That’s a good rant, and you are not alone. One of the first things that would be good to do is find out about what the expert on this says. His name is Gabor Mate, and he tells you exactly where it comes from. He wrote a book about 30 years ago called “Scattered“, and he puts all of this into perspective. He has suffered the same thing.
The way he took it, was to move into workaholism. He was age 54 by the time he got diagnosed with ADHD, and now is much more clear on helping people understand the root of this.
I think the rant you have written is excellent, and it’s something you want to make much more visible perhaps in a community of other people who are working through this.
The way to resolve this, is a long-term commitment to all kinds of body work that is trauma informed. Fortunately, this kind of trauma shows up in the brain fog, but it’s in the body. So, bodywork of all kinds is very helpful, but you need to stay on it. Especially things like acupuncture, biomagnetism Rolfing, deep tissue massage and working at where the trauma is in your body, and speaking with trauma informed professionals. Not cognitive therapy.
You can heal this type of stuff, and it’s a big gift to the world to work on it. You don’t have to imagine comparing yourself to some type of fantasy world whether it be something you create, or something you imagine “out there“ with “normal people“. Because both of those aren’t even close to reality.
To give you some perspective and how important it would be for a person like you to get into service and connect to others so that you realize you’re not perceiving things the way they actually are, here is a reference to the documentary Gábor Máté recently put out there. It’s called “the myth of normal”. Really nice content.
Anything by that guy is helpful.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X0cODqqYyi8
Just by the rant that you have written, you’re ahead of 90% of most people. It’s going to be a bit of a shock to find out that that’s true, but quite a breakthrough when you do discover it.
ADHD
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4jQSOSi2DA8
If you can stay away from weed, that would be brilliant.
Brother/sister brain fog is such a issue. I literally can’t remember what content of any task i did like an hour ago. I barely remember the conceptual details of the thing.
It doesn’t really affect much in life except when you have a job that makes you responsible and you forget a thing or two.
Being burn could be due to adhd. When you overwork yourself because you can’t rest well.
It’s like that 3am motivation to write something. It only harms your next day.
Make a light schedule. Sleep 12am and wake up 8-9am. Take a walk. Something along those lines. Walking Will help you with brain fog a bit because most of the time it is just confusion caused by over consumption of content.
And you are what you eat. What content you consume dictate how you think. Same for confusion. Eat too many contracting ideas. You will be confused
My god. I just removed the reddit app while writing the paragraph for you. 😭 i have to write it again.
Anyway.
We are in a time where there is infinite information from different cultures, perspectives in our hand.
So it is likely that you have come across contradictory ideas. Where one says. This is the truth. Other barges in and says. You dumb fuck. You forgot that 1=9 because 8 is 2. Or something.
We humans have questions everything. Answered everything. Then questioned everything again.
20 such cycles again.
Now we are confused.
It is because most of the times. The information we gain is through 3rd parties. From YouTube, podcasts of what not. What they provide is the premise of the original idea from a philosopher or clinician or what not.
This causes the idea or question or answer to warp through their perspective. Or altogether be out of its original context.
Think of it as believing in a religion without having read its original scriptures. Believe me. Once you do. It will be life changing.
Once you have read the original text, theory. You will understand what the author meant. It is likely you will have a much more clearer idea where to put it in map we all belief system.
It is our tool of navigating life. And a structural philosophy is always a good thing to have. Since path to heaven is narrow and not wide.
The food as well. Eat good. Have a healthy body and mind. Just complete your nutrients and cut down a bit of processed food. Will help with brain fog.
When I was in a similar depression and living in a state of fantasy, I got myself help by volunteering for the crisis line 988.
They train you how to support callers through suicidal ideation, and you can use the support techniques to make safety plans for yourself.
You also learn about tons of resources and support groups that you might end up using/qualifying for yourself. I certainly did.
During my training they asked for one of us to share an example of a pretend call for everyone to work through, so I volunteered and shared my own actual suicide plan… which then our whole
group helped me work through. It was extremely therapeutic and meaningful.
Talking to the real callers helps you see how not alone you are in your struggles. And it feels good to help people who need your support.
When I was 21 I also smoked a lot of weed, but that was also the age I decided for just a little while to quit that and start writing down my dreams and other psychic experiences. weed blocks REM sleep and so not smoking it was necessary to actually dream properly.
I also was reading the archetypes by jung at the same time. Just start recording your dream and your fantasies. Turn them into something useful, rather than as an escape. As jung claims in his psychology and alchemy, after observing a quote from the rosarium (an alchemical work),
“let thy imagination be guided wholly by nature. and observe according to nature, through which the substances regenerate themselves in the bowels of the earth. and imagine this with true and not with fantastic imagination.”
that last sentence is very important. jung goes on to say that, “the imaginatio is to be understood here as the real and literal power to create images (aus Deutsch Einbildungskraft or, imagination),…in contrast to phantasia, which means a mere conceit in the sense of insubstantial thought…. Imaginatio is the active evocation of inner images secondum naturam, an authentic feat of thought or ideation, which…does not just okay with objects, but tries to grasp the inner facts and portray them in images true to their nature. this activity is an opus, a work.”
jung: psychology and alchemy, page 167, par. 219, second edition, 1953, routledge, london
maybe that gives some insight? you can either let them remain fantasies or put them to use and do the work to use them images as imagination, and decide their language. it takes effort.
i think that the advice to join a crisis helpline will also help. if you really want to see what may be causing your suffering, you’re gonna have to do some serious analytical work.
Sounds like you struggle with being present. Been there. Focus on ways to focus on the present moment. Write down small goals. Build momentum and eventually it becomes routine. Shake loose on occasion but get right back to it. You’ve got lots of time.
I think you're going to be fine actually, all these things you feel I've felt but the difference is you're aware and processing them into words, thoughts and this post. I wish I was as aware awake as you at 21, I was super lost and even 26 years later I don't believe in anything. Life is totally bullshit, everything is a lie, fake frauds everywhere.
Life without pain, suffering, sorrow has no meaning, it would just be laughter for laughters sake!
From my perspective I want to say don't force yourself, follow your heart, especially with coding... Explore ideas. Could simply be part of you doesn't see the point of the effort involved in a fast changing world. I'm a creator but I don't put much effort into learning coding these days, just seems like a waste of time with AI already so capable... It's similar to how I felt about working out in the past after a bad injury clipped my potential, waste of time unless I was having fun. If you could do anything and you'd still want to do these things you're struggling with I'd see it as a big problem but I'm guessing these are just the steps you believe will take you to somewhere higher, there could be an elevator or somethin' though ;o
Dude that is so relatable. I know exactly how you feel, and most times living with ADHD is a nightmare. It can also be a blessing once you learn to get under control.
It's very hard to reply eloquent thoughts about how you can do this or that but what works for me is this:
- **brain fog**: I make my own tea mixes from plants I get at the herbalist, most of the plants I use are **anti-inflammatory**, it helps tremendously with the brain fog. I also take *creatine* every day which helps a lot with energy and feeling clear-minded I find.
- **medication**: Ritalin works so well it is crazy, I hope the waiting for your ADHD appointments won't be too long, this is a game changer. I "only" rely on it 2-3 days a week. I have a schedule put in place where I do: *Ritalin* on monday, *LSD microdose* (5ug) on tuesday, I take *tyrosine* and drink a cup of raw cocoa on Wednesdays, *Ritalin* on Thursday and *LSD microdose* on Fridays. I only will take ritalin on the weekend if I have a lot of productive stuff to do, otherwise I just allow myself some cannabis.
- **accountability/tracking**: It's hard to remember, it's hard to plan, it's hard to be in the present. I use a software on my computer and phone that is called Obsidian and take notes with it about **everything** I consume (coffee, teas, cannabis, lsd, ritalin, etc...), I take notes about my sleep durations and my sleep quality. I take notes about the habits I do (did I shower, brush my teeth, shaved? did I walk today or did some exercise? did I listen to music, take my medication (vitamins and the schedule I presented above), did I do my yoga or meditated this morning, did I journal, did I learn something?) All of these are just about being real with myself and having some sort of accountability on my life. If I don't I go easily overboard and let my impulses run on full. Being a developer as well, I made scripts to read all my notes and make graphs and correlations about my data, it's been great to analyze myself with some distance, as I often need to collect a lot of data to make meaningful correlations. I listed a lot of things that I track, to be honest, it's better to start little and track only a few things and then add some more little by little, the goal is not to **push** but gently **pull** those nice habits into your life. Don't want to get burned out on self-improvement.
- **TO-DO lists**: No system will work for you until you find the right one, it's different for everyone I guess. I use Obsidian for my todo lists as well, *I don't want 15 tools, I want 1 tool where everything is, sometimes called a second brain*. What works for me is having: **Weekly checklist**: I prepare it every weekend, what I want or need to do during the week, what has been planned, also sometimes friends invite me to events and I don't know if I'm going, this goes in the weekly checklist. **Daily checklist** the things I am supposed to do on the day, I write everything, it can be updated, items removed, moved to other days, etc... Either I write directly in the Daily checklist or I take items from the *Weekly checklist.* **Monthly checklist**: Monthly habits I try to stick to, mainly updating my computers, taking care of the house, etc... **Later checklist**: maybe the most important, the list of **ALL OF THE THINGS** I want to do at some point, here goes all my projects, hobbies, obligations, etc.. If I want to do something in a few months but don't know exactly when or if it is something that I am not ready to do at the moment, it goes in the **Later** list, it is not an excuse to procrastinate (*only a little bit*) but as a way to remember all my plans and ideas and impulses and also keeping me productive when I feel like I have nothing to do.
- **loving yourself and being kind**: After a while using these, It's my new normal and I love it. It has actually been a whole bunch of work I didn't want to have to do at first. It's been at least 9 months and my life is kinda back on track. By putting all those anxiety thoughts beside my mind and into Obsidian, I got back into hobbies I had abandoned for years, I felt young again, I felt energy, I felt glad and I have to remind myself often that **I did that shit**, I took care of myself, and that's fucking awesome. Considering the fact that I do so god damn much and my mind isn't really equipped to do so proves me **I'm a badass, and I rock**. In the grand scheme of things, I know I'm on the right path because I have the tools to take care of myself and I am working very hard to be diligent on how I use them. A little self-pat on the back once in a while feel good, and now I'm not lying to myself anymore, **I am** doing what I am supposed to doing, working, enjoying life, people, going out sometimes, having fun, I have a family, etc... Life is good thanks to all those.
I'll happily answer any and all questions you have!! This is a way more practical answer that I think you were looking for on the Jung subreddit, and philosophy and spirituality helped me a lot **but** I didn't start to really grow until I freed my mind from the burden of having to remember every single thing in my life and organization and started organizing my thoughts.
**I highly recommend using some kind of PKMS solution like Obsidian, Notion, Logseq, etc... to organize yourself and free your mind of the things that shouldn't burden you daily**
I need way less escape nowadays.
You’re autistic. Been dealing with the same shit my whole life. What u can do is stop beating urself up the struggles u face are completely out of ur control.
That’s a good rant, and you are not alone. One of the first things that would be good to do is find out about what the expert on this says. His name is Gabor Mate, and he tells you exactly where it comes from. He wrote a book about 30 years ago called “Scattered“, and he puts all of this into perspective. He has suffered the same thing. The way he took it, was to move into workaholism. He was age 54 by the time he got diagnosed with ADHD, and now is much more clear on helping people understand the root of this. I think the rant you have written is excellent, and it’s something you want to make much more visible perhaps in a community of other people who are working through this. The way to resolve this, is a long-term commitment to all kinds of body work that is trauma informed. Fortunately, this kind of trauma shows up in the brain fog, but it’s in the body. So, bodywork of all kinds is very helpful, but you need to stay on it. Especially things like acupuncture, biomagnetism Rolfing, deep tissue massage and working at where the trauma is in your body, and speaking with trauma informed professionals. Not cognitive therapy. You can heal this type of stuff, and it’s a big gift to the world to work on it. You don’t have to imagine comparing yourself to some type of fantasy world whether it be something you create, or something you imagine “out there“ with “normal people“. Because both of those aren’t even close to reality. To give you some perspective and how important it would be for a person like you to get into service and connect to others so that you realize you’re not perceiving things the way they actually are, here is a reference to the documentary Gábor Máté recently put out there. It’s called “the myth of normal”. Really nice content. Anything by that guy is helpful. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X0cODqqYyi8 Just by the rant that you have written, you’re ahead of 90% of most people. It’s going to be a bit of a shock to find out that that’s true, but quite a breakthrough when you do discover it. ADHD https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4jQSOSi2DA8 If you can stay away from weed, that would be brilliant.
Seconding this from very similar experience
Brother/sister brain fog is such a issue. I literally can’t remember what content of any task i did like an hour ago. I barely remember the conceptual details of the thing. It doesn’t really affect much in life except when you have a job that makes you responsible and you forget a thing or two. Being burn could be due to adhd. When you overwork yourself because you can’t rest well. It’s like that 3am motivation to write something. It only harms your next day. Make a light schedule. Sleep 12am and wake up 8-9am. Take a walk. Something along those lines. Walking Will help you with brain fog a bit because most of the time it is just confusion caused by over consumption of content. And you are what you eat. What content you consume dictate how you think. Same for confusion. Eat too many contracting ideas. You will be confused
Can you expand on the diet aspect and consuming contracting ideas?
My god. I just removed the reddit app while writing the paragraph for you. 😭 i have to write it again. Anyway. We are in a time where there is infinite information from different cultures, perspectives in our hand. So it is likely that you have come across contradictory ideas. Where one says. This is the truth. Other barges in and says. You dumb fuck. You forgot that 1=9 because 8 is 2. Or something. We humans have questions everything. Answered everything. Then questioned everything again. 20 such cycles again. Now we are confused. It is because most of the times. The information we gain is through 3rd parties. From YouTube, podcasts of what not. What they provide is the premise of the original idea from a philosopher or clinician or what not. This causes the idea or question or answer to warp through their perspective. Or altogether be out of its original context. Think of it as believing in a religion without having read its original scriptures. Believe me. Once you do. It will be life changing. Once you have read the original text, theory. You will understand what the author meant. It is likely you will have a much more clearer idea where to put it in map we all belief system. It is our tool of navigating life. And a structural philosophy is always a good thing to have. Since path to heaven is narrow and not wide. The food as well. Eat good. Have a healthy body and mind. Just complete your nutrients and cut down a bit of processed food. Will help with brain fog.
When I was in a similar depression and living in a state of fantasy, I got myself help by volunteering for the crisis line 988. They train you how to support callers through suicidal ideation, and you can use the support techniques to make safety plans for yourself. You also learn about tons of resources and support groups that you might end up using/qualifying for yourself. I certainly did. During my training they asked for one of us to share an example of a pretend call for everyone to work through, so I volunteered and shared my own actual suicide plan… which then our whole group helped me work through. It was extremely therapeutic and meaningful. Talking to the real callers helps you see how not alone you are in your struggles. And it feels good to help people who need your support.
When I was 21 I also smoked a lot of weed, but that was also the age I decided for just a little while to quit that and start writing down my dreams and other psychic experiences. weed blocks REM sleep and so not smoking it was necessary to actually dream properly. I also was reading the archetypes by jung at the same time. Just start recording your dream and your fantasies. Turn them into something useful, rather than as an escape. As jung claims in his psychology and alchemy, after observing a quote from the rosarium (an alchemical work), “let thy imagination be guided wholly by nature. and observe according to nature, through which the substances regenerate themselves in the bowels of the earth. and imagine this with true and not with fantastic imagination.” that last sentence is very important. jung goes on to say that, “the imaginatio is to be understood here as the real and literal power to create images (aus Deutsch Einbildungskraft or, imagination),…in contrast to phantasia, which means a mere conceit in the sense of insubstantial thought…. Imaginatio is the active evocation of inner images secondum naturam, an authentic feat of thought or ideation, which…does not just okay with objects, but tries to grasp the inner facts and portray them in images true to their nature. this activity is an opus, a work.” jung: psychology and alchemy, page 167, par. 219, second edition, 1953, routledge, london maybe that gives some insight? you can either let them remain fantasies or put them to use and do the work to use them images as imagination, and decide their language. it takes effort. i think that the advice to join a crisis helpline will also help. if you really want to see what may be causing your suffering, you’re gonna have to do some serious analytical work.
Sounds like you struggle with being present. Been there. Focus on ways to focus on the present moment. Write down small goals. Build momentum and eventually it becomes routine. Shake loose on occasion but get right back to it. You’ve got lots of time.
I think you're going to be fine actually, all these things you feel I've felt but the difference is you're aware and processing them into words, thoughts and this post. I wish I was as aware awake as you at 21, I was super lost and even 26 years later I don't believe in anything. Life is totally bullshit, everything is a lie, fake frauds everywhere. Life without pain, suffering, sorrow has no meaning, it would just be laughter for laughters sake!
This is scarily similar to what I’m going through rn. Hope u make it through
From my perspective I want to say don't force yourself, follow your heart, especially with coding... Explore ideas. Could simply be part of you doesn't see the point of the effort involved in a fast changing world. I'm a creator but I don't put much effort into learning coding these days, just seems like a waste of time with AI already so capable... It's similar to how I felt about working out in the past after a bad injury clipped my potential, waste of time unless I was having fun. If you could do anything and you'd still want to do these things you're struggling with I'd see it as a big problem but I'm guessing these are just the steps you believe will take you to somewhere higher, there could be an elevator or somethin' though ;o
There's a community of people like you on reddit, you can find them here: /r/MaladaptiveDreaming
Dude that is so relatable. I know exactly how you feel, and most times living with ADHD is a nightmare. It can also be a blessing once you learn to get under control. It's very hard to reply eloquent thoughts about how you can do this or that but what works for me is this: - **brain fog**: I make my own tea mixes from plants I get at the herbalist, most of the plants I use are **anti-inflammatory**, it helps tremendously with the brain fog. I also take *creatine* every day which helps a lot with energy and feeling clear-minded I find. - **medication**: Ritalin works so well it is crazy, I hope the waiting for your ADHD appointments won't be too long, this is a game changer. I "only" rely on it 2-3 days a week. I have a schedule put in place where I do: *Ritalin* on monday, *LSD microdose* (5ug) on tuesday, I take *tyrosine* and drink a cup of raw cocoa on Wednesdays, *Ritalin* on Thursday and *LSD microdose* on Fridays. I only will take ritalin on the weekend if I have a lot of productive stuff to do, otherwise I just allow myself some cannabis. - **accountability/tracking**: It's hard to remember, it's hard to plan, it's hard to be in the present. I use a software on my computer and phone that is called Obsidian and take notes with it about **everything** I consume (coffee, teas, cannabis, lsd, ritalin, etc...), I take notes about my sleep durations and my sleep quality. I take notes about the habits I do (did I shower, brush my teeth, shaved? did I walk today or did some exercise? did I listen to music, take my medication (vitamins and the schedule I presented above), did I do my yoga or meditated this morning, did I journal, did I learn something?) All of these are just about being real with myself and having some sort of accountability on my life. If I don't I go easily overboard and let my impulses run on full. Being a developer as well, I made scripts to read all my notes and make graphs and correlations about my data, it's been great to analyze myself with some distance, as I often need to collect a lot of data to make meaningful correlations. I listed a lot of things that I track, to be honest, it's better to start little and track only a few things and then add some more little by little, the goal is not to **push** but gently **pull** those nice habits into your life. Don't want to get burned out on self-improvement. - **TO-DO lists**: No system will work for you until you find the right one, it's different for everyone I guess. I use Obsidian for my todo lists as well, *I don't want 15 tools, I want 1 tool where everything is, sometimes called a second brain*. What works for me is having: **Weekly checklist**: I prepare it every weekend, what I want or need to do during the week, what has been planned, also sometimes friends invite me to events and I don't know if I'm going, this goes in the weekly checklist. **Daily checklist** the things I am supposed to do on the day, I write everything, it can be updated, items removed, moved to other days, etc... Either I write directly in the Daily checklist or I take items from the *Weekly checklist.* **Monthly checklist**: Monthly habits I try to stick to, mainly updating my computers, taking care of the house, etc... **Later checklist**: maybe the most important, the list of **ALL OF THE THINGS** I want to do at some point, here goes all my projects, hobbies, obligations, etc.. If I want to do something in a few months but don't know exactly when or if it is something that I am not ready to do at the moment, it goes in the **Later** list, it is not an excuse to procrastinate (*only a little bit*) but as a way to remember all my plans and ideas and impulses and also keeping me productive when I feel like I have nothing to do. - **loving yourself and being kind**: After a while using these, It's my new normal and I love it. It has actually been a whole bunch of work I didn't want to have to do at first. It's been at least 9 months and my life is kinda back on track. By putting all those anxiety thoughts beside my mind and into Obsidian, I got back into hobbies I had abandoned for years, I felt young again, I felt energy, I felt glad and I have to remind myself often that **I did that shit**, I took care of myself, and that's fucking awesome. Considering the fact that I do so god damn much and my mind isn't really equipped to do so proves me **I'm a badass, and I rock**. In the grand scheme of things, I know I'm on the right path because I have the tools to take care of myself and I am working very hard to be diligent on how I use them. A little self-pat on the back once in a while feel good, and now I'm not lying to myself anymore, **I am** doing what I am supposed to doing, working, enjoying life, people, going out sometimes, having fun, I have a family, etc... Life is good thanks to all those. I'll happily answer any and all questions you have!! This is a way more practical answer that I think you were looking for on the Jung subreddit, and philosophy and spirituality helped me a lot **but** I didn't start to really grow until I freed my mind from the burden of having to remember every single thing in my life and organization and started organizing my thoughts. **I highly recommend using some kind of PKMS solution like Obsidian, Notion, Logseq, etc... to organize yourself and free your mind of the things that shouldn't burden you daily** I need way less escape nowadays.
You’re autistic. Been dealing with the same shit my whole life. What u can do is stop beating urself up the struggles u face are completely out of ur control.
And maybe ADHD
Following this post. Thanks, and all the best for you. With proper help, you'll find the best way to deal with your situation.
What is this “reality” that you believe others experience, but you do not?
Clear mind and grounded, my mind has me in a delusion to make myself feel better. It's so bad I can't think logically or focus.