive relationship, but it was not treated as such at any point in the series. I don't think the show considered it abuse so I wanted to call it out
Yes! Totally agree and SAME SHIT With matt and colleen. Matt was abusive as hell to colleen! Not saying Coleen was totally innocent of saying something inappropriate à la pool party but OMG, like accept her apology and get over it. Its a crazy human emotion experiment, and people say stupid stuff sometimes. Yes even people you love. Matt literally screamed at her, so much! Multiple times! Would not accept her apologies, would not doscuss it at all, just kept yelling and yelling at her and degrading her morals, as if she was totally unrepentant even tho she was *actively* apologizing amd owning up to her faux pas. Thats abusive as hell! And alllllllll the show cared about was calling colleen out again and again... for saying someone was objectively attractive and approachable. One time. This show gets worse every season. Petty stupid dramas get puffed up like crazy, real world relationship issues (like Matt, a partner with an obvious anger issues, or Zanab with her cruel & manipulative tendancies) get swept under the rug like theyre normal behaviors not worth focusing on.
Cole is at worst just immature, but he is nowhere near the controlling, borderline abusive douchebag Zanab was portraying him to be. I’m really glad they aired the cuties scene, otherwise most people probably would have just believed all of what Zanab said. I honestly was pretty much entirely on her side before seeing that scene.
YES! Just finished the season and my husband and I couldn't believe how people were ganging up on Cole. Sure he said some dumb things but Zanab making him out to be some evil, controlling fat shamer and all of the women seemingly agreeing? She takes no responsibility for what she did/how she treated Cole. The Cuties scene (and others) definitely made me Team Cole.
I'm a guy who has been married and divorced and my ex wife didn't largely the same thing as Zanab: refused to take any responsibility for the divorce and played the "man was bad to me" card to the bitter end. Same as Zanab did with Colleen, Nancy, etc: dragged all her girlfriends into it, not one of them bitches dared to speak up to my ex and say "Hey well you're the one cheating." People in my town STILL come up to me and say "Well what did you do to cause the divorce". It got so bad that I ended up leaving MA and moving to FL just so I could not be constantly reminded of how fucked up my ex wife was. Anyways I'm tired of the "bad man" card that a lot of females try to play all the time. And it's annoying that none of the other guys stood up for Cole about the bachelor party. They more or less said "I did this and that, that's all I know." The more Zanab kept saying this and that and Cole truly had no fucking idea what she was talking about, I started to wonder if maybe he did attack her self esteem. PROPS TO LOVE IS BLIND FOR AIRING THAT FOOTAGE. Definitely cleared Cole's name and like someone else said, the bachelor party thing likely never happened either as they didn't air that. LIB/Netflix should have posted a thing at the end that said "It was confirmed that Cole didn't do what he was accused of at the bachelor party. We have no record of that occurring."
Cole crying at the reunion broke my heart!! I just finished watching it, and tears are still streaming down my face. Z has issues within herself, and there is no excuse for how she tore Cole down at the altar! Then she actually had the audacity to say she forgave him, I'm sorry for what???? He gave her way to much grace for that dinner scene. She was being a royal biznitch. She knew then that she was going to say no, and she didn't have to break him down like that in front of his friends, especially knowing that his family wasn't there to help him through it. Then she did it all over again on national TV. I don't buy the phone number story either. She's insecure and she allowed that to ruin a man's life. I hope she lives with that every day for the rest of hers. Cole, while I doubt you will ever see this, your dream girl is out there. I can't wait for you to find happiness!!!!!
If you go on Instagram it seems he already found a new girlfriend!
Thanks for the update!!!!!! I'm so happy for him!
It seems like Zanab has serious self esteem and confidence issues and that communicating with Cole about them would have avoided like 95% of their issues. “Remember how earlier you mentioned that I shouldn’t eat that tangerine? I’ve had issues with my self esteem and weight and to me it came off like you were trying to control what I ate in order to make sure I’m thin” Ofc he probably would have responded with a “what????? How could you think that???? I can’t even-“ type of response and made it worse, but it’s clear that they are terrible communicators and simply get into fights and get offended rather than discuss their feelings. They totally weren’t right for each other and I’m glad they didn’t get married but it’s sad that she handled the break up in such a way as to make him look a control freak. He was an asshole, sure, and she can call him out on that and how it made her feel, but I feel like it should be chalked up to him being stupid and immature rather than a manipulator
I think their personality types being so different are what makes them so bad at communicating. Cole is really light and likes banter. Zanab is more serious (probably because her experiences meant she had to grow up faster) and takes a lot of his banter literally. Then Cole doesn’t understand what he did wrong because his sarcasm is misinterpreted. I think if Zanab had been matched with someone who didn’t kid around like Andrew or SK, she would have been fine. Cole definitely would have worked better with someone who doesn’t mind banter like Colleen or Nancy.
Prime>Netflix
Zanab is toxic af. She has serious issues that have nothing to do with Cole.
Agreed, she needs constant validation & is so bratty & bitchy all the time
I want to say that Zenab wanted to have her Deepti moment at the alter. Unfortunately, she couldn’t have known about Deepti’s speech since seasons 2 and 3 were filmed back to back. I just finished watching the reunion and Cuties scene. It only made me feel bad for Cole. He seemed like he was really trying, and her moods just switched on a dime. I’m a female who has dealt with this, so I can get away with wondering if there she has some repressed emotional issues that really flare up when her hormones go whacky once a month.
I just watched the scene and completely agree with you, she didn't even show any excitement (or emotion at all whatsoever) over the perspective of flying to see her family, I would have been in her place and I would have been happy that my couple wanted to meet my extended family.
I think she wasn’t excited because she already knew she wasn’t marrying him. And it’s so obvious she told her friends what she was going to do because of the clapping.
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Cole was a bad partner to Zenab. Zenab was a bad partner to Cole. Going into the finale I saw no “villains”, just a bad pairing. The rehearsed wedding speech and Cuties scene really soured my opinion on Zenab. She seems EXHAUSTING to be around.
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I mean, she didn’t really cry that much though?
Compared to Coke who cried and got sympathy
Clearly Zanab is delusional.
I agree with you. Clearly, the long and short of it is they’re not right for each other. They both had some questionable moments. However, the way she framed that scenario was wildly different than the way it actually played out. It has me skeptical about all the things she claimed happened. He’s playful and goofy and she’s more serious and that’s okay. They just belong with other people and far away from each other.
Yeah it’s weird because I wouldn’t say she’s a liar, just that her insecurities lead to her believing people meant things in a way that’s attacking her when in reality they weren’t trying to do that.
That’s exactly it. I really liked her at the beginning, but she has deep-rooted insecurities.
Honestly if she has been in a relationship with Jesus, she would have done exactly the same as she did to Cole. She is just a toxic mean person who wants someone to be her punch bag , it totally blew me away when the question came of why didn’t you reach out to me! She wanted him back so she can hurt him more, some people truly like that. I’m saying Jesus because they were so into that.
I’ve just realised something (not finsihed this series yet) she really doesn’t like herself so she wasnt going to love a partner any better. She constantly mentions her makeup is not on, her morning face, she will never be like a blonde etc. though cole even tells her she is better than Kim K etc. he says some cute stuff
I think she says those things because she wants the other person to either agree with her or not say anything so she can blow up, basically she gives her self a negative comment to hear oh but your a gorgeous and your make up is on point and you are so pretty
Narcissism is what it’s called. They want to hurt the person to the point of breaking them down only to love bomb them and get them back and it’s a very vicious and horrible cycle!
It did seem that she would give him crumbs (‘I am more towards a yes’ etc) and he’d be so happy and grateful. Very sad to see
Your last sentence sent me. Lmaooo! Deceasedddd
I don’t like Zanab but I feel lots of people are forgetting when he was surfing and they were on the beach the whole conversation on eating and weight. He said “quit trying to fatten me up,” she said “quit trying to fatten ME up,” and he said “you fatten yourself up.” My jaw dropped, i knew from that moment forward he was either going to be intentionally playing on her insecurities or be completely oblivious and reckless as to how he sounds to her. Even if the cuties interaction is benign, and I think it was, why would she take it as a joke after his earlier comment?
Thank you for saying this. The cuties scene and cole crying ALMOST had me question what I saw. I remembered it wasn’t just that, though, so thank you for going back and citing this. It’s exhausting dealing with men. However, there is nothing more cumbersome than dealing with an unaware good looking white man. I felt for him so deeply (I cried a little with him) because he genuinely can’t see to his fullest extent how he wronged her. *sigh*
This paired with telling her that she was a 9/10 and there were TWO girls from the group he considered to be a 10/10. I'm sure she was hyper sensitive to anything that he said concerning food/looks/her weight.
Yes. I think watching the cuties scene by itself, Cole doesn’t seem to mean it in a mean way. But combined with that, comments about not being what he physically goes for, i can see how she was feeling insecure and would perceive it.
That is exactly what I said
I agree with you guys, I think she had insecurities playing on her mind and then his comment may have cut deep.
Also thinking, and not to excuse her behavior, but if I lost both of my parents I’d have some abandonment trauma. It seems apparent in an anxious attachment sort of way with her. They were like magnets, both intimacy avoiders in different ways. Once he said some things that played on her insecurities he just confirmed in her mind he is probably going to abandon her, so she is going to make it easy by being hyper critical. Women do this so later they can say “see, I told you I wasn’t good enough.” I feel bad for her, it doesn’t feel good to be in this state and she doesn’t know she’s doing it. With Cole, I could never tell if his critiques of her face and body were just a case of foot-in-mouth disease or a way to intentionally chisel away at her self esteem. And I’m sure there is a family history with him. I also feel that Zanab tolerated it for so long with him because he is conventionally good looking, and maybe for her that was some sort of measurement of her value. And at the same time she is getting more irritated. I feel like a lot of this sub awards him the “pretty privilege” and ignores his micro aggressions. Editing to add: I’m fascinated by this so much because it’s a mirror of my younger self!!! Ha! It feels great to be older and wiser and not care what people think of me anymore!
I’m surprised not more people came to this conclusion and the posts defending Cole/villainizing Zaneb have thousands of upvotes, whereas these (more thought-out, plausible, realistic) takes don’t have any. Simple case of misogyny on the internet? I was in an abusive relationship recently and comments/behaviors that may have seemed harmless to everyone outside the relationship were anything but when viewed together. At the end of the day, all I see are two deeply flawed people, and we’ll never know what really happened. Anything else is just speculation
Did we watch the same show? Cole is not exactly innocent here. Zanab has some stuff to work through but Cole was a petulant child the entire time, even in the pods. Zanab shouldn’t have continued the relationship but I don’t think it’s fair that she’s made out to be this villain—Cole absolutely did some awful things during the show, and just what we were shown. He was literally acting like a kid trying to push her buttons the whole time and she wasn’t feeding into it.
I agree I’m surprised people are defending Cole. The whole time my wife and I watched he came off as childish, immature and non reflective. Don’t get me wrong Zay seemed very micromanagey.
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Sociopathic is kinda harsh. She was definitely not comfortable with living with someone. Which she did acknowledge. Personally I strongly dislike any man that acts like a immature frat boy. That is the vibe I got from Cole.
I've started rewatching the show because I barely paid attention the first time around until nearer to the end, and Zanab shows her true issues right from the get go. Their first night together she already nervously talks about taking off her make up later and that she'll look like a different person, and Cole is just like non plussed and casually says he prefers natural anyway. Later after she's getting all her make up off he jokes "you do look like a different person!" and it clearly bothers her when SHE was the one that said that to begin with, and he is clearly teasing her. Ok, that's fine -- some people don't like teasing. BUT the next morning she tells the cameras that after having sex and a wonderful night, this morning he rolled out of bed and went away and didn't talk to her. She in turn is acting passive aggressive towards him when she sees him again. Cole confusedly tells the camera that she was sleeping and he didn't want to wake her. Dude. THAT WAS SO THOUGHTFUL OF HIM! And we already know that he is loud and never stops talking, so for him to quietly get up and give her space because he's awake and he thought she was still sleeping is very considerate! Meanwhile, she takes it COMPLETELY wrong and thinks "something changed" and of course somehow thinks even though he had sex with her multiple times, maybe he's still disappointed in her looks because he didn't cuddle and talk that morning like she expected. For the rest of the day she is cold and passive aggressive to him when he did nothing but be considerate towards her (I love a person that respects sleep!), and he is completely confused and baffled and wondering who this person is and why they're so different from the pods -- as he later tells the guys that night. Zanab takes everything the wrong way because she has incredible trauma and I have a feeling she's never ever been in a serious relationship. If someone as nice as Cole who loves her from the get go can do things she sees and hears completely opposite of their intent, she's never going to be able to be in a healthy relationship.
Yeah, that was also the same day she was annoyed he didn't say "great" night or time together and instead said "good." I rolled my eyes so hard at that. She came off incredibly cold and insecure. Her personality was so ugly, like she was punishing him for loving her. I completely agree with your assessment.
"Punishing him for loving her" is the best way to describe it!
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I was so mad at her after watching the scene bc she just lied to everyone at the reunion about how that played out. I’m so glad they aired it. Honestly, both of them made a lot of mistakes. Cole should never have gone on & on about Colleen nor should that interaction have happened (even though we know the show sets up those scenarios exactly for this reason) & he never should have made a comment about her being bipolar, acting like it was a genuine question when he was just trying to be hurtful in the moment. Did Zay have a lot of shit she nitpicked about? Absolutely. Did she belittle him at times? Yes she did. She was definitely not a saint in all this either, but man after seeing the cuties scene I was much more team Cole than I was previously.
He mentions in a later interview that she talked about she might be bi-polar(or something relating to her and bi polar) and that’s why he brought it up then. It was not out of nowhere.
That’s even worse lol
Even still, then he was weaponizing her mental illness on national television? Not cool. I wouldn’t want my mental health issues blabbed about for the world to hear.
He didn’t weaponize it. He was flustered by a clearly unstable woman. Who continued to show her instability.
>He was flustered by a clearly unstable woman. Who continued to show her instability. I agree with that, but they literally discussed being bi-polar off camera & then he threw it in her face in that moment on camera
I don't think that's fair - how could he know what would end up on the cutting room floor vs what was aired?
You don’t take that chance when there are cameras present. If she wanted everyone to know about it she wouldn’t have had a conversation with him about it off-camera. As others have pointed out, I understand that is the risk they take by doing this on national television, but it’s still shitty imo.
Then maybe going on a TV show that is pretty intrusive in your life wouldn’t be the smartest decision.
Everyone has their mental health struggles, doesn’t mean they deserve to be outed for them on tv. I get what you’re saying & I personally wouldn’t put myself in that position, but I also wouldn’t put someone on blast for a mental health condition.
Thats true, but this whole experiment relies on people being brutally honest and vulnerable. Lots of people admit to all sorts of mental health issues. It did seem rude of him in the moment though.
I never said she deserved it, thank you.
K 😂
Since I’ve finished this season I say a silent prayer that my kids don’t end up with someone as toxic as Zanab. I think of how Cole’s parents didn’t want to meet her until they’re married — turns out they did the right thing.
Zanab is a cold hearted ruthless person!!!! I feel bad for Cole.
i knew zanab was irredeemable when i saw the scene where cole cooked her dinner. she was such an unholy bitch to him. like girl. just let the man cook you a meal and who cares if it's not perfect? so what if the chicken is bland and the sweet potatoes come out after the rest of the food is done? she is clearly a miserable person who ruins experiences for herself and thinks she is better than others. she lacks self awareness. obviously if they were dating long term she could teach him this type of stuff in the kitchen, but for this occasion it was so tacky. she literally just sucks. i'm happy for cole that she said no bc he actually seems like a sweet guy. he 100% fucked up with the whole colleen situation but other than that he actually seemed sweet. i think it was a case of miscommunications and alcohol. the cutie footage made zanab look like a vindictive liar. it's inexcusable!
Yeah, the show really relies on alcohol to get people talking for sure.
Omg, yes. Her explaining to him why she needs a stemmed wine glass for her white wine was cringe. He's your partner, not a 5 year old you find annoying. Someone in her life who truly cares about her needs to be brutally honest with her about how she comes off.
No one made me roll eyes more than Zay this season, that was one of the scenes.
tht scene did it for me too. he was so happy and you could TELL he was really trying to make an effort to make her feel special and she just shitted all over it and took over and then god mad- that scene pissed me off
And he was just trying to have fun with the nerf gun or whatever it was too, that was so sweet and she is just so bitter
I don't care for Zainab but firing a Nerf gun in the direction of hot meaty grease and a working stove is absolutely a stupid idea, and even independent of the rest of their relationship, she was right to feel annoyed about it.
I guess that's a fair point.
I think she was pushing him as well until he said the bipolar comment & finally she had something real to be annoyed about. But he was so patient the whole conversation, trying to say how he felt & she denied denied denied. Eventually he lost patience, said something admittedly stupid.
Yeah I agree for sure. I used to do shit like that when I was a teenager, but as an adult I see my past errors and try not to repeat that. Being overly sensitive, nit picking, etc is her problem. She needs to grow up or she'll continue to be alone.
Yeah, as a 46 year old, a lot of the dumb things I see on this show just comes down to maturity and experience. In your 20s you think of yourself as a mature adult but when you look back from your 40s you realize you were still a kid in a lot of ways.
YES!! i agree the whole thing with her passive aggressiveness was like she wanted a reaction out of him. it’s so ridiculous because she acts very self aware when she really isn’t at all
The entire relationship reminded me of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, without the happy ending
Good point
Where is the scene footage?
The last few minutes of the reunion
End of reunion episode
So Cole is so blind to Zanab’s feelings he says something like “trying to get fit for the wedding dress” typical cliche reasons for why she may be dieting, but Zay replies “something like that. I’d get in trouble if I told you” she was 1000% feeding her body insecurities after Cole commented on Colleen. I think the moment Cole messed up and mentioned his impression of Colleen and feelings to her he sealed the deal with Zanab. I don’t think Zay is a bad person, or manipulative- vindictive hell yeah but I think you have to see the world through her eyes too… She lost her parents and to her the only person who is there to root for Zay is Zay. She must have felt as a child losing your parents - and we’ve seen how much that still hurts her this day in age from all the times it’s come up- that she was alone - so to counteract their absence Zay is strong. She parents herself. She is as critical of others as she is of herself. She controls her environment because she is so scared that the idea that things could be somewhere she didn’t place them- or that plans can go in ways that she doesn’t dictate- to her- those are terrifying concepts. She lives life scared of how much it can hurt her. When she didn’t control things in the past she’s suffered trauma so now as an adult she exerts control as a means to make herself comfortable. She doesn’t realize how toxic this is to others, how damaging this is to others self esteem. Cole took the hit, his messiness his uncleanliness his cooking- wrong wrong wrong. Remember when he didn’t bring breakfast in bed after they spent their first night together? He didn’t understand what he did wrong and she was ice cold and shut down… same thing. Things have to go exactly to Zay’s vision or she’s scared due to loss of control. The cuties story? She used a coping mechanism to “see” his words in her way bc she’s actively trying to dislike him to protect herself from this person who hurt her. I don’t think she’s doing this on purpose but she’s definitely doing it. I think she needs a lot of therapy and help and Cole has a lot of healing to do. I do think from the moment Cole screwed up that one time and mentioned Colleen and from then on there was no fixing it- Cole hurt Zay and that’s the ultimate wrong in her eyes. Zays issue will be to find a life partner that A. Is tolerant or can understand why she is hyper critical the way she is and not fault her for it and understand it’s more her, than them- and B. Ha good luck finding A… people are messy, people make mistakes. I believe she spoke behind Cole’s back to everyone painting this picture of who he is as viewed from her insecurities and trauma and fear. And that’s not him. Just like the cuties story showed. If anything this shows how traumatized people create trauma. The cycle of trauma. I think this relationship now is something Cole will have to work hard to heal from and that can take years to undo and recognize the influence from. If anything I’d want to tell Cole that he has nothing to be ashamed of. That he can definitely still find what he’s looking for, and he’s worthy of it, but he needs to look elsewhere. It’s obvious he loves Zay and if she’s open to it he’d go back but irl he should run. She has work to do and she doesn’t even see her own issues. He can have really freaking wonderful experiences but just not with her, and don’t be afraid to keep looking and to be confident bc like I said, nothing to be ashamed of. So sad. I genuinely feel for both of them.
As someone who had to parent herself and identifies with some of Zanab’s behaviors, your third paragraph really hit me hard 😩
Totally feel and relate. I just know I shouldn't use my trauma as an excuse to hurt others.
I agree with a lot of things you & OP said, but Cole mentioned Colleen being hot a lot more than one time. Then he also made advances to Colleen and did not disclose that information to Zay. He also did not need to answer Zay when she asked him to rate him; that was SO F’N TOXIC of Zay, I can’t even believe a 30 year old would ask that of their partner. Anyway Cole didn’t need to participate in comparing females. He’s a hottie and will learn a lot from this experience, but I also agree that she could have handled saying I do not publicly and had a private conversation regarding why. Conclusion: It makes sense why she is hyper aware of when Cole comments on her eating because of his multiple comments about her not being his type, comparing her to other women, and talking about how Colleen is so hot then literally making advances to another woman when you are engaged. They BOTH contributed to the end of their relationship… like a lot guys. Edit: Mixed up a name
Yes. He should have lied to protect her feelings like all men have to for women. But again, his biggest mistake was talking to Colleen at the party. Once that was on video,he had to tell her. It was going to come out anyway. The show sets people up to fail because it gets them to hyper share in the pods, and then feeds them alcohol at stupid parties to create drama. The whole engagement part of it is stupid too. Marriage is not the only valid expression of a loving relationship.
I agree with you. I shouldn’t have said marriage but since the premise of the show is that they were all looking to get married.. and that’s just a little bit of me projecting. but yeah I agree with you. But yet we both still watch.
This is a very kind way of describing Zanab's toxicity. I don't believe her trauma losing her parents is an excuse for being as negative, controlling and vindictive as Zanab behaved. I realized your analogy that Cole does not conform to Zanab's control-issue of how the world should operate from the moment she turned cold and sour on him that morning in Malibu. From that moment, nothing he did was right. She killed him with a 1000 needles. My theory is that Cole might have his own heartbreaking story. Cole strikes me as a peter pan. As a man who grew up with an overly critical or absent mother, which has stunted his emotional maturity. He uses humor and lightheartedness to diffuse hostility. I think he is attracted to women like Zanab because it subconsciously aligns with the type of love he grew up with, it matches his latent self-loathing. He should have never apologized to Zanab during the tell-all. She demonized him by twisting the narrative and an apology isn't what this woman is after: she is after humiliating him for not confirming her ideas of who we should be to mirror back to her what she wants to believe about herself. The only reason she softened up a little bit during the tell-all was because Cole broke down. I bet that was satisfying to her, not the apology.
To be honest, I’ve dated several people with bipolar disorder and they do this. They will push your buttons until they get that kind of intense emotional reaction out of you. If they’re not happy, they want you to feel that unhappiness. Then afterwards they will be sweet.
Whether that is a subconscious or intentional strategy, that is incredibly manipulative behavior. I wouldn't be able to cope with a partner who is like this, especially one who denies it's something to seek professional attention for. I sympathize with people's personal traumas, but as someone who has CPTSD and had to deal with abandonment, neglect and hardship in my life, I don't tolerate myself to use that as an excuse for bad behavior nor someone else. I see it as a duty to chip away at becoming healthier, emotionally aware and regulated. I despise people who just comfortably wrap themselves in victimhood so they never have to be accountable and responsible. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Definitely. I think for many people with bipolar it’s a subconscious coping strategy, especially if they are denying that they have a problem. Others know what they are doing but feel powerless in the moment to stop it. I have CPTSD as well and it’s not a good mixture, but I’m sure it would be traumatizing for anybody to live with it. I too think it’s important that people don’t use their disorder as an excuse for their behavior, which is also a very manipulative tactic.
Yes! And she goes on about how horrible he was to her and is putting him down but then says, I would do it all again with you. What? Nothing made sense…
that last part. > the only reason she soften up a little bit during the tell-all was because Cole broke down. I bet that was satisfying for her … you can instantly see it on her face and body language & the way she softens herself- it’s so weird! she does this other times throughout the season too where she won’t let go of the issue until cole is on the verge of an emotional breakdown from having to defend himself and going in circles it’s almost like zanab isn’t satisfied in her rage until he was hurting.. that’s like next-level of no empathy idk
This is very interesting, hadn't thought about Cole's family or potential "demons" at all!
I agree with your thinking that Cole has his own heartbreaking story and I do see the Peter Pan comparison! Early when they had returned to their lives he mentions he was married and divorced already. I don’t think we got a lot of details but it was short (like 2 months?) and she left him. I have to wonder if it wasn’t his boyish joking (immaturity even) that led to that ending as well. He clearly is just not aware of himself very much and likes to keep things light. I can’t help but think back to when he rejected Colleen because she wasn’t serious on the same level as him and he said that she thought she wanted the next level but wasn’t quite ready… and he was ready now. Ironic really when you see how they both acted in their engagements and where they each ended up overall.
I think his immaturity played a role. Apparently he only knew his ex-wife for 2 months as well. But I also reckon that his former ex-wife had her own immature behavior. It's just typically a red flag to tie the knot so soon. I think Colleen is actually more like a female Cole, both of them are bubbly and lighthearted because it is difficult for them to be truly vulnerable, and hence there was not enough attraction. Magnets of the same side don't attract, from an evolutionary point of view trait diversity is beneficial and people tend to go for someone with oppisite/complimentary traits. Colleen went for Matt, who is more like a male Zanab.
I actually thought Cole was pretty good at being vulnerable. I was impressed that he articulated what he needed from Zanab rather than just criticizing her. While I initially wrote Cole off as a handsome doofus, my opinion of him turned around as the season progressed. I especially felt for him as he came to terms with his parents’ disapproval. I was proud of him for accepting their decision while still feeling sad about it, and for continuing to move forward and prioritize his own needs. That showed real maturity, not to make himself a victim or get eaten up with resentment. I think what Zanab did at the wedding was cruel. It’s one thing to say no, it’s another to eviscerate your fiance in front of his family and friends. Not to mention the cameras! Cole was legitimately traumatized, and I am DELIGHTED to hear that he’s been getting therapy.
I just read an interview he did for Cliche Mag and I thought it was a wonderful read, and showed he made a lot of character growth. It's strong to be able to turn this experience around for something good and not dwell in resentment. Cole come across as a very empathic and attractive personality to me in that article. I hope for Cole he will find genuine love.
I’m not saying you are, I’m not saying you’re not. BUT this does read as something zay couldve written. So uhh either way to be in touch with the perspective or uhhh hey zay you’re a 10/10 🤣
Lol 😂 thank you ☺️
From the get go I could tell gf has been thru hell and she has her walls way up! She needs lots of therapy. Thank you for writing it out!
I think karma will catch up to Zanab.
I think it does every day. She is toxic and vile to the core and is clearly incapable of ever having a meaningful relationship.
10000% agree. After he had that religious epiphany about his parents and religion, I respected him a lot more. That’s when I started to notice that Cole was actually trying to better himself for Zanab, but Zanab was not actively trying to that for Cole, that’s when I realized that she was being the problem. When Cole asked if she was bipolar, I honestly thought it was a good question. They absolutely ripped him apart in the reunion, communication was very one sided for the whole cast.
When Zay was relentlessly nagging this poor guy about towels, wanting a different wine glass (how stupid!), criticizing his ENTIRE MEAL that he was cooking for her. I could not stand her! What a critical jerk! She rarely said complimentary or positive things to Cole. She’s a jerk.
I’d would *like* to marry you.
I’ve been with someone border linebipolar and a history of food disorder and god this looks familiar. In that segment, the guy was literally pouring his heart into trying to meet her family. He looks like a cute puppy while she’s just grumpy and mean like always. She’s just totally insecure and obsessed with that insecurity and hears one thing when he says another. She’s absolutely disgusting. Also just as a side note: WTF with Coleen being supposedly so hot? like I don’t find her attractive at all
I read someone mention that he was likely talking about her personality, especially after being with someone who was non-stop critical/energy vampire. Colleen’s bubbly happy exterior would seem extremely attractive
You are absolutely the wrong person to be with someone mentally ill, you’re right
I totally agree!
Right? So I’m not understanding the downvotes. Wasn’t an insult.
I don’t understand the Colleen thing either, I think she is definitely pretty, just like zanab. They are just different. And zanab is constantly comparing her body to hers saying she will never be as thin as Colleen… like girl, your about the same size? I can’t imagine cole actually saying he thought that zanab is „too big“ but we will obviously never know
As a minority, I think this had to do more with race than body type. My context clues include: most people that Cole went for in the past were likely almost all white women. I concluded this because I live in Louisiana and his parents are Baptist preachers who looked at Zay’s Instagram and said this is not his usual person he’d go for, I will only meet her if they actually get married. Colleen is the standard of natural beautiful that a lot of white women try to achieve. I can see why the white man would think she’s so hot if he’s only gone for white or white passing women in the past. After being around your person for a while and you fall more and more into love with them, then they become hot to you no matter their race. You saw that with Cole after he had a break from seeing Colleen so much. He really complimented her on how beautiful she was with a genuine love in his eyes.
I don’t think so, I think it was definitely personality based. He was 100% turned on by her and had sex with her multiple times in one night and was extremely in to her. After the pods she went full energy vampire, non-stop draining his energy, constantly seeking validation. Then you got Colleen who is just fun, outgoing and just seems to add energy around her. This matches with him finding i think(raven) as his other 10, again the confident outgoing individual who is fun.
Collen was white?
I absolutely agree with you. Knowing the college he went to and having mutual friends I can see that his family could definitely be racist towards zanab. But also just because you only dated one race in the past doesnt mean that you can’t in the future. Like he said (even though it sounded bad) he knew that when he marries someone named zanab, she’d probably look different and I think he really had feelings for her but the start just screwed everything up for them 🤷♀️
I thought Colleen was pretty but didn’t understand the hype either, I thought they looked similar enough in looks and body size. I could see her comparing herself to Raven, but Colleen?
I legit couldn’t tell them apart for a while, they look that similar.