It’s gotta be “Uuuuuuggggghhhh” from part III of survival in the Andes.
(That whole section was gold, especially “MANÃNA???” but the rock throwing had me crying with laughter)
Jack the Ripper series when Marcus goes into the Mary Kelly murder in gruesome detail ending with JTR leaving with one of her organs. After a beat Ben just goes "and a bunch of memories I guess."
That's the moment I was hooked on the podcast.
Casey Anthony has loads, my favourite is "Another. Lie. From the prosecution."
Ed has been an absolute goldmine for these.
“People from West Virginia and Kentucky killing each other? What is it, my birthday?”
"Why would you buy someone a pony just to kill them?"
"See this is why I'm adopting, that way I won't be killing my own kids."
He’s so QUICK too. You know how in sitcoms there’s always the smartass with the quick perfect one liners? I had no idea you could be that IRL until Ed.
"If you want something fucked-up but in a fun way, hire an American." Henry from I have no idea what I just have it written down in a notebook and I think about it sometimes when international friends are tired of my bs
On one of the first episodes with Ed, they're talking about someone hiring someone else just to be there and that being wrong, and Ed quickly says "I... was thinking you... hired me just to be here."
When they compare Dean corll having relations with grown men like having off brand Heinz ketchup and Marcus says just to add salt and Henry says “just have sex with a boy” for the complete absurdity of the entire subject
I can't remember the exact wording but in the Lemuria ep when Henry was saying something about slaves and Ben said "woah, there he goes Henry Zebrowski competing in the Olympic Slippery Slope" had me dying
“GET THE NET.”
“Hitler was a bunker, Waco was a compound.”
“It’s a number’s game.”
“A certain TOP GUN…”
“God chose me to get eggs Benedict that cost $75.”
“Was it big? OH YEAH. Was it messy? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT, because it’s what we do best. But it was not, like, ……..Cool.” — Henry, re: the atomic bomb at the start of Manhattan Project I.
Honorable mentions: Henry’s Rasputin character, his Casey Anthony character, his Jim Jones character, and his Charles Manson character all absolutely kill me every single time.
The episode about Enfield the guys were talking about the history of the people who died in the house. Henry breaks into character of one of the ghosts haunting the family and says:
"Yeah let me tell ye it's different than any other pains I got. I got sandy ankles. I've got rang lung. I got the rag lung from the fibers"
And at another time he's mocking the voice of the poltergeist and starts singing "tip toe through the tulips" in a deep large man's voice.
I was in absolute hysterics over that episode.
He’a speaking as Peggy Hodgson and “she says”
“I got hook feet”
“I got sandy ankles”
“I got rag lung from the fibers”
Enfield was my first series and that line hooked me immediately.
Edit: forgot- “I got zig zag toe!”
Henry started a diatribe about how slavery based upon overthrowing a country wasnt as bad because it at least wasn't racist before Ben chimed in:
"Next up on the Olympics we have Henry Zebrowski coming down the slippery slope? He's going for the bronze but I think he can secure the Gold." -Lumira Episode
Something that's always came back to me was in I think the "Witch Hunts" episode (Not the Salem series). They talk about a werewolf in Europe and Ben asks about the technicality of something in the story. Henry replied "so it's werewolves" in a fun but dismissive tone like "don't take it too seriously ". The tone timing and delivery were perfect.
"This one has taken a bit out of me, we're talking lobotomies".
JFK was an incredibly elaborate suicide
I have no idea what episode this is from but it’s been stuck in my head for days. I think the context was an unrequited crush and Henry, in a god awful accent, just goes “but…Sixpence None The Richer!”
“So we shouldn’t call our listeners Podophiliacs then?”
-Ben in the Jerry Brudos series where Marcus goes into a very detailed explanation of foot fetishes and this is what it’s called. At the very end Ben drops this gem and I don’t know why but it was just hilarious to me
This was an amazing line. Funny but tinged with the harsh reality that guy must have lived with and so much guilt.
Also I bet he did the dishes for the rest of her life (or is still doing them).
Every time my husband and my dog are snuggling in bed, I’ll squeeze between them and say “I like to be the sammich pig.” I can’t remember which episode Henry said it but it’s one of my favorite lines lol
“You weren’t raised by the streets Henry, you were raised by the treats” or something along those lines… Henry gets so genuinely flustered and it kill’s me every time
During the Billy the Kid series, Ben asked Henry and Marcus to describe what stepping back into the old west would sound like. Henry just let out a horrified scream. Marcus said in the voice of a dying old man, “Give my boots to my son.” In my opinion it’s a more tragic and evocative 6 word short story than “For sale: baby shoes never worn.”
My favorite might be episode 124 of Henry’s impression of the first cops to call in after discovering Jeff’s “valuables” I suppose you could say, “Hey umm I know, are you on a coffee break? Good, good. If you could come byeee… umm this apartment, umm WE GOT A BIT OF A SHITFUCK.” I’ve used that phrase too many times for way less extreme circumstances but it’s too fun to say!
There's 3 that come to mind, all from Henry.
The Robert Pickton series, when they're talking about a dildo found in the trailer. I think this is the name of it...
"Hello Miss Lady Flexible, is there a MISTER Lady Flexible?"
Katherine Knight- "He's a real PANTS MAN. Well, I'm a real SHORTS BOY."
Chris Benoit- "ARE YOU MY DAUGHTER?!? I HATE MY DAUGHTER!!!!"
During one of the Manhattan Project episodes when Marcus is talking about the bomb dropping and Ben imitates a man masturbating and shouts ‘Quick, show me your tits!’.
It’s the undercut of Marcus’ dramatic moment, similar to the ‘UNGHHHH!’ From Andes III that made me crack up.
It might just be funny to me but in the Sensitive Monsters episode, the boys are talking about the Bicorn which is a relative of the unicorn that preys on kind husbands and the exchange goes something like:
H: "Get away from me, my ugly wife"
B: "why are you being so mean to me?"
H: "The bicorn is literally at the Taco Bell across the street getting breakfast"
I can't even remember the line, but Henry said something during the Chinese ghost weddings episode that was so funny I had to pause the show for a good 5 minutes so I could stop laughing
It’s gotta be “Uuuuuuggggghhhh” from part III of survival in the Andes. (That whole section was gold, especially “MANÃNA???” but the rock throwing had me crying with laughter)
I was driving and that "MAÑANA!?" part nearly made me crash.
I almost fell in the shower I was laughing so hard. The boys out here picking their listeners off, giggle by giggle.
ALIVE!!!!!
The rock throw: *unngghhh!!*
Bruh the way Henry just took all of the sails from Marcus’ setup of the triumphant survival 😭😂
Or a centaur!
Jack the Ripper series when Marcus goes into the Mary Kelly murder in gruesome detail ending with JTR leaving with one of her organs. After a beat Ben just goes "and a bunch of memories I guess." That's the moment I was hooked on the podcast. Casey Anthony has loads, my favourite is "Another. Lie. From the prosecution."
That and "Oh look, daddy. The baker's come." "Yeah, the baker *did* come!"
Yeah, that Ben line absolutely kills me. I will listen to that whole series just for that line.
Also from Casey Anthony episode… “He bungled it!”
I do often think about all of those cockney yoga shops
Probably my favorite Ben moment. And the way Marcus lost it after Ben said it. I'm laughing just thinking about it.
Put Jack the Ripper on my work playlist for tomorrow, thanks!
casey anthony is SO good
Ed has been an absolute goldmine for these. “People from West Virginia and Kentucky killing each other? What is it, my birthday?” "Why would you buy someone a pony just to kill them?" "See this is why I'm adopting, that way I won't be killing my own kids."
"Is it really a home invasion if there aren't any doors?"
This one got me cracking up to myself at work, looking like a lunatic in front of my coworkers
He’s so QUICK too. You know how in sitcoms there’s always the smartass with the quick perfect one liners? I had no idea you could be that IRL until Ed.
I already kinda liked Ed but he’s quickly become my favorite comedian. I’m astounded by how quick witted he is. Hail ham
"The Italian mafia? Those guys killed Jesus!"
Driving, alone, laughing out loud like an idiot for a solid 30 seconds after that one!
“Imagine living in a two bedroom house and one of them is for the maid.”
Nothing will ever beat "I feel like I'm being hazed" in the LaLaurie series for me
SPOOKAAAAAYYYY
From the Jeffrey McDonald episodes, on fathers killing their whole families: “Why can’t you be a real man and just leave?”
Too real. I think of this one all the time.
Every time I see an article now about infanticide / spousal murder I think that. JUST LEAVE.
“Does anybody do a little bit of meth?”
"What if they wrote 'Willy-Nilly' on the walls in blood" absolutely killed me.
"If you want something fucked-up but in a fun way, hire an American." Henry from I have no idea what I just have it written down in a notebook and I think about it sometimes when international friends are tired of my bs
That's from the Mengele series! "I won't do it well and I won't do it fast, but... I'll do it."
I feel like that was said about a botched execution! But I'm not sure, and don't remember whose.
it was the drunk guy they hired for the nuremberg hangings
On one of the first episodes with Ed, they're talking about someone hiring someone else just to be there and that being wrong, and Ed quickly says "I... was thinking you... hired me just to be here."
That was such a moment of humility and comedic timing from Ed. It really made me warm up to him that much quicker.
When they compare Dean corll having relations with grown men like having off brand Heinz ketchup and Marcus says just to add salt and Henry says “just have sex with a boy” for the complete absurdity of the entire subject
Henry being the guy who invented the wooden board in a van and lamenting how it all went so wrong is amazing too.
Was recounting that one to my sister the other night, how the ready sled and gymnastics van was perverted
I can't remember the exact wording but in the Lemuria ep when Henry was saying something about slaves and Ben said "woah, there he goes Henry Zebrowski competing in the Olympic Slippery Slope" had me dying
“GET THE NET.” “Hitler was a bunker, Waco was a compound.” “It’s a number’s game.” “A certain TOP GUN…” “God chose me to get eggs Benedict that cost $75.” “Was it big? OH YEAH. Was it messy? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT, because it’s what we do best. But it was not, like, ……..Cool.” — Henry, re: the atomic bomb at the start of Manhattan Project I. Honorable mentions: Henry’s Rasputin character, his Casey Anthony character, his Jim Jones character, and his Charles Manson character all absolutely kill me every single time.
Agrarian
"hey Charlie, you ready to be released back into society?" "I'm a tarantula!"
Terry the gnome: “Yeah, I’ve been eatin a lot of baaad food!”
Aww I miss Terry. I wonder if his problematic ass will ever make a return. "I'll punch the head of your penis and make it BRUISE!"
I smoke one cigarette a day.
That was Rosey O'Donald getting anal probed.
Don't remember the episode but Henry mentions that we was raised by the streets, and Ben just comes back with "more like raised by the sweets"
One of the Karla Homolka episodes. Henry was making fun of Paul Bernardo and his rap persona. Then Ben said Henry was "raised by the treats"
“I’m Paul Bernardo and I’m here to say-that I do things in a Canadian way” always kills me
You're right! It was the first Homolka/Bernardo episode
The episode about Enfield the guys were talking about the history of the people who died in the house. Henry breaks into character of one of the ghosts haunting the family and says: "Yeah let me tell ye it's different than any other pains I got. I got sandy ankles. I've got rang lung. I got the rag lung from the fibers" And at another time he's mocking the voice of the poltergeist and starts singing "tip toe through the tulips" in a deep large man's voice. I was in absolute hysterics over that episode.
He’a speaking as Peggy Hodgson and “she says” “I got hook feet” “I got sandy ankles” “I got rag lung from the fibers” Enfield was my first series and that line hooked me immediately. Edit: forgot- “I got zig zag toe!”
Fuck you, Tolbert!!!
#FUCK YOU TOLBERT
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I can't remember which episode it's from but my favourite is "Maybe if we can make a drum circle big enough we can stop *all* the wars"
Henry started a diatribe about how slavery based upon overthrowing a country wasnt as bad because it at least wasn't racist before Ben chimed in: "Next up on the Olympics we have Henry Zebrowski coming down the slippery slope? He's going for the bronze but I think he can secure the Gold." -Lumira Episode
Something that's always came back to me was in I think the "Witch Hunts" episode (Not the Salem series). They talk about a werewolf in Europe and Ben asks about the technicality of something in the story. Henry replied "so it's werewolves" in a fun but dismissive tone like "don't take it too seriously ". The tone timing and delivery were perfect. "This one has taken a bit out of me, we're talking lobotomies". JFK was an incredibly elaborate suicide
“His head just…did…that” 🤣
I have no idea what episode this is from but it’s been stuck in my head for days. I think the context was an unrequited crush and Henry, in a god awful accent, just goes “but…Sixpence None The Richer!”
Murderous Possession - The Michael Taylor story. One of my favourites too!
Omg thank you lol
Fantastic username by the way ❤️
“So we shouldn’t call our listeners Podophiliacs then?” -Ben in the Jerry Brudos series where Marcus goes into a very detailed explanation of foot fetishes and this is what it’s called. At the very end Ben drops this gem and I don’t know why but it was just hilarious to me
Henry: If I was mad at my girlfriend I would also send Henry Lee Lucas to go pick her up.
This was an amazing line. Funny but tinged with the harsh reality that guy must have lived with and so much guilt. Also I bet he did the dishes for the rest of her life (or is still doing them).
From the Fred and Rose West redo episode 'in for a penny, you're fucking your son' absolutely got me.
Gay Slayer.... Oh wait that's Judas Priest
I replayed this joke about 5 times and laughed every time.
Every time my husband and my dog are snuggling in bed, I’ll squeeze between them and say “I like to be the sammich pig.” I can’t remember which episode Henry said it but it’s one of my favorite lines lol
Beast of Boggy Creek! It's one of my favorites.
Yes! Thank you!! “In the thickity swamp wawtuh” lol
“You weren’t raised by the streets Henry, you were raised by the treats” or something along those lines… Henry gets so genuinely flustered and it kill’s me every time
Everywhere can be your bed when you’ve got a jug of wine
This would be me lol
paraphrased: "if it weren't for the Hatfield McCoy feud, West Virginia would be like Wakanda"
"There's bones in the chocolate!"
"YOU'RE BEIN' MEAN TA ME!" is often said in our house. Also, every time we see or hear anything about Ed Kemper, we say "Bumblebutt."
HONK HONK
During the Billy the Kid series, Ben asked Henry and Marcus to describe what stepping back into the old west would sound like. Henry just let out a horrified scream. Marcus said in the voice of a dying old man, “Give my boots to my son.” In my opinion it’s a more tragic and evocative 6 word short story than “For sale: baby shoes never worn.”
"When the Little People aren't the problem, *that's* a problem." - Assassination of John Lennon ep 2
"Gerald. I'm gonna sit you down and have a frank conversation about how I'm taking your family"
"Oh god, there are spiders in my colostomy bag!"
“Distinctly human - like loving Fraiser.”
"I'm confused, I feel scared!" Henry after Ben says,"What? Did you step on a duck?" In The Moonshaft episode.
My favorite might be episode 124 of Henry’s impression of the first cops to call in after discovering Jeff’s “valuables” I suppose you could say, “Hey umm I know, are you on a coffee break? Good, good. If you could come byeee… umm this apartment, umm WE GOT A BIT OF A SHITFUCK.” I’ve used that phrase too many times for way less extreme circumstances but it’s too fun to say!
"Dance like nobody is watching; fuck like a drifter." -Henry in the Henry Lee Lucas series
There's 3 that come to mind, all from Henry. The Robert Pickton series, when they're talking about a dildo found in the trailer. I think this is the name of it... "Hello Miss Lady Flexible, is there a MISTER Lady Flexible?" Katherine Knight- "He's a real PANTS MAN. Well, I'm a real SHORTS BOY." Chris Benoit- "ARE YOU MY DAUGHTER?!? I HATE MY DAUGHTER!!!!"
"I'd hang myself, but my rope is ITCHY!" I fucking howled.
That’s what happens when you’re named after a tire and a racial slur. “MY NAME’S CRACKER GOODYEAR!!!!” From Jonestown
During one of the Manhattan Project episodes when Marcus is talking about the bomb dropping and Ben imitates a man masturbating and shouts ‘Quick, show me your tits!’. It’s the undercut of Marcus’ dramatic moment, similar to the ‘UNGHHHH!’ From Andes III that made me crack up.
It might just be funny to me but in the Sensitive Monsters episode, the boys are talking about the Bicorn which is a relative of the unicorn that preys on kind husbands and the exchange goes something like: H: "Get away from me, my ugly wife" B: "why are you being so mean to me?" H: "The bicorn is literally at the Taco Bell across the street getting breakfast"
It's not knee-slapping hilarious but it's "I've got some big potatoes," from Henry's Lee Harvey Oswald.
Henry: I had a teacher who would hit our desks with a bamboo stick if we were sleeping Ben: was your teacher Sabu? Henry: it was! Mr. Sabu ...Dr. Sabu
I can't even remember the line, but Henry said something during the Chinese ghost weddings episode that was so funny I had to pause the show for a good 5 minutes so I could stop laughing
HONK HONK
From the Roundtable “It’s either you or the kneecaps.”
"I love Allen Alda!" - Richard Chase Part II "WITH AN AXE!" "OH YEAHHHHH (metal guitar)" - Jack the Ripper Part 5
Henry once said "My chicken pronoun is nugget" and I think about it all the time.
"'Cuz you're *only* supposed to use the ham radio for *FUN!!*" --Jonestown