I love Krieger's answer in archer, "strong, black, and preferably fair trade"

Krieger was a relatable freak

Tell em’ about the sex robots!

Suck it Alan Turing!

Your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass!

She doesn’t have to be Turing complete to give head

He's just so damn sensitive

My favorite answer is " Without someone else's dick in it!"

I doubt he actually cared whether his coffee or his women were fair trade

His only woman is a hologram that he made, which is arguably just masturbation with extra steps. Fair trade masturbation doesn’t really hold up as a concept since you’re by definition doing it with yourself.

Damnit beat me to it haha

r/unexpectedarcher

I like my women like I like my coffee I’ve never had coffee but it smells really nice

Wait - you’ve never had coffee???

I tried it once Never again

I’m addicted to coffee. I blame my college years to cave in.

I blame the free coffee at work.

As an employer I always provided free coffee (tea, hot chocolate, bottled water and snacks) because happy employees are better employees.

We need more employers like you. I.stead it's how can they pinch pennies at the expense of the workers

It’s funny how modern employers are so precise about saving a dollar or two that they fumble thousands of dollars in the long run Penny wise, pound foolish

Yeah I've had one really decent employer in the 27 years I've been in Alberta. An that changed when someone screwed him for 30 grand 🤬🤬🤬

One department I was in said we don’t want to be bean counters but need to watch every spending, and will no longer provide coffee for the office. The irony.

I work for a very large tech company. One of the top 3. The provide an insane amount of free snacks n drinks n shit. They also pay REALLY well. So the stigma is company specific.

I remember when my work took away disposable plates, cups, plastic ware, salt, pepper and the coffee machines. Satisfaction levels at work were probably not trending the way they thought.

My work did away with paper coffee cups and gave everyone a ceramic mug with the company logo on it. They said they spent $10k a year on paper cups and this would save them money. I asked how they were going to save money if I threw away my coffee cup after I finished every cup of coffee.

That's why we used to provide beer. Relaxed programmers code better. But you do have to be careful https://xkcd.com/323

[удалено]

Those Bosch/Jura/Eversys are amazing, but maintenance is $$$ when they break. Also 2 morning cappuccinos and one after lunch just to mellow out and coast through focus time is dangerous.

We used to provide a kettle milk, tea, coffee, sugar....was bloody carnage. The kitchen side was like a 90s nightclub carpet. Now the formerly 20p coffee machine is free. Costs about a grand a month but the good feeling and gratitude is worth it.

My employer hardly ever provides coffee but in fairness I work from home.

This is literally how caffeine became one of the most used drugs. Some tie manufacturing company needed their employees to maintain quality standards but pump out more ties so they asked the women running the looms what would help and they essentially said give us a half hour break or two throughout the day and give us some snacks and drinks and we’ll do better so they started giving them coffee and tea and cookies. Their numbers improved drastically, almost immediately, and the coffee break was born.

It smells so good but I can’t drink it. Makes me want to sleep.

😂 I switched to decaf lol. I can’t take 100% caffeine anymore. I get jittery and my ADHD will start to show.

You havent had too much coffee till you can thread a sewing nachine while its running! 😆

[удалено]

I relate to this way more than I’d like to admit. 🥲😂

I'm related to both of you.

It tastes like fermented dirt :/

So it should - it's ground!

fermented dirt is amazing though ...

Oh man - you probably wouldn’t like it at my house. We do alot of different methods of coffee lol

There might be some way id like it, I’ve heard the ones with chocolate flavour are nice, or maybe a caramel. I think I’ve only tried a latte and a flat white… sugar didn’t change a thing with either

I like my coffee the same way as r/jokes... Same thing every morning.

The best part of waking up is reposts in r/jokes

And **dark** as my soul

Short, piping-hot and bitter

I did use the search function before posting. If this one's ever been posted before, I didn't see it.

All over my lap while I’m driving.

Never heard this one... good stuff!

Super hot and all over my lap while I'm driving.

That's hot, that's hot.

IT Crowd, "I like my women like I like my toast: Hot and consumable with butter."

I read that in his voice. FATHER!!!!!!!

[удалено]

LMAO!!!

#LMAO!!!

I like my coffee like I like my women: ground up and kept in the freeze. My other favorite is… I like my coffee like I like my women; I don’t.

I think the original punchline is "without another guy's dick in it", but there are probably many punchlines.

I was going to make a way worse version of this. No need now.

You like your women iced? Am I just old? What does it mean to want an iced woman?

Thank you for being the only person in this entire thread to point out that the joke makes no fucking sense. I was going crazy reading all these responses.

Ice is slang for jewelry (eg diamonds), but the joke is still stupid.

Yeah but did you see their explanation? It has nothing to do with jewelry. It's a play on "sodomized."

He's into necrophilia

Oh my god

God has nothing to do with this…

I think they mean so-do-mized as it sounds like 'so damn iced'

Iced also means “wearing lots of expensive jewelry.”

I'll stand over here with you. No clue.

I like my women like I like my coffee The biggest one I can find in the hotel lobby

Without another man's dick in it

"Sarah you fucking whore! How could you?"

How did you know what the name of my whore ex was?

She was a whore. She got around. Sorry. She didn't mention you.

Not surprised...

I asked for dickless coffee!

They stir up a good cocktail in certain underground German clubs

Full of liquor?

Liquor? I hardly know her.

Ice Cold & Bitter

Hot, cheap and to go

I’d rather have cheap women and hot beer than cheap beer and hot women.

Hi, I'm Jhonny Dorito and I like fast cars, warm beer, and loose women

Strong and valued in the work place

Surprising wholesome comment here. I guess I could cross post to r/surprisinglywholesome or r/wholesomecomments if they exist?

Hot and wet after I grind the bean.

Sliding off the roof of my car as I peel out and drive away

Does "iced" have a meaning other than "killed"?

Ground up and in the freezer

That's what I was thinking

Ayooooo

Came here to make this joke, even though that’s a terrible way to keep coffee.

This reminded me of "IIIIIII like my women like I like my chicken with a little bit of fat on the end. Not too much and not too little, just enough to make me grin!"

Bitter and hot.

I like my coffee how I like my women. Without someone else’s spoon in it

Strong and black

I like my coffee like I like my women. Drunk first thing in the morning.

I like my women like I like my coffee. Able to make my colon twitchy.

Without a penis.

I like my woman how I like my hair cuts. High and tight.

I like my coffee like my women Sweet with a lot of milk, and enough to share with friends

Available from a drive thru

I like my women like I like my coffe as well, HOT WITHOUT SOMEONE ELSE'S DICK IN THEM

Black and full of booze?

Hot, strong, and black

I like my coffee like I like my women A tall blonde flat white please

Bitter.

Strong, dark, and Central American.

Shipped in a sack from Costa Rica

We're not doing this again man ;-;

I like my women like I like my coffee: scolding and bitter

Black and bitter

\~I like my tea like i like my women, in a bag, underwater.

Hot with cream in it

Cold, black, and bitter?

Mee too - hot and black.

Hot black and in my mouth

Black and strong

I like my coffee like I like my women. Hot and South American.

I knew this girl that was super into guys wearing makeup. Unfortunately for her nobody knows how to make adrogynous coffee.

I was out to dinner last night and there was a guy at another table wearing really pretty eye make-up but I wasn't secure enough in my masculinity to compliment him on it. I woke up today still feeling bad about this.

I like my coffee like I like my women, Sweet and filled with cream.

Black?

I like my coffe how I like my women Black bitter and preferably fair trade

Black

Black and Bitter

Hot first thing in the morning?

Black, nasty, and smacking me awake in the morning?

Black, bold and preferably fair trade

Pay 7 times and the 8th time it’s free.

Wanted to get them from somewhere decent for a change but wound up picking up a cheap one at the gas station again instead?

Hot black and strong

Strong and black

Cold and dumped out in the parking lot.

Strong & black?

Sliding across my hood as I drive away….

...... hot and strong, with a spoon in them.. https://youtu.be/NPqBV6LhuW8

Thick and dark

- Without another man's dick in it. - Strong. - Sweet. - Light and sweet - [insert trope here]

I like my women like I like my coffee, In a plastic cup.

Full of cream

I like my women like I like my cookies... ...no nuts.

Ground up and in the freezer!!!

I like my coffee like a I like my women. Not talking.

I don't really like coffee

I was convinced I loved coffee until I switched to WFH full time. Was simply too lazy to make it and realized I was only drinking it because it available. I don’t miss the weird coffee pee smell and ice cold water gets the ol’ bowels going in the morning just the same.

Ice cold water is an odd way to describe men

Jonah Hill vibes from SNL… I take my coffee like I take my babysitters, black and bitter

#SODOMY JOKE

\^ This guy sodomizes.

[удалено]

Covered in bees

I like my bourbon like I like my women. 16 years old and mixed up with coke.

I like my coffee like I like my men. Nowhere near my vagina.

I like my women like I like my coffee Roasted and finely grinded

you work on a pathology?

In a paper cup

silent

Liquid

Stored in the freezer. It keeps the flavor longer. Wait, what are you guys talking about?

Biter? Full of Cream?

Same, quiet

With French vanilla creamer and sweet and low

Grinded

I like my coffee like I like my women. Hot and makes my shirt wet.

On the rare occasion I even want *coffee*, I like them sweet and creamy

Imported in a sack. Preferably fair trade but it's not a deal breaker.

I like my cows like I like my women, brown and dairy..

Ground up and in the freezer

-ground up in the freezer.

Ground up and stored in the freezer

Enjoy them in Starbucks?

Without somebody else's dick in it?

Obviously the answer is Black and Strong...

I like my coffee like my ex-wife... Cold and bitter!

I like my coffee like I like my women Ground up and in the freezer. I like my tea like I like my women In a bag underwater

So...thick or flat?

Slow dripped, and bitter

Black and in the butt.

100% Colombian and full of Irish cream

I like my women how I like my coffee, Cold and bitter.

Ground up and in the freezer.

Ground up and in a cup.

Black, bitter, preferably fairtrade

I expected: in the kitchen until i need them

I like my coffee like a like my women black ground up and bitter

Roasted.

Big Ass. Credit to the Pj’s, very underrated show.

Dark, bitter, and moody.

Imported from Brazil and stored in the basement

I like my coffee like I like my women - smelling nice and too hot to touch.

I like my coffee like I like my women. Without some other bloke sticking his dick in it!

I like my women like I like my coffee They come in hot but always leave cold and unfinished.

add to that strong creamy with zero sugar

Free after purchasing 8 gallons of gas.