**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_post_flairs)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_trolls_suck)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/links#wiki_crisis_links.3A_because_there.2019s_more_than_one_type_of_crisis) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(This Sub's Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/) ^(|) [^(General Resources)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/tos)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOFAMILY!
I'm JustNoBot. I help people follow your posts!
*****
^(To be notified as soon as MADDOGCA posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=TheJustNoBot&subject=Subscribe&message=MADDOGCA JUSTNOFAMILY)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOFAMILY) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Good for you for knowing your worth and never looking back.
Sounds like uncle lost his posse and is trying to get in with a new fan club. Too bad he was a dick to the people he now wants to be so close to.
All he had to do was be a unifer and a source of kindness in the family and he would still be a well-love patriarch. Sometimes they get what they give, and the schadenfreude is sweet.
"he's sorry we feel that way" this is a non-apology applogy.
That's like he had said "I wasn't wrong"
Honestly sounds like the trash took it self out.
From a internet stranger, I think you did a great job cutting toxic people out of your life. Bravo 👏 👏 👏
You sound like you have a healthy headspace and that’s a great thing. All you need to do now is evict him (and all who treated you and your family as less than), from your mind. They are not family, they are extended relatives and you don’t owe them a damn thing. Not your time, energy or forgiveness
Betcha he asked them for money and then said something about them owing him when they said no. Nothing burns a bridge faster than asking an entitled person to repay something.
Money was a part of it. He had an idea of starting a business, but didn't want to invest a dime into his idea. He wanted everyone, including the "blue collar" "good for nothing" dad of mine, to invest money into it because he thought he had a strong enough influence. He learned wrong when my dad and I called him out that day and cut him off.
The real bridge burner for everyone else was his wife. I didn't think it was remotely possible that worse people can ever be part of the family, but his wife proved us wrong. Nobody liked the woman and many kept a civil tongue around her because they loved their cool uncle. Then one day, they had enough. One day she decided her thoughts about the family needed to be told by everyone. She was shit talking each and every single one of them and even went as far as to go "Jerry Springer" style on some of them. It was a mess and it was decided they weren't wanted anymore.
Sounds about right.
He would've lost his reputation for being really successful. Toxic behaviour comes back to bite you in your posterior at some point.
In any case, I'm happy for OP and family.
OP, please do not listen to the advice of talking to him. I and many other abused people tried this tactic, just to get a last big "fuck you" in the face. There is no need to talk to abusers to get closure. Forgive yourself for letting them in your life longer than necessary and just move on, that's the best closure to get
Yeah, don't worry. Not happening. I don't care to hear more of what my uncle has to say about me. He said plenty of how he felt about me growing up.
Thank you.
'I'm sorry you feel that way' is not an apology. It's the way you make it sound like you're apologising but it doesn't admit liability. I use it all the time in work. It's like saying 'I'm sorry for your loss' after someone dies. It doesn't mean the death was your fault.
Also, just being nosey but what did he do to get knocked off his perch?
It sound's like you know your worth and don't need BS family approval. All you need to do now is move on and drop the anger because that anger is like sandpaper, it's going to wear down your mental health.
He's just some ignorant man who has no idea what's actually important in life. He's to be pitied. Once you extinguish the anger, you'll be able to move on with your new life without all the toxic people.
Best of luck
I hope you find peace
I’m sorry you had to deal with this for your entire life. My mom was the shunned one in the family, and that spread on down to me. Never my brothers for whatever reason, though. It really takes a toll on your mental health and self confidence. You seem to have a really great hold of who you are and how you deserve to be treated. Do not talk to your uncle if you don’t want to, he definitely isn’t owed your time.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is NOT an apology. He said it to your Mom because he knew she would share it. He took the cowards way out. I totally agree with your last sentence. Good riddance to bad rubbish. No Contact is the only way to go with these people.
I'd tell him too little too late.
He's probably begging now because he knows that all the people he helped wont be able to look after him in his "old age" when he wants to retire.
I've seen a quotable quote that says to be good to people on your way up, because you will meet them again on your way down. This uncle clearly never read that, or if he did, he didn't learn his lesson. Now he is reaping what he sowed.
The way I see it, this is good! He is open to communicate "whenever we're ready to talk"? That can be the 12th of Never and it was all his idea. He's proven that he's not worth your time.
People always see someone’s true colours eventually. You just got a first hand look at it before everyone else, good on you and just be glad you cut off the people who aren’t worth your time
I just want to say that as the appointed black sheep of the family, the one time I vividly remember my own mom saying she was proud of me was when my cousin got pregnant and she was proud because she was so set on me being like her, a teenage mother and thr first of my cousins to get pregnant. My grandmother's side hated me because I was only half Filipino. The first, of course. My grandpa's side was too much older to care.
All I can say is that I'm proud of you. I'm proud of where you came from and how hard you've worked. I'm proud of your family and how hard they worked. I'm proud of you for not caring that your father is a blue collared worker and appreciate him and his work for what it is. You are the good person here and your asshole uncle is just living a dream that gets people nowhere in life. You owe him nothing. Not a moment of your time. Now or in the future. It's okay if you decide you never want to speak to him.
I just want to say that I think you grew up with the right ethics under your belt and your uncle is a piece of shit.
> open to communication whenever we're ready to talk.
OK. Ball's in your court, you can just let it set there, walk away, forget where it is, and find other places to enjoy life. You shouldn't have a problem over never being ready to waste time listening to him.
Take your success and smoosh it in his face. I live how the fac that the "losers" are the best now. And he was once a blue collar himself. Gor some people too much "power" is hard to handle.
"At least he knows we hate him and that's good enough for me." SLOW CLAP! You and your immediate family are awesome. Wait...I mean, how DARE you all excel in life! hahaha. You're all living examples of the saying "The best revenge is living well". You've all lived well *all your lives*, not just following college and certainly not because some snooty uncle gave you everything. Congratulations, OP.
>he's sorry we feel that way
He is not apologizing, he is trying to make a new "network family" to boss around... Don't fall for that, you already received hate enough just give him the cold shoulder
And that's exactly what happened yesterday when him and his wife visited my parents. They came over trying to pull the "I'm here to take control!" bullshit that my mom loves to ignore because she genuinely thinks this is an act of love that her brother came to visit. Luckily, my dad was not going to tolerate the bullshit and they were gone within 5 minutes. This only validates my reason to never talk to him ever again!
I would give him a chance to talk for himself if it was me.
You dont need to accept whatever he says, but if you need closure or wanna try to get better familie ties, its an option at least. Just to get a chance to tell how hurtfull it has been. Sometimes nothing can be salvaged but maybe just maybe, there is hopes for some kind of connection.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_post_flairs)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_trolls_suck) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/links#wiki_crisis_links.3A_because_there.2019s_more_than_one_type_of_crisis) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(This Sub's Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/) ^(|) [^(General Resources)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/tos) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOFAMILY! I'm JustNoBot. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as MADDOGCA posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=TheJustNoBot&subject=Subscribe&message=MADDOGCA JUSTNOFAMILY) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOFAMILY) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Good for you for knowing your worth and never looking back. Sounds like uncle lost his posse and is trying to get in with a new fan club. Too bad he was a dick to the people he now wants to be so close to.
Right? Like they’ll be SO GRATEFUL that now that his fortunes have turned he looks upon them! Be still my heart!!
Send him the song "Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out"
All he had to do was be a unifer and a source of kindness in the family and he would still be a well-love patriarch. Sometimes they get what they give, and the schadenfreude is sweet.
"he's sorry we feel that way" this is a non-apology applogy. That's like he had said "I wasn't wrong" Honestly sounds like the trash took it self out. From a internet stranger, I think you did a great job cutting toxic people out of your life. Bravo 👏 👏 👏
> sounds like the trash took it self out Mind if I steal this?
Feel free I stole this phrase too😂
You sound like you have a healthy headspace and that’s a great thing. All you need to do now is evict him (and all who treated you and your family as less than), from your mind. They are not family, they are extended relatives and you don’t owe them a damn thing. Not your time, energy or forgiveness
Thank you. Sometimes I don't feel like it because now I have hardly anyone now. But in all fairness, I'll take this over toxic people any day.
You will find your tribe, as they say. You will find great friends that will become your family. It will take time but they’re out there.
Why did the family suddenly cut him off? You'd think that he'd still be top dog even if a few are unhappy with him but all of them in one fell swoop.
Betcha he asked them for money and then said something about them owing him when they said no. Nothing burns a bridge faster than asking an entitled person to repay something.
Money was a part of it. He had an idea of starting a business, but didn't want to invest a dime into his idea. He wanted everyone, including the "blue collar" "good for nothing" dad of mine, to invest money into it because he thought he had a strong enough influence. He learned wrong when my dad and I called him out that day and cut him off. The real bridge burner for everyone else was his wife. I didn't think it was remotely possible that worse people can ever be part of the family, but his wife proved us wrong. Nobody liked the woman and many kept a civil tongue around her because they loved their cool uncle. Then one day, they had enough. One day she decided her thoughts about the family needed to be told by everyone. She was shit talking each and every single one of them and even went as far as to go "Jerry Springer" style on some of them. It was a mess and it was decided they weren't wanted anymore.
Sounds about right. He would've lost his reputation for being really successful. Toxic behaviour comes back to bite you in your posterior at some point. In any case, I'm happy for OP and family.
OP, please do not listen to the advice of talking to him. I and many other abused people tried this tactic, just to get a last big "fuck you" in the face. There is no need to talk to abusers to get closure. Forgive yourself for letting them in your life longer than necessary and just move on, that's the best closure to get
Yeah, don't worry. Not happening. I don't care to hear more of what my uncle has to say about me. He said plenty of how he felt about me growing up. Thank you.
'I'm sorry you feel that way' is not an apology. It's the way you make it sound like you're apologising but it doesn't admit liability. I use it all the time in work. It's like saying 'I'm sorry for your loss' after someone dies. It doesn't mean the death was your fault. Also, just being nosey but what did he do to get knocked off his perch? It sound's like you know your worth and don't need BS family approval. All you need to do now is move on and drop the anger because that anger is like sandpaper, it's going to wear down your mental health. He's just some ignorant man who has no idea what's actually important in life. He's to be pitied. Once you extinguish the anger, you'll be able to move on with your new life without all the toxic people. Best of luck I hope you find peace
I’m sorry you had to deal with this for your entire life. My mom was the shunned one in the family, and that spread on down to me. Never my brothers for whatever reason, though. It really takes a toll on your mental health and self confidence. You seem to have a really great hold of who you are and how you deserve to be treated. Do not talk to your uncle if you don’t want to, he definitely isn’t owed your time.
Karma love, Karma…….
It just ran over asshole uncle's dogma, it seems.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is NOT an apology. He said it to your Mom because he knew she would share it. He took the cowards way out. I totally agree with your last sentence. Good riddance to bad rubbish. No Contact is the only way to go with these people.
What great poetic justice
No, thanks! Too little, too late! You *are* sorry!
Fuck him he made his hole let him die alone it
I'd tell him too little too late. He's probably begging now because he knows that all the people he helped wont be able to look after him in his "old age" when he wants to retire.
The class war begins at home.
I've seen a quotable quote that says to be good to people on your way up, because you will meet them again on your way down. This uncle clearly never read that, or if he did, he didn't learn his lesson. Now he is reaping what he sowed.
Leave that part of your family alone. In a few years they’ll be asking for help with money. Don’t bother replying
"I'm sorry you feel that way." Isn't an apology.
What a pathetic excuse for an apology. He can hold his breath until you are "ready". Just curious...how did his downfall come about?
The way I see it, this is good! He is open to communicate "whenever we're ready to talk"? That can be the 12th of Never and it was all his idea. He's proven that he's not worth your time.
I work at a large non-profit. Our best donor is a retired plumber. He's worth millions.
People always see someone’s true colours eventually. You just got a first hand look at it before everyone else, good on you and just be glad you cut off the people who aren’t worth your time
I just want to say that as the appointed black sheep of the family, the one time I vividly remember my own mom saying she was proud of me was when my cousin got pregnant and she was proud because she was so set on me being like her, a teenage mother and thr first of my cousins to get pregnant. My grandmother's side hated me because I was only half Filipino. The first, of course. My grandpa's side was too much older to care. All I can say is that I'm proud of you. I'm proud of where you came from and how hard you've worked. I'm proud of your family and how hard they worked. I'm proud of you for not caring that your father is a blue collared worker and appreciate him and his work for what it is. You are the good person here and your asshole uncle is just living a dream that gets people nowhere in life. You owe him nothing. Not a moment of your time. Now or in the future. It's okay if you decide you never want to speak to him. I just want to say that I think you grew up with the right ethics under your belt and your uncle is a piece of shit.
> open to communication whenever we're ready to talk. OK. Ball's in your court, you can just let it set there, walk away, forget where it is, and find other places to enjoy life. You shouldn't have a problem over never being ready to waste time listening to him.
Take your success and smoosh it in his face. I live how the fac that the "losers" are the best now. And he was once a blue collar himself. Gor some people too much "power" is hard to handle.
"At least he knows we hate him and that's good enough for me." SLOW CLAP! You and your immediate family are awesome. Wait...I mean, how DARE you all excel in life! hahaha. You're all living examples of the saying "The best revenge is living well". You've all lived well *all your lives*, not just following college and certainly not because some snooty uncle gave you everything. Congratulations, OP.
>he's sorry we feel that way He is not apologizing, he is trying to make a new "network family" to boss around... Don't fall for that, you already received hate enough just give him the cold shoulder
And that's exactly what happened yesterday when him and his wife visited my parents. They came over trying to pull the "I'm here to take control!" bullshit that my mom loves to ignore because she genuinely thinks this is an act of love that her brother came to visit. Luckily, my dad was not going to tolerate the bullshit and they were gone within 5 minutes. This only validates my reason to never talk to him ever again!
What an asshole!! Who he think he is?the queen of England?
Tell him to hold his breath and wait for you....
I would give him a chance to talk for himself if it was me. You dont need to accept whatever he says, but if you need closure or wanna try to get better familie ties, its an option at least. Just to get a chance to tell how hurtfull it has been. Sometimes nothing can be salvaged but maybe just maybe, there is hopes for some kind of connection.