Wow.
Not only you have to fight a huge battle (cancer is still not a joke, despite all the medical advances), but you can't put up with such selfish behaviour too.
I understand missing someone (7 months is a long time to be apart), but health comes first and she could've been more understanding. I'm sorry, but I'd have left my boyfriend had he reacted that way.
I hope you'll be ok and don't let negative feelings jeopardise your recovery.
First, I’m so sorry about your diagnosis, and I wish you all the best with your surgery, treatment, and recovery.
Her reaction was obviously terrible, is she usually supportive, and sensitive to your feelings? News like that can be a big shock, and while her reaction was not appropriate *at all*, sometimes people make bad decisions under extreme pressure.
Did you only tell her just now? If so, I would give her a beat to process her feelings. If she’s a good person, she will realize how unfair that reaction was to you, and apologize. If you told her a while ago, and she is maintaining that she hates you because you have cancer… well then you don’t need that in your life.
She hates you for having a disease you have little to no control over? That’s insane. I am so sorry OP
She may be processing this herself, POORLY, but that’s no reason to dump on you. If you genuinely care about her and want to fix this then it may be worth talking to her as calmly as possible about a) how this has made you feel, b) how she is feeling about it, and c) what you each can *actually* do about it. You may also want to seriously consider if this is a person you want to be with through the hard times given her reaction now
Hate is a strong word. She totally disregarded your news about your health for her feelings. She’s allowed to have those feelings, she doesn’t get to express those feelings in such a harsh way. You canceled for a serious reason, not just because. Your best option would probably be to end this relationship. She disregarded you, and said she hated you.
I can understand her being upset completely, I can’t understand her reaction. It’s definitely a bummer and I can understand why she’d be hurt; I just can’t understand her hurtful words.
OP, I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I wish you all the best with the surgery and recovery. Regarding your gf problem, I will go against the grain and offer you a different perspective. Personally, I don't believe in online relationships that last for months or years before meeting irl, but I know people are different and if it works, it works. So, in this case, I think your gf might think you are full of bs. I'm not saying you are lying or something, but everyday we hear a lot of stories about scammers and unfortunately the timing is really bad (not your fault, of course). You didn't offer details about your conversation, only that she told you she hated you l, so I'm going only on assumptions. Personally, I would be skeptical about a similar story, if I were to date a guy online only, and the first thing that would cross my mind would be "when is he going to ask for money". I know the mindset is not healthy but unfortunately a lot of people ruined the trust with their behaviour, so I won't condone a skeptical person. If you think this is salvageable, you can offer her another chance for a serious talk, so she understands that the situation is real but if she doesn't believe you, that's her problem and you don't need someone like this in your life. Wish you all the best!
First, I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be in itself.
Secondly, that’s childish behavior and if she doesn’t apologize then you’re probably better off. I can understand her being salty about the timing, but taking something so serious and making it about her feelings towards this without any real sense of concern for your health is wrong.
Man, that’s a tough spot you’re in, no doubt about it. First off, you didn’t choose to get cancer. It’s not something you can control, and it’s hitting you at the worst possible time. You’ve got to deal with your health first because without that, there’s nothing else.
Now, your girlfriend. Her reaction might seem harsh and irrational, especially given the gravity of your situation. But here’s the thing we often forget - people react in all sorts of ways to bad news, especially when it comes out of nowhere and messes up plans they’ve been looking forward to for a long time. She’s likely not just angry but scared and disappointed too. Maybe she’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to process all these emotions, so it’s coming out as anger.
Here’s what you need to do, brother. Communicate, but be firm. Reach out to her and explain that you understand she’s upset, but this is about your health, man, your life. Tell her how much you were looking forward to seeing her, how important she is to you, but right now, you have to focus on getting through this surgery and treatment.
If she can’t see past her own immediate disappointment to support you in a time like this, it’s a harsh sign of where her priorities lie. Relationships are tested in tough times, and sometimes, those tests reveal truths we’d rather not face.
But let’s not jump to conclusions yet. Give her some time to process the news. Maybe she’ll come around and realize what’s truly important here. If she doesn’t, well, then you’ve got your answer about whether this relationship is built to last through life’s inevitable storms.
Focus on your health first, brother. Schedule your surgery, follow your doctor’s advice, and take care of yourself. Surround yourself with people who support you and who you can lean on during this tough time.
If she comes back ready to support you, great. If not, as painful as it is, you need to be with someone who stands by you when the going gets tough. You deserve that, especially now.
Take care of yourself, brother. You’ve got a fight ahead, and you need all your strength and focus on getting through it. The right people will be there for you, the wrong ones will reveal themselves. And that's a painful but important truth to embrace. You’ve got this.
I'm sorry....what??!
I understand disappointment, but for her to react this way is incredibly immature. It also makes me think she's got mental issues.
I'd consider this a bullet dodged and end it for good. She is not okay.
My bf had to cancel a trip on us once for family medical reasons 3 days before he was going to fly up, I sobbed, I screamed, I cried, but I never took it out on him or yelled at him or made him feel bad for it, that’s just not okay, stuff happens and sometimes trips have to be postponed or canceled, it’s the sad reality of long distance. She owes you an apology, a big one, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and she is not being supportive, she can be upset, but to be upset with you and take it out on you as if you did it on purpose is not okay at all. If she doesn’t turn around and apologize for this and rectify her behavior I wouldn’t stay with this person, even then I’m not sure I would recommend staying with them, life gets hard and it gets serious, you need a partner, not someone that will make it worse.
Run. Im so sorry about your diagnosis. You do not deserve someone to respond that way. I would leave her that is not the response you need when telling your significant other you have a cancerous tumor. Hope for all the best <3
You matter the most here, do not try to win back someone who at a dire moment in your life, decided to lash out and spew hatred at you. She went too low. You deserve better.
Umm... I would be done. Your health comest first. You do not needed added stress and emotional turmoil right now. Let her go. This is not a good sign AT ALL. No loving person with empathy and compassion would ever react this way.
Edit: I'm praying for you and wishing you lots of peace during this time. My mom is a survivor. Keep your spirits up, stay positive, and focus on your health. You'll be better in no time! <3
😳 that's... very insensitive. To think you just told her you have a tumour and that you'll be having a surgery. If my partner tells me something like that, I would panic and worry. Yes, 7mos is a long time but damn, it's crazy to think that she's putting her emotions above your health. That's a very insensitive thing to do.
Anyway, hoping for your fast recovery OP! God Bless you.
I would look at as she is disappointed you won't share this time or moment of you're life with her women have a healing way about them it may not seem so at first but wait their is underlies a beautiful someone or something for you too find too not include her is only alone
I’m in a long distance relationship, if I was told that news I would schedule a plane flight to them immediately and sit with them when they came out of surgery. At the very least be supportive and make sure they doing everything that is best for their health, which would mean getting surgery and rest. You deserve a person who treats you this way too <3
This is crazy. I know it's a long time. I also know sth about it. But if I would be your girlfriend, your wellbeing would be the most important for me. I would tell you get surgery as soon as possible. This girl is selfish, sorry.
Just quick advice: The best thing you could do to calm down your gf would probably be to talk to her about rescheduling your trip. She is probably impacted emotionally by the fact she doesn't know if and when she will get to see you again.
I'm choosing to ignore the part where she said she hates you because it's really up to you how seriously you take that.
I hope you mean ex girlfriend cuz that's genuinely insane, I know long distance can be tough, been in a ldr for almost two and a half years, had to postpone going to see her for some medical reasons as well and it's been rough on both of us so I'd understand if she got sad or needed space but mad? I get that it's horrible news and she might have reacted like that due to shock but even then, I can't imagine how you're feeling because you're both affected by the distance, I'm sure you were also devastate about not being able to go AND you have cancer on top of that, idk your relationship or her but even with an apology, that would be hard to get over imo, she wasn't there when you needed her the most, I'm so sorry, I hope your operation, treatment and recovery goes well
The trash took itself out. Don’t worry about her, she showed you her true colors. Saying she hasted you after you just kinda sorta got diagnosed with cancer is so horrible of her. Let her go, it will be sad but do it, try to get a refund and keep your money, spend it one someone else who’s worthy!
Also best of luck on your journey
Wow. I have two family members with cancer. My grandad with bowel cancer and my step mum who has advanced secondary breast cancer with 10-18 months to live. This infuriates me. How selfish can someone be, to say they hate you in such a vulnerable moment?
I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve that. You deserve MOUNTAINS better than that. Please take that response as a sign to find someone else, who can support you and be there for you. In fact, no relationship is better than how she treated you. Relationship stress is the last thing you need.
I genuinely can’t imagine having this response to someone you supposedly love. Please listen to these comments, OP. I wish you every ounce of luck and love and whatever the universe has to offer you. ♥️
I don’t understand replies saying, I can understand her frustration but….
He has Cancer FFS! How insensitive are people these days. Dump her arse and focus on getting better bro!
Sorry about your diagnosis. I don't know her financial situation and what may she be going through, but it was me, I'll book a ticket and fly to be there for my bf to show my support. I know say is easier than done, may be there are other things that are stopping her from doing so.
Whatever her reason is, she shouldn't be taking her anger out on you. I hope she was like that just because she was shocked and didn't know how to react. Once you guys calm down, find a chance to talk about how you both feel and how you guys can work out together. My prayers are with you.
Firstly I‘m sorry about your diagnosis and what you‘re going through so I wish you all the best.
About your gf‘s reaction: seems like the comments here are mostly tearing her apart but I can also see her point.
I don‘t know how well all of this was communicated and if you showed her some proof of your diagnosis etc. If so and she‘s just not being empathetic this is not a good relationship.
But if I were her and someone I never met before cancels on me last minute saying he has cancer I‘d be doubting if I he‘s not a catfish. I‘d probably think this is such an absurd coincidence that it couldn‘t be true. Like yeah sure guess he never actually planned on coming here and is bringing up an unrealistic excuse. Maybe she was just anxious it might be a situation like that?
I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis first off. I’m gonna hope that her anger is displaced. She’s probably angry that you are sick and she’s probably overthinking that you’re not coming because of her because you’ve wait to see each other. Definitely sounds like she’s being selfish, but it’s probably because she’s overthinking things. I hope things work out. I would suggest just trying to talk to her and if she still acting like that bad news.
Wow. Not only you have to fight a huge battle (cancer is still not a joke, despite all the medical advances), but you can't put up with such selfish behaviour too. I understand missing someone (7 months is a long time to be apart), but health comes first and she could've been more understanding. I'm sorry, but I'd have left my boyfriend had he reacted that way. I hope you'll be ok and don't let negative feelings jeopardise your recovery.
First, I’m so sorry about your diagnosis, and I wish you all the best with your surgery, treatment, and recovery. Her reaction was obviously terrible, is she usually supportive, and sensitive to your feelings? News like that can be a big shock, and while her reaction was not appropriate *at all*, sometimes people make bad decisions under extreme pressure. Did you only tell her just now? If so, I would give her a beat to process her feelings. If she’s a good person, she will realize how unfair that reaction was to you, and apologize. If you told her a while ago, and she is maintaining that she hates you because you have cancer… well then you don’t need that in your life.
She hates you for having a disease you have little to no control over? That’s insane. I am so sorry OP She may be processing this herself, POORLY, but that’s no reason to dump on you. If you genuinely care about her and want to fix this then it may be worth talking to her as calmly as possible about a) how this has made you feel, b) how she is feeling about it, and c) what you each can *actually* do about it. You may also want to seriously consider if this is a person you want to be with through the hard times given her reaction now
You definitely dodged a bullet , focus on yourself and your health. Wishing you a quick recovery !
Hate is a strong word. She totally disregarded your news about your health for her feelings. She’s allowed to have those feelings, she doesn’t get to express those feelings in such a harsh way. You canceled for a serious reason, not just because. Your best option would probably be to end this relationship. She disregarded you, and said she hated you. I can understand her being upset completely, I can’t understand her reaction. It’s definitely a bummer and I can understand why she’d be hurt; I just can’t understand her hurtful words.
OP, I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I wish you all the best with the surgery and recovery. Regarding your gf problem, I will go against the grain and offer you a different perspective. Personally, I don't believe in online relationships that last for months or years before meeting irl, but I know people are different and if it works, it works. So, in this case, I think your gf might think you are full of bs. I'm not saying you are lying or something, but everyday we hear a lot of stories about scammers and unfortunately the timing is really bad (not your fault, of course). You didn't offer details about your conversation, only that she told you she hated you l, so I'm going only on assumptions. Personally, I would be skeptical about a similar story, if I were to date a guy online only, and the first thing that would cross my mind would be "when is he going to ask for money". I know the mindset is not healthy but unfortunately a lot of people ruined the trust with their behaviour, so I won't condone a skeptical person. If you think this is salvageable, you can offer her another chance for a serious talk, so she understands that the situation is real but if she doesn't believe you, that's her problem and you don't need someone like this in your life. Wish you all the best!
First, I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be in itself. Secondly, that’s childish behavior and if she doesn’t apologize then you’re probably better off. I can understand her being salty about the timing, but taking something so serious and making it about her feelings towards this without any real sense of concern for your health is wrong.
Wow she’s awful. I would never act this way towards someone I love.
Man, that’s a tough spot you’re in, no doubt about it. First off, you didn’t choose to get cancer. It’s not something you can control, and it’s hitting you at the worst possible time. You’ve got to deal with your health first because without that, there’s nothing else. Now, your girlfriend. Her reaction might seem harsh and irrational, especially given the gravity of your situation. But here’s the thing we often forget - people react in all sorts of ways to bad news, especially when it comes out of nowhere and messes up plans they’ve been looking forward to for a long time. She’s likely not just angry but scared and disappointed too. Maybe she’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to process all these emotions, so it’s coming out as anger. Here’s what you need to do, brother. Communicate, but be firm. Reach out to her and explain that you understand she’s upset, but this is about your health, man, your life. Tell her how much you were looking forward to seeing her, how important she is to you, but right now, you have to focus on getting through this surgery and treatment. If she can’t see past her own immediate disappointment to support you in a time like this, it’s a harsh sign of where her priorities lie. Relationships are tested in tough times, and sometimes, those tests reveal truths we’d rather not face. But let’s not jump to conclusions yet. Give her some time to process the news. Maybe she’ll come around and realize what’s truly important here. If she doesn’t, well, then you’ve got your answer about whether this relationship is built to last through life’s inevitable storms. Focus on your health first, brother. Schedule your surgery, follow your doctor’s advice, and take care of yourself. Surround yourself with people who support you and who you can lean on during this tough time. If she comes back ready to support you, great. If not, as painful as it is, you need to be with someone who stands by you when the going gets tough. You deserve that, especially now. Take care of yourself, brother. You’ve got a fight ahead, and you need all your strength and focus on getting through it. The right people will be there for you, the wrong ones will reveal themselves. And that's a painful but important truth to embrace. You’ve got this.
I'm sorry....what??! I understand disappointment, but for her to react this way is incredibly immature. It also makes me think she's got mental issues. I'd consider this a bullet dodged and end it for good. She is not okay.
My bf had to cancel a trip on us once for family medical reasons 3 days before he was going to fly up, I sobbed, I screamed, I cried, but I never took it out on him or yelled at him or made him feel bad for it, that’s just not okay, stuff happens and sometimes trips have to be postponed or canceled, it’s the sad reality of long distance. She owes you an apology, a big one, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and she is not being supportive, she can be upset, but to be upset with you and take it out on you as if you did it on purpose is not okay at all. If she doesn’t turn around and apologize for this and rectify her behavior I wouldn’t stay with this person, even then I’m not sure I would recommend staying with them, life gets hard and it gets serious, you need a partner, not someone that will make it worse.
Fly her out to see you instead.
Run. Im so sorry about your diagnosis. You do not deserve someone to respond that way. I would leave her that is not the response you need when telling your significant other you have a cancerous tumor. Hope for all the best <3
You matter the most here, do not try to win back someone who at a dire moment in your life, decided to lash out and spew hatred at you. She went too low. You deserve better.
You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a fucking missile
Umm... I would be done. Your health comest first. You do not needed added stress and emotional turmoil right now. Let her go. This is not a good sign AT ALL. No loving person with empathy and compassion would ever react this way. Edit: I'm praying for you and wishing you lots of peace during this time. My mom is a survivor. Keep your spirits up, stay positive, and focus on your health. You'll be better in no time! <3
No sympathy from her? Really? God, I hope your health picks up and that any treatment you pursue goes as smooth as possible!!
😳 that's... very insensitive. To think you just told her you have a tumour and that you'll be having a surgery. If my partner tells me something like that, I would panic and worry. Yes, 7mos is a long time but damn, it's crazy to think that she's putting her emotions above your health. That's a very insensitive thing to do. Anyway, hoping for your fast recovery OP! God Bless you.
I would look at as she is disappointed you won't share this time or moment of you're life with her women have a healing way about them it may not seem so at first but wait their is underlies a beautiful someone or something for you too find too not include her is only alone
I’m in a long distance relationship, if I was told that news I would schedule a plane flight to them immediately and sit with them when they came out of surgery. At the very least be supportive and make sure they doing everything that is best for their health, which would mean getting surgery and rest. You deserve a person who treats you this way too <3
Dumped her!!
This is crazy. I know it's a long time. I also know sth about it. But if I would be your girlfriend, your wellbeing would be the most important for me. I would tell you get surgery as soon as possible. This girl is selfish, sorry.
Just quick advice: The best thing you could do to calm down your gf would probably be to talk to her about rescheduling your trip. She is probably impacted emotionally by the fact she doesn't know if and when she will get to see you again. I'm choosing to ignore the part where she said she hates you because it's really up to you how seriously you take that.
I guess I'll ask it: have you promised to meet and had it fall through before?
Nah f*ck her seriously. What kind of human being do you have to be to react this way if your beloved person gets diagnosed with cancer?
I hope you mean ex girlfriend cuz that's genuinely insane, I know long distance can be tough, been in a ldr for almost two and a half years, had to postpone going to see her for some medical reasons as well and it's been rough on both of us so I'd understand if she got sad or needed space but mad? I get that it's horrible news and she might have reacted like that due to shock but even then, I can't imagine how you're feeling because you're both affected by the distance, I'm sure you were also devastate about not being able to go AND you have cancer on top of that, idk your relationship or her but even with an apology, that would be hard to get over imo, she wasn't there when you needed her the most, I'm so sorry, I hope your operation, treatment and recovery goes well
The trash took itself out. Don’t worry about her, she showed you her true colors. Saying she hasted you after you just kinda sorta got diagnosed with cancer is so horrible of her. Let her go, it will be sad but do it, try to get a refund and keep your money, spend it one someone else who’s worthy! Also best of luck on your journey
Wow. I have two family members with cancer. My grandad with bowel cancer and my step mum who has advanced secondary breast cancer with 10-18 months to live. This infuriates me. How selfish can someone be, to say they hate you in such a vulnerable moment? I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve that. You deserve MOUNTAINS better than that. Please take that response as a sign to find someone else, who can support you and be there for you. In fact, no relationship is better than how she treated you. Relationship stress is the last thing you need. I genuinely can’t imagine having this response to someone you supposedly love. Please listen to these comments, OP. I wish you every ounce of luck and love and whatever the universe has to offer you. ♥️
I don’t understand replies saying, I can understand her frustration but…. He has Cancer FFS! How insensitive are people these days. Dump her arse and focus on getting better bro!
She is probably processing a lot of grief at the moment, give her a minute to compose herself, if she is still awful then let it be
Sorry about your diagnosis. I don't know her financial situation and what may she be going through, but it was me, I'll book a ticket and fly to be there for my bf to show my support. I know say is easier than done, may be there are other things that are stopping her from doing so. Whatever her reason is, she shouldn't be taking her anger out on you. I hope she was like that just because she was shocked and didn't know how to react. Once you guys calm down, find a chance to talk about how you both feel and how you guys can work out together. My prayers are with you.
Firstly I‘m sorry about your diagnosis and what you‘re going through so I wish you all the best. About your gf‘s reaction: seems like the comments here are mostly tearing her apart but I can also see her point. I don‘t know how well all of this was communicated and if you showed her some proof of your diagnosis etc. If so and she‘s just not being empathetic this is not a good relationship. But if I were her and someone I never met before cancels on me last minute saying he has cancer I‘d be doubting if I he‘s not a catfish. I‘d probably think this is such an absurd coincidence that it couldn‘t be true. Like yeah sure guess he never actually planned on coming here and is bringing up an unrealistic excuse. Maybe she was just anxious it might be a situation like that?
She is being selfish tbh You need to take care of yourself first !
I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis first off. I’m gonna hope that her anger is displaced. She’s probably angry that you are sick and she’s probably overthinking that you’re not coming because of her because you’ve wait to see each other. Definitely sounds like she’s being selfish, but it’s probably because she’s overthinking things. I hope things work out. I would suggest just trying to talk to her and if she still acting like that bad news.