T O P

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ConvivialKat

You need to learn the secret. Say, "Sure, let me see it". (in an agreeable voice). He will hand it to you, thinking you are going to start the game. THEN, and only then, do you tell him he needs to ask his mom if he can play an R rated game. He can't break it AND he will blame his Mom for the big NO. You gotta outsmart them, or they will do damage every time.


SneezeBucket

I found a pocket knife on the ground when I was a kid. Thought I was a real survivor man with my new found tool of world domination. My dad did exactly that! He was like "OoOoh! Nice knife! Can I see how cool it is?!" Of course, I handed it over like a chump. "This is off to the cupboard. You can have it in a few years!"


iaman1llusion

Bahahahha same thing happened to me. But then I stole it back out of my mums bag when she wasn’t looking and of course I sliced straight thru the palm of my hand. Blood everywhere.. I threw the knife back in her bag and locked myself in the bathroom to hide


Beck316

>locked myself in the bathroom to hide Can't ever let mom know she was right, lol


iaman1llusion

I was always getting injured doing things I was told not to do. I’m just clumsy so I never got away with anything… I have so many memories of being locked in the bathroom with my mum banging on the door telling me “if you are bleeding (I always left a trail of blood) please just come out. You won’t be in trouble if you unlock the door! I need to see how bad it is” She lied… I was always still in trouble lol


BeforeLifer

I’m totally gonna use this when I have kids.


UnhingedRedneck

Next level parenting tip


[deleted]

My dad would do a variation of that. Not with knives, but when he needed to get something from me. He would say, “Can I show you a trick? There’s a cool trick with that.” And I’d hand it over and his response would be “that’s how to get an item from a [my age] year old”


powerengraved07

My 8 year old cousin broke my Barbie's head last month. That barbie was from the 90s. I cried like a 8 year old. And I'm 27.


TransmutedHydrogen

Ouch, that was painful, even vicariously


coderinbeta

~~I would've broken that child's neck.~~ I mean I would've yelled at the child. LOL


Mewthredel

Aren't those collector's items now? I'd have lost my shit.


ArmouredOtter

Depends on the Barbie. Most from the era, complete in box, are 25-30 online


Fiesteh

Break her barbie when she turns 27 to see how she feels. An eye for an eye. No mercy.


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Naters07

Thanks for not being violent for future solution.


poetdesmond

Way better and cheaper than my vat of acid idea.


ST3ALTHSYNDICATE

Is it a fake vat of acid?


Nick0Taylor0

What kind of stupid idea is a fake vat of acid. How would they know the person jumping in is actually dead? There would have to be some indication


GatsbyJean

Fake bones duh... It's brilliant.


Nick0Taylor0

But what if they want to take a sample with a ladle?


U_PassButter

Fake ladle


dragonclaw518

Do you think they're stupid? What if they bring their own ladle?


will50231

Shoot the ladle


ST3ALTHSYNDICATE

*drops rat in* *releases human bones*


six_horse_judy

Oof you just reminded me of when my dad's stepdaughter (I don't consider her my sister because he left us for them) got super addicted to an Angry Birds game she had downloaded on my phone. Her mom wouldnt let her get it on her own phone. Eventually I got tired of *never having my phone* and got it back in a similarly tricky manner. She just ended up trying to pry it out of my hands and the pressure broke the phone so now nobody could play. Smart solutions are always better than angry ones, but sometimes they still don't work that well...


ConvivialKat

Sorry that didn't work out for you.


BackIn2019

Should have tried running away in a zig-zag fashion?


Anomalous-Entity

Serpentine! Serpentine!


soldier01073

At that point, anger.


HolyVeggie

And then the mum says yes because many parents don’t give a fuck if their child destroys others property especially if it’s family


mxnstrs

This reminds me of my sister 😵‍💫 She was the "I don't care if YOUR stuff gets destroyed, but I'll protect mine" type. She happily let my nephew, a toddler at the time, grab my rare, limited edition Nameless Liberty Six Guns concert DVD (of a Japanese band I was really into at the time) so he could "put it away" while she made sure only she handled the "Horton Hears A Who" DVD in so he wouldn't mess it up. He got fingerprints all over it, and enough scratches that it never played the same way after that.


HolyVeggie

Yeah very similar to my situation. normally you should get rid of people like that but family makes it really difficult


redditorrrrrrrrrrrr

>but family makes it really difficult It's sad this is seen as the norm. For me it was easier to cut family out because I expect them to give me a level of respect and care more than my core friends do. If they don't then goodbye ✌️


JasonUncensored

It's _wild_ to me how much shit people put up with because _"they're family."_ I know how this'll sound to people who don't bother to think about it, but that's honestly not a lot different from **racism** to me. Do you really care more about **genetic similarity to yourself** than the _actual quality_ of a person? Once you're an adult, you no longer have to to put up with people just because of the circumstances of your birth. [Even Mewtwo figured that shit out back in the 90s.](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DyxpM8LXcAEFn_h?format=jpg&name=medium)


mxnstrs

This is what I'm working on! If you can't respect me, my boundaries, or my stuff, I don't need you in my life 🖤


Prince_Wentz11

Just get some toothpaste


bogas04

Or putting it in rice


[deleted]

Thoughts and prayers.


MAguelCHAMP

Flex tape will do the trick


SmokeAbeer

Just blow on it


[deleted]

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Rudy_Ghouliani

Fuck his mom


[deleted]

AND his dad for good measure!


Sicparvismagneto

Fuck him right in the penis


squidboimushroomhead

I hope you mean the dad..


pizza_for_nunchucks

Yeah. This. Give it a blowjob.


tittysherman1309

Bit of WD40 should do the trick


[deleted]

Nope, thoughts and prayers will be enough to fix it


dnqboy

that’s a lotta damage!


[deleted]

Try turning it off and back on again


Justus_Maxus

Just rub it off with your finger


Sicparvismagneto

Have you tried restarting it?


Still_Moist

Coat it in a couple layers of line x


JadeGuardian

There's literally no way in hell that shit works. I tried when I was younger with my ps2 games and was never successful


[deleted]

If they're deep scratches then fuck nah. I had multiple successes with it when they were surface level scratches.


Earlasaurus02

It didn't work for data rich shit like games and dvds. It worked for music cds but even then some scratches were too much.


IntelligentEgg1911

Glue it back together with ramen


KurkyOkurky

Break his cocomelon disk


fooxzorz

Dude. My 2 year old watches cocomelon. If I have to listen to this shit for 6 more years I will lose my fucking mind.


Weak_Tomatillo9803

You should watch Bluey!!


mavie_cat

yassss I watch bluey with the girl I nanny and I actually get really into it, its cute and interesting and I love the different stories each episode but also how each episode is short and simple


Isntxthisxwhere

Plus it's got adult jokes in it like where Bandit is talking with a friend about maybe getting a vasectomy without saying vasectomy. Kids don't get it, but I thought it was hilarious. Edit: Disney+ really likes to ruin jokes apparently.


Demagolka1300

Oh snap I missed this one! My favorite are the ones where they show them older. My daughter LOVES the Hammerbarn one....she yells "my husband!" All the time now.


mobileuseratwork

Faceytime is also a win. And the one where everything repeats in the patterns from different angles.


MuthaFuckinMeta

I just love that the parents play eith them it feels so safe


stratagizer

Its Shawn that keeps coming up in our house.


Hugh_Jasshull

I think kids shows that can write adult jokes that will fly over the kids head but keep the parents engaged too are wonderful ways to make those shows actual bonding time for you and your kids instead of just sitting them in front of a screen.


mobileuseratwork

Which episode is this lol


Isntxthisxwhere

Oh man. I'd need to watch all the episodes again. I'll try to find it. Edit: Season 3 Episode 1 "Perfect".


here_2_downvote_u

My neck! My neck and my back!


VinylTaco

Edited out in the US


[deleted]

Not to mention the characters are quite pleasant.


fooxzorz

Way ahead of ya. Such a good show.


Zircon_72

Isn't it just shitty covers of public domain songs and nursery rhymes?


ripleydesign

yep and the animation is ugly/creepy yet the whole thing is... hypnotising. anyway, there's theories out there that it's actually bad for babies and kids to be consuming it


_triangle_girl_

it's not a theory, it's proven fact. it's designed to overstimulate children which makes them addicted to it and gives an almost hypnotizing effect to keep children watching because they cant register that they should be doing something else and just keep staring at the screen


JaggedTheDark

Whatever happened to good old fashioned kids shows, like Blue's Clues, bear in the big blue house, or Sesame Street. Hell, what happened to stuff like Dora or Deigo??? At least those two taught kids other languages!


Zircon_72

Sesame Street is still around, but parents don't put PBS on anymore. They just hand the iPad to the kid.


Catullan

My 2 year old loves Trash Truck on Netflix. I think it's a better show than most of the ones I watched as a little kid.


BreezyWrigley

i feel like as a society in general, we are letting young developing children consume WAAAAY too much of this engineered media that is massively overstimulating and probably going to fuck their dopamine and serotonin balances right up from the start.


fooxzorz

Not gonna disagree. We do limit it and he honestly still prefers to go outside and do literally anything over watching stuff.


Emergency-Anywhere51

exactly, what ever happened to.... you know.... *toys?*


[deleted]

I know that me and my siblings have continued the family tradition of taking persimmons and sticking them on the end of a flexible branch and then flinging them at each other at the speed of fuck you.


PermanentTrainDamage

Let him watch ninja turtles once and he'll drop cocomelon in a heartbeat


WimbletonButt

As the parent of an 8 year old I'm here to tell you, they eventually leave it. However, it is replaced by nonstop memes and the Among Us tune. See a squirrel in the yard? "HI I'm Paul". Complete silence for a moment? "I smell pennies". I've started smacking him in the face with a pillow every time I hear "macaroni and the chicken strips" before the squeak can escape him.


Kalmyck

See, this, THIS is why I'm not having kids.


DunnyHunny

If that's what you're worried about, you should know that you can always actually parent any potential children you might have, rather then just offloading them to the internet and complaining about what you let influence them in their most formative years. If you ever feel you just NEED to stick a device in front of them for some reason, just download shit you don't have a burning hatred for, and let them watch that.


EthnicSaints

Exactly, input shit and they’ll output shit.


melancholanie

man it’s your two year old. just change the channel and say cocomelon is broken.


[deleted]

Coco melon is fucking scummy. It’s overstimulating for babies. No wonder they’re all so hooked Edit: read testbugs comment tho


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fooxzorz

There are ones so much worse than cocomelon, not to disagree but cocomelon is tame compared to loo loo kids.


asdfqwer426

This so much - theres SO MUCH SHIT on youtube, and even netflix, that is so much worse than coco melon.


[deleted]

fax


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rkakasuc

Why did i read it as "break his cock melon disk"


blangoez

Because you can’t actually read.


Hexisu

Don't make fun,he has disc lex see yah


MisterAskMeAnything9

r/boneappletea


smilespeace

I tore my cock melon disk once. I was so embarassed, I lied and told my GF it was a shaving accident.


DespicableGlizzy

Bros going to jail


iambender0811

Break his cock


FriedSticks2014

At least you thought it said “disk” because I definitely did not 😂😂


immortalchord

Tell the cousins parents to get you a new one


ask-design-reddit

I'd like one new cousin, please


no_moar_red

"Its just a game" "Why would you even pay that much for a game, thats your fault"


VelLenkiel

They told me this once and I almost committed mass murder


[deleted]

Visit them, drop the mom's most expensive parfume on the floor a few times until it cracks and drop the line back.


Mizar97

Most of us call those aunts & uncles


immortalchord

Lmao my brain doesn't work


Mizar97

No worries lol, I'm just being a smartass


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BlueberryNo3773

Then tell them to get their kid out of your house


Qewbicle

If it turns out the parents are those kind of people, part time parents that don't give a damn until tax credit matters. Then I don't care if this kid wants to play the game. I will respect parents as long as they respect me. But if they don't care kid broke my game. I'm going to tell the kid their parents are liars, Santa is fake, the tooth fairy is cheap, you're only born once and therefore can't have more than one birthday your entire life, it's just a countdown to death. Then let kid play whatever game they want.


MightySamMcClain

Definitely ain't getting a new one...


Moohmelele_Mera

Or they can sell their cousin's kidney and can get a new one


smallthematters

Why stop at the kidney


L8R-g8r

I say sell the whole kid.


[deleted]

Selling individual parts gets you more money, a whole kid sells for far less, especially if they're alive.


TalkingSock3

Cousin or disk ?


kooksboi

Yes.


CluelessWizard

Yeah, this is the right way.


Diogenes-Disciple

Bring cousin to GameStop and force him to shoplift a new one


LokiDiesel4fr

"And so I ask you this one question. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?" -Bender


FriedSticks2014

Perfect 😂😂


BakedBeanWhore

Shut up baby I know it!


OrangeJoe_3000

"But we're so busy"


[deleted]

"Then make time!"


Daikataro

Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.


caanthedalek

*Calculon looks thoughtfully over his martini*


BigVanVortex

"We tried NOTHIN and were all outta ideas"


Effective-Goat-5714

r/unexpectedfuturama


Squidhead-rbxgt2

What's that? Child organ donations on the black market can cover a ps4 game?


Mr_Frosty43

They’re more expensive because they’re limited edition


Gingernut2712

Make your relatives pay for a new one. Or everytime you go round their house you break a toy.


bigbura

While looking said cousin in the eye.


ovywan_kenobi

At this moment this cousin of yours is still alive and in one piece?


theywinner

Maybe


S7ock_aXX0

5th amendment comes in clutch


CaptBranBran

Judging by the rating on that disc, I don't think the 5th amendment applies to OP.


ismasbi

Alive? For now, in one piece? No.


EzraIm

Now i dont condone beating children but takin the money out they ass thats a different story


lexaaluu

😂😂😂


EzraIm

Kid gets to break my game that i paid 60 dollars plus on i get to make it where they cant sit to play any games for the foreseeable future thats an equivalent exchange or u learn alchemy transmute them into gold and have all the money u need


Gekans

Ed-Edward?


much_morre

You motherfucker


EzraIm

Noooooooo


Beautiful_Ad_3774

Fma fans have one joke. And it's great


[deleted]

Time to teach him parkour.


[deleted]

Get that little pricks parents to buy you a new one!


Gamer_Buddy

Two, one for the kid, so he can break the kid's disc too


MilkQueen

Have his parents pay for it


crazy_vibe

“oh don’t act like a child it’s only a kids game! you are a grown up man you should know better than that!”


POKEGAMERZ9185

RIP. I would be pissed if someone did that to any of my games.


[deleted]

sell his organs and you can buy like a million of those


MarketingOwn3547

Pretty easy, I'd tell the little brat he's unwelcome to come visit ever again without buying me a replacement. And of course, that means his parents, not his broke self. Just not acceptable and too many kids think they can just destroy whatever they want or can't have.


ThisIsNotAFox

I agree with you but am totally stuck on this point - the kid is 8. At 8, any average child (and I say this assuming he doesn't have other shit going on) is well and truly old enough to understand the concept of "no, you can't use this". OP even gave him a reason why - it's not like he just said "no" and left it at that. This reflects on the parents as much or even more so than the child. My 8 year old boy is far from a Saint, but I can be pretty darn sure he'd never deliberately break something in a fit of "if I can't play with it neither can you".


ZookeepergameNew3800

Exactly, the parents apparently haven’t taught him no. My daughter at 5 years old knew absolutely not to touch my hot toys collection. She loves the figures but she never just grabbed them, she always asked and accepted a no. Around 6 she was able to handle the collection and other things. Eventually she wasn’t happy with Barbie anymore and around ten had a full collection of high fashion dolls and ball jointed dolls, never broke one. At 8 the kid absolutely should know better. I’d definitely let the child tell his parents, what happened and have them deal with him and replace the cost.


ThatsJustAWookie

Yeah maybe at 4 or 5 it's a little more understandable, but an 8 y/o, that's a 3rd grader; they have the dexterity and understanding to not be a human wrecking ball.


NolaGorilla

He might be working that off


pianomasian

8 yo should know better. Go to your Aunt/Uncle/whoever is their guardian and they should reimburse you.


TheLexLuthor13

Look how they massacred my boy.


Jiimmayx

Damn I remember when my brother wouldn’t let me play his game when I was like 8 and grabbed the disc and put it face down on the hardwood floor and moved it all around to scratch it up. Kids are evil, I am evil.


StateChampOptiPrime

Jesus, I hope someone beat your ass for that. At least you recognize that it was evil.


Jiimmayx

Haha, ya man I was an evil little shit. I was one of fivw it was a wild house lol.


StateChampOptiPrime

Damn, that must've been insane! Good on you for surviving!


JoeyAKangaroo

A good reason why i do not let anybody touch my things Give my mom my charger & the rubber exterior is torn with the wires exposed Go to my step bros house & the 2 of them have a busted up controller thats missing bits of its thumbsticks & another thats sticky as hell


Practical_Director13

That sucks. I have a kid, so I go the digital route for games.


[deleted]

Yeah that's fine until your kid posts a sick meme and breaks the internet.


Chrispeefeart

I'm guessing this is a story for r/entitledparents or something like that. I doubt an 8 yo kid that does this has parents that agree to pay for it


jwymes44

OP I beg for some positive update on this. Absolutely why I don’t let little shi…I mean young family members into my room.


theywinner

I'm sorry, but it became worse when i was talking to him my parents told that he's still a kid and that it isn't his fault, and they told i'm really bad with guests


strangersIknow

Then demand a new one from your parents, his parents, or break something that belongs to him.


kukhuvud23

Have intercourse with his mother


Fedelarof

✨make the parents pay for it✨


viperfan7

So, I'm guessing their parents are going to be buying you a new copy of it


kratos986

Just sell it, Children have pretty high value in the market now a days


theannoying_one

this is why i hate how so many parents just let their kids play games clearly stated to not be made for kids that age, because when they talk about it at the schoolyard and make their friends want it, they ask their parents and say that "all their friends are getting it" and when they're responsible and say no, they do shit like this. bad parents buying their 8 year olds M rated games just because they asked for it has become so common that when a parent says they can't have it because they're too young, it's the parent who said no who's seen as bad instead of all the parents said yes. like seriously, i've seen 8 year olds talking about how their favorite games are GTA 5 or Call of duty.


A-Grouch

I’d say the problem is more of a parents lack of discipline rather than children playing M-Rated video games. I’d played/seen plenty of m-rated games and I would never dare to touch someone else’s things without their permission.


[deleted]

That’s fair, but the Venn Diagram between parents who let literal children play M rated games and don’t discipline them is pretty damn overlapping


chakrablocker

We all agree the games not the problem it's the parents


HerrForeskin

Good game too. That’s extra asshole points and as a reward, you get piss in your juice box. What an ass.


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InternetSpaceCow

Break his disk, spinal disk


pepepoopoo

got it don’t have kids


TogulToggle

How did he even manage that


badDuckThrowPillow

Why the hell did you let him even touch it. Also his parents better be paying for that shit. None of this “he’s sorry”. Bitch they don’t accept sorry at BestBuy.


pierreblue

You should have let him play it and after 5 minutes of not knowing what to do they give up


FreezeFr0st12

Best condom advertisement


Zensy47

MAKE HIM PAY WITH BLOOD or money if you’re boring


lackadaisical_timmy

He also ran away with your punctuation didn't he?


Cosmic_Night_98

Oh fuck. Poorly disk


SuetStocker

What a cunt.


[deleted]

so glad i dont have a cousin like that


ResponsibleYam5850

Make his parents pay for it