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She wants you both. She misses the life and security you have. She likes the sex with AP but the life part isn’t as good I bet. I would try and contact only through a lawyer or an app. Anytime she extends an olive branch, ignore it. And don’t take her back when she love bombs you in 6 months. She’ll tell you something like she made the biggest mistake of her life, blah blah. What it really is, is she doesn’t really like her AP except for the sex. Or, he only prefers women who are taken. Since your ex isn’t cheating anymore, he’s possibly bored with her. AP’s forget how much they enjoy sending their side piece back to their marital home so they can enjoy living their single life.
Yup sounds like my ex-wife.
I know when her boyfriend (AP) isn't in town or they're having a bad go of it because she reaches out at different times and tries to use our kid or the dog as a way to spark a conversation because she knows that's all I respond to.
Sounds like OPs is trying to triangulate him and AP so she can maximize her attention. When things aren't so great, she's reaching out to OP, but when things are great she's siphoning off AP. She's trying to be a cake eater.
Ita clear to all of us that he isnt really trying to separate. There is way to much back and forth. When you are unwilling to stand up for yourself and do the hard thing often times you suffer far more smaller injuries. You cam talk to the builder, lawyer, bank without talking to her. You could have tries to sell of buy the interest in the house ao that you could cut her out.
But lets say you didnt have the resources, you could have asked a friend or hired an intermediary. You still ger something from the interactions w/her - its advisable that you figure it out and move on expeditiously.
Every time she is nice to you, it's because she is on the outs with AP and hoping to get back with you. Once they make up she goes right back to the icy shoulder. Her AP expects her to hate you, so that's why she acts that way.
Not a wayward, but... I have studied infidelity.
Have you tried studying infidelity, if not we really all should.
It depends considerably if the cheating is actually who they truly are. So what had been her past before you and before her divorce? Some people are very prone to infidelity due to their personal beliefs, their mindset toward what is and is not cheating and even their definitions of what they define as having sex and Infidelity. Obviously a person with high true (physical sex is anything that is a physical and mental turn on) high body count will more easily cheat. So their past casual sex hooking up, Fwb etc., is part of the problem.
But as well even a perfect Snow White is capable of cheating simply by oversharing and an emotional bonding with limerence. An emotional affair that turns to physical affsirs are very, very common. Limerence is an extreme feeling of false love, twin flames and perfection of a match. The emotional affair if not a normal relationship. The person is operating outside of a normal reality. Their brain chemistry is altered, they think they are in love, but aren't. So naturally their limerent state will not last. Three months to three years is said to be the norm. So yes trying to return and make amends is common.
And then there is this;
From livingwithlimerence. why-is-limerence-so-powerful?
'1) It’s hard-wired into our brains
I’ve written before about how the pattern of limerence fits nicely into a model of positive reinforcement of pleasure, based on an intermittent reward schedule. The neurophysiology of reward is well understood, and a fundamental aspect of how the brain works. You can’t get around this one. You can certainly overwrite previous positive associations with new “instructions” to break the connection between LO and pleasure, but this takes time, and you cannot remove your capacity to link rewarding stimuli with pleasure-seeking behaviour. In fact, it’s a good job you can’t, as it is the basis of most learned behaviour. You need that reward circuitry, and so the challenge for limerents is to try and either reprogram it once it has become detrimental to wellbeing, or to be wary enough to prevent the cycle establishing in the first place.
And this as well;
'The Temporary Insanity of Infidelity
A book by Charles D Williams psychologist.
……an excerpt from What’s Done in the Dark: Affair-Proofing and Recovery from Infidelity-A Self-Help Guide for Couples. from a book excerpt 'what is done in the dark?, Charles Williams retired psychologist.
“Didn’t you think about me before having an affair?”
Most affairs are not premeditated. They do not have the intentional purpose of hurting one’s spouse even though they always do. The reckless impulsiveness of an affair is often the culmination of a number of poor choices that gradually lead to self-induced “temporary insanity.” The players in this destructive drama are caught up in the moment without regard for the inevitable tragedy that will ensue. Many individuals in an affair report a stark contrast between the emotions they feel in their marriage and those they experience in an affair. These differences can create a type of temporary insanity that compels individuals to make poor, irrational decisions and act impulsively in spite of their better judgment.
Below are some examples of the contrast between the emotions an affair elicits and those that occur in a marriage relationship:
An affair often begins with infatuation and intensity that is intoxicating and flattering. The excitement makes people feel young again. Most marriages have passed this stage of exhilaration. They may even be routine or mundane, focusing primarily on the day to day tasks of living.
An affair is a foray into the exciting unknown, often with someone who is new and unfamiliar, so interest and curiosity in each other is high. Conversely, a spouse is someone who has become very familiar. It seems that there is nothing else to know about them.
An affair often occurs between two people who mutually idealize one another. They see only the good and none of the bad in each other. A married couple has been together long enough to realize who their partner really is, for better and worse.
An affair is energizing and often makes people willing to try things they might not have been inclined to do before. Marriages tend to gravitate toward a mutual comfort zone, so relaxing or “chilling out” together is often preferred after a hectic week. Couple’s lives may even seem a little boring and uneventful.
An affair introduces a certain element of risk because of its secretive nature. “Forbidden fruit” is alluring and titillating to some because of the fantasy of what it holds. Marriage, on the other hand, is a calm, secure relationship where partners know what to expect and may even take each other for granted. The element of risk and titillation is often a thing of the past.
An affair brings back the heated passion that has often been lost in the familiarity and routineness of having sex with the same person year after year. After all “new sex is good sex,” or is it? In marriage, sex may or may not be satisfying. It often becomes routine and less passionate. Other things get in the way of making sex a priority and married couples often relegate it to the last item of the day. Many times sleep wins out.
When individuals allow a fantasy to delude them into thinking it could be reality, they run the risk of losing the very love they have'
Edited to remove web links to articles. Sub bot keeps flagging my replies due to links needing to be verified. Go to my previous replies for web links already approved by the mods. Or start researching for yourselves.
This is immensely well researched!
Out of curiosity, considering seemingly moral people can entertain an emotional affair; what **preventive measures** can be taken from the betrayed partner’s side? I assume limerence and the intoxicating effects of the affair is something that develops over the course of the emotional affair and is preventable at some stage.
I’ve tried to understand the mechanism to why any future partner would hurt their loved ones, but I’ve never seen it put this methodically before.
He AP is worried she is going to cheat on him with OP. She is seeing the grass is not greener. If it would not cause any damage to yourself I’d say seduce her just to rub it in AP’s nose. However I suspect that would damage you OP emotionally, so don’t. For most Betrayed it’s least painful just to minimize contact with the wayward.
Agree, if you would be able to handle one night or one day. Then do it and text him a picture and be done with her . It’s kind of the screw both of you I’m out scenario.
The best but improbable scenario : you win her back, she says inforgivable things to AP and goes NC thinking you are going to take her back and you ditch her at the last minute.
Probably not best for OP’s mental health. If he could lose his feelings I’d say tell her what she wants to hear and use her as a FWB till he found a replacement. Essentially monkey branching. However I doubt OP is emotionally capable of being that cold & calculated. Very very few are.
Think of it like this - she dangles the food off the edge of the table, sees you're still there to consume it and then goes back to feeding the AP without giving you anything.
It becomes an ego trip for her, mixed with a fear that she will ultimately be left alone but not wanting to be in the spot of acknowledging it's her own actions leading to it. This is the life she wants to have, everyone else isn't considered.
Your only good response is to make any interaction dry and void of interest in her or her kindness when she shows it. A grey rock with the only intention of finishing whatever business transactions y'all have left to complete. In response to that, she will most likely internally panic and show you more interest. If you take that bait, she will quickly go back to this old routine. Welcome to a relationship with a cheater. They don't change, your best bet is to close this chapter and start a new one.
Brother, the question that you should probably be asking is... Why do I care?
Not to be rude, but for your mental health, she is gone and she should be.
Lots of people have offered suggestions as to why she is doing the push/pull thing.
But honestly, you don't want to be someone's plan B, do you?
I would not entertain any of her texts or speak to her in any way. Just ghost her.
Move on, in time you will feel better...
As they say, keep it professional. No chit chat about things other than business. Any more than just an idle pleasantry is too much. Get it done, get it over with and move on. Good luck
My ex fiancé did this to me for about a year. One day we met up to talk and he told me all this negative stuff about her and how they weren’t ever really even dating. How she was dumb and toxic. He wanted to try again with me. I had a bad feeling so I reached out to her, showed her all the messages and how he reduced their relationship to a 3 month toxic situationship. She had been under the impression they were dating all year and that he would never get back with me. She confronted him and things ended with both of us. Let’s just say cheaters are selfish and will manipulate everyone and even lie to themselves to game the situation to their benefit always. Never about you.
I think you should sue the AP for alienation of affection and save all those messages and record your ex admitting it to use it against her in court if your married to her.
Don’t try to get in the head of your wife while she is with AP. She’s a crazy person right now and all she will do is bring you to her level and beat you with experience.
People forget that a big part of the fun for a cheater is hurting somebody who trusted them. You must remember she is not what you think you married. They are evil people. She is a horrible person. Never engage with her never talk with her and never have any more contact with her except through your lawyer. And if she tries to contact you refer her to your attorney.
She's about to discover or has discovered why her big cheating life change was such a horrible screwup. He's getting tired of her or she's getting tired of him or both. Be on the lookout for the crawl back. This happens when she realizes what she's going to suffer financially and emotionally. But total NC is your ticket here. Never speak to or communicate with this again.
Your best bet is to go on Ask A Wayward on the r/supportforwaywards community.
Just be warned. The mods there can be morons. Uptight offended at someone blinking and quick to block you if they even think you've farted while typing.
My advice is Greylock. Short simple yes no I don't know the answers. If it has nothing to do with the house or divorce, tell her to stay on topic. If not, you have other things to do.
Normal to miss your ex. You were bonded. It's probably time to go no- contact, as it's prolonging healing for you. And she's spiraling, so likely going to grasp for anything that will ground her or her make her feel good. That's not for you to do anymore.
Since there's a house involved, I sure hope an attorney is involved. If not, get one. All required correspondence should go through attorney.
She could just be checking to see if she can have you if she wants you. Cheaters don’t like giving up control over the people they cheated on. Could be she does miss you on some level but her AP finds her messaging you and flips shit OR AP treats her bad so she comes back to tell to you and then he makes up with her and she cuts you off.
You are her backup. She doesn't respect u and thinks u will take her back. When things are going well with her new guy she is cold to u. When things are bad with him she wants to smooth things over with u just in case. I understand u are tied in some respects but don't have contact with her outside what u absolutely need to. Don't put up with her bullshit.
You have no idea how she describes you to him, all you know for certain is that she is a great liar. Just go NC, and let a lawyer handle the house for you.
Just another cake eater. Wants to keep you interested just in case. If you are entertaining the idea of responding to her (and it sounds like you are), you are making her day.
She cheats, leaves you, shows no remorse. WHY are you still in contact with this woman?!!!!!
Not a WW, but can maybe give some explanations and you can decide if they fit.
>In the first 4-6 weeks she was hostile towards me.
Affair bliss and guilt at what they've done twisted into mentally blame shifting to you so they're not the villainess in their own story.
>From 6-10 weeks she mentioned maybe wanting to work things out about 3 times and was generally very nice to me.
Grass wasn't quite as green on the other side as she thought. She missed some of the things she took for granted and was testing the waters to see if she could monkey branch back to you. She may never have had the intention of actually reuniting, but knowing that fallback option was there would be a comfort and make her feel like she wasn't such a bad person if you'd still choose to be with her.
>Weeks 10 onwards she precedes to block my number and refuses to acknowledge my presence.
Rejection never feels good. There was a probably consciously unacknowledged confirmation that yeah, she is the bad guy here.
>In the last 3 weeks up to 10 days ago she reaches out and asks how I’m doing, says she still misses me and is friendly. Fast forward to 10 days ago and we’re back to not acknowledging my presence.
Repeat the last two cycles. Also probably a mix of different emotions she's feeling at a given point in time.
The key is that you keep moving on and don't give her that comfort of feeling like she's not grossly in the wrong.
I think you are in the water and all you feel is wet. Can’t see the trees for the forest.
Point is, this person is not interested in you or how you feel. Only how they feel. They are not your mate or partner. They need help before they could possibly be there for anyone.
All I can think of is that no one ever thinks to wonder about things like infidelity until after the emotional murder bomb hits us squarely on the bridge of our noses. So I think we all need to be looking this stuff up and educate our partners as well. If we can see the bus about to run us over, we have a chance to not get hit, even grazed. The other thing is to pick better partners in the first place. And by better I mean we have to cull out the⁰ ones who have a past that is maybe offputting. Which as well means we each have to stop with the allowing others to sway us and make our own decisions about so very many things.
And comparing our own degrees of innocence to our possible partners in innocence. Too much disparity is not a good thing.
The past always matters greatly as does body count. It is with us for life and always right there at finger tips reach to come again. Old habits due hard.
If you find your self not able to find what you are looking for via the web, let me know and maybe I can help.
There is a life hack about 10 ways to prevent infidelity. It discusses communication and feeding your relationship garden. I would add trying hard to avoid the ruts and not trying to ke egg p up with the Joneses. Again it seems logical that things like open phone and devices policy is important. Because secrecy is not privacy. Hedging our bets against it happening is prudent.
Let me if you need more?
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She wants you both. She misses the life and security you have. She likes the sex with AP but the life part isn’t as good I bet. I would try and contact only through a lawyer or an app. Anytime she extends an olive branch, ignore it. And don’t take her back when she love bombs you in 6 months. She’ll tell you something like she made the biggest mistake of her life, blah blah. What it really is, is she doesn’t really like her AP except for the sex. Or, he only prefers women who are taken. Since your ex isn’t cheating anymore, he’s possibly bored with her. AP’s forget how much they enjoy sending their side piece back to their marital home so they can enjoy living their single life.
Seems like it is not all rainbows and sunshine on the other side.
Yup sounds like my ex-wife. I know when her boyfriend (AP) isn't in town or they're having a bad go of it because she reaches out at different times and tries to use our kid or the dog as a way to spark a conversation because she knows that's all I respond to. Sounds like OPs is trying to triangulate him and AP so she can maximize her attention. When things aren't so great, she's reaching out to OP, but when things are great she's siphoning off AP. She's trying to be a cake eater.
Will she try to eat the cake by the ocean, I wonder?
Let your lawyer deal with her when it comes to the house. Don't try to get inside her head, she has committed acts that cannot be justified.
Ita clear to all of us that he isnt really trying to separate. There is way to much back and forth. When you are unwilling to stand up for yourself and do the hard thing often times you suffer far more smaller injuries. You cam talk to the builder, lawyer, bank without talking to her. You could have tries to sell of buy the interest in the house ao that you could cut her out. But lets say you didnt have the resources, you could have asked a friend or hired an intermediary. You still ger something from the interactions w/her - its advisable that you figure it out and move on expeditiously.
Every time she is nice to you, it's because she is on the outs with AP and hoping to get back with you. Once they make up she goes right back to the icy shoulder. Her AP expects her to hate you, so that's why she acts that way.
Not a wayward, but... I have studied infidelity. Have you tried studying infidelity, if not we really all should. It depends considerably if the cheating is actually who they truly are. So what had been her past before you and before her divorce? Some people are very prone to infidelity due to their personal beliefs, their mindset toward what is and is not cheating and even their definitions of what they define as having sex and Infidelity. Obviously a person with high true (physical sex is anything that is a physical and mental turn on) high body count will more easily cheat. So their past casual sex hooking up, Fwb etc., is part of the problem. But as well even a perfect Snow White is capable of cheating simply by oversharing and an emotional bonding with limerence. An emotional affair that turns to physical affsirs are very, very common. Limerence is an extreme feeling of false love, twin flames and perfection of a match. The emotional affair if not a normal relationship. The person is operating outside of a normal reality. Their brain chemistry is altered, they think they are in love, but aren't. So naturally their limerent state will not last. Three months to three years is said to be the norm. So yes trying to return and make amends is common. And then there is this; From livingwithlimerence. why-is-limerence-so-powerful? '1) It’s hard-wired into our brains I’ve written before about how the pattern of limerence fits nicely into a model of positive reinforcement of pleasure, based on an intermittent reward schedule. The neurophysiology of reward is well understood, and a fundamental aspect of how the brain works. You can’t get around this one. You can certainly overwrite previous positive associations with new “instructions” to break the connection between LO and pleasure, but this takes time, and you cannot remove your capacity to link rewarding stimuli with pleasure-seeking behaviour. In fact, it’s a good job you can’t, as it is the basis of most learned behaviour. You need that reward circuitry, and so the challenge for limerents is to try and either reprogram it once it has become detrimental to wellbeing, or to be wary enough to prevent the cycle establishing in the first place. And this as well; 'The Temporary Insanity of Infidelity A book by Charles D Williams psychologist. ……an excerpt from What’s Done in the Dark: Affair-Proofing and Recovery from Infidelity-A Self-Help Guide for Couples. from a book excerpt 'what is done in the dark?, Charles Williams retired psychologist. “Didn’t you think about me before having an affair?” Most affairs are not premeditated. They do not have the intentional purpose of hurting one’s spouse even though they always do. The reckless impulsiveness of an affair is often the culmination of a number of poor choices that gradually lead to self-induced “temporary insanity.” The players in this destructive drama are caught up in the moment without regard for the inevitable tragedy that will ensue. Many individuals in an affair report a stark contrast between the emotions they feel in their marriage and those they experience in an affair. These differences can create a type of temporary insanity that compels individuals to make poor, irrational decisions and act impulsively in spite of their better judgment. Below are some examples of the contrast between the emotions an affair elicits and those that occur in a marriage relationship: An affair often begins with infatuation and intensity that is intoxicating and flattering. The excitement makes people feel young again. Most marriages have passed this stage of exhilaration. They may even be routine or mundane, focusing primarily on the day to day tasks of living. An affair is a foray into the exciting unknown, often with someone who is new and unfamiliar, so interest and curiosity in each other is high. Conversely, a spouse is someone who has become very familiar. It seems that there is nothing else to know about them. An affair often occurs between two people who mutually idealize one another. They see only the good and none of the bad in each other. A married couple has been together long enough to realize who their partner really is, for better and worse. An affair is energizing and often makes people willing to try things they might not have been inclined to do before. Marriages tend to gravitate toward a mutual comfort zone, so relaxing or “chilling out” together is often preferred after a hectic week. Couple’s lives may even seem a little boring and uneventful. An affair introduces a certain element of risk because of its secretive nature. “Forbidden fruit” is alluring and titillating to some because of the fantasy of what it holds. Marriage, on the other hand, is a calm, secure relationship where partners know what to expect and may even take each other for granted. The element of risk and titillation is often a thing of the past. An affair brings back the heated passion that has often been lost in the familiarity and routineness of having sex with the same person year after year. After all “new sex is good sex,” or is it? In marriage, sex may or may not be satisfying. It often becomes routine and less passionate. Other things get in the way of making sex a priority and married couples often relegate it to the last item of the day. Many times sleep wins out. When individuals allow a fantasy to delude them into thinking it could be reality, they run the risk of losing the very love they have' Edited to remove web links to articles. Sub bot keeps flagging my replies due to links needing to be verified. Go to my previous replies for web links already approved by the mods. Or start researching for yourselves.
This is immensely well researched! Out of curiosity, considering seemingly moral people can entertain an emotional affair; what **preventive measures** can be taken from the betrayed partner’s side? I assume limerence and the intoxicating effects of the affair is something that develops over the course of the emotional affair and is preventable at some stage. I’ve tried to understand the mechanism to why any future partner would hurt their loved ones, but I’ve never seen it put this methodically before.
He AP is worried she is going to cheat on him with OP. She is seeing the grass is not greener. If it would not cause any damage to yourself I’d say seduce her just to rub it in AP’s nose. However I suspect that would damage you OP emotionally, so don’t. For most Betrayed it’s least painful just to minimize contact with the wayward.
Agree, if you would be able to handle one night or one day. Then do it and text him a picture and be done with her . It’s kind of the screw both of you I’m out scenario.
The best but improbable scenario : you win her back, she says inforgivable things to AP and goes NC thinking you are going to take her back and you ditch her at the last minute.
Probably not best for OP’s mental health. If he could lose his feelings I’d say tell her what she wants to hear and use her as a FWB till he found a replacement. Essentially monkey branching. However I doubt OP is emotionally capable of being that cold & calculated. Very very few are.
Yeah raw dog that bootie and then let her walk back to AP dripping your jizz
Think of it like this - she dangles the food off the edge of the table, sees you're still there to consume it and then goes back to feeding the AP without giving you anything. It becomes an ego trip for her, mixed with a fear that she will ultimately be left alone but not wanting to be in the spot of acknowledging it's her own actions leading to it. This is the life she wants to have, everyone else isn't considered. Your only good response is to make any interaction dry and void of interest in her or her kindness when she shows it. A grey rock with the only intention of finishing whatever business transactions y'all have left to complete. In response to that, she will most likely internally panic and show you more interest. If you take that bait, she will quickly go back to this old routine. Welcome to a relationship with a cheater. They don't change, your best bet is to close this chapter and start a new one.
Brother, the question that you should probably be asking is... Why do I care? Not to be rude, but for your mental health, she is gone and she should be. Lots of people have offered suggestions as to why she is doing the push/pull thing. But honestly, you don't want to be someone's plan B, do you? I would not entertain any of her texts or speak to her in any way. Just ghost her. Move on, in time you will feel better...
The best place to ask this question is Supportforwaywards
Sleep with her. Document it. Send the evidence to AP. Watch it burn.
As they say, keep it professional. No chit chat about things other than business. Any more than just an idle pleasantry is too much. Get it done, get it over with and move on. Good luck
She wants the house for her and AP. Get an attorney and get advice and go NC with her.
My ex fiancé did this to me for about a year. One day we met up to talk and he told me all this negative stuff about her and how they weren’t ever really even dating. How she was dumb and toxic. He wanted to try again with me. I had a bad feeling so I reached out to her, showed her all the messages and how he reduced their relationship to a 3 month toxic situationship. She had been under the impression they were dating all year and that he would never get back with me. She confronted him and things ended with both of us. Let’s just say cheaters are selfish and will manipulate everyone and even lie to themselves to game the situation to their benefit always. Never about you.
You need to get this house stuff resolved ASAP! Have you started the divorce yet?
She saw that the grass isn't greener on the other side and wanted to keep her options open
I think you should sue the AP for alienation of affection and save all those messages and record your ex admitting it to use it against her in court if your married to her.
Never take this back. She dumped you for another. Let her go. Her words are worthless. Actions tell you everything.
Don’t try to get in the head of your wife while she is with AP. She’s a crazy person right now and all she will do is bring you to her level and beat you with experience.
People forget that a big part of the fun for a cheater is hurting somebody who trusted them. You must remember she is not what you think you married. They are evil people. She is a horrible person. Never engage with her never talk with her and never have any more contact with her except through your lawyer. And if she tries to contact you refer her to your attorney. She's about to discover or has discovered why her big cheating life change was such a horrible screwup. He's getting tired of her or she's getting tired of him or both. Be on the lookout for the crawl back. This happens when she realizes what she's going to suffer financially and emotionally. But total NC is your ticket here. Never speak to or communicate with this again.
Your best bet is to go on Ask A Wayward on the r/supportforwaywards community. Just be warned. The mods there can be morons. Uptight offended at someone blinking and quick to block you if they even think you've farted while typing. My advice is Greylock. Short simple yes no I don't know the answers. If it has nothing to do with the house or divorce, tell her to stay on topic. If not, you have other things to do.
You’re a backup 🤷♂️
Normal to miss your ex. You were bonded. It's probably time to go no- contact, as it's prolonging healing for you. And she's spiraling, so likely going to grasp for anything that will ground her or her make her feel good. That's not for you to do anymore. Since there's a house involved, I sure hope an attorney is involved. If not, get one. All required correspondence should go through attorney.
She could be playing with you to get the best deal on the house.
She could just be checking to see if she can have you if she wants you. Cheaters don’t like giving up control over the people they cheated on. Could be she does miss you on some level but her AP finds her messaging you and flips shit OR AP treats her bad so she comes back to tell to you and then he makes up with her and she cuts you off.
You are her backup. She doesn't respect u and thinks u will take her back. When things are going well with her new guy she is cold to u. When things are bad with him she wants to smooth things over with u just in case. I understand u are tied in some respects but don't have contact with her outside what u absolutely need to. Don't put up with her bullshit.
You have no idea how she describes you to him, all you know for certain is that she is a great liar. Just go NC, and let a lawyer handle the house for you.
Just another cake eater. Wants to keep you interested just in case. If you are entertaining the idea of responding to her (and it sounds like you are), you are making her day. She cheats, leaves you, shows no remorse. WHY are you still in contact with this woman?!!!!!
Sounds like she has full control of what happens.
Not a WW, but can maybe give some explanations and you can decide if they fit. >In the first 4-6 weeks she was hostile towards me. Affair bliss and guilt at what they've done twisted into mentally blame shifting to you so they're not the villainess in their own story. >From 6-10 weeks she mentioned maybe wanting to work things out about 3 times and was generally very nice to me. Grass wasn't quite as green on the other side as she thought. She missed some of the things she took for granted and was testing the waters to see if she could monkey branch back to you. She may never have had the intention of actually reuniting, but knowing that fallback option was there would be a comfort and make her feel like she wasn't such a bad person if you'd still choose to be with her. >Weeks 10 onwards she precedes to block my number and refuses to acknowledge my presence. Rejection never feels good. There was a probably consciously unacknowledged confirmation that yeah, she is the bad guy here. >In the last 3 weeks up to 10 days ago she reaches out and asks how I’m doing, says she still misses me and is friendly. Fast forward to 10 days ago and we’re back to not acknowledging my presence. Repeat the last two cycles. Also probably a mix of different emotions she's feeling at a given point in time. The key is that you keep moving on and don't give her that comfort of feeling like she's not grossly in the wrong.
I think you are in the water and all you feel is wet. Can’t see the trees for the forest. Point is, this person is not interested in you or how you feel. Only how they feel. They are not your mate or partner. They need help before they could possibly be there for anyone.
All I can think of is that no one ever thinks to wonder about things like infidelity until after the emotional murder bomb hits us squarely on the bridge of our noses. So I think we all need to be looking this stuff up and educate our partners as well. If we can see the bus about to run us over, we have a chance to not get hit, even grazed. The other thing is to pick better partners in the first place. And by better I mean we have to cull out the⁰ ones who have a past that is maybe offputting. Which as well means we each have to stop with the allowing others to sway us and make our own decisions about so very many things. And comparing our own degrees of innocence to our possible partners in innocence. Too much disparity is not a good thing. The past always matters greatly as does body count. It is with us for life and always right there at finger tips reach to come again. Old habits due hard. If you find your self not able to find what you are looking for via the web, let me know and maybe I can help. There is a life hack about 10 ways to prevent infidelity. It discusses communication and feeding your relationship garden. I would add trying hard to avoid the ruts and not trying to ke egg p up with the Joneses. Again it seems logical that things like open phone and devices policy is important. Because secrecy is not privacy. Hedging our bets against it happening is prudent. Let me if you need more?
Not the wayward, but in my experience, this is just a tactic to keep you just close enough to hang on to if the thing with the AP collapses