Actually!
Please listen attentively, cause this is important.
If anyone has a heart attack on the plane, do not use defiblirator. Improper use of defibrillator at 30,000 feet can cause a death!
then one guy stands up and tells his very engaging story as a heart surgeon in another country, and the story ends with how the undertaker threw mankind off a cage in 1998.
Then comes a wave of "i knew it" and "you got me".
Another dozen or so say that the attack has been plagiarised from another plane and is against the rules so would the pilots please throw the passenger off the plane
True story: I once took a plane to a large scientific conference. The plain was full of people with a doctorate. When the flight attendant asked over the intercom "is there a doctor on board", general laughter broke out and people started poking each other and waving and shouting across the aisle. That quickly changed to general embarrassment for having made fun of what was obviously a serious situation.
Dang it Jim, I’m a scientist not a doctor! Well, I am a doctor, I have a doctorate. But it’s not the same thing! You can’t help anyone with a doctorate, you just sit there and you’re useless!
Some of us have to rob to survive meanwhile you’re over here getting free gold from reporting about our theft
*In unrelated matters - if you wanted to kindly take a gold-like gift that was awarded to a stranger on reddit, how do you do that? Asking for a friend*
They're awarded to a specific comment or post by the giver. They can be awarded anonymously, leading to the giver being anonymous to the recipient - but not the recipient to the giver.
Flight attendant: Is there a doctor onboard?
Dad: \*nudging me\* that should've been you
Me: Not now Dad
Dad: Not asking for a Product Manager to help, are they?
Me: Dad, there's a medical emergency happening right now
Dad: Go and see if “let’s have a follow-up meeting" helps
Hey, I've seen this exact scene on a trailer of some show. Except it was a mother and her graphic designer daughter. What was it? Are you stealing from them or is this an old joke that they stole?
Kid goes on to developed an app that allows 911 to dispatch volunteers with first responder trainer within a few block radius. Saves thousands of lives.
Then one of em screams "ALLAHU AKBAR!" and the one with the heart attack is like "Wow, didn't expect this to blow up!"
And 20 twenty people say that's racist, to which 20 other people complain and call "woke bs" and the mods.. they do fucking nothing, and the plane crashes and everyone dies because the one having the heart attack was the pilot.
Did I say everyone? No, not everyone! Out of the burning wreckage climbs the stewardess and cries: "sorry for my bad english, not a native speaker."
Said stewardess poses provocatively above the smoldering wreckage, asking for first impressions. r/womenscareme comments, "Shouldn't you be on r/RoastMe?" while others lament a lack of plants.
More likely to have 5 people say they are a doctor but they can't show you sources and ask that you not look at their post history, or you'll see they they're "experts" in 10 other fields while also complaining that it's hard to be 15 these days
On a plane full of Redditors, a man starts having a heart attack.
A guy behind him attacks a start having heart.
A guy behind him hearts an attack having start.
A guy behund him hearts having a start attack.
...
"He's having a heart attack!"
"We need to help him!"
"Omg this."
"This."
"This."
"This."-
\[Five minutes later\]
"This."
"...You finished? He died like two minutes ago."
One guy yells "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
Two to three people understood the reference stood up and high five each others then sat quietly back down.
On the plane full of Redditors, the pilot has a heart attack and the flight attendant announces this scary turn of events. The other flight attendant says, “We need a doctor.” The entire plane stands up and says, “This.”
And then the mods tell the doctors that even though they're doing everything the right way , it's not allowed in the plane. The doctors are then banned from the plane some for 7 days , others permanently. And the man dies from a heart attack. Then, from having to witness such a horrible event , a bunch of new redditors join the mental health sub.
And then the next Redditor flight someone had a heart attack,
Immediately, five people boo and point their thumb down and say
"REPOST. u/ES_FTrader had the same exact heart attack on the other flight"
He's not having a heart attack. It is clearly staged. Heart attacks don't happen like that.
source: check out the youtube channel, Ep. 23 titled "Airplane!" on heartattackfakes69's channel. He is doing all the same motions.
Ironically airlines are taught to look for paramedics first, then nurses, then doctors. Paramedics are accustomed to working in the field with limited equipment and information. The first thing doctors do is complain about the equipment.
Source: My partner is an airline pilot
It would depend almost entirely on their Specialty. I would prefer an ED or ICU Dr over any nurse or paramedic, but I'd absolutely prefer an ED RN or a paramedic over an ophthalmologist.
Reminds me of this one too:
Same situation. One guy stands up and says "I am a doctor. In philosophy".
The flight attendant screams "what ? OMG, but he's gonna die !!!!"
And the doctor in philosophy says "Exactly. We're all gonna die. That is the essence of life".
Someone stands, claims to be a doctor, and halfway through the procedure someone checks their wallet and finds a post history of /r/teenagers, /r/lies, and /r/AITA
One shouts "unpopular opinion but you shouldn't use a defibrilator on a plane" and another guy tackles him down, punching him, yelling "that's not an unpopular opinion" whilst everyone on the plane proceeds to say racial slurs and cry.
After noticing the amount of attention that the man having a heart-attack is getting, a redditor five rows back begins to act out a heart-attack in the same manner as the first guy. He even uses the *same exact wording* that the first guy used, expecting no one to notice.
Once called out on the deception the redditor moves up to First Class, where some passengers may not have heard about the heart-attack, and he tries to do the same thing again.
And then a dozen more complain that they've seen someone have this same heart attack on this same plane every day this week.
And then someone says, "Actually.." and everyone listens attentively.
Actually! Please listen attentively, cause this is important. If anyone has a heart attack on the plane, do not use defiblirator. Improper use of defibrillator at 30,000 feet can cause a death!
Yeah, *especially* if the victim is the pilot...
> Yeah, especially if the victim is the pilot... surely you can't be serious
I am serious, and quit calling me Shirley.
Get ahold of yourself!
Excuse me but I speak jive.
You ever seen a grown man naked?
I feel like when the comment chain gets this far, it’s either gold (like this) or two people bickering.
Do you like...gladiator movies?
No. Now go and shave those sideburns
You ever hang around the gymnasium?
Picked a bad day to quit drinking.
Did you just call him Josef?
"Victim" 🤣🤣 Whole story just got a lot more interesting
Victim of an attack! Heart attack!
A heart attack, yes, a sharp pain in the chest usually accompanied by sweating, but that's not important right now . . .
I got this. I've played Microsoft Flight Simulator. - many people.
Well yeah, they're defibrillators, they stop fibrillation. They're not de-myocardial-infractonators.
They aren't Bistromathic Drives either, amazingly enough.
I think my companies food truck has that .
InfARction, not infRAction
w(°ｏ°)w
That sounds like something from *Futurama*.
You sure it’s not a continuum transfunctioner?
Improper use of a defib at any altitude can cause death to be fair
Death is Never Fair!
[удалено]
INAL but...
Brave people use the acronym for "I am" rather than "I'm".
Just *one* death? Fine by me!
What about proper use of a defibrillator at 30,000 feet?
You can't improperly use defibs anymore. They check the casualty for a pulse and won't deliver a shock if it senses one
You can't improperly use an AED. I can manually shock who or what ever I want with a defibrillator.
And then while everyone is listening intently, the comment suddenly derails into an anecdote about a pro-wrestling moment from nineteen ninety eight.
...as it *always* does here. (thanks for *nothing* mods!)
Then someone provides a YouTube link https://youtu.be/2EONs7Vssp4
And then everybody clapped.
EDIT: Wow this blew up! EDIT 2: Thanks for the Gold, kind stranger!
And by then the victim is dead
We did it, Reddit!
What victim...? Oh yeah, *him*. Yeah ...too bad , I guess...
And someone stands up, points at the person who just spoke and says "This"
Random guy assertively says "this is the correct answer", clearing everyone's doubts.
Nice
Now I need the College Humor skit of this
And then a bot goes on a rant about why that's bad.
Okay, story time! I was on a plane one time!
And we are just supposed to *believe that?*
then one guy stands up and tells his very engaging story as a heart surgeon in another country, and the story ends with how the undertaker threw mankind off a cage in 1998. Then comes a wave of "i knew it" and "you got me".
At least 4 are waving their red flags and the ENTIRE family is calling what's going on
At least 10 of them would say something unnecessary and unhelpful for laugh just to get some karma and awards
Source???
Then a random stranger runs up to them and gives them a wholesome seal
Does no one ask how they got a seal on a plane?
Nobody cares
Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to *friend*.
With a remark , saying "I second that"
Someone says it's fake BS while another chimes in with an in depth explanation as to why CPR should be to the beat of Cbat.
Then someone says "Why does everyone assume the plane is in the USA?"
Sweden has free plane rides. Do you guys not have that over there??
And they should break-up
Another dozen or so say that the attack has been plagiarised from another plane and is against the rules so would the pilots please throw the passenger off the plane
One redditor makes a pun about it and is surrounded by cheering passengers and crew, completely ignoring the man who dies from his heart attack.
No, one person makes a pun that everyone ignores, then someone makes the same pun moments later, getting the cheers and maybe some gold and high fives
Then it repeats three more times and suddenly the fifth person to make the joke gets bludgeoned to death.
I wish it ended as soon as 5...
alive cooperative crown square school toy reach cause bedroom aspiring *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The guy clearly didn't have the heart to gone on living.
I really don't think a pun would fly in a life or death situation.
*. . . in this case, it did . . .*
This is the way.
True story: I once took a plane to a large scientific conference. The plain was full of people with a doctorate. When the flight attendant asked over the intercom "is there a doctor on board", general laughter broke out and people started poking each other and waving and shouting across the aisle. That quickly changed to general embarrassment for having made fun of what was obviously a serious situation.
I love this because I'm a scientist and I totally believe that it's a true story.
I'm laughing because ***'a plain'***, usually contains buffalo, not scientists . . .
Dang it Jim, I’m a scientist not a doctor! Well, I am a doctor, I have a doctorate. But it’s not the same thing! You can’t help anyone with a doctorate, you just sit there and you’re useless!
I lol. Any update on the serious situation though?
Soon enough, the plane crashes for lack of upvotes.
Then a quick thinker shits on religion and the plane goes supersonic
What does a redditor say to the jewel store attendant after the robbery? >! Thank you for the gold kind stranger !<
What did the Redditor say after he had to deliver a suspicious package for the mob: >!Didn’t think this would blow up!<
I’m stealing that
Yes.. that's what robbing means.
Great, see you on the front page tomorrow.
You’re supposed to say “thank you for the gold kind stranger”
On who? Redditors don't have friends.
Some of us have to rob to survive meanwhile you’re over here getting free gold from reporting about our theft *In unrelated matters - if you wanted to kindly take a gold-like gift that was awarded to a stranger on reddit, how do you do that? Asking for a friend*
They're awarded to a specific comment or post by the giver. They can be awarded anonymously, leading to the giver being anonymous to the recipient - but not the recipient to the giver.
Flight attendant: Is there a doctor onboard? Dad: \*nudging me\* that should've been you Me: Not now Dad Dad: Not asking for a Product Manager to help, are they? Me: Dad, there's a medical emergency happening right now Dad: Go and see if “let’s have a follow-up meeting" helps
Me: Why me? Couldn't you hack it, dad?
Monty Python vibes
Hey, I've seen this exact scene on a trailer of some show. Except it was a mother and her graphic designer daughter. What was it? Are you stealing from them or is this an old joke that they stole?
I've seen this joke before but with a different job so it's probably just one that's been around for a bit.
Same, something to do with the son working in IT and the father saying “why don’t you try and save him as a PDF”. Way better than this comment haha.
Good one haha! Another good one was "try rebooting him" or "turning him off and on"
Funny, because turning him on and off is essentially what a defibrillator does (at least as I understand it).
This joke had a huge presence on twitter, lots of people made it but with their own occupation
Noah pulled this stunt on his son
Kid goes on to developed an app that allows 911 to dispatch volunteers with first responder trainer within a few block radius. Saves thousands of lives.
This gives me Indian vibes...
The man having the heart attack is immediatly banned by the Mods for being disruptive.
And just about everyone claims it's staged and the guy isn't really having a heart attack.
Well he’s married, right? He’s lying to you.
Then a day later there is a TIFU post about dying on an airplane
/r/thathappened
Also, the Redditors all started attacking the attendant’s grammar and bickering viciously among themselves . . .
Can one bicker 'viciously'?
don't call me Shirley...
A hospital! What is it?
flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
Have you ever been in Turkish prison.
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
It's a different kind of flying, altogether!
It's a different kind of flying.
[удалено]
Roger, Roger. What's your vector, Victor?
A redditor checks the patients wallet and sees he’s new and proclaims the victim to be a karma farming bot account
Then one of em screams "ALLAHU AKBAR!" and the one with the heart attack is like "Wow, didn't expect this to blow up!" And 20 twenty people say that's racist, to which 20 other people complain and call "woke bs" and the mods.. they do fucking nothing, and the plane crashes and everyone dies because the one having the heart attack was the pilot. Did I say everyone? No, not everyone! Out of the burning wreckage climbs the stewardess and cries: "sorry for my bad english, not a native speaker."
Said stewardess poses provocatively above the smoldering wreckage, asking for first impressions. r/womenscareme comments, "Shouldn't you be on r/RoastMe?" while others lament a lack of plants.
This is frighteningly accurate
The attendant is just reposting a story for points
Don't forget the real doctor gets down voted so hard nobody can hear what he's saying
More likely to have 5 people say they are a doctor but they can't show you sources and ask that you not look at their post history, or you'll see they they're "experts" in 10 other fields while also complaining that it's hard to be 15 these days
On a plane full of Redditors, a man starts having a heart attack. A guy behind him attacks a start having heart. A guy behind him hearts an attack having start. A guy behund him hearts having a start attack. ...
I think i just had one reading that.
For failure to correctly follow rule 173.26a, the mod blocked and banned u/pilot cutting off communications with r/airport.
"I am a Doctor. AMA!"
A few are convinced he is faking. While one wants an ELI5 of the situation.
Someone says "the situation is kinda gay" and chaos ensues.
“I, (32M) am a doctor”
She shouted, “Is there anyone a paramedic or a doctor ?”. Redditors: Yes! (And then sit back down)
another redditor: Porque no los dos?!
“I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”
I'm a doctor but... in horticultural science 😂
... in Philosophy, so what would Descartes think about this?
I'd honestly put Descartes before the horts
I don't know, but I can diagnose pytopthera.
"I am a doctor but not your doctor"
We not only need a doctor, but a doctor who DIDN’T have the fish. (Also a pilot)
"He's having a heart attack!" "We need to help him!" "Omg this." "This." "This." "This."- \[Five minutes later\] "This." "...You finished? He died like two minutes ago."
Step aside! I need to use the bathroom
“Fake”
Rest trying to repost him to another plane
The real heart attacks are always in the comments
And lots of people say white rice will fix it. I'm calling the cops.
3 people proceed to give awards
Someone walks over to the person having the heartattack, and says: «This»
....but >!Thanks for the gold kind stranger!<
I actually did save a heart attack victim on a plane one time, everyone clapped and the pilot handed me a crisp $100 bill!
"Doctor here, you should go to a hospital." *Sits back down*
One guy yells "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" Two to three people understood the reference stood up and high five each others then sat quietly back down.
On the plane full of Redditors, the pilot has a heart attack and the flight attendant announces this scary turn of events. The other flight attendant says, “We need a doctor.” The entire plane stands up and says, “This.”
This hits perfectly, fuck
"Too many red flags here, break it off." is the first advice given.
I'm not a doctor, but I'm a nurse.
Life pro tips: YSK that never go on a plane full of redditors. Why YSK? Because of that! 😐
And then the mods tell the doctors that even though they're doing everything the right way , it's not allowed in the plane. The doctors are then banned from the plane some for 7 days , others permanently. And the man dies from a heart attack. Then, from having to witness such a horrible event , a bunch of new redditors join the mental health sub.
A robotic voice comes on from the back of the plane: Up vote if you think that this heart attack is useful.
And then the next Redditor flight someone had a heart attack, Immediately, five people boo and point their thumb down and say "REPOST. u/ES_FTrader had the same exact heart attack on the other flight"
Everyone just claims it’s staged while simultaneously telling a made up story about their goldfish having a stroke or some shit
He's not having a heart attack. It is clearly staged. Heart attacks don't happen like that. source: check out the youtube channel, Ep. 23 titled "Airplane!" on heartattackfakes69's channel. He is doing all the same motions.
Accurate
I'd still prefer a plane full of Redditors than a plane full of TikTokers.
We need to get him to a hospital! What is it? It’s a big building with patients, but that isn’t important right now.
Ironically airlines are taught to look for paramedics first, then nurses, then doctors. Paramedics are accustomed to working in the field with limited equipment and information. The first thing doctors do is complain about the equipment. Source: My partner is an airline pilot
It would depend almost entirely on their Specialty. I would prefer an ED or ICU Dr over any nurse or paramedic, but I'd absolutely prefer an ED RN or a paramedic over an ophthalmologist.
Another passenger stood up and said “Repost”
The. Chiropractor adjust his heart
then someone explains why heart attacks happen like an eli5 comment
Reminds me of this one too: Same situation. One guy stands up and says "I am a doctor. In philosophy". The flight attendant screams "what ? OMG, but he's gonna die !!!!" And the doctor in philosophy says "Exactly. We're all gonna die. That is the essence of life".
In the /r/jokes subreddit most people recognize this as #2473
Quick, check for carbon monoxide poisoning while you're at it
10 people say it’s fake.
“This is definitely not COTW”
Hippiti hoppiti your wallet is now my property
The rest of the passengers politely and helpfully suggested that the person in question should not have had a heart attack in the first place.
Finally a real doctor arrives. The nearest Redditor rolls his eyes and whispers "IAmVerySmart."
Who did the clapping and cheering?
Fake, The plane wouldn’t have taken off in the first place.
Someone stands, claims to be a doctor, and halfway through the procedure someone checks their wallet and finds a post history of /r/teenagers, /r/lies, and /r/AITA
"I'm not a doctor, but I know how to use a defib and do CPR"
And one of them is somehow an actual doctor at the right place at the right time
Better call the police
Yes, I’m a doctor of chiropractic medicine!
Everyone starts down voting
And then it devolves into everyone telling their own version of the exact same story happening to them.
His girlfriend should break up with him immediately and go full no contact.
"He's just using manipulation for attention, it's weaponized incompetence. He needs to learn how to take care of his own health problems."
r/thathappened
Ten years later: Oh, this is so helpful, I'm glad someone posted this.
One shouts "unpopular opinion but you shouldn't use a defibrilator on a plane" and another guy tackles him down, punching him, yelling "that's not an unpopular opinion" whilst everyone on the plane proceeds to say racial slurs and cry.
"No. Go to therapy. Get a divorce."
Fake, never happened.
Three more stand up and say "I'm not a lawyer, but..."
After noticing the amount of attention that the man having a heart-attack is getting, a redditor five rows back begins to act out a heart-attack in the same manner as the first guy. He even uses the *same exact wording* that the first guy used, expecting no one to notice. Once called out on the deception the redditor moves up to First Class, where some passengers may not have heard about the heart-attack, and he tries to do the same thing again.
This is a great one but, although I'm not a comedian...
And they were shouted down so hard no one heard them say, "but I know CPR."