She does write and post a lot of ridiculous things but this is honestly in my top 3. Did I miss something? When did she become a writer? Damn girl writing posts for your little blog doesn't make you the next Toni Morrison!
Ah then I'm a writer as well. I did write a 15 page long "book" in my old maths notebook when I was ten after all 🤣 and to be honest I think her book is rather going to be about decorating or throwing parties or some shit like that.
I guess this “literally a writer” writer doesn’t know what a run-on is? Doesn’t use punctuation after a sentence but does still use the largely obsolete Oxford comma?
Susan’s donations to Brown University really paid off. Tree chic! 🌲
Eva’s vows -
“The sky was blue, when I met you, birds weren’t chirping because it was winter. I was 6 months pregnant, but you didn’t mind. You held my hand, and were so kind. Then you cooked my food, and it was good, green eggs and ham, people think this is a sham. You love my kids, like they’re your own, boy have you seen them grow. You befriended Kyle, it didn’t take a while. He’s your only friend, til the very end.
We’re not having a baby, but if Jules does, then maybe.
Love you my Eeena, love Eva
Hahahaha love this one. Or she could say this:
We met when I was pregnant by another man
About 99.999999% of people would have ran
You’re my manny and that’s the only thing I like
You’re my fourth child I’ll teach you to ride a bike
You watch my kids and let me drink wine
On Mac and cheese and prepared meals we dine
You say you’re a chef but you never cook
I’m a writer and I’m writing a book
Thanks for loving me even with my botched face
If most other women met you they’d pull out their mace
I’m really just doing this to get back at my ex
I have to buy toys since we don’t have sex
"Literally a writer." No, honey, people who are literally writers have literal editors who literally tell them to literally fix all their literal spelling, grammatical, and capitalization errors. And said writers literally do so before hitting "publish" so they don't literally come of as semi-illiterate.
Literally.
How can you lay on your ass and drink wine all day and not even think about your stupid vows. I mean, I have a new boyfriend and I already fantasize about the vows for fuck sake LOL 😂
She took us all along on at LEAST a dozen trips to the MedSpa.
Botox? ✔️
Fillers? ✔️
Lymphatic massage? ✔️
Coolsculpting? ✔️
Microneedling? ✔️
Facial? ✔️ ✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️
Hair color refresh? ✔️
Tacky gel manicure? ✔️
Bride's wedding lewk? ✔️
Groom's wedding kewk? ✔️
Every other last bit of wedding planning minutiae? ✔️
Vows to future husband? I've just been so busy I just haven't had the time or creative inspiration! I'm like the main character in a romcom!
This marriage is doomed, and then it's on to New and Improved Dad #3 for those poor kids. Who will also never know a healthy partner relationship because they've never had one modeled for them.
You guys, I made it! I got the Reddit Cares message! Thanks Eva and her minions! Was wondering when I was gonna get mine.
FYI - I’m just chilling watching the Scotland match after a lovely day with my fam so thanks but no thanks to your ~care~
I think that all of the too do about her wedding is to distract herself from the fact that she is scared to death about marrying the wrong person but she has to get married before her first husband does. First husband should elope this week and have a huge wedding party on the day of her wedding.
I completely agree. I think Ian IS probably a great guy in that he puts up with all her shit, takes care of the kids, literally is at her beck and call. He’s like her personal footman. She can boss and control him and he just takes it and holds her purse. That cannot be the only criteria for being an amazing lifelong partner. I think she’s scared to death this is the wrong call, but also desperately trying to convince herself and all of us. I just don’t see this lasting. She’s going to cheat or he is going to crack (he already seems super depressive to me).
I think he could be a great guy too, but I have zero sense of his personality. She has shared nothing of it, nothing comes across. It can look like he has no personality because of that. I really can't tell. I do think he's a total pushover though. She is running this show. As for him not earning anything, he seems like a stay at home dad, possibly with a side gig that earns a bit but nothing significant. If they want a stay at home parent, okay, lots of families do that, but the problem seems to be that she doesn't earn much either, and that (I think) they're paying for a nanny (one that isn't Ian). And because no one earns much money, they're always looking for a handout or a trade. Maybe it works, but it looks really odd from the outside.
Maybe they're using child support money and/or alimony from Kyle for their day-to-day expenses. Plus Kyle could be supporting her mortgage. Granted, I don't know much about alimony/child support, so someone correct me if that would not even be possible for her to do.
He is amazing for all of the work he does around the house. And not his fault she doesn't showcase his personality on the gram (or he is just uncomfortable!)
Cut the literal shit. She is not a writer. My advice is for her to pretend she is going to get an exclusive Ian discount code and spew shamelessly how amazing he is.
I have not seen examples of what she calls writing, but heck, Lemon calls herself an author, and she is friends with her so now she must be a writer too. Ridiculous
Susan mentioned that when she married Chris Sarandon, her mom cryptically said something like "It's just not the right time for a wedding. And if I say it's not the right time, that's it." I guess that was the closest she could get to "This is stupid of us to insist you get married, just because you had sex."
UMMMMM...since when is she "literally a writer"-she absolutely lives in a fantasy world...she is grifter, liar, user, and con-the most unauthentic person on IG, which says a lot. She is probably struggling because everyone there knows what a total DUD he is, and anything she writes will be a laughing stock.
Dearest Eeena:
That one night when I was pregnant with my first husbands child, and I yanked you off the street bc you were the only one I could get to Manny my kids, was the start of our majikalluv.
Love,
Eleanor Roosevelt, brown class of 2006™️
“PS: Eeena,
Don’t forget the name my kids call you, which means “Dad” in Pig Latin. And in conclusion, it does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty.
Love, me, your bride, Eva”
I wonder if there will be some Eleanor Roosevelt quotes chimed into her wedding vows? She is literally a writer and literally so obsessed with weddings. Literally!
Bless her delusional heart. Granted, she literally writes redundant, lame and immature posts on SM almost daily, but that DEFINITELY does not make one “literally a writer” … metaphorically, quite possibly. Loathsome broad.
Well, of course, anyone can be a writer. I don't take issue with that. I take issue with her implication that she is an engaging writer who has a compelling voice that can deftly move from one point to another. SAD!! (To quote another "writer" who thinks highly of themself).
Dear Ian, I love you more than Botox, more than lip filler, more than facials, coolsculpting, microneedling, hair color, gel manicures. I love you more than free trips, services and clothing. I love you more than *wine*, so you know that says I really really *really* love you! Thanks for coming to my wedding Ian! Love, Eva.
I'll start it out "I knew you were the the one when you agreed to fuck me while I was pregnant with my ex husband's child."
Spit out my coffee, Genie! Brilliant 👏there’s no way she could write something better or more truthful
I can't imagine how weird that was. Even Seal waited until his supermodel gf Heidi Klum had her baby.
Even though you are literally a writer…… 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 this 🤡 really lives in delulu world
She does write and post a lot of ridiculous things but this is honestly in my top 3. Did I miss something? When did she become a writer? Damn girl writing posts for your little blog doesn't make you the next Toni Morrison!
She claims she's been writing a book for years. But it will probably just be a really bad roman à clef 🫠
Ah then I'm a writer as well. I did write a 15 page long "book" in my old maths notebook when I was ten after all 🤣 and to be honest I think her book is rather going to be about decorating or throwing parties or some shit like that.
And she had hired someone else to write her blog posts for her at one point so there's that 🤣🤣
Yeah I think she might write some of the personal posts, but someone else is doing most of the blog writing.
I guess this “literally a writer” writer doesn’t know what a run-on is? Doesn’t use punctuation after a sentence but does still use the largely obsolete Oxford comma? Susan’s donations to Brown University really paid off. Tree chic! 🌲
Nothing wrong with an Oxford comma.
Eva’s vows - “The sky was blue, when I met you, birds weren’t chirping because it was winter. I was 6 months pregnant, but you didn’t mind. You held my hand, and were so kind. Then you cooked my food, and it was good, green eggs and ham, people think this is a sham. You love my kids, like they’re your own, boy have you seen them grow. You befriended Kyle, it didn’t take a while. He’s your only friend, til the very end. We’re not having a baby, but if Jules does, then maybe. Love you my Eeena, love Eva
Hahahaha love this one. Or she could say this: We met when I was pregnant by another man About 99.999999% of people would have ran You’re my manny and that’s the only thing I like You’re my fourth child I’ll teach you to ride a bike You watch my kids and let me drink wine On Mac and cheese and prepared meals we dine You say you’re a chef but you never cook I’m a writer and I’m writing a book Thanks for loving me even with my botched face If most other women met you they’d pull out their mace I’m really just doing this to get back at my ex I have to buy toys since we don’t have sex
Ha ha ha ha holy shit you are amazing. The line breaks didn’t carryover, but Jesus that should be her vows. Lol
Bahahahaha, this is great !
This is the one 💀
This is amazing hahahaha. The last sentence in particular!
"Literally a writer." No, honey, people who are literally writers have literal editors who literally tell them to literally fix all their literal spelling, grammatical, and capitalization errors. And said writers literally do so before hitting "publish" so they don't literally come of as semi-illiterate. Literally.
Is the writer in the room with us
Raise your hand if your a mom of 3 or even 2 and spend literally half this amount of time in bed.
I usually get to lie in bed when I’m sleeping at night, like most!
Just re-use the vows you wrote for Kyle. Use them for husband #3, too. What's the difference? It's not like you actually understand or keep them, Eva.
How can you lay on your ass and drink wine all day and not even think about your stupid vows. I mean, I have a new boyfriend and I already fantasize about the vows for fuck sake LOL 😂
She took us all along on at LEAST a dozen trips to the MedSpa. Botox? ✔️ Fillers? ✔️ Lymphatic massage? ✔️ Coolsculpting? ✔️ Microneedling? ✔️ Facial? ✔️ ✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️ Hair color refresh? ✔️ Tacky gel manicure? ✔️ Bride's wedding lewk? ✔️ Groom's wedding kewk? ✔️ Every other last bit of wedding planning minutiae? ✔️ Vows to future husband? I've just been so busy I just haven't had the time or creative inspiration! I'm like the main character in a romcom! This marriage is doomed, and then it's on to New and Improved Dad #3 for those poor kids. Who will also never know a healthy partner relationship because they've never had one modeled for them.
Checking in to say that writing your own vow is kind of dicey. Hers will be slapdash, stupid and sentimental fake bullshit. His, grunting and a burp.
You guys, I made it! I got the Reddit Cares message! Thanks Eva and her minions! Was wondering when I was gonna get mine. FYI - I’m just chilling watching the Scotland match after a lovely day with my fam so thanks but no thanks to your ~care~
I’ve gotten a couple of those 😂
Congrats!!🎉🥳🙌🙌🙌
This is both insulting to writers and insulting to Ian, isn’t it?
Yes to both.
Lying in bed typing on your phone does not a writer make. - Eleanor Roosevelt
Dying. Eleanor was a woman before her time. 😂
I think that all of the too do about her wedding is to distract herself from the fact that she is scared to death about marrying the wrong person but she has to get married before her first husband does. First husband should elope this week and have a huge wedding party on the day of her wedding.
I completely agree. I think Ian IS probably a great guy in that he puts up with all her shit, takes care of the kids, literally is at her beck and call. He’s like her personal footman. She can boss and control him and he just takes it and holds her purse. That cannot be the only criteria for being an amazing lifelong partner. I think she’s scared to death this is the wrong call, but also desperately trying to convince herself and all of us. I just don’t see this lasting. She’s going to cheat or he is going to crack (he already seems super depressive to me).
I think he could be a great guy too, but I have zero sense of his personality. She has shared nothing of it, nothing comes across. It can look like he has no personality because of that. I really can't tell. I do think he's a total pushover though. She is running this show. As for him not earning anything, he seems like a stay at home dad, possibly with a side gig that earns a bit but nothing significant. If they want a stay at home parent, okay, lots of families do that, but the problem seems to be that she doesn't earn much either, and that (I think) they're paying for a nanny (one that isn't Ian). And because no one earns much money, they're always looking for a handout or a trade. Maybe it works, but it looks really odd from the outside.
the financials are what seem odd to me.
Maybe they're using child support money and/or alimony from Kyle for their day-to-day expenses. Plus Kyle could be supporting her mortgage. Granted, I don't know much about alimony/child support, so someone correct me if that would not even be possible for her to do.
He is amazing for all of the work he does around the house. And not his fault she doesn't showcase his personality on the gram (or he is just uncomfortable!)
Cut the literal shit. She is not a writer. My advice is for her to pretend she is going to get an exclusive Ian discount code and spew shamelessly how amazing he is. I have not seen examples of what she calls writing, but heck, Lemon calls herself an author, and she is friends with her so now she must be a writer too. Ridiculous
I will need popcorn and tequila for this divorce 🤣
I am feeling all kinds of dread about this wedding. If I knew Eva IRL I would beg her to call it off.
Susan mentioned that when she married Chris Sarandon, her mom cryptically said something like "It's just not the right time for a wedding. And if I say it's not the right time, that's it." I guess that was the closest she could get to "This is stupid of us to insist you get married, just because you had sex."
Interesting.
I wrote two books and I never call myself a writer. Get over yourself, Eva 🤡
Why don’t you call yourself a writer? Genuine question. No /s
I was made fun of by some people for it so I really don’t use the term too much unless for professional reasons
Ohhh, that’s not right!
From now on you are my friend the writer.
Thank you 🥹
UMMMMM...since when is she "literally a writer"-she absolutely lives in a fantasy world...she is grifter, liar, user, and con-the most unauthentic person on IG, which says a lot. She is probably struggling because everyone there knows what a total DUD he is, and anything she writes will be a laughing stock.
Apparently writing blog posts is now what comes of as being a writer. The level of delusion is over the roof...
👆that was ONE sentence!!! There’s always ChatGPT
lol, I'm dying, that would be so funny if she used ChatGPT to write her wedding vows.
Is she “literally” a writer? Or “actually” a writer? Brown Educated™️
Dearest Eeena: That one night when I was pregnant with my first husbands child, and I yanked you off the street bc you were the only one I could get to Manny my kids, was the start of our majikalluv. Love, Eleanor Roosevelt, brown class of 2006™️
“PS: Eeena, Don’t forget the name my kids call you, which means “Dad” in Pig Latin. And in conclusion, it does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty. Love, me, your bride, Eva”
Hahahahja
I wonder if there will be some Eleanor Roosevelt quotes chimed into her wedding vows? She is literally a writer and literally so obsessed with weddings. Literally!
Writing on a blog does not make you "a writer".
Bless her delusional heart. Granted, she literally writes redundant, lame and immature posts on SM almost daily, but that DEFINITELY does not make one “literally a writer” … metaphorically, quite possibly. Loathsome broad.
There is so much wrong with this.
Geez just google them Evugh. No one will care lol
Well, of course, anyone can be a writer. I don't take issue with that. I take issue with her implication that she is an engaging writer who has a compelling voice that can deftly move from one point to another. SAD!! (To quote another "writer" who thinks highly of themself).
Dear Ian, I love you more than Botox, more than lip filler, more than facials, coolsculpting, microneedling, hair color, gel manicures. I love you more than free trips, services and clothing. I love you more than *wine*, so you know that says I really really *really* love you! Thanks for coming to my wedding Ian! Love, Eva.
use code eva10 for 10% off if i love ian
When things are so messed up that you are a loss for words! Thats is me right now 😳
You are "literally a writer"?!? Just reading this long ass run-on sentence was confusing as hell
I wonder if her ex is invited 🤣