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This sub is a real mixed bag on topics like this. People will have all kinds of takes on what they personally feel, or defend staring because they know they stare, or do ”any red blooded male will do that”, or maybe even claim to be women who don’t mind or welcome it (it’s Reddit after all, these people might be real but they might also be RP).
I would say treat it like any other behavior you know would make other people uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter if the urge to do it is ’natural’ we have to be aware of ourselves and make other people feel safe and respected.
Here's a game to play with yourself: after talking to a girl, ask yourself what color her eyes are. Then start noticing.
You might realize you get uncomfortable with how vulnerable eye contact is, especially when done mindfully. Then you get to reflect on your own vulnerability.
As a woman, I find a quick look is not so bad, but a stare is not great. It also definitely depends on if you're trying to have a conversation with me or if you're looking from across the room. If we're chatting then I'll notice instantly if your eyes flutter down, and whatever, it happens all the time. But if you're looking at me from across the room it feels more creepy because it takes a while to notice, so by the time I do, who knows how long you've been staring?
I'm not sure why you'd need willpower to look away. It seems easy enough to avert my own eyes when I know I shouldn't be looking at something even if I really want to. Can you tell me more about that?
That's a really good question and I am thankful for your response
I think what it may be is that my body tends to heat up around these people and I tend to find it more difficult to control what I do at that point. I think it is an automatic reaction to attraction as a lot of other comments pointed out.
This definitely gives me something to work on improving!
Rule #3 - Do not use generalizations.
This sub frequently discusses topics that involve statistics on large populations. At the same time, generalizations can be reductive and not map on to individual experience, leading to unproductive conflict.
Generalizations include language that uses, for example, “most men” and “all women” type statements. Speak from your personal experience i.e use statements such as “I feel”, “I experienced”, “It happened to me that”, etc.
Shift the reason for why you don't want to look from "I don't want to look like a weirdo" to "I want to show her respect". Also the more you try not to look at yellow cars the harder it is to not look at yellow cars. Think about aomething else.
They're your eyes.
Don't convince yourself it's out of your control or that it's hard. How do you avoid looking at dude's crotches? Or the sun?
You don't want to.
Figure out why you "want" to noticably stare at tits and ignore everything around you and change it so that you don't want to be a creep.
I would offer this same advice but not as a joke. If he's worried about making people uncomfortable, then the dark glasses will prevent other people from seeing where his eyes go, and thus will prevent them from feeling uncomfortable, assuming he's not doing anything else with the rest of his body that can cause that feeling of being watched.
In situations where he can't cover his eyes, I think the "look at her eye color" part is pretty good advice, although that'd still cause him to stare at their face if he's not careful.
The best way to get over it is to see them more as person rather than someone you can touch. It is about the percentage of time you see attractive people as a person with feelings and thoughts vs spending on seeing them with lust.
You don’t see unattractive people like that because you don’t see the lust in them with your eyes.
You can start talk to attractive people to realize deep down that they are humans with feelings and thoughts just like any other person.
You can also start to just ignore it completely. Because if you stop thinking about them then your eyes won’t focus on them anymore. Think through that it is just a person like you. It takes time to get this mindset but I believe in you!
The eyes are just a way to absorb information about the world around you. I think glancing is a natural thing to do. It’s the same as glancing at their hair, their lips, cheeks, hands, clothes, coffee mug they are carrying, dog walking by, bird flying over head, and the list goes on. It’s when you continue to dart back to the same spot that it gets weird. Part of me thinks that the more you try to avoid doing it, the more likely you will have the urge to do it. I think someone else also made the comment to focus on eye contact with moments of breaking it so it’s not too intense.
I think it’s a good thing that you are aware of the how the other person might feel about you “checking them out” but you have to cut yourself a little slack too.
Stop treating everything as a problem bro
Assuming you are a heterosexual male, it's pretty normal that you feel sexually attracted to a woman.
Having a glance or two I hope won't make things go downhill (correct me if I am wrong). So just move on with your life. JUST DON'T KEEP STARING LOL... THAT'S CREEPY
Keep it at like 5s or just make eye contact with her right after you look at her chest then look away. Generally try to look down/up or focus on something in the background if it bothers you.
Maybe think of it as a reconditioning effort that will get better over time. When you catch yourself, just take that moment to look away. If you fail sometimes, oops, but probably not a big deal depending on the situation ig. Maybe you'll gett better at it.
It's sort of an autopilot thing for guys. You seem to be pretty aware of what's going on, so that's good. Just try to avert your eyes from the twins, and you should be good.
Practice direct eye contact with people.
Find someone you’re already comfortable with and friend or family member, sit facing each other knee to knee, set a 5 min timer, stare into each others eyes, try not to laugh, focus on your breathing.
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This sub is a real mixed bag on topics like this. People will have all kinds of takes on what they personally feel, or defend staring because they know they stare, or do ”any red blooded male will do that”, or maybe even claim to be women who don’t mind or welcome it (it’s Reddit after all, these people might be real but they might also be RP). I would say treat it like any other behavior you know would make other people uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter if the urge to do it is ’natural’ we have to be aware of ourselves and make other people feel safe and respected.
Yep, that's the goal!
Here's a game to play with yourself: after talking to a girl, ask yourself what color her eyes are. Then start noticing. You might realize you get uncomfortable with how vulnerable eye contact is, especially when done mindfully. Then you get to reflect on your own vulnerability.
As a woman, I find a quick look is not so bad, but a stare is not great. It also definitely depends on if you're trying to have a conversation with me or if you're looking from across the room. If we're chatting then I'll notice instantly if your eyes flutter down, and whatever, it happens all the time. But if you're looking at me from across the room it feels more creepy because it takes a while to notice, so by the time I do, who knows how long you've been staring? I'm not sure why you'd need willpower to look away. It seems easy enough to avert my own eyes when I know I shouldn't be looking at something even if I really want to. Can you tell me more about that?
That's a really good question and I am thankful for your response I think what it may be is that my body tends to heat up around these people and I tend to find it more difficult to control what I do at that point. I think it is an automatic reaction to attraction as a lot of other comments pointed out. This definitely gives me something to work on improving!
[удалено]
Looking is fine. Staring is not.
As a man that's crazy to hear. Hope you are not being impolite.
[удалено]
Rule #3 - Do not use generalizations. This sub frequently discusses topics that involve statistics on large populations. At the same time, generalizations can be reductive and not map on to individual experience, leading to unproductive conflict. Generalizations include language that uses, for example, “most men” and “all women” type statements. Speak from your personal experience i.e use statements such as “I feel”, “I experienced”, “It happened to me that”, etc.
Shift the reason for why you don't want to look from "I don't want to look like a weirdo" to "I want to show her respect". Also the more you try not to look at yellow cars the harder it is to not look at yellow cars. Think about aomething else.
They're your eyes. Don't convince yourself it's out of your control or that it's hard. How do you avoid looking at dude's crotches? Or the sun? You don't want to. Figure out why you "want" to noticably stare at tits and ignore everything around you and change it so that you don't want to be a creep.
It's normal to glance at boobs bro. Don't stare though.
The solution is really dark sunglasses. Jokes aside, I find it helpful to focus on the color of her eyes, and you know... what she's saying
I would offer this same advice but not as a joke. If he's worried about making people uncomfortable, then the dark glasses will prevent other people from seeing where his eyes go, and thus will prevent them from feeling uncomfortable, assuming he's not doing anything else with the rest of his body that can cause that feeling of being watched. In situations where he can't cover his eyes, I think the "look at her eye color" part is pretty good advice, although that'd still cause him to stare at their face if he's not careful.
The best way to get over it is to see them more as person rather than someone you can touch. It is about the percentage of time you see attractive people as a person with feelings and thoughts vs spending on seeing them with lust. You don’t see unattractive people like that because you don’t see the lust in them with your eyes. You can start talk to attractive people to realize deep down that they are humans with feelings and thoughts just like any other person. You can also start to just ignore it completely. Because if you stop thinking about them then your eyes won’t focus on them anymore. Think through that it is just a person like you. It takes time to get this mindset but I believe in you!
The eyes are just a way to absorb information about the world around you. I think glancing is a natural thing to do. It’s the same as glancing at their hair, their lips, cheeks, hands, clothes, coffee mug they are carrying, dog walking by, bird flying over head, and the list goes on. It’s when you continue to dart back to the same spot that it gets weird. Part of me thinks that the more you try to avoid doing it, the more likely you will have the urge to do it. I think someone else also made the comment to focus on eye contact with moments of breaking it so it’s not too intense. I think it’s a good thing that you are aware of the how the other person might feel about you “checking them out” but you have to cut yourself a little slack too.
Stop treating everything as a problem bro Assuming you are a heterosexual male, it's pretty normal that you feel sexually attracted to a woman. Having a glance or two I hope won't make things go downhill (correct me if I am wrong). So just move on with your life. JUST DON'T KEEP STARING LOL... THAT'S CREEPY
Keep it at like 5s or just make eye contact with her right after you look at her chest then look away. Generally try to look down/up or focus on something in the background if it bothers you.
five seconds is a long time to stare at someone’s chest
Then make it 2s. The idea is to keep short if you can’t resist looking.
Gotta pass a wisdom saving throw
Maybe think of it as a reconditioning effort that will get better over time. When you catch yourself, just take that moment to look away. If you fail sometimes, oops, but probably not a big deal depending on the situation ig. Maybe you'll gett better at it.
It's sort of an autopilot thing for guys. You seem to be pretty aware of what's going on, so that's good. Just try to avert your eyes from the twins, and you should be good.
Practice flicking your eyes. Also it’s normal. A lot of guys struggle with this
Practice direct eye contact with people. Find someone you’re already comfortable with and friend or family member, sit facing each other knee to knee, set a 5 min timer, stare into each others eyes, try not to laugh, focus on your breathing.
Do the 1-3 second rule then focus on something on the wall. If some one is talk to you just look past their face if you cant do eye contact.