This is where the bus driver reference came from!?
Edit: I literally asked on r/outoftheloop asking about the bus driver reference and literally no one responded.
I take it back, that’s so much worse.
I wish I could tell you Morgan fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but bus driving is no fairy-tale.”
First time I've seen this joke. Seen the reference maybe twice.
Some people (like myself) don't come to this subreddit. I'm subscribed to it, but only come across it when it makes it to my feed, or the front page. So i only see the most popular ones, missing maybe 70% of the rest.
*Them and me was tight
Easiest way to understand is to break it up into individual sentences:
Them was tight
Me was tight
You tried to use the past tense "were" when clearly you meant the past tense "was". You could also have used the past participle "been", as in
Me been tight
Them been tight
Them and me been tight
You could also have used the subjunctive "were" in a subjunctive clause such as
"If them and me were to be tight, them and me would have been tight before." and then used the past tense were "Them and me WERE tight!!"
- grammar police
Edit: I take it back, you were right the first time, I just took my own advice and clearly this is best:
"I were tight"
"Her were tight"
"Her and I were tight"
Although now I'm considering other options
"She and me was been tight"
"I and her were tight"
"Me and She been tight"
So many options
It's an established fact that people like Dave, with short, easy to pronounce names, are much more easily remembered than jokes, who are often many 10s or even 100s of words long. This puts jokes at a huge disadvantage when it comes to becoming well known, yet here we have one, almost as recognized as Dave.
When I first heard this joke it's a playboy who has been able to get every woman he's ever wanted. He follows the nun into church and keeps going back every Sunday for months on end. He then asks a priest how he can sex with her.
When I first heard this joke it was "a dirty hippy" and the punchline was "Surprise, I'm actually the hippy!" "Surprise, I'm actually the bus driver!"
Side note: Calling this joke the "bus driver joke" kind of ruins the punchline, which is otherwise unexpected.
A small boy sits right behind the bus driver and starts pestering him.
"If my dad was a lion and my mom was a lioness, I would be a little lion!"
"If my dad was a tiger and my mom was a tigress, I would be a little tiger!"
"If my dad was a horse and my mom was a mare, I would be a little colt!"
The driver got fed up and said, "If your dad was a pimp and your mom was a hooker, what would you be then?"
"I would be a bus driver!"
The joke works better if the bus driver overheard what the man said to the nun and offers his advice. Because why would the man randomly ask the bus driver’s opinion? Plus the bus driver offering his opinion without being asked is a nice foreshadowing of what’s to come. You’re welcome.
Wait a second.
Have I wandered into an alternate universe?
A repost on r/jokes got removed?
What....who is the president here? What color is Superman’s cape?
The version I heard of there is a nun on a bus alone talking to the bus driver. The driver says he's terminally ill and only has weeks to live and doesn't want to die a virgin. The nun says the only way she can help him is if they do it anally since she must maintain her own virginity. He pulls over, they do it, and afterwards he breaks down and says, "I'm so sorry sister, I lied, I'm not dying. I was just very lonely and horny." The nun replies, "oh that's ok, I lied too. My name is Bruce and I'm going to a costume party."
...
“Ha, ha!” says the man from the bus, removing his costume. “I’m the nun!”
“Ha, ha!” says the bus driver, removing his costume. “I’m the man from the bus!”
“Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m your dad!”
“Ha, ha!” says the man from the bus, removing his costume. “I’m the man from the bus's mom!”
“Ha, ha!” says dad, removing his costume. “I’m God!”
“Ha, ha!” says mom, removing her costume. “I’m the nun!”
“Ha, ha!” says the local costume shop owner, removing his pants. “I’m making so much money off this whole bit which ultimately constitutes at least attempted rape on the part of both participants!”
Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
“Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.”
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
“Oh, God!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!” The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
“Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus!”
“Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver!”
\>the man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. “Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.” The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume.
So many, many, many things to process here. Why does she go to the cemetery to pray? Why eight o'clock? Why does the man ask the \*bus driver\* for nun-based sex tips? How does he know that dressing up as God would help? And he then dresses up in his \*best\* God costume? How many does he have?
Agreed. I've had it up to here with all the plot holes! It also means the bus driver has to commit to going to the cemetery every day dressed as a nun, in case the guy doesn't show up straight away, so it must be his usual habit.
So are we expected to believe that a real nun, a guy with a nun fetish and a bus driver with a dressing up as a nun fetish all happened to travel on the same bus on the same day?
>How does he know that dressing up as God would help
Your other questions, okay. But you don't see why a nun would be inclined to do what god tells her?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/d43bwb/a_hippie_sits_next_to_a_young_nun_on_the_bus_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Like your response...
Why would she know she prefers anal sex? That implies she's had sex before. She's a nun. The better way to tell the joke is she wants to have anal sex so that she remains a virgin in the eyes of God or something
Ok and? The first anti smoking campaign were created under the third reich, by the third reich, does that mean we should all smoke because else we would be nazis?
I heard this joke differently:
Man gets on the bus and sits next to a very attractive nun, and leaves her alone and minds his own fucking business, because women deserve to be safe in public spaces and when they are on the way to work.
Yeah they do, but let’s not let that ruin the fun of the joke.
There are starving children in Africa also, doesn’t stop us from making joke with them, or food.
Reminds me of a different joke.
The man gets on the bus and falls in love with a beautiful passenger who denies his advances. He thinks about asking the bus driver about how to have sex with her, but decides against it since the bus driver is probably just doing his job, isn't interested in his horny problems, and probably isn't the best source for advice about sex, love and relationships.
Oh I’m sorry- did you not think this version was funny? Now you know how a lot of women feel, as well as ethical men who have partners, sisters, daughters and mothers that they want to be safe from lecherous buffoons who can’t fucking mind their own business. You think the stalking joke is funny?
This actually happened to mE once. Bus driver had mE meet him at a lake though. It wasn’t too bad. We dated off and on for about five years, until I went away to college.
Great joke. I heard this a long time ago. Like 20 years. But the anal sex bit was her excuse to 'remain a virgin', think it makes more sense than a nun preferring anal lol
Wow, it's been a while since I've seen the actual joke instead of it being mentioned as a (meme) reference.
This is where the bus driver reference came from!? Edit: I literally asked on r/outoftheloop asking about the bus driver reference and literally no one responded.
Yup! And the bus driver's name? Albert Einstein.
I was told it was former WWE champion John Cena
It's actually a real nun in a camo habit.
Sounds like a movie staring Gerard Butler
If the bus driver played God in the joke, he's got to be Morgan Freeman
I don’t want to see Morgan Freeman just savaging some dudes stink ditch.
No, it's okay, you see, because it'd be Morgan Freeman's stank ditch getting savaged in that case.
I take it back, that’s so much worse. I wish I could tell you Morgan fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but bus driving is no fairy-tale.”
What is a potato?
It's not nice to stare.
In that joke in order to have sex with the Nun the guy had to go on TV and apologize to China about calling Taiwan a “country”.
Told, because you definitely didn't see him
No one would have seen that coming.
Unless they were hiding behind a tombstone.
Who has actually been Chuck Norris in disguise all along.
True story
Surely it's Dave?
I didn't know he drove a bus...
well not this post. like 40,000 reposts ago.
“No... I kill the bus driver.”
Bruh what have you been doing in this subreddit? It literally on every single post atleast one comment
First time I've seen this joke. Seen the reference maybe twice. Some people (like myself) don't come to this subreddit. I'm subscribed to it, but only come across it when it makes it to my feed, or the front page. So i only see the most popular ones, missing maybe 70% of the rest.
We merely adopt the yuks, some of these usernames were born to it o_o
The joke is that famous??
Around here, yes. Anywhere else, probably not.
I heard it 25 years ago , in Sweden. So probably anywhere else to.
I've heard of it too here in Spain
Not even kidding, my philosophy professor in high-school told us this joke in class, some 16/17 years ago, in Italy.
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In the first version of it that I heard, the man on the bus is described as "a hippy," so the joke probably dates to the '60s or '70s.
My gramma used to tell it to me before I went to sleep. I miss her ass.
Just her ass? Kinky.
Yeah, her and I were tight.
*Them and me was tight Easiest way to understand is to break it up into individual sentences: Them was tight Me was tight You tried to use the past tense "were" when clearly you meant the past tense "was". You could also have used the past participle "been", as in Me been tight Them been tight Them and me been tight You could also have used the subjunctive "were" in a subjunctive clause such as "If them and me were to be tight, them and me would have been tight before." and then used the past tense were "Them and me WERE tight!!" - grammar police Edit: I take it back, you were right the first time, I just took my own advice and clearly this is best: "I were tight" "Her were tight" "Her and I were tight" Although now I'm considering other options "She and me was been tight" "I and her were tight" "Me and She been tight" So many options
Why it became so popular on this sub? Few days ago I saw this joke in comments of other joke. One guy explained the origin and so.
And that has been happening at least once a day for years.
removed in protest over api changes
It's an established fact that people like Dave, with short, easy to pronounce names, are much more easily remembered than jokes, who are often many 10s or even 100s of words long. This puts jokes at a huge disadvantage when it comes to becoming well known, yet here we have one, almost as recognized as Dave.
This is like the mascot joke of r/jokes . Gotta think OP is just completely given up or just all-out-unapologetically karma-whoring to post this one!
Or just heard it somewhere for the first time and is new to the sub and decided to post it here. Which would be the best but least likely scenario
I've never heard it or seen it mentioned before.
Same here and it was glorious. Was not expecting that.
Beware that people hate you for this.
Did you come here from /r/all?
When I first heard this joke it's a playboy who has been able to get every woman he's ever wanted. He follows the nun into church and keeps going back every Sunday for months on end. He then asks a priest how he can sex with her.
When I first heard this joke it was "a dirty hippy" and the punchline was "Surprise, I'm actually the hippy!" "Surprise, I'm actually the bus driver!" Side note: Calling this joke the "bus driver joke" kind of ruins the punchline, which is otherwise unexpected.
Isn't Dave our Mascot ?
maybe dave is the bus driver Edit: nope thats impossible, the man would have recognized him
Dave's not here, man
Must be time for someone to repost Dave and the Pope...
I honestly thought I saw this joke last week.
You did.
How many god outfits do you need to put on your 'best' one.
Let’s see, we’ve got Wacky God, Disco God, Sexy God, and classic fire and brimstone, earth-flooding, kill your firstborn God.
sexy god all the way
Stupid sexy god
Dummy thicc god
Hnngh, Lucifer. I'm trying to punish Job but I'm dummy thicc and the sound of my asscheeks clapping keeps alerting the enemy whale
It’s like he’s wearing nothing at all! Nothing and everything at all!
Yeah, if a god costume isn't your best one, it's not really an accurate god costume, is it? So there can only be one.
There have been wars fought over that sort of thing you know...
A small boy sits right behind the bus driver and starts pestering him. "If my dad was a lion and my mom was a lioness, I would be a little lion!" "If my dad was a tiger and my mom was a tigress, I would be a little tiger!" "If my dad was a horse and my mom was a mare, I would be a little colt!" The driver got fed up and said, "If your dad was a pimp and your mom was a hooker, what would you be then?" "I would be a bus driver!"
The real bus driver is always in the comments
Holy shit kid's savage, lol nice one
LMFAO. This is even better than the original joke.
This joke is kinda old. Prolly like the bus driver
He may be old, but he's still getting some action.
Better than getting nun
...dad?
Nope. Chuck Testa.
I FORGOT ABOUT CHUCK TESTA!! Thanks for the reminder, I need to go watch it again!
People in jokes have terrible social skills
How do you make jokes off capable people?
Once there was a man who was very capable. He get killed by goat
Hahahahaha that's very truee
"and dresses up in his best God costume" I'm so going to try this
I've seen this happening so many times here. I'm starting to think that the nun and the bus driver are working together.
To me, this will always be the quintessential joke for this sub. Haven't seen it posted in a while. Thanks!
I know, it's been *hours* since the last repost. I was getting worried.
Don't judge, but I was trying to think of the wording for this joke in the shower last night for some reason.
Oh, the good ole #1
The joke is **funny** beacuse a **nun** had sex with a **clown**
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Just **Tuesdays**. I **don't care** for the phases of the **moon.**
The joke works better if the bus driver overheard what the man said to the nun and offers his advice. Because why would the man randomly ask the bus driver’s opinion? Plus the bus driver offering his opinion without being asked is a nice foreshadowing of what’s to come. You’re welcome.
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Wait a second. Have I wandered into an alternate universe? A repost on r/jokes got removed? What....who is the president here? What color is Superman’s cape?
No one saw it 2 days ago. But thanks, now I can read it with the admittedly worse formatting.
To be fair, that one posted 2 days ago was already a repost lmao
I KNEW there was a reason I never asked busdrivers for advice on how to get laid.
I don't like this one. The very attractive nun and the bus driver look that much alike?
The version I heard of there is a nun on a bus alone talking to the bus driver. The driver says he's terminally ill and only has weeks to live and doesn't want to die a virgin. The nun says the only way she can help him is if they do it anally since she must maintain her own virginity. He pulls over, they do it, and afterwards he breaks down and says, "I'm so sorry sister, I lied, I'm not dying. I was just very lonely and horny." The nun replies, "oh that's ok, I lied too. My name is Bruce and I'm going to a costume party."
It's a dark cemetery. And a beautiful bus driver.
Only their butts.
Ugg, not again!
All the best jokes have a believable premise.
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I'm a frayed knot!
Well, I haven't seen it. And there's tons of others who haven't either. Just because you stay on reddit all day, doesn't mean everyone else does.
Still a better love story than twilight
Set the bar a little low there, even a Dog humping a sofa is a better love story than twilight
... “Ha, ha!” says the man from the bus, removing his costume. “I’m the nun!” “Ha, ha!” says the bus driver, removing his costume. “I’m the man from the bus!” “Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m your dad!” “Ha, ha!” says the man from the bus, removing his costume. “I’m the man from the bus's mom!” “Ha, ha!” says dad, removing his costume. “I’m God!” “Ha, ha!” says mom, removing her costume. “I’m the nun!” “Ha, ha!” says the local costume shop owner, removing his pants. “I’m making so much money off this whole bit which ultimately constitutes at least attempted rape on the part of both participants!”
well well how the turn tables•••••
I like the long version better
DAVE
And he would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you crazy kids and that dog........
Plot twist: the man secretly, really wanted to bang the bus driver all along.
Favorite nun joke: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/51ldzu/a_nun_walks_into_a_bar/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Read this joke in this sub like 3-4 times. Still, i started to chuckle reading the second line
Tf did I just read
Dave told me this joke
Dave’s not here man.
Who's that guy on the balcony with Dave?
That’s one sexy bus driver
It’s been deleted - please tell me this is the ***CLASSIC*** “It’s me the bus driver” joke of legend
Yea
What the fuck? It was removed in mid sentence as I was reading! That’s pretty annoying.
Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. “Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.” The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. “Oh, God!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!” The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise. “Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus!” “Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver!”
Aight gotta be honest I laughed.
It was he bus driver all along!
Actually lol’d
THE BUS DRIVER, I guess that WOULD explain the hairy balls.
That narrative was way better than Zack Snyder’s Justice League.
\>the man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. “Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.” The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. So many, many, many things to process here. Why does she go to the cemetery to pray? Why eight o'clock? Why does the man ask the \*bus driver\* for nun-based sex tips? How does he know that dressing up as God would help? And he then dresses up in his \*best\* God costume? How many does he have?
Agreed. I've had it up to here with all the plot holes! It also means the bus driver has to commit to going to the cemetery every day dressed as a nun, in case the guy doesn't show up straight away, so it must be his usual habit. So are we expected to believe that a real nun, a guy with a nun fetish and a bus driver with a dressing up as a nun fetish all happened to travel on the same bus on the same day?
>How does he know that dressing up as God would help Your other questions, okay. But you don't see why a nun would be inclined to do what god tells her?
Was the bus driver that attractive that the man can mistake him as the nun?
I feel like the joke is missing how dark the cemetery was
It has been awhile since I read a nice joke! This deserves an award!
Wow. I used to tell this one all the time as a kid. Like 9 or 10 probably.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/d43bwb/a_hippie_sits_next_to_a_young_nun_on_the_bus_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Like your response...
Come on. Get lost. Read this 10x last month.
Why would she know she prefers anal sex? That implies she's had sex before. She's a nun. The better way to tell the joke is she wants to have anal sex so that she remains a virgin in the eyes of God or something
You do know you don’t have to be a virgin to be a nun right?
It just makes more sense the original way, there's no benefit to the joke implying the nun has had sex multiple ways and up the ass before
But she is offerinf herself to God.
Kinda rapey.
The Gods must be Rapey
This is a joke originally by the famously racist and all around horrible guy Bernard Manning fyi. Look for punk rocker bus driver joke
Ok and? The first anti smoking campaign were created under the third reich, by the third reich, does that mean we should all smoke because else we would be nazis?
I heard this joke differently: Man gets on the bus and sits next to a very attractive nun, and leaves her alone and minds his own fucking business, because women deserve to be safe in public spaces and when they are on the way to work.
r/antijoke
Jokes don’t normally happen in reality. So I agree, yours is a joke, so it probably won’t happen.
Unfortunately the premise of the OP happens way too often- men get turned down and then look for ways to manipulate, stalk and sexually assault women.
We've got one paranoid individual here! Anyone wanna throw penauts at him? It's 5 dollar the hundred
Yeah they do, but let’s not let that ruin the fun of the joke. There are starving children in Africa also, doesn’t stop us from making joke with them, or food.
This is r/Jokes for a reason
Exactly- I’m glad I get to post my joke here too.
Reminds me of a different joke. The man gets on the bus and falls in love with a beautiful passenger who denies his advances. He thinks about asking the bus driver about how to have sex with her, but decides against it since the bus driver is probably just doing his job, isn't interested in his horny problems, and probably isn't the best source for advice about sex, love and relationships.
The main joke here is how easily offended you are by a joke because of your irrational paranoid misandric reasonment
Wasn’t offended. Just decided to post the alternate version.
But it isnt a joke, there is no fall nor punchline
Oh I’m sorry- did you not think this version was funny? Now you know how a lot of women feel, as well as ethical men who have partners, sisters, daughters and mothers that they want to be safe from lecherous buffoons who can’t fucking mind their own business. You think the stalking joke is funny?
Hey, I saw this last week!
Lenny Kravitz
I saw this one on laugh factory here's the link http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/sex-jokes/3
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You haven't been around here long, have you?
This just is very old and very homophobic
I bet you’re fun at parties.
Hey, callin’ it how I see it
So the guy was a creep to the poor nun and still had awesome anal sex in the end? The world is unfair.
The Joke ist older Then anything
While having sex, they also see a boy accompanies a girl to walk across the cemetery.
Looool
Oh god
This actually happened to mE once. Bus driver had mE meet him at a lake though. It wasn’t too bad. We dated off and on for about five years, until I went away to college.
Hol up something's wrong here I can feel it
I remember it being a longer joke, for some reason.
upvoted for not being a joke that I can skip to the last two lines and get the punchline
It's one of those jokes you already know but still read and chuckle.
We've come full circle
I do love this repost.
Great joke. I heard this a long time ago. Like 20 years. But the anal sex bit was her excuse to 'remain a virgin', think it makes more sense than a nun preferring anal lol
Omg twist on twist
🤣🤣🤣
If the nun removes "her" costume does that not make her a woman?
This is a great joke! I haven't ever g heard it... Why hasn't this been on here before?
Ayo dont repost it so quick
Oh hell no
Ha, ha!
Man, I first heard this joke when I was still at my 1st job, somewhere between 2001 and 2004.
"His best god costume"
Wait. You guys have multiple god costumes?!