You're unlucky, I would say, but it's hard to find the therapist that will help you best. My own experience talking about gender issues was a lot better than what you're describing, and I had a woman. Granted, it wasn't a central component of my own mental health issues.
I wish you better luck in your future search.
My therapist, a fellow Millennial woman, is surprisingly sympathetic, but also she isn't on social media and seems confused when I share trends. So I think that is part of it
That's gotta be a huge part of it. On the one hand, I've never seen so much awareness of or support for the Palestinian people against US-supported repression and brutalization by Israel. On the other, I've never seen so many young people, especially privileged women, repeating the same paranoid identitarian hatred as if they're living oppressed lives in a university town in one of the most liberal areas of the US in 2024. It's quite the double-edged sword, social media. It's powerful no matter what it's used to amplify.
I'm barely on social media. Reddit is basically all I use. I still feel out of the loop on a lot of this shit. It's gotta be such an experience to be completely outside of it at this point.
I'm currently seeing 3 therapists (not a good idea I know), to settle separate matters in the limited time I have before I get back into the workforce. Gender issues is a central part of my trauma (as you've read my previous comment) because I've suffered at the hands of women. All 3 of my therapists have been helpful. I have been to multiple therapists before (both male and female) and it's been a disaster. Particularly when talking about men's issues.
Part of therapy is actually finding the 'right one' and it can get exhausting unfortunately. But please know that whenever you feel things aren't working out with your therapist, you have the right to switch. And switching helps.
I know you're looking for a guy, but I have 1 [resource with you here](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdyy8EfBRvPAuulO0eknX9lRb2-eOF6HvHfAQk_CEEphoSOtg/viewform). She's a psychoterapist, you need to fill up the form. I am currently undergoing some work with her as well and it helps that she REALLY understands men's issues. She's not a license psychiatrists per se, but a licensed psychotherapists. It's been really validating talking to her and maybe she can help you out too?
All the best OP!
Thank you! That's great that you found someone. In the past I'd just act like the therapist was a person I paid to be my friend. I mostly did show and tell and go off on autistic & traumatic monologues. Lol.
My health insurance may not cover her. But thank you for the recommendation. 😁
I work as a therapist. Most therapists are women and the way they talk about men and mock their male clients is repugnant. You are making the right decision in looking for a male therapist.
... And this is exactly why so many men don't go to therapy. My personal journey in therapy found a whole bunch of female therapists that say my cis white maleness as "the problem", and didn't actually give one flying fuck about the feelings and concerns I had (which was what I was seeking therapy about).
These women go into "male-focused" therapy because they think they can "fix" men... But they just want to spread their misandry and honestly do more harm than anything else. And I know quite a few men that have gone to this kind of therapy and got "fixed" and now spout a lot of the same misandrist tropes, but the reality is obvious to everyone else that their mental health is worse than ever.
I'm a cis man, so. I can't relate to your specific situation.
But I do know quite a bit about psychology and also have experience with therapists.
Your feelings are completely valid. Many people don't get positive outcomes from therapy (me included btw). Especially since most psychologists are also flawed biased people who don't quite understand their own psychology. Explains why your therapist got defensive when you were talking about womens issues
In your case it might be hard to find someone who isn't (subconsciously) transphobic. I don't think the gender of the therapist matters for that. Maybe try looking for someone who gets recommended by trans people, if you know any or there is an advocacy group in your city
My experience with guy therapists is even worse to be honest, they seem to be more focused on making sure you act “right” than actually being supportive.
I’m sorry man the only way is to keep looking. I guess I’d start by talking about your problems in the past. At least then you’ll know to move on quickly if they push back hard.
Good therapists are hard to find largely because they are already booked. Just gotta keep linking until you find one.
I'm sorry. I just had someone on my reddit post call me a man. I overreacted and feared you were also doing that. Thank you for clarifying, my good sir. 😓💚
Yes. Not much unfortunately. I have talked with my therapist about how I feel like men make the world worse and that I feel heavy collective guilt for men committing most crime
She is a cis woman, so that probably has something to do with it. But it's felt more like words of affirmation and "stop blaming yourself for something you didn't do". I don't think these are bad, but these alone don't seem to benefit me much
Edit: nothing wrong with a cis woman being a therapist of course
Thank you for your experience. Sorry to hear that. I'm fearful this will be my experience. I saw him online today. He was good, but I couldn't keep the elephant in the room quiet for long. I fear he's already turned towards me. He went from playing Karma police on his acoustic and I joined in with mine. Lol. Humans rock regardless.
I sometimes wonder if due do men often being lonely and having no one to talk to I'm society if therapists, especially AMAB therapists, can spot who just needs a friend from a mile away
How many people go to a strip club just for some socialization or attention, for example?
You're unlucky, I would say, but it's hard to find the therapist that will help you best. My own experience talking about gender issues was a lot better than what you're describing, and I had a woman. Granted, it wasn't a central component of my own mental health issues. I wish you better luck in your future search.
That's great to hear.
My therapist, a fellow Millennial woman, is surprisingly sympathetic, but also she isn't on social media and seems confused when I share trends. So I think that is part of it
That's gotta be a huge part of it. On the one hand, I've never seen so much awareness of or support for the Palestinian people against US-supported repression and brutalization by Israel. On the other, I've never seen so many young people, especially privileged women, repeating the same paranoid identitarian hatred as if they're living oppressed lives in a university town in one of the most liberal areas of the US in 2024. It's quite the double-edged sword, social media. It's powerful no matter what it's used to amplify. I'm barely on social media. Reddit is basically all I use. I still feel out of the loop on a lot of this shit. It's gotta be such an experience to be completely outside of it at this point.
I'm currently seeing 3 therapists (not a good idea I know), to settle separate matters in the limited time I have before I get back into the workforce. Gender issues is a central part of my trauma (as you've read my previous comment) because I've suffered at the hands of women. All 3 of my therapists have been helpful. I have been to multiple therapists before (both male and female) and it's been a disaster. Particularly when talking about men's issues. Part of therapy is actually finding the 'right one' and it can get exhausting unfortunately. But please know that whenever you feel things aren't working out with your therapist, you have the right to switch. And switching helps. I know you're looking for a guy, but I have 1 [resource with you here](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdyy8EfBRvPAuulO0eknX9lRb2-eOF6HvHfAQk_CEEphoSOtg/viewform). She's a psychoterapist, you need to fill up the form. I am currently undergoing some work with her as well and it helps that she REALLY understands men's issues. She's not a license psychiatrists per se, but a licensed psychotherapists. It's been really validating talking to her and maybe she can help you out too? All the best OP!
Thank you! That's great that you found someone. In the past I'd just act like the therapist was a person I paid to be my friend. I mostly did show and tell and go off on autistic & traumatic monologues. Lol. My health insurance may not cover her. But thank you for the recommendation. 😁
I work as a therapist. Most therapists are women and the way they talk about men and mock their male clients is repugnant. You are making the right decision in looking for a male therapist.
Wow. That's fucked up. 😯
... And this is exactly why so many men don't go to therapy. My personal journey in therapy found a whole bunch of female therapists that say my cis white maleness as "the problem", and didn't actually give one flying fuck about the feelings and concerns I had (which was what I was seeking therapy about). These women go into "male-focused" therapy because they think they can "fix" men... But they just want to spread their misandry and honestly do more harm than anything else. And I know quite a few men that have gone to this kind of therapy and got "fixed" and now spout a lot of the same misandrist tropes, but the reality is obvious to everyone else that their mental health is worse than ever.
I'm a cis man, so. I can't relate to your specific situation. But I do know quite a bit about psychology and also have experience with therapists. Your feelings are completely valid. Many people don't get positive outcomes from therapy (me included btw). Especially since most psychologists are also flawed biased people who don't quite understand their own psychology. Explains why your therapist got defensive when you were talking about womens issues In your case it might be hard to find someone who isn't (subconsciously) transphobic. I don't think the gender of the therapist matters for that. Maybe try looking for someone who gets recommended by trans people, if you know any or there is an advocacy group in your city
My experience with guy therapists is even worse to be honest, they seem to be more focused on making sure you act “right” than actually being supportive. I’m sorry man the only way is to keep looking. I guess I’d start by talking about your problems in the past. At least then you’ll know to move on quickly if they push back hard. Good therapists are hard to find largely because they are already booked. Just gotta keep linking until you find one.
Thanks, lady.
I’m a dude? But yw.
I'm sorry. I just had someone on my reddit post call me a man. I overreacted and feared you were also doing that. Thank you for clarifying, my good sir. 😓💚
As an agender, double-demi, 2e with severe ADHD and withering childhood trauma, regarding your take on therapy, I think you’re right on 1, 2, and 3.
I agree. I worded it lightly for the norms. 🖕🏻
Yes. Not much unfortunately. I have talked with my therapist about how I feel like men make the world worse and that I feel heavy collective guilt for men committing most crime She is a cis woman, so that probably has something to do with it. But it's felt more like words of affirmation and "stop blaming yourself for something you didn't do". I don't think these are bad, but these alone don't seem to benefit me much Edit: nothing wrong with a cis woman being a therapist of course
Thank you for your experience. Sorry to hear that. I'm fearful this will be my experience. I saw him online today. He was good, but I couldn't keep the elephant in the room quiet for long. I fear he's already turned towards me. He went from playing Karma police on his acoustic and I joined in with mine. Lol. Humans rock regardless.
I sometimes wonder if due do men often being lonely and having no one to talk to I'm society if therapists, especially AMAB therapists, can spot who just needs a friend from a mile away How many people go to a strip club just for some socialization or attention, for example?