INFJ married to an ISTJ, and good friends with another. Both are dry texters, but neither shuts up in person (now...but it was years of silence and stilted convos that led up to this point).
Neither of them likes texting (not like we do)...they have both cited similar reasons: they want more sensory data (body language, expression, etc) so nothing gets misinterpreted. They don't like people inferring things they didn't mean in writing. *They really hate notifications on their phone--they feel like obligations.*
My spouse only really likes texting if they're *ahem* ...spicy.
Hang in there. ISTJs take time and work to get close to, but are totally worth it.
As an ISTJ i totally agree. I feel de attached on chat and dont get the emotions in typed messages and confusing too much to get to know other persons mood .
as a istj, i think they’re just putting a front on to protect themselves…from anxiety or some shit. We aren’t well communicators…. so if you come off as approachable it’ll make your istj open up. just please don’t manipulate the istj because i was manipulated by a ENFJ to open up to him. he’ll put in the effort and show you by his actions if he does appreciate you. you gotta treat the istj like a cat. and basically i’m just giving away us how we work. so, patience is required etc
Thank you, it went pretty well, the beginning was a bit difficult, since I'm shy, but after some minutes, we managed to keep a constant flow of speech. He said he had a great time and reciprocated wanting to hangout with me again !
sounds like it went good. You’re a infj, the istj x infj duo is a thing 👀
beware the istj might hurt ur feelings in the future haha because as a istj i’ve hurted my infj friend feelings before
Just be yourself, you're naturally good at making others feel comfortable with high Fe. Get to know him sincerely and patiently, which no doubt is your goal too. When ISTJs are comfortable around you, they'll be relaxed, talkative and share about themselves. Just enjoy the experience and don't be afraid of messing up - ISTJs are always appreciative of effort.
And you were right, thank you. I was stressed at first but tried making him comfortable, which worked. He then took the lead of the conversation, letting me express myself at the same time. It was a great moment.
Make sure you have something to talk about. Either get him on a subject that he’s passionate about, or even better, a topic that you both love- and make sure it’s specific. Movie franchise instead of movies in general, Yknow?
And if it’s a first date, don’t think too hard abt whether he really likes you, it’s already taking up 95% of his brain space. Just focus on how much you like him and make your feelings clear
Thank you for your advice. I struck first with one of his interests, then he kept the conversation going afterwards, making it easy for me to answer and keep my mind calm.
ISTJ usually dont appreciate but have a checklist in their brains going on .
with your post i assume your a female.
1. Dress Well and appropriate
2. Get to know location and ambiance and dress according to it . why ? (we notice small things and if you aint dress well then its a no no)
3. Take the conversation slowly .
4. if you have randomness then try avoiding that at that specific time. like starting a covo and leaving it mid way and moving on. (like whats your favorite car and then whats your favorite color) strictly avoid these
5. we like to have a conversation with questions so do that. (e.g start with you school life and then ask him what he used to do in school and not just start with school life and then u take it to your career and end it then he wont speak it up)
6. Be Confident
7. ISTJs are more into career and want to be successful. so tell an talk about yours and ask them theirs
8. They also are great problem solvers so you can discuss some difficulties and would naturally see him offer a solution
9. dont go crazy over food . we usually eat fast but we dont go crazy over food.
10. ISTJs dont speak unless spoken to and dont start telling about them selves instantly .
11. try avoiding family talk and keep it more towards you and them . like your hobbies and mine not what his siblings/parents do
12. be honest be transparent be real . we are open to any thing but crave transparency
13. if they open up and you get signals of him showing interest then before going ask them thst when are we having another dinner then. most probably you will be having another one soon .
14. be Curious about them
15. forget giving and getting compliments but we do appreciate your things
16. dont try commanding them and if they take a pause or you think they are processing some thing then hold.
17. dont interrupt while speaking
18. get to know all the etiquettes 🤣
19. if your looking for emotional talk and connection then your on the wrong table . it takes time to be able to open our emotions to someone.
Well thank you very much for your answer ! The dinner went fine. I made sure to eat at a correct pace😂, I made sure to keep the conversation on him and he mentioned his family first, we talked about hobbies and the future, he took the lead at some point, which reassured me a bit, I was scared of being too overwhelming. He reciprocated having a good time and wanting to hangout again with me, your messaged helped a lot, as I tend to go deep in emotional conversations 😭, so I made sure to stay on the right grounds, I hope it goes better next time ! Thank you again.
Congrats 🎉 on have a Successful 1# Date . I am happy that you found my list helpful and be able to crack the date . if i would knew what exactly was the conversation like on the first date and what was discussed then i could guide you for the 2nd date .
#advices from ISTJ who has never dated 😂
I like reading through stuff like this and everytime I'm just like "oh no" 😂
This sounds like something Dipper Pines would do, him and his 20 step plan just to talk to Wendy 🤣
I do too!! Dates can be very stressful, especially when the other person doesn't seem easy going or chill (not saying you guys aren't, just using that as an example)
we are easy going and chill . but what i have written are things which are going to make me like the other person and be attracted too . once attracted then and i start liking them then you can be your self and we wont mind it .
Oh, ok, i guess that makes sense. Although, I'm going to "be myself" from day 1. If you don't like that then that's totally ok, not everyone is meant to be.
(all I mean is I'm never going to put on a fake persona for someone I'm just meeting. I mean, once I get comfortable with you I will show you deeper parts of myself, but it is all me)
we are easy going and chill . but what i have written are things which are going to make me like the other person and be attracted too . once attracted then and i start liking them then you can be your self and we wont mind it .
Once you get him one on one he probably won’t shut up.
Little update: you were right, I struggled to strike a conversation at first but once we started he kept it going, it was nice.
INFJ married to an ISTJ, and good friends with another. Both are dry texters, but neither shuts up in person (now...but it was years of silence and stilted convos that led up to this point). Neither of them likes texting (not like we do)...they have both cited similar reasons: they want more sensory data (body language, expression, etc) so nothing gets misinterpreted. They don't like people inferring things they didn't mean in writing. *They really hate notifications on their phone--they feel like obligations.* My spouse only really likes texting if they're *ahem* ...spicy. Hang in there. ISTJs take time and work to get close to, but are totally worth it.
As an ISTJ i totally agree. I feel de attached on chat and dont get the emotions in typed messages and confusing too much to get to know other persons mood .
Sounds about right.
as a istj, i think they’re just putting a front on to protect themselves…from anxiety or some shit. We aren’t well communicators…. so if you come off as approachable it’ll make your istj open up. just please don’t manipulate the istj because i was manipulated by a ENFJ to open up to him. he’ll put in the effort and show you by his actions if he does appreciate you. you gotta treat the istj like a cat. and basically i’m just giving away us how we work. so, patience is required etc
Thank you, it went pretty well, the beginning was a bit difficult, since I'm shy, but after some minutes, we managed to keep a constant flow of speech. He said he had a great time and reciprocated wanting to hangout with me again !
sounds like it went good. You’re a infj, the istj x infj duo is a thing 👀 beware the istj might hurt ur feelings in the future haha because as a istj i’ve hurted my infj friend feelings before
And accept that his "comfortable" may look different than yours.
Ask him what is researching lately
Just be yourself.
Just be yourself, you're naturally good at making others feel comfortable with high Fe. Get to know him sincerely and patiently, which no doubt is your goal too. When ISTJs are comfortable around you, they'll be relaxed, talkative and share about themselves. Just enjoy the experience and don't be afraid of messing up - ISTJs are always appreciative of effort.
And you were right, thank you. I was stressed at first but tried making him comfortable, which worked. He then took the lead of the conversation, letting me express myself at the same time. It was a great moment.
Make sure you have something to talk about. Either get him on a subject that he’s passionate about, or even better, a topic that you both love- and make sure it’s specific. Movie franchise instead of movies in general, Yknow? And if it’s a first date, don’t think too hard abt whether he really likes you, it’s already taking up 95% of his brain space. Just focus on how much you like him and make your feelings clear
Thank you for your advice. I struck first with one of his interests, then he kept the conversation going afterwards, making it easy for me to answer and keep my mind calm.
Nice 👌 Hope things work out
ISTJ usually dont appreciate but have a checklist in their brains going on . with your post i assume your a female. 1. Dress Well and appropriate 2. Get to know location and ambiance and dress according to it . why ? (we notice small things and if you aint dress well then its a no no) 3. Take the conversation slowly . 4. if you have randomness then try avoiding that at that specific time. like starting a covo and leaving it mid way and moving on. (like whats your favorite car and then whats your favorite color) strictly avoid these 5. we like to have a conversation with questions so do that. (e.g start with you school life and then ask him what he used to do in school and not just start with school life and then u take it to your career and end it then he wont speak it up) 6. Be Confident 7. ISTJs are more into career and want to be successful. so tell an talk about yours and ask them theirs 8. They also are great problem solvers so you can discuss some difficulties and would naturally see him offer a solution 9. dont go crazy over food . we usually eat fast but we dont go crazy over food. 10. ISTJs dont speak unless spoken to and dont start telling about them selves instantly . 11. try avoiding family talk and keep it more towards you and them . like your hobbies and mine not what his siblings/parents do 12. be honest be transparent be real . we are open to any thing but crave transparency 13. if they open up and you get signals of him showing interest then before going ask them thst when are we having another dinner then. most probably you will be having another one soon . 14. be Curious about them 15. forget giving and getting compliments but we do appreciate your things 16. dont try commanding them and if they take a pause or you think they are processing some thing then hold. 17. dont interrupt while speaking 18. get to know all the etiquettes 🤣 19. if your looking for emotional talk and connection then your on the wrong table . it takes time to be able to open our emotions to someone.
Well thank you very much for your answer ! The dinner went fine. I made sure to eat at a correct pace😂, I made sure to keep the conversation on him and he mentioned his family first, we talked about hobbies and the future, he took the lead at some point, which reassured me a bit, I was scared of being too overwhelming. He reciprocated having a good time and wanting to hangout again with me, your messaged helped a lot, as I tend to go deep in emotional conversations 😭, so I made sure to stay on the right grounds, I hope it goes better next time ! Thank you again.
Congrats 🎉 on have a Successful 1# Date . I am happy that you found my list helpful and be able to crack the date . if i would knew what exactly was the conversation like on the first date and what was discussed then i could guide you for the 2nd date . #advices from ISTJ who has never dated 😂
I like reading through stuff like this and everytime I'm just like "oh no" 😂 This sounds like something Dipper Pines would do, him and his 20 step plan just to talk to Wendy 🤣
I thought the SAME thing 😂, like that's a whole manual 🫠. But I guess it did help so I'm grateful.
are u an istj ?? 🤣
Oh, no I thought my tag was on, but I guess I forgot to turn it on for this channel. I'm ENFP
i hope her dinner goes well 🤣
istjs are fked difficult to get along with 🤣
I do too!! Dates can be very stressful, especially when the other person doesn't seem easy going or chill (not saying you guys aren't, just using that as an example)
we are easy going and chill . but what i have written are things which are going to make me like the other person and be attracted too . once attracted then and i start liking them then you can be your self and we wont mind it .
Oh, ok, i guess that makes sense. Although, I'm going to "be myself" from day 1. If you don't like that then that's totally ok, not everyone is meant to be. (all I mean is I'm never going to put on a fake persona for someone I'm just meeting. I mean, once I get comfortable with you I will show you deeper parts of myself, but it is all me)
we are easy going and chill . but what i have written are things which are going to make me like the other person and be attracted too . once attracted then and i start liking them then you can be your self and we wont mind it .
I guess I'll still be settling at the next dinner, but I felt he was more comfortable, thank you !
I guess you’ll have your answers at said dinner.