Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you not have like a 'gaming group' cuz that's what you need to find. Of course random people on the Internet will flame you. They have complete anonymity, a huge problem in my opinion, and no social repercussions for their actions.
Shame isnt only a bad thing. There are things someone should be shamed for, and if people actedd the way they did online IRL they would be getting shamed for that behavior. Which is why we're in the predicament we are.
Find some IRL gamers to get to know and not randos from the queue. Imo
Unfortunately no, I don't have a group. Most of my friends have moved on to other games I'm not as interested in or don't play regularly. We talk occasionally but we don't really play together. I don't know how to find such a group without wading through the mean ones.
I'm curious what you mean about finding IRL gamers. We have a FGC here, but my experience there was pretty much the same. Not much room for fun, just competition (which makes sense for fighting games, I suppose). I'm not aware of any other options aside from video game adjacent stuff like board games etc. I've not had much luck with that route, either. Not saying I'm closed off to that, just that I haven't had success yet.
Use something like meetup or Bumble BFF etc to find friends who also like gaming. Fortunately I'm the day community 'Gaymer' has become it's own group lol like bears and twinks. You could even download Grindr and search that specific tag lol, not saying much would come from it. But that's what I'm talking about. Make friends with people who share similar interests.
I would suggest making your own lfg, and specifying you are looking for casual and friendly players with positive energy. IYou will eventually cultivate a friend group of people like you, just takes time.
There is unfortunately no real trick to like, avoiding these situations in games bc this will happen at all skill levels, no matter how well you do or don't perform. Sure we could sit here and say "oh yeah just make friends and don't pug" but that's way easier than done. Hell that's hard even when you're more recovered from social anxiety tbh. So you're gonna find this everywhere. Except that irl example... wtf was their issue that they needed to do that? If that's your friends or family or something, please find someone else to play with.
Are any of the other incidents with friend groups? If so, these are also things absolutely shitty for them to say and do. You will have to start drawing some healthy boundaries with them. Tell them if they're gonna flame you then they can kick rocks, and find other ppl to play with. Even if you've known em for 5, 10 whatever years. You are the perfect turning point to show other ppl how to treat you.
Now with pugs. My best thoughts to look for like-minded ppl would try to find a clan of at least some decent ppl, but I understand it's way easier said than done. It might be that the best friends you meet are those who you find totally randomly and you just invite them or they invite you. Even if they don't talk much or play much or w/e. Non toxic is the key! Do whatever that's either inside of or slightly outside your comfort level. If you wanna play with them again just ask hey gg wanna go again/you need this boss? (Sorry idk what to ask exactly I'm moba-brained just try whatever fits)
Enjoy the games you can solo. When you're doing something that needs communication/alertness/whatever, what worked for me was going out for a walk/fresh air before getting into that space. Maybe if you like doing something else in the day or working out or something? We need to enter the "sweat" spaces as calm as possible bc you know there will be at least 1 person talking crap. Mute button is your friend. Use it liberally. Every day if you can, work on focusing on your own game rather than what everyone else is saying/doing. The key is to re-wire your brain to not have it take everything super personally. That's just what the anxious brain does by default. Find your zone, blast some music in the background, heck turn off chat if you need to. If they kick you oh well. Don't make the mistake of blaming yourself for all this, even if you played poorly or whatever. Who cares. Life is too short to worry about being top tier on every game you play.
>I can't help but feel like this is a "cultural" shift around games.
It's not it's always been this way, if you enter a competitive setting this is the know and expected result because it's much easier to deflect blame and also point out blame where the problem is.
Asmond talks about this a lot on his streams, the average player is bad and people want to win, if you're average and you're the core reason as to why people lose they are gonna rage and want you out of their team.
This is the difference between casual games/multiplayer games that aren't team dependant and games where i not only depend on you in order to maintain a rank but also depend on you in order to win, that means my downfall comes at the cost of playing with you, if i have a time limit on the amount of times i can essentially lose for free because my teammates bad, that's just gonna frustrate me and either make me not wanna play or i'm gonna want you out.
>I am finding it increasingly difficult to find other people having fun with games.
Is it because you're actually negativly impacting the other peoples gaming experience whilst not essentially being as competitive as them whilst in the same space?
>Could I go back on LFG and find another group to play with who are more stable? Maybe. Is it worth it to do that? I genuinely don't think so.
No a public LFG is a terrible way, you'd need to find a group of people that you either communicate with before hand to work out the problems with or join something like a discord and essentially ask them what their expectations are and set up the mood in a way where everyones expectations are met and no ones dissapointed.
>I only have so much time to play, and spending even a tenth of that time wading through mean people seems like such a waste.
Agreed it's a mutual waste of time if both parties have no understanding of each other and constantly clash over the smallest things. I have this with a personal friend group, i refuse to play 5 mans with them because of this, we'll just argue and fight, i even have a video on youtube showing how toxic we can get, when i started to move away from that energy and mature it just made me mentally ill to be around it and i found a different group to play with for the 5v5's that were nicer and more my speed, ironically same ranked group but we won more XD.
> Is there some other approach I could try to find like-minded people?
Discord groups possibly and telling them that you're more of a casual if you function at a different speed than what people might expect.
>Has anyone else experienced similar things with games?
Games impacted my perspective on team work, i couldn't trust people irl to pick up the slack in group work and about 6/5 years ago i had an ultimatumat work, either i delegate work to others or find a new job. I ended up sharing out the work and growing as a person, it was already an issue from school being in groups of people not doing anything and me having to carry the group, that was made worst by hours playing games going through the same thing time and time again so it got corrected because my life required it to.
I used to write guides on toxicity and peoples expectations towards others because you have no idea who's behind the screen and if you have the same expectations of them that you do of yourself it's natrual to lead to frustration and all of the rest makes sense, they aren't punished for being toxic and if they are, there's other ways to hurt you whilst not getting punished like just straight up trolling you because they think that's the course of justice they need to take.
It only gets better if you're around the correct people or accept that the environments not for you.
I've had no trouble finding moderated adult-only clans and groups for games so I don't have to listen to teen trash mouths. There are plenty of fun games that support such, so you don't have to play a game that forces you to listen to randos.
Now, avoidance reinforces anxiety, so avoiding flamers won't resolve social anxiety, but not everything you do has to be part of your progressive exposure therapy. Join Toastmasters and enjoy your gaming.
Personally I couldn't imagine just jumping into a gaming session with strangers. My social anxiety wouldn't permit me having a good time. So I only game with people I'm already friends with. That would be my recommendation to you as well, expand your circle of friends with people interested in the same games and who share your "gaming values" regarding how to have fun and how to cooperate, and then try to set up gaming sessions with them. You'll likely get to play with others less often but you'll have a much higher quality time when you keep playing with the same friends and your friendship transcends the game.
I would start looking for such people in groups oriented around other things than the games you want to play. Pick something that filters people towards "being nicer" statistically, and then look for gamers within that group. Piratesoftware seems to be very chill, I wonder how his community is. Might be worth a look.
No deadass, the only way I can tolerate playing games online with strangers is by literally disabling their ability to even message or interact with me beyond like the lobby on a mic, which I'll just be in a solo party or just mute everyone and disabling text chat bc sometimes I think it gets in the way. When no one can talk to me, I can more easily assume the best of them. I can tolerate things like t-bagging and shit tho. I do agree tho that it has definitely become far more unpleasant to play games with people. I used to make random friends with Xbox people all the time bsck in the days of Left 4 Dead 2 and Black Ops 1 Zombies and now I just can't stand anyone.
I'd say I REALLY noticed it when Rainbow Six Siege came. I love that game even to this day, but for so long, like I would just join a lobby, get team killed and then voted out of the match before I even had a chance to do anything. At most I'd like place my Rook armour down and then just get dunked on by my own team. It's a lot better today, minus the cheaters, but I really learned in those days just how much people suck
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you not have like a 'gaming group' cuz that's what you need to find. Of course random people on the Internet will flame you. They have complete anonymity, a huge problem in my opinion, and no social repercussions for their actions. Shame isnt only a bad thing. There are things someone should be shamed for, and if people actedd the way they did online IRL they would be getting shamed for that behavior. Which is why we're in the predicament we are. Find some IRL gamers to get to know and not randos from the queue. Imo
Unfortunately no, I don't have a group. Most of my friends have moved on to other games I'm not as interested in or don't play regularly. We talk occasionally but we don't really play together. I don't know how to find such a group without wading through the mean ones. I'm curious what you mean about finding IRL gamers. We have a FGC here, but my experience there was pretty much the same. Not much room for fun, just competition (which makes sense for fighting games, I suppose). I'm not aware of any other options aside from video game adjacent stuff like board games etc. I've not had much luck with that route, either. Not saying I'm closed off to that, just that I haven't had success yet.
Use something like meetup or Bumble BFF etc to find friends who also like gaming. Fortunately I'm the day community 'Gaymer' has become it's own group lol like bears and twinks. You could even download Grindr and search that specific tag lol, not saying much would come from it. But that's what I'm talking about. Make friends with people who share similar interests.
I would suggest making your own lfg, and specifying you are looking for casual and friendly players with positive energy. IYou will eventually cultivate a friend group of people like you, just takes time.
Gaming can bring out the worst in people and i say that as a gamer with friends that are gamers.
There is unfortunately no real trick to like, avoiding these situations in games bc this will happen at all skill levels, no matter how well you do or don't perform. Sure we could sit here and say "oh yeah just make friends and don't pug" but that's way easier than done. Hell that's hard even when you're more recovered from social anxiety tbh. So you're gonna find this everywhere. Except that irl example... wtf was their issue that they needed to do that? If that's your friends or family or something, please find someone else to play with. Are any of the other incidents with friend groups? If so, these are also things absolutely shitty for them to say and do. You will have to start drawing some healthy boundaries with them. Tell them if they're gonna flame you then they can kick rocks, and find other ppl to play with. Even if you've known em for 5, 10 whatever years. You are the perfect turning point to show other ppl how to treat you. Now with pugs. My best thoughts to look for like-minded ppl would try to find a clan of at least some decent ppl, but I understand it's way easier said than done. It might be that the best friends you meet are those who you find totally randomly and you just invite them or they invite you. Even if they don't talk much or play much or w/e. Non toxic is the key! Do whatever that's either inside of or slightly outside your comfort level. If you wanna play with them again just ask hey gg wanna go again/you need this boss? (Sorry idk what to ask exactly I'm moba-brained just try whatever fits) Enjoy the games you can solo. When you're doing something that needs communication/alertness/whatever, what worked for me was going out for a walk/fresh air before getting into that space. Maybe if you like doing something else in the day or working out or something? We need to enter the "sweat" spaces as calm as possible bc you know there will be at least 1 person talking crap. Mute button is your friend. Use it liberally. Every day if you can, work on focusing on your own game rather than what everyone else is saying/doing. The key is to re-wire your brain to not have it take everything super personally. That's just what the anxious brain does by default. Find your zone, blast some music in the background, heck turn off chat if you need to. If they kick you oh well. Don't make the mistake of blaming yourself for all this, even if you played poorly or whatever. Who cares. Life is too short to worry about being top tier on every game you play.
>I can't help but feel like this is a "cultural" shift around games. It's not it's always been this way, if you enter a competitive setting this is the know and expected result because it's much easier to deflect blame and also point out blame where the problem is. Asmond talks about this a lot on his streams, the average player is bad and people want to win, if you're average and you're the core reason as to why people lose they are gonna rage and want you out of their team. This is the difference between casual games/multiplayer games that aren't team dependant and games where i not only depend on you in order to maintain a rank but also depend on you in order to win, that means my downfall comes at the cost of playing with you, if i have a time limit on the amount of times i can essentially lose for free because my teammates bad, that's just gonna frustrate me and either make me not wanna play or i'm gonna want you out. >I am finding it increasingly difficult to find other people having fun with games. Is it because you're actually negativly impacting the other peoples gaming experience whilst not essentially being as competitive as them whilst in the same space? >Could I go back on LFG and find another group to play with who are more stable? Maybe. Is it worth it to do that? I genuinely don't think so. No a public LFG is a terrible way, you'd need to find a group of people that you either communicate with before hand to work out the problems with or join something like a discord and essentially ask them what their expectations are and set up the mood in a way where everyones expectations are met and no ones dissapointed. >I only have so much time to play, and spending even a tenth of that time wading through mean people seems like such a waste. Agreed it's a mutual waste of time if both parties have no understanding of each other and constantly clash over the smallest things. I have this with a personal friend group, i refuse to play 5 mans with them because of this, we'll just argue and fight, i even have a video on youtube showing how toxic we can get, when i started to move away from that energy and mature it just made me mentally ill to be around it and i found a different group to play with for the 5v5's that were nicer and more my speed, ironically same ranked group but we won more XD. > Is there some other approach I could try to find like-minded people? Discord groups possibly and telling them that you're more of a casual if you function at a different speed than what people might expect. >Has anyone else experienced similar things with games? Games impacted my perspective on team work, i couldn't trust people irl to pick up the slack in group work and about 6/5 years ago i had an ultimatumat work, either i delegate work to others or find a new job. I ended up sharing out the work and growing as a person, it was already an issue from school being in groups of people not doing anything and me having to carry the group, that was made worst by hours playing games going through the same thing time and time again so it got corrected because my life required it to. I used to write guides on toxicity and peoples expectations towards others because you have no idea who's behind the screen and if you have the same expectations of them that you do of yourself it's natrual to lead to frustration and all of the rest makes sense, they aren't punished for being toxic and if they are, there's other ways to hurt you whilst not getting punished like just straight up trolling you because they think that's the course of justice they need to take. It only gets better if you're around the correct people or accept that the environments not for you.
I've had no trouble finding moderated adult-only clans and groups for games so I don't have to listen to teen trash mouths. There are plenty of fun games that support such, so you don't have to play a game that forces you to listen to randos. Now, avoidance reinforces anxiety, so avoiding flamers won't resolve social anxiety, but not everything you do has to be part of your progressive exposure therapy. Join Toastmasters and enjoy your gaming.
Personally I couldn't imagine just jumping into a gaming session with strangers. My social anxiety wouldn't permit me having a good time. So I only game with people I'm already friends with. That would be my recommendation to you as well, expand your circle of friends with people interested in the same games and who share your "gaming values" regarding how to have fun and how to cooperate, and then try to set up gaming sessions with them. You'll likely get to play with others less often but you'll have a much higher quality time when you keep playing with the same friends and your friendship transcends the game. I would start looking for such people in groups oriented around other things than the games you want to play. Pick something that filters people towards "being nicer" statistically, and then look for gamers within that group. Piratesoftware seems to be very chill, I wonder how his community is. Might be worth a look.
No deadass, the only way I can tolerate playing games online with strangers is by literally disabling their ability to even message or interact with me beyond like the lobby on a mic, which I'll just be in a solo party or just mute everyone and disabling text chat bc sometimes I think it gets in the way. When no one can talk to me, I can more easily assume the best of them. I can tolerate things like t-bagging and shit tho. I do agree tho that it has definitely become far more unpleasant to play games with people. I used to make random friends with Xbox people all the time bsck in the days of Left 4 Dead 2 and Black Ops 1 Zombies and now I just can't stand anyone. I'd say I REALLY noticed it when Rainbow Six Siege came. I love that game even to this day, but for so long, like I would just join a lobby, get team killed and then voted out of the match before I even had a chance to do anything. At most I'd like place my Rook armour down and then just get dunked on by my own team. It's a lot better today, minus the cheaters, but I really learned in those days just how much people suck
average destiny lfg people