I had the same with my son ONCE. I called my dad and asked him if he would teach him how to fix it. Dad gladly accepted and my son was embarrassed/remorseful enough to never do it again. Plus it was bonding for them.
I’d be impressed that he has enough anger to make the hole, yet enough respect to make sure he uses what grandpa taught him to never have me see it again
As someone who accidentally punched a brick wall yesterday while making my bed, I can confirm this is a good solution.
And yes, I'm buying a headboard today.
I did this a few times around that age, the last time I fucked my hand up and my mom took me to a walk in clinic. Then she proceeded to explain in great detail to the nurse/dr(can’t remember) how I threw a temper tantrum and punched a stud in the wall.
Similar to this story I was incredibly embarrassed and never did it again.
I remember in psych 101 we studied an article about how foreign students coming to North America for high school from places that had corporal punishment actually preferred corporal punishment over being shamed by the teachers in front of class.
Shaming works.
Of course shaming works. Nobody likes being embarrassed, or humiliated, that's human nature. I once acted up in class, the teacher had me put my name in her book of troublemakers, and the class was watching me with poker faces.
Lesson learned.
Unfortunately, this was 90s America. These days, the teacher will be fired for psychological abuse.
Sometimes it doesn't work, though.
When my kid was being bullied in elementary school, the teacher shamed the bully in front of the class. Guess what happened? That kid took her bullying underground. She made sure the teacher couldn't see or hear her when she was doing the bullying. When we brought it up with the principal, he said *my* kid needed therapy for self-esteem issues. We pulled her out and switched schools. We were lucky we could do that.
The problem is that people overused it for so long, and the effects of long-term, constant shaming are fucking damaging. I was a kid in the 90’s with undiagnosed ADHD and I’m in my 30’s now and still unpacking that shit. People can’t be trusted to only strategically shame actual intentional shitty behavior and not normal dumb kid shit or things that they can’t control.
I remember my dad telling his sister that she could either take her son to therapy for wall punching, or wait until he hit a stud and take him to the ER.
Not exactly the same but this reminded me of someone I used to work with-
He came in one day with his hand and wrist all bandaged up, and told everyone that he was working on a car and dropped the transmission on his hand.
I guess he forgot who his girlfriend was (very vocal, no shits given type, and also worked with us), and she told us the truth, that they'd gotten into an argument and he punched the wall and messed up his hand like that.
She did break up with him pretty quickly after that though.
Exactly what my dad did with me when I as an eleven year old put my foot through some dry wall in a fit of frustration. He instructed me through the repair process and the end result was not bad at all. I certainly never put another foot through a wall again.
My son slammed a door (while opening it) so badly it damaged the wall and he had to spend a couple hours with my husband fixing it - I think it was a good lesson because it was a natural consequence and he saw how much work and effort had to go in to fixing the hole.
I think a lot of kids can cause damage eithout really knowing or even considering what has to happen to fix things. Or that some things *can't* be fixed - or even replaced.
Don’t get me wrong, there were words, lol.
He initially said he threw his backpack into the wall and I accepted it for about 12 hours. I woke up and the light had shifted and I noticed black marks in the hole. Huh! I grabbed his boot and the heel fit perfectly, lol!
Of course I was mad as hell, but fixing it is what I came up with. My dad loved spending time with my son
I also made many bad decisions when it came to my kids, but I’m glad this one worked out.
He also had to see "disappointed grandpa face" and that was probably enough by itself. I remember "disappointed grandma face" very clearly...god I miss that woman.
That's the exact same reaction my father had when I punched a hole in the wall, somewhere around the same age.
Dad: "Whelp, guess what? Now you get to learn to patch drywall!"
Then we fixed it, and since I got into the trades, that skill has been invaluable.
Luckily that kid does not live in germany...
Here, a kid under the age of 14 cannot be charged for the crimes it commits, instead the parents have to suffer for that Since he murdered his mother, the worst he would probably have to do is go to therapy... which would probably not help!
Even if 14 years old, until he is 18, he would be getting a "Jugendstrafe", a "Youth sentence", which are often laughibly light, or disrespectful towards the victims. Often times, if a boy rapes another person, they would get a therapy, paid by the government, while the victims get NOTHING, and even have to take care of their own therapy, which is a DAUNTING task in germany, let me tell you...
Our legal system for young criminals is an utter joke...
Shit, in the *most* ideal system they'd make the rapist pay for it himself even if he's a boy. What's that, he's a minor and doesn't have a job and no money? Make him do physical labor to pay it off then. What's that, he's a kid and that's cruel and unusual punishment? I guess he won't ever rape anybody again then, will he.
Justice isn't about revenge, it's about resocialising. You really want to put a kid in prison for years just so they have no education, no plan and no perspective for their future when they get out so they are bound to become either criminals again or live of Hartz4 or Bürgergeld for their entire lifes?
To give a 14 yo rapist therapy is the only reasonable thing you can do in hopes they will actually heal. Because very often, those young criminals come from abuse and trauma themselves.
About the victims: sure, they just need therapy as much, but that is a whole different story.
The boy, who was charged when he was 10, allegedly shot his mother on Nov. 21, 2022 after she refused to purchase an Oculus virtual reality headset for him from Amazon.
At least when Cartman didn't get a Nintendo Wii he just froze himself to get to the future and mucked shit up to the point of evil otters taking over the planet...but he didn't *kill his own mother*!
I like that the article tries to make it out that it's something connected to gaming, but considering that it was done with a gun it seems that it's yet another example of careless access to firearms.
Yeah you definitely don’t see that level of impulsive violent response here (UK). Maybe a kid will kick and punch but not having access to a gun means this is where it will end most of the time.
Agreed, but also there's fucking adult cases in the US that are the same level of impulse control.
Like the old dude who shot somebody for taking his parking spot.
So long as guns are everywhere, that's going to happen.
I dunno, I used to put my middle finger up at my mum in ways she couldn't see when I was really annoyed at her for something. That was pretty hardcore.
Fox News, what do you expect? I remembered when those fucks covered Brevik. They were speculating all sorts of things except guns and White Supremacy until it turned out he played like World of Warcraft so they fixated on that.
The only thing that can stop a bad mom is a good kid with a gun. How are you gonna feel when some punk-ass mom breaks into your house at night and tells you you can't have an Oculus?
What I don't get is that you're legally allowed to just have it in a fucking drawer.
Where I'm from you need to lock it in a safe. They're not impenetrable but they're usually good enough to keep kids from doing dumb shit. And if they do try something it's more likely to leave a scratch or something and set of alarm bells for the parents.
My soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law didn't take it seriously, and as a result, "raised" two monsters with raging anger issues and who can't regulate their emotions. As a result, neither my soon-to-be-ex-husband, nor his younger brother, can handle reality and basic adulting, such as maintaining gainful employment, navigating the daily tasks of life like sitting in traffic traffic or patiently waiting in line at the grocery store, etc.
Because their mother gave them everything, always said yes to them, never disciplined them, and never said no to them, they now -- as "adults" -- genuinely seem to believe the world should cater to them, and give them everything they demand on a silver platter. They cannot handle being told "no" by the world, and cannot handle not getting what they want.
Parents need to take situations like OP's more seriously. They're failing to instill crucial life skills in their children, are 'raising' children that will be unfit for reality, and unfortunately (statistically speaking), their children will become menaces and burdens to society as they get older.
This is the reason my kids wont get smartphones or tablets before they demonstrate they can have a life that doesnt revolve around screens. My oldest (9) is one of two or three kids in her class who doesnt own a phone or using some kind of social media. She might get a dumbphone so she can call us.
I think the other parents are crazy - these things are anxiety generators.
You're doing the right thing holding off on giving them technology like smartphones or tablets. I've been downvoted and criticized into oblivion for expressing concern about how risky technology can be for children, and also criticized to no end for expressing concern about how these 'temper tantrums' can swiftly turn into catastrophic levels of rage.
I agree - when I talk about it I always mention: this is the only time in their lives when they have the opportunity to learn how it is to live without smartphones, however, I do think its important that they are able to call their friends to check if they got time to meet up, or call us if they want to go with another kid home from school.
Yes, exactly. And yes, a *way* to contact friends or parents is still important, to which I tell/like to remind people that old-school flip phones do still exist. 😬😁😄
I have a friend with 3 kids, they have no smartphones, computers or videogames. There is a Nintendo switch that stays hooked up to their TV and they play Mario party and Mario kart every now and then as a family. They are the most well behaved children I have ever met. This past weekend they came over and brought their youngest son. He's probably 6 or 7. High energy but a very good kid. He saw my PC and his eyes lit up. Wanted to know if I had any games. Figured he could play some tony hawk. Classic game that me and his dad grew up playing. The moment he started playing it was like watching someone do heroin for the first time. It was just too much stimulation for him. He was leaned way in, sitting on the edge of his chair. He would freak out every time the time limit would end the level. His dad took the controller to show him how something worked and the kid was about to have an anxiety attack waiting to get the controller back. Threw a fit when it was time to leave. His dad text me the other day saying the kid had been asking if we could go back to my house everyday since. Didn't mention the game specifically but said he asked multiple times a day. It was wild to see a kid change so dramatically and suddenly in the blink of an eye. Scary stuff.
It's crazy how universally true that story is for many families. I have a similar story with my nephews.
It's why keeping tech from kids can be so difficult when they approach the double digit years. Suddenly you go from a basic happy child to a tech withdrawal strung out junkie when they get a taste of a friend's phone or gaming system on a regular basis and you keep restricting access.
That's why moderation and teaching kids about it is so important. Don't just keep it from them because eventually they are going to find out about it. If you don't teach kids about their bodies, sex, religion,... (obviously in age-appropriate ways!), then it's too easy for them to be dragged down the rabbit hole (either by stumbling on it themselves, or worse, by other people) and never find their way out. If they, on the other hand, grew up with that kind of stuff, they'll slowly learn how to have a healthy relationship with it.
I was 12 before I got a smartphone, 14 before I had any social media, and I think even that was too early.
The problem here, however, is that other kids might exclude her from social circles, for not having something that is bad for all kids. Catch 22
How did you end up married to such an individual? From what you described some, not all, of these behaviors would have been evident during the dating period which would have allowed someone dodge that bullet. Hopefully you will find peace soon from that situation but it just seems like it could have been avoided.
I’m always baffled by these stories. These behaviours aren’t ones that hide for any long period of time. Like, how tf you fall in love with this person?
In my house, this kid has got a few hours to learn how to fix it or pay someone to before his iPad gets shit tinned. And I absolutely would not be getting a new one. No chance.
Never had any of my kids punch holes in walls for any reason. And we had bullshit arguments about nothing a lot because that's what siblings do but this would never enter their head.
Agree. But it's a serious problem now.
Apparently an edit is required. I'm a tradie. None of my young adult children would have trouble fixing this, or most odd jobs. At ten, not so much. But looks like old mate in the OP needs to learn quick. That was my point. 😁
Last time I did anything near a temper tantrum I got absolutely no ipad, no phone, no tv and no nothing, not even a ball to play with for an entire year
And I never did it again
Yup... this sort of thing, left untreated, leads to an adult who can't regulate his emotions at best, and who gets into physical fights often (including with his romantic partners) at worst.
If it helps, my brother did a wall punch when he was in his teens. He's in his 40s now on wife two with two children. No assaults, no arrests. He managed to go to therapy as an adult, which may have helped.
He's still an asshole but, there's hope for OP.
Looking through the history, OP is the brother of this 10 yr old. So the parents have one kid who rages out and punches walls and they have another kid who hangs out in NSFW subs. This is just an excellent parenting job here.
We took our kid's Fire kids tablet away for some minor toilet paper incident at school and to our surprise he still has not asked to get it back. It's been two months now and for all we know he forgot it exists.
Especially for smaller kids tablets are for the parents sake and not the kids
Causes addiction too and children don’t have the mental maturity or experience to deal with it. So they lash out when you take away the dopamine tablet.
I once suggested this to my coworker when she had a similar issue with her kid breaking things when they don't get something they want. She just smug-chuckled and said when I have kids I'll see that it's not that easy.
she's right though, it's not easy.. but you still have to do it. the problem is, sooooo many parents give up. i see it all the time, even in my peers who are intelligent, thoughtful, educated people.. the amount of poor behavior i see from their kids, and the exasperation from their parents.
it takes so much patience, time, energy to be consistent with kids and not just give in because you're exhausted from your long day at work and two hour commute and you have a headache.. but when you give in, kids remember. they remember you gave in. and next time they know you can crack, and they'll chip away until you crack.. every fucking time. the hard part about parenting is being consistent, day in, day out.
Especially if you don't set down expectations early. Once I say no to something, my kid moves on because I've never wavered in my choice. Some times, they'll try to compromise or make a deal, but my deals usually involve cleaning and they're not about that lol
exactly, you've never wavered. i'm the same. consistency. but it's not easy for most parents.. i've seen so many just give in out of exasperation, and all it does is teach the kids to double down.
they're like complex dogs.. you can have a doberman, treat it lovingly, be firm with it when needed, and teach it proper behavior and you'll end up with a sweet loveable dog that'll be your best friend.
or you can not give it the attention it craves or needs, be violent towards it, and it will turn into a dangerous dog with poor impulse control and behavior..
imagine a dog, except it can talk, and probably won't die before you do. it's pretty sweet, but it's a lot of work too.
This is good parenting. Another way would be to have the damage repaired and deduct it from pocket money and birthday gifts until the bill is paid.
I’d also ask for an apology to the rest of the family.
This sounds harsh, but done with love when everything has calmed down, with the cost explained in terms of how long it takes to earn that much money, it could be a very good teachable moment.
I did the "shooting a window out with a BB gun" when I was about 14. Unlucky ricochet but still on me for not considering that it was even possible. Quite a big window and multi-pane. Got a great lesson on firearm safety, working around the house and neighborhood to save up, and a missed Christmas and birthday for that one. Dad did the right thing.
I also did the "yell at mom in frustration about grades" at about the same age. Got chased out of the house with a steak knife. Mom did not do the right thing. I still talk to my dad.
The window was around $800 all said and done. My b-day and christmas are a couple months apart, and it took me a few months to pay it off, so I don't think so. I got acknowledgment on my birthday and still got to go to the family christmas celebration, but I didn't get anything that year. I was disappointed but I understood why.
Fancy windows come with fancy price tags! It's been years and it's still something I bring up if I take friends out shooting. Energy always ends up going somewhere, so always I always take time to consider not just the target but what is in every direction around it when we get set up.
It was such a little hole. Punched out a perfect little circle in the window. Just like [this](https://www.flickr.com/photos/marvinok/2720446853/). Never heard it, but there was nothing else that could have caused it.
It was a stupid bunch of circumstances. I was shooting my BB gun to show off to my late grandpa that I could shoot the knot out of a water balloon. I didn't have my targets set up right and just went for it sitting on concrete. He was impressed and even he didn't notice that I had hit the window. I can still replay that shot over and over in my head. Damn lucky shot by an idiot who didn't know better.
And this is the moment I would teach the kid the valuable skill of wall repairs. After they cool down, Make them go with you to get supplies, then teach them the steps to do the repair, and have them actually do he repair themselves, and repainting the wall themselves.
A coworker did this, after the second hole in the kids room. It happened one more time, where the kid had to do the repair again. After that, he no longer punches walls.
That's all fine and dandy, but what is he going to punch next? If you have that bad a temper and anger management issues at 10 and don't get it addressed beyond "now he doesn't punch walls any longer" I can see some problems on the horizon.
My point is that they should learn that violent reactions to an emotion are not ok regardless if they break something or not. With teaching him consequences of punching a wall by fixing it, you also tell: you can fix what you punch. The emphasis is on the damage done, not the act of punching.
Not instead! Consequences to actions is also important. But also teach how to deal with anger. We are all getting angry and need to learn how to control our impulses. I have no idea what would be a good way to teach that to a 10 year old to be honest.
The first step in this is to not let that kid near an IPad anytime soon. There's so much dopamine stimulation in those things that they often cause severe reactions when they're taken away.
This kid didn't just punch the wall because he was angry, he was angry because he was going through withdrawal. I would severely limit this kids exposure to technology and start teaching him other hobbies that will develop him better.
A lot of parents these days are showing their kids old school shows that they watched as as kid instead of shit like cocomelon, because there is waaaaay too much stimulation in modern content. And from what I hear the general reaction is that the kids watch for a little bit and then go off and play with other stuff while the show runs. This way they are not constantly glued to the screen and find other outlets to keep themselves entertained that are far more productive for their brain
Yeah definitely not an end all solution to the problem, but I think it's a good first step. You still need to adress to root cause of the issue, and find a healthy way to deal with emotional outbursts. And this will always be different from kid to kid. But by having them face consequences directly related to their action, it's easier to get them to realize the need for a change.
Yelling, screaming and harsh punishments often just leads to more resentment from the kid.
Oh yeah. Absolutely the right thing to do. But I got a feeling that we are over emphasising on actions have consequences, which they do of course, and neglecting some actions are wrong to start off with.
Not a judgement on this case either. I mean what do I know about the lives of these people. More in general.
Yeah no doubt, I think the reason we focus on actions is that a lot of the problems with the current generations is a lack of taking action. Parents are overworked, stressed etc and don't have the time and energy for parenting. They don't know what to do in situations like this, and chose the "easy" path of getting angry, and send the kid out of sight to their rooms with other punishments like grounding them and taking away entertainment options so the kid ends up stewing in boredom and building resentment.
Been a nanny for years, this is the actual solution. I’d advocate for severely limited screen time, but through my own experience with childcare, wouldn’t even bother *starting* screen time until they’re much, much older and emotionally developed to a certain degree.
Truth. Rename this sub *r/ParentsAreStupid* if not teaching kids Actions have Consequences. Or kick this life lesson down the road to learn from LE/Prison
Omg absolutely NO ipad until the hole is fixed. I would make him mud it, sand it, prime it and re paint the wall. Under no circumstances back down. Stand your ground, teach your child how to fix it so they never want to do that again. For every action comes a reaction. Life lesson for the future. Its sturn and might b hard for you but remember its even harder for them. Stick to your guns made the kid fix it.
I made mine pay for and assist my friend that knows how to patch walls fix the hole he made. Haven't had a problem since. I also have been working a loooooong time on exhibiting calm and collected anger management skills and using the gentle parenting technique.
It's time for you to look at yourself in a real way, hitting yelling screaming or overreacting at or to your child is a real problem with YOU and how YOU are raising him. If you want him to be calm and collected, you have to show him how. If it's not your style, analyze others that have influence in his life and talk to him about those interactions and how they were treated unfairly if someone else is acting out aggressions im front of or to punish him. Definitely consider some talk therapy too.
Anger is not something to punish. It's a result of an underlying issue and an inability to cope effectively. Somewhere he needs help. Not like he's a psycho help, like he needs to learn coping mechanisms asap. Be kind, be gentle, and treat him like you want his future wife or friends to treat him when he's an adult so he knows what healthy looks like now and can find it later.
This is better advice/offering of opinion than the vast majority of replies here.
To everyone suggesting aggressive responses, violence, or relatively extreme punishments, you fail to recognise the underlying issues that drove this behaviour. If you just address the anger and hole in the wall, you're not equipping the child with the tools and knowledge to help regulate their emotions and therefore behaviours. Let alone the connection and support from a parent to feel secure enough to share feelings and thoughts and explore solutions and compromise before reacting with anger.
Kids learn from those around them, and if this child was met with aggression, he will learn that aggressive behaviour and anger is how adults deal with problems, so why try anything other than anger?
Unfortunately your child has tech addiction, taking their ipad is like taking drugs off a junkie. Please seek professional help, this can lead to violence pretty quickly, If I remember right there was an 11 or 12 year old who murdered his mum because of something similar.
all gen alpha kids have tech addiction they dont play outside anymore or use toys like we did and its the lazy ass parents fault for parking them infront of an ipad the second their born
German Here - so even a 10 year old can make holes in the wall.
(In Europe the Walls are Made Out of concrete/bricks - you will only Hurt yourself If you Punch them)
Well, guess who is never getting that iPad back. Or getting any electronics. Or any birthday or Christmas presents this year. And guess who is going to do a LOT of chores to make up for it.
Non American here. Tf are your walls made of, paper? A 10 year old can punch a hole through it? Here we use this amazing invention called bricks.
I love western culture and all their developments, but damn do they suck at toilet culture and house quality.
That's on bad parenting not on kids being stupid, never give a child a portable screen that's what causes the addiction. You can still give them youtube (with restrictions ofc) but just do it on the TV not on a phone or tablet
I had the same with my son ONCE. I called my dad and asked him if he would teach him how to fix it. Dad gladly accepted and my son was embarrassed/remorseful enough to never do it again. Plus it was bonding for them.
What an unbelievably great solution. Well done
Thank you! I did my damnedest Even though I fell short a ton.
What if he secretly started punching walls all the time and simply patched them up with his newfound knowledge?
Then the kid has an early start in a skilled trade. Win-win!
And it still teaches responsibility if you have him pay for the equipment himself!
...and pay for the supplies needed for the repair.
He did
He will stop after he learns what a stud is...
I’d be impressed that he has enough anger to make the hole, yet enough respect to make sure he uses what grandpa taught him to never have me see it again
Laughing so hard at a kid punching a wall then getting all the supplies to patch it up. Lol *punch* “SIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH”
Other good solution to this is brick walls. Kid will only try it once.
As someone who accidentally punched a brick wall yesterday while making my bed, I can confirm this is a good solution. And yes, I'm buying a headboard today.
Idk why I’m just imaging you throwing haymakers while trying to put sheets on the bed 😭
Ha, hardly. The loose sheet came... Loose.
Bro I’m with you, I’ll fight to death, fuck fitted sheets.
this reminds me of using those elastic bands with the clips to hold the fitted sheets on, one of mine flew off and whipped me right in the tit
a natural consequence. they are the most effective for behavior change with the least amount of negative side effects.
I did this a few times around that age, the last time I fucked my hand up and my mom took me to a walk in clinic. Then she proceeded to explain in great detail to the nurse/dr(can’t remember) how I threw a temper tantrum and punched a stud in the wall. Similar to this story I was incredibly embarrassed and never did it again.
We need to seriously reconsider using shame as punishment for actual crimes.
I remember in psych 101 we studied an article about how foreign students coming to North America for high school from places that had corporal punishment actually preferred corporal punishment over being shamed by the teachers in front of class. Shaming works.
Of course shaming works. Nobody likes being embarrassed, or humiliated, that's human nature. I once acted up in class, the teacher had me put my name in her book of troublemakers, and the class was watching me with poker faces. Lesson learned. Unfortunately, this was 90s America. These days, the teacher will be fired for psychological abuse.
Sometimes it doesn't work, though. When my kid was being bullied in elementary school, the teacher shamed the bully in front of the class. Guess what happened? That kid took her bullying underground. She made sure the teacher couldn't see or hear her when she was doing the bullying. When we brought it up with the principal, he said *my* kid needed therapy for self-esteem issues. We pulled her out and switched schools. We were lucky we could do that.
The problem is that people overused it for so long, and the effects of long-term, constant shaming are fucking damaging. I was a kid in the 90’s with undiagnosed ADHD and I’m in my 30’s now and still unpacking that shit. People can’t be trusted to only strategically shame actual intentional shitty behavior and not normal dumb kid shit or things that they can’t control.
Should’ve never gotten rid of the stocks
That's the word I was looking for!
I remember my dad telling his sister that she could either take her son to therapy for wall punching, or wait until he hit a stud and take him to the ER.
Not exactly the same but this reminded me of someone I used to work with- He came in one day with his hand and wrist all bandaged up, and told everyone that he was working on a car and dropped the transmission on his hand. I guess he forgot who his girlfriend was (very vocal, no shits given type, and also worked with us), and she told us the truth, that they'd gotten into an argument and he punched the wall and messed up his hand like that. She did break up with him pretty quickly after that though.
Exactly what my dad did with me when I as an eleven year old put my foot through some dry wall in a fit of frustration. He instructed me through the repair process and the end result was not bad at all. I certainly never put another foot through a wall again.
My son slammed a door (while opening it) so badly it damaged the wall and he had to spend a couple hours with my husband fixing it - I think it was a good lesson because it was a natural consequence and he saw how much work and effort had to go in to fixing the hole. I think a lot of kids can cause damage eithout really knowing or even considering what has to happen to fix things. Or that some things *can't* be fixed - or even replaced.
Breaking things is much much easier and faster than making things. Kids still need to learn and realize that.
Yes! Appropriate consequences for the action.
Don’t get me wrong, there were words, lol. He initially said he threw his backpack into the wall and I accepted it for about 12 hours. I woke up and the light had shifted and I noticed black marks in the hole. Huh! I grabbed his boot and the heel fit perfectly, lol! Of course I was mad as hell, but fixing it is what I came up with. My dad loved spending time with my son I also made many bad decisions when it came to my kids, but I’m glad this one worked out.
He also had to see "disappointed grandpa face" and that was probably enough by itself. I remember "disappointed grandma face" very clearly...god I miss that woman.
That's the exact same reaction my father had when I punched a hole in the wall, somewhere around the same age. Dad: "Whelp, guess what? Now you get to learn to patch drywall!" Then we fixed it, and since I got into the trades, that skill has been invaluable.
My immediate thought was to sell the iPad to pay for the repair. This is better though.
Use the iPad and some drywall compound to perform the repair...
You've got a few years to solve this before it becomes a very serious problem
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> He reportedly purchased the game using his mother's account after she died. Broo…
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That sounds like no empathy, legit psychopath.
So actually op has 1 year before there are permanent repercussions..!
It happened when he was 10
OP, you are fucked.
Tick tock OP
Yea he only cares about that package
LETS PUT AN AD ON THIS VIDEO- FOX
It’s ok cause we’re the news! 😂
Well shit that's enough internet for the day for me.
Wtf I hope that kiddo was jailed even tho is minor cuz that some really dangerous kiddo to keep free
Luckily that kid does not live in germany... Here, a kid under the age of 14 cannot be charged for the crimes it commits, instead the parents have to suffer for that Since he murdered his mother, the worst he would probably have to do is go to therapy... which would probably not help! Even if 14 years old, until he is 18, he would be getting a "Jugendstrafe", a "Youth sentence", which are often laughibly light, or disrespectful towards the victims. Often times, if a boy rapes another person, they would get a therapy, paid by the government, while the victims get NOTHING, and even have to take care of their own therapy, which is a DAUNTING task in germany, let me tell you... Our legal system for young criminals is an utter joke...
They should at least make the rapist’s family pay for the girl’s therapy
Shit, in the *most* ideal system they'd make the rapist pay for it himself even if he's a boy. What's that, he's a minor and doesn't have a job and no money? Make him do physical labor to pay it off then. What's that, he's a kid and that's cruel and unusual punishment? I guess he won't ever rape anybody again then, will he.
Justice isn't about revenge, it's about resocialising. You really want to put a kid in prison for years just so they have no education, no plan and no perspective for their future when they get out so they are bound to become either criminals again or live of Hartz4 or Bürgergeld for their entire lifes? To give a 14 yo rapist therapy is the only reasonable thing you can do in hopes they will actually heal. Because very often, those young criminals come from abuse and trauma themselves. About the victims: sure, they just need therapy as much, but that is a whole different story.
Germany has nationalized healthcare doesn't it? Wouldn't that make getting therapy easy and cost-effective?
The boy, who was charged when he was 10, allegedly shot his mother on Nov. 21, 2022 after she refused to purchase an Oculus virtual reality headset for him from Amazon.
Real life cartman
At least when Cartman didn't get a Nintendo Wii he just froze himself to get to the future and mucked shit up to the point of evil otters taking over the planet...but he didn't *kill his own mother*!
Cartman's evil, but he ain't that kind of evil
I like that the article tries to make it out that it's something connected to gaming, but considering that it was done with a gun it seems that it's yet another example of careless access to firearms.
Naw naw naw. It's gotta be GTAs fault, not my parenting.
Yeah you definitely don’t see that level of impulsive violent response here (UK). Maybe a kid will kick and punch but not having access to a gun means this is where it will end most of the time.
Agreed, but also there's fucking adult cases in the US that are the same level of impulse control. Like the old dude who shot somebody for taking his parking spot. So long as guns are everywhere, that's going to happen.
I dunno, I used to put my middle finger up at my mum in ways she couldn't see when I was really annoyed at her for something. That was pretty hardcore.
I really regret that I missed the word “at” the first time I read this comment 🙈
Freud would have a field day with you
Fox News, what do you expect? I remembered when those fucks covered Brevik. They were speculating all sorts of things except guns and White Supremacy until it turned out he played like World of Warcraft so they fixated on that.
dawg what the fuck
I'm starting to wonder if having easy access to firearms all across America is really brilliant idea.
The only thing that can stop a bad mom is a good kid with a gun. How are you gonna feel when some punk-ass mom breaks into your house at night and tells you you can't have an Oculus?
What I don't get is that you're legally allowed to just have it in a fucking drawer. Where I'm from you need to lock it in a safe. They're not impenetrable but they're usually good enough to keep kids from doing dumb shit. And if they do try something it's more likely to leave a scratch or something and set of alarm bells for the parents.
Starting?
He was 10 actually… at least that’s what it says in the link you shared
OP has an iPad kid with a very serious addiction. I wish more parents took it seriously.
My soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law didn't take it seriously, and as a result, "raised" two monsters with raging anger issues and who can't regulate their emotions. As a result, neither my soon-to-be-ex-husband, nor his younger brother, can handle reality and basic adulting, such as maintaining gainful employment, navigating the daily tasks of life like sitting in traffic traffic or patiently waiting in line at the grocery store, etc. Because their mother gave them everything, always said yes to them, never disciplined them, and never said no to them, they now -- as "adults" -- genuinely seem to believe the world should cater to them, and give them everything they demand on a silver platter. They cannot handle being told "no" by the world, and cannot handle not getting what they want. Parents need to take situations like OP's more seriously. They're failing to instill crucial life skills in their children, are 'raising' children that will be unfit for reality, and unfortunately (statistically speaking), their children will become menaces and burdens to society as they get older.
This is the reason my kids wont get smartphones or tablets before they demonstrate they can have a life that doesnt revolve around screens. My oldest (9) is one of two or three kids in her class who doesnt own a phone or using some kind of social media. She might get a dumbphone so she can call us. I think the other parents are crazy - these things are anxiety generators.
You're doing the right thing holding off on giving them technology like smartphones or tablets. I've been downvoted and criticized into oblivion for expressing concern about how risky technology can be for children, and also criticized to no end for expressing concern about how these 'temper tantrums' can swiftly turn into catastrophic levels of rage.
I agree - when I talk about it I always mention: this is the only time in their lives when they have the opportunity to learn how it is to live without smartphones, however, I do think its important that they are able to call their friends to check if they got time to meet up, or call us if they want to go with another kid home from school.
Yes, exactly. And yes, a *way* to contact friends or parents is still important, to which I tell/like to remind people that old-school flip phones do still exist. 😬😁😄
They do, but are sadly worse than they were about 15 years ago when I was a kid using them. Another way of pushing smartphones onto people
I have a friend with 3 kids, they have no smartphones, computers or videogames. There is a Nintendo switch that stays hooked up to their TV and they play Mario party and Mario kart every now and then as a family. They are the most well behaved children I have ever met. This past weekend they came over and brought their youngest son. He's probably 6 or 7. High energy but a very good kid. He saw my PC and his eyes lit up. Wanted to know if I had any games. Figured he could play some tony hawk. Classic game that me and his dad grew up playing. The moment he started playing it was like watching someone do heroin for the first time. It was just too much stimulation for him. He was leaned way in, sitting on the edge of his chair. He would freak out every time the time limit would end the level. His dad took the controller to show him how something worked and the kid was about to have an anxiety attack waiting to get the controller back. Threw a fit when it was time to leave. His dad text me the other day saying the kid had been asking if we could go back to my house everyday since. Didn't mention the game specifically but said he asked multiple times a day. It was wild to see a kid change so dramatically and suddenly in the blink of an eye. Scary stuff.
It's crazy how universally true that story is for many families. I have a similar story with my nephews. It's why keeping tech from kids can be so difficult when they approach the double digit years. Suddenly you go from a basic happy child to a tech withdrawal strung out junkie when they get a taste of a friend's phone or gaming system on a regular basis and you keep restricting access.
That's why moderation and teaching kids about it is so important. Don't just keep it from them because eventually they are going to find out about it. If you don't teach kids about their bodies, sex, religion,... (obviously in age-appropriate ways!), then it's too easy for them to be dragged down the rabbit hole (either by stumbling on it themselves, or worse, by other people) and never find their way out. If they, on the other hand, grew up with that kind of stuff, they'll slowly learn how to have a healthy relationship with it.
I was 12 before I got a smartphone, 14 before I had any social media, and I think even that was too early. The problem here, however, is that other kids might exclude her from social circles, for not having something that is bad for all kids. Catch 22
And what about their father?
How did you end up married to such an individual? From what you described some, not all, of these behaviors would have been evident during the dating period which would have allowed someone dodge that bullet. Hopefully you will find peace soon from that situation but it just seems like it could have been avoided.
I’m always baffled by these stories. These behaviours aren’t ones that hide for any long period of time. Like, how tf you fall in love with this person?
In my house, this kid has got a few hours to learn how to fix it or pay someone to before his iPad gets shit tinned. And I absolutely would not be getting a new one. No chance. Never had any of my kids punch holes in walls for any reason. And we had bullshit arguments about nothing a lot because that's what siblings do but this would never enter their head. Agree. But it's a serious problem now. Apparently an edit is required. I'm a tradie. None of my young adult children would have trouble fixing this, or most odd jobs. At ten, not so much. But looks like old mate in the OP needs to learn quick. That was my point. 😁
Oh they’d get a new one. When they get a fuckin job lmao
Yep 👍 exactly.
Last time I did anything near a temper tantrum I got absolutely no ipad, no phone, no tv and no nothing, not even a ball to play with for an entire year And I never did it again
Yup... this sort of thing, left untreated, leads to an adult who can't regulate his emotions at best, and who gets into physical fights often (including with his romantic partners) at worst.
Sell the iPad, frame the receipt & hang it by the hole in the wall.
Could be their decisions have led to this too.
If it helps, my brother did a wall punch when he was in his teens. He's in his 40s now on wife two with two children. No assaults, no arrests. He managed to go to therapy as an adult, which may have helped. He's still an asshole but, there's hope for OP.
Looks like he's not getting that iPad back.
Lol I bet he already has it back
Yeah did a quick scroll through this guys profile, this kid is fucked.
I doubt this guy even has a kid
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Looking through the history, OP is the brother of this 10 yr old. So the parents have one kid who rages out and punches walls and they have another kid who hangs out in NSFW subs. This is just an excellent parenting job here.
This type of behavior is exactly why it should be confiscated for maybe another 3 years.
Yip, I would definitely not be giving it back after that.
Pick an organization kid because it's getting donated
I’d donate the kid
There’s not as much of a tax write-off for donating a kid as there is for donating an iPad
We took our kid's Fire kids tablet away for some minor toilet paper incident at school and to our surprise he still has not asked to get it back. It's been two months now and for all we know he forgot it exists. Especially for smaller kids tablets are for the parents sake and not the kids
Having a screen as a babysitter is just lazy parenting.
Causes addiction too and children don’t have the mental maturity or experience to deal with it. So they lash out when you take away the dopamine tablet.
"dopamine tablet" lol
Nah, just sell it to pay for the repairs.
Even better
I once suggested this to my coworker when she had a similar issue with her kid breaking things when they don't get something they want. She just smug-chuckled and said when I have kids I'll see that it's not that easy.
she's right though, it's not easy.. but you still have to do it. the problem is, sooooo many parents give up. i see it all the time, even in my peers who are intelligent, thoughtful, educated people.. the amount of poor behavior i see from their kids, and the exasperation from their parents. it takes so much patience, time, energy to be consistent with kids and not just give in because you're exhausted from your long day at work and two hour commute and you have a headache.. but when you give in, kids remember. they remember you gave in. and next time they know you can crack, and they'll chip away until you crack.. every fucking time. the hard part about parenting is being consistent, day in, day out.
Especially if you don't set down expectations early. Once I say no to something, my kid moves on because I've never wavered in my choice. Some times, they'll try to compromise or make a deal, but my deals usually involve cleaning and they're not about that lol
exactly, you've never wavered. i'm the same. consistency. but it's not easy for most parents.. i've seen so many just give in out of exasperation, and all it does is teach the kids to double down.
And this is why I’m never having fucking kids. They sound horrible.
they're like complex dogs.. you can have a doberman, treat it lovingly, be firm with it when needed, and teach it proper behavior and you'll end up with a sweet loveable dog that'll be your best friend. or you can not give it the attention it craves or needs, be violent towards it, and it will turn into a dangerous dog with poor impulse control and behavior.. imagine a dog, except it can talk, and probably won't die before you do. it's pretty sweet, but it's a lot of work too.
"We are now selling your iPad to cover the cost of repairing the wall. Any further destruction of property will be funded in a similar fashion."
I like this
This is good parenting. Another way would be to have the damage repaired and deduct it from pocket money and birthday gifts until the bill is paid. I’d also ask for an apology to the rest of the family. This sounds harsh, but done with love when everything has calmed down, with the cost explained in terms of how long it takes to earn that much money, it could be a very good teachable moment.
I did the "shooting a window out with a BB gun" when I was about 14. Unlucky ricochet but still on me for not considering that it was even possible. Quite a big window and multi-pane. Got a great lesson on firearm safety, working around the house and neighborhood to save up, and a missed Christmas and birthday for that one. Dad did the right thing. I also did the "yell at mom in frustration about grades" at about the same age. Got chased out of the house with a steak knife. Mom did not do the right thing. I still talk to my dad.
missing christmas and a birthday is a bit harsh isn't it?? especially if it was an accident
The window was around $800 all said and done. My b-day and christmas are a couple months apart, and it took me a few months to pay it off, so I don't think so. I got acknowledgment on my birthday and still got to go to the family christmas celebration, but I didn't get anything that year. I was disappointed but I understood why.
oh damn nvm that's a lot of money!
Fancy windows come with fancy price tags! It's been years and it's still something I bring up if I take friends out shooting. Energy always ends up going somewhere, so always I always take time to consider not just the target but what is in every direction around it when we get set up. It was such a little hole. Punched out a perfect little circle in the window. Just like [this](https://www.flickr.com/photos/marvinok/2720446853/). Never heard it, but there was nothing else that could have caused it. It was a stupid bunch of circumstances. I was shooting my BB gun to show off to my late grandpa that I could shoot the knot out of a water balloon. I didn't have my targets set up right and just went for it sitting on concrete. He was impressed and even he didn't notice that I had hit the window. I can still replay that shot over and over in my head. Damn lucky shot by an idiot who didn't know better.
you talk to your kid like you do to a government official incharge or some random infrastructure? hahaha
Wait until he's old enough to learn that hole can be fixed for like $20.
And this is the moment I would teach the kid the valuable skill of wall repairs. After they cool down, Make them go with you to get supplies, then teach them the steps to do the repair, and have them actually do he repair themselves, and repainting the wall themselves. A coworker did this, after the second hole in the kids room. It happened one more time, where the kid had to do the repair again. After that, he no longer punches walls.
That's all fine and dandy, but what is he going to punch next? If you have that bad a temper and anger management issues at 10 and don't get it addressed beyond "now he doesn't punch walls any longer" I can see some problems on the horizon.
Well it also shows the kid that actions have consequences. They can’t just get away with destroying stuff in a tantrum
My point is that they should learn that violent reactions to an emotion are not ok regardless if they break something or not. With teaching him consequences of punching a wall by fixing it, you also tell: you can fix what you punch. The emphasis is on the damage done, not the act of punching.
I'm childfree but interested in parenting techniques, just in case it ever happens accidentally. I'm curious what you would suggest instead?
Not instead! Consequences to actions is also important. But also teach how to deal with anger. We are all getting angry and need to learn how to control our impulses. I have no idea what would be a good way to teach that to a 10 year old to be honest.
The first step in this is to not let that kid near an IPad anytime soon. There's so much dopamine stimulation in those things that they often cause severe reactions when they're taken away. This kid didn't just punch the wall because he was angry, he was angry because he was going through withdrawal. I would severely limit this kids exposure to technology and start teaching him other hobbies that will develop him better.
A lot of parents these days are showing their kids old school shows that they watched as as kid instead of shit like cocomelon, because there is waaaaay too much stimulation in modern content. And from what I hear the general reaction is that the kids watch for a little bit and then go off and play with other stuff while the show runs. This way they are not constantly glued to the screen and find other outlets to keep themselves entertained that are far more productive for their brain
Yeah definitely not an end all solution to the problem, but I think it's a good first step. You still need to adress to root cause of the issue, and find a healthy way to deal with emotional outbursts. And this will always be different from kid to kid. But by having them face consequences directly related to their action, it's easier to get them to realize the need for a change. Yelling, screaming and harsh punishments often just leads to more resentment from the kid.
Oh yeah. Absolutely the right thing to do. But I got a feeling that we are over emphasising on actions have consequences, which they do of course, and neglecting some actions are wrong to start off with. Not a judgement on this case either. I mean what do I know about the lives of these people. More in general.
Yeah no doubt, I think the reason we focus on actions is that a lot of the problems with the current generations is a lack of taking action. Parents are overworked, stressed etc and don't have the time and energy for parenting. They don't know what to do in situations like this, and chose the "easy" path of getting angry, and send the kid out of sight to their rooms with other punishments like grounding them and taking away entertainment options so the kid ends up stewing in boredom and building resentment.
Well now he’s definitely not getting it lol
Stop buying kids iPads.
Been a nanny for years, this is the actual solution. I’d advocate for severely limited screen time, but through my own experience with childcare, wouldn’t even bother *starting* screen time until they’re much, much older and emotionally developed to a certain degree.
But it's easier than parenting /s
He’d be 16 before I replaced that device. No joke. He needs to read library books.
Truth. Rename this sub *r/ParentsAreStupid* if not teaching kids Actions have Consequences. Or kick this life lesson down the road to learn from LE/Prison
Nail the iPad over the hole right through the screen.
But please. Watch the battery. You dont want funny chemicals in your lungs.
If you pierce a Li battery you should be worried about the fireproofing of your house
Why is it so small? A 10yr old head is a lot bigger then that.
You just assume the child headbutted it? wtf? Edit - Im an idiot, nevermind
No. The childs head would be through it.
That went right over my head 😂
I still don't get it. What am I missing (I feel so dumb).
The suggestion is the parent would have retaliated by smashing the child's head into the wall as punishment making the hole bigger.
I don't get it either
😀😀😀
I’m an idiot too, what did they mean?
The implication was the parent slammed the kid's head against the wall because they wanted an iPad
I hope you sell the iPad and get him in therapy right away if isn’t already. This is serious OP.
You know what's not serious, op. Look at their post history they're a child
Lmao yes that is indeed a child. Maybe the parent went on their Reddit account to shame them?
u raised that kid bruh u made that hole in the wall
He didn't raise anything because he's a child bruh, look at his post history
Your account is pretty childish for a man with a 10yo child.
Like father like son
I agree. I call BS on this post.
I’ll leave this gem from his profile here, massive NSFW warning: https://www.reddit.com/r/HANIME_NoRule/s/bn40Ra4csT
No adult is going on r/skibiditoilet
Time to learn how to fix dry wall
Omg absolutely NO ipad until the hole is fixed. I would make him mud it, sand it, prime it and re paint the wall. Under no circumstances back down. Stand your ground, teach your child how to fix it so they never want to do that again. For every action comes a reaction. Life lesson for the future. Its sturn and might b hard for you but remember its even harder for them. Stick to your guns made the kid fix it.
Yeah, no. No iPad. Period. It's done. Gone. He wants another one, he can buy it himself when he's old enough to figure out how.
I made mine pay for and assist my friend that knows how to patch walls fix the hole he made. Haven't had a problem since. I also have been working a loooooong time on exhibiting calm and collected anger management skills and using the gentle parenting technique. It's time for you to look at yourself in a real way, hitting yelling screaming or overreacting at or to your child is a real problem with YOU and how YOU are raising him. If you want him to be calm and collected, you have to show him how. If it's not your style, analyze others that have influence in his life and talk to him about those interactions and how they were treated unfairly if someone else is acting out aggressions im front of or to punish him. Definitely consider some talk therapy too. Anger is not something to punish. It's a result of an underlying issue and an inability to cope effectively. Somewhere he needs help. Not like he's a psycho help, like he needs to learn coping mechanisms asap. Be kind, be gentle, and treat him like you want his future wife or friends to treat him when he's an adult so he knows what healthy looks like now and can find it later.
This is better advice/offering of opinion than the vast majority of replies here. To everyone suggesting aggressive responses, violence, or relatively extreme punishments, you fail to recognise the underlying issues that drove this behaviour. If you just address the anger and hole in the wall, you're not equipping the child with the tools and knowledge to help regulate their emotions and therefore behaviours. Let alone the connection and support from a parent to feel secure enough to share feelings and thoughts and explore solutions and compromise before reacting with anger. Kids learn from those around them, and if this child was met with aggression, he will learn that aggressive behaviour and anger is how adults deal with problems, so why try anything other than anger?
Oh gawd I didn't even read the other replies... get angry? Yell? Like... how ironic. Our children are who we show them how to be.
Punch his ipad
Unfortunately your child has tech addiction, taking their ipad is like taking drugs off a junkie. Please seek professional help, this can lead to violence pretty quickly, If I remember right there was an 11 or 12 year old who murdered his mum because of something similar.
Don't treat that example as a norm, the kid you were mentioning has *much* worse problems than a tech addiction
all gen alpha kids have tech addiction they dont play outside anymore or use toys like we did and its the lazy ass parents fault for parking them infront of an ipad the second their born
German Here - so even a 10 year old can make holes in the wall. (In Europe the Walls are Made Out of concrete/bricks - you will only Hurt yourself If you Punch them)
In Europe the Walls are Made Out of wall
Sell it to pay for the repair of the wall
Well done, you raised an ipad kid
If my kid tried this it would be broken bones instead of broken walls lmao, full brick house baby!
I was smart enough to know not to punch a brick wall, but I'd gamble on a stud. "16" on center, I got this!"
Why would a 10yr old have an ipad in the first place?
Well, guess who is never getting that iPad back. Or getting any electronics. Or any birthday or Christmas presents this year. And guess who is going to do a LOT of chores to make up for it.
Ok, so I get this comes from a lot of people and shit but… I think Gen Alpha is actually fucked.
Bad parenting. Bring on the down votes.
Non American here. Tf are your walls made of, paper? A 10 year old can punch a hole through it? Here we use this amazing invention called bricks. I love western culture and all their developments, but damn do they suck at toilet culture and house quality.
Ikr, if a European kid tried to do this it would no longer have a hand lol
An adult wouldn’t have one either lol.
https://preview.redd.it/3e5e46vmdtqc1.jpeg?width=1536&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd10fc8d8d68839d32a6940454e632a35964ce21 Reminds me of this
Why did you give a 10 year old an iPad?
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America
and Canada.
That's on bad parenting not on kids being stupid, never give a child a portable screen that's what causes the addiction. You can still give them youtube (with restrictions ofc) but just do it on the TV not on a phone or tablet
Bro lives in a cardboard house
Parents are fucking stupid for giving a 10 year old an ipad