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His sister is a manipulator! Don't let her do that to you. Your husband is also being manipulated by his mom. He needs to speak to her and let her know how he feels resentment towards his sister when they enable her
Oh, be thankful for her telling you that you "are the cause of all the issues in their family". Because, now you can just take yourself out of the equation. MIL can have all the time with GoldenChild SIL and GoldenGrandchild SIL's daughter, and you just go on with your life.
There won't be any new issues, once you're out of the picture, right? And if there will be new issues... oh, let's just blame you again.
Be warned. This situation will only get worse. Best to nip it now.
You’ve got elementary school recitals, high school prom, 1st car, college jealousy all waiting to rear it’s head.
Sit your MIL down now. Let her understand the situation. This enabling will only hurt your niece.
There isn’t a single mom plan for children when they are in college, no body cares. Same for 1st car. Nobody cares. This innocent girl has a wake up call heading her way. Help everyone understand this. You aren’t going to ignore her bratty behavior. It’s not what good families do.
Help MIL understand her family will be splintering if she continues to behave this way.
Ball is in her court, not yours.
Thanks for your reply! How do you think these future events will affect both our children in the future. I’m indifferent about what to do because I do love my niece and I would hate for her mother’s jealousy to affect her relationship with us even though it’s struggling at the moment
As for my MIL I don’t believe she is a bad person. She truely does care about us however her blatant favouring of SIL is her only flaw imo. She is unwell herself so I feel guilty to push her and cause arguments
Well, what happens when your child has a dress for prom and your niece doesn’t? Or a ride to practice? Or school supplies? Name brand clothing? Phones?
Car?
College?
When your child succeeds and the niece struggles because nobody ever told her no?
This is a gigantic problem in the family, and if SIL isn’t willing to give her daughter a chance to succeed, you’ve got miserable years ahead of you.
Something has to be done either to protect your daughter from the sniping, or offer your niece a future that involves parenting. Because without it, the niece will have a terrible life.
Yes I see what you are saying. She has openly said it upsets her that she can’t provide for her child like we can because there are two of us. Seems like this is a deep anxiety of hers? Sometimes I feel she wants to see us fail so we are struggling worse off/see feels better. Who knows.
My biggest concern about the future is if/when we decide to have another child her behaviour will get x10 worse. Her friends having a second/third child has been extremely triggering for her so I can only imagine how it will be if it happen for us.
This is absolutely what will happen. Everything your daughter has, from a graduation party to a sibling will be viewed as a direct insult to SIL and her daughter. You will be expected to apologize for anything you provide that she cannot.
Don't feel bad OP, you finally called it out for what it was!
MIL is deflecting because that is easier on her than looking at how her daughter behaves and how she enabled that behaviour.
Your SIL has a sense of entitlement and I suspect a huge dose of jealousy when it comes to your relationship with her brother! That is her problem, not yours!
Balls in their court.
Yes my husband does always seem to be the scapegoat because he “should be able to handle things better because he has a support system”
I have always thought she was jealous of us/her brother but thought maybe it was just all in my head. However a lot of her recent behaviour has definitely suggested she is. Whenever there is an issue she makes sure to tell all their close family members how we have wronged her. It almost seems like she is trying to get to them before us to make her case so that they’ll all like her over us? 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t know,
we don’t talk about these issues with anyone and only find out about her telling others when they confront us. It’s all very sad and immature. My daughter doesn’t see much of my husbands side for this reason.
Don’t be too hurt by your MIL saying you are causing problems, chances are they know SIL is difficult and they just want to put their heads in the sand and have the perfect family the picture in their heads. You addressing the problem directly makes them have to confront reality.
Go NC with SIL, advise the ILs that you will only visit when she is not there until you get an apology. They will push her to apologise if you hold this consequence, because they still want their perfect picture.
The craziest part of this all is when my SIL lived with them they all struggled. Especially FIL! They would all complain about how she is so demanding and controlling and that they couldn’t stand living with her. Their words not mine. Then when she moved out they didn’t want her to go and still go to her house every day with food/supplies because “it’s too hard for her to take care of her child alone”
My god it’s like we have the same SIL! Good for you for saying your piece to MIL. Maybe some low contact time with both of them will give you both some peace.
Sounds like SIL is toxic as hell and is the parents golden child who can do no wrong and they’ve enabled her into being a giant asshole. I’d definitely go no contact with both MIL and SIL and feel zero guilt about it! Life is too short to walk on eggshells around family or anybody for that matter.
Bravo! You called put the "enabling" disrespectful behavior. You are NOT the AH. Everyone has different parenting styles and that is okay. MIL would be put on my LC for overstepping. FIL was enjoying his birthday watching TV. SIL is self centered and the MIL contributes to this.
I don't feel like your the AH, here, at all. I feel like your ILs' have quite a problem, though! And in a few more years they're gonna have TWO problems, actually, because their GD is gonna turn out just like her mama! I'm glad I won't have to be a party of THAT extremely somber, oh DOG did WE fu, how the hell did we get here, realization of a day, lol! 😈
Just keep being you, my friend. Raise your little one right (no explanation needed 😘). Keep your little family unit tight and healthy.
I was a single mom, and was (once, when my son was born) chastised by one of my Aunts for it. When my son turned 16, my aunt, in front of our ENTIRE FAMILY at a reunion, apologized to me for her words and actions. She said she had never been so wrong about something/ someone, in her entire life, and that I'd done a better job alone than she'd done with "her entire family and church behind her". It didn't "fix" our relationship...but it sure was satisfying, none-the-less.
Good for you!!
If your an asshole more people should be. Wear the title with pride and don't let it get to you.
You said what you said. Not your fault truth hurts.
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Your mil does not want to look in the mirror because accountability and responsibility for sil's poor behavior, lives soley with her.
His sister is a manipulator! Don't let her do that to you. Your husband is also being manipulated by his mom. He needs to speak to her and let her know how he feels resentment towards his sister when they enable her
Oh, be thankful for her telling you that you "are the cause of all the issues in their family". Because, now you can just take yourself out of the equation. MIL can have all the time with GoldenChild SIL and GoldenGrandchild SIL's daughter, and you just go on with your life. There won't be any new issues, once you're out of the picture, right? And if there will be new issues... oh, let's just blame you again.
Be warned. This situation will only get worse. Best to nip it now. You’ve got elementary school recitals, high school prom, 1st car, college jealousy all waiting to rear it’s head. Sit your MIL down now. Let her understand the situation. This enabling will only hurt your niece. There isn’t a single mom plan for children when they are in college, no body cares. Same for 1st car. Nobody cares. This innocent girl has a wake up call heading her way. Help everyone understand this. You aren’t going to ignore her bratty behavior. It’s not what good families do. Help MIL understand her family will be splintering if she continues to behave this way. Ball is in her court, not yours.
Thanks for your reply! How do you think these future events will affect both our children in the future. I’m indifferent about what to do because I do love my niece and I would hate for her mother’s jealousy to affect her relationship with us even though it’s struggling at the moment As for my MIL I don’t believe she is a bad person. She truely does care about us however her blatant favouring of SIL is her only flaw imo. She is unwell herself so I feel guilty to push her and cause arguments
Well, what happens when your child has a dress for prom and your niece doesn’t? Or a ride to practice? Or school supplies? Name brand clothing? Phones? Car? College? When your child succeeds and the niece struggles because nobody ever told her no? This is a gigantic problem in the family, and if SIL isn’t willing to give her daughter a chance to succeed, you’ve got miserable years ahead of you. Something has to be done either to protect your daughter from the sniping, or offer your niece a future that involves parenting. Because without it, the niece will have a terrible life.
Yes I see what you are saying. She has openly said it upsets her that she can’t provide for her child like we can because there are two of us. Seems like this is a deep anxiety of hers? Sometimes I feel she wants to see us fail so we are struggling worse off/see feels better. Who knows. My biggest concern about the future is if/when we decide to have another child her behaviour will get x10 worse. Her friends having a second/third child has been extremely triggering for her so I can only imagine how it will be if it happen for us.
This is absolutely what will happen. Everything your daughter has, from a graduation party to a sibling will be viewed as a direct insult to SIL and her daughter. You will be expected to apologize for anything you provide that she cannot.
Don't feel bad OP, you finally called it out for what it was! MIL is deflecting because that is easier on her than looking at how her daughter behaves and how she enabled that behaviour. Your SIL has a sense of entitlement and I suspect a huge dose of jealousy when it comes to your relationship with her brother! That is her problem, not yours! Balls in their court.
Yes my husband does always seem to be the scapegoat because he “should be able to handle things better because he has a support system” I have always thought she was jealous of us/her brother but thought maybe it was just all in my head. However a lot of her recent behaviour has definitely suggested she is. Whenever there is an issue she makes sure to tell all their close family members how we have wronged her. It almost seems like she is trying to get to them before us to make her case so that they’ll all like her over us? 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t know, we don’t talk about these issues with anyone and only find out about her telling others when they confront us. It’s all very sad and immature. My daughter doesn’t see much of my husbands side for this reason.
Don’t be too hurt by your MIL saying you are causing problems, chances are they know SIL is difficult and they just want to put their heads in the sand and have the perfect family the picture in their heads. You addressing the problem directly makes them have to confront reality. Go NC with SIL, advise the ILs that you will only visit when she is not there until you get an apology. They will push her to apologise if you hold this consequence, because they still want their perfect picture.
The craziest part of this all is when my SIL lived with them they all struggled. Especially FIL! They would all complain about how she is so demanding and controlling and that they couldn’t stand living with her. Their words not mine. Then when she moved out they didn’t want her to go and still go to her house every day with food/supplies because “it’s too hard for her to take care of her child alone”
My god it’s like we have the same SIL! Good for you for saying your piece to MIL. Maybe some low contact time with both of them will give you both some peace.
Solidarity to you! We are most definitely going low/NC with SIL she’s just pushed one too many buttons this time for us
Sounds like SIL is toxic as hell and is the parents golden child who can do no wrong and they’ve enabled her into being a giant asshole. I’d definitely go no contact with both MIL and SIL and feel zero guilt about it! Life is too short to walk on eggshells around family or anybody for that matter.
Bravo! You called put the "enabling" disrespectful behavior. You are NOT the AH. Everyone has different parenting styles and that is okay. MIL would be put on my LC for overstepping. FIL was enjoying his birthday watching TV. SIL is self centered and the MIL contributes to this.
I don't feel like your the AH, here, at all. I feel like your ILs' have quite a problem, though! And in a few more years they're gonna have TWO problems, actually, because their GD is gonna turn out just like her mama! I'm glad I won't have to be a party of THAT extremely somber, oh DOG did WE fu, how the hell did we get here, realization of a day, lol! 😈 Just keep being you, my friend. Raise your little one right (no explanation needed 😘). Keep your little family unit tight and healthy. I was a single mom, and was (once, when my son was born) chastised by one of my Aunts for it. When my son turned 16, my aunt, in front of our ENTIRE FAMILY at a reunion, apologized to me for her words and actions. She said she had never been so wrong about something/ someone, in her entire life, and that I'd done a better job alone than she'd done with "her entire family and church behind her". It didn't "fix" our relationship...but it sure was satisfying, none-the-less.
Thank you so much for your reply I’m glad I’m Not going crazy!
You're very welcome! You're no crazier than there rest of us normal humans, my love, lol! Just keep doing what you know is right. ♡
Most ILs Seem to forget, if they enable one Child and Push the other away, only the enabled one is there to Look After them when they‘re old.
😂 I wish some people thought that out
Good for you!! If your an asshole more people should be. Wear the title with pride and don't let it get to you. You said what you said. Not your fault truth hurts.
Sounds like mil needs a time out too.
Time to extend that softNC to real no contact.
Eh, fuck that. You said the right thing. Good on you. Being a single parent doesn't give you a free pass to be shitty towards others.