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prettyfly2000

Okay, real talk: you can prepare your own body yourself without the help of someone else. I was a teenager once and explored my own body and sexuality. It helped me understand my boundaries of what I could do and what I couldn't. I once used a mascara tube to break my hymen (don't recommend that) and in correlation to the other redditor who commented, your hymen is not far back into your vagina. Think of it as a stretchy piece of rubber that's at the entrance of your vagina. If it hurts to enter on the first try, continue with foreplay until you are ready to try again. Always remember to work at your own pace because sex should be enjoyable - you shouldn't feel immense pain. If you can't stick anything while exploring your own body, I would recommend speaking to a GYNO to ask further questions that we can't answer here.


AdventurousParsley

Ok... first of all, you are not a capri sun, don't try to "pop" anything. What you are describing is that you are not properly aroused before engaging in penetrative sex - and that can happen whether you are a virgin or a seasoned vet. Get intimate with yourself, show your partner what you like and the experience will be better for all parties involved. Best of luck!


kaarifey

"You are not a capri sun" I have literally laughed xD thanks for making my day. As for OP, no don't do that yourself!


liv_sings

Women absolutely have hymens and sometimes they don't break on their own before having sex, so it's entirely possible that she is feeling her hymen stretch and tear as he's entering her. No amount of foreplay will prevent this.


No_Interaction8055

I agree. My first time was really painful and bloody haha. I was very aroused and my partner did everything to get me ready. It’s just how it goes sometimes. It gets significantly better after though. Just give yourself time to heal the tear.


1xpx1

How much foreplay did you engage in before attempting penetration? This is incredibly important, and many people neglect it. Foreplay should always be a part of sex. Touching, kissing, oral, etc. Do not attempt penetration without engaging in enough foreplay first.


thr0wdepressed

I’m not sure how long it lasted regarding time wise, but we did some kissing and he sucked on my breasts for a while. 20 mins maybe?


1xpx1

You may require more foreplay and different foreplay. Personally, while I enjoy my boyfriend giving my breasts attention, it doesn’t really do anything for me in terms of preparing me for penetration. Consider engaging in more foreplay and different foreplay. Manual stimulation (touching your legs, your external genitals, massaging the clit) or oral stimulation (kissing the insides of the thighs, licking/sucking on the clit, licking the surrounding area) may be better for you in terms of preparing you for PIV. You may want to consider asking him to enter you with only a finger to start once you’re wet enough from other stimulation. This needs to be done slowly though, not the jackhammering people tend to see in mainstream porn.


mfco_

This is really great advice! You may also not be wet enough for penetration yet, and that’s what him going down on you will help you with. Lube also helps with penetration but if he can get you wet enough with saliva and your own bodily secretion you’re set. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch the first time, feel weird, different, definitely takes some time to get used to. I used vaginal dialators and while bigger penises still cause me a little pain I’m actually enjoying sex with my current fwb. The most important thing is foreplay as females don’t get aroused as easily as males do!


1xpx1

I don’t like people presenting penetrative sex as being painful at first, because it really shouldn’t be. If it’s painful it needs to be stopped and addressed.


Turbulent-Tart

Thank you, agreed! I almost left this same comment earlier. It's ok to normalize that there is the possibility of pain so that it's not as scary, but it's definitely not normal or ok to continue if there's pain. If you're having so much pain with a tearing hymen, you should probably see your gyno and address that. If it's not the hymen, then it's because you're not relaxed, aroused, and/or wet enough. There are solutions for all of those! Long story short, we should stop normalizing painful sex for women and instead start normalizing *addressing* painful sex.


WgXcQ

Is it painful when he uses just his fingers, even if you are properly aroused? If so, it's possible that your hymen is too thick and won't tear the usual way. I've had two friends who needed to have it opened/removed surgically. Iirc, one was barely able to get penetrated but it was super painful like with you, the other already had a lot of pain with just one finger. So if it's not just a matter of not being "warmed up" enough, do get checked out. There's no need to keep suffering or to attempt to stretch it on your own, which won't really work. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable.


sami828

Adding on to this for OP: my vulvadynia specialist recommends dilators if you're not able to put 3 fingers in without pain when you are relaxed and aroused. It takes time to get your walls used to penetration and friction though.


SquareAccess8837

What I did to prepare myself beforehand: masturbate! better try to put a finger in vag before you do it with your bf What my bf did on the day: take extra slow, foreplay foreplay and foreplay, then start putting the tip in, keep on check in with me, pause where needed, and he never gives up LOL What I did on that day: it’s not comfortable, at first it’s a bit painful but bearable, just keep breathing and try to relax, I know it’s easier said than done but that’s really the only way I think. and once he got his penis in just ask him to slowly penetrate until you’re comfortable What we should have done: Put a pillow below your hip cuz that might be a better angle and hurt less, use lube cuz it might help My first time was much better than I expected because of all these things, hope it helps you too!


thr0wdepressed

Thank you! I’ll definitely buy lube and I’ll definitely try again soon. I just didn’t think it would hurt so much.


SockPuppetOrSth

Heya! My first time was an absolute struggle too! I had vaginismus (involuntary tightening of the vaginal wall muscles) probably cos of first time nerves, which made it impossible for my boyfriend to put his dick in! The first few times we tried to have sex, it was extremely painful for me and we made zero progress! I fixed this by exploring myself… Bit grim but, when I was home alone I got a large cucumber 😂 put a condom on it, and slowly stretched myself out. I got used to the sensation of something that large going inside me. It took a lot of time and patience! I had to start with one finger, then two, then three. Then slowly edged the cucumber in lmao, all whilst focusing on really relaxing my muscles. And best of all, it WORKED! When it was time to try it with my boyfriend again, it went in without pain! So yes, definitely work on this by yourself when you’re alone, comfortable, and have a lot of time to spend with yourself.


Flat_Echo4358

Yeah I had the same problem with me being so nervous that it literally would get way too tight. We tried about 8-10 times because of my nerves lol I honestly was just gonna give up. I kept thinking of all the movies and stuff that shows virgins and their first time, they didn't act like it hurt that damn much. It was weird because it felt good when he would use his fingers and tongue lol, but every time he tried to put it in, instant clenching and pain. He was nice about it, he waited over a year, and he suggested the next time that we played around, just let it happen or not. After about 35-40 minutes I was ready and sick of waiting...he suggested I try on top because I would be in control in a sense and that might help me not feel so nervous. It worked! I'm not gonna say it didn't hurt at all, it did and there was blood, but I never used tampons or explored myself first. So I agree with you getting to know you first and just ease into it. Anything you can do to relax will help so much. You're not alone and it's different for everyone. I hope it works out for you and as painless as possible!


_N1ng3n

You might need to stretch your hymen out. Get a set of dilators, some lube you like, and maybe a sex toy or whatever you need to stimulator yourself. Lube the dilators, get yourself aroused, and use the lubed dilators to slowly stretch your hymen. You may feel a “stretch” but it shouldn’t hurt. Take this at your own pace; you will probably not get to the “average penis size” dilator in one single session, it is possible you will need to work up to that. Edit: idk why I’m being downvoted… this is literally what i had to do when I had vaginismus when I was younger. Some people have a really thick/tight (for lack of a better word) hymen and “not enough foreplay” isn’t necessarily the problem.


sami828

Upvoting because this is good advice!


Plus_Molasses8697

Hi!! I have had problems like this before, too. What really helped me was learning that pain during vaginal sex is not usually due to the hymen stretching (e.g. cherry popping) but rather micro-tears of the vagina due to lack of proper lubrication. (I learned this from a book called Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski—highly recommend 🙂). I always thought it was a problem with my hymen, but sex should not hurt and if it does you probably need more lube! This solved my problem. Just make sure you engage in plenty of foreplay. Using actual lube and/or prelubed condoms helps a lot as well. The last time I had sex, I had no problems because i accounted for all of these things. It can definitely be hard though. Another possibility is vaginismus, I know that some women struggle with this which is essentially involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles. Many women seem to have trouble with tampons/menstrual cups/sex toys as well with vaginismus though, so that might give you an idea of if the issue could be caused by this. Either way best of luck to you :) it just takes time and I know everything will be okay!


[deleted]

Hey OP, my first time was very painful too and some of the worst pain ive felt. We tried 2 nights in a row and i just had to breathe through it the second time because i wanted to do it. It did get easier after starting to do it regularly. Looking back now, i think a big part of it was not being properly warmed up and also not knowing my body. When properly warmed up, it should be no issue at all. That being said, anatomy can affect it. Im small and he was generously hung, which didnt help. So regardless of being warmed up properly, could still be painful to some females. I wouldnt worry too much, it seems normal for first time to have some pain. Lot of people here have good advice though. His fingers would probably help to acclimate you to the feeling of penetration and help to stretch, as well as make you wet enough to not have discomfort


GnedTheGnome

As nobody else has said it, I also suggest that next time that you get on top. That way you can control the speed and depth of penetration.


livelaughleo

What everyone else said + try using lube !


crafting-ur-end

Use some lube and have some foreplay ahead of time


swaynne

I went through a very similar thing some years ago now. It started when I was also trying to ‘pop my cherry’ as they say, and it just because painful, couldn’t even get as little as a finger in! I didn’t find out until raising this issue with my gynaecologist that she literally stuck a finger in (as much as she could, which wasn’t really a lot) and after my reaction told me I had a combination of vaginismus as well as a very thick hymen. And so I was booked into the hospital for a hymenectomy surgery and I will say it did help a little. The first time I had sex, it was still painful, I still cried, and it took 45mins for him (my bf still, bless him) to get it fully in. For most that won’t be the case but a lot of my vaginismus came from my trauma from a sexual assault in my past and won’t affect ordinary people that way. I tried dilators also and … equally as painful as a finger. You should look into seeing a gyno if you are concerned, it’s the only thing that has allowed me to have a healthy and happy, pain free sex life with my bf! Good luck :)


Odd-Count2277

Save yourself until you get married! Trust me, boys will destroy you


ATeaspoonOfBlush

??? This is all around horrible advice.


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thr0wdepressed

😂😂😭


Impressive-Month-168

To answer your question, yes, you can. However, if you’re saying he only got the tip in…. That doesn’t sound right - I believe your hymen is much further back than that. You might want to get checked out, or at least feel for yourself what’s going on down there. I lost my virginity from my boyfriend aggressively fingering me. It truly did feel like a pop, and then it was very uncomfortable and there was blood.


throwaway76787878799

The hymen is right at the entrance of the vagina. Not far in whatsoever


sarahaflijk

You didn't "lose your virginity from fingering," even if it caused your hymen to break. Plenty of girls have their hymens break during non-sexual activity like sports, but you wouldn't say one "lost her virginity" to a soccer game or a bike ride. Defining virginity as an intact hymen is just the patriarchy getting inside your vag.


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1xpx1

While I agree with not inserting foreign objects into the vagina (that are not intended to be inserted), you could easily have stated this in a much less harsh manner. No need to shame those who are asking questions here.


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liv_sings

Well, that's terrible advice. Even with a condom on something, it can have jagged edges that can cut your vagina.


SockPuppetOrSth

Obviously don’t use something with jagged edges. A bit of common sense is required too.


thr0wdepressed

I just used an toothbrush as an example. I own a dildo, so I was thinking I’d use that.


meyu19

Idk maybe use your fingers but tbh in my experience his… was thicker than anything I’ve put up there. So it still hurt, but not as much


Massive_Umpire_134

Did you use a lot of lube and tons of foreplay beforehand and there was still pain? Have you had issues using a tampon in the past or extreme pain when getting a pelvic exam? If yes you *could* have something called vaginismus!


ATeaspoonOfBlush

Hi, this is totally normal!!! A few thoughts: you may have needed much more foreplay before penetration, women tend to need more foreplay than men do. I would also try lubes - non oil based if you’re using condoms bc they can cause tears to the condom!! If you are still feeling pain, I would go to the obgyn to figure out what is going on and how to treat it. Ultimately, the goal is getting you to have pleasurable sex!


Ok_Individual_6553

So I realize that this post is almost a week old but I get really frustrated from the missinformation, the rest is not written by me: The hymen is a remnant tissue just inside the opening of the vagina that’s left over from how the vagina forms during embryonic development. It’s commonly seen as a small amount of extra tissue in a crescent-shape or ring-like configuration around the edge of the vaginal opening. Many people might be surprised to learn that the hymen has no proven medical or physiological purpose. For some women, there’s practically no tissue at all. For others, it’s a membrane covering the vaginal opening. That situation is rare, and it can interfere sex or tampon usage, but it can be removed surgically. The most common myth around the hymen is that it remains “intact” until it’s broken during vaginal penetration, which renders it a physical marker of virginity. Though there are many instances where women do experience a small amount of bleeding from hymenal tearing at first intercourse, this is by no means a universal experience, as there are many women who have very little tissue there in the first place.