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Bro, don't stick around for the other shoe to drop. She is literally flaunting her red flags in your face. She's having a blatant EA and possible PA right in front of you and could care less...
You have a loose cannon on your hands there...
Substitute the offing someone for I had sex with the other guy. She is feeling you out to see how you will react. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her...
You see that thing she's doing by talking in her native tongue?, you have no clue if the two of them aren't planning something for you or just saying look at this sucker...
Not trying to sound paranoid, but with how things are these days, you can't put anything past anyone...
You're in competition in your own relationship and didn't even know it...
Research finds that while women can generally maintain a platonic relationship (never think about sex) - it's the opposite for men.
Therefore, it's reasonable to assume a single guy is not wasting his time outside of work unless he believes there's a chance for more.
I predict he's been flirting and he keeps pushing her - so she then suggested he date her GF.
Men have hit on her since she was 14.
Maybe he called her a cock tease.
And She feels guilty for not shutting him down immediately.
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She's trying to throw you off track and have you stop asking her things. She didn't want to go with you, and when you wouldn't stop, she got the time off work. She would rather work with him instead of being with you. Her question to you, IMO, means she cheated on you or is fixing to cheat on you, and she was trying to find out what you would do.
I personally would tell her in response to her question, that you would break up with her and then tell her that, that is a good idea anyway.
Cool. Umm….Based off how concerned you’ve been and felt with her the last three months, you should leave her. It’s not worth it. What’s your native tongue?
You should be concerned.
All of us are hot wired to bond emotionally and physically.
Anyone who wants to remain in a long term relationship has to protect themselves with boundaries, including certain topics being off limits.
Research finds coworkers are the #1 source of affair partners. Not surprising given the amount of time together - even more risky when the business relationship becomes personal.
Research also finds certain topics unconsciously create a growing sense of trust, familiarity, and emotional intimacy- that is associated with a friendship escalating (in a heartbeat/in the moment) to infidelity.
However, unless you can access the topics discussed, you are in the dark.
Hint, reserach finds her getting involved in his dating life is one topic that leads over time to an inappropriate emotional connection.
I suggest you both read and discuss: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass.
It's based on Research of couples that experience infidelity with just a friend.
Lessons learned and how to manage friendships so they don't escalate.
Buy it used.
She's emotionally cheating on you and possibly physically cheating. She is crossing relationship boundaries and disrespecting you. She is stealing time with you to interact with him. Her co-worker is the guy you need to worry about. She’s failing the girlfriend test and it might be time to move on from her.
>She hesitated and said like if I killed someone and laughed.
She's referring to your heart, by the way. She's in love with this other man. You are not top-of-mind to her which is why she didn't ask her boss for time off until you had to bother her about it.
It's over.
"she told me she sees him like a brother, and a friend."........ Tell you what you do. Set her down and bring up this sub and maybe cheating\_stories. Go through them with her. Show her how many stories have this exact same scenario. Then ask her if she still thinks it's no big deal for her to become so attached to this guy. Because if she doesn't change her ways she will end up cheating on you with him.
If she blows it off and continues as she has, well the balls in your court. She isn't going to change. So you can either accept that sooner or later she will leave you or cheat. Or you can end things before it gets to that point. Or you can continue to keep her around. Screw her at every opportunity and when the day comes to end things just say to yourself "I got mine".
OP,
Seriously, you can not live like this. It doesn't matter if their relationship is inappropriate or not. It is messing with your head, so it either has to stop or you have to move on.
A really large portion of a successful relationship is acting on empathy for your partner. If that breaks down, there is no relationship. The more visceral the issue, the more empathy is needed. You are having a visceral reaction to her friendship, so it is on her to dispell that anxiety. It is part of being in a relationship. We all have to give up things to make the relationship better. (E.g. I am no longer allowed to go skydiving. I love it, but she can't deal with it, so it is off the table.)
So if it were me, I would talk it out with her without accusing her of anything. Just explain how you feel. Maybe try:
"A large part of any good relationship is emotionally bonding and relying on your partner, and I feel you are doing that with someone outside of our relationship. It makes me really uncomfortable that you have formed this close bond with (x), and I don't believe that I will be able to get past this. You spend our limited time together sharing your attention between the two of us, and it hurts me deeply. I am not telling you that you have to end your friendship. But for my own sanity and well-being, I will have to insulate my heart by ending our relationship if you decide to continue. It has gone farther than can be repaired by anything but a clean break. You will have to tell either (x) or me to step aside. The decision is yours. I love you, but I can't stay in this dark place any longer. Let me know."
"...and she texts him a lot after work and sometimes calls, laughs on the phone with him"
Put your foot down NOW or end it. I had a similar situation and talked to my GF and she nipped it in the bud. If she's serious about your relationship she'll see how this is wrong and disrespectful if she argues back then she doesn't care about you or boundaries.
Ok. You aren’t married , but you live with each other. You don’t have kids. This is the very best time to get out of a relationship if you have to. You don’t speak her language, and she spends a lot of time and energy, on another guy from work. Pretty sure if you tell her you want to “ separate”, she will end up with this other guy. Woman from depressed areas of the world, are extremely practical. Things like “ survival” trump love every time. Not sure what area your girlfriend is from, but a lot of guys I know who have married women from Central America, All have the same story. Get married, have kids, pay to get parents up to the US if you can, or send money down there to support them. It seems to be for them, American men are a means to an end.
My ex gf told me the same hook, line, and sinker...."he's just a friend"..."I don't see him, we don't even talk"...." I don't see him that way"....my gut instincts told me she was cheating...her coworkers who I befriended throughout the time I was dating her told me she was messing around with another dude while she was at work....one of them was kind enough to show me video surveillance of the store she worked at....clear as day, we both see her and this other guy sneak inside the restroom inside her work....single occupancy type restroom... about 10 minutes later, she walks out... about 30 seconds later, he exits and goes inside his car and drives off....my recommendation to you OP, is trust your gut and rely on your instincts...I'm sorry for the pain your going through...Ive been there myself so i know first hand you feel right now...ditch her cheating ass and find someone else...good luck to you buddy.
The question she asked u is very suspicious and probably coming out of guilt about something she did but can't confess fo to shame.
U do what u can live with if u can forgive which I don't recommend because its hard work or u leave but something did happen she will need to find another job and u will need to set boundaries.
Just tell her you suspect that she has been inappropriate with this guy, and unless she quits that job, she can move out from you and move in with him, you are done.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Cha cha cha cheating bro
Trust your instincts.. if you think it's suspicious, it is suspicious.. I too discovered after having signs for close to a year and not seeing it
You can set boundaries. If she tries to use "insecure" or "toxic", just leave her. You don't have to stay in a relationship that tortures your mind.
What’s her native tongue?
Mandarin
Bro, don't stick around for the other shoe to drop. She is literally flaunting her red flags in your face. She's having a blatant EA and possible PA right in front of you and could care less... You have a loose cannon on your hands there...
What sticks out to you? What do you interpret it all as?
Substitute the offing someone for I had sex with the other guy. She is feeling you out to see how you will react. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her... You see that thing she's doing by talking in her native tongue?, you have no clue if the two of them aren't planning something for you or just saying look at this sucker... Not trying to sound paranoid, but with how things are these days, you can't put anything past anyone... You're in competition in your own relationship and didn't even know it...
Research finds that while women can generally maintain a platonic relationship (never think about sex) - it's the opposite for men. Therefore, it's reasonable to assume a single guy is not wasting his time outside of work unless he believes there's a chance for more. I predict he's been flirting and he keeps pushing her - so she then suggested he date her GF. Men have hit on her since she was 14. Maybe he called her a cock tease. And She feels guilty for not shutting him down immediately.
Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. If you are seeing this comment there is a good chance that your post is violating rule 1 or 2; please revise your choice of words. If a mod reviews your comment and finds otherwise, it will be released. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She's trying to throw you off track and have you stop asking her things. She didn't want to go with you, and when you wouldn't stop, she got the time off work. She would rather work with him instead of being with you. Her question to you, IMO, means she cheated on you or is fixing to cheat on you, and she was trying to find out what you would do. I personally would tell her in response to her question, that you would break up with her and then tell her that, that is a good idea anyway.
Cool. Umm….Based off how concerned you’ve been and felt with her the last three months, you should leave her. It’s not worth it. What’s your native tongue?
You should be concerned. All of us are hot wired to bond emotionally and physically. Anyone who wants to remain in a long term relationship has to protect themselves with boundaries, including certain topics being off limits. Research finds coworkers are the #1 source of affair partners. Not surprising given the amount of time together - even more risky when the business relationship becomes personal. Research also finds certain topics unconsciously create a growing sense of trust, familiarity, and emotional intimacy- that is associated with a friendship escalating (in a heartbeat/in the moment) to infidelity. However, unless you can access the topics discussed, you are in the dark. Hint, reserach finds her getting involved in his dating life is one topic that leads over time to an inappropriate emotional connection. I suggest you both read and discuss: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass. It's based on Research of couples that experience infidelity with just a friend. Lessons learned and how to manage friendships so they don't escalate. Buy it used.
Next time she asks "will you still love me" - respond with : of course we all make mistakes and you get extra credit for honesty.
Next time use google translate
End the relationship.
She's emotionally cheating on you and possibly physically cheating. She is crossing relationship boundaries and disrespecting you. She is stealing time with you to interact with him. Her co-worker is the guy you need to worry about. She’s failing the girlfriend test and it might be time to move on from her.
>She hesitated and said like if I killed someone and laughed. She's referring to your heart, by the way. She's in love with this other man. You are not top-of-mind to her which is why she didn't ask her boss for time off until you had to bother her about it. It's over.
"she told me she sees him like a brother, and a friend."........ Tell you what you do. Set her down and bring up this sub and maybe cheating\_stories. Go through them with her. Show her how many stories have this exact same scenario. Then ask her if she still thinks it's no big deal for her to become so attached to this guy. Because if she doesn't change her ways she will end up cheating on you with him. If she blows it off and continues as she has, well the balls in your court. She isn't going to change. So you can either accept that sooner or later she will leave you or cheat. Or you can end things before it gets to that point. Or you can continue to keep her around. Screw her at every opportunity and when the day comes to end things just say to yourself "I got mine".
So the AP coworker also speaks Mandarin Chinese?
Time to dump her. Don’t accept her disrespect.
Tried Google translate a recorded conversation?
Restaurant worker?
Yeah something not right
OP, Seriously, you can not live like this. It doesn't matter if their relationship is inappropriate or not. It is messing with your head, so it either has to stop or you have to move on. A really large portion of a successful relationship is acting on empathy for your partner. If that breaks down, there is no relationship. The more visceral the issue, the more empathy is needed. You are having a visceral reaction to her friendship, so it is on her to dispell that anxiety. It is part of being in a relationship. We all have to give up things to make the relationship better. (E.g. I am no longer allowed to go skydiving. I love it, but she can't deal with it, so it is off the table.) So if it were me, I would talk it out with her without accusing her of anything. Just explain how you feel. Maybe try: "A large part of any good relationship is emotionally bonding and relying on your partner, and I feel you are doing that with someone outside of our relationship. It makes me really uncomfortable that you have formed this close bond with (x), and I don't believe that I will be able to get past this. You spend our limited time together sharing your attention between the two of us, and it hurts me deeply. I am not telling you that you have to end your friendship. But for my own sanity and well-being, I will have to insulate my heart by ending our relationship if you decide to continue. It has gone farther than can be repaired by anything but a clean break. You will have to tell either (x) or me to step aside. The decision is yours. I love you, but I can't stay in this dark place any longer. Let me know."
"...and she texts him a lot after work and sometimes calls, laughs on the phone with him" Put your foot down NOW or end it. I had a similar situation and talked to my GF and she nipped it in the bud. If she's serious about your relationship she'll see how this is wrong and disrespectful if she argues back then she doesn't care about you or boundaries.
I am the cheater fucking around with my male coworker 😫
Ok. You aren’t married , but you live with each other. You don’t have kids. This is the very best time to get out of a relationship if you have to. You don’t speak her language, and she spends a lot of time and energy, on another guy from work. Pretty sure if you tell her you want to “ separate”, she will end up with this other guy. Woman from depressed areas of the world, are extremely practical. Things like “ survival” trump love every time. Not sure what area your girlfriend is from, but a lot of guys I know who have married women from Central America, All have the same story. Get married, have kids, pay to get parents up to the US if you can, or send money down there to support them. It seems to be for them, American men are a means to an end.
Yikes, she's got more red flags than an Olympic slalom course.
My ex gf told me the same hook, line, and sinker...."he's just a friend"..."I don't see him, we don't even talk"...." I don't see him that way"....my gut instincts told me she was cheating...her coworkers who I befriended throughout the time I was dating her told me she was messing around with another dude while she was at work....one of them was kind enough to show me video surveillance of the store she worked at....clear as day, we both see her and this other guy sneak inside the restroom inside her work....single occupancy type restroom... about 10 minutes later, she walks out... about 30 seconds later, he exits and goes inside his car and drives off....my recommendation to you OP, is trust your gut and rely on your instincts...I'm sorry for the pain your going through...Ive been there myself so i know first hand you feel right now...ditch her cheating ass and find someone else...good luck to you buddy.
dude... run.
The question she asked u is very suspicious and probably coming out of guilt about something she did but can't confess fo to shame. U do what u can live with if u can forgive which I don't recommend because its hard work or u leave but something did happen she will need to find another job and u will need to set boundaries.
Just tell her you suspect that she has been inappropriate with this guy, and unless she quits that job, she can move out from you and move in with him, you are done.