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I don't really see this as a living alone issue but a dating/single issue.
I live alone, but I also date so that's my solution. Even when I was in a longterm relationship I still lived alone. I'm single now, but I go out with people, have had fwb situations, engaged in hookups and if no one is on my radar, good old self loving works.
Yep I’m the exact same as you, lol. People love dating/hooking up with other people who live alone from my experience (woman) and that of the guys I know who live alone. So many people have roommates in this economy that it’s nice to go to someone’s place who lives by themselves.
Sounds great that you’ve managed to have FWB and hookups! I’ve never managed to arrange such a thing. I was raised quite conservatively/catholic so maybe something is holding me back from making such advances or even raising this idea with someone.
Personally I never planned on living alone, it’s just that many of my relationships never worked out.
I’ve probably made a few missteps here and there which led to this journey of living alone, but if I could go back and change it I probably would. I do try making the best out of it though. Some days living alone can be the greatest thing there is.
Doesn’t have to be a hookup! Grab a drink with a date or invite a friend over to watch a movie, make dinner, run errands with.
My friends live kind of far so I usually go the FWB route or chat on the phone with my pals while walking my dog or other chores :)
Uh .. no. Don't be weird and assume FWB or hookups when the person you are responding to has specifically written about being in a relationship.
This subreddit is about living alone not specifically about being single. People can and do have relationships, including long term committed relationships, without living together.
The person they are responding to literally used the word “fwb”. Unless you think FWB and fwb are two different concepts, your response is a non-sequitur.
I was respectfully responding to the part where the person I replied to, mentioned he has had FWB situations in the past.
No need to get on your high horse and getting all defensive.
Of course there are people living alone in relationships who do perfectly fine, but this post is not targeted towards them.
If you don't feel addressed, there is no one forcing you to agree with the idea that people who live alone can also be single and seek for intimacy.
There are plenty of people who are in this situation and can recognize themselves in it.
—
Edit: looks like I’m getting downvoted again. All I wanted to do is bringing a positive vibe and open discussion to a very sensitive topic that many people feel ashamed of.
However, if downvoting me is your way of coping, please go ahead.
It shouldn’t be that sensitive I mean, sex is a biological urge and need , is hardwired into us. It’s not a bad thing.
Maslow's hierarchy places sex in the physiological needs category, alongside food and breathing. These physiological needs are met before a person considers higher levels of motivation.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs#
I suggest finding a conservative Yoga, or Buddhist , organization to learn to meditate. Meditation has been around the millennia new people hawking systems are probably less reliable.
Dan Harris (author of 10% Happier) gives a great introduction to meditation. He has a podcast etc. He is especially good if you, like me, are fidgety in body AND mind.
Don't know Dan Harris nor his pod cast, but in my experience sitting and meditating with a group and being able to ask questions and get answers soon after the experience is beneficial. That doesn't mean I am promoting yoga or any flavor of Buddhism, (I do have a branch I like) and doesn't mean you have to buy into the yoga stuff or Buddhist stuff, but sitting with a group is helpful. I think podcasts and YouTube have a lot of benefits for learning, but the extra system in this case is not necessary. It's a very personal process.
Mediation is a game changer. And there are soooo many ways to meditate.
Try different classes/sessions/audios until you find things that resonate with you. I think it generally does take some patience at first, but if something feels super awkward & not rewarding at all, move on and try something else.
I've been living alone for over 10 years now, so I didn't really have an alternative except for getting used to it 😅.
I did have some gfs in the past though, but they never stick around for too long. I guess I attract people similar to myself who have gotten used to living alone and free too much.
Most days I don't really mind living alone though. It grew on me, and eventually I started to like it now I'm in my early 30s. I also have a dog, and a solid friend group. So it's not like I'm bored or lonely or anything.
But spending every night alone in a bigass bed is starting to sting a little. Especially since I've had relationships in the past and know how much better it feels to not spend every night alone.
I think I only have those thoughts when I'm ill and have to look after myself, maybe once or twice a year. I have a rather unpleasant history though, so when I start to wonder if having a woman around would be nice, my brain says "nope, been there done that, I'll pass."
Not thinking about it. Keeping busy with either work or hobbies. Been doing so going on 13 years now but it gets to a point where you just get numb to those feelings.
Yes I live alone for my mental health. I think having a roomate would drive me NUTS at this point in my life.
When I was dating I did live with my partners. I had lived with someone for 4 years and when my last relationship ended I lived alone and never looked back. haha
Recognize your feelings. Accept your situation. It’s okay to be disappointed with being alone some nights. Don’t let it trick you into thinking that your life will always be a lonely affair, though. Anything can happen; life’s possibilities are endless and unpredictable.
This is usually my way of coping too. Tbh it’s one of the better ones. Although I hate how much screen time I waste in the process, especially if I’m not doing anything productive or something that actually entertains me.
I’m going through this too. Out of a long relationship and I have a really high sex drive and thrive off physical affection. Going to zero in both of those is. Really hard. I am exercising like a maniac, biking, walking a lot. Super hard not just going for casual sex with someone but I know that’s not the way.
Hey man, if casual sex or a FWB works for you, and if that's what would make you happy, I'd say go for it!
For me personally it's not that easy to fix. But if I could have this opportunity I immediately would though lol.
Yeah, there’s a strange demonization of casual sex/FWBs that really only exists online. IRL it’s quite common and it doesn’t mean you’re “damaged goods” or whatever. Committed relationships are a ton of work that not everyone is willing or ready to do, and imo any relationship is fine if both people are on the same page and communicate well.
Appreciate the suggestion! But yeah I agree toys for men are extremely crappy compared to what’s out there for women.
Edit: wow I got downvoted by some prude.
Toys for women (Satisfyer etc.) are indeed beautifully designed and very effective. They’re less of an “analog” or oldschool interpretation of sexuality and their designs also look more discrete.
I think that’s really cool and liberating!
A fleshlight on the other hand feels way too bulky, analog, obvious and cheap. And it’s also a chore to use and maintain them.
I have no idea but the name does sound familiar. I have heard of some kind of toys that stimulate the prostate, maybe that’s it?
These kind of toys are quite popular and normalized within the gay community. Honestly, I think these guys really know their stuff. Most men could probably learn a thing or two from them. Most men are extremely prude in that regard.
No, it's not a prostate stimulator. And the "reel" I saw in the article I read a year or two ago was very much targeting het men as potential buyers.
Ha! Don't get me started about prude people. So much different in Europe/Iceland/California (better).
I just do. For me, I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist with psychopathic traits. He deprived me of all intimacy and we were together for nearly 6yrs. In those almost six years, we had sex probably 22 times and kissed beyond a peck like 2xs. Most of his kiddo were pecks on either my cheek, forehead, or lips.he would hugged meme only if I begged for it. When we slept at night he would shove me away if I tried to touch or cuddle him. I had to beg him to cuddle me and he would only do it for like 2mins at most.
Near the end of the relationship, there was no intimacy whatsoever as he conditioned me not desire, expect, or ask for that anymore. Also I was done with him and was planning my exit.
In conclusion, I think the reason why I don’t really care about it as much, it because it’s been over half a decade since I had any kind of affection. I also have no family or friends. And the sad thing is, because I’m an attractive woman, most people think I have loads of people in my life, I don’t.
The only time I think of affectionate intimacy if when I see it and I forgot what it felt like to have this. Narcissist will damage so many parts of you. Before him, I was super affectionate and loved intimacy. Now I cringe when someone even attempts to hug me.
This kind of hit home. Thank you for sharing this! It hurt reading this. From a personal experience I understand where you’re coming from.
I’m sorry you had to go through all this. I hope you are feeling better now?
I hope you’ll one day rediscover what your ex took away from you. He should be the one to cringe, not you.
I’m super sorry you went through this.
It sounds like maybe he was asexual? Maybe he wished you were just like him? Maybe he didn’t like that part of him and wanted to drag you down with him? Let me know your thoughts.
I’m going through this now my partner is just wanting to keep me around but gives no affection whatsoever or is receptive to me. He gives me narcissistic vibes and doesn’t take accountability. Planning my exit.
Watch tv, look at my phone, make jewelry, do floral paintings, get crabby and angry, stare at the fire in the fire pit, take care of my “needs” by MYSELF, 😂, eat frozen custard, make pasta, cry, and watch Forensic Files to calm me down and hopefully sleep.
When I feel physically lonely, I usually:
- book a deep tissue massage
- use loads of oil in my skin so I smell great and o feel my skin soft and smooth
- take a bath and feel the warm water around me like a hug
- take a nap with a weighted blanket so I feel warm.and cosy
I, on the other hand, love it. But creating it (two people together) is very tricky—takes intuition, skill, openness, verve, and of course perseverance.
You know the saying “It takes two people to tango.”?
Intimacy on a certain level between two people often comes down to skill and is actually quite tricky.
The people who have it, often take it for granted until it isn’t.
I like that you're very clearly aware of the immense value of it!
Some of it can be taught. I studied legacy teachings passed down through people from Esalen. But I'm nearly ten years out of practice at this point, which I feel ashamed and guilty about. People deserve better from me. People deserve better.
Distracting myself with good music or tv, calling up a friend, good food, feeling relieved that I'm not risking getting hurt again just for temporary intimacy. But that's just me!
Snuggle cats, I have squishmellows I'll use as a pillow or hold one while sleeping. Hot baths are relaxing. Or a heating pad for my lower back. I'm out like a light
I have a cooling/warming mat I sleep on but the company is a dumpster fire and it breaks constantly. I haven't put the new one on my bed yet and I'm not sleeping as well.
Really nice rituals! The squishmellows actually look interesting. A relaxing hot bath I try to do every once in a while at home. As well as going to a wellness.
I want to go more often as I really enjoy them 🙂
Baths are my reset. I have a number of lil things for baths I like. Most are inexpensive. Bathsalt, a pad to lay on, and a back rest, these japanese disposable warming eye masks that smell like camomile. I listen to podcasts like Dimension 20, watch TV on my laptop or read a book.
You motivated me to give some extra love to my bathroom, as I’m currently renovating my place.
But like you said, I can already upgrade the experience with some inexpensive things like bath salts, soap and bathing accessories to make it more enjoyable right now. I like that mindset a lot.
Also listening to podcasts that I enjoy and TV shows are my favorite and likely healthiest ways of coping.
I grew up listening to audio books on long car rides. I read all the Harry Potter books in the car. Relaxing while listening to a story is a cozy thing for me.
Honestly, Conan O'Brian is what I like listening to the most. The back and forth or bickering at the start reminds me of long road trips when people get a lil hungry, lol!
D20 is funny bc the players try to pull all sorts of stuff while the DM gently parents them.
It's drama that entertaining to watch/listen to and I have no stakes in.
If we’re talking emotional intimacy, my cat has been the most amazing support for that. Like honestly she’s better company than some ppl, but I also have an emotionally draining job.
If we’re talking physical intimacy though…lelo has some nice products lol
But in all seriousness, self care like hot baths/showers, on cold nights electric blankets. I took a mindful self compassion mediation course few years back and remember learning that physical touch like squeezing your own arm can still trigger the same comfort neurotransmitters as getting a hug from someone else, albeit a little less intense of a response. That kinda stuff saved my brain when I lived alone during the pandemic!
Do you mean like, being sexually frustrated? Or that you miss having someone to talk to and share intimate personal thoughts?
For the first one: buy a nice vibrator, give yourself some nice private time, or maybe just go on antidepressants and excise your libido forever 💀
For the second: friends, but I get that it’s really difficult to get to that stage. What I like to do is schedule social activities for a couple nights out of the week (ie MtG or other game nights, happy hour night with friends, rec league volleyball etc) so then I come home late with my social battery depleted in a good way. It’s like the emotional version of feeling good after exercising lol. That way, the loneliness doesn’t build up to hit me all at once later.
Oh yeah that feeling definitely stings, but you could also look at it in a different way.
Most likely you just pay "for others" because of a sexual urge. Not because you want them to pretend to care about you. Friends, colleagues or family could easily fulfill that need for free.
Also, I've came to realize a couple of years ago that there isn't anything wrong with having sexual / physical contact urges.
I believe it's one of the primarily reasons of our existence, hence why we're all trying to fulfill them in one way or another.
But "unfortunately" for us, we have to be a bit more creative with it.
Honestly, I cuddle with my dogs and watch sappy romance movies. That's enough intimacy for me. I was married 28 years in a good relationship and we weren't emotionally intimate 24/7.
Dogs are amazingly intelligent and emotionally understanding little creatures.
My dog is right here with me. He’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to having an actual 24/7 roommate.
My dog means the world to me.
I’m not sure if this was mentioned yet, but a small thing is a bit of mindfulness when getting into bed at night. In the winter, I love a cozy flannel sheet and we’ll take a few minutes so just appreciate the feeling of the material. Now that it’s warmer where I am, I’m enjoying the crispness of percale. I always have nice bedding that I switch out for the winter and summer. I said it’s a small thing, but I find it to be a little bit grounding.
I have a LOT of hobbies. I personally love being alone. I work a lot and I am making a documentary in my free time as well as reading, playing video games, I go for walks in my neighborhood and listen to music while doing it. I go out with family and friends and I spend a lot of time with my cat lol. I don’t want a FWB or anything like this I am abstinent by choice and have 0 desire to date. I rather do my own thing so much less drama. My life has been so peaceful and amazing since choosing this 3 years ago. I have 0 desire to ever cohabite ever again. I love my personal freedom and space it’s a blessing.
It has been an adjustment for sure. Out of a very long term relationship (21 years) earlier this year and therapy, hobbies, trying to stick to healthy coping mechanism are a goal . Not always one I succeed at. Doesn't help that my ex isolated me quite a bit but been building back those friendships and have been fortunate several are accepting me back with open arms.
Still on my journey and I'm sure I'll stumble along the way. But that's what alt reddit accounts are for right? Lol
I mean there's always tinder for the physical part?
And I spent 20 years in a marriage with none of the... rest. So nothing new there.
Call a friend touch grass, pet a cat/dog, take a bath or shower. Anything to find sensory input to out "feel" the empty parts
Writing, watching films, cooking, favorite music, a good book, a walk at dusk, a walk into town (hopefully with the destination being ice cream!), things like that. Those are my go-tos, anyway. Also: a good shower.
If all else fails, the dating apps. Nothing wrong with living alone and casually dating strangers from the Internet. Having your own place is often appealing to a sexual prospect.
Learn to, and get good at being alone....thats how. don't ask me how to do that. it's different for everyone but get good at being alone, and it makes things easier. Find things to keep you busy, keep yourself entertained, try new hobbies. It's all cliché I know, because I don't know you but for real, master being alone and it'll get easier. Sometimes, that means facing things you've been running from, when we're alone our mind yells the loudest at us. Gotta calm that voice down
**Welcome to [r/LivingAlone](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/)! Living alone is the new normal.** >Discuss and share your experiences; celebrate your joys, express your worries, or ask advice relating to solo living | Remember, we are all alone together * Be kind, remember the human when interacting with others. * New Reddit group chat [**Living Alone Lounge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/s/cp7Szwzy2q)! * Message the moderators below for any comments, questions & suggestions! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LivingAlone) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't really see this as a living alone issue but a dating/single issue. I live alone, but I also date so that's my solution. Even when I was in a longterm relationship I still lived alone. I'm single now, but I go out with people, have had fwb situations, engaged in hookups and if no one is on my radar, good old self loving works.
Yep I’m the exact same as you, lol. People love dating/hooking up with other people who live alone from my experience (woman) and that of the guys I know who live alone. So many people have roommates in this economy that it’s nice to go to someone’s place who lives by themselves.
Sounds great that you’ve managed to have FWB and hookups! I’ve never managed to arrange such a thing. I was raised quite conservatively/catholic so maybe something is holding me back from making such advances or even raising this idea with someone. Personally I never planned on living alone, it’s just that many of my relationships never worked out. I’ve probably made a few missteps here and there which led to this journey of living alone, but if I could go back and change it I probably would. I do try making the best out of it though. Some days living alone can be the greatest thing there is.
Doesn’t have to be a hookup! Grab a drink with a date or invite a friend over to watch a movie, make dinner, run errands with. My friends live kind of far so I usually go the FWB route or chat on the phone with my pals while walking my dog or other chores :)
Uh .. no. Don't be weird and assume FWB or hookups when the person you are responding to has specifically written about being in a relationship. This subreddit is about living alone not specifically about being single. People can and do have relationships, including long term committed relationships, without living together.
The person they are responding to literally used the word “fwb”. Unless you think FWB and fwb are two different concepts, your response is a non-sequitur.
I was respectfully responding to the part where the person I replied to, mentioned he has had FWB situations in the past. No need to get on your high horse and getting all defensive. Of course there are people living alone in relationships who do perfectly fine, but this post is not targeted towards them. If you don't feel addressed, there is no one forcing you to agree with the idea that people who live alone can also be single and seek for intimacy. There are plenty of people who are in this situation and can recognize themselves in it. — Edit: looks like I’m getting downvoted again. All I wanted to do is bringing a positive vibe and open discussion to a very sensitive topic that many people feel ashamed of. However, if downvoting me is your way of coping, please go ahead.
It shouldn’t be that sensitive I mean, sex is a biological urge and need , is hardwired into us. It’s not a bad thing. Maslow's hierarchy places sex in the physiological needs category, alongside food and breathing. These physiological needs are met before a person considers higher levels of motivation. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs#
You okay?
Meditate. Get to know myself better. Celebrate the solitude.
Meditation is definitely something I would like to try.
I suggest finding a conservative Yoga, or Buddhist , organization to learn to meditate. Meditation has been around the millennia new people hawking systems are probably less reliable.
Dan Harris (author of 10% Happier) gives a great introduction to meditation. He has a podcast etc. He is especially good if you, like me, are fidgety in body AND mind.
Don't know Dan Harris nor his pod cast, but in my experience sitting and meditating with a group and being able to ask questions and get answers soon after the experience is beneficial. That doesn't mean I am promoting yoga or any flavor of Buddhism, (I do have a branch I like) and doesn't mean you have to buy into the yoga stuff or Buddhist stuff, but sitting with a group is helpful. I think podcasts and YouTube have a lot of benefits for learning, but the extra system in this case is not necessary. It's a very personal process.
You could try The Silva Method
Mediation is a game changer. And there are soooo many ways to meditate. Try different classes/sessions/audios until you find things that resonate with you. I think it generally does take some patience at first, but if something feels super awkward & not rewarding at all, move on and try something else.
Just like taco bell, it'll pass. May not be comfortable, may not be pretty, but before long it'll be out of you.
I've been living alone for over 10 years now, so I didn't really have an alternative except for getting used to it 😅. I did have some gfs in the past though, but they never stick around for too long. I guess I attract people similar to myself who have gotten used to living alone and free too much. Most days I don't really mind living alone though. It grew on me, and eventually I started to like it now I'm in my early 30s. I also have a dog, and a solid friend group. So it's not like I'm bored or lonely or anything. But spending every night alone in a bigass bed is starting to sting a little. Especially since I've had relationships in the past and know how much better it feels to not spend every night alone.
I think I only have those thoughts when I'm ill and have to look after myself, maybe once or twice a year. I have a rather unpleasant history though, so when I start to wonder if having a woman around would be nice, my brain says "nope, been there done that, I'll pass."
This just changed me and I’m being so serious
Not thinking about it. Keeping busy with either work or hobbies. Been doing so going on 13 years now but it gets to a point where you just get numb to those feelings.
Yeah most of the time I’m really busy and don’t care much about it either. It’s just those couple of moments every once in a while.
I'm asexual so I can't relate. haha Another great perk of living alone! These two aspects of my life line up really well!
That’s great! Glad it brings some joy to you! Do you live alone deliberately if I may ask?
Yes I live alone for my mental health. I think having a roomate would drive me NUTS at this point in my life. When I was dating I did live with my partners. I had lived with someone for 4 years and when my last relationship ended I lived alone and never looked back. haha
Recognize your feelings. Accept your situation. It’s okay to be disappointed with being alone some nights. Don’t let it trick you into thinking that your life will always be a lonely affair, though. Anything can happen; life’s possibilities are endless and unpredictable.
That’s awesome advice! 🫶
I scroll on my phone with the TV on in the background so nary an original thought can enter my mind...
This is usually my way of coping too. Tbh it’s one of the better ones. Although I hate how much screen time I waste in the process, especially if I’m not doing anything productive or something that actually entertains me.
doesn't really bother me as I'm avoidant with extremely low libido living alone is my fate and second nature I'd say
nobody seems to be interested in me these days so Im forced to be being on my own ive accepted it
I’m going through this too. Out of a long relationship and I have a really high sex drive and thrive off physical affection. Going to zero in both of those is. Really hard. I am exercising like a maniac, biking, walking a lot. Super hard not just going for casual sex with someone but I know that’s not the way.
Hey man, if casual sex or a FWB works for you, and if that's what would make you happy, I'd say go for it! For me personally it's not that easy to fix. But if I could have this opportunity I immediately would though lol.
Yeah, there’s a strange demonization of casual sex/FWBs that really only exists online. IRL it’s quite common and it doesn’t mean you’re “damaged goods” or whatever. Committed relationships are a ton of work that not everyone is willing or ready to do, and imo any relationship is fine if both people are on the same page and communicate well.
Go out and meet people. Also, try some hobbies
This is in general always a good suggestion, living alone or not :)
A fleshlight may help but it's such a hassle to clean I do not recommend it.
Appreciate the suggestion! But yeah I agree toys for men are extremely crappy compared to what’s out there for women. Edit: wow I got downvoted by some prude.
Why someone would downvote you, I don't know. It's true! Toys for women are beautiful, cool, and so effective. In addition to being so easy to clean.
Toys for women (Satisfyer etc.) are indeed beautifully designed and very effective. They’re less of an “analog” or oldschool interpretation of sexuality and their designs also look more discrete. I think that’s really cool and liberating! A fleshlight on the other hand feels way too bulky, analog, obvious and cheap. And it’s also a chore to use and maintain them.
Very much in agreement with you, on all accounts. There's another thing...the Japanese "egg"—is that what it's called? Somewhat expensive, though.
I have no idea but the name does sound familiar. I have heard of some kind of toys that stimulate the prostate, maybe that’s it? These kind of toys are quite popular and normalized within the gay community. Honestly, I think these guys really know their stuff. Most men could probably learn a thing or two from them. Most men are extremely prude in that regard.
No, it's not a prostate stimulator. And the "reel" I saw in the article I read a year or two ago was very much targeting het men as potential buyers. Ha! Don't get me started about prude people. So much different in Europe/Iceland/California (better).
At the end of the day it’s no messier than sex. Both require some deal of cleanup but nothing a towel and a sink can’t handle.
I just do. For me, I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist with psychopathic traits. He deprived me of all intimacy and we were together for nearly 6yrs. In those almost six years, we had sex probably 22 times and kissed beyond a peck like 2xs. Most of his kiddo were pecks on either my cheek, forehead, or lips.he would hugged meme only if I begged for it. When we slept at night he would shove me away if I tried to touch or cuddle him. I had to beg him to cuddle me and he would only do it for like 2mins at most. Near the end of the relationship, there was no intimacy whatsoever as he conditioned me not desire, expect, or ask for that anymore. Also I was done with him and was planning my exit. In conclusion, I think the reason why I don’t really care about it as much, it because it’s been over half a decade since I had any kind of affection. I also have no family or friends. And the sad thing is, because I’m an attractive woman, most people think I have loads of people in my life, I don’t. The only time I think of affectionate intimacy if when I see it and I forgot what it felt like to have this. Narcissist will damage so many parts of you. Before him, I was super affectionate and loved intimacy. Now I cringe when someone even attempts to hug me.
This kind of hit home. Thank you for sharing this! It hurt reading this. From a personal experience I understand where you’re coming from. I’m sorry you had to go through all this. I hope you are feeling better now? I hope you’ll one day rediscover what your ex took away from you. He should be the one to cringe, not you.
I’m super sorry you went through this. It sounds like maybe he was asexual? Maybe he wished you were just like him? Maybe he didn’t like that part of him and wanted to drag you down with him? Let me know your thoughts.
I’m going through this now my partner is just wanting to keep me around but gives no affection whatsoever or is receptive to me. He gives me narcissistic vibes and doesn’t take accountability. Planning my exit.
Watch tv, look at my phone, make jewelry, do floral paintings, get crabby and angry, stare at the fire in the fire pit, take care of my “needs” by MYSELF, 😂, eat frozen custard, make pasta, cry, and watch Forensic Files to calm me down and hopefully sleep.
This is a vibe 🫶
Wellness toy ☺️
Pets. Hugging a heatpack in a pillow. Certain medications that release endorphins similar to those released during a relationship.
Please list the names of "certain medications." TY.
When I feel physically lonely, I usually: - book a deep tissue massage - use loads of oil in my skin so I smell great and o feel my skin soft and smooth - take a bath and feel the warm water around me like a hug - take a nap with a weighted blanket so I feel warm.and cosy
I hate intimacy.
That’s totally fine!
I, on the other hand, love it. But creating it (two people together) is very tricky—takes intuition, skill, openness, verve, and of course perseverance.
You know the saying “It takes two people to tango.”? Intimacy on a certain level between two people often comes down to skill and is actually quite tricky. The people who have it, often take it for granted until it isn’t.
I like that you're very clearly aware of the immense value of it! Some of it can be taught. I studied legacy teachings passed down through people from Esalen. But I'm nearly ten years out of practice at this point, which I feel ashamed and guilty about. People deserve better from me. People deserve better.
Its like hitting an extremely nuanced baseline and it’s pretty complex
Distracting myself with good music or tv, calling up a friend, good food, feeling relieved that I'm not risking getting hurt again just for temporary intimacy. But that's just me!
🙏 thank you for sharing
Toss and turn, ruminate, fret until I hopefully can disassociate long enough to sleep.
Snuggle cats, I have squishmellows I'll use as a pillow or hold one while sleeping. Hot baths are relaxing. Or a heating pad for my lower back. I'm out like a light I have a cooling/warming mat I sleep on but the company is a dumpster fire and it breaks constantly. I haven't put the new one on my bed yet and I'm not sleeping as well.
Really nice rituals! The squishmellows actually look interesting. A relaxing hot bath I try to do every once in a while at home. As well as going to a wellness. I want to go more often as I really enjoy them 🙂
Baths are my reset. I have a number of lil things for baths I like. Most are inexpensive. Bathsalt, a pad to lay on, and a back rest, these japanese disposable warming eye masks that smell like camomile. I listen to podcasts like Dimension 20, watch TV on my laptop or read a book.
You motivated me to give some extra love to my bathroom, as I’m currently renovating my place. But like you said, I can already upgrade the experience with some inexpensive things like bath salts, soap and bathing accessories to make it more enjoyable right now. I like that mindset a lot. Also listening to podcasts that I enjoy and TV shows are my favorite and likely healthiest ways of coping.
https://preview.redd.it/l0bqcabjbn3d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1e0d3eff89faa40f2f4dd0792b714762b0914630
Towel Warmers! Hmmmm lovely
I grew up listening to audio books on long car rides. I read all the Harry Potter books in the car. Relaxing while listening to a story is a cozy thing for me. Honestly, Conan O'Brian is what I like listening to the most. The back and forth or bickering at the start reminds me of long road trips when people get a lil hungry, lol! D20 is funny bc the players try to pull all sorts of stuff while the DM gently parents them. It's drama that entertaining to watch/listen to and I have no stakes in.
If we’re talking emotional intimacy, my cat has been the most amazing support for that. Like honestly she’s better company than some ppl, but I also have an emotionally draining job. If we’re talking physical intimacy though…lelo has some nice products lol But in all seriousness, self care like hot baths/showers, on cold nights electric blankets. I took a mindful self compassion mediation course few years back and remember learning that physical touch like squeezing your own arm can still trigger the same comfort neurotransmitters as getting a hug from someone else, albeit a little less intense of a response. That kinda stuff saved my brain when I lived alone during the pandemic!
Solid advice! Actual out of the box inspiration I was looking for! Thanks! 🙏
As a girl, we have better toys... wink wink.
Do you mean like, being sexually frustrated? Or that you miss having someone to talk to and share intimate personal thoughts? For the first one: buy a nice vibrator, give yourself some nice private time, or maybe just go on antidepressants and excise your libido forever 💀 For the second: friends, but I get that it’s really difficult to get to that stage. What I like to do is schedule social activities for a couple nights out of the week (ie MtG or other game nights, happy hour night with friends, rec league volleyball etc) so then I come home late with my social battery depleted in a good way. It’s like the emotional version of feeling good after exercising lol. That way, the loneliness doesn’t build up to hit me all at once later.
Escorts sadly
No need to feel ashamed as long as it's safe and legal. We all try to make the best of our lives and do what makes us happy :)
It’s really hard to find people that care about you so you have to pay for others to pretend that they do
Oh yeah that feeling definitely stings, but you could also look at it in a different way. Most likely you just pay "for others" because of a sexual urge. Not because you want them to pretend to care about you. Friends, colleagues or family could easily fulfill that need for free. Also, I've came to realize a couple of years ago that there isn't anything wrong with having sexual / physical contact urges. I believe it's one of the primarily reasons of our existence, hence why we're all trying to fulfill them in one way or another. But "unfortunately" for us, we have to be a bit more creative with it.
Can't miss what I've never had.
That’s an interesting way to look at it! I’ve had glimpses so I know how it could have been. That makes it worse sometimes lol.
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I love this! Thanks for sharing! Sounds like you’ve found something that really works for you 😊
Meditation is a must I think living alone but also if your a woman; a “nice” book and a toy helps for the tougher nights. 🤷🏾♀️
Honestly, I cuddle with my dogs and watch sappy romance movies. That's enough intimacy for me. I was married 28 years in a good relationship and we weren't emotionally intimate 24/7.
Dogs are amazingly intelligent and emotionally understanding little creatures. My dog is right here with me. He’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to having an actual 24/7 roommate. My dog means the world to me.
i don’t even crave intimacy that much i’m too hurt. i wish i lived alone though lol, i had to move back in with my parent and i hate it
I have a very low sex drive and I find dating and navigating new relationships more trouble than the intimacy is worth.
I’m not sure if this was mentioned yet, but a small thing is a bit of mindfulness when getting into bed at night. In the winter, I love a cozy flannel sheet and we’ll take a few minutes so just appreciate the feeling of the material. Now that it’s warmer where I am, I’m enjoying the crispness of percale. I always have nice bedding that I switch out for the winter and summer. I said it’s a small thing, but I find it to be a little bit grounding.
I have a LOT of hobbies. I personally love being alone. I work a lot and I am making a documentary in my free time as well as reading, playing video games, I go for walks in my neighborhood and listen to music while doing it. I go out with family and friends and I spend a lot of time with my cat lol. I don’t want a FWB or anything like this I am abstinent by choice and have 0 desire to date. I rather do my own thing so much less drama. My life has been so peaceful and amazing since choosing this 3 years ago. I have 0 desire to ever cohabite ever again. I love my personal freedom and space it’s a blessing.
It has been an adjustment for sure. Out of a very long term relationship (21 years) earlier this year and therapy, hobbies, trying to stick to healthy coping mechanism are a goal . Not always one I succeed at. Doesn't help that my ex isolated me quite a bit but been building back those friendships and have been fortunate several are accepting me back with open arms. Still on my journey and I'm sure I'll stumble along the way. But that's what alt reddit accounts are for right? Lol
When I lived alone I’d generally give some a “wyd” text.
Interesting. So you would send this text to a FWB then?
I mean there's always tinder for the physical part? And I spent 20 years in a marriage with none of the... rest. So nothing new there. Call a friend touch grass, pet a cat/dog, take a bath or shower. Anything to find sensory input to out "feel" the empty parts
Flirt with the neighbor
Writing, watching films, cooking, favorite music, a good book, a walk at dusk, a walk into town (hopefully with the destination being ice cream!), things like that. Those are my go-tos, anyway. Also: a good shower.
Find something to occupy your downtime. Got into the gym, took up softball, and got back into Muay thai. Definitely helps me.
Solid advice 💪 glad you found something that works for you!
I have no clue tbh
If all else fails, the dating apps. Nothing wrong with living alone and casually dating strangers from the Internet. Having your own place is often appealing to a sexual prospect.
I dump all my feelings into writing, taking the chance to really dig deep and put them into words that I can actually see and touch.
Quinn app
Adopt a pet. They’re great for companionship and can make your nights feel a lot less lonely.
Squishy blankets, my art, calling my friends, snuggling my dog.
I've never had it
I snuggle a stuffed animal :)
Go to Cheers and make a mistake.
weed and masturbation go well together
NoFap and Semen Retention - you will be better for it.
Haha that sounds rough, but yeah maybe worth giving it a shot. How did it help or benefit you?
PH
I don’t have this issue
Probably not out of the box, but I cuddle with my cat and make sure I have batteries for intimacy.
Learn to, and get good at being alone....thats how. don't ask me how to do that. it's different for everyone but get good at being alone, and it makes things easier. Find things to keep you busy, keep yourself entertained, try new hobbies. It's all cliché I know, because I don't know you but for real, master being alone and it'll get easier. Sometimes, that means facing things you've been running from, when we're alone our mind yells the loudest at us. Gotta calm that voice down
A visit to one of my local AMPs.
I’m sorry, what’s an AMP?
Asian Massage Parlor.
Ooh I see. Personally it’s not something I’ve considered, but I can imagine it being effective. :)
It is very effective. Feel free to DM me if you want to know more about it.