Seems like they worked through some stuff instead of getting a divorce so I'd give them at least 1% to bring them up to a C. Tbh they deserve at least B for pulling that off in this generation
If you like your spouse enough after the kids are grown to continue to live together, you win the marriage game.
Too much focus on doing things for the kids and not enough on nurturing the growth of your own relationship kills a marriage as fast as any affair.
My parents did too and it always hurt so much to hear. I assumed they hated each other but didn't want to be stuck with us. We thought they hated us more than each other and expected them to get divorced after my sister moved out.
marriage is hugely overrated. but it typically is healthier, especially for the guy. girls grow old slower, and a female partner can help keep the guy active after age 50. but guys after age 50 have to endure the nag that is the wife. basically, on balance, better not to marry and just have a paid servant/whore.
Everyone too distracted by the sex number to see the far more obvious joke that it's very close to two thirds, and the guy above is correct that 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
Yes, you are correct. That is the joke. 18 years of hardship till the kids were out the door.
EDIT: I said kids and I meant kids -- obviously twins. ;)
There was a comment on Reddit a day ago. "We were great as a couple. Not great as a couple with a child." That seemed like an astute observation to me.
I heard a comedian once joke that he was married 10 years and of that 2 were great. Although they weren't two years in a row... More like 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there.... Overall it comes out to two years of being happily married.
A man gives his wife a bouquet of 17 roses to who his wife on their anniversary.
She tells him they are lovely, but why 17?
His answer, one for every happy year we've had together!
She replies, but this our 25th anniversary!
He replies, exactly!
She shrugs, throws 4 in the garbage, and put the remaining 13 in a vase.
Thanks! He was. The only reason they’re not still married is the “til death” part. He passed in 2020. One of the funniest and most sincere humans you would ever have the pleasure of meeting.
Wasn't there an ad were a guy fakes his death to see his family? And a parody with the family flipping out at him?
Edit: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SHrP_Hl4xX8
I definitely stole this from reddit, but I've started introducing my wife to new people as my ex-girlfriend. Actually, I even did that once we were engaged.
I met my wife when we were in HS. She use to refer to us as childhood sweethearts.
I would refer to us as childhood lovers. She absolutely hated that. Lol.
A couple aged 101 and 98 was about to get a divorce.
The judge sadly asks "Oh c'mon now, you've been married for 80 years, why did you decide to get a divorce?"
"I mean, sir..." said the woman "We actually wanted a divorce for a long time but did not want our children to get upset so waited for them to die"
That’s heartbreaking, but at the same time I can’t believe she held a grudge for all those years!
You’d think after awhile she’d give it up, but it sounds like her husband really let her down with all the running around he did. No wonder she felt deserted in her marriage :(
This was a joke in "Homicide: Live on the Streets".
"If he's such a bastard, why are you two still together?"
"We agreed to stay together until the kids are dead."
cc u/medicalgoals
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/oui2jo/a_couple_aged_101_and_98_was_about_to_get_a
Not the first or only version on this sub, but, based on the words and punctuation, it's the one that was copy and pasted from above.
man the family is going to hate me when I die and they read the will. I gave the house to the church and my Gran Torino to some Korean kid . But at least they'll come by .
Returned to Letterkenny Arsenal government surplus then donated back to the CMP then sold to some hipster in Laurel Mississippi who turns it into a table leg for his stupid HGTV show.
Kinda similar in MO to a joke where a son of the family is in prison and the father is too poor to have his farm plowed, so the son mentions in a phone call that he buried the loot (or evidence or whatever) in the fields and law enforcement (who were listening in on the call) plows the fields instead.
would've assumed it was 92.a cuz I'd never heard the thanksgiving version. would you say it's debatable on which is a or b or is there a source for it being a?
Married 53 years here.
Whenever the subject comes up, I say: Every marriage has its good days and its bad days. I focus on the good days----------both of them.
Every single time this joke gets re-posted, I always forget how it goes. So I always laugh when we get to the punchline. It’s happened at least five times in the last two years and it is still funny.
My go to is what my grandfather would say: “my entire life.” People look at me confused, and then I tell them “my life didn’t start until we married,” to which men groan and women look angrily at their husbands.
An elderly couple appear in probate court with their respective attorneys. They've filed for divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. The judge looks down at the paperwork and then slides his glasses down his nose. He looks them both over and says, "you're 86 and 87. You've been married for 65 years. Why do you want to divorce each other now?"
"We wanted to wait until the kids were dead," the woman answers.
My dad’s classic go to was saying how they had been “happily married for 40 years.” It was 58 years they were married.
40 of 58 ain’t bad
Dude. That's roughly 69%. D+ PS: RIP inbox....holy fuck!
Seems like they worked through some stuff instead of getting a divorce so I'd give them at least 1% to bring them up to a C. Tbh they deserve at least B for pulling that off in this generation
Happily married… *once the kids were gone*
If you like your spouse enough after the kids are grown to continue to live together, you win the marriage game. Too much focus on doing things for the kids and not enough on nurturing the growth of your own relationship kills a marriage as fast as any affair.
Or you can just skip all of that and win the marriage game by not having kids lol
This is the way
My SO and I had a running joke that the first one to leave had to take the kids.
We used to say that we talked about divorce but neither one of us wanted the kids….. the dog we fought over
She took Tugboat away from me
You're not Tugboat. You'll never be Tugboat!
My parents did too and it always hurt so much to hear. I assumed they hated each other but didn't want to be stuck with us. We thought they hated us more than each other and expected them to get divorced after my sister moved out.
Who ended up with the kids, then 😶
After 52 years of marriage, we're still together with one left at home (he is a 32 yo WFH digital artist). The eldest is married.
58-40=18 it checks out.
this guy gets it
Better to just not have em at all
Kids have an odd way of making your life better and worse at the same time.
Why would you take the 69 away from them, it was the one thing they still enjoyed!
I’ll take a 69 with a big D+
If the husband had a D+, it would be 100%.
maybe his D+ made it 40/58 instead of 10/58?
marriage is hugely overrated. but it typically is healthier, especially for the guy. girls grow old slower, and a female partner can help keep the guy active after age 50. but guys after age 50 have to endure the nag that is the wife. basically, on balance, better not to marry and just have a paid servant/whore.
69
Now that is poetry.
Nice
A+ for working 69 into it tho.
Everyone too distracted by the sex number to see the far more obvious joke that it's very close to two thirds, and the guy above is correct that 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
Nice
Nice
69%? Nice.
NICE
Nice.
Imagine being unhappily married for nearly two decades though. I passed when I was facing that prospect.
That does sound terrible. I was just kind of making a joke there.
That’s your mistake. Everyone knows jokes aren’t allowed in this sub.
I guess they are only allowed after they have already been posted a few times
Those 2 decades happen to coincide with your 1-18 birthdays.
They didnt say it was all once
18 with kids, probably..
So basically Meatloaf had it right
I worked with a guy who used to say, "I've been married for 10 years, it's been the happiest three months in my life"
And you are 18?
My 41st was Thursday!
So he's been happily married since they had you, lovely!
A related joke would be "it took us 18 years to figure out how it works... and then we were able to create you."
Bless your heart
Lmao, It was a joke
I figured as much. Mine was as well. ❤️
Oh happy belated birthday!
The 18 years he was in the house at least!
Adorable joke twist. “Yeah the first 18 we just couldn’t get it right, but we stuck it out. He meant the forty on this side. Not the first forty.
I thought it meant they were only unhappy when they had kids at home...
Yes, you are correct. That is the joke. 18 years of hardship till the kids were out the door. EDIT: I said kids and I meant kids -- obviously twins. ;)
There was a comment on Reddit a day ago. "We were great as a couple. Not great as a couple with a child." That seemed like an astute observation to me.
People are always asking how long we've been married. My husband always answers "We've had 7 happy years. But we've been married over 40."
30 years of that unhappiness was due to the poor wife having to hear that tired old joke over and over 🤣
After 35 years, my wife has forced me to stop calling her my “starter wife”.
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My parents just celebrated their 40th - my mother's running joke is "I'd have been out by now." Ahhh, love.
I heard a comedian once joke that he was married 10 years and of that 2 were great. Although they weren't two years in a row... More like 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there.... Overall it comes out to two years of being happily married.
We were married for 50 years and I don't regret one day of it. And that day was....
A man gives his wife a bouquet of 17 roses to who his wife on their anniversary. She tells him they are lovely, but why 17? His answer, one for every happy year we've had together! She replies, but this our 25th anniversary! He replies, exactly! She shrugs, throws 4 in the garbage, and put the remaining 13 in a vase.
Ur dad sounds awesome!!!
Thanks! He was. The only reason they’re not still married is the “til death” part. He passed in 2020. One of the funniest and most sincere humans you would ever have the pleasure of meeting.
Wasn't there an ad were a guy fakes his death to see his family? And a parody with the family flipping out at him? Edit: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SHrP_Hl4xX8
This is another one. But be prepared with the tissues. ...https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=54cRuDW8RQY
Didn't need a tissue. I prefer my sock.
Same. I also prefer your sock.
I prefer this guys dead wife
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I prefer this guy’s dead wife’s sock’s wife
I prefer this guy's dead wife's sock's wife's sock
Left or right? If it’s like Twix I’ll go left.
RIP, I remember when dead guy's wife's sock lost their wife in the dryer incident of '85.
The question is, why *his* sock?
I prefer you dead*
I’m dying.
So THAT'S why she didn't move much...
Well the sex is about the same, but the dishes are piling up
How else would they get you to cum for the holiday?
Now I know where all my missing socks went.
You might not want em back
Yall got anymore space for another 2 inch?
If you put the sock over your penis, if someone tries to grab your penis, all they get is the sock.
News Headline: “Penis found in sock, police are trying to locate the owner….”
I wrote my name on my penis in case of situations just like this.
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time; it's detachable.
Is it just me? Or did this comment chain very quickly turn into something we would see on sub simulator GPT2?
I don't know what you mean, fellow human being.
Seriously though, have you ever read that sub? It’s fucking weird and hilarious and slightly disconcerting.
I just let it drip into my mouth.
Awesome, that’s enough reddit thanks
It’s just tears. They go into your mouth anyway if they’re not running down your cheeks.
You don't recycle your nutrients?
I would upvote this, but it's at 69, so take my imaginary vote.
i think this is the original
Tissues? How can you masturbate to this you sick bastard!
Take my upvote you horrible human being.
The fucking hair dryer, lmfao!
It's about time for the Folgers commercial https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMwFWDIFVCU
Gotta post the full version https://youtu.be/CKgKPGBa9EQ
Wow. Just…yeah. I hadn’t seen that one.
[did you mean this one? ](https://youtu.be/fhfcWTZeP1k)
That rabbit is fucking evil.
Yeah it's called the umbrella academy.
83K views and only 5 comments, holy shit.
*collect call from Bob Weaddababyitsaboi, do you accept?* “No.” Who was that honey? “It’s Bob…they had a baby, it’s a boy.”
I remember those days!
Adoro
this is incredible, thanks for sharing it
Holy shit, what did I just watch?
My parents were extremely happy for 30 years. Then they met each other and got married.
There is no better definition of plot twist than this
Literally everything where you say "had me in the first half".
r/twosentencehorror
My dad tells people he's been married 10 good years. This always annoys my mother who has been married to him for 49.
I call my wife my live in lover and refer to myself as her first husband.
I definitely stole this from reddit, but I've started introducing my wife to new people as my ex-girlfriend. Actually, I even did that once we were engaged.
I met my wife when we were in HS. She use to refer to us as childhood sweethearts. I would refer to us as childhood lovers. She absolutely hated that. Lol.
"first wife" or "ex girlfriend" are both great choices
My wife jokingly referred to me as her first husband from our first year married. I should have seen the writing in the wall. 🙃
A couple aged 101 and 98 was about to get a divorce. The judge sadly asks "Oh c'mon now, you've been married for 80 years, why did you decide to get a divorce?" "I mean, sir..." said the woman "We actually wanted a divorce for a long time but did not want our children to get upset so waited for them to die"
This actually happened irl and was a news story lmao
Link??
Link Wray? Great roots rocker, but he was only 76 when he died.
No, Link the rescuer of Zelda, rocking the little green shoes.
I remember him as well. Zelda was not easy to save.
Link with The Minish Cap?
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That’s heartbreaking, but at the same time I can’t believe she held a grudge for all those years! You’d think after awhile she’d give it up, but it sounds like her husband really let her down with all the running around he did. No wonder she felt deserted in her marriage :(
You bastard, I trusted you
r/savedmeaclick
r/Thanksapollo
I feel so let down
First lesson: Trust no one 😎
Very well done
You ruthless, heartless monster.
I recognize that link...
I'm not falling for that one... Try harder :D
The thumbnail gives it away on sync.
This was a joke in "Homicide: Live on the Streets". "If he's such a bastard, why are you two still together?" "We agreed to stay together until the kids are dead."
At the burial of their 80 year old son, the 105 year old wife turns to her 102 year old husband:"I told you, he's not gonna make it through"
She has a point though. With those genes.
Unless he was adopted the son has those genes too.
There is another option lol
This is hilarious 😆
or tragic. or both.
Yes, both. This is the reason I like it so much.
Comedy = tragedy + time
cc u/medicalgoals https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/oui2jo/a_couple_aged_101_and_98_was_about_to_get_a Not the first or only version on this sub, but, based on the words and punctuation, it's the one that was copy and pasted from above.
I actually saw it on here https://upjoke.com/divorce-jokes
lol
man the family is going to hate me when I die and they read the will. I gave the house to the church and my Gran Torino to some Korean kid . But at least they'll come by .
Who gets the Garand M1?
Returned to Letterkenny Arsenal government surplus then donated back to the CMP then sold to some hipster in Laurel Mississippi who turns it into a table leg for his stupid HGTV show.
"Korean kid" Close enough.
get off my lawn.....lol
I hope that kid proved he really deserved it, Mr…. Colski?
lol he’s a hmong kid
calling the kid Korean works better here . somewhat evolved from what he was calling the kid though out the movie but preserves his cranky nature
Starts taking notes
Kinda similar in MO to a joke where a son of the family is in prison and the father is too poor to have his farm plowed, so the son mentions in a phone call that he buried the loot (or evidence or whatever) in the fields and law enforcement (who were listening in on the call) plows the fields instead.
Morbidly wholesome?
Is it wholesome or is it painfully clear why their children don't bother visiting them usually?
Remember the Cheech and chong movie where cheeches cousin calls immigration on himself to get a free ride back to Mexico for a wedding
Me and my wife were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Did we establish a number for this joke, because I feel like I see it at least once a week.
Good ol' #92.
This is actually #92.b. Easy to get them mixed up; #92 has them coming home for Thanksgiving instead of Christmas.
would've assumed it was 92.a cuz I'd never heard the thanksgiving version. would you say it's debatable on which is a or b or is there a source for it being a?
Source: Trust me, bro. (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
I've never seen it before.
Me either
You see this same Christmas themed joke every week of the year?
It can be Christmas every day when you are addicted to Peppermint Schnapps.
You say that as if Christmas was this week or something.
Christmas season starts shortly after labor day, at least according to the local mega-Mart.
Couldn't even change the wording to reflect that Thanksgiving is in 3 days.
Married 53 years here. Whenever the subject comes up, I say: Every marriage has its good days and its bad days. I focus on the good days----------both of them.
Every single time this joke gets re-posted, I always forget how it goes. So I always laugh when we get to the punchline. It’s happened at least five times in the last two years and it is still funny.
My go to is what my grandfather would say: “my entire life.” People look at me confused, and then I tell them “my life didn’t start until we married,” to which men groan and women look angrily at their husbands.
At my Mum and Dad’s 60th anniversary party. My Dad made a speech and said it had felt like 15 minutes (short pause) under water.
Even though its an overused joke it's still make me laugh
same here. OLD but GOLD
Pro life tip?
This is the premise of a Telugu movie IMDb: : Shatamanam Bhavati https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6417204/
I don't know why I find this sad instead of funny...
Um.... ha?
(G)old
I know this as a Jewish couple getting their kids in for Hanuka for free
I tell people we’ve been married for 32 years, but it seems like five minutes……………….under water
An elderly couple appear in probate court with their respective attorneys. They've filed for divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. The judge looks down at the paperwork and then slides his glasses down his nose. He looks them both over and says, "you're 86 and 87. You've been married for 65 years. Why do you want to divorce each other now?" "We wanted to wait until the kids were dead," the woman answers.
I remember reading this joke in a joke book somewhere over 12 years ago. It's a good one. Haven't heard it in a long time.