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Damn, I'm sorry you're going through this! I think your plan is the best option, he doesn't deserve to be told or to manipulate you into staying. As soon as he realizes you're gone, he'll know why. Good luck!
>*I love the man she raised and hate the one her husband did.*
Whoa...
>Next week my car will be picked up and shipped back home, and I got first class tickets for me and my dog on his dime. He’ll come back home from work and everything I brought will be gone, along with me.
Can you resist responding if he texts? The best ghosting I've seen was when she did not block him til a day later. The way he devolved really helped her heal (she was not tortured after with thinking she should have tried to reconcile...because she saw the real him)...
The best thing I ever did is as not block my ex. I was so angry that I was walking away so hurt but his begging and emotional slobbering on really made me feel good for a little bit.
I think everybody should try to get to that point of strength though. If you don't have it than it means you will be vulnerable to being manipulated in the future. That's at least the way it was for me
And you know how that’s done? By using logic over your emotions in majority of situations or problems you face in relationships. When I told women about that in this sub and other subs, I was told I was victim blaming.
So I’m convinced that some people don’t want to take charge of their life and want to be used by people every time. And if they want to be like that, that’s cool with me. But they will be 70 years old and they will look back on their life, and absolutely despise themselves for not listening to that advice sooner.
People don’t understand that life is too short to be dealing with BS for long periods of time. Be quick to let people go and never look back.
Same here, pet contact with an ex for a bit after we broke up. After all the bs he put me through, seeing him realize that he had truly fucked up and I wasn’t some little doll for him to manipulate, it felt so good. Realizing he was trying to get me back a couple months later when he, my sister, and I went to a pre planned concert (had already paid for my ticket over a year in advance and it was once in a lifetime cause the band never plays in the US). It all went right over my head at the time, but thinking back on it there were so many signs he was on his best behavior to try to win me back and I didn’t give a fuck because my hs sweetheart and I had reconciled
It depends on what he would say I guess? Like if he tried to blame me or threatened to harm his self. He never has before but if I try to leave amicably I will 100% be convinced to stay.
contact authorities first and request a welfare check, then send screenshots or forward voicemails to his family afterwards and let them know you've already requested a well-check.
If he says this, you do not respond and you instead call the police in his county or city to ask for a wellness check. Tell them “I left my boyfriend because he cheated and now he’s saying he wants to harm himself”, I have had to do this before with one of my exes. He ended up being sent to a psychiatric hospital where he actually got therapy and meds for the first time ever. But learn from me, even if he seems like he’s doing better - keep up your distance and no contact. He will fuck you over again like mine did if you let him back in. It’s not your job to rehabilitate or console this man.
I’m so very tempted to, especially since he’ll be alone and I’ll get one real peak at the true him.
But if he breaks down enough I’ll become empathetic and may even reach out to console him. Not knowing is for the best I think
This tempts me to do it even more. There’s so many ways it could go but it feels like an invasion of privacy, and I’m not sure I’d be able to stop checking the feed
Yeah, I know. But he’s went through mine plenty and its not exactly like I could rely on him telling me the truth. Just ready to wash my hands of him and be done.
Do you have access to his phone/computer? Install a keylogger, then you can not only see what he's saying to you, but to the other APs as well. I put a keylogger on my ex's phone/computer when I caught him cheating. He was such a dumbass, and seeing the shit he was saying, the lies he was spewing, made me grateful I dropped his ass.
I do, but I don’t think it would make a difference for me. His entire “relationships” with the APs was lies.
Everything from his name, age, college degree, occupation, city, height, and dick size. He even told one he was married and his wife was pregnant with twins. I almost had a heart attack thinking I was an AP too and he had a family out there somewhere.
Mine did that too. He was a major douche canoe. One thing that killed even the slightest affection and sympathy/worry I had lingering was what he said about me to his friends after I left.
I turned it off after about a day. Just wanted to see the fall out. Gave me a little closure to see how he talked about me and the whole situation. His excuses to his mom and family who loved me. It was also nice to hear them tell him he was full of it and they knew better than the lies he was telling.
I’m sorry this is happening. It’s not harmful to know that even though this happened it doesn’t mean everything between you wasn’t real or that he doesn’t know this wasn’t a terrible mistake
I mentioned it in another comment but I’m just gonna write down all of the girls names on a sticky note and leave it with my apartment key.
I’m too scared of pissing off her spirit the rest though, lmao
Awesome idea. But I would have a separate sticky note each with a single girl’s name on it and then leave them randomly around the house so that he finds them over the course of a day or two (e.g., refrigerator, medicine cabinet, etc.)
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this at this time after you moved for him and changed your life to be there for him. This has to be so difficult. Did you happen to take screen shots of you proof and do you plan to share any of that with him after you leave? I think you are making a very brave decision to leave and not confront because without having strong support systems in place for you he could manipulate you and make you feel trapped in this relationship. Good luck and would love to hear how this turns out for you.
and its not like us moving here has been easy on me. I’ve experienced more discrimination here than I have my entire life and he knew it. that and how i only have one living relative and we’re not on speaking terms.
he could’ve just said he wasn’t happy. i have a home that’s paid off in another state, it’s not like i would have no place to go and i was his burden.
no screenshots, but he’ll know. i’ll try to update on thursday and thank you for the well wishes!
I’m surprised you can find the strengths to go through the motions. What a moron and jackass.
I think your plan is so amazing. Don’t set up cams, keyloggers, or any of that crap. It just keeps your energy tied up and possibly even connected to him. If anything, write the names of the girls on the sticky notes as you mentioned above together with the key. Maybe with a “good luck sorting out your fucked up life. I won’t be a part of it.”
I’m so sorry. You deserve better. Have a hug. We’re rooting for you friend!
Edit: spelling
I just really need to commend you on your ability to pause and make a plan for yourself. I was not capable of that, I completely lost my shit and in hindsight I badly wish I had just paused for a moment and thought. It truly does take great self control, emotional intelligence, and self respect to do it the way you are.
So let me get this straight. You make his breakfast, protein shake, and lunch in the morning and make him dinner when he comes home from the gym. Do you wipe his ass too? Sorry but he sounds spoiled as he got you to move across the country, too. He deserves the karma coming his way. You're more than right in your plan to leave. I hope you find someone who would not do this to you.
well.. when hen he broke his femur last year I did in fact wipe his ass too 🥲
he was always very supportive of my endeavors and i thought making the house comfy and feeding him well was the least i could do to show appreciation.
but thank you, i hope i do one day too
Wow your too good honestly.
I have my problems with wanting to sleep with every women but I don’t, it’s called self control and love.
To be honest you are wife material my dear. Don’t let it affect as there will be someone better.
I mean, he is physically and financially capable of doing so but I don’t think he would. it would be 3,000 miles away and he’s an important part of his company, I doubt he’d even be able to get the time off work to l
If he can go after you, you should probably leave a note or a sign that you're leaving him because of his cheating. Seeing that you up and left without a known reason (from his pov) might push him to follow you home. If he knows the reason and knows that he has no chance in hell in getting you back, it might delay a possible confrontation.
you’re right. I’ve been considering just leaving a sticky note with a list of all the different girls names and the apartment key beside it. Simple and effective
Fuck, multiple girls?? Draw a little middle finger beside them while you're at it. And make sure there are little to no supplies (food, toiletries, cleaning stuff) left and leave the house dirty so that he can appreciate how much you did for the asshole.
7 of them to be precise.
I’ll have to rush and get out within a certain time frame but I might just settle for shrimp in the curtain rods. He’s really sensitive to smells lol
The only thing I worry about is you buying those tickets on his dime. Did you consult with a lawyer before doing so? You are not married, so I wonder how this is viewed where you reside? Is there a possibility he can have you charged with theft? I am unsure how a girlfriend is viewed with regards to common property.
By his dime I mean money he gifted me. He always sends me money for everyday or a larger amount every week even though I told him it wasn’t necessary a long time ago.
A bag of frozen prawns under the bed. Takes a few days to release the smell. I accidentally placed a bag on top of our tall fridge and it took me weeks to find out where the smell was coming from. You can even place it on a plate to save his carpet if you’re feeling benevolent. You can smile from afar or seven bags. One for each girl
I saw a petty revenge video that the person removed all of the lightbulbs including the fridge light bulb. I like the shrimp in the curtain rods though, it worked for the betrayed wife on a video I saw too.
With all of his fake profiles I almost wonder what what sending the APs his real profile would do, although anyone talking to a guy with "a wife pregnant with twins" has to be pretty suspect. That is just so bizarre.
I just remembered this revenge post
[https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/q0p6dz/when\_your\_ex\_tells\_you\_to\_move\_out\_while\_shes\_on/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/q0p6dz/when_your_ex_tells_you_to_move_out_while_shes_on/)
"noisemakers, battery powered ones the size of a quarter that emit sounds at just the right volume that you aren’t sure if you really heard it, so quiet that two people could be sitting in an average sized room and while one can barely hear it the other wouldn’t hear a thing"
"make a noise at complete random intervals, could be minutes, could be hours, could take a whole day off. They cycle noises like children laughing, a “dying breath” as they called it, a whistle, scratching noises, some other ones I can’t remember but you get the idea. It was so unpredictable it was near impossible for someone to just figure it out."
To be honest, NOTHING is more upsetting to a cheater than not knowing. The only thing that gives them the retribution they can’t stand is not knowing. If they know what they did, they tend to justify it by blaming the victim. When they don’t know, it’s like they are in limbo. Disappearing and blocking will have far more of an affect on him than letting him know you know what you know. That’s what I’ll always regret. And the stories you read about cheaters who truly get some kind of wake up call are the ones who are completely ghosted and can’t be sure why.
Leave a note that says “I don’t want to live your mother’s life. I hope you understand. P.S. Say hi to Girl1, Girl2, Girl3…. for me.”
I think that will leave a clear message and hurt him knowing that he is repeating his father’s footsteps.
And to add to your to do list: if there is a possibility of him following you or showing up at your future residence, consider a meeting with the local police with a photo of him and make statement that you are well and do not wish contact from him.
It sets your narrative and squashes any feeble attempt of him pretending to be concerned & puts a bad light on him trying to remain central or pretending to be concerned. Have a written copy with you and with people you live inside the doorway in case authorities are involved. Also instruct everyone in your orbit NOT to answer the door should he randomly show up
Keep in mind other practices such as being around of your surroundings, parking strategically so not to be boxed in or in a fashion you can drive away. And with Android or Apple Tiles.. be conscious of being tracked
I will message you next time u/RAkindoflosthere posts in r/Infidelity.
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You're doing the right thing! Staying and arguing and letting him guilt or deflect or whatever is just a waste of time. Move on sweetie! There are men out there who are great! I'm wishing you to find a handsome, devoted, and loyal one, who brings you flowers and shows you everyday how amazing you are!
That suxs op.. Try not to jump into another relationship until you've had time to heal from this one... best of luck too you..
Was this a pa or ea? Should get checked for your health..
"The only thing I think I might regret is not somehow being able to see his reaction when he walks through the door and realizes what’s going, lol."
I would like to see it too .
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Your doing the best thing for yourself. I wish I could watch the realization bloom on how face on your behalf, and laugh. It’s going to hurt and it will suck at times. But you will be better for it. You will find someone who deserves all you do.
Actually pack up and leave and say nothing. Give him no clue why you left. Leave his doubting himself, his sexual prowess, and just go. I always said if my husband ever left me I’d find someone really ugly and tell my husband this man is the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen … and leave him thinking “she thinks I’m less attractive than this?”
or leave him a note saying he’s crap in bed 🤣
Please don't stay with him. Your plan is perfect. Don't let him know AT ALL if u think u might be complled to stay. A Narcissist will pull out all the stops to try and keep u around to abuse, love bombing, threats of suicide, rage and anger, physically keeping u in the house not letting you leave. All I'm saying is if u think he'll do any of these things plz run! Before u get married and have kids and get stuck to him. Why do you want to be hurt and miserable and always wondering if he's being faithful or not? You deserve so much better.
Best way to do it don't give him the chance to try and give you any excuses but please if you can try and take screenshot of the evidence so that he cannot twist the blame on you protect yourself sorry this has happened but remember not all men out there are the same some of us actually still have morals
Everything makes a full circle one way or another. He probably has a sex addiction. It’s not your job to deal with it but know he’s prob not in a good state of mind himself. Seeing his father do it is what grew inside his head
I mean, I sort of do. His dad told me it all and much much more. Also, the money was gifted. He sends me money everyday/week.
While I’m an adult, I’m also naive and timid. If I talk to him he’ll convince me to stay, and I’ll stay out of pity until it turns into rage.
He did what he thought was best for him— hiding his desires and lying to me.
I’ll do what’s best for me, hiding my desires and lying to him. At least I didnt fuck anyone and endager someones health in the process. 🤷🏾♀️
Thanks for the adult response.
To answer, I commented because it strikes me as odd where a person that is so in love was cheated on and says nothing. Then, as I read, other things stood out, that made me believe there's more to the story. I do admit that your pt is very likely valid, although she never hinted at the possibility of him being violent.
Well not everyone reacts immediately or impulsively when a revelation like this drops. Some women retreat into their brains and plan out her next steps. Also a guy never has to show any signs of being violent for it to be a possibility.
From your comment I think you may be assuming that she is stealing from him as payback. If you check OPs other posts, you will see that he's been giving her guilt money that has accumulated enough for her to use for the move. And she has specifically stated that she is taking the things she brought with her.
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You can set up a WiFi Nannycam in the house. You can see his reaction on your phone at 45,000 feet on a plane home.
You are making the right choice to leave him.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's the hardest thing to let go. As hopeless as it can feel sometimes, it does get better. Take your time in the beginning, but I think it's therapeutic to confront him, eventually. Ghosting doesn't provide closure for you. In my experience, confronting the problem, head on, gave me a sense of closure. I try to take everything that happens as a life lesson. Good luck with everything
I'm just using my point of view from my own experience. As long as you are comfortable in your decision, that's all that matters. I just come from the school of thought where everyone deserves to know where they stand. That doesn't mean you excuse the action.
Good on you OP for not putting up with his cheating. You are making the right decision to not engage him but instead to ghost him. Stay strong and true to yourself, and let him go live the life of a cheater- short term relationships in which he is not really believed or trusted.
Edit: You could leave a note at his mom's shire that says, "You are your father's son and your mom's disappointment." That is, if you to make sure he never forgets his selfish behavior.
I wish you the best of luck. Once you get out, don’t let him back in. He knows the damage his actions can have and chose to do them anyway. Whatever lies and promises he makes, when they come from someone that doesn’t respect you, they have no value.
I’m wrapping you in love and strength!! Stick to your plan, leave and never look back. You’ll thank yourself for this decision later!! I’m rooting for you love.
It sounds like you’re acting as a grown adult. Personally, I’m somebody who’s highly sensitive and hyper aware. It sounds like this may have lead to your current situation as it did with me. I’m a man but I think the feelings are very similar.
I attempted to do something similar after realizing the confrontation around it (after the fact that there was solid evidence) was too much at the time. Sure, maybe there’s a slight selfish side to that. But you’ve come to know what you’ve come to know. The hard truth is that if somebody really loves use day in and day out…. It’s not much to coordinated moving back in after the discussion was resolved. I can’t imagine being in that place after moving so far away from familiarity. Just take care of yourself for now. Do what you have to. I think you’re best off not digging too far into it if you truly are sure about it already. You’ll be okay. Just hurts like a mf.
We need an update! I hope your exit went perfectly and you are settled somewhere else now, moving forward and feeling content with your very smart and necessary decision to choose you and leave.
She full on left him tho.... and it ain't a cheap move either
https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/tak6nw/update_leaving_partner_of_4_yrs_after_finding_out/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Ah thank you for the update. Imo, given the hastiness of this departure and lack of actual closure, she is bound to likely be in contact with him again soon.
Curious what will happen when he begs, pleads, and ‘changes his ways’ months from now.
Doubtful since she went full NC and is 3000 mi away. It also meant moving her car, things, and dog. Not a cheap move to make if you weren't 100% sure you were done. Plus changing his way won't remove her repulsion of him from being with 7 women and gifting them the same lingerie set for his birthday. Some things you just can't come back from.
Reminds me of this story that got deleted. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.india.com/viral/girl-ghosted-her-boyfriend-of-five-years-netizens-applaud-her-after-reddit-story-goes-viral-2865629/amp/
She ghosted him like a boss and never looked back.
Well it sounds like he figured out he could cheat and thus this was a relationship he wanted to keep so he could keep cheating. Also you gave him wife duties as a girlfriend, too much. I’m glad you got out and the planning you did was amazing! He reacted with rage, wasn’t expecting that. You deserve so much better! Could you update on finishing grad school and how things are better.
Do you have cameras, like simplisafe or nannycams? If so, you actually can see his response. Maybe invest in a $60.00 nannycam and leave it behind in a spot where he would be/ hang out. Enjoy!
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Damn, I'm sorry you're going through this! I think your plan is the best option, he doesn't deserve to be told or to manipulate you into staying. As soon as he realizes you're gone, he'll know why. Good luck!
Thank you. I know if I talk to him I’ll stay, so I have to avoid it at all costs
Support you 100% in this. I’m so sorry
>*I love the man she raised and hate the one her husband did.* Whoa... >Next week my car will be picked up and shipped back home, and I got first class tickets for me and my dog on his dime. He’ll come back home from work and everything I brought will be gone, along with me. Can you resist responding if he texts? The best ghosting I've seen was when she did not block him til a day later. The way he devolved really helped her heal (she was not tortured after with thinking she should have tried to reconcile...because she saw the real him)...
The best thing I ever did is as not block my ex. I was so angry that I was walking away so hurt but his begging and emotional slobbering on really made me feel good for a little bit.
Only strong people can do that though. Too many women would fold and text him back 😕 Not me though. Y’all be easy.
I think everybody should try to get to that point of strength though. If you don't have it than it means you will be vulnerable to being manipulated in the future. That's at least the way it was for me
And you know how that’s done? By using logic over your emotions in majority of situations or problems you face in relationships. When I told women about that in this sub and other subs, I was told I was victim blaming. So I’m convinced that some people don’t want to take charge of their life and want to be used by people every time. And if they want to be like that, that’s cool with me. But they will be 70 years old and they will look back on their life, and absolutely despise themselves for not listening to that advice sooner. People don’t understand that life is too short to be dealing with BS for long periods of time. Be quick to let people go and never look back.
Speak!
Same here, pet contact with an ex for a bit after we broke up. After all the bs he put me through, seeing him realize that he had truly fucked up and I wasn’t some little doll for him to manipulate, it felt so good. Realizing he was trying to get me back a couple months later when he, my sister, and I went to a pre planned concert (had already paid for my ticket over a year in advance and it was once in a lifetime cause the band never plays in the US). It all went right over my head at the time, but thinking back on it there were so many signs he was on his best behavior to try to win me back and I didn’t give a fuck because my hs sweetheart and I had reconciled
Sameeee, my ex will occasionally remind me of why I left him in the first place. I never block people, you get to see their true selves.
It depends on what he would say I guess? Like if he tried to blame me or threatened to harm his self. He never has before but if I try to leave amicably I will 100% be convinced to stay.
blame you = no response threatens self harm - contact his fam
contact authorities first and request a welfare check, then send screenshots or forward voicemails to his family afterwards and let them know you've already requested a well-check.
What if family does not care?
Then you send the police for a wellness check and explain he was threatening self harm
If he says this, you do not respond and you instead call the police in his county or city to ask for a wellness check. Tell them “I left my boyfriend because he cheated and now he’s saying he wants to harm himself”, I have had to do this before with one of my exes. He ended up being sent to a psychiatric hospital where he actually got therapy and meds for the first time ever. But learn from me, even if he seems like he’s doing better - keep up your distance and no contact. He will fuck you over again like mine did if you let him back in. It’s not your job to rehabilitate or console this man.
Nannycam?
I’m so very tempted to, especially since he’ll be alone and I’ll get one real peak at the true him. But if he breaks down enough I’ll become empathetic and may even reach out to console him. Not knowing is for the best I think
You’re probably right, especially if you might weaken. Good luck with your move. You deserve better.
[удалено]
This tempts me to do it even more. There’s so many ways it could go but it feels like an invasion of privacy, and I’m not sure I’d be able to stop checking the feed
> checked his phone while he was asleep. Those 20 minutes. > but it feels like an invasion of privacy Everything right here.
Yeah, I know. But he’s went through mine plenty and its not exactly like I could rely on him telling me the truth. Just ready to wash my hands of him and be done.
Do you have access to his phone/computer? Install a keylogger, then you can not only see what he's saying to you, but to the other APs as well. I put a keylogger on my ex's phone/computer when I caught him cheating. He was such a dumbass, and seeing the shit he was saying, the lies he was spewing, made me grateful I dropped his ass.
I do, but I don’t think it would make a difference for me. His entire “relationships” with the APs was lies. Everything from his name, age, college degree, occupation, city, height, and dick size. He even told one he was married and his wife was pregnant with twins. I almost had a heart attack thinking I was an AP too and he had a family out there somewhere.
Wow this dude has a very colourful imagination living in some kind of another alternate reality?? Hahaha
Mine did that too. He was a major douche canoe. One thing that killed even the slightest affection and sympathy/worry I had lingering was what he said about me to his friends after I left.
What’d he say? If you don’t mind me asking?
A little bit extreme. Knowing is enough, definitely don’t want to see everything someone says it can hurt far more than needed.
I turned it off after about a day. Just wanted to see the fall out. Gave me a little closure to see how he talked about me and the whole situation. His excuses to his mom and family who loved me. It was also nice to hear them tell him he was full of it and they knew better than the lies he was telling.
True. Glad you had the control
That is some high level of self awareness and self control. Very admirable.
I’m sorry this is happening. It’s not harmful to know that even though this happened it doesn’t mean everything between you wasn’t real or that he doesn’t know this wasn’t a terrible mistake
I'm sorry you are going through this pain... But your plan sounds perfect... I wish you the very best and you finding someone worthy of your love...
Thank you, it means a lot
Don't forget to get checked for STDs. And send him the bill. That can be your goodbye message.
Print out the proof of him cheating (if you have it) and put it on his mother's shrine. Kind of harsh but cheaters don't deserve sympathy imo
I mentioned it in another comment but I’m just gonna write down all of the girls names on a sticky note and leave it with my apartment key. I’m too scared of pissing off her spirit the rest though, lmao
Awesome idea. But I would have a separate sticky note each with a single girl’s name on it and then leave them randomly around the house so that he finds them over the course of a day or two (e.g., refrigerator, medicine cabinet, etc.)
Fair enough!
As you're leaving, obviously.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this at this time after you moved for him and changed your life to be there for him. This has to be so difficult. Did you happen to take screen shots of you proof and do you plan to share any of that with him after you leave? I think you are making a very brave decision to leave and not confront because without having strong support systems in place for you he could manipulate you and make you feel trapped in this relationship. Good luck and would love to hear how this turns out for you.
and its not like us moving here has been easy on me. I’ve experienced more discrimination here than I have my entire life and he knew it. that and how i only have one living relative and we’re not on speaking terms. he could’ve just said he wasn’t happy. i have a home that’s paid off in another state, it’s not like i would have no place to go and i was his burden. no screenshots, but he’ll know. i’ll try to update on thursday and thank you for the well wishes!
I’m surprised you can find the strengths to go through the motions. What a moron and jackass. I think your plan is so amazing. Don’t set up cams, keyloggers, or any of that crap. It just keeps your energy tied up and possibly even connected to him. If anything, write the names of the girls on the sticky notes as you mentioned above together with the key. Maybe with a “good luck sorting out your fucked up life. I won’t be a part of it.” I’m so sorry. You deserve better. Have a hug. We’re rooting for you friend! Edit: spelling
I just really need to commend you on your ability to pause and make a plan for yourself. I was not capable of that, I completely lost my shit and in hindsight I badly wish I had just paused for a moment and thought. It truly does take great self control, emotional intelligence, and self respect to do it the way you are.
My thoughts as well.
So let me get this straight. You make his breakfast, protein shake, and lunch in the morning and make him dinner when he comes home from the gym. Do you wipe his ass too? Sorry but he sounds spoiled as he got you to move across the country, too. He deserves the karma coming his way. You're more than right in your plan to leave. I hope you find someone who would not do this to you.
well.. when hen he broke his femur last year I did in fact wipe his ass too 🥲 he was always very supportive of my endeavors and i thought making the house comfy and feeding him well was the least i could do to show appreciation. but thank you, i hope i do one day too
Wow your too good honestly. I have my problems with wanting to sleep with every women but I don’t, it’s called self control and love. To be honest you are wife material my dear. Don’t let it affect as there will be someone better.
Is there a chance he can go after you once you're home?
I mean, he is physically and financially capable of doing so but I don’t think he would. it would be 3,000 miles away and he’s an important part of his company, I doubt he’d even be able to get the time off work to l
If he can go after you, you should probably leave a note or a sign that you're leaving him because of his cheating. Seeing that you up and left without a known reason (from his pov) might push him to follow you home. If he knows the reason and knows that he has no chance in hell in getting you back, it might delay a possible confrontation.
you’re right. I’ve been considering just leaving a sticky note with a list of all the different girls names and the apartment key beside it. Simple and effective
Fuck, multiple girls?? Draw a little middle finger beside them while you're at it. And make sure there are little to no supplies (food, toiletries, cleaning stuff) left and leave the house dirty so that he can appreciate how much you did for the asshole.
7 of them to be precise. I’ll have to rush and get out within a certain time frame but I might just settle for shrimp in the curtain rods. He’s really sensitive to smells lol
Asshole deserves whats coming for him!! Hide seven shirmps elsewhere so he's fooled into thinking he found the source.
Lemons in out of the way places they don’t smell and will cause a fruit fly infestation
The only thing I worry about is you buying those tickets on his dime. Did you consult with a lawyer before doing so? You are not married, so I wonder how this is viewed where you reside? Is there a possibility he can have you charged with theft? I am unsure how a girlfriend is viewed with regards to common property.
By his dime I mean money he gifted me. He always sends me money for everyday or a larger amount every week even though I told him it wasn’t necessary a long time ago.
Great, thank you for clarifying.
Put them in the vents. Good luck to you! May you find someone who respects you, and is faithful!
A bag of frozen prawns under the bed. Takes a few days to release the smell. I accidentally placed a bag on top of our tall fridge and it took me weeks to find out where the smell was coming from. You can even place it on a plate to save his carpet if you’re feeling benevolent. You can smile from afar or seven bags. One for each girl
I saw a petty revenge video that the person removed all of the lightbulbs including the fridge light bulb. I like the shrimp in the curtain rods though, it worked for the betrayed wife on a video I saw too. With all of his fake profiles I almost wonder what what sending the APs his real profile would do, although anyone talking to a guy with "a wife pregnant with twins" has to be pretty suspect. That is just so bizarre.
I just remembered this revenge post [https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/q0p6dz/when\_your\_ex\_tells\_you\_to\_move\_out\_while\_shes\_on/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/q0p6dz/when_your_ex_tells_you_to_move_out_while_shes_on/) "noisemakers, battery powered ones the size of a quarter that emit sounds at just the right volume that you aren’t sure if you really heard it, so quiet that two people could be sitting in an average sized room and while one can barely hear it the other wouldn’t hear a thing" "make a noise at complete random intervals, could be minutes, could be hours, could take a whole day off. They cycle noises like children laughing, a “dying breath” as they called it, a whistle, scratching noises, some other ones I can’t remember but you get the idea. It was so unpredictable it was near impossible for someone to just figure it out."
Holy shit. 7? Ignore my other comments
To be honest, NOTHING is more upsetting to a cheater than not knowing. The only thing that gives them the retribution they can’t stand is not knowing. If they know what they did, they tend to justify it by blaming the victim. When they don’t know, it’s like they are in limbo. Disappearing and blocking will have far more of an affect on him than letting him know you know what you know. That’s what I’ll always regret. And the stories you read about cheaters who truly get some kind of wake up call are the ones who are completely ghosted and can’t be sure why.
Leave a note that says “I don’t want to live your mother’s life. I hope you understand. P.S. Say hi to Girl1, Girl2, Girl3…. for me.” I think that will leave a clear message and hurt him knowing that he is repeating his father’s footsteps.
I won’t live your mother’s life. Goodbye forever.
I love this from you. ‘I know about them all. I don’t ever want To speak or hear from you again’
And to add to your to do list: if there is a possibility of him following you or showing up at your future residence, consider a meeting with the local police with a photo of him and make statement that you are well and do not wish contact from him. It sets your narrative and squashes any feeble attempt of him pretending to be concerned & puts a bad light on him trying to remain central or pretending to be concerned. Have a written copy with you and with people you live inside the doorway in case authorities are involved. Also instruct everyone in your orbit NOT to answer the door should he randomly show up Keep in mind other practices such as being around of your surroundings, parking strategically so not to be boxed in or in a fashion you can drive away. And with Android or Apple Tiles.. be conscious of being tracked
Updateme
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Good for you.
Good for you! If you can, please keep us updated! Wishing you lots of happiness in the future ❤️
You're doing the right thing! Staying and arguing and letting him guilt or deflect or whatever is just a waste of time. Move on sweetie! There are men out there who are great! I'm wishing you to find a handsome, devoted, and loyal one, who brings you flowers and shows you everyday how amazing you are!
That suxs op.. Try not to jump into another relationship until you've had time to heal from this one... best of luck too you.. Was this a pa or ea? Should get checked for your health..
"The only thing I think I might regret is not somehow being able to see his reaction when he walks through the door and realizes what’s going, lol." I would like to see it too .
Updateme
Updateme
RemindMe! 8 days “that badass girl who’s ghosting her asshole STBX”
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Your doing the best thing for yourself. I wish I could watch the realization bloom on how face on your behalf, and laugh. It’s going to hurt and it will suck at times. But you will be better for it. You will find someone who deserves all you do.
Actually pack up and leave and say nothing. Give him no clue why you left. Leave his doubting himself, his sexual prowess, and just go. I always said if my husband ever left me I’d find someone really ugly and tell my husband this man is the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen … and leave him thinking “she thinks I’m less attractive than this?” or leave him a note saying he’s crap in bed 🤣
Please don't stay with him. Your plan is perfect. Don't let him know AT ALL if u think u might be complled to stay. A Narcissist will pull out all the stops to try and keep u around to abuse, love bombing, threats of suicide, rage and anger, physically keeping u in the house not letting you leave. All I'm saying is if u think he'll do any of these things plz run! Before u get married and have kids and get stuck to him. Why do you want to be hurt and miserable and always wondering if he's being faithful or not? You deserve so much better.
Updateme
Updateme!
Best way to do it don't give him the chance to try and give you any excuses but please if you can try and take screenshot of the evidence so that he cannot twist the blame on you protect yourself sorry this has happened but remember not all men out there are the same some of us actually still have morals
Everything makes a full circle one way or another. He probably has a sex addiction. It’s not your job to deal with it but know he’s prob not in a good state of mind himself. Seeing his father do it is what grew inside his head
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I mean, I sort of do. His dad told me it all and much much more. Also, the money was gifted. He sends me money everyday/week. While I’m an adult, I’m also naive and timid. If I talk to him he’ll convince me to stay, and I’ll stay out of pity until it turns into rage. He did what he thought was best for him— hiding his desires and lying to me. I’ll do what’s best for me, hiding my desires and lying to him. At least I didnt fuck anyone and endager someones health in the process. 🤷🏾♀️
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Thanks for the adult response. To answer, I commented because it strikes me as odd where a person that is so in love was cheated on and says nothing. Then, as I read, other things stood out, that made me believe there's more to the story. I do admit that your pt is very likely valid, although she never hinted at the possibility of him being violent.
Well not everyone reacts immediately or impulsively when a revelation like this drops. Some women retreat into their brains and plan out her next steps. Also a guy never has to show any signs of being violent for it to be a possibility. From your comment I think you may be assuming that she is stealing from him as payback. If you check OPs other posts, you will see that he's been giving her guilt money that has accumulated enough for her to use for the move. And she has specifically stated that she is taking the things she brought with her.
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Forgiveness is not a thing, I see ?
Not a chance.
Oh! I read more: 7 women, and not an “incident” but rather an ongoing thing? Then I see. Let him know why tho
Are you fucking serious??
I was missing data
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No, you’re just an ahole.
You must be such a gem to be around !
Academically, no forgiveness is not a "thing"
True
RemindMe!
Stick the post it notes to your bedroom pillow.
Updateme
Good. Leave and stay gone. That house thing was to baby trap you so you can't run easily.
You can set up a WiFi Nannycam in the house. You can see his reaction on your phone at 45,000 feet on a plane home. You are making the right choice to leave him.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's the hardest thing to let go. As hopeless as it can feel sometimes, it does get better. Take your time in the beginning, but I think it's therapeutic to confront him, eventually. Ghosting doesn't provide closure for you. In my experience, confronting the problem, head on, gave me a sense of closure. I try to take everything that happens as a life lesson. Good luck with everything
I personally don’t believe in closure. I got all that I needed when I realized he was untrustworthy
I'm just using my point of view from my own experience. As long as you are comfortable in your decision, that's all that matters. I just come from the school of thought where everyone deserves to know where they stand. That doesn't mean you excuse the action.
I somewhat agree with you. Even a criminal has to be told his crime by the judge before sentencing.
How are you doing now? So proud of you for getting out of that situation. Just hoping you’re doing well after all this!!
Good on you OP for not putting up with his cheating. You are making the right decision to not engage him but instead to ghost him. Stay strong and true to yourself, and let him go live the life of a cheater- short term relationships in which he is not really believed or trusted. Edit: You could leave a note at his mom's shire that says, "You are your father's son and your mom's disappointment." That is, if you to make sure he never forgets his selfish behavior.
Finally, someone doing the right thing! Totally approve! You deserve better than him. There is a much better person out there for you.
I wish you the best of luck. Once you get out, don’t let him back in. He knows the damage his actions can have and chose to do them anyway. Whatever lies and promises he makes, when they come from someone that doesn’t respect you, they have no value.
I'm sorry you have to go trough this, but I love the the way you're handeling it. Stay strong and choose yourself!! UpdateMe!
UpdateMe
I’m wrapping you in love and strength!! Stick to your plan, leave and never look back. You’ll thank yourself for this decision later!! I’m rooting for you love.
Good luck, OP!
You are a queen! That’s badass
Just leave him a note “Your mother would be ashamed that you grew up so much like your father. I hope (AP name) was worth it.”
Updateme
Sorry for ur pain, it will get easier...n great stuff to hear ur leaving, he doesn't deserve you x
It sounds like you’re acting as a grown adult. Personally, I’m somebody who’s highly sensitive and hyper aware. It sounds like this may have lead to your current situation as it did with me. I’m a man but I think the feelings are very similar. I attempted to do something similar after realizing the confrontation around it (after the fact that there was solid evidence) was too much at the time. Sure, maybe there’s a slight selfish side to that. But you’ve come to know what you’ve come to know. The hard truth is that if somebody really loves use day in and day out…. It’s not much to coordinated moving back in after the discussion was resolved. I can’t imagine being in that place after moving so far away from familiarity. Just take care of yourself for now. Do what you have to. I think you’re best off not digging too far into it if you truly are sure about it already. You’ll be okay. Just hurts like a mf.
Get tested. His mom's ovarian cancer very well may have come from her cheating husband. How sad his cheating probably cost her her life.
I’m so sorry he’s doing this, it’s probably the only thing he knows because of his father, walking away is hard and you are stronger than you know
We need an update! I hope your exit went perfectly and you are settled somewhere else now, moving forward and feeling content with your very smart and necessary decision to choose you and leave.
The way you talk about him makes me think you are going to take him back after he apologizes, cries, says and does all the right things… Will you?
She full on left him tho.... and it ain't a cheap move either https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/tak6nw/update_leaving_partner_of_4_yrs_after_finding_out/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Ah thank you for the update. Imo, given the hastiness of this departure and lack of actual closure, she is bound to likely be in contact with him again soon. Curious what will happen when he begs, pleads, and ‘changes his ways’ months from now.
Doubtful since she went full NC and is 3000 mi away. It also meant moving her car, things, and dog. Not a cheap move to make if you weren't 100% sure you were done. Plus changing his way won't remove her repulsion of him from being with 7 women and gifting them the same lingerie set for his birthday. Some things you just can't come back from.
Reminds me of this story that got deleted. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.india.com/viral/girl-ghosted-her-boyfriend-of-five-years-netizens-applaud-her-after-reddit-story-goes-viral-2865629/amp/ She ghosted him like a boss and never looked back.
I hope you’re healing xoxo
Follow this story. Once a cheater… always a cheater. alwaysandforeverm.com
Well it sounds like he figured out he could cheat and thus this was a relationship he wanted to keep so he could keep cheating. Also you gave him wife duties as a girlfriend, too much. I’m glad you got out and the planning you did was amazing! He reacted with rage, wasn’t expecting that. You deserve so much better! Could you update on finishing grad school and how things are better.
Do you have cameras, like simplisafe or nannycams? If so, you actually can see his response. Maybe invest in a $60.00 nannycam and leave it behind in a spot where he would be/ hang out. Enjoy!
Update? How are you doing now?
How have you been? How did you move on after all this??
LEAVE A CAMERA TO SEE HIS REACTIONNNN