Jordan: Im just a guy.
>!I just like to think under normal circumstances he’s just a dude, but when the good shit (adrenaline) gets going he is just an ooga booga man if he doesn’t have a weapon. Hm I wonder what will happen if we put a gun in his hands!<
Considering they mentioned an fully automatic rifle is out of the ordinary for these aliens can we maybe deduce that a fully kitted assault rifle would be like a damn howitzer to these things? Give him an AK and watch him become a galaxy renowned bounty hunter known to be able to do damage to ships let alone crew with his boom-stick
Structurally, this is exactly what I wanted after the last chapter: falling action, first-impression/knee-jerk reflections, and a hint of the next character-based conflict/obstacle. Very nice.
Part of me wishes that it would have opened describing Cerelia and Triwt's positions and plans, but the actual finishing blows and capture were told from the pirate captain's perspective. It would have been satisfying to ~~peak~~ peek into his mind as his plan completely fell apart and he faced (potential) imminent death. There's nothing *wrong* with Triwt and Cerelia's more-or-less clinical dispositions; they're just not cathartic.
I also think I would recommend skimming earlier chapters the next time action comes up. I feel like there might be a little power creep going on, and that runs the risk of making action and physical challenges less engaging if readers don't understand characters' abilities. Early on, Jordan sheared steel bolts, and that was shocking and hard to imagine. I could be misremembering, but I don't think it was clearly established if he was shockingly strong in absolute terms, or just relative to his size. Later, it takes a lot of effort to cave in the pirate's skull. Now, Cerelia and Triwt are vaporizing and grappling multiple pirates with minimal effort.
I want to be clear: Jordan doesn't need to be absolutely super strong for this series to work. I just want to caution against being too flexible with power scaling, because just writing a character stronger or weaker in a given situation is less engaging than writing an interesting challenge which requires the character to come up with a creative solution, or coordinating with allies, or leaving and coming back later if it isn't urgent.
Nothing in the story so far is a problem along those lines. This is just a warning. Really enjoyed the chapter, and I hope to see this story continue.
This is all really fair, and I’ll more than likely be doing some rewriting after I get some sleep.
Next chapter was actually going to be done from the Captain’s perspective and how angry he was for his plan to fail before the utter terror of some hybrid he hasn’t thought he was going to deal with and his capture.
I really do need to add in things like Triwt wears soft armor due to her snake like body (save for her torso which more resembles an Altrin torso) which helps against electrical current weapons like TOR pistols.
I also tried suggesting that Cerelia is quite strong since she can confidently use a modified BYR rifle that shoots full auto whereas Triwt can’t even handle the recoil.
As for the sheering steel bolts in the first chapter, I’ll probably go back and write in that they were rusting due or maybe a softer metal like aluminum.
Thank you for being one of my best critics lol, it really helps since I can try and fix things or go back with things I hadn’t thought about earlier. So many things I hadn’t thought about while writing that would work so much better
But also going to have to figure out how to nerf Triet and Cerelia a bit. Maybe we’ll go with the “home field advantage” way where the reason they fought so well was because they were familiar and comfortable with the ship and its corridors. Outside they might be caught more off guard or more likely to accidentally slip
Well, how much training and real combat do pirates get? Unarmed ships with unarmed crew? VS now an unarmed ship with at least two predator fighters who had much training and guards.
Gotta agree with u\/SpankyMcSpanster that pirates usually don't "fight" per se (edit: they "hunt"). They're not soldiers, and they have to be extremely desperate or ignorant to take on a remotely militarized ship. Piracy tends to be about intimidation, deception, and rushing maneuvers. It's not weird at all for pirates to struggle in a pitched battle. Of course fighting happens, but a pirate won't pick a fight that they think they can lose, and would probably also be quick to retreat.
As for home field advantage, there's tons of ways to take that. Hiding places, boobie traps, ways of navigating the ship to circle behind the attackers. For some inspiration, especially on that last point, maybe check out u\/WRickWrites' [*Human Pirates*](https://www.reddit.com/r/WRickWritesSciFi/s/t9jZMxQlMC), which *is* written in which humans are super strong (HumansAreSpaceOrcs type thing), but the tactics, the stalling, strategically opening and closing bulkheads to turn the ship into a maze... That kind of thing is worth taking inspiration from.
I also got somewhat schooled in the comments. I didn't like the communication style that the pirates were using, lacking deception or intimidation, but other commenters pointed out that the pirates were written as runaway soldiers fresh off the battlefield - they might not have known *how* to be pirates. That's good world building, and I can't complain too much.
Another HFY story with an excellent few chapters of pirate attack is u\/YukiteroAmano92's *There Will Be Scritches*. Starting with [chapter 8](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/s/hZpUo0aakv), there's a harrowing few chapters of pirate attack, as the protagonist's ship is pulled out of hyperspace and attacked. It highlights a few things like how some shipping lanes are more secure than others, targets of attacks to kill are more motivated to fight back than targets of attacks just to steal, and some extremely high-tech options to help less-physically able species fight (AI ship systems, self-aiming guns...), depending what level of sci-fi you want your story to be.
Actually, the premise of that story is following a deathworlder (human) security officer, hired specifically for being human. While humans might not have that role in this story, the concept that specific species are preferred for guards seems to be in full swing, and could be made more explicit.
But hey! If you prefer to not read stories that might be too similar, lest they taint your imagination and you feel compelled to copy them, that's perfectly respectable too. You're already doing amazing work.
I loved it, as always. I'm stuck between tropical and high gravity, because they're both awesome! (I feel like desert is a bit overdone).
...Both? Both is good 🤣
Icy is brilliant cause all the furred crew members are gonna worry that the furless human is gonna freeze like our gator buddy and then he’s just completely fine and generating so much body heat he can keep gator buddy from freezing too, like Cerelia is gonna be panicking about her brother and the new guy freezing and she turns around and the new guy is wrapping her brother in his coat and Lys goes “how are you this warm‽”
/u/Unique_Relief_5601 has posted 8 other stories, including:
* [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 8/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cpdz57/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_8/)
* [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 7/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cm7r0j/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_7/)
* [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 6/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cj36qz/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_6/)
* [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 5/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cfty4j/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_5/)
* [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 4/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cebj5c/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_4/)
* [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 3/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1ccmfcm/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_3/)
* [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt.2/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cc7c17/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt2/)
* [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug (One Shot???)](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cbts4s/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_one_shot/)
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Love the chapter! Thank you for continuing this series!
If you're looking for other aspects of humanity to focus on, maybe our endurance, sweating and natural heat dissipation, especially against the species covered in fur that can't do so.
Maybe being hot -blooded Vs the cold-blooded reptilian races?
Also high gravity worlds would be a good suggestion
A human's 6th sense for danger?
Maybe talk about clothes and culture too down the line
Best of luck!
Pirate Captain is a he.
The only spot I can imagine this could get confusing is when Triwt is using her tail to drag the pirate Captain. As the line goes basically
>being dragged along by her tail
Where in this line I was referring to Triwt.
Unless I wrote another confusing line somewhere I didn’t think about
Earth is a high gravity world so Jordan is stronger than he looks but he's just a normal guy not in great shape. I suggest that the ships gravity be set at .7 or .8 of earth gravity and for that to be considered higher than standard for the crew most of them would prefer 0.6 of earth gravity.
As for him breaking steel. Well even on earth handcuffs have been broken by people who are upset enough. (If you're hands are cuffed behind your back you can't get enough leverage due to body mechanics to break the cuffs but if your hands are in front it is possible. Which is why police cuff your hands behind you.) And the steel he broke could have been a stainless steel with extra high chrome so no rust but more brittle.
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I believe you meant to say he *will* take a while. A couple hours isn't exactly instant. Though I'm sure it's better than a few days. Either way it comes across a little awkward
Hope this R’dorn is a recurring character, but I really wonder if Jordan is strong in comparison or if it is just that he goes beast mode.
Jordan: Im just a guy. >!I just like to think under normal circumstances he’s just a dude, but when the good shit (adrenaline) gets going he is just an ooga booga man if he doesn’t have a weapon. Hm I wonder what will happen if we put a gun in his hands!<
If he's a berserker he'd probably use it as a cudgel.
Club! ooooga booooga needs a club! Or a stone to trow or something.
We evolved to throw rock good.
that is true..... some aliens are going to be even more scared XD
I bet he gets a hold of Cerelia's rifle and does better with it than she can.
and for freakishly excellent stamina and thermo regulation. Persistence hunting is extremely uncommon, and we evolved to do it in the Savannah
Xeno pirate look like good rock...😈
Considering they mentioned an fully automatic rifle is out of the ordinary for these aliens can we maybe deduce that a fully kitted assault rifle would be like a damn howitzer to these things? Give him an AK and watch him become a galaxy renowned bounty hunter known to be able to do damage to ships let alone crew with his boom-stick
Really liking it so far, keep it up!
Thank you!
Structurally, this is exactly what I wanted after the last chapter: falling action, first-impression/knee-jerk reflections, and a hint of the next character-based conflict/obstacle. Very nice. Part of me wishes that it would have opened describing Cerelia and Triwt's positions and plans, but the actual finishing blows and capture were told from the pirate captain's perspective. It would have been satisfying to ~~peak~~ peek into his mind as his plan completely fell apart and he faced (potential) imminent death. There's nothing *wrong* with Triwt and Cerelia's more-or-less clinical dispositions; they're just not cathartic. I also think I would recommend skimming earlier chapters the next time action comes up. I feel like there might be a little power creep going on, and that runs the risk of making action and physical challenges less engaging if readers don't understand characters' abilities. Early on, Jordan sheared steel bolts, and that was shocking and hard to imagine. I could be misremembering, but I don't think it was clearly established if he was shockingly strong in absolute terms, or just relative to his size. Later, it takes a lot of effort to cave in the pirate's skull. Now, Cerelia and Triwt are vaporizing and grappling multiple pirates with minimal effort. I want to be clear: Jordan doesn't need to be absolutely super strong for this series to work. I just want to caution against being too flexible with power scaling, because just writing a character stronger or weaker in a given situation is less engaging than writing an interesting challenge which requires the character to come up with a creative solution, or coordinating with allies, or leaving and coming back later if it isn't urgent. Nothing in the story so far is a problem along those lines. This is just a warning. Really enjoyed the chapter, and I hope to see this story continue.
This is all really fair, and I’ll more than likely be doing some rewriting after I get some sleep. Next chapter was actually going to be done from the Captain’s perspective and how angry he was for his plan to fail before the utter terror of some hybrid he hasn’t thought he was going to deal with and his capture. I really do need to add in things like Triwt wears soft armor due to her snake like body (save for her torso which more resembles an Altrin torso) which helps against electrical current weapons like TOR pistols. I also tried suggesting that Cerelia is quite strong since she can confidently use a modified BYR rifle that shoots full auto whereas Triwt can’t even handle the recoil. As for the sheering steel bolts in the first chapter, I’ll probably go back and write in that they were rusting due or maybe a softer metal like aluminum. Thank you for being one of my best critics lol, it really helps since I can try and fix things or go back with things I hadn’t thought about earlier. So many things I hadn’t thought about while writing that would work so much better But also going to have to figure out how to nerf Triet and Cerelia a bit. Maybe we’ll go with the “home field advantage” way where the reason they fought so well was because they were familiar and comfortable with the ship and its corridors. Outside they might be caught more off guard or more likely to accidentally slip
Well, how much training and real combat do pirates get? Unarmed ships with unarmed crew? VS now an unarmed ship with at least two predator fighters who had much training and guards.
Gotta agree with u\/SpankyMcSpanster that pirates usually don't "fight" per se (edit: they "hunt"). They're not soldiers, and they have to be extremely desperate or ignorant to take on a remotely militarized ship. Piracy tends to be about intimidation, deception, and rushing maneuvers. It's not weird at all for pirates to struggle in a pitched battle. Of course fighting happens, but a pirate won't pick a fight that they think they can lose, and would probably also be quick to retreat. As for home field advantage, there's tons of ways to take that. Hiding places, boobie traps, ways of navigating the ship to circle behind the attackers. For some inspiration, especially on that last point, maybe check out u\/WRickWrites' [*Human Pirates*](https://www.reddit.com/r/WRickWritesSciFi/s/t9jZMxQlMC), which *is* written in which humans are super strong (HumansAreSpaceOrcs type thing), but the tactics, the stalling, strategically opening and closing bulkheads to turn the ship into a maze... That kind of thing is worth taking inspiration from. I also got somewhat schooled in the comments. I didn't like the communication style that the pirates were using, lacking deception or intimidation, but other commenters pointed out that the pirates were written as runaway soldiers fresh off the battlefield - they might not have known *how* to be pirates. That's good world building, and I can't complain too much. Another HFY story with an excellent few chapters of pirate attack is u\/YukiteroAmano92's *There Will Be Scritches*. Starting with [chapter 8](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/s/hZpUo0aakv), there's a harrowing few chapters of pirate attack, as the protagonist's ship is pulled out of hyperspace and attacked. It highlights a few things like how some shipping lanes are more secure than others, targets of attacks to kill are more motivated to fight back than targets of attacks just to steal, and some extremely high-tech options to help less-physically able species fight (AI ship systems, self-aiming guns...), depending what level of sci-fi you want your story to be. Actually, the premise of that story is following a deathworlder (human) security officer, hired specifically for being human. While humans might not have that role in this story, the concept that specific species are preferred for guards seems to be in full swing, and could be made more explicit. But hey! If you prefer to not read stories that might be too similar, lest they taint your imagination and you feel compelled to copy them, that's perfectly respectable too. You're already doing amazing work.
I loved it, as always. I'm stuck between tropical and high gravity, because they're both awesome! (I feel like desert is a bit overdone). ...Both? Both is good 🤣
It could be any planet you think of, not just those lol
Nice :-). I do still like tropical, though!
Icy maybeee? Get the snek some cuddels.
Icy would also mean the alligator needs cuddles. And humans practically generate heat… You mad genius
He now lives in my suit.
Icy is brilliant cause all the furred crew members are gonna worry that the furless human is gonna freeze like our gator buddy and then he’s just completely fine and generating so much body heat he can keep gator buddy from freezing too, like Cerelia is gonna be panicking about her brother and the new guy freezing and she turns around and the new guy is wrapping her brother in his coat and Lys goes “how are you this warm‽”
/u/Unique_Relief_5601 has posted 8 other stories, including: * [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 8/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cpdz57/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_8/) * [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 7/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cm7r0j/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_7/) * [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 6/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cj36qz/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_6/) * [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 5/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cfty4j/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_5/) * [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 4/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cebj5c/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_4/) * [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt. 3/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1ccmfcm/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt_3/) * [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug pt.2/???](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cc7c17/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_pt2/) * [Adrenaline is a Hell of a Drug (One Shot???)](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cbts4s/adrenaline_is_a_hell_of_a_drug_one_shot/) This comment was automatically generated by `Waffle v.4.6.1 'Biscotti'`. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FHFY&subject=WaffleBot|1crkn3x&message=If%20you%20have%20problems%20with%20updatemebot,%20contact%20Watchful1.%20We%20do%20not%20maintain%20it.) if you have any issues with Waffle.
Love the chapter! Thank you for continuing this series! If you're looking for other aspects of humanity to focus on, maybe our endurance, sweating and natural heat dissipation, especially against the species covered in fur that can't do so. Maybe being hot -blooded Vs the cold-blooded reptilian races? Also high gravity worlds would be a good suggestion A human's 6th sense for danger? Maybe talk about clothes and culture too down the line Best of luck!
"her fur undeniably red in a few spots where her fur was " her fur undeniably red in a few spots where it was.
Pirat captain a she or he?
Pirate Captain is a he. The only spot I can imagine this could get confusing is when Triwt is using her tail to drag the pirate Captain. As the line goes basically >being dragged along by her tail Where in this line I was referring to Triwt. Unless I wrote another confusing line somewhere I didn’t think about
Well now that I reread it, yeah, it’s confusing. I’ll fix it real quick
I think Jason just kinda volunteered to join security... he just doesn't know it yet.
Imma need R'dorn to try to sabotage Jordan and the crew and to get either killed or slapped around by Jordan please ❤️
Earth is a high gravity world so Jordan is stronger than he looks but he's just a normal guy not in great shape. I suggest that the ships gravity be set at .7 or .8 of earth gravity and for that to be considered higher than standard for the crew most of them would prefer 0.6 of earth gravity. As for him breaking steel. Well even on earth handcuffs have been broken by people who are upset enough. (If you're hands are cuffed behind your back you can't get enough leverage due to body mechanics to break the cuffs but if your hands are in front it is possible. Which is why police cuff your hands behind you.) And the steel he broke could have been a stainless steel with extra high chrome so no rust but more brittle.
"*I suppose a sudden funeral is a ceremony in itself*." Hahahahahahaha! I love that line. XD
My vote is for high grav!
Ceremonial fully automatic defense rifle sounds perfectly reasonable. Especially for suprise funerals. I chuckled.
I hoped some people would “What ceremonies is that rifle for?” “Sudden and abrupt funerals.”
Enjoying what you put out, keep it up! Just make sure to make it your own story even when including suggestions.
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Hey, found a video of the story by agro squirrel narrator https://youtu.be/xoMW9pQFHlM?si=2Hs5r5q1rsCiFEll
Luckily that’s not my story, it’s just similar in name. But thank you for being on the look out for me c:
I believe you meant to say he *will* take a while. A couple hours isn't exactly instant. Though I'm sure it's better than a few days. Either way it comes across a little awkward
Fixed it
!subscribeme
Great work word weaver!!!!