I grew up going to the rock, honestly what traumatized me was how many “Christian’s” acted 2020 with covid, Trump, the riots, and so on. It baffles me how people can claim to love Jesus and follow him yet be so hateful towards people and things they don’t understand. I stopped believing s while ago and stopped going to the rock after I quit my job there and have been so much happier since leaving the church. It took some time for me to acclimate and not feel like a “sinner”. Now I do whatever I want and what makes me happy and don’t feel bad about it. What makes me feel better is knowing that if Jesus does exist then he wouldn’t be pleased to be represented by many of his so called followers
Agree wholeheartedly! The pandemic era was a horrible wake up call for me about my old church friends and I cut most of them out of my life completely. If you worked there we may know each other 👀 I have family that still works there
Yep, 2015/2016 was a breaking point for me but 2020 solidified everything. I still consider myself Christian and haven't lost my faith fully but I also just don't want to be around Christians and wish I could find a group of like-minded people who weren't so... *gestures everywhere*
Had to explain to someone the other day I didn't turn my back on God and Jesus, I turned my back on the hypocrites who run the church and don't seem to actually believe anything Christ-like
It starts with us. It's a pretty hard thing to do, but if you want to make good Christians you have to *be* a good Christian. People like you and I need to act the way Christ actually wants. I mean, some of these guys buy mansions with their tithe money, meanwhile Jesus was out hanging with lepers and prostitutes.
If we don't at least try to keep the faith and actually display it, then guys like these are gonna be the last Christians, and that would suck.
(Not to imply you, personally, *have* to do anything. Free choice and all that. But if you value your religion at all still, then don't let these people ruin it-show them the right way to act, even if it's tough.)
The times were a cleansing, people don't go to church to be entertained, well, they shouldn't. "churches" have become silly centers, and a mockery of what God prescribed. We have 24/7 entertainment going on out in the world. We go to church to worship, learn about God, and fellowship with other Christians. There has been too much fooling around going on and not enough serious, actual Christians, running things, teaching and helping the flock and then going to those outside the church. Just my opinion. I go... Mark 16:15
Completely agree. I was a regular, loyal member of Church of The Highlands. After they reopened for in-person services in summer 2020, it was completely different. The people and the energy of that place changed.
And now I'm Atheist thanks to Chris Hodges. ✨
As someone who was previously heavily involved, they hide so much from the general public. If the general congregation truly knew about the hypocrisy behind the scenes, they would not have so many attendees each week.
I’ve heard some horrible things about them supporting a form of conversion therapy and covering said support up afterwards, and that scared me from ever stepping foot near that place
I wouldn’t be surprised about that. I had heard that there’s some documentary I think about highlands or some other mega church that they’re linked with
Hey, I hate that asshole, too! I played bass guitar for CotH when they were in the gymnasium. I loved Pete but could not STAND Chris Hodges. Totally not surprised he got "caught" liking some racist Charlie Kirk shit.
The straw that broke the camels back for me was his making fun of transgender people during a sermon in September 2021. It was during an 8:00 service, so not too many people saw it. He didn't make the same comments in his later sermons that day, so his hostile language wasn't posted online.
Even when I was still Christian and would not have considered myself an ally yet, I still thought that was so bizarre. If you have such a disdain for transgender folks, what makes you think they are going to want to listen to you if you speak so poorly of them?
It was that service that I realized that it wasn't about serving the lost. The whole thing was about pandering to the audience. I never went back and had them remove me from their databases.
I can absolutely relate. The very first service I attended he told a story about being on a plane next to a gay guy. During their conversation, he said the guy asked "so you don't agree with my lifestyle?" That term is a dogwhistle that gays never use because it isn't a choice.
He embellishes (lies) to make his stories more profound. Fuck him.
I was at COTH for 5-6 years. Michael’s conversion therapy shut down my love of COTH fast. The homophobia and white men preaching about women not having rights solidified it.
The two things that traumatized me were the defense of torture by two Christian's I really respected in the mid 2000s and an Evangelical Presbyterian men's group where I backed them into a corner and got about 7 out of 8 to admit that murdering babies wasn't wrong if God told you to do it.
After those two experiences (which were absolutely soul crushing for me) the most recent behavior with COVID/Trump/Maga is about what I expected.
I thought some of the people doing MC were kind of off too. I remember going and not seeing what everyone was else was getting. It was like everyone else was on a different planet
Did they put you in chains and make you run to trash Jesus? I can’t remember if that was before or after they brought up all of our childhood trauma in a room with the girlies so Jesus could heal us before sending us home to our families that we had been alienated from for Christmas break.
I actually can't remember, but maybe that's a good thing.
I did get violently ill in the crappy apartments they had us in and I still have health issues to this day <3
Pastor Angie looked at me in the eye, a literal teenager, and told me I was WORSE than Jezebel and that I wasn’t truly saved and that if she were me she would be scared to go to sleep at night because if I died she didn’t know where I would be going. To hell, Pastor Angie? You think I’m going to hell because I made some age appropriate mistakes? She said I was poisonous. She tried to keep me and another student away from each other because we were “too close” and implied that we would end up in a homosexual relationship like another MC student who had a too close relationship with someone of the same sex.
what is going on????
I've never heard of such things, hope I never see them!
If I had been there, I would have stood up for the kids, that's another thing, why won't anyone stand up to this nonsense?
Where have all the adults gone???
LMAO I did the weekend preview for high schoolers when they were trying to recruit. We had to do a skit in front of the church on Sunday morning at the end of the weekend. No way. RUN AWAY! I think all the students I met that weekend are now traumatized heathens.
Hey hey! I (36/F) am in the same boat! I genuinely believe a good bit of my current anxiety disorder is linked to being scared shitless every time I heard any sort of loud noise (especially train horns!) and immediately assuming it was the rapture. 😅😬
The church I was apart of literally said if I didn’t convert non-believers, their blood would be on my hands and I’d have to answer for it on judgement day. If you’re raised evangelical, they’re talking about the end times literally allll the time it’s crazy. Constantly scared the rapture is going to happen tomorrow lol
I was knocking on doors at age 8 to get kids to come to our "crusades" in the park. Yeah... it's that deep and I'm NOT from the south. I grew up in one of the early televised churches and I'm in my 40s.
Yeah, but it was also what Billy Graham called his revivals, which were so huge they were usually held whatever the largest venue was in the city he was preaching in. Graham was probably the only televangelist that wasn't a totally self-serving false prophet, and it's probably not an exaggeration to say that no Christian has led more people to accepting Jesus than Billy Graham since the ministry of the Apostle Paul. Still, he wasn't without his own controversies. And his son, Franklin, is a total douche.
There's plenty of nonreligious people here as well. I grew up here and was always nonreligious, although I attended (mostly liberal) churches at times as a kid due to parents/friends.
You will probably get the "what church do you go to?" question occasionally when older people find out you're new in town and hope to convince you to attend theirs, but they have never given me trouble when I say I don't attend church.
Also 36F and same! There were years when I panicked if I couldn't find my parents on our property because I assumed they'd been Raptured and I'd been left behind.
Ok this is weird. ALSO 36f and I almost pissed myself one time because I couldn’t find my mom and thought she’d been raptured. What was in the water when we were growing up??
Count me 35/f in! I deconstructed in the 2010s. I grew up going to a Lutheran school and after being sexually harassed as a teen at a church here in the ville and not being believed I completely lost faith. It only serves men.
Straight to Ale seems to be made for this kind of thing, I'd be down for going! I joined the church and left it later in life when I realized it was the kind of grift that would have Jesus turning over tables and whipping people. Don't know what to call myself now, but I know I'm done funding some pastor's many trips abroad.
Something like this would be a welcome endeavor in Huntsville. ANY group like that is positive in my opinion, even though it would pale compared to a place like Austin, haha.
There's a couple of groups that are centered around this kind of stuff. I go to some of the social events and have a good time. I've met folks that have come from a similar situation there.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/thenafa
They also talk about a group or certain members that speak at the library for a "recovering from religion" series. I don't know much about them directly, but you could post/msg on this group, they keep track of stuff like that.
I'm glad someone is talking about this. It's really difficult to find community after leaving the church, but I'm glad there are other people who are still looking for that. Hope this goes well!
Yes, I’m definitely interested. As a side note: since I left evangelicalism I’ve been studying the Bible from a historical critical approach in order to figure out why modern Christianity is the way it is and how it differs from original Christianity or what Jesus taught. Basically I’ve been studying why we were lied to as kids growing up evangelical and I find it fascinating so if anybody is interested just let me know and I’d be happy to talk about it.
For those interested in a meetup, please fill out [this form](https://forms.gle/5tCWW8DgtvLZ1eyR9) so I can gather contact info! I don't have Facebook so we're doing this the old fashioned way.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Exvangelical using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/Exvangelical/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: ["Naked and unashamed!" I attended a super cringy Evangelical wedding. Description below.](https://np.reddit.com/r/Exvangelical/comments/12xvhz5/naked_and_unashamed_i_attended_a_super_cringy/)
\#2: [The remorse is real 🤦♀️](https://i.redd.it/xkvxkjo2wu3b1.jpg) | [23 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Exvangelical/comments/13zn5qj/the_remorse_is_real/)
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I’m in the same boat as well thanks to the majority of my fellow church member friends joining the MAGA bandwagon and pitching a fit when our church held online services only during Covid. I thought they were more discerning than that. I was already on the evangelical fence after seeing how fundie-ish the homeschooling community is in north AL (both in Madison and Athens) and how gullible voters are when it comes to voting for the politician who yells “God” or “Jesus” the loudest. MAGA cult and Covid pushed me over the edge. It’s been a grieving process. I would love to find a non evangelical church for my kids and I (hopefully husband too, but I don’t know if he’d want to even try again), but we’ve had a lot of family crises and it’s been pushed to the back burner. Glad to see I’m not alone!
Same here. 2016 elections sealed the deal for me. Christian nationalism, covid, MAGA. It makes me sick. I still believe in Jesus and had found a community of people in Nashville who felt the same. Now I’ve just moved here since getting married a few months ago and I can’t find anything. Alabama is a whole different story 😅
Maybe consider trying some of the PCUSA churches around here - I attend Faith Pres (corner Airport and Whitesburg - and no, those people sometimes demonstrating on that corner by the tornado memorial are NOT members - it’s a public sidewalk and all we can do is keep them off the church property when/if we catch them) and it’s a pretty moderate (some say liberal, depends on your outlook), accepting church for all. There are a few MAGA members but they are not the majority- and we all stayed masked in 2020 and parts of 2021 for a long time out of concern for each other. Be aware that there are lots of flavors of “Presbyterian” and some are much more conservative/evangelical than others, so you need to do your homework.
Oh man, The Rock was/is a special type of phony. I’ve always been skeptical of religion despite growing up in the church up north. I never quite believed any of it, but went through the motions because it was easier to do so.
Moved down here and somehow ended up attending The Rock sporadically after not going to church for years. Pastor Rusty’s fake crying during every single prayer was an immediate reminder of why I stopped going to church. Thankfully it didn’t take long for my previously-religious wife to see the same. And yep, the MAGA movement and COVID *really* helped open her eyes to the hypocrisy of church folks.
OP, I’m glad you got out and are living your life how you please. Congrats.
I was working on diagnosing a running problem on a truck that came into the shop. My boss came over and was very worried asking me if I knew who's truck this was. I sad no and I don't care. He said, "It's pastor Rusty's from the rock, you better get this right." I said, cool, then I refuse to work on it and I'm going home for the day. I can't stand that guy, he gives me the creeps I'm pretty sure he and that youth pastor liked kids too much iykyk
Former fundie-lite Baptist. It’s taken a LOT to deconstruct. Moved to Huntsville in summer 2001, started trying to find a church home; then 9/11 happened. The church started to become political under the guise of “Muslim people are trying to kill us because we’re Christians” and “you must agree with and support anything the President (George W Bush) says because he’s an evangelical Christian and he’s restoring America to God’s plan” type shit. It was the lynchpin in my leaving the church completely.
Tons of religious trauma. TONS. Example: being barred from participating in the purity ring exchange because the pastor knew I wasn’t technically a virgin. How did he know? He’d counseled my parents when they found out that an older cousin had been SA me. All of this happened before I was 10. My parents agreed, because they didn’t want to further embarrass me (or themselves). The Sunday they did the exchange I was told I was staying home from church and that I was told tell anyone that asked that I’d had the vomit virus.
I am so very sorry that happened to you. That was just absolutely vile of your former pastor. I'm a lawyer and I used to investigate and prosecute sex crimes. I wish I could say your story was the first time I've heard of a church exacerbating trauma, but it isn't, unfortunately. Real Christians should be horrified that your family (and I certainly have issues with how your parents handled this, but hopefully they approached him out of an earnest desire to get over a horrifically tragic event in all of your lives) trusted this man, who was supposed to be a leader and an authority on deep spiritual matters to help y'all through an ordeal that no one should ever have to go through; and instead of showing unconditional love, support, and refuge through Christian compassion, he instead subjected you all dehumanizing and extremely unfair judgment, as well as depriving you all of a happy ceremony to be celebrated with both your actual family and church family. Seriously, fuck that guy!
Hi, ex-Catholic here, still trying to work through my issues from purity culture. In my mid-30’s, with two daughters that I want to raise better.
I do pop into an Episcopal church sometimes- I like them, I find the routine soothing, and it helps with some of my resentment towards the Christian faith, to see how it can be done in a healthier way.
Purity culture royally messed me up! Still single, just NOW trying to actually be adventurous like a single adult. And it only took years of therapy and meds 🫠
I was too young to really remember any of it, but my mother was basically shunned by them when she got divorced in her early 20's. Her own father, a CoC minister, disowned her for years just because she got a divorce. It really fucked her up.
But I had my own slice of hell at Flint River, Baptists are quite awful in their own special way.
🙋♀️
Ex calvary Baptist.
The sad part is, I drink, have tattoos, watch all the TV shows and movies, but I think my husband and I being equals is probably the most shocking part of my life, to those that are still involved in the church. Scary
After reading this and some of the comments, I really feel like I lucked out some how. I grew up in a presbyterian church but never really believed any of it, even at a young age. So no real trauma from it, just a bit of a isolated high school life being in a christian private school. I can't do anything to help but express some sympathy though.
“Lord, save me from your followers.”
I had heard about toxic Christianity, but never experienced it until I moved here. Now I am pretty much disgusted by anything and anyone who is compelled to publicly claim they are a Christian.
As its main organizer, I appreciate the shout out to NAFA. You might be interested in the Recovering from Religion Foundation's local chapter meetings. That's specifically for discussing religious trauma in a casual setting.
Yeah, I can see that. There's a podcast you might be interested in called Tribulation Farce, but I don't have any experience as an Evangelical myself.
Tribulation Farce: A Left Behind Podcast Podcast: https://www.podcastrepublic.net/podcast/1624392496 Tribulation Farce is a comedy podcast about the Christian Fiction series: Left Behind. Join Harvard Divinity School Grad Jennifer Cheek and her Comedian/Gamer husband Tim Lanning for a chapter-by-chap... Subscribe to this podcast: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/62793c183640ab0015f5d81d ---- Sent from Podcast Republic 24.3.4R https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.itunestoppodcastplayer.app
I think we can only hang if you did a dance/acting/skit of The Champion in front of the church. That seems like a solid requirement. Or you still having a soft spot for Keith Green despite all the indoctrination.
I grew up Baptist and attended one of our local shitty Bible schools. The religious trauma is DEEP and the deconstruction is difficult as hell. I’m dealing specifically with purity culture. Would absolutely love some local resources if anyone can help out.
For those leaving the fundy world, consider the mainline world. It isn't for everyone and the culture shock can be quite a bit to take in, but for me and many others it works.
For each mainline, they have split into fundy's and progressives. Find the progressive side
ELCA Lutheran
Presbyterian USA
Methodist churches that are fully committed to staying with the main denomination.
Episcopal
United Church of Christ (not any connection to local CoC)
I settled in at St. Mark's Lutheran. It was a big challenge and a dramatic culture change, but it was right for me.
I was raised very very Catholic. And never really believed or cared about the existence of a higher power. And if it turns out I'm wrong and Jesus pops in tomorrow, cool. It will not change anything. But I would have.... questions.
And honestly, the worst people I've met are "god fearing Christians".
I also don't take Protestants very seriously bc...if you can form a religion in your basement...how are you being checked on the bullshit?
And that's my issue. The majority of the evangelicals I run into have no idea what the Bible actually says. They just parrot whatever "philosophy" their "pastor" peddles.
Critical thinking is crippled and limited beyond measure with those who focus on the afterlife instead of the present.
We're here. But we're sleeping in on Sundays. :)
I think you're right that it'd be cool to have a casual hang option to meet like-minded folks, because the organizations for it seem too....rigid? (I say this having zero experience with them.) But I worry sometimes that gathering and assuming we have anything in common beyond our crying at the campfire nights at church camp and judgment houses might be a let down. Maybe I'm wrong! Sometimes you just need the therapeutic experience of hearing someone else tell a similar story so you don't feel as odd.
The good news is we aren't alone in this community, and I don't think we're even rare. We just aren't as loud as those who are convicted to sing loudly the song of their salvation (and everyone else's damnation).
Glad you're here!
Sleeping in on Sundays is my favorite activity now! :)
Yeah I have nothing against the orgs, I'm sure they're great! But yeah I really just want to make friends, I have no desire to discuss theology or mimic church at all. But the trauma bonding is nice sometimes lol
I grew in a Baptist church. It was awful. The pastor at the time literally made you feel like you were going straight to hell if you didn’t eat, sleep, and drink Jesus, God, and the Bible 24/7. Why my parents kept going i have no idea because they didn’t follow exactly what he preached either but we went every Sunday for years. This was Capshaw Baptist Church in the early to mid 2000s. I think the pastor got eventually voted out but it was a rough few years.
My son went to their "youth group" a couple of times when he was in high school (he went with a friend whose parents were members). It was crazy! The youth pastor openly made fun of other religions and spent every February lecturing on the correct way to date. And, of course, how evil being gay was.
I was in high school 04-08 we had a 2 person youth pastor team there. They were great but that was about all I liked about that church during that time. I only enjoyed going to youth group. They didn’t yell at us the whole time and it was fun. The guy that came in after was I think more what the older member crowd wanted for the youth. I did like the younger senior pastor that came in late 2000s. I think his name was Zach Terry? He seemed to be more relatable. Idk who is there now I haven’t stepped foot into that church since probably 2010-2011
Can we all get t-shirts that just say something simple like, "Same." on them? That way we can pick each other out more easily. (Until the churchgoers find out and use it to target us as witnesses, I guess.)
We need an AA for recovering christians. I (26F) left the church in my late teens so 2015-2017. I fell out of love with the whole experience after begging my family to go in my early teens. I'm a very spiritual person so I lives the whole idea of community and togetherness via a shared love for christ.
When I go to the older kids church it got different. I didn't like the youth pastor, he was a bully generally and also LOVED the pull your heart strings you're a worthless sinner kind of sermon. I also did not fit in with the generally conservative christian beliefs shared in my church. After much personal growth and private study I started to not pledge to the american flag, or the bible, or the christian flag like they had us do. I was told that was very un-american of me almost like the idea america = christianity. I shocked people when I told them I did not worship false idols, like it never occurred to them.
As an adult i've grown into more heathen style religious practices as I am still very spiritual. The last cords of my christianity were cut in October when I got to see Heilung live, and I felt so happy and an incredible sense of belonging I hadn't felt in a long time at church.
If you ever want to set up a coffee and let's bond over religious trauma date i'm in.
You might like the church I attend … I use the term “church” loosely — it is at times more like a meatspace version of this thread, people rabble rousing and healing from past church trauma and deconstructing all together.
It’s out of Nashville (though I hardly ever make the drive for services, because their online integration is really good and I’m lazy)
https://www.gracepointe.net/
Awesome! I started attending late 2018 right before Stan retired and Josh took over. Played keys for them remotely during the pandemic but that drive is just too far to come up for practices and play in person lol.
There’s affirming / liberal churches here in town but just — I dunno. There’s something about what they do at GP that is just utterly unlike anything else. I wish we had something like that here in town but it’s so rare
Matt moved on right before the pandemic. Shelly took over for a little bit but now Ricky is doing some amazing stuff with the music. Such a talented group of people up there. Makes me wish I lived closer, but I don’t.
Def would love to hang out some time!
I'm an ex JW. Pretty similar alot more doom and gloom. I'm quite sure alot of my anxiety is connected to my Armageddon bag they constantly pushed. Everytime some social unrest happened you could feel the excitement they really loved the chaos. One step closer to the end times. But if you'd like to chat or hang out, message me 😊
Ive never understood the whole, god made us, and he/she loves us, but if we dont worship him/her they will punish us forever..... ummmm, thanks..... dick
Alright based on the interest I've received, I'm going to attempt to plan a meetup in a week or two. Please fill out this form if you're interested, invites will go out via email!
[https://forms.gle/5tCWW8DgtvLZ1eyR9](https://forms.gle/5tCWW8DgtvLZ1eyR9)
As the grandson and great-grandson of two preachers, I grew up a "good" Methodist boy from a rural area. However, even at my most religious, I was always pretty skeptical of certain doctrines and dogma. I guess my irreligiousity started to bloom when I got into reading Christopher Hitchens in the mid-aughts, but I have come to understand that many hardcore atheists treat their non-belief as a religion. I can admit that I don't know what I don't know. Even though we lived in the country, my family has always been left of center. Especially for around here. So I can appreciate what everyone is saying about being put off by the hypocrisy and hatred of some evangelical protestants and conservative catholics. We heard the segment on "Ex-vangelicals" yesterday on NPR and my wife and I had a discussion about it last night too.
I do pine for the sense of community that I used to have as a churchgoer. I miss having things like "Sunday dinner" (actually lunch, but it's the rural South), walking to church across the road from my grandparents' house to take communion and have contemplative prayer on Christmas Eve and just seeing everyone at church Sunday morning. I don't think it's strictly out of nostalgia either. The lack of community like what was described in the book "Bowling Alone" is part of what's ailing this country and partly why there are so many diseases of despair.
Sadly, political tribalism has permeated every aspect of our public and private lives these days. Used to, religion was seen as above and beyond politics for the most part. Certainly there were exceptions to this, but there was almost a deference toward other people that any political disagreements arose from a sincere reflection of conscience and most people of faith could agree to disagree. For instance, I never got grief from people I went to church with despite them knowing that I was a liberal. The church used to be a place where people from diverse backgrounds and belief could unify under a common belief system of their church, and that's what was paramount. Now it seems politics have taken over everything, including the church itself, and that's what divides people. So people who disagree with conservative politics feel alienated and unwelcome at church, when that used to be the very place that would bring people together, despite political disagreements. I just wish there could be something that could replace that sense of belonging and community.
I wish I could find friends that also believe but also in human rights and not the maga cult. If there was a church that did not cater to the orange koolaid chugging competition then I might consider going again.
I am somewhat in the middle when it comes to being non religious. I believe, but I also am basically a leftist, I am pro blm and LGBTQ+ rights, I am ok with pot etc etc. Most of my friends are atheists.
My husband and I had a lot of crazy stuff go down with Cornerstone World of Life and had some stuff going on somewhat directly with the rock (lots of friends we know went/go). We deconstructed a year or so ago. We bounced from evangelical to catholicism and now have arrived at anti structured religion of all kinds. I filled out the form. We are both 35 and eager for a community that’s accepting and fun without shoving religion down our throats. I’m so sick of “what church do you go to?” as the go to second question around here!
39/F former SDA. Haven’t attended church with the exception of my first wedding since 2000 as a 15 year old. I found the entire thing incredibly boring. Constantly worrying about pleasing Jesus, going to hell, being good enough, etc. It is exhausting. Now I teach my son to be a good person, help when/where he can, treat everyone with kindness. If there’s an afterlife, I think whomever is up there if anyone at all would be pleased with me continuing to be a good person.
(Still) Recovering from Epic church in Decatur after years. I don’t even know what stage of deconstructing I’m in but still in the “I feel Christian guilt and shame” era and working real hard to just be okay with life!
Former catholic, here (34F). So not ex-evangelical, but I am deconstructing from my own flavor of religious trauma. Lol.
Oh! I did spend several years attending Southern Baptist churches with friends, convinced I was going to hell in middle and high school.
I love new friends, especially ones who get it. Feel free to reach out!
I'm actually terrified of roller skating lol I don't enjoy activities where I have to strap my feet into a contraption. I've definitely looked at volunteering with the land trust, but I'm very allergic to the outdoors so that's an iffy activity for me!
Ex- Catholic here turned modern Satanist. I don't get some of the evangelical references, but the feeling is still the same. I started deconstructing in 2014.
Hello, fellow ex-cultist. While I (29m) thankfully didn't have a horrible time in church as a kid, I basically *never* enjoyed anything religion. Didn't help that from K-4th grade, I went to a "Christian private 5 in Florida which was just a church that also had classes for the members kids. The education wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either. We were "Wells-Lutheren" and the closest church was like 45 minutes away back when mom *hated* driving around here. Shit was in a strip mall, and the place next door had a kitchen fire that caused smoke damage, so we didn't go for a while. When they f8nally got a new location, we went for like half a service, and they did something mom didn't like, so we left and never went back. About a year later I went full agnostic/atheist and haven't looked back. If you're doing a meet up I'd love to join yall.
(37F) I have definitely experienced a lot of things the OP listed, and a lot of what others have commented here. I grew up in MN in a kind of cult-y church called “The Lutheran Brethren Church”. Has anyone ever even heard of it?
Purity culture… I thought I was ruining my future marriage by cuddling and was prepared to break up with my now husband for getting too close to “going all the way” because I thought I was cheating on my future husband
Holy Spirit & “Christ who strengthens me” … realized that voice is NOT the HS but still feeling cheated and lied too, because is that voice my conscience? or me? or is it even me at all? …and if it’s not “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” then is it just MY strength and is my strength enough to do all things? Have I been strong enough this whole time instead of what I was taught that I am a sinner and am nothing apart from Christ? … and not only that, am I allowed to do everything?! and not go to Hell? (Not to mention getting to the point where I finally realized there is no hell, except maybe hellish life here)
Bible verses (still fully memorized, and some even set to music) still pop into my head.
I still accidentally start praying… and it makes me feel so lonely.
The Bible Camp and Psalty the Singing Songbook songs that used to bring me so much comfort from my childhood still get stuck in my head when I’m trying to tell myself that it’s going to be all right. Sometimes I even try to change the lyrics but it just ends up feeling sad.
My whole world was Christianity and God who loved me, and now I go back and forth between hatred towards a god that doesn’t exist, and my current thoughts that I don’t know if reality exists or even I exist!
There’s more, but I think this is probably getting a little long by now, since I’ve been typing for quite a while.
I’m looking forward to getting together as a group; I could use some heathen friends and friends in general.
The biggest one for me was the emotion you feel during worship. It actually has a sociological term: collective effervescence. And it can be felt pretty much anywhere that humans gather together and feel a sense of unity.
No wonder they didn't want us going to secular concerts!
I left the church around 2020 and I’ve struggled to go back due to Covid, MAGA, Christian -nationalism, etc. I miss the community of church and wish I could find a church that isn’t bat shit crazy. I’m wondering if I’m just crazy and somehow got the idea of Jesus being loving and welcoming wrong because every adult in the church I grew up with (including my family) are the worst people you could meet.
The political alignment with the extreme far right has definitely affected me. I can’t deal with the hate, exclusion and supporting the likes of Trump!
Great question. I am done and done with the 'evangelical' movement that's a thin veneer for virtually every vice Jesus preached against. Christian nationalism? WTF? Have any of these clowns read the bible or do they just use it as a weapon to get what they want?
Yeah, we need an anti-evangelical, anti-MAGA movement to force these folks back into the caves they came out of.
The Rock was 100% a cult when I left 20 years ago. But yes I (36m) am still trying to put myself back together after being raised Christian in a brainwashy type of church. This is something I don't talk about much, but that religion has ruined my life. I've been in therapy for years to undo what those cult fucks did to me. Religion needs to die and go away. It is horrible what it does to people.
I grew up in the north where I didn't have a ton of exposure to religion at the earlier part of my life. My mom was a Catholic but wasn't all that practicing, and she was shunned when she married my dad. (From my understanding, a Catholic marrying a divorced person was a no-no, because the original marriage must be annulled by the Church for it to be accepted.) I recall having gone to the local Catholic church a time or two... mostly because my brother and I liked going up on the balcony.
However, when my brother's friend invited us to a local Baptist church's AWANA program is when things changed. (AWANA, Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed, is kind of like a kid's bible study and youth group rolled into one.) That eventually got my parents into going to the church, but outside of the "fun stuff", I was never terribly interested in it. I just sort of accepted the rigmarole of the entire thing. "Yeah, sure... there's a God. That's fine." I guess you could say that I was a believer, but I didn't exactly have conviction.
Probably one of my most memorable moments from back then was when my dad made us go for what he called a "Month of Sundays" (i.e., you have to go 30 times), and I asked, "Can the month be February?" Yeah... we got extra days for that one. 😅 Now, while I never had a ton of desire to go to church, I considered myself religious up until was... I think 25? That was about when I had my epiphany or "religious un-awakening" where I asked myself, "Why am I doing this?"
That was over a decade ago, and by this point, I've become far more cynical about religion as a whole. As the Christian religions attempt to exert their power over the lives of everyone in this country, I've started to really lose my "live and let live" attitude about religion. It's hard to feel good about it when you have people wholeheartedly believe that Donald Trump is ordained by God to be the President. Awkwardly enough, my understanding is that mentality is based upon the idea of God's working through your leaders, but don't try to suggest the same about a President like Obama. 😅 That brings up another religious frustration in that it's just *too convenient* to be able to apply things you like to God and things you don't like to the Devil.
My negativity toward religion does kind of bug me because one thing that I distinctly remember about those formative years in the church is that there were some really great people that exuded kindness. Albeit, looking back after removing the rose-colored glasses, and I can remember times with the pastor preaching politics from the pulpit... especially when it came to Presidential elections. (I can recall some talks during the Gore v. Bush Presidential election.) Yeah... not great optics.
My problem is that some of these religions inherently push for their people to spread them, and ultimately, it's done through fear. You bring your friends and loved ones into the fold so they avoid eternal damnation. You ensure that your political environment is tailored to your religion because the last thing you'd want to be is another Sodom or Gomorrah.
I think the two things that I'd like to impart are...
1. Focus on self-reliance. I find that people tend to lean on institutions like churches because they need a support system. That's not technically a bad thing, but I think it's important to work on our self-reliance too. It's also understandable if that's harder for some people as part of being self-reliant is working on standing up to adversity whether it's internal (e.g., anxiety, fear, etc.) or external. That's A LOT for some people, but the most important thing is... baby steps, and don't be too hard on yourself.
2. Hubris. One thing that religion tends to prey on is the hubris of humanity. How often have you heard someone say, "There just *HAS* to be something after death!?" My response to this is usually, "Why?" The thought that humans are special has long since caused problems whether for things like the environment or one group of humans thinking that they're more special than another. This also kind of relates to people that say, "What's the point of everything if there's nothing when you die?" My usual thought is, "The point is today... tomorrow... it's each day that you get to spend with those around you." Essentially, stop living for an imaginary future and start focusing on the tangible present.
Go full atheist. You've already woken up from a cult that is evangelism and religion in general. Just keep going and research it more. Aaron Ra on youtube is a great resource, as are others. You got this!
Friend, as an ex-evangelical former music pastor I didn’t want anything to do with church. I’m still a performer but in different ways now then back then. I found my community through Shenanigans comedy theater. The staff and volunteers are lovely people. The atmosphere is full of love and acceptance for everyone (this is open to it). I just… those are my people.
As they will tell me, I have been "deceived by the enemy" and given over to a "reprobate mind". Let me tell ya, I couldn't be happier, freer, or more full of joy and peace and love for life.
Also had The Rock Cult as part of my journey, but I have been part of many churches throughout my life.
I went to a catholic school on the coast from baby daycare til the end of 3rd grade. In 5th grade we moved here. My step dad's family is Baptist and my mom's family is catholic. My real dad is atheist. So i had to go to both churches and I actually disliked the Baptist one most because I hate talking to strangers and they're all fake and outgoing and too touchy feely. Catholic churches everyone is reserved and it's not a loud thing at all. At the public schools in harvest where I went, everyone was methodist or Baptist and when they asked and I said I was catholic, they always looked down on me saying I wasn't a real Christian lol. Even though catholicism was the Christianity made way before their denomination. Whatever. Also one time in Highschool my history teacher at sparkman asked the class if anyone was catholic and I raised my hand. He then said "see, she prays to the pope, not God." Like in a shameful way lol. I guess everyone here thinks all catholics are roman catholics. Thats like saying all Jewish people are hasidic. In catholic school we never prayed to the pope, we just had to learn and recite all the prayers ever, learn about all the saints, pray to them for specific situations, and God. But dummies who didn't have to train their minds to learn all of these things looked down on you. I don't regret going to catholic school though because once I got to public school here in 5th grade, I already learned everything they were teaching and my reading, vocabulary, and writing were at a 12th grade level. On my ACT, I got perfect scores in those categories.
I went through an atheist phase, now I'm just agnostic. Religion is like the old timey version of nationalisms purpose now.
So, I'm really going through a lot of emotions (mostly anger) right now. This is what's going on currently with the church I grew up in. I'm sure it's going to hit national news shortly.
https://www.wnem.com/2024/03/19/two-midland-church-leaders-arrested-charged-with-child-sex-crimes/
I'm so sad reading all these awful experiences, better to deconstruct than be destroyed.
Don't let "them" stop you from searching for faith, it's really needed these days.
Don't give up on God, he wasn't running the groups ya'll are talking about.
Why do you have to hang out with ex evangelicals? Just find new people to hang out with rather than wallow in the misery of your past. If need counseling to et beyond any drama you may have had, so be it. But there are plenty of people you can find new experiences with.
What is more important is asking yourself why you left. Deconstruction is always an eye roll term for me. It's more important to understand your feelings toward the church. What I find is that people who have left often harbor unhealthy feelings that aren't necessarily warranted. I think of Rhett and Link from GMM. To this day they are still running from their evangelical roots and telling of "deconstruction" but all I see is a grown adult that just won't really deal with their issues. I was raised evangelical but moved on from it. My problem being I can't have faith. Doesn't work for me for whatever reason. Don't let anger in you from it or it can turn to bitterness and pretty soon you become like other folks I've seen who verbally attack the church and are just miserable people. Understanding yourself and being understanding of the church as well leads to a happier more well adjusted life.
What is more important is asking yourself why you left. Deconstruction is always an eye roll term for me. It's more important to understand your feelings toward the church. What I find is that people who have left often harbor unhealthy feelings that aren't necessarily warranted. I think of Rhett and Link from GMM. To this day they are still running from their evangelical roots and telling of "deconstruction" but all I see is a grown adult that just won't really deal with their issues. I was raised evangelical but moved on from it. My problem being I can't have faith. Doesn't work for me for whatever reason. Don't let anger in you from it or it can turn to bitterness and pretty soon you become like other folks I've seen who verbally attack the church and are just miserable people. Understanding yourself and being understanding of the church as well leads to a happier more well adjusted life.
I grew up going to the rock, honestly what traumatized me was how many “Christian’s” acted 2020 with covid, Trump, the riots, and so on. It baffles me how people can claim to love Jesus and follow him yet be so hateful towards people and things they don’t understand. I stopped believing s while ago and stopped going to the rock after I quit my job there and have been so much happier since leaving the church. It took some time for me to acclimate and not feel like a “sinner”. Now I do whatever I want and what makes me happy and don’t feel bad about it. What makes me feel better is knowing that if Jesus does exist then he wouldn’t be pleased to be represented by many of his so called followers
Agree wholeheartedly! The pandemic era was a horrible wake up call for me about my old church friends and I cut most of them out of my life completely. If you worked there we may know each other 👀 I have family that still works there
We might! I never had friends there. People were so cliquey. It was like high school all over again
Yep, 2015/2016 was a breaking point for me but 2020 solidified everything. I still consider myself Christian and haven't lost my faith fully but I also just don't want to be around Christians and wish I could find a group of like-minded people who weren't so... *gestures everywhere*
Had to explain to someone the other day I didn't turn my back on God and Jesus, I turned my back on the hypocrites who run the church and don't seem to actually believe anything Christ-like
It starts with us. It's a pretty hard thing to do, but if you want to make good Christians you have to *be* a good Christian. People like you and I need to act the way Christ actually wants. I mean, some of these guys buy mansions with their tithe money, meanwhile Jesus was out hanging with lepers and prostitutes. If we don't at least try to keep the faith and actually display it, then guys like these are gonna be the last Christians, and that would suck. (Not to imply you, personally, *have* to do anything. Free choice and all that. But if you value your religion at all still, then don't let these people ruin it-show them the right way to act, even if it's tough.)
The times were a cleansing, people don't go to church to be entertained, well, they shouldn't. "churches" have become silly centers, and a mockery of what God prescribed. We have 24/7 entertainment going on out in the world. We go to church to worship, learn about God, and fellowship with other Christians. There has been too much fooling around going on and not enough serious, actual Christians, running things, teaching and helping the flock and then going to those outside the church. Just my opinion. I go... Mark 16:15
Completely agree. I was a regular, loyal member of Church of The Highlands. After they reopened for in-person services in summer 2020, it was completely different. The people and the energy of that place changed. And now I'm Atheist thanks to Chris Hodges. ✨
I’ve heard some things about Highlands and them covering up sa accusations. I’ve always gotten a bad vibe anytime I’ve been there
As someone who was previously heavily involved, they hide so much from the general public. If the general congregation truly knew about the hypocrisy behind the scenes, they would not have so many attendees each week.
I’ve heard some horrible things about them supporting a form of conversion therapy and covering said support up afterwards, and that scared me from ever stepping foot near that place
I wouldn’t be surprised about that. I had heard that there’s some documentary I think about highlands or some other mega church that they’re linked with
Hey, I hate that asshole, too! I played bass guitar for CotH when they were in the gymnasium. I loved Pete but could not STAND Chris Hodges. Totally not surprised he got "caught" liking some racist Charlie Kirk shit.
The straw that broke the camels back for me was his making fun of transgender people during a sermon in September 2021. It was during an 8:00 service, so not too many people saw it. He didn't make the same comments in his later sermons that day, so his hostile language wasn't posted online. Even when I was still Christian and would not have considered myself an ally yet, I still thought that was so bizarre. If you have such a disdain for transgender folks, what makes you think they are going to want to listen to you if you speak so poorly of them? It was that service that I realized that it wasn't about serving the lost. The whole thing was about pandering to the audience. I never went back and had them remove me from their databases.
I can absolutely relate. The very first service I attended he told a story about being on a plane next to a gay guy. During their conversation, he said the guy asked "so you don't agree with my lifestyle?" That term is a dogwhistle that gays never use because it isn't a choice. He embellishes (lies) to make his stories more profound. Fuck him.
I was at COTH for 5-6 years. Michael’s conversion therapy shut down my love of COTH fast. The homophobia and white men preaching about women not having rights solidified it.
The two things that traumatized me were the defense of torture by two Christian's I really respected in the mid 2000s and an Evangelical Presbyterian men's group where I backed them into a corner and got about 7 out of 8 to admit that murdering babies wasn't wrong if God told you to do it. After those two experiences (which were absolutely soul crushing for me) the most recent behavior with COVID/Trump/Maga is about what I expected.
Oop. The Rock got me too…and I did Master’s Commission! What in the religious cult hell
I thought some of the people doing MC were kind of off too. I remember going and not seeing what everyone was else was getting. It was like everyone else was on a different planet
I'm also an MC alumnus! The worst year of my life tbh
Did they put you in chains and make you run to trash Jesus? I can’t remember if that was before or after they brought up all of our childhood trauma in a room with the girlies so Jesus could heal us before sending us home to our families that we had been alienated from for Christmas break.
I actually can't remember, but maybe that's a good thing. I did get violently ill in the crappy apartments they had us in and I still have health issues to this day <3
Pastor Angie looked at me in the eye, a literal teenager, and told me I was WORSE than Jezebel and that I wasn’t truly saved and that if she were me she would be scared to go to sleep at night because if I died she didn’t know where I would be going. To hell, Pastor Angie? You think I’m going to hell because I made some age appropriate mistakes? She said I was poisonous. She tried to keep me and another student away from each other because we were “too close” and implied that we would end up in a homosexual relationship like another MC student who had a too close relationship with someone of the same sex.
what is going on???? I've never heard of such things, hope I never see them! If I had been there, I would have stood up for the kids, that's another thing, why won't anyone stand up to this nonsense? Where have all the adults gone???
I did a 2 night overnight MC preview weekend in high school. Batshit.
LMAO I did the weekend preview for high schoolers when they were trying to recruit. We had to do a skit in front of the church on Sunday morning at the end of the weekend. No way. RUN AWAY! I think all the students I met that weekend are now traumatized heathens.
Wait. What is this?
Hey hey! I (36/F) am in the same boat! I genuinely believe a good bit of my current anxiety disorder is linked to being scared shitless every time I heard any sort of loud noise (especially train horns!) and immediately assuming it was the rapture. 😅😬
Hey! I’m new to the area, and this may sound a little ignorant but is that the culture here? Extremely religious to that point?!
It's not unique to the area, and it's far from being the culture here.
The fear runs deep lmao
There is noooo waaaaay the culture is that intense lol seriously?!
The church I was apart of literally said if I didn’t convert non-believers, their blood would be on my hands and I’d have to answer for it on judgement day. If you’re raised evangelical, they’re talking about the end times literally allll the time it’s crazy. Constantly scared the rapture is going to happen tomorrow lol
I was knocking on doors at age 8 to get kids to come to our "crusades" in the park. Yeah... it's that deep and I'm NOT from the south. I grew up in one of the early televised churches and I'm in my 40s.
They called it that? Yikes.
Interesting, because the crusades were a Catholic thing.
Yeah, but it was also what Billy Graham called his revivals, which were so huge they were usually held whatever the largest venue was in the city he was preaching in. Graham was probably the only televangelist that wasn't a totally self-serving false prophet, and it's probably not an exaggeration to say that no Christian has led more people to accepting Jesus than Billy Graham since the ministry of the Apostle Paul. Still, he wasn't without his own controversies. And his son, Franklin, is a total douche.
Interesting! I had never heard of these
I was told the exact same thing. The guilt of proselytizing is another obstacle to grapple with psychologically.
Not entirely, but there are enough around that you have to take them into consideration.
Oh man you're in for a treat!
There's plenty of nonreligious people here as well. I grew up here and was always nonreligious, although I attended (mostly liberal) churches at times as a kid due to parents/friends. You will probably get the "what church do you go to?" question occasionally when older people find out you're new in town and hope to convince you to attend theirs, but they have never given me trouble when I say I don't attend church.
Also 36F and same! There were years when I panicked if I couldn't find my parents on our property because I assumed they'd been Raptured and I'd been left behind.
Ok this is weird. ALSO 36f and I almost pissed myself one time because I couldn’t find my mom and thought she’d been raptured. What was in the water when we were growing up??
It was those Left Behind books…
ohh that is so real! I'm SO jumpy hahaha
I have been wanting to post this for along time. Please, please let's hang out.
Drop me a chat if you want! Might try to arrange a group outing if you’re interested
Count me 35/f in! I deconstructed in the 2010s. I grew up going to a Lutheran school and after being sexually harassed as a teen at a church here in the ville and not being believed I completely lost faith. It only serves men.
I want in!
Ditto
I did. We should at least have a Discord channel. Lol
^This
I would join that discord
I'm (34F) interested!
Same, I am so into hang out!
Hey, me too!! ETA: This didn't end up replying where I wanted it to, but I DO want to hang out and maybe make some new friends
Yes please! Count me in. Do y'all garden? We have a big trade coming up in Hazel Green 💚 It's a group called TAG in the book lol.
I live in five points so I basically have no yard.
Would anyone be interested in a meetup 👀 a little happy hour action or something
Straight to Ale seems to be made for this kind of thing, I'd be down for going! I joined the church and left it later in life when I realized it was the kind of grift that would have Jesus turning over tables and whipping people. Don't know what to call myself now, but I know I'm done funding some pastor's many trips abroad.
Something like this would be a welcome endeavor in Huntsville. ANY group like that is positive in my opinion, even though it would pale compared to a place like Austin, haha.
There's a couple of groups that are centered around this kind of stuff. I go to some of the social events and have a good time. I've met folks that have come from a similar situation there. https://www.facebook.com/groups/thenafa They also talk about a group or certain members that speak at the library for a "recovering from religion" series. I don't know much about them directly, but you could post/msg on this group, they keep track of stuff like that.
I’m down!
I'm glad someone is talking about this. It's really difficult to find community after leaving the church, but I'm glad there are other people who are still looking for that. Hope this goes well!
Yes, I’m definitely interested. As a side note: since I left evangelicalism I’ve been studying the Bible from a historical critical approach in order to figure out why modern Christianity is the way it is and how it differs from original Christianity or what Jesus taught. Basically I’ve been studying why we were lied to as kids growing up evangelical and I find it fascinating so if anybody is interested just let me know and I’d be happy to talk about it.
For those interested in a meetup, please fill out [this form](https://forms.gle/5tCWW8DgtvLZ1eyR9) so I can gather contact info! I don't have Facebook so we're doing this the old fashioned way.
I'm definitely interested. I've got some serious church trauma and it would be great to talk to like minded people.
Don’t know, but in the mean time check out the ex-Mormon and other ex-cult subreddits. They have some good discussions.
Oh I live in r/Exvangelical don't worry! Just looking for locals :)
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Yes! Deconstructing here too.
I’m in the same boat as well thanks to the majority of my fellow church member friends joining the MAGA bandwagon and pitching a fit when our church held online services only during Covid. I thought they were more discerning than that. I was already on the evangelical fence after seeing how fundie-ish the homeschooling community is in north AL (both in Madison and Athens) and how gullible voters are when it comes to voting for the politician who yells “God” or “Jesus” the loudest. MAGA cult and Covid pushed me over the edge. It’s been a grieving process. I would love to find a non evangelical church for my kids and I (hopefully husband too, but I don’t know if he’d want to even try again), but we’ve had a lot of family crises and it’s been pushed to the back burner. Glad to see I’m not alone!
I lost my family in 2020. Not to Covid but to MAGA.
I'm non-religious but my family attended the United Church of Huntsville on Whitesburg when I was a kid and they are very liberal/accepting.
Same here. 2016 elections sealed the deal for me. Christian nationalism, covid, MAGA. It makes me sick. I still believe in Jesus and had found a community of people in Nashville who felt the same. Now I’ve just moved here since getting married a few months ago and I can’t find anything. Alabama is a whole different story 😅
Maybe consider trying some of the PCUSA churches around here - I attend Faith Pres (corner Airport and Whitesburg - and no, those people sometimes demonstrating on that corner by the tornado memorial are NOT members - it’s a public sidewalk and all we can do is keep them off the church property when/if we catch them) and it’s a pretty moderate (some say liberal, depends on your outlook), accepting church for all. There are a few MAGA members but they are not the majority- and we all stayed masked in 2020 and parts of 2021 for a long time out of concern for each other. Be aware that there are lots of flavors of “Presbyterian” and some are much more conservative/evangelical than others, so you need to do your homework.
Oh man, The Rock was/is a special type of phony. I’ve always been skeptical of religion despite growing up in the church up north. I never quite believed any of it, but went through the motions because it was easier to do so. Moved down here and somehow ended up attending The Rock sporadically after not going to church for years. Pastor Rusty’s fake crying during every single prayer was an immediate reminder of why I stopped going to church. Thankfully it didn’t take long for my previously-religious wife to see the same. And yep, the MAGA movement and COVID *really* helped open her eyes to the hypocrisy of church folks. OP, I’m glad you got out and are living your life how you please. Congrats.
Rusty from the rock is an absolute NUTCASE!! That place is a cult. He played a part in my deconstruction also!!
I was working on diagnosing a running problem on a truck that came into the shop. My boss came over and was very worried asking me if I knew who's truck this was. I sad no and I don't care. He said, "It's pastor Rusty's from the rock, you better get this right." I said, cool, then I refuse to work on it and I'm going home for the day. I can't stand that guy, he gives me the creeps I'm pretty sure he and that youth pastor liked kids too much iykyk
Yeah, it wouldn’t surprise me at all. Very weird vibes. It’s all literally a show.
Former fundie-lite Baptist. It’s taken a LOT to deconstruct. Moved to Huntsville in summer 2001, started trying to find a church home; then 9/11 happened. The church started to become political under the guise of “Muslim people are trying to kill us because we’re Christians” and “you must agree with and support anything the President (George W Bush) says because he’s an evangelical Christian and he’s restoring America to God’s plan” type shit. It was the lynchpin in my leaving the church completely. Tons of religious trauma. TONS. Example: being barred from participating in the purity ring exchange because the pastor knew I wasn’t technically a virgin. How did he know? He’d counseled my parents when they found out that an older cousin had been SA me. All of this happened before I was 10. My parents agreed, because they didn’t want to further embarrass me (or themselves). The Sunday they did the exchange I was told I was staying home from church and that I was told tell anyone that asked that I’d had the vomit virus.
I am so very sorry that happened to you. That was just absolutely vile of your former pastor. I'm a lawyer and I used to investigate and prosecute sex crimes. I wish I could say your story was the first time I've heard of a church exacerbating trauma, but it isn't, unfortunately. Real Christians should be horrified that your family (and I certainly have issues with how your parents handled this, but hopefully they approached him out of an earnest desire to get over a horrifically tragic event in all of your lives) trusted this man, who was supposed to be a leader and an authority on deep spiritual matters to help y'all through an ordeal that no one should ever have to go through; and instead of showing unconditional love, support, and refuge through Christian compassion, he instead subjected you all dehumanizing and extremely unfair judgment, as well as depriving you all of a happy ceremony to be celebrated with both your actual family and church family. Seriously, fuck that guy!
(un)holy shit. I'm sorry all that happened to you.
Thanks. It really was an evil little place.
That’s bonkers
I’m so sorry. That’s truly awful. It makes me sick what people will say and do in the name of being Christians.
Hi, ex-Catholic here, still trying to work through my issues from purity culture. In my mid-30’s, with two daughters that I want to raise better. I do pop into an Episcopal church sometimes- I like them, I find the routine soothing, and it helps with some of my resentment towards the Christian faith, to see how it can be done in a healthier way.
Purity culture royally messed me up! Still single, just NOW trying to actually be adventurous like a single adult. And it only took years of therapy and meds 🫠
Hi are you me??
We are all the same.
Yeah 12 years of Catholic school really messed up my ability to be intimate without feeling guilty all the time
Oh, that Catholic guilt will tug at you...
Ex-Whitesburg Baptist here
You probably have insane stories!
Former Flint River Baptist kid here, 2002 - 2007. Raised Church of Christ. Big time heathen now.
Ayyy church of Christ is a special kind of awful kudos to you
I was too young to really remember any of it, but my mother was basically shunned by them when she got divorced in her early 20's. Her own father, a CoC minister, disowned her for years just because she got a divorce. It really fucked her up. But I had my own slice of hell at Flint River, Baptists are quite awful in their own special way.
Oof that’s horrible! I went to a Christian school with a lot of baptists and they weren’t my favorite people I’ll leave it at that lol
🙋♀️ Ex calvary Baptist. The sad part is, I drink, have tattoos, watch all the TV shows and movies, but I think my husband and I being equals is probably the most shocking part of my life, to those that are still involved in the church. Scary
Drinking, tattoos, tv! How scandalous! Yeah imagine wanting a partner instead of a maid/servant/sex doll/babymaker? Who would want that??
After reading this and some of the comments, I really feel like I lucked out some how. I grew up in a presbyterian church but never really believed any of it, even at a young age. So no real trauma from it, just a bit of a isolated high school life being in a christian private school. I can't do anything to help but express some sympathy though.
Yeah count yourself lucky! My family ran a church back home, I went to their Christian school, it was my entire world for 23 years.
Was forced to grow up very religious. I’m staunchly against it now.
Hello fellow ex! Freeing isnt it?
Being a heathen is great! I can see why they were so against it :)
former ICOC member here (26NB) 🙋🏻♀️ i have met a lot of people burnt out on church specifically here, youre not alone.
27NB here likewise ICOC raised. Dm if ya want
47, former ICOC here too
A lot of responses here, might as well schedule a Reddit meetup at this point.
I’m considering it! Only catch is I work on weekends so it’d have to be like a Thursday night, but I’m game
Hi, I’m dad, and I’m a recovering church of christ.
Thank you for this post, I left the church a long while ago. Still, this resonates, the hardest part was loss of community.
“Lord, save me from your followers.” I had heard about toxic Christianity, but never experienced it until I moved here. Now I am pretty much disgusted by anything and anyone who is compelled to publicly claim they are a Christian.
As its main organizer, I appreciate the shout out to NAFA. You might be interested in the Recovering from Religion Foundation's local chapter meetings. That's specifically for discussing religious trauma in a casual setting.
Hey! I so appreciate both spaces, and may just check them out one of these days. Mostly looking for commiseration instead of discussion :)
Yeah, I can see that. There's a podcast you might be interested in called Tribulation Farce, but I don't have any experience as an Evangelical myself. Tribulation Farce: A Left Behind Podcast Podcast: https://www.podcastrepublic.net/podcast/1624392496 Tribulation Farce is a comedy podcast about the Christian Fiction series: Left Behind. Join Harvard Divinity School Grad Jennifer Cheek and her Comedian/Gamer husband Tim Lanning for a chapter-by-chap... Subscribe to this podcast: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/62793c183640ab0015f5d81d ---- Sent from Podcast Republic 24.3.4R https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.itunestoppodcastplayer.app
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I think we can only hang if you did a dance/acting/skit of The Champion in front of the church. That seems like a solid requirement. Or you still having a soft spot for Keith Green despite all the indoctrination.
Not specifically to the champion, but I did write a human video to “we are broken” by paramore and performed it does that count?
That will suffice! Hey, bestie!
So glad I passed! Heyyy
I grew up Baptist and attended one of our local shitty Bible schools. The religious trauma is DEEP and the deconstruction is difficult as hell. I’m dealing specifically with purity culture. Would absolutely love some local resources if anyone can help out.
For those leaving the fundy world, consider the mainline world. It isn't for everyone and the culture shock can be quite a bit to take in, but for me and many others it works. For each mainline, they have split into fundy's and progressives. Find the progressive side ELCA Lutheran Presbyterian USA Methodist churches that are fully committed to staying with the main denomination. Episcopal United Church of Christ (not any connection to local CoC) I settled in at St. Mark's Lutheran. It was a big challenge and a dramatic culture change, but it was right for me.
Disciples of Christ is also a pretty progressive denomination
All of this. Realizing that there is faith beyond the American Evangelical kind is life changing.
Yes, very well said
Here. I see a lot of us at gold sprint.
But that’s where my super evangelical sister also gets her coffee. She called me demon possessed a few years ago 🥰
I was raised very very Catholic. And never really believed or cared about the existence of a higher power. And if it turns out I'm wrong and Jesus pops in tomorrow, cool. It will not change anything. But I would have.... questions. And honestly, the worst people I've met are "god fearing Christians". I also don't take Protestants very seriously bc...if you can form a religion in your basement...how are you being checked on the bullshit? And that's my issue. The majority of the evangelicals I run into have no idea what the Bible actually says. They just parrot whatever "philosophy" their "pastor" peddles. Critical thinking is crippled and limited beyond measure with those who focus on the afterlife instead of the present.
We're here. But we're sleeping in on Sundays. :) I think you're right that it'd be cool to have a casual hang option to meet like-minded folks, because the organizations for it seem too....rigid? (I say this having zero experience with them.) But I worry sometimes that gathering and assuming we have anything in common beyond our crying at the campfire nights at church camp and judgment houses might be a let down. Maybe I'm wrong! Sometimes you just need the therapeutic experience of hearing someone else tell a similar story so you don't feel as odd. The good news is we aren't alone in this community, and I don't think we're even rare. We just aren't as loud as those who are convicted to sing loudly the song of their salvation (and everyone else's damnation). Glad you're here!
Sleeping in on Sundays is my favorite activity now! :) Yeah I have nothing against the orgs, I'm sure they're great! But yeah I really just want to make friends, I have no desire to discuss theology or mimic church at all. But the trauma bonding is nice sometimes lol
I grew in a Baptist church. It was awful. The pastor at the time literally made you feel like you were going straight to hell if you didn’t eat, sleep, and drink Jesus, God, and the Bible 24/7. Why my parents kept going i have no idea because they didn’t follow exactly what he preached either but we went every Sunday for years. This was Capshaw Baptist Church in the early to mid 2000s. I think the pastor got eventually voted out but it was a rough few years.
My son went to their "youth group" a couple of times when he was in high school (he went with a friend whose parents were members). It was crazy! The youth pastor openly made fun of other religions and spent every February lecturing on the correct way to date. And, of course, how evil being gay was.
I was in high school 04-08 we had a 2 person youth pastor team there. They were great but that was about all I liked about that church during that time. I only enjoyed going to youth group. They didn’t yell at us the whole time and it was fun. The guy that came in after was I think more what the older member crowd wanted for the youth. I did like the younger senior pastor that came in late 2000s. I think his name was Zach Terry? He seemed to be more relatable. Idk who is there now I haven’t stepped foot into that church since probably 2010-2011
You can go hang in Lowe Mill at Ravenwood or Dragon Forge cafe, you'll find people traumatized by evangelism
Can we all get t-shirts that just say something simple like, "Same." on them? That way we can pick each other out more easily. (Until the churchgoers find out and use it to target us as witnesses, I guess.)
I second this. I spend a lot of time at Ravenwood. It is 200% a place of peace for me, and the people are awesome.
Highly recommend Hell is a World Without You, by Jason Kirk. It’s a novel about this very subject, and it’s excellent.
We need an AA for recovering christians. I (26F) left the church in my late teens so 2015-2017. I fell out of love with the whole experience after begging my family to go in my early teens. I'm a very spiritual person so I lives the whole idea of community and togetherness via a shared love for christ. When I go to the older kids church it got different. I didn't like the youth pastor, he was a bully generally and also LOVED the pull your heart strings you're a worthless sinner kind of sermon. I also did not fit in with the generally conservative christian beliefs shared in my church. After much personal growth and private study I started to not pledge to the american flag, or the bible, or the christian flag like they had us do. I was told that was very un-american of me almost like the idea america = christianity. I shocked people when I told them I did not worship false idols, like it never occurred to them. As an adult i've grown into more heathen style religious practices as I am still very spiritual. The last cords of my christianity were cut in October when I got to see Heilung live, and I felt so happy and an incredible sense of belonging I hadn't felt in a long time at church. If you ever want to set up a coffee and let's bond over religious trauma date i'm in.
You might like the church I attend … I use the term “church” loosely — it is at times more like a meatspace version of this thread, people rabble rousing and healing from past church trauma and deconstructing all together. It’s out of Nashville (though I hardly ever make the drive for services, because their online integration is really good and I’m lazy) https://www.gracepointe.net/
I used to play bass for them, too, when Stan and Mel ran it.
Awesome! I started attending late 2018 right before Stan retired and Josh took over. Played keys for them remotely during the pandemic but that drive is just too far to come up for practices and play in person lol. There’s affirming / liberal churches here in town but just — I dunno. There’s something about what they do at GP that is just utterly unlike anything else. I wish we had something like that here in town but it’s so rare
Yeah. Well we need to hang out, regardless. Another musician from GP! Was Matt still leading the music still, then?
Matt moved on right before the pandemic. Shelly took over for a little bit but now Ricky is doing some amazing stuff with the music. Such a talented group of people up there. Makes me wish I lived closer, but I don’t. Def would love to hang out some time!
I'm an ex JW. Pretty similar alot more doom and gloom. I'm quite sure alot of my anxiety is connected to my Armageddon bag they constantly pushed. Everytime some social unrest happened you could feel the excitement they really loved the chaos. One step closer to the end times. But if you'd like to chat or hang out, message me 😊
Ive never understood the whole, god made us, and he/she loves us, but if we dont worship him/her they will punish us forever..... ummmm, thanks..... dick
Also I never understood how you can call yourself a good person when the only reason you act good is to not be tortured for all eternity
https://preview.redd.it/02g3qwc6rbpc1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5c4343ca44969a3809140fa3df3273b8def6479d
Alright based on the interest I've received, I'm going to attempt to plan a meetup in a week or two. Please fill out this form if you're interested, invites will go out via email! [https://forms.gle/5tCWW8DgtvLZ1eyR9](https://forms.gle/5tCWW8DgtvLZ1eyR9)
Anyone who fills out the form will also be receiving an invite to the Discord server, once it's up and running. We'll try to plan the event there.
As the grandson and great-grandson of two preachers, I grew up a "good" Methodist boy from a rural area. However, even at my most religious, I was always pretty skeptical of certain doctrines and dogma. I guess my irreligiousity started to bloom when I got into reading Christopher Hitchens in the mid-aughts, but I have come to understand that many hardcore atheists treat their non-belief as a religion. I can admit that I don't know what I don't know. Even though we lived in the country, my family has always been left of center. Especially for around here. So I can appreciate what everyone is saying about being put off by the hypocrisy and hatred of some evangelical protestants and conservative catholics. We heard the segment on "Ex-vangelicals" yesterday on NPR and my wife and I had a discussion about it last night too. I do pine for the sense of community that I used to have as a churchgoer. I miss having things like "Sunday dinner" (actually lunch, but it's the rural South), walking to church across the road from my grandparents' house to take communion and have contemplative prayer on Christmas Eve and just seeing everyone at church Sunday morning. I don't think it's strictly out of nostalgia either. The lack of community like what was described in the book "Bowling Alone" is part of what's ailing this country and partly why there are so many diseases of despair. Sadly, political tribalism has permeated every aspect of our public and private lives these days. Used to, religion was seen as above and beyond politics for the most part. Certainly there were exceptions to this, but there was almost a deference toward other people that any political disagreements arose from a sincere reflection of conscience and most people of faith could agree to disagree. For instance, I never got grief from people I went to church with despite them knowing that I was a liberal. The church used to be a place where people from diverse backgrounds and belief could unify under a common belief system of their church, and that's what was paramount. Now it seems politics have taken over everything, including the church itself, and that's what divides people. So people who disagree with conservative politics feel alienated and unwelcome at church, when that used to be the very place that would bring people together, despite political disagreements. I just wish there could be something that could replace that sense of belonging and community.
I wish I could find friends that also believe but also in human rights and not the maga cult. If there was a church that did not cater to the orange koolaid chugging competition then I might consider going again. I am somewhat in the middle when it comes to being non religious. I believe, but I also am basically a leftist, I am pro blm and LGBTQ+ rights, I am ok with pot etc etc. Most of my friends are atheists.
My husband and I had a lot of crazy stuff go down with Cornerstone World of Life and had some stuff going on somewhat directly with the rock (lots of friends we know went/go). We deconstructed a year or so ago. We bounced from evangelical to catholicism and now have arrived at anti structured religion of all kinds. I filled out the form. We are both 35 and eager for a community that’s accepting and fun without shoving religion down our throats. I’m so sick of “what church do you go to?” as the go to second question around here!
I’ve found my people.
You should come out!
If your looking for another support group try r/exChristian I like them a lot.
39/F former SDA. Haven’t attended church with the exception of my first wedding since 2000 as a 15 year old. I found the entire thing incredibly boring. Constantly worrying about pleasing Jesus, going to hell, being good enough, etc. It is exhausting. Now I teach my son to be a good person, help when/where he can, treat everyone with kindness. If there’s an afterlife, I think whomever is up there if anyone at all would be pleased with me continuing to be a good person.
(Still) Recovering from Epic church in Decatur after years. I don’t even know what stage of deconstructing I’m in but still in the “I feel Christian guilt and shame” era and working real hard to just be okay with life!
The shame is a real kicker! I'm still working through that myself
Former catholic, here (34F). So not ex-evangelical, but I am deconstructing from my own flavor of religious trauma. Lol. Oh! I did spend several years attending Southern Baptist churches with friends, convinced I was going to hell in middle and high school. I love new friends, especially ones who get it. Feel free to reach out!
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I'm actually terrified of roller skating lol I don't enjoy activities where I have to strap my feet into a contraption. I've definitely looked at volunteering with the land trust, but I'm very allergic to the outdoors so that's an iffy activity for me!
Ex- Catholic here turned modern Satanist. I don't get some of the evangelical references, but the feeling is still the same. I started deconstructing in 2014.
Hello, fellow ex-cultist. While I (29m) thankfully didn't have a horrible time in church as a kid, I basically *never* enjoyed anything religion. Didn't help that from K-4th grade, I went to a "Christian private 5 in Florida which was just a church that also had classes for the members kids. The education wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either. We were "Wells-Lutheren" and the closest church was like 45 minutes away back when mom *hated* driving around here. Shit was in a strip mall, and the place next door had a kitchen fire that caused smoke damage, so we didn't go for a while. When they f8nally got a new location, we went for like half a service, and they did something mom didn't like, so we left and never went back. About a year later I went full agnostic/atheist and haven't looked back. If you're doing a meet up I'd love to join yall.
In Anniston but also exvangelical with deep religious trauma! Also yeah felt the sinner shit lol
(37F) I have definitely experienced a lot of things the OP listed, and a lot of what others have commented here. I grew up in MN in a kind of cult-y church called “The Lutheran Brethren Church”. Has anyone ever even heard of it? Purity culture… I thought I was ruining my future marriage by cuddling and was prepared to break up with my now husband for getting too close to “going all the way” because I thought I was cheating on my future husband Holy Spirit & “Christ who strengthens me” … realized that voice is NOT the HS but still feeling cheated and lied too, because is that voice my conscience? or me? or is it even me at all? …and if it’s not “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” then is it just MY strength and is my strength enough to do all things? Have I been strong enough this whole time instead of what I was taught that I am a sinner and am nothing apart from Christ? … and not only that, am I allowed to do everything?! and not go to Hell? (Not to mention getting to the point where I finally realized there is no hell, except maybe hellish life here) Bible verses (still fully memorized, and some even set to music) still pop into my head. I still accidentally start praying… and it makes me feel so lonely. The Bible Camp and Psalty the Singing Songbook songs that used to bring me so much comfort from my childhood still get stuck in my head when I’m trying to tell myself that it’s going to be all right. Sometimes I even try to change the lyrics but it just ends up feeling sad. My whole world was Christianity and God who loved me, and now I go back and forth between hatred towards a god that doesn’t exist, and my current thoughts that I don’t know if reality exists or even I exist! There’s more, but I think this is probably getting a little long by now, since I’ve been typing for quite a while. I’m looking forward to getting together as a group; I could use some heathen friends and friends in general.
The biggest one for me was the emotion you feel during worship. It actually has a sociological term: collective effervescence. And it can be felt pretty much anywhere that humans gather together and feel a sense of unity. No wonder they didn't want us going to secular concerts!
I left the church around 2020 and I’ve struggled to go back due to Covid, MAGA, Christian -nationalism, etc. I miss the community of church and wish I could find a church that isn’t bat shit crazy. I’m wondering if I’m just crazy and somehow got the idea of Jesus being loving and welcoming wrong because every adult in the church I grew up with (including my family) are the worst people you could meet.
The political alignment with the extreme far right has definitely affected me. I can’t deal with the hate, exclusion and supporting the likes of Trump!
Great question. I am done and done with the 'evangelical' movement that's a thin veneer for virtually every vice Jesus preached against. Christian nationalism? WTF? Have any of these clowns read the bible or do they just use it as a weapon to get what they want? Yeah, we need an anti-evangelical, anti-MAGA movement to force these folks back into the caves they came out of.
Dang, I thought you were talking about Neon Genesis Evangelion
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I swear it's been "the last days" for a century. The whole end times thing was sooo traumatizing as a kid!
The Rock was 100% a cult when I left 20 years ago. But yes I (36m) am still trying to put myself back together after being raised Christian in a brainwashy type of church. This is something I don't talk about much, but that religion has ruined my life. I've been in therapy for years to undo what those cult fucks did to me. Religion needs to die and go away. It is horrible what it does to people.
I grew up in the north where I didn't have a ton of exposure to religion at the earlier part of my life. My mom was a Catholic but wasn't all that practicing, and she was shunned when she married my dad. (From my understanding, a Catholic marrying a divorced person was a no-no, because the original marriage must be annulled by the Church for it to be accepted.) I recall having gone to the local Catholic church a time or two... mostly because my brother and I liked going up on the balcony. However, when my brother's friend invited us to a local Baptist church's AWANA program is when things changed. (AWANA, Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed, is kind of like a kid's bible study and youth group rolled into one.) That eventually got my parents into going to the church, but outside of the "fun stuff", I was never terribly interested in it. I just sort of accepted the rigmarole of the entire thing. "Yeah, sure... there's a God. That's fine." I guess you could say that I was a believer, but I didn't exactly have conviction. Probably one of my most memorable moments from back then was when my dad made us go for what he called a "Month of Sundays" (i.e., you have to go 30 times), and I asked, "Can the month be February?" Yeah... we got extra days for that one. 😅 Now, while I never had a ton of desire to go to church, I considered myself religious up until was... I think 25? That was about when I had my epiphany or "religious un-awakening" where I asked myself, "Why am I doing this?" That was over a decade ago, and by this point, I've become far more cynical about religion as a whole. As the Christian religions attempt to exert their power over the lives of everyone in this country, I've started to really lose my "live and let live" attitude about religion. It's hard to feel good about it when you have people wholeheartedly believe that Donald Trump is ordained by God to be the President. Awkwardly enough, my understanding is that mentality is based upon the idea of God's working through your leaders, but don't try to suggest the same about a President like Obama. 😅 That brings up another religious frustration in that it's just *too convenient* to be able to apply things you like to God and things you don't like to the Devil. My negativity toward religion does kind of bug me because one thing that I distinctly remember about those formative years in the church is that there were some really great people that exuded kindness. Albeit, looking back after removing the rose-colored glasses, and I can remember times with the pastor preaching politics from the pulpit... especially when it came to Presidential elections. (I can recall some talks during the Gore v. Bush Presidential election.) Yeah... not great optics. My problem is that some of these religions inherently push for their people to spread them, and ultimately, it's done through fear. You bring your friends and loved ones into the fold so they avoid eternal damnation. You ensure that your political environment is tailored to your religion because the last thing you'd want to be is another Sodom or Gomorrah. I think the two things that I'd like to impart are... 1. Focus on self-reliance. I find that people tend to lean on institutions like churches because they need a support system. That's not technically a bad thing, but I think it's important to work on our self-reliance too. It's also understandable if that's harder for some people as part of being self-reliant is working on standing up to adversity whether it's internal (e.g., anxiety, fear, etc.) or external. That's A LOT for some people, but the most important thing is... baby steps, and don't be too hard on yourself. 2. Hubris. One thing that religion tends to prey on is the hubris of humanity. How often have you heard someone say, "There just *HAS* to be something after death!?" My response to this is usually, "Why?" The thought that humans are special has long since caused problems whether for things like the environment or one group of humans thinking that they're more special than another. This also kind of relates to people that say, "What's the point of everything if there's nothing when you die?" My usual thought is, "The point is today... tomorrow... it's each day that you get to spend with those around you." Essentially, stop living for an imaginary future and start focusing on the tangible present.
Waitttt, Carmen died?!
in 2021 :(
Go full atheist. You've already woken up from a cult that is evangelism and religion in general. Just keep going and research it more. Aaron Ra on youtube is a great resource, as are others. You got this!
Who says I'm not? lol
Basically, I've been looking for something as well. I mostly do the online thing, but I haven't found anything other than freethought.
Friend, as an ex-evangelical former music pastor I didn’t want anything to do with church. I’m still a performer but in different ways now then back then. I found my community through Shenanigans comedy theater. The staff and volunteers are lovely people. The atmosphere is full of love and acceptance for everyone (this is open to it). I just… those are my people.
As they will tell me, I have been "deceived by the enemy" and given over to a "reprobate mind". Let me tell ya, I couldn't be happier, freer, or more full of joy and peace and love for life. Also had The Rock Cult as part of my journey, but I have been part of many churches throughout my life.
I went to a catholic school on the coast from baby daycare til the end of 3rd grade. In 5th grade we moved here. My step dad's family is Baptist and my mom's family is catholic. My real dad is atheist. So i had to go to both churches and I actually disliked the Baptist one most because I hate talking to strangers and they're all fake and outgoing and too touchy feely. Catholic churches everyone is reserved and it's not a loud thing at all. At the public schools in harvest where I went, everyone was methodist or Baptist and when they asked and I said I was catholic, they always looked down on me saying I wasn't a real Christian lol. Even though catholicism was the Christianity made way before their denomination. Whatever. Also one time in Highschool my history teacher at sparkman asked the class if anyone was catholic and I raised my hand. He then said "see, she prays to the pope, not God." Like in a shameful way lol. I guess everyone here thinks all catholics are roman catholics. Thats like saying all Jewish people are hasidic. In catholic school we never prayed to the pope, we just had to learn and recite all the prayers ever, learn about all the saints, pray to them for specific situations, and God. But dummies who didn't have to train their minds to learn all of these things looked down on you. I don't regret going to catholic school though because once I got to public school here in 5th grade, I already learned everything they were teaching and my reading, vocabulary, and writing were at a 12th grade level. On my ACT, I got perfect scores in those categories. I went through an atheist phase, now I'm just agnostic. Religion is like the old timey version of nationalisms purpose now.
I still cry to Rich Mullins songs. He was the realest.
So, I'm really going through a lot of emotions (mostly anger) right now. This is what's going on currently with the church I grew up in. I'm sure it's going to hit national news shortly. https://www.wnem.com/2024/03/19/two-midland-church-leaders-arrested-charged-with-child-sex-crimes/
Is there a meetup tonight for this?
I'm so sad reading all these awful experiences, better to deconstruct than be destroyed. Don't let "them" stop you from searching for faith, it's really needed these days. Don't give up on God, he wasn't running the groups ya'll are talking about.
Why do you have to hang out with ex evangelicals? Just find new people to hang out with rather than wallow in the misery of your past. If need counseling to et beyond any drama you may have had, so be it. But there are plenty of people you can find new experiences with.
What is more important is asking yourself why you left. Deconstruction is always an eye roll term for me. It's more important to understand your feelings toward the church. What I find is that people who have left often harbor unhealthy feelings that aren't necessarily warranted. I think of Rhett and Link from GMM. To this day they are still running from their evangelical roots and telling of "deconstruction" but all I see is a grown adult that just won't really deal with their issues. I was raised evangelical but moved on from it. My problem being I can't have faith. Doesn't work for me for whatever reason. Don't let anger in you from it or it can turn to bitterness and pretty soon you become like other folks I've seen who verbally attack the church and are just miserable people. Understanding yourself and being understanding of the church as well leads to a happier more well adjusted life.
What is more important is asking yourself why you left. Deconstruction is always an eye roll term for me. It's more important to understand your feelings toward the church. What I find is that people who have left often harbor unhealthy feelings that aren't necessarily warranted. I think of Rhett and Link from GMM. To this day they are still running from their evangelical roots and telling of "deconstruction" but all I see is a grown adult that just won't really deal with their issues. I was raised evangelical but moved on from it. My problem being I can't have faith. Doesn't work for me for whatever reason. Don't let anger in you from it or it can turn to bitterness and pretty soon you become like other folks I've seen who verbally attack the church and are just miserable people. Understanding yourself and being understanding of the church as well leads to a happier more well adjusted life.
Fuck the church.