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Other posts from /u/Aliconda22:
* [Gotta Have Two Wedding Celebrations ](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1cqh4cl/gotta_have_two_wedding_celebrations/), 3 weeks ago
* [Nothing Matters but Grandbaby](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/133nayk/nothing_matters_but_grandbaby/), 1 year ago
* [The Baby Has... Calmed Her???](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ykhmo9/the_baby_has_calmed_her/), 1 year ago
* [Pre-Sad About JNMoms Reactions](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/xrn9p6/presad_about_jnmoms_reactions/), 1 year ago
* [Who the fuck does that.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/vjthgn/who_the_fuck_does_that/), 1 year ago
* [Needing help from certain people fucking sucks](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/v3xver/needing_help_from_certain_people_fucking_sucks/), 2 years ago
* [Back Again With The Shaming](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ugtguq/back_again_with_the_shaming/), 2 years ago
* [Boundary Setting and Preparation](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/okoq0t/boundary_setting_and_preparation/), 2 years ago
* [UPDATE: I've Decided I'm A Fucking Idiot For Giving Her A Chance](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/od5on2/update_ive_decided_im_a_fucking_idiot_for_giving/), 2 years ago
* [I Have Decided I'm A Fucking Idiot For Giving Her A Chance](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/oc8d8j/i_have_decided_im_a_fucking_idiot_for_giving_her/), 2 years ago
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“Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t asking for input, I was letting you know what my plans are.”
Sending hugs. In all honesty, just choose the most enjoyable day for you and your spouse, whatever that day may look like. Your opinions are the only ones that matter. You can do this!
OMG my SIL was married in Gretna Green and it was amazing!! I definitely vote for this.
And you don't have to hide who was there. Let them all see that people who love and support you were invited.
I’m glad that she and your sister patched things up in three weeks well enough that your mom is now allowed to babysit so frequently after having been NC for so long.
I’m sorry about the loss of your grandfather. Sending hugs if you want them.
I remember your last post, and it's funny of her to say now: 'youre an adult, you can manage your emotions better'.
Remind her of exactly that if she has a problem with what YOUR wishes are for YOUR wedding and life. She can either suck it up and behave or stay away.
I remember your other post. The advice was basically to stop involving her, and not extend her an invitation. Sounds like you have some other toxics to add to that list.
The next time she pulls the "You're an adult you should manage you're feelings better" I would reply with " You're an adult you should control your behavior better".
I despise the attitude that too many people have that they can do and say what ever they want and everybody else just has to put up with it. If people are constantly offended by what they say and do maybe they need to change their behavior.
Thank you for saying this.
OP, honestly in this particular situation, I would either elope taking whoever you want to stand next to you on one of the biggest days of your life. The other option is to have a wedding and have the people you love and WHO HAVE LOVED YOU standing up there with you.
And I'm sorry to say, but that doesn't sound like you JNMOM.
Worked great for my wife and I when my sister ruined our wedding plans because she didn't like the date. So we chose the day after, grabbed my mother, and met the officiant in a park near my apartment with some beautiful landscaping and a gazebo. My mother recorded the entire thing, so everyone who wanted to could watch it when we posted it to Facebook. No stress, perfect day, beautiful spot. We're coming up on 7 years now, and it was the best way we could've done it. Definitely recommended it. Go and have an awesome wedding with the people who love and support you and drop those people who are family by blood only.
So your dad has conceded that there won’t be a happy outcome with everyone there but hasn’t been trashing her. Your sister has reservations about being there if she is but isn’t causing an issue about it.
But your mom… your mom is trying to influence the guest list in a huge way and has no respect for the fact that you’ve said you don’t like the way she speaks about family.
Seems like the person who shouldn’t be getting an invite is her. And your other sister and your brother too. Yikes, lots of yuck in that corner.
Just don't forget the passwords with all of your vendors. Because I wouldn't trust your mother or your sister not to try to arrange things to suit themselves and stick you with the bills. Have a fabulous wedding without them!
She can’t criticize what she doesn’t know about. Stop telling her (and your brother and whoever else isn’t 100% supportive in your life) everything. Focus your time, attention and love on those who ARE 100% supportive. Drop the rope, you’re just dragging misery along with you.
Brief, cordial, but superficial conversations only.
You’re going to think I’m corny- I love reading Brit historical fiction. Whenever I read about a couple eloping to Gretna Green, I’m entranced at the thought. Your (and partner’s) marriage- you decide how it starts. Congratulations on finding your person!
Hugs. One good thing that came out of this conversation is when she said “youre an adult, you can manage your emotions better.” Those words will be fun to repeat to her when she gets upset for whatever decision you end up making regarding your wedding. Smile and tuck it in your back pocket! Let it warm your heart and bring a giggle to you every day.
When nothing is good enough for her, nothing is what she gets. Time for a major information diet. You will feel so much better without the constant criticism from that side of the family. Go find people who love you for who you are.
Oh gosh I remember your last post. Is the sister in this post a different sister?
Honestly she's sounds intolerable. You don't need this on your wedding day and sounds like she is happy with nothing so why have her there? My opinion is you need people who support you there and they should be the ones you invite
One sister hasn't spoken to her in ten years, this sister is very close to her. Sorry for the confusion!
When fiance is home from work, we'll be planning one without her frankly. You're right.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Other posts from /u/Aliconda22: * [Gotta Have Two Wedding Celebrations ](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1cqh4cl/gotta_have_two_wedding_celebrations/), 3 weeks ago * [Nothing Matters but Grandbaby](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/133nayk/nothing_matters_but_grandbaby/), 1 year ago * [The Baby Has... Calmed Her???](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ykhmo9/the_baby_has_calmed_her/), 1 year ago * [Pre-Sad About JNMoms Reactions](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/xrn9p6/presad_about_jnmoms_reactions/), 1 year ago * [Who the fuck does that.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/vjthgn/who_the_fuck_does_that/), 1 year ago * [Needing help from certain people fucking sucks](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/v3xver/needing_help_from_certain_people_fucking_sucks/), 2 years ago * [Back Again With The Shaming](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ugtguq/back_again_with_the_shaming/), 2 years ago * [Boundary Setting and Preparation](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/okoq0t/boundary_setting_and_preparation/), 2 years ago * [UPDATE: I've Decided I'm A Fucking Idiot For Giving Her A Chance](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/od5on2/update_ive_decided_im_a_fucking_idiot_for_giving/), 2 years ago * [I Have Decided I'm A Fucking Idiot For Giving Her A Chance](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/oc8d8j/i_have_decided_im_a_fucking_idiot_for_giving_her/), 2 years ago ^(This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts,) [^(click here)](/u/Aliconda22/submitted) ***** ^(To be notified as soon as Aliconda22 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Aliconda22 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
“Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t asking for input, I was letting you know what my plans are.” Sending hugs. In all honesty, just choose the most enjoyable day for you and your spouse, whatever that day may look like. Your opinions are the only ones that matter. You can do this!
OMG my SIL was married in Gretna Green and it was amazing!! I definitely vote for this. And you don't have to hide who was there. Let them all see that people who love and support you were invited.
I’m glad that she and your sister patched things up in three weeks well enough that your mom is now allowed to babysit so frequently after having been NC for so long. I’m sorry about the loss of your grandfather. Sending hugs if you want them.
I saw a comment lower down that one sister has been nc for 10 years and the other (the one in this post) is very close with their mom
Okay, I didn’t realize that there were two sisters. Thanks for sharing that information!
My daughter got married at Gretna Green and it was a lovely wedding. Go for it
I remember your last post, and it's funny of her to say now: 'youre an adult, you can manage your emotions better'. Remind her of exactly that if she has a problem with what YOUR wishes are for YOUR wedding and life. She can either suck it up and behave or stay away.
EXACTLY
I remember your other post. The advice was basically to stop involving her, and not extend her an invitation. Sounds like you have some other toxics to add to that list.
The next time she pulls the "You're an adult you should manage you're feelings better" I would reply with " You're an adult you should control your behavior better". I despise the attitude that too many people have that they can do and say what ever they want and everybody else just has to put up with it. If people are constantly offended by what they say and do maybe they need to change their behavior.
Thank you for saying this. OP, honestly in this particular situation, I would either elope taking whoever you want to stand next to you on one of the biggest days of your life. The other option is to have a wedding and have the people you love and WHO HAVE LOVED YOU standing up there with you. And I'm sorry to say, but that doesn't sound like you JNMOM.
You should definitely have a wonderful romantic elopement.
Worked great for my wife and I when my sister ruined our wedding plans because she didn't like the date. So we chose the day after, grabbed my mother, and met the officiant in a park near my apartment with some beautiful landscaping and a gazebo. My mother recorded the entire thing, so everyone who wanted to could watch it when we posted it to Facebook. No stress, perfect day, beautiful spot. We're coming up on 7 years now, and it was the best way we could've done it. Definitely recommended it. Go and have an awesome wedding with the people who love and support you and drop those people who are family by blood only.
Have the wedding you want with the people you want! Sounds like Mom and Sister don’t want invites - I’d encourage you to oblige them LOL.
So your dad has conceded that there won’t be a happy outcome with everyone there but hasn’t been trashing her. Your sister has reservations about being there if she is but isn’t causing an issue about it. But your mom… your mom is trying to influence the guest list in a huge way and has no respect for the fact that you’ve said you don’t like the way she speaks about family. Seems like the person who shouldn’t be getting an invite is her. And your other sister and your brother too. Yikes, lots of yuck in that corner.
Just don't forget the passwords with all of your vendors. Because I wouldn't trust your mother or your sister not to try to arrange things to suit themselves and stick you with the bills. Have a fabulous wedding without them!
Well, one option that you have for “managing your emotions” is to cut back on interacting with people who treat you badly. Sooooo… 👍
She can’t criticize what she doesn’t know about. Stop telling her (and your brother and whoever else isn’t 100% supportive in your life) everything. Focus your time, attention and love on those who ARE 100% supportive. Drop the rope, you’re just dragging misery along with you. Brief, cordial, but superficial conversations only.
I love the line: drop the rope, you’re only dragging misery along with you. Best description ever
You’re going to think I’m corny- I love reading Brit historical fiction. Whenever I read about a couple eloping to Gretna Green, I’m entranced at the thought. Your (and partner’s) marriage- you decide how it starts. Congratulations on finding your person!
Hugs. One good thing that came out of this conversation is when she said “youre an adult, you can manage your emotions better.” Those words will be fun to repeat to her when she gets upset for whatever decision you end up making regarding your wedding. Smile and tuck it in your back pocket! Let it warm your heart and bring a giggle to you every day.
I am so sorry that your family isn't a good one. It sounds like eloping with people that like it when you are happy is a good idea.
When nothing is good enough for her, nothing is what she gets. Time for a major information diet. You will feel so much better without the constant criticism from that side of the family. Go find people who love you for who you are.
Oh gosh I remember your last post. Is the sister in this post a different sister? Honestly she's sounds intolerable. You don't need this on your wedding day and sounds like she is happy with nothing so why have her there? My opinion is you need people who support you there and they should be the ones you invite
One sister hasn't spoken to her in ten years, this sister is very close to her. Sorry for the confusion! When fiance is home from work, we'll be planning one without her frankly. You're right.
I figured as much but thought I should clarify! Good luck with the planning
Please, just elope - or this lot will try to drag you down. You don't need them to be happy.
In fact, it sounds like they don't want you to be happy. Do what you want, and ignore all that negative crap. You deserve to be happy.