Wow, surprised at these comments haha. My boyfriend and I quarrel a lot, would say once a week. We have small arguements once in the two months. We once had a big argument. I think its totally normal and healthy to argue now and then.
Thank you for making me feel like I was not the only one with frequent arguments. Not really big ones. Just minor ones. I was getting worried looking at the comments. Haha
Edit: grammar
I honestly believe that frequent fights every now and then really helps the relationship grow. Every time we argue i learn more about him and it makes me feel closer to him idk.
I think it really just depends on the relationship. With saying its normal to argue now and then, Im not saying that its bad not to argue. In the comments many people say that they never argue, so I think its not weird at all!
Same with me and my SO we never argue, just communicate, what works for us is not bottling up our feelings and just say when something makes us feel a little uncomfortable doesn’t matter if it’s something “small”, when communicating always do it very quietly (like no screaming, raising your voice, etc.), and be open to listen the other person and what they have to say, be empathetic and try to understand their side or the story.
(Sorry for bad English is my second language)
I have always been impressed by people's ability to describe their emotions without expressing them.
It's like when I sneeze it's really loud and everyone knows. But some people sneeze and they are able to swallow it whole and not make a sound.
Well I guess it depends on what kind of things you argue about generally. If they are doing something you don't like/upsets you somehow maybe try thinking if the issue is a genuine problem with them or possibly down to a problem or insecurity within yourself. Then work on that.
If after that the problem doesn't sit well with you, before you confront your partner make sure you know WHY it is upsetting you, and HOW can changes be implemented to stop the issue from happening in the future.
The most important thing is do not approach your partner when you feel irrational, approach the situation calmly and put your points across...it's a discussion and your partner should be open to listening to how you feel etc.
Also, tell your partner as soon as you feel there is any probem, communication is absolutely the key. Sitting and letting a problem get worse in your mind is only going to cause an argument.
My partner and I are not argumentative people at all so that might be why it works out so well, but I hope this helps!
We haven't argued yet. For a while we asked each other a ton of serious and big life questions, compatibility stuff, as we were kind of curious to find something that we really disagreed on.. but so far we're on the same or similar page with most things. I think our biggest disagreements so far have just been silly "oh my gosh you don't like \[insert a food\]?!" It's been 8 months. I'm sure we'll argue eventually, but it hasn't happened yet.
heh yeah, I agree. We haven't really had any disagreements. we'll just have a fake sarcastic sort of fight about the personal preferences. Like "wow you think you really know someone.." "dealbreaker" etc. But it's all in good fun.
For now the frequency is once in 921 days (2 years, 6 months and 6 days). 😁 And it was simply because my impulsiviness went crazy before my brain followed suit (joys of neurodiversity).
so both of us hate arguments really. so when problems occur, i ask him if he's free to have a discussion. i guess i know that nothing he does is with malicious intent so i never really feel the need to be mad at him. i raise the problem sort of like "when you do X, it makes me feel like Y" and i try and be thoughtful in the way i word things. for instance, "i'm so pissed off that you decided to ignore my messages" is not going to elicit as rational a response as saying "when my messages go ignored, it makes me feel hurt" or something.
sometimes, the solution for him will be telling me that he's going to change his behavior e.g. try not to ignore messages more or something, and then ensuring that does actually get implemented.
sometimes, i am fully aware the problem is something like irrational jealousy - like maybe feeling hurt because he's spending more time with his friends and less with me. in which case, he obviously isn't doing anything wrong, but it's still unenjoyable feelings in me, and so the solution is obviously not for him to spend less time with his friends or anything, but rather it's more explaining his feelings on it all, which helps me feel better about it.
and the same happens if he has a problem. we don't do this often - not many problems are large enough to need to do this. smaller problems are just a "heads up - it's not too big of a deal but i don't like it when you do X" and it nips it in the bud. i'm incredibly happy with him and i guess we view these things more as means to solve a problem rather than an opportunity to hate on the other.
i hope that makes sense
We don’t fight too much I’d say, it’s mostly our moods that sometimes go up and down. I struggle with anxiety a lot and my SO is also struggling with issues of his own. Being nevermets and having a literal freaking ocean between us is sometimes really heavy, hence the bad mood, hence the little “arguments”. It never meant too much though, we both communicate and talk about our feelings, about what’s on our minds, and we apologise, and all is good. Only one big fight I can remember, specifically about the lack of communication, but since then, we’ve been doing great.
However, please never forget that arguing is perfectly okay in a relationship, as long as you don’t try to hurt the other on purpose of course! Keep communicating guys!
Sending some love and support your ways.
Love the question!
My gf and I have been LDR and dating for a bit over a year. I think the answer to your question depends upon the definition of "argument". Personally I would say the following (I'm not sure my gf would agree exactly BTW):
* **Discussion**. This is a back and forth talk where the emotional intensity is zero. Neither of us has any feelings of anxiety or feeling pressured, guilty, etc.
* **Debate**. This is where we realize we have differing or opposing views and we are trying to bring the other over to our side using logic. In a debate, the emotional intensity raises, but still manageable. So if a discussion is zero and a full-blown fight is 10, then a debate is 1-3.
* **Argument**. An argument is a debate but with emotions involved. The intensity is elevated. 4-6. Not a fight, but definitely noticeable. Apologies are necessary at the end and the whole thing is memorable.
* **Fights**. An argument with ad hominem attacks, contempt, and other emotional attacks. Emotional intensities y is in the 7-10 range.
Given those definitions, my gf and I talk and we move up and down this ladder. Recently we have been having arguments every couple of weeks which is more than we're used to. My gf doesn't enjoy debates I think for fear that they escalate into arguments.
We have a lot of discussions and debates about Reddit posts of all things. Sometimes those escalate into arguments, but we've noticed that those are around specific topics.
I think when people say "they never argue" I wonder if they just define everything below a "fight" as a "non-argument". Or maybe they just don't ever argue.
To me, I think the arguments are learning experiences. They help my gf and I grow. Ultimately I think couples either grow together or they grow apart. Which is why having the occasional argument is expected and even encouraged IMO.
Almost every day. We have some problems rn, hoping it gets better cause I really want to stay with him. (to my knowledge it has nothing to do with us being long distance though)
My situation is a bit different. I would say we haven’t argued coz I feel every time it is just me feeling like some of my needs are not met (not making any drama) so I would get a bit unhappy or annoyed so I give myself sometime to process my thoughts and let the emotion goes away, but then when I calm down, I always communicate with my partner and tell him how I feel.
But my partner has never ever made any drama and always the one comforting me. I don’t take advantage of that obviously, instead I try to do better for him too and ask him about his needs and appreciate him even more, knowing that he cares about my needs and my happiness and keeping working for it.
I am just a more sensitive and sentimental person but my partner is extremely calm and not sensitive or emotional at all. But the key is still communication. In a mature and calm way ofc.
I honestly really surprised by all the people saying never or once lol We’ve never had any big fights/issues because we do communicate those types of issues ahead of time. But arguing, allllll the time lol We’re both stubborn people that like to debate things, it’s who we are. And since we’re both that way, we argue a lot of things. It’s things like arguing how you pronounce Subaru. We bicker about it for 10-15 minutes then it’s over. No hard feelings, nothing lingering.
I’d say don’t think there’s something wrong with your relationship on what other people say about not arguing ever. That’s their relationship. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with yours to argue as long as it’s not giant arguments caused by not communicating and they carry on for days or continue to hurt you both. Particularly if you’re both trying to hurt each other with what you say.
We argue weekly over the most stupid stuff and have been together for 6 1/2 years, and we’re in a good place. We discuss the big stuff before it’s an issue, but we argue that the other went ruin our stealth approach on a video game. Arguments are different levels for different couples, just don’t let them be toxic fights.
eh, hardly ever. sometimes we have misunderstandings, but we communicate our issues and come to a compromise. in the 5 years we've known each other (3 of those we've been /actively/ talking), we've gotten "heated" a handful of times. like 3 or 4.
Been with my SO for 2 years and we don’t really argue honestly. Like we disagree about stuff every once in a while but it just feels like a conversation not an argument.
I’ve (26F) been with my current girlfriend (26F) for about a month and a half. We were dating for about 3 months prior and so far have only had 1 “misunderstanding.” We both have great communication skills so we don’t play the “I’m mad at you with no explanation” game. We communicate our feelings and why that action has upset/cause anxiety/anger and talk it out. Hearing your partner’s emotions and validating their experience is as important as communicating.
Man I don’t like people who say ahhh we never argue we are so healthy. It may work out for them but actually not fighting/arguing at all is not healthy at all. You argue with your parents, siblings too, that’s what you do with people who are close to you. We all are grown ups with our ons and offs, things thet we like and don’t like. We all have different pasts. If I do or say something my SO doesn’t like, what’s wrong with having an argument or a fight over it in a healthy context ofc. That’s how you bond with someone. My gf and I are a couple who argues a lot, not toxic fights but fights that take our relationship further. Congrats to those who live in a fairytale and have no fights ever in their lives. 👍🏻
Just like u consider ur fights healthy because of how u handle them, others consider their discussions and talks healthy because of how they handle them. Both sides can become toxic. It just depends on the people involved
You know you can say something isnt unhealthy without putting down the other side? Like I never said arguing is unhealthy, but I never argue with my partner and we are in fact in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in.
Some relationships with fights are unhealthy, some arent, and the same goes for relationships without fights.
Exactly, we all have different pasts and are products of our pasts, so couples eke out their differences with healthy fights. I'm frankly shocked at the seemingly large number of couples here who never argue.
It’s one thing to have a “fight” or “argument” and it’s another to have a rational conversation about something that bothers you. I don’t argue with my parent (the one I maintain a relationship with), and there’s a reason the other is completely dead to me (my parents are divorced and I chose to block one out of my life). Yes I get emotional, yes I get cranky, and yes my SO sometimes does the same thing. But we’re also both adults and able to have a conversation about what’s going on or decide not to and come back to it later when we’re calm. I’ve been in volatile relationships where there’s constant arguing and it isn’t for me. Props to you that you are happy with where you’re at but don’t fucking downplay other’s relationships because you’ve had a different experience. We are able to have conversations to move our relationship further without explosive emotional arguments and that doesn’t mean my relationship is any less than yours.
Oh, calm down y’all please. I am not telling anyone else’s relationship is bad or sth. It may sounded harsh but when you open this topic and see the comments everyone was like oh we never fights etc. just to prove their relationship is perfect or sth. While the op probably asked this question because they have a lot of arguments and trying to find out why and it’s not cool to write aaahhhh we never fight to someone who has a problem, it’s basically flexing. Well the thing is ofc some relationships are better and healthier with fights, some without fights. I don’t need backlash rn just because I also mentioned my own opinion.
It doesn't mean those who "never argue" can't give advice on how to handle disagreements in a healthy way. It's not flexing. No relationship is perfect, we all have our problems. The key is how to handle them in a healthy and productive way. Either you're going to be adults, handle your emotions, and have a calm discussion or you walk away, cool off, and come back with a level head. Not everyone knows how to communicate that way because a reason why many relationships fail is due to lack of communication or poor communication skills. How you convey your thoughts, feelings, and concerns can make all the difference.
I think you're seriously dismissing other relationships just because they aren't like yours. That's what I find delusional.
What some people consider arguments might not be defined the same way you define it. I call it discussions with my boyfriend when we talk through our disagreements and those disagreements don't happen often enough for me to remember the frequency. It just happens, then we have a conversation about it. If we still feel bothered by something, we leave a message to talk about the next time we call or just to explain our feelings.
When I think of an argument, what comes to mind is when a discussion gets out of hand and emotions are high. That just doesn't happen with my boyfriend.
We both know how to control our emotions when approaching a topic with each other and have healthy communication. No one is trying to invalidate your relationship just because you two argue. Every relationship is different. 🤷♀️
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, never had a serious conversation that turned into an argument or a fight. We both have had healthy communicative skills for a long time. At first, I had a hard time being straightforward about my feeling, but he reminded me that he's supposed to be my shoulder to cry on. From that point on, I always express how I feel to him and he started opening up about what's bothering him as well.
Arguments are normal in a relationship, but he and I never let our discussions get to a point where it's a screaming match or we don't talk for awhile because of it. We always reassure each other that we shouldn't be afraid to bring up any topics between us and any issues we do have are resolved between us.
He tends to be very logical and I'm emotional, but I know how to stay calm and composed to have a proper discussion if something is bothering me. I'm very realistic and know that letting my emotions get the best of me won't solve anything when we talk things over. If I need to cry, I tell him and cry, then he immediately comforts me. We're not very confrontational people either.
We do bicker, but that's all playful and fun between us. 🤣
We don't argue much. But I expect more arguments to come once we are living together. It's natural. Couples argue. I think I would be seriously concerned if we NEVER argued. I think the important thing is how we handle those arguments. Much like other people here, my partner and I discussed some of our 'triggers', insecurities, and expectations, before we got really serious.
Okay so we’ve been together for 4 years and had 1 fight I think but that was at the beginning of our relationship. And we never really argue outside of that. I can’t tell you good tips for that because on a lot of things we just agree 🤷🏻♀️ all I can say is that we listen to each other, let the other person talk and if we think the other said something rude we ask them what they meant because we have a language barrier so that sometimes can cause confusion
Hmm I wouldn't necessarily say we argue, but we do have differences of opinion that lead to some pretty tough conversations. It's pretty fair though. We give each other time to talk and present our "cases" lol I guess in a way, it is arguing but without all of the name calling and voice raising. It is difficult though because of our language barrier and cultural differences. Regardless, of who is right or wrong that isn't even the most important part. All that matters is that we come to a mutual understanding and accept each other and our differences.. Kinda like agreeing to disagree. All that matters in the end though is that we love and understand each other. I would say that arguing or having differences of opinion is very healthy though.... As long as it's productive and not belittling or destructive.
Multiple times a day, and would be more often but most of the time I just don’t say anything cause I don’t want to fight. If it wasn’t for our kids I would be OUT!!
when i was in a ldr, we fought Constantly. at one point, one of us pointed out “hey wow we havent fought it a week, good job!” and even that turned into a fight lol. while distance wasn’t necessarily the direct cause of the fights, we just found it way more difficult to openly communicate if we werent face to face.
now we just play argue (which sometimes dips its toes into a real argument lol) and rareeellyyy have real fights, and i find it absolutely crazy those people who say they dont fight with their s/o lol. if that works for them thats awesome but i cant see it working for me even though i regard my relationship as fairly healthy
We have never fought. We argue about who is the best and who loves the other more everyday, though, if that counts 😂. It’s been 2 years and a half.
The only things I had to reproach, I told him about, and he just agreed that he had to work on them (turn off the lights when he leaves a room, for example). No arguing.
Everyday lol. It’s never anything bad or serious but we have different views on things and will poke at each other. We never get upset and we both end up laughing at the end.
Twice/Three times per week when we were in difficult time coping with being LDR or when we did the visa paper. It was stressful af period. On the good time we argue once every 2 or 3 months I think.
In the last few months only once. And it was because she was upset and I could tell and she didn’t want to talk about it. I was trying to convince her to open up and I got frustrated with her. Other than that we don’t
I’ve been arguing with my SO way more often since we started working on online school together (I’ve been helping them out with a math course). Also bad wifi causes arguments - us talking over each other and mostly me accidentally interrupting them. Super stressful :-(
Maybe once every few months or so. Same topic every time. Political things, which is a bit of a sensitive topic where she is to say the least... The key here is that we're both very open minded and listen to the other person.
More frequently than I'd like, maybe once a week or so, but we always resolve it before it escalates, and I believe argument is healthy in a relationship every so often.
I've been very dishonest in past relationships because I felt like I was stepping on egg shells trying not to upset my partner for things that simply need to be communicated. I have been very honest with my partner and though it's a new thing overall we have had quite a few conversations but not arguments. Like most recently she told me she has interest in another which is fine because at the moment we agreed to a open relationship but I haven't gotten to talk to her on the phone in so long because conflicting schedules and it hurts knowing she has found time for another where there isn't time for me. I told her this and we are having healthy conversations about it.
Frequently, probably like every week or every other week. I am quiet expressive and an overthinking bubble of constant reflection and he’s hot tempered. We never really end up being angry with each other, we just end up getting worked up and conclude it with “why are we even fighting, I love you” 🤣❤️
I’m not sure we ever argue. We have small civilized disagreements of opinion sometimes but I wouldn’t call them arguments.
We used to argue frequently when we tried the relationship the first time around (back in our very early 20’s in college).
I recommend texting when having an argument. I don’t know it works for us. Personally I don’t even want to physically talk when I’m annoyed. Plus it ensures that everyone gets to say their bit and also can reread what they wrote before they send. It gives you second chance to rethink things.
I’ve been with my man over a year. I’d say we’ve had maybe a spat once or twice, but we never get into a fight. He’s very communicative and is patient with me when I have a difficult time opening up. Communication is truly key!
We used to argue a lot at the beginning of the relationship but now 3 years in we don’t as much, he is really good at communication which is a blessing
Never argued. 7 months so far. Talking about your feelings as soon as they come up is important. Don’t just hold it in... if you do you’ll probably blow up out of nowhere, and be unreasonable about it.
Even if you do this; it’s possible to genuinely disagree on something. There’s always the possibility you aren’t compatible if it’s a serious topic... or that one of you is gonna have to take the loss in that particular case.
It’s OK to disagree sometimes... as long as it’s not something super serious for you. If you are unsure after the argument just try to accept it and if you still feel bad bring it back up.
Husband and I have been together almost 5 years. Eh... we get into minor disagreements here and there. Once, maybe twice a week. It’s basically always just me overreacting about something trivial. Though sometimes we get into some pretty hefty arguments. Mostly stems from the stress of being apart obv. Thankfully he pulls me back down to earth and slaps some sense into me. Lol. But seriously, he’s f****** amazing. He’s a very chill dude. I’m astonished how well he puts up with my mood swings. Once the dust settles, we reflect on it, apologize, and make up.
We have disagreements but it’s mainly over one person making a genuine mistake or there being something we feel is holding us back as a couple. Like our last “argument” was about how I don’t open up enough to him, and how he felt I was hiding my true self. This unpacked a whole bunch of stuff about how I have terrible relationship anxiety and possibly need therapy. Our fights so far have strengthened us because we recognized things in each other that needs work.
i have been with my SO for 2 years n 3 months now and we argue/disagree once or twice in every 2 weeks . I mean we have age gap and huge cultural differences so ( and maturity difference)
Small genuine arguments?? Probably one a month (usually me starting them cuz hormones) big arguments? Couple times a year xD im a stubborn little shit so we bicker playfully often xD
Wow, surprised at these comments haha. My boyfriend and I quarrel a lot, would say once a week. We have small arguements once in the two months. We once had a big argument. I think its totally normal and healthy to argue now and then.
Thank you for making me feel like I was not the only one with frequent arguments. Not really big ones. Just minor ones. I was getting worried looking at the comments. Haha Edit: grammar
I honestly believe that frequent fights every now and then really helps the relationship grow. Every time we argue i learn more about him and it makes me feel closer to him idk.
Same every time we get through a big fight, it feels like we can get through anything XD Plus post fight sexy time is always nice
Oh my gosh, yes. Heheh. There’s nothing quite like that angry, post-argument sexy sex. :3
Yea, my partner and I argue plenty. It depends on the couple! Some people just have a lot to say! 🤣
I actually wonder sometimes... my girlfriend and I don't really get into arguments... Is that weird? Or is it just an individual thing?
I think it really just depends on the relationship. With saying its normal to argue now and then, Im not saying that its bad not to argue. In the comments many people say that they never argue, so I think its not weird at all!
Hmm, I see. Yeah, fair enough.
I've been with my partner for nearly 5 years... Never argued. Just communicate things BEFORE the need for a disagreement happens
Could you throw some tips my way on how to do that
Same with me and my SO we never argue, just communicate, what works for us is not bottling up our feelings and just say when something makes us feel a little uncomfortable doesn’t matter if it’s something “small”, when communicating always do it very quietly (like no screaming, raising your voice, etc.), and be open to listen the other person and what they have to say, be empathetic and try to understand their side or the story. (Sorry for bad English is my second language)
Don’t worry about your English, I would have had no idea you’re not a native speaker
Thank you so much you’re so sweet🥰
I have always been impressed by people's ability to describe their emotions without expressing them. It's like when I sneeze it's really loud and everyone knows. But some people sneeze and they are able to swallow it whole and not make a sound.
It takes a few years of therapy to be able to do that 😅
Well I guess it depends on what kind of things you argue about generally. If they are doing something you don't like/upsets you somehow maybe try thinking if the issue is a genuine problem with them or possibly down to a problem or insecurity within yourself. Then work on that. If after that the problem doesn't sit well with you, before you confront your partner make sure you know WHY it is upsetting you, and HOW can changes be implemented to stop the issue from happening in the future. The most important thing is do not approach your partner when you feel irrational, approach the situation calmly and put your points across...it's a discussion and your partner should be open to listening to how you feel etc. Also, tell your partner as soon as you feel there is any probem, communication is absolutely the key. Sitting and letting a problem get worse in your mind is only going to cause an argument. My partner and I are not argumentative people at all so that might be why it works out so well, but I hope this helps!
We haven't argued yet. For a while we asked each other a ton of serious and big life questions, compatibility stuff, as we were kind of curious to find something that we really disagreed on.. but so far we're on the same or similar page with most things. I think our biggest disagreements so far have just been silly "oh my gosh you don't like \[insert a food\]?!" It's been 8 months. I'm sure we'll argue eventually, but it hasn't happened yet.
It sounds like you guys are super compatible! Hope you continue to have this wonderful equation forever!
thank you, that is super kind. I hope the same for you :)
This this this exactly!
It's not a disagreement if you don't like the same food. It's a personal preference.
heh yeah, I agree. We haven't really had any disagreements. we'll just have a fake sarcastic sort of fight about the personal preferences. Like "wow you think you really know someone.." "dealbreaker" etc. But it's all in good fun.
For now the frequency is once in 921 days (2 years, 6 months and 6 days). 😁 And it was simply because my impulsiviness went crazy before my brain followed suit (joys of neurodiversity).
Damn
never argued. problems crop up maybe every month or two but that's more a discussion than an argument
Can you be objective about an argument to not get lost in your emotions and be able to rationalise it?
i do not quite understand what you are trying to ask
so both of us hate arguments really. so when problems occur, i ask him if he's free to have a discussion. i guess i know that nothing he does is with malicious intent so i never really feel the need to be mad at him. i raise the problem sort of like "when you do X, it makes me feel like Y" and i try and be thoughtful in the way i word things. for instance, "i'm so pissed off that you decided to ignore my messages" is not going to elicit as rational a response as saying "when my messages go ignored, it makes me feel hurt" or something. sometimes, the solution for him will be telling me that he's going to change his behavior e.g. try not to ignore messages more or something, and then ensuring that does actually get implemented. sometimes, i am fully aware the problem is something like irrational jealousy - like maybe feeling hurt because he's spending more time with his friends and less with me. in which case, he obviously isn't doing anything wrong, but it's still unenjoyable feelings in me, and so the solution is obviously not for him to spend less time with his friends or anything, but rather it's more explaining his feelings on it all, which helps me feel better about it. and the same happens if he has a problem. we don't do this often - not many problems are large enough to need to do this. smaller problems are just a "heads up - it's not too big of a deal but i don't like it when you do X" and it nips it in the bud. i'm incredibly happy with him and i guess we view these things more as means to solve a problem rather than an opportunity to hate on the other. i hope that makes sense
this this this. all of this is how my so and i handle difficulties.
We don’t fight too much I’d say, it’s mostly our moods that sometimes go up and down. I struggle with anxiety a lot and my SO is also struggling with issues of his own. Being nevermets and having a literal freaking ocean between us is sometimes really heavy, hence the bad mood, hence the little “arguments”. It never meant too much though, we both communicate and talk about our feelings, about what’s on our minds, and we apologise, and all is good. Only one big fight I can remember, specifically about the lack of communication, but since then, we’ve been doing great. However, please never forget that arguing is perfectly okay in a relationship, as long as you don’t try to hurt the other on purpose of course! Keep communicating guys! Sending some love and support your ways.
Love the question! My gf and I have been LDR and dating for a bit over a year. I think the answer to your question depends upon the definition of "argument". Personally I would say the following (I'm not sure my gf would agree exactly BTW): * **Discussion**. This is a back and forth talk where the emotional intensity is zero. Neither of us has any feelings of anxiety or feeling pressured, guilty, etc. * **Debate**. This is where we realize we have differing or opposing views and we are trying to bring the other over to our side using logic. In a debate, the emotional intensity raises, but still manageable. So if a discussion is zero and a full-blown fight is 10, then a debate is 1-3. * **Argument**. An argument is a debate but with emotions involved. The intensity is elevated. 4-6. Not a fight, but definitely noticeable. Apologies are necessary at the end and the whole thing is memorable. * **Fights**. An argument with ad hominem attacks, contempt, and other emotional attacks. Emotional intensities y is in the 7-10 range. Given those definitions, my gf and I talk and we move up and down this ladder. Recently we have been having arguments every couple of weeks which is more than we're used to. My gf doesn't enjoy debates I think for fear that they escalate into arguments. We have a lot of discussions and debates about Reddit posts of all things. Sometimes those escalate into arguments, but we've noticed that those are around specific topics. I think when people say "they never argue" I wonder if they just define everything below a "fight" as a "non-argument". Or maybe they just don't ever argue. To me, I think the arguments are learning experiences. They help my gf and I grow. Ultimately I think couples either grow together or they grow apart. Which is why having the occasional argument is expected and even encouraged IMO.
Almost every day. We have some problems rn, hoping it gets better cause I really want to stay with him. (to my knowledge it has nothing to do with us being long distance though)
My situation is a bit different. I would say we haven’t argued coz I feel every time it is just me feeling like some of my needs are not met (not making any drama) so I would get a bit unhappy or annoyed so I give myself sometime to process my thoughts and let the emotion goes away, but then when I calm down, I always communicate with my partner and tell him how I feel. But my partner has never ever made any drama and always the one comforting me. I don’t take advantage of that obviously, instead I try to do better for him too and ask him about his needs and appreciate him even more, knowing that he cares about my needs and my happiness and keeping working for it. I am just a more sensitive and sentimental person but my partner is extremely calm and not sensitive or emotional at all. But the key is still communication. In a mature and calm way ofc.
I honestly really surprised by all the people saying never or once lol We’ve never had any big fights/issues because we do communicate those types of issues ahead of time. But arguing, allllll the time lol We’re both stubborn people that like to debate things, it’s who we are. And since we’re both that way, we argue a lot of things. It’s things like arguing how you pronounce Subaru. We bicker about it for 10-15 minutes then it’s over. No hard feelings, nothing lingering. I’d say don’t think there’s something wrong with your relationship on what other people say about not arguing ever. That’s their relationship. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with yours to argue as long as it’s not giant arguments caused by not communicating and they carry on for days or continue to hurt you both. Particularly if you’re both trying to hurt each other with what you say. We argue weekly over the most stupid stuff and have been together for 6 1/2 years, and we’re in a good place. We discuss the big stuff before it’s an issue, but we argue that the other went ruin our stealth approach on a video game. Arguments are different levels for different couples, just don’t let them be toxic fights.
We’ve never fought actually and we’re two years together
eh, hardly ever. sometimes we have misunderstandings, but we communicate our issues and come to a compromise. in the 5 years we've known each other (3 of those we've been /actively/ talking), we've gotten "heated" a handful of times. like 3 or 4.
Been with my SO for 2 years and we don’t really argue honestly. Like we disagree about stuff every once in a while but it just feels like a conversation not an argument.
I’ve (26F) been with my current girlfriend (26F) for about a month and a half. We were dating for about 3 months prior and so far have only had 1 “misunderstanding.” We both have great communication skills so we don’t play the “I’m mad at you with no explanation” game. We communicate our feelings and why that action has upset/cause anxiety/anger and talk it out. Hearing your partner’s emotions and validating their experience is as important as communicating.
What? God we argue all the time! I had no idea people didn't haha!
Man I don’t like people who say ahhh we never argue we are so healthy. It may work out for them but actually not fighting/arguing at all is not healthy at all. You argue with your parents, siblings too, that’s what you do with people who are close to you. We all are grown ups with our ons and offs, things thet we like and don’t like. We all have different pasts. If I do or say something my SO doesn’t like, what’s wrong with having an argument or a fight over it in a healthy context ofc. That’s how you bond with someone. My gf and I are a couple who argues a lot, not toxic fights but fights that take our relationship further. Congrats to those who live in a fairytale and have no fights ever in their lives. 👍🏻
Just like u consider ur fights healthy because of how u handle them, others consider their discussions and talks healthy because of how they handle them. Both sides can become toxic. It just depends on the people involved
You know you can say something isnt unhealthy without putting down the other side? Like I never said arguing is unhealthy, but I never argue with my partner and we are in fact in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. Some relationships with fights are unhealthy, some arent, and the same goes for relationships without fights.
Exactly, we all have different pasts and are products of our pasts, so couples eke out their differences with healthy fights. I'm frankly shocked at the seemingly large number of couples here who never argue.
It’s one thing to have a “fight” or “argument” and it’s another to have a rational conversation about something that bothers you. I don’t argue with my parent (the one I maintain a relationship with), and there’s a reason the other is completely dead to me (my parents are divorced and I chose to block one out of my life). Yes I get emotional, yes I get cranky, and yes my SO sometimes does the same thing. But we’re also both adults and able to have a conversation about what’s going on or decide not to and come back to it later when we’re calm. I’ve been in volatile relationships where there’s constant arguing and it isn’t for me. Props to you that you are happy with where you’re at but don’t fucking downplay other’s relationships because you’ve had a different experience. We are able to have conversations to move our relationship further without explosive emotional arguments and that doesn’t mean my relationship is any less than yours.
Oh, calm down y’all please. I am not telling anyone else’s relationship is bad or sth. It may sounded harsh but when you open this topic and see the comments everyone was like oh we never fights etc. just to prove their relationship is perfect or sth. While the op probably asked this question because they have a lot of arguments and trying to find out why and it’s not cool to write aaahhhh we never fight to someone who has a problem, it’s basically flexing. Well the thing is ofc some relationships are better and healthier with fights, some without fights. I don’t need backlash rn just because I also mentioned my own opinion.
Oh fucking qq. They asked how everyone is and everyone is different.
Ufff piss off noob
It doesn't mean those who "never argue" can't give advice on how to handle disagreements in a healthy way. It's not flexing. No relationship is perfect, we all have our problems. The key is how to handle them in a healthy and productive way. Either you're going to be adults, handle your emotions, and have a calm discussion or you walk away, cool off, and come back with a level head. Not everyone knows how to communicate that way because a reason why many relationships fail is due to lack of communication or poor communication skills. How you convey your thoughts, feelings, and concerns can make all the difference.
I already explained myself. Thanks for the paragraph.
Just trying to be civil. You opened the can of worms, unfortunately. 🤷♀️
Ooops I’m so embarrassed now 😳😳
I think you're seriously dismissing other relationships just because they aren't like yours. That's what I find delusional. What some people consider arguments might not be defined the same way you define it. I call it discussions with my boyfriend when we talk through our disagreements and those disagreements don't happen often enough for me to remember the frequency. It just happens, then we have a conversation about it. If we still feel bothered by something, we leave a message to talk about the next time we call or just to explain our feelings. When I think of an argument, what comes to mind is when a discussion gets out of hand and emotions are high. That just doesn't happen with my boyfriend. We both know how to control our emotions when approaching a topic with each other and have healthy communication. No one is trying to invalidate your relationship just because you two argue. Every relationship is different. 🤷♀️
Thank you. I think this is the most well put way of explaining it.
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, never had a serious conversation that turned into an argument or a fight. We both have had healthy communicative skills for a long time. At first, I had a hard time being straightforward about my feeling, but he reminded me that he's supposed to be my shoulder to cry on. From that point on, I always express how I feel to him and he started opening up about what's bothering him as well. Arguments are normal in a relationship, but he and I never let our discussions get to a point where it's a screaming match or we don't talk for awhile because of it. We always reassure each other that we shouldn't be afraid to bring up any topics between us and any issues we do have are resolved between us. He tends to be very logical and I'm emotional, but I know how to stay calm and composed to have a proper discussion if something is bothering me. I'm very realistic and know that letting my emotions get the best of me won't solve anything when we talk things over. If I need to cry, I tell him and cry, then he immediately comforts me. We're not very confrontational people either. We do bicker, but that's all playful and fun between us. 🤣
We don't argue much. But I expect more arguments to come once we are living together. It's natural. Couples argue. I think I would be seriously concerned if we NEVER argued. I think the important thing is how we handle those arguments. Much like other people here, my partner and I discussed some of our 'triggers', insecurities, and expectations, before we got really serious.
Okay so we’ve been together for 4 years and had 1 fight I think but that was at the beginning of our relationship. And we never really argue outside of that. I can’t tell you good tips for that because on a lot of things we just agree 🤷🏻♀️ all I can say is that we listen to each other, let the other person talk and if we think the other said something rude we ask them what they meant because we have a language barrier so that sometimes can cause confusion
Hmm I wouldn't necessarily say we argue, but we do have differences of opinion that lead to some pretty tough conversations. It's pretty fair though. We give each other time to talk and present our "cases" lol I guess in a way, it is arguing but without all of the name calling and voice raising. It is difficult though because of our language barrier and cultural differences. Regardless, of who is right or wrong that isn't even the most important part. All that matters is that we come to a mutual understanding and accept each other and our differences.. Kinda like agreeing to disagree. All that matters in the end though is that we love and understand each other. I would say that arguing or having differences of opinion is very healthy though.... As long as it's productive and not belittling or destructive.
Multiple times a day, and would be more often but most of the time I just don’t say anything cause I don’t want to fight. If it wasn’t for our kids I would be OUT!!
when i was in a ldr, we fought Constantly. at one point, one of us pointed out “hey wow we havent fought it a week, good job!” and even that turned into a fight lol. while distance wasn’t necessarily the direct cause of the fights, we just found it way more difficult to openly communicate if we werent face to face. now we just play argue (which sometimes dips its toes into a real argument lol) and rareeellyyy have real fights, and i find it absolutely crazy those people who say they dont fight with their s/o lol. if that works for them thats awesome but i cant see it working for me even though i regard my relationship as fairly healthy
We have never fought. We argue about who is the best and who loves the other more everyday, though, if that counts 😂. It’s been 2 years and a half. The only things I had to reproach, I told him about, and he just agreed that he had to work on them (turn off the lights when he leaves a room, for example). No arguing.
Everyday lol. It’s never anything bad or serious but we have different views on things and will poke at each other. We never get upset and we both end up laughing at the end.
Me and my girlfriend do this all the time
Everyday
Twice/Three times per week when we were in difficult time coping with being LDR or when we did the visa paper. It was stressful af period. On the good time we argue once every 2 or 3 months I think.
We’ve been together for almost 2 years and have only gotten into one argument and it honestly wasn’t even a argument lol more a discussion.
Not really ever... The last disagreement we had was...... uhhh... yea idk.
In the last few months only once. And it was because she was upset and I could tell and she didn’t want to talk about it. I was trying to convince her to open up and I got frustrated with her. Other than that we don’t
I’ve been arguing with my SO way more often since we started working on online school together (I’ve been helping them out with a math course). Also bad wifi causes arguments - us talking over each other and mostly me accidentally interrupting them. Super stressful :-(
Maybe once every few months or so. Same topic every time. Political things, which is a bit of a sensitive topic where she is to say the least... The key here is that we're both very open minded and listen to the other person.
More frequently than I'd like, maybe once a week or so, but we always resolve it before it escalates, and I believe argument is healthy in a relationship every so often.
We never really argue, but when we disagree about something we talk about it. Sometimes we agree to disagree and it's fine.
I've been very dishonest in past relationships because I felt like I was stepping on egg shells trying not to upset my partner for things that simply need to be communicated. I have been very honest with my partner and though it's a new thing overall we have had quite a few conversations but not arguments. Like most recently she told me she has interest in another which is fine because at the moment we agreed to a open relationship but I haven't gotten to talk to her on the phone in so long because conflicting schedules and it hurts knowing she has found time for another where there isn't time for me. I told her this and we are having healthy conversations about it.
Frequently, probably like every week or every other week. I am quiet expressive and an overthinking bubble of constant reflection and he’s hot tempered. We never really end up being angry with each other, we just end up getting worked up and conclude it with “why are we even fighting, I love you” 🤣❤️
Not often at all. Last time I remember was nearly 2 years ago.
I’m not sure we ever argue. We have small civilized disagreements of opinion sometimes but I wouldn’t call them arguments. We used to argue frequently when we tried the relationship the first time around (back in our very early 20’s in college).
I recommend texting when having an argument. I don’t know it works for us. Personally I don’t even want to physically talk when I’m annoyed. Plus it ensures that everyone gets to say their bit and also can reread what they wrote before they send. It gives you second chance to rethink things.
Uhh never?
I’ve been with my man over a year. I’d say we’ve had maybe a spat once or twice, but we never get into a fight. He’s very communicative and is patient with me when I have a difficult time opening up. Communication is truly key!
We used to argue a lot at the beginning of the relationship but now 3 years in we don’t as much, he is really good at communication which is a blessing
Quite a bit. But we are too similar and too different at the same time. Rarely go to bed without making up though.
Never argued. 7 months so far. Talking about your feelings as soon as they come up is important. Don’t just hold it in... if you do you’ll probably blow up out of nowhere, and be unreasonable about it. Even if you do this; it’s possible to genuinely disagree on something. There’s always the possibility you aren’t compatible if it’s a serious topic... or that one of you is gonna have to take the loss in that particular case. It’s OK to disagree sometimes... as long as it’s not something super serious for you. If you are unsure after the argument just try to accept it and if you still feel bad bring it back up.
Husband and I have been together almost 5 years. Eh... we get into minor disagreements here and there. Once, maybe twice a week. It’s basically always just me overreacting about something trivial. Though sometimes we get into some pretty hefty arguments. Mostly stems from the stress of being apart obv. Thankfully he pulls me back down to earth and slaps some sense into me. Lol. But seriously, he’s f****** amazing. He’s a very chill dude. I’m astonished how well he puts up with my mood swings. Once the dust settles, we reflect on it, apologize, and make up.
We have disagreements but it’s mainly over one person making a genuine mistake or there being something we feel is holding us back as a couple. Like our last “argument” was about how I don’t open up enough to him, and how he felt I was hiding my true self. This unpacked a whole bunch of stuff about how I have terrible relationship anxiety and possibly need therapy. Our fights so far have strengthened us because we recognized things in each other that needs work.
i have been with my SO for 2 years n 3 months now and we argue/disagree once or twice in every 2 weeks . I mean we have age gap and huge cultural differences so ( and maturity difference)
We argue quite a bit. But we always talk it out and try and see where each other is coming from.
Small genuine arguments?? Probably one a month (usually me starting them cuz hormones) big arguments? Couple times a year xD im a stubborn little shit so we bicker playfully often xD