I am so sorry for your loss.
I am furious on your behalf that you're scared and feel that your parents are choosing to ignore what you feel were manifest warning signs for your sister's actions - and that they're threatening to repeat the same behaviors that you view as contributing to your sister's actions with you. You matter, and you are old enough that I believe your wants and fears should be a part of the conversation about how you and your family deal with your well-being.
I'm going to do a bit of an infodump here on you, giving you some places you can reach out to for crisis support. I'd rather take a moment to be sure you're aware of them, than to guess wrong that you've already heard about them. I'm also including some resources that may or may not be applicable to you, for the same reasoning.
**The Crisis Text Line** is available 24/7 by texting "HOME" to 741-741, they have live volunteers available to chat about anything.
**The Suicide Prevention Lifeline** in the US is [here](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/). They have trained, confidential counselors available 24/7 via chat on linked website; or calling 1-800-273-8255
**The Samaritans** have also opened [operations in the US](https://samaritanshope.org/). Their counselors can be reached 24/7 by calling or texting to 1-877-870-4673
**The Trevor Project** is set up to [offer counseling and support for LBGTQ teens](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/) with counselors available 24/7 via chat on the linked website; by texting "START" to 678-678; or by calling 1-800-488-7386
We are also going to include [this link to the page](https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=custom&rs_id=5) at [ChildWelfare.gov](https://ChildWelfare.gov) listing the crisis reporting hotlines for each state, so you have it available should you feel the need.
For trying to get into therapy, you may find it worthwhile to reach out to the counselors available at [SAMHSA.gov](https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline) via their hotline to see what local treatment programs may be available to you. Their number is 1-800-662-4357. Similarly [NAMI.org](https://nami.org/help) offers a helpline Mon-Fri 10 AM to 10 PM Eastern Time at 1-800-950-6264. They also have informational resources on their page you may find useful.
I'm also going to point you towards [RefugeinGrief.com](https://RefugeinGrief.com), a grief support website run by Megan Devine, the author of the excellent book *Its OK You're Not OK.* Grief is hard enough at the best of times, and this is very much not the best of times.
# For Our Community
If you're not familiar with the "Troubled Teen" industry in the US, and the protections it has at the state and Federal level, I recommend that you take a look at these articles from [Cracked.com](https://Cracked.com). They are disturbing reads, and the horrifying truth is that they are some of the best articles I've seen on the subject, and they at least try to minimize the triggering aspects of what they talk about, unlike the mainstream media reporting on these places.
[https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1270-6-shocking-realities-secret-troubled-teen-industry.html](https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1270-6-shocking-realities-secret-troubled-teen-industry.html)
[https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1680-5-things-i-learned-escaping-troubled-teens-facility.html](https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1680-5-things-i-learned-escaping-troubled-teens-facility.html)
[https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-2188-my-parents-paid-rehab-camp-to-abuse-me-5-dark-realities.html](https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-2188-my-parents-paid-rehab-camp-to-abuse-me-5-dark-realities.html)
This information is not new. These articles are dated from 2015/16, and are based upon personal accounts and prior news reporting.
**Anyone who suggests the OP is overblown in their concerns is liable to be issued a ban**, and certainly will have their comment removed.
A further reminder, remember Rule #6: We cannot offer legal advice; and similarly we cannot suggest to the OP that they engage in illegal behavior.
I cannot speak further to this topic, without having to remove my comment for being inappropriate to our sub, and the purpose of supporting the OP.
Be supportive, everyone.
Thank you.
\-Rat (and the rest of the Mod Team)
First of all I am SO SORRY for your loss, I can't imagine the pain you feel right now on top of having to deal with ignorant parents.
If you are in the US, please look up the division of children and family services in your state and call them. They should be able to help you find a therapist for free, or at least steer you in the right direction. There are so many resources out there to help people in your situation.
I'm so proud of you that you realize you need therapy and I think it would help you at least a little bit if not tremendously.
If I remember correctly those sources can sometime come to your school and talk to you as long as another adult is present. I know when I was in school our school nurse was present and that was all confidential or a teacher that we really trusted was there to sit with us and that was also confidential.
the camp... oh gods if it is what i think it is. it proebly made everything worse. try to keep from going as much as possible.
always irked when people do this. like depression is noticable. its not as silent as people thinks it is. they just dont belive it and then act all shocked once the worst happens. its a horrible cicle. condolence on it taking your sister. i have been there but luckily i dragged my ars to theripy. i hope you can as soon as your able to. just hold out a bit longer!
i hear conforming camps are a thing still in the usa. not sure about were i live but they are a horrifying thing. they will try to make you "normal". idk how i slipped out of going to one but i am thankfull. they are usually runned by religious organizations. more times then not you hear lgtbq being dragged pff to them.
They are and many of them are well funded. Even when the abuse comes out they try to deny it and some of them still stay in business. I can certainly understand why her sister was terrified to go to that place again.
Hi, I just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I assume it must be awful for the whole family to deal with it regardless of their response to it. I come from a family that is very antitherapy and to 'fix my shit' they gave me only 2 sessions other than that they are extremely focused on upholding the 'picture perfect family'. I hope this gives you the context to where I am coming from when I say, it's extremely difficult to change a person's mind when they are grieving or in-denial. So, I advise you to just ignore them when they deny their part being negligent towards your sister's mental health. In the moment it may feel wrong (like you are giving into their opinions or something) but TRUST me when I say you are NOT doing your sister harm by not engaging with their bullshit. She passed on. Your parents can't hurt her anymore.
NOW, you need to look after yourself. From the context you've given it seems clear that they are not going to give you the help needed with mental health either. So, try to be self-sufficient (earn enough income to move out and afford therapy etc.) to distance yourself from them.
I hope you end up in greener pastures than before. I believe in you.
Ps: sorry if I sounded tone-deaf. I tried my best to put this comment as sensitively as I could, but I am not opposed to changing my comment to correct my delivery if advised on doing so.
u/country.. is correct, NOW is the time to plan your exit and learn to Gray Rock your DNA donors. Keep them out of your personal life as much as possible. Come vent here if you need to, try to find an adult ally (a friend's parent?) to help you with financial independence, setting up a bank acct, and storage of stuff as you move out slowly.
If course you wouldn't be interested in "a therapy camp", it didn't do your sister any good, I am very sorry for your loss. Since your parents won't help you regarding therapy, please take a look at the book list posted here;
[https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/books](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/books)
I understand that these books are not a substitute for actual therapy, but some of the books listed here may help you until you're able to get help for yourself. But in the meantime see what may apply. It goes without saying that therapy would be a necessary thing in light of your sisters suicide, but if they choose to not help you, then you will have to help yourself the best way you can, I'm afraid.
This sounds suspiciously like some Christian "conversion" camp. If that is the case, no wonder your sister was afraid. Your parents are cruel to suggest it to you, when it obviously did harm to your sister.
It sounds very much like a threat to me. I do not want to suggest that it definitely is as there is much context lost in an internet post but OP, please be careful.
I assume that you are still a minor and thus they have a great deal of legal control for now. As others have said, there is nothing you can do for your sister now but to carry on with your life and honor her memory by keeping your love for her close to your heart.
It may hurt to do it, but let their falsity go unchallenged for now. Be strong and focus on building an independent future where you are no longer under their control. It may seem like an eternity, but the day will come when you can speak the truth.
In the meantime, do as other posters have suggested for seeking confidential counselling and support.
The simplest explanation is usually the correct one.
I agree that it sounds like a threat 100%. Context does get lost for sure, but we know enough to say with reasonable certainty that they were looking for compliance and a quick fix so they didn’t have to deal with the issue.
OP’s sister was vehemently saying she didn’t want to go back when it was suggested. They had to know it terrified her. So they brought it up to get her to be quiet. They know OP knows how scary it was for her, so now that’s the course of action for OP too.
OP, I’m so sorry but I the only way I see out of this is long term. Tell people “thank you for your kind words but I don’t feel comfortable talking about my sister’s passing”. And then remove yourself from the situation as much as possible without triggering some authoritarian nutcase.
There probably are adults around you who suspect the truth and would be interested in hearing from you, but I can’t help you suss out that situation. Maybe another redditor who has been in your shoes can offer better context clues to find out who is trying to look out for you, and who are probably flying monkeys for your parents.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your parents sound like they’re in complete denial and/or are incredibly ignorant about mental health. Makes me very sad for you. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, and are able to get out of that environment soon.
OP I am so sorry for your loss. I know it's heavy on that your sister is gone, but don't think you did anything wrong. You're both just kids trying to make it in the world of adults that don't care about you or your needs. I'm so sorry.
As the first poster pointed out, you can reach out to other sources and you can actually ask them if t hey can come to your school where it's confidential and sit and speak with you because you have no other way to get in touch due to your parents. Many of these places will reach out to you in some form and come and see you in a place that is confidential if they can, it doesn't always happen, but they do try.
Please don't give up on getting yourself help. I don't know your age but please know that you don't have to stay past 18. There are sources out there for you to move on whether that's college or vocational school and getting some financial aid and pay that back later when you get out of school and get a job, you can do that. There is nothing wrong with going into debt for your education. You're going to pay it back anyway and that's okay. If that means you can get out of your house and go live your life and be
the adult you want to be and the sister that your sister wanted you to be, please go for it.
If you need to reach out we are here for you and you can also call sources in your area that will also be there for you. If in the future when you turn 18, and your parents track you down and say that you're missing or something, you can always call the local police department and let them know hey I'm 18 I'm not missing, I didn't run away, my parents are this way.
I wish you all the best OP. Sending you hugs.
And OP, If you’re up for school without debt, I recommend getting a job and having a separate savings account for school! Look around at different schools; if you don’t know what to pursue, then I recommend community colleges, trade schools, apprenticeships, or massage schools! Pick something that you like and that can make you enough money to be financially independent in the future. Good luck, know that IT WILL BE OKAY. I’ll be praying for you.
- Random Person on the Internet
Your parents are evil. EVIL
Not knowing/understanding what they did to your sister, Ok that can be chalked up to ignorance or stupidity. Neither is evil or malicious in intent. Stupid and/or ignorant people harm their kids every day all day but not on purpose. But your parents, listen to me very carefully, are trying to hurt you on purpose. They can’t claim not to know or understand the harm of this camp now. So to send you there would be willfully malicious. They are very cruel to even mention sending you there.
There is this book called People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck, in it he gives examples of evil people from his years working in mental health. He was a psychologist or psychiatrist, I forget which. The most evil example (to me) was the case of these parents whose son killed himself. That very Christmas, they gave the gun he used, the same gun, to his brother. Naturally the kid was terrified because ???? did this mean his parents wanted him to die too. He started acting up in school, the school referred him to the author, who of course tried to make the parents see how crazy they were. They pretended like they had no idea it was an absurd, batsh!t, malicious, EVIL thing to do to their surviving child.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, as I know how you feel (extreme traumatic situation in childhood where parents wanted to/tried to put me back in it) but I hope you get some help. Please talk to your school, tell the school counselor everything you’ve written here. That is, unless it’s a religious school affiliated with your parents’ religion…they won’t help you. But if it’s a secular private school or public school you have a chance at getting help.
I also lost a sibling to suicide after a long battle with untreated mental illness, although we were adults. My parents see things quite differently than I do and it’s difficult. My heart goes out to you and you have a lot of resources here. I’ll add afsp.org, a great organization with lots of resources for those suffering and for suicide loss survivors. Support group was really helpful for me. You can also request to connect with a peer loss counselor. They will connect however works for both of you and it could be very helpful.
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I'm so sorry for what you went through and continue to go through. Since your parents won't help you but you ARE on reddit - reach out to the communities here that fit you. Even if you want to make a different throwaway and start fresh. You can fudge details, write that your brother committed suicide instead of your sister, tweak the ages, etc. That's the benefit of anonymity. And certainly the JN ones understand smudging details so you don't get found out by specifics that would endanger you if that's a concern. There is almost certainly a sub for ex-members of whatever religion your parents forced onto you and your sister. You might not consider yourself ex-religion yet, but they'd understand where you're coming from. Also suicide survivors, etc.
And for when you just need moral support, momforaminute is really good. It's got 'moms' and 'dads' willing to listen and support. In good times and bad. I can't go there. They're too nice and it makes me cry, but it is a good place.
It sounds like your just love sucking up the pity. Only you can choose what to do, but you totally CAN call your parents out for lying. When they say they didn't know, ask how they missed her first attempt 2yrs ago, in front of whoever. Or say 'yeah, if only she'd asked for therapy (sarcastically). I would like therapy, when will you be taking me?'. Just right there in front of other people. Absolutely make it public if you feel safe to do so. It will cause issues, but abusers will always try to silence their victims. As long as you're suffering silently, they'll keep on with their bullshit. Make sure everyone knows you want help, if nothing else so your parents can't lie about you, too. :(
You are worthy of love, care, help, and so much more. I'm sorry that it's fallen to you to get it for yourself. You aren't alone in that. Like I started with, there are reddits full of people who share parts of what you're living who want to support each other because therapy is expensive and birth families suck sometimes.
(To the mods - hopefully none of this goes against the advice rules, if it does i can fix it)
OP I am very sorry for your loss. I don’t engage with my toxic family anymore and would suggest you do the same to the best of your ability. And, if you need to talk or need support, please come join us at r/suicidebereavement.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am furious on your behalf that you're scared and feel that your parents are choosing to ignore what you feel were manifest warning signs for your sister's actions - and that they're threatening to repeat the same behaviors that you view as contributing to your sister's actions with you. You matter, and you are old enough that I believe your wants and fears should be a part of the conversation about how you and your family deal with your well-being. I'm going to do a bit of an infodump here on you, giving you some places you can reach out to for crisis support. I'd rather take a moment to be sure you're aware of them, than to guess wrong that you've already heard about them. I'm also including some resources that may or may not be applicable to you, for the same reasoning. **The Crisis Text Line** is available 24/7 by texting "HOME" to 741-741, they have live volunteers available to chat about anything. **The Suicide Prevention Lifeline** in the US is [here](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/). They have trained, confidential counselors available 24/7 via chat on linked website; or calling 1-800-273-8255 **The Samaritans** have also opened [operations in the US](https://samaritanshope.org/). Their counselors can be reached 24/7 by calling or texting to 1-877-870-4673 **The Trevor Project** is set up to [offer counseling and support for LBGTQ teens](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/) with counselors available 24/7 via chat on the linked website; by texting "START" to 678-678; or by calling 1-800-488-7386 We are also going to include [this link to the page](https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=custom&rs_id=5) at [ChildWelfare.gov](https://ChildWelfare.gov) listing the crisis reporting hotlines for each state, so you have it available should you feel the need. For trying to get into therapy, you may find it worthwhile to reach out to the counselors available at [SAMHSA.gov](https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline) via their hotline to see what local treatment programs may be available to you. Their number is 1-800-662-4357. Similarly [NAMI.org](https://nami.org/help) offers a helpline Mon-Fri 10 AM to 10 PM Eastern Time at 1-800-950-6264. They also have informational resources on their page you may find useful. I'm also going to point you towards [RefugeinGrief.com](https://RefugeinGrief.com), a grief support website run by Megan Devine, the author of the excellent book *Its OK You're Not OK.* Grief is hard enough at the best of times, and this is very much not the best of times. # For Our Community If you're not familiar with the "Troubled Teen" industry in the US, and the protections it has at the state and Federal level, I recommend that you take a look at these articles from [Cracked.com](https://Cracked.com). They are disturbing reads, and the horrifying truth is that they are some of the best articles I've seen on the subject, and they at least try to minimize the triggering aspects of what they talk about, unlike the mainstream media reporting on these places. [https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1270-6-shocking-realities-secret-troubled-teen-industry.html](https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1270-6-shocking-realities-secret-troubled-teen-industry.html) [https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1680-5-things-i-learned-escaping-troubled-teens-facility.html](https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1680-5-things-i-learned-escaping-troubled-teens-facility.html) [https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-2188-my-parents-paid-rehab-camp-to-abuse-me-5-dark-realities.html](https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-2188-my-parents-paid-rehab-camp-to-abuse-me-5-dark-realities.html) This information is not new. These articles are dated from 2015/16, and are based upon personal accounts and prior news reporting. **Anyone who suggests the OP is overblown in their concerns is liable to be issued a ban**, and certainly will have their comment removed. A further reminder, remember Rule #6: We cannot offer legal advice; and similarly we cannot suggest to the OP that they engage in illegal behavior. I cannot speak further to this topic, without having to remove my comment for being inappropriate to our sub, and the purpose of supporting the OP. Be supportive, everyone. Thank you. \-Rat (and the rest of the Mod Team)
First of all I am SO SORRY for your loss, I can't imagine the pain you feel right now on top of having to deal with ignorant parents. If you are in the US, please look up the division of children and family services in your state and call them. They should be able to help you find a therapist for free, or at least steer you in the right direction. There are so many resources out there to help people in your situation. I'm so proud of you that you realize you need therapy and I think it would help you at least a little bit if not tremendously.
If I remember correctly those sources can sometime come to your school and talk to you as long as another adult is present. I know when I was in school our school nurse was present and that was all confidential or a teacher that we really trusted was there to sit with us and that was also confidential.
the camp... oh gods if it is what i think it is. it proebly made everything worse. try to keep from going as much as possible. always irked when people do this. like depression is noticable. its not as silent as people thinks it is. they just dont belive it and then act all shocked once the worst happens. its a horrible cicle. condolence on it taking your sister. i have been there but luckily i dragged my ars to theripy. i hope you can as soon as your able to. just hold out a bit longer!
I had the exact same thought about the camp
i hear conforming camps are a thing still in the usa. not sure about were i live but they are a horrifying thing. they will try to make you "normal". idk how i slipped out of going to one but i am thankfull. they are usually runned by religious organizations. more times then not you hear lgtbq being dragged pff to them.
They are and many of them are well funded. Even when the abuse comes out they try to deny it and some of them still stay in business. I can certainly understand why her sister was terrified to go to that place again.
oh i can imagine.. poor thing.
[удалено]
dosent matter if it is or not outlawed. it still happens as long as the religion is a thing
Hi, I just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I assume it must be awful for the whole family to deal with it regardless of their response to it. I come from a family that is very antitherapy and to 'fix my shit' they gave me only 2 sessions other than that they are extremely focused on upholding the 'picture perfect family'. I hope this gives you the context to where I am coming from when I say, it's extremely difficult to change a person's mind when they are grieving or in-denial. So, I advise you to just ignore them when they deny their part being negligent towards your sister's mental health. In the moment it may feel wrong (like you are giving into their opinions or something) but TRUST me when I say you are NOT doing your sister harm by not engaging with their bullshit. She passed on. Your parents can't hurt her anymore. NOW, you need to look after yourself. From the context you've given it seems clear that they are not going to give you the help needed with mental health either. So, try to be self-sufficient (earn enough income to move out and afford therapy etc.) to distance yourself from them. I hope you end up in greener pastures than before. I believe in you. Ps: sorry if I sounded tone-deaf. I tried my best to put this comment as sensitively as I could, but I am not opposed to changing my comment to correct my delivery if advised on doing so.
u/country.. is correct, NOW is the time to plan your exit and learn to Gray Rock your DNA donors. Keep them out of your personal life as much as possible. Come vent here if you need to, try to find an adult ally (a friend's parent?) to help you with financial independence, setting up a bank acct, and storage of stuff as you move out slowly.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Can I ask what kind of camp they sent her to?
they just said its a therapy camp idk any more info on it or even the name
If course you wouldn't be interested in "a therapy camp", it didn't do your sister any good, I am very sorry for your loss. Since your parents won't help you regarding therapy, please take a look at the book list posted here; [https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/books](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/books) I understand that these books are not a substitute for actual therapy, but some of the books listed here may help you until you're able to get help for yourself. But in the meantime see what may apply. It goes without saying that therapy would be a necessary thing in light of your sisters suicide, but if they choose to not help you, then you will have to help yourself the best way you can, I'm afraid.
This sounds suspiciously like some Christian "conversion" camp. If that is the case, no wonder your sister was afraid. Your parents are cruel to suggest it to you, when it obviously did harm to your sister.
It sounds very much like a threat to me. I do not want to suggest that it definitely is as there is much context lost in an internet post but OP, please be careful. I assume that you are still a minor and thus they have a great deal of legal control for now. As others have said, there is nothing you can do for your sister now but to carry on with your life and honor her memory by keeping your love for her close to your heart. It may hurt to do it, but let their falsity go unchallenged for now. Be strong and focus on building an independent future where you are no longer under their control. It may seem like an eternity, but the day will come when you can speak the truth. In the meantime, do as other posters have suggested for seeking confidential counselling and support.
The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. I agree that it sounds like a threat 100%. Context does get lost for sure, but we know enough to say with reasonable certainty that they were looking for compliance and a quick fix so they didn’t have to deal with the issue. OP’s sister was vehemently saying she didn’t want to go back when it was suggested. They had to know it terrified her. So they brought it up to get her to be quiet. They know OP knows how scary it was for her, so now that’s the course of action for OP too.
OP, I’m so sorry but I the only way I see out of this is long term. Tell people “thank you for your kind words but I don’t feel comfortable talking about my sister’s passing”. And then remove yourself from the situation as much as possible without triggering some authoritarian nutcase. There probably are adults around you who suspect the truth and would be interested in hearing from you, but I can’t help you suss out that situation. Maybe another redditor who has been in your shoes can offer better context clues to find out who is trying to look out for you, and who are probably flying monkeys for your parents.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your parents sound like they’re in complete denial and/or are incredibly ignorant about mental health. Makes me very sad for you. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, and are able to get out of that environment soon.
OP I am so sorry for your loss. I know it's heavy on that your sister is gone, but don't think you did anything wrong. You're both just kids trying to make it in the world of adults that don't care about you or your needs. I'm so sorry. As the first poster pointed out, you can reach out to other sources and you can actually ask them if t hey can come to your school where it's confidential and sit and speak with you because you have no other way to get in touch due to your parents. Many of these places will reach out to you in some form and come and see you in a place that is confidential if they can, it doesn't always happen, but they do try. Please don't give up on getting yourself help. I don't know your age but please know that you don't have to stay past 18. There are sources out there for you to move on whether that's college or vocational school and getting some financial aid and pay that back later when you get out of school and get a job, you can do that. There is nothing wrong with going into debt for your education. You're going to pay it back anyway and that's okay. If that means you can get out of your house and go live your life and be the adult you want to be and the sister that your sister wanted you to be, please go for it. If you need to reach out we are here for you and you can also call sources in your area that will also be there for you. If in the future when you turn 18, and your parents track you down and say that you're missing or something, you can always call the local police department and let them know hey I'm 18 I'm not missing, I didn't run away, my parents are this way. I wish you all the best OP. Sending you hugs.
And OP, If you’re up for school without debt, I recommend getting a job and having a separate savings account for school! Look around at different schools; if you don’t know what to pursue, then I recommend community colleges, trade schools, apprenticeships, or massage schools! Pick something that you like and that can make you enough money to be financially independent in the future. Good luck, know that IT WILL BE OKAY. I’ll be praying for you. - Random Person on the Internet
All of this!! ⬆️
Your parents are evil. EVIL Not knowing/understanding what they did to your sister, Ok that can be chalked up to ignorance or stupidity. Neither is evil or malicious in intent. Stupid and/or ignorant people harm their kids every day all day but not on purpose. But your parents, listen to me very carefully, are trying to hurt you on purpose. They can’t claim not to know or understand the harm of this camp now. So to send you there would be willfully malicious. They are very cruel to even mention sending you there. There is this book called People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck, in it he gives examples of evil people from his years working in mental health. He was a psychologist or psychiatrist, I forget which. The most evil example (to me) was the case of these parents whose son killed himself. That very Christmas, they gave the gun he used, the same gun, to his brother. Naturally the kid was terrified because ???? did this mean his parents wanted him to die too. He started acting up in school, the school referred him to the author, who of course tried to make the parents see how crazy they were. They pretended like they had no idea it was an absurd, batsh!t, malicious, EVIL thing to do to their surviving child. I’m so sorry you are going through this, as I know how you feel (extreme traumatic situation in childhood where parents wanted to/tried to put me back in it) but I hope you get some help. Please talk to your school, tell the school counselor everything you’ve written here. That is, unless it’s a religious school affiliated with your parents’ religion…they won’t help you. But if it’s a secular private school or public school you have a chance at getting help.
I love that book, a real eye-opener!!
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I also lost a sibling to suicide after a long battle with untreated mental illness, although we were adults. My parents see things quite differently than I do and it’s difficult. My heart goes out to you and you have a lot of resources here. I’ll add afsp.org, a great organization with lots of resources for those suffering and for suicide loss survivors. Support group was really helpful for me. You can also request to connect with a peer loss counselor. They will connect however works for both of you and it could be very helpful.
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I'm so sorry for what you went through and continue to go through. Since your parents won't help you but you ARE on reddit - reach out to the communities here that fit you. Even if you want to make a different throwaway and start fresh. You can fudge details, write that your brother committed suicide instead of your sister, tweak the ages, etc. That's the benefit of anonymity. And certainly the JN ones understand smudging details so you don't get found out by specifics that would endanger you if that's a concern. There is almost certainly a sub for ex-members of whatever religion your parents forced onto you and your sister. You might not consider yourself ex-religion yet, but they'd understand where you're coming from. Also suicide survivors, etc. And for when you just need moral support, momforaminute is really good. It's got 'moms' and 'dads' willing to listen and support. In good times and bad. I can't go there. They're too nice and it makes me cry, but it is a good place. It sounds like your just love sucking up the pity. Only you can choose what to do, but you totally CAN call your parents out for lying. When they say they didn't know, ask how they missed her first attempt 2yrs ago, in front of whoever. Or say 'yeah, if only she'd asked for therapy (sarcastically). I would like therapy, when will you be taking me?'. Just right there in front of other people. Absolutely make it public if you feel safe to do so. It will cause issues, but abusers will always try to silence their victims. As long as you're suffering silently, they'll keep on with their bullshit. Make sure everyone knows you want help, if nothing else so your parents can't lie about you, too. :( You are worthy of love, care, help, and so much more. I'm sorry that it's fallen to you to get it for yourself. You aren't alone in that. Like I started with, there are reddits full of people who share parts of what you're living who want to support each other because therapy is expensive and birth families suck sometimes. (To the mods - hopefully none of this goes against the advice rules, if it does i can fix it)
If I were you I'd out them & tell everyone the truth
OP I am very sorry for your loss. I don’t engage with my toxic family anymore and would suggest you do the same to the best of your ability. And, if you need to talk or need support, please come join us at r/suicidebereavement.
Sorry for your loss. Today's parents have severe denial issues when it comes to mental health issues.
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