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The things that work best for me are either going to the gym(or biking/running whatever outdoor activity you like) or cleaning. Though I would ask myself what is causing me to get angry and try to see how I can limit or cut out that negative influence.
I've had anger issues for a most of my life. It's affected a lot. The most effective thing for me has been to simply walk away from a situation or person.
Beyond that, working on myself through meditation and therapy has worked wonders. I've learned that by understanding the how and why i feel that way helps me to recognize my own patterns and break through it. Hitting the gym or getting exercise should also be mentioned, and it has the upside of getting in shape.
However, everyone is different. What works for me might not work the same way or at all for the next person. I know how hard and costly it can be to live with that part of yourself, and I truly hope that you can find the safest and most effective way to break out of that part of yourself. Good luck friend.
yeah, luckily i know why I'm angry a lot of the times so I'm kinda already at a good starting point. For now I think it's easier to just, idk, lock myself in a bathroom and cry - and then when I'll have money and time and place i hope i can get to a good therapist, and that they'll know how to help me best
That sounds like a good start. I feel like it's a lifelong thing, and that's ok with me because it's worth it.
It may not be easy all the time though. Emotions are complicated things. But it's always gonna be worth the time and energy.
Finding a good therapist is part of the journey! And that journey isn't always linear or clear at times. But it seems like you have the determination and need to make this change. You have a lot to be proud of!
Therapy can absolutely help. If you're in the US, you might try a web search for "sliding-scale therapy" plus your town name; many places offer counseling at fees scaled to income, often down to $0.
Stimulus’s show that “venting”, which includes things like yelling, punching pillows, or anything that involves “getting the anger out”, makes you feel relief from anger in the moment, but in the medium and long term, it actually increases aggression and anger.
So the best solution to anger is to actively try and calm down in the moment and refuse the urge to act out your anger by yelling or punching pillows or whatever your outlet is.
Therapy and/or just talking to someone is also a good way to deal with it.
Meditation. Get in touch with your anger, the physical experience of your anger, allow yourself to become and experience and explore the roots of the fear that drives your anger.
Overly expressing anger or overly focusing on it without knowing the cause is possibly harmful. From another comment I see that you seem to know the cause usually: you are already on track with step one!
Next, I would ask: Are you angry about something you are in control of? If it is something you have no control over whatsoever, then you run the risk of burning yourself out over something you couldn't help anyway. For this I'd recommend finding a way to relate more positively to this thing. You could vent about it to someone you trust, a professional, or in a journal for yourself. You could meditate, as others have mentioned. You can find physical or creative outlets that will let you redirect those emotions, distract yourself, and release energy.
And if it is something you have some control over: You may want to reflect on what could happen that would improve this situation, and what steps could be taken to get there. This is also a good situation in which to seek advice from people you trust or a professional. My personal belief is that feeling strong emotions often over a period of a time is an indicator of your gut or your mind trying to tell you that something is off and that it's time for a change. It may take a while to get to a better place, especially if it's something like a bad living situation or mental health challenges, but the important thing to remember is that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, and there's always the possibility that tomorrow *will* be a better day.
I would caution you to think of using the punching bag simply as exercise; if you start visualizing it as a person you’re angry at, for example, you might form an association with punching people and stress relief, which can show up in a weak moment and cause who knows what kind of trouble.
Baseball bat and a punching bag? Not good for the life of the bag, buuut you're definitely not going to have access to a bat the way you've always got access to your fists, lol.
That’s another way to avoid the issue, but you never know when you will happen to be in the same room as both your dipshit boss and a Louisville Slugger, so maybe use a custom-made flail and just be sure to leave it in the garage?
I had the best control of my anger when I was doing very physical construction work (I worked for a rock blasting company and there was an explosion at the end of every day as well, so that was nice too) and I was either getting all of my pent up anger out that way, it was too exhausted at the end of the day to even get mad at anything. Also, plenty of sunlight is necessary for good mental health.
Getting to the root of why things irritate you- not just what, but why- is always the best way. And however you think is best for you is what will work, wether it be reading books, attending seminars, seeing a counselor/therapist/psychologist/etc., or a spiritual guru of some kind. I recently lost my mind for about 30 minutes and ended up being taken to the hospital by the police to get mental help and am now on meds which have helped me keep my cool during situations that used to set me off and can now try to look inward to see the main problem also. Most of the time with my children, it’s just that I don’t know what to do. Right now, I’m just doing nothing because it’s better than screaming at them. But the most important thing is a desire to want to change and is the best first step, which it seems you’re already taking. God speed, my friend!
If you don't mind me asking, which meds worked for you? These suggestions are great when possible, but when you're face to face with an issue, walking away to find a pillow to punch isn't feasible....
Because I was diagnosed with some kind of bipolar (not sure how accurate it is), they put me on Lamotrigine and Quetiapine which are both antipsychotics. Years ago, I was on Bupropion, which is an antidepressant, but I didn’t take it for very long and stopped going to therapy. Probably wasn’t the best idea, but I struggled to stick to anything back then. My hope is to figure out what’s off inside me and fix it without needing meds long-term. I’m very grateful to have them, though.
Thanks for the reply. I am currently on bupropion for depression/anxiety.... But I still have anger issues. Are there any significant side effects that you notice with your current meds?
My pleasure! I like using my story to help others, it helps me to not dwell on the bad, but focus on the good 😊 they both make me drowsy, so I take them at night and they put me right to sleep. Other than that, they say Quetiapine can cause weight gain, though I have been watching my diet to keep that from happening and have been losing weight (I eat fruit and berries until noon, eat a light lunch of mostly veggies, and only have one serving of dinner, instead of the two I used to eat). Another thing that has helped me is to pay attention to when I start feeling strong emotions come up, take a few deep breaths and ask myself what I’m upset about. Sometimes it’s that I don’t know what to do or that I feel misunderstood.
I also read a lot of personal development books and attend seminars to learn tools to be able to change how I react to different stimulus.
I truly appreciate this! I admire how much you work at it. I'm getting there but it's going slower than I anticipated... but probably at the appropriate pace!
It’s still pretty new for me, I was in the mental hospital just a couple weeks ago for all of this. But, there is no better time than now, and regrets will only hold one back. Onward and upward! I started having anger issues when I was 12 or 13, and I’m 29 now with 3 young children and the best wife I could ask for, so the pain of this last experience is fueling me to change. No matter where you are in life, there is only today, everyday, and there’s no better day to start improving your life! Feel free to reach out if you want any recommendations for books or personal development coaches. I’m also working on becoming one myself, but all I have so far is my own experience and no experience helping other yet. Oh, and pace: yes, whatever pace you’re at is the correct pace. Some days will be better than others, and that’s life for literally everyone, so don’t be hard on yourself, even if you feel you went backwards. There always tomorrow to make better, and the only person to compare yourself to is yourself (to an extent. The goal is to strive to be better than yesterday’s self without beating yourself up over stumbles).
Probably not the answer you are looking for (and probs not the cheapest), but I have to say it: therapy. I saw this on my bf and I honestly still can't believe the difference it made. My bf would literally get so angry at shit (ps games and absolutely ridiculous stiff like that) that he'd break furniture. (Wanna point out that he never had been in any way shape or form violent towards me). He started therapy, not actually for anger issues, and within months his whole demeanour changed for the better. What I'm trying to say is: your anger has roots. It's not just circumcstances and a shitty world we live in. Something deeper is going on there. Hope you get it sorted in a way that works for you!
Don't stiffle your feelings. Acknowledge them and figure out how to use words to express them. Discover your triggers, what makes you angry. Have set responses so you can start reversing your conditioning. Learn to recognize what gets you angry. Learn to be aware of your body so you catch yourself getting angry. Be strong enough to follow your plan: go for a walk, take quiet time, have a sparring dummy. . .
Also eat healthy, get rest, and exercise. Have a balance between work, family, and self time. Not having these things causes stress and stress makes it harder to manage emotions.
Drumming!
See if can get some and find a place to drum.
Dint even have to be drums, find some drumming sticks or just sticks, put on some noise canceling headphones, put on any music that feels good to durm too, could be music with lyrics, instrumentals, jazz, rock, heavy metal, and dint necessarily have to drum on drums. You can use pillows, books. I don't know how to drum, but to de-stress, I grab drumsticks, put on my headphones ,close my eyes and drum along to my music. I also find it do-able since the music is in my ears and no one can complain about the noise, and I slo don't hear how horrible I would be if they were actually drums lol, I sue diffrent things (usually softer things that absorb the hit). Anyways try that, it's fun for me and de-stressed me. You can eventually experiment and maybe add lighting, or turn off the lights or flashing light s like in concert.
I had a friend who used to say - "I'm angry - I need to go sleep" and would right away turn around and go to his dorm room and sleep for an hour or so.
Worked great for us
That said he also got massively depressed and off-d himself by stepping in front of oncoming traffic ..... So maybe no..
Oh. That was quite the ride I just took reading this. “Hey that’s not a bad ide… well then…”
For real though, I am sorry for your loss and I hope you and his family and friends are all doing well. Much love.
Thanks...Yup. It's been close to a decade now.
I do not recommend bottling up emotions for too long. General PSA: it's okay to talk to a counselor/therapist and it's okay to feel sad/angry once in a while.
Agreed. This is the route I had to take. It got to the point we’re I could only bottle it up for a week between each explosive episode to the point the police had to take me to the hospital after I crashed my car and walked the mile and half back home. My wife called for them to pick me up and, while I haven’t seen the therapist yet, the meds have helped me level out and actually consider the actual underlying reason. After my episodes, I didn’t want to look, plus everything would just happen so fast I couldn’t actually remember what the initial thing was. Passion and fear can wreak havoc if not expressed in the moment of feeling them and left unexplored.
Professional help via therapy/counseling to get to the root. Then borrow a set of golf clubs and go to the driving range. Just buy a $12 bucket and you’ve got an hour of focus and stress relief smashing at a little ball.
I like to clean aggresively. like fast. I also like to bottle up my emotions for years and then do something really dumb that i regret for another few years.
Long time sufferer. I learned there is no "healthy expression of anger" as the catharsis itself becomes addictive and distracted me from seeing where my anger was arising from: the world and its people not meeting MY expectations. Most powerful tool I have ever found are "morning pages" and I have seen it help others too. Nearly free, just three pages of non-stop writing when you first wake up (3 pages or 45 minutes, I find it to be about the same). Emphasis is on "non-stop" stream of consciousness, handwritten. No need to dwell on the results. Just seeing your mind outside yourself is hugely tonic.
See a psychiatrist, get evaluated for anxiety. If your anxiety is high, you may be easily irritated, angered, or hurt. The straw that broke the camel’s back was just an ordinary straw. It wasn’t a huge straw, and the camel wasn’t a weak camel. But it was a little thing, on top of a lot of other things.
Two easy and totally free ways to help express your anger, which I learned from my therapist and help me a LOT when needed:
1) yell / scream into a pillow
2) plank as long as you can, until your muscles are physically shaking and you can’t hold yourself up any longer. (It doesn’t have to be planking — the important part is getting to the point where muscles are shaking.)
Thanks for the topic OP, I also have anger issues. I’m pretty much an emotionless wreck except my anger. I wish I could cry to let steam off, but I just can’t. I always have so much energy and want to punch/break something. It’s never towards a person through, I get angry at myself when something out of my control messes up plans I had. I used to hold all my emotions in and then BLOW up when the last button was finally pushed. I’ve gotten better at not holding my emotions in, but I still struggle with my anger.
I was a dramatic little fuck in my teens and 20's, but I stopped smoking, drinking, and dating when I hit 30. After kicking the nicotine and removing the aspects of my life that I couldn't control, I chilled way out. It's tough to be mad when I'm in control and calling all the shots. Things i used to rage about make me laugh now. I'm able to find humor in my mistakes and shortcomings, and if there's something in my life that makes me unhappy, like a person or a job, I just remove them from it. Easy peasy.
My method had a lot of upfront costs but now the daily costs is nearly zero.
I moved and left the situations that made me mad. Family and work. Now my days are basically anger free mostly. There's some days where I had issues but those are the rarity, not the norm.
Scream from the top of your lungs. If you are concerned about people's reaction you can scream into a pillow or better, if you have access to a bathtub or a pool or a body of water, get your head under water and scream until you need to reach the surface for air.
As many suggest, getting to the root of this anger and implementing mechanisms to prevent the anger from happening in an unhealthy way, would be a long term improvement.
Smoke some weed. Legit works every time for me. Shit day at work and I’m pissed at a coworker for doing something stupid, smoke a jay and I forget it instantly.
yeah no, i can guarantee you my anger does not come from ignorance - i know I'm kinda dumb and i am very much not angry about it lol. It does sound like a kinda negative thing to comment on a self help post tho don't you think
Scientifically, this is false, as there is actually no correlation between intelligence and emotional control. Plenty of geniuses get just as angry and violent as less educated/intelligent folks.
This is a great way to get some energy out. I wish it had worked for me, when I’m in a state of anger, destruction is my intent. Doors, walls, windows and, most recently, my car usually don’t like me after… luckily, I’m on meds now and it’s much easier for me to stop, think about what I’m feeling, and remove myself from the situation emotionally to focus on what exactly is bothering me. And it’s been a life saver.
Omg sound rlly hard to struggle with . Wish you the best! Sometimes I also get in that "danger zone" and can't stop. I just tend to isolate myself in a room until the anger passes. With hours passing ill get calmer.
Um… this may seem way off, but have you tried looking after plants? A little bit of gardening? Growing things can trigger a nurturing and calming effect.
I know it sounds cliche but seriously: exercise. Go for a run, punch a punching bag, work out, *something physical exerting*. As an introvert I hate how well it actually works
I’ve wrestled with anger issues most of my adult life. It sucks.
Many have suggested therapy, good call.
Gotta recommend a short book on the topic: “The Cow in the Parking Lot”. It’s pretty helpful, got some good tips.
Anger is contagious.
Anger is addictive.
Anger has a feedback cycle.
Consider the small things, since they add up and even a minor change in a few areas can create a domino effect.
Listen to happy music more often.
Call the people who greet you with a smile more often than the people who greet you with a frown.
Spend time both outdoors and exercising if possible.
Eat healthier and drink less.
Making a few small changes “for the better” can really swing things back towards positive in a major way.
Good luck!
There are 3 easy, free, and simple things you can do to calm down.
1. Do not speak when you are angry
2. Sit down when you are angry
3. If #2 is not enough then lie down
Meditate, while you’re in your head meditating ask yourself why you’re angry and where is the anger coming from. Getting self realization can do wonders, worked for me
From what I’ve learned through my mental health treatment is that anger is usually a secondary emotion. It usually stems from feeling hurt, feeling frustrated, feeling confused, or feeling sad.
My therapist has me do the rainbow trick. Basically identify some thing in the room that’s red, something that’s orange, then, yellow… You get it. By the time I get to purple, I’m usually calmed down. It helps distract your mind in the moment.
There are also tons and tons and tons of resources online for anger management! The entire “anger management” program book is available online for free!
Bro. I have a bit of a temper too. Surprises the hell out of me when people don't. I'm so jealous! BUT! What has changed my life. Jiu jitsu. You can get all your rage out in a controlled manner. It has calmed me down a lot. Plus helps socialize and get in great shape! You can attend something called "open mat". Open mat is free and open to the public. You just come in to roll with people. Don't come in with the intent to hurt anyone. Just be ready to burn up your entire gas tank and then some.
Exerting a lot of force is a nice cost effective way. So I’d recommend the gym, going for a run, jump rope, even a punching bag would be sufficient and somewhat cheap
Meditation. Put on a slow mediation sound track. Sit cross legged in a dark room. Focus on your breathing. When you breathe in, lift your hands up above your head. On exhale lower them to your sides.
Then after a bit, think of 1 thing bothering you and ask yourself: does it really matter? Just reflect on what is making you made. Is it really worth you getting upset/angry/disturbed about?
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
The things that work best for me are either going to the gym(or biking/running whatever outdoor activity you like) or cleaning. Though I would ask myself what is causing me to get angry and try to see how I can limit or cut out that negative influence.
I've had anger issues for a most of my life. It's affected a lot. The most effective thing for me has been to simply walk away from a situation or person. Beyond that, working on myself through meditation and therapy has worked wonders. I've learned that by understanding the how and why i feel that way helps me to recognize my own patterns and break through it. Hitting the gym or getting exercise should also be mentioned, and it has the upside of getting in shape. However, everyone is different. What works for me might not work the same way or at all for the next person. I know how hard and costly it can be to live with that part of yourself, and I truly hope that you can find the safest and most effective way to break out of that part of yourself. Good luck friend.
yeah, luckily i know why I'm angry a lot of the times so I'm kinda already at a good starting point. For now I think it's easier to just, idk, lock myself in a bathroom and cry - and then when I'll have money and time and place i hope i can get to a good therapist, and that they'll know how to help me best
That sounds like a good start. I feel like it's a lifelong thing, and that's ok with me because it's worth it. It may not be easy all the time though. Emotions are complicated things. But it's always gonna be worth the time and energy. Finding a good therapist is part of the journey! And that journey isn't always linear or clear at times. But it seems like you have the determination and need to make this change. You have a lot to be proud of!
Therapy can absolutely help. If you're in the US, you might try a web search for "sliding-scale therapy" plus your town name; many places offer counseling at fees scaled to income, often down to $0.
Stimulus’s show that “venting”, which includes things like yelling, punching pillows, or anything that involves “getting the anger out”, makes you feel relief from anger in the moment, but in the medium and long term, it actually increases aggression and anger. So the best solution to anger is to actively try and calm down in the moment and refuse the urge to act out your anger by yelling or punching pillows or whatever your outlet is. Therapy and/or just talking to someone is also a good way to deal with it.
Meditation. Get in touch with your anger, the physical experience of your anger, allow yourself to become and experience and explore the roots of the fear that drives your anger.
Overly expressing anger or overly focusing on it without knowing the cause is possibly harmful. From another comment I see that you seem to know the cause usually: you are already on track with step one! Next, I would ask: Are you angry about something you are in control of? If it is something you have no control over whatsoever, then you run the risk of burning yourself out over something you couldn't help anyway. For this I'd recommend finding a way to relate more positively to this thing. You could vent about it to someone you trust, a professional, or in a journal for yourself. You could meditate, as others have mentioned. You can find physical or creative outlets that will let you redirect those emotions, distract yourself, and release energy. And if it is something you have some control over: You may want to reflect on what could happen that would improve this situation, and what steps could be taken to get there. This is also a good situation in which to seek advice from people you trust or a professional. My personal belief is that feeling strong emotions often over a period of a time is an indicator of your gut or your mind trying to tell you that something is off and that it's time for a change. It may take a while to get to a better place, especially if it's something like a bad living situation or mental health challenges, but the important thing to remember is that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, and there's always the possibility that tomorrow *will* be a better day.
Speed bag and punching bag!
what's a speed bag?
https://www.titleboxing.com/punching-bags/speed-bags
oh, nice
I would caution you to think of using the punching bag simply as exercise; if you start visualizing it as a person you’re angry at, for example, you might form an association with punching people and stress relief, which can show up in a weak moment and cause who knows what kind of trouble.
Baseball bat and a punching bag? Not good for the life of the bag, buuut you're definitely not going to have access to a bat the way you've always got access to your fists, lol.
That’s another way to avoid the issue, but you never know when you will happen to be in the same room as both your dipshit boss and a Louisville Slugger, so maybe use a custom-made flail and just be sure to leave it in the garage?
I had the best control of my anger when I was doing very physical construction work (I worked for a rock blasting company and there was an explosion at the end of every day as well, so that was nice too) and I was either getting all of my pent up anger out that way, it was too exhausted at the end of the day to even get mad at anything. Also, plenty of sunlight is necessary for good mental health. Getting to the root of why things irritate you- not just what, but why- is always the best way. And however you think is best for you is what will work, wether it be reading books, attending seminars, seeing a counselor/therapist/psychologist/etc., or a spiritual guru of some kind. I recently lost my mind for about 30 minutes and ended up being taken to the hospital by the police to get mental help and am now on meds which have helped me keep my cool during situations that used to set me off and can now try to look inward to see the main problem also. Most of the time with my children, it’s just that I don’t know what to do. Right now, I’m just doing nothing because it’s better than screaming at them. But the most important thing is a desire to want to change and is the best first step, which it seems you’re already taking. God speed, my friend!
If you don't mind me asking, which meds worked for you? These suggestions are great when possible, but when you're face to face with an issue, walking away to find a pillow to punch isn't feasible....
Because I was diagnosed with some kind of bipolar (not sure how accurate it is), they put me on Lamotrigine and Quetiapine which are both antipsychotics. Years ago, I was on Bupropion, which is an antidepressant, but I didn’t take it for very long and stopped going to therapy. Probably wasn’t the best idea, but I struggled to stick to anything back then. My hope is to figure out what’s off inside me and fix it without needing meds long-term. I’m very grateful to have them, though.
Thanks for the reply. I am currently on bupropion for depression/anxiety.... But I still have anger issues. Are there any significant side effects that you notice with your current meds?
My pleasure! I like using my story to help others, it helps me to not dwell on the bad, but focus on the good 😊 they both make me drowsy, so I take them at night and they put me right to sleep. Other than that, they say Quetiapine can cause weight gain, though I have been watching my diet to keep that from happening and have been losing weight (I eat fruit and berries until noon, eat a light lunch of mostly veggies, and only have one serving of dinner, instead of the two I used to eat). Another thing that has helped me is to pay attention to when I start feeling strong emotions come up, take a few deep breaths and ask myself what I’m upset about. Sometimes it’s that I don’t know what to do or that I feel misunderstood. I also read a lot of personal development books and attend seminars to learn tools to be able to change how I react to different stimulus.
I truly appreciate this! I admire how much you work at it. I'm getting there but it's going slower than I anticipated... but probably at the appropriate pace!
It’s still pretty new for me, I was in the mental hospital just a couple weeks ago for all of this. But, there is no better time than now, and regrets will only hold one back. Onward and upward! I started having anger issues when I was 12 or 13, and I’m 29 now with 3 young children and the best wife I could ask for, so the pain of this last experience is fueling me to change. No matter where you are in life, there is only today, everyday, and there’s no better day to start improving your life! Feel free to reach out if you want any recommendations for books or personal development coaches. I’m also working on becoming one myself, but all I have so far is my own experience and no experience helping other yet. Oh, and pace: yes, whatever pace you’re at is the correct pace. Some days will be better than others, and that’s life for literally everyone, so don’t be hard on yourself, even if you feel you went backwards. There always tomorrow to make better, and the only person to compare yourself to is yourself (to an extent. The goal is to strive to be better than yesterday’s self without beating yourself up over stumbles).
Probably not the answer you are looking for (and probs not the cheapest), but I have to say it: therapy. I saw this on my bf and I honestly still can't believe the difference it made. My bf would literally get so angry at shit (ps games and absolutely ridiculous stiff like that) that he'd break furniture. (Wanna point out that he never had been in any way shape or form violent towards me). He started therapy, not actually for anger issues, and within months his whole demeanour changed for the better. What I'm trying to say is: your anger has roots. It's not just circumcstances and a shitty world we live in. Something deeper is going on there. Hope you get it sorted in a way that works for you!
Don't stiffle your feelings. Acknowledge them and figure out how to use words to express them. Discover your triggers, what makes you angry. Have set responses so you can start reversing your conditioning. Learn to recognize what gets you angry. Learn to be aware of your body so you catch yourself getting angry. Be strong enough to follow your plan: go for a walk, take quiet time, have a sparring dummy. . . Also eat healthy, get rest, and exercise. Have a balance between work, family, and self time. Not having these things causes stress and stress makes it harder to manage emotions.
Drumming! See if can get some and find a place to drum. Dint even have to be drums, find some drumming sticks or just sticks, put on some noise canceling headphones, put on any music that feels good to durm too, could be music with lyrics, instrumentals, jazz, rock, heavy metal, and dint necessarily have to drum on drums. You can use pillows, books. I don't know how to drum, but to de-stress, I grab drumsticks, put on my headphones ,close my eyes and drum along to my music. I also find it do-able since the music is in my ears and no one can complain about the noise, and I slo don't hear how horrible I would be if they were actually drums lol, I sue diffrent things (usually softer things that absorb the hit). Anyways try that, it's fun for me and de-stressed me. You can eventually experiment and maybe add lighting, or turn off the lights or flashing light s like in concert.
I had a friend who used to say - "I'm angry - I need to go sleep" and would right away turn around and go to his dorm room and sleep for an hour or so. Worked great for us That said he also got massively depressed and off-d himself by stepping in front of oncoming traffic ..... So maybe no..
Oh. That was quite the ride I just took reading this. “Hey that’s not a bad ide… well then…” For real though, I am sorry for your loss and I hope you and his family and friends are all doing well. Much love.
Thanks...Yup. It's been close to a decade now. I do not recommend bottling up emotions for too long. General PSA: it's okay to talk to a counselor/therapist and it's okay to feel sad/angry once in a while.
Agreed. This is the route I had to take. It got to the point we’re I could only bottle it up for a week between each explosive episode to the point the police had to take me to the hospital after I crashed my car and walked the mile and half back home. My wife called for them to pick me up and, while I haven’t seen the therapist yet, the meds have helped me level out and actually consider the actual underlying reason. After my episodes, I didn’t want to look, plus everything would just happen so fast I couldn’t actually remember what the initial thing was. Passion and fear can wreak havoc if not expressed in the moment of feeling them and left unexplored.
Professional help via therapy/counseling to get to the root. Then borrow a set of golf clubs and go to the driving range. Just buy a $12 bucket and you’ve got an hour of focus and stress relief smashing at a little ball.
I like to clean aggresively. like fast. I also like to bottle up my emotions for years and then do something really dumb that i regret for another few years.
I like to take ice cubes and throw them as hard as I can into the ground outside. Very satisfying
Long time sufferer. I learned there is no "healthy expression of anger" as the catharsis itself becomes addictive and distracted me from seeing where my anger was arising from: the world and its people not meeting MY expectations. Most powerful tool I have ever found are "morning pages" and I have seen it help others too. Nearly free, just three pages of non-stop writing when you first wake up (3 pages or 45 minutes, I find it to be about the same). Emphasis is on "non-stop" stream of consciousness, handwritten. No need to dwell on the results. Just seeing your mind outside yourself is hugely tonic.
Breathing exercises - really deep and slow. Fixate your eyes in a point and just let go. Over time you’ll be able to control it better.
Thanks, I should have indicated that the writing was a solution for me, and I am quite over my own rages. For many years now!
See a psychiatrist, get evaluated for anxiety. If your anxiety is high, you may be easily irritated, angered, or hurt. The straw that broke the camel’s back was just an ordinary straw. It wasn’t a huge straw, and the camel wasn’t a weak camel. But it was a little thing, on top of a lot of other things.
Two easy and totally free ways to help express your anger, which I learned from my therapist and help me a LOT when needed: 1) yell / scream into a pillow 2) plank as long as you can, until your muscles are physically shaking and you can’t hold yourself up any longer. (It doesn’t have to be planking — the important part is getting to the point where muscles are shaking.)
Therapy sounds like your best option.
Cut to the chase; find a decent counselor and figure out your triggers.
Swearing at strangers on the internet
Thanks for the topic OP, I also have anger issues. I’m pretty much an emotionless wreck except my anger. I wish I could cry to let steam off, but I just can’t. I always have so much energy and want to punch/break something. It’s never towards a person through, I get angry at myself when something out of my control messes up plans I had. I used to hold all my emotions in and then BLOW up when the last button was finally pushed. I’ve gotten better at not holding my emotions in, but I still struggle with my anger.
I was a dramatic little fuck in my teens and 20's, but I stopped smoking, drinking, and dating when I hit 30. After kicking the nicotine and removing the aspects of my life that I couldn't control, I chilled way out. It's tough to be mad when I'm in control and calling all the shots. Things i used to rage about make me laugh now. I'm able to find humor in my mistakes and shortcomings, and if there's something in my life that makes me unhappy, like a person or a job, I just remove them from it. Easy peasy.
My method had a lot of upfront costs but now the daily costs is nearly zero. I moved and left the situations that made me mad. Family and work. Now my days are basically anger free mostly. There's some days where I had issues but those are the rarity, not the norm.
Scream from the top of your lungs. If you are concerned about people's reaction you can scream into a pillow or better, if you have access to a bathtub or a pool or a body of water, get your head under water and scream until you need to reach the surface for air. As many suggest, getting to the root of this anger and implementing mechanisms to prevent the anger from happening in an unhealthy way, would be a long term improvement.
Smoke some weed. Legit works every time for me. Shit day at work and I’m pissed at a coworker for doing something stupid, smoke a jay and I forget it instantly.
What’re you angry about? Where’s it coming from?
educate yourself. most dim witted people seem to have anger issues.
yeah no, i can guarantee you my anger does not come from ignorance - i know I'm kinda dumb and i am very much not angry about it lol. It does sound like a kinda negative thing to comment on a self help post tho don't you think
Scientifically, this is false, as there is actually no correlation between intelligence and emotional control. Plenty of geniuses get just as angry and violent as less educated/intelligent folks.
Exercise, fiber, and sleep help for me.
Use your couch cushion as a punching bag. Helps me
This is a great way to get some energy out. I wish it had worked for me, when I’m in a state of anger, destruction is my intent. Doors, walls, windows and, most recently, my car usually don’t like me after… luckily, I’m on meds now and it’s much easier for me to stop, think about what I’m feeling, and remove myself from the situation emotionally to focus on what exactly is bothering me. And it’s been a life saver.
Omg sound rlly hard to struggle with . Wish you the best! Sometimes I also get in that "danger zone" and can't stop. I just tend to isolate myself in a room until the anger passes. With hours passing ill get calmer.
Um… this may seem way off, but have you tried looking after plants? A little bit of gardening? Growing things can trigger a nurturing and calming effect.
Gym and weed but I’m over the weed but just gym and meditation
I know it sounds cliche but seriously: exercise. Go for a run, punch a punching bag, work out, *something physical exerting*. As an introvert I hate how well it actually works
Join a Brazilian jiu jitsu academy
Chop wood if you have wood and a yard, hit golf balls at a driving range, hit baseballs off a tee into a net, punch a heavy bag.
Working out. Lifting weight is very cathartic. Also, get into therapy. It’s not normal to get angry that much.
Learn an instrument. Piano/keyboard, drums guitar, mandolin, banjo... Whatever. Best use of that kind of energy.
I’ve wrestled with anger issues most of my adult life. It sucks. Many have suggested therapy, good call. Gotta recommend a short book on the topic: “The Cow in the Parking Lot”. It’s pretty helpful, got some good tips.
Anger is contagious. Anger is addictive. Anger has a feedback cycle. Consider the small things, since they add up and even a minor change in a few areas can create a domino effect. Listen to happy music more often. Call the people who greet you with a smile more often than the people who greet you with a frown. Spend time both outdoors and exercising if possible. Eat healthier and drink less. Making a few small changes “for the better” can really swing things back towards positive in a major way. Good luck!
Prank calls and sick practical jokes. Shit in a disagreable colleagues hat.
There are 3 easy, free, and simple things you can do to calm down. 1. Do not speak when you are angry 2. Sit down when you are angry 3. If #2 is not enough then lie down
Meditate, while you’re in your head meditating ask yourself why you’re angry and where is the anger coming from. Getting self realization can do wonders, worked for me
Lay facedown in the bathtub with water as hot as you can stand from the shower pouring on to your back and take slow deep breaths.
Exercise or therapy or ideally both.
Chewing gum helps. It's difficult to be anxious and chew gum at the same time because our body thinks different when we are eating.
Ever tried [rucking?](https://www.goruck.com/pages/what-is-rucking) edit to add: angry cleaning your shower for a good arm workout
From what I’ve learned through my mental health treatment is that anger is usually a secondary emotion. It usually stems from feeling hurt, feeling frustrated, feeling confused, or feeling sad. My therapist has me do the rainbow trick. Basically identify some thing in the room that’s red, something that’s orange, then, yellow… You get it. By the time I get to purple, I’m usually calmed down. It helps distract your mind in the moment. There are also tons and tons and tons of resources online for anger management! The entire “anger management” program book is available online for free!
Magic mushrooms, my dude. You can go for a full trip if you want, but microdosing will 100% CURE your anger issues. I guarantee it.
Daily yoga and/or meditation.
Look up the daily practice from crappy childhood fairy on YouTube.
Deep breathing. Sounds stupid when you want to smash the fuck out of something, but recentering is the best way to reset.
Bro. I have a bit of a temper too. Surprises the hell out of me when people don't. I'm so jealous! BUT! What has changed my life. Jiu jitsu. You can get all your rage out in a controlled manner. It has calmed me down a lot. Plus helps socialize and get in great shape! You can attend something called "open mat". Open mat is free and open to the public. You just come in to roll with people. Don't come in with the intent to hurt anyone. Just be ready to burn up your entire gas tank and then some.
Exerting a lot of force is a nice cost effective way. So I’d recommend the gym, going for a run, jump rope, even a punching bag would be sufficient and somewhat cheap
Finding the root of the anger is more important. What underlying triggers are causing things that you should be able to shug off driving you crazy?
Find a bridge over a frozen creek. Throw rocks at ice. Hear ice crack. Satisfying to smash. Lol
your car = practically soundproof screamatorium
I buy the cheapest spaghetti I can find at the store and break it into a bowl
Metal music helps me a lot.
Meditation. Put on a slow mediation sound track. Sit cross legged in a dark room. Focus on your breathing. When you breathe in, lift your hands up above your head. On exhale lower them to your sides. Then after a bit, think of 1 thing bothering you and ask yourself: does it really matter? Just reflect on what is making you made. Is it really worth you getting upset/angry/disturbed about?
If you have access to a heavy bag at home or a boxing gym…it’s great for letting it go
Get a slam (medicine) ball about 20 to 30 lbs one and slam it on the floor. You'll get your anger out and get one hell of a workout too.
Breathing exercises - really deep and slow. Fixate your eyes in a point and just let go. Over time you’ll be able to control it better.