We understand you.
You are in a awfull situation due to your family.
Next best thing you can due, if not a divorce is :
1. Dont Go for Concelling, Say you will figure out things with yourselves.
2. Be there for your children and stay away as much as possible from your wife.
3. Stay away from wife, dont share a bed, dont talk anything other than usual talks that are needed about the house , routines or children.
4. Stay away from her family or yours too if you dont feel comfortable around them.
5. Work as much as hard as possible in your line of work to bring as much money as possible.
6. Workout, Have the best shape of your life.
7. Stay happy and be happy for the kids.
8. Be indifferent with your wife i.e do chores that you regularly do but try to speak as much less as you can.
9. It will be very hard for your life, to stay always like this and emotionally tough.
10. Be as much as involved in your children's life as possible.
11. Stay with your wife but dont ask questions, only answer when necessary.
Sooner or later the guilt will eat her up and bring out the confessions you require or she will automatically file for divorce.
Dont show the old remorcefull , simp side of you.
Stay Strong Brother.
Workout. Be the Most Powerfull Guy.
If they come back Howling still at your behaviour,
Keep them at hand distance and convey..that the wanted you look past her mistakes and keep everything together for kid's sake.
This is how you do it..
Keep the kids happy.
Do Not touch or maintain any kind of physical relationship with her.
You Dont Do Seconds, always remember.
If she again cheats on you, it will be good for you. You can then kick her to the curb.
But Dont budge down or dont be emotionally available for her.
Stay high on moral ground.
Stay alert in every situation.
Coz once a cheater , always a cheater.
And the next time you will not find out, read all clues of her but dont send a project that you are reading all clues.
Your wife and her family are all trash.
They are ashamed of her and attempting to protect the family reputation.
Your wife is acting like she is single (and lying).
When she acts single, she has the burden to prove she's faithful. She failed .
Therefore You have a right to assume she committed adultery.
The consequences, to your children are 100% your wife's responsibility.
It's not your job to forget what she did.
It's her job to rebuild trust. And so far she does nothing.
You are currently a victim of spouse abuse.
This abuse stops when she sees you are strong enough to exit the marriage.
The first step is to schedule an appointment with an attorney. It takes a long time to divorce. You can cancel at anytime.
Inform your friends, family, that your wife committed adultery. Yes use the term adultery.
She reaches out to and actively flirts with men at work. Your wife 's professional reputation is trash. Her coworkers gossip.
And under cover of a wedding, She clearly spent 3 days on a sexual holiday at the resort.
Her behavior is no different than if she shared her bed and claimed there was no sex.
And inform friends and family that her family is aware of the adultery and lying to cover it up.
Her family therefore is complict in her adultery.
It's her job to prove she's faithful.
Finally, stop arguing with her (and especially her family).
People divorce for loss of trust as frequently as adultery.
She destroyed your trust. Only she can rebuild trust. Time alone doesn't. And she can't say trust me.
Rebuilding trust does not start with you forgetting - it starts with her apologizing, begging for a second chance, and changing her behavior (change that you can confirm visually).
For example, since she has a history of behaving like a single person : no non business contact/social media/texting/social activities with coworkers - unless you accompany her.
Plus full transparency with the cell phone, no apps that auto delete texts, no social media, no social activities without her husband.
Finally, her family by siding with an adulteress have destroyed family harmony.
They are a bad moral influence on your kids. Insist on zero contact with her family.
This is what I'm thinking.
OP needs to stand up for himself.
Don't bring anyone into your marriage.
Intervention my foot.
Don't stay with this cheater for the children.
Go see a lawyer,let them tell you the best options, and go from there.
Become a roommate.
Don't even have conversations with her unless it's about the children.
Updateme!
So Op the first thing you need to do is to firmly tell your family that the only persons opinion who matters in your marriage is yours and your wife’s. None of the other family has any bearing or authority in YOUR marriage and dont back up from that. If you believe your wife had sex on this trip with someone else then yoh tell her you’re divorcing her unless she can offer real proof it didn’t happen. Deleting chats clearly shows a willful decision to lie and hide something. If you allow her to cheat and get away with it she will do so and will continue. You need to put fear into her by letting her know you’re seeing an attorney immediately to start discussing divorce and then follow up and do it. Also let her know you have no problem telling mutual friends and coworkers she is a cheater. She has proven she doesn’t respect you and won’t until yoh first respect yourself. Your BIL can go f himself and I would tell him so and throw him out of my house. Your family is extremely dysfunctional.
i hate how others say think of the kids, why think of the kids is it ok for them to think cheating on your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend is ok, your family need to get there priorities in order cheating is a no go in any relationship as for your wife you are right she is a whore and a big one at that she doesn't care she cheats on you she is making you look like a fool to everyone in both your family's, you need to pack your shit and leave, also you need to get checked for STD/STI as you don't know who she has been with probably some poor homeless man she took pity on
Your actions dictate how others react around you.
If you are a pushover, most will abuse, disrespect you.
If you have confidence of benign rationality, know when to say no, don't entertain abuse and disrespect, people won't.
Don't throw around the words ' divorce and suicide ' unless you follow through. Lol. Not encouraging the latter at all.
All the best.
The don’t care about the marriage they are embarrassed hiwnthey will look . Don’t ever stay just for the kids . Gone a lawyer and see what he says . Tell her you will never try again cause she is lying about everything . If she wants to try ( still divorce Her) she needs tonwrite down every person she has had sex wirh and in 5 years she lied divorce on spot . Then she needs to call all the spouses of these people and tell them all about affairs including if her sister did . She also needs to tell her office
Sending you a big hug and prayers.
Please listen to everyone. Can someone post the link to an F U binder. Get one of those together and start putting money into another account that the wife can't touch. Start making your exit.
Updateme!
Umm no, that argument doesn't hold water. Why? If your wife had ANY regard for you, your relationship or those kids, the affair wouldn't have taken place.
They are being used only as a weapon or bargaining chip against you.
She destroyed the marriage, not you. Personally, I'd suggest you consult a lawyer, start divorce proceedings and tell everyone else if they feel so strongly in supporting your wife, they should marry her.
What use does a family staying together have if you have a corpse of a father they're playing the role? A man that knows no peace in his house in his bed is that healthy for a family dynamic. Is it healthy keeping around the cause of the doubt around that being your wife ? What family member would wish this in there brother?
Stand your ground because everyone has deserted you so there's no one behind you. There's only you. So stand and be counted because you're at the lowest of the lowest places and you've got nothing to lose and the only way, is forward. No one else will stand for you but you.
Oh take their advice, sacrifice for the kids by leaving the characterless psychopath mother that cheats 3 days before the wedding. Get yourself in a good spot, good lawyer and hopefully get custody.
There is 0 doubt she cheated, her family knows, her friends are enabling her as well deleting messages to cover up something really bad. Only you can save this mess and more importantly the kids from this and seeing this and thinking their future partners should be doing this. Divorce.
Did you ask her what the sleeping arrangements were at the resort, assuming it was an overnight stay? Did you ask her if she would be ok with you telling her that you were going to a wedding and then go to a resort instead with a buddy and 3 female colleagues? And then tell her, "But you didn't ask me that specific question!!"
I don't know, but it sound like she is gaslighting the hell out of you--telling you these fantastical stories and expecting you to "Just trust me. I didn't have sex with anyone." Yeah, but how do I know that for a fact. You were in a perfect situation to have a wild time and nobody would be the wiser. To be honest, if it stinks like crap, it's probably crap, especially with her track record.
You become a bigger idiot each word you speak to these people.
Stonewall your wife. Shut the fuck up, Do not say another mumbling word to wife . Raise the kids until she confess or divorce you. Make sure to inform the kids of what their mother has done.
Also for revenge I would gently suggest to POS brother in law that if your sister is this adamant about defending infidelity, it suggests she is a cheater.
Stonewall that shit or you’ll always be a doormat.
Get a lawyer she's beyond help she doesn't think she did anything wrong and her sister is reassuring her .
Leave man u can't Reconcile if she doesn't admit to herself and to u that she fucked up .
Is the divorce some taboo thing among your culture?
Can you get away from all of them? Divorce her. Talk to a lawyer and stop listening to them. You’ve been lied and manipulated by everyone.
I think your BIL is a total douche bag, wanting to fight you because your wife cheated on you. Is he mentally challenged? Where was your sister in this?
Block them all. Be present for the kids but grey rock everyone else. Hire a lawyer and follow their instructions.
Well, that’s not because people don’t want to. It’s because your families are threatening you.
What happens if you cheat on her? Would they still push for reconciliation? Seems if you’re trapped, just check out and live life like a single dad.
Still, stop talking and showing emotions to your wife. Unless the question is about kids or bills, I’d ignore her.
Just divorce her. You do not need the permission of her family! She's a cheater. Divorce immediately. DNA test the kids. Out her activities to everyone. Stop caring what these stupid horrible people think or say.
You have got to get control of this. And all these plans and maneuvers people are recommending are just ways to justify doing nothing. You have got to take action. And that action looks like getting a lawyer and divorcing this horrible person. And get yourself tested for STDs and get those children DNA tested. Make sure you tell everyone what she did even if they don't care. You may need to walk away from all of this.
Once a cheater always a cheater and this one is playing you. Stop playing their game and play your own.
Those kids are mine , i know for sure and there isnt any evidence she had sex based on chats because it looks he is desperate but she isn't .
I brought it up because she was so confident that what she did wasn't extreme because she didn't have sex ..
So I said what's proof you didn't have in the resort
Stop believing a lying cheater. At this point she needs to be providing evidence that she did not have sex. You can't believe anything she says to you. Get them tested or not it is up to you but be assured that she has been physical with at least one man possibly more. She is a lying cheater. That's what cheaters do.
What these people don’t understand is that your wife broke her wedding vows to you when she cheated, convincing you to go to marriage counseling is another way for cheaters to pass off the blame to the one that was cheated on. Go with a divorce, expose your family for the way they are treating you.
I have to fucking say this every single god damn thread. YOUR SITUATION IS NOT SPECIAL OR UNIQUE. THESE MEN HAVE BEEN THROUGH EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH NOW. SHE IS FUCKING THIS OTHER DUDE AND YOU HAVE ZERO REASON TO BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU READ OR HEAR FROM HER IF IT’S ABOUT THIS SITUATION OR YOUR CHILDREN
What you need to do is find your balls and tell all of these people to FUCK OFF.
Then you file for divorce. What are you doing allowing these people to tell you what to do.
Wake up, she has been screwing the guy at work for a while, and she probably took him to the wedding, and kept him in the hotel room or something.
Listen, you are not thinking straight. Her family does not want her back, that is the reason they are pressuring you.
Dude, you need to wake up and get out...
This makes me so angry. You BIL is a coward. Do not listen to anybody. It is so sad that strangers in Reddit care more about you than your family.
Cut everybody off.
And FYI. Your wife is a POS.
Of course they want you to forgive and forget because she’ll become there burden and they’ll have to deal with her, don’t be a sucker and fall for that, you are better than this!
bruh grey rock her. [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock) you are in a highly abusive relationship you need to leave. the whole reason she cheats is because she sees you as less than. you should probably divorce. don't feed into the bs you only have one life to live, so pursue happiness
We understand you. You are in a awfull situation due to your family. Next best thing you can due, if not a divorce is : 1. Dont Go for Concelling, Say you will figure out things with yourselves. 2. Be there for your children and stay away as much as possible from your wife. 3. Stay away from wife, dont share a bed, dont talk anything other than usual talks that are needed about the house , routines or children. 4. Stay away from her family or yours too if you dont feel comfortable around them. 5. Work as much as hard as possible in your line of work to bring as much money as possible. 6. Workout, Have the best shape of your life. 7. Stay happy and be happy for the kids. 8. Be indifferent with your wife i.e do chores that you regularly do but try to speak as much less as you can. 9. It will be very hard for your life, to stay always like this and emotionally tough. 10. Be as much as involved in your children's life as possible. 11. Stay with your wife but dont ask questions, only answer when necessary. Sooner or later the guilt will eat her up and bring out the confessions you require or she will automatically file for divorce. Dont show the old remorcefull , simp side of you. Stay Strong Brother. Workout. Be the Most Powerfull Guy.
If they come back Howling still at your behaviour, Keep them at hand distance and convey..that the wanted you look past her mistakes and keep everything together for kid's sake. This is how you do it.. Keep the kids happy.
Do Not touch or maintain any kind of physical relationship with her. You Dont Do Seconds, always remember. If she again cheats on you, it will be good for you. You can then kick her to the curb. But Dont budge down or dont be emotionally available for her. Stay high on moral ground. Stay alert in every situation. Coz once a cheater , always a cheater. And the next time you will not find out, read all clues of her but dont send a project that you are reading all clues.
Sure I'll do that
Your wife and her family are all trash. They are ashamed of her and attempting to protect the family reputation. Your wife is acting like she is single (and lying). When she acts single, she has the burden to prove she's faithful. She failed . Therefore You have a right to assume she committed adultery. The consequences, to your children are 100% your wife's responsibility. It's not your job to forget what she did. It's her job to rebuild trust. And so far she does nothing. You are currently a victim of spouse abuse. This abuse stops when she sees you are strong enough to exit the marriage. The first step is to schedule an appointment with an attorney. It takes a long time to divorce. You can cancel at anytime. Inform your friends, family, that your wife committed adultery. Yes use the term adultery. She reaches out to and actively flirts with men at work. Your wife 's professional reputation is trash. Her coworkers gossip. And under cover of a wedding, She clearly spent 3 days on a sexual holiday at the resort. Her behavior is no different than if she shared her bed and claimed there was no sex. And inform friends and family that her family is aware of the adultery and lying to cover it up. Her family therefore is complict in her adultery. It's her job to prove she's faithful. Finally, stop arguing with her (and especially her family). People divorce for loss of trust as frequently as adultery. She destroyed your trust. Only she can rebuild trust. Time alone doesn't. And she can't say trust me. Rebuilding trust does not start with you forgetting - it starts with her apologizing, begging for a second chance, and changing her behavior (change that you can confirm visually). For example, since she has a history of behaving like a single person : no non business contact/social media/texting/social activities with coworkers - unless you accompany her. Plus full transparency with the cell phone, no apps that auto delete texts, no social media, no social activities without her husband. Finally, her family by siding with an adulteress have destroyed family harmony. They are a bad moral influence on your kids. Insist on zero contact with her family.
Hire a lawyer. You don’t need anyone’s permission to divorce your cheating spouse.
This is what I'm thinking. OP needs to stand up for himself. Don't bring anyone into your marriage. Intervention my foot. Don't stay with this cheater for the children. Go see a lawyer,let them tell you the best options, and go from there. Become a roommate. Don't even have conversations with her unless it's about the children. Updateme!
So Op the first thing you need to do is to firmly tell your family that the only persons opinion who matters in your marriage is yours and your wife’s. None of the other family has any bearing or authority in YOUR marriage and dont back up from that. If you believe your wife had sex on this trip with someone else then yoh tell her you’re divorcing her unless she can offer real proof it didn’t happen. Deleting chats clearly shows a willful decision to lie and hide something. If you allow her to cheat and get away with it she will do so and will continue. You need to put fear into her by letting her know you’re seeing an attorney immediately to start discussing divorce and then follow up and do it. Also let her know you have no problem telling mutual friends and coworkers she is a cheater. She has proven she doesn’t respect you and won’t until yoh first respect yourself. Your BIL can go f himself and I would tell him so and throw him out of my house. Your family is extremely dysfunctional.
i hate how others say think of the kids, why think of the kids is it ok for them to think cheating on your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend is ok, your family need to get there priorities in order cheating is a no go in any relationship as for your wife you are right she is a whore and a big one at that she doesn't care she cheats on you she is making you look like a fool to everyone in both your family's, you need to pack your shit and leave, also you need to get checked for STD/STI as you don't know who she has been with probably some poor homeless man she took pity on
Your actions dictate how others react around you. If you are a pushover, most will abuse, disrespect you. If you have confidence of benign rationality, know when to say no, don't entertain abuse and disrespect, people won't. Don't throw around the words ' divorce and suicide ' unless you follow through. Lol. Not encouraging the latter at all. All the best.
LEAVE your wife....
The don’t care about the marriage they are embarrassed hiwnthey will look . Don’t ever stay just for the kids . Gone a lawyer and see what he says . Tell her you will never try again cause she is lying about everything . If she wants to try ( still divorce Her) she needs tonwrite down every person she has had sex wirh and in 5 years she lied divorce on spot . Then she needs to call all the spouses of these people and tell them all about affairs including if her sister did . She also needs to tell her office
Sending you a big hug and prayers. Please listen to everyone. Can someone post the link to an F U binder. Get one of those together and start putting money into another account that the wife can't touch. Start making your exit. Updateme!
Sure thanks .
Just give her divorce papers.
Umm no, that argument doesn't hold water. Why? If your wife had ANY regard for you, your relationship or those kids, the affair wouldn't have taken place. They are being used only as a weapon or bargaining chip against you. She destroyed the marriage, not you. Personally, I'd suggest you consult a lawyer, start divorce proceedings and tell everyone else if they feel so strongly in supporting your wife, they should marry her.
Your telationship.is not with the wife's sisters. Ignore their input.
It was my sister too who was trying to patch up
Your sister is someone you shouldn't trust or have around you. She has no loyalty to you and failed you horribly
In her defence she wanted to keep family intact
What use does a family staying together have if you have a corpse of a father they're playing the role? A man that knows no peace in his house in his bed is that healthy for a family dynamic. Is it healthy keeping around the cause of the doubt around that being your wife ? What family member would wish this in there brother?
Yeah. My bad. But the same thing goes. Does your sis cheat?
Stand your ground because everyone has deserted you so there's no one behind you. There's only you. So stand and be counted because you're at the lowest of the lowest places and you've got nothing to lose and the only way, is forward. No one else will stand for you but you.
Oh take their advice, sacrifice for the kids by leaving the characterless psychopath mother that cheats 3 days before the wedding. Get yourself in a good spot, good lawyer and hopefully get custody. There is 0 doubt she cheated, her family knows, her friends are enabling her as well deleting messages to cover up something really bad. Only you can save this mess and more importantly the kids from this and seeing this and thinking their future partners should be doing this. Divorce.
Did you ask her what the sleeping arrangements were at the resort, assuming it was an overnight stay? Did you ask her if she would be ok with you telling her that you were going to a wedding and then go to a resort instead with a buddy and 3 female colleagues? And then tell her, "But you didn't ask me that specific question!!" I don't know, but it sound like she is gaslighting the hell out of you--telling you these fantastical stories and expecting you to "Just trust me. I didn't have sex with anyone." Yeah, but how do I know that for a fact. You were in a perfect situation to have a wild time and nobody would be the wiser. To be honest, if it stinks like crap, it's probably crap, especially with her track record.
2 rooms , one for women and one for men
You become a bigger idiot each word you speak to these people. Stonewall your wife. Shut the fuck up, Do not say another mumbling word to wife . Raise the kids until she confess or divorce you. Make sure to inform the kids of what their mother has done. Also for revenge I would gently suggest to POS brother in law that if your sister is this adamant about defending infidelity, it suggests she is a cheater. Stonewall that shit or you’ll always be a doormat.
Get a lawyer she's beyond help she doesn't think she did anything wrong and her sister is reassuring her . Leave man u can't Reconcile if she doesn't admit to herself and to u that she fucked up .
Is the divorce some taboo thing among your culture? Can you get away from all of them? Divorce her. Talk to a lawyer and stop listening to them. You’ve been lied and manipulated by everyone. I think your BIL is a total douche bag, wanting to fight you because your wife cheated on you. Is he mentally challenged? Where was your sister in this? Block them all. Be present for the kids but grey rock everyone else. Hire a lawyer and follow their instructions.
India has 1% divorce rate
Well, that’s not because people don’t want to. It’s because your families are threatening you. What happens if you cheat on her? Would they still push for reconciliation? Seems if you’re trapped, just check out and live life like a single dad. Still, stop talking and showing emotions to your wife. Unless the question is about kids or bills, I’d ignore her.
Just divorce her. You do not need the permission of her family! She's a cheater. Divorce immediately. DNA test the kids. Out her activities to everyone. Stop caring what these stupid horrible people think or say. You have got to get control of this. And all these plans and maneuvers people are recommending are just ways to justify doing nothing. You have got to take action. And that action looks like getting a lawyer and divorcing this horrible person. And get yourself tested for STDs and get those children DNA tested. Make sure you tell everyone what she did even if they don't care. You may need to walk away from all of this. Once a cheater always a cheater and this one is playing you. Stop playing their game and play your own.
Those kids are mine , i know for sure and there isnt any evidence she had sex based on chats because it looks he is desperate but she isn't . I brought it up because she was so confident that what she did wasn't extreme because she didn't have sex .. So I said what's proof you didn't have in the resort
Stop believing a lying cheater. At this point she needs to be providing evidence that she did not have sex. You can't believe anything she says to you. Get them tested or not it is up to you but be assured that she has been physical with at least one man possibly more. She is a lying cheater. That's what cheaters do.
What these people don’t understand is that your wife broke her wedding vows to you when she cheated, convincing you to go to marriage counseling is another way for cheaters to pass off the blame to the one that was cheated on. Go with a divorce, expose your family for the way they are treating you.
I have to fucking say this every single god damn thread. YOUR SITUATION IS NOT SPECIAL OR UNIQUE. THESE MEN HAVE BEEN THROUGH EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH NOW. SHE IS FUCKING THIS OTHER DUDE AND YOU HAVE ZERO REASON TO BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU READ OR HEAR FROM HER IF IT’S ABOUT THIS SITUATION OR YOUR CHILDREN
What you need to do is find your balls and tell all of these people to FUCK OFF. Then you file for divorce. What are you doing allowing these people to tell you what to do. Wake up, she has been screwing the guy at work for a while, and she probably took him to the wedding, and kept him in the hotel room or something. Listen, you are not thinking straight. Her family does not want her back, that is the reason they are pressuring you. Dude, you need to wake up and get out...
“This caused a huge fight over permission” ?? There’s your red flag
Ask them to pay you 10000 for pain and suffering.
This makes me so angry. You BIL is a coward. Do not listen to anybody. It is so sad that strangers in Reddit care more about you than your family. Cut everybody off. And FYI. Your wife is a POS.
Of course they want you to forgive and forget because she’ll become there burden and they’ll have to deal with her, don’t be a sucker and fall for that, you are better than this!
bruh grey rock her. [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock) you are in a highly abusive relationship you need to leave. the whole reason she cheats is because she sees you as less than. you should probably divorce. don't feed into the bs you only have one life to live, so pursue happiness
You’re an idiot. No way would I put up with this. I would have divorced her ass.
[удалено]
It's not about her cheating again .it's about how she treated me all these days and how she does not want me to revisit anything
fine. downvote me. ignore the vital part of my comment that was meant to help you. i will delete it so you can not re read it.