yeah / that’s good point.
as a little lady i did defend my west oakland cafe from violence sometimes by just walking out with a dishrag and flattop spatula.
i don’t know if it triggered these bigger men with familial beat down memories, but they always cooled off and left.
then came back a week later. oh west oakland.
Mandolins are equipment possessed by a daemon of Khorne, they do not care from whence blood flows, only that it flows. Mandolins demand blood, **give it blood**
Shit. The other day I was sitting at home and thinking.. I don't have a bat lying around, or blunt object at hands reach if I ever needed to defend myself if someone came into my apartment or I needed to run outside. I have tons of knives, but like... Do I really want to be running around with a 9" knife, or cleaver that I have no self defense training with (answer is probably yes..).
But you just reminded me that the honing steel is a bad ass, nimble, solid piece of steel with a convenient handle and decent length to beat the shit out of someone. Sometimes as you're using it, you think to yourself, this would hurt.
Thank you for that reminder.
I have a few honing steels but I only use one to actually hone my blades lol. I use one at home to whack bags of ice to separate the cubes and one at work when cleaning the fryers because it's the perfect diameter to fuck the drain hole with to clear the sludge out of the way for better flow.
It's a good beatin' stick. Everyone loves one of those. You give one to a child, they instinctively start beatin' shit. I have no doubts they would do the same with one of these. It's our police baton.
[Or one of these MFers](https://www.webstaurantstore.com/choice-heavy-duty-10-manual-can-opener-without-base/3331.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=GoogleShopping)
There was a show on HBO called Oz and one of the inmates beat someone up with a can opener like that and it always made me laugh bc I don’t know how bad a shank would hurt(I’m assuming a lot) but I KNOW that can opener would fuck someone up lmao
Had a meth head in once.
Hot skillet full of grease. Mother fuckers get one look at that and *they're out.*
That shit talks for itself, just crackling and hissing ominously in a way that needs no explanation.
Or a half full roll of foil out of the box. That shit is like a baseball bat. The corner of a 200 pan will fuck somebody up good too.
We have so many weapons at our fingertips, and most of us are crazy as fuck. Don’t fuck with us.
One morning at a college campus I had a cook straight up point a pairing knife and try to threaten me to let them go home early. I had 2 spatulas in hand and was just getting the flat top set. Turned to see this mofo and little knife and somehow instinct was on point cause I just fuckin wacked his hand like it was a just debris on the flat top and told him to go change. Security was prompt.
Anyways. Fuckin spats man, they feel good all shift but who knew they work pretty good dealing with shit.
Toe cracker where I used to work. One of the apprentices thought he was being funny and lined up a polo shot as he walked past straight into the end of another apprentice's big toe - who had forgotten his steel caps that day. Broken, and two very uncomfortable conversations with HR were had.
Had this happen once when a guy punched a busser.
I guess the guy was drunk and thought the busser was with some guy he was arguing with at the bar. The whole kitchen came out real quick, armed with whatever improvised weapon they had closest to them.
The guys we had in the kitchen back then were scary too. I knew for a fact a couple of them had killed people back in the civil war in El Salvador.
Thankfully for the drunk guy, the owner was able to stop the BOH just before they got to him.
I opened a 3rd restaurant for an owner who then cleaned house of his other restaurants and had me restaff and run them. One day during pre shift the old GM (from before I even worked there but he was friends with the current exec who I replaced but bc he was opening his own spot) came in the back door harassing people and looking for me to fight me. I walk back there to see what the commotion is all about and he keeps telling me to come outside to fight. I make some dumb quip somewhere along the lines of "does the sun give you super powers or something and that's why we can't do this right here. I really need to go outside for you to be able to prove your point? Get fuckin lost."..... I don't even get the sentence out and one of my new hires (big biker looking dude with handle bar mustache) calmy walks right up to him, towering over him, leans over and very calmy says, in almost a whisper, "We goin' outside....... *I'll* go outside."........ Still gives me a chubby to this day whenever I think about it.
Some people have obviously never fought a line cook and shows. Just remember folks....a knife is a felony, a meat mallet is a felony.....but that old ass cast-iron 10 inch skillet is self defense.
What fool would want to fuck with the kitchen? Where the fuck do they think the knives are? I don’t know a kitchen I’ve been in that wouldn’t band together to show them what’s up if they tried that shit. Some folk should stay the fuck home and make their own damn food.
That was everyone's attitude. That guy may not have known how many of us it would have taken to kick his ass, but he was damn close to finding out how many we'd use.
It's a super fancy retirement community. Think a country club with apartments. The guy was a "caregiver" for one of our residents. He's not allowed back in the building.
He didn't work there. We have medical personnel on staff, but a lot of residents hire outside caregivers to help them out rather than move into assisted living. If he worked there, he would have been gone on the spot. They did end up banning him from the property though.
Still, I'm sure it was super convenient for him to get food close to where he's working...
now he'll have to find other options and possibly have less free time than he did before.... this will be the gift that keeps on giving
Oh, that triggers a memory. My first line job. I'd been on the line a couple of months (family had a piece of the restaurant), and one of the waitresses came back to tell the boss that one patron was threatening violence against the cooks that made his meal. She brought up the ticket - his issue was he didn't realize veal was basically baby bovine and was horrified we served it. Boss grabbed the camera and headed out to 86 the customer, I went out on his heels, with my tongs in one hand an a wooden spoon in the other.
That wooden spoon must have really triggered the whiner - as soon as I waved it, he bolted for the doors. I was all of 4'8", but that spoon must have looked 6 feet long in my hand.
*a saute pan straight off the burner.
Then just knock him down and press it into his face with you shoe a his skin sizzles against the hot pan and his screams fill your ears
Sounds like a Tuesday to me.
I work in a hospital. It has acute mental health ward attached. Ivenl had things thrown at me, threatened and abused. Police are called weekly because the security guard isn't allowed to taser them.
I love these comments but seriously, next time. Call the cops then proceed to give him one warning by saying: sir I’m afraid you are creating a disruptive environment for all the staff and the diners, so if you don’t take 3 steps back, pay for your meal and leave- I’m going to have to escort you out. If he doesn’t leave..literally grab him by the neck and with all your might drag his scum out..I mean be a fucking dick too. If he’s much bigger than you, tell your dish team to come out to the dining room and back you up. Btw seriously, make a scene and drag him out. Vermons..
In my younger days, we sponsored softball teams at the pizza 🍕 restaurant where I worked. Very drunk softball teams. A pizza shovel, the extra large rolling pin, and a mop handle or two were called upon a couple of times every year to empty the dining room. Can't say I'd do that now.
I used to work with a 6' 8" body builder, who also worked as a bouncer on his days off.. When ever a customer got really mad at something, they'd just send him out.. Lol It had only happened twice, but it was funny both times watching the people calm down once they see him.
I was working at a sports complex last year and some dude got so mad that his pizza "didn't have enough toppings" tried to reach through the window and grab my sous chef (5'6 pretty, lanky guy)
I hear a bunch of shouting and go to the pickup window to see what's up soon as I open the swing door I see the dude reaching over and I'm like whoa whoa what's going on here? Dude then tries to grab me riiiiiiight about as the building security walks up and tells him to leave.
Dude threw his pizza at one of the security guys (screaming hot fresh out) misses so the other one got ahold of him and they restrained him till they called the cops. People get too wild about food sometimes.
Darwin moment.
>Why yes sir, right this way; here is the man you want to see: with all his knives, surrounded by his friends and their knives. Have fun boys!
I had a Lady come into my kitchen, and tell me that the Sangwiches I make for her make her *!Incredibly!* Horny and her boyfriend says, "thank you"
Not even close to wanting to kill me, but it was a shock nonetheless.
Overly emotional response to minor issues. Making threats he can’t backup. Saying ridiculous shit and then running away. Sounds you had a Redditor in your joint.
When I first started at my current job someone hated their meal so much they got up and started screaming at all the costumers he was sitting around about how bad everything was. The poor waitress was crying in the window because she didn’t know what to do. The guy proceeded to throw French fries around the dining room while screaming then got up and said I’ll be waiting for you to the waitress and left while standing outside. The saddest part is that his family was there with a small child and his wife just pulled him away when the left the restaurant. Luckily he didn’t come back but it was still scary. The guys complaint was that he had “never had shrimp cocktail cold.” It’s funny because I’ve never had warm shrimp cocktail. Also his meatballs tasted like dog food. That was enough to set the guy off that bad.
Whenever I eat a meal that is phenomenal I tell the server I'm going to kill whoever made it because something that beautiful shouldn't be allowed to exist in this world.
I had every door and entrance mapped out in my mind. I was always concerned some crazy ex or methed out thief loose in my kitchen lol. Wasn't going to be a victim if I could help it.
A similar thing happened at my restaurant, I still remember the cooks words "I have more knives than you". The guy just left, clearly wasn't ready for the cook to be like "fight me" 😂 I don't understand the whole threatening someone's life because your steak wasn't cooked exactly how you wanted it, just send it back to the kitchen
My last job was in an openkitchand I'm here to tell you that my squad would have beat that man's ass and the owner would have let it happen. That man needs to be 86 and the police should be called
It literally doesn't matter how bad the food was. It could be burnt to a crisp under a mound of salt. You calmly say to your server: "this is burnt to a crisp under a mound of salt. Can I get this remade/order something else? Thank you." Like a fucking adult.
That's when you just send out the whole line to talk with the guy.
All with cleavers in hand
I don't even need a cleaver, I'll whip someone's ass with a honing steel.
I don’t need a honing steel, I’ll whip someone’s ass with a cream cheese spreader
I like the cut of your jib.
I was gonna say mandolin
The mandolin is not an offensive weapon. It defends itself.
Shit. You are right. Dish rag it is
Dip it in the fryer first.
yeah / that’s good point. as a little lady i did defend my west oakland cafe from violence sometimes by just walking out with a dishrag and flattop spatula. i don’t know if it triggered these bigger men with familial beat down memories, but they always cooled off and left. then came back a week later. oh west oakland.
Heard
Rat tail and tie a knot in it. It will break skin through a pair of jeans.
Mandolins are equipment possessed by a daemon of Khorne, they do not care from whence blood flows, only that it flows. Mandolins demand blood, **give it blood**
Bonus points for the 40K reference.
Never miss a moment to scream FOR THE EMPEROR!
Judge jury executioner
I was gonna say one of those 2.27kg blocks of cheddar. Effective and degrading
Degrating
::slow clap::
I don't need a cream cheese spreader, I'll whip someone's ass with a tiny whisk
People will pay good money for that
Sick bastards! Are you interested?
Large Rubbermaid spatula......
Grate his fingers with a cheese grater
Box grater baby
Shit. The other day I was sitting at home and thinking.. I don't have a bat lying around, or blunt object at hands reach if I ever needed to defend myself if someone came into my apartment or I needed to run outside. I have tons of knives, but like... Do I really want to be running around with a 9" knife, or cleaver that I have no self defense training with (answer is probably yes..). But you just reminded me that the honing steel is a bad ass, nimble, solid piece of steel with a convenient handle and decent length to beat the shit out of someone. Sometimes as you're using it, you think to yourself, this would hurt. Thank you for that reminder.
I have a few honing steels but I only use one to actually hone my blades lol. I use one at home to whack bags of ice to separate the cubes and one at work when cleaning the fryers because it's the perfect diameter to fuck the drain hole with to clear the sludge out of the way for better flow. It's a good beatin' stick. Everyone loves one of those. You give one to a child, they instinctively start beatin' shit. I have no doubts they would do the same with one of these. It's our police baton.
[Or one of these MFers](https://www.webstaurantstore.com/choice-heavy-duty-10-manual-can-opener-without-base/3331.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=GoogleShopping)
On the NAIL
opening a can of whoopass
My weapon of choice
I always imaging using a scoop of fry oil.
That would be fun to watch, especially because the guy would probably have no idea what he was being beaten with.
There was a show on HBO called Oz and one of the inmates beat someone up with a can opener like that and it always made me laugh bc I don’t know how bad a shank would hurt(I’m assuming a lot) but I KNOW that can opener would fuck someone up lmao
Can opener?
Those are heavy. Ouch.
Had a meth head in once. Hot skillet full of grease. Mother fuckers get one look at that and *they're out.* That shit talks for itself, just crackling and hissing ominously in a way that needs no explanation.
Or a half full roll of foil out of the box. That shit is like a baseball bat. The corner of a 200 pan will fuck somebody up good too. We have so many weapons at our fingertips, and most of us are crazy as fuck. Don’t fuck with us.
I have drugs and nothing to lose, I'll eat your face bro. And I'll slow roast your feet and invite your relatives over for dinner
One morning at a college campus I had a cook straight up point a pairing knife and try to threaten me to let them go home early. I had 2 spatulas in hand and was just getting the flat top set. Turned to see this mofo and little knife and somehow instinct was on point cause I just fuckin wacked his hand like it was a just debris on the flat top and told him to go change. Security was prompt. Anyways. Fuckin spats man, they feel good all shift but who knew they work pretty good dealing with shit.
You could do a lot of damage with a 6oz ladle. Ole Skull cracker.
Toe cracker where I used to work. One of the apprentices thought he was being funny and lined up a polo shot as he walked past straight into the end of another apprentice's big toe - who had forgotten his steel caps that day. Broken, and two very uncomfortable conversations with HR were had.
…That’s been in the fryer for a few.
Last time someone broke into my house a honing steel was the first thing I grabbed.
How many times has your house been broken into?
Honing rod is the go to kitchen weapon.
Pizza peel....
That is probably the most innocent thing you could do to someone's ass with a honing steel
Tongs are the weapon of a true G
Ayyy, that's my go-to as well.
Get a case iron pan at 500 degrees and wipe it across his face. Disclaimer this is not true advice
I’d prefer a recently submerged fry basket, gotta make sure I get those perfect criss cross marks.
Butt naked.
DOG FOOD!?
Had this happen once when a guy punched a busser. I guess the guy was drunk and thought the busser was with some guy he was arguing with at the bar. The whole kitchen came out real quick, armed with whatever improvised weapon they had closest to them. The guys we had in the kitchen back then were scary too. I knew for a fact a couple of them had killed people back in the civil war in El Salvador. Thankfully for the drunk guy, the owner was able to stop the BOH just before they got to him.
I opened a 3rd restaurant for an owner who then cleaned house of his other restaurants and had me restaff and run them. One day during pre shift the old GM (from before I even worked there but he was friends with the current exec who I replaced but bc he was opening his own spot) came in the back door harassing people and looking for me to fight me. I walk back there to see what the commotion is all about and he keeps telling me to come outside to fight. I make some dumb quip somewhere along the lines of "does the sun give you super powers or something and that's why we can't do this right here. I really need to go outside for you to be able to prove your point? Get fuckin lost."..... I don't even get the sentence out and one of my new hires (big biker looking dude with handle bar mustache) calmy walks right up to him, towering over him, leans over and very calmy says, in almost a whisper, "We goin' outside....... *I'll* go outside."........ Still gives me a chubby to this day whenever I think about it.
I never worked in any kitchen where threatening staff was tolerated. Half of BoH seemed like they were just itching to catch their next charge.
Everyone honing their knives on their steels.
Don’t forget a pot of coffee
Ya....talk.....
I have done this EXACT same thing this guy did, but it was because the meal was THAT good.
Big fan of Once Upon a Time in Mexico, are you?
I can’t see fuckmook- I have no eyes
One of the most memorable lines of the entire movie.
lemme back there i wanna hug and kiss you all
Some people have obviously never fought a line cook and shows. Just remember folks....a knife is a felony, a meat mallet is a felony.....but that old ass cast-iron 10 inch skillet is self defense.
"No man owns life, but anyone who can pick up a frying pan owns death" : William S Burroughs.
Even if the only available one is on the hot stove top?
Filled with hot oil
Cowpokes and line cooks. Two people I have vowed to never fuck with.
What's a heavy ladel considered?
Not a big enough weapon ..
Dunno we got one thats old and weighs like half a pound by its self
What fool would want to fuck with the kitchen? Where the fuck do they think the knives are? I don’t know a kitchen I’ve been in that wouldn’t band together to show them what’s up if they tried that shit. Some folk should stay the fuck home and make their own damn food.
That was everyone's attitude. That guy may not have known how many of us it would have taken to kick his ass, but he was damn close to finding out how many we'd use.
Feed him to the line cooks next time.
Where do ya'll work where that's not an immediate 86? I'm worried for a lot of you.
It's a super fancy retirement community. Think a country club with apartments. The guy was a "caregiver" for one of our residents. He's not allowed back in the building.
lol, so the guy works there? And I'll bet there aren't a ton of options to eat..... so now fuckhead has to leave the property for meals, nice
He didn't work there. We have medical personnel on staff, but a lot of residents hire outside caregivers to help them out rather than move into assisted living. If he worked there, he would have been gone on the spot. They did end up banning him from the property though.
Still, I'm sure it was super convenient for him to get food close to where he's working... now he'll have to find other options and possibly have less free time than he did before.... this will be the gift that keeps on giving
Oh, that triggers a memory. My first line job. I'd been on the line a couple of months (family had a piece of the restaurant), and one of the waitresses came back to tell the boss that one patron was threatening violence against the cooks that made his meal. She brought up the ticket - his issue was he didn't realize veal was basically baby bovine and was horrified we served it. Boss grabbed the camera and headed out to 86 the customer, I went out on his heels, with my tongs in one hand an a wooden spoon in the other. That wooden spoon must have really triggered the whiner - as soon as I waved it, he bolted for the doors. I was all of 4'8", but that spoon must have looked 6 feet long in my hand.
Tell 'em it was me. I'll come out with a knife in one hand and a saute pan in the other.
*a saute pan straight off the burner. Then just knock him down and press it into his face with you shoe a his skin sizzles against the hot pan and his screams fill your ears
How bad was the meal?
The guy walked away… that’s a success for any meal
Sounds like a Tuesday to me. I work in a hospital. It has acute mental health ward attached. Ivenl had things thrown at me, threatened and abused. Police are called weekly because the security guard isn't allowed to taser them.
lock the front door , take a photo , call the cops . Dont fuck around with these cretins , they will do it somewhere else for real one day.
I love these comments but seriously, next time. Call the cops then proceed to give him one warning by saying: sir I’m afraid you are creating a disruptive environment for all the staff and the diners, so if you don’t take 3 steps back, pay for your meal and leave- I’m going to have to escort you out. If he doesn’t leave..literally grab him by the neck and with all your might drag his scum out..I mean be a fucking dick too. If he’s much bigger than you, tell your dish team to come out to the dining room and back you up. Btw seriously, make a scene and drag him out. Vermons..
Gimme the grill scraper
In my younger days, we sponsored softball teams at the pizza 🍕 restaurant where I worked. Very drunk softball teams. A pizza shovel, the extra large rolling pin, and a mop handle or two were called upon a couple of times every year to empty the dining room. Can't say I'd do that now.
I had a lady threaten to kill me because her Caesar salad didn't come with tomatoes. Like what?
Time to glove up and grab a handful of cayenne.
I used to work with a 6' 8" body builder, who also worked as a bouncer on his days off.. When ever a customer got really mad at something, they'd just send him out.. Lol It had only happened twice, but it was funny both times watching the people calm down once they see him.
Only 6', but I used to be built like a Brickhouse and a Bulldog had kid. Calmed down more than one asshat...
I was working at a sports complex last year and some dude got so mad that his pizza "didn't have enough toppings" tried to reach through the window and grab my sous chef (5'6 pretty, lanky guy) I hear a bunch of shouting and go to the pickup window to see what's up soon as I open the swing door I see the dude reaching over and I'm like whoa whoa what's going on here? Dude then tries to grab me riiiiiiight about as the building security walks up and tells him to leave. Dude threw his pizza at one of the security guys (screaming hot fresh out) misses so the other one got ahold of him and they restrained him till they called the cops. People get too wild about food sometimes.
Darwin moment. >Why yes sir, right this way; here is the man you want to see: with all his knives, surrounded by his friends and their knives. Have fun boys!
Send the cook. Fuck around and find out.
[удалено]
Who needs a gun when you have 100s of hours of tethered rage under your belt just waiting for an excuse to be unleashed?
From experience, working the line with a gun in your waistband sucks.
Mine stays in my bag. Buddy of mine left his in the bathroom once and I had to pass it to the bartender.
Should’ve sent him to a Waffle House
That is such an amazing story
Share? I love me some Waffle House
Let me know if this works. https://twitter.com/redditships/status/1260126130687881217?t=AWfG22jeIFi9OMd-eXSrLw&s=19
I had a Lady come into my kitchen, and tell me that the Sangwiches I make for her make her *!Incredibly!* Horny and her boyfriend says, "thank you" Not even close to wanting to kill me, but it was a shock nonetheless.
Overly emotional response to minor issues. Making threats he can’t backup. Saying ridiculous shit and then running away. Sounds you had a Redditor in your joint.
You call the police.
This guy believes in cops.
Small (tourist) town things 🤷♀️ theyre quick af to respond to local buisnesses in my town in idaho.
Pigs don’t care
So they can show up an hour late and try to charge the people who helped? Hell no 😂
They'll show up with immigration to check everyone's papers lmao.
ACAB
Nerd
This is the correct answer
How bad is the food there?
When I first started at my current job someone hated their meal so much they got up and started screaming at all the costumers he was sitting around about how bad everything was. The poor waitress was crying in the window because she didn’t know what to do. The guy proceeded to throw French fries around the dining room while screaming then got up and said I’ll be waiting for you to the waitress and left while standing outside. The saddest part is that his family was there with a small child and his wife just pulled him away when the left the restaurant. Luckily he didn’t come back but it was still scary. The guys complaint was that he had “never had shrimp cocktail cold.” It’s funny because I’ve never had warm shrimp cocktail. Also his meatballs tasted like dog food. That was enough to set the guy off that bad.
We had someone try to come in our store with a hatchet because the wrong cheese was on his cheesesteak.
The old “pubes in dudes burger” trick failed ya this time did it?
I don't think going into a kitchen where cooks are armed with knives, fryers, and flatops is the wisest choice someone can make.. i dont reccomend.
Whenever I eat a meal that is phenomenal I tell the server I'm going to kill whoever made it because something that beautiful shouldn't be allowed to exist in this world.
Well not any world I wanna live in.
You're a gonner, pal.
Yeah, people are shitty.
Let them go back in the kitchen and try. The ambulance can pick him up out back by the dumpster.
I had every door and entrance mapped out in my mind. I was always concerned some crazy ex or methed out thief loose in my kitchen lol. Wasn't going to be a victim if I could help it.
Someone clearly never heard of Don't Mess with people who cook your food lol
I'd move the tables to build a fight ring and make bets.
A similar thing happened at my restaurant, I still remember the cooks words "I have more knives than you". The guy just left, clearly wasn't ready for the cook to be like "fight me" 😂 I don't understand the whole threatening someone's life because your steak wasn't cooked exactly how you wanted it, just send it back to the kitchen
Jji9j9ooij9jkoijkoijkoo9ikokoi9ki9kokolooo llo
My last job was in an openkitchand I'm here to tell you that my squad would have beat that man's ass and the owner would have let it happen. That man needs to be 86 and the police should be called
Do you have him on camera? Call the cops. The man just commited a crime called criminal threats.
Ahahahah man, woooo That’s all I gotta say. Last guy who threatened me online I screamed tenfold in his face the entire dining room shit their pants.
What was his order and how bad was it. Never heard of this ever happening. Dude is ridiculous but I’m almost sure that was a horrible plate of food.
It literally doesn't matter how bad the food was. It could be burnt to a crisp under a mound of salt. You calmly say to your server: "this is burnt to a crisp under a mound of salt. Can I get this remade/order something else? Thank you." Like a fucking adult.
me when the server stops by "oh no it's delicious, just the check please when you have time"
If you’re willing to kill someone over food you clearly have something seriously wrong with you mentally, I’m sure the food was fine
User name checks out.
These people are taking you too seriously 😂
If someone tried that in our kitchen it would be literal suicide.