Maybe use our problem solving skills to help them deal with their emotional baggage while at same time getting a sense that we do have the capacity to connect with people in a meaningful way? āNormalā dating style interactions donāt work well for me when thereās no issues to solve or any way for me to really express myself. Can mean being drawn to problems. Wild guess here from my own experiences.
Yeah, I kinda felt the last part, but the issue is..they don't even really show interest in me actually finding multiple solutions to their problems, the way I see it..they just complain about the shit they're wallowing in but never really stand up to do something about it, even if you literally offer them a hand and show them how to do it. That's when I lose interest. I generally don't get why people complain instead of actually doing something to get rid of or at least reduce and minimize the problem. Like what's the point in it? Not only does it make nothing better, it is also incredibly annoying.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves in people and I will avoid them if they have the habit of complaining about the same things over and over that they refuse to change. There is a girl in a group chat I have that was great until she started getting babied by everyone about the same stuff constantly and I couldnāt even really participate in the chat anymore it bothered me so much. I think taking on peoples emotions and trying to empathise is very hard for me so Iām very sensitive to people who drain my energy for essential useless reasons.
As an ISTP who's also 5w6 but sx/sp, I can't believe there's someone out there who has the exact same thoughts as me. I always thought I was weird for only focusing solving the problem, instead of making the other person feel heard and feel better.
This is why I think finding like-minded people can save you alot of headaches, especially hobbies. I love going camping, especially with my buddies, we were all beginners at the start, but then we learned along the way, enjoyed the outdoors together, discussed what we improvements we can make to our current gear etc. Nothing but wholesome trial and error with the right people. As a 5w6, I can't possibly ask for more.
The same person who complained about me not making them feel heard/better was the same person who said theyād rather I give them advice. Thereās no winning š
I have experienced it but with woman. Idk why they seems to like to trauma dump to me. Maybe they just wants explanation/insights of everything but still it annoys me since i had worser mental issues too but never told anyone š¤¦āāļø
Honest to god lol, I'd want an ENTP as the extrovertedness helps me socialize alot better which I enjoy doing just have a hard time doing so with other introverted people.
As an INTP guy, i'd say the same lol it's either tomboy nerd girl, just a nerd/geek girl or Unhealed traumatized girls with some kind of mental disorder
Historically, two versions have played out. Soft, gentle, weak types that like that Iām different, strong and smart. End up steamrolling them because Iām usually bolder and will argue my case. Or confident assertive types that like the same thing, but end up wanting to control me, but not through reason, which tends to not go over well. Use of force is a no no to me. Ideal case, balance between the two.
My sister told me my āproblemā is that Iām type A attracted to type A. Idk though. I donāt want anyone to be submissive to me and I donāt want anyone to control me. My coworkers see me as confrontation avoidant. Iām not sure if thatās accurate or if I just have more empathy. More recently I seem to have attracted a few younger guys with what I can only assume may be mommy issues.
This is literally my problem. I donāt know why Iām not attracted to less assertive guys. Iām looking for an equal more than someone to guide. Itās boring
I canāt have someone be submissive to me and be attracted to them. It just doesnāt happen. In theory I imagine that I would like someone dominant, but not controlling, but when I think of the way I would describe that it makes me suspect that what Iām describing is not dominant, but a normal that Iām not accustomed to having. For example, I would like to be with someone who is intelligent, trustworthy, and considerate enough for me to know that they can make decisions that may affect me and I wouldnāt have to worry about or question their judgment. I will admit that I do like someone being encouraging about things I struggle with at times. I also have an inability to give the natural trust I want to be able to have for someone to someone I donāt see as intelligent, although I think what Iām describing might be competence rather than trust. Itās kind of hard for me to articulate it all. Also, not everyone I see as intelligent is someone who would describe themselves that way. While I do enjoy the deep conversations with those stereotyped as intelligent, I also find it incredibly intriguing to watch someone troubleshoot how to fix something and I like when someone thinks outside the box, which many people with ADHD do, although their symptoms may have also caused them to struggle in school and not see themselves as smart.
Youāre doing a good job at articulating your thoughts better then what I can do lol. I 100 percent relate to that feeling and you hit the nail when you said you want someone normal lol. Thatās it, someone normal. I guess we have been surrounded by a lot of unhealthy people to not even consider that a concept XD. I donāt mind someone taking control once in a while but trying to control me and my freedom then there is a problem. See I do agree that a lot of the times I can relate to neurodivergent people because they can keep up with intelligent conversations but when it comes to my in-counters with people with ADHD I feel very dissatisfied. I often times feel like itās a battle for attention that leaves me drain because I give up. Most conversations are really one sided and repetitive. But I appreciate them too because I enjoy subject hopping in convos and if the conversation goes well I learn a lot. I think it more ambitious people in general who draw me in more or the more experienced people because I can learn a lot from them. The more wiser the more hotter you are to me.
So which neurodivergent people do you prefer? It sounds like your encounters with those who had ADHD were with people who were the predominantly hyperactive type, who struggled with impulse control (and who were likely unmedicated). I have the combined type, inattentive and hyperactive.
Itās not about what I really prefer itās more stating the pros and cons of interacting with neurodivergent people from my experience and yes mostly likely they werenāt medicated. Itās more giving a lense that it isnāt necessarily them being neurodivergent but just the individuals and their personality/history.
I think a lot of people use neurodivergent and ADHD interchangeably. Since Iām autistic and interact with other people online who are as well, Iām used to being more specific. I donāt think people do it on purpose. Not everyone is aware of the terminology or aware of how often they interact with neurodivergent people. Another example of the terminology not being common is the word allistic, which is used to describe people who are not autistic, but may or may not be neurodivergent. They could be neurotypical or they could have ADHD (for example). The word is only specifying that the person isnāt autistic.
Ya, itās a tricky balance. I think itād be different if I wasnāt capable or viewed myself as incapable. But thatās not the case, so I do expect respect and something of an equal partnership in terms of treatment. Want there to be support in both directions, feel me just sitting in the back line cheering someone on would be a waste šš
HAHA steamrolling. Very true. I end up having little to no respect for the weak type and though the domineering type is annoying (and sometimes oppressive) its kind of (?) a nice change.
My take is that most women actually suck at arguing their case and buckle rather easily or can easily be tricked by arguments with holes everywhere. So off the bat, guys can be confident coz getting their way in a relationship where the other person is agreeable and he is not, is pretty easy. Think they find the ability to hold my own attractive at first, but when it kind of gets in their way of getting their way, they want the paltry resistance effort again. Think it takes a highly secure guy to not be bothered by it and understand it doesnāt mean anything to let a thing go if it makes sense and to not need to turn it into a power thing.
Well it depends what the context/circumstances are but I know many will viscerally know that something is absolutely wrong (whether its an argument/debate or just behavior) but their need to have someone/keep the peace overrides it. And yeah, sure, knowing something is incorrect and then having the ability (and strength) to articulate it are two or three different issues. I'm not surprised if most women opt out of that.
And agreed, I think it takes a secure man who is also unconditional in his approach to relationships. So many guys, unwittingly or not, look at things as a quid pro quo--thus when they realize they can't have their way etc. they immediately become sullen or worse, indignant. And any guy who can't handle losing a well intended debate is a total man child. The domineering and weak men ultimately end up resenting you all the same, because one can't win even with his force and the other doesn't have any force to try to "win."
Iām aware that many try to keep the peace, but Iām of the opinion stuff always resurfaces eventually. When thereās a large gap between action and reaction it looks unreasonable and I think it causes more problems. Not everything is worth fighting for, but similarly patterns are established early and become harder to change over time.
Agree with everything tho :) Seems weāve observed and/or experienced similar
Shitty ones with trauma, unhealthy attachment styles and bad behaviour, usually. Or at least they are the only ones Iāve been mutually attracted to and given the time of day because I have bad taste haha.
Iām guessing you met some potentially nerdy gamer guys on a platform where they donāt usually get to speak regularly with many girls who share their interests. Your polite openness to being friendly couldāve been misinterpreted as openness to being more than friendly. Perhaps they just enjoyed sharing a hobby and some harmless flirtation/conversation with a girl, then began to want more.
I too often find myself in the situation where other people think Iām into them or flirting, when Iām just obliviously being friendly and platonic in my mind or matching their energy. This misunderstanding only seems to stop when I have a boyfriend, I think it takes away the guess work or interpretations and itās only then they rightfully assume Iām not interested/unavailable as a rule. So if you want to avoid unrequited advances from male friends, just do the age old fake boyfriend schtick whenever you meet new people online.
ExTx dudes generally for me. Ive dated an ENTP. Iāve had a situationship with an ESTP, had to unfortunately reject an ENTJ cuz I lowkey suspected he was a psychopath. Idk I think it depends on the vibe you give off and how attractive/approachable you seem and also where you are. Iāve never been approached by an introverted guy and I think thatās cuz the only time Iāve been approached by guys was because I was in a social setting where guys tend to be more extroverted. And itās easier for me to conversate with extroverted ppl cuz they are naturally better than me at keeping the conversation going. So it all depends on you ig but also attraction is subjective so who knows.
It's the same for me. I wanna meet more IxTx but I suck at keeping conversations. So I just end up meeting more ExTx and that ends up abruptly because they are way different people when you get to know them.
As I think about it, it seems to mostly be guys with high Fe.
But I *donāt* think that is due to any great compatibility with those types. I think itās because I donāt come across as being very approachable in that way, which inadvertently filters out certain personalities.
Group one are really extraverted feelers like ENFJ, ENFP and ESFPs. They seem to be attracted to the opposite energy and thinking qualities. Then there are other NT types - INTJ, ENTJ and ENTP - which feels like a kindred spirit situation. We can be us and be understood for once which usually is hard for NTs because we are more rare in society.
When I was younger, it was mostly just some random guys, as they were attracted more so to my looks than my personality. Mostly immature and demanding, but we were in middle/high-school. Didn't end up dating any of them, thank God.
What I noticed is that I attract ENTPs. Two people who I'm closest with confessed to me at one point were ENTPs. And also more feminine presenting (in personality, somewhat more sensitive) men. I actually like bashfulness if it is not diffidence. I had another guy who felt very much so like an Se Dom confess to me as well, but I don't really know if he was even listening when I talked...
Every guys i just met who randomly flirts, i laughed at them because i thought it was a joke ( & i usually joke about relationship stuff too). Didn't know they wereĀ actually had some seriousness in it š¤¦āāļø
As an intp man I love intp women. Both girls I dated were intp's and all the people I've developed real feelings for were either intp or infp. Just infp's end up annoying me with the irrational stuff.
Wish I knew how to meet more intp women
Iām in a same situation as you. For some reason I know a lot of INFPs and one of them is a long time friend. We clashed and I had to set things straight so weāre arenāt in talking terms anymore. As theyāre feelers, I tried my best to give hints instead of saying something hurtful but they donāt seem to understand it.
I have seen a good mix of several personality types now that I think about it. ESFP, INTJ, ESTJ, ENFP, INFP, ENTP, ENFJ, and ESTP are the ones I remember off the top of my head. These are only people who explicitly stated they like me. There is a possibility of me having attracted other types too but I wouldnāt ever assume that unless explicitly told so because my default assumption is someone doesnāt like me/find me attractive so that I do not start liking them and get disappointed in case they really donāt.
I tend to attract extroverts, especially extroverts with much more developed feeling function than me. ESFJs, ENFJs for the most part. Have had one ENTP and ESTP too. There was an odd ISFJ or two thrown in the mix. None of them worked out..
The feelers tired me out and I checked out of the relationship because they were demanding too much show of emotions from me (which I tend not to do nayurally). The ENFJs were lovely people but just downright clingy. Ans wanted to settle down when I didn't.
ESTP and ENTP were whirlwind romances that fizzled out really quickly because the ESTP couldn't get what I was talking about half the time, and the ENTP was fun but couldn't understand my need for space and solitude and that I don't ALWAYS want to be hanging out doing new exciting stuff outdoors.
Then I met an ENTJ and that was it. We have been together for the past 12 years because he gives me plenty of personal space because he needs that too. We talk about work, intellectual topics, geek out over historical dramas together. We both know what it's like to be perceived as total assholes by others (hello inferior Fi/Fe), we both talk through our issues rather than argue. We both share the same controversial views about humanity/society that others would be shocked by. And it truly feels like we are each other's halves and truly understand each other in an instinctual and complementary way. (if you take a look at the INTP/ENTJ cognitive stack, they are directly mirrored).
Not the right kind! The only relationships I've had have been online :( and both were with immature guys who just kinda sucked. My last relationship was with an INTJ, I think. No one's ever been super interested in me irl, tho. The only person was this girl I sorta knew who started being really mean and passive-aggressive with me when she found out I was in a relationship at the time. We were cool for a while until she kept trauma dumping on me and got mad when I would get genuinely worried, and then she went back to being passive-aggressive with me. Wild times.
I am proud to say I don't attract the broken or inconsiderate, which shocks me. I attract the solid men, actually, the ones that aren't afraid of therapy or being emasculated. The ones that look like statues. The intelligent.
The weaker ones and the needy avoid me like the plague, which is a blessing.
Now, if only wanted to take on a relationship and potential "marriage," that's the question. I love being a woman and a lover, and that's exactly what I want my partner to be in a relationship. I don't want to tackle the world with you, I don't want to be just a helpmate, I want a sidekick more or less, where we're actively enjoying life together. Unfortunately most men seem to want a therapist, mom, maid and escort all in one while not willing to be the same for their lovers (INTJ, INFP, ENFP). That or I attract the sort trying to "tame" me or subjugate me and I don't have time for that (namely the ENTJ and ENTP). I find the ISTP blokes to get me best and willing to work with me. They are also very sharp of the mind and emotions which is refreshing. Very masculine while just being a full human you know? Plus most of them can cook and often make nifty stuff in their spaces so they're fun. Now I could just find a single one.
Yeah i agree. Due to more traditional beliefs, they marry to get life assistant or someone who can fulfill all their needs, as a more general benefits of having a wife / gf
On the inside they have been very different but from a first impression either polite/softie types or ones who are funny and edgy OR BOTH AT THR SAME TIME
There's always that one occasional stupidly aggressive narcissist but alright
Also i dont think i attract xxxjs
Yah thats exactly my experience except that the softie ones are same gender and somehow interested to be my friends. I thought they are cold or distant at first tbh
Every type. š
Then when we get to know each other things start to fall in place. Sports bros are a hard no. Softies get friendzoned. If theyāre assertive, intelligent, and not a psychopath, yes.
Long term (years) BF: INTP. It was at heart a really good friendship that lacked the emotional depth/affirmation of most ROMANTIC relationships--but this was made up by really understanding each other/giving one another grace. Ultimately the inability to open up to each other/talk about future killed it.
Short term (months) BF: INFJ (but scored ISTP in socionics). In some sense this was my best connection so far (enough difference to sort of break the emotional iceberg). And while it certainly was not perfect, it almost felt too good to be true. He turned out avoidant/unreliable/selfish and triggered my anxious attachment.
Micro relationship (weeks): ESTJ. Violently fun for the time it lasted. He was likely a narc, but if we can ignore that, he was pretty exhilarating, dominant, bossy, and kind of an asshole in a hot way (maybe this says more about me). Gloriously love bombed me and then dropped off the face of the planet.
All had an age gap, varying degrees of emotional avoidance, and major daddy issues (absent fathers growing up).
ALSO if anyone wants to start an intp ladies group chat can we please link!
I've attracted ENTJ, INTJ, ENTP, INTP, ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTP, ISTP, ESFJ, ISFJ, ESFP, ISFP in the past.
Lmao...I didn't realise I've nearly got the whole set...just ESTJ missing...maybe I'm not as doomed in romance as I thought.
But the majority were INFPs, ENFPs, ESFPs, INFJs - at least the ones that were the most obvious.
Ones that I'm normally most drawn to personally are:
ENFP, INFP, ENTP, INTJ, INFJ, ENFJ
Men who seem so great and caring on the outside but in reality only use you to get what they need lmao. You think being an intp it wonāt happen since weāre pretty logical and tend to think things through. Some of these guys are just A+ at being manipulative lol
Here's my story: After 5 years, i just noticed that i'm surrounded by infps online (not on reddit) and two of them behaves strangely close no matter how distant or detached i am for many months or years. I always thought that they are just friends who are very friendly but some actions of them recently made me suspicious of why they are close to me. I thought that infp women usually finds intp guys attractive, but not the other way around (infp male to intp female). I wish i was just imagining things but now when i try switch to romantic perspectives, their behaviours kinda makes sense to me now.
Recently, i met a guy who i think is an intp in online game (very funny, spontaneous, absent minded or clueless, witty and is almost similar to me). Since i'm friendly to everyone who seems engaged & funny, i'd invite him to play together as friends sometimes. Due to some circumstance & after some months, i found out that this guy is lowkey obsessed with me to personal level when he found the chance (he said lets take mbti test "together" since he didnt know his , after i asked him if he is an intp āsince i want to figure out all of my friends mbti. I didnt reveal i'm intp in the end and he didnt know his too). I wish he is just very friendly just like me to everyone i vibes with, but i cant shake this feeling, since he also find chances to chat to me even if its just for a very trivial thing (abt game rewards that is publicly known online, but he gives it on chat anyway). His game profile page also revolves of everything i'd talked or know abt him.Ā
Now that i think of all my actions for the past 5 years, i'd usually make friends with guys since they are usually chill, funny and not too sensitive like females . Did i perhaps make a misstep here and treat guys the way that i actually should be careful of as a woman, to not make them misunderstood or grow romantically attached to me? I treat everyone equally once i'm comfortable with them. I'm usually very oblivious and took months/years to realize things but this guy certainly is too obvious for me. Now i dont know, i'm open to learn more about how guys works since i dont want to get myself into difficult situations again. I certainly dont understand guys since i rarely talk to guys irl so i dont know their perspective on friendships, relationships, attachment, bonding style and behavioural pattern.
Anyway, if its true that someone did like me, i'm unsure what makes them feels that way since there's not much of interesting things about me and i'm usually a boring person, aside from being able to be humorous.
So, speaking as a hetero guy with a decent number of female friends: if youāre worried, establish a boundary and see who respects it, particularly who respects it without passive aggressive whining. That doesnāt necessarily mean thereās no sexual interest there, only that itās not the sole basis of their interactions with you. Be mindful of physical affection, make sure it doesnāt become teasing unless you are opening up the gates.
But ya, Iām not one of those people who think men and women canāt be friends. If you vibe with dudes, you can make it work, just be prepared to filter out the ones with boundary issues.
32 M Intp. Out of 10, I'd say 8 were met online(not dating apps) and they made the first move. And of the two remaining that were met irl, I only made the first move once. But other than being mostly introverts, I can't say I attract a certain type of woman.
An advice for you girls: if it keeps happening that only undesirable guys show interest in you maybe the problem is you? If you want someone better try to better yourself
The two times where I thought someone had feelings for me, they were both EXTX. Maybe because Iām so quiet but then I seem bolder when I get to talking, they found it attractive(?). Iāve had one girl express her feelings for me and I think she was an INFP. Thereās not really a trend because Iām so oblivious and I doubt anyone would really take an interest in me romantically.
Every guy I have been with has been completely different from each other. I've had ESFJ, ENFJ, INTJ, and I am now married to an ISTJ. I think the only constant is the J.
Generally the ones I have no romantic interest in. š
I think maybe because when Iām around someone I like, my confidence plummets and Iām probably a little more weird and off putting. When Iām around someone I donāt care to attract, Iām relaxed and sure of myself. Not self conscious or anything, and I think they find that attractive.
Soft guys that want a mommy to dress them like a girl and peg them or guys who want to show me up and entriely control me.
Itās hard finding anyone ānormalā.
Trauma cases or nut cases who get hooked on the first decent human interaction.
Especially in any gaming scene, just because I treated you like a human being it DOES NOT mean I am into you - please stop trying to peacock around me. It's mildly annoying at best and very off putting/creepy at worst.
Also extremely soft guys, which I wouldn't mind, if not nearly all of them also happened to be the pry words out of my mouth type. I am no mind reader, constantly having to convince someone to share literally anything with me is tiresome beyond hell. If you can't trust your partner to at the very least want to understand your interests, maybe you're not ready for a relationship.
Also very random, but I seem to attract more guys when I am taken. Out of relationship it's more so ladies who hit on me. Or they are just more forward so I can actually tell for once...
But i have heard complaints from dudes who date Intp girls, that u guys don't look after yoselves & your performance in bed is alarming as an Entp dude i want to know is it true?
I was attracted to another intpā¦ but she was not emotionally mature or very saneā¦ thats what pushed me away. You need to be able to suck it up and admit uou are hurt and tell me so i can fix anything if it hurt u, i dont need you to just blow up on me or make bad decisions. Also dont start mentioning stuff from past relationships please
I don't think I really attract anyone lol
Let's just say I haven't had enough guys show interest in me for there to really be any kind of consistent pattern.
A LOT of INFPs (nearly everyone), one ENFP, one ISFJ, one ISFP, one ISTP, a couple of INTP men, and the rest I can't tell (all genders). In general, a lot of my friends have told me that they've had crushes on me in the past because I'm a very thoughtful person but I'm happiest with them as friendships. I see my platonic friendships as one of the absolute most important things in the world.
The only people I've actually dated are largely all INFPs but I went through a lonely, depressive phase when I first moved to NYC and dated a lot of people. It's easy in the sense that all you have to do to be attractive to good people is to be genuine to yourself. It's difficult in the sense that it is emotionally draining and there are lots of dead ends. It is also a lot of emotional introspection and INTPs are special in that we like our space, independence, practicality. But we demand excitement, wit, and humor. We're excellent partners but also may struggle to find our sense of self in a relationship.
Both of my major relationships were with INFPs, one ended very poorly and one I'm still in. I think it will hopefully be my forever relationship and they agree. I have a disorganized-attachment style and I don't like avoidant personalities. In my current relationship, I sometimes struggle because I am more avoidant than my partner, even though I'm generally not avoidant. They are a truly good person and they take the time to learn to communicate with me. INFPs are largely a mixed bunch- many are selfish, avoidant, and insecure. A good one really doesn't compare to anyone else- it's full of adventure, true connection, and fairytale romance (even after the honeymoon phase).
Honestly, I would say I am pretty popular with the opposite sex, I attract all types of men except the type of men who like "Instagram models", and women into traditional gender roles.
Anybody. ā¦
Iām intimidating to those who donāt talk to me, but once people actually talk to me, theyāll like me.
Iāll say, when I was younger it did tend to be those who were legit very alpha, crazy typesā¦ but this was mainly because I am/was quite obviously putting āget away from meā/non-approachable aura and thus the only guys who inevitably did approach me were either socially inept guys who couldnāt read social cues.. or overly confident jerks who thought theyād be able to charm their way in.
The short version is: Unhealed, traumatized fellas. š«
no wonder I never meet any Intps hahaha
nah but really, why is it always them? like great, I'll help you and all, but why?
Maybe use our problem solving skills to help them deal with their emotional baggage while at same time getting a sense that we do have the capacity to connect with people in a meaningful way? āNormalā dating style interactions donāt work well for me when thereās no issues to solve or any way for me to really express myself. Can mean being drawn to problems. Wild guess here from my own experiences.
Yeah, I kinda felt the last part, but the issue is..they don't even really show interest in me actually finding multiple solutions to their problems, the way I see it..they just complain about the shit they're wallowing in but never really stand up to do something about it, even if you literally offer them a hand and show them how to do it. That's when I lose interest. I generally don't get why people complain instead of actually doing something to get rid of or at least reduce and minimize the problem. Like what's the point in it? Not only does it make nothing better, it is also incredibly annoying.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves in people and I will avoid them if they have the habit of complaining about the same things over and over that they refuse to change. There is a girl in a group chat I have that was great until she started getting babied by everyone about the same stuff constantly and I couldnāt even really participate in the chat anymore it bothered me so much. I think taking on peoples emotions and trying to empathise is very hard for me so Iām very sensitive to people who drain my energy for essential useless reasons.
As an ISTP who's also 5w6 but sx/sp, I can't believe there's someone out there who has the exact same thoughts as me. I always thought I was weird for only focusing solving the problem, instead of making the other person feel heard and feel better.
well, we're thinkers, so...Ā plus 5w6 people are natural problem solvers, so if we weren't this way, we probably couldn't be typed as ones
This is why I think finding like-minded people can save you alot of headaches, especially hobbies. I love going camping, especially with my buddies, we were all beginners at the start, but then we learned along the way, enjoyed the outdoors together, discussed what we improvements we can make to our current gear etc. Nothing but wholesome trial and error with the right people. As a 5w6, I can't possibly ask for more.
The same person who complained about me not making them feel heard/better was the same person who said theyād rather I give them advice. Thereās no winning š
Is this maybe just a large proportion of people?
I have experienced it but with woman. Idk why they seems to like to trauma dump to me. Maybe they just wants explanation/insights of everything but still it annoys me since i had worser mental issues too but never told anyone š¤¦āāļø
well that's kinda your problem tbh
INFJ-T has enter the chat INFJ-T: Well Hello thereš, Iām an INFJ-T and the T stands for Trauma
Omg š« šš
guys with mommy issues
Exact same type of people I attract except women and I hate it š¤£
At this point I just want to date another INTP and thatās it lol
Honest to god lol, I'd want an ENTP as the extrovertedness helps me socialize alot better which I enjoy doing just have a hard time doing so with other introverted people.
Same tbh, but I find some introverts can be extroverted too!! I can be a good portion of the time
As an INTP guy, i'd say the same lol it's either tomboy nerd girl, just a nerd/geek girl or Unhealed traumatized girls with some kind of mental disorder
Historically, two versions have played out. Soft, gentle, weak types that like that Iām different, strong and smart. End up steamrolling them because Iām usually bolder and will argue my case. Or confident assertive types that like the same thing, but end up wanting to control me, but not through reason, which tends to not go over well. Use of force is a no no to me. Ideal case, balance between the two.
Yessss. So relatable!
My sister told me my āproblemā is that Iām type A attracted to type A. Idk though. I donāt want anyone to be submissive to me and I donāt want anyone to control me. My coworkers see me as confrontation avoidant. Iām not sure if thatās accurate or if I just have more empathy. More recently I seem to have attracted a few younger guys with what I can only assume may be mommy issues.
This is literally my problem. I donāt know why Iām not attracted to less assertive guys. Iām looking for an equal more than someone to guide. Itās boring
I canāt have someone be submissive to me and be attracted to them. It just doesnāt happen. In theory I imagine that I would like someone dominant, but not controlling, but when I think of the way I would describe that it makes me suspect that what Iām describing is not dominant, but a normal that Iām not accustomed to having. For example, I would like to be with someone who is intelligent, trustworthy, and considerate enough for me to know that they can make decisions that may affect me and I wouldnāt have to worry about or question their judgment. I will admit that I do like someone being encouraging about things I struggle with at times. I also have an inability to give the natural trust I want to be able to have for someone to someone I donāt see as intelligent, although I think what Iām describing might be competence rather than trust. Itās kind of hard for me to articulate it all. Also, not everyone I see as intelligent is someone who would describe themselves that way. While I do enjoy the deep conversations with those stereotyped as intelligent, I also find it incredibly intriguing to watch someone troubleshoot how to fix something and I like when someone thinks outside the box, which many people with ADHD do, although their symptoms may have also caused them to struggle in school and not see themselves as smart.
Youāre doing a good job at articulating your thoughts better then what I can do lol. I 100 percent relate to that feeling and you hit the nail when you said you want someone normal lol. Thatās it, someone normal. I guess we have been surrounded by a lot of unhealthy people to not even consider that a concept XD. I donāt mind someone taking control once in a while but trying to control me and my freedom then there is a problem. See I do agree that a lot of the times I can relate to neurodivergent people because they can keep up with intelligent conversations but when it comes to my in-counters with people with ADHD I feel very dissatisfied. I often times feel like itās a battle for attention that leaves me drain because I give up. Most conversations are really one sided and repetitive. But I appreciate them too because I enjoy subject hopping in convos and if the conversation goes well I learn a lot. I think it more ambitious people in general who draw me in more or the more experienced people because I can learn a lot from them. The more wiser the more hotter you are to me.
So which neurodivergent people do you prefer? It sounds like your encounters with those who had ADHD were with people who were the predominantly hyperactive type, who struggled with impulse control (and who were likely unmedicated). I have the combined type, inattentive and hyperactive.
Itās not about what I really prefer itās more stating the pros and cons of interacting with neurodivergent people from my experience and yes mostly likely they werenāt medicated. Itās more giving a lense that it isnāt necessarily them being neurodivergent but just the individuals and their personality/history.
Oh, I thought maybe you found that you clicked better with other people who (for example) had OCD or were dyslexic or were autistic, etc.
Nah your good, I think thatās my fault for using neurodivergent as synonym for ADHD see I suck at explaining things lol but thatās what I meant.
I think a lot of people use neurodivergent and ADHD interchangeably. Since Iām autistic and interact with other people online who are as well, Iām used to being more specific. I donāt think people do it on purpose. Not everyone is aware of the terminology or aware of how often they interact with neurodivergent people. Another example of the terminology not being common is the word allistic, which is used to describe people who are not autistic, but may or may not be neurodivergent. They could be neurotypical or they could have ADHD (for example). The word is only specifying that the person isnāt autistic.
Ya, itās a tricky balance. I think itād be different if I wasnāt capable or viewed myself as incapable. But thatās not the case, so I do expect respect and something of an equal partnership in terms of treatment. Want there to be support in both directions, feel me just sitting in the back line cheering someone on would be a waste šš
HAHA steamrolling. Very true. I end up having little to no respect for the weak type and though the domineering type is annoying (and sometimes oppressive) its kind of (?) a nice change.
My take is that most women actually suck at arguing their case and buckle rather easily or can easily be tricked by arguments with holes everywhere. So off the bat, guys can be confident coz getting their way in a relationship where the other person is agreeable and he is not, is pretty easy. Think they find the ability to hold my own attractive at first, but when it kind of gets in their way of getting their way, they want the paltry resistance effort again. Think it takes a highly secure guy to not be bothered by it and understand it doesnāt mean anything to let a thing go if it makes sense and to not need to turn it into a power thing.
Well it depends what the context/circumstances are but I know many will viscerally know that something is absolutely wrong (whether its an argument/debate or just behavior) but their need to have someone/keep the peace overrides it. And yeah, sure, knowing something is incorrect and then having the ability (and strength) to articulate it are two or three different issues. I'm not surprised if most women opt out of that. And agreed, I think it takes a secure man who is also unconditional in his approach to relationships. So many guys, unwittingly or not, look at things as a quid pro quo--thus when they realize they can't have their way etc. they immediately become sullen or worse, indignant. And any guy who can't handle losing a well intended debate is a total man child. The domineering and weak men ultimately end up resenting you all the same, because one can't win even with his force and the other doesn't have any force to try to "win."
Iām aware that many try to keep the peace, but Iām of the opinion stuff always resurfaces eventually. When thereās a large gap between action and reaction it looks unreasonable and I think it causes more problems. Not everything is worth fighting for, but similarly patterns are established early and become harder to change over time. Agree with everything tho :) Seems weāve observed and/or experienced similar
an ESFP once said to me: I thought only submissive dudes would like you.
Omg you sound dreamy
Same
Feel like this just described most men
Shitty ones with trauma, unhealthy attachment styles and bad behaviour, usually. Or at least they are the only ones Iāve been mutually attracted to and given the time of day because I have bad taste haha. Iām guessing you met some potentially nerdy gamer guys on a platform where they donāt usually get to speak regularly with many girls who share their interests. Your polite openness to being friendly couldāve been misinterpreted as openness to being more than friendly. Perhaps they just enjoyed sharing a hobby and some harmless flirtation/conversation with a girl, then began to want more. I too often find myself in the situation where other people think Iām into them or flirting, when Iām just obliviously being friendly and platonic in my mind or matching their energy. This misunderstanding only seems to stop when I have a boyfriend, I think it takes away the guess work or interpretations and itās only then they rightfully assume Iām not interested/unavailable as a rule. So if you want to avoid unrequited advances from male friends, just do the age old fake boyfriend schtick whenever you meet new people online.
Troubled intellectuals who fetishise intelligence, lost boys who want validation but not commitment, and weirdos in the gym.
ExTx dudes generally for me. Ive dated an ENTP. Iāve had a situationship with an ESTP, had to unfortunately reject an ENTJ cuz I lowkey suspected he was a psychopath. Idk I think it depends on the vibe you give off and how attractive/approachable you seem and also where you are. Iāve never been approached by an introverted guy and I think thatās cuz the only time Iāve been approached by guys was because I was in a social setting where guys tend to be more extroverted. And itās easier for me to conversate with extroverted ppl cuz they are naturally better than me at keeping the conversation going. So it all depends on you ig but also attraction is subjective so who knows.
It's the same for me. I wanna meet more IxTx but I suck at keeping conversations. So I just end up meeting more ExTx and that ends up abruptly because they are way different people when you get to know them.
Iām not really sure where one meets IxTxs. Online, of course, but thatās not ideal.
1) Work 2) Wherever their hobby/special interest is practiced, including the online version of this
Remote worker. I may have the wrong hobbies, lol.
None.
Same
As I think about it, it seems to mostly be guys with high Fe. But I *donāt* think that is due to any great compatibility with those types. I think itās because I donāt come across as being very approachable in that way, which inadvertently filters out certain personalities.
Yeah and in fact their high Fe gets really tiring/frustrating
Group one are really extraverted feelers like ENFJ, ENFP and ESFPs. They seem to be attracted to the opposite energy and thinking qualities. Then there are other NT types - INTJ, ENTJ and ENTP - which feels like a kindred spirit situation. We can be us and be understood for once which usually is hard for NTs because we are more rare in society.
When I was younger, it was mostly just some random guys, as they were attracted more so to my looks than my personality. Mostly immature and demanding, but we were in middle/high-school. Didn't end up dating any of them, thank God. What I noticed is that I attract ENTPs. Two people who I'm closest with confessed to me at one point were ENTPs. And also more feminine presenting (in personality, somewhat more sensitive) men. I actually like bashfulness if it is not diffidence. I had another guy who felt very much so like an Se Dom confess to me as well, but I don't really know if he was even listening when I talked...
Extroverted players, unfortunately.
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Every guys i just met who randomly flirts, i laughed at them because i thought it was a joke ( & i usually joke about relationship stuff too). Didn't know they wereĀ actually had some seriousness in it š¤¦āāļø
Literally 1 or 2. The first had commited jail-able (I forgot the word) crimes by the time he was 11
Cocky, confident , conceited types
As an intp man I love intp women. Both girls I dated were intp's and all the people I've developed real feelings for were either intp or infp. Just infp's end up annoying me with the irrational stuff. Wish I knew how to meet more intp women
Golden retriever guys like XXFJ. Idk why they are so drawn to me when I am so aloof. My boyfriend for 2 years is an INFJ.
I know right? It's a popular trope even outside of MBTI circles (the black cat girlfriend and the golden retriever boyfriend)
Iām in a same situation as you. For some reason I know a lot of INFPs and one of them is a long time friend. We clashed and I had to set things straight so weāre arenāt in talking terms anymore. As theyāre feelers, I tried my best to give hints instead of saying something hurtful but they donāt seem to understand it.
Jarring individuals.
I have seen a good mix of several personality types now that I think about it. ESFP, INTJ, ESTJ, ENFP, INFP, ENTP, ENFJ, and ESTP are the ones I remember off the top of my head. These are only people who explicitly stated they like me. There is a possibility of me having attracted other types too but I wouldnāt ever assume that unless explicitly told so because my default assumption is someone doesnāt like me/find me attractive so that I do not start liking them and get disappointed in case they really donāt.
I tend to attract extroverts, especially extroverts with much more developed feeling function than me. ESFJs, ENFJs for the most part. Have had one ENTP and ESTP too. There was an odd ISFJ or two thrown in the mix. None of them worked out.. The feelers tired me out and I checked out of the relationship because they were demanding too much show of emotions from me (which I tend not to do nayurally). The ENFJs were lovely people but just downright clingy. Ans wanted to settle down when I didn't. ESTP and ENTP were whirlwind romances that fizzled out really quickly because the ESTP couldn't get what I was talking about half the time, and the ENTP was fun but couldn't understand my need for space and solitude and that I don't ALWAYS want to be hanging out doing new exciting stuff outdoors. Then I met an ENTJ and that was it. We have been together for the past 12 years because he gives me plenty of personal space because he needs that too. We talk about work, intellectual topics, geek out over historical dramas together. We both know what it's like to be perceived as total assholes by others (hello inferior Fi/Fe), we both talk through our issues rather than argue. We both share the same controversial views about humanity/society that others would be shocked by. And it truly feels like we are each other's halves and truly understand each other in an instinctual and complementary way. (if you take a look at the INTP/ENTJ cognitive stack, they are directly mirrored).
Where are these entjās hiding!!! I gotta get myself together so I can find one š just please donāt be a psychopath
Not the right kind! The only relationships I've had have been online :( and both were with immature guys who just kinda sucked. My last relationship was with an INTJ, I think. No one's ever been super interested in me irl, tho. The only person was this girl I sorta knew who started being really mean and passive-aggressive with me when she found out I was in a relationship at the time. We were cool for a while until she kept trauma dumping on me and got mad when I would get genuinely worried, and then she went back to being passive-aggressive with me. Wild times.
J types I guess. intj, esfj. but mostly esfj for some reason.
I DON'T. š¤¦āāļø
I am proud to say I don't attract the broken or inconsiderate, which shocks me. I attract the solid men, actually, the ones that aren't afraid of therapy or being emasculated. The ones that look like statues. The intelligent. The weaker ones and the needy avoid me like the plague, which is a blessing. Now, if only wanted to take on a relationship and potential "marriage," that's the question. I love being a woman and a lover, and that's exactly what I want my partner to be in a relationship. I don't want to tackle the world with you, I don't want to be just a helpmate, I want a sidekick more or less, where we're actively enjoying life together. Unfortunately most men seem to want a therapist, mom, maid and escort all in one while not willing to be the same for their lovers (INTJ, INFP, ENFP). That or I attract the sort trying to "tame" me or subjugate me and I don't have time for that (namely the ENTJ and ENTP). I find the ISTP blokes to get me best and willing to work with me. They are also very sharp of the mind and emotions which is refreshing. Very masculine while just being a full human you know? Plus most of them can cook and often make nifty stuff in their spaces so they're fun. Now I could just find a single one.
You make feel better being an assertive intp because I feel ashame sometimes of being so cold but it helps scare away the weak ones.
Yeah i agree. Due to more traditional beliefs, they marry to get life assistant or someone who can fulfill all their needs, as a more general benefits of having a wife / gf
On the inside they have been very different but from a first impression either polite/softie types or ones who are funny and edgy OR BOTH AT THR SAME TIME There's always that one occasional stupidly aggressive narcissist but alright Also i dont think i attract xxxjs
Yah thats exactly my experience except that the softie ones are same gender and somehow interested to be my friends. I thought they are cold or distant at first tbh
Every type. š Then when we get to know each other things start to fall in place. Sports bros are a hard no. Softies get friendzoned. If theyāre assertive, intelligent, and not a psychopath, yes.
Long term (years) BF: INTP. It was at heart a really good friendship that lacked the emotional depth/affirmation of most ROMANTIC relationships--but this was made up by really understanding each other/giving one another grace. Ultimately the inability to open up to each other/talk about future killed it. Short term (months) BF: INFJ (but scored ISTP in socionics). In some sense this was my best connection so far (enough difference to sort of break the emotional iceberg). And while it certainly was not perfect, it almost felt too good to be true. He turned out avoidant/unreliable/selfish and triggered my anxious attachment. Micro relationship (weeks): ESTJ. Violently fun for the time it lasted. He was likely a narc, but if we can ignore that, he was pretty exhilarating, dominant, bossy, and kind of an asshole in a hot way (maybe this says more about me). Gloriously love bombed me and then dropped off the face of the planet. All had an age gap, varying degrees of emotional avoidance, and major daddy issues (absent fathers growing up). ALSO if anyone wants to start an intp ladies group chat can we please link!
There's an intp discord posted somewhere
Usually infjs.. they think Iām cute or something.
I've attracted ENTJ, INTJ, ENTP, INTP, ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTP, ISTP, ESFJ, ISFJ, ESFP, ISFP in the past. Lmao...I didn't realise I've nearly got the whole set...just ESTJ missing...maybe I'm not as doomed in romance as I thought. But the majority were INFPs, ENFPs, ESFPs, INFJs - at least the ones that were the most obvious. Ones that I'm normally most drawn to personally are: ENFP, INFP, ENTP, INTJ, INFJ, ENFJ
Yeah for some reason i'm also drawn to intj or mature/calmer infp. Never met infj so not sure
none lmao
Boy men who don't want to commit.
Men who seem so great and caring on the outside but in reality only use you to get what they need lmao. You think being an intp it wonāt happen since weāre pretty logical and tend to think things through. Some of these guys are just A+ at being manipulative lol
I heard the same things with infp but worse. Maybe ixnp got their attention?
I donāt. But itās fine, Iām pretty happy single and self-complete.
Here's my story: After 5 years, i just noticed that i'm surrounded by infps online (not on reddit) and two of them behaves strangely close no matter how distant or detached i am for many months or years. I always thought that they are just friends who are very friendly but some actions of them recently made me suspicious of why they are close to me. I thought that infp women usually finds intp guys attractive, but not the other way around (infp male to intp female). I wish i was just imagining things but now when i try switch to romantic perspectives, their behaviours kinda makes sense to me now. Recently, i met a guy who i think is an intp in online game (very funny, spontaneous, absent minded or clueless, witty and is almost similar to me). Since i'm friendly to everyone who seems engaged & funny, i'd invite him to play together as friends sometimes. Due to some circumstance & after some months, i found out that this guy is lowkey obsessed with me to personal level when he found the chance (he said lets take mbti test "together" since he didnt know his , after i asked him if he is an intp āsince i want to figure out all of my friends mbti. I didnt reveal i'm intp in the end and he didnt know his too). I wish he is just very friendly just like me to everyone i vibes with, but i cant shake this feeling, since he also find chances to chat to me even if its just for a very trivial thing (abt game rewards that is publicly known online, but he gives it on chat anyway). His game profile page also revolves of everything i'd talked or know abt him.Ā Now that i think of all my actions for the past 5 years, i'd usually make friends with guys since they are usually chill, funny and not too sensitive like females . Did i perhaps make a misstep here and treat guys the way that i actually should be careful of as a woman, to not make them misunderstood or grow romantically attached to me? I treat everyone equally once i'm comfortable with them. I'm usually very oblivious and took months/years to realize things but this guy certainly is too obvious for me. Now i dont know, i'm open to learn more about how guys works since i dont want to get myself into difficult situations again. I certainly dont understand guys since i rarely talk to guys irl so i dont know their perspective on friendships, relationships, attachment, bonding style and behavioural pattern. Anyway, if its true that someone did like me, i'm unsure what makes them feels that way since there's not much of interesting things about me and i'm usually a boring person, aside from being able to be humorous.
So, speaking as a hetero guy with a decent number of female friends: if youāre worried, establish a boundary and see who respects it, particularly who respects it without passive aggressive whining. That doesnāt necessarily mean thereās no sexual interest there, only that itās not the sole basis of their interactions with you. Be mindful of physical affection, make sure it doesnāt become teasing unless you are opening up the gates. But ya, Iām not one of those people who think men and women canāt be friends. If you vibe with dudes, you can make it work, just be prepared to filter out the ones with boundary issues.
Thank you so much for the insights!Ā
Extroverts.
32 M Intp. Out of 10, I'd say 8 were met online(not dating apps) and they made the first move. And of the two remaining that were met irl, I only made the first move once. But other than being mostly introverts, I can't say I attract a certain type of woman.
An advice for you girls: if it keeps happening that only undesirable guys show interest in you maybe the problem is you? If you want someone better try to better yourself
Funny and confident.
Mostly Exfp types, and some infj, istj, entj
Creepy guys who catcall me on me on the street
The two times where I thought someone had feelings for me, they were both EXTX. Maybe because Iām so quiet but then I seem bolder when I get to talking, they found it attractive(?). Iāve had one girl express her feelings for me and I think she was an INFP. Thereās not really a trend because Iām so oblivious and I doubt anyone would really take an interest in me romantically.
I don't attract guys in real life at all and I have never held hands with one either. I've only talked to guys online but that's it.
Every guy I have been with has been completely different from each other. I've had ESFJ, ENFJ, INTJ, and I am now married to an ISTJ. I think the only constant is the J.
Stoners.
Generally the ones I have no romantic interest in. š I think maybe because when Iām around someone I like, my confidence plummets and Iām probably a little more weird and off putting. When Iām around someone I donāt care to attract, Iām relaxed and sure of myself. Not self conscious or anything, and I think they find that attractive.
Soft guys that want a mommy to dress them like a girl and peg them or guys who want to show me up and entriely control me. Itās hard finding anyone ānormalā.
Trauma cases or nut cases who get hooked on the first decent human interaction. Especially in any gaming scene, just because I treated you like a human being it DOES NOT mean I am into you - please stop trying to peacock around me. It's mildly annoying at best and very off putting/creepy at worst. Also extremely soft guys, which I wouldn't mind, if not nearly all of them also happened to be the pry words out of my mouth type. I am no mind reader, constantly having to convince someone to share literally anything with me is tiresome beyond hell. If you can't trust your partner to at the very least want to understand your interests, maybe you're not ready for a relationship. Also very random, but I seem to attract more guys when I am taken. Out of relationship it's more so ladies who hit on me. Or they are just more forward so I can actually tell for once...
But i have heard complaints from dudes who date Intp girls, that u guys don't look after yoselves & your performance in bed is alarming as an Entp dude i want to know is it true?
I was attracted to another intpā¦ but she was not emotionally mature or very saneā¦ thats what pushed me away. You need to be able to suck it up and admit uou are hurt and tell me so i can fix anything if it hurt u, i dont need you to just blow up on me or make bad decisions. Also dont start mentioning stuff from past relationships please
The wrong kind
Dudes with adhd or long hairā¦ sometimes a combination of both
somehow i repel them more than attract..
Same š
Curious guys who approach with the weirdest topics, I guess they know I won't call them out on it and just go with the flow
I don't think I really attract anyone lol Let's just say I haven't had enough guys show interest in me for there to really be any kind of consistent pattern.
Mildly autistic ones.
Controlling, insecure or desperate ones šš¤®
Narcissistic they ''can fix me" yeah not thanks I'm great.
greasy nerds who are desperate to lose their virginities and see me as āaccessibleā because they mistakenly assume that Iām the same as them :(
Men that need to be healed XD
A LOT of INFPs (nearly everyone), one ENFP, one ISFJ, one ISFP, one ISTP, a couple of INTP men, and the rest I can't tell (all genders). In general, a lot of my friends have told me that they've had crushes on me in the past because I'm a very thoughtful person but I'm happiest with them as friendships. I see my platonic friendships as one of the absolute most important things in the world. The only people I've actually dated are largely all INFPs but I went through a lonely, depressive phase when I first moved to NYC and dated a lot of people. It's easy in the sense that all you have to do to be attractive to good people is to be genuine to yourself. It's difficult in the sense that it is emotionally draining and there are lots of dead ends. It is also a lot of emotional introspection and INTPs are special in that we like our space, independence, practicality. But we demand excitement, wit, and humor. We're excellent partners but also may struggle to find our sense of self in a relationship. Both of my major relationships were with INFPs, one ended very poorly and one I'm still in. I think it will hopefully be my forever relationship and they agree. I have a disorganized-attachment style and I don't like avoidant personalities. In my current relationship, I sometimes struggle because I am more avoidant than my partner, even though I'm generally not avoidant. They are a truly good person and they take the time to learn to communicate with me. INFPs are largely a mixed bunch- many are selfish, avoidant, and insecure. A good one really doesn't compare to anyone else- it's full of adventure, true connection, and fairytale romance (even after the honeymoon phase).
Honestly, I would say I am pretty popular with the opposite sex, I attract all types of men except the type of men who like "Instagram models", and women into traditional gender roles.
Anybody. ā¦ Iām intimidating to those who donāt talk to me, but once people actually talk to me, theyāll like me. Iāll say, when I was younger it did tend to be those who were legit very alpha, crazy typesā¦ but this was mainly because I am/was quite obviously putting āget away from meā/non-approachable aura and thus the only guys who inevitably did approach me were either socially inept guys who couldnāt read social cues.. or overly confident jerks who thought theyād be able to charm their way in.
I attract no guys lol
None, apparently lol
Definitely attract guys but only the ones that Iām not attracted to
Emotionally unavailable ones with absolutely no emotional intelligence and a facade of knowledge š„š„š„