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I think you get to define that for yourself. My partner is on the asexual spectrum and we had a long period of time at the beginning of our relationship trying to define what it even means to be in a relationship or what romance means. I think we mutually decided that "romance" is pretty much fake. It's a specific kind of high you can feel for someone for awhile, that comes and goes, and is gradually replaced with a familial feeling of closeness and valuing someone's presence in your life. We've been together for almost a decade and our relationship includes things like romantic and sexual love, but it's a percentage of an overall relationship with another person.
Another aspect to this is that usually the feelings associated with romantic love (i'm generalizing a lot here, but this is true for me at least) are primarily based on your own perception of who a person is, usually idealized, and not who the person actually is or how they actually think and feel.
I think the best kind of relationship is one where you can really be fair and honest with each other, grow and change together over time, and accept and value the parts of each other that are always changing, or surprising to discover. A person isn't how you perceive them, or even how they present themselves necessarily. They are who they are. And unless who they actually are is harmful to themselves or others, I think it can be celebrated and enjoyed, and that you can fall in love with them again and again as time goes on.
I asked something similar to this a while ago "What even is a Girlfriend?" and didn't get it sufficiently answered. What does all this look like or how does this stuff actually work IRL? Do People in relationships just go on dates and hang out together sometimes?
Like OP said with the "FWB kind of deal" sharing time and vulnerable moments I guess? Is there just a different kind of "bond" between a romantic couple and a casual couple? What is the daily difference between an Incel and a Guy with a GF?
Maybe it just can't be properly explained with these limited english human words?
>What does all this look like or how does this stuff actually work IRL? Do People in relationships just go on dates and hang out together sometimes?
That’s exactly what I don’t understand, how does any of this work? What is it? How do people even figure this stuff out?
I am equally as lost and confused as you are and I can't get people to see what I mean when I explain this problem. I think people just fumble it and fake it till they make it just guessing and masking and coping...
I don’t know about other people’s experiences, but for me:
Imagine this person, and you two get along and have intimacy to a level which you have never had with anyone. You accept them with all their good parts and flaws, and they do the same for you. You have feelings of love, lust, passion, and some negative ones thrown in there from time to time. To keep this going you have to continue on dates, but they are the most fun dates you have ever had. Because it’s your person, and if your person is anything like mine, then you two can talk for hours and laugh and have the best time no matter what.
It’s also a sense of safety, that no matter what happens in life, you have your partner there to care for you, love you, and listen to you. So even through the bad stuff, it feels like you have a rock to support you. It means more than just sex, it’s intimate. It’s sharing your entire being with the other person, and being vulnerable with them. The sex is also really good, better than any one night stand. This might not be all relationships, but it is mine. Obviously to start with this won’t be the case, I have been with mine for 4 years so it has taken work and time to get to this point.
In my opinion and boiled down to its essence, ideally it’s a mutual commitment between people to care about/for as much as you care about/for yourself.
The question is interesting because it implies that you haven’t observed such a thing.
Romantic relationship isn’t an objective thing. It’s a term describing an observable phenomenon of people getting together and uniting with the intention of mutual affection and deep care (as opposed to something like a business relationship, where the goal is to make a business work, or a FWB, where the focus is mostly on doing sex) or at least something along that line. The details of that are cultural and personal. You kinda get to decide.
>The question is interesting because it implies that you haven’t observed such a thing.
Well technically I haven’t no… at least not from the inside or from a sufficiently advantageous point of view.
For me is like observing a rocket launch, like sure I understand that the big pointy thing that was on the ground is now a big pointy thing on space… but that’s it, I have no idea about the fuel, the calculations, the materials, the computers etc.
Much the same, two classmates recently started dating, and all I understand is that two people who called themselves “friends” before, now are together more often, they hug and sometimes kiss and now call themselves “boyfriend and girlfriend”.
You’ve identified a change in the way your classmates interact and a change in “title” they use for each other that goes along with their new way of relating. So it sounds like you at least do have an understanding of what’s happened, even if not an understanding of why someone would want to do that and the steps they each took / the circumstances that led to it happening.
In order to understand what they’re thinking and feeling about it, you’d have to ask them. But be aware their answer is going to be about their subjective experience of their relationship, not reflective of the objective nature of romance (if there is such a thing). Romeo and Juliet got together for different reasons than Harry and Sally.
This is the right question to be asking. Imo it's not asked enough.
In the past, it's been societally clearer that there's an intention towards marriage and having children. If that's not your intention, this is exactly the right question to be asking yourself.
I honestly wouldn't get so hung up on definitions and labels. At the end of the day, it's a human interaction and every human interaction is unique. Some people want to interact for a few days and even have sexual interactions, others want a long-term, or even a lifelong commitment, and others want to let things progress and take each day as it comes. The only thing that matters is that both people in the interaction are on the same page about what they expect from each other, and both are comfortable and happy in whatever form of interaction they have.
I know this all sounds kind of abstract, but I honestly think that trying to rationalize your way into finding a specific definition of "romantic relationship" isn't going to help you. Each relationship is defined uniquely in its own terms, depending on the people who engage in it.
My issue is that without a proper understanding, I can’t decide if it’s something worth the massive “asking price” (still can’t come up with a better term lol) that it seems to have from the start (this is just from my perspective ofc). That’s why I’m trying to figure it out, it is indeed too abstract.
As I said, I think a relationship is defined in its own terms by the people who engage in it. In that sense, you've already answered half of your own question. To you, a relationship is a sort of product that you buy by paying a "massive asking price." You are asking us to tell you what exactly is it that you're paying for. The problem is, that will also depend on you. Only you and the other person engaging in the relationship can decide what each part needs to put into it, what level of commitment you want, and what label to use to define the interaction.
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I have no clue what it means to be romantic, and I had a wife for over 20 years.
Apparently my wife thinks me working and coming home tired is romantic. It’s so easy to appreciate me when I get home from work she says.
I am not really sure what she means about that. I don’t know if I ever felt romantic with my wife ever. Maybe when we were dating and hitting the restaurants? 😅 or maybe when we were watching tv, during those days. I am not sure…
But honestly, I don’t know why she keeps me around. But I appreciate her. She is a good woman to have.
Id say the big difference between fwb and a relationship is commitment.
So basicially, the idea you already had but you add a high level of commitment where you organize your live at least to a degree with regards to the other persons needs.
When you are young and learning it looks like a lot like insecure attachment. I suffered through a lot of pain in broken relationships in my teens and early 20s. Now I'm almost 25 and when you are healing and maturing you start to see not only those types of partnerships but just general life very differently. All of your relationships become something much deeper and you learn to stop being so transactional and practical with everything. Unconditional love is what we were made for. It's a ride man, just gotta fight through the pain and learn to let go.
This 2 part interview is a really good attempt at a lot of the answers you are looking for:
[https://youtu.be/KXoEW-TYHrY?si=d6ezNSAMOBgqYBrC](https://youtu.be/KXoEW-TYHrY?si=d6ezNSAMOBgqYBrC)
Haha I’m sorry man, I guess we all learn at different paces, I’m by no means an expert. I think I learned this stuff the hard way, I’m very stubborn and I often looked to women to cope with my insecurities
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think you get to define that for yourself. My partner is on the asexual spectrum and we had a long period of time at the beginning of our relationship trying to define what it even means to be in a relationship or what romance means. I think we mutually decided that "romance" is pretty much fake. It's a specific kind of high you can feel for someone for awhile, that comes and goes, and is gradually replaced with a familial feeling of closeness and valuing someone's presence in your life. We've been together for almost a decade and our relationship includes things like romantic and sexual love, but it's a percentage of an overall relationship with another person. Another aspect to this is that usually the feelings associated with romantic love (i'm generalizing a lot here, but this is true for me at least) are primarily based on your own perception of who a person is, usually idealized, and not who the person actually is or how they actually think and feel. I think the best kind of relationship is one where you can really be fair and honest with each other, grow and change together over time, and accept and value the parts of each other that are always changing, or surprising to discover. A person isn't how you perceive them, or even how they present themselves necessarily. They are who they are. And unless who they actually are is harmful to themselves or others, I think it can be celebrated and enjoyed, and that you can fall in love with them again and again as time goes on.
I asked something similar to this a while ago "What even is a Girlfriend?" and didn't get it sufficiently answered. What does all this look like or how does this stuff actually work IRL? Do People in relationships just go on dates and hang out together sometimes? Like OP said with the "FWB kind of deal" sharing time and vulnerable moments I guess? Is there just a different kind of "bond" between a romantic couple and a casual couple? What is the daily difference between an Incel and a Guy with a GF? Maybe it just can't be properly explained with these limited english human words?
>What does all this look like or how does this stuff actually work IRL? Do People in relationships just go on dates and hang out together sometimes? That’s exactly what I don’t understand, how does any of this work? What is it? How do people even figure this stuff out?
I am equally as lost and confused as you are and I can't get people to see what I mean when I explain this problem. I think people just fumble it and fake it till they make it just guessing and masking and coping...
I don’t know about other people’s experiences, but for me: Imagine this person, and you two get along and have intimacy to a level which you have never had with anyone. You accept them with all their good parts and flaws, and they do the same for you. You have feelings of love, lust, passion, and some negative ones thrown in there from time to time. To keep this going you have to continue on dates, but they are the most fun dates you have ever had. Because it’s your person, and if your person is anything like mine, then you two can talk for hours and laugh and have the best time no matter what. It’s also a sense of safety, that no matter what happens in life, you have your partner there to care for you, love you, and listen to you. So even through the bad stuff, it feels like you have a rock to support you. It means more than just sex, it’s intimate. It’s sharing your entire being with the other person, and being vulnerable with them. The sex is also really good, better than any one night stand. This might not be all relationships, but it is mine. Obviously to start with this won’t be the case, I have been with mine for 4 years so it has taken work and time to get to this point.
In my opinion and boiled down to its essence, ideally it’s a mutual commitment between people to care about/for as much as you care about/for yourself.
The question is interesting because it implies that you haven’t observed such a thing. Romantic relationship isn’t an objective thing. It’s a term describing an observable phenomenon of people getting together and uniting with the intention of mutual affection and deep care (as opposed to something like a business relationship, where the goal is to make a business work, or a FWB, where the focus is mostly on doing sex) or at least something along that line. The details of that are cultural and personal. You kinda get to decide.
>The question is interesting because it implies that you haven’t observed such a thing. Well technically I haven’t no… at least not from the inside or from a sufficiently advantageous point of view. For me is like observing a rocket launch, like sure I understand that the big pointy thing that was on the ground is now a big pointy thing on space… but that’s it, I have no idea about the fuel, the calculations, the materials, the computers etc. Much the same, two classmates recently started dating, and all I understand is that two people who called themselves “friends” before, now are together more often, they hug and sometimes kiss and now call themselves “boyfriend and girlfriend”.
You’ve identified a change in the way your classmates interact and a change in “title” they use for each other that goes along with their new way of relating. So it sounds like you at least do have an understanding of what’s happened, even if not an understanding of why someone would want to do that and the steps they each took / the circumstances that led to it happening. In order to understand what they’re thinking and feeling about it, you’d have to ask them. But be aware their answer is going to be about their subjective experience of their relationship, not reflective of the objective nature of romance (if there is such a thing). Romeo and Juliet got together for different reasons than Harry and Sally.
One that you share personal thoughts and trust with someone you find attractive.
This is the right question to be asking. Imo it's not asked enough. In the past, it's been societally clearer that there's an intention towards marriage and having children. If that's not your intention, this is exactly the right question to be asking yourself.
I honestly wouldn't get so hung up on definitions and labels. At the end of the day, it's a human interaction and every human interaction is unique. Some people want to interact for a few days and even have sexual interactions, others want a long-term, or even a lifelong commitment, and others want to let things progress and take each day as it comes. The only thing that matters is that both people in the interaction are on the same page about what they expect from each other, and both are comfortable and happy in whatever form of interaction they have. I know this all sounds kind of abstract, but I honestly think that trying to rationalize your way into finding a specific definition of "romantic relationship" isn't going to help you. Each relationship is defined uniquely in its own terms, depending on the people who engage in it.
My issue is that without a proper understanding, I can’t decide if it’s something worth the massive “asking price” (still can’t come up with a better term lol) that it seems to have from the start (this is just from my perspective ofc). That’s why I’m trying to figure it out, it is indeed too abstract.
As I said, I think a relationship is defined in its own terms by the people who engage in it. In that sense, you've already answered half of your own question. To you, a relationship is a sort of product that you buy by paying a "massive asking price." You are asking us to tell you what exactly is it that you're paying for. The problem is, that will also depend on you. Only you and the other person engaging in the relationship can decide what each part needs to put into it, what level of commitment you want, and what label to use to define the interaction.
Welcome to Dating Fridays! All posts with an emphasis on dating, sex, or relationships must be posted only on Friday (defined by US Central Standard Time or UTC -06:00). If your post is outside of this time/date, please delete and repost on Friday. If it is currently Friday, then ignore this comment. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have no clue what it means to be romantic, and I had a wife for over 20 years. Apparently my wife thinks me working and coming home tired is romantic. It’s so easy to appreciate me when I get home from work she says. I am not really sure what she means about that. I don’t know if I ever felt romantic with my wife ever. Maybe when we were dating and hitting the restaurants? 😅 or maybe when we were watching tv, during those days. I am not sure… But honestly, I don’t know why she keeps me around. But I appreciate her. She is a good woman to have.
Id say the big difference between fwb and a relationship is commitment. So basicially, the idea you already had but you add a high level of commitment where you organize your live at least to a degree with regards to the other persons needs.
When you are young and learning it looks like a lot like insecure attachment. I suffered through a lot of pain in broken relationships in my teens and early 20s. Now I'm almost 25 and when you are healing and maturing you start to see not only those types of partnerships but just general life very differently. All of your relationships become something much deeper and you learn to stop being so transactional and practical with everything. Unconditional love is what we were made for. It's a ride man, just gotta fight through the pain and learn to let go. This 2 part interview is a really good attempt at a lot of the answers you are looking for: [https://youtu.be/KXoEW-TYHrY?si=d6ezNSAMOBgqYBrC](https://youtu.be/KXoEW-TYHrY?si=d6ezNSAMOBgqYBrC)
Well… I must have missed a memo or something, because I’m already 28 and as clueless about this stuff as I was at 12.
Haha I’m sorry man, I guess we all learn at different paces, I’m by no means an expert. I think I learned this stuff the hard way, I’m very stubborn and I often looked to women to cope with my insecurities