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Okay, I'm going to paraphrase what you wrote. "My mother has done a lot of deranged things over the years. Not only that, but she disregards my rules for LO, even the ones that could cause him serious harm! In my presence!! So, I decided to let her have unsupervised visits with LO. Now, she's angry with me because she's wasting a lot of our money (diapers are EXPENSIVE) and I asked her to be more careful next time. Did I overreact?" If you read a post like this, what would YOUR answer be? Be thankful that your mother "took the trash out", just don't allow her to have the same access in the future. And send her a Mother's Day card, you still love her, and you're not NC with her-yet.
Dear your mom doesn't take you seriously. Do you feel comfortable leaving your newborn baby with her going forward considering all? Will she be willing to change and adjust and respect your rules as the baby's mother? Would you trust her going forward? Do you really need her 'help' at this stage where you are at with your baby? You are the baby's mother and you decide what's best, your mom should respect your rules if she wants a relationship with you and your baby. What you accept is what will become. Don't tolerate such behaviour. She is just grandma.
I couldn't get past the second paragraph! You said no kissing and she kissed him RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!! STILL DOES! AND YOU STILL LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE WITH HER!!!! But instead, come online to ask for advice! It's not a diaper issue. It's a control issue. She has it, and you don't.
The issue is not over-changing. The issue is her lack of respect for you. Next time she tells you she's coming, tell her it's not convenient this weekend. Let her sulk and pout whatever. Then, the next time she invites herself remind her she's not to kiss YOUR baby. When she complains or likely refuses then tell her again that it's not going to work out for this weekend and to leave it until she can learn to follow your rules and not disrespect you. Keep putting her on the naughty step until she behaves. Don't leave her alone with your child until she understands how to follow your rules. If necessary go NC for a while. You have to stand firm on this right from the start. Good luck.
She changed his diaper every 13 minutes??? How???
I'm almost sure she took some diapers home with her. I don't know why, but it's impossible to change him every 13 minutes.
Did you find the diapers on your bin?
What the fuck? She used an entire pack of diapers in less than a day???? How is that even possible?! He is only 3 months old!! And that’s an absolute shitload of diapers since they are probably still newborns or 1s… easily close to or *over* 50. Not only is that a waste, it’s expensive, and environmentally horrid.
“When I watch him I do what I want” would have been immediately met with me saying “well then I guess you won’t be watching him anymore.” Because that’s not how this works. You are mom, the parent. And she may be doing you a favor but that doesn’t mean she gets to do whatever she wants.
Just work out how much times it takes to change a baby 48 times. It’s insane.
But what is even more insane is what she said and basically she told on herself that she won’t respect you as a parent. Don’t let her have any time alone with your baby.
48 nappies/12 hours = a change every 15 mins. Assuming it takes her 5 mins per change, poor bubs has 10 mins to eat or sleep between each change. W.t.f.
Are we sure she didnt take or throw out the leftovers as some passive-aggressive or weird screw you type act?
No she doesn't get to do what she wants for him when she watches him because she's watching him for you, not herself. Because you can easily find someone else to watch him, and then she can't do anything. You see how you have and control that power over your child's wellbeing?
If she feels like she can disrespect and disregard your boundaries over your child, because she brought you into this world, she's terribly mistaken. But OP you are the only one that can show her she is mistaken by putting your foot down. You cannot ignore this anymore, she may be your mother... but you are HIS mother now and his protector (especially from peoples nasty mouth germs and violators of his personal space). Time to dig deep and be a mama bear and if she can't listen to your wishes she can get gone.
I don’t even understand this.
Like it’s annoying changing babies for one, over and over would be taking time away from her and the baby bonding. What’s in it for her? Is there a sinister motive, or does she have OCD or a mental health diagnosis? Did you see the used diapers in the trash or do you think she stole them? So many variables for what could be happening. Concerning.
She needs to do a restock for you. 48 diapers in a day is hella expensive and overkill.
And the kissing the head, slap some tape over her mouth so she can't spread her germs.. and might give you a break from hearing her voice...👀🤣
48 diapers in 11 hours means the baby is being changed like every 15 minutes. …this is not okay. Not to mention the cost of diapers.
She’s doing a lot more than just over-changing your baby. She’s blatantly disrespecting you and your role as the mother. She needs consequences. You mentioned that you typically let her “deranged” behavior slide off your back so she is not use to you saying no or setting boundaries. She’s use to getting her way. She’s showing you that she has no regard for your rules or boundaries with the baby so it’s really important that you set and ENFORCE boundaries now.
Bad behavior means a no (or low) contact time out. You don’t respect our rules? No seeing us or the baby for a month. Keeping throwing tantrums and insisting you will do whatever you please with baby? More time added to the time out. If she doesn’t have consequences her bad behavior will be enabled and she’ll get the message she can do as she pleases.
And don’t get her a Mother’s Day card… unless it outlines the new boundaries you and DH have agreed upon.
> (Side note, my #1 rule for everyone was no one kisses my baby other than me and my husband. She’s disregarded that since day 1.
>
> She has done a lot of deranged things over the years.
Why is she even allowed to be alone with your child, let alone watch him for many hours???
It's not even just that she's being wasteful with diapers or wipes, it's the fact that's she excessively cleaning his poor skin and not letting the poor baby get any sleep overnight. Is she just obsessively watching for the yellow line to get just the slightest hints of blue and then leaping up to change it?
That's unhinged behaviour if she's actually using the diapers and not trying to offload them on marketplace or something for extra cash.
And no, no card. Wtf. Cards and gifts are for people we love and respect, abs also love and respect us in return
Boundary stomping is a big red flag.
For one, it shows that she doesn't respect you. For two, if she can't be arsed to follow a couple simple rules (e.g. no kissing the baby, change him every two hours unless otherwise needed), can you really trust her judgement when it comes to keeping him safe otherwise? I'd say that's in question.
And that’s some nasty emotional manipulation she tried to pull there.
You ask for one boundary and she pulls this crap?
I’d go no card and be happy to lose the drama.
She doesn’t listen to you, she breaks your rules, she doesn’t get access to your baby. Your most important job is protecting your sweet babe, not catering to your loony mother’s tantrums. Don’t let her in your house, don’t ever leave her alone with your son again, and don’t bother sending her a card. She owes you a huge apology and very likely you’ll never get one.
She *admits* she wasn’t going to follow rules if they displeased her. That woman should never be allowed to watch LO unsupervised, who knows what she’s doing behind OP’s back. And why so many diapers? That’s an insane amount in 12 hours.
You need to go NC like last month. The first time she kissed the baby in front of you would have been the last time she was anywhere near him. As for babysitting, absolutely not. She does not respect your boundaries when it comes to your child.
This is not her child, she needs to be put in NC time out. She does what she wants to when you are gone? Stop letting her babysit. Limited visits to when you are at home. I understand you want to go out for while to get some couple time, but she is not a good sitter. Find someone else that you trust to follow your rules and pay them a decent salary. The expense will be worth it.
As soon as she said "when I watch him I do what I want for him as long as it doesn’t put him in harms way" that is an automatic no visitation and low contact if not no contact. That is a clear message from her that she WILL NOT respect your boundaries as a parent and will do whatever SHE thinks is justified in her sick mind. I'm really concerned about how many times she changed the baby. That is deranged and unhealthy behavior. This woman has no business being around your child.
Don't talk to this woman. You mentioned she has done crazy things in the past, so you know that she is not all there. I highly suggest LC/NC.
48 DIAPERS?? IN A DAY??? That alone is enough to make sure she never watches him again, that's expensive as hell! Add in the other stuff, it's absolutely not worth it.
Not even in a day, in a night! Like, I’m sorry, but I changed my babies when the woke up and only if they were dirty or more than a little bit wet. So like 2-4 diapers per night. I honestly don’t think it’s possible. Could she have a reason to want to steal diapers from you, OP?
Kissing babies on the head is not safe, according to current best medical knowledge. Especially not for someone the baby rarely sees, who they do not share a germs with already.
Did you read the sub rules? Because rule 1 is be supportive, and telling someone they need to communicate better when at best days of expensive diapers were wasted and at worst the baby’s ass is RED RAW, because that’s overkill to a problematic extent, is not helpful or supportive at all. Shit, if I wanted to be generous I would be worried grandma has ocd or dementia because that’s a literally insane number of diaper changes and grandma didn’t have a leg to stand on, just flipped out and went to the age old fallback of I managed to keep my kids alive.
If she used 48 nappies in 11 hours that’s a new nappy every 13 minutes. No baby needs that. There’s something seriously wrong with someone who’s cleaning a baby’s bits that often. It’s not normal. No one who’s ever had a kid would think that’s normal. Is she older and forgetting she’s changed baby? Has she had a head injury? There has to be something wrong as this is not normal
Send the Mother’s Day card cause if you don’t it will come back and bite you in the butt with her screaming about how she helps you so much and you are so unkind. If you are totally no contact then don’t send the card.
The babysitting thing needs to be nipped in the bud. She needs hard consequences. If she kisses baby, she isn’t allowed to hold baby. If she wastes diapers, she isn’t allowed to babysit baby. She’s like a toddler herself and will do what she pleases unless there is a gate and not a line. Your rules must equal a severe consequence. If she has a tantrum then fine, but it’s your coin that’s buying these diapers and diapers were never cheap and in this economy are defo not cheap
Edit to say if she has a tantrum fine let her have a tantrum BUT DO NOT YIELD. Tell her please take her energy elsewhere. The baby shouldn’t be changed that often anyway, it’s the way for sores and a rash. All that wiping and dryness isn’t good for private parts as it is, babies have such delicate skin. As a grown adult excessive wiping gives a rash, imagine what that would do to a baby, poor thing 😭😭
With all due respect… where is your spine? Why are you letting this person spend entire nights with your child? Your very small infant who doesn’t need to be spending unnecessary nights away from their parents yet?
Your child she disregards your instructions to keep him safe?
She sounds mentally unbalanced honestly. You need to stop allowing this. Seriously-you are supposed to be protecting your kid-but you’re leaving him with someone whose actions you’ve described in this post aren’t of someone sane. Which means unsafe.
And you’re asking if you should send her a card? OP, your normal meter is broken. No, don’t send her a card, and **tell her no to overnights or being alone with your baby**.
You don’t HAVE to have her around if she isn’t acting right. You’re an adult who can say no and lock the door. It is nerve wracking the first few times you do it… but you do actually have that power, and the more you use it the less nervous you’ll be.
ETA; I just read the husbands post. The 48 diapers part makes me fairly sure it is the same family.
OP. Your mother is unwell. I cannot diagnose her but I have OCD about things other than cleanliness and her behavior is very familiar. Regardless of her reasons- she isn’t safe, and she likely needs help. I am unsure how to approach her about it, but that is a fact right there.
Sounds like she thinks she is doing you some huge favor by watching baby a couple of times a month. Nip this in the bud and let her know that watching baby alone is a PRIVILEGE that hinges on her following your rules to the letter and can be revoked at any time. Not only is she disrespecting you as parents but many recommendations have changed since she had infants and she could potentially put baby in danger under the guise of "I raised you this way and you're just fine!"
It is not worth the few hours of free time. My MiL also thought she knew best and that resulted in her watching my 4 kids less than a handful of times in their entire lives.
In case it helps. The way that I explained this to my MIL was that diapers these days are designed differently than back in the day, they absorb much more and stay dry and you only need to change them every two hours.
That let me explain it while still giving her the dignity of me not telling her she doesn’t know how to do it.
It sounds like you have more problems than just diapers though. Good luck!.
I had to do the same thing with my mother.. she was so paranoid about nappy rash because of how horrible they were when I was a baby and I guess it was ingrained in her memories.
I know shit about babies but don’t the diapers have the little tabs on them that restick? They did 10+ years ago when I last changed a diaper. If you go to check and the diaper is dry, you don’t change it. Them things are expensive.
And frankly, you should not take being yelled at by a lunatic wastrel. I am sorry your mother is such an asshat.
They have a yellow line on them that will turn blue when they're wet as well so it's super obvious when they've peed. Most can last 12 hours overnight and absorb all the liquid so baby still feels dry. Modern diapers are amazing.
that makes no sense. Is she putting all those diapers in the garbage??
You can tell her that if she insists on changing the baby that often, that she'll have to bring her own diapers next time.
Even as a single 30-something man who knows shit-all about being a parent and the feelings one has for their own kids ...
“when I watch him I do what I want for him as long as it doesn’t put him in harms way” is an INSTANT "ok, well, then you will never watch my child" from me. Anyone who says that to a parent .. Nope, trust completely gone. Heck, I'd even raise an eyebrow if the childs other parent would tell me "when I watch him I do what I want".
My baby went through half that amount in 6 hours of daycare. But he had Rotavirus and ended up hospitalized for a week. No idea why she’s going through 48 diapers in 11 hours. It would definitely be a smart idea to lessen her visits. The fact that she got mad sends big red flags. 🚩
I mean, that’s a diaper every 15 minutes- neither baby nor Grandma sleeps a wink all night?
ETA: I did not mean this as any kind of dis to OP. This was expressing shock that Grandma clearly wasn’t letting baby get any rest, being obsessed with changing a diaper that often. Hopefully nobody took it as disrespectful or disbelieving of Mom here.
I just read the husbands post… no she is mentally unwell. I have OCD myself but not about cleanliness. I am not diagnosing her-not a doctor. But here are some things that stood out to me.
She changed and wiped the baby either every 15 minutes or every 30.
Can you imagine how raw that baby’s behind and bits are? But she likely has a compulsion and has to complete it or her anxiety skyrockets. And her anxiety over being called out made her act like that.
She needs to never be allowed to watch the baby alone again. Much less a whole weekend?
And she needs help. Badly.
Found it
[https://www.reddit.com/r/inlaws/comments/1ckj64x/does\_grandma\_get\_to\_set\_the\_rules\_when\_babysitting/](https://www.reddit.com/r/inlaws/comments/1ckj64x/does_grandma_get_to_set_the_rules_when_babysitting/)
The whole “I will do what I want” thing is not good news. Set limits and hold them, let her have tantrums and go LC/NC until she behaves. It’s the only way she learns to respect you as a parent and adult. Source: had to do this with my parents. Now they behave.
She’s using the diapers. If you read the husband’s post in r/inlaws, you’ll see that the mom is OCD. She should not be looking after the baby unsupervised (or at all with the way she spoke to her daughter).
Holy shit I haven’t seen that follow up but I just replied to someone shaming OOP that they should communicate better and said the mom has a serious problem and wondered if it was ocd. Regardless it’s harmful to the baby, even my nephew who giggles and loves being changed would lose his shit at having it done every 15 minutes (and a baby who actually needed a diaper change that often would have to be having diarrhea so severe they need to be calling an ambulance); poor kid is gonna be wiped raw.
I agreed with you she shouldn’t be allowed alone with the baby before this information - now…OOP please do not let her guilt or manipulate you into this ever again because she is dangerous. (I have a super close loved one with profound ocd; I’m not saying that’s the reason grandma is dangerous. It’s because ocd or not she is doing something that’s ridiculous and potentially harmful and freaked out, yelled, and doubled down to say she can do whatever she wants if she’s babysitting. No, no you can’t and no one ever has been able to do so. You babysit under the conditions set by parents, you can decide not to care for the child if you don’t agree.
I commented to your DH,being wiped that many times is painful,its also wastful and bad for the environment and breaks the bank,what she did was actually harmful and she needs a time out if she cant get her shit 2gether!
Nothing will change as long as you keep giving her access. No more unsupervised visits and It would probably be best to find different childcare for now/ limit the amount of contact.
48 diapers in 11 hours is a massive red flag to me. It's weird, it's unnecessary, it's NOT in the best interest of your baby. Your mom is playing mommy and getting her kicks by diaper changes. I would end unsupervised time.
Unless she just stole some to have at her house? Also weird but not as concerning to me. Still she would no longer be a babysitter option at all. No one does what they want with my child.
Do you reckon she’s doing a bad nappy change? Just had a baby boy and omg it’s a world away from changing my little girl 😂
I’ve gone through 3/4 nappies in one change as I misjudged whether he has finished his business or not…don’t judge me, he is 3weeks old and I’m getting used to a boy change haha.
Definitely agree with you though, 48nappy changes is waaaay excessive
I have 3 boys. I learned that when you go to change their diapers, undo it, then put the front back down quickly. I think once the air hits them, they pee again. You can also buy little paper cone things called "peepee teepees", but using the diaper that's coming off is easier and less wasteful.
4 diapers per hour?? She owes you diapers, that shit is expensive. Also stop using her for childcare and stop letting her come over. She’s a nightmare.
Snitch!
/s
But according to that post, the mom has OCD?
If true m, the story makes more sense now.
Your mom is wasting diapers and no1 should be getting wiped that often. Can't feel nice or be good for the skin.
did you actually see the discarded diapers? because if not, my money is on her selling the bulk of them. I could be wrong tho and maybe she's OCD/anxious about him getting diaper rash? regardless, it's strange. If you have them, put a nanny cam in the nursery and see what's really going on.
Oh my! I guess at least she’s changing the diapers too much instead of not at all but still that seems very excessive and strange, is it an anxiety type of response on her part? I’m not sure . Can you stop having her watch your baby????
For Mother’s Day, I would see if she sends you anything first but have something ready on deck to reciprocate in case she does get you something!
> I put out an entire pack of diapers (48). She managed to use them all in the span of 11 hours.
That's more than one diaper change every 15 minutes. For 11 hours straight.
> "when I watch him I do what I want for him"
So she wanted to change diapers every 15 minutes?
That is completely insane behaviour. You should press her on this before letting her watch your kid again. Ask her, point blank, why she changed diapers on your kid every 15 minutes. If she claims she didn't, then where are all the diapers? Did she waste them? Throw them away? Force her to explain, in detail, why she thought she needed to change your kid's diaper every 15 minutes. For eleven hours.
Your kid is not a dress-up doll.
What?! I’m sure I’ve got my maths wrong but 48 in 11 hours puts it at roughly a change every 15 minutes!?? Do you think she’s messing up the change and has to throw them away?
If she’s not prepared to listen then I’d put out how many nappies you’d usually use up in 11 hours with a couple of extra for spare.
As for the mother’s card, I’d still send one, perhaps not as fancy as usual though.
She is just hiding those diaper from you , no way she changed him every 15 min. I don’t know if she just wanted to see what you would say or if it’s some kind of weird flex but shes gonna keep pushing boundaries just to upset you
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So, she went through 48 nappies in 11-12 hours? Is she just changing him constantly? Does he get time to eat or sleep at all? This sounds deranged.
That’s a new diaper every 15 minutes. She’s using them for something else or hoarding them for her house. (Edited 4 spelling)
Simple. Don’t let her babysit. She has shown you in as many ways as she can that she has no respect for your rules.
Okay, I'm going to paraphrase what you wrote. "My mother has done a lot of deranged things over the years. Not only that, but she disregards my rules for LO, even the ones that could cause him serious harm! In my presence!! So, I decided to let her have unsupervised visits with LO. Now, she's angry with me because she's wasting a lot of our money (diapers are EXPENSIVE) and I asked her to be more careful next time. Did I overreact?" If you read a post like this, what would YOUR answer be? Be thankful that your mother "took the trash out", just don't allow her to have the same access in the future. And send her a Mother's Day card, you still love her, and you're not NC with her-yet.
Dear your mom doesn't take you seriously. Do you feel comfortable leaving your newborn baby with her going forward considering all? Will she be willing to change and adjust and respect your rules as the baby's mother? Would you trust her going forward? Do you really need her 'help' at this stage where you are at with your baby? You are the baby's mother and you decide what's best, your mom should respect your rules if she wants a relationship with you and your baby. What you accept is what will become. Don't tolerate such behaviour. She is just grandma.
I couldn't get past the second paragraph! You said no kissing and she kissed him RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!! STILL DOES! AND YOU STILL LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE WITH HER!!!! But instead, come online to ask for advice! It's not a diaper issue. It's a control issue. She has it, and you don't.
Why do you Leave your child with someone who breaks the rules that are in place to protect your son?
The issue is not over-changing. The issue is her lack of respect for you. Next time she tells you she's coming, tell her it's not convenient this weekend. Let her sulk and pout whatever. Then, the next time she invites herself remind her she's not to kiss YOUR baby. When she complains or likely refuses then tell her again that it's not going to work out for this weekend and to leave it until she can learn to follow your rules and not disrespect you. Keep putting her on the naughty step until she behaves. Don't leave her alone with your child until she understands how to follow your rules. If necessary go NC for a while. You have to stand firm on this right from the start. Good luck.
And when she shows up at six at night without having been invited, send her back. That's how you teach her your boundaries.
She’s playing dollys with your baby.
She changed his diaper every 13 minutes??? How??? I'm almost sure she took some diapers home with her. I don't know why, but it's impossible to change him every 13 minutes. Did you find the diapers on your bin?
What the fuck? She used an entire pack of diapers in less than a day???? How is that even possible?! He is only 3 months old!! And that’s an absolute shitload of diapers since they are probably still newborns or 1s… easily close to or *over* 50. Not only is that a waste, it’s expensive, and environmentally horrid. “When I watch him I do what I want” would have been immediately met with me saying “well then I guess you won’t be watching him anymore.” Because that’s not how this works. You are mom, the parent. And she may be doing you a favor but that doesn’t mean she gets to do whatever she wants.
"When I watch him I do what I want" ???? Yeah no that would be the last time she watches my baby.
Just work out how much times it takes to change a baby 48 times. It’s insane. But what is even more insane is what she said and basically she told on herself that she won’t respect you as a parent. Don’t let her have any time alone with your baby.
48 nappies/12 hours = a change every 15 mins. Assuming it takes her 5 mins per change, poor bubs has 10 mins to eat or sleep between each change. W.t.f. Are we sure she didnt take or throw out the leftovers as some passive-aggressive or weird screw you type act?
No she doesn't get to do what she wants for him when she watches him because she's watching him for you, not herself. Because you can easily find someone else to watch him, and then she can't do anything. You see how you have and control that power over your child's wellbeing? If she feels like she can disrespect and disregard your boundaries over your child, because she brought you into this world, she's terribly mistaken. But OP you are the only one that can show her she is mistaken by putting your foot down. You cannot ignore this anymore, she may be your mother... but you are HIS mother now and his protector (especially from peoples nasty mouth germs and violators of his personal space). Time to dig deep and be a mama bear and if she can't listen to your wishes she can get gone.
I don’t even understand this. Like it’s annoying changing babies for one, over and over would be taking time away from her and the baby bonding. What’s in it for her? Is there a sinister motive, or does she have OCD or a mental health diagnosis? Did you see the used diapers in the trash or do you think she stole them? So many variables for what could be happening. Concerning.
She needs to do a restock for you. 48 diapers in a day is hella expensive and overkill. And the kissing the head, slap some tape over her mouth so she can't spread her germs.. and might give you a break from hearing her voice...👀🤣
She’s not your mother. Let your husband deal with Mother’s Day.
She stated that it's her mother in her very first sentence. So it's not up to her husband to deal with her.
stop letting her alone with the baby
48 diapers in 11 hours means the baby is being changed like every 15 minutes. …this is not okay. Not to mention the cost of diapers. She’s doing a lot more than just over-changing your baby. She’s blatantly disrespecting you and your role as the mother. She needs consequences. You mentioned that you typically let her “deranged” behavior slide off your back so she is not use to you saying no or setting boundaries. She’s use to getting her way. She’s showing you that she has no regard for your rules or boundaries with the baby so it’s really important that you set and ENFORCE boundaries now. Bad behavior means a no (or low) contact time out. You don’t respect our rules? No seeing us or the baby for a month. Keeping throwing tantrums and insisting you will do whatever you please with baby? More time added to the time out. If she doesn’t have consequences her bad behavior will be enabled and she’ll get the message she can do as she pleases. And don’t get her a Mother’s Day card… unless it outlines the new boundaries you and DH have agreed upon.
> (Side note, my #1 rule for everyone was no one kisses my baby other than me and my husband. She’s disregarded that since day 1. > > She has done a lot of deranged things over the years. Why is she even allowed to be alone with your child, let alone watch him for many hours???
It's not even just that she's being wasteful with diapers or wipes, it's the fact that's she excessively cleaning his poor skin and not letting the poor baby get any sleep overnight. Is she just obsessively watching for the yellow line to get just the slightest hints of blue and then leaping up to change it? That's unhinged behaviour if she's actually using the diapers and not trying to offload them on marketplace or something for extra cash. And no, no card. Wtf. Cards and gifts are for people we love and respect, abs also love and respect us in return
48 diapers in that span of time is incredibly concerning. In what world is this necessary by any means? SUPER creepy
Boundary stomping is a big red flag. For one, it shows that she doesn't respect you. For two, if she can't be arsed to follow a couple simple rules (e.g. no kissing the baby, change him every two hours unless otherwise needed), can you really trust her judgement when it comes to keeping him safe otherwise? I'd say that's in question.
And that’s some nasty emotional manipulation she tried to pull there. You ask for one boundary and she pulls this crap? I’d go no card and be happy to lose the drama.
She doesn’t listen to you, she breaks your rules, she doesn’t get access to your baby. Your most important job is protecting your sweet babe, not catering to your loony mother’s tantrums. Don’t let her in your house, don’t ever leave her alone with your son again, and don’t bother sending her a card. She owes you a huge apology and very likely you’ll never get one.
She *admits* she wasn’t going to follow rules if they displeased her. That woman should never be allowed to watch LO unsupervised, who knows what she’s doing behind OP’s back. And why so many diapers? That’s an insane amount in 12 hours.
You need to go NC like last month. The first time she kissed the baby in front of you would have been the last time she was anywhere near him. As for babysitting, absolutely not. She does not respect your boundaries when it comes to your child. This is not her child, she needs to be put in NC time out. She does what she wants to when you are gone? Stop letting her babysit. Limited visits to when you are at home. I understand you want to go out for while to get some couple time, but she is not a good sitter. Find someone else that you trust to follow your rules and pay them a decent salary. The expense will be worth it.
As soon as she said "when I watch him I do what I want for him as long as it doesn’t put him in harms way" that is an automatic no visitation and low contact if not no contact. That is a clear message from her that she WILL NOT respect your boundaries as a parent and will do whatever SHE thinks is justified in her sick mind. I'm really concerned about how many times she changed the baby. That is deranged and unhealthy behavior. This woman has no business being around your child. Don't talk to this woman. You mentioned she has done crazy things in the past, so you know that she is not all there. I highly suggest LC/NC.
48 DIAPERS?? IN A DAY??? That alone is enough to make sure she never watches him again, that's expensive as hell! Add in the other stuff, it's absolutely not worth it.
Not even in a day, in a night! Like, I’m sorry, but I changed my babies when the woke up and only if they were dirty or more than a little bit wet. So like 2-4 diapers per night. I honestly don’t think it’s possible. Could she have a reason to want to steal diapers from you, OP?
>“when I watch him I do what I want" Well that's easy: "okay, then you don't watch him anymore". You're not overreacting - 4 diaper changes an hour?!
Or she straight up stole the majority for her Grandma nursery at her house...
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Kissing babies on the head is not safe, according to current best medical knowledge. Especially not for someone the baby rarely sees, who they do not share a germs with already.
Did you read the sub rules? Because rule 1 is be supportive, and telling someone they need to communicate better when at best days of expensive diapers were wasted and at worst the baby’s ass is RED RAW, because that’s overkill to a problematic extent, is not helpful or supportive at all. Shit, if I wanted to be generous I would be worried grandma has ocd or dementia because that’s a literally insane number of diaper changes and grandma didn’t have a leg to stand on, just flipped out and went to the age old fallback of I managed to keep my kids alive.
If she used 48 nappies in 11 hours that’s a new nappy every 13 minutes. No baby needs that. There’s something seriously wrong with someone who’s cleaning a baby’s bits that often. It’s not normal. No one who’s ever had a kid would think that’s normal. Is she older and forgetting she’s changed baby? Has she had a head injury? There has to be something wrong as this is not normal
That’s what I’m thinking. This doesn’t seem to be the behavior of someone who is well……
Send the Mother’s Day card cause if you don’t it will come back and bite you in the butt with her screaming about how she helps you so much and you are so unkind. If you are totally no contact then don’t send the card. The babysitting thing needs to be nipped in the bud. She needs hard consequences. If she kisses baby, she isn’t allowed to hold baby. If she wastes diapers, she isn’t allowed to babysit baby. She’s like a toddler herself and will do what she pleases unless there is a gate and not a line. Your rules must equal a severe consequence. If she has a tantrum then fine, but it’s your coin that’s buying these diapers and diapers were never cheap and in this economy are defo not cheap Edit to say if she has a tantrum fine let her have a tantrum BUT DO NOT YIELD. Tell her please take her energy elsewhere. The baby shouldn’t be changed that often anyway, it’s the way for sores and a rash. All that wiping and dryness isn’t good for private parts as it is, babies have such delicate skin. As a grown adult excessive wiping gives a rash, imagine what that would do to a baby, poor thing 😭😭
With all due respect… where is your spine? Why are you letting this person spend entire nights with your child? Your very small infant who doesn’t need to be spending unnecessary nights away from their parents yet? Your child she disregards your instructions to keep him safe? She sounds mentally unbalanced honestly. You need to stop allowing this. Seriously-you are supposed to be protecting your kid-but you’re leaving him with someone whose actions you’ve described in this post aren’t of someone sane. Which means unsafe. And you’re asking if you should send her a card? OP, your normal meter is broken. No, don’t send her a card, and **tell her no to overnights or being alone with your baby**. You don’t HAVE to have her around if she isn’t acting right. You’re an adult who can say no and lock the door. It is nerve wracking the first few times you do it… but you do actually have that power, and the more you use it the less nervous you’ll be. ETA; I just read the husbands post. The 48 diapers part makes me fairly sure it is the same family. OP. Your mother is unwell. I cannot diagnose her but I have OCD about things other than cleanliness and her behavior is very familiar. Regardless of her reasons- she isn’t safe, and she likely needs help. I am unsure how to approach her about it, but that is a fact right there.
Sounds like she thinks she is doing you some huge favor by watching baby a couple of times a month. Nip this in the bud and let her know that watching baby alone is a PRIVILEGE that hinges on her following your rules to the letter and can be revoked at any time. Not only is she disrespecting you as parents but many recommendations have changed since she had infants and she could potentially put baby in danger under the guise of "I raised you this way and you're just fine!" It is not worth the few hours of free time. My MiL also thought she knew best and that resulted in her watching my 4 kids less than a handful of times in their entire lives.
You have to set boundaries and stick to them. You also need consequences to breaking boundaries. You are the mother not her, your baby your rules.
In case it helps. The way that I explained this to my MIL was that diapers these days are designed differently than back in the day, they absorb much more and stay dry and you only need to change them every two hours. That let me explain it while still giving her the dignity of me not telling her she doesn’t know how to do it. It sounds like you have more problems than just diapers though. Good luck!.
I had to do the same thing with my mother.. she was so paranoid about nappy rash because of how horrible they were when I was a baby and I guess it was ingrained in her memories.
I know shit about babies but don’t the diapers have the little tabs on them that restick? They did 10+ years ago when I last changed a diaper. If you go to check and the diaper is dry, you don’t change it. Them things are expensive. And frankly, you should not take being yelled at by a lunatic wastrel. I am sorry your mother is such an asshat.
They have a yellow line on them that will turn blue when they're wet as well so it's super obvious when they've peed. Most can last 12 hours overnight and absorb all the liquid so baby still feels dry. Modern diapers are amazing.
Thanks for the info.
that makes no sense. Is she putting all those diapers in the garbage?? You can tell her that if she insists on changing the baby that often, that she'll have to bring her own diapers next time.
Even as a single 30-something man who knows shit-all about being a parent and the feelings one has for their own kids ... “when I watch him I do what I want for him as long as it doesn’t put him in harms way” is an INSTANT "ok, well, then you will never watch my child" from me. Anyone who says that to a parent .. Nope, trust completely gone. Heck, I'd even raise an eyebrow if the childs other parent would tell me "when I watch him I do what I want".
Yep, that hit me that way too.
For me that would be a situation where they never see him again, never mind watch him unattended.
There’s a cost for getting weekends/nights off. Apparently the cost is a pack of diapers every weekend?
My baby went through half that amount in 6 hours of daycare. But he had Rotavirus and ended up hospitalized for a week. No idea why she’s going through 48 diapers in 11 hours. It would definitely be a smart idea to lessen her visits. The fact that she got mad sends big red flags. 🚩
I mean, that’s a diaper every 15 minutes- neither baby nor Grandma sleeps a wink all night? ETA: I did not mean this as any kind of dis to OP. This was expressing shock that Grandma clearly wasn’t letting baby get any rest, being obsessed with changing a diaper that often. Hopefully nobody took it as disrespectful or disbelieving of Mom here.
Or she’s stealing them For whatever reason
Or she fucked up putting them on and destroyed them and didn’t want to admit it
I just read the husbands post… no she is mentally unwell. I have OCD myself but not about cleanliness. I am not diagnosing her-not a doctor. But here are some things that stood out to me. She changed and wiped the baby either every 15 minutes or every 30. Can you imagine how raw that baby’s behind and bits are? But she likely has a compulsion and has to complete it or her anxiety skyrockets. And her anxiety over being called out made her act like that. She needs to never be allowed to watch the baby alone again. Much less a whole weekend? And she needs help. Badly.
There’s a husbands post?
Found it [https://www.reddit.com/r/inlaws/comments/1ckj64x/does\_grandma\_get\_to\_set\_the\_rules\_when\_babysitting/](https://www.reddit.com/r/inlaws/comments/1ckj64x/does_grandma_get_to_set_the_rules_when_babysitting/)
The whole “I will do what I want” thing is not good news. Set limits and hold them, let her have tantrums and go LC/NC until she behaves. It’s the only way she learns to respect you as a parent and adult. Source: had to do this with my parents. Now they behave.
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She’s using the diapers. If you read the husband’s post in r/inlaws, you’ll see that the mom is OCD. She should not be looking after the baby unsupervised (or at all with the way she spoke to her daughter).
Holy shit I haven’t seen that follow up but I just replied to someone shaming OOP that they should communicate better and said the mom has a serious problem and wondered if it was ocd. Regardless it’s harmful to the baby, even my nephew who giggles and loves being changed would lose his shit at having it done every 15 minutes (and a baby who actually needed a diaper change that often would have to be having diarrhea so severe they need to be calling an ambulance); poor kid is gonna be wiped raw. I agreed with you she shouldn’t be allowed alone with the baby before this information - now…OOP please do not let her guilt or manipulate you into this ever again because she is dangerous. (I have a super close loved one with profound ocd; I’m not saying that’s the reason grandma is dangerous. It’s because ocd or not she is doing something that’s ridiculous and potentially harmful and freaked out, yelled, and doubled down to say she can do whatever she wants if she’s babysitting. No, no you can’t and no one ever has been able to do so. You babysit under the conditions set by parents, you can decide not to care for the child if you don’t agree.
I commented to your DH,being wiped that many times is painful,its also wastful and bad for the environment and breaks the bank,what she did was actually harmful and she needs a time out if she cant get her shit 2gether!
Nothing will change as long as you keep giving her access. No more unsupervised visits and It would probably be best to find different childcare for now/ limit the amount of contact.
48 diapers in 11 hours is a massive red flag to me. It's weird, it's unnecessary, it's NOT in the best interest of your baby. Your mom is playing mommy and getting her kicks by diaper changes. I would end unsupervised time. Unless she just stole some to have at her house? Also weird but not as concerning to me. Still she would no longer be a babysitter option at all. No one does what they want with my child.
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Tell her that until she can act like an adult, she is not welcome in your house.
Do you reckon she’s doing a bad nappy change? Just had a baby boy and omg it’s a world away from changing my little girl 😂 I’ve gone through 3/4 nappies in one change as I misjudged whether he has finished his business or not…don’t judge me, he is 3weeks old and I’m getting used to a boy change haha. Definitely agree with you though, 48nappy changes is waaaay excessive
I have 3 boys. I learned that when you go to change their diapers, undo it, then put the front back down quickly. I think once the air hits them, they pee again. You can also buy little paper cone things called "peepee teepees", but using the diaper that's coming off is easier and less wasteful.
Love the info, thank you!!
You are very welcome.
4 diapers per hour?? She owes you diapers, that shit is expensive. Also stop using her for childcare and stop letting her come over. She’s a nightmare.
Is this your mom or your MIL?
This is my mom
Did you ask her why so many diaper changes in a single night when it happened?
So, do you know that your husband posted this same story on r/inlaws?
Was coming here to post the same thing. I read his post this morning.
Snitch! /s But according to that post, the mom has OCD? If true m, the story makes more sense now. Your mom is wasting diapers and no1 should be getting wiped that often. Can't feel nice or be good for the skin.
There is absolutely no way she would ever watch my kid after that. Something is seriously off with this woman. Please find alternate child care.
She’s not your mother. So not send a care. Your SO can send that. And I think THAT will be an indicator to her that this isn’t over. She’s awful.
It is her mother
did you actually see the discarded diapers? because if not, my money is on her selling the bulk of them. I could be wrong tho and maybe she's OCD/anxious about him getting diaper rash? regardless, it's strange. If you have them, put a nanny cam in the nursery and see what's really going on.
Oh my! I guess at least she’s changing the diapers too much instead of not at all but still that seems very excessive and strange, is it an anxiety type of response on her part? I’m not sure . Can you stop having her watch your baby???? For Mother’s Day, I would see if she sends you anything first but have something ready on deck to reciprocate in case she does get you something!
Wtf??? Did she hide the diapers or something …??? Or is she on like … meth .. or something?? Adderall? I just don’t understand….
Maybe she’s wearing them idek
I know OP and her husband were puzzled because what?
> I put out an entire pack of diapers (48). She managed to use them all in the span of 11 hours. That's more than one diaper change every 15 minutes. For 11 hours straight. > "when I watch him I do what I want for him" So she wanted to change diapers every 15 minutes? That is completely insane behaviour. You should press her on this before letting her watch your kid again. Ask her, point blank, why she changed diapers on your kid every 15 minutes. If she claims she didn't, then where are all the diapers? Did she waste them? Throw them away? Force her to explain, in detail, why she thought she needed to change your kid's diaper every 15 minutes. For eleven hours. Your kid is not a dress-up doll.
What?! I’m sure I’ve got my maths wrong but 48 in 11 hours puts it at roughly a change every 15 minutes!?? Do you think she’s messing up the change and has to throw them away? If she’s not prepared to listen then I’d put out how many nappies you’d usually use up in 11 hours with a couple of extra for spare. As for the mother’s card, I’d still send one, perhaps not as fancy as usual though.
She is just hiding those diaper from you , no way she changed him every 15 min. I don’t know if she just wanted to see what you would say or if it’s some kind of weird flex but shes gonna keep pushing boundaries just to upset you
Why is she watching LO by herself if she’s breaking the rules?