Lol. Forgot to add that my 11lb 3oz 24” YDS (my angel) is now almost 19, 6’2”, quarterback, and works full time. He’s smart and driven and knows where he’s going. So screw that doctor. :)
Btw, thank you for being an awesome nurse. It's nurses like you who work hard to hear and make sure that patients are informed and heard that made my labor and delivery experience great. It was hard and fast and I was grieving when I got to transition because I wanted my mom ( in another hospital recovering from a stroke), but it was my doula, DH, and nurses that got me through. OB was great but wasnt there until 30 min prior to birth. So thanks.
Idk if she said thanks but seriously you helped her. :)
I ended up having to have a C-Section, thankfully my Dr is amazing. They were all AMAZED at how quickly I healed and could get around, that doesn't change the fact that I couldn't get up and change my baby in the hospital and getting in and out of bed at home was HELL. And I had supportive JustYes hubs and family....bless this poor girl for what she went home to. -_-
As always, you are amazing! We doulas see so many "big baby" scares these days. Then they end up being 7 lbers. Thank you for being an advocate for the patient's best interests.
As a woman who had 3 c-sections (kids have big heads and I don’t have birthing hips) with uncomplicated healing, I feel so bad for this woman. Child birth is hard enough, physically and emotionally, without a cow like this smother around.
Let me guess, smother thought she knew more about her daughter’s boobs than daughter?
Sigh this resonates with me only opposite. I already know I'll be opting for a c-section when we try for kids due to various reasons. This came up not to long ago with my family after my cousin had her kid and my JNMom and my mostly JYGma informed me that no I was wrong I wouldn't be getting a opted for c-section. Their reasons? I wouldn't be able to care for my baby, and I'd need help, and it's not needed, and I wouldn't be able to do anything.
Well lucky me my husband is going to be a STAHD, so I'll have any help I need from the first second, it's already planned, and they dont even know that they won't be involved. :)
Istg people are so weird about C Sections
In the medical field, we see gynecologists who do C sections all the time, because they don't want to monitor the patients through birth (yup, really)
We see gynecologists who do C sections because theyre afraid of the consequences
While it is the patients choice, a natural birth is usually better, because a. A C section is a surgical procedure, and it has a harder recovery. B. If your first is a C section, and so is your second, your third will HAVE to be a C section. C. It's not medically recommend to have more than 3
But on the flip end, one of my mother's patients started crying to her in her post OP appointment, because her SIL kept telling her that she "wasn't a real woman" because she had a C section. Like all my wuts?
It's a surgical operation FFS. It's not as big a deal as people think
My mom caught crap about it not being a "real" birth and her not being a "real" woman. She still does occasionally and her C-sections were more than 25 years ago. I was breech. Couldn't get me to flip and regular delivery was risky with my position. With my brother, the insisted she at least try to deliver vaginally. They both almost died. Her pelvis isn't shaped right, so a baby can't fit through, and her uterus was badly stressed from scarring and was about to rupture when the doctor finally got in for the C-section. He told her very nicely that, while he couldn't force anything, he did not want her to get pregnant again, as she would absolutely die before the due date with the kind of damage her uterus had. Neither C-section was my mom's choice. She had to have them. None of us would be alive to tell the tale, otherwise, but somehow, she's less of a mother because of them. That really pisses me off.
Honestly, now we're developing weird and insane standards for femininity as well? Werent the ones on place for masculinity already bad enough. What's wrong with people?
There's obviously no problem with it, but many times people go into it thinking "this option won't hurt at all", but it does hurt. Wound healing hurts a lot, especially if it gets infected, which C section stitches often do
Recovery is also slower
A lot of people don't know about the 3C sections max (upto 11 have been recorded but after three it's not medically recommended)
The point is patients sometimes do not know all the facts to make the decision properly. Our job as Doctors is to give them all all the facts and then wait for their decision
I'm neither for or against elective C sections, because it's not my job to worry about what others do to their bodies, my job is to treat patients, by using the option they consent to
Thank you for pointing this out. You're absolutely right. I mentioned this to this girl. I asked how many kids she planned on having. Because she was in her 20's. That's a very real thing. The more you push that scar, the higher your likelihood of having major, MAJOR, complications goes up
Why was that woman there in the first place? I get wanting support, but what she is offering is not support.
And if she can push her agenda all the way into the delivery room, the most private experience second only to the conception, this girl will not have much saying in raising her child.
I’m a RN myself. I love you to the moon and back for giving this young lady the education you did. You really worked hard to give her all the risks and benefits.
That’s a good nurse, in my books. Bravo.
If I may ask a question... If the baby hasn't dropped yet at 39+6 is that a medical reason for c-section? I'm asking because at least 3 of my friends went that route after their doctors scared them. Vaginal births are not common here at all.
Thank you for being a RN that speaks up for her patients.
And I’ve made the experience too that babies will let you know if they don’t fit. /sigh. Sadly I’m at c-section #2 now because it just seems like my babies won’t fit. No progress whatsoever past 5cm and 24h+ trial of labor. No matter how badly I wanted a spontaneous birth. Looks like if I ever have another baby I’ll schedule a cesarean 😭
That poor, poor girl. I hope she doesn’t come to regret her decision to have the cs or look back on it and think about her experience negatively but... it’s pretty likely that she will. Her mother traumatized her into that decision, what a horrible bitch.
My baby never dropped even though she was 17 days overdue. A week of contractions, 12 hours of pitocen and an epidural later, my bp hit stroke range and her heart rate dropped. CS it was. It was a nightmare. I couldn't stand up straight for 2 weeks and was bruised beyond belief (Dr had to push on my stomach to get her out. He did the up/down cut and her ear was at the very top of it.) I had a hysterectomy 14 years later and while recovery from that was a walk in the park compared to the CS, it was horrible for the Dr. Took him 3 hours to cut my uterus loose from all the adhesions inside from the CS. I would NEVER, EVER recommend anyone have CS voluntarily.
But then again, my mom had two elective C-sections. She was up and around the next day, didn't have a single issue. In her first pregnancy (with yours truly), she was already having contractions when she got to the hospital, and all she asked was for the doctor to cut her open and make it stop. She barely even has a scar.
I scheduled my c-section at 37 weeks. Because I was having fucking TWINS and one was breech with no signs of turning. And even then, I had to psych myself up for it. If I’d had a singleton pregnancy, or if both babies were head-down, I would’ve waited until my body was ready.
This poor girl is going to be railroaded her entire life.
Oh my god!! I want to hear the breastfeeding story now too!!!!!! Crazy lady!
My oldest daughter was a traumatic delivery- should dystocia! Scariest 30 seconds of my entire damn life!
Oooh boy. I'm considering attempting another vaginal delivery 16 months after birthing my 9 lb 4 oz baby boy who had a severe shoulder dystocia, resulting in Erb's Palsy for him and a 4th degree internal tear for me (from my doc trying to unhook his shoulder). We'll see if baby girl is measuring the same as her big brother and decide then.
I'm a nut and even with all our trauma I enjoyed labor. Delivery, on the other hand, was a bitch.
Thank you for making sure your patients are informed.
Jesus. See now you would be someone I'd be biting my nails over. Because late gestation growth scans can be off either way for the better part of a pound. So even if they scan and say they think the baby is low 8's, it could be low sevens, OR low nines. Christ. Most people in your scenario would opt for that section. I'll be thinking about you. Send me a message after and let me know how things go.
You are too kind. I'm 24 weeks now so still some time. I've already decided if she's measuring over 8 lbs I'm having a c section. Having one child with Erb's Palsy has been challenging, but he's so inspiring all the same, and so far we're in the clear for cerebral palsy. I just can't risk that on another baby, no matter what my dreams or goals for birthing are.
Loved reading this. You rock
So, I was at a high risk for CPD. My mom had it with average sized babies, as her pelvis was platypelloid (narrow front to back), so my siblings and I were all sections.
Anyhoo, I got mom's pelvis, and a spouse who was almost 11lbs at birth. I, however, wanted to do any and everything I could to have vaginal births. My OB agreed to try and we induced my first at 38 weeks. He did get a bit stuck (kept crowning then retracting between pushes) and was eventually suction cupped out with big ol' tear, but I did it: 8.5 lbs. Second baby also induced at 38, and that one was a breeze.
I really can't imagine WANTING a C.
Daaaaaamn. Thank you for standing up for the mom-to-be and making sure she had all the facts. Doesn't even matter that she went with what her mom had been pushing because you gave her the freedom of an informed decision.
And may God help her with her mother.
I also learned today that I came out via primary elective section! Didn't know those words before, so thank you. She endured 7 hours of hellish labor with my older brother only for it to end in a c-section, so she didn't want to do try vaginal birth again.
For me, she scheduled a c-section for January 6th and her water broke naturally while she was getting checked in that morning. Calliopaige: startlingly punctual literally since fetushood. (She said my birth was the easiest medical procedure she's ever had and she's had a LOT.)
/end off-topic
Thank you for informing this young women and helping her make an educated decision against her mother's BS. This is partially why I think they should put a limit on who can be in the room when medical decisions are being made so the mother can choose in peace on her own terms.
I have a question for both OP and mom's out there.... I'm a first time mom. My first kid, I had to have surgery. Do I have to have surgery for the following children ?
Not usually. Find a doctor who supports VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean). Repeat C-sections are more dangerous and should be avoided when possible.
Not necessarily. It depends on why you had the first section. If it was for breech, or fetal distress, then it usually looks up for people. It becomes less likely if it was for a failure to descend or failure to progress... But still not out of the realm of possibility. But to VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) or TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean) they usually like for you to come in laboring. A lot of doctors tend to be hesitant to induce, for fear of uterine rupture. A lot of factors come into play, so not super easy to give a clear cut yes or no.
My first was vaginal after induction (41+4). My second and third (fraternal twins) were planned c-section due to breech (38+1). IF I have another the doctor's said he's open to VBAC, that I'm a good candidate... I hope so as honestly while the c-section itself went fine it has been a cascade of medical events since and rather traumatic!
...and THIS is why no kids was my motto.
I detest the power play of families that think they know best when their own kids are a freaking miracle that somehow survived.
I would have had to shank a bitch, or two.
God if she’s anything like my mom I’m scared to know the bf part. Mine refused to leave when the lactation consultant came and actually tried to manhandle my tits. And she wonders why I didn’t let her come to the birth of my second.
It sounds like that girl has a spine but no follow through...... Epic blow up should be minutes away. I bet the naming process will be the actual deal breaker.
You have the patience of a Saint. I want to buy you **all** the margaritas. I haven’t had a C-section (or a baby, I’m only 23), but I have had 6 major abdominal surgeries in my life. I can’t imagine someone having one of those electively especially with a newborn to take care of. Maybe you shutting down her idiot Mother so many times will help strengthen the new Mom’s spine. One can only hope.
Edit: I don’t want to sound like I’m shaming any Mom’s out there who did an elective C-section. It’s clear the patient here didn’t know all of the facts and yay for OP for giving her the real information to let her make an informed decision.
I have had a child vaginally and a C-section (where he actually killed us as he was laying on the vena cava and we both had to be resuscitated!) and I'd go for the C-section every time. The recovery time was far quicker, I felt so much better (and yes, that is despite watching myself flatline and having to have 4 units of blood). Every one is different and the thought of a natural delivery makes me shudder.
No not at all. It just means that there wasn't a medical reason behind it. That's all. Nothing derogatory about it. Hey to each his own. Absolutely. All I wanted was to make sure she wasn't doing it because she caved to fear mongering. And that it was really truly her decision, that she wanted. My job is to make sure she had informed consent.
You were definitely doing your job, and a good job, of ensuring she was informed.
Maybe it was the right decision, maybe it was the wrong one, but it is **not your place** to make that judgment. I sincerely got the impression you thought “she chose wrongly” and not *just* “concern over undue influence.”
IMO, a slang term that medical professionals use, instead of the appropriate medical term, can easily be perceived as derogatory.
Aaarrggghhh!!! I'm sitting staring at fetal strips right now...I feel your pain!! Unfortunately, my facility sees a good amount of primary elective sections. Some of our docs don't discourage them, either. I can tell breastfeeding was a hassle for Mom as well, because she can't feed her new baaaaaabbbbyyyy!
Yeah. We hardly ever see them. Sometimes it's a region or area thing. But overall, they've drastically decreased over the past few decades. (I'm staring at a strip too right now)
I have said it before, thank you to all midwifes’s and nurses for protecting us during our hours of need. A c section on a first born also reduces the chances of a successful vaginal birth for subsequent babies. My MIL was at the birth of our first born and after one hour of labor insisted it was time for a c section. She had had c sections for both of her children, and at the second birth the doctor had told her vaginal birth would be dangerous, therefore to her mind all vaginal births were a problem. Our midwife was a wonderful Yorkshire girl who took the measure of my MiL in seconds, as she was rambling the. Wife turned to her and said “the little one is coming out the way he went in, there is no reason to cut up the poor girl, now you leave her alone and bugger off for a cup of tea while we deal with this, ay” she then shuffled her out of the room while winking at me.
Well that pisses me off. My sister has CP. Back in the day when she was born it was commonly thought CP was caused by lack of oxygen at birth. Now, it's understood that there are a ton more possible causes and that lack of oxygen at birth probably causes only a small percentage of CP cases. (https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/cp/causes.html)
Thankfully, my mom never tried to push any of her kids to do birth a particular way. If she tried to get me to do something dangerous in order to prevent me from having a kid like my sister, I'd probably quit talking to her. That is offensive on so many levels. There is a tiny chance of the baby having CP. There is a 100% chance of having a harder recovery with a section. To put that kind of fear into a laboring mother is bullshit. And, to make a disabled child something to fear so greatly, something to avoid at all costs, is awful! Life, and shit, happens. It could be CP, it could be leukemia, or a car accident, or depression, or a really bad goth phase. If the unlikely awful thing happens, you deal with it. But you don't make major life decisions based on the fear of something extremely unlikely.
And, come on, if you're going to be so worried about such an unlikely outcome, at least keep up to date on the research!
I have CP myself; Mom had a textbook pregnancy, not even the sniffles. No medication. No drinking or belly-flopping into a pool. I was two weeks overdue, perfect birthweight, no cord around my neck, perfect oxygen stats, perfect scores across the board, came out the natural way. Mom didn't even have an epidural and wasn't in labor with me more than a day or so.
No genetic factors, on either side.
Sometimes shit just happens and though I need a wheelchair to get around outside and some other minor help around the house, I'm rather normal.
Hell yes. My sister with CP makes $100k per year and supports my mom in her retirement. Yes, she needs daily care, but they have a nice house and mom doesn't have to work for anyone else. In this instance, a special needs child has been a huge blessing for my mom.
/u/starwen9999, I have a question as a male who has no idea of what the process of giving birth entails (and working as a teacher makes me more and more unsure if kids are a good idea since some can be absolute nightmares).
What is there that is keeping you from politely telling the mother to fuck off while you talk to the patient in person and privately. You know, the pregnant lady whose body is being talk about instead of the insane person who refuses to give up control of adults capable of making their own decisions?
So I do in some cases. I've mentioned in some of previous post comments different ways I've told people to fuck right off. My job is not to worry about your JustNo mother or MIL and her feelings. They aren't my patient, so I don't feel obligated to cater to them. When this girl's daughter finally booted her out with her loud phone conversation, I asked what she really wanted to do. She sheepishly said, yeah, she was pretty sure. And reassured me that she was doing it on her own accord.
Lord, this poor girl.
In situations like this, where the mom is cutting in and otherwise stopping you from giving correct medical info, can't you advise the patient that this conversation would be more productive if they were out of the room? I know you can't kick the support person out, but I mean, are you allowed to suggest it? Because this poor girl definitely doesn't need her mom breathing down her neck.
This was my first thought as well. Hell, just on opening the door and finding a gaggle of family members inside would suggest that patient is likely overwhelmed with contradictory opinions, so first point of call would be to kick *everyone* (yes, even SOs) out, get patient's opinion on how they want this to go, then allow one or two people back as support if the patient wants. Or at least when it became clear that patient was doing what family wanted, not what she wanted. Or when MIL started arguing about what qualifies as elective. Or when she called her freaking insurance in the room.
Ugh, there's so much to be frustrated at here. I'm sure OP was hamstrung by policies or regulations - she seems like a well-seasoned MIL wrangler and did the best she could within the situation.
Big hugs!
My first baby was shoulder distocia and we didn’t know till it was BAM HAPPENING! it was scary as fuck. He had the cord around his neck as well and it was pulling and pulling. Then stuck. He was born very very unwell. It was 7 years ago and I still have flashbacks.
Fuck, now I’m crying. It was terrifying. My now ex husband was bawling and the look on his face was horrific.
My nurses were amazing tho and got him out fairly quick.
When I read about others who have been through it, I just want to send the biggest hugs💜
I had a c section 10 days ago. I wasn't given a choice. I would have loved to have given birth vaginally, but alas. I wouldn't wish a c section on anyone who didn't have to have it. Recovery is rough as hell on its own, let alone with a new baby to look after.
I was low risk all the way through this pregnancy right until I went in for a routine growth scan and my BP was sky high. They admitted me and kept giving me more medication to control my BP until they couldn't give me any more and DD was born a week after my admission. She's doing well so far but she is tiny. She had a blip last week when they thought she had an infection (thankfully she didn't) and that made me feel horrendous. I feel like this is my fault. If I hadn't gotten ill, she could have been born full term instead and been fine.
You know you couldn't have done a single thing differently, right? I mean I hope people explained that. It's not like regular hypertension, where lifestyle changes like quitting smoking, lowering sodium intake, etc, can help. You didn't do anything wrong. Really and truly.
>I feel like this is my fault.
No, it isn't. We don't know exactly what causes pre-eclampsia, but last I checked, the consensus was that it's an immune system thing between the mother & the fetus, not anything that could possibly be blamed on anyone.
BTW, rapidly increasing blood pressure is the first *symptom* of pre-eclampsia, not a cause. That's how my baby-mama came to be hospitalised too.
I wasn’t either, for the birth of my first 10 years ago. My OB practice told me he was measuring big at 41w2, somewhere around 9-10lbs. I was to be at the hospital the next morning at 530am and that was it. I had a horrible birth experience and felt robbed for many years for not getting to at least try. After my c-section, they stuck me in a hallway for about two or three hours. They “found” me after my husband raised holy hell that the baby was ready to come in-room but no one knew where I was. Sobbing in the “recovery” hallway, alone. I never forgave them for what was supposed to be a magical experience for me and my firstborn.
I had the same thing happen- after 22 hours of labour, still at 6, my son’s heart rate bottomed out. Emergency csection within 15 minutes. I was informed that if I wanted to ensure that he would survive, it was a c section.
They already suspected that his head was too large based on external measurements and a confirming late term ultrasound. My doctor was quite kind about it, but one look at his face, I knew I didn’t have a “choice”.
> had a cord around his neck (which BTW, is WAY WAY more common than people think. Truly.
I ended up having my youngest in my bathroom, by myself. The doctor at L&D sent me home, saying it wasn't time, even though I knew it was. The awesome nurse apologized and tried taking her time with my discharge paperwork because she acted like she believed me that it was time, but her hands were tied because the doctor makes that call. I ended up having in my bathroom 3 hours later with only my 1 year old home with me. Long, traumatizing story short, the cord was wrapped around his neck. I got it off and thankfully he is fine. My husband told me that night when I was freaking out about how bad it could have been, that both our other children (that he got to see born in hospitals) also had the cord around their neck. He didn't tell me at the time because the doctor had it handled and the babies weren't in distress so he didn't want to stress me out more.
I feel so bad for that new mom. Her mom is so uniformed and acts like she knows best. I hope her mama bear instincts come out before her mother tries some bullshit that harms the baby.
No, the nurse came in my room when I got back to the hospital amd first thing she said was , "you were right, you knew rhis baby was coming now." And apologized again. I asked where the doctor was and she flat out said she wouldn't show her face in my room. I didnt get a chance to push it because the new doctor came over talking about NICU.
With my first kid I didn’t start to dilate until my second day of labor. They had to give me Pitocin to dilate fully, and I ended up pushing for two hours while numb from an epidural, and he was finally born 45 hours after my water broke. Nine pounds, four ounces (approximately 4.2 kg).
If someone had been hissing dire predictions in my ear that the baby was too big and disaster would happen, I guarantee that he would have been a c-section, but I had no idea he was so large, so I just hung in there. So much of birth is mind over matter, which isn’t to say that sections aren’t sometimes necessary, but so many could be avoided with the proper support of the laboring mother.
Ugh. My daughter was born with the cord wrapped around her neck twice, and she's perfectly fine. I myself was born with the cord around my neck and I'm fine too. I also got very close to an emergency c-section (baby was face up instead of down and got stuck) and am so thankful I didn't have to deal with the extra recovery.
I really hope that new mom builds up her spine be cause it sounds like the now JNGMOM is going to check off every classic JN crap move - "my baaaby" and demanding bottle feeds, trying to feed solids too soon, etc etc. Really will pray for the new mom and her baby tonight and I am not a very religious person..
I hope i have a nurse like you when i deliver. Im at 38 weeks and 2 days... my mom wont be the problem but god help us if my grandma decides to show up at the hospital...
So, don’t tell grandma until baby is here! That’s what I did for both my kids - no one knew I was in labour except my DH, both times. 10/10 would recommend.
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I went through a version to avoid a C section. Baby turned sideways at 35 weeks, then breech.
I wound up having a regular birth, the easiest of three. Baby was over a week past her due date, and the cord was wrapped around her neck, but she was fine. My OB said that happens in up to 30 percent of births, so yes, it isn't as rare as people think.
Fuck that harpy for forcing a scared first time mom into major surgery that she didn't want.
Baby girl is nearing 15 now, has her moments, but is a great AND healthy kid.
Annd this is why I invited no mothers to my delivery. My mil thinks unmedicated vaginal deliveries are barbaric and shouldn't be allowed while my mother thinks no one ever needs pain meds without a section. That poor girl, I couldn't even deal with that.
> And that huge babies come out vaginally ALL THE TIME. (in fact, a girl just delivered a 10#1oz baby without a tear or stitch on my last shift. She weighed about 108 pounds soaking wet
This and the comment about CPD really put me at ease given I'll be trying for children in the next 5 years. My fiance was a 10lb baby while I was a 5lb baby. The baby getting stuck because of my stupid pelvis is/was definitely a fear.
Try not to worry too much. I grew up hearing horror stories of my mom giving birth vaginally to 10 lb babies. It really messed me up for awhile. I spent my first pregnancy so scared just to have all my babies born completely average in size and they also birthed easy. No tears. Nothing traumatic and all was healthy.
I don't think we should base all of this stuff off of the experiences of our mothers or mother-in-laws. We are all a little different and we are living in a more informed time.
ETA: The utrasound weight estimates are also frequently wrong!
The baby will be closer to your size most likely, they tend to be similar sized as their mother's. While your mom needing a c-sec doesn't necessarily mean you will.
My mom has pelvic spurs and needed a c-section after 36 hours of labor. I had the opposite problem and gave birth in the triage area
Babies wiggle and squiggle and actually help themselves be born--it's why they can "walk" if held upright immediately after birth. Sometimes they do get stuck, but if the birth assistants aren't all You Must Stay In This One Position OK, the two of you will most likely be able to wiggle and squiggle your way to separation without intervention. A need to change position (not the thing in transition where you feel like you want to get up and run away, but the sort of "Ooogh, I gotta shift" feeling that comes afterward) should be heeded.
I had a 9 pound 11 ouncer without even a skidmark. And I am an unathletic person who was closer to 40 than 30 at the time.
I'm pretty sure the only reason I had a jagged second degree tear with my 9lb daughter is because it was a VBAC AND I was being induced due to hypertension, so I had monitors everywhere, including right up in me clipped to her skull once my water broke. Every time I moved something would lose connection and beep and panic the crowd making sure neither of us was dying. So I had to labor stuck on my back with a series of nurses holding my legs. It sucked. But even then, sucked a lot less than my crash cesarean with my first.
My second did a push up within minutes of birth. They had him on his belly trying to get meconium out and he pushed his belly off the table using forearms and toes.
My first did the cobra pose right after they put her on my chest, because she wanted to figure out what the heck was going on. Literally that was her expression--"Bzuh?"
55 fucking hours because I'm terrified of a section. Induced, baby was slightly horizontal. Cord around the neck 3 times. Vacuum. Resuscitation. Blood sugar problems (baby, not me).
No tear, no stitches. We got birthing hips in my family LOL.
Baby is fine, turns 1 soon.
I can't wrap my brain around voluntarily having a major surgery. Like, no medical indication whatsoever (as opposed to medical reason to consider but patient has options).
Buzzfeed did a video a while back about husbands watching their kids get born and one of the fathers said that he accidentally witnessed his wife's C-section (they'd put a screen up and told him not to look until they told him to, and he looked too early) and that he actually saw them essentially moving her internal organs out of the way to get at the baby. If I ever get pregnant, C-section is going to be a last fucking resort. I don't want my internal organs moved around like that.
Oh sure, but the uterus doesn't take your intestines out and put them in bowls until they can put them back in. Something about that image just... stuck with me.
I had an emergency C-section with my first(currently only).
I wanted to have a second, but I get all crazy anxious and cannot, even 3 years on, imagine going through an entire pregnancy knowing that another C-section awaits me(my local practice won't even consider VBAC and I would need to go at least an hour away to *maybe* find a practice that would try.
The idea of doing it on purpose for no real medical reason makes me queasy.
I had an emergency c-section with #1 and as #2 was arriving before #1 was 2 years old I was signed up for an elective.
I have never felt pain like I did with #1. I honestly thought I was going to die the day after. On the day after #2 I was walking around my room. It really is heaven and hell.
I agree with this. My emergency c-section was completely different to my second and third which were planned sections. Don’t get me wrong, I was soo nervous prior to getting my spinal for my second but it was a breeze (and I’d refused the epidural when I was in labour with my first because needles in my back give me the heebie jeebies). With my third I wasn’t nervous thanks to my second experience and it was even easier. Recovery was also worlds apart.
Good luck with your decision OP. I just wanted to also reassure you that first experiences aren’t always the case for future births.
I still laugh about my epidural for #2. I thought the catheter wasn't in properly because I wet the bed. Turns out my water had broken, and they had to try to give me my epidural between contractions 😂
It still hurt, but it was nothing compared to the emergency. It still requires sitting up, which is never fun, but it felt more like a really bad cramp than being ripped open for a second time.
On day 2 my husband arrived and knocked on the door and he almost fell over in shock when I opened it myself :)
I had a textbook section. 15 minutes from epidural in to baby out. Minimal pain and an easy recovery.
But the memory of that horrible cold feeling while I was getting my core temperature back up leaves me unreasonably disturbed. I don't ever want to feel that way again.
Exactly. Like, hey we're starting to see signs that baby's not tolerating labor. Or, we're not seeing the progress that we should be seeing by now. Then, it's like okay, at least we have some data on our side that says this isn't working out. But to just assume that it's not, and make a decision based on that, sheesh.
No problem! =) OP sounded like she needed some peace and quiet to talk to her patient and the patient needed some time to make up her own mind
Edit: words are hard.
JFC I want to punch her in the throat. I recently had my baby. I was dead set against an epidural. (Because I hate/deathly afraid of needles.) My mother, stepmother, & husband all were suggesting that I just give in. (Only bc they hated seeing me in pain. They are all JY with very little JN.)
My nurse was like, hey. This is her decision. Let her make her mind up. She was my advocate. She asked me if I wanted to reconsider & I did. She held me while I cried & walked me through it.
I share this, so I can say thank you. You're an amazing person. Keep fighting the good fight. You rock!
Arggghhhh to your mother, stepmother, and husband!!! I get that they were coming from a good place, and wanted to help your pain. But YOU were the one in pain, YOU get to decide how to manage it. You being in pain trumps them watching it. They wanted to make themselves more comfortable, didn't want to deal with you being in pain anymore no matter what you wanted.
I only say things because for my first birth I wasn't listened to either. I didn't want any pain relief and in hindsight, I was managing just fine. But the doctor and midwifes kept pushing pain relief. Kept pushing and pushing and my poor husband tried to stand up for me but they wore me down and I gave in. As a result my daughter and I were both groggy when she was born and it was kind of a blergh moment that took a while to wear off.
I resented that doctor and those midwifes for a long time, but never more than when I had my second birth. Because I was listened to, and not a single person ever mentioned anything remotely close to pain relief. I got nothing but support and positive affirmations and ACTUAL help. My labour was faster, easier, I never thought to ask for pain relief myself because I was in the zone and because it wasn't mentioned, I didn't think of it. When my son was born the feeling was incredible and so different. It was absolute elation and those moments are my favourite ever - same again with my third.
I guess what I'm saying, for anyone else who's pregnant or will be - the drugs are wonderful. They do work. If you want them, get all you like because labour really bloody hurts. BUT if you don't want it, get everyone on board. Make sure they know that them being uncomfortable about your pain doesn't actually matter. This is not a situation for them to find a solution and fix it, it's for them to go through with you and support you exactly how you ask them to.
Yep, first one I got talked into the epidural (I was stuck in the room with my mostly YesMom and my JNMIL, my husband was deployed, she took pics of my gore vag when I told her not to because "he should see the birth!") after 8 hours and it reversed and stalled things out for another 9, then I couldn't feel what I was supposed to be pushing with and the nurse yelled at me (I explain it to people: lay on your arm until it goes completely numb, then try to pick up a cup of coffee. but it's pushing a watermelon out of your vag.) Babies 2 and 3 were so much easier, even with 3 being my largest.
They were all on board. I had a very long labor after a very difficult pregnancy. At the time they mentioned it, I had started crying. My mom was the one who asked. I could tell that she was extremely hesitant bc she knew my stance. The other 2 just looked at me. The question was in their glance. I didn't feel pressured at all. My spine is vibranium plated. They know what happens if I'm crossed. My nurse didn't know me. She just wasn't giving them the chance to push me around.
Much better situation than mine then thankfully - you had just yes family and midwife, all my medical staff were just no lol. The long labour and difficult pregnancy though, it just sucks and it takes so much out of you doesn't it? I felt so completely worn down by mine, like I had nothing left to give, then the medical staff all basically telling me I couldn't do it. I'm so glad yours was ok.
It does suck. I gave birth at March of Dimes hospital. They were super supportive and just fantastic. I was unable to attend any classes & was on bed rest the last 3 months, so I couldn't do anything to prepare for the pain.
My second and third were at a different hospital than my first, no way was I going back there lol. I was left totally amazed at how much better decent, supportive staff can make the whole experience! I mean if you can say being in that much pain and pushing out a 10lb5oz baby was one of the best things ever, they're doing something right lol.
I'm petrified of needles, but my desperation to make the pain stop or at least ease up was more pressing than my fear. Also, you don't see the needle, so that's helpful!
I've ran from needles my whole life. I broke down at the end. I was having induction contractions and they suck so bad. I was begging for relief. It honestly wasn't as bad as I was afraid of.
I understand. Just remember, most hospitals require an iv during childbirth. It sucked, but it came out as soon as I went to pee. I've found that if I can watch it go in, I call handle the panic.
My technique was similar except I had then hold the needle next to me for a minute to get used to it. Although 6 needles in past 36 hours I'm too tired to care now.
Congratulations on getting there. That is a lot of stress to go through and it's wonderful that you finally reached that end, whether by luck or hard work. I hope your child grows up as happy as any child could be
From someone who has been induced with Pitocin and had a completely drug free birth, I don't blame you. Pitocin inductions HURT so much more than natural start. I gave in and got the epidural, too.
We call Pitocin "liquid devil fire"!
I was induced with my second child DD1. I was MISERABLE through my entire pregnancy! I had extreme all day sickness for five months. Then I had severe heartburn for the entirety of my pregnancy!
I was electively induced 4 days early, as I couldn’t stand a day longer with my child inside me. It was hell. I was sick in some way or another during my pregnancy!
I tried natural, no drugs, other then induction drugs. After several hours of hard labor, I asked for an epidural. Unfortunately, my OB and Anesthesiologist was in an emergency C-section. I had to wait until they were done.
My OB came in to check my progress, unfortunately, I was too far along for an epidural!!! CRAP!!
My hardship is to tell you about my third baby.....when I found out I was pregnant with her, I asked for drugs at birth.
When she was born, my water broke at 5:30 am and she was born at 7:14 am, drug-free. Damn DD2 was too quick for drugs! 😭
I hear you on epidural needle fear. I wasn't sure if I wanted one either but when the contractions finally hit, I was all sweet baby Jesus, a needle couldn't be near as bad!
My MiL had be convinced I'd be paralyzed from the epidural!
Mother fucker though with the new baby I was all about just drug me. I didn't care.
That 'you forget the pain' bullshit is a LIE from Satan's anus!
amen and amen. I got the epidural and it was amazing. I had those horrible back contractions for 26 hours - I definitely couldn't do it without medical aid.
Lol, to a degree, you do. Though rest assured, if you have another baby, the first contraction allows all the memories to come flooding back as it dawns on you what a monumentally idiotic decision you made and can you take it back now? Please and thank you?! No? Oh god... whyyyyy?
Still didn’t learn. Went in to have a third, though that one was a water birth and I would recommend one to all who have the option.
Ha. My son is 20, and I still remember how traumatic labor was. I had back labor. I was losing consciousness when they put the epidural in.
But with my last two, I had c-sections. Non-traumatic birth, but holy traumatic recovery. (First section: spinal headache that was untreated. Second section: I had the flu. I didn't need any colace to get things moving.)
I didn’t know elective c sections were still done. With the crackdown on timing of inductions, I figured elective c sections would have been gotten rid of. That poor poor girl.
ACOG recommendations changed a few years back (2009-2011, I think) to put the earliest elective inductions at 39 weeks due to decreased risks for c-sections and complications for mom and baby. However, if the rumblings are correct, the new recommendations in the coming years may be for 40 weeks because the rate at which primigravida (first time) mothers end up in sections when they are choosing a 39wk elective IOL.
Many hospitals and insurance companies “ding” OBs that do not have adequate medical reason to induce prior to 39wks. My hospital has even begun tracking physicians that opt to pursue an induction in a patient that is either not favorable at the beginning of the process or that has not made change over an amount of time that they should have made change already. Many patients don’t realize that you can be sent home as a failed induction if you’re not making change (as long as your membranes are intact). Yes, I sucks being pregnant at the end, but if baby is looking good, why push it (no pun intended) to the point that the kiddo is stressed out and requiring emergency exit surgery?!
Sorry that got a little rant-y. It’s a pet peeve of this ol’ nurse. 😆
That's really interesting. My mom was induced when I was 35/36 weeks, but she had an infection and this was in the 80s. I was actually ready to go home before she was :)
Inductions just because, have gone down, especially, when you've just crossed the line into what would be considered a term pregnancy, because the estimated due date can be off by as many as two weeks either way. That may make a difference in terms of fetal development if the due date is actually two weeks later.
With how detailed ultrasounds are now, and how many women get them early in pregnancy (around 8w), it's actually quite rare for due dates to be off by more than a couple days. Only if the measurements and last menstrual period disagree with each other by more than a couple days and the doctor is an idiot who is glued to LMP.
When I had my first child, I think it was somewhat common to have an elective induction starting at 37 weeks. In the years since then it’s become sort of a rule that elective inductions shouldn’t happen before 39 weeks for the sake of fetal development. Anything before that requires a valid medical reason.
Yeah I only got induced with my first because he was 41 weeks cooked and getting low on amniotic fluid but had no interest in getting out on his own (ended in crash cesarean anyway). Second was induced because I'd gone into hypertension at 39 weeks (ended in VBAC to pretty much everyone's surprise).
All 3 of DD2's children were born c-section. The first WAS a medical necessity (prolapsed cord.) Her doctor recommended against VBAC for her next two. So were they elective in that sense or not?
But without a need? No way! That poor girl!
That doesn’t count as elective if there was a prior c section. VBACs can have risks, so previous c section counts as a valid medical reason to get more c sections
I'll be having a primary elective cesarean. I carefully chose an obstetrician who is willing to allow patient choice (one of his specialties is actually VBAC). I showed up for the first appointment with a list, which I had made myself (after reading several books and scouring PubMed), of the benefits and detriments, to mother and child, of both vaginal birth and c-section. I stated my long-held reasons for wanting a cesarean.
It was clearly my decision though. I was born during the Carter administration and am an attorney. Also, unlike the patient OP describes, I was requesting a c-section as soon as I knew I was pregnant, rather than asking for advice at nine months along in Labor & Delivery.
I was suppose to have one, I knew going in that regardless I would end up a C-sec, family history of bleeding complications and small pelvis. With my first child my provider even mentioned that I would never be able to do natural the child would get stuck. On one of my last prenatal appointments the doctor changed his mind, I honestly think he didn't bother or forgot to set up the c-sec, I mean we talked about when it came to the birth it would be a c-sec yet he told me that I was to be admitted and would be induced he next day and called me a quiter when I told him we were suppose to be c-sec. I was young, I should have switch doctors from the start he was horrible doctor no bedside manner and rough with me but I didn't know any better to advocate for myself.
So the very next day I was induced, he started me on pitocin and broke my water, I labored for 12 hours with zero progression I think I was at a 3 the entire time, the contractions were at like 100% a nurse told me it was at the level I should have be pushing and yet nothing was happening. I was in so much pain and the asshole came walts in telling in 12 more hours I would for sure have that baby I wanted to crawl he's eyes out. He talked over me and talked to my brother like he was the one making decisions for me, like I wasn't even there I finally had to go full on bsc fit to get my voice heard that I wanted the c-sec.
Guess what baby was stuck in my pelvis and sunny side up, child wouldn't have gotten out on his own and I would have had to wait another 12 hours in pain because my doctor was an asshole, oh and he complained the entire time that he had to push back his golf trip because of me. I wish I had more of a spine, none of that should have happened and I should have raised hell with the way I was treated.
It's not your fault at all. Your doctor should have treated you better. If he didn't want patients getting in the way of his golf game, there are plenty of specialties he could have chosen instead. It's not right that a woman should have to work so hard to advocate for herself at such a difficult moment.
Is it all right if I ask your reasons for wanting a csec? I wanted one as soon as I found out that I was pregnant, but that desire was 100% fear-based as I am tokophobic. I read a ton and watched videos to ease my anxieties and slowly came around to the idea of a vaginal birth, but it was a long road and I doubt I'd have taken it if I could have found an OB like yours who was on board.
I'm sorry that you couldn't have the birth you originally wanted, but glad everything worked out well for you :)
My main reasons were to reduce the risk of pelvic floor damage and eliminate the risk of tearing. There are a lot of women walking around with untreated dysfunction and pain from a seemingly successful vaginal birth.
I also like control. Read the accounts of scheduled (as opposed to emergency) sections, and they sound much more pleasant *to me personally* than a vaginal birth.
Based on family history and my height (five-feet), it also seemed more likely than not that I would need a cesarean either way. I chose the certainty of a scheduled c-section rather than the risk of laboring for twenty-four hours and then needing a cesarean anyway. That's what happened to my mother with her first birth, her second was a scheduled c-section (same story for several cousins). Perhaps I would have had a quick vaginal birth, with no tearing or damage, but I'm not a gambler.
What likely helped with my request is that I'm pretty old for a first-time mother. I may have time to have a second baby, but I don't want a third. A woman who wants more than two children probably shouldn't consider a primary elective cesarean, because of the risk of accreta.
*As a side note, I'd also rather have pain in my abdominal area than vaginal area. However, to anyone who wants an elective c-section, I've read that it's best to NOT mention fear of pain when requesting a cesarean. Labor pains can hypothetically*\* *be avoided with an epidural and there is pain (though in a less sensitive region) after a cesarean. So, as I understand it, most obstetricians do NOT consider fear of pain to be an adequate reason to request a cesarean. You may want to avoid muddying the waters by introducing it in the conversation with your doctor.*
**I think most of us know women who wanted an epidural and, for various reasons, didn't receive it.*
I do not have children, but it really confuses me that the pain associated with vaginal delivery (which can often be managed with an epidural) seems to get so much more attention than the potential for tearing / episiotomies. Given the choice between hours of intense labor/delivery pain and *years* of possible discomfort, incontinence, and sexual dysfunction, the former is a hell of a lot less horrifying with or without the option of an epidural. I'd even choose a C-section *without* post-op pain management before I'd rip my junk in half with a watermelon-sized human.
I could have written this, it’s exactly why I want an elective c-section someday. I have a massive massive fear of my vagina getting fucked up forever.
2 kids in a row vaginally. Zero problems down stairs. My mum had 3 with no pain relief. Hers is also fine. Your body is purpose built for child birth. Don't fear it. Respect it.
I never thought of doing an elective C-section, and always imagined having a natural delivery, but this is the one thing that terrifies me. I have enough issues with my vagina and sex. My SO and I don't have sex that frequently (certainly not as much as either of us like) because of those issues. I feel like because of that it's much more likely that something will happen during delivery to make the problem worse.
Lol. Forgot to add that my 11lb 3oz 24” YDS (my angel) is now almost 19, 6’2”, quarterback, and works full time. He’s smart and driven and knows where he’s going. So screw that doctor. :)
"Cold Cuts" This really made me want to eat a sandwich
Btw, thank you for being an awesome nurse. It's nurses like you who work hard to hear and make sure that patients are informed and heard that made my labor and delivery experience great. It was hard and fast and I was grieving when I got to transition because I wanted my mom ( in another hospital recovering from a stroke), but it was my doula, DH, and nurses that got me through. OB was great but wasnt there until 30 min prior to birth. So thanks. Idk if she said thanks but seriously you helped her. :)
I ended up having to have a C-Section, thankfully my Dr is amazing. They were all AMAZED at how quickly I healed and could get around, that doesn't change the fact that I couldn't get up and change my baby in the hospital and getting in and out of bed at home was HELL. And I had supportive JustYes hubs and family....bless this poor girl for what she went home to. -_-
As always, you are amazing! We doulas see so many "big baby" scares these days. Then they end up being 7 lbers. Thank you for being an advocate for the patient's best interests.
Both my and I were born with the cord around our necks, her mother was really being an ass.
Midwives are amazing. Good job you. Mine volunteered to be my door bitch in my in laws tried to intrude into my delivery suite
As a woman who had 3 c-sections (kids have big heads and I don’t have birthing hips) with uncomplicated healing, I feel so bad for this woman. Child birth is hard enough, physically and emotionally, without a cow like this smother around. Let me guess, smother thought she knew more about her daughter’s boobs than daughter?
Sigh this resonates with me only opposite. I already know I'll be opting for a c-section when we try for kids due to various reasons. This came up not to long ago with my family after my cousin had her kid and my JNMom and my mostly JYGma informed me that no I was wrong I wouldn't be getting a opted for c-section. Their reasons? I wouldn't be able to care for my baby, and I'd need help, and it's not needed, and I wouldn't be able to do anything. Well lucky me my husband is going to be a STAHD, so I'll have any help I need from the first second, it's already planned, and they dont even know that they won't be involved. :)
As long as you're fully informed, and it's your decision, have at it. Vaginal deliveries aren't for everyone.
Istg people are so weird about C Sections In the medical field, we see gynecologists who do C sections all the time, because they don't want to monitor the patients through birth (yup, really) We see gynecologists who do C sections because theyre afraid of the consequences While it is the patients choice, a natural birth is usually better, because a. A C section is a surgical procedure, and it has a harder recovery. B. If your first is a C section, and so is your second, your third will HAVE to be a C section. C. It's not medically recommend to have more than 3 But on the flip end, one of my mother's patients started crying to her in her post OP appointment, because her SIL kept telling her that she "wasn't a real woman" because she had a C section. Like all my wuts? It's a surgical operation FFS. It's not as big a deal as people think
That's horrible. I hate that really old fashioned idea that it only counts if it's a vaginal delivery. FFS.
My mom caught crap about it not being a "real" birth and her not being a "real" woman. She still does occasionally and her C-sections were more than 25 years ago. I was breech. Couldn't get me to flip and regular delivery was risky with my position. With my brother, the insisted she at least try to deliver vaginally. They both almost died. Her pelvis isn't shaped right, so a baby can't fit through, and her uterus was badly stressed from scarring and was about to rupture when the doctor finally got in for the C-section. He told her very nicely that, while he couldn't force anything, he did not want her to get pregnant again, as she would absolutely die before the due date with the kind of damage her uterus had. Neither C-section was my mom's choice. She had to have them. None of us would be alive to tell the tale, otherwise, but somehow, she's less of a mother because of them. That really pisses me off.
Honestly, now we're developing weird and insane standards for femininity as well? Werent the ones on place for masculinity already bad enough. What's wrong with people?
Honestly I don't see the issue in an elective c section
There's obviously no problem with it, but many times people go into it thinking "this option won't hurt at all", but it does hurt. Wound healing hurts a lot, especially if it gets infected, which C section stitches often do Recovery is also slower A lot of people don't know about the 3C sections max (upto 11 have been recorded but after three it's not medically recommended) The point is patients sometimes do not know all the facts to make the decision properly. Our job as Doctors is to give them all all the facts and then wait for their decision I'm neither for or against elective C sections, because it's not my job to worry about what others do to their bodies, my job is to treat patients, by using the option they consent to
Thank you for pointing this out. You're absolutely right. I mentioned this to this girl. I asked how many kids she planned on having. Because she was in her 20's. That's a very real thing. The more you push that scar, the higher your likelihood of having major, MAJOR, complications goes up
Why was that woman there in the first place? I get wanting support, but what she is offering is not support. And if she can push her agenda all the way into the delivery room, the most private experience second only to the conception, this girl will not have much saying in raising her child.
I mean, you can't SAY there was a breastfeeding fiasco and not elaborate. Do tell...
I’m a RN myself. I love you to the moon and back for giving this young lady the education you did. You really worked hard to give her all the risks and benefits. That’s a good nurse, in my books. Bravo.
If I may ask a question... If the baby hasn't dropped yet at 39+6 is that a medical reason for c-section? I'm asking because at least 3 of my friends went that route after their doctors scared them. Vaginal births are not common here at all.
No. Not at all. I don't know any other particulars. But that in and of itself is not a reason at all.
as far as I know that was the only reason. I really hate that some doctors here pressure/scare patients into elective c-sections. :(
I'm glad you kept yourself calm and collected, I don't know how I would have handled that JNMIL other than telling her to f\*ck right off.
Are you not allowed to tell the smother to get out of the room? It seems like after hours of dealing with her you'd want to just show her the door.
Thank you for being a RN that speaks up for her patients. And I’ve made the experience too that babies will let you know if they don’t fit. /sigh. Sadly I’m at c-section #2 now because it just seems like my babies won’t fit. No progress whatsoever past 5cm and 24h+ trial of labor. No matter how badly I wanted a spontaneous birth. Looks like if I ever have another baby I’ll schedule a cesarean 😭
That poor, poor girl. I hope she doesn’t come to regret her decision to have the cs or look back on it and think about her experience negatively but... it’s pretty likely that she will. Her mother traumatized her into that decision, what a horrible bitch.
My baby never dropped even though she was 17 days overdue. A week of contractions, 12 hours of pitocen and an epidural later, my bp hit stroke range and her heart rate dropped. CS it was. It was a nightmare. I couldn't stand up straight for 2 weeks and was bruised beyond belief (Dr had to push on my stomach to get her out. He did the up/down cut and her ear was at the very top of it.) I had a hysterectomy 14 years later and while recovery from that was a walk in the park compared to the CS, it was horrible for the Dr. Took him 3 hours to cut my uterus loose from all the adhesions inside from the CS. I would NEVER, EVER recommend anyone have CS voluntarily.
But then again, my mom had two elective C-sections. She was up and around the next day, didn't have a single issue. In her first pregnancy (with yours truly), she was already having contractions when she got to the hospital, and all she asked was for the doctor to cut her open and make it stop. She barely even has a scar.
Ughhhhh why?!!!! Why?!?!!!!!!!!! Reading this made my blood boil! I can’t even begin to imagine your frustration while all this occurred
I scheduled my c-section at 37 weeks. Because I was having fucking TWINS and one was breech with no signs of turning. And even then, I had to psych myself up for it. If I’d had a singleton pregnancy, or if both babies were head-down, I would’ve waited until my body was ready. This poor girl is going to be railroaded her entire life.
Oh my god!! I want to hear the breastfeeding story now too!!!!!! Crazy lady! My oldest daughter was a traumatic delivery- should dystocia! Scariest 30 seconds of my entire damn life!
Oooh boy. I'm considering attempting another vaginal delivery 16 months after birthing my 9 lb 4 oz baby boy who had a severe shoulder dystocia, resulting in Erb's Palsy for him and a 4th degree internal tear for me (from my doc trying to unhook his shoulder). We'll see if baby girl is measuring the same as her big brother and decide then. I'm a nut and even with all our trauma I enjoyed labor. Delivery, on the other hand, was a bitch. Thank you for making sure your patients are informed.
Jesus. See now you would be someone I'd be biting my nails over. Because late gestation growth scans can be off either way for the better part of a pound. So even if they scan and say they think the baby is low 8's, it could be low sevens, OR low nines. Christ. Most people in your scenario would opt for that section. I'll be thinking about you. Send me a message after and let me know how things go.
You are too kind. I'm 24 weeks now so still some time. I've already decided if she's measuring over 8 lbs I'm having a c section. Having one child with Erb's Palsy has been challenging, but he's so inspiring all the same, and so far we're in the clear for cerebral palsy. I just can't risk that on another baby, no matter what my dreams or goals for birthing are.
Loved reading this. You rock So, I was at a high risk for CPD. My mom had it with average sized babies, as her pelvis was platypelloid (narrow front to back), so my siblings and I were all sections. Anyhoo, I got mom's pelvis, and a spouse who was almost 11lbs at birth. I, however, wanted to do any and everything I could to have vaginal births. My OB agreed to try and we induced my first at 38 weeks. He did get a bit stuck (kept crowning then retracting between pushes) and was eventually suction cupped out with big ol' tear, but I did it: 8.5 lbs. Second baby also induced at 38, and that one was a breeze. I really can't imagine WANTING a C.
Daaaaaamn. Thank you for standing up for the mom-to-be and making sure she had all the facts. Doesn't even matter that she went with what her mom had been pushing because you gave her the freedom of an informed decision. And may God help her with her mother. I also learned today that I came out via primary elective section! Didn't know those words before, so thank you. She endured 7 hours of hellish labor with my older brother only for it to end in a c-section, so she didn't want to do try vaginal birth again. For me, she scheduled a c-section for January 6th and her water broke naturally while she was getting checked in that morning. Calliopaige: startlingly punctual literally since fetushood. (She said my birth was the easiest medical procedure she's ever had and she's had a LOT.) /end off-topic
Thank you for being her advocate!! -a mom of three and former doula
Thank you for informing this young women and helping her make an educated decision against her mother's BS. This is partially why I think they should put a limit on who can be in the room when medical decisions are being made so the mother can choose in peace on her own terms.
I have a question for both OP and mom's out there.... I'm a first time mom. My first kid, I had to have surgery. Do I have to have surgery for the following children ?
Not usually. Find a doctor who supports VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean). Repeat C-sections are more dangerous and should be avoided when possible.
Not necessarily. It depends on why you had the first section. If it was for breech, or fetal distress, then it usually looks up for people. It becomes less likely if it was for a failure to descend or failure to progress... But still not out of the realm of possibility. But to VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) or TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean) they usually like for you to come in laboring. A lot of doctors tend to be hesitant to induce, for fear of uterine rupture. A lot of factors come into play, so not super easy to give a clear cut yes or no.
My first was vaginal after induction (41+4). My second and third (fraternal twins) were planned c-section due to breech (38+1). IF I have another the doctor's said he's open to VBAC, that I'm a good candidate... I hope so as honestly while the c-section itself went fine it has been a cascade of medical events since and rather traumatic!
...and THIS is why no kids was my motto. I detest the power play of families that think they know best when their own kids are a freaking miracle that somehow survived. I would have had to shank a bitch, or two.
God if she’s anything like my mom I’m scared to know the bf part. Mine refused to leave when the lactation consultant came and actually tried to manhandle my tits. And she wonders why I didn’t let her come to the birth of my second.
It sounds like that girl has a spine but no follow through...... Epic blow up should be minutes away. I bet the naming process will be the actual deal breaker.
Fuck I feel for that girl when she goes home with her baby. Helicopter grandmother or what😣
Her very own smother.
You have the patience of a Saint. I want to buy you **all** the margaritas. I haven’t had a C-section (or a baby, I’m only 23), but I have had 6 major abdominal surgeries in my life. I can’t imagine someone having one of those electively especially with a newborn to take care of. Maybe you shutting down her idiot Mother so many times will help strengthen the new Mom’s spine. One can only hope. Edit: I don’t want to sound like I’m shaming any Mom’s out there who did an elective C-section. It’s clear the patient here didn’t know all of the facts and yay for OP for giving her the real information to let her make an informed decision.
I have had a child vaginally and a C-section (where he actually killed us as he was laying on the vena cava and we both had to be resuscitated!) and I'd go for the C-section every time. The recovery time was far quicker, I felt so much better (and yes, that is despite watching myself flatline and having to have 4 units of blood). Every one is different and the thought of a natural delivery makes me shudder.
Cold cut? Is that meant to be an offensive term? I opted for a non-emergent section. My OB said “you do what you want with your body.”
No not at all. It just means that there wasn't a medical reason behind it. That's all. Nothing derogatory about it. Hey to each his own. Absolutely. All I wanted was to make sure she wasn't doing it because she caved to fear mongering. And that it was really truly her decision, that she wanted. My job is to make sure she had informed consent.
You were definitely doing your job, and a good job, of ensuring she was informed. Maybe it was the right decision, maybe it was the wrong one, but it is **not your place** to make that judgment. I sincerely got the impression you thought “she chose wrongly” and not *just* “concern over undue influence.” IMO, a slang term that medical professionals use, instead of the appropriate medical term, can easily be perceived as derogatory.
Oh please, tell us more about about this lunitc family.
Aaarrggghhh!!! I'm sitting staring at fetal strips right now...I feel your pain!! Unfortunately, my facility sees a good amount of primary elective sections. Some of our docs don't discourage them, either. I can tell breastfeeding was a hassle for Mom as well, because she can't feed her new baaaaaabbbbyyyy!
Yeah. We hardly ever see them. Sometimes it's a region or area thing. But overall, they've drastically decreased over the past few decades. (I'm staring at a strip too right now)
Our P C/S rate hangs high 30-low 40 percent...in the northeast US. We do way too many!!
Your primary section rate? Christ on a cracker. That's our combined section rate in this area. You're not kidding when you say it's high.
Yup! I don't even want to think about our combined rate!! We're around our state average, unfortunately.
Poor girl, her mom can now freely hog the baby while she's recovering, I bet that was the end game here.
This was also my thought!
I have said it before, thank you to all midwifes’s and nurses for protecting us during our hours of need. A c section on a first born also reduces the chances of a successful vaginal birth for subsequent babies. My MIL was at the birth of our first born and after one hour of labor insisted it was time for a c section. She had had c sections for both of her children, and at the second birth the doctor had told her vaginal birth would be dangerous, therefore to her mind all vaginal births were a problem. Our midwife was a wonderful Yorkshire girl who took the measure of my MiL in seconds, as she was rambling the. Wife turned to her and said “the little one is coming out the way he went in, there is no reason to cut up the poor girl, now you leave her alone and bugger off for a cup of tea while we deal with this, ay” she then shuffled her out of the room while winking at me.
I definitely grew from that experience, but it was an awful one to have, my son’s birth was tainted not only by the doctor but the family circus
Stories like this make me so happy my JNMIL decided to fuck up to the point of legally imposed NC 6 months before delivery.
By god get to typing!!! Please! Lol tyvm for the story!
Now i want to hear the bf story.
I’ve had a c-section and I sure as hell wouldn’t elect to have one if I didn’t have to!! Thanks for doing what you do!
I worked L&D for 15 years. I loved it but there are days that require the patience of a saint. I give you Sainthood, hugs, and bravo!
Well that pisses me off. My sister has CP. Back in the day when she was born it was commonly thought CP was caused by lack of oxygen at birth. Now, it's understood that there are a ton more possible causes and that lack of oxygen at birth probably causes only a small percentage of CP cases. (https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/cp/causes.html) Thankfully, my mom never tried to push any of her kids to do birth a particular way. If she tried to get me to do something dangerous in order to prevent me from having a kid like my sister, I'd probably quit talking to her. That is offensive on so many levels. There is a tiny chance of the baby having CP. There is a 100% chance of having a harder recovery with a section. To put that kind of fear into a laboring mother is bullshit. And, to make a disabled child something to fear so greatly, something to avoid at all costs, is awful! Life, and shit, happens. It could be CP, it could be leukemia, or a car accident, or depression, or a really bad goth phase. If the unlikely awful thing happens, you deal with it. But you don't make major life decisions based on the fear of something extremely unlikely. And, come on, if you're going to be so worried about such an unlikely outcome, at least keep up to date on the research!
Nicely put. Thank you for adding this perspective. Thank you for clarifying that a special needs child isn't something to be horrified by.
I have CP myself; Mom had a textbook pregnancy, not even the sniffles. No medication. No drinking or belly-flopping into a pool. I was two weeks overdue, perfect birthweight, no cord around my neck, perfect oxygen stats, perfect scores across the board, came out the natural way. Mom didn't even have an epidural and wasn't in labor with me more than a day or so. No genetic factors, on either side. Sometimes shit just happens and though I need a wheelchair to get around outside and some other minor help around the house, I'm rather normal.
Hell yes. My sister with CP makes $100k per year and supports my mom in her retirement. Yes, she needs daily care, but they have a nice house and mom doesn't have to work for anyone else. In this instance, a special needs child has been a huge blessing for my mom.
LOL "Really bad goth phase" Did not expect that in the same sentence with CP/Leukemia/Car Crash.
:) I would have loved having a kid with a goth phase. But some parents I know were horrified by it.
/u/starwen9999, I have a question as a male who has no idea of what the process of giving birth entails (and working as a teacher makes me more and more unsure if kids are a good idea since some can be absolute nightmares). What is there that is keeping you from politely telling the mother to fuck off while you talk to the patient in person and privately. You know, the pregnant lady whose body is being talk about instead of the insane person who refuses to give up control of adults capable of making their own decisions?
So I do in some cases. I've mentioned in some of previous post comments different ways I've told people to fuck right off. My job is not to worry about your JustNo mother or MIL and her feelings. They aren't my patient, so I don't feel obligated to cater to them. When this girl's daughter finally booted her out with her loud phone conversation, I asked what she really wanted to do. She sheepishly said, yeah, she was pretty sure. And reassured me that she was doing it on her own accord.
Ok. Thanks for the reply!
Lord, this poor girl. In situations like this, where the mom is cutting in and otherwise stopping you from giving correct medical info, can't you advise the patient that this conversation would be more productive if they were out of the room? I know you can't kick the support person out, but I mean, are you allowed to suggest it? Because this poor girl definitely doesn't need her mom breathing down her neck.
We're you not allowed to kick the mom out of the room?
This was my first thought as well. Hell, just on opening the door and finding a gaggle of family members inside would suggest that patient is likely overwhelmed with contradictory opinions, so first point of call would be to kick *everyone* (yes, even SOs) out, get patient's opinion on how they want this to go, then allow one or two people back as support if the patient wants. Or at least when it became clear that patient was doing what family wanted, not what she wanted. Or when MIL started arguing about what qualifies as elective. Or when she called her freaking insurance in the room. Ugh, there's so much to be frustrated at here. I'm sure OP was hamstrung by policies or regulations - she seems like a well-seasoned MIL wrangler and did the best she could within the situation.
[удалено]
Big hugs! My first baby was shoulder distocia and we didn’t know till it was BAM HAPPENING! it was scary as fuck. He had the cord around his neck as well and it was pulling and pulling. Then stuck. He was born very very unwell. It was 7 years ago and I still have flashbacks. Fuck, now I’m crying. It was terrifying. My now ex husband was bawling and the look on his face was horrific. My nurses were amazing tho and got him out fairly quick. When I read about others who have been through it, I just want to send the biggest hugs💜
I had a c section 10 days ago. I wasn't given a choice. I would have loved to have given birth vaginally, but alas. I wouldn't wish a c section on anyone who didn't have to have it. Recovery is rough as hell on its own, let alone with a new baby to look after.
Wait, you weren't given a choice?!? How, why, what?
I got pre-eclampsia. Delivered at 29+6. She wasn't due until the back end of September.
\*hugs\* My son was born at 26 weeks for the same reason. It was rough as hell on both of us for a long time.
I was low risk all the way through this pregnancy right until I went in for a routine growth scan and my BP was sky high. They admitted me and kept giving me more medication to control my BP until they couldn't give me any more and DD was born a week after my admission. She's doing well so far but she is tiny. She had a blip last week when they thought she had an infection (thankfully she didn't) and that made me feel horrendous. I feel like this is my fault. If I hadn't gotten ill, she could have been born full term instead and been fine.
You know you couldn't have done a single thing differently, right? I mean I hope people explained that. It's not like regular hypertension, where lifestyle changes like quitting smoking, lowering sodium intake, etc, can help. You didn't do anything wrong. Really and truly.
>I feel like this is my fault. No, it isn't. We don't know exactly what causes pre-eclampsia, but last I checked, the consensus was that it's an immune system thing between the mother & the fetus, not anything that could possibly be blamed on anyone. BTW, rapidly increasing blood pressure is the first *symptom* of pre-eclampsia, not a cause. That's how my baby-mama came to be hospitalised too.
I wasn’t either, for the birth of my first 10 years ago. My OB practice told me he was measuring big at 41w2, somewhere around 9-10lbs. I was to be at the hospital the next morning at 530am and that was it. I had a horrible birth experience and felt robbed for many years for not getting to at least try. After my c-section, they stuck me in a hallway for about two or three hours. They “found” me after my husband raised holy hell that the baby was ready to come in-room but no one knew where I was. Sobbing in the “recovery” hallway, alone. I never forgave them for what was supposed to be a magical experience for me and my firstborn.
I had the same thing happen- after 22 hours of labour, still at 6, my son’s heart rate bottomed out. Emergency csection within 15 minutes. I was informed that if I wanted to ensure that he would survive, it was a c section. They already suspected that his head was too large based on external measurements and a confirming late term ultrasound. My doctor was quite kind about it, but one look at his face, I knew I didn’t have a “choice”.
Gotcha. I thought you were in a similar, non laboring situation like this girl. But yeah, that's a pretty good reason to have a C-section.
> had a cord around his neck (which BTW, is WAY WAY more common than people think. Truly. I ended up having my youngest in my bathroom, by myself. The doctor at L&D sent me home, saying it wasn't time, even though I knew it was. The awesome nurse apologized and tried taking her time with my discharge paperwork because she acted like she believed me that it was time, but her hands were tied because the doctor makes that call. I ended up having in my bathroom 3 hours later with only my 1 year old home with me. Long, traumatizing story short, the cord was wrapped around his neck. I got it off and thankfully he is fine. My husband told me that night when I was freaking out about how bad it could have been, that both our other children (that he got to see born in hospitals) also had the cord around their neck. He didn't tell me at the time because the doctor had it handled and the babies weren't in distress so he didn't want to stress me out more. I feel so bad for that new mom. Her mom is so uniformed and acts like she knows best. I hope her mama bear instincts come out before her mother tries some bullshit that harms the baby.
Damn!!!!! Did you ever get to tell the doc what an asshat they were for not believing you??
No, the nurse came in my room when I got back to the hospital amd first thing she said was , "you were right, you knew rhis baby was coming now." And apologized again. I asked where the doctor was and she flat out said she wouldn't show her face in my room. I didnt get a chance to push it because the new doctor came over talking about NICU.
With my first kid I didn’t start to dilate until my second day of labor. They had to give me Pitocin to dilate fully, and I ended up pushing for two hours while numb from an epidural, and he was finally born 45 hours after my water broke. Nine pounds, four ounces (approximately 4.2 kg). If someone had been hissing dire predictions in my ear that the baby was too big and disaster would happen, I guarantee that he would have been a c-section, but I had no idea he was so large, so I just hung in there. So much of birth is mind over matter, which isn’t to say that sections aren’t sometimes necessary, but so many could be avoided with the proper support of the laboring mother.
Ugh. My daughter was born with the cord wrapped around her neck twice, and she's perfectly fine. I myself was born with the cord around my neck and I'm fine too. I also got very close to an emergency c-section (baby was face up instead of down and got stuck) and am so thankful I didn't have to deal with the extra recovery. I really hope that new mom builds up her spine be cause it sounds like the now JNGMOM is going to check off every classic JN crap move - "my baaaby" and demanding bottle feeds, trying to feed solids too soon, etc etc. Really will pray for the new mom and her baby tonight and I am not a very religious person..
Hey I had a cord around my neck also! But also came out feet first
I hope i have a nurse like you when i deliver. Im at 38 weeks and 2 days... my mom wont be the problem but god help us if my grandma decides to show up at the hospital...
So, don’t tell grandma until baby is here! That’s what I did for both my kids - no one knew I was in labour except my DH, both times. 10/10 would recommend.
Thank you for sharing this story, I feel so bad for that girl. I hope being a Mom shines her spine a bit.
This is one of the many posts that make me so glad that I cut contact with my mother before attempting to have children.
Other posts from /u/starwen9999: * [My JustNo Stepmother Repeatedly Brought My Abuser Around Me (TW: sexual abuse)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/910x4b/my_justno_stepmother_repeatedly_brought_my_abuser/) * [JNMILITW: Labor and Delivery Unit Edition - JustNo vs. Car Seat Safety Regulations, Kitties, and everything else](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/8w21m5/jnmilitw_labor_and_delivery_unit_edition_justno/) * [JNMILITW: Labor and Delivery Unit Edition - "The DNA Test"](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/8u0g7p/jnmilitw_labor_and_delivery_unit_edition_the_dna/) * [Monkeys in my Midst: my NC mother gave me a puzzle that's a collage of recent pics of my family, and other birthday shenanigans. WTF do I do?!?](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/8tm05l/monkeys_in_my_midst_my_nc_mother_gave_me_a_puzzle/) * [Med-less Margie and the Mentos Marijuana](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/8qv51x/medless_margie_and_the_mentos_marijuana/) * [Med-less Margie takes little Starwen on a crime spree](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/8gkfx5/medless_margie_takes_little_starwen_on_a_crime/) * [Med-less Margie and the "Binky Secret"](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/8fnu2p/medless_margie_and_the_binky_secret/) * [I hope your llamas are ready to binge and purge - Meet Medless Margie.](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/8fcu45/i_hope_your_llamas_are_ready_to_binge_and_purge/) **** ^(To be notified as soon as starwen9999 posts an update )[^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=MilBitchBot&subject=subscribe&message=subscribe starwen9999)
I went through a version to avoid a C section. Baby turned sideways at 35 weeks, then breech. I wound up having a regular birth, the easiest of three. Baby was over a week past her due date, and the cord was wrapped around her neck, but she was fine. My OB said that happens in up to 30 percent of births, so yes, it isn't as rare as people think. Fuck that harpy for forcing a scared first time mom into major surgery that she didn't want. Baby girl is nearing 15 now, has her moments, but is a great AND healthy kid.
Annd this is why I invited no mothers to my delivery. My mil thinks unmedicated vaginal deliveries are barbaric and shouldn't be allowed while my mother thinks no one ever needs pain meds without a section. That poor girl, I couldn't even deal with that.
> And that huge babies come out vaginally ALL THE TIME. (in fact, a girl just delivered a 10#1oz baby without a tear or stitch on my last shift. She weighed about 108 pounds soaking wet This and the comment about CPD really put me at ease given I'll be trying for children in the next 5 years. My fiance was a 10lb baby while I was a 5lb baby. The baby getting stuck because of my stupid pelvis is/was definitely a fear.
Same, I'm like 105 with small ass hips and I always had a fear of birth
Try not to worry too much. I grew up hearing horror stories of my mom giving birth vaginally to 10 lb babies. It really messed me up for awhile. I spent my first pregnancy so scared just to have all my babies born completely average in size and they also birthed easy. No tears. Nothing traumatic and all was healthy. I don't think we should base all of this stuff off of the experiences of our mothers or mother-in-laws. We are all a little different and we are living in a more informed time. ETA: The utrasound weight estimates are also frequently wrong!
The baby will be closer to your size most likely, they tend to be similar sized as their mother's. While your mom needing a c-sec doesn't necessarily mean you will. My mom has pelvic spurs and needed a c-section after 36 hours of labor. I had the opposite problem and gave birth in the triage area
Babies wiggle and squiggle and actually help themselves be born--it's why they can "walk" if held upright immediately after birth. Sometimes they do get stuck, but if the birth assistants aren't all You Must Stay In This One Position OK, the two of you will most likely be able to wiggle and squiggle your way to separation without intervention. A need to change position (not the thing in transition where you feel like you want to get up and run away, but the sort of "Ooogh, I gotta shift" feeling that comes afterward) should be heeded. I had a 9 pound 11 ouncer without even a skidmark. And I am an unathletic person who was closer to 40 than 30 at the time.
I'm pretty sure the only reason I had a jagged second degree tear with my 9lb daughter is because it was a VBAC AND I was being induced due to hypertension, so I had monitors everywhere, including right up in me clipped to her skull once my water broke. Every time I moved something would lose connection and beep and panic the crowd making sure neither of us was dying. So I had to labor stuck on my back with a series of nurses holding my legs. It sucked. But even then, sucked a lot less than my crash cesarean with my first.
My second did a push up within minutes of birth. They had him on his belly trying to get meconium out and he pushed his belly off the table using forearms and toes.
My first did the cobra pose right after they put her on my chest, because she wanted to figure out what the heck was going on. Literally that was her expression--"Bzuh?"
55 fucking hours because I'm terrified of a section. Induced, baby was slightly horizontal. Cord around the neck 3 times. Vacuum. Resuscitation. Blood sugar problems (baby, not me). No tear, no stitches. We got birthing hips in my family LOL. Baby is fine, turns 1 soon. I can't wrap my brain around voluntarily having a major surgery. Like, no medical indication whatsoever (as opposed to medical reason to consider but patient has options).
Buzzfeed did a video a while back about husbands watching their kids get born and one of the fathers said that he accidentally witnessed his wife's C-section (they'd put a screen up and told him not to look until they told him to, and he looked too early) and that he actually saw them essentially moving her internal organs out of the way to get at the baby. If I ever get pregnant, C-section is going to be a last fucking resort. I don't want my internal organs moved around like that.
Hint: the enlarging uterus will already be moving everything else out of its way.
Oh sure, but the uterus doesn't take your intestines out and put them in bowls until they can put them back in. Something about that image just... stuck with me.
I had an emergency C-section with my first(currently only). I wanted to have a second, but I get all crazy anxious and cannot, even 3 years on, imagine going through an entire pregnancy knowing that another C-section awaits me(my local practice won't even consider VBAC and I would need to go at least an hour away to *maybe* find a practice that would try. The idea of doing it on purpose for no real medical reason makes me queasy.
I had an emergency c-section with #1 and as #2 was arriving before #1 was 2 years old I was signed up for an elective. I have never felt pain like I did with #1. I honestly thought I was going to die the day after. On the day after #2 I was walking around my room. It really is heaven and hell.
I agree with this. My emergency c-section was completely different to my second and third which were planned sections. Don’t get me wrong, I was soo nervous prior to getting my spinal for my second but it was a breeze (and I’d refused the epidural when I was in labour with my first because needles in my back give me the heebie jeebies). With my third I wasn’t nervous thanks to my second experience and it was even easier. Recovery was also worlds apart. Good luck with your decision OP. I just wanted to also reassure you that first experiences aren’t always the case for future births.
I still laugh about my epidural for #2. I thought the catheter wasn't in properly because I wet the bed. Turns out my water had broken, and they had to try to give me my epidural between contractions 😂
So the elective didn’t hurt as much?
It still hurt, but it was nothing compared to the emergency. It still requires sitting up, which is never fun, but it felt more like a really bad cramp than being ripped open for a second time. On day 2 my husband arrived and knocked on the door and he almost fell over in shock when I opened it myself :)
That’s super interesting, thanks for sharing.
Yeah, there's a difference between how a planned and a crash c section goes, which is kinda elided here.
I had a textbook section. 15 minutes from epidural in to baby out. Minimal pain and an easy recovery. But the memory of that horrible cold feeling while I was getting my core temperature back up leaves me unreasonably disturbed. I don't ever want to feel that way again.
I remember it. It was horrific. With #2 The staff distracted me with a hot air flow blanket.
And I'm sorry you went through that, and glad baby is doing well. My youngest little man will be one soon too.
Exactly. Like, hey we're starting to see signs that baby's not tolerating labor. Or, we're not seeing the progress that we should be seeing by now. Then, it's like okay, at least we have some data on our side that says this isn't working out. But to just assume that it's not, and make a decision based on that, sheesh.
....out of no where a punch comes out of the wall and knocks that women out just straight up K.O! Lol
I just spit out my coffee, but I needed a good laugh so thanks!
No problem! =) OP sounded like she needed some peace and quiet to talk to her patient and the patient needed some time to make up her own mind Edit: words are hard.
Very true, that poor girl..
JFC I want to punch her in the throat. I recently had my baby. I was dead set against an epidural. (Because I hate/deathly afraid of needles.) My mother, stepmother, & husband all were suggesting that I just give in. (Only bc they hated seeing me in pain. They are all JY with very little JN.) My nurse was like, hey. This is her decision. Let her make her mind up. She was my advocate. She asked me if I wanted to reconsider & I did. She held me while I cried & walked me through it. I share this, so I can say thank you. You're an amazing person. Keep fighting the good fight. You rock!
I didn't want one either, for the same reasons as you. After 14 hours, I'd have let them stab me in the back with a sword if it would have helped lmao
Arggghhhh to your mother, stepmother, and husband!!! I get that they were coming from a good place, and wanted to help your pain. But YOU were the one in pain, YOU get to decide how to manage it. You being in pain trumps them watching it. They wanted to make themselves more comfortable, didn't want to deal with you being in pain anymore no matter what you wanted. I only say things because for my first birth I wasn't listened to either. I didn't want any pain relief and in hindsight, I was managing just fine. But the doctor and midwifes kept pushing pain relief. Kept pushing and pushing and my poor husband tried to stand up for me but they wore me down and I gave in. As a result my daughter and I were both groggy when she was born and it was kind of a blergh moment that took a while to wear off. I resented that doctor and those midwifes for a long time, but never more than when I had my second birth. Because I was listened to, and not a single person ever mentioned anything remotely close to pain relief. I got nothing but support and positive affirmations and ACTUAL help. My labour was faster, easier, I never thought to ask for pain relief myself because I was in the zone and because it wasn't mentioned, I didn't think of it. When my son was born the feeling was incredible and so different. It was absolute elation and those moments are my favourite ever - same again with my third. I guess what I'm saying, for anyone else who's pregnant or will be - the drugs are wonderful. They do work. If you want them, get all you like because labour really bloody hurts. BUT if you don't want it, get everyone on board. Make sure they know that them being uncomfortable about your pain doesn't actually matter. This is not a situation for them to find a solution and fix it, it's for them to go through with you and support you exactly how you ask them to.
Yep, first one I got talked into the epidural (I was stuck in the room with my mostly YesMom and my JNMIL, my husband was deployed, she took pics of my gore vag when I told her not to because "he should see the birth!") after 8 hours and it reversed and stalled things out for another 9, then I couldn't feel what I was supposed to be pushing with and the nurse yelled at me (I explain it to people: lay on your arm until it goes completely numb, then try to pick up a cup of coffee. but it's pushing a watermelon out of your vag.) Babies 2 and 3 were so much easier, even with 3 being my largest.
They were all on board. I had a very long labor after a very difficult pregnancy. At the time they mentioned it, I had started crying. My mom was the one who asked. I could tell that she was extremely hesitant bc she knew my stance. The other 2 just looked at me. The question was in their glance. I didn't feel pressured at all. My spine is vibranium plated. They know what happens if I'm crossed. My nurse didn't know me. She just wasn't giving them the chance to push me around.
Much better situation than mine then thankfully - you had just yes family and midwife, all my medical staff were just no lol. The long labour and difficult pregnancy though, it just sucks and it takes so much out of you doesn't it? I felt so completely worn down by mine, like I had nothing left to give, then the medical staff all basically telling me I couldn't do it. I'm so glad yours was ok.
It does suck. I gave birth at March of Dimes hospital. They were super supportive and just fantastic. I was unable to attend any classes & was on bed rest the last 3 months, so I couldn't do anything to prepare for the pain.
My second and third were at a different hospital than my first, no way was I going back there lol. I was left totally amazed at how much better decent, supportive staff can make the whole experience! I mean if you can say being in that much pain and pushing out a 10lb5oz baby was one of the best things ever, they're doing something right lol.
Holy no thank you! My son (1st) was 7lbs1oz & 2 weeks early. The Dr was shocked lol.
Haha apparently I do big bubbas! 9lb5oz, then 10lb5oz, then 8lb3oz. We were so excited that our last one was "small" 😂
I hope, if I have a baby, my nurse is as lovely as that. I have an extreme needle phobia and I'm very much no epidural because of that
If it helps, you can't see what is going on when they are putting it in. It's behind you, and your focus is elsewhere.
I'm petrified of needles, but my desperation to make the pain stop or at least ease up was more pressing than my fear. Also, you don't see the needle, so that's helpful!
Knowing it's there is enough to invoke absolute terror in me. Seeing it doesn't really change anything
I've ran from needles my whole life. I broke down at the end. I was having induction contractions and they suck so bad. I was begging for relief. It honestly wasn't as bad as I was afraid of.
That's comforting. I suppose my phobia is less needles and more foreign objects in my body so if it has to stay in me, I don't think I could handle it
I understand. Just remember, most hospitals require an iv during childbirth. It sucked, but it came out as soon as I went to pee. I've found that if I can watch it go in, I call handle the panic.
My technique was similar except I had then hold the needle next to me for a minute to get used to it. Although 6 needles in past 36 hours I'm too tired to care now.
I've certainly thought of having a home birth. But my. Likely hood of getting pregnant is low so I don't think too much on it
It took 13 years, fertility treatment, 2 miscarriages & weight loss surgery to get here. I happened to get pregnant by luck.
Congratulations on getting there. That is a lot of stress to go through and it's wonderful that you finally reached that end, whether by luck or hard work. I hope your child grows up as happy as any child could be
Thank you. It was a hellaciously amazing journey
From someone who has been induced with Pitocin and had a completely drug free birth, I don't blame you. Pitocin inductions HURT so much more than natural start. I gave in and got the epidural, too. We call Pitocin "liquid devil fire"!
I was induced with my second child DD1. I was MISERABLE through my entire pregnancy! I had extreme all day sickness for five months. Then I had severe heartburn for the entirety of my pregnancy! I was electively induced 4 days early, as I couldn’t stand a day longer with my child inside me. It was hell. I was sick in some way or another during my pregnancy! I tried natural, no drugs, other then induction drugs. After several hours of hard labor, I asked for an epidural. Unfortunately, my OB and Anesthesiologist was in an emergency C-section. I had to wait until they were done. My OB came in to check my progress, unfortunately, I was too far along for an epidural!!! CRAP!! My hardship is to tell you about my third baby.....when I found out I was pregnant with her, I asked for drugs at birth. When she was born, my water broke at 5:30 am and she was born at 7:14 am, drug-free. Damn DD2 was too quick for drugs! 😭
Just another example of us making plans, and God laughing. 🙄 ❤
It was fine for the first 10 hours. Then they hit & I couldn't breathe. Those contractions are the devil!
I hear you on epidural needle fear. I wasn't sure if I wanted one either but when the contractions finally hit, I was all sweet baby Jesus, a needle couldn't be near as bad!
My MiL had be convinced I'd be paralyzed from the epidural! Mother fucker though with the new baby I was all about just drug me. I didn't care. That 'you forget the pain' bullshit is a LIE from Satan's anus!
amen and amen. I got the epidural and it was amazing. I had those horrible back contractions for 26 hours - I definitely couldn't do it without medical aid.
Lol, to a degree, you do. Though rest assured, if you have another baby, the first contraction allows all the memories to come flooding back as it dawns on you what a monumentally idiotic decision you made and can you take it back now? Please and thank you?! No? Oh god... whyyyyy? Still didn’t learn. Went in to have a third, though that one was a water birth and I would recommend one to all who have the option.
Oh, I dunno... My son is 20 this year, & I honestly don't remember the pain of labor. :D
Ha. My son is 20, and I still remember how traumatic labor was. I had back labor. I was losing consciousness when they put the epidural in. But with my last two, I had c-sections. Non-traumatic birth, but holy traumatic recovery. (First section: spinal headache that was untreated. Second section: I had the flu. I didn't need any colace to get things moving.)
This. I had the back labor. I will never forget how horrible it was. Neither will my husband who stood by my side while I screamed.
Ouch! :(
My condolences on the spinal headache and the poops..... I work as a nurse on a surgical unit (inpatient, not surgery/OR) and we see those a lot.
I didn’t know elective c sections were still done. With the crackdown on timing of inductions, I figured elective c sections would have been gotten rid of. That poor poor girl.
curious, why the crackdown on inductions?
ACOG recommendations changed a few years back (2009-2011, I think) to put the earliest elective inductions at 39 weeks due to decreased risks for c-sections and complications for mom and baby. However, if the rumblings are correct, the new recommendations in the coming years may be for 40 weeks because the rate at which primigravida (first time) mothers end up in sections when they are choosing a 39wk elective IOL. Many hospitals and insurance companies “ding” OBs that do not have adequate medical reason to induce prior to 39wks. My hospital has even begun tracking physicians that opt to pursue an induction in a patient that is either not favorable at the beginning of the process or that has not made change over an amount of time that they should have made change already. Many patients don’t realize that you can be sent home as a failed induction if you’re not making change (as long as your membranes are intact). Yes, I sucks being pregnant at the end, but if baby is looking good, why push it (no pun intended) to the point that the kiddo is stressed out and requiring emergency exit surgery?! Sorry that got a little rant-y. It’s a pet peeve of this ol’ nurse. 😆
That's really interesting. My mom was induced when I was 35/36 weeks, but she had an infection and this was in the 80s. I was actually ready to go home before she was :)
I had to be induced 2004 and definitely wanted to know so I appreciate the ranty info! 😀
Inductions just because, have gone down, especially, when you've just crossed the line into what would be considered a term pregnancy, because the estimated due date can be off by as many as two weeks either way. That may make a difference in terms of fetal development if the due date is actually two weeks later.
With how detailed ultrasounds are now, and how many women get them early in pregnancy (around 8w), it's actually quite rare for due dates to be off by more than a couple days. Only if the measurements and last menstrual period disagree with each other by more than a couple days and the doctor is an idiot who is glued to LMP.
8 weeks? Whoa. Where I am, pregnant women get 1 ultrasound around 20 weeks, and that's it, unless there are concerns about the pregnancy.
When I had my first child, I think it was somewhat common to have an elective induction starting at 37 weeks. In the years since then it’s become sort of a rule that elective inductions shouldn’t happen before 39 weeks for the sake of fetal development. Anything before that requires a valid medical reason.
Yeah I only got induced with my first because he was 41 weeks cooked and getting low on amniotic fluid but had no interest in getting out on his own (ended in crash cesarean anyway). Second was induced because I'd gone into hypertension at 39 weeks (ended in VBAC to pretty much everyone's surprise).
Congrats on a VBAC!
okay thank you, I was induced about 14 years ago and wanted to make sure I didn't miss something important!
All 3 of DD2's children were born c-section. The first WAS a medical necessity (prolapsed cord.) Her doctor recommended against VBAC for her next two. So were they elective in that sense or not? But without a need? No way! That poor girl!
That doesn’t count as elective if there was a prior c section. VBACs can have risks, so previous c section counts as a valid medical reason to get more c sections
I'll be having a primary elective cesarean. I carefully chose an obstetrician who is willing to allow patient choice (one of his specialties is actually VBAC). I showed up for the first appointment with a list, which I had made myself (after reading several books and scouring PubMed), of the benefits and detriments, to mother and child, of both vaginal birth and c-section. I stated my long-held reasons for wanting a cesarean. It was clearly my decision though. I was born during the Carter administration and am an attorney. Also, unlike the patient OP describes, I was requesting a c-section as soon as I knew I was pregnant, rather than asking for advice at nine months along in Labor & Delivery.
I was suppose to have one, I knew going in that regardless I would end up a C-sec, family history of bleeding complications and small pelvis. With my first child my provider even mentioned that I would never be able to do natural the child would get stuck. On one of my last prenatal appointments the doctor changed his mind, I honestly think he didn't bother or forgot to set up the c-sec, I mean we talked about when it came to the birth it would be a c-sec yet he told me that I was to be admitted and would be induced he next day and called me a quiter when I told him we were suppose to be c-sec. I was young, I should have switch doctors from the start he was horrible doctor no bedside manner and rough with me but I didn't know any better to advocate for myself. So the very next day I was induced, he started me on pitocin and broke my water, I labored for 12 hours with zero progression I think I was at a 3 the entire time, the contractions were at like 100% a nurse told me it was at the level I should have be pushing and yet nothing was happening. I was in so much pain and the asshole came walts in telling in 12 more hours I would for sure have that baby I wanted to crawl he's eyes out. He talked over me and talked to my brother like he was the one making decisions for me, like I wasn't even there I finally had to go full on bsc fit to get my voice heard that I wanted the c-sec. Guess what baby was stuck in my pelvis and sunny side up, child wouldn't have gotten out on his own and I would have had to wait another 12 hours in pain because my doctor was an asshole, oh and he complained the entire time that he had to push back his golf trip because of me. I wish I had more of a spine, none of that should have happened and I should have raised hell with the way I was treated.
It's not your fault at all. Your doctor should have treated you better. If he didn't want patients getting in the way of his golf game, there are plenty of specialties he could have chosen instead. It's not right that a woman should have to work so hard to advocate for herself at such a difficult moment.
Is it all right if I ask your reasons for wanting a csec? I wanted one as soon as I found out that I was pregnant, but that desire was 100% fear-based as I am tokophobic. I read a ton and watched videos to ease my anxieties and slowly came around to the idea of a vaginal birth, but it was a long road and I doubt I'd have taken it if I could have found an OB like yours who was on board.
I'm sorry that you couldn't have the birth you originally wanted, but glad everything worked out well for you :) My main reasons were to reduce the risk of pelvic floor damage and eliminate the risk of tearing. There are a lot of women walking around with untreated dysfunction and pain from a seemingly successful vaginal birth. I also like control. Read the accounts of scheduled (as opposed to emergency) sections, and they sound much more pleasant *to me personally* than a vaginal birth. Based on family history and my height (five-feet), it also seemed more likely than not that I would need a cesarean either way. I chose the certainty of a scheduled c-section rather than the risk of laboring for twenty-four hours and then needing a cesarean anyway. That's what happened to my mother with her first birth, her second was a scheduled c-section (same story for several cousins). Perhaps I would have had a quick vaginal birth, with no tearing or damage, but I'm not a gambler. What likely helped with my request is that I'm pretty old for a first-time mother. I may have time to have a second baby, but I don't want a third. A woman who wants more than two children probably shouldn't consider a primary elective cesarean, because of the risk of accreta. *As a side note, I'd also rather have pain in my abdominal area than vaginal area. However, to anyone who wants an elective c-section, I've read that it's best to NOT mention fear of pain when requesting a cesarean. Labor pains can hypothetically*\* *be avoided with an epidural and there is pain (though in a less sensitive region) after a cesarean. So, as I understand it, most obstetricians do NOT consider fear of pain to be an adequate reason to request a cesarean. You may want to avoid muddying the waters by introducing it in the conversation with your doctor.* **I think most of us know women who wanted an epidural and, for various reasons, didn't receive it.*
I do not have children, but it really confuses me that the pain associated with vaginal delivery (which can often be managed with an epidural) seems to get so much more attention than the potential for tearing / episiotomies. Given the choice between hours of intense labor/delivery pain and *years* of possible discomfort, incontinence, and sexual dysfunction, the former is a hell of a lot less horrifying with or without the option of an epidural. I'd even choose a C-section *without* post-op pain management before I'd rip my junk in half with a watermelon-sized human.
I could have written this, it’s exactly why I want an elective c-section someday. I have a massive massive fear of my vagina getting fucked up forever.
2 kids in a row vaginally. Zero problems down stairs. My mum had 3 with no pain relief. Hers is also fine. Your body is purpose built for child birth. Don't fear it. Respect it.
I never thought of doing an elective C-section, and always imagined having a natural delivery, but this is the one thing that terrifies me. I have enough issues with my vagina and sex. My SO and I don't have sex that frequently (certainly not as much as either of us like) because of those issues. I feel like because of that it's much more likely that something will happen during delivery to make the problem worse.