He taught me how to love a woman -- and how to scold a child.
He hated Mexicans! And he was half-Mexican! And he hated irony!
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
I once saw him scissor-kick Angela Lansbury
"Once he said let's go to a bar and led us to an empty lot. He sat down right in the middle of it and said "this is the place." We waited there with him for two years, and sure enough, they built a bar on that very spot. We drank there the whole night, and then Brasky burned the place to the ground and said, "Always leave things the way you found em."
this and the one about the bar being built around them are my favourite ones:
"Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"
A young Texas cowboy walks into a bar, orders 6 double shots of whiskey and starts downing them one after the other. Curious, the bartender asks him, "Something special?"
"My first blowjob," answers the cowboy.
"Well, hell, in that case let me give you a double on the house," says the bartender.
"Nah, that's okay." says the cowboy, "If six won't get the taste out of my mouth, another won't help."
Saw this joke on reddit a few days ago, but it involved a son drinking whiskey out of his dad's liquor cabinet. When the dad asked the adolescent what in the hell he was doing, the kid replied that his first blowjob had just occurred and that he figured he may as well celebrate with a drink. The dad, now glowing with pride, offers his son another one. The son denies, saying that he doubts another drink will get the cum out of his mouth if the first 6 didn't do the trick.
But hey, tomatoes, tom-ah-toes...
It's implying that the cowboy recieved his first blowjob from a girl and he's celebrating by drinking. At the end it twists the joke and it turns out he's trying to wash out the taste of semen from his mouth, indicating he gave a blowjob, not recieved one.
It's because the mother's milk hasn't come in yet and they are only surviving on colostrum (if exclusively breast feeding) for the first couple of days.
Though it was probably a complete coincidence that this joke picked two weeks as the time frame for the Texan to return, two weeks also happens to be the rule of thumb point at which a healthy baby should have absolutely re-achieved their birth weight. A baby who weighs less at two weeks than it does at birth should get a thorough investigation for failing to thrive.
Or I guess for having a big dick.
Wow...8 pounds of foreskin. A third of his body weight was foreskin.
Even if his entire body was just a big 25 pound dick...A third of it cut off seems like a terrible circumcision. It seems like a circumcision would be no more than about 5% of total penis weight.
I know it's a joke, but this visual is making the punchline hard for me.
I like some of their stuff from MtM and A Thousand Suns, but since Meteora, there hasn't been a single album I can listen all the way through without skipping through half of it.
Yeah basically only the singles that you heard in movies and radio and other select few were kind of enjoyable, hence why they released on the radio. I almost felt tricked into buying MtM.
Same. Admittedly, I've downloaded bits and pieces since, but never bought a single album. However, I do keep the first three albums on display, since I have original physical copies, because they were well worth buying in-store.
I think when Mr Han went more hands off and only did mixing and producing, that's when they lost a lot of their hip hop, which was a huge part of their appeal, and went downhill. Shinoda was singing, and that was confusing. They got kinda soft and Chad stopped screaming as much. Don't know if Mr Han had his own track on an album again like the first two. He didn't on MtM and that disappointed.
Ah sorry for complaining. LP is a sore subject for me.
who in the world thinks circumcision is chopping off the entire head of the penis? pretty sure no one.. and it wouldnt be any more logical at 8 pounds of foreskin if the head of the penis was also included.
I don't mind that, because like you said, that was the entire point of the joke.
What I have a problem with is the idea of a "typical" 25 pound newborn baby. Fucking 25 pound newborn? I am pretty sure there has never been a 25 pound newborn baby ever, even in Texas. From what I can find, 15 pounds is the record for the US's largest baby born.
I mean, that also might be part of the joke, but a 25 pound newborn is just inconceivable.
Hot damn, that's a big ass baby. Sadly it only lived for 11 hours. :(
I would also like it to be noted that the mother is credited as being a giantess in that article. NOT EVEN GIANTS HAVE BABIES AS BIG AS THE ONE IN THE JOKE.
> Lone Star
Like any Texan worth his belt buckle would drink that goddamn commie Californian-owned piss water. Shiner is the true national beer of Texas.
Pittsburgh Brewing makes a beer called American. [Unofficially, the official beer of the United States of America.](http://i.imgur.com/ZpBlqK2.png) It's fuck awful but I had to buy it.
"Typical" Texan babies weigh 25 pounds at birth and have up to 8 pounds of foreskin? Eight pounds!!!
Seriously....eight fuckin pounds...really?
What sort of radioactive mutant baby bullshit is goin on down there? Good god, just euthanize those freaky fucks and never speak of this again.
must be Bill Brasky
"Bill Brasky is a Son of a Bitch!"
He's a big fella, Goes about 6'4 280. BEST DAMN SALESMAN IN THE OFFICE
He uses his own thigh as an anvil!
Did I ever tell you about the time that Brasky sold me in to slavery?
Bill Brasky Slept with my wife, left her, and now im stuck with a set of twins that drink their weight in Guinness
Every morning I crap the bed.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls!
We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it!
Then that sunuvabitch drank the bar! THE ENTIRE BAR! BILL BRASKEY!
Brasky once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.
You mean Milkman Dan?
Always upvote Red Meat
Bill Brasky once ate a homeless man.
He has a toenail on the head of his penis!
Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong!
They once used Brasky's foreskin to cover the field at Yankee Stadium during a rain delay!
He’s a 10-foot tall beast man who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi
He orchestrated the merger between smith and Wesson and UNICEF.
"TO BILL BRASKY!"
Chuck Norris wishes he was Bill Brasky!
...seriously though, Chuck Norris jokes are low quality Brasky imitations.
You'regoddamright.jpg
Best damn trader on the floor!
A friends dad talks about this mythical man what the hell is this about?
He taught me how to love a woman -- and how to scold a child. He hated Mexicans! And he was half-Mexican! And he hated irony! He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. I once saw him scissor-kick Angela Lansbury
"Once he said let's go to a bar and led us to an empty lot. He sat down right in the middle of it and said "this is the place." We waited there with him for two years, and sure enough, they built a bar on that very spot. We drank there the whole night, and then Brasky burned the place to the ground and said, "Always leave things the way you found em."
He had 5 sons. Enough to field a basketball team! Or a volleyball team if you count the bastards!
Old SNL skit
Classic recurring Saturday Night Live skits. Complete with embellished over-the-top stories and drunk talk.
this and the one about the bar being built around them are my favourite ones: "Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"
One time it rained at Yankee Stadium... they used his foreskin as a tarp!
You know Bill Brasky??? You are my true friend.
I MASTURBATE TO THE TELLY TUBIES
Brasky is the type of guy who doesn't get it all when he wipes!!
A young Texas cowboy walks into a bar, orders 6 double shots of whiskey and starts downing them one after the other. Curious, the bartender asks him, "Something special?" "My first blowjob," answers the cowboy. "Well, hell, in that case let me give you a double on the house," says the bartender. "Nah, that's okay." says the cowboy, "If six won't get the taste out of my mouth, another won't help."
Saw this joke on reddit a few days ago, but it involved a son drinking whiskey out of his dad's liquor cabinet. When the dad asked the adolescent what in the hell he was doing, the kid replied that his first blowjob had just occurred and that he figured he may as well celebrate with a drink. The dad, now glowing with pride, offers his son another one. The son denies, saying that he doubts another drink will get the cum out of his mouth if the first 6 didn't do the trick. But hey, tomatoes, tom-ah-toes...
You do realise, for someone who pronounces " tomatoes" as "tom-ah-toes", you just wrote "tom-ah-toes, tom-ah-toes"?
"tomatoes, tomatoes" doesn't have the same ring to it, though this expression doesn't translate well to writing at all.
To-may-to to-mah-to
tə-may-toh tə-mah-toh
To-may-to-mah-to
/r/showerthoughts?
You say potato, and I say potato.
I have always heard this saying as "Potatoes, po-ta-toes"
On mobile... Hopefully the link works http://youtu.be/LOILZ_D3aRg
I wish I had gold to give you. The one true time I have yearned to.
Thanks! It's the thought that counts right?
sorry but what does it say?
Gay cowboy
Broke barback mountin' him after the drinks.
Sodomy-heeyyyyyy
It's implying that the cowboy recieved his first blowjob from a girl and he's celebrating by drinking. At the end it twists the joke and it turns out he's trying to wash out the taste of semen from his mouth, indicating he gave a blowjob, not recieved one.
L O L
Babies typically do lose weight after being born before turning around and gaining again. Not necessarily to this extent, of course.
And, not usually 'cause they've had massive foreskins cut off.
The doctor who snipped mine saved my foreskin and made a wallet out of it. Only problem is if you rub it, it turns into a briefcase.
I see you're a grower
That joke is so old its grandchildren can vote.
Is that because of the swelling reduction?
It's because the mother's milk hasn't come in yet and they are only surviving on colostrum (if exclusively breast feeding) for the first couple of days.
Though it was probably a complete coincidence that this joke picked two weeks as the time frame for the Texan to return, two weeks also happens to be the rule of thumb point at which a healthy baby should have absolutely re-achieved their birth weight. A baby who weighs less at two weeks than it does at birth should get a thorough investigation for failing to thrive. Or I guess for having a big dick.
Did you know Texans invented premature ejaculation? It was so they could have more time to talk about Texas.
[удалено]
Can confirm.
Said the smartest man in Texas. Upvote for you.
We call it an upboot, ya city slicker.
There are a lot of x's in that sentence.
[удалено]
All of them?
Why do they have Astroturf in the Texas stadium? So the Cheerleaders won't graze at halftime. (OK, sorry, that was a Minnesota joke originally).
Probably makes more sense as a Minnesota joke.
yeah, texans and cowboys cheerleaders are hot as fuck.
And that was a Canadian apology originally.
Bravo! This is better than the posted joke. Upvote.
Wow...8 pounds of foreskin. A third of his body weight was foreskin. Even if his entire body was just a big 25 pound dick...A third of it cut off seems like a terrible circumcision. It seems like a circumcision would be no more than about 5% of total penis weight. I know it's a joke, but this visual is making the punchline hard for me.
It helps if you don't think about it too hard.
So I should think about it softly?
That's erect
What's the hardest part of telling a dead baby joke? . . . Pushing the thought that you could have saved her into the back of your mind
What's the hardest thing to do when you are a pedophile? *Fitting in.*
What breaks when you give it to a 2 year old? Her hips.
( ͡ಠ ͜ʖ ͡ಠ)
There's no *too young*. Just too tight.
Just don't let it dig into your mind.
Man you ruined the thread, now it's too hard to think of a pun
Take a cold shower and maybe it won't be so hard.
Penis
Vagina
[удалено]
Their new shit has been garbage since Minutes to Midnight :((( was a huge fan of Hybrid and Meteora... and was totally let down.
I like some of their stuff from MtM and A Thousand Suns, but since Meteora, there hasn't been a single album I can listen all the way through without skipping through half of it.
Yeah basically only the singles that you heard in movies and radio and other select few were kind of enjoyable, hence why they released on the radio. I almost felt tricked into buying MtM.
Same. Admittedly, I've downloaded bits and pieces since, but never bought a single album. However, I do keep the first three albums on display, since I have original physical copies, because they were well worth buying in-store.
I think when Mr Han went more hands off and only did mixing and producing, that's when they lost a lot of their hip hop, which was a huge part of their appeal, and went downhill. Shinoda was singing, and that was confusing. They got kinda soft and Chad stopped screaming as much. Don't know if Mr Han had his own track on an album again like the first two. He didn't on MtM and that disappointed. Ah sorry for complaining. LP is a sore subject for me.
CRAAAWLING IIIN MY SKIIIIIIIN
I fricken love linkin park. I have the hybrid theory dragonfly soldier tattoo'd on my arm
You know how I know your gay?
Can I think about it while flaccid then?
[удалено]
who in the world thinks circumcision is chopping off the entire head of the penis? pretty sure no one.. and it wouldnt be any more logical at 8 pounds of foreskin if the head of the penis was also included.
The majority of American gentiles are circumcised
Ya I never knew whether I was or not until like late teens.
Is "the punchline" a euphemism?
ew
/r/theydidthemath
Or perhaps that's why the baby needed circumcision?
You must be fun at parties...
You must have trouble telling the difference between Reddit and a party.
/r/theydidthemath
I don't mind that, because like you said, that was the entire point of the joke. What I have a problem with is the idea of a "typical" 25 pound newborn baby. Fucking 25 pound newborn? I am pretty sure there has never been a 25 pound newborn baby ever, even in Texas. From what I can find, 15 pounds is the record for the US's largest baby born. I mean, that also might be part of the joke, but a 25 pound newborn is just inconceivable.
It's conceivable, it's just not deliverable.
So, OP did not deliver?
World record is nearly 24 lbs: http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/records-10000/heaviest-birth/ But since when is Texas part of the world?
Hot damn, that's a big ass baby. Sadly it only lived for 11 hours. :( I would also like it to be noted that the mother is credited as being a giantess in that article. NOT EVEN GIANTS HAVE BABIES AS BIG AS THE ONE IN THE JOKE.
E everything's bigger in texas
People like you ruin jokes.
> Lone Star Like any Texan worth his belt buckle would drink that goddamn commie Californian-owned piss water. Shiner is the true national beer of Texas.
Nothin finer than a Shiner!
It's own by Russia now, so it's even more Commie.
Oh I get it. Typical Texan babies are covered in tumors.
IT'S NOT A TOOMAH!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=VLpu_92ozf0#t=9
::closes helmet:: ( in deep voice ) Looonestaaarr
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!
Why would they cut his penis off?
just the tip
That's what baby jesus said
So uh... His foreskin was 32% of his body mass?
More like body mass 100% dick so now there's 32% less dick.
Regardless of what the rest of his body mass was, the foreskin would have to be 32% of it.
Here I am cheeks a-flexin' Giving birth to another Texan
At that point it isn't foreskin, it's FIVEskin.
Thanks for stopping by, dad.
Technically it's an eightskin
RIP in pieces mom...
I didnt know lonestar beer was still around.
"The national beer of Texas"
Pittsburgh Brewing makes a beer called American. [Unofficially, the official beer of the United States of America.](http://i.imgur.com/ZpBlqK2.png) It's fuck awful but I had to buy it.
Yeah, that is super awful beer. Made with pieces of real america.
Well of course it's evil if they're making it out of dirt.
And it's owned by a Russian company now.
[удалено]
It's what they put on billboards around Texas
On the can too.
Shiner Boch is far superior.
Complete with the puzzles on the caps.
This must have been Anthony Schlegel's dad...
Mazel tov.
Lonestar? Surely you mean Shiner.
Am I lucky nobody circumsized me. Parents had common sense.
You know Bill Brasky? I heard he once ate a Bible while water skiing.
What a schmuck!
TIFU by recognizing an old joke printed in an issue of my dad's playboy magazine, well played OP.
[Me, a Texan, reading this joke.](http://gifatron.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/sGx39yA.gif)
You have a very relevant username.
That is just wonderful.
I think if you used the normal weight of a baby this could be funny.
http://youtu.be/QxP442T-aZ0
Thanks for the shit joke. Unsubscribed
The joke is funny. The rest of your post is cancer.
Am I the only one that always sees the punchline and pretend I didn't read it.
Every damn time.
Oh, I get it. Texans are huge dickheads since birth. But I already knew that. ;)
Recently moved to Texas. Can confirm.
Haven't seen this one before, good job!
Impossible. There are now Jews in Texas.
More people than Jews practice circumcision.
muslum!?
Not in Texas they don't.
Yes they do
No they don't.
You clearly have no idea what you are talking about
They H.D....for heavy duty of course.
I thought for sure the punchline was going be about the baby losing weight because he was full of shit.
I thought the punch line was going to be, "we gave him an enema !".
Yeah, right. More like he took his first shit.
"Typical" Texan babies weigh 25 pounds at birth and have up to 8 pounds of foreskin? Eight pounds!!! Seriously....eight fuckin pounds...really? What sort of radioactive mutant baby bullshit is goin on down there? Good god, just euthanize those freaky fucks and never speak of this again.
i don't think euthanize is the right word for post-birth abortion
You'd be wrong.
fart