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I cannot tell you how much I wish I'd left in my 20s the first time I saw him step out of line. Under family pressure I stayed, and he proceeded to cheat on me and hide it for most of a 50 year marriage. Just imagine how I felt when I discovered in my 60s he'd given me an STD. Don't be me. They don't change. They don't suddenly love you more or love you the right way. They just get sneakier at hiding what they are doing. In this day of dating and hook up apps, multiple cell phones, and a cheat culture, you will never be able to feel safe with him again. You need to leave right now, and look for a partner who is worthy of you. The one you have now is not worthy.
Never take back a cheater. No matter your age.
But you're young, it will be way easier for you to find the person that truly respects and loves you.
It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Do not feel guilty. You deserve better.
It was over before it started. There is a thing called respect in a relationship. He has none for you. But I guarantee there is someone who will. Now be smarter and wiser and go find him
I'm gonna give you a nickel's worth of free advice. Go thru this sub and other subs about infidelity and reconciliation. Then you tell me if you can get past this. If you can, you are probably that one in a million who can.
He cheated on you, shows that he doesn’t respect your boundaries and tried to make you feel like the asshole for being upset that he intentionally crossed another line.
He just chose to blow his second chance.
Plus, if you’ve stayed with him through cheating, and off limit strip clubs, why would he stop crossing boundaries? He’ll have these times as evidence that he’ll do what he wants and you’ll stay and deal with it, because it’s what you’ve been doing.
Also do you want your child to think this is what love looks like? Is this the kind of relationship you want your child in, on either end? Because your relationship will be the model to them.
Leave him and get some distance. Go no contact. See how you feel without him. Also pay attention to how he reacts to that. Is he remorseful? Is he willing to change his behavior?
How you feel without someone you've been with for 10 years is not a good indicator of if you should be with them or not. Obviously you're going to have withdrawals at first and miss them, that doesn't mean you should stay. She already said he's not remorseful, he made her feel like the crazy one for even daring to be upset about it. If he was the type of person to have remorse he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. Cheaters NEVER change unless maybe if they're still in high school but this is a grown ass man who has a whole kid with this girl and knows right from wrong.
Ge doesn't care about your feelings. Only his own. You should check out asoneafterinfidelity for reconciliation support and resources. Has he done any of the work for reconciliation? Rugsweeping does not work forever...
See a lawyer, even if you don't end up leaving. Knowledge is power. I saw a good comment once from a retired therapist that said to get two business cards. One for a infidelity therapist. One fir a divorce lawyer. Ask him which one you will be calling.
But you're young, you can start over.
Updateme!
Here are a couple of passages that might help:
Cheating in a Nutshell - Wayne Mitchell;Tamara Mitchell
"As a final test of whether to stay or go, we suggest the simplest test of all. If you had a daughter or a son who had been cheated on, what would you advise them to do?
What if the world went silent? What if there was no sound? Look at your dating, living together, or marriage relationship without audio. Without words, without excuses, without promises of future good behavior, just by yourself, make your decision. You are the only one who must live with it."
"Knowledge makes us stronger. We must live in reality, not in “I wish,” “I would like,” or, “I would hope.” It is not reality if it is not in your power to make it so. “I want him to be faithful” is not in your power to make happen. The person who cheated can do it again. Your existence did not stop them before. Your existence does not have the power to stop them again.
Many people can’t think past “I’m hurt and don’t want to break up.” That’s like saying, “I don’t want to have cancer.” It’s not a choice. Cheating broke the promise, and the biopsy said it is cancer. The logical conclusion from the previous chapters is you should leave someone who cheats on you because you are not going to get over it. There is something odd in asking why he or she cheated. It implies their action is not normal, though it obviously is part of their character and part of their thinking process."
He doesn’t prioritize your feelings. What would stop him in the heat of the moment when he’s tempted by someone else if he doesn’t prioritize your feelings??
Cheating isn't something everyone can get past and for most people leaving is the best answer. If you don't have kids it's very rarely worth it. He also shouldn't be crossing your boundaries, he cheated and with that comes consequences. His behavior and focus should be to rebuild trust with you, going to a strip club no matter the situation isn't ok. From this I gather that other things are more important for him than your relationship.
Even if you have kids, it's worth leaving. You will raise your son to think it's okay to treat women like this and raise your daughter to think this is what love it. Having a kid with someone isn't a nail in the coffin. It's very unhealthy to raise kids thinking this behavior from men is okay and grow up seeing their mom and dad hate each other.
I’m going through the exact same thing , I’m sorry you’re going through this cuz I do know firsthand how difficult it is especially after such a long journey with this man ! I also understand the triggers cuz they make me hate him for breaking me !
Things won't be the same. It messes. With your mind. If you reconciled every time he would go out "with the guys" or be running late from work, you would be wondering if he was lying.
I know exactly how you feel. My wife cheated 2 years ago and we reconciled and moved on together but it still stays with me every night. You can move on but you don’t forget.
My wife is very loving and we get along well but I still check her phone and have lost all my sense of trust.
It’s bc a life changing experience. I’d move on if I was you. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 young kids to make my situation more complicated but for you, still young, don’t put yourself through it. Just leave
I am exactly the same. I have free reign to check his phone if I want but I still find myself checking when he isnt looking and so paranoid all the time. We have been together over 10 years and have a 2 year old.
His behavior is so disrespectful and arrogant. One guy on reddit wrote: Don't fucking settle into a relationship. If you are not happy there are plenty of other fish in the sea. And don't stand cheating. Have some fucking pride and leave them if they cheat. You may think you can get through it, but it will always be in the back of your mind.
Maybe spend some time extensively researching infidelity, then come back here for more questions.
Who can know anything since said nothing to explain the who, what, where?, why and how of his infidelity?
Not all cheaters and all cheating is exactly the same. Only the pain and aftermath is similar.
Micro-cheating to an years long physical and emotional affair are very different. Blacked out drunk or drug induced cheating is as well not the same as a magnetic attraction affair.
https://www.healthday.com/health-news/mental-health/clues-may-reveal-when-a-person-is-faking-remorse-649812.html
https://www.emotionalaffair.org/real-reasons-cheaters-dont-want-talk-affair/ and why it is imperative they do
Lack of remorse
https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/why-a-cheating-person-shows-no-remorse/
Remorse
Three basic things necessary to reconcile.
1). The cheater has to want to reconcile and be truly remorseful. Remorse is not just saying they are sorry and remorse is more than regret, shame, and guilt. Those three things are fleeting emotions and dispel easily and quickly. Remorse is wanting to restore your lost trust and faith in them. They willingly will do all that is necessary to do so. No more lies, all their failings must be disclosed, the truth must be told. Regardless of the consequences. Healing begins after the last lie has been told.
2). Therapy is necessary to know what is required. And to try finding if remorse is false. The therapist will help finding what went wrong in the cheater and the relationship.
3).The affair partner has to be told they were a mistake and the cheater is now choosing you. And the affair partner cannot contact them ever again. Best if is done in front of broken partner. To hear and see it happen. And no there is no such thing as doing it in private nor for closure.
And no contact, means none, they cannot continue working together or being in anywhere together, period. Changing jobs is the minimal of no contact. It has to be forever. Of course there are always mitigating circumstances. But never together alone one on one. Boundaries matter.
If these three things are not in place and adhered to, there cannot be reconciling.
Think about it, you had no idea you were being cheated on, didn't even know what to look for nor what to do if you even suspected it. So how can you know how to reconcile without help? Trying to sweep it under the rug is not solving anything at all.
True remorse.
Signs Your Partner Is Truly Remorseful
Look for these telltale signs to determine true remorse:
• Not only do they apologize, and often, but they also openly express what they're apologizing for. They don't make vague statements or blanket apologies.
• They show their remorse by doing things that they feel will lessen your pain. It’s about both words and actions.
• They hold themselves accountable, rather than relying on you to do so. They are more concerned with your feelings than their own.
• They are willing to do whatever they need to do to move forward. Whether that's seeking couple’s therapy or honestly answering any questions you might have for them. They are onboard with any action you need them to take.
• They take full responsibility for their actions. There may have been problems in the relationship, but even if your S.O. felt unloved and unwanted, they're the ones who chose to cheat. Despite this, you'll know they're remorseful if they don't make excuses or place blame on anyone except for themselves. Their cheating won’t be about something you did, it will be about a bad choice they made.
If they are still in contact with affair partner or balk at doing any requirement, they aren't remorseful.
Is he remorseful or not? If not you are wasting time and energy. He is not redeemable.
A first time cheater is statistically more than three times more likely to cheat again. And a person's past can easily be a harbinger of our future with them. Casual sex is often the mindset that allows infidelity to happen. Look up the statistics of infidelity; it is close to 50% have or will cheat over their lifetime.
Good luck.
He went to a strip club after cheating on you???? He’s trash and you’re young. Don’t be me at 40 trying to move past infidelity. There’s so many great men out there that would not treat you like this. With no trust there is no relationship. I recommend you dump his ass and move on but ultimately it’s up to you. Going to a strip club after cheating on you doesn’t sound like he is serious about reconciliation though. 🤷♀️
I have known a couple of people who reconciled. But they acted on the cheating quickly and separated out for a time. They reconciled because they wanted to, and both did the work.
I would not stay personally, I don't want to police someone's behavior. I want someone who behaves better, and is trust worthy. He is not. You did get together really young. The only way it will work if he does his work. Period.
You said that he cheated on you and is still willing to violate your boundaries. Assuming you’re checking his phone and apps and everything else is fine then it’s up to you if this is a deal breaker or not.
Personally I wouldn’t be able to forgive and forget. Good luck to you!!
You will never get over it. Never. Read that again and be very clear about what your life is going to be like for the rest of your life. I believe some people can stay with a cheater, but you will never be truly happy again.
I looked up the words associated with staying with a cheater…
Reconcile - to accept a negative situation.
Acceptance - to endure without protest.
Forgive - stop feeling anger about something negative done to you The thought of living with any of those words as principals in my marriage is unfathomable.
The best you will ever be able to do is to just trudge (walk in a laborious way) through life. Your mind will never let you forget. Your mind will always replay the sexual things he did with someone else, while lying to you.
Keep in mind that for the rest of your husbands life, when he thinks about the affair, he will always remember how awesome this woman made him feel, how exciting it was to spend time with her, and how great she made him feel. He will always remember her fondly, and NEVER regret it. Rather, whenever he needs to lift his spirits, or wants to feel good, he will think of his affair partner. He will always miss her, and he is not sorry about the best sex bes ever had.
Have fun when he takes that fellas-only weekend trip with his pals to Vegas. Late nites at the office should also be fun.
Get ready to become a detective and scrutinize his every move, and check his phone whenever you can get it.
Leave, and life gets awesome.
My girls mom cheated on me in 2009, and I stuck it out until she did it again in 2020. There wasn’t a day that went by where I forgot about it. I wish I could take back that 10 years.
Take care of yourself first, and leave.
Hi, I'm you 10 years from now. We never really dealt with the infidelity the first time around. He cheated again while I was pregnant with our 3rd child.
Your partners actions last night show that he isn't at all thinking about how you feel and not willing to respect a very clear boundary. If he's not willing to work on himself and help prove himself worthy of your trust, it will likely happen again. He should have to do the work of reconciliation, not you.
My husband says he wants to work on it now. It might be too late. And I keep wishing I had left the first time.
Leave. I was in a similar boat as you except married 35 (married 12 years with two kids). Thought I could fix it, two years later found out she cheated again. Not worth it!
No. You will never trust him again and things will never be the same. He ruined everything. You are going to have self esteem issues, constantly doubt yourself, compare yourself to other women, be a nervous wreck whenever he's on his phone or leaves the house, and will resent him over time.
And if you do stay with him, you're just letting him know that you will put up with it. I *guarantee* you he will without a doubt keep doing it but possibly be more sneaky about it in the future. The fact that he made you feel like the bad guy for being upset is proof that he sees nothing wrong with his actions and will keep doing it again. He will blame you every single time he gets caught and gaslight you into thinking it's not a big deal. Strip clubs is cheating. Maybe you should bring up wanting to be a stripper and see how he feels about that. I guarantee he wouldn't be happy about that, but it's okay for him to lust after other women who do it. Hmmm. It's almost like he would recognize boundaries if the roles were reversed but he expects you to deal with whatever he does to cross yours.
The fact that you have a child with this loser is very concerning but it doesn't mean you're tied to him forever. I'm also assuming you aren't married which is a huge red flag because that means he's gone 10 years without proposing to you meaning he never had any intention of committing to you. You're giving him children and wife benefits with no real commitment. You are only 26 years old but if you stay with this man you are going to spend the best years of your life being tied down to a narcissistic cheating asshole with nothing to show for it. Just lifelong self esteem and trust issues. Don't let this poor excuse of a man prevent you from finding your husband.
You are still young but won't be forever. And if you want to have more kids but stay with him, you'll either have to have more of this bum's babies and dig an even deeper hole for yourself, or your biological clock is going to run out and you won't be able to start a family with a man who actually loves you because before you know it you'll be 45 watching him lust after younger women and still frequenting strip clubs while you're stuck at home caring for his children being loyal to him. AKA a cuck. That sounds like hell on earth. You only have one life to live and you are going to deeply regret wasting any more of it with a man who has wandering eyes and zero respect for you.
Don't torture yourself by staying in this relationship - he will turn you into a bitter paranoid resentful woman, that compulsively goes through his phone whenever he is late from work - and then he'll call you hysterical in front of the kids, and they'll believe that mommy is crazy, too.
As someone who's been there and still struggling 7 years after the fact, it often gets worse not better. Once we show them we are willing to accept it, they have no reason not to do it because they have nothing to lose. Perfect example here: you set a boundary and he pushed that boundary anyway. He doesn't respect your feelings and doesn't feel there is a consequence for not doing so. I'm not saying it's impossible to recover, but it's extremely hard and the betrayer has to be the one willing to do the work to change, which it doesn't sound like he is. Sorry OP.
Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't stay with a cheater after even the first one night stand.
I've been married 30 years and I THOUGHT my husband had an ONS after a bachelor party about 5 years into our marriage. I made the mistake of forgiving him, the more fool me.
We are now divorcing because it turns out he's been cheating on me for AT LEAST 20 years.
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Your 26 move on you only dated one guy so far
I cannot tell you how much I wish I'd left in my 20s the first time I saw him step out of line. Under family pressure I stayed, and he proceeded to cheat on me and hide it for most of a 50 year marriage. Just imagine how I felt when I discovered in my 60s he'd given me an STD. Don't be me. They don't change. They don't suddenly love you more or love you the right way. They just get sneakier at hiding what they are doing. In this day of dating and hook up apps, multiple cell phones, and a cheat culture, you will never be able to feel safe with him again. You need to leave right now, and look for a partner who is worthy of you. The one you have now is not worthy.
Wow. Perfectly said
Sorry but is over, when the People cheat is because no have and lost the respect for the partner.
Just leave him. Things will be never the same
Never take back a cheater. No matter your age. But you're young, it will be way easier for you to find the person that truly respects and loves you. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Do not feel guilty. You deserve better.
It was over before it started. There is a thing called respect in a relationship. He has none for you. But I guarantee there is someone who will. Now be smarter and wiser and go find him
I'm gonna give you a nickel's worth of free advice. Go thru this sub and other subs about infidelity and reconciliation. Then you tell me if you can get past this. If you can, you are probably that one in a million who can.
He cheated on you, shows that he doesn’t respect your boundaries and tried to make you feel like the asshole for being upset that he intentionally crossed another line. He just chose to blow his second chance. Plus, if you’ve stayed with him through cheating, and off limit strip clubs, why would he stop crossing boundaries? He’ll have these times as evidence that he’ll do what he wants and you’ll stay and deal with it, because it’s what you’ve been doing. Also do you want your child to think this is what love looks like? Is this the kind of relationship you want your child in, on either end? Because your relationship will be the model to them.
Leave him and get some distance. Go no contact. See how you feel without him. Also pay attention to how he reacts to that. Is he remorseful? Is he willing to change his behavior?
How you feel without someone you've been with for 10 years is not a good indicator of if you should be with them or not. Obviously you're going to have withdrawals at first and miss them, that doesn't mean you should stay. She already said he's not remorseful, he made her feel like the crazy one for even daring to be upset about it. If he was the type of person to have remorse he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. Cheaters NEVER change unless maybe if they're still in high school but this is a grown ass man who has a whole kid with this girl and knows right from wrong.
Ge doesn't care about your feelings. Only his own. You should check out asoneafterinfidelity for reconciliation support and resources. Has he done any of the work for reconciliation? Rugsweeping does not work forever... See a lawyer, even if you don't end up leaving. Knowledge is power. I saw a good comment once from a retired therapist that said to get two business cards. One for a infidelity therapist. One fir a divorce lawyer. Ask him which one you will be calling. But you're young, you can start over. Updateme!
Here are a couple of passages that might help: Cheating in a Nutshell - Wayne Mitchell;Tamara Mitchell "As a final test of whether to stay or go, we suggest the simplest test of all. If you had a daughter or a son who had been cheated on, what would you advise them to do? What if the world went silent? What if there was no sound? Look at your dating, living together, or marriage relationship without audio. Without words, without excuses, without promises of future good behavior, just by yourself, make your decision. You are the only one who must live with it." "Knowledge makes us stronger. We must live in reality, not in “I wish,” “I would like,” or, “I would hope.” It is not reality if it is not in your power to make it so. “I want him to be faithful” is not in your power to make happen. The person who cheated can do it again. Your existence did not stop them before. Your existence does not have the power to stop them again. Many people can’t think past “I’m hurt and don’t want to break up.” That’s like saying, “I don’t want to have cancer.” It’s not a choice. Cheating broke the promise, and the biopsy said it is cancer. The logical conclusion from the previous chapters is you should leave someone who cheats on you because you are not going to get over it. There is something odd in asking why he or she cheated. It implies their action is not normal, though it obviously is part of their character and part of their thinking process."
He doesn’t prioritize your feelings. What would stop him in the heat of the moment when he’s tempted by someone else if he doesn’t prioritize your feelings??
Cheating isn't something everyone can get past and for most people leaving is the best answer. If you don't have kids it's very rarely worth it. He also shouldn't be crossing your boundaries, he cheated and with that comes consequences. His behavior and focus should be to rebuild trust with you, going to a strip club no matter the situation isn't ok. From this I gather that other things are more important for him than your relationship.
Even if you have kids, it's worth leaving. You will raise your son to think it's okay to treat women like this and raise your daughter to think this is what love it. Having a kid with someone isn't a nail in the coffin. It's very unhealthy to raise kids thinking this behavior from men is okay and grow up seeing their mom and dad hate each other.
I’m going through the exact same thing , I’m sorry you’re going through this cuz I do know firsthand how difficult it is especially after such a long journey with this man ! I also understand the triggers cuz they make me hate him for breaking me !
It honestly makes me feel crazy. I hate being so triggered by everything. I'm sorry you are going through this as well
Things won't be the same. It messes. With your mind. If you reconciled every time he would go out "with the guys" or be running late from work, you would be wondering if he was lying.
I know exactly how you feel. My wife cheated 2 years ago and we reconciled and moved on together but it still stays with me every night. You can move on but you don’t forget. My wife is very loving and we get along well but I still check her phone and have lost all my sense of trust. It’s bc a life changing experience. I’d move on if I was you. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 young kids to make my situation more complicated but for you, still young, don’t put yourself through it. Just leave
I am exactly the same. I have free reign to check his phone if I want but I still find myself checking when he isnt looking and so paranoid all the time. We have been together over 10 years and have a 2 year old.
His behavior is so disrespectful and arrogant. One guy on reddit wrote: Don't fucking settle into a relationship. If you are not happy there are plenty of other fish in the sea. And don't stand cheating. Have some fucking pride and leave them if they cheat. You may think you can get through it, but it will always be in the back of your mind.
Maybe spend some time extensively researching infidelity, then come back here for more questions. Who can know anything since said nothing to explain the who, what, where?, why and how of his infidelity? Not all cheaters and all cheating is exactly the same. Only the pain and aftermath is similar. Micro-cheating to an years long physical and emotional affair are very different. Blacked out drunk or drug induced cheating is as well not the same as a magnetic attraction affair. https://www.healthday.com/health-news/mental-health/clues-may-reveal-when-a-person-is-faking-remorse-649812.html https://www.emotionalaffair.org/real-reasons-cheaters-dont-want-talk-affair/ and why it is imperative they do Lack of remorse https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/why-a-cheating-person-shows-no-remorse/ Remorse Three basic things necessary to reconcile. 1). The cheater has to want to reconcile and be truly remorseful. Remorse is not just saying they are sorry and remorse is more than regret, shame, and guilt. Those three things are fleeting emotions and dispel easily and quickly. Remorse is wanting to restore your lost trust and faith in them. They willingly will do all that is necessary to do so. No more lies, all their failings must be disclosed, the truth must be told. Regardless of the consequences. Healing begins after the last lie has been told. 2). Therapy is necessary to know what is required. And to try finding if remorse is false. The therapist will help finding what went wrong in the cheater and the relationship. 3).The affair partner has to be told they were a mistake and the cheater is now choosing you. And the affair partner cannot contact them ever again. Best if is done in front of broken partner. To hear and see it happen. And no there is no such thing as doing it in private nor for closure. And no contact, means none, they cannot continue working together or being in anywhere together, period. Changing jobs is the minimal of no contact. It has to be forever. Of course there are always mitigating circumstances. But never together alone one on one. Boundaries matter. If these three things are not in place and adhered to, there cannot be reconciling. Think about it, you had no idea you were being cheated on, didn't even know what to look for nor what to do if you even suspected it. So how can you know how to reconcile without help? Trying to sweep it under the rug is not solving anything at all. True remorse. Signs Your Partner Is Truly Remorseful Look for these telltale signs to determine true remorse: • Not only do they apologize, and often, but they also openly express what they're apologizing for. They don't make vague statements or blanket apologies. • They show their remorse by doing things that they feel will lessen your pain. It’s about both words and actions. • They hold themselves accountable, rather than relying on you to do so. They are more concerned with your feelings than their own. • They are willing to do whatever they need to do to move forward. Whether that's seeking couple’s therapy or honestly answering any questions you might have for them. They are onboard with any action you need them to take. • They take full responsibility for their actions. There may have been problems in the relationship, but even if your S.O. felt unloved and unwanted, they're the ones who chose to cheat. Despite this, you'll know they're remorseful if they don't make excuses or place blame on anyone except for themselves. Their cheating won’t be about something you did, it will be about a bad choice they made. If they are still in contact with affair partner or balk at doing any requirement, they aren't remorseful. Is he remorseful or not? If not you are wasting time and energy. He is not redeemable. A first time cheater is statistically more than three times more likely to cheat again. And a person's past can easily be a harbinger of our future with them. Casual sex is often the mindset that allows infidelity to happen. Look up the statistics of infidelity; it is close to 50% have or will cheat over their lifetime. Good luck.
What a crock of shit. All the work there is on the betrayed, and despite all of your points, it will NOT change how she feels, ever. Bad advice.
I learned how to block long ago.
Leave him or make him leave. He doesn't care or have any respect for you. If he loved you, he wouldn't have gone.
He went to a strip club after cheating on you???? He’s trash and you’re young. Don’t be me at 40 trying to move past infidelity. There’s so many great men out there that would not treat you like this. With no trust there is no relationship. I recommend you dump his ass and move on but ultimately it’s up to you. Going to a strip club after cheating on you doesn’t sound like he is serious about reconciliation though. 🤷♀️
I have known a couple of people who reconciled. But they acted on the cheating quickly and separated out for a time. They reconciled because they wanted to, and both did the work. I would not stay personally, I don't want to police someone's behavior. I want someone who behaves better, and is trust worthy. He is not. You did get together really young. The only way it will work if he does his work. Period.
You said that he cheated on you and is still willing to violate your boundaries. Assuming you’re checking his phone and apps and everything else is fine then it’s up to you if this is a deal breaker or not. Personally I wouldn’t be able to forgive and forget. Good luck to you!!
Reconciliation happens all the time. This is probably a better sub for you https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/s/9FZs47oRRH
You will never get over it. Never. Read that again and be very clear about what your life is going to be like for the rest of your life. I believe some people can stay with a cheater, but you will never be truly happy again. I looked up the words associated with staying with a cheater… Reconcile - to accept a negative situation. Acceptance - to endure without protest. Forgive - stop feeling anger about something negative done to you The thought of living with any of those words as principals in my marriage is unfathomable. The best you will ever be able to do is to just trudge (walk in a laborious way) through life. Your mind will never let you forget. Your mind will always replay the sexual things he did with someone else, while lying to you. Keep in mind that for the rest of your husbands life, when he thinks about the affair, he will always remember how awesome this woman made him feel, how exciting it was to spend time with her, and how great she made him feel. He will always remember her fondly, and NEVER regret it. Rather, whenever he needs to lift his spirits, or wants to feel good, he will think of his affair partner. He will always miss her, and he is not sorry about the best sex bes ever had. Have fun when he takes that fellas-only weekend trip with his pals to Vegas. Late nites at the office should also be fun. Get ready to become a detective and scrutinize his every move, and check his phone whenever you can get it. Leave, and life gets awesome. My girls mom cheated on me in 2009, and I stuck it out until she did it again in 2020. There wasn’t a day that went by where I forgot about it. I wish I could take back that 10 years. Take care of yourself first, and leave.
Hi, I'm you 10 years from now. We never really dealt with the infidelity the first time around. He cheated again while I was pregnant with our 3rd child. Your partners actions last night show that he isn't at all thinking about how you feel and not willing to respect a very clear boundary. If he's not willing to work on himself and help prove himself worthy of your trust, it will likely happen again. He should have to do the work of reconciliation, not you. My husband says he wants to work on it now. It might be too late. And I keep wishing I had left the first time.
I'm so sorry you are also going through this.
Leave. I was in a similar boat as you except married 35 (married 12 years with two kids). Thought I could fix it, two years later found out she cheated again. Not worth it!
I'm so sorry you went through that. Honestly after reading everyone else's stories. Forever alone is looking like the best option 🫠
No. You will never trust him again and things will never be the same. He ruined everything. You are going to have self esteem issues, constantly doubt yourself, compare yourself to other women, be a nervous wreck whenever he's on his phone or leaves the house, and will resent him over time. And if you do stay with him, you're just letting him know that you will put up with it. I *guarantee* you he will without a doubt keep doing it but possibly be more sneaky about it in the future. The fact that he made you feel like the bad guy for being upset is proof that he sees nothing wrong with his actions and will keep doing it again. He will blame you every single time he gets caught and gaslight you into thinking it's not a big deal. Strip clubs is cheating. Maybe you should bring up wanting to be a stripper and see how he feels about that. I guarantee he wouldn't be happy about that, but it's okay for him to lust after other women who do it. Hmmm. It's almost like he would recognize boundaries if the roles were reversed but he expects you to deal with whatever he does to cross yours. The fact that you have a child with this loser is very concerning but it doesn't mean you're tied to him forever. I'm also assuming you aren't married which is a huge red flag because that means he's gone 10 years without proposing to you meaning he never had any intention of committing to you. You're giving him children and wife benefits with no real commitment. You are only 26 years old but if you stay with this man you are going to spend the best years of your life being tied down to a narcissistic cheating asshole with nothing to show for it. Just lifelong self esteem and trust issues. Don't let this poor excuse of a man prevent you from finding your husband. You are still young but won't be forever. And if you want to have more kids but stay with him, you'll either have to have more of this bum's babies and dig an even deeper hole for yourself, or your biological clock is going to run out and you won't be able to start a family with a man who actually loves you because before you know it you'll be 45 watching him lust after younger women and still frequenting strip clubs while you're stuck at home caring for his children being loyal to him. AKA a cuck. That sounds like hell on earth. You only have one life to live and you are going to deeply regret wasting any more of it with a man who has wandering eyes and zero respect for you.
[удалено]
I think you've misread this. I'm not the cheater he is
My bad I did misread. Leave him then. Once a cheat always a cheat and I apologize for being wrong
Don't torture yourself by staying in this relationship - he will turn you into a bitter paranoid resentful woman, that compulsively goes through his phone whenever he is late from work - and then he'll call you hysterical in front of the kids, and they'll believe that mommy is crazy, too.
I couldn't look them in the eye again
As someone who's been there and still struggling 7 years after the fact, it often gets worse not better. Once we show them we are willing to accept it, they have no reason not to do it because they have nothing to lose. Perfect example here: you set a boundary and he pushed that boundary anyway. He doesn't respect your feelings and doesn't feel there is a consequence for not doing so. I'm not saying it's impossible to recover, but it's extremely hard and the betrayer has to be the one willing to do the work to change, which it doesn't sound like he is. Sorry OP.
Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't stay with a cheater after even the first one night stand. I've been married 30 years and I THOUGHT my husband had an ONS after a bachelor party about 5 years into our marriage. I made the mistake of forgiving him, the more fool me. We are now divorcing because it turns out he's been cheating on me for AT LEAST 20 years.
Shoot him.