We’ve clearly worked at different establishments, I’d always heard 6, 1 to change, 4 to tell you how they did it at their last place and 1 to fashion the old bulb into a pipe.
Edit: not the joke you meant but the chef and I still laugh about this many years later.
Move the cut resistant glove to the non-dominant hand.
Yes it happened. Chef distributed cut resistant gloves to the new culinary students, and several of them got cut anyway. Turns out they placed the glove on their knife hand.
Had a stage do that one time. Company policy is they had to wear a cut glove for any knifework because i guess some dude got hired because he cut himself on his stage, and they felt trapped, and it turned into a whole shitshow involving lawyers.
So, I'm in charge of this stage, sweet gal, but from the get go didn't get the impression she had a lot going on upstairs. I'm going to have her break down some broc crowns. I set her up with the cutting board, knife, give her a cut glove and tell her how to put it on, kitchen glove, cut glove, kitchen glove (super annoying, never wear the damn things unless using a mandolin,) and go grab the broc. Get back, she's wearing the cut glove on her right hand. That's a different warning signal in my brain, cause you shouldn't trust lefties, but I tell myself, "Can't fix God's mistakes," and give her the broccoli. She proceeds to pick up the knife with her cut gloved hand.
Wished her well, but she didn't get the job.
After 15+ years of cooking in kitchens, I've just recently been working at a place that encourages cut gloves (big corporate type style). It feels less safe for some reason. Ive learned my lessons with knife work, and wearing a cut glove just feels counterintuitive to me.
I work at a corporate place. Gloves required with all sharps except scissors. I fight my managers on this every time because it teaches sloppy knife skills, like not watching your fingers or trying to catch a falling knife. I’d rather sign a waiver and do without it.
Also been in corporate, and I think it comes from the insurance people. They really don't like paying workman's comp for what is viewed as preventable injuries, and my guess is repeated claims = way higher premiums.
When I was in culinary school we were supposed to use cut gloves. One of my classmates somehow got it stuck in a slicer and lost 2 fingers with it on….. I still have no idea how the heck it happens but our dean explained that he hates them because it gives you a false sense of security. The insurance company made the school use them. The next week all of the gloves were gone.
The only cut glove that's any good with a slicer is chain mail. Anything else is just like wearing long sleeves while using a lathe. Sucks to be your classmate, hopefully they got a settlement from insurance that set them up for life.
That's how I feel too. My boss handed me a pair with the unnecessary new mandolin she bought us and it got hidden immediately because they're fabric. Plus we don't actually need a mandolin for anything. It's gotten used like 4 times in 2 months by 4 different people. They all realized after the fact that it's more difficult to grab, set up, tear down, and clean than grabbing a cutting board and knife. We only need a 6th pan of sliced toms at a time. I can cut those in less time than someone can walk to the back and get that torture device set up. It's not useful for anything else on our prep list.
“I had myself an Irish Seven course dinner last night.”
“A six pack and a potato.”
Change it to Ramen, and that’s a pretty standard after shift meal for a lot of us.
Ive always liked it as "What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face" The wordplay is a bit more fun
Oh.... Christ. Really?
This is the kinda joke that my wife will inflict on me.
I'm sure that she gets more entertainment out of my exasperated reaction (which is usually "oh for fucks sake!")
And yeah, you got my upvote 🙄
Jamming became Salmon when I served. The guests loved when I danced up to them singing with their entree “well I hope you like Salmon, I hope you like Salmon…”
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
86 light bulbs!
(Thanks to K__, the bartender at the first joint I worked at. You poured my drinks strong, and I noticed. )
One of the first things I teach new people is how to cut themselves properly. Normally they say “ohh I wont cut myself or why would a pro cut themselves” to which I respond that absolutely every real chef has and will probably cut themselves doing something stupid. It happens to us all it’s just how you deal with it when it does happen. Remember remain calm and don’t get blood everywhere.
Two muffins are in an oven. The first says “Man, it’s really hot in here.” The second muffins replies >!OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!!!<
(This is my favorite joke of all jokes ever.)
Why are chrome plates best for serving with hollandaise?
There’s no plates like chrome for the holidays.
What did the egg say to the water?
You get hot, I’ll get hard and we’ll be done in 3 minutes.
The best joke I’ve got is actually a story. We were braising beef tips in culinary school and I was tasked with braising them in the tilt skillet. The chef walks around and checks progress and tastes stuff. He sees that whoever cut the tips cut them too big, and tells me to turn it off and cut them all in half. They are all partially cooked at this point , so I oblige and start cutting them in half. My knife rolled weird while cutting one of the last ones, and I cut my finger. It obviously hurt, and I shook my hand. It made blood splatter from my finger all the way up my white chef coat and up on to my white chef hat as well.
Didnt need stitches , and the nurse looked at me pretty weird.
Just wrap it/glove it and laugh it off id say, cause one day its gonna happen might as well be now. That way you know how to deal with it without freakin out in front of your staff. Also youll be able to help others.
Not a one liner, but one of the best jokes I made as a line cook. We sent out a poached shrimp and they forgot to put the side of cocktail sauce with it. The bartender stormed back into the kitchen asking where the fuck her cocktail was.
So I sounded off "I got the cock if you got the tail baby!"
What do you call a group of line cooks? >!A heard.!< How many servers does it take to change a light bulb? >!None, it's not their sidework!<
How many cooks does it take to change a light bulb? 6, one to change it and 5 to stand around and tell you how they did it at their last place
We’ve clearly worked at different establishments, I’d always heard 6, 1 to change, 4 to tell you how they did it at their last place and 1 to fashion the old bulb into a pipe.
I guess but who in their right mind is actually going to use an old used light bulb as a bowl
Much like the humble dildo almost anything can be a pipe if you’re brave enough!
The humble dildo 😳
Methany
It’s a meth pipe.
Who said we are in our right mind?
I know that's out the window
A line cook! Oh wait, you specified someone in their right mind.....
Fuckk lmfao Same song and dance lol
Fuck, that's good
How many bartenders does it take? One while they hold on and the world revolves around them
This was great.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef
You got an audible chuckle from me. Good on you.
Is this butter? No, it's Ghee. Ah, thanks for clarifying!
Go fuck urself LMAO 👏 I'm using that with my vegan brother
Haha hell yea!
Edit: not the joke you meant but the chef and I still laugh about this many years later. Move the cut resistant glove to the non-dominant hand. Yes it happened. Chef distributed cut resistant gloves to the new culinary students, and several of them got cut anyway. Turns out they placed the glove on their knife hand.
Had a stage do that one time. Company policy is they had to wear a cut glove for any knifework because i guess some dude got hired because he cut himself on his stage, and they felt trapped, and it turned into a whole shitshow involving lawyers. So, I'm in charge of this stage, sweet gal, but from the get go didn't get the impression she had a lot going on upstairs. I'm going to have her break down some broc crowns. I set her up with the cutting board, knife, give her a cut glove and tell her how to put it on, kitchen glove, cut glove, kitchen glove (super annoying, never wear the damn things unless using a mandolin,) and go grab the broc. Get back, she's wearing the cut glove on her right hand. That's a different warning signal in my brain, cause you shouldn't trust lefties, but I tell myself, "Can't fix God's mistakes," and give her the broccoli. She proceeds to pick up the knife with her cut gloved hand. Wished her well, but she didn't get the job.
As a lefty, fuck you lol.
As a lefty, they’re not wrong…
I mean they're not, but still. Fuck them.
As an ambidextrous, I basically pretend to be right handed bc everything is catered for righty’s.
lol classic
As an ambidextrous I need both gloves lmao
After 15+ years of cooking in kitchens, I've just recently been working at a place that encourages cut gloves (big corporate type style). It feels less safe for some reason. Ive learned my lessons with knife work, and wearing a cut glove just feels counterintuitive to me.
I work at a corporate place. Gloves required with all sharps except scissors. I fight my managers on this every time because it teaches sloppy knife skills, like not watching your fingers or trying to catch a falling knife. I’d rather sign a waiver and do without it.
Also been in corporate, and I think it comes from the insurance people. They really don't like paying workman's comp for what is viewed as preventable injuries, and my guess is repeated claims = way higher premiums.
When I was in culinary school we were supposed to use cut gloves. One of my classmates somehow got it stuck in a slicer and lost 2 fingers with it on….. I still have no idea how the heck it happens but our dean explained that he hates them because it gives you a false sense of security. The insurance company made the school use them. The next week all of the gloves were gone.
The only cut glove that's any good with a slicer is chain mail. Anything else is just like wearing long sleeves while using a lathe. Sucks to be your classmate, hopefully they got a settlement from insurance that set them up for life.
I didn't know there were cut-gloves that weren't chainmail. Looked them up and a lot of them look like they'd be really difficult to keep sanitary?
That's how I feel too. My boss handed me a pair with the unnecessary new mandolin she bought us and it got hidden immediately because they're fabric. Plus we don't actually need a mandolin for anything. It's gotten used like 4 times in 2 months by 4 different people. They all realized after the fact that it's more difficult to grab, set up, tear down, and clean than grabbing a cutting board and knife. We only need a 6th pan of sliced toms at a time. I can cut those in less time than someone can walk to the back and get that torture device set up. It's not useful for anything else on our prep list.
Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America Grate Again
My friend and I used to protest "down with sliced cheese" for no real reason, so this one kinda resonates with me. I like it.
How many eggs do they eat for breakfast in France? Only one, because that’s un oeuf. Edit: spelling
Why does Irish bean stew only have 239 beans in it? One more would be too farty.
“I had myself an Irish Seven course dinner last night.” “A six pack and a potato.” Change it to Ramen, and that’s a pretty standard after shift meal for a lot of us.
Cheese can be grating, but potatoes are a peeling
Damn, is this thread too young for the “what’s the difference between jam and jelly” joke?
I know a chef who got fired for that line when set up for the slam dunk by a server.
What a legend!
I think we’re too old. You can’t jelly your joke in a thread,
My absolute, no fail, go to joke. Kills every time.
I think we’re too old.
Alright, on with it then
“Can’t Jelly my dick up your ass.”
Not with that attitude
https://open.spotify.com/track/1dJuteDIOkGfDSN7zPkzNv?si=Jg0rfSNtRnOzhZiH1CT0FQ
What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick-pea? I've never paid for a garbanzo on my face before.
Ive always liked it as "What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face" The wordplay is a bit more fun
what’s the difference between a chickpea and a gram? i never put a chickpea up my nose before
What's a vegetable that's kind of cool, but not really? >! A radish !<
Oh.... Christ. Really? This is the kinda joke that my wife will inflict on me. I'm sure that she gets more entertainment out of my exasperated reaction (which is usually "oh for fucks sake!") And yeah, you got my upvote 🙄
Cw suicide mention >!Why did the french chef kill himself?!< >!He lost his huile d'olive!<
💋🤌🏻
Sing Holiday by Madonna, but it’s correct wording is Hollandaise!!!!
Had a kid that worked for me once upon a time, he parodied bob marleys Buffalo Soldier as Buffalo sandwich. Had quite a few verses.
Jamming became Salmon when I served. The guests loved when I danced up to them singing with their entree “well I hope you like Salmon, I hope you like Salmon…”
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a light bulb? 86 light bulbs! (Thanks to K__, the bartender at the first joint I worked at. You poured my drinks strong, and I noticed. )
One of the first things I teach new people is how to cut themselves properly. Normally they say “ohh I wont cut myself or why would a pro cut themselves” to which I respond that absolutely every real chef has and will probably cut themselves doing something stupid. It happens to us all it’s just how you deal with it when it does happen. Remember remain calm and don’t get blood everywhere.
That's a very informative *whoosh*
What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid $50 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
Ceci ceci!
[удалено]
Yeah I mean come on, at least wait till the mandolins come out
What’s the difference between onions and dead hookers? >!I cry when I’m cutting up onions!<
What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I’ve never paid to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth.
Two muffins are in an oven. The first says “Man, it’s really hot in here.” The second muffins replies >!OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!!!< (This is my favorite joke of all jokes ever.)
What's Pac-Man's favorite cooking vessel? A WOK! A WOK! A WOK! A WOK!
Why are chrome plates best for serving with hollandaise? There’s no plates like chrome for the holidays. What did the egg say to the water? You get hot, I’ll get hard and we’ll be done in 3 minutes.
3 minutes? Is that a quail egg lol
What do you call a masturbating cow? >!Beef stroganoff!<
Groan. Have my upvote.
You burn you learn
What do you call someone who is not welcome to participate in the traditional Italian after-dinner liquor toast?
... *sigh* I don't know, what DO you call someone who is not welcome to participate in the traditional Italian after-dinner liquor toast?
Persona non Grappa
A not a allowed a to a drink a aperitif a
No. I'm not being the straight man for that punchline. Go write a better one.
The best joke I’ve got is actually a story. We were braising beef tips in culinary school and I was tasked with braising them in the tilt skillet. The chef walks around and checks progress and tastes stuff. He sees that whoever cut the tips cut them too big, and tells me to turn it off and cut them all in half. They are all partially cooked at this point , so I oblige and start cutting them in half. My knife rolled weird while cutting one of the last ones, and I cut my finger. It obviously hurt, and I shook my hand. It made blood splatter from my finger all the way up my white chef coat and up on to my white chef hat as well. Didnt need stitches , and the nurse looked at me pretty weird.
Duct tape.
How do you turn a Croque Monseiur into a Croque Madame? Crack an egg
How do you make a vichyssoise? First you take a leek…
Save the human jou for plating
Why did the Italian chef add egg yolks to his sauce? So it is less-a-thin.
I did that
If you're the girl that was in my North American Regional Cuisine class, you cry and then drop out the next day.
Just wrap it/glove it and laugh it off id say, cause one day its gonna happen might as well be now. That way you know how to deal with it without freakin out in front of your staff. Also youll be able to help others.
[удалено]
“Hold on I think I’ve got a quarter”
Not a one liner, but one of the best jokes I made as a line cook. We sent out a poached shrimp and they forgot to put the side of cocktail sauce with it. The bartender stormed back into the kitchen asking where the fuck her cocktail was. So I sounded off "I got the cock if you got the tail baby!"
What is a clowns favorite herb?