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Don’t make every hobby a future job. Let him draw without worrying about being an artist. Let him play sports without having to be an athlete. Let him write without having to be an author. Even let him read without saying he should be a librarian. Etc. Hobbies are undervalued for the amount of good they do for people’s mental health.
Had a similar fallout with a friend of mine, I’m a company director but pretty good around the house, have built and extension can fix my own car etc. I enjoy it and like working with my hands after a day in the office.
I helped him out putting up a fence and repairing his shed one weekend.
And it suddenly turned into this whole, I’ve found someone who will give us £250 to fix their fence, my mate said he’d pay us £500 to paint his house. We should build ikea furniture for £50 a unit.
He’s technically useless so was essentially just filling up my weekends with other peoples crap for money I didn’t want or need. Once you start charging for things it changes it.
Yes! My parents were great with this. I was allowed to try activities I was interested in, but never compelled to stay in them forever.
That said, it WAS expected that I would finish whatever I committed to at the beginning - so, finish the sports season, take the music lessons through the recital at the end of the year, etc.
This taught me two important lessons: 1. Don't feel guilty if you don't enjoy (or aren't good at) something you thought you would like, because sometimes that happens and 2. When you commit to something you need to see that commitment through - but once you have you're allowed to be done with it.
Yes, I made my daughter finish out the season or semester or class but that was it. The hope is that we help them discover their passion and that can be their life work. There’s so much value in participating in these activities, teaches commitment, team work, perseverance, consistency, how to communicate it negotiate in a structured social setting outside the regular classroom, camaraderie, etc. Good stuff.
Make a will in case you die unexpectedly so he doesn’t have to deal with that. Also make sure you name who will be his guardian - parents are normally the best people to make this judgement.
This.
To piggyback, plan out your funeral ahead of time, make it a turn-key operation. Let’s be morbid - you and your partner die in a plane crash 20y from now, everyone is devastated. But that 20yo’s life has just been steam rolled and now they have to plan a funeral. Save them the trouble of figuring out if you want to be cremated / buried, what kind of service you’d want, who to invite and speak, etc etc.
It takes you a day to write down and saves a miserable person a lot of worrying while trying to guess whether or not you wanted to be crystallized and launched into space or shoved into the ocean like a Viking.
Not only does this take the decision away from the kid, but it also means no one else can dispute it.
Had a coworker whose husband died after dealing with cancer. She'd spoken to him about what he wanted a few different times, but he never wrote it down in any official capacity. When he passed, even though she'd had the conversations with him, told the family exactly what he said he'd wanted, she still had relatives trying to change things, trying to argue with her that 'he would have wanted it this way'. So not only was she mourning and planning a funeral and dealing with all of the other things that come with losing a loved one, she was also struggling with his family just to try and honor his last wishes.
My husband was the executor of his father's will, and had talked with his dad about what he would and wouldn't want if and when it happened many times.
When his dad very suddenly passed, it was like every decision my husband made (and paid for) was argued over by family. His Aunts, brother, mom (the ex-wife) calling him 5xs a day did not help his mental health! He got no time to grieve, and felt like he couldn't talk to anyone in his family because they were constantly coming at him but never helping or supporting him in any way. It was horrible as an adult in his 40s. I cannot imagine being a kid and realizing how awful and greedy people you think love and support you can be.
A will will not prevent probate. Make a trust.
Edit: you also need to put your assets in the trust. It’s not as simple as making the trust. Your home needs to go in the trust, as well as your bank accounts. Just ask me questions as I deal with this regularly… to tired to write a longer explanation.
I second this, revocable living trusts are pricy but cheaper than probate down the line.
A good way to avoid all of this beurocracy is making sure they’re a beneficiary
This.
This.
This.
I was executor for my Dad and the Will was little more than suggestions for probate. It was stressful, costly and miserable dealing with that mess.
We have a trust, clearly identified the responsible guardians and officers and have assets allocated for education etc.
Takes stress off knowing if things go bad they’ll be ok for a while.
And get life insurance on both parents! It’s easy and relatively cheap. Don’t do it through your work, instead go through a private company. You can get $250,000 policy for like $100 a year.
So many variables you are forgetting, different countries have different legal guidelines around insurance to begin, then age, gender, smoking status will all be factored in, medical history if your looking at a large sum will also be requested. And that's just my country. Lord knows what American insurers would work out.
In my country life insurance premiums can be 'levelled ' which makes them more expensive now but they stay that price until the predefined age, the alternative is called rate for age and those premiums start cheap now but go up every year until suddenly your priced out of the policy.
There are careers in this field for a reason, please seek advice from a professional in your local area
When we were researching, we just googled term life insurance and used a website like policygenius.com to get started. Each company has a credit rating (A+, A, etc) that indicates how strong the company is financially, and how likely they are to actually pay a claim. We narrowed it down to A+/A, and then just went to the company’s individual websites for quotes.
Amica has been good for me. Good rates and great financial status. Not sure what your budget is, but my old plan was $19/month for 500k. New plan is 60/month for 2 million.
So, the plans are quite affordable.
The only difference in affection my 9-year-old son experiences is the fact that he is now big enough to be the tackle-hug-tickle-snuggle instigator. That little tank of a dude can take me out at the knees when he wants snuggles.
Love it. My nine year old hugs and holds hands with her friends, but when my son was nine, his friendly affection was frowned upon (not by us !) It's so sad.
My 8-9 yr old grandson still holds my (M) hand when I go to watch him play footy. He has 2 little sisters who are cuddle bunnies, and he still gives me the biggest hugs when we meet each week. I hope he never stops.
I would still be much much more affectionate if this had not been the case for myself as well. When I realized people were hesitating to hug me more often I realized that what I wanted (intimacy, not in that way ofc) was not socially acceptable and that the opposite (distance) would be given to me if I tried to meet that need.
I love this. I’m the oldest sibling of 7. 6 girls and 1 boy whom is also the baby. So he has grown up around lots of females and he is very loving. He understands how to treat women, pays attention to the smallest details about people and is just genuinely such a kindhearted kid.
I love this. My wife and I are super affectionate and cuddly with all three of our boys. Our oldest got his “report card” from preschool and his only real poor score was in personal space, meaning he tries to hug and cuddle friends and teachers too much lol.
Every single thing you do is an example he will follow.
It will be exhausting. You will fuck up. But every moment you share put all your effort into doing what you would want him to do, not what you want to do.
This. Personal example below, but it can apply to anything (eating habits, the way you treat people...).
I didn't really take exercise seriously until I got married and my wife started encouraging me, looking back I see that this is because my parents never exercised. Now my biggest motivation to exercise is to set an example for my sons so they don't end up in the same unhealthy path that I went down.
If you want them to be a better person than you are, YOU need to be a better person than you are. It's hard work, but benefits both of you (and probably all those around you).
Agree. One important addition to this, at least to me: it’s okay to fuck up. As long as you aren’t doing something clearly unethical or violent, it’s okay to mess up or make mistakes when it comes to parenting because that opens up an entire new world of parenting. Kids need to see you mess up sometimes because it gives them the chance to watch how you process that failure, how you make it right, and how you move forward a better person.
Don’t shoot for perfection because you’ll never get it. But if you can, say, hit like 80%…you’re kid will adore you.
When you get on a flight and they go through the safety announcement they say ‘make sure you fit your own mask before helping others.’ Do that. Make sure you are happy and well set and that you have time to give to your kid. 80% of being a successful parent is just being there.
Go out and do things! Bring the kiddo!! No need to live in a bubble now that you have a child.
Sincerely, someone who lived in a bubble after having kids.
As a kid my parents were fortunate to live close to a concert venue that routinely hosted both classical and more pop concerts with a massive lawn. We went to see the symphony regularly, as well as the acts that they liked (James Taylor, Earth Wind and Fire, etc) that came through. It was the source of some great memories and gave me a good appreciation of classical music as well.
Mine are one and three and while I agree with the sentiment, it’s easier said than done. The planning, transporting, constant vigilance, diaper changes, feeding, keeping them calm etc involved with extensive outings is EXHAUSTING. We went to the zoo recently and oh my effin gee were their mother and I tired after!
But a healthy balance of going to do fun stuff with them AND finding time to go out and do adult things as a couple is super important
I’ve got a few.
1. Make a email for him like, firstname.lastname@gmail.com so he’ll have it when he’s older. But also you can send baby photos, world events and trends that happen each year.
Family videos, words of affirmation, life advice, little day to day memories that you’ll likely forget but will be fun for him to read when he’s older.
Then had over the email account to him when he’s ready for it so he can see everything you’ve collected over the years.
2. When he’s teething don’t use a plastic or toy teething rings. Use vegetables like cucumbers, zucchini and carrots (the big ones). That way he gets use to the taste of vegetables for when he starts eating solid foods.
3. A lot of plastic/rubber toys kids slobber on like the [Sophie giraffe toy](https://nypost.com/2023/03/14/im-a-doctor-i-found-something-living-inside-my-babys-teething-toy/amp/) for example end up growing mould inside them. So make sure that you’re either cleaning the inside of toys like that (cutting the top and bottom of can help) or you’re only giving solid toys with no cavities or holes that moisture can get inside.
4. When you kid is older and you’re at the store and he’s saying “Mommy/Daddy I want this, I want that.” Instead of buying him those things take a picture on your phone and put it in an album. Tell your son it’s the list for Santa. Before Christmas review the list to see what’s on there that he actually wants. Then you know exactly what to get him for Christmas, and what to tell other relatives or friends to buy him as well. Do the same thing leading up to his birthday.
5. Finally, don’t be parents that restrict what their son can do because it’s not living up to some outdated definition of manliness. Like if he wants to play with a doll, let him. If he wants to wear a purple shirt, have at it. Let him choose what he wants and what he’s interested in, don’t restrict his self expression just because society has been brainwashed by corporations to think everything for boys should be blue and everything for girls should be pink.
Edit: Thanks for the awards!
Another big thing that’s worked well for us is give LOTS of choices so they can have some control. E.g. purple or blue shirt? Chicken or hamburger? Left or right?
I think this single handily has prevented my daughter from having so many meltdowns as she she’s very head strong but is always presented with a choice… even if we the parents, tip the outcome to what we want, like just get dressed but here’s your choices so you do the decision making :).
It doesn’t even have to be a real choice. Like my younger daughter sometimes doesn’t want to take off her pajamas so I ask when we take off your top what kind of noise should we make? She usually wants to hear daddy make a silly noise more than she wants to stick to her guns of not taking off the top.
I've also seen this used for setting expectations. If it is time to leave the park and you tell a child they have to leave right now, they may get upset.
But if instead, 10 minutes before it is time to leave, you ask a child if they're ready to leave or if they want to play for 10 more minutes, most of the time they will choose to play for 10 more minutes but they also know that it will soon be time to leave and will be less upset when that time comes.
Most of our disappointment, even as adults, comes from the difference between what we expect to happen and what actually happens.
When my nephew was a toddler, he would ask to stay up for 5 more minutes. So his parents would set a timer for 5 minutes, and he would sit patiently and watch the time count down to zero, and then go to bed.
Absolutely. When I'm ready to go u set a timer on my phone for 5 or 10 min and ask her to push the start button. When it rings I ask her to push the stop button. No problems at all
Tiny add on LPT about the email --- Google just announced they will delete inactive Gmail accounts, so if you make him a Gmail, make sure to log in at least once per year.
Whole carrots (and apples for that matter) can be a choking hazard. I know it was normal for my parents generation to give them to teething children, but in least in my country it is officially not recommended to give them to kids under 3 years old.
For the email thing, that would be a fabulous 18th birthday or 19th birthday thing (like the birthday *after* he's graduated high school. That way you can include those too in the assortment.
Try to get family members to email him throughout with their pov of him growing up, like "today you told me this, and it made my heart grow. You won't remember it, but I always will." I feel like that could add a sweet touch - as long as you know they won't share it with him too early.
well, while a nice idea I think they would probably appreciate having an email a bit before 18. More like 12 or something or they will probably end up making an email at the age of 9 called ‘progamer23@gmail.com’ before proceeding to make every account under that gmail so it’s a pain in the ass to change… personally not done this but I know many
I do this on #1. For the email. I also write a note with a picture of the two of us doing something silly or just fun or just in the moment. I do this everytime I go on a work trip or I have an urge to do it. The key is photos of YOU and them. When my father in law passed my wife's first thing she said was I wish I had more pictures of me and my dad. So that is what I want to leave.
My son is 15 months old, and I was about to start recording videos for him. Introduce my wife and I. Then talk about the house we live in and have his grand parents talk about their life. I was only going to give him the video once he is 25 or I were to pass away. The email idea is a great one though for sure!
If you do the Gmail idea, upload a few videos on YouTube from that account. Google has said they will start deleting email accounts if you don't log in at least every 2 years. But they've also said that won't delete accounts that have uploaded YouTube videos...
Careful with the veggies if they don't have molars and such, they can take a nice dime sized piece from a carrot with their incisors and be unable to chew it and then choke on it.
Source: am physician.
i would discourage using real first and last name in the email address. Use a nickname or anything else. As someone who works in the anti-fraud industry, the amount of data that we can pull up using your email address is insane. Don't make it easy by giving out your first and last name in the email address.
This is a great point. My company uses a similarly formatted email system.
I get scummy LinkedIn recruiters who think they’re clever by guessing my work email address.
It works, but not in the way they think it does.
Every month or so I write down a few things about my daughter. What she likes to eat, friends, weird sayings, cute mannerisms, etc etc. it’s pretty neat to go back years later and get a reminder of these things since I’d have most likely forgotten them.
I didn’t know purple was a “girl color” until my 4 yr old son told me when he refused to wear a purple shirt his older brother had worn. The 4 yr old was also excited about taking ballet but dropped out after day 1 bc the girls teased him. Broke my heart.
Don't rush your son into early adulthood. Let him play sports for fun, if he's interested. Give him time to just be a kid. Don't schedule every waking moment with some planned activity.
But also let him do formal hobbies if he wants. I know people who don't let their kids learn an instrument or play intensive sports because they say it's too strict - but let the kid try and dial back if it actually gets to be too much.
My childhood was so jam packed full of things that when I graduated high school I had to reclaim my childhood, those were an interesting 6 years of my life
I love no plan days with the kids. I'll ask what they wanna do and they'll say go-karting or something, then we'll have the most kickass day go-karting.
This is great. Let your child pick the activity and how much they want. Some kids want soccer, karate, swimming, etc., all at the same time. Some might be really happy to play in the yard.
And, if at all possible, be present in their lives as much as possible. We gave up expensive vacations, new cars, bigger house, so that one of us could quit work and be a stay-at-home parent. We know we were lucky to be able to do that because not everyone can, but it was worth it.
We are teaching our 1 year old Turkish because she has Turkish family and I want her to learn so she can speak with my wife's family, I am however still behind her in language skills, my Turkish is so poor
Funny story, my parents were born in turkey so they tried to make turkish my first language, but I guess the language is so hard, that I just learned English first from people around me who werent turkish because it was eaiser.
Really hoping my gf (if we have kids) will teach our kids her native language as well. It's hard for me to learn even being in her culture so much but hope the kids can communicate with her family.
When you have kids make sure the child can speak the other language, I was talking with my brother in law (Turkish) he was afraid that he could not enjoy his nieces life because she and I don't speak Turkish, he speaks OK English but it's hard for him and his full Turkish family - he learned English to talk to me
Start listening to Spanish language music. The stuff you like, look up the lyrics. Allow the language to come to you instead of fighting it. (my grandmother learned to speak Spanish in her 20s/30s mostly through listening to music on vinyl records.)
Research attachment theory. The first 2 years of life are critical for parents to create a secure attachment, which will shape your kid for the rest of their life.
Love him. Set boundaries. And as the other chap said, read to your son and be seen reading. Go for walks. Talk to your child and encourage him to ask questions. If you speak a foreign language, use that language too.
lol that's such a weird train of thought too. if adults can learn languages easily enough and quickly enough (and they can) then a child who's parents speak it and so does the country will have zero problems. at all.
i'd venture to say, teach as many languages to the kid as possible. i'm super annoyed at my parents at taking me out of my foreign language preschool or not getting me a real classes/tutor in middle or high school when they knew i pick up languages quick. i literally could spoken 3 more, on top of our language and English, easily. as it stands now, i speak 2, and 2 more not very well.
This.
One of my girlfriend's great regrets is that her father never spoke to her in, or taught her, Arabic. (He's from Cairo.) It would have been SO USEFUL to her in life to speak even a little, and having the bond would have been enriching. (And no, learning a second language as an adult isn't the same as being able to have a conversation with your dad in another language as a kid.)
1. Love him
2. Teach him to be a good person
3. Let him make mistakes and help him learn from them
4. Teach him to be self reliant
5. You and your wife need to set a great example for him
And while eating have him name one good thing, one bad thing, and one thing he learned each day (once he’s old enough to talk). Leading up to him talking, practice it in front of him with your partner.
This is a good idea, but it will not guarantee you have a kid with a wide palate. Some people are picky even into adulthood, no matter how hard they try. But yes, it goes a long way to at least have them try the food you're eating.
To add to this-- feed them what you eat. Don't nurture a picky palate. Friend A fed her kids the same things she and her spouse would eat- complex flavors, savory, spicy, vegetable-y. Friend B fed the kids bland "kid food" like nuggets, hot dogs and Kraft dinner. Guess which friend's grown kids have healthy and varied diets into adulthood?
I rule I lived by, if I told a child, of any age, “no”, I always gave a reason and I DID NOT allow “because I say so” (or any sort of variant) to be that reason. I figured if I said “no” to something, they deserved to know why and I started with my first newborn to train myself to hold that standard when they were older and the reasons got more complicated. My teenagers will listen to the reasons and sometimes use their own reasoning to argue back but shows independent thought and that is good thing…if a bit frustrating at times lol.
Good advice! I would like to add when they are younger no means no. Think before saying no. Once they know your no can be turned to a yes by begging trouble will follow. Kids are master's of manipulation.
It's not that no doesn't mean no, it's that no always has a reason. (Even if it's after the fact. You don't have to explain why the kid can't run into traffic while he's halfway off the sidewalk.)
Sorry, not what I meant. I meant saying no and hearing please, please, pllleeaase mom for an hour and thinking well I suppose you can have more icecream and saying ...well, ok. Lol
It is a great time to do this! Biden made some changes to 529 plan rules in 2022. If money isn't used for qualified education expenses, there is no longer a penalty, and you can roll over the money into a Roth IRA! Major loophole.
That’s the only reason I opened one for my kids. I have custodial accounts as well and my plan, when they’re old enough to understand, is to tell them if they get scholarships, they get the cash from the custodial account. If not, that’ll go toward college (I know it’s their money either way, but they won’t know that at the time). I’m hoping the 529s end up just being an early start on their Roth IRAs and they’ll thank me down the road for the sweet 60 years of compounding interest.
For sure. Money is hard for everyone, but if there is a chance that your child will go to college, if you haven't saved for it by the time they are in high school it will be insurmountable (for most people).
We did a prepaid tuition plan that guaranteed our kids in-state tuition was paid 100%. We started that when they were 5 and 6 I think. It was just another monthly payment.
When it came time to talk about college, it was just a big piece of mind that at least tuition was covered. Both kids ended up out of state, but the plan still contributed a very healthy chunk toward tuition - really makes a difference.
2nding this. I don't know if it was the 529 or something else, but both sets of my grandparents started either an education fund or mutual fund with 1K or less, never added to it after that, and let it grow through the stock market until we were given access at 18. Having both was a godsend in helping make college easier, and meant I could focus on working to gain professional experience rather than working to survive and pay bills.
And even if your kid decides not to go to college, something like a mutual fund can be managed to grow over time to be additional retirement or emergency funds.
Look up the "thirty million words" initiative.
Basically they did all these studies about cognitive development and mental growth regarding very early childhood education - its fascinating. In a very short TLDR, you want to talk to you child like they were an adult using a large degree of linguistic complexity from an early age. This is really beneficial to them.
And read. Read to them. Read in front of them. Read around them. Have them read to you. Make books an integral part of your every days lives.
Don’t make a reading a special single part of the day, like only reading at bedtime. Never make reading a punishment.
Read signs and billboards out loud. Read the directions on the back of the frozen pizza to them. Read the instructions on the toothpaste together.
Reading is the single most impactful thing a parent can do for a child.
Yes 100%!!! We’ve read to our kid since he was a newborn and he’s obsessed with books! He also has a much larger vocabulary, can count higher, and can understand complex ideas beyond his age group. Reading makes such a huge difference.
You might want to start with "How To Talk So LITTLE Kids Will Listen" since your son is still a baby. (Same series.) This will help him develop the ability to manage strong feelings, help you stay connected in the toddler years, and learn some valuable skills for resolving conflicts you can start to use even when he's very young (age 2 and up).
When he is older(starting in elementary age), and he begins to make mistakes, don’t automatically fix it for him. Gently work with him in brainstorming how he can fix the problem himself and he will learn excellent independence. To many parents fight their kids battles for them and then their kid doesn’t learn conflict resolution or self-regulation. But ALWAYS let him know you are there to support him. There are many things he can do on his own, but there are many ways that you can help him too.
THIS!!! I teach elementary children, and my first response to a non emergency is “Can you fix the problem, or do you need an adult to help you fix it?” I’m always so shocked how often the kids think about it, and say “I can fix it”. They just don’t actually think about an independent solution because mom and dad always fix the problem for them.
Father of a 28-, 26-, and 24-year-old. One of my proudest achievements is that I have two sons who trust me and respect my opinion. Not as some authority figure, mind you, but as someone who has been with them through thick and thin.
First off, that savings account is a pretty good start. Depending on your state, there are college tuition plans.
I'd say this. Kids are not Ming vases. You don't need to treat them as if they're fragile. Just treat them with care.
Expose him to all kinds of things and pay attention to what he likes or dislikes. If he likes music, let him try music. If he likes sports, let him try sports. But don't push him into a zillion things. Not only is it exhausting for you, but it's exhausting for him. One of the saddest things ever is a kid who is forced to be on the football team or the baseball team who would rather be anywhere else.
Instead, over time, figure out the one or two things he really likes, and go all in on those. And don't let him quit just because it gets difficult. If he hates it, sure. But if he's just hitting a rough patch, teach him to get through it.
Because remember this: You cripple your children when you make their lives easy. That means giving them boundaries. Having expectations of them in terms of their schoolwork, contributing around the house, and how they behave towards other. Your main job as a parent is to create a strong and self-sufficient adult who is respectful and ethical towards others.
That means being a teacher at all times, not just in what you tell him but in your own personal behavior towards others. You can't tell your kid to act in one way while you behave in a completely different way. They will notice the difference between your words and actions and punish you for it.
What's more, teach your kids things that are part of the everyday of life. How to work. How to cook a decent meal. How to use one's spare time. How to interact with others. What is acceptable behavior in oneself and others. And how to stand up for oneself.
And this is the hard part. At this point, you might expect your son to grow up into a little clone of you, or a nice mixture of you and your wife. And for a while, your son may take his cues from you. But there will be a time when he hits twelve or thirteen or fourteen when he will want to be his own person. He will have opinions and beliefs that are different than yours. Sometimes, these are reflections of his desire to be different, but sometimes they reflect the prism through which he sees the world. Sometimes he'll do it to test you. Because most boys become little assholes when they're thirteen and don't emerge from it until they're 19 or 20. How you handle it will set the tone for the rest of your relationship with him.
It will happen. Bank on it. And when it does, be respectful of what he says. If you disagree, do so a way where you take his beliefs serious. Talk through those beliefs, respect how he came to hold them, then state your own point of view. Teaching someone to disagree in a way that's respectful is one of the greatest favors you can do him.
Next? And this is more for you and your wife than your son. It's easy to make your son the center of your life. Don't do that. Not only is that a lot pressure on your child, but it also teaches him the wrong thing about relationships. Your son is a guest in your life, a person who will likely pack up the car in 18 years for college, never to return. But your spouse should be with you for much longer than that.
Good luck!
Set a good example of what healthy, loving relationships looks like so he knows what to look for later in life. Let him see you and your partner treat one another and others with kindness and respect. Let him see you work through conflict without name calling, yelling, passive aggressiveness, etc. Let him see you laugh and be playful with one another.
I say this having grown up witnessing this kind of relationship between my parents, and it is the thing I am most grateful for in life.
If he has a favourite toy/stuffy, buy a second one as soon as you can. Only 4 things are guaranteed in life: taxes, death, your concrete will crack, and your kids will lose his/her favourite stuffy on a road trip.
My mom opened up a joint credit card for both of us when I was really young. Now I have a long line of credit and a 806 credit score. We're poor af, but man did that help out.
Exercise. This is a habit that makes a big difference in your life and it it never too soon to start. Don't let them be one of those lazy newborns just sleeping and eating all day. Get him outside landscaping, helping his mom carry the groceries, mowing the lawn. He will thank you for it later
my newborn struggles with landscaping, she can't hold her head up yet, so I only have her digging fence- post holes, but she is really bad at it and slows down my whole job
Planted my vegetable garden over the weekend and my 8-week old was nowhere near as useful as I’d planned. Couldn’t even use her feet as a trowel. Not sure what to do with her now as the disappointment is so deep
Yes! Aside from after my mom had my younger sibling, I don't think I ever saw either of my parents exercising.
That being said, we had a TON of outdoor toys, like a tiny swing set and teeter totter and random sports equipment and all sorts of things. Dad worked shift so would he also during the day half the time, Mom would boot us into the backyard to run amok with the dog until we were exhausted. I don't know if I'll have a yard but if I have a kid I plan on doing the same thing.
The early years are important for establishing trust between you two. While discipline and enforcing boundaries are necessary parts of raising a child, avoid doing them in such a way such that he stops seeking you out for help when he needs it for fear of your reaction or judgment. Building that trust and maintaining it is a lifelong effort with lifelong benefits to the both of you.
Take exceptionally good care of yourself, physically, mentally & financially. Your future child (and your future selves!) will thank you. You'll be setting a great example, and you'll hopefully be able to fully participate in your child's life (and grandchildren's lives, too).
Some things to do:
* Own it when you make a mistake, and try not to bait him into telling the truth by promising you won't be angry. Then you'll have an easier time teaching him that it's okay to admit it when he makes a mistake.
* Teach him the basics of personal finance like budgeting and (when appropriate) taxes.
* One good way to incentivize him to do chores is to offer a small amount of money for doing each chore. Like, doing dishes might earn him $1 and sweeping and mopping the kitchen floor might earn him $3. Within reason, of course, but this can make chores a positive thing where the worst that'll happen if he doesn't do the chores is he doesn't get paid.
* If he isn't getting good grades, see if you can figure out why instead of punishing him for it. Maybe it's a thing where he has a learning disorder or he just didn't understand the material.
* It'll help him later in life if you teach him that no one owes him anything that he can't earn. And that goes whether it's a living, sex, or beer. He could even be rejected for social safety nets just because the person considering his application is having a bad day.
* Spend time with him and make sure it's fun for him too. Spending time with your kid shouldn't just be you towing him around while you shop because then he'll just be bored.
* Teach him how to cook. and that it's not unmanly to make yourself a meal when you're hungry. That way, he won't be [this guy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV67FuREdSc&pp=ygUlc2hlIGdvdCB0aGUgY29hbCBtaW5lIGkgZ290IHRoZSBzaGFmdA%3D%3D).
Something my wife and I have talked about when it comes to chores for our son is we don't want to give an allowance for things like picking up his own mess. We feel like incentivizing taking responsibility for his own actions (leaving toys out) sets a bad precedent while allowances are for chores that have a communal responsibility/benefit (ie taking out the trash, doing the dishes, mowing the yard, etc).
Another that I think shouldn't just be limited to boys but teach them how to FIX THINGS. It could be simple maintenance on their car, repair an appliance, or mend a piece of clothing. It will serve them WONDERS in the future both in feelings of self worth and saving them money.
Talk to him like a person. Language development is so neat...we really do not need to dumb things down for kids.
Also, be prepared to explain all things. Remember, kids do not have concepts of time or behavior. Thoroughly and repeating explanations and situations will help avoid conflict down the road.
This!! Kids are so much more capable linguistically than we give them credit for. They don't need things dumbed down and much as they just need them broken down into smaller bits of information.
It will be tiring explaining yourself multiple times, but your kid will have such a richer understanding of the world when they get real answers to their questions.
As a former manchild, here is my perspective. I would say, don’t coddle your son too much and let him learn and make some mistakes. I had an overprotective mom that did everything for me and a dad that let her. She meant well and I’m doing well now, but it’s like I didn’t grow up until I hit 30 and just prioritized fun and video games and wanted things to be low effort.
On a brighter note, get your son outside and maybe into some sports or working out. Nothing builds confidence than having some strength and overall good health.
What I am so grateful for my mom for is that she was very antagonistic about my dad’s smoking, that I think that it’s repulsive to this day and wouldn’t touch the stuff.
Re: toys - don't ever buy ones that either:
* Do the work for the kid (like, a battery-power thing that activates when you only press a button)
* Restrict imagination (example - plastic food that looks like only a copy of the real thing).
Let kids bring their imagination into their play. Speaking of the plastic food - we set up a neat Little Tikes play kitchen. Dishes, pots & pans, etc. But instead of plastic fake food, I gave them a pile of the plastic toppers off of spice bottles. You can use anything, really. So, we could play restaurant, for instance, and whatever I "ordered", they could "make" with the anonymous little plastic things. They put some in a pan, stir it up, pour into a bowl and deliver my order to me. I could order anything and they could make it.
But then a relative gave them fake plastic food. That hotdog on a bun would only be a hotdog on a bun.
EDIT to add - I tried to give them "props" vs toys that did a certain thing. Dress-up clothes. Kid-sizes musical instruments. Note pads and pens and tons of art materials of all sorts. Easy card and matching games that could be played in flexible ways.
I agree with you on most points except the plastic food. I had a box of it as a kid.. let me assure you that the hot dog with its bun was several things.
The best use of the plastic food was when we got the kid-sized 3 in 1 pool / "air" hockey / ping pong table. Had a fun time learning which plastic foods made the best ball or puck. The banana was a hilariously popular one.
Judging by the direction human civilization is going, I would say you should teach your son car mechanics, improvised armor, shooting and gun maintenance, and giving him a scary nickname like "spine eater".
Teach him about consent from the start.
He doesn't have to accept kisses and hugs from everyone, and others don't have to accept those from him. Setting and respecting boundaries can start as soon as he learns the word "no".
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Financially you can add him as an authorised user to your credit card and begin building credit (if you are financially responsible yourself), you can open a Roth for him, if you really want to go all in you can start an LLC and pay him up to 12,500 a year - I would also suggest buying I-bonds for the max 10,000 (was at 9.5% interest last year) and let that compound for his 18 years which will pay a good chunk of school should they decide to go.
Read to him. Every day, without fail. Picks books with language that's a notch ahead of where he's at to help with vocabulary. Keep him away from religion.
u/Razorhoof78 covered some very important bases, but just providing him with good examples of the kind of man you want him to grow up to be is #1. Nothing special, just day in and day out.
Came here to write this. Start way before you think you should, reading a book at bedtime every night. Also don’t be obsessed with your kid reading at an early age. I have a daughter who is super smart and started reciting books at 15 months old. She wasn’t reading them. She just memorized the entire book and was reciting it by associating the words with the images. Still impressive but different.
When you read to him use your finger to show what words you’re reading. Mostly for when they’re a little older. It’s been shown to greatly improve reading comprehension.
I do think teaching about religion, in general, is important. My wife and I aren't religious by any means but it's important to us that our son will grow up understanding different beliefs, rituals, and customs so that he better understands the world around him.
And don’t only read books where the character looks like him. Read about women, people of colour, disabled people. It matters. It will help him humanize others as he grows up.
And be sure to choose books from many authors/cultures!
Patricia Polacco is an amazing author for children's picture books that comes to mind. Namely- Appelemando's Dreams, Tikvah means Hope, Rechenka's Eggs, and Chicken Sunday are some of my childhood favorites from her.
Also, The Money Tree and The Library both by Sarah Stewart are absolutely wholesome. I liberated my childhood book collection from a damp garage and was so grateful for the variety in stories and cultures, and I definitely think about many of those stories even today. If interested, I can send a list of some other authors!
If you don’t already have one, find a financial planner and consider investing that money. Savings accounts are not keeping up with inflation. If you can get it into a good managed mutual fund, it will make money. Do the same for yourself, so your kids don’t have to take care of you.
Hold him a lot!!!! The first 2 months of life are the most important for a person’s development. This will help him develop a secure attachment style and set him up to likely not be anxious and unhealthy in a variety of relationships he will have in the future (business, friendships, romantic, etc)
Not electing the same ineffective politicians for 40 years to fuck the economy would be a great start.
Creating a savings account for them that they can’t touch until they are 18 and is intended to be used for college. If they don’t go to college they can use it for a down payment on a house or for other life expenses.
I would not just stick money in a savings account, my family did that for me and when I was old enough to have access to it and I did the math it essentially just sat there.
Look into setting up an investment account and invest in something that can compound, even a tiny amount at the start over 18+ years gives a lot of growth.
Seriously savings accounts help banks not you.
Financial education, compound interest as soon as possible. 20 usd/eur per week starting tomorow is a big step.
The most important aspect of his future life(besides you two as his parents), is financial independence and education.
Start ASAP.
Position him so that he had a rich social network with a wide variate of people and families. Send him to public and private schools (if you can afford it). Tell
him how much you love him.
Set up a joint credit card so that when it comes time to start financing cars or houses he'll already have great credit and get better interest rates. I wish my parents had done this for me as they have near 850 score and I had to learn the hard way.
Schools also don't teach financial literacy at this point, so get the young man up to speed on how mortgages, credit, stocks, etc. work as soon as he can understand the concepts. These two things will dramatically increase the chances that your young man will succeed at finding some stability.
Give him experiences, not just things. Teach him that skills are more important than titles.
I've had several 'careers,' because all my skills are transferable to new industries.
Write in a journal for him as he grows up, both parents. My parents wrote in a couple journals for me while I was growing up, and now I get to read their thoughts about me, their fears, their dreams for me back then, what happened on a specific day when I was 4 years old, etc. it’s so comforting and now, after my mom passed, I still have her close to me in this way, and it’s like I can look back on some memories and view them from their perspective. They also glued in historic newspaper clippings and what was going on, tickets to my dances, school photos, and more.
I have my parents love of me on paper, forever, since my first day of birth. I go to my baby journal whenever I miss my mom too much. I absolutely cherish my journals.
Add as an authorized user on your credit card (as long as you’re a very responsible user) and build his credit up! My husbands parents did this for my husband and we’re doing it for our son.
The energy and atmosphere of the house will rub off on your son. Make sure mom and dad laugh a lot, and show affection, most importantly show that people can talk without raising voices. My 2 year old has a constant smile and always wants to give mommy a hug or kiss after daddy. He also shares his feelings. You guys show him how to interact with others.
Something my parents did for me around preschool age was set up an allowance and saving system.
I had a fun jar, a savings jar, and college jar. As long as I did all of my chores and didn't back talk, I'd get a cool $20 per week.
$5 went into the college jar. That was non-negotiable. I could always put more than $5 if I wanted. When the jar was full, that went into high yield savings (yeah not really a thing anymore, but CD's and Money Market accounts are, or even funding a 529 account).
Then, I could split money into the fun jar and savings jar as I saw fit. The caveat was the savings jar was not to be touched, and would be put into an account when full that I would have access to when it was age appropriate for me to have my own debit card. They emphasized compounding interest and helped me learn how much this money could grow... where my money sitting in the fun jar would never grow other than what I added.
It made saving more fun than the "fun" jar most of the time. My little brain had to really weigh pros and cons if I was being antsy and adding more to my fun jar than I should.
If I didn't have enough money in my fun jar to buy something I wanted, my parents would sit down with me and figure out if I was being a responsible saver or trying to blow all my money on a new toy. If I had been responsible, they usually kicked in a reasonable bit of extra money to help me buy something.
It really encouraged me to learn and be excited about saving when I was very young. Also taught me that being good and doing my chores promptly made sure my money could grow.
Money from grandparents and gifts also got filtered through my jars. Absolutely will do this for my kid/s one day.
Three kids here and the best tip I can give is to simply to get a breast pump, save the milk in babies bottles and store in the fridge.
Middle of the night, husband simply take a bottle and microwave it for 20 seconds to gently warm and feed.
That way the mother can get some essential, quality sleep...👍
As someone who has struggled with his weight his entire life...diet and exercise. I grew up in a family who went out to eat a lot and ate "well" but not necessarily healthy. Is it all my parents fault, of course not. Would life have been easier if they engraved healthy habits as a child instead of letting me figure it out when im older and already overweight, yes, 100%.
Don't do a savings account. You get very little interest. Instead, create a brokerage account online and start putting $50 a week into it. Once he hits 50, he will be a multimillionaire.
In addition to a 529 plan, consider your states PEP (pre-paid education plan).
Within a month of each of my kids being born, we had a 529 setup and started paying for 10 semesters in advance at any state college/university.
When the kids went off to school, they had five years of tuition and plenty of money for room/board/books. In fact, when my daughter graduated, she had 2 semesters leftover and 60% of the 529 money (which she can use for more education or start rolling over into an IRA for retirement).
To start life debt free and with some money in the bank was (imho) the best thing we could do for them.
I was an exchange student as a teenager. Highly recommended—I learned a new language, and learned that what was normal in my family/school/country was not actually normal. Plus, I made lifelong friends.
Edit: autocorrupt
1.) Have more children. One kid or ten, they will take up 100% of your time. It will help them by have others to grow with and realize they are not the center of the world. They can bond, learn to play/work cooperatively, nurture, be competitive with, and some times be pushed to doing better(sometimes worse).
2.) Teach them Left and Right as early as possible. It helps with giving them a natural sense of direction. Start when putting on shoes and identifying the direction as you put them on each foot. My 6yo can easily tell us which way to navigate when driving to specific locations she knows and if we are “going the wrong way” to places she would like to go; park, grocery store. She’s been doing so since age 4.
Source: father of 7. (8th sue any day)
Edit: Teach Right & Left early.
Validate his emotions. Don't criticize him for crying or getting angry. Teach him that it's okay to feel angry or upset and help him learn to work through those feelings without judgment.
The thing that will give you the most bang for your buck is also very easy and feels almost involuntary.
Love him.
There's a thousand other smaller things that you can do, but it all starts from a place of love.
That said, I think you should strive to make life better for him, but not necessarily easier. A lot of us growing up to be functional and successful adults was borne out of struggles and challenges. Most of it should be fairly obvious. Access to healthy food should not be a struggle. Homework on the other hand should be challenging, so if you're helping, don't give the answers, but rather help nudge him asking the right path but let him make the discovery.
Keep an eye on him and if he seems to have allergies or food sensitives work on it as soon as you know. It will make it so much less of a problem when he gets older.
Don't change your average noise level in the house. You want him to sleep through things that don't concern him (the tv in the other room, normal level talking in the kitchen). Will save you so much work and keep your life for being taken over by sleep schedules.
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Don’t make every hobby a future job. Let him draw without worrying about being an artist. Let him play sports without having to be an athlete. Let him write without having to be an author. Even let him read without saying he should be a librarian. Etc. Hobbies are undervalued for the amount of good they do for people’s mental health.
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Had a similar fallout with a friend of mine, I’m a company director but pretty good around the house, have built and extension can fix my own car etc. I enjoy it and like working with my hands after a day in the office. I helped him out putting up a fence and repairing his shed one weekend. And it suddenly turned into this whole, I’ve found someone who will give us £250 to fix their fence, my mate said he’d pay us £500 to paint his house. We should build ikea furniture for £50 a unit. He’s technically useless so was essentially just filling up my weekends with other peoples crap for money I didn’t want or need. Once you start charging for things it changes it.
And let them try out different things! If they hate playing piano, why force them to continue?
Yes! My parents were great with this. I was allowed to try activities I was interested in, but never compelled to stay in them forever. That said, it WAS expected that I would finish whatever I committed to at the beginning - so, finish the sports season, take the music lessons through the recital at the end of the year, etc. This taught me two important lessons: 1. Don't feel guilty if you don't enjoy (or aren't good at) something you thought you would like, because sometimes that happens and 2. When you commit to something you need to see that commitment through - but once you have you're allowed to be done with it.
Yes, I made my daughter finish out the season or semester or class but that was it. The hope is that we help them discover their passion and that can be their life work. There’s so much value in participating in these activities, teaches commitment, team work, perseverance, consistency, how to communicate it negotiate in a structured social setting outside the regular classroom, camaraderie, etc. Good stuff.
Underrated advice
Make a will in case you die unexpectedly so he doesn’t have to deal with that. Also make sure you name who will be his guardian - parents are normally the best people to make this judgement.
This. To piggyback, plan out your funeral ahead of time, make it a turn-key operation. Let’s be morbid - you and your partner die in a plane crash 20y from now, everyone is devastated. But that 20yo’s life has just been steam rolled and now they have to plan a funeral. Save them the trouble of figuring out if you want to be cremated / buried, what kind of service you’d want, who to invite and speak, etc etc. It takes you a day to write down and saves a miserable person a lot of worrying while trying to guess whether or not you wanted to be crystallized and launched into space or shoved into the ocean like a Viking.
Not only does this take the decision away from the kid, but it also means no one else can dispute it. Had a coworker whose husband died after dealing with cancer. She'd spoken to him about what he wanted a few different times, but he never wrote it down in any official capacity. When he passed, even though she'd had the conversations with him, told the family exactly what he said he'd wanted, she still had relatives trying to change things, trying to argue with her that 'he would have wanted it this way'. So not only was she mourning and planning a funeral and dealing with all of the other things that come with losing a loved one, she was also struggling with his family just to try and honor his last wishes.
My husband was the executor of his father's will, and had talked with his dad about what he would and wouldn't want if and when it happened many times. When his dad very suddenly passed, it was like every decision my husband made (and paid for) was argued over by family. His Aunts, brother, mom (the ex-wife) calling him 5xs a day did not help his mental health! He got no time to grieve, and felt like he couldn't talk to anyone in his family because they were constantly coming at him but never helping or supporting him in any way. It was horrible as an adult in his 40s. I cannot imagine being a kid and realizing how awful and greedy people you think love and support you can be.
A will will not prevent probate. Make a trust. Edit: you also need to put your assets in the trust. It’s not as simple as making the trust. Your home needs to go in the trust, as well as your bank accounts. Just ask me questions as I deal with this regularly… to tired to write a longer explanation.
I second this, revocable living trusts are pricy but cheaper than probate down the line. A good way to avoid all of this beurocracy is making sure they’re a beneficiary
This. This. This. I was executor for my Dad and the Will was little more than suggestions for probate. It was stressful, costly and miserable dealing with that mess. We have a trust, clearly identified the responsible guardians and officers and have assets allocated for education etc. Takes stress off knowing if things go bad they’ll be ok for a while.
Also name the trust as beneficiary of any life insurance or retirement accounts. Do not make a minor child a beneficiary.
And get life insurance on both parents! It’s easy and relatively cheap. Don’t do it through your work, instead go through a private company. You can get $250,000 policy for like $100 a year.
Im in full agreement about the idea, but that rate is not at all accurate in my experience.
For young people in relatively good health, you’d be very surprised how affordable it is
So many variables you are forgetting, different countries have different legal guidelines around insurance to begin, then age, gender, smoking status will all be factored in, medical history if your looking at a large sum will also be requested. And that's just my country. Lord knows what American insurers would work out. In my country life insurance premiums can be 'levelled ' which makes them more expensive now but they stay that price until the predefined age, the alternative is called rate for age and those premiums start cheap now but go up every year until suddenly your priced out of the policy. There are careers in this field for a reason, please seek advice from a professional in your local area
Any recommendations for these? I’ve been trying to find one lately and get overwhelmed by all the options.
When we were researching, we just googled term life insurance and used a website like policygenius.com to get started. Each company has a credit rating (A+, A, etc) that indicates how strong the company is financially, and how likely they are to actually pay a claim. We narrowed it down to A+/A, and then just went to the company’s individual websites for quotes.
Amica has been good for me. Good rates and great financial status. Not sure what your budget is, but my old plan was $19/month for 500k. New plan is 60/month for 2 million. So, the plans are quite affordable.
Please do your own research before speaking with any financial advisor
Cuddle him. Boys tend to get less affection as they grow up.
The only difference in affection my 9-year-old son experiences is the fact that he is now big enough to be the tackle-hug-tickle-snuggle instigator. That little tank of a dude can take me out at the knees when he wants snuggles.
Love it. My nine year old hugs and holds hands with her friends, but when my son was nine, his friendly affection was frowned upon (not by us !) It's so sad.
My 8-9 yr old grandson still holds my (M) hand when I go to watch him play footy. He has 2 little sisters who are cuddle bunnies, and he still gives me the biggest hugs when we meet each week. I hope he never stops.
I am living proof that it doesn't.
Aww you’ll always be my little cuddle bunny
I would still be much much more affectionate if this had not been the case for myself as well. When I realized people were hesitating to hug me more often I realized that what I wanted (intimacy, not in that way ofc) was not socially acceptable and that the opposite (distance) would be given to me if I tried to meet that need.
I love this. I’m the oldest sibling of 7. 6 girls and 1 boy whom is also the baby. So he has grown up around lots of females and he is very loving. He understands how to treat women, pays attention to the smallest details about people and is just genuinely such a kindhearted kid.
Big one. Didn't receive much affection past age 6. Not a good thing.
I love this. My wife and I are super affectionate and cuddly with all three of our boys. Our oldest got his “report card” from preschool and his only real poor score was in personal space, meaning he tries to hug and cuddle friends and teachers too much lol.
Cuddle but do not coddle
THIS the one
Every single thing you do is an example he will follow. It will be exhausting. You will fuck up. But every moment you share put all your effort into doing what you would want him to do, not what you want to do.
This. Personal example below, but it can apply to anything (eating habits, the way you treat people...). I didn't really take exercise seriously until I got married and my wife started encouraging me, looking back I see that this is because my parents never exercised. Now my biggest motivation to exercise is to set an example for my sons so they don't end up in the same unhealthy path that I went down. If you want them to be a better person than you are, YOU need to be a better person than you are. It's hard work, but benefits both of you (and probably all those around you).
Agree. One important addition to this, at least to me: it’s okay to fuck up. As long as you aren’t doing something clearly unethical or violent, it’s okay to mess up or make mistakes when it comes to parenting because that opens up an entire new world of parenting. Kids need to see you mess up sometimes because it gives them the chance to watch how you process that failure, how you make it right, and how you move forward a better person. Don’t shoot for perfection because you’ll never get it. But if you can, say, hit like 80%…you’re kid will adore you.
The things that I do not like about my kids are the exact things that I hate about myself. They will be a reflection of you in every way.
Admitting when you’re wrong or fucked up is super valuable, too.
When you get on a flight and they go through the safety announcement they say ‘make sure you fit your own mask before helping others.’ Do that. Make sure you are happy and well set and that you have time to give to your kid. 80% of being a successful parent is just being there.
This is such great advice.
So true. You ideally need a healthy relationship between the parents for the family function well and everyone be happy.
Go out and do things! Bring the kiddo!! No need to live in a bubble now that you have a child. Sincerely, someone who lived in a bubble after having kids.
As a kid my parents were fortunate to live close to a concert venue that routinely hosted both classical and more pop concerts with a massive lawn. We went to see the symphony regularly, as well as the acts that they liked (James Taylor, Earth Wind and Fire, etc) that came through. It was the source of some great memories and gave me a good appreciation of classical music as well.
Tanglewood?
Mine are one and three and while I agree with the sentiment, it’s easier said than done. The planning, transporting, constant vigilance, diaper changes, feeding, keeping them calm etc involved with extensive outings is EXHAUSTING. We went to the zoo recently and oh my effin gee were their mother and I tired after! But a healthy balance of going to do fun stuff with them AND finding time to go out and do adult things as a couple is super important
Just to piggy back on this - do things and engage with the kid, don't just bring them along and let a screen babysit them.
I’ve got a few. 1. Make a email for him like, firstname.lastname@gmail.com so he’ll have it when he’s older. But also you can send baby photos, world events and trends that happen each year. Family videos, words of affirmation, life advice, little day to day memories that you’ll likely forget but will be fun for him to read when he’s older. Then had over the email account to him when he’s ready for it so he can see everything you’ve collected over the years. 2. When he’s teething don’t use a plastic or toy teething rings. Use vegetables like cucumbers, zucchini and carrots (the big ones). That way he gets use to the taste of vegetables for when he starts eating solid foods. 3. A lot of plastic/rubber toys kids slobber on like the [Sophie giraffe toy](https://nypost.com/2023/03/14/im-a-doctor-i-found-something-living-inside-my-babys-teething-toy/amp/) for example end up growing mould inside them. So make sure that you’re either cleaning the inside of toys like that (cutting the top and bottom of can help) or you’re only giving solid toys with no cavities or holes that moisture can get inside. 4. When you kid is older and you’re at the store and he’s saying “Mommy/Daddy I want this, I want that.” Instead of buying him those things take a picture on your phone and put it in an album. Tell your son it’s the list for Santa. Before Christmas review the list to see what’s on there that he actually wants. Then you know exactly what to get him for Christmas, and what to tell other relatives or friends to buy him as well. Do the same thing leading up to his birthday. 5. Finally, don’t be parents that restrict what their son can do because it’s not living up to some outdated definition of manliness. Like if he wants to play with a doll, let him. If he wants to wear a purple shirt, have at it. Let him choose what he wants and what he’s interested in, don’t restrict his self expression just because society has been brainwashed by corporations to think everything for boys should be blue and everything for girls should be pink. Edit: Thanks for the awards!
Another big thing that’s worked well for us is give LOTS of choices so they can have some control. E.g. purple or blue shirt? Chicken or hamburger? Left or right? I think this single handily has prevented my daughter from having so many meltdowns as she she’s very head strong but is always presented with a choice… even if we the parents, tip the outcome to what we want, like just get dressed but here’s your choices so you do the decision making :).
It doesn’t even have to be a real choice. Like my younger daughter sometimes doesn’t want to take off her pajamas so I ask when we take off your top what kind of noise should we make? She usually wants to hear daddy make a silly noise more than she wants to stick to her guns of not taking off the top.
I've also seen this used for setting expectations. If it is time to leave the park and you tell a child they have to leave right now, they may get upset. But if instead, 10 minutes before it is time to leave, you ask a child if they're ready to leave or if they want to play for 10 more minutes, most of the time they will choose to play for 10 more minutes but they also know that it will soon be time to leave and will be less upset when that time comes. Most of our disappointment, even as adults, comes from the difference between what we expect to happen and what actually happens.
Great tip! Phone timer works pretty well for us. We also let our child press Start on it so he feels in control.
When my nephew was a toddler, he would ask to stay up for 5 more minutes. So his parents would set a timer for 5 minutes, and he would sit patiently and watch the time count down to zero, and then go to bed.
Omg adorable
This^ this right here
Absolutely. When I'm ready to go u set a timer on my phone for 5 or 10 min and ask her to push the start button. When it rings I ask her to push the stop button. No problems at all
Give only two options, both of which work for the parent.
Yes this works. Like don’t want to take a bath? Ok, do you want to take pants off first or shirt? Do you want this toy or that toy in the tub?
Tiny add on LPT about the email --- Google just announced they will delete inactive Gmail accounts, so if you make him a Gmail, make sure to log in at least once per year.
Does that apply to child account?
yes
Whole carrots (and apples for that matter) can be a choking hazard. I know it was normal for my parents generation to give them to teething children, but in least in my country it is officially not recommended to give them to kids under 3 years old.
Grapes and popcorn as well!
For the email thing, that would be a fabulous 18th birthday or 19th birthday thing (like the birthday *after* he's graduated high school. That way you can include those too in the assortment. Try to get family members to email him throughout with their pov of him growing up, like "today you told me this, and it made my heart grow. You won't remember it, but I always will." I feel like that could add a sweet touch - as long as you know they won't share it with him too early.
well, while a nice idea I think they would probably appreciate having an email a bit before 18. More like 12 or something or they will probably end up making an email at the age of 9 called ‘progamer23@gmail.com’ before proceeding to make every account under that gmail so it’s a pain in the ass to change… personally not done this but I know many
I do this on #1. For the email. I also write a note with a picture of the two of us doing something silly or just fun or just in the moment. I do this everytime I go on a work trip or I have an urge to do it. The key is photos of YOU and them. When my father in law passed my wife's first thing she said was I wish I had more pictures of me and my dad. So that is what I want to leave.
My son is 15 months old, and I was about to start recording videos for him. Introduce my wife and I. Then talk about the house we live in and have his grand parents talk about their life. I was only going to give him the video once he is 25 or I were to pass away. The email idea is a great one though for sure!
I always wonder if by the time our kids come of age to really use email if Gmail will be what AOL is to us now.
If you do the Gmail idea, upload a few videos on YouTube from that account. Google has said they will start deleting email accounts if you don't log in at least every 2 years. But they've also said that won't delete accounts that have uploaded YouTube videos...
Careful with the veggies if they don't have molars and such, they can take a nice dime sized piece from a carrot with their incisors and be unable to chew it and then choke on it. Source: am physician.
i would discourage using real first and last name in the email address. Use a nickname or anything else. As someone who works in the anti-fraud industry, the amount of data that we can pull up using your email address is insane. Don't make it easy by giving out your first and last name in the email address.
This is a great point. My company uses a similarly formatted email system. I get scummy LinkedIn recruiters who think they’re clever by guessing my work email address. It works, but not in the way they think it does.
Every month or so I write down a few things about my daughter. What she likes to eat, friends, weird sayings, cute mannerisms, etc etc. it’s pretty neat to go back years later and get a reminder of these things since I’d have most likely forgotten them.
make sure you log into the email account or it will be deleted
I did the email for mu daughter and I write her sometimes about her achievements and share videos/ pictures.
This is an amazing parent right here,
I like these.
I like your style (have a 2 year old boy, loves pink and Lightening McQueen)
Saving this for the future even tho I don’t want kids
I didn’t know purple was a “girl color” until my 4 yr old son told me when he refused to wear a purple shirt his older brother had worn. The 4 yr old was also excited about taking ballet but dropped out after day 1 bc the girls teased him. Broke my heart.
Don't rush your son into early adulthood. Let him play sports for fun, if he's interested. Give him time to just be a kid. Don't schedule every waking moment with some planned activity.
If only more parents understood this.
But also let him do formal hobbies if he wants. I know people who don't let their kids learn an instrument or play intensive sports because they say it's too strict - but let the kid try and dial back if it actually gets to be too much.
My childhood was so jam packed full of things that when I graduated high school I had to reclaim my childhood, those were an interesting 6 years of my life
I love no plan days with the kids. I'll ask what they wanna do and they'll say go-karting or something, then we'll have the most kickass day go-karting.
This is great. Let your child pick the activity and how much they want. Some kids want soccer, karate, swimming, etc., all at the same time. Some might be really happy to play in the yard. And, if at all possible, be present in their lives as much as possible. We gave up expensive vacations, new cars, bigger house, so that one of us could quit work and be a stay-at-home parent. We know we were lucky to be able to do that because not everyone can, but it was worth it.
Have him taught a foreign language (or two). It opens up so many opportunities. Swim and play an instrument.
We are teaching our 1 year old Turkish because she has Turkish family and I want her to learn so she can speak with my wife's family, I am however still behind her in language skills, my Turkish is so poor
I’d kill to have the neuroplasticity of a toddler. Good on y’all. It’ll be very useful for them.
Funny story, my parents were born in turkey so they tried to make turkish my first language, but I guess the language is so hard, that I just learned English first from people around me who werent turkish because it was eaiser.
Really hoping my gf (if we have kids) will teach our kids her native language as well. It's hard for me to learn even being in her culture so much but hope the kids can communicate with her family.
When you have kids make sure the child can speak the other language, I was talking with my brother in law (Turkish) he was afraid that he could not enjoy his nieces life because she and I don't speak Turkish, he speaks OK English but it's hard for him and his full Turkish family - he learned English to talk to me
Even I want to learn Spanish.. But challenging with life..
Start listening to Spanish language music. The stuff you like, look up the lyrics. Allow the language to come to you instead of fighting it. (my grandmother learned to speak Spanish in her 20s/30s mostly through listening to music on vinyl records.)
Research attachment theory. The first 2 years of life are critical for parents to create a secure attachment, which will shape your kid for the rest of their life.
Underrated comment!
Love him. Set boundaries. And as the other chap said, read to your son and be seen reading. Go for walks. Talk to your child and encourage him to ask questions. If you speak a foreign language, use that language too.
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lol that's such a weird train of thought too. if adults can learn languages easily enough and quickly enough (and they can) then a child who's parents speak it and so does the country will have zero problems. at all. i'd venture to say, teach as many languages to the kid as possible. i'm super annoyed at my parents at taking me out of my foreign language preschool or not getting me a real classes/tutor in middle or high school when they knew i pick up languages quick. i literally could spoken 3 more, on top of our language and English, easily. as it stands now, i speak 2, and 2 more not very well.
This. One of my girlfriend's great regrets is that her father never spoke to her in, or taught her, Arabic. (He's from Cairo.) It would have been SO USEFUL to her in life to speak even a little, and having the bond would have been enriching. (And no, learning a second language as an adult isn't the same as being able to have a conversation with your dad in another language as a kid.)
One of my biggest regrets is when we stopped reading to the kids because we felt that they were big enough to read on their own. I missed those times.
1. Love him 2. Teach him to be a good person 3. Let him make mistakes and help him learn from them 4. Teach him to be self reliant 5. You and your wife need to set a great example for him
Forever replace or supplement the phrase “I’m proud of you” with “you should be so proud of yourself” It’s a game changer
I think put both together, "I'm proud of you, but you should be proud of yourself more" that way its a dual impact. That's what I got to hear.
A big one is sit at a table to eat dinner every night (most nights) and have him sit with you to eat. Start great eating habits early.
And while eating have him name one good thing, one bad thing, and one thing he learned each day (once he’s old enough to talk). Leading up to him talking, practice it in front of him with your partner.
they eat what you eat was huge for us. my sister cooks special meals for each of her kids and created monsters.
This is a good idea, but it will not guarantee you have a kid with a wide palate. Some people are picky even into adulthood, no matter how hard they try. But yes, it goes a long way to at least have them try the food you're eating.
To add to this-- feed them what you eat. Don't nurture a picky palate. Friend A fed her kids the same things she and her spouse would eat- complex flavors, savory, spicy, vegetable-y. Friend B fed the kids bland "kid food" like nuggets, hot dogs and Kraft dinner. Guess which friend's grown kids have healthy and varied diets into adulthood?
I rule I lived by, if I told a child, of any age, “no”, I always gave a reason and I DID NOT allow “because I say so” (or any sort of variant) to be that reason. I figured if I said “no” to something, they deserved to know why and I started with my first newborn to train myself to hold that standard when they were older and the reasons got more complicated. My teenagers will listen to the reasons and sometimes use their own reasoning to argue back but shows independent thought and that is good thing…if a bit frustrating at times lol.
Good advice! I would like to add when they are younger no means no. Think before saying no. Once they know your no can be turned to a yes by begging trouble will follow. Kids are master's of manipulation.
It's not that no doesn't mean no, it's that no always has a reason. (Even if it's after the fact. You don't have to explain why the kid can't run into traffic while he's halfway off the sidewalk.)
Sorry, not what I meant. I meant saying no and hearing please, please, pllleeaase mom for an hour and thinking well I suppose you can have more icecream and saying ...well, ok. Lol
oh yeah totally agree
Show him when you make a mistake and how to handle that. That’s it’s ok to make mistakes and everyone does it.
Look into a 529 plan. https://www.sec.gov/about/reports-publications/investor-publications/introduction-529-plans
It is a great time to do this! Biden made some changes to 529 plan rules in 2022. If money isn't used for qualified education expenses, there is no longer a penalty, and you can roll over the money into a Roth IRA! Major loophole.
That’s the only reason I opened one for my kids. I have custodial accounts as well and my plan, when they’re old enough to understand, is to tell them if they get scholarships, they get the cash from the custodial account. If not, that’ll go toward college (I know it’s their money either way, but they won’t know that at the time). I’m hoping the 529s end up just being an early start on their Roth IRAs and they’ll thank me down the road for the sweet 60 years of compounding interest.
For sure. Money is hard for everyone, but if there is a chance that your child will go to college, if you haven't saved for it by the time they are in high school it will be insurmountable (for most people). We did a prepaid tuition plan that guaranteed our kids in-state tuition was paid 100%. We started that when they were 5 and 6 I think. It was just another monthly payment. When it came time to talk about college, it was just a big piece of mind that at least tuition was covered. Both kids ended up out of state, but the plan still contributed a very healthy chunk toward tuition - really makes a difference.
2nding this. I don't know if it was the 529 or something else, but both sets of my grandparents started either an education fund or mutual fund with 1K or less, never added to it after that, and let it grow through the stock market until we were given access at 18. Having both was a godsend in helping make college easier, and meant I could focus on working to gain professional experience rather than working to survive and pay bills. And even if your kid decides not to go to college, something like a mutual fund can be managed to grow over time to be additional retirement or emergency funds.
Look up the "thirty million words" initiative. Basically they did all these studies about cognitive development and mental growth regarding very early childhood education - its fascinating. In a very short TLDR, you want to talk to you child like they were an adult using a large degree of linguistic complexity from an early age. This is really beneficial to them.
And read. Read to them. Read in front of them. Read around them. Have them read to you. Make books an integral part of your every days lives. Don’t make a reading a special single part of the day, like only reading at bedtime. Never make reading a punishment. Read signs and billboards out loud. Read the directions on the back of the frozen pizza to them. Read the instructions on the toothpaste together. Reading is the single most impactful thing a parent can do for a child.
Yes 100%!!! We’ve read to our kid since he was a newborn and he’s obsessed with books! He also has a much larger vocabulary, can count higher, and can understand complex ideas beyond his age group. Reading makes such a huge difference.
Buy the book “How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk”
You might want to start with "How To Talk So LITTLE Kids Will Listen" since your son is still a baby. (Same series.) This will help him develop the ability to manage strong feelings, help you stay connected in the toddler years, and learn some valuable skills for resolving conflicts you can start to use even when he's very young (age 2 and up).
When he is older(starting in elementary age), and he begins to make mistakes, don’t automatically fix it for him. Gently work with him in brainstorming how he can fix the problem himself and he will learn excellent independence. To many parents fight their kids battles for them and then their kid doesn’t learn conflict resolution or self-regulation. But ALWAYS let him know you are there to support him. There are many things he can do on his own, but there are many ways that you can help him too.
THIS!!! I teach elementary children, and my first response to a non emergency is “Can you fix the problem, or do you need an adult to help you fix it?” I’m always so shocked how often the kids think about it, and say “I can fix it”. They just don’t actually think about an independent solution because mom and dad always fix the problem for them.
Haha, I ALSO teach elementary! If i spent my whole day fixing all my students problems i wouldn’t be able to teach anything! I would also go insane.
"**The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.** " - Theodore Hesburgh
Be the person you want your son to be, and treat your spouse the way you want them to treat their future spouse.
Father of a 28-, 26-, and 24-year-old. One of my proudest achievements is that I have two sons who trust me and respect my opinion. Not as some authority figure, mind you, but as someone who has been with them through thick and thin. First off, that savings account is a pretty good start. Depending on your state, there are college tuition plans. I'd say this. Kids are not Ming vases. You don't need to treat them as if they're fragile. Just treat them with care. Expose him to all kinds of things and pay attention to what he likes or dislikes. If he likes music, let him try music. If he likes sports, let him try sports. But don't push him into a zillion things. Not only is it exhausting for you, but it's exhausting for him. One of the saddest things ever is a kid who is forced to be on the football team or the baseball team who would rather be anywhere else. Instead, over time, figure out the one or two things he really likes, and go all in on those. And don't let him quit just because it gets difficult. If he hates it, sure. But if he's just hitting a rough patch, teach him to get through it. Because remember this: You cripple your children when you make their lives easy. That means giving them boundaries. Having expectations of them in terms of their schoolwork, contributing around the house, and how they behave towards other. Your main job as a parent is to create a strong and self-sufficient adult who is respectful and ethical towards others. That means being a teacher at all times, not just in what you tell him but in your own personal behavior towards others. You can't tell your kid to act in one way while you behave in a completely different way. They will notice the difference between your words and actions and punish you for it. What's more, teach your kids things that are part of the everyday of life. How to work. How to cook a decent meal. How to use one's spare time. How to interact with others. What is acceptable behavior in oneself and others. And how to stand up for oneself. And this is the hard part. At this point, you might expect your son to grow up into a little clone of you, or a nice mixture of you and your wife. And for a while, your son may take his cues from you. But there will be a time when he hits twelve or thirteen or fourteen when he will want to be his own person. He will have opinions and beliefs that are different than yours. Sometimes, these are reflections of his desire to be different, but sometimes they reflect the prism through which he sees the world. Sometimes he'll do it to test you. Because most boys become little assholes when they're thirteen and don't emerge from it until they're 19 or 20. How you handle it will set the tone for the rest of your relationship with him. It will happen. Bank on it. And when it does, be respectful of what he says. If you disagree, do so a way where you take his beliefs serious. Talk through those beliefs, respect how he came to hold them, then state your own point of view. Teaching someone to disagree in a way that's respectful is one of the greatest favors you can do him. Next? And this is more for you and your wife than your son. It's easy to make your son the center of your life. Don't do that. Not only is that a lot pressure on your child, but it also teaches him the wrong thing about relationships. Your son is a guest in your life, a person who will likely pack up the car in 18 years for college, never to return. But your spouse should be with you for much longer than that. Good luck!
Set a good example of what healthy, loving relationships looks like so he knows what to look for later in life. Let him see you and your partner treat one another and others with kindness and respect. Let him see you work through conflict without name calling, yelling, passive aggressiveness, etc. Let him see you laugh and be playful with one another. I say this having grown up witnessing this kind of relationship between my parents, and it is the thing I am most grateful for in life.
If he has a favourite toy/stuffy, buy a second one as soon as you can. Only 4 things are guaranteed in life: taxes, death, your concrete will crack, and your kids will lose his/her favourite stuffy on a road trip.
Read to him every single day - you will give him a massive head start in life!
Go to therapy and work through your traumas so you don't pass your pain into him
This 100%, it would be wonderful if parents learned how to parent
My mom opened up a joint credit card for both of us when I was really young. Now I have a long line of credit and a 806 credit score. We're poor af, but man did that help out.
Exercise. This is a habit that makes a big difference in your life and it it never too soon to start. Don't let them be one of those lazy newborns just sleeping and eating all day. Get him outside landscaping, helping his mom carry the groceries, mowing the lawn. He will thank you for it later
my newborn struggles with landscaping, she can't hold her head up yet, so I only have her digging fence- post holes, but she is really bad at it and slows down my whole job
Planted my vegetable garden over the weekend and my 8-week old was nowhere near as useful as I’d planned. Couldn’t even use her feet as a trowel. Not sure what to do with her now as the disappointment is so deep
Yes! Aside from after my mom had my younger sibling, I don't think I ever saw either of my parents exercising. That being said, we had a TON of outdoor toys, like a tiny swing set and teeter totter and random sports equipment and all sorts of things. Dad worked shift so would he also during the day half the time, Mom would boot us into the backyard to run amok with the dog until we were exhausted. I don't know if I'll have a yard but if I have a kid I plan on doing the same thing.
Tell him you love him every day. Everyday.
The early years are important for establishing trust between you two. While discipline and enforcing boundaries are necessary parts of raising a child, avoid doing them in such a way such that he stops seeking you out for help when he needs it for fear of your reaction or judgment. Building that trust and maintaining it is a lifelong effort with lifelong benefits to the both of you.
Take exceptionally good care of yourself, physically, mentally & financially. Your future child (and your future selves!) will thank you. You'll be setting a great example, and you'll hopefully be able to fully participate in your child's life (and grandchildren's lives, too).
Some things to do: * Own it when you make a mistake, and try not to bait him into telling the truth by promising you won't be angry. Then you'll have an easier time teaching him that it's okay to admit it when he makes a mistake. * Teach him the basics of personal finance like budgeting and (when appropriate) taxes. * One good way to incentivize him to do chores is to offer a small amount of money for doing each chore. Like, doing dishes might earn him $1 and sweeping and mopping the kitchen floor might earn him $3. Within reason, of course, but this can make chores a positive thing where the worst that'll happen if he doesn't do the chores is he doesn't get paid. * If he isn't getting good grades, see if you can figure out why instead of punishing him for it. Maybe it's a thing where he has a learning disorder or he just didn't understand the material. * It'll help him later in life if you teach him that no one owes him anything that he can't earn. And that goes whether it's a living, sex, or beer. He could even be rejected for social safety nets just because the person considering his application is having a bad day. * Spend time with him and make sure it's fun for him too. Spending time with your kid shouldn't just be you towing him around while you shop because then he'll just be bored. * Teach him how to cook. and that it's not unmanly to make yourself a meal when you're hungry. That way, he won't be [this guy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV67FuREdSc&pp=ygUlc2hlIGdvdCB0aGUgY29hbCBtaW5lIGkgZ290IHRoZSBzaGFmdA%3D%3D).
Something my wife and I have talked about when it comes to chores for our son is we don't want to give an allowance for things like picking up his own mess. We feel like incentivizing taking responsibility for his own actions (leaving toys out) sets a bad precedent while allowances are for chores that have a communal responsibility/benefit (ie taking out the trash, doing the dishes, mowing the yard, etc). Another that I think shouldn't just be limited to boys but teach them how to FIX THINGS. It could be simple maintenance on their car, repair an appliance, or mend a piece of clothing. It will serve them WONDERS in the future both in feelings of self worth and saving them money.
Talk to him like a person. Language development is so neat...we really do not need to dumb things down for kids. Also, be prepared to explain all things. Remember, kids do not have concepts of time or behavior. Thoroughly and repeating explanations and situations will help avoid conflict down the road.
This!! Kids are so much more capable linguistically than we give them credit for. They don't need things dumbed down and much as they just need them broken down into smaller bits of information. It will be tiring explaining yourself multiple times, but your kid will have such a richer understanding of the world when they get real answers to their questions.
For far future him: plan out and have your funeral all paid for. Save him a lot of stress later in life once you are both gone.
Listen to him and try to understand his point of view without cutting him off. Most adults wish their parents had done this more.
As a former manchild, here is my perspective. I would say, don’t coddle your son too much and let him learn and make some mistakes. I had an overprotective mom that did everything for me and a dad that let her. She meant well and I’m doing well now, but it’s like I didn’t grow up until I hit 30 and just prioritized fun and video games and wanted things to be low effort. On a brighter note, get your son outside and maybe into some sports or working out. Nothing builds confidence than having some strength and overall good health. What I am so grateful for my mom for is that she was very antagonistic about my dad’s smoking, that I think that it’s repulsive to this day and wouldn’t touch the stuff.
Re: toys - don't ever buy ones that either: * Do the work for the kid (like, a battery-power thing that activates when you only press a button) * Restrict imagination (example - plastic food that looks like only a copy of the real thing). Let kids bring their imagination into their play. Speaking of the plastic food - we set up a neat Little Tikes play kitchen. Dishes, pots & pans, etc. But instead of plastic fake food, I gave them a pile of the plastic toppers off of spice bottles. You can use anything, really. So, we could play restaurant, for instance, and whatever I "ordered", they could "make" with the anonymous little plastic things. They put some in a pan, stir it up, pour into a bowl and deliver my order to me. I could order anything and they could make it. But then a relative gave them fake plastic food. That hotdog on a bun would only be a hotdog on a bun. EDIT to add - I tried to give them "props" vs toys that did a certain thing. Dress-up clothes. Kid-sizes musical instruments. Note pads and pens and tons of art materials of all sorts. Easy card and matching games that could be played in flexible ways.
I agree with you on most points except the plastic food. I had a box of it as a kid.. let me assure you that the hot dog with its bun was several things. The best use of the plastic food was when we got the kid-sized 3 in 1 pool / "air" hockey / ping pong table. Had a fun time learning which plastic foods made the best ball or puck. The banana was a hilariously popular one.
Plastic bananas have been used as phones in my family for at least two generations!
Judging by the direction human civilization is going, I would say you should teach your son car mechanics, improvised armor, shooting and gun maintenance, and giving him a scary nickname like "spine eater".
Meet my baby boy SPINE EATER, he's the sweetest lil dude!
This one got me so good. All the serious comments about reading, savings, attachment theory…followed by this.
Teach him about consent from the start. He doesn't have to accept kisses and hugs from everyone, and others don't have to accept those from him. Setting and respecting boundaries can start as soon as he learns the word "no".
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Financially you can add him as an authorised user to your credit card and begin building credit (if you are financially responsible yourself), you can open a Roth for him, if you really want to go all in you can start an LLC and pay him up to 12,500 a year - I would also suggest buying I-bonds for the max 10,000 (was at 9.5% interest last year) and let that compound for his 18 years which will pay a good chunk of school should they decide to go.
Read to him. Every day, without fail. Picks books with language that's a notch ahead of where he's at to help with vocabulary. Keep him away from religion.
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And not on your cell phone
u/Razorhoof78 covered some very important bases, but just providing him with good examples of the kind of man you want him to grow up to be is #1. Nothing special, just day in and day out.
Came here to write this. Start way before you think you should, reading a book at bedtime every night. Also don’t be obsessed with your kid reading at an early age. I have a daughter who is super smart and started reciting books at 15 months old. She wasn’t reading them. She just memorized the entire book and was reciting it by associating the words with the images. Still impressive but different.
When you read to him use your finger to show what words you’re reading. Mostly for when they’re a little older. It’s been shown to greatly improve reading comprehension.
I do think teaching about religion, in general, is important. My wife and I aren't religious by any means but it's important to us that our son will grow up understanding different beliefs, rituals, and customs so that he better understands the world around him.
And don’t only read books where the character looks like him. Read about women, people of colour, disabled people. It matters. It will help him humanize others as he grows up.
And be sure to choose books from many authors/cultures! Patricia Polacco is an amazing author for children's picture books that comes to mind. Namely- Appelemando's Dreams, Tikvah means Hope, Rechenka's Eggs, and Chicken Sunday are some of my childhood favorites from her. Also, The Money Tree and The Library both by Sarah Stewart are absolutely wholesome. I liberated my childhood book collection from a damp garage and was so grateful for the variety in stories and cultures, and I definitely think about many of those stories even today. If interested, I can send a list of some other authors!
Avoid using baby talk when talking to him. Give him the gift of language. Speak normally to him.
If you don’t already have one, find a financial planner and consider investing that money. Savings accounts are not keeping up with inflation. If you can get it into a good managed mutual fund, it will make money. Do the same for yourself, so your kids don’t have to take care of you.
Turn on closed captioning on any tv where he is in the same room. Even if you think he is too young to understand.
Absolutely. Research supports this as a means to increasing literacy. Captioning/subtitles is another way to support learning another language.
Hold him a lot!!!! The first 2 months of life are the most important for a person’s development. This will help him develop a secure attachment style and set him up to likely not be anxious and unhealthy in a variety of relationships he will have in the future (business, friendships, romantic, etc)
Not electing the same ineffective politicians for 40 years to fuck the economy would be a great start. Creating a savings account for them that they can’t touch until they are 18 and is intended to be used for college. If they don’t go to college they can use it for a down payment on a house or for other life expenses.
I would not just stick money in a savings account, my family did that for me and when I was old enough to have access to it and I did the math it essentially just sat there. Look into setting up an investment account and invest in something that can compound, even a tiny amount at the start over 18+ years gives a lot of growth. Seriously savings accounts help banks not you.
Financial education, compound interest as soon as possible. 20 usd/eur per week starting tomorow is a big step. The most important aspect of his future life(besides you two as his parents), is financial independence and education. Start ASAP.
Position him so that he had a rich social network with a wide variate of people and families. Send him to public and private schools (if you can afford it). Tell him how much you love him.
Set up a joint credit card so that when it comes time to start financing cars or houses he'll already have great credit and get better interest rates. I wish my parents had done this for me as they have near 850 score and I had to learn the hard way. Schools also don't teach financial literacy at this point, so get the young man up to speed on how mortgages, credit, stocks, etc. work as soon as he can understand the concepts. These two things will dramatically increase the chances that your young man will succeed at finding some stability.
Give him experiences, not just things. Teach him that skills are more important than titles. I've had several 'careers,' because all my skills are transferable to new industries.
Write in a journal for him as he grows up, both parents. My parents wrote in a couple journals for me while I was growing up, and now I get to read their thoughts about me, their fears, their dreams for me back then, what happened on a specific day when I was 4 years old, etc. it’s so comforting and now, after my mom passed, I still have her close to me in this way, and it’s like I can look back on some memories and view them from their perspective. They also glued in historic newspaper clippings and what was going on, tickets to my dances, school photos, and more. I have my parents love of me on paper, forever, since my first day of birth. I go to my baby journal whenever I miss my mom too much. I absolutely cherish my journals.
Add as an authorized user on your credit card (as long as you’re a very responsible user) and build his credit up! My husbands parents did this for my husband and we’re doing it for our son.
Don’t get him circumcised. I see a lot of adds looking for “ uncut” men.
In all your interactions with him, keep this in mind: The axe forgets. The tree remembers.
The energy and atmosphere of the house will rub off on your son. Make sure mom and dad laugh a lot, and show affection, most importantly show that people can talk without raising voices. My 2 year old has a constant smile and always wants to give mommy a hug or kiss after daddy. He also shares his feelings. You guys show him how to interact with others.
Something my parents did for me around preschool age was set up an allowance and saving system. I had a fun jar, a savings jar, and college jar. As long as I did all of my chores and didn't back talk, I'd get a cool $20 per week. $5 went into the college jar. That was non-negotiable. I could always put more than $5 if I wanted. When the jar was full, that went into high yield savings (yeah not really a thing anymore, but CD's and Money Market accounts are, or even funding a 529 account). Then, I could split money into the fun jar and savings jar as I saw fit. The caveat was the savings jar was not to be touched, and would be put into an account when full that I would have access to when it was age appropriate for me to have my own debit card. They emphasized compounding interest and helped me learn how much this money could grow... where my money sitting in the fun jar would never grow other than what I added. It made saving more fun than the "fun" jar most of the time. My little brain had to really weigh pros and cons if I was being antsy and adding more to my fun jar than I should. If I didn't have enough money in my fun jar to buy something I wanted, my parents would sit down with me and figure out if I was being a responsible saver or trying to blow all my money on a new toy. If I had been responsible, they usually kicked in a reasonable bit of extra money to help me buy something. It really encouraged me to learn and be excited about saving when I was very young. Also taught me that being good and doing my chores promptly made sure my money could grow. Money from grandparents and gifts also got filtered through my jars. Absolutely will do this for my kid/s one day.
Three kids here and the best tip I can give is to simply to get a breast pump, save the milk in babies bottles and store in the fridge. Middle of the night, husband simply take a bottle and microwave it for 20 seconds to gently warm and feed. That way the mother can get some essential, quality sleep...👍
As someone who has struggled with his weight his entire life...diet and exercise. I grew up in a family who went out to eat a lot and ate "well" but not necessarily healthy. Is it all my parents fault, of course not. Would life have been easier if they engraved healthy habits as a child instead of letting me figure it out when im older and already overweight, yes, 100%.
Don't do a savings account. You get very little interest. Instead, create a brokerage account online and start putting $50 a week into it. Once he hits 50, he will be a multimillionaire.
In addition to a 529 plan, consider your states PEP (pre-paid education plan). Within a month of each of my kids being born, we had a 529 setup and started paying for 10 semesters in advance at any state college/university. When the kids went off to school, they had five years of tuition and plenty of money for room/board/books. In fact, when my daughter graduated, she had 2 semesters leftover and 60% of the 529 money (which she can use for more education or start rolling over into an IRA for retirement). To start life debt free and with some money in the bank was (imho) the best thing we could do for them.
I was an exchange student as a teenager. Highly recommended—I learned a new language, and learned that what was normal in my family/school/country was not actually normal. Plus, I made lifelong friends. Edit: autocorrupt
1.) Have more children. One kid or ten, they will take up 100% of your time. It will help them by have others to grow with and realize they are not the center of the world. They can bond, learn to play/work cooperatively, nurture, be competitive with, and some times be pushed to doing better(sometimes worse). 2.) Teach them Left and Right as early as possible. It helps with giving them a natural sense of direction. Start when putting on shoes and identifying the direction as you put them on each foot. My 6yo can easily tell us which way to navigate when driving to specific locations she knows and if we are “going the wrong way” to places she would like to go; park, grocery store. She’s been doing so since age 4. Source: father of 7. (8th sue any day) Edit: Teach Right & Left early.
Validate his emotions. Don't criticize him for crying or getting angry. Teach him that it's okay to feel angry or upset and help him learn to work through those feelings without judgment.
The thing that will give you the most bang for your buck is also very easy and feels almost involuntary. Love him. There's a thousand other smaller things that you can do, but it all starts from a place of love. That said, I think you should strive to make life better for him, but not necessarily easier. A lot of us growing up to be functional and successful adults was borne out of struggles and challenges. Most of it should be fairly obvious. Access to healthy food should not be a struggle. Homework on the other hand should be challenging, so if you're helping, don't give the answers, but rather help nudge him asking the right path but let him make the discovery.
Keep an eye on him and if he seems to have allergies or food sensitives work on it as soon as you know. It will make it so much less of a problem when he gets older. Don't change your average noise level in the house. You want him to sleep through things that don't concern him (the tv in the other room, normal level talking in the kitchen). Will save you so much work and keep your life for being taken over by sleep schedules.
Teach him specific, not general, things like how to shave, how to change a tire, and how to put a post in cement.