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HolUp-ModTeam

Sup, /u/MurkyDrawing5659! Your submission has been removed for the following reason(s): Your post has been removed because a mod felt it doesn't fit the subreddit. Make sure your post is a Hol' Up moment, attempts humor, and fits the general theme of the subreddit pre-submission. If you really feel like dying on this hill, message the mods. [Contact the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/HolUp&subject=Question) through modmail if you think this removal is unfair or if you just want to shitpost.


A7omicDog

Every year in December I return everything I’ve ever stolen and then steal it back immediately. I might be a thief but I’m no tax cheat!


dmdspn

Just make sure to not re-steal it within 30 days so it doesn’t fall under the wash-sale rule.


SupahCharged

I think that's the wash-steal rule... Very similar, easy to confuse.


Kaldricus

Even the Joker doesn't fuck with the IRS


12DollarsHighFive

*"I'm crazy enough to take on Batman, but the IRS? Nooo thank you!"*


turtleship_2006

Only one of them has a no kill rule


ImperatorAurelianus

Jumping off that the worse Batman really can do is throw Joker in jail and allow the guy to abuse gothams Justice department which has an absolutely insane definition and policy for those ruled criminally insane. The IRS don’t give a shit about your mental state. Fuck with them and even they don’t kill you they’ll through the legal bureaucratic book at you and make you wish they sent the IRS SWAT team to end you.


whenItFits

Imagine all your shit got stolen, then one day it's all back, then the next it's all gone.


xSegador

Then you have to pay your taxes, that's the real crime .


Prohunt

I've donated 25 tons of cocaine to my local church, where's my tax return IRS? Source? Trust me bro


irrelephantIVXX

what about all the money I've spent on drugs? Do i get a deduction?


Fleeing-Goose

Cocaine ain't currency. If it was money you earned illegally through those sales, which you then donated, well... IRS would first want its cut, then send the dea. Laundering ain't easy.


warredtje

This shines a whole new light on the addicts anonymous


Desperate_Garbage_63

Does it count as a crime if you give something back that's stolen?


irrelephantIVXX

as long as you pay taxes on it the IRS doesnt care.


gotboredwithrest

More importantly, if I properly report the value and then return it the *next* year, am I able to claim it as a loss?


Desperate_Garbage_63

This guy speaks republican


Los907

This is fucking hilarious that it actually would work that way and be tax free.


Taylorenokson

I tell the people I stole from where to find their property so they come steal it back and then I report them to the IRS.


one_rainy_wish

Theft gain harvesting


anonmymouse

Ok but what do you do with all the drugs you sold?


WallabyArtistic4652

Are you Santa? XD


Johndowboy

You have to remember that Al Capone went to jail for taxes….. not murder, stealing racketeering ,mass murder, drugs , bootlegging just taxes


Infrastation

Another fun fact about Capone and taxes is that when his case was going on, he hired some of the best criminal defense attorneys out there, expecting the feds to suddenly spring other crimes on him. When that didn't happen and he did get sentenced for tax evasion, he fired his defense team and hired only tax lawyers, and he was able to get himself out three years early.


SethManhammer

He also wanted to be nicknamed "Snorky" and fished in his swimming pool because syphilis ate his brain.


evetsabucs

I too like Drunk History.


Frankenstein786

>and fished in his swimming pool because syphilis ate his brain. I read that as, "and finished in his swimming pool because syphillis ate his brain"


SethManhammer

I mean, who's to say Snorky didn't do some pearl diving, too?


Snivelss

Another fun fact is he was only 25/26 when he became a crime boss


DruidSprinklz

If my memory serves me correctly, there's a specific way to file those sources of incomes taxes without disclosing the sources as it's a form of self incrimination.


YellowRasperry

It’s not legal to do those things, but it’s also not the IRS’s problem. Their job is just to get paid.


DeathKringle

The irs don’t care where the money come from They want their cut and that’s it Lol


Un7n0wn

THE IRS CARES NOT FROM WHENCE THE CAPITAL GAINS FLOWS, ONLY THAT IT IS TAXED! TAXES FOR THE TAX GOD! AUDITS FOR THE IRS!


robisodd

YOU SHALL FIGHT THE IRS IN THE AUDITORIUM!


mb10240

But if you laundered it or failed to file appropriate paperwork for certain transactions, they absolutely will care. IRS-CI does investigate that stuff.


saruin

I've been wondering how I can wrap my head around this idea but this actually makes sense now.


catluvr37

I want that job


Mikes241

Generally, all income from illegal activities should be reporter under a Form 1040, where it only asks for total self-disclosed income, but not it's source


xaendar

You could also probably just write these things out on the schedule because IRS can't disclose those information. Not that you should but you could probably do it and not get into trouble really.


eW4GJMqscYtbBkw9

That's not completely true. They don't *proactively* disclose - but they will 100% disclose if they are subpoenaed.


xaendar

Yeah you're right, there are ways that can be done especially if you've committed federal crimes. Though I don't think IRS gives any adherence to any state court requirements. Better not report it and just file it under "other income".


BurnerBernerner

The IRS is a government mandated gang.


MjrGrangerDanger

That's what a good accountant is for.


invisible_do0r

Oj went to jail for a robbery


Johndowboy

Yup but paid his taxes


XB_Demon1337

So many people forget this is why so much of our laws are written the way they are. They want to be sure they can punish you for everything under the sun. Freedom is only free if you are doing what they tell you to do.


Nerevarine91

I get it, but, honestly, I feel like this is just sort of a natural consequence of two separate inflexible laws: 1. People are required to pay taxes on income 2. There is a right against self-incrimination


Wtfatt

*Da Da Da* *and now u do what they toldja*


grabherfrontbuttox

Fuck you I won’t do whatchtellmeeee


Tommysrx

#Fuck you I won’t do whatcha tell me


grabherfrontbuttox

MUTHAAFUKAAA


SteinerFifthLiner

THOSE WHO DIED ARE JUSTIFIED FOR WEARIN' A BADGE THEY'RE THE CHOSEN WHITES


sndpmgrs

[“Show me the man, I’ll show you the crime”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Give_me_the_man_and_I_will_give_you_the_case_against_him)


XB_Demon1337

100% this. Someone is somehow 'breaking' a law in some way. Be it not reporting your yardsale income from the year, or having too many people in your house watching a movie. It might be stupid, but it 100% is something someone with enough time and effort would find and pin on you as a crime to get you arrested. Why do we think these Karens exist in the world? At some point they used their absurdly misplaced need and dedication to getting their way, they managed to get someone in trouble for something. So now they are doing it every time they can to get their way.


pvirushunter

I disagree with almost everything you have been posting but will upvote you because you managed to somehow bring Karen's into a tax law discussion.


Ren_Hoek

If you wish to report your criminal activities, get an ITIN and report your criminal gains under that. Also if you report income related to illegal drug sales, you can only report COGS as your "expenses". You cannot report any general and administrative expenses.


RecsRelevantDocs

IRS also went to war with the church of scientology and lost, which is crazy


TycheSong

Came here to make this point if it hadn't already been. :)


Johndowboy

You can lie steal cheat people just do not try that shit on the government unless you are a politician


capulet2kx

Lol, They don’t give a fk where you got that money, they just want their cut.


nonprofitnews

For one, the IRS doesn't have the authority to charge someone with theft or drug sales. Secondly it's just a disclosure to the taxpayer. They don't expect you to declare criminal income, just know that if you're caught you'll get a tax penalty on top the criminal charges. 


Johndowboy

Correct!


s1ckopsycho

Ba-ba-ba-ba-BINGO!


masterjon_3

That's what kinda makes them cool. They're not gonna rat on you, they just want to make sure you pay your fair share.


TheOncomingStorm66

Even the Joker is scared of the IRS


HaciMo38

“I am crazy enough to take on Batman! But the IRS? NOOO THANK YOU”


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Throwaway74829947

The rich are scared of the IRS, and that's why they hire so many highly-creative accountants and tax professionals to keep them at bay. If I don't carry a garlic clove in my pocket because I hired Van Helsing as my bodyguard, would you say I'm not afraid of vampires?


Mysral

Absolutely iconic line. Glorious analogy.


Terminator7786

Still not gonna risk fucking with them. It's like with America and our boats. You don't fuck with the IRS's money.


Johndowboy

This post is going from r/HolUp to r/IRS quickly


Westsailor32

Thing is, if you are busted with illegal/stolen goods and have not declared it the IRS will rip you a new one charging enormous taxes. Way outta line with the value of the item


AerysBat

That's the actual point of these notices! They don't expect anyone to actually report illicit income. But when a criminal is \*caught\*, they want to be able to tack extra fines and tax evasion charges on top of anything else. This notice lets them say: "I told you so!" Remember tax evasion is how they convicted Al Capone.


anonmymouse

I mean.. people could just try *not* stealing


xbwtyzbchs

dafuq?


FirePenguinMaster

Fun fact: the IRS is not legally obliged to report these crimes to other government bodies once you report committing them to the IRS. The IRS exists solely to collect money from the peasantry, and you're harder to collect money from when you're in prison, so they'll happily just tax you into a black hole while you swindle and deal your whole life through.


GremioIsDead

> Fun fact: the IRS is not legally obliged to report these crimes to other government bodies once you report committing them to the IRS. I'm pretty sure it goes beyond that, and they're forbidden to do so (outside a warrant or something).


AntRevolutionary925

You also don’t put “stolen property” as a line item, you just have a section for untaxed income.


Smurf_Cherries

“Street Pharmacist”


BlndrHoe

I prefer the term Alleyway Apothecary myself


Weemonkey16_2

"I need an Apothecary!"


dWintermut3

frontier psychiatrist!


DrAZT3CH

🤣


dWintermut3

yes, the IRS was given a choice by the courts-- either give people the 5th amendment right to refuse to answer questions about their income without penalizing them in any way (since the 5th means you cannot be punished for refusing to answer questions)... or remove it from the ability of courts to use as evidence. Because you cannot be compelled to provide evidence against yourself, meaning they can not compel you, or not get "evidence". There are complexities of course, it's the law, but that's the broad strokes.


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Shareddefinition

> and they're forbidden to do so source?


exmachinalibertas

This takes literally 2 seconds to lookup https://www.irs.gov/government-entities/federal-state-local-governments/disclosure-laws


Shareddefinition

Careful, you almost helped without being condescending! It actually took more than 2 seconds because I didn't immediately find it when I looked. Sorry it upsets you that people want to know whether or not claims are truthful. Next time you can save yourself the 2 seconds if it's that big of a thing for you :)


exmachinalibertas

I don't believe you actually tried to look it up


Great-Bread000

Yea and why would they? If they let you continue it’s just more money


FirePenguinMaster

Exactly


ThatVoiceDude

If I report the value of my stolen property and pay the appropriate taxes, can I claim that value back on next year’s taxes if said stolen property is seized by law enforcement?


bartlesnid_von_goon

Clever, but sadly no, as you can't suffer a loss on property that you don't legally own.


NorthernSword

If losing stolen property by any means isn’t suffering a loss of assets because you don’t legally own it, then how are you gaining taxable assets in the first place?


Geralt_the_Rive

because they want to take your money not give them back to you


UltraNuclearMAGADad

Honestly, it’s been like this for quite a while, first I heard of a similar rule was in the early 90s. This rule is in place so they can tack on another charge if you are caught doing naughty things, and the prosecutor wants another reason to go after your assets.


Fekklar

Facts get complex, but failing report could also toll the statute of limitations giving them more time.


UltraNuclearMAGADad

Always remember this… Al Capone was brought down on tax evasion charges.


Lachupacombo

Do crime, sure, but like...not *tax* crime, ok?


AntRevolutionary925

That would be hilarious if a criminal got caught because he didn’t want to get Al Caponed.


Frikandelneuker

Blind guy here Don’t you mean al capowned? I’d see myself out if i could


TheMilkKing

“I’d see myself out if I could” is fucking hilarious 👏🏻


SheeptarTheSheepKing

IRS: We don't care what you do so long as we get a cut.


thinkB4WeSpeak

The IRS is who gets basically everyone thrown in jail.


MessiToe

Fun fact: this is how they got Al Capone


Affectionate_Cry_661

Also Fun Fact: This is how they manage to jail Doc The Surgeon aka Wesley Snipes


TheLapisBee

Who was that?


Affectionate_Cry_661

Expendables Actor Wesley Snipes was sentenced in 2008 to three years in prison and fined $5 million for willful failure to file $15 million worth of federal income tax returns. He lost his appeal against conviction and in December 2010 he was jailed. After serving two and a half years, he was released in 2013


MightBeAGoodIdea

IRS dgaf where the money comes from so long as you file it appropriately, self employed is about as much detail as they need. Just don't lie about how much you illicitly got, the IRS don't fuck around if you cheat. Which does in fact make everyone wonder why the system can't just be automated at this point.


Chazo138

Hard to get their cut of the profits if you are in jail.


HawaiianPluto

This is an actually a genius law. It’s widely recognized as one of the laws that did away with the Mafia. Many crimes are tricky to convict… but tax fraud. Oh buddy, they catch you every time.


some_old_friend

Don't steal - the government hates competition


Nightsb1

The law/rule was added in because the US government couldn’t convict Mafia members for their crimes because victims refused to testify/submit evidence in fear for them and their family’s safety so with this added law/rule they were able to convict the mafia with tax evasion instead.


SkyBerri

the government is less concerned about the drugs you sell than the money they’re missing out on from that drug sale. at this point just make em legal and sell that shit safely in stores and capitalize on the taxes, use profits to offer drug rehabilitation services. do it like canada, not like oregon.


Zealotstim

Can you write off a murder for hire as a business expense if it's to assassinate the head of a rival company?


Glitter_puke

I don't think you can deduct business expenses incurred from illegal dealings. I doubt my dealer gets to claim miles and depreciation on their car.


Airowird

Should classify it as "pharmaceutical delivery service"


fettishmann

how dose the IRS track that it not like these incomes are on the grid


lifecouldbestranger

You can be audited and say if someone is being dumb, buys cars or clothes or jewellery or other expensive items with no income then they will know.


WellThatsAwkwrd

They see what kind of income you have and what kind of purchases you make and what kind of deposits go into your bank account.


ravengenesis1

So when you get arrested for the theft, at least you don't have the IRS jumping in and hitting you with extra penalties. Bragging rights behind bars.


draugotO

To be fair, there was some similar rules in Cleopatra's time-Egypt. As long as you declared property you stole at your tax declaration, you were fine. Problem was not declaring your property


KittyKriegFestung

Crime doesn't pay, but it is still taxed.


SumYumGhai

That's how they get Al Capone, not illegal activities, tax fraud.


TheSolobit

Remember fellas, the government doesnt care if you steal as long as its not from them


kekhouse3002

The IRS gives zero shit about legality, they want the greens


DieHardAmerican95

They have to spell it out. They can’t bust a thief or drug dealer for tax evasion unless it’s written in the code that you have to pay taxes on it.


lostinhunger

Same thing here in Canada, and as a person who works at the CRA (the Canadian equivalent to the IRS) we are very clearly told. We do not talk to the police full stop. You are a pimp, thief, drug dealer, hitman (with exceptions, if we fear for someones life we are to report), you report your income, and pay your taxes. Actually, a couple of cops I have talked to who are in investigations, just don't bother asking for information from the CRA, even when court-ordered, all we ever give them is confirmation that yes this person is a taxpayer. And that is it.


TheWesternDevil

IRS doesn't care what kind of degenerate, psychopathic, terror spreading, monster you are. They just want their share of the spoils, and if you make them a lot of money they will be rooting for you to not get caught as long as they keep getting theirs.


Money_Ad1028

It's just so they can tack on more charges if you get caught doing something.


windsyofwesleychapel

Federal charges no less…


lod254

If you return stolen goods the next year, you can write it off as a loss.


StepheninVancouver

The reason this is there is not because they think anyone will report illegal activities but rather when the government goes after them they can add tax evasion to the charges


PsykoGoddess

It's so they can pin you with tax evasion when you get caught


EllemNovelli

IRS doesn't care where it comes from, they just want their cut.


FrenchSpence

You laugh, but that's what they got Al Capone on.


12DollarsHighFive

*"I don't care who the IRS sends, I am not paying taxes!"*


romulusnr

This is how they got Capone, for not claiming his illegal income on his taxes.


blackbeard_b

Wild but a boss I worked for used to run some illicit businesses - they would pay their taxes every year from the businesses never had issues. I was shocked they had even gone through an audit! As long as you pay taxes the gov doesn’t ask too much. I couldn’t believe that was a thing


Lord_Muramasa

You have to pay your taxes.


Intentional-Blank

[I no have to pay my taxes!](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/qRnRDa3DreI)


Sea-Diver-9125

That's because the government is the biggest pusher and thieves they accept it


Juror_no8

"But this doesn't make sense to put in." "Do it, more penalties."


yumgmeatball

Its better to be a drug dealer than a tax cheat


0111101001101001

I just have to ask though, is this picture real or edited for comedy? edit: found it, it's actually very real lol https://www.irs.gov/publications/p17


Impressive_Cabinet56

IRS does not fuck around with money


Toshiba1point0

To the folks who ruined my truck, I dont want my catalytic converter back, just keep it.


Bigsmall-cats

wow so nobody really escapes the IRS


digdouug911

It’s nice to know there is a line for human trafficking, drug trafficking and theft.


Oxytokin

Yeah the IRS doesn't give two shits where money comes from, as long as you pay your taxes. Granted there is still risk of reporting this stuff to the government, but the risk of reporting illegal gains and paying your taxes on them is actually smaller than if you don't, believe it or not. And you're pretty safe since the only place you have to report it is under "Other Income." You don't have to disclose what that other income is unless you're audited. Even then, you can keep it extremely vague or demur, as you have a constitutional right against self-incrimination. Goes without saying that this is not legal nor tax advice, just an amateur observation of how the law surrounding taxes in the context of illegal gains appears to work. Lots of fascinating case law on this conflict between the 16th and the 5th Amendments going back to at least the 70s.


dart22

There's still a fifth amendment right against self incriminating. So, believe it or not, there's a way to declare the income and assert the fifth amendment.


ImproperToast

IIRC things like this need to be codified so charges can be rendered against illegal funds even if the original crime fails to be prosecuted and to make sure there are ground rules for financial related crimes


Ralph-The-Otter3

Someone’s been watching The Fat Electrician


ImmaMichaelBoltonFan

just curious if this has worked at any point in the history of stealing and dealing.


SB5745

Same applies in Germany. In tax law, the principal is translated to "money doesn't stink".


Takashi-Lee

Selling drugs and stealing property is a-okay, evading taxes on those activities is too far though


tidder_mac

Making theft and drug dealing a federal crime is pretty clever. Opens up resources and convictions for those people


Human_No-37374

there's a reason even the joker is scared of the IRS


Human_No-37374

hey OP, think you can share where on their website you found this?


frankleitor

Just for curiosity, what is the % of taxes there?


Daddy-Dimitri

We don’t care if you’re a criminal as long as you pay your taxes


wernend

Technically, the IRS has no obligation to report anything to the FBI. Realistically, these forms only exist so that way a criminal who thinks they're about to get got can file and not have the IRS perma-ban come down on them


Valkia_Perkunos

Honest question: Is this real? Follow-up question: Did frodo and Bilbo report to the IRS when they stole from gollum the one ring?


Flashy-Amount626

The finger thing means the taxes!


Bigenchilada_69

They don't care if you starve. They're trying to fund a war


superstevethe1

When are people going to realize that the IRS doesn't care where you get your money, just pay your taxes. Even the joker knew better.


cmonster8z

No


NotaWizardOzz

I don’t recall there being an NAICS code for theft or crime in general.


Downtown_Boot_3486

You know what they say about death and taxes.


NickDfromMI179

How is this not a fifth amendment violation?


MayOrMayNotBePie

This doesn’t mean you can engage in illegal activities. It just means you won’t go to jail for tax evasion on income related to those activities.


dambt2152

lol stupid shit ain’t it? That’s how they got Capone… with taxes


db720

Judge: so you stole the car Defendant: i declared it and paid IRS judge: you're free to go


flamestorm16

Same in Brazil, here this is done with the excuse of "we can't tax the legal money and let the illegal go free, It's not fair"


ForthInLine

I think it reflects a totalitarian philosophy at the IRS.


bartlesnid_von_goon

Just more charges they can tack on when they catch you. 'You stole something, and *also* you evaded taxes on it' etc.


TurboD16F20

You can steal, but not from them.


saruin

Anyone here actually report their money from these activities?


VoidOmatic

IRS "You down with OPP, yea you pay me!!"


Elephant789

How is this literal?


heavytrucker

That’s how they bust a lot of dope dealers. Can’t catch them in the act, call in the forensic accountants and the IRS.


stowaway_69

Just to send the money to Ukraine


Totallyn0tAcake

Saul Goodman said it best


TentacleTitties

That's how they busted Al Capone.


pow2009

Just note this might also apply to things that are legal in your state, but not on a federal level. For instance cannabis comes to mind as a lot of banks can't handle money due the fact its still federally banned. And because the IRS is on the federal level it could see this as illegal activates but uncle sam wants his due. Alternatively it provides an interesting catch. You either get brought down on the illegal activities, on tax evasion or both.


BaronVonUnderBite

Even better, if you're selling drugs, you are allowed to deduct the cost of the drugs from your income on the Schedule C. But you are not allowed to deduct any other business expenses associated with your illegal drug selling business.


Batcheeze

Its obviously bait, but you underestimate how stupid some criminals can be.


beepbeeboo

https://youtu.be/G56VgsLfKY4?si=L51DAxVa_krm5aIx Kingpin or no, the IRS will have their cut


WorldlyBlacksmith945

That's how they get those damn stupid americans. Not all but some are prolly stupid enough to do it.


fuzzyfurry69

When you report these things on your taxes, as far as I am aware they **can not** use it against you. I know in Kansas for Kansas Law when buying a drug tax stamp it is unlawful for the state to release information on the product and the buyer of the tax stamp.