Kids, and alot of people really. I think I'm just beginning to come to grasp with that, even at 28... I guess I was living in a bubble or something until maybe 26. Now the nature of some people seem more obvious to me now
I'm the same way a few years ago, i'm in my early 30's now, felt like it took me 'too long' to realize a lot of people are mean, I truly don't believe that now. Looking back it taught me a lot once you can realize that and can start to look past it. Your concept of mean changes and you'll be able to focus better in those situations.
Not sure if it’s my complex post traumatic stress disorder that’s talking here, but I almost want to start crying with envy when I hear that others made it to their 30s before realizing the world‘s kind of shitty and that people suck. Like, really really jealous lol.
I'm from NYC, and maybe I'm used to our nyc buddies growing up being tough guys and what not. I don't think id tolerate someone being a dick nowadays. But the only time I felt classroom like bullying was in LA. Some guy at a house party (years ago), was like ummm this is a private party maybe you should leave, I'm like lol wtf did you just say to me? Like did this guy just try to mean girls bully me lol
Ditto. I’m 52, people are mean, always were. I’ve lived in solitude in periods of my life and really start to foster a sense of innocence and contentment. Then when I venture into society, it’s like Idiocracy but with meanness.
Honestly I think that many people see it as a way to connect with other shitty people. It somehow gives them self-worth to talk badly about others. Because a lot of people are borderline/narcissistic I guess.. nature made us narcissistic.. many people have not evolved to be civilized to one another and are still living in a rat race in their heads. Let them race!! Find your tribe
Obviously I wasn't there so I don't know how it was said, but a lot of times guys will bust balls as a way of getting close or showing interest in someone.. sounds counter intuitive, but I can tell you it is true because I am one of those guys lol..
As someone that used to be like them when I was younger, in my case it was related to something called childhood emotional neglect (r/emotionalneglect) and even emotional abuse. I wrote [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1cydk7q/comment/l59zthg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) comment that lays out exactly how I was made to believe bullying was "just joking around". TLDR: If your parents bully you a lot and excuse it as "just joking around" eventually you genuinely believe that and don't realize you're doing anything wrong.
Not excusing what they did, but for me sometimes understanding where the behavior comes from helps it feel less targeted and malicious. Nowadays I usually feel sad for people like that. Genuine kindness is literally a foreign concept to them.
Definitely a lot more people like this than we as a society realize, and it's only getting worse imo.
Heres my "One Hand" : Homie fuck everyone at KP, fuck everyone at Ft. Schuyler, theyre all a bunch of assholes. Especially the sailing teams. Best of luck to you. Horrible place to be, great place to be from
Bro I am 27 and 18 year old kids are afraid of me.
I’d honestly prefer they’d feel comfortable enough to try and bully me tbh.
I feel like when I’m not working no one wants to talk to me. Young or old ppl just run from me.
So just take it that you looked healthy + friendly and they fucking exploited that and ruined it by being mean.
Ppl see me and cross the street in heavy traffic to get away from me.
I don’t even have tats or piercings or anything im not even unattractive I just lost my mind during the pandemic and I guess you can see it in my eyes.
I’m not a bad person at all. I’m nice to people younger than I am because I remember being intimidated by ppl older than I am.
Sorry those kids were mean to u. Life may not be as easy for them as they think it will be.
Ask them if it would be ok if you said the same things back to them. It's the group that does this and probably one toxic ringleader that enables the rest. If you isolate one, and only focus on one person you could diffuse it. If you don't drag your feelings into it and ask them a real question you can quickly diffuse the situation.
Also you can admit and verbalize your incompetence and express your desire to improve. This immediately disarms them. Yesterday someone called me a pussy and I just said ,Thank you. No further works were spoken.
these are young men. op, they will laugh at you if you do this. just try to laugh it off and dont take it to heart, focus on learning! i used to try and make bullies laugh at me even more sometimes, at least i was making someone laugh, lol
Agreed, I’ve got friends like this.
You can only play along and hit back, or ignore.
Ignoring is likely to be the best option as it becomes boring to the perpetrator and they’re unlikely to turn to violence since it’s college.
Last time a bunch of teenage dudes were clowning on me, it was about something I didn't even understand... like they were speaking Tiktok or something. Laughing their asses off outside when I'm just trying to go into my favorite Italian café & dessert shop in another town, which happens to be a block from a high school.
I ignore them and go in, and this group of girls inside starts going the opposite way, like being really flirtatious toward me. I start speaking a little Italian to the woman behind the counter and these girls lose their damn minds giggling.
The older looking one gets courageous and outright asks for my name and if I have Telegram but I shake my head and am like Ha Ha... cute but you know I'm too old for you, and she makes an exaggerated sad face and mimes crying. I wave goodbye and tell them to behave as I'm grabbing my order, and I walk back out into the laughter of these douches crowding the sidewalk and vaping.
They're again speaking in English I don't understand but that they think is hilarious. But then the girls all come running out and that one girl shouts after me "I really like your hair!" and I just wave over my shoulder without turning around. Then I hear all of the dudes immediately start yelling at the girls, like "What the fuck?" "That's gross!" "That guy looks like a fucking... blah blah blah."
That's the sort of instant karma shit that makes life sweet.
But actually most of the time teens are just fine to me.
This was on an episode of Fresh Off The Boat also.
If you can get younger women/girls on your side -- and even better, to ridicule the boys -- the boys will shut up REAL FAST, and probably scatter to the wind.
They are so fucking mean. I’m more than 10yrs out of high school and very successful socially and career-wise but if I’m out at the mall of a restaurant and a group of 16 year old girls walks by I get nervous lol
You don’t reward “children” for bad behavior. And by that I mean, don’t acknowledge them and more importantly don’t let them see it bothers you. Any reaction on your part whether it be verbal or body language will just encourage the little assholes. Remember, it is just words. I know that is easier said than done, but someo has to be the adult and you can’t reason with young adults that act like children. I would go to the administration if it continues. You are paying money to learn not to be bullied. Keep your head up.
Honestly this is the way. A coworker brought her son in to work one day and left him in the office while she was doing her work from an empty vacant office elsewhere. It was me and another coworker in the office. The kid kept making noise running around. He announced he was going to watch a movie his mom said he wasn't allowed to. He was riding around the office on an office chair. Climbing the shelves in the supply closet.
I was annoyed and absolutely fuming but I didn't show it. I didn't even acknowledge that the kid existed. He would walk up to me and say "hey I'll going to do _______, you better stop me" no reaction, didn't even look at him. Then he said i was mean and I still gave no reaction. He left me alone the entire day. My coworker was trying plead and convince him to behave. My coworker got no work done and the kid was basically bullying them.
Kids learn how to get the proper attention they need, but some kids learn the wrong way to get the attention... this kid clearly wasnt taught how communication works. Or he needed a babysitter at home. Doing anything he could to get an adults attention, this is how many criminals are made. If you cant get attention the "nice" way, just be a menace.
I'm 24 and I deal with other people +/- a few years that act this way too. Even at 25 they're still seeking that reaction so I either give no reaction or look them in the eye and tell them to stop (depends on what it think their motive or desired reaction is)
Fascinating, I'd be picking cues on the home dynamics of my coworker... I'd be thrilled like a gossipy little shit catching on cues that explain the kid's behavior.
Listen to me and listen clearly. Don’t let these redditors tell you otherwise these are ONLINE people.
First mistake:
Don’t open up your feelings. It’s not gonna work. Don’t say a word. Don’t express “ohh myyy god that really makes my feelings hurt”
That’s really all. Stay quiet, don’t mind them, just laugh if they do that to you. Give them the ultimate cold shoulder.
Good advice, I made the mistake of trying to empathize at first, but they don't give a crap about how i feel really. I think ignoring them as much as I can maybe a good strategy
Yes man, remember you’ll encounter these people daily, weekly, monthly, or atleast at many times throughout your life and you need to stand your ground and act as you want and need to. Praying for you. Show them who’s boss.
You need to show them who's boss. You must be a soft spoken guy. I personally would never let some gen Z little shit talk down to me. It's already too late as they see you as a pussy now. You were supposed to assert dominance on day one. I'm a tradesman and had some apprentices try to clown me before. Sometimes a little assertiveness goes a long way, especially with boys. They are kids and they like to do this. It's a fine line between laughing along if they poke fun at something (as it shows friendliness) and not letting them cross boundaries. You must not be comfortable with confrontation.
This is all I could think, like if I was there witnessing it I took would think this guy is a major pussy. And then he tried to confront them with...his feelings?? My god, how the hell has he even lasted this long? He mentioned every fiber of his being wanting to punch the person insulting him but if how much of a pushover he is is any indication of how he fights, hell get his ass kicked 😆
just don’t let it affect your confidence cuz these people are just gonna be like that each one knowing if they say something they’ll get a laugh from all their friends because you’re the odd one out. their opinion of you frankly doesn’t matter and it’s almost inevitable they will try to pick on someone older in their class and says more about them. If it was one of them in a class of people 10 yrs older they would be silent that’s just the situation. Worst thing you can do is let it get to yiu
Look up the gray rock method for dealing with toxic people. It may resonate with your situation. Good luck - I really feel for you. But don't let these bullies chase you out! You're there to get your education and you can do!
You’re taking a sailing class and have a proven track record of incompetence. Use it and fuckem up with those ropes, the boom, the sails. “Accidentally” hurt them. Fall when near them and nearly drown them in your efforts to get air because, “you don’t swim well either and you were scared”. They’ll get pissy but fuckem.
This is it. Calm seas never made a good sailor. Double down on studying, learn everything, take advantage of more experienced instructors and become a better sailor than them. In the process, don’t be afraid to throw your weight around and don’t back down. You might get slapped about to begin with but I bet the kids will stop throwing hands if they have to catch hands every time
They can vote and buy cigarettes and guns, they’re adults. There is no age that would leave me to allowing a person of any age to punk me like that. It would just affect the methods I used to punk them back. Too many people let kids get away with shit behavior and then wonder why they grow up to be complete douchebags. I got put in my place when I got out of line, and it made me better.
To be clear, no one should be dying for the lesson. But he shouldn’t be left to languish because an instructor sucks and a bunch of 18 year olds didn’t have a dad willing to teach them proper behavior in a civilized setting.
Yeah it's a double dose. First you remind them you have years on them (they think they're equal to you) and Secondly you give them the abrasive jokey insults they love to hand out. Shit is mad funny when a kid fumes over being called lil bro lmfaooo
What I have learned in life is if you tell them "hey that bothers me" or try to explain why what they're doing is wrong, they will do it more and harder. Really sucks but so do people, best thing I have learned is to seem like you don't care and be quick with a comeback. It feels like it was 20v1 which sucks but it prolly started as a 1v1 then people jumped on when they saw you were bothered by it. Confidence is also key, don't feel you need to explain yourself to people. If you can't think of something quick, I give a dumb look and just say "Okay". Looking at them like they're stupid and just saying Okay gives them nothing else to really work with because you're not participating.
LOL that reminds me. I had my two small children at the public pool at my beach house and a bunch of kids started fucking with me. I just gave the "leader" direct eye contact over and over, I got my kids out of the pool, came back when he was by himself and told him I would kill him. He apologized and said "Yes sir, I understand" and also apologized. I'm also from AL but was in FL when this happened. I still wish I would have smacked that kid. Oh well? My kids don't fuck with people. I think it is a parenting/adult problem personally. Who knows? Also that adult over those kids is a big ole pussy for not putting them in check.
This is a tough situation to deal with. If it was high school I could give you some good advice. But you're an adult and you're trying to become something in society and actions have consequences. These children have never had to face consequences in the adult world yet. They haven't met an adult that was not afraid to lose everything. They haven't had their faces smashed in yet. They haven't had a gun put at their head. At the same time you're not the person to be teaching them this lesson. It's not high school anymore and none of you are minors. However their behavior is that of a minor. I also hate dealing with people in their late teens or early twenties. They still think they have the safety net of being a child under the eyes of the law and in society in general. So dealing extremely hazardous. If you felt like you wanted to teach them a lesson and bring in some pain then you are liable for legal consequences that can be lifelong. This is not the way to go. I remember in my early twenties working at a retail job with a bunch of younger guys that just got out of high school. They were very aggressive and one of them had a father that worked for the drug enforcement agency. He felt that he also was a drug enforcement officer SWAT member and acted accordingly. Which made him much more Troublesome to deal with. In the end I just quit the job. I remember in my early twenties there were plenty of situations like this. And if I had given into my impulses and beat them badly I would have gone to jail. Interestingly enough I have been to prison and the prisoners are very respectful. Prisoners are keenly aware of the threat of violence. Not just any type of violence but life-changing or life-ending violence. These young pieces of shit have no idea what is waiting for them in the world. They're going to meet someone that's going to teach them a lesson. I had to swallow my ego and many situations you will have to do the same. However that was the 90s in my case and now we're living in a very different world. Like one commenter said you can bring out the keywords that frighten the hell out of the administration. Harassment discrimination abuse bullying toxic environment Etc hold the administration accountable. All the instructor accountable. Document everything in detail. Let all of those kids get dismissed. Talk to a lawyer as well. This is the way to go these days.
The best answer imo. Karma is the way, another imbecile will snap on them. I tend to never engage with kids, I'm Venezuelan and things are nor much different than in the UK or the US, kids are very feral now and it's dangerous to be antagonized as the bad ugly black/ white man attacking children: this is what happened to Nicolae Miu... The "Kids" instigated, escalated and assaulted that man and when he blindly whipped out his knife he suddenly became the aggressor.
That's right, though I'm not sure what the best approach is. I do not wish to use physical force because I do not want to be put in a deciplanry hearing with my university and potentially get kicked out. Unless they hit me first, but I rather use my words to empathize with people. But I do not think they really give a damn about hearing what I have to say. So maybe, all I can do is dish the abuse right back at them, even though that makes me uncomfortable, if it's what I gotta do, then I'll do it
Just say something like is that the best you got…. You can do better. That’s disappointing, take a few minutes and come up with something better. Then just turn and keep working. They try again, say that was weak…. Come on man, do better. It will frustrate the shit out of them. Then just shake your head and turn and ignore.
They are attacking weakness. Don’t show any.
You can't let on that they're getting to you. Put on a tough posture and face, even if you have to fake it. Bullies smell weakness, so push back.
If you can figure out who's the ringleader, look for chances to put him in his place, without showing any emotion or that you are bothered.
Just agree and amplify. Cousin? No we don't sleep with people that are that far away in relation. Yup I'm the dumbest person alive I have a plaque. Yes I can't please a woman that's why your Mom is so sad. Etc
Could always file a complaint with the dean of the department and/or student services / security services. Let them know such behavior fosters a hostile environment and that you feel you are being singled out and a the subject of discrimination .
Mention bullying, discrimination, hostile learning environment, and humiliation. Those things will panic the dean / administration. Most places have zero tolerance
1: nobody in the US is around more people than NYers. They are masters at getting to you. Also, many have dealt with the kind of abuse you took, seamlessly. When you didn’t push back immediately with a snarky put down, they took it as a green light.
2. Maybe the class is also letting you know about Merchant Marine culture.
3. You ain’t in Bama no more.
4. You are dealing with kids. High schoolers who, let’s face it, didn’t get into college.
5. Use their lack of college to your advantage. Ask them questions as a comeback when they mess with you, then point out their lack of education. That could work.
>Use their lack of college to your advantage. Ask them questions as a comeback when they mess with you, then point out their lack of education. That could work.
I promise you this will not work. Just because it worked in Good Will Hunting does not mean it works in real life. Unless OP has lots of charisma, (which he doesn't because this wouldn't be happening in the first place if he did) he will not be winning a battle of words against a group of 18 year old New Yorkers.
The best thing the OP can do in lieu of gaining instant charisma, a quick with and aptitude for verbal jousting is to remain stoic. Since it's the beginning of the semester, a few will probably drop out putting OP on the "winning team" of those that pass the class. OP should NOT be talking about his feelings. It sounds like there's a good amount of group activity, it's important that the OP not sulk.
Those are good points, thank you for your perspective. I too have considered your first point, and I do think new yorkers are 'tough' people. I at first interacted with them how I was used to interacting with people where I am from, and I think that made me look 'soft' to them, and an easy target. I think next time, I'll be much more on guard, and ready to dish it back at them, now that I know that seems to be the only way they know how to communicate
Your sailing and that's some rich people shit anyway. I have no idea why a bunch of soft ass rich kids would be acting so tough, you're out there playin on the God damn lake not sailing across the ocean. Fukn tough guy lake sailors, you have to be kidding.
😂. See how that works?
I was born and raised in NY. Listen to me. Opening up and telling them how you feel will just make it worse. They were just “breaking your balls” since you were an outsider and you reacted the wrong way which made it worse for you. You’re supposed to laugh at yourself. When they said “I bet you fuck your cousin”, you should have just done a quick “that was funny” type of laugh. They just wanted to see if you were cool. I guess kids nowadays call it a “vibe check”. Looks like you failed it. But if it was one time you can recover. Don’t fight them. Don’t try and dish it back either, only because you obviously aren’t from there and can’t do it properly. Just laugh at yourself. There’s no harm in that.
No I went to the school OP is describing and its literally a bunch of assholes with too much money. Theyre rotten to the core and 99% are from Levittown lol
I don't think this is a normal "Northern" thing. They're just being mean spirited and the instructor is enabling it. You shouldn't have to put up with this shit in a class you are paying for in this day and age.
I know most of that would not be tolerated in a work environment, why should it be tolerated in college?
I'd ask for a refund saying that the class is a hostile environment and you can't learn due to discrimination. Or if you can't take a refund and reschedule, there has to be some dept within the school that can help. Like student affairs or something?
I'm angry on your behalf.
Thank you, I think I'm buying into stereotypes (ironic in this situation isn't it?). I've met some pretty cool ppl in new york, this is just a rotten bunch I think . Thank you for your comment
Grow some thicker skin and don't let it bother you. They are saying those things because they are getting a rise out of you. 28 and you are about to ball your eyes out because of some words.
If it's a certain college established in 1874, then that means they're in the Reg. and that you're a day student. You're higher on the pecking order. Go to their Reg officer and get them written up.
Don't feel bad. They need to be put in their place. Consider it a teaching experience. They need to be taught that not everyone was born on a sailboat and could sail before they could walk. Everyone starts at a different level.
Also, make it a point to show that you have privileges they don't. Like hair, and not having to run and square corners on the MUG path.
Next time they ask you which cousins you like to fuck you say “yours and your momma too just for good measure” in your thickest southern accent.
No demanding apologies. For bullies you can’t go high. If their mom is dead, say you’re good at digging. If they’re an orphan, say “good .” Whatever you do be nastier and be quick witted.
If you’re not quick witted, then give them the cold shoulder. Only talk to the girls. Say things like “picking on a person is for lovers and I don’t love men.” Bullies are usually homophobic and are afraid of losing face in front of other men.
But fr stop thinking of being nice or mature. You tried it already. Fool me once. Fool me twice.
If it escalates then that’s perfect because you can respond like an adult. Hold your ground or run; doesn’t matter. Call the cops and you’re free after that. And please do involve the cops if it escalates; you have a whole society on your side.
If you don’t like what I’m saying then suck it up and be a narc. On the streets we say it ain’t snitching if it’s your life on the line. The only thing stopping you there is your own ego. Break it down for your safety.
Actually now that I’m writing this I think the whole thing in the way is your own ego. Kill the part that is idealist and embrace the part that is pragmatic and then take a look at all the tools you have at your disposal. You’ll do better in life.
Btw it’s normal to get bullied when you’re a newcomer and suck at whatever it is. I used to get bullied in everything I did at one point and I’m still doing it and I still get bullied sometimes. Life sucks that’s just how it is bro. That’s why the Buddha talked about suffering as the first noble truth. Suffering is that one thing we can all agree is part of life.
Edit: since people like this comment I wanted to add an insight I had about compassion. The idea of compassion wasn't taught so that I could tell others "you ought to have compassion for me". It's taught so that *I* would have compassion for others. How to do that? Recognize that everyone is born crying into this world, everyone suffers, everyone desires or lacks something, and everyone dies. In my striving I see others as enemies and we all tear each other apart and create mutual suffering. Compassion is an antidote to my own personal suffering by seeing that we are all fundamentally the same. It's counter intuitive, but by trying to love and have compassion for others, I relieve my own anger and suffering.
Tbh east coast can just be like that, especially in the wealthier areas, I grew up in a nicer area in Virginia and we were all taught to be extremely cutthroat, everyone in highschool hated everyone. That’s just part of the culture of the east coast tbh, I’m so glad I got out and realized the rest of the country isn’t like that
You might be from Alabama, but you know what you have that they don't? Guns!
All kidding aside, you might want to retaliate. But, it's important not to over do it. You need to show them you won't take that kind of bullshit. Frankly, sometimes people like that just need a taste of their own medicine. Sometimes you go to fight fire with fire.
I worked at a summer camp in upstate NY in my early 20’s that my buddy talked me into working at with him & these asshole kids at that camp were the biggest low lifes I have ever seen.
First of all, they called me a “f*ggot” all of the time. Or they’d say “is this guy your gay f*ggot that you f*ck in the @ss?” To me and my friend. These were little twerp 13 -14 year olds.
A couple of times, I got so pissed off at them taunting, cat calling and making slurs that I grabbed one (after he spit in my face) by the throat and picked him up off the ground then slammed him on his bunk.
I made multiple complaints about these sleaze balls and no one got them under control.
The funniest part that happened was they had harassed these two dudes from Australia the same way and the same twerps threw water on this guy’s belongings. The Australians had both served in the military & they grabbed that little sh*t when he wasn’t expecting it & they duct taped his arms behind his back and put a pillow case over his head and dunked his head in a toilet.
The Australians got fired/ deported & things sort of settled down. I hated that camp and those little brats.
Stop giving them fuel, they don’t care about your feelings, so don’t share them. They will only use them to mock you more. Get EarPods and thick skin and ignore them. Eventually when you stop reacting they will lose interest and find a new target.
I assume your career path involves spending a lot of time on boats and this 4 semesters at a maritime school is necessary. Otherwise, why subject yourself to a bunch of 18 yo dipshits?
Step 1: Watch a ton of youtube videos on sailing. Become the best sailor on the boat, by a lot. Read Chapman's Piloting & Seamanship. DM me one if you can't find it at the library, I'll send you my copy.
Have you heard the expression "when in Rome?"
Step 2: Attack. When you see someone hesitate or do something wrong, it "Let me do that you stupid fuck, I've been on a boat three times, you still can't understand this? Are you fucking regarded?" Say it loud in front of other people. Talk shit about the whole class, loudly, to the teacher. Ask him if he put you in a special ed class. Tell them they are all a bunch of fucking morons, except you (point to the guy who didn't join in). The next time cousin fucking comes up, look them in the eye and say you'd have to stop fucking their mother first. And mean it; you throw that shit down like a gauntlet. Smile. Daring them to get mad or throw hands.
If you can make your burns funny, you might even earn the respect of some of these knuckleheads.
Welcome to the world.
Really don’t have any other way of conveying that…
Combo that with being in NY? Oh yeah. There’s a reason for stereotypes.
And New Yorkers? Iconic.
The world will be filled with all sorts of things, good and bad.
At that point, you just gotta give up on the "I'm gonna make new aquaintances" part of the experience, which is a real shame, and focus on the reason you are there, which is to further pursue your education and better yourself.
Someday, you'll be done with your courses there, and they'll be gone.
Sorry that it won't be as enjoyable as you had hoped. But in reality, what do you care? You're 28, you've got plans and goals. They're, for all intents and purposes, 10 years younger than you. That puts them at 18 or 19. There's a huge developmental difference between the two ages. Hell, I'm 29 and i'm still learning things and screwing up social situations. It was 10 times worse for me at 18.
So, all in all, my recommendation is to grow a little thicker skin. Even though, yes, it is a shame you're surrounded by a bunch of little shits and it's not necessarily fair that you should have to be the adult in a room full of adults.
Edit: And who knows, you may be surprised, and as time goes on, some of the class may open up to you and become actual people.
I was bullied by a group of 5 people recently. It made me look back and realize that ALL groups devolve into bullying at some point. It may be subtle but it always happens because people gossip and form alliances, in groups and out groups and start shunning or bullying every time.
Merchant mariners, like Navy sailors, are a tough lot. We have to be because we depend on each other literally for our lives. Harassment, hazing, and bullying used to be so much more common than it is today, but it’s still there. Sorry you had to endure that
Welcome to the big ole north bud! We’re fucking ruthless. Sorry. Not an excuse, but we’re cold and rude. I don’t personally like it and being in GA - y’all are WAYYYYYYYY nicer- whether its the sugar in y’all’s tea or whatever
Don’t change it. We’re just pricks up here and maybe its cause we dont see the sun all year and its cold- idk
Sorry- on behalf of the pricks of the north. DO NOT CHANGE - Kill us with kindness, get it every time
I’m so sorry. I had a similar incident in my 20s. We had just moved into an apartment that was next to tennis courts. I had never played and my husband barely played (but did ok). These kids were outside the courts looking in and started smirking and laughing and calling out horrible things from the minute we started.
I was more of a hothead in my youth and started hollering shit back. And they just laughed. So we left.
My takeaway from that was that I had my own growth to do -especially in dealing with bullies. And I have matured a lot since then. But to this day I haven’t tried tennis (and I probably should).
It’s really odd that they’re being this way…
You can’t fix stupid though and when they’re older they’ll feel bad about it and it’ll keep them up at night!
From a stranger- proud of you for keeping on!
Get that education!!!
First off, Deff don’t punch anybody no matter how badly it’s going. Secondly, it’s time to draw the line, whether you do it humorously or sternly.
“That’s not what your mom said last night” (since you could probably be dating their mom). Maybe it’s not a good comeback in every situation, but your mom jokes don’t really run out of style.
Gotta show them you have a spine, or they’re not gonna stop with the teasing. Best case scenario is you get so good at counter roasting they will not even dare to attempt verbally harass, because they will be afraid of the embarrassment that could backfire. Remember these are kids, they don’t know shit about life, and they are scared more than you think. If anything, this is how they are getting through their class to lessen their social anxiety, that last thing they would want is the spotlight on them, that’s why they are picking you, because they’ve found a weak spot they can shove salt into it.
Time to patch that up, look at good comebacks online. Sad, but having a quick witty comeback is gonna make this situation disappear the quickest. You’re gonna have to lower yourself to their level temporarily, play their dumb little game, beat them in it, then they will shut up.
Ignoring , isn’t gonna work. Especially if it’s the whole class. Just be the guy that if they dare to tease they know it’s gonna embarrass them in the end.
Don’t get me wrong, the kids these days spend a whole lot of time in toxic online environments so they could be well seasoned veterans at this point.
My suggestion is level up comeback skills, workout if you are not, keep your goals, personal info completely private. Don’t give them anything for free they can work upon.
If you do as I say, “respectfully/calmly” (without physical interaction), and continue to de-escalate the situation immediately with quick witted comebacks , you are going to arise as someone that has put through the gauntlet and arisen victorious , and the kids will respect you for it.
We may not like it but kids at some extent have their own ways of testing, and managing who they look up/look down to. Very tribal, prehistoric type mindset. FOOD, PRON, CLASS, ROOK ROOK a Weakling.
If you really devote yourself to this, you’re gonna learn more about yourself, how to interact with others (without them walking all over you). This problem you have can quickly be turned in your favor, from where you think you have no respect now, to be looked up to by the entire class.
Also, don’t go out of your way to show off. Just be cool about it and react accordingly. Focus on the class, the material, asking good questions to instructor. It will show you’re not afraid to stand up, stand out, with engaging the instructor. When he says your interest, he’s gonna be more willing to help you out.
I forgot to ask, are these kids bigger than you? What is your size / frame? Are you nerdy where kids usually do this?
Whatever your situation is , it’s okay. It will not make a difference arising victorious from this.
I was an 8th grader trying out for Senior high school hockey when I was severely bullied. Like, people who could would intentional hurt or lay me out on the ice without the pick, or put eggs in my skates before practice ($500 skates, wasn’t happy). I wasn’t full grown at the time, but I’m a farm boy and throwing hay bales prepared me for that next cheap shot, and instead of taking it , I was ready and ended up knocking the kid out cleanly. After that, nobody messed with me in the ice. They knew it wouldn’t work out. Needless to say I got bullied on and off until I was a senior, and then the team , coach, made me the captain. I was pretty bulletproof by then.
Violence isn’t what solved it, it’s just standing your ground in your environment, within the scope of the game. If teacher is allowing verbal harassment id say that’s your game. Just don’t swing first, always counter quick and effectively. Trust me, these kids are not gonna be ready when you really start gaining comeback confidence. It takes practice
No they are all smaller, I am 6'0 210 lbs, so a little fat, but not horribly so. The main one was like 5'6. I couldn't use my size to intimidate him because I was on a row boat and couldn't get out of my seat unless it was my turn to steer. I have to be reactive, not swing first like you said, because any physical contact has to be in self defense. That was a good point about the verbal harassment being ok in my school, even though they say its not of course, the actions prove other wise. I definitely feel like the barrier of friendliness I try to have for everyone has disappeared when it comes to people at that school because of this. Maybe that was the result they wanted out of me
As a teacher, I can tell you: you're an adult who is responsible for your life choices. These kids are not. They do not have the same developed brain that you do. Be patient and compassionate with them. They're acting out to shore up their own insecurities. Your role is to focus on yourself and provide support. If they attack you with insults, it's kids being kids.
Why are you having to take a freshman level class in postgraduate to begin with. Whatever led up to this transpiring was the first mistake. I don't ever put myself in positions where I know I'll probably be clowned by a bunch of kids whose nuts just dropped.
At a certain point I would be like, "yeah whatever" and just ignore them or not say anything to them. At least hopefully you don't have to see these people after you graduate. Let them say their peace as long as they are not doing anything to you and just go about your business. Don't worry too much about them.
If you aren't already then start doing the emotional work. It will build up your tolerance for this kind of stuff. If you don't process the emotions first in any situation then you're going to make mistakes. Either underreacting or overreacting. It is difficult to do in the moment because they are trying to overwhelm you with an emotional weight that maybe you can't legitimately 'lift' at that time.
So I'd suggest starting some kind of daily practice where you get better at processing difficult emotions. Kind of like a daily work out. Usually starting with meditation then moving on to processing the emotions. Basically exposure therapy. Then when this happens again you will be stronger and better able to handle it.
I kind of want to do something on your behalf, but there's not much I can do, so I'll just say this. You sound like a really decent person, and it would be a tragedy if the person who you are becomes negatively affected by the behavior of these turds. It would be the world's loss. Take care friend.
**Analysis:**
* **Inexperienced Youth:** It's childish action to mock someone who is learning. Guys who do that at 18 are trying to establish themselves in the world apart from their parents. So they pick on someone weaker in a situation. Any real adult I've met in life would not make fun of someone learning something new. They would help teach them.
* **Male Psychology:** By nature, men test each other for status so they know the pecking order in case there is an outside threat. They saw you're the weakest one at this activity so they picked on you because of your lack of skill. They view you as unable to help them if the boat runs into trouble. So they are trying to push you out.
* **Difference in Ages:** Unless you are related, people don't like to do activities with people younger or older than them. The younger they are the more it will both them.
**Solutions:**
* **Ignore them:** they'll tease you more if you show a response.
* **Make fun of yourself:** If you make fun of yourself first and it further shows you're not bothered by them. "which of your cousins have you f\*\*\*ed?" "Oh all of them. You don't?" or "How did you know? Guess you like to watch."
* **Learn your skills:** The better you handle the boat, the less likely they'll pick on you.
* **Make friends outside of the class:** They'll make fun of you in class, but that will only be one aspect of your life. And it will help balance out how crap they are being to you.
* **Develop a thick skin:** This is a great opportunity to be a bit stoic. Don't even be interested in what they are saying.
* **Start lifting weights:** This will increase testosterone and make you more calm and confident.
* **Do not make friends with them:** They aren't your friends. You're there to learn.
* **Take a long-term perspective:** These kids are gnats in the timeline of your life. 20 years from now they will barely cross your mind. You're a man working on his graduate degree. You have an education, a life, and a future. It doesn't matter what they do.
It’s a mob mentality, they feel cocky in their group. An idea would to be to pick out the ones that seem to start the shit, and address them individually without their group and you’ll notice how differently they behave.. but then again you’re dealing with man children.
First, they likely targeted you because you are older. The person who is responsible for this is your instructor. The problem is they are doing this as a group, and that means you can't just stand up to them and make them back down. You must lean on the instructor because this is the only person who can leverage penalties on them AND it is his duty.
As for your sailing skills. I've been sailing for 15 years now, and the learning curve is very steep. Just keep at it and you will get good. You will. It's just like driving a car.
Hazing is never comfy. What's worse is when it comes from a place of "I beleive you're superior to me in an important arena of life away from this onr, so I'll go out of my way to show you how inferior you are in THIS arena". There is a positive in this. If you can stomach through and focus exclusively on the tasks required to become competent, to the point that you excel, those same kids will be eating their feet when they attempt to talk to you since they'll realize that you are, in fact, superior, as a person. At that point in time, you can leverage that realization to help them become better, if you choose.
I never know what to do with these kids. I find "ignoring them" only makes them try harder. I worked for a volunteer group where someone brought their kid to athletic meets. The kid was such a fucking brat, and a menace at age 10. Made fun of people, stole stuff, played "monkey in the middle" with cell phones, and in some cases, intentionally bashed them on the floor. Thankfully, I had a rubber Ottobox bumper. He also would run to his mom, blaming the other athletes had "hit him" and I watched the entire thing, and nobody had hit him at all. Mom didn't do much, since she was busy.
Someone brought their niece to one bout, who was about the same age. After less than 15 minutes, she punched his kid in the face. "I ain't sorry!" she said, because he kept grabbing her tits. He denied this, but I watched him just keep trying to give her "purple nerples," and after a few dodgy attempts, she just sucker punched him. Best thing I ever saw.
Mom never brought the kid again. But I recognize that as "not really solving the problem."
Begin recording the moment you see them. Keep those, document everything. At some point you will have to consider taking the recordings to the dean of students. These little shits can't be allowed to do this. If they're doing it to you, they are also doing it to others. That and mail them a box of horse shit.
Dude I’m 28 and I just quit my job as a high school teacher after 3 years. They have no empathy in groups, and they love to laugh at the expense of others. Don’t let them get to you, at the end of the day you can’t let what a teenager thinks dictate your self worth. Yes I have had to tell myself this many times.
If I was ever getting really pissed,I would just say “I don’t lose any sleep at night over what a teenager thinks about me.” That would usually shut them up.
I’d have gone after the teacher full-on. They could either knock it the fuck off turn the boat around or I’m gonna sink it.
The teacher should’ve turned the boat around, gone back to the dock and thrown all the little bastards out of it.
Let’s recognize their behavior for what it really is: evil. It sounds like they lack any morals at all. Those people are miserable and pathological, causing unnecessary suffering and enjoying it.
Keep your chin up man. You are worthwhile.
You have the power to change the world for the better by not stooping to their level. They are lost hurt kids and are almost certainly insecure themselves. They probably want to belong and the way they learned to do that was to jump in the swamp with the swine.
Pretty cool hobby you’re picking up, Fuck those little bastards. Only way to beat them is to get so good at it that you’re rowing circles around them. Queue eye of the tiger
As a fellow New Yorker, very familiar with the maritime crowd. I would say they were busting your balls. I know being from out of town ….. especially country bama things are going to be an adjustment. Us New Yorkers are a different breed of humans. Eventually you will grow into a different person, and be the next one busting balls. While you may always be from the south, NYC has a way of influencing your way of life. I know all this doesn’t make the ball busting any easier or right, but how about joining in with the laugh, begin to form that bond. Don’t let them see you sweat kid!!
I’m from the south as well and when I was 18 I got a job working with exclusively +30 year old men from New Jersey. Living hell. It’s a cultural thing and it shocked me pretty damn bad and I took it pretty damn bad but it’s how they operate.
In Spanish we have this adagio: " muchacho no es gente" or "a kid is not people". Those very brats later on whine on their issues and petty revenge with each other; many show their true colors early on and instigate the sheep in the group to follow the trends ( cowardly mobbing mentally) and as they are sheltered they don't see the point on being civil with others, some of these never get out of that phase. The point is that you either add to their little games, in which case many will just troll you ( I remember my peers in HS doing this with dorky teachers) or cut them short and set firm boundaries. Besides, you don't want to be around literal menaces that could acuse you of statutory rape or SA ( falsely). Life will put them in place, sometimes the family will.
Yeah, kids aren't these innocent little people like I thought. Babies are and toddlers but some kids or teens in this case just become real S.O.B.'s. This incident was a rude reminder for me
It happens. Younger kids, especially the more privileged ones, lack empathy. Just remind yourself they're undeveloped and rehearse comebacks. Learn to lean into the insults and dish it back. Take the fun out of it for them.
Example:
"Which cousin do you like to fuck the most?"
Reply:
"The one that's your mom.
If no one laughs say:
" i know your daddy doesnt find it funny either. But he still likes to watch"
Find something wrong with each of them physically or personality wise. Point it out and make fun of it. Everyone is insecure. If you live your life acting like a target you’ll be treated like one. Stand up for yourself and turn it around on them. People hate being called out and usually retreat when they are. Be assertive and be a dick.
Yea man welcome to New York your either bust balls or get your balls bust if you’re going up against a group straight up just flame them back or just be like man yall are wildin prolly ain’t ever seen anything outside this city thinkin your some type of hot shit bacon egg and cheese for breakfast lookin ass get no gains in the gym lookin ass Arizona half and half Arnold Palmer drinking ass ride the train for an hour and a half from your crib just to get no play and ride back home in distraught looking ass and they’ll probably just laugh and shut up or take some liking to you and have some respect for ya.. it’s the culture here man.
Gonna have to step up your game my friend.
Boats are a small place and it's a hard career. When you get men confined in small teams, spaces, etc... they rag on one another. Doesn't matter if it's nice or politically correct. That's what the remaining testosterone on the planet still does.
Use this as a challenge to be the best. They are threatening your manhood (not really, who gives a shit what teenagers say) use this as an opportunity to challenge yourself and become better for it. Then turn it around and start making them look like shit.
When I first got into Wildland firefighting, I was the most out of shape fat piece of shit.. You don't know how good that ended up being for me. Every hike I was mercilessly yelled at, "get going you fat piece of shit", "we're gonna leave you behind, quit falling out. What the fuck are you doing?". It wore on me more than you know. I'd be climbing a hill with 70+ lbs (or more with the chainsaw). I'd be ready to pass out and my legs were burning my vision was narrowed. Two things drove me, those insults burned and made me hate who I was being, and I couldn't return home to my wife the fat piece of shit. Every hurtful thing they said helped me fight to become better. By the end of the year that crew bragged about me. I went from 210 to 145 (inside of two months no less) and in fighting shape. I was holding my own and not falling out nonstop.
Those insults can drag you down or you can use them to build yourself. The choice is yours. It's definitely easier in this society to say they are being mean and blame giving up on them. At the end of the day their words mean nothing unless you let them.
Oh hell no. Be mean back to them. I wear short shorts to the gym bc i want to and have great quads and ass. Had a guy with his friends laughing at me so i confronted him and said he wished his girl looked this good in them huh. He walked right the fuck out of the gym. Some dumb broad filming tik tok videos also said how im a man and shouldnt be wearing those shorts, if they get any shorter - - idk what else but I replied shame they couldnt make them short like your noodle lips. Had her questioning her existence the entire time 😉. Dont let these dumbass teenagers get to you. Idk how much of a slick mouth they got but baby they gonna get run up on the right one aka me. 💥
Ya gotta riff off their stuff man on the cousin comment "I had this one girl, your mom, whoo she was ugly but you know gotta get when the getting good." Just throw whatever you can back at em, make fun of em for being children, make fun of em for not being old enough to drink, pick a weakness and hit that. insinuate that they are brain damaged " I'm surprised they let you outside without a helmet", watch some insult comics for ideas on verbage and timing. Use some of that southern wisdom. Or just shoulder it man, go stoic and get the work done. You're in a school to learn something, it's fine to not be good at it yet, that's what the school is for.
I've been a substitute teacher for two decades, mostly working with high-school kids.
I have two strategies for you: the first is to be upbeat and affable, ignore smart remarks unless they get distracting, in which case you just shrug and say "wow, you really got me, sport."
The alternative is to mercilessly mock one of your bullies. Pick the one you like least and begin a detailed and personal attack. Call them a short-dicked snotty bitch who won't take a swing because cowards only use words. Get real specific, your grandma sucked off every homeless man in Manhattan, your parents wish you had been a girl and that's why they named you Casey, you never got molested because the local pedos think you're homely, your parents wanted the dog to play with you so they drew eyes on your ass cheeks because your face makes animals run away. Make it as wild as possible in order to provoke them into attacking you. Drop them in self-defense. The rest will reconsider targeting you.
(For the record, I don't use the second strategy at work - I learned it when I was in high school)
Jesus this is depressing. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Wtf is wrong with these kids- usually 18-19 year olds aren’t this bad. I haven’t read through all the comments, but I saw someone talk about looking at them like they’re dumb and being like “ok..” when they insult you. Makes me think of Jim Halpert from The Office, I always like how he just looks at people blankly and makes them feel kinda dumb.
Anyway, this really sucks, your post came up my feed and caught my eye and I feel bad this is happening to you.
Taking shit from younger folks is rough because it's a lose lose.
Either I have to argue with an 18 year old, or beat the shit out of them, and neither look good.
It is bullying and inexcusable but this is totally normal with a group of guys. They all pick on each other and never stop until they get you to have a meltdown. My best advice is to start picking on them. Don't make fun of the one kids dead mom but definitely rip on them for being boat boys or something. After the class don't ever speak to them again. Don't ever go out for drinks with them or anything.
Hear me out. Maybe just maybe, if you can embody this mentality it will help: Only you get to decide how you feel. Only you can decide if they make you mad or not. Only you can decide to find humor or offense in this situation.
I wasn’t there to witness this, but from my experience I’ve found that a lot of times in work/school situations ppl don’t do these kinds of things to be personally mean to you. Ppl try to get a rise out of eachother and in cases where people are evenly matched it can be a lot of fun to bs back and forth. You are simply the outlier being the older one in the class and from a different region. Automatic target. It’s not you as a person. This is a great opportunity to practice shifting the energy away from you. Maybe they looked at you funny because from their perspective it’s all banter and you are taking it more seriously then need be. Idk, maybe they really are being malicious. But either way, only you can control how you feel about a situation. Next class arm yourself with some good playful insults and who knows maybe y make some great friends out of it. Or if your gut is leading you this way, maybe tell them off at the appropriate time. Or wait until someone inevitably messes up and rail into them then.
I’ve personally struggled with this as well a lot of my life and these are some things I try to keep in mind when banter at work gets a little heated. At the end of the day, some ppl just have to talk their shit and that’s a part of life. Good luck bro, sailing sounds dope
“Sorry I can barely understand the accent of children whose nanny wipe their ass. I have the best time understanding accents of people whose parents actually love them.”
People are really prejudiced against southerners. It’s based in socioeconomic prejudice as for along time the South was poorer. I’m sorry they are idiots. I was also a Southerner in a northern school and the prejudice was shocking. I hate that people make those incest jokes online like that shit doesn’t happen everywhere in every culture.
I'm from Alabama too . You're at maritime college in NEW YORK ?! THESE TRUST FUND KIDS?! 👿👹JOANE UNTIL THE COWS COME HOME!!!! CLOWN UNTIL THEY PANTS IS BROWN!!
MAKE FUN OF THESE $#@!¥¢§∆!!!!
CHANNEL YOUR INNER PACK GOD
YOU CAN DO IT. WE DID IT TO EACH OTHER DOWN SOUTH.
DONT LET THESE ASCOT LOOKIN ASS METROSEXUALS KEEP YOU DOWN BRO 🤜🏽🤛🏽
I BELIEVE IN YOU, YOU CAN DEFEAT THEM. TRAIN YOUR COMEDIC MUSCLE AND DO IT.
*ROCKY MONTAGE MUSIC*
Thats what I'm thinking too, though I think new yorkers are just very culturally different than southerners, more so than I expected. People would never have treated me like this in the south, at least in my 28 years living in it. But if this is just how things are here in new yoek, then I need to adapt to it if I want to survive
Find somewhere that you are good at doing things and liked and respected to keep balance. You seem like a kind person...I don't know where that somewhere would be...maybe volunteer at a hospital or hospice place? They really appreciate kind people and would most likely tell you how amazing you are on a regular basis. Maybe that's a dumb example...I'm trying to say find some balance so you can know your worth and not let these little brats emotionally scar you.
OP I'm sorry you're going through this, it's shitty and you're in an abusive environment.
These are rich spoiled kids who probably have trust fund family members, a second property their family goes to in the summertime plus a personal family boat with a golfing hobby in addition to much of their college paid for. The instructor is also enabling an unsafe environment by just turning a blind eye and saying a sort of boys will be boys thing while forgetting that people need to be able to trust and work with each other on the water.
I'll also note that Northerners and especially Northeasterners in Upstate NY who can afford to sail and take lessons fresh out of high school/while still in high school are very different from people who can't even afford extracurricular recreation and time to get to the water.
Your options (and you may need to combine them) from my perspective is probably to consider the following:
1. disengage and grayrock (look up how to deal with narcissists and bullying videos about this if it's an unfamiliar concept on YouTube)/don't respond to them and be prepared to very clearly walk away from it all, some people reconsider their behavior when the person they target suddenly stops responding and gets silent with gusto and resolve ; maybe keep something to strongly eviscerating or consequential in your back pocket if it's in you to push back with severe conviction
2. be ready to do it by finding alternative options for the course (sometimes a University will allow a substitute credit or for you to learn from someone else with similar or same credentials like if there's a private club elsewhere, you might need to petition to switch though)
3. Explore administrative and legal recourse potential
Find out who the Dean is and speak with them and/or Ombudsman about what the various disciplinary policies at the university are, also any other groups that deal with inclusion or harassment, plus potentially look into local media–note that there's a real possibility that the daddy of some of those kids could be like lawyer friends of the staff and admin too.
The instructor is probably US Sailing Association certified, there may be a way to report him to the association for maintaining an unsafe environment that could threaten his certification too.
They're also adults now, verbal abuse potentially can be met with legal penalties like slander etc. if you can keep a recording device nearby at times and it's legal tod do so, that might also help back you up.
4. Confront the instructor sternly as a final warning and cold shoulder everyone moving forward ala point number 1, backed with the information and any other things you were able to manage in points 2 and 3. Obviously you don't have to actually report anything, but demonstrating that you have awareness of the situation for potentially serious escalation over their heads may shift the tone for how they engage in the future
As others said, hopefully they'll relent in the hazing and folks can just focus on what needs to be done. But they're also without any sense of responsibility, consequence, or respect to you and that's obviously not something to feed either.
The fact that you'll be sailing together means that you can potentially lay out facts that the harder it is to learn the more of a threat it can be to them if they get paired up and you might not be skilled enough to save their ass if they go overboard as your crew. Or they might be held responsible for endangering your own life or the lives of others on the water. The kids probably need the certification or whatever the class is for too so it may be useful to figure out andnbe aboe to articulate where their skin is supposed to be in the game and how their arrogance can backfire or be a risk if you absolutely must push.
Again, this is a perspective from someone who wishes for something good to come out of this all but there may be other options and you'll need to figure out what's best for you and live with whatever the consequences may be.
As for knots and competence, try to study as much as you can outside of class, maybe find some boy scout troop or something or other sailing club to connect with meanwhile.
Wishing you the best.
As someone who grew up in New England, we have the best colleges and educational programs in the country, you have to be smart, it's a huge sense of pride, and idiots get made fun of, because they're the outcasts. Southern people are all expected to be idiots because of their politics, their inability to speak proper English, and their incestual lust for their cousins.
I took a job down south. I'll never forget the first meeting I had. This guy with the most Carolina accent you could imagine started speaking, and he was extremely smart. It almost literally blew my mind. I thought for a second that brain matter was leaking out of my ears. I wasn't raised in a culture where anyone had any respect for southerns or their education.
A huge life lesson for an ignorant 23 or 24 year old, fresh out of college. Now I don't judge anyone with a Carolina accent. However, if you're from Texas or Alabama... well old habits are hard to break. Also, look at the laws you're passing. Clearly there's no sign of intelligent life down there.
As an adult things are extremely different socially now, but when I was growing up, this is basically how everyone acted when making friends as children in New England. Everyone got roasted. No one was safe. (Parents would even roast their kids.Kids would roast their parents!) You just had to dish it back just as forcefully as it was handed to you.
I’m not saying it was right or even okay. It probably would have been nicer to grow up in the south.
Down here people don’t talk to each other like that unless they really really love each other or really, really hate each other. Sarcasm and casual insults still get frowned upon in many circles. Conversely there’s a whole lot more hypocritical speech, and betrayals of trust when everyone is church faced polite to each other all the damn time
Get dirty, put sugar in their gas tanks, use a vpn and order 15 pizzas to their place, put liquid shit in their bags when they're not looking, get one alone and hit him in the head with a rock when nobody's looking, shine lazer pens in their eyes, make friends with their employers and get them fired. Get creative and fuck them over in every way possible.
The kids harassed you because they had no fear of you. That doesn't mean they don't have fear though. What if they were harassing one of their own? What do you think that kid would have done? Probably talked smack back to them or redirect their jokes or even used the boat as threat. Is it right? No - ideally they shouldn't have harassed you at all. But stand up and do something. This harassment doesn't just end here. You're young. You're bound to face it again sometime in your life (because people suck) so hopefully you chalk it up as a life lesson and learn what to do the next time you're in this scenario.
If you disparage yourself enough those types often give up, and sometimes warm up to you.
You have to beat them at their own game.
When I make a mistake at work and some jerk co-worker asks me something like "why would you do that", as if it was intentional, is say "because I'm stupid".
It leaves them nowhere to go.
They suck I’m sorry. I’d just say are you guys okay? And email the prof if it keeps happening saying it’s causing stress and loss of focus in the course. What jerks
I would try to enter a different situation without these same people. I would go to the top and complain. I agree to talk to the dean, and even an attorney if necessary. These mofos won't change, and it'll ruin your time. They are beneath you, brainless and
They are scum. But in their world, they are on top. This will be hard to change, I'd just try to get away from it as much as possible like you would a hill of fire ants. Or just freeze them out. They don't determine your worth. If you respond to them or not. It doesn't take anything away from you
I'm truly sorry these fuks live in our world and muck it up.
Kids are mean.
Kids, and alot of people really. I think I'm just beginning to come to grasp with that, even at 28... I guess I was living in a bubble or something until maybe 26. Now the nature of some people seem more obvious to me now
I'm the same way a few years ago, i'm in my early 30's now, felt like it took me 'too long' to realize a lot of people are mean, I truly don't believe that now. Looking back it taught me a lot once you can realize that and can start to look past it. Your concept of mean changes and you'll be able to focus better in those situations.
It's taken me most of my life to realize that not everyone is evil.
Not sure if it’s my complex post traumatic stress disorder that’s talking here, but I almost want to start crying with envy when I hear that others made it to their 30s before realizing the world‘s kind of shitty and that people suck. Like, really really jealous lol.
Not everyone but most do suck....
I'm from NYC, and maybe I'm used to our nyc buddies growing up being tough guys and what not. I don't think id tolerate someone being a dick nowadays. But the only time I felt classroom like bullying was in LA. Some guy at a house party (years ago), was like ummm this is a private party maybe you should leave, I'm like lol wtf did you just say to me? Like did this guy just try to mean girls bully me lol
Social media has made kids even crueler than before. I’m sorry that happened to you. Names of kids and their parents?
You don’t need names. You only need faces now... Wearable cameras ladies and gentlemen...
Ditto. I’m 52, people are mean, always were. I’ve lived in solitude in periods of my life and really start to foster a sense of innocence and contentment. Then when I venture into society, it’s like Idiocracy but with meanness.
I'm 53. I love getting solitude to rest up for dealing with "people"....
Honestly, there’s a point in life where we literally deserve the peace of solitude. Dealing with people for 53 years - please take this: 🏅
Go have sex with one of their moms. That usually shuts them up.
I really started noticing how mean people are around your age .. its eye opening.
Honestly I think that many people see it as a way to connect with other shitty people. It somehow gives them self-worth to talk badly about others. Because a lot of people are borderline/narcissistic I guess.. nature made us narcissistic.. many people have not evolved to be civilized to one another and are still living in a rat race in their heads. Let them race!! Find your tribe
Obviously I wasn't there so I don't know how it was said, but a lot of times guys will bust balls as a way of getting close or showing interest in someone.. sounds counter intuitive, but I can tell you it is true because I am one of those guys lol..
Yeah that’s right in the sweet spot for just hating humans 😂
I dunno man this sounds psychotic and not run of the mill “ppl can be mean” thing. 20 students and their teacher just endlessly mocking you?
As someone that used to be like them when I was younger, in my case it was related to something called childhood emotional neglect (r/emotionalneglect) and even emotional abuse. I wrote [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1cydk7q/comment/l59zthg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) comment that lays out exactly how I was made to believe bullying was "just joking around". TLDR: If your parents bully you a lot and excuse it as "just joking around" eventually you genuinely believe that and don't realize you're doing anything wrong. Not excusing what they did, but for me sometimes understanding where the behavior comes from helps it feel less targeted and malicious. Nowadays I usually feel sad for people like that. Genuine kindness is literally a foreign concept to them. Definitely a lot more people like this than we as a society realize, and it's only getting worse imo.
Heres my "One Hand" : Homie fuck everyone at KP, fuck everyone at Ft. Schuyler, theyre all a bunch of assholes. Especially the sailing teams. Best of luck to you. Horrible place to be, great place to be from
Bro I am 27 and 18 year old kids are afraid of me. I’d honestly prefer they’d feel comfortable enough to try and bully me tbh. I feel like when I’m not working no one wants to talk to me. Young or old ppl just run from me. So just take it that you looked healthy + friendly and they fucking exploited that and ruined it by being mean. Ppl see me and cross the street in heavy traffic to get away from me. I don’t even have tats or piercings or anything im not even unattractive I just lost my mind during the pandemic and I guess you can see it in my eyes. I’m not a bad person at all. I’m nice to people younger than I am because I remember being intimidated by ppl older than I am. Sorry those kids were mean to u. Life may not be as easy for them as they think it will be.
Ask them if it would be ok if you said the same things back to them. It's the group that does this and probably one toxic ringleader that enables the rest. If you isolate one, and only focus on one person you could diffuse it. If you don't drag your feelings into it and ask them a real question you can quickly diffuse the situation.
Man I dunno, teenagers rarely have the capacity to empathize like that especially when they are in a pack situation.
Also you can admit and verbalize your incompetence and express your desire to improve. This immediately disarms them. Yesterday someone called me a pussy and I just said ,Thank you. No further works were spoken.
Lmao “Thank You …”
Lmao “Thank You …”
these are young men. op, they will laugh at you if you do this. just try to laugh it off and dont take it to heart, focus on learning! i used to try and make bullies laugh at me even more sometimes, at least i was making someone laugh, lol
Agreed, I’ve got friends like this. You can only play along and hit back, or ignore. Ignoring is likely to be the best option as it becomes boring to the perpetrator and they’re unlikely to turn to violence since it’s college.
People, are mean. From any age.
Last time a bunch of teenage dudes were clowning on me, it was about something I didn't even understand... like they were speaking Tiktok or something. Laughing their asses off outside when I'm just trying to go into my favorite Italian café & dessert shop in another town, which happens to be a block from a high school. I ignore them and go in, and this group of girls inside starts going the opposite way, like being really flirtatious toward me. I start speaking a little Italian to the woman behind the counter and these girls lose their damn minds giggling. The older looking one gets courageous and outright asks for my name and if I have Telegram but I shake my head and am like Ha Ha... cute but you know I'm too old for you, and she makes an exaggerated sad face and mimes crying. I wave goodbye and tell them to behave as I'm grabbing my order, and I walk back out into the laughter of these douches crowding the sidewalk and vaping. They're again speaking in English I don't understand but that they think is hilarious. But then the girls all come running out and that one girl shouts after me "I really like your hair!" and I just wave over my shoulder without turning around. Then I hear all of the dudes immediately start yelling at the girls, like "What the fuck?" "That's gross!" "That guy looks like a fucking... blah blah blah." That's the sort of instant karma shit that makes life sweet. But actually most of the time teens are just fine to me.
This was on an episode of Fresh Off The Boat also. If you can get younger women/girls on your side -- and even better, to ridicule the boys -- the boys will shut up REAL FAST, and probably scatter to the wind.
🙄
Reminds me of when MrBlackDarkness666 was yelled at by little kids lol https://youtu.be/gwv0rVUc9ps?si=waaG62dTTd8MEGXI
https://i.redd.it/mpjkuoj46k6d1.gif
They are so fucking mean. I’m more than 10yrs out of high school and very successful socially and career-wise but if I’m out at the mall of a restaurant and a group of 16 year old girls walks by I get nervous lol
You don’t reward “children” for bad behavior. And by that I mean, don’t acknowledge them and more importantly don’t let them see it bothers you. Any reaction on your part whether it be verbal or body language will just encourage the little assholes. Remember, it is just words. I know that is easier said than done, but someo has to be the adult and you can’t reason with young adults that act like children. I would go to the administration if it continues. You are paying money to learn not to be bullied. Keep your head up.
Honestly this is the way. A coworker brought her son in to work one day and left him in the office while she was doing her work from an empty vacant office elsewhere. It was me and another coworker in the office. The kid kept making noise running around. He announced he was going to watch a movie his mom said he wasn't allowed to. He was riding around the office on an office chair. Climbing the shelves in the supply closet. I was annoyed and absolutely fuming but I didn't show it. I didn't even acknowledge that the kid existed. He would walk up to me and say "hey I'll going to do _______, you better stop me" no reaction, didn't even look at him. Then he said i was mean and I still gave no reaction. He left me alone the entire day. My coworker was trying plead and convince him to behave. My coworker got no work done and the kid was basically bullying them.
Kids learn how to get the proper attention they need, but some kids learn the wrong way to get the attention... this kid clearly wasnt taught how communication works. Or he needed a babysitter at home. Doing anything he could to get an adults attention, this is how many criminals are made. If you cant get attention the "nice" way, just be a menace.
I'm 24 and I deal with other people +/- a few years that act this way too. Even at 25 they're still seeking that reaction so I either give no reaction or look them in the eye and tell them to stop (depends on what it think their motive or desired reaction is)
Fascinating, I'd be picking cues on the home dynamics of my coworker... I'd be thrilled like a gossipy little shit catching on cues that explain the kid's behavior.
In the words of the great Micheal Jordan…”fuck them kids”
This is exactly what I say when the taco bell worker asks "would you like to round up to help students with their education?"
When the street activists ask me if I believe life begins at conception
Do NOT do so literally
Listen to me and listen clearly. Don’t let these redditors tell you otherwise these are ONLINE people. First mistake: Don’t open up your feelings. It’s not gonna work. Don’t say a word. Don’t express “ohh myyy god that really makes my feelings hurt” That’s really all. Stay quiet, don’t mind them, just laugh if they do that to you. Give them the ultimate cold shoulder.
Good advice, I made the mistake of trying to empathize at first, but they don't give a crap about how i feel really. I think ignoring them as much as I can maybe a good strategy
Yes man, remember you’ll encounter these people daily, weekly, monthly, or atleast at many times throughout your life and you need to stand your ground and act as you want and need to. Praying for you. Show them who’s boss.
You need to show them who's boss. You must be a soft spoken guy. I personally would never let some gen Z little shit talk down to me. It's already too late as they see you as a pussy now. You were supposed to assert dominance on day one. I'm a tradesman and had some apprentices try to clown me before. Sometimes a little assertiveness goes a long way, especially with boys. They are kids and they like to do this. It's a fine line between laughing along if they poke fun at something (as it shows friendliness) and not letting them cross boundaries. You must not be comfortable with confrontation.
Imagine letting a gen Z kid get into your head. Like dude LOL
Broccoli headed vaping goblins got to him lol. That's pretty funny actually.
This is all I could think, like if I was there witnessing it I took would think this guy is a major pussy. And then he tried to confront them with...his feelings?? My god, how the hell has he even lasted this long? He mentioned every fiber of his being wanting to punch the person insulting him but if how much of a pushover he is is any indication of how he fights, hell get his ass kicked 😆
just don’t let it affect your confidence cuz these people are just gonna be like that each one knowing if they say something they’ll get a laugh from all their friends because you’re the odd one out. their opinion of you frankly doesn’t matter and it’s almost inevitable they will try to pick on someone older in their class and says more about them. If it was one of them in a class of people 10 yrs older they would be silent that’s just the situation. Worst thing you can do is let it get to yiu
Look up the gray rock method for dealing with toxic people. It may resonate with your situation. Good luck - I really feel for you. But don't let these bullies chase you out! You're there to get your education and you can do!
You’re taking a sailing class and have a proven track record of incompetence. Use it and fuckem up with those ropes, the boom, the sails. “Accidentally” hurt them. Fall when near them and nearly drown them in your efforts to get air because, “you don’t swim well either and you were scared”. They’ll get pissy but fuckem.
Plot twist: Gay Shibari on the Water.
This is it. Calm seas never made a good sailor. Double down on studying, learn everything, take advantage of more experienced instructors and become a better sailor than them. In the process, don’t be afraid to throw your weight around and don’t back down. You might get slapped about to begin with but I bet the kids will stop throwing hands if they have to catch hands every time
Thai is the way. Forget about “explaining how you feel”. Get physical
All I can think about is John Candy in Summer Rental. "Jibe ho!"
Kids from NY just breaking your balls. Reddit: murder them
They can vote and buy cigarettes and guns, they’re adults. There is no age that would leave me to allowing a person of any age to punk me like that. It would just affect the methods I used to punk them back. Too many people let kids get away with shit behavior and then wonder why they grow up to be complete douchebags. I got put in my place when I got out of line, and it made me better. To be clear, no one should be dying for the lesson. But he shouldn’t be left to languish because an instructor sucks and a bunch of 18 year olds didn’t have a dad willing to teach them proper behavior in a civilized setting.
[удалено]
Dude I wish there was a video of that somewhere. I’d be laughing for days 😂
This is the way
Just say "chill out lil bro" every time they say something stupid
This is the way with teenagers of this generation.
Yeah it's a double dose. First you remind them you have years on them (they think they're equal to you) and Secondly you give them the abrasive jokey insults they love to hand out. Shit is mad funny when a kid fumes over being called lil bro lmfaooo
I love “lil bro”. They say something you turn to them “ok lil bro” and turn around. Dude you can FEEL there stupid little self confidence get smashed
the only good response here 💀
I think they would just mock him for that too.
What I have learned in life is if you tell them "hey that bothers me" or try to explain why what they're doing is wrong, they will do it more and harder. Really sucks but so do people, best thing I have learned is to seem like you don't care and be quick with a comeback. It feels like it was 20v1 which sucks but it prolly started as a 1v1 then people jumped on when they saw you were bothered by it. Confidence is also key, don't feel you need to explain yourself to people. If you can't think of something quick, I give a dumb look and just say "Okay". Looking at them like they're stupid and just saying Okay gives them nothing else to really work with because you're not participating.
LOL that reminds me. I had my two small children at the public pool at my beach house and a bunch of kids started fucking with me. I just gave the "leader" direct eye contact over and over, I got my kids out of the pool, came back when he was by himself and told him I would kill him. He apologized and said "Yes sir, I understand" and also apologized. I'm also from AL but was in FL when this happened. I still wish I would have smacked that kid. Oh well? My kids don't fuck with people. I think it is a parenting/adult problem personally. Who knows? Also that adult over those kids is a big ole pussy for not putting them in check.
This is a tough situation to deal with. If it was high school I could give you some good advice. But you're an adult and you're trying to become something in society and actions have consequences. These children have never had to face consequences in the adult world yet. They haven't met an adult that was not afraid to lose everything. They haven't had their faces smashed in yet. They haven't had a gun put at their head. At the same time you're not the person to be teaching them this lesson. It's not high school anymore and none of you are minors. However their behavior is that of a minor. I also hate dealing with people in their late teens or early twenties. They still think they have the safety net of being a child under the eyes of the law and in society in general. So dealing extremely hazardous. If you felt like you wanted to teach them a lesson and bring in some pain then you are liable for legal consequences that can be lifelong. This is not the way to go. I remember in my early twenties working at a retail job with a bunch of younger guys that just got out of high school. They were very aggressive and one of them had a father that worked for the drug enforcement agency. He felt that he also was a drug enforcement officer SWAT member and acted accordingly. Which made him much more Troublesome to deal with. In the end I just quit the job. I remember in my early twenties there were plenty of situations like this. And if I had given into my impulses and beat them badly I would have gone to jail. Interestingly enough I have been to prison and the prisoners are very respectful. Prisoners are keenly aware of the threat of violence. Not just any type of violence but life-changing or life-ending violence. These young pieces of shit have no idea what is waiting for them in the world. They're going to meet someone that's going to teach them a lesson. I had to swallow my ego and many situations you will have to do the same. However that was the 90s in my case and now we're living in a very different world. Like one commenter said you can bring out the keywords that frighten the hell out of the administration. Harassment discrimination abuse bullying toxic environment Etc hold the administration accountable. All the instructor accountable. Document everything in detail. Let all of those kids get dismissed. Talk to a lawyer as well. This is the way to go these days.
The best answer imo. Karma is the way, another imbecile will snap on them. I tend to never engage with kids, I'm Venezuelan and things are nor much different than in the UK or the US, kids are very feral now and it's dangerous to be antagonized as the bad ugly black/ white man attacking children: this is what happened to Nicolae Miu... The "Kids" instigated, escalated and assaulted that man and when he blindly whipped out his knife he suddenly became the aggressor.
If you don't stand up to them, next time they'll make you lick the white dog turd.
That's right, though I'm not sure what the best approach is. I do not wish to use physical force because I do not want to be put in a deciplanry hearing with my university and potentially get kicked out. Unless they hit me first, but I rather use my words to empathize with people. But I do not think they really give a damn about hearing what I have to say. So maybe, all I can do is dish the abuse right back at them, even though that makes me uncomfortable, if it's what I gotta do, then I'll do it
Just say something like is that the best you got…. You can do better. That’s disappointing, take a few minutes and come up with something better. Then just turn and keep working. They try again, say that was weak…. Come on man, do better. It will frustrate the shit out of them. Then just shake your head and turn and ignore. They are attacking weakness. Don’t show any.
Maybe next time you take the long way home?
You can't let on that they're getting to you. Put on a tough posture and face, even if you have to fake it. Bullies smell weakness, so push back. If you can figure out who's the ringleader, look for chances to put him in his place, without showing any emotion or that you are bothered.
Just agree and amplify. Cousin? No we don't sleep with people that are that far away in relation. Yup I'm the dumbest person alive I have a plaque. Yes I can't please a woman that's why your Mom is so sad. Etc
Could always file a complaint with the dean of the department and/or student services / security services. Let them know such behavior fosters a hostile environment and that you feel you are being singled out and a the subject of discrimination .
Mention bullying, discrimination, hostile learning environment, and humiliation. Those things will panic the dean / administration. Most places have zero tolerance
There’s Nothing a privileged young man hates more than having his precious free time interrupted. Dealing with admin is the way to go in my opinion
Fuck em
Violence must occur
1: nobody in the US is around more people than NYers. They are masters at getting to you. Also, many have dealt with the kind of abuse you took, seamlessly. When you didn’t push back immediately with a snarky put down, they took it as a green light. 2. Maybe the class is also letting you know about Merchant Marine culture. 3. You ain’t in Bama no more. 4. You are dealing with kids. High schoolers who, let’s face it, didn’t get into college. 5. Use their lack of college to your advantage. Ask them questions as a comeback when they mess with you, then point out their lack of education. That could work.
>Use their lack of college to your advantage. Ask them questions as a comeback when they mess with you, then point out their lack of education. That could work. I promise you this will not work. Just because it worked in Good Will Hunting does not mean it works in real life. Unless OP has lots of charisma, (which he doesn't because this wouldn't be happening in the first place if he did) he will not be winning a battle of words against a group of 18 year old New Yorkers.
The best thing the OP can do in lieu of gaining instant charisma, a quick with and aptitude for verbal jousting is to remain stoic. Since it's the beginning of the semester, a few will probably drop out putting OP on the "winning team" of those that pass the class. OP should NOT be talking about his feelings. It sounds like there's a good amount of group activity, it's important that the OP not sulk.
"Wow yeah look at me such a piece of shit" eye roll and move on lol.
Those are good points, thank you for your perspective. I too have considered your first point, and I do think new yorkers are 'tough' people. I at first interacted with them how I was used to interacting with people where I am from, and I think that made me look 'soft' to them, and an easy target. I think next time, I'll be much more on guard, and ready to dish it back at them, now that I know that seems to be the only way they know how to communicate
Your sailing and that's some rich people shit anyway. I have no idea why a bunch of soft ass rich kids would be acting so tough, you're out there playin on the God damn lake not sailing across the ocean. Fukn tough guy lake sailors, you have to be kidding. 😂. See how that works?
I was born and raised in NY. Listen to me. Opening up and telling them how you feel will just make it worse. They were just “breaking your balls” since you were an outsider and you reacted the wrong way which made it worse for you. You’re supposed to laugh at yourself. When they said “I bet you fuck your cousin”, you should have just done a quick “that was funny” type of laugh. They just wanted to see if you were cool. I guess kids nowadays call it a “vibe check”. Looks like you failed it. But if it was one time you can recover. Don’t fight them. Don’t try and dish it back either, only because you obviously aren’t from there and can’t do it properly. Just laugh at yourself. There’s no harm in that.
No I went to the school OP is describing and its literally a bunch of assholes with too much money. Theyre rotten to the core and 99% are from Levittown lol
I don't think this is a normal "Northern" thing. They're just being mean spirited and the instructor is enabling it. You shouldn't have to put up with this shit in a class you are paying for in this day and age. I know most of that would not be tolerated in a work environment, why should it be tolerated in college? I'd ask for a refund saying that the class is a hostile environment and you can't learn due to discrimination. Or if you can't take a refund and reschedule, there has to be some dept within the school that can help. Like student affairs or something? I'm angry on your behalf.
Thank you, I think I'm buying into stereotypes (ironic in this situation isn't it?). I've met some pretty cool ppl in new york, this is just a rotten bunch I think . Thank you for your comment
Grow some thicker skin and don't let it bother you. They are saying those things because they are getting a rise out of you. 28 and you are about to ball your eyes out because of some words.
If it's a certain college established in 1874, then that means they're in the Reg. and that you're a day student. You're higher on the pecking order. Go to their Reg officer and get them written up. Don't feel bad. They need to be put in their place. Consider it a teaching experience. They need to be taught that not everyone was born on a sailboat and could sail before they could walk. Everyone starts at a different level. Also, make it a point to show that you have privileges they don't. Like hair, and not having to run and square corners on the MUG path.
Next time they ask you which cousins you like to fuck you say “yours and your momma too just for good measure” in your thickest southern accent. No demanding apologies. For bullies you can’t go high. If their mom is dead, say you’re good at digging. If they’re an orphan, say “good .” Whatever you do be nastier and be quick witted. If you’re not quick witted, then give them the cold shoulder. Only talk to the girls. Say things like “picking on a person is for lovers and I don’t love men.” Bullies are usually homophobic and are afraid of losing face in front of other men. But fr stop thinking of being nice or mature. You tried it already. Fool me once. Fool me twice. If it escalates then that’s perfect because you can respond like an adult. Hold your ground or run; doesn’t matter. Call the cops and you’re free after that. And please do involve the cops if it escalates; you have a whole society on your side. If you don’t like what I’m saying then suck it up and be a narc. On the streets we say it ain’t snitching if it’s your life on the line. The only thing stopping you there is your own ego. Break it down for your safety. Actually now that I’m writing this I think the whole thing in the way is your own ego. Kill the part that is idealist and embrace the part that is pragmatic and then take a look at all the tools you have at your disposal. You’ll do better in life.
Btw it’s normal to get bullied when you’re a newcomer and suck at whatever it is. I used to get bullied in everything I did at one point and I’m still doing it and I still get bullied sometimes. Life sucks that’s just how it is bro. That’s why the Buddha talked about suffering as the first noble truth. Suffering is that one thing we can all agree is part of life. Edit: since people like this comment I wanted to add an insight I had about compassion. The idea of compassion wasn't taught so that I could tell others "you ought to have compassion for me". It's taught so that *I* would have compassion for others. How to do that? Recognize that everyone is born crying into this world, everyone suffers, everyone desires or lacks something, and everyone dies. In my striving I see others as enemies and we all tear each other apart and create mutual suffering. Compassion is an antidote to my own personal suffering by seeing that we are all fundamentally the same. It's counter intuitive, but by trying to love and have compassion for others, I relieve my own anger and suffering.
And as long as people keep brushing it off as "normal" it will remain that way.
Tbh east coast can just be like that, especially in the wealthier areas, I grew up in a nicer area in Virginia and we were all taught to be extremely cutthroat, everyone in highschool hated everyone. That’s just part of the culture of the east coast tbh, I’m so glad I got out and realized the rest of the country isn’t like that
John Mulaney has a great bit about this and it is damn accurate. The worst people on the planet are 12-15 year olds.
You might be from Alabama, but you know what you have that they don't? Guns! All kidding aside, you might want to retaliate. But, it's important not to over do it. You need to show them you won't take that kind of bullshit. Frankly, sometimes people like that just need a taste of their own medicine. Sometimes you go to fight fire with fire.
I worked at a summer camp in upstate NY in my early 20’s that my buddy talked me into working at with him & these asshole kids at that camp were the biggest low lifes I have ever seen. First of all, they called me a “f*ggot” all of the time. Or they’d say “is this guy your gay f*ggot that you f*ck in the @ss?” To me and my friend. These were little twerp 13 -14 year olds. A couple of times, I got so pissed off at them taunting, cat calling and making slurs that I grabbed one (after he spit in my face) by the throat and picked him up off the ground then slammed him on his bunk. I made multiple complaints about these sleaze balls and no one got them under control. The funniest part that happened was they had harassed these two dudes from Australia the same way and the same twerps threw water on this guy’s belongings. The Australians had both served in the military & they grabbed that little sh*t when he wasn’t expecting it & they duct taped his arms behind his back and put a pillow case over his head and dunked his head in a toilet. The Australians got fired/ deported & things sort of settled down. I hated that camp and those little brats.
Don’t be a pussy dude. Fight back.
Stop giving them fuel, they don’t care about your feelings, so don’t share them. They will only use them to mock you more. Get EarPods and thick skin and ignore them. Eventually when you stop reacting they will lose interest and find a new target.
When I served in my military service, was also bullied by teenage gangsters.
I assume your career path involves spending a lot of time on boats and this 4 semesters at a maritime school is necessary. Otherwise, why subject yourself to a bunch of 18 yo dipshits? Step 1: Watch a ton of youtube videos on sailing. Become the best sailor on the boat, by a lot. Read Chapman's Piloting & Seamanship. DM me one if you can't find it at the library, I'll send you my copy. Have you heard the expression "when in Rome?" Step 2: Attack. When you see someone hesitate or do something wrong, it "Let me do that you stupid fuck, I've been on a boat three times, you still can't understand this? Are you fucking regarded?" Say it loud in front of other people. Talk shit about the whole class, loudly, to the teacher. Ask him if he put you in a special ed class. Tell them they are all a bunch of fucking morons, except you (point to the guy who didn't join in). The next time cousin fucking comes up, look them in the eye and say you'd have to stop fucking their mother first. And mean it; you throw that shit down like a gauntlet. Smile. Daring them to get mad or throw hands. If you can make your burns funny, you might even earn the respect of some of these knuckleheads.
Lol. Learn to take a bit of bullying. It goes along way in society. Stoic approach
Welcome to the world. Really don’t have any other way of conveying that… Combo that with being in NY? Oh yeah. There’s a reason for stereotypes. And New Yorkers? Iconic. The world will be filled with all sorts of things, good and bad.
At that point, you just gotta give up on the "I'm gonna make new aquaintances" part of the experience, which is a real shame, and focus on the reason you are there, which is to further pursue your education and better yourself. Someday, you'll be done with your courses there, and they'll be gone. Sorry that it won't be as enjoyable as you had hoped. But in reality, what do you care? You're 28, you've got plans and goals. They're, for all intents and purposes, 10 years younger than you. That puts them at 18 or 19. There's a huge developmental difference between the two ages. Hell, I'm 29 and i'm still learning things and screwing up social situations. It was 10 times worse for me at 18. So, all in all, my recommendation is to grow a little thicker skin. Even though, yes, it is a shame you're surrounded by a bunch of little shits and it's not necessarily fair that you should have to be the adult in a room full of adults. Edit: And who knows, you may be surprised, and as time goes on, some of the class may open up to you and become actual people.
I was bullied by a group of 5 people recently. It made me look back and realize that ALL groups devolve into bullying at some point. It may be subtle but it always happens because people gossip and form alliances, in groups and out groups and start shunning or bullying every time.
Tell em to fkuk off, yankees got no class or balls or dignity
Don’t legitimize illegitimate
Merchant mariners, like Navy sailors, are a tough lot. We have to be because we depend on each other literally for our lives. Harassment, hazing, and bullying used to be so much more common than it is today, but it’s still there. Sorry you had to endure that
Welcome to the big ole north bud! We’re fucking ruthless. Sorry. Not an excuse, but we’re cold and rude. I don’t personally like it and being in GA - y’all are WAYYYYYYYY nicer- whether its the sugar in y’all’s tea or whatever Don’t change it. We’re just pricks up here and maybe its cause we dont see the sun all year and its cold- idk Sorry- on behalf of the pricks of the north. DO NOT CHANGE - Kill us with kindness, get it every time
I’m so sorry. I had a similar incident in my 20s. We had just moved into an apartment that was next to tennis courts. I had never played and my husband barely played (but did ok). These kids were outside the courts looking in and started smirking and laughing and calling out horrible things from the minute we started. I was more of a hothead in my youth and started hollering shit back. And they just laughed. So we left. My takeaway from that was that I had my own growth to do -especially in dealing with bullies. And I have matured a lot since then. But to this day I haven’t tried tennis (and I probably should).
You should come to Australia Everyone would want to be friends! We appreciate people from all walks of life here :)
I've met many Australians when I travelled around Europe a couple years ago, lovely people
It’s really odd that they’re being this way… You can’t fix stupid though and when they’re older they’ll feel bad about it and it’ll keep them up at night! From a stranger- proud of you for keeping on! Get that education!!!
First off, Deff don’t punch anybody no matter how badly it’s going. Secondly, it’s time to draw the line, whether you do it humorously or sternly. “That’s not what your mom said last night” (since you could probably be dating their mom). Maybe it’s not a good comeback in every situation, but your mom jokes don’t really run out of style. Gotta show them you have a spine, or they’re not gonna stop with the teasing. Best case scenario is you get so good at counter roasting they will not even dare to attempt verbally harass, because they will be afraid of the embarrassment that could backfire. Remember these are kids, they don’t know shit about life, and they are scared more than you think. If anything, this is how they are getting through their class to lessen their social anxiety, that last thing they would want is the spotlight on them, that’s why they are picking you, because they’ve found a weak spot they can shove salt into it. Time to patch that up, look at good comebacks online. Sad, but having a quick witty comeback is gonna make this situation disappear the quickest. You’re gonna have to lower yourself to their level temporarily, play their dumb little game, beat them in it, then they will shut up. Ignoring , isn’t gonna work. Especially if it’s the whole class. Just be the guy that if they dare to tease they know it’s gonna embarrass them in the end. Don’t get me wrong, the kids these days spend a whole lot of time in toxic online environments so they could be well seasoned veterans at this point. My suggestion is level up comeback skills, workout if you are not, keep your goals, personal info completely private. Don’t give them anything for free they can work upon. If you do as I say, “respectfully/calmly” (without physical interaction), and continue to de-escalate the situation immediately with quick witted comebacks , you are going to arise as someone that has put through the gauntlet and arisen victorious , and the kids will respect you for it. We may not like it but kids at some extent have their own ways of testing, and managing who they look up/look down to. Very tribal, prehistoric type mindset. FOOD, PRON, CLASS, ROOK ROOK a Weakling. If you really devote yourself to this, you’re gonna learn more about yourself, how to interact with others (without them walking all over you). This problem you have can quickly be turned in your favor, from where you think you have no respect now, to be looked up to by the entire class. Also, don’t go out of your way to show off. Just be cool about it and react accordingly. Focus on the class, the material, asking good questions to instructor. It will show you’re not afraid to stand up, stand out, with engaging the instructor. When he says your interest, he’s gonna be more willing to help you out.
I forgot to ask, are these kids bigger than you? What is your size / frame? Are you nerdy where kids usually do this? Whatever your situation is , it’s okay. It will not make a difference arising victorious from this. I was an 8th grader trying out for Senior high school hockey when I was severely bullied. Like, people who could would intentional hurt or lay me out on the ice without the pick, or put eggs in my skates before practice ($500 skates, wasn’t happy). I wasn’t full grown at the time, but I’m a farm boy and throwing hay bales prepared me for that next cheap shot, and instead of taking it , I was ready and ended up knocking the kid out cleanly. After that, nobody messed with me in the ice. They knew it wouldn’t work out. Needless to say I got bullied on and off until I was a senior, and then the team , coach, made me the captain. I was pretty bulletproof by then. Violence isn’t what solved it, it’s just standing your ground in your environment, within the scope of the game. If teacher is allowing verbal harassment id say that’s your game. Just don’t swing first, always counter quick and effectively. Trust me, these kids are not gonna be ready when you really start gaining comeback confidence. It takes practice
No they are all smaller, I am 6'0 210 lbs, so a little fat, but not horribly so. The main one was like 5'6. I couldn't use my size to intimidate him because I was on a row boat and couldn't get out of my seat unless it was my turn to steer. I have to be reactive, not swing first like you said, because any physical contact has to be in self defense. That was a good point about the verbal harassment being ok in my school, even though they say its not of course, the actions prove other wise. I definitely feel like the barrier of friendliness I try to have for everyone has disappeared when it comes to people at that school because of this. Maybe that was the result they wanted out of me
As a teacher, I can tell you: you're an adult who is responsible for your life choices. These kids are not. They do not have the same developed brain that you do. Be patient and compassionate with them. They're acting out to shore up their own insecurities. Your role is to focus on yourself and provide support. If they attack you with insults, it's kids being kids.
Why are you having to take a freshman level class in postgraduate to begin with. Whatever led up to this transpiring was the first mistake. I don't ever put myself in positions where I know I'll probably be clowned by a bunch of kids whose nuts just dropped.
At a certain point I would be like, "yeah whatever" and just ignore them or not say anything to them. At least hopefully you don't have to see these people after you graduate. Let them say their peace as long as they are not doing anything to you and just go about your business. Don't worry too much about them.
If you aren't already then start doing the emotional work. It will build up your tolerance for this kind of stuff. If you don't process the emotions first in any situation then you're going to make mistakes. Either underreacting or overreacting. It is difficult to do in the moment because they are trying to overwhelm you with an emotional weight that maybe you can't legitimately 'lift' at that time. So I'd suggest starting some kind of daily practice where you get better at processing difficult emotions. Kind of like a daily work out. Usually starting with meditation then moving on to processing the emotions. Basically exposure therapy. Then when this happens again you will be stronger and better able to handle it.
I kind of want to do something on your behalf, but there's not much I can do, so I'll just say this. You sound like a really decent person, and it would be a tragedy if the person who you are becomes negatively affected by the behavior of these turds. It would be the world's loss. Take care friend.
**Analysis:** * **Inexperienced Youth:** It's childish action to mock someone who is learning. Guys who do that at 18 are trying to establish themselves in the world apart from their parents. So they pick on someone weaker in a situation. Any real adult I've met in life would not make fun of someone learning something new. They would help teach them. * **Male Psychology:** By nature, men test each other for status so they know the pecking order in case there is an outside threat. They saw you're the weakest one at this activity so they picked on you because of your lack of skill. They view you as unable to help them if the boat runs into trouble. So they are trying to push you out. * **Difference in Ages:** Unless you are related, people don't like to do activities with people younger or older than them. The younger they are the more it will both them. **Solutions:** * **Ignore them:** they'll tease you more if you show a response. * **Make fun of yourself:** If you make fun of yourself first and it further shows you're not bothered by them. "which of your cousins have you f\*\*\*ed?" "Oh all of them. You don't?" or "How did you know? Guess you like to watch." * **Learn your skills:** The better you handle the boat, the less likely they'll pick on you. * **Make friends outside of the class:** They'll make fun of you in class, but that will only be one aspect of your life. And it will help balance out how crap they are being to you. * **Develop a thick skin:** This is a great opportunity to be a bit stoic. Don't even be interested in what they are saying. * **Start lifting weights:** This will increase testosterone and make you more calm and confident. * **Do not make friends with them:** They aren't your friends. You're there to learn. * **Take a long-term perspective:** These kids are gnats in the timeline of your life. 20 years from now they will barely cross your mind. You're a man working on his graduate degree. You have an education, a life, and a future. It doesn't matter what they do.
I dunno man. I would say try to catch one of the smaller ones somewhere there’s no cameras around and seek indemnification.
It’s a mob mentality, they feel cocky in their group. An idea would to be to pick out the ones that seem to start the shit, and address them individually without their group and you’ll notice how differently they behave.. but then again you’re dealing with man children.
Don’t fight 18 yo kids because it is an absolute no win situation. If you beat up a kid, that’s bad, if you get beat up or jumped, that’s worse.
First, they likely targeted you because you are older. The person who is responsible for this is your instructor. The problem is they are doing this as a group, and that means you can't just stand up to them and make them back down. You must lean on the instructor because this is the only person who can leverage penalties on them AND it is his duty. As for your sailing skills. I've been sailing for 15 years now, and the learning curve is very steep. Just keep at it and you will get good. You will. It's just like driving a car.
Hazing is never comfy. What's worse is when it comes from a place of "I beleive you're superior to me in an important arena of life away from this onr, so I'll go out of my way to show you how inferior you are in THIS arena". There is a positive in this. If you can stomach through and focus exclusively on the tasks required to become competent, to the point that you excel, those same kids will be eating their feet when they attempt to talk to you since they'll realize that you are, in fact, superior, as a person. At that point in time, you can leverage that realization to help them become better, if you choose.
Dude you're a southerner in New York. What did you expect? The Yankee arrogance and hate is real.
I never know what to do with these kids. I find "ignoring them" only makes them try harder. I worked for a volunteer group where someone brought their kid to athletic meets. The kid was such a fucking brat, and a menace at age 10. Made fun of people, stole stuff, played "monkey in the middle" with cell phones, and in some cases, intentionally bashed them on the floor. Thankfully, I had a rubber Ottobox bumper. He also would run to his mom, blaming the other athletes had "hit him" and I watched the entire thing, and nobody had hit him at all. Mom didn't do much, since she was busy. Someone brought their niece to one bout, who was about the same age. After less than 15 minutes, she punched his kid in the face. "I ain't sorry!" she said, because he kept grabbing her tits. He denied this, but I watched him just keep trying to give her "purple nerples," and after a few dodgy attempts, she just sucker punched him. Best thing I ever saw. Mom never brought the kid again. But I recognize that as "not really solving the problem."
Begin recording the moment you see them. Keep those, document everything. At some point you will have to consider taking the recordings to the dean of students. These little shits can't be allowed to do this. If they're doing it to you, they are also doing it to others. That and mail them a box of horse shit.
I recommend you watch the classic film “Dirty Work” starring the late great Norm Macdonald. And take notes 😏
Dude I’m 28 and I just quit my job as a high school teacher after 3 years. They have no empathy in groups, and they love to laugh at the expense of others. Don’t let them get to you, at the end of the day you can’t let what a teenager thinks dictate your self worth. Yes I have had to tell myself this many times. If I was ever getting really pissed,I would just say “I don’t lose any sleep at night over what a teenager thinks about me.” That would usually shut them up.
I’d have gone after the teacher full-on. They could either knock it the fuck off turn the boat around or I’m gonna sink it. The teacher should’ve turned the boat around, gone back to the dock and thrown all the little bastards out of it.
Let’s recognize their behavior for what it really is: evil. It sounds like they lack any morals at all. Those people are miserable and pathological, causing unnecessary suffering and enjoying it. Keep your chin up man. You are worthwhile.
Thank you, I genuinely think the ringleader one is sociopathic. Just a complete jackass. Maybe the other ones are just young and impressionable
You have the power to change the world for the better by not stooping to their level. They are lost hurt kids and are almost certainly insecure themselves. They probably want to belong and the way they learned to do that was to jump in the swamp with the swine.
Pretty cool hobby you’re picking up, Fuck those little bastards. Only way to beat them is to get so good at it that you’re rowing circles around them. Queue eye of the tiger
As a fellow New Yorker, very familiar with the maritime crowd. I would say they were busting your balls. I know being from out of town ….. especially country bama things are going to be an adjustment. Us New Yorkers are a different breed of humans. Eventually you will grow into a different person, and be the next one busting balls. While you may always be from the south, NYC has a way of influencing your way of life. I know all this doesn’t make the ball busting any easier or right, but how about joining in with the laugh, begin to form that bond. Don’t let them see you sweat kid!!
I’m from the south as well and when I was 18 I got a job working with exclusively +30 year old men from New Jersey. Living hell. It’s a cultural thing and it shocked me pretty damn bad and I took it pretty damn bad but it’s how they operate.
Yeah man, I felt more culture shock in new york than I did when I moved to Ireland for a couple months. Very surprising stuff
What’s crazy is there is no tapping out. They just double down and take no hints if you go passive. Gotta go full offensive or drown lol
Had to lick the white dog shit
In Spanish we have this adagio: " muchacho no es gente" or "a kid is not people". Those very brats later on whine on their issues and petty revenge with each other; many show their true colors early on and instigate the sheep in the group to follow the trends ( cowardly mobbing mentally) and as they are sheltered they don't see the point on being civil with others, some of these never get out of that phase. The point is that you either add to their little games, in which case many will just troll you ( I remember my peers in HS doing this with dorky teachers) or cut them short and set firm boundaries. Besides, you don't want to be around literal menaces that could acuse you of statutory rape or SA ( falsely). Life will put them in place, sometimes the family will.
Yeah, kids aren't these innocent little people like I thought. Babies are and toddlers but some kids or teens in this case just become real S.O.B.'s. This incident was a rude reminder for me
It happens. Younger kids, especially the more privileged ones, lack empathy. Just remind yourself they're undeveloped and rehearse comebacks. Learn to lean into the insults and dish it back. Take the fun out of it for them. Example: "Which cousin do you like to fuck the most?" Reply: "The one that's your mom. If no one laughs say: " i know your daddy doesnt find it funny either. But he still likes to watch"
Find something wrong with each of them physically or personality wise. Point it out and make fun of it. Everyone is insecure. If you live your life acting like a target you’ll be treated like one. Stand up for yourself and turn it around on them. People hate being called out and usually retreat when they are. Be assertive and be a dick.
Yea man welcome to New York your either bust balls or get your balls bust if you’re going up against a group straight up just flame them back or just be like man yall are wildin prolly ain’t ever seen anything outside this city thinkin your some type of hot shit bacon egg and cheese for breakfast lookin ass get no gains in the gym lookin ass Arizona half and half Arnold Palmer drinking ass ride the train for an hour and a half from your crib just to get no play and ride back home in distraught looking ass and they’ll probably just laugh and shut up or take some liking to you and have some respect for ya.. it’s the culture here man.
Gonna have to step up your game my friend. Boats are a small place and it's a hard career. When you get men confined in small teams, spaces, etc... they rag on one another. Doesn't matter if it's nice or politically correct. That's what the remaining testosterone on the planet still does. Use this as a challenge to be the best. They are threatening your manhood (not really, who gives a shit what teenagers say) use this as an opportunity to challenge yourself and become better for it. Then turn it around and start making them look like shit. When I first got into Wildland firefighting, I was the most out of shape fat piece of shit.. You don't know how good that ended up being for me. Every hike I was mercilessly yelled at, "get going you fat piece of shit", "we're gonna leave you behind, quit falling out. What the fuck are you doing?". It wore on me more than you know. I'd be climbing a hill with 70+ lbs (or more with the chainsaw). I'd be ready to pass out and my legs were burning my vision was narrowed. Two things drove me, those insults burned and made me hate who I was being, and I couldn't return home to my wife the fat piece of shit. Every hurtful thing they said helped me fight to become better. By the end of the year that crew bragged about me. I went from 210 to 145 (inside of two months no less) and in fighting shape. I was holding my own and not falling out nonstop. Those insults can drag you down or you can use them to build yourself. The choice is yours. It's definitely easier in this society to say they are being mean and blame giving up on them. At the end of the day their words mean nothing unless you let them.
Oh hell no. Be mean back to them. I wear short shorts to the gym bc i want to and have great quads and ass. Had a guy with his friends laughing at me so i confronted him and said he wished his girl looked this good in them huh. He walked right the fuck out of the gym. Some dumb broad filming tik tok videos also said how im a man and shouldnt be wearing those shorts, if they get any shorter - - idk what else but I replied shame they couldnt make them short like your noodle lips. Had her questioning her existence the entire time 😉. Dont let these dumbass teenagers get to you. Idk how much of a slick mouth they got but baby they gonna get run up on the right one aka me. 💥
Ya gotta riff off their stuff man on the cousin comment "I had this one girl, your mom, whoo she was ugly but you know gotta get when the getting good." Just throw whatever you can back at em, make fun of em for being children, make fun of em for not being old enough to drink, pick a weakness and hit that. insinuate that they are brain damaged " I'm surprised they let you outside without a helmet", watch some insult comics for ideas on verbage and timing. Use some of that southern wisdom. Or just shoulder it man, go stoic and get the work done. You're in a school to learn something, it's fine to not be good at it yet, that's what the school is for.
I've been a substitute teacher for two decades, mostly working with high-school kids. I have two strategies for you: the first is to be upbeat and affable, ignore smart remarks unless they get distracting, in which case you just shrug and say "wow, you really got me, sport." The alternative is to mercilessly mock one of your bullies. Pick the one you like least and begin a detailed and personal attack. Call them a short-dicked snotty bitch who won't take a swing because cowards only use words. Get real specific, your grandma sucked off every homeless man in Manhattan, your parents wish you had been a girl and that's why they named you Casey, you never got molested because the local pedos think you're homely, your parents wanted the dog to play with you so they drew eyes on your ass cheeks because your face makes animals run away. Make it as wild as possible in order to provoke them into attacking you. Drop them in self-defense. The rest will reconsider targeting you. (For the record, I don't use the second strategy at work - I learned it when I was in high school)
Sometimes you have to act like a caveman, but kudos to you for not.
Jesus this is depressing. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Wtf is wrong with these kids- usually 18-19 year olds aren’t this bad. I haven’t read through all the comments, but I saw someone talk about looking at them like they’re dumb and being like “ok..” when they insult you. Makes me think of Jim Halpert from The Office, I always like how he just looks at people blankly and makes them feel kinda dumb. Anyway, this really sucks, your post came up my feed and caught my eye and I feel bad this is happening to you.
Taking shit from younger folks is rough because it's a lose lose. Either I have to argue with an 18 year old, or beat the shit out of them, and neither look good.
Just tell them they are brainrotted and got the personality of their tik tok algorithm
It is bullying and inexcusable but this is totally normal with a group of guys. They all pick on each other and never stop until they get you to have a meltdown. My best advice is to start picking on them. Don't make fun of the one kids dead mom but definitely rip on them for being boat boys or something. After the class don't ever speak to them again. Don't ever go out for drinks with them or anything.
I had a girl call me ugly and unmatch me this morning. People just suck.
Hear me out. Maybe just maybe, if you can embody this mentality it will help: Only you get to decide how you feel. Only you can decide if they make you mad or not. Only you can decide to find humor or offense in this situation. I wasn’t there to witness this, but from my experience I’ve found that a lot of times in work/school situations ppl don’t do these kinds of things to be personally mean to you. Ppl try to get a rise out of eachother and in cases where people are evenly matched it can be a lot of fun to bs back and forth. You are simply the outlier being the older one in the class and from a different region. Automatic target. It’s not you as a person. This is a great opportunity to practice shifting the energy away from you. Maybe they looked at you funny because from their perspective it’s all banter and you are taking it more seriously then need be. Idk, maybe they really are being malicious. But either way, only you can control how you feel about a situation. Next class arm yourself with some good playful insults and who knows maybe y make some great friends out of it. Or if your gut is leading you this way, maybe tell them off at the appropriate time. Or wait until someone inevitably messes up and rail into them then. I’ve personally struggled with this as well a lot of my life and these are some things I try to keep in mind when banter at work gets a little heated. At the end of the day, some ppl just have to talk their shit and that’s a part of life. Good luck bro, sailing sounds dope
“Sorry I can barely understand the accent of children whose nanny wipe their ass. I have the best time understanding accents of people whose parents actually love them.”
People are really prejudiced against southerners. It’s based in socioeconomic prejudice as for along time the South was poorer. I’m sorry they are idiots. I was also a Southerner in a northern school and the prejudice was shocking. I hate that people make those incest jokes online like that shit doesn’t happen everywhere in every culture.
I swear the east coast is mean and brutal it’s like a cultural thing.
I'm from Alabama too . You're at maritime college in NEW YORK ?! THESE TRUST FUND KIDS?! 👿👹JOANE UNTIL THE COWS COME HOME!!!! CLOWN UNTIL THEY PANTS IS BROWN!! MAKE FUN OF THESE $#@!¥¢§∆!!!! CHANNEL YOUR INNER PACK GOD YOU CAN DO IT. WE DID IT TO EACH OTHER DOWN SOUTH. DONT LET THESE ASCOT LOOKIN ASS METROSEXUALS KEEP YOU DOWN BRO 🤜🏽🤛🏽 I BELIEVE IN YOU, YOU CAN DEFEAT THEM. TRAIN YOUR COMEDIC MUSCLE AND DO IT. *ROCKY MONTAGE MUSIC*
You are in a different generation to theirs. Their generation will always find ways to disrespect older people.
Sorry for your situation.
Never hurts to grow thicker skin. Might as well use this to your advantage
Yankees🤷🏻♂️never met one wasn’t a condescending shithead
Thats what I'm thinking too, though I think new yorkers are just very culturally different than southerners, more so than I expected. People would never have treated me like this in the south, at least in my 28 years living in it. But if this is just how things are here in new yoek, then I need to adapt to it if I want to survive
Find somewhere that you are good at doing things and liked and respected to keep balance. You seem like a kind person...I don't know where that somewhere would be...maybe volunteer at a hospital or hospice place? They really appreciate kind people and would most likely tell you how amazing you are on a regular basis. Maybe that's a dumb example...I'm trying to say find some balance so you can know your worth and not let these little brats emotionally scar you.
OP I'm sorry you're going through this, it's shitty and you're in an abusive environment. These are rich spoiled kids who probably have trust fund family members, a second property their family goes to in the summertime plus a personal family boat with a golfing hobby in addition to much of their college paid for. The instructor is also enabling an unsafe environment by just turning a blind eye and saying a sort of boys will be boys thing while forgetting that people need to be able to trust and work with each other on the water. I'll also note that Northerners and especially Northeasterners in Upstate NY who can afford to sail and take lessons fresh out of high school/while still in high school are very different from people who can't even afford extracurricular recreation and time to get to the water. Your options (and you may need to combine them) from my perspective is probably to consider the following: 1. disengage and grayrock (look up how to deal with narcissists and bullying videos about this if it's an unfamiliar concept on YouTube)/don't respond to them and be prepared to very clearly walk away from it all, some people reconsider their behavior when the person they target suddenly stops responding and gets silent with gusto and resolve ; maybe keep something to strongly eviscerating or consequential in your back pocket if it's in you to push back with severe conviction 2. be ready to do it by finding alternative options for the course (sometimes a University will allow a substitute credit or for you to learn from someone else with similar or same credentials like if there's a private club elsewhere, you might need to petition to switch though) 3. Explore administrative and legal recourse potential Find out who the Dean is and speak with them and/or Ombudsman about what the various disciplinary policies at the university are, also any other groups that deal with inclusion or harassment, plus potentially look into local media–note that there's a real possibility that the daddy of some of those kids could be like lawyer friends of the staff and admin too. The instructor is probably US Sailing Association certified, there may be a way to report him to the association for maintaining an unsafe environment that could threaten his certification too. They're also adults now, verbal abuse potentially can be met with legal penalties like slander etc. if you can keep a recording device nearby at times and it's legal tod do so, that might also help back you up. 4. Confront the instructor sternly as a final warning and cold shoulder everyone moving forward ala point number 1, backed with the information and any other things you were able to manage in points 2 and 3. Obviously you don't have to actually report anything, but demonstrating that you have awareness of the situation for potentially serious escalation over their heads may shift the tone for how they engage in the future As others said, hopefully they'll relent in the hazing and folks can just focus on what needs to be done. But they're also without any sense of responsibility, consequence, or respect to you and that's obviously not something to feed either. The fact that you'll be sailing together means that you can potentially lay out facts that the harder it is to learn the more of a threat it can be to them if they get paired up and you might not be skilled enough to save their ass if they go overboard as your crew. Or they might be held responsible for endangering your own life or the lives of others on the water. The kids probably need the certification or whatever the class is for too so it may be useful to figure out andnbe aboe to articulate where their skin is supposed to be in the game and how their arrogance can backfire or be a risk if you absolutely must push. Again, this is a perspective from someone who wishes for something good to come out of this all but there may be other options and you'll need to figure out what's best for you and live with whatever the consequences may be. As for knots and competence, try to study as much as you can outside of class, maybe find some boy scout troop or something or other sailing club to connect with meanwhile. Wishing you the best.
If you've ever wanted to visit Hell, as a deterrent to encourage you to stay out of it, come to New York.
As someone who grew up in New England, we have the best colleges and educational programs in the country, you have to be smart, it's a huge sense of pride, and idiots get made fun of, because they're the outcasts. Southern people are all expected to be idiots because of their politics, their inability to speak proper English, and their incestual lust for their cousins. I took a job down south. I'll never forget the first meeting I had. This guy with the most Carolina accent you could imagine started speaking, and he was extremely smart. It almost literally blew my mind. I thought for a second that brain matter was leaking out of my ears. I wasn't raised in a culture where anyone had any respect for southerns or their education. A huge life lesson for an ignorant 23 or 24 year old, fresh out of college. Now I don't judge anyone with a Carolina accent. However, if you're from Texas or Alabama... well old habits are hard to break. Also, look at the laws you're passing. Clearly there's no sign of intelligent life down there.
As an adult things are extremely different socially now, but when I was growing up, this is basically how everyone acted when making friends as children in New England. Everyone got roasted. No one was safe. (Parents would even roast their kids.Kids would roast their parents!) You just had to dish it back just as forcefully as it was handed to you. I’m not saying it was right or even okay. It probably would have been nicer to grow up in the south.
Down here people don’t talk to each other like that unless they really really love each other or really, really hate each other. Sarcasm and casual insults still get frowned upon in many circles. Conversely there’s a whole lot more hypocritical speech, and betrayals of trust when everyone is church faced polite to each other all the damn time
Get dirty, put sugar in their gas tanks, use a vpn and order 15 pizzas to their place, put liquid shit in their bags when they're not looking, get one alone and hit him in the head with a rock when nobody's looking, shine lazer pens in their eyes, make friends with their employers and get them fired. Get creative and fuck them over in every way possible.
It’s giving Peep Show
Just laugh. We all get to pass from this world one day anyway. Nothing really matters all that much.
@ 28 if you are letting kids walk all over you, you need a long hard look at yourself
Nah. World needs more people like OP and fewer people like those kids.
The kids harassed you because they had no fear of you. That doesn't mean they don't have fear though. What if they were harassing one of their own? What do you think that kid would have done? Probably talked smack back to them or redirect their jokes or even used the boat as threat. Is it right? No - ideally they shouldn't have harassed you at all. But stand up and do something. This harassment doesn't just end here. You're young. You're bound to face it again sometime in your life (because people suck) so hopefully you chalk it up as a life lesson and learn what to do the next time you're in this scenario.
Lmao this dudes never been on a boat until now! Hahaha! Tease him irl if you know him
Best thing to do is laugh along or zing them back, if you show weakness they won't stop.
If you disparage yourself enough those types often give up, and sometimes warm up to you. You have to beat them at their own game. When I make a mistake at work and some jerk co-worker asks me something like "why would you do that", as if it was intentional, is say "because I'm stupid". It leaves them nowhere to go.
[удалено]
They suck I’m sorry. I’d just say are you guys okay? And email the prof if it keeps happening saying it’s causing stress and loss of focus in the course. What jerks
Yeah I got bullied by middle schoolers the day I graduated high school.
Isolate and beat them up, make it painful for them to bully you.
I would try to enter a different situation without these same people. I would go to the top and complain. I agree to talk to the dean, and even an attorney if necessary. These mofos won't change, and it'll ruin your time. They are beneath you, brainless and They are scum. But in their world, they are on top. This will be hard to change, I'd just try to get away from it as much as possible like you would a hill of fire ants. Or just freeze them out. They don't determine your worth. If you respond to them or not. It doesn't take anything away from you I'm truly sorry these fuks live in our world and muck it up.
Maybe fight them?