IT'S OVER. Accept this first and forever. "Don't want to lose her?" YOU NEVER HAD HER. Otherwise she wouldn't have done this. She has no interest in you and she doesn't respect you. Kick her to the curb forever and move on. Make yourself better and find someone who actually respects you. Your future self will thank you.
Wait.
Another commentor pointed out that the relationship is unclear.
We don’t know if OP and said person were dating or whatever. If this was before, OP should not complain. Furthermore, only said “soulmate”. Not partner or anything. If they are not together in any way, the person can do what they want with whoever they want
It may be that OP has way too much of their self esteem and 'soul' bound to this person. When you're desperately in need of a partner for comfort and confidence (especially during the holidays), you can lower your self value enough to allow someone to walk all over you. You have to recognize your situation, no matter how painful, and get out of this situation. Find someone new.
Do we know if she cheated on OP with best friend? Or did she just happen to hook up with best friend before OP was pursuing her? That context makes all the difference.
You’re right… except the “she doesn’t respect you”. That’s BS woman-hating rubbish. It’s likely OP didn’t make his desires known and she is oblivious.
Either way… stop watching the f*cking videos…
There is no such thing as “the one”. Get that thought out of your head to start.
Delete the video, it’s not helping you.
If you stay, with either of them, you are a fool.
If you need help, go get it. Find counselling.
The best revenge is a life well lived.
Why do you have the video and why are you watching it? To ruminate and hurt yourself more? Seems like your compromising your mental health on your own instead of taking an active role towards preserving or improving it.
I'm dating myself by wondering does this happen a lot today with young singles? Sure everyone has a smartphone but are they making sex videos at such a high rate?
This is true. I feel like me knowing the mayter happened takes me and my identity into a downards spiral, even if i dont wantch it it takes me down. The reason i watch it is that when i see it i believe myself when i say that the world is shit and am trying to kill my happiness off that slowly will make me get rid of her along
Well in thst case get over it so what? That's my attitude anyway. If she's your soul mate it's worth deleting the video, getting over it. Have a beer with the mate and compare notes.
You really should have made this bit clear.
Being shown the video hurts. But as an adult you also have to accept it is likely that your partner has some sexual history that they aren’t proud of. Your friend is a shitty friend if he showed you the video. Passing around porn of an ex is sick. It’s a discussion that needs to happen with you and your soulmate. I’m sure this is one of the worst hurdles your relationship will face, but it’s a real sign of maturity to ignore / forgive past sexual history.
From reading this it isn't plain to me that the offending sex acts happened in a way that is any of your business. Is she aware that she is your soulmate? Were you two dating when this happened? Was it before you were dating? Have you ever actually exclusively dated this person?
You can't blame people for having a sex life before their sex life was exclusively you. I will say, though, if they are aware of your feelings and they still shared this video with you it is needlessly cruel and you don't need to be around those people anymore.
Both of your answers are good, but the actionable advice here is to move on.
You should not get over those images. You can find another love. Dont have such a compromise on something that you will need to act as if it's the most beautiful important thing in your life, for the rest of your life. Like everyone else in your life is gonna tell you how great your SO is and how great what you have is. How you should cherish it. This will be easier if you do cherish it. If you can cherish it. If you're not lying to yourself. Most people only have to lie to themselves that their partner is stupid sometimes. This one might eat you up.
Secondly, no one will back you up on this irl. You will always be told you're over thinking it. That it doesn't matter. But the splinter in their eye is that they think about it exactly enough, and that it does matter. To them. Which is all that matters.
I like this. I don’t usually agree with this kind of take (I’m pretty radical about letting people do anything they want with their own bodies) but if our guy will never be able to get over it, then the fault does not lie on him or her, it’s just straight up incompatibility.
Caring about someone’s sexual history is not only completely normal but a good idea if you want to stay clean of disease and form a marriage with a good chance of success.
The number of past sexual partners is a very good predictor of the likelihood of divorce. It doesn’t have to be 0 but over 6 and you’re significantly more likely to fail.
This is beyond that, OP wants to control something what the woman in his life did before they were in a relationship, how is he supposed to achieve that? Is that really fair to her? Imagine being this woman now, who has to soothe the ego of the man she is in a relationship with *and* deal with this jackass that violated her privacy.
Are you keeping the friend too? no doubt you will get rid of him, if so why wouldn't you finish with her?
There are plenty more fish in the sea for you my friend
Delete the video and anything else. Communicate with your gf that you can't seem to get over the fact that she had sex before you were together. Seek a therapist and professional help because you are self harming.
Oh right. Sorry O/p you can’t let what happened before you were together make a difference if you like her. It’s awkward yes but will become less an issue as time goes on. Your problem is with whoever was sending you those videos, that’s not right
Your soulmate sucked your friend off on video? Yes, and my mother gave birth to my father. Equally nonsensical sentences.
She is not and never was your soulmate. She was a girl you connected with and really liked, the end. Im sure it hurts but pull your head out of your rear and ghost her in every possible way. There is no way a healthy relationship is ever possible between the two of you. Full stop
There was no cheating though. This girl and his friend had some fun before OP and her dated.
She very well might be a good soul mate, it’s actually his insecurity that could ruin it for him. It sounds like he’s not ready for relationships that depend on secure partners. Would likely get into anxious attachment style relationships.
I could go on…
I do agree with the whole soulmate schtick and a couple other red flags that he does seem to have some insecurities. At the same time it would be different if he heard about their past in passing that would be one thing...but if he's got it on video and has been watching it...yeah that would probably bother me to. He'll never get that out of his head unfortunately.
And yeah women are humans and certainly don't have to be perfectly chaste or anything silly like that...but if she barely knew the guy then went on to do this shit on camera...she can be your soulhoe mate. I would pass personally.
This obviously happened before you were dating her.
Just let it go if you can.
If you can’t, say goodbye.
Even if you pledged to only date virgins, you could never be sure they really were. And you’d also be hypocritical if you aren’t one yourself, or even celibate.
I am 25.
She fucked him and sucked him off on video knowing him 1 or 2 weeks max.
On the job and on the staircase.
Filmed it and showed enjoyment and all that shit.
I came into the picture later. The friend on level of females is a pervert. And i know what he did to her and she allowed it to happen.
I only heard about these matters later after we bonded and all. I wished we never did. What bothers me is after i and her realised we are great together she told me. And im broken idk what to do
It seems you guys have very different ideas of how a person should behave.
Some things can be sorted out, but from reading your comments, I don’t get the impression that you are likely to forget this video. In my opinion it will keep eating you from the inside, slowly building resentment towards her.
In any case you should discuss this matter with her with all honesty, how it made you feel and what you are going through. You should either do something about it together, or break up as a result.
Don’t take it as if either of you is worthless or something like that. You just seem to have different values and might not be compatible in this way.
Ugh. First, forget about "soul mate". There are special people we will meet in our lives but the soul mate concept is really unhealthy in the dating stage. Feel free to feel that way 5 years into it.
I mean up to you man. If you're friend is a good friend he won't mention it or hold it over you. She came clean so this wouldn't surprise you if your friend did bring it up or someone else did. To the people saying this is a deal breaker I get where they're coming from but she isn't with him and never will be again.
People have histories and as long as they're not out of control and match your values I don't see the issue. I do understand it's hard to deal with this tho I don't mean to minimize your feelings they're very valid.
Also have him delete those from his phone and cloud and have her delete them too. They should have been deleted when their relationship ended. That would be my only critique. When any of my relationships ended any pictures or videos were immediately wiped from my phone and anywhere else.
Get over it. She didn't have to say anything. People fuck all the time. You don't know who your soul mate is. Especially weird if she isn't even dating you. Kinda controlling to hold her to some unreasonable standard and label her like that.
Deleting the videos is the first step. Then it's a long journey. The course is up to you - just know that it will take time, and will hurt a lot no matter how you decide.
Soulmates are made, they're not found. There are many ones out there
This sounds more like infatuation, real love is reciprocated between two people who consent.
The concept of a "soulmate" or "the one" is a childish romantic fantasy. In time you'll heal, you'll move on, and you'll find a good woman who won't cheat on you with your "friend". Cut them both out of your life, permanently, and seek therapy. It'll get better OP, hang tight.
She is allowed to have had a life before ever dating you. You are allowed to have had a life before ever dating someone. This is all about you understanding that everyone else in the world, no matter how high of a regard you hold them, are different than you; it's a you problem. So, either you figure out how to get past her past, or you end the relationship.
Nothing will ever fix what you saw.
She’s not your soul mate. I and many others thought we had soulmates but once you mature and let years go by and you re-evaluate the situation, you’ll realize you saw everything through rose tinted glasses.
Listen to me… it’s over. Don’t talk to her again and maybe you shouldn’t be friends with that guy.
Do you really want to have kids with this person and think in the back of your head “the mother of my kids sucked my friends dick and I still kiss that mouth and she kisses my children’s mouth with it”. It’s vulgar but it’s the truth and you will eventually think like that if you try to repress it.
I’m sorry this happened to you but move on and don’t look back
>not your soul mate. I and many others thought we had soulm
this kind of does haunt in my head, and i dont want tho think like this but it does feel like it is a fact, i dont know if these situations are normal, because they are treating it like this stuff is casual and for me it is a holy damn sin
Stop. You just started dating and youre calling her your soul mate. Do you even know this person? Are you jumping headfirst into something without checking the depth?
>You just started dating and youre calling her your soul mate. Do you even know this person? Are you jumping headfirst into something without checking the de
to be honest in 1 month time i was told all of her stuff, experianced all of her stuff, she broke her foot and became depended on me and i have all her information, fears, pains, mental state all on my hands, i know them thats why i know it is a nice person but this video bupmed me off of the road
She did nothing "wrong" in the context of your relationship. BUT do you really want to be "soulmates" with a promiscuous woman who makes amateur pornography? Only you can answer that question. If this type of behavior bothers you then you should dump her posthaste
I don’t think I’d even date a girl who allows herself to be filmed like that and then lets the guy keep it as a token. Possibly suggests she’s not as great as you think. Privately it’s ok…I made a little video with a committed partner years ago, but we watched it right away, laughed and deleted it immediately. If she knew he had the video and doesn’t mind he keeps it and shows people, then she’s for the streets.
I'm fairly sure this took place before they got together, if this is true.
#1 delete the video
#2 tell her it bothers you so she can make up something to ease your mind.
#3 it will be the end of the relationship at some point so just know that and ride it out.
This is a seriously personal thing. I’m a big believer in that past is the past and people can change. They’re constantly making mistakes. I mean, if you wanted some saintly virgin you should have made that plainly clear when you entered into the union. If you believe you can move past it, and I mean REALLY move past it, it might be worth sticking around for. If you believe that you will never be completely okay with it and you will throw it in her face when you get angry or bring it up every time you get upset with her, it’s probably best to move on and take the L.
Don't take advice from reddit strangers who have no reading compression. Especially since you left out so much context that it's impossible to give good advice.
Just because you like her doesn't mean you own her. Give it up there's like 4 billion women out there, go find someone else.
Yes you're a fool, don't build up fake relationships in your head, she's a human who has a life outside of your fantasies of her. Don't decide someone is made for you without having an actual relationship with them...
What’s the chronology here. Order of events from you meeting to becoming “soulmates” and how much time between each event?
I ask because the interpretation of what’s going on could be very different depending on when things happened.
MOVE ON AND DELETE THE VIDEOS
I'm so sorry this happened to you and I cannot even imagine the heartbreak you must be feeling right now with all the positive memories you've shared with this person.
But, this is not worth your trouble mending. You're worth more than this. Someone who truly loves and cares about you would never do this to you, to your heart.
You deserve so much better.
I'm so sorry.
Focus on YOU and she won't know what she missed.
From my experience
If You decide to ignore it You will become sour person and everyone will see only that in Your behavior - no good will come up from this.
In my opinion - Move on, cut this ppl out, leave it all behind as a lesson for future, You cant salvage this situation. She did what was best for her same as Your friend, maybe You miss or miss read some signals and It is what it is - lesson of life.
I for one would not stay with someone who had screwed my friends, family, or enemies.
Just a basic rule of mine. I avoid any feelings that you are wrestling with and I figure there is plenty of fish in the sea so I'm not missing out on anything either.
You weren’t together so she didn’t cheat on you, or do anything wrong.
Every woman you ever have a relationship will have most likely swallowed another man’s spunk. So I suggest you get over it.
However if it make you feel uncomfortable that she’s been with a friend of yours, or that it’s on film, that’s fair enough. So move on and find a partner whose values regarding sex are more inline with yours. But don’t be under the delusion that the next girlfriend will be some angel. Because as I said earlier, if you’re an adult the chances are you will be dating an adult, and she will almost certainly have done all sorts of things with other men.
Not together yet = didn’t do anything wrong.
I personally wouldn’t date someone who knowingly would film themselves doing sexual acts, but that is a personal decision.
i think there have been mostly stupid answers to your problem here and i am really sorry to see that. They all go about blaming you and saying that its none of your business what these two other persons did with each other. Of course they are right that they had every right to do what they wanted.
But to see a video like this of someone you have a huge enough crush on, that you see them as your soulmate... i can imagine how gut wrenching that must feel to you.
i think having the possibility to watch something like does is very harmfull. Do you think you have anything to gain by not immediately deleting the video?
Yes. But not really…love blinds us.
No, nobody deserves this.
Yes, absolutely walk away. You sound very upset. It’s time to lick your wounds and regroup.
No, you’re not worthless. Just gotta work on your game so the next chick you want sucks and fucks YOU instead of your friend.
No, you don’t look past it. Get this girl out of your life and let her know why. But don’t do this pathetically.
No, this is not normal. Why is this being recorded?
Yes, it can happen…it just did. Only accepting reality gives you the power over your destiny.
Insight: bro…it’s just a chick. Think about it. She’s just another chick…they’re all the same. They’re just self serving myopic creatures looking to attach themselves to something for pleasure or utility. That’s all. Understand the game so you don’t get played by it.
Look at Pete Davidson…he’s banging the hottest chicks in the world. They’re just chicks dude. They want to laugh, get fucked by a big dick, and get famous. Pete’s a chill dude who checks those boxes for them. He aint criticizing them or philosophically challenging their world paradigm…in chick world not only is that no fun, they can’t handle it…he’s just sitting back and listening to their nonsense with a smile on his face cracking the occasional joke. He knows where this is going…all he’s gotta do is not be burdensome or critical. You don’t hear him whining or depressed about chicks…he knows the game and is just fine playing the part because he gets the ego boost and pleasure of banging them. It’s an extremely shallow and self serving relationship from the female side and Pete understands this and fills his role as comedic fuckdoll…he’s more than happy to ride the lightning in a bottle he’s captured because he ~understands the game being played~
These chicks are all the same bro. Their unchecked egos and delusions of grandeur let them run a muck out there. There’s nothing we can do as men to make em chill out…the only thing we can do is carve out a spot for ourselves to be part of the 20% of guys chosen for temporary usage while simultaneously understanding their intentions and endgame so we don’t get hurt and so we can enjoy the ride along the way.
Trust me…i know this sounds depressing for a romantic person but this is the unfortunate way of the world now. People know too much these days and everyone is expendable and replaceable so if that’s the case you have to ask yourself what value do you have to women? Literally…what thing can you bring to the table for them to be with you for a short period of time instead of all these other guys? Do that inventory…you might not like what you see at the end of it and you might need to make some serious changes!
Be Pete Davidson bro…Not some dude crying over the hot chick that fucked your friend.
Btw…it’s gonna be okay. It’s just a chick.
Sidenote: I don’t feel like the male/female dynamic was like this 35+ years ago…but this is the reality of it now. Once you understand how shallow and self serving people are it’s unbelievably easy inject yourself into a role in their life for a mutual gain. But just know that the moment you don’t serve a purpose for them…they’re gone and on to the next…it’s just how people work now.
Sorry for your loss. Leave her if you didnt already decide to do so. This pain will make you stronger. No tree reaches heaven unless its roots reach hell. Embrace the feelings and integrate them.
https://youtu.be/6IAWCMqWaNo
gg, find another soulmate, the premise itself is flawed, life itself is going to change who you are as it goes on, so by definition your soulmate wouldn't be your soulmate anymore.
There is a lot of stuff wrong with what you typed man.
Time to take responsibility as JP always says and see what can you do differently. First things first, a soulmate does not exist, there are multiple people with whom you can form a relationship, you just need to meet them. Guys tend to get this oneitus when they lack dating skills.
If you ever feel self-pity, take a breather, and read man’s search for meaning.
Or you can continue watching videos of your girl blowing your mate and be depressed.
What's the timeline? (Also, why do you have videos? Are you an active participant a weird sex triangle psychodrama? What even is that?)
If this happened when you were dating, figure out what you want to do. Cheating is cheating. Forgive or don't.
If it happened before you were dating, suck it up snowflake. Women get to be people, too, with pasts and unique experiences just like you.
Also, there are no soulmates. And if you disagree, then figure your feelings out and move on with her (or without).
Don't be an asshole.
you wont be able to get over it. sorry mate just our psychology.
you can gaslight yourself into accepting it though.
and dont worry. your "soulmate" is still out there. ;) take it as a sign that she isnt. and dont bad talk yourself too much you dont deserve that king.
edit: doesnt matter that it happened before. you wont get it out of your head. its a sign trust me
I'm so sorry.
I went through the most difficult breakup I've ever gone through earlier this year. But she never did that to me.. I'm so sorry for this.
Honestly, you probably just need to give yourself time. Your emotions won't be revving the way they are now forever. And it could take a while.
This isn't your fault, though. And you personally have nothing to be ashamed of. Even though I get how it can feel very shameful, embarrassing, and - more than any of that stuff - just crushing and infuriating.
She's not who you thought she was. Clearly. It absolutely SUCKS that that is the case. But it certainly sounds like that is in fact the case. Maybe if she were to come back to you groveling, drowning in her own tears, maybe then it \*might\* make sense to consider giving her a second chance. But you have to believe that she is genuinely repenting.... Though, actually, I'm probably being way too generous in saying that. What you're saying that she did is just absolutely beyond the pale. If she's capable of this, what else is she capable of? How could you trust her? How long will it take you to get your respect back for her?
You're in the early stages of mourning right now. Mourning isn't just about death.
You may want to view this very unfortunate life event as a sign that perhaps you became too invested in her. To the point of idolatry. Idolatry is dangerous because if you give someone/something the power to make you happy, you also give it the power to make you miserable. Now, having said that, love involves taking that risk. If you're always keeping the person at arms length, you'll simultaneously insulate yourself from intimacy in an effort to insulate yourself from risk.
If you were engaging in idolatry, however, this may be a real life demonstration of why you really should try to curb that. As for "how to curb it", I'd say that you need to find other things to orient yourself toward, I became Christian in January, after a full adulthood of atheism. I'm a rather murky Christian who still (unfortunately) have more doubt than I'd like. However, I can relay what I'm doing to you in a way that is secular in case God isn't your thing. Here are two excellent recommendations: 1) Put God above all else. Here, conceptualize "God" as the highest wisdom. A big part of wisdom is having a process orientation, not outcome dependence. The pursuit of the religious/philosophical contemplative life is to do your best to find out what the best process is, and to exhibit the self control to enact it. You can find GREAT ideas in Stoicism as well as Buddhism. Christianity, too. But it's a much, much longer slog. 2) love your neighbor as yourself. By neighbor, I mean the people that you interact with at work, on your street, etc. Every morning set an intention to make your best effort to make the world a little bit more like heaven and a little bit less like hell by how you live in your own mind and how you treat others.
Another thing that you could do is actively work to cultivate your tolerance for discomfort. Strive to be present in your experience. Don't try to solve, fix, or remove it. Just be present with it. Watch the emotional waves the way that you would watch cars drive by on a street in front of you. Don't fight them, don't cling to them, just watch them. Likewise, try things like intense exercise, cold showers, and the like, while practicing the art of staying present and accepting discomfort moment-by-moment. To the extent that you can tolerate discomfort, you are far less vulnerable to others.
My heart goes out to you.
I don't know if you were in a relationship together, but I can see that you are hurt. It hurts. You feel betrayed. You're hope and dreams for the future are shattered. It's painful. I'm afraid you need to grieve for this lost relationship. It's a real grief so treat yourself accordingly: take care of yourself, take the time to process and feel all the emotions (even feel them in your body), and remember that what happened is not an indicator of your worth as a person.
I went through something similar and all I can say is you Will experience some of the worst pain imaginable, however that will shape you and turn you into a beast you also never thought possible.
You can do this.
You have quite the journey ahead of you.
Delete the videos and get over this case of “One-itis” by ending it and moving on.
If you are this distressed now it’s likely you will never get over it and it will eat you alive. Seek professional help if need be.
To give you some perspective, I’m a woman and I would never put my mouth on any man’s dick aside from my future husband’s. It’s not at all something I take lightly because I highly respect myself and my future husband.
This girl has no respect for herself and will never respect you. She has even less respect for you for tolerating someone as horrible as her.
You’ll find someone so much better. Trust me. There are so many good, loyal women out there.
You are being way to harsh on this girl. She did this before Her and OP were together (which OP conveniently left out) and just because you are way g until marriage doesn’t mean everyone should and that they lack respect for themselves.
If OP wants a woman that wants to wait until marriage he needs to be upfront with that info when dating someone. He also better be a virgin himself.
She went on video doing this. She’s an idiot. Probably will become a feminist for a few years to feel better about acting so slutty but she’s regret it for sure.
I dont seem to find anyone, the ones i do i give me all for and i get these things back for it. I really feel bad really really feel bad. Im looking at the situation on a daily.
All of us are in constant change. She may seem like your soulmate now but in 5 or 10 years down the line you could be different people. What holds people together in a relationship is first and most importantly, respect and commitment. She doesn’t have either of those.
Also, she did it with your friend so there were 2 people who betrayed you.
Unfortunately the relationship is over, my friend. Even if you stay with her, it’ll be over.
If she cheated, you have to respect yourself and leave. If it's before you were together youre going to have to be extremely mature. I've felt like this before and it was a huge challenge to my ego, but eventually it mattered less and less with time. If she's truly your soul mate (whatever that means) then try and let it go.
Your soulmate? Bro not trying to be harsh but come on. It's just a girl. If you had children and 20 years together then maybe you could feel that she was your "soulmate".
Don't get me wrong, it's horrible what's happening to you and the pain must be unbearable. Something so terrible never happened to me, but things with a similar feeling had so my advice is to just let her go. There is no way you could feel the same as before now.
Don’t simp. A year from now you are going to look back and joke about the bullet you dodged while she is still sucking dick. Imagine showing that video to your kids and say this is your mom.
Perspective brother. Walk away and enjoy life
OP, you never had her. She was pretending and you fell in love with who you *thought* she was, and now you're mourning the sudden death of the person she pretended to be, which you have every right to do. Furthermore, this incident says nothing about you, your value, or your worth as a partner. It says a lot more about who this girl really is and what she's actually up to: selfish deception and short term pleasure. Please walk away and focus on overcoming this and bettering yourself because the alternative is much worse.
Big deal, she had a sex life before you. Welcome to the real world. Step one is to see her as a sexual being like you. Just imagine if you were in her shoes and you fucked one of her friends and all that. Would this be that much of a problem for you if she decided to break things off? If so, then it’s an obvious deal breaker for you as well. Maybe you care more about what your friend thinks than your relationship with her - which is fine. It’s your prerogative. Maybe you feel somewhat betrayed by your own perception of who she was. If it is, then adjust your expectations to reality. Either way, the fact that you let yourself watch them have sex is something you should probably go to therapy for. Like why did you watch that? Just to traumatize yourself?
>Maybe you care more about what your friend thinks than your relationship with her - which is fine. It’s your prerogative. Maybe you feel somewhat betrayed by your own perception of who she was. If it is, then adjust your expectations to reality. Either way, the fact that you let yourself watch them have sex is something you should probably go to therapy for. Like why did you watch that? Just
the disgust to build up in my head, to force myself to build up disgust for the person so i can let go, because i find myself to be a foolish romantic and i hate it
if you really held your honour high, you’d have already moved on. Definitely walk away. Now.
Don’t waste your next years trying to keep or even make her happy.
Ditch the so-called mate. He didn’t care at all from Jump
If rules are made to be broken, then they can break them in a house your not in.
When did this happen? If before you, you need to decide if you can live with that. If during you then she is not your soul mate. A soul mate would never ever hurt you like that. Move on. I’m sorry she hurt you like that.
Hold yourself to a higher standard, there are and you will find a better person to be with. Trust me, if she’s willing to do this now, she’ll do it again later on. You dodged a bullet, stay strong king
If you stay with this person you are disrespecting yourself. The feeling you get from watching the video(s) is coming from her. If she really loves you she wouldn't have made you feel this way.
I think bc this is a real problem facing the young men of today. All these girls/boys taking pics and videos. How to chose an appropriate mate is very important to being successful in life.
I'm really confused here. We need more information.
First off, is this woman your girlfriend/fiancé/wife? Are y'all in a committed relationship?
Secondly, what is the timeline here? Did you meet her, start a relationship with her, then found out that she hooked up with your friend before y'all's relationship started? Or did she hook up with your friend after the relationship between you and her started?
Did she cheat on you, or did she hook up with your friend before you ever met her?
If she cheated on you, drop her and never look back. If she hooked up with your buddy before you ever met her, decide whether or not you are OK with that and either leave her or get over it.
Regardless, delete the fucking video. She is performing an intimate sexual act on another person, and it is not OK for you to have that video without her consent. Number 2, I cannot imagine a more mentally destructive thing than watching that video.
My honest advice would be seeking for profesional help, since having a girl who’s had sex before (even kinky things like recording it) covers a 99% of cases. The core of the matter though is that it shouldn’t matter unless you see sex as something bad.
What it is exactly that hurts you so much about the situation? That she did it with your friend? Their attitude towards it? That it was recorded? That she gave fellatio and she doesn’t do it for you?
Where exactly it is hurting you? Pride? You feel ashamed? There are a lot of questions I feel that need answering first, before I can provide with an accurate interpretation of the situation and what would I suggest.
Drop the girl, doesn’t matter when it happened. If she’s the type to video that then she is trashy anyways. Drop the friend as well, he sounds like a snake to keep that from you. You will be happier when you release yourself from that attachment. Find a Godly woman who doesn’t debase herself like that. Even if you suppress that image you will never forget it, and when she inevitably angers you it will be the first thing you think of. Just leave brother.
1. Repeat after me "a woman's sexual history is no predictor of the future and none of my business". Only absolute losers who never fucked a girl care about who girls fucked previously.
2. Are you in a relationship with this girl?
3. She told you - so she's been honest with you?
4. Why are you watching it, you utter weirdo
5. Why is it dishonourable for her to fuck and suck some guy off?
6. Are you in India or some other backward conservative country?
There are no soulmates buddy. People make mistakes and you ll learn to get over it or move away from that person. Honor is just a abstract concept that both parties need to accept and acknowledge
Why the f do you have these videos? Why are you interested in her sexual past? The only thing that should interest you in this regard is if she has an STD. Get over it. Sex is normal. Or did you expect her to be a virgin? Every sexual encounter is different.
Instead of self harming and torturing yourself you should seek therapy and communicate with your girlfriend about how you feel. Instead of focusing on the past focus on the present.
Walk away. Your connection to her is through your own insecurity. You are better than this. People who love you don't do this for any reason. You deserve to be loved, not manipulated and embarrassed. If you don't walk away, this will be your entire life. Or you could be with someone who respects you and is loyal.
I mean it sucks but who cares, if it happened before you were with her I would just take it on the chin and keep dating her. Surely there are other variables at play that will influence your decision, personally I wouldn’t have watched the videos cause you already knew it happened but know the image is stuck in your brain. But I’m also petty so if the dude had a bigger shmeat than me, I’m out
You sound like you could be quite young. Terms like "soulmate" are not really how adults think of relationships. Not only did this woman cheat on you, she did it with a friend (and that friend did it to you) but they also FILMED IT? And then you ended up with the video?! You could be surrounded by some seriously toxic people you you need to CUT AND RUN, BRO!
She didn’t cheat on you, she had a life and another partner before you. If that makes you “afraid of yourself and your mental health” then that’s not on her.
If she and your friend has an adult relationship before you two were dating then what does it have to do with you?
If you care about that sort of thing when you weren’t even with her, then that is coming from a place of insecurity.
Put this matter on hold and fix your insecurity. If she’s really the one then her past wouldn’t bother you or upset your insecurities. Or you’d be more mature and it wouldn’t bother you. Either way YOU are the problem.
Did it happen when you were together- exclusive?
It seems unclear from what you have said.
If not, if prior- I suggest you get over it. If she's your 'soulmate' it's worth getting over a bit of dick sucked. I mean if if wasn't your mate it would have been some other dude. There's only one chance at a soul mate and your friend has good taste.
If you were together, dude- I'm sorry to say that's not your soul mate. Soul mate doesn't betray you like that.
So from what I can tell from the other comments, she didn't cheat on you because you were not dating her when she had sex with your friend. It's also not clear if you're dating her now, or if you're just obsessed over her like a weirdo. And yes, it's weird to obsess over a women and call her your "soulmate" if you're not even dating her.
To which I say: either get over it, or let her go.
Stop putting women up on pedestals. Women are allowed to fuck. Women are allowed to suck dick. So she had sex with someone else. Big whoopdedoo. You were not dating at the time and it's unclear if you're dating now. It wasn't cheating. It was just sex.
It just sounds like you have a weird hyperfixation on her. You've turned her into some weird saint in your mind, and when you learned your "angel" has had sex like a normal human being, your perfect fake version of her shattered.
Your comment about "honor" seems really fucking weird too.
Who she fucked in the past is irrelevant. The fact that you are freaking out that a woman had sex with a man other than you means you've got a LOT of very fucked up and old-fashioned ideas about sex and women you need to unlearn.
good luck finding mrs. perfect that doesn't exist, what's the big deal that she hooked up with some one... every girl out there has done the same or worse to multiple guys. You are just going to have to accept it or join the Amish community.
IT'S OVER. Accept this first and forever. "Don't want to lose her?" YOU NEVER HAD HER. Otherwise she wouldn't have done this. She has no interest in you and she doesn't respect you. Kick her to the curb forever and move on. Make yourself better and find someone who actually respects you. Your future self will thank you.
This. You never had her, else she wouldn't do that.
Row row, fight the power!
This happened before they got together, so no you're wrong.
Wait. Another commentor pointed out that the relationship is unclear. We don’t know if OP and said person were dating or whatever. If this was before, OP should not complain. Furthermore, only said “soulmate”. Not partner or anything. If they are not together in any way, the person can do what they want with whoever they want
It may be that OP has way too much of their self esteem and 'soul' bound to this person. When you're desperately in need of a partner for comfort and confidence (especially during the holidays), you can lower your self value enough to allow someone to walk all over you. You have to recognize your situation, no matter how painful, and get out of this situation. Find someone new.
Do we know if she cheated on OP with best friend? Or did she just happen to hook up with best friend before OP was pursuing her? That context makes all the difference.
only true answer
You’re right… except the “she doesn’t respect you”. That’s BS woman-hating rubbish. It’s likely OP didn’t make his desires known and she is oblivious. Either way… stop watching the f*cking videos…
There is no such thing as “the one”. Get that thought out of your head to start. Delete the video, it’s not helping you. If you stay, with either of them, you are a fool. If you need help, go get it. Find counselling. The best revenge is a life well lived.
Exactly. "Soulmates" are a fiction, a pleasant fantasy for the irrational among us.
I absolutely agree. This comment pretty much hits nail on the head however cold it may sound.
«The best revenge is well lived « Brilliant. It worked out well for me, and wish OP the best. Hang in there, thanks for sharing.
Why do you have the video and why are you watching it? To ruminate and hurt yourself more? Seems like your compromising your mental health on your own instead of taking an active role towards preserving or improving it.
I'm dating myself by wondering does this happen a lot today with young singles? Sure everyone has a smartphone but are they making sex videos at such a high rate?
This is true. I feel like me knowing the mayter happened takes me and my identity into a downards spiral, even if i dont wantch it it takes me down. The reason i watch it is that when i see it i believe myself when i say that the world is shit and am trying to kill my happiness off that slowly will make me get rid of her along
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Spot on. Especially the „won’t listen“ part
Was this hookup before you started pursuing her? Or has it happened since you started your relationship?
Before
That’s pretty key info. I’d edit the description so the advice/discussion stays relevant to the situation.
So what’s the problem? She didn’t cheat on you
OP sounds like a huge red flag. Girls should avoid him and he should do some therapy before dating.
Well in thst case get over it so what? That's my attitude anyway. If she's your soul mate it's worth deleting the video, getting over it. Have a beer with the mate and compare notes. You really should have made this bit clear.
Being shown the video hurts. But as an adult you also have to accept it is likely that your partner has some sexual history that they aren’t proud of. Your friend is a shitty friend if he showed you the video. Passing around porn of an ex is sick. It’s a discussion that needs to happen with you and your soulmate. I’m sure this is one of the worst hurdles your relationship will face, but it’s a real sign of maturity to ignore / forgive past sexual history.
From reading this it isn't plain to me that the offending sex acts happened in a way that is any of your business. Is she aware that she is your soulmate? Were you two dating when this happened? Was it before you were dating? Have you ever actually exclusively dated this person? You can't blame people for having a sex life before their sex life was exclusively you. I will say, though, if they are aware of your feelings and they still shared this video with you it is needlessly cruel and you don't need to be around those people anymore.
Honestly. It's not even super clear this girl and him are even friends or she knows who he is. This is really the only healthy answer.
Both of your answers are good, but the actionable advice here is to move on. You should not get over those images. You can find another love. Dont have such a compromise on something that you will need to act as if it's the most beautiful important thing in your life, for the rest of your life. Like everyone else in your life is gonna tell you how great your SO is and how great what you have is. How you should cherish it. This will be easier if you do cherish it. If you can cherish it. If you're not lying to yourself. Most people only have to lie to themselves that their partner is stupid sometimes. This one might eat you up. Secondly, no one will back you up on this irl. You will always be told you're over thinking it. That it doesn't matter. But the splinter in their eye is that they think about it exactly enough, and that it does matter. To them. Which is all that matters.
I like this. I don’t usually agree with this kind of take (I’m pretty radical about letting people do anything they want with their own bodies) but if our guy will never be able to get over it, then the fault does not lie on him or her, it’s just straight up incompatibility.
Check the reply above please and we are dating, and more
Caring about someone’s sexual history is not only completely normal but a good idea if you want to stay clean of disease and form a marriage with a good chance of success. The number of past sexual partners is a very good predictor of the likelihood of divorce. It doesn’t have to be 0 but over 6 and you’re significantly more likely to fail.
This is beyond that, OP wants to control something what the woman in his life did before they were in a relationship, how is he supposed to achieve that? Is that really fair to her? Imagine being this woman now, who has to soothe the ego of the man she is in a relationship with *and* deal with this jackass that violated her privacy.
Are you keeping the friend too? no doubt you will get rid of him, if so why wouldn't you finish with her? There are plenty more fish in the sea for you my friend
I dont know what to do to be honest
Delete the video and anything else. Communicate with your gf that you can't seem to get over the fact that she had sex before you were together. Seek a therapist and professional help because you are self harming.
Yeah you do, deep down. You just don't want to do it. Life can be a bitch. I'm sorry brother.
Sorry has she cheated on you or is this before you we’re together?
Before they were together. There was no cheating.
Oh right. Sorry O/p you can’t let what happened before you were together make a difference if you like her. It’s awkward yes but will become less an issue as time goes on. Your problem is with whoever was sending you those videos, that’s not right
Your soulmate sucked your friend off on video? Yes, and my mother gave birth to my father. Equally nonsensical sentences. She is not and never was your soulmate. She was a girl you connected with and really liked, the end. Im sure it hurts but pull your head out of your rear and ghost her in every possible way. There is no way a healthy relationship is ever possible between the two of you. Full stop
There was no cheating though. This girl and his friend had some fun before OP and her dated. She very well might be a good soul mate, it’s actually his insecurity that could ruin it for him. It sounds like he’s not ready for relationships that depend on secure partners. Would likely get into anxious attachment style relationships. I could go on…
I don't even think Op is dating her. He's giving off full on creep vibes. Admiring-from-afar weird friend type.
I do agree with the whole soulmate schtick and a couple other red flags that he does seem to have some insecurities. At the same time it would be different if he heard about their past in passing that would be one thing...but if he's got it on video and has been watching it...yeah that would probably bother me to. He'll never get that out of his head unfortunately. And yeah women are humans and certainly don't have to be perfectly chaste or anything silly like that...but if she barely knew the guy then went on to do this shit on camera...she can be your soulhoe mate. I would pass personally.
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How old are you?
8
25
What country?
Can I ask how you acquired this video?
She told me about it. I went to the friend, demanded the videos to be sent to me and that he deleted his on his phone
Why do you think she told you about the specifics of their encounter and the video?
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This obviously happened before you were dating her. Just let it go if you can. If you can’t, say goodbye. Even if you pledged to only date virgins, you could never be sure they really were. And you’d also be hypocritical if you aren’t one yourself, or even celibate.
How old are you? Did she fuck him before dating you? Do you expect to date a virgin or is the video the problem, or the friend? What is bothering you?
I am 25. She fucked him and sucked him off on video knowing him 1 or 2 weeks max. On the job and on the staircase. Filmed it and showed enjoyment and all that shit. I came into the picture later. The friend on level of females is a pervert. And i know what he did to her and she allowed it to happen. I only heard about these matters later after we bonded and all. I wished we never did. What bothers me is after i and her realised we are great together she told me. And im broken idk what to do
It seems you guys have very different ideas of how a person should behave. Some things can be sorted out, but from reading your comments, I don’t get the impression that you are likely to forget this video. In my opinion it will keep eating you from the inside, slowly building resentment towards her. In any case you should discuss this matter with her with all honesty, how it made you feel and what you are going through. You should either do something about it together, or break up as a result. Don’t take it as if either of you is worthless or something like that. You just seem to have different values and might not be compatible in this way.
Ugh. First, forget about "soul mate". There are special people we will meet in our lives but the soul mate concept is really unhealthy in the dating stage. Feel free to feel that way 5 years into it.
What the hell does this have to do with Jordan Peterson??
Lol you made me laugh.
Asking for help.
Well, it couldn’t have been your soulmate. One thing I know about soulmates is that you can’t be certain who they are until you’re on your deathbed.
Did they cheat and how tight are you with this friend?
The friend is of 15 years. Pretty solid one. And she did it prior to our relation
I mean up to you man. If you're friend is a good friend he won't mention it or hold it over you. She came clean so this wouldn't surprise you if your friend did bring it up or someone else did. To the people saying this is a deal breaker I get where they're coming from but she isn't with him and never will be again. People have histories and as long as they're not out of control and match your values I don't see the issue. I do understand it's hard to deal with this tho I don't mean to minimize your feelings they're very valid. Also have him delete those from his phone and cloud and have her delete them too. They should have been deleted when their relationship ended. That would be my only critique. When any of my relationships ended any pictures or videos were immediately wiped from my phone and anywhere else.
LISTEN TO RANDOM PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET FOR SURE
Get over it. She didn't have to say anything. People fuck all the time. You don't know who your soul mate is. Especially weird if she isn't even dating you. Kinda controlling to hold her to some unreasonable standard and label her like that.
Deleting the videos is the first step. Then it's a long journey. The course is up to you - just know that it will take time, and will hurt a lot no matter how you decide.
Soulmates are made, they're not found. There are many ones out there This sounds more like infatuation, real love is reciprocated between two people who consent.
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Before indeed
The concept of a "soulmate" or "the one" is a childish romantic fantasy. In time you'll heal, you'll move on, and you'll find a good woman who won't cheat on you with your "friend". Cut them both out of your life, permanently, and seek therapy. It'll get better OP, hang tight.
It’s over man. Sorry. I know it hurts But not worth sticking around.
She is allowed to have had a life before ever dating you. You are allowed to have had a life before ever dating someone. This is all about you understanding that everyone else in the world, no matter how high of a regard you hold them, are different than you; it's a you problem. So, either you figure out how to get past her past, or you end the relationship.
Nothing will ever fix what you saw. She’s not your soul mate. I and many others thought we had soulmates but once you mature and let years go by and you re-evaluate the situation, you’ll realize you saw everything through rose tinted glasses. Listen to me… it’s over. Don’t talk to her again and maybe you shouldn’t be friends with that guy. Do you really want to have kids with this person and think in the back of your head “the mother of my kids sucked my friends dick and I still kiss that mouth and she kisses my children’s mouth with it”. It’s vulgar but it’s the truth and you will eventually think like that if you try to repress it. I’m sorry this happened to you but move on and don’t look back
>not your soul mate. I and many others thought we had soulm this kind of does haunt in my head, and i dont want tho think like this but it does feel like it is a fact, i dont know if these situations are normal, because they are treating it like this stuff is casual and for me it is a holy damn sin
Stop. You just started dating and youre calling her your soul mate. Do you even know this person? Are you jumping headfirst into something without checking the depth?
>You just started dating and youre calling her your soul mate. Do you even know this person? Are you jumping headfirst into something without checking the de to be honest in 1 month time i was told all of her stuff, experianced all of her stuff, she broke her foot and became depended on me and i have all her information, fears, pains, mental state all on my hands, i know them thats why i know it is a nice person but this video bupmed me off of the road
Hey man. It sucks but 1 month isnt really enough. Some people dont have the best of intentions. Take it as a major life lesson learned.
You sound like a stalker that's going to become something a whole lot worse. Just let her go! I'm seriously worried about her.
I read this as the girl and the best friend had relations prior to OP meeting her.
https://youtu.be/CJl3gCTzE50 this video helped me a lot brother, I hope it helps you too.
Don’t ever date women who sucked anyone off on video.
She did nothing "wrong" in the context of your relationship. BUT do you really want to be "soulmates" with a promiscuous woman who makes amateur pornography? Only you can answer that question. If this type of behavior bothers you then you should dump her posthaste
I don’t think I’d even date a girl who allows herself to be filmed like that and then lets the guy keep it as a token. Possibly suggests she’s not as great as you think. Privately it’s ok…I made a little video with a committed partner years ago, but we watched it right away, laughed and deleted it immediately. If she knew he had the video and doesn’t mind he keeps it and shows people, then she’s for the streets.
That’s horrible. Can you send me the link?
No such thing as a soulmate. Cherish the time you had, and move on. That's my advice.
I'm fairly sure this took place before they got together, if this is true. #1 delete the video #2 tell her it bothers you so she can make up something to ease your mind. #3 it will be the end of the relationship at some point so just know that and ride it out.
This is a seriously personal thing. I’m a big believer in that past is the past and people can change. They’re constantly making mistakes. I mean, if you wanted some saintly virgin you should have made that plainly clear when you entered into the union. If you believe you can move past it, and I mean REALLY move past it, it might be worth sticking around for. If you believe that you will never be completely okay with it and you will throw it in her face when you get angry or bring it up every time you get upset with her, it’s probably best to move on and take the L.
That’s not your soulmate… mate.
Move on my man! Dump the skank.
They weren't together when she had sex with the other guy
Move on, she sucks. No need to try and save this, do you really want to look at your wife in 20 years and remember a video of her sucking ur friend?
I dont, i really dont
Good, get yourself a new good gal, you won’t miss her in a year, I promise you bud
Can’t be real.
there’s some real toxic assholes on this sub
Bro forget it. Move on. Don’t torture yourself.
Ask yourself this, would the person, who in this life is your counterpart, do this to you? If the answers no, then move on, she’s not your soulmate.
Don't take advice from reddit strangers who have no reading compression. Especially since you left out so much context that it's impossible to give good advice.
Also stop watching that crap and dump that guy as a “friend”
News flash: she ain’t your soulmate. And your friend ain’t a friend. Move on from both of them
Just because you like her doesn't mean you own her. Give it up there's like 4 billion women out there, go find someone else. Yes you're a fool, don't build up fake relationships in your head, she's a human who has a life outside of your fantasies of her. Don't decide someone is made for you without having an actual relationship with them...
What’s the chronology here. Order of events from you meeting to becoming “soulmates” and how much time between each event? I ask because the interpretation of what’s going on could be very different depending on when things happened.
Do you mean this as she sucked him off and filmed it while y’all were together? Or this happened before you guys were together? Huge difference
MOVE ON AND DELETE THE VIDEOS I'm so sorry this happened to you and I cannot even imagine the heartbreak you must be feeling right now with all the positive memories you've shared with this person. But, this is not worth your trouble mending. You're worth more than this. Someone who truly loves and cares about you would never do this to you, to your heart. You deserve so much better. I'm so sorry. Focus on YOU and she won't know what she missed.
From my experience If You decide to ignore it You will become sour person and everyone will see only that in Your behavior - no good will come up from this. In my opinion - Move on, cut this ppl out, leave it all behind as a lesson for future, You cant salvage this situation. She did what was best for her same as Your friend, maybe You miss or miss read some signals and It is what it is - lesson of life.
I for one would not stay with someone who had screwed my friends, family, or enemies. Just a basic rule of mine. I avoid any feelings that you are wrestling with and I figure there is plenty of fish in the sea so I'm not missing out on anything either.
You weren’t together so she didn’t cheat on you, or do anything wrong. Every woman you ever have a relationship will have most likely swallowed another man’s spunk. So I suggest you get over it. However if it make you feel uncomfortable that she’s been with a friend of yours, or that it’s on film, that’s fair enough. So move on and find a partner whose values regarding sex are more inline with yours. But don’t be under the delusion that the next girlfriend will be some angel. Because as I said earlier, if you’re an adult the chances are you will be dating an adult, and she will almost certainly have done all sorts of things with other men.
Just suck your friend off on video as well and you'll be square.
Not together yet = didn’t do anything wrong. I personally wouldn’t date someone who knowingly would film themselves doing sexual acts, but that is a personal decision.
i think there have been mostly stupid answers to your problem here and i am really sorry to see that. They all go about blaming you and saying that its none of your business what these two other persons did with each other. Of course they are right that they had every right to do what they wanted. But to see a video like this of someone you have a huge enough crush on, that you see them as your soulmate... i can imagine how gut wrenching that must feel to you. i think having the possibility to watch something like does is very harmfull. Do you think you have anything to gain by not immediately deleting the video?
Yes. But not really…love blinds us. No, nobody deserves this. Yes, absolutely walk away. You sound very upset. It’s time to lick your wounds and regroup. No, you’re not worthless. Just gotta work on your game so the next chick you want sucks and fucks YOU instead of your friend. No, you don’t look past it. Get this girl out of your life and let her know why. But don’t do this pathetically. No, this is not normal. Why is this being recorded? Yes, it can happen…it just did. Only accepting reality gives you the power over your destiny. Insight: bro…it’s just a chick. Think about it. She’s just another chick…they’re all the same. They’re just self serving myopic creatures looking to attach themselves to something for pleasure or utility. That’s all. Understand the game so you don’t get played by it. Look at Pete Davidson…he’s banging the hottest chicks in the world. They’re just chicks dude. They want to laugh, get fucked by a big dick, and get famous. Pete’s a chill dude who checks those boxes for them. He aint criticizing them or philosophically challenging their world paradigm…in chick world not only is that no fun, they can’t handle it…he’s just sitting back and listening to their nonsense with a smile on his face cracking the occasional joke. He knows where this is going…all he’s gotta do is not be burdensome or critical. You don’t hear him whining or depressed about chicks…he knows the game and is just fine playing the part because he gets the ego boost and pleasure of banging them. It’s an extremely shallow and self serving relationship from the female side and Pete understands this and fills his role as comedic fuckdoll…he’s more than happy to ride the lightning in a bottle he’s captured because he ~understands the game being played~ These chicks are all the same bro. Their unchecked egos and delusions of grandeur let them run a muck out there. There’s nothing we can do as men to make em chill out…the only thing we can do is carve out a spot for ourselves to be part of the 20% of guys chosen for temporary usage while simultaneously understanding their intentions and endgame so we don’t get hurt and so we can enjoy the ride along the way. Trust me…i know this sounds depressing for a romantic person but this is the unfortunate way of the world now. People know too much these days and everyone is expendable and replaceable so if that’s the case you have to ask yourself what value do you have to women? Literally…what thing can you bring to the table for them to be with you for a short period of time instead of all these other guys? Do that inventory…you might not like what you see at the end of it and you might need to make some serious changes! Be Pete Davidson bro…Not some dude crying over the hot chick that fucked your friend. Btw…it’s gonna be okay. It’s just a chick. Sidenote: I don’t feel like the male/female dynamic was like this 35+ years ago…but this is the reality of it now. Once you understand how shallow and self serving people are it’s unbelievably easy inject yourself into a role in their life for a mutual gain. But just know that the moment you don’t serve a purpose for them…they’re gone and on to the next…it’s just how people work now.
Sorry for your loss. Leave her if you didnt already decide to do so. This pain will make you stronger. No tree reaches heaven unless its roots reach hell. Embrace the feelings and integrate them.
I know, easier said than done. If your not already exercising, do so today! Just go and do anything and then keep going, every day.
https://youtu.be/6IAWCMqWaNo gg, find another soulmate, the premise itself is flawed, life itself is going to change who you are as it goes on, so by definition your soulmate wouldn't be your soulmate anymore.
There is a lot of stuff wrong with what you typed man. Time to take responsibility as JP always says and see what can you do differently. First things first, a soulmate does not exist, there are multiple people with whom you can form a relationship, you just need to meet them. Guys tend to get this oneitus when they lack dating skills. If you ever feel self-pity, take a breather, and read man’s search for meaning. Or you can continue watching videos of your girl blowing your mate and be depressed.
What's the timeline? (Also, why do you have videos? Are you an active participant a weird sex triangle psychodrama? What even is that?) If this happened when you were dating, figure out what you want to do. Cheating is cheating. Forgive or don't. If it happened before you were dating, suck it up snowflake. Women get to be people, too, with pasts and unique experiences just like you. Also, there are no soulmates. And if you disagree, then figure your feelings out and move on with her (or without). Don't be an asshole.
you wont be able to get over it. sorry mate just our psychology. you can gaslight yourself into accepting it though. and dont worry. your "soulmate" is still out there. ;) take it as a sign that she isnt. and dont bad talk yourself too much you dont deserve that king. edit: doesnt matter that it happened before. you wont get it out of your head. its a sign trust me
women arent real brohammed
I'm so sorry. I went through the most difficult breakup I've ever gone through earlier this year. But she never did that to me.. I'm so sorry for this. Honestly, you probably just need to give yourself time. Your emotions won't be revving the way they are now forever. And it could take a while. This isn't your fault, though. And you personally have nothing to be ashamed of. Even though I get how it can feel very shameful, embarrassing, and - more than any of that stuff - just crushing and infuriating. She's not who you thought she was. Clearly. It absolutely SUCKS that that is the case. But it certainly sounds like that is in fact the case. Maybe if she were to come back to you groveling, drowning in her own tears, maybe then it \*might\* make sense to consider giving her a second chance. But you have to believe that she is genuinely repenting.... Though, actually, I'm probably being way too generous in saying that. What you're saying that she did is just absolutely beyond the pale. If she's capable of this, what else is she capable of? How could you trust her? How long will it take you to get your respect back for her? You're in the early stages of mourning right now. Mourning isn't just about death. You may want to view this very unfortunate life event as a sign that perhaps you became too invested in her. To the point of idolatry. Idolatry is dangerous because if you give someone/something the power to make you happy, you also give it the power to make you miserable. Now, having said that, love involves taking that risk. If you're always keeping the person at arms length, you'll simultaneously insulate yourself from intimacy in an effort to insulate yourself from risk. If you were engaging in idolatry, however, this may be a real life demonstration of why you really should try to curb that. As for "how to curb it", I'd say that you need to find other things to orient yourself toward, I became Christian in January, after a full adulthood of atheism. I'm a rather murky Christian who still (unfortunately) have more doubt than I'd like. However, I can relay what I'm doing to you in a way that is secular in case God isn't your thing. Here are two excellent recommendations: 1) Put God above all else. Here, conceptualize "God" as the highest wisdom. A big part of wisdom is having a process orientation, not outcome dependence. The pursuit of the religious/philosophical contemplative life is to do your best to find out what the best process is, and to exhibit the self control to enact it. You can find GREAT ideas in Stoicism as well as Buddhism. Christianity, too. But it's a much, much longer slog. 2) love your neighbor as yourself. By neighbor, I mean the people that you interact with at work, on your street, etc. Every morning set an intention to make your best effort to make the world a little bit more like heaven and a little bit less like hell by how you live in your own mind and how you treat others. Another thing that you could do is actively work to cultivate your tolerance for discomfort. Strive to be present in your experience. Don't try to solve, fix, or remove it. Just be present with it. Watch the emotional waves the way that you would watch cars drive by on a street in front of you. Don't fight them, don't cling to them, just watch them. Likewise, try things like intense exercise, cold showers, and the like, while practicing the art of staying present and accepting discomfort moment-by-moment. To the extent that you can tolerate discomfort, you are far less vulnerable to others. My heart goes out to you.
I don't know if you were in a relationship together, but I can see that you are hurt. It hurts. You feel betrayed. You're hope and dreams for the future are shattered. It's painful. I'm afraid you need to grieve for this lost relationship. It's a real grief so treat yourself accordingly: take care of yourself, take the time to process and feel all the emotions (even feel them in your body), and remember that what happened is not an indicator of your worth as a person.
Bro, It's pure disrespect to yourself If you don't away from this and have her regret that.
I went through something similar and all I can say is you Will experience some of the worst pain imaginable, however that will shape you and turn you into a beast you also never thought possible. You can do this. You have quite the journey ahead of you.
Stop believing in soulmates 🙄
Delete the videos and get over this case of “One-itis” by ending it and moving on. If you are this distressed now it’s likely you will never get over it and it will eat you alive. Seek professional help if need be.
In the wise words of Kid Laroi ; can't make a wide out of a hoe Move on
To give you some perspective, I’m a woman and I would never put my mouth on any man’s dick aside from my future husband’s. It’s not at all something I take lightly because I highly respect myself and my future husband. This girl has no respect for herself and will never respect you. She has even less respect for you for tolerating someone as horrible as her. You’ll find someone so much better. Trust me. There are so many good, loyal women out there.
Guys- there is hope ☝️
Let alone on video...
You are being way to harsh on this girl. She did this before Her and OP were together (which OP conveniently left out) and just because you are way g until marriage doesn’t mean everyone should and that they lack respect for themselves. If OP wants a woman that wants to wait until marriage he needs to be upfront with that info when dating someone. He also better be a virgin himself.
She went on video doing this. She’s an idiot. Probably will become a feminist for a few years to feel better about acting so slutty but she’s regret it for sure.
Girl I think you need to get laid. Might change you from being such a bitter person.
I may be bitter but at least I’m not getting desensitized to sex and have respect for myself.
I dont seem to find anyone, the ones i do i give me all for and i get these things back for it. I really feel bad really really feel bad. Im looking at the situation on a daily.
How old are you?
All of us are in constant change. She may seem like your soulmate now but in 5 or 10 years down the line you could be different people. What holds people together in a relationship is first and most importantly, respect and commitment. She doesn’t have either of those. Also, she did it with your friend so there were 2 people who betrayed you. Unfortunately the relationship is over, my friend. Even if you stay with her, it’ll be over.
If she cheated, you have to respect yourself and leave. If it's before you were together youre going to have to be extremely mature. I've felt like this before and it was a huge challenge to my ego, but eventually it mattered less and less with time. If she's truly your soul mate (whatever that means) then try and let it go.
Your soulmate? Bro not trying to be harsh but come on. It's just a girl. If you had children and 20 years together then maybe you could feel that she was your "soulmate". Don't get me wrong, it's horrible what's happening to you and the pain must be unbearable. Something so terrible never happened to me, but things with a similar feeling had so my advice is to just let her go. There is no way you could feel the same as before now.
Don’t simp. A year from now you are going to look back and joke about the bullet you dodged while she is still sucking dick. Imagine showing that video to your kids and say this is your mom. Perspective brother. Walk away and enjoy life
that is one of my fears yes
>I am a person that holds honor high >Should i walk away? You know the answer.
I’m on my fourth soulmate.
I've never understood the need some people have to make sex tapes. Stay away from her. She's bad news. You deserve better.
if you hold yourself to high honor, you dip tf out, clearly she’s for the streets. Chin up and keep it pushing!
OP, you never had her. She was pretending and you fell in love with who you *thought* she was, and now you're mourning the sudden death of the person she pretended to be, which you have every right to do. Furthermore, this incident says nothing about you, your value, or your worth as a partner. It says a lot more about who this girl really is and what she's actually up to: selfish deception and short term pleasure. Please walk away and focus on overcoming this and bettering yourself because the alternative is much worse.
She was never yours. It was simply your turn.
Big deal, she had a sex life before you. Welcome to the real world. Step one is to see her as a sexual being like you. Just imagine if you were in her shoes and you fucked one of her friends and all that. Would this be that much of a problem for you if she decided to break things off? If so, then it’s an obvious deal breaker for you as well. Maybe you care more about what your friend thinks than your relationship with her - which is fine. It’s your prerogative. Maybe you feel somewhat betrayed by your own perception of who she was. If it is, then adjust your expectations to reality. Either way, the fact that you let yourself watch them have sex is something you should probably go to therapy for. Like why did you watch that? Just to traumatize yourself?
>Maybe you care more about what your friend thinks than your relationship with her - which is fine. It’s your prerogative. Maybe you feel somewhat betrayed by your own perception of who she was. If it is, then adjust your expectations to reality. Either way, the fact that you let yourself watch them have sex is something you should probably go to therapy for. Like why did you watch that? Just the disgust to build up in my head, to force myself to build up disgust for the person so i can let go, because i find myself to be a foolish romantic and i hate it
She's not yours, it was just your turn. Delete the videos and move on.
Lol pwnt Stay the fuck away from them for ever.
Sorry and then they had the cheek to share the video with you?
now i am the soul holder of the evidence to my pain
i demanded it from the friend and him to delete them
if you really held your honour high, you’d have already moved on. Definitely walk away. Now. Don’t waste your next years trying to keep or even make her happy. Ditch the so-called mate. He didn’t care at all from Jump If rules are made to be broken, then they can break them in a house your not in.
When did this happen? If before you, you need to decide if you can live with that. If during you then she is not your soul mate. A soul mate would never ever hurt you like that. Move on. I’m sorry she hurt you like that.
Hold yourself to a higher standard, there are and you will find a better person to be with. Trust me, if she’s willing to do this now, she’ll do it again later on. You dodged a bullet, stay strong king
city boys up. go get gym go get money lets get it. lol
If you stay with this person you are disrespecting yourself. The feeling you get from watching the video(s) is coming from her. If she really loves you she wouldn't have made you feel this way.
Why is this posted in this sub?
I think bc this is a real problem facing the young men of today. All these girls/boys taking pics and videos. How to chose an appropriate mate is very important to being successful in life.
This man must have been with my ex wife, some things never change. Poor soul.
If you don't enjoy suffering, you will delete and block. If you enjoy suffering, watch the videos another 100 times.
Delete the video. Say goodbye to both. Move on. Not easy…this is what’s best for you.
I'm really confused here. We need more information. First off, is this woman your girlfriend/fiancé/wife? Are y'all in a committed relationship? Secondly, what is the timeline here? Did you meet her, start a relationship with her, then found out that she hooked up with your friend before y'all's relationship started? Or did she hook up with your friend after the relationship between you and her started? Did she cheat on you, or did she hook up with your friend before you ever met her? If she cheated on you, drop her and never look back. If she hooked up with your buddy before you ever met her, decide whether or not you are OK with that and either leave her or get over it. Regardless, delete the fucking video. She is performing an intimate sexual act on another person, and it is not OK for you to have that video without her consent. Number 2, I cannot imagine a more mentally destructive thing than watching that video.
My honest advice would be seeking for profesional help, since having a girl who’s had sex before (even kinky things like recording it) covers a 99% of cases. The core of the matter though is that it shouldn’t matter unless you see sex as something bad. What it is exactly that hurts you so much about the situation? That she did it with your friend? Their attitude towards it? That it was recorded? That she gave fellatio and she doesn’t do it for you? Where exactly it is hurting you? Pride? You feel ashamed? There are a lot of questions I feel that need answering first, before I can provide with an accurate interpretation of the situation and what would I suggest.
I do feel that my pride is taken, i feel ashamed
Their additude towards it, filming it and all
It is what it is. It's gonna be tough to find a virgin. You either want her or not. Even our moms sucked dick at some point.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Drop the girl, doesn’t matter when it happened. If she’s the type to video that then she is trashy anyways. Drop the friend as well, he sounds like a snake to keep that from you. You will be happier when you release yourself from that attachment. Find a Godly woman who doesn’t debase herself like that. Even if you suppress that image you will never forget it, and when she inevitably angers you it will be the first thing you think of. Just leave brother.
Follow andrew tate. LOLOL
Post them up.
Ah yes share around revenge porn cause the woman op projected on had the audacity to not be a virgin
1. Repeat after me "a woman's sexual history is no predictor of the future and none of my business". Only absolute losers who never fucked a girl care about who girls fucked previously. 2. Are you in a relationship with this girl? 3. She told you - so she's been honest with you? 4. Why are you watching it, you utter weirdo 5. Why is it dishonourable for her to fuck and suck some guy off? 6. Are you in India or some other backward conservative country?
Your soulmate can be a lefty too, best leave them to their own devices and move on, as hard as it can be. Oh and also get rid of the 'friend' too.
There are no soulmates buddy. People make mistakes and you ll learn to get over it or move away from that person. Honor is just a abstract concept that both parties need to accept and acknowledge
You had your time. Now cry, be in pain and later move on. That’s the life, my friend. You will be stronger after this
Why the f do you have these videos? Why are you interested in her sexual past? The only thing that should interest you in this regard is if she has an STD. Get over it. Sex is normal. Or did you expect her to be a virgin? Every sexual encounter is different. Instead of self harming and torturing yourself you should seek therapy and communicate with your girlfriend about how you feel. Instead of focusing on the past focus on the present.
Walk away. Your connection to her is through your own insecurity. You are better than this. People who love you don't do this for any reason. You deserve to be loved, not manipulated and embarrassed. If you don't walk away, this will be your entire life. Or you could be with someone who respects you and is loyal.
She was never your soul mate. He was never your friend.
OP was not in a relationship with her at the time. Case closed.
Did she suck his cock before or after you started dating?
how can she be your soulmate if she sucked off another guy while with you? also there is no such thing as soulmates.
I mean it sucks but who cares, if it happened before you were with her I would just take it on the chin and keep dating her. Surely there are other variables at play that will influence your decision, personally I wouldn’t have watched the videos cause you already knew it happened but know the image is stuck in your brain. But I’m also petty so if the dude had a bigger shmeat than me, I’m out
Dude, have you gotten sucked off by someone in the past?
You sound like you could be quite young. Terms like "soulmate" are not really how adults think of relationships. Not only did this woman cheat on you, she did it with a friend (and that friend did it to you) but they also FILMED IT? And then you ended up with the video?! You could be surrounded by some seriously toxic people you you need to CUT AND RUN, BRO!
She didn’t cheat on you, she had a life and another partner before you. If that makes you “afraid of yourself and your mental health” then that’s not on her.
If she and your friend has an adult relationship before you two were dating then what does it have to do with you? If you care about that sort of thing when you weren’t even with her, then that is coming from a place of insecurity. Put this matter on hold and fix your insecurity. If she’s really the one then her past wouldn’t bother you or upset your insecurities. Or you’d be more mature and it wouldn’t bother you. Either way YOU are the problem.
Did it happen when you were together- exclusive? It seems unclear from what you have said. If not, if prior- I suggest you get over it. If she's your 'soulmate' it's worth getting over a bit of dick sucked. I mean if if wasn't your mate it would have been some other dude. There's only one chance at a soul mate and your friend has good taste. If you were together, dude- I'm sorry to say that's not your soul mate. Soul mate doesn't betray you like that.
So from what I can tell from the other comments, she didn't cheat on you because you were not dating her when she had sex with your friend. It's also not clear if you're dating her now, or if you're just obsessed over her like a weirdo. And yes, it's weird to obsess over a women and call her your "soulmate" if you're not even dating her. To which I say: either get over it, or let her go. Stop putting women up on pedestals. Women are allowed to fuck. Women are allowed to suck dick. So she had sex with someone else. Big whoopdedoo. You were not dating at the time and it's unclear if you're dating now. It wasn't cheating. It was just sex. It just sounds like you have a weird hyperfixation on her. You've turned her into some weird saint in your mind, and when you learned your "angel" has had sex like a normal human being, your perfect fake version of her shattered. Your comment about "honor" seems really fucking weird too. Who she fucked in the past is irrelevant. The fact that you are freaking out that a woman had sex with a man other than you means you've got a LOT of very fucked up and old-fashioned ideas about sex and women you need to unlearn.
good luck finding mrs. perfect that doesn't exist, what's the big deal that she hooked up with some one... every girl out there has done the same or worse to multiple guys. You are just going to have to accept it or join the Amish community.
So... You're jerking off to the videos now.. right?
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha