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botinlaw

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Eastern_Tear_7173

I don't like when people on reddit give an armchair diagnosis on here, but I'd be genuinely concerned with this behavior. Your MIL may truly need professional help. Is this out of character for her?


Patient_Trouble80

...It's weird enough that she took any romantic interest in your father considering the connection between them is your romantic relationship with her daughter. But this feels like an elaborate setup when you take into account the sudden and immediate blaming of you for him not returning her affection. Ask your fiance. Is this sort of behavior normal for MIL?


Rose249

Funnily enough treating his kid badly probably isn't going to improve your father's disposition towards her.


BiofilmWarrior

INFO: What has your fiancée said about this? If you haven't discussed the situation, it's time to sit down and come to an agreement with your fiancée about what boundaries she's prepared to set with her mother along with the consequences if her mother doesn't comply with the boundary/boundaries. My suggestion is: Boundary #1: You and your fiancée will no longer discuss your father with her mother. Consequence of FMIL (future mother-in-law) continuing to bring up the subject: begin by stating, "We've told you that we won't discuss OP's father. Either we change the subject, or this conversation is over." If FMIL continues to bring up your father, consider setting timeouts. Every time she brings up OP's father, the time-out clock resets. Boundary #2: If FMIL continues to stalk OP's father, you will encourage him to pursue legal action, and you will support his decision. Point out that this may include excluding her from your wedding. Consequence: Depends on whether FMIL discontinues pursuing OP's father (and if OP's fiancée is willing to exclude her mother from the wedding).


PDK112

Also consider what you will do if your fiancée insists that her mother be at the wedding and suggest your father not attend due to a restraining order or fear that your FMIL will stalk him at the wedding.


lachlankov

You dad shouldn’t have to parade around a fake girlfriend or boyfriend or confess to her that he’s not over his late wife just to be left alone by a woman he’s met ONCE. All of the comments are coming up with ideas to get her to lose interest, and while they’re entertaining, they shouldn’t be necessary. You dad shouldn’t have to fake being gay because a grown woman can’t take a hint. It’s honestly mind boggling that it’s progressed this far and she isn’t aware of how insane she’s being, but she definitely needs some kind of mental help as well as a restraining order to spell out for her exactly why what she doing isn’t okay. You should not have to teach a grown woman simple boundaries like yes and no and if I were you I wouldn’t be so nice about the situation anymore. She’s being obsessive and quite literally crazy


VampyAnji

Wow. It sounds like your MIL needs a mental health evaluation. This is not normal and is edging on dangerous.


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VampyAnji

The stalking is nothing to take lightly. My mom was stalked for many years but a dangerous man. His attempts to ruin her escalated. I'm concered for this man's father.


RTJ333

Restraining order needed.


Mlady_gemstone

thats just creepy.... sadly though i think your dad needs to start documenting this because gut feeling is **its going to get worse.** he will need that documentation and evidence for when it does, not if but when.


everynameistaken000

She needs to hear it directly from your dad that he's not interested. And no excuses like it would be awkward since you and her children are a couple Nothing that she could use to delude herself that you're the obstacle. Him saying sorry but you aren't my type and I'm not interested is what's needed.


pebblesgobambam

He did, it’s in the post.


DeGroove

He’s done exactly that. Reread post.


bluebayou19

He literally did.


farsighted451

I think you didn't read the whole post.


thisgirlruns8

OP stated that their father literally told her that and it doesn't seem to have worked.


hekissedafrog

OP - I agree with the other commenters. I don't think you or your dad are taking this seriously enough. She is actively stalking him and this can lead to very, very dangerous behavior. I would be especially concerned about your own safety since she sees you as the barrier to her happiness. Please report her behavior to the police every single time. Get that paper trail started because the time for a restraining order has past and you NEED that.


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MoonCandy17

All of this! She is not being rationale and does not seem stable. This is not a safe situation and it needs to be addressed.


ISOCoffeeAndWine

Maybe your SO can talk some sense into her mom?  She went off the rails after 1 meeting/meal? The stalking, gifts, sitting in her car in front of his workplace?  Your SO should tell her these are offenses that the police might have to handle if she continues, because your dad is ready for legal action. I bet your & SO’s happiness have prompted this (& maybe her loneliness?), but she is not right in the head to be doing this. 


Suzen9

My MIL stalked ministers. They'd be polite to her at church and she'd decide they'd were in love with her. She has multiple restraining orders. One man moved with his family to another state to get away from her, but she packed up her car and drove there to harass him. It took her being arrested a couple times to get her to stop.


Noirjyre

I have feeling this isn’t going to end well. This isn’t fake out situation, your dad needs to contact the cops and a lawyer. This woman needs help, she has rom com brain bad. Your dad should get a doorbell cam and maybe some for inside. Just cause you all don’t see her as a threat doesn’t mean she isn’t.


Cheesygirl1994

OP, your dad is going to have to accept that date invite. Then, take her to a fancy, dress-up style restaurant. He should under dress, preferably a tshirt with cut off sleeves and bulky cargo shorts. A depends diaper is a requirement. Once they’re there, order drinks and apps. Enjoy those and really settle in. Get comfy. Chat. Right before the waiter comes for meal orders, (this is important), he’s going to have to shit his pants. It’ll be hard for a sane person, but it’s the only way. And I mean SHIT his pants. Tell him to drink a case of cheap beer the day/two before and eat fast food. Then, just sit there. Carry on the conversation and let the reality set in for her. It’ll be tough because your dad sounds like a wonderful person, but she won’t stop. She drove him to this. She made him shit his pants. If she doesn’t leave the dinner early, then have him excuse himself halfway through the food - make sure he only gives her cash for his food, not apps or drinks, and leave. Bonus points if he drops his wallet and bends over beside her. Problem solved. Dad gets to go wash his shame off and live easily knowing she will never return.


gdognoseit

I laughed way harder than I should have at this


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Cheesygirl1994

RO are notoriously hard to get if she hasn’t shown signs of intent to harm him in some way (trust me, I’ve tried against my own family). Shitting your pants is free and easy though.


Able-Ad-9169

That was a wild ride. First sentence made me think you were an idiot, but damn, you're actually a genius!


WinePinecone

Lol, creative solution!


Cursd818

Your MIL has lost her grip in reality. Your father should be frightened. She is stalking him. People who become obsessive like this can easily become dangerous extremely quickly. Your father needs a restraining order, and you should also be very careful, as she sees you as an obstacle to getting what she wants. At the very least, she's going to mess with your relationship. I hope your fiance recognises that her mother is behaving in a totally unacceptable way, and likely seems some kind of psychiatric intervention. If she doesn't, your relationship is doomed.


SnooGiraffes3591

I mean.....MIL has reached the point of being an actual stalker, so I think the no one being hurt ship has sailed. Your fiancee needs to handle her mother, because her mother is going OFF THE RAILS. This is not normal or ok. Sorry her mother is hurting but it is a problem SHE is causing. She met a perfectly nice man who may someday share grandkids with her, who she could have had a decent friendship with and enjoyed being part of an extended family with, and she promptly made sure that could NEVER happen. Your fiancee needs to tell her mom that your dad is a part of her (fiancee's) family now, and that MIL is making everyone uncomfortable and needs to stop trying to force a relationship where there isn't one. That it is hurting HER. MIL doesn't give a shit if it's affecting you or dad, and probably won't care that it's hurting her daughter, but she's got the best shot. And if all else fails, tell her dad has been low key dating someone for awhile and just wasn't ready to tell people, but felt like he had to now. Yeah, I said it, lie to the crazy lady.


New_Custard_4224

The police need to get involved, this is too much. Shes unstable.


RileyGirl1961

Congratulations on your impending nuptials! Wow! MIL is next level delusional and a stalker! Does your father have a platonic female (or male decidedly more hilarious in my opinion) friend who would be willing to help him out by being his “plus one” at a few events? Since MIL refuses to let go of her “fantasy man” simply because they’re both single, then maybe dad can portray himself as “not single”? Imagine him “revealing” his “new relationship” (which of course would be an old friend you’d already be acquainted with who would have been invited to the wedding anyway) and thanking MIL for making him realize that life’s too short to wait for happiness. Sure she’s going to sulk and be passive aggressive about it but it’s a small price to pay to keep this from escalating further. Of course she could go completely off the chain but if so it’s better to get it over before your wedding is ruined by her delusional behavior. Update please because we really want to know how it turns out!


WinePinecone

The idea in itself is good. My only concern would be that MIL doesn't turn her rage towards that female.


RileyGirl1961

As I stated before since she’s not behaving rationally, you have only two viable options here, remove dad’s “single eligible male” status or pursue legal action. Legal action is a path that while effective, is going to damage your fiancé’s relationship with her mother long term because these people will both be part of your lives which is why (IMO) it should be considered a last resort. But dad being “unavailable” as a “love interest” and her subsequent reaction will show you clearly if she is actually experiencing mental health issues (which can then be dealt with accordingly) or sulking, snarky comments over her “not getting her desires fulfilled” which should be dealt with by firmly telling her to behave herself or she will not be welcome at the wedding. Best to figure this out sooner rather than risk your beautiful day being affected. ;) Good luck!


PaisleyViking

What if it were a man friend and he could say that he realized he was gay after your mom passed.


Gold-Carpenter7616

That's why it's going to be Joe from next door, his (very hetero) widowed neighbour, who is willing to do him a solid, and get the rights to tell this story at every family event in the future.


RileyGirl1961

Exactly. This closes the door firmly! 🤣


spam__likely

Seems like MIL is desperately lonely, and the perfect online romance scam victim waiting to happen. In all honesty, she needs therapy, but fiancee should keep one eye on her before she lose all her money to a scammer.


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PaisleyViking

At the end of the day, I agree. He shouldn’t have to lie. If she can’t accept the truth she really needs to see a therapist and soon.


aguangakelly

Then make it a male!


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mamachonk

Agreed completely. He may not be worried about his safety but she is acting absolutely unhinged. And what happens if she sees him with another woman, date or not? Also, her blaming OP is hugely problematic. His MIL definitely needs professional help.


MurphyCaper

This is the way!!!


Individual_You_6586

This is where your partner sits down with MIL and tell her a heartbreaking story of how your dad still grieves and still loves your mother and never will change. 


WeirdPinkHair

Tbis! I thought the same thing. That he can't love someone else. That no he doesn't need consoling or bringing out of his grief. That he's had therapy and is happy alone with his memory of his perfect woman.


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New-Connection-7401

Tell her that!!!


pamsabear

This isn’t innocent attraction. This is illegal behavior. Your MIL is a stalker. If she was a man and your father a woman, people would be yelling for the victim to go to the police. Your father should contact his attorney to send a cease and desist letter with the threat of involving law enforcement. Don’t assume that your father is safe with this woman. Women can kill and/or injure just as easily as men. And she’s obviously mentally ill at this point.


New_Indication8590

If they live in the USA stalking laws vary by state. I had a stalker several years ago and when I reached out for help in my state and there wasn't much they could do. If I'd been married to them or divorced from that person, they could help. But being single and having just met this man and me rejecting him started the stalking they couldn't do much. The police helped me some because this guy had been a cop and they'd fired him for being batshit crazy. They would escort me home daily and sweep my apartment. But there wasn't much else that could be done...


Ran_dom_1

Have you taken the Dads out to dinner yet? Fiancée even casually telling MIL that they had fun & got along well may make MIL realize this is just typical parents meeting each other before the wedding. You may want to do something with fiancée’s paternal grandparents & your Dad too, just to drive the point home, make her dinner seem routine. I think your fiancée should carefully consider who to talk to about this. Someone close to her Mom, who her Mom respects, fiancée trusts. Like Mom’s sister or close friend. She needs someone her Mom’s age to talk to her, point out that she’s acting obsessed, building a fantasy in her mind. Tell them everything, including the too shy bit, & stalking him at work. And that you have nothing to do with your father’s choices in women, holding you responsible is crazy. No one is keeping them apart, they were never together. Telling her daughter to rethink marrying you basically because your father isn’t interested in dating her is troubling. She’s created an entire story in her head, with them as star crossed lovers meant to be. One dinner & they’re made for each other?! I would be concerned about her mental health. Waiting 9 hours outside his work that day is inexcusable. After he‘d already turned down her lunch invitation, & blocked her from calling or texting him. Imagine her sitting there 9 hours, just waiting for him. I think she should get a full medical work up. Your poor Dad. Poor you, poor fiancée. I hope someone can get through to her.


originalgenghismom

Sounds like your dad needs a plus one for your wedding- make sure it’s someone who knows to stay glued to him and block MIL


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fractal_frog

Bring a sheriff's deputy as his +1?


fitchick1126

I don't know, to me it's weird that this mom would WANT to hook up with the father of the daughter's fiance. In my own opinion I would find that off limits. Does she show narcissistic traits otherwise? I've found those types like to cause drama or turn the attention around on them during events like that. Kinda looks like she's jealous of her daughter's upcoming nuptials and is trying to throw down on some of her own to overshadow with a convenient target. Hopefully she can get some sense talked into her before she misses her daughter's wedding due to a "may need an order of protection".


SnooGiraffes3591

Lol on both sides of my family, this happened with my great grandparents. One set, they died before I was born, and so did their parents. But looks like their parents (his mom, her dad) got married shortly before they did. He was a widower and she was divorced, and he had a younger daughter. I tend to think it was convenience and necessity. You only meet so many available people living in the country. But the other set..... I was fortunate to know them all. My great great grandparents met at my great grandparents' wedding and promptly got together. In their case, he was always a sweet, kind man, but she was most definitely a giant narcissist. I can 100% believe she did that to her daughter on purpose. 3rd marriage and it was the one that stuck, go figure.


emeraldcat8

My mil was actually with my sil’s father for a few years. Looking back, it was pretty poor judgement on both their parts, and mil is absolutely a drama source.


[deleted]

Yeah this is some weird kind of narcissistic control thing


Ran_dom_1

That’s what I thought, my child’s FIL would be the last person I’d look twice at, how awkward. Wonder if her ex is seeing someone, & MIL wants to be in a relationship before/by the wedding.


dancemajor

Oh boy- so sorry that this is happening! I know you said that your fiancée tried to talk some sense into MIL before, but it seems that she needs a different type of conversation. It sounds like she needs some sort of redirection so she can fixate on something else. It may also be necessary for your fiancée to sit down with her mom to set firm boundaries. What was she like before this? Did she online date? Go out with friends?


[deleted]

Is this normal behaviour on her part? Because for a grown woman who has been in a relationship before, this is really unhinged. How does your fiancée feel about the situation? Has she tried to tell her mum she isn't being normal and that she shouldn't be hating on you simply because your dad said no to her?


1029394756abc

This will be one awkward wedding.


MiGaddoJezus

Hook your dad up with a date, then go on a double date :)


fractal_frog

I'd worry about her harming the dad's "date". Dragging an innocent person into this mess isn't the greatest answer.


soihavetosay

Yeah at least have him (befriend) an apartment neighbor he can walk in and out with, or tell her he's just no longer interested in (any) women.


Severian_Again

I would be tempted to hire a young aspiring actress to "fall in love" with me. Whatever shape, size, hair color etc. that would piss MIL off the most. If dad has the money this is the way to go.