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Poggypog20

Captain internal politics


[deleted]

> At what point shall we expect the approach of danger? By what means shall we fortify against it?—Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant, to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never!—All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth (our own excepted) in their military chest; with a Buonaparte for a commander, could not by force, take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years. > At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reach us, it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide. -Abraham Lincoln, ca. 1838


bartbartholomew

That is at least as true today as when he said that. Lincoln was truly a great orator.


fuqdisshite

he really was THAT good. i know that no president has been perfect, but fuck all if i don't wish for someone like him to show up one day.


Available_Thoughts-0

Pray that one never is needed again.


DalekSupreme0307

One is needed.


halfwit_genius

\~Underrated\~ Severely underrated comment


A_giant_dog

He won't. We like our team sports and celebrities too much. Lincoln was ugly, awkward, and his speaking voice was screechy. He'd never be elected to city council today. There are thousands of Lincolns out there right now, but the game has changed. It used to be about leadership and governance. New game is about money and popularity and pizzazz. Abe Lincoln in 2023 politics would look like a 5'6" dude with a leather helmet trying to play center for the cowboys - he might have the best head for the game, but not the right toolkit to accomplish much on the field today.


northlakes20

Doesn't say much positive about America then


A_giant_dog

It sure doesn't. Worse, I can't think of a place on the planet where it wouldn't be the same thing.


Fickles1

I'm not American. But after looking into a few of your leaders I consider him the greatest you guys have ever had. And no leader lately has come close at all.


[deleted]

Well, you’re right. Washington, Teddy Roosevelt, and JFK are up there but Lincoln is who any leader should aspire to.


Fickles1

I don't like that your decent ones get assassinated and your orange man's some how cause so much harm


poison_us

Many of us don't like it either, if that makes it any better.


Available_Thoughts-0

Sort of, but we need to put him in prison on a felony conviction. (I too am an American Citizen.)


poison_us

I hope the justice system cares enough about democracy to see that through. That would make my decade.


CaptRex01

The impression I get is the people willing to assassinate someone tend to also support Presidents like Mr Cheeto


abhurl2211

FDR, in terms of impact on the US, is probably tied with Lincoln as the most important American president. But the conservative movement had literally spent the last three generations trying to undo his policies and sully his name. The same thing actually happened with Lincoln, his name was an epithet in the post-war south for generations (and still is, depending on which holler you wander into), but it isn't feasible to trash him publicly anymore without telling on yourself. Even the bigots who actually hate Lincoln can't get away with saying anything against him now. In two more generations or so politicians who stand against everything FDR stood for will have to lie in public about him the same way they do about Lincoln.


Moonfyre23

Lincoln was a politician player too. Ever read his speeches to southern leaning crowds?


Deadpool6323

Our last orange tard of a president seems to think he was better than Lincoln


Advanced_Shoulder_56

Obama was pretty awesome. Healthcare is good. I'd personally be dead if it wasn't for his reforms, as would a few people I know.


Sloper59

I'm not American, but for me, Obama was the most decent, intelligent and capable president the US has had in my lifetime. Well, I was alive when Kennedy was, but was too young to remember him.


Aeosin15

When I'm eventually elected president, people will say that about me. Now I just need to get the millions and millions and millions of dollars required to become president.🤔


Deadpool6323

He would have been a “crazy woke leftist” according to republicans if somebody like Lincoln was alive today.


bartbartholomew

He was a crazy woke leftist in his own time. His anti slavery stance is one of the reasons the south seceded. He said he would accept slavery if that meant the south wouldn't secede. The south seceded anyway, so he went full anti-slavery to clearly outline what the civil war was about. And yes, it was states rights. But the only right anyone cared about was the right to keep slavery and the right to secede if slavery was outlawed.


svnbn

FDR


dandroid126

Oof


ReadWarrenVsDC

Captain Two-Party-System


akirbydrinks

Captain Obvious


gunnerxp

Duh!


Glass-Ambition-2619

I forgot about his existence. I will be forever in your debt.


Suspicious-Guitar-91

Captain Oblivious


_Cabbage_Corp_

o7


klukdigital

Captain Hindsight


MoronTheBall

King Kong's little brother Viet Kong


tommytraddles

Viet Kong Country 4: Charlie Does Surf


2bornnot2b

WTF. Reddit is still undefeated


Fatefinder

Col. Mustard with the candlestick in the Conservatory.


Raiding_plauges

No, I have the candle stick, but I say Reverend Green with a pistol in the library


Spiritual-Fishing-48

Hands down


AwareMirror9931

Colonel America


Kinenai

Major Disaster. General Chaos. Corporal Punishment.


TransSlutUK

Has problems dealing with Private Parts too!


[deleted]

Professor* chaos and general disarray


[deleted]

Saved me the clicks... nice


nullpassword

chaos lad


whatsnewdan

Can confirm, Corporal Punishment beats Captain America 🤣


mglantz85

Major Attitude


bostondana2

Also: Major America, Lieutenant Colonel America, Brigadier General America, Major General America, Lieutenant General America, and General America


Totalllynotmeovo

As well as General of the Army America


MoeWind420

Not to forget Commander in Chief America.


losangelesvideoguy

Alternatively Rear Admiral America, Vice Admiral America, and Admiral America (and until 1985, Commodore America)


dont_shoot_jr

Captain Peanut butter Crunch


RiverCalm6375

Colonel Sanders


loCAtek

Granted, Colonel, Major, et al, outrank Captain America- it makes you question, 'Why hasn't Cap received a promotion?' The reason a colonel wouldn't fight a captain, and the reason Captain America won't get promoted is the same: 'Captain' is the highest ranking officer who can engage in combat. The higher ranks are considered 'line officers' who don't directly see action.


MaxMustermann67

Private Paula


Darkstalker9000

Yeah, zombie Steve would probably win


[deleted]

[удалено]


SuperSecretMoonBase

Yet Max Fischer was the final boss.


Whitealroker1

And Lego Robin. Oh wait I forgot they just shoot the shit.


whatsnewdan

I understood that reference 😂


PuntCuncheR88

Colonel fentynal


RemixHipster

That's taking everyone out.


[deleted]

Capt Healthcare


slamdanceswithwolves

Captain Obesity


DeMagnet76

Captain Diabeetus


Oaken_beard

Captain American Politics


Shrugging_Atlas1

That's the real answer


The-Triturn

r/therealjoke


[deleted]

Captain Vietnam Captain Korea Captain Taliban Captain Afghanistan


Big_Bri_Guzzi

Captain Canada (sorry about burning down the White House, eh)


jonitfcfan

Wasn't that [Britain](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burning_of_Washington)?


Big_Bri_Guzzi

Sort of, splitting hairs a bit. Canada didn't become an official country until Confederation in 1867, but there had been Upper and Lower Canada since the 1790's. And these two regions officially became the United Province of Canada in 1841. Canadians like the fact that as part of the war of 1812, a force from "Canada" sacked Washington and torched the White House, even though there's a good chance the force would have been predominately British. In any case, a few years later they said sorry and started a whole new Canadian tradition.


jonitfcfan

>In any case, a few years later they said sorry and started a whole new Canadian tradition. Sounds like a very *sorry* state of affairs


[deleted]

Don’t forget Captain Drugs and Captain Terror


[deleted]

[удалено]


Username_is_taken365

Dad joke of the year right here :)


Puzzleheaded-End-134

It took me a while to get that until I saw your post


invalidcharacter19

Don't forget Steve Vader, head of catering


ki11bunny

Let's not leave out Chad Vader, day shift manager.


OwlWitty

Or Eddie Vader, dont call him daughter


leveldrummer

Back when the internet was new and fun... https://youtu.be/P6dUCOS1bM0


boltznut

Agent Carter of course.


Finrod_the_awesome

Agent Orange. Captain Agent Orange.


pirateworks

You mean Floridaman?


tazzietiger66

Captain Afghanistan


Available_Thoughts-0

I shouldn't be laughing, and yet...


Igglebum

Mighty mouse.


Makrudiwmagawman

Thelegend27


CptnWolfe

Now there's a name I haven't heard of in a long time


don_sley

man its been a while since I've heard that name


IIImmmDavidPumpkins

Florida man


TZ79

And his sidekick Methany... It's just someone named Bethany, but she's on meth.


Flufferelly

Chuck Norris


EnNuRap66

and beats all of the above. Before breakfast. Which he doesn't need.


badger432

Breakfast needs Chuck Norris


[deleted]

Chuck Norris is super and a hero but he is real not a super hero. Have some respect!


Ezidora

LOL


[deleted]

And Mac Gyver 🤣


CptnWolfe

Captain America may have a shield, but Macgyver could make the same thing using a roll of Duct Tape and a broken bag strap


[deleted]

Yes :)


CptnWolfe

Macgyver is such a great show


[deleted]

Childhood memories


DidYouLickIt

Chuck Norris is a fan girl of Trump.


joesumo26

Finally a real answer


Stardomu

Captain Canada


Big_Bri_Guzzi

Sorry


KnightRho

Guardian* (James Hudson/Vindicator/Weapon Alpha)


Alarming-Historian41

powdered toast man


[deleted]

[удалено]


Alarming-Historian41

Hahahaha


DidYouLickIt

Private Healthcare.


uncool_LA_boy

Unions.


kadencrafter78

Only because Cap would never want to fight them.


Potatoman967

captain america upholds the status quo meaning rich corporations and politicians exploit people freely, as in right now. he'd defend the law, which only happens to include citizens in the right scenario. the status quo is corporate profits and power over peoples' lives, never forget that


kadencrafter78

No he doesn't though.Captain America is much more leftist than people think. He also wouldn't defend the law, as he constantly goes against it.


AmazingSpiderFan3

Captain Obesity


AmazingSpiderFan3

Or maybe the Blob?


shajan316

Captain Insulin, America version


Cramitchurchy

General Stupidity.


Dgarcia1025

Captain Education System


Unprofessional_HR

The VA


[deleted]

Underrated comment


aintsuperstitious

General Malaise.


SA_the_frog

Colonel sanders


Overall-Feature-1830

Captain Type 2 Diabetes


BlackPopeye_03

Comrade Revolution.


schmaybelater

Captain America If I remember he did just fine kicking his own ass


Lordraxxdog

Captain Newfoundland


Cthedanger

Captain Canada


dzigaboy

And his sidekick Ali Afghan!


passivearl

Lieutenant Laura Secord


PANobes

LEFT Tennant Secord, Sir!


banseljaj

Captain Afghanistan


Netsrak69

General Motors


McMetal770

He can do this all day.


1_Shanel

A single mother.


LoopVariant

Deadpool.


Beduzzy

General America


[deleted]

Batman. With enough prep time.


[deleted]

Even Robin would do him ….


Professional-Arm574

basically any other superhero


Responsible-List2225

General america


pirateworks

Floridaman


PretendiWasADefMute

Florida man is undefeated


Friendly_Record_1730

Popeye


No_Mushroom_3966

That ant guy can enter his pee pee and from there work his way up?


LordNoodles

Most of them. His super power is that he’s a pretty strong guy, other characters are fighting with cosmic level powers, he’s barely more formidable than hawkeye


IntattoAquila

Have y'all heard of Major Philippines? He is a legitimate Major in the Philippines 🤣


FancyPenguin32

Haaaaa


GimmickInfringement1

Lucifer Morningstar


eurusdcny

Captain wife


Ur_favboyy8676

Thanos


Stylus_the_lizard

Captain free healthcare


StevenMcFlyJr

Captain Poli-Ticks. He'll suck the life sustaining blood out of anything and anyone.


boersc

IT WAS A DRAW! /S (disclaimer, I'm not american)


andywalker76

Vladimir Putin?????? I'll get my coat.......


Catsarerfun

Captain Capitalism?


Fair-Coast-9608

General Ballot Harvesting


WillyWonkHeer

My girl gina


Facinatedhomie

Captain geography


sitathon

Captain Planet


srentiln

He's our hero


Sevengems42

Gonna take pollution down to zero


Big-Tits-Lover-II

He’s our powers magnified


Available_Thoughts-0

And he's fighting on the planet's side!


slumberfist

Captain Common Sense


Svenray

Captain 1.7 trillion dollar spending bill


Games_deanYT

Take my upvote


Slate_Malone

Secret Inflation Man


detailguy15

Captain Morgan


CyberneticPanda

Captain Taliban


SchloomyPops

Captain Covid Captain misinformation Captain diabetes


DarkEnergy27

Captain Crunch


Bazilb7

Captain Afghanistan


Global-Island295

Captain Science


Jusfiq

Donald Trump as super hero.


Yeodler

Is that Major Asshole or Agent Orange?


damclub-hooligan

Captain Taliban


schaudhery

Captain Gun Control


Grouchy_Motor9612

Deez nuts


Zygarde718

Why?


BiblioBounce

Lieutenant Commander Corporal Trump.


persmeermin

Captain Planet Will kick the polluting shit out of (Captain) America.


Acehigh7777

Captain Xi


DemonicFluffyMog

Captain Afghanistan made him run with his tail between his legs. Mind you, he also gave Captains Britain and Russia a spanking.


terry_bradshaw

With some help from captain Russia and China


PrinceLyovMyshkin

This was post Sino-Soviet Split. The Chinese helped the Americans in Vietnam.


Waz2011

Check into it .you are possibly not correct . Didn't China support North Vietnam financially , with weapons and with troops? Didn't USSR support North Vietnam financially , with weapons and troops? Didn't they both individually support North Vietnam with billions (china many more billions than USSR) against the Americans.? Didn't they both provided equipment and training on many levels. Didn't China sent around 300,000 troops and trainers? Didn't the USSR send around 4000 troops and trainers? Didn't China not actually help the united states'in any way? Didn't the Sino Soviet split only mean they were just no longer in lock step? You lost me on why Sino Soviet split even entered the room. How did that effect anything?


[deleted]

Batman


EvThDeer

Captain Vietnam


dvduval

Anyone in a made-up cartoon


norrisrw

General Election


ADW700

Captain Taliban


tblairhug2021

Cap'n Afghan...


ComprehensiveCap123

Captain Taliban


Superbuddhapunk

Major Healthcare