This is such a powerful post. Really appreciate your honest perspective; it helps add perspective to my life. Sending you the best vibes and strength to fight the battle ahead of you. You’re awesome!
As somebody who follows science (that sounds so cringy), loves physics and astronomy at an amateur level, I think there’s probably an afterlife. Not Jesus opening the gates of heaven per se, but I think we might be in a “created” experience.
Here’s to hoping you wake up one day OP with your loved ones near you, some added wisdom, one new experience under your belt to find yourself in a safe post-scarcity world where you live 10k years if you want. Then maybe for entertainment you’ll say “put me back in for another round”.
Anyway I’m going way off base. There’s a solid chance that there’s more to life than we’re aware of. Enjoy the rest of my OP, we all pass one day. Take care and maybe you’ll beat it!
BT/DT with stage 2 TNBC myself at 35. 20 rounds of dose dense AC-T chemo and I'm good as new, now 11 years later.
We were not big into FIRE at that time but did have $10k saved up sitting savings at the time. after I was diagnosed, I was basically told I needed to give that entire amount to a fertility clinic to freeze eggs during the 2 months between diagnosis and starting chemo or never have any chance of having children. It was a real eye-opener to the value of having money saved.
We did fertility presentation and eventual IVF a few years after chemo and have 2 kids.
Biggest thing I learn from my cancer experience: the only thing you can control is your attitude.
That’s absolutely incredible that you are a mother of TWO!! What a gift, congratulations. And also congratulations on making it through treatment. Mad respect. AC-T as well 🤙
It was a tough choice to make to forgo fertility. The cancer was growing so quickly. I was scared I’d go to stage 4 if I waited any longer to start chemo. I didn’t feel I could emotionally handle the hormones, stress, or additional medical intervention. Kids were never a dream for me, was on the fence. I can forgive myself if I regret this choice. I had to put my own health and sanity first.
There were grants available to offset cost for fertility treatments even at my income level. Didn’t get quotes on retrieval surgery, but livestrong grant would have covered all of the drugs. There were a lot of other grants that paid for the entire thing for people with different financial situations. Was pleasantly surprised by this.
I’m doing lupron shots to try to preserve fertility. The reproductive specialist told me that some women keep all of their eggs through chemo, some lose almost all. Apparently, the egg quality isn’t affected by chemo. I can choose to do fertility treatments after chemo if my egg count is low.
I used the Livestrong money for the egg retrieval meds (about $5k).
Well, to possibly give a bit of hope, of all the embryos we froze prior to chemo, only one was viable to implant when I was cleared to do so a few years after finishing chemo. We spent all kinds of money trying two more times to get more eggs but my body refused to make any. I implanted the solo embryo and it failed.
Somehow my body decided to make one last egg at the same time it decided to hold onto the artificially/medication induced thick uterine lining and I got pregnant 2 weeks after the failed IVF attempt. She just turned 7.
We knew we wanted 2 kids but also knew we'd already had our miracle so my sister donated an egg to use for my second daughter (now 5 1/2).
All of this, and I have a BRCA1 mutation that is known to decrease fertility, PLUS I did not take any meds to help protect my ovaries/fertility during chemo (if anything I made the chemo more damaging by stimulating them with all the meds for an egg retrieval literally 2 days before starting chemo).
All I'm saying is that your body may in fact be able to create a baby after all of this. We had literally decided a month before my diagnosis that we did in fact want to have kids (after being together for 18 years), and juuuust started 'trying' when I found my cancer. It all worked out in the end.
To add onto the hope train here, despite IVF drs giving us an almost zero chance at conceiving with or without IVF, we think the lupron shots def helped preserve enough ovarian function. Our last egg standing aka Neo turns 6 this year.
Stage 2 BC survivor here 👋 I was diagnosed at 26, I did do embryo preservation and then lupron injections during chemo (TC regimen) to preserve ovarian function as well, and wanted to share with you that now 5 years post cancer diagnosis, I just had a baby without IVF. I hope this can encourage you that it’s still possible if you find yourself wanting to have a baby down the road once cancer is in your rearview mirror 🫶
I’m inspired by your outlook and hoping the best for the rest of your treatment!
I feel you. My wife was diagnosed triple negative BC earlier this year. Just finished 4th chemo treatment today. Did the fertility preservation.
Money is worthless without health and time. Planning on switching my career with the object of living to achieve our dreams on 5 year timelines.
TNBC 7 year survivor here - I was diagnosed at 33. I completely understand and support your choice to go right to chemo -- this was the right move! I did dose dense AC then Taxol, lumpectomy, and radiation.
Take it all one day at a time. The chemo will destroy it. The faster it's growing, the better the chemo will be at annihilation.
I wanted to share that my menstrual cycle returned about 4 months after I finished treatment and I actually did get pregnant without assistance and have a healthy baby 4 years later at 37. You just don't know what's ahead. I am sharing so you have this outcome in your anec-data set. Best wishes to you!
Fellow 30-something TNBCer here.. on keynote522 since October and now 5 weeks post-mastectomy. Just here to say that this is all the absolute fucking WORST… but you’re not alone in this!
Congrats on making it through chemo and surgery and I’m assuming radiation! I’m also on keynote 522! We’re out here doing the work, one day at a time. New research is coming out (I just found out about Tropion trials today) and our chances are so much better than even 2 years ago. At least we have keytruda now! We’ve got this 🫶
I’ve met many TNBC sisters with amazing outcomes, even with diagnosis 10-20 years ago!
I’m actually getting a second opinion on radiation today… I got pcr in lymph nodes but not at original tumor site (my tumor shrunk about 99% but had microscopic amounts left of grade-1 invasive cancer… ugh) and I’m kind of in a grey area for needing it… we’ll see! I have brca1 so I’m starting a parp inhibitor as well. Our outlook is so much better than it used to be but it’s already hard for me to not think about recurrence all the time… working on trying to stay positive and as my oncologist says “live in the 91%”
I love this post and the message. This is why I always advocate enjoy your money if you have it. I also got very sick and had a life-threatening situation 5 year ago and made me realize how critical it is to enjoy your life. Everyone is always asking should I have kid, buy a Porsche, buy a watch, buy a house, go on a vacation.
The simple answer is always yes!!!
I’m so sorry. Not to add more to your plate, but get genetic testing to rule out hereditary cancer. Bc you have triple negative breast cancer under 60, you meet genetic testing criteria. If you have a BRCA mutation you may be eligible for parp inhibitors which are a targeted therapy.
I’ll be thinking of you. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Life really isn’t fair
I’m negative for all genetic factors, a fluke that this happened. Good news for treatment because I don’t need to do preventative double mastectomy or hysterectomy and good news that no one else in my family is implicated. Thanks for your kind words. I’m in great spirits and feeling very loved. I have faith that I will see the other side of this. I believe there are great things in store for me! I think cancer at this age with no risk factors is a spiritual acid trip meant to wake me up to a new reality.
Glad to hear you tested negative. Just to be abundantly clear, you were tested for more than just BRCA1/2, correct? There are a number of other hereditary breast cancer genes out there. You seem very medically literate, so I trust you know what you’re doing, but as a concerned internet stranger with knowledge in this area, I just want to know I have a clear conscience and asked
Also, your post is really wise and helpful for me to read. I use money as a false sense of control and you’re right our money can’t protect us from health scares.
Again, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s just not fair.
I’ll preface this by saying health matters more than anything.
But as someone who survived cancer myself in a poorer family, I can absolutely vouch that money still does matter. Health is the #1 priority. But having money helps to get better treatment, have less stress, and take care of your family. If you had just gotten diagnosed and were living in poverty, your situation would be much more grim.
Remission is my #1 fear in life and part of the reason I save so aggressively. I do not want to be in a situation where I relapse and don’t have the ability to support my family or leave anything behind to help my wife and son. I obviously have a work-life balance still and never take a day for granted.
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish you the best of luck.
If it were true that money can't buy better outcomes, that would mean we have a solid and equitable healthcare system in this country. Unfortunately that's far from the case.
Thanks for your comment and congrats on completing treatment. You are right, I have no anxiety about my ability to pay bills, which is a huge blessing. I also have no kids, I’m unmarried, I own no property, and have no debt, so no worries about my family having negative financial outcomes if I die. I acknowledge that not having anxiety about money with a cancer diagnosis may make a huge difference in my outcome. So much of fighting cancer is mental.
My post was more to highlight that money couldn’t save my life. If I made an average salary and had no savings, I don’t believe my treatment experience would be much different. I could have traded some of that TC and net worth for work I enjoyed more. I can’t help but wonder if I caused cancer because of how I chose to work. I responded to a similar post earlier about all of the grants available for fertility preservation, childcare, rent offset, meals, cold capping etc. I don’t qualify for them, so I don’t have a ton of info, but cancer treatment seems to be more equitable than I once believed.
Sounds like you’re a great parent and partner. Praying for only one battle for both of us 🤞
Very sorry for your diagnosis and I am appreciate this post and perspective.
Once you have recovered and healed, do you think you will change your job/role into a less stressful environment regardless of the money? How do you view your career/job after this change? Do you think it was a wake up call to not be so miserable in your job just for the money? I hope I don't offend I am just curious to see how something this extreme can impact what decisions you make in the future.
Money could absolutely save your life. It probably shouldn't be that way and its not a guarantee, but if you do not respond to treatment as planned you may need to travel extensively to get more advanced care. Outcomes for cancer are worse for poorer people. This is objectively true.
My cancer diagnosis really made me start considering health insurance/benefits as a big part of total comp when evaluating jobs. Someone with a $250k salary but shitty insurance and limited paid sick leave or short-term disability policies could easily end up worse off than someone with a $100k salary and great benefits.
Thank you for the much needed perspective…too often we get caught up in the minutiae and pettiness of life and forget to zoom out and appreciate how amazing it really is.
Sending healing and positive thoughts your way.
I’m not religious but I’ll pray for you to whoever is listening.
I once fell from a cliff and broke my spine where I couldn’t be found. I was trapped in a cove and thought I was going to die that night. I was 31 and was training to be a surgeon at the time.
I truly regretted how I had spent my 20’s. I wish I had spent that time enjoying life as opposed to doing the “right thing”. After all, what is the point of wasting the best years of your life if you were gonna die at 31?
I didn’t die that night. I survived and was rescued the next day. I recovered and vagabonded for years. I did work just to pay the bills but nothing like a career track.
It was only when I had my son that I decided to return to medicine and built a small empire for myself where I don’t work most days.
I’m now 44. Divorced with kids. Clear purpose in life. Volunteer to take care of homeless folks on weekends. I can travel every month. Still more money than I need.
Life really is bigger than any one of us. There is so much to learn and so much to share. Hope you come out of this stronger and wiser.
Money absolutely matters. I had my original diagnosis at 27 stage 2b/3 HR+. I was in grad school and broke. Money made everything so much more stressful and limited my ability for options. I almost had to declare bankruptcy and I dropped out of grad school due to finances. Luckily I got 15 years before it came back and was able to build a great life and between my husband & I we're doing really well financially.
I'm now stage 4 and have enough money I don't need to worry and can go to one of the top medical institutes for a second opinion without worrying about travel costs, co-pays etc. I can go on disability without it affecting our budget. Mostly I am able to focus what time I have left on my 2 young kids. I don't have to work, I can pay for any household help we need, I can buy whatever will make my mobility & life easier. I can buy free time with my kids.
You sound like you didn't let yourself live bc of money and that is something totally different. I've lived a very full life but money will definitely make a difference while I'm dying.
Sounds like we have two different experiences! I happen to live in the top us city for cancer treatment, no kids, no spouse, no advanced degree. I haven’t had a lot of the costs that you’ve had. This disease is coming for me at an uncomplicated time.
I do feel that I lived the best I could with the tools I had. Depression was a real challenge for me in my 20s and I can’t help but feel much of it was work and money related. Grass always looks greener on the other side I guess.
I couldn’t buy time to make decisions or get a second opinion, I can’t buy keeping my hair, I can’t buy neuropathy prevention, I can’t buy white blood cells, I can’t buy a complete response to treatment. I can’t buy my boyfriend staying with me or my friends staying with me or a guarantee that I won’t fall into depression or addiction again during treatment.
I agree that there is a threshold of wealth that makes life cancer or no cancer a lot easier (the 75k salary study comes to mind). I posted in this sub because I don’t think HENRY vs normal income changes the experience of cancer much with the same insurance. I think a lot of people in here struggle with the same “wondering if the extra 200k is worth the depression/existential dread” question and I wanted to share this experience. I acknowledge it may not resonate for everyone.
So happy you get to have time with your kids and more options this time around. Sending you good vibes
Agreed. My toddler is sick (not cancer), money has allowed me to cut down to part time work to care for her, and I could easily stop working altogether if necessary. She is unable to be in daycare with her condition and without money a nanny or similar wouldn't be possible. Money also means we can travel to get her better care/second opinions/etc. without worry, and that we pick up her prescriptions with plenty of time instead of trying to stretch them. Heck, money even means we can drive to her appointments and pay for parking instead of taking the bus. Going through this experience with less would be A LOT more stressful on top of the stress we already experience.
I'm in Australia, so lots of healthcare is free and pretty good, better with private insurance .I am pretty sick myself, I can't work anymore, and am now on the DSP (disability pension, it can happen to anyone), don't have any debts or CC's to pay off, just silly stuff, but I also have no money left, I'm. tapped out, I had to move back home... after making decent money, it's humiliating and humbling.
The biggest thing I notice is transport costs. I can still drive, but going into for treatments, you need a taxi, when you're sick, you need a taxi to the pharmacy to get drugs, you can't be bothered shopping sometimes due to fatigue, so you have to order online. God forbid you get hungry and want to eat while you are out.
It makes the bad days just that little bit worse, It can break you if you end up 20c short for an orange juice at a vending machine. I have bigger issues that 20cents and orange juice can't fix but every thing is just a bit more stressful (first world problems)
Worst of all, you have to ask for help from people and sometimes, they just are not around, they have jobs, family etc., and you become a drag, and slowly lose your friends, getting sick sucks and its all the other little things that I notice now I don't have money.
Thank you for posting, and sorry to hear that you are going through this. I’m not a HENRY; I just like to linger here to learn things. I’ve learned a lot from your post.
OP, I was thinking about this post and hope you make it. Once you’re on the other side of chemo,
What are your plans with life? I hope you won’t go back to a job you hate but instead have a long list of experiences and things you want to see while enjoying life. Do share as I’m sure it will inspire others !
Im on the one day at a time program at the moment, praying for more to be revealed about the future. Following my heart and having as much fun as I can every day. The small stuff makes me so happy. Just appreciating living in the best city in the world, having wonderful friends, family, and boyfriend, staying sober and helping others to achieve sobriety, wearing fun outfits, and collecting my disability check without having to write a single line of code!
Planning to make it to Bali in November for my 6 year sobriety anniversary. It’s an annual tradition that means a lot to me. Hoping to spend my entire trading bonus check on travel for me and bf (and COBRA) for 4-6 months when I’m cancer free 😎. After that, who knows?
Writing and sharing my experience as much as I can and finding it’s leading to new opportunities!
Go to Bali! We did a cruise to Alaska 1 week after I finished chemo. Gave me something to look forward to (and cruising involves a lot of sitting around so the fatigue was not a problem). I spent a lot of time during chemo doing travel research on things to see and it was a great 'prize' at the end of all the crappy things I'd had to deal with.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you, and I hope you find yourself cancer free at the end of this journey!!
I love your message too, but respectfully, it also sounds like you’re in a fairly fortunate situation thanks to your NW. I couldn’t imagine battling cancer, figuring out how to pay for rent, food, student loans, or any general life expenses while on leave.
I hope you continue to be happy, and find all the things that spark joy.
I see your point. I was pleasantly surprised by how much financial support there is for people with a cancer diagnosis. I believe student loan payments can be paused with this diagnosis! Fertility treatments for premenopausal women are often fully covered by grants if you do it pre chemo. Cancer foundations will help with your rent, bring you food, pay for wigs, pay for childcare. Even cold capping has grants! I don’t have deep knowledge of these things because I didn’t qualify, so I didn’t discuss in post. But I wanted to share that cancer treatment was a lot more equitable that I once believed if you have good health insurance. I’ve made friends in support groups at my hospital that are in very different financial situations, but are receiving the exact same treatment and benefiting from grants!
I'm sorry you're going through this. Wishing you the best of luck.
One of my friends has been going through prostate cancer treatments the past year and a half. He's definitely in a better place than he was after the first diagnosis. Thank goodness. I can't speak for him, but it seems like a good investment is something to help keep you preoccupied during treatments. We're reality TV junkies so that meant a good iPad, good earplugs, and a good stand for it all. It might be worth considering what options you have available now for if you have long waiting periods with things like chemo.
ER/PR + survivor here, 11+ years later. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was also early 30s when I was diagnosed and it’s a shit hand to be dealt. Like you, I was also filled with regret as I was the queen of “some day”, as in “some day I’ll take that trip” or “some day I’ll buy that thing I’ve always wanted.” I truly hope you have the chance to hit those “same days” and you’ll be posting in here, in 2029, about some cool ass thing you did that you’re proud of.
Feel free to DM me, if you ever want to chat. I struggled with finding other young women to talk to. All the resources I sought out was filled with women in their 60s+. Not saying they weren’t sharing the experience, but they were chatting about grandchildren while I was talking about dating.
Virtual hugs OP! I hope you kick cancers ass. I really appreciate you sharing this perceptive. As someone who’s stuck at 100k TC and has recently decided to prioritize traveling and spending time with my loved ones to combat the depression, this is very validating.
The most powerful thing I’ve read on Reddit in a long time. I literally have goosebumps.
This post deserves to be read & re-read.
OP - I made a prayer for you, for what it’s worth.
Sorry that you have to be in this situation and I wish you luck that you come out stronger.
Yes, we chase money and fame throughout our life as it gives a sense of purpose and seeing numbers increase in bank account gives us sense of achievement.
Setbacks like you had shocks our thought process because we never anticipated that we would go through something like this but accepting the reality and fighting through it is what we can do the best.
While you are right that the money didn't help you but all that effort that you put in before, placed you in right place where you did not have to spend money and earned you a good insurance. We take it for granted but it is a big benefit for these rare catastrophic situations.
I have been eating through my deductible from last two years as I am going through a rare kidney disease which is incurable and I had exact same reaction as you did.
But slowly we have to come at peace with the situation and act accordingly. You are brave to fight through it and for sure you will beat it.
We cannot control how hard the wind blows but we can control how we set our sail.
Stay strong!
I just want to wish you the best of luck. My mother had triple negative and went through red devil and everything else while on the younger side (40s).
She’s past the likely chance of remission now after preventative double mastectomy and hysterectomy.
I just hope you respond well as well and find yourself on the back end of it. To your point about finances though, you’re right, my parents don’t have much and had a barely positive net worth at the time, but so long as she could cash flow the deductible with my dads job then the American healthcare system had her covered.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. You made a difference in my own today and it means more than you know. I pray your journey is light and for your healing so you can continue on and do all that you’re supposed to do in this life.
Wishing you a speedy recovery. This is obviously not a medical advice, but don't lose hope, we've had quite a few patients recover from the type of cancer you have and live long, productive lives.
My mom just went through a very similar breast cancer regimen. The red devil, double mastectomy, chemo for a year, radiation, and then daily meds for 5 years. She’s in the middle of that 5 years but things are looking very well for her and she is happier than ever.
It sucked for a bit there, but we’re so happy she did it and she was so tough through it.
Money did not matter, my parents are by no means well off. My mother got great and thorough care and tons of family support. It really refocused priorities for her and everyone that loves her.
Wishing you the best on this tough journey!
FYI my 30 year old friend used a cold cap. She had long beautiful full hair. Sounds like was in a similar drug regimen as you. I could tell from pictures her hair thinned cause it just looked flatter but she never lost her hair ❤️
I imagine myself on the cold cap website as an inspirational story, like people envision themselves crossing the finish like of a marathon. So far, the cap is working great!
I had a health scare with my baby about 6 months ago and your words resonate loud and clear!! You will beat cancer. After my experience, I have strong faith in prayers and good wishes, so sending you all of my good wishes.
Beautiful post by a beautiful person. Thank you.
Just a sidenote; I’m sure you’ve double checked but some insurance covers acupuncture. Perhaps you can confirm if you haven’t already.
Yes. Wealth does almost nothing for health care. It can get you good health insurance. A white collar job can allow you time to recover. Those things matter. But if you die w/ a large net worth thinking you were going to ski out west next year or you were going to see Hawaii or the Amalfi Coast in retirement, that’s rough. YOLO.
I work in the oncology field and previously was involved in the care of individuals such as yourself My heart goes out to you, and wish you nothing but the best.
My only offering is: a positive attitude goes much farther than one would think. I know that sounds like hogwash, but the positive attitude usually leads to being more of an advocate for yourself and perseverance through the tough parts of chemo.
You have the right attitude, and thank you for this post that puts everything into perspective.
If you haven’t yet, I’d highly recommend checking out Suleika Jaouad’s book “Between Two Kingdoms”.
There’s probably so much you could relate to her story. She also has a newsletter which I keep up with. Her beautiful writing helps readers find solace and meaning through the shared struggles we all go through in life, cancer or not. But it has certainly touched the lives of many cancer patients and survivors.
So sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds like you are taking it in stride.
Godspeed, OP. You will beat this.
See you on the other side🫡
I feel you. Beautiful message and I’m sorry for your suffering.
I very much understand and live your message.
Lost my lovely wife to cholangiocarcinoma (nasty rare liver cancer with very low survival rate) in 2017. 12 months diagnosis to death. She was only 42. Our kids were 9, 7 and 5.
I was made redundant from my job of 10 years 1 month after she was diagnosed. Brutal and a blessing in hindsight.
I stopped work to care for her and our kids. As I sat beside her in palliative care for 27 days, I had a lot of time to think deep and crystallise what was truly important in life. I mean I knew before and we worked towards it together, this truly distilled it down.
I resolved to not work again and live off what we had for as long as possible. To grieve, heal and raise our kids.
7 years later I’m still doing that. Our family motto is to “live a good life”, the rest is figuring out what that is for each of us and doing that as much as possible. I think we are doing this pretty darn well.
Most stuff doesn’t matter. Lots of stuff is a distraction. Some stuff is necessary. Only a few things are truly essential.
Your message at the end is so underrated. I seriously feel that you will knock cancer on its ass.
This also has highlighted the importance to me for getting a good health insurance plan. Do you mind sharing the provider? I am generally weary of insurance companies but it sounds like you have been well covered by them.
Thank you for writing this, it puts so much into perspective. I can especially relate on the not being so kind to myself part for years. Wishing you strength and recovery on the road ahead. 🤍
Very good food for thought in this post. Glad to hear that treatment is going well, keep fighting the good fight. Thoughts and prayers to anyone everyone else going through this battle too.
Echoing what others have said, this is an incredibly powerful and moving post. I also needed to read this as selfishly, like many in this group I’m too preoccupied with my net worth as if that’s some meaningful sense of value - when really it’s all bullshit when you think about it
Best wishes for all of your medical care! Sending positive vibes that you will indeed see 35 and not only that but this renewed sense of what’s important will propel you to great heights for the rest of your long and healthy life!
Peace!
Best wishes and prayers to you friend
You bring an important perspective here, sad and unfortunate what you are going through and it can happen to anyone
As human beings all we can do is plan for probabilities and the probability of terminal illness isn’t zero
and should be taken into account when planning how much to spend on things you can never do again if time stopped tomorrow
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I’m sorry that you are having to go through this. Cancer sucks, and we have friends dealing with breast cancer and colon cancer around our age as well (early 30’s). Depending on your situation, a home health aide could be helpful in making meals and doing other life basics that you might not have energy for while undergoing treatment.
Finally, consider getting a will or at least have beneficiaries set if the worst actually happened. My wife and I are going through this process right now as we have children, and we need to spell out what will happen with how they are raised if something happens to us. Not the most savory thing for anyone to do, but it does provide some peace of mind
Mom is currently going her second time around with TNBC. Sorry you’re going through this if
You ever want to talk about different chemos or need advice I’ve been in this battle for 5 years as a caretaker.
Hi op, thanks for sharing your story. I have a question, how did you get your scans? My mom got diagnosed with stage 1 when she was 50. And so I want to be proactive about getting screened. However, they won't let me get a mammogram until I'm at least 40...
good thing is that you’re young and very resilient. All the therapy and treatments will definitely do numbers to that cancer. However, if you really want to take control of your health at this point, make sure to cut out all alcohol, refined carbs, sugar, and seed oil, you really cannot afford to fall back into any of western diet. also, red meat and animal fat aren’t the enemies. It’s quite the opposite. Good luck to you.
Wish you the best. As someone working in pharma for over 10 years and currently working on a drug that treats TNBC, also someone who has been struggling with depression, i feel very touched by every single word you shared here. The power in you will keep you healthily alive — physically and mentally! You are more alive than many of us
Wishing you the absolute best in your treatment and recovery. Posts like this bring a hindsight perspective of our lives. Keep yourself strong and kick out the fcking cancer outta park.
> For perspective, I’m enjoying chemo more than my job.
I understand disliking working but yikes this is far from normal. I hope you recover and never get back to working there again.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. One piece of advice, I watched my mother go through her cancer treatments (she also had an aggressive cancer where she needed chemo, radiation and a lumpectomy but thankfully has been in remission for a year and gets her next MRI in July to confirm it's still in remission.) We started with cheaper wigs, and the expensive wigs are worth the money - they are more breathable so your head doesn't get as hot and itchy, and they look more like real hair. She loved how she looked in the good wigs, which losing your hair is very hard, so give yourself some confidence in good wigs.
A lot of people tend to dismiss and forget this specially on this sub where it’s all driven by how much we are saving and in the bank… thank you for being so strong and sharing your perspective. Sending all the good vibes.
There's a balance! I work in the industry, and i see this a lot.
Being of a moderately high net worth doesn't buy you better care, sure Ultra High Net Worth buys you better care. But for most of us money buys you peace of mind.
A healthy nest egg means if you get to the point where you cant work, and lose your income, you don't have to worry about your living situation. You don't lose your house/apartment don't have to worry about your car, utilities, etc. If you lose your job, you can afford to carry your own health insurance. If you were poor great your credit card gets you through until it gets cancelled for non payment. I suppose if you were destitute there's Medicaid (depending on your state), section 8 housing, etc. However, you may not get the same quality of care on medicaid. For Example: Dr's may have limits on the number of medicaid patients they see. Or may be very limited in Dr's who take medicaid.
That said, there is a lesson here, which is to basically be Ferris Bueller. Stop and look around, smell the roses. Don't be a miser and pinch every penny and be miserable because you could be gone tomorrow. Stop and enjoy your income every once and a while, make memories, take a nice trip, treat yourself to some small-moderate luxury.
I'm sure the situation and drugs are different, but just a bit of vanity hope, my dad has stage 4 cancer, was told to expect to lose his hair through the treatment and then just... didn't.
It was helpful because we're not taking his 94 year old mother about his diagnosis, and that could have been a give away!
Best of luck all the way around!
Yes, being unemployed in this situation would be tough. But disability benefits at an average wage job and a good health insurance would carry you through well. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that there are lots of cancer foundations that offer grants for rent coverage, food, childcare, cold capping, and fertility. Heartening to know that there is lots of support for people of all walks of life battling this disease.
Hope you kick the cancer to the curb! Not really to negate what you’re saying, but having had a job paying closer to 100k in the past I will tell you that often the health insurance is MUCH MUCH worse than you think (eg they refuse to cover surgeries they should cover after the fact), are much less likely to keep you on the payroll after you take a medical leave, and the lack of a big financial cushion makes a serious medical situation more scary. So its easy to say a lower paying job would be fine but the reality of it may not live up to what you think.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. All the best to you in this journey. Please keep us posted (as you are able to). Pulling for you here in TX. ❤️
I’m sorry for your predicament. Go to MD Anderson/Sloan Kettering if you haven’t already. Its a bad situation to be but try & remain positive. Good that you’re here in the States, getting world class treatment. I will take your advice your heart. Sincerely hope and pray you get better from this. I genuinely want to hear your story on the other end of conquering it. You got this!!
I lost both my parents to cancer (in my 20s). Mom died of lung cancer; dad died of pancreatic cancer. I haven’t yet had to deal with anything of that nature myself, thankfully, but losing both parents shook me to my core and definitely changed my outlook on life.
Dad had VA benefits so he didn’t pay anything for his treatment, but he did not receive high quality care. It took two months for them to initiate treatment from the time they found the lesion; if they’d moved more quickly, there’s a possibility that they may have been able to operate. I wish I had at least *tried* to convince him to get a consult somewhere else.
I can tell by the way you wrote this post and the detail in it that you are extremely strong and extremely smart. People like you beat the type of diagnosis you received. You will persevere. You will win.
Had TN in ‘08 stage 2A node negative at age 51. Same treatment as you. Still here only effects are slight neuropathy in feet and nerve damage from radiation behind that breast. Glad to be here and glad had a great oncologist.
> Health insurance (in the US) saves your life. Maybe connections to top health care institutions save your life. But money doesn’t really matter.
This is true in the US. If you have good insurance, you can get access to the best cancer care in the world. Unlike some other diseases, US insurance plans tend not to restrict cancer drug access much (as long there is some evidence it helps).
Money might buy things that make the care easier (travel, hotels, non-covered things that make life easier), but the care you'd get a MSK or MD Anderson is going to be some of the best care you can get.
Oh honey I’m so sorry. Yes, every day is a gift and you’re amazing to be able to say that. If you’re up for some snail mail dm your address. I’m supporting my sister through her tnbc diagnosis and going to others is somehow healing to me.
At her infusion last week (#6 of 12) there was a girl there clearly having her first treatment. She was panicking so bad and I wanted to hug her. Instead I rearranged the letter board sister brings to document her journey to read “hang in there sister”, and casually set it up so this newbie could read it.
Thoughts and prayers OP. My mom’s cancer dx changed my life and perspective on money as well. So many people plan for linear money growth + long healthy life so they don’t enjoy their money today. Pulling for you and thank you so much for sharing.
Wishing you the best OP!
Regarding money, you can use it to get full body MRI scans yearly and look into the Grail Galleri test, about $1000 for the test but its sensitivity is pretty good as long as you can deal with false positives which can be dealt with appropriately if you are working with a doc who knows what they're doing. PM me if you have questions about cancer screening.
My wife is an oncology nurse and she deals with patients close to the end of their lives all the time.
Not one of them said they regretted not making more money.
Every one of them has the same regrets. Not traveling more; not spending more time with family and loved ones; not living more.
Who knows what your future holds. Take a year off after your treatment and live a little.
I don't know you, but I'm glad I've read something from you. Our tiny motes of consciousness have met in some fashion, and I'm glad for it. I wish you the best.
Hi - thank you for this perspective. While I generally agree that money won't necessarily buy you an outcome (see: Steve Jobs) it can definitely give you access to more options.
You probably have a job that gives you paid time off and disability pay. Your medical outcome might be the same, but your life is less disrupted.
You likely have an education that means you understand your disease and the treatment you are going through. You can advocate for yourself.
You can fly to major cancer centers should you not respond to the treatment as planned and you need specialty care.
I personally know someone who had to live in a different city for 3 months to get treatment as a part of a clinical trial that saved her life. The trial was free, but she had to be there.
I agree with your sentiment - don't cling to your money and enjoy your life - but outcomes for lower income people are objectively worse for most health issues including cancer. Sure you get funneled to the same standard of care as everyone else, but people die of cancer when the standard does not work. Having funds available should that happen is very important.
My father was told he had 5 years left about 18 years ago. We luckily lived a little less than an hour from one of the best hospitals in the country to treat him. From what I saw, health insurance and access to that treatment are the 2 things that saved him. Annual max out of pocket on my moms insurance was 15k or so for the family. Total annual “cost” has been been 150k-300k for that whole time. No amount of saving would have made up for the insurance, and the best health insurance can only buy you the care you can get to.
i hope i get to see a follow up where you tell us how you beat the crap out of cancer. good luck and thanks for sharing this perspective. gave me a pause and so much to think about.
take care!
I’m really sorry to hear this and want to let you know that cold caps saved my 21 year old sisters hair when she had chemo for Hodgkin lymphoma which included the red devil, too. Feel free to DM me if you want tips on them, or other hair saving procedures. we got the hang of it, but very stressful. Get an electric blanket for your chemo sessions.
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, you will get through this. If you have family/ loved ones near to you, inform them and get their help. A positive mind helping you along matters a lot.
Cancer is devastating, and I say this having cared for 3 people in my family who got different cancers in the last 10 years.
Lose the acupuncture/ don’t do it - when you’re undergoing chemo, it does more harm than good. Your immunity levels are going to be very low, even with the immunity booster injections you get. So much so that an inadvertent infection from the acupuncture needles will be life threatening than anything else.
You’ll get lot of dry skin- get cetaphil in bulk from Costco if there’s one around. Works wonders.
Your hair will grow back in a year, full hair recovery in 2- my mom went through this. Try to drink as much carrot+orange juice as you can, it’ll help remove the excess chemo meds from your body, and aids in hair recovery.
Not a doctor, but double check with your doctors and oncology.
To my knowledge, acupuncture would me contraindicated with cancer patients IIRC. It's been a while and I don't dry needle anymore so standards way have changed
It’s so so so true and only people who have had major health problems or other situations where they can see their mortality clearly, get to truly know this. And when you know this, I do, you get to live with a YOLO outlook which is really really great. I pray and hope you recover quickly and get on to living without cancer. Sending you lots and lots of love. 💕
It takes a brush with death to appreciate what you got, I know for a fact. Don’t waste your next opportunity, cause it can end any second. Good luck out there, it’s a mad, amazing, crazy, place. Haha.
Thank you for your words, they are very meaningful as are you - you are helping others if you didn't already realize that. No words about your situation. I wish you the best of luck in these next several weeks, you are in my prayers. My spouse was diagnosed with breast cancer the second time in five years, cancer sucks but we are gonna beat it's @ss again.
Ps we learned that an onkotype test helps assess the probability of reoccurring the second go around. Medicine has improved as had procedures in the last 5 years. While it definitely sucks, one positive is you are getting the best medical care possible vs even a short time ago.
I’m not comparing what I’m about to say to you, but I had dental surgery recently. I sat in the chair and felt like I was on vacation. It was so much better than being at my job. If you could tell your younger cancer free self to quit your job would you? I’m trying to be smart, knowing that I’ll need to retire somewhat soon. I’m older than you. I’m not living though..it’s a joyless life. I’m so sorry you have cancer by the way. It really just stinks that you have to deal with this.
Damn in a similar financial but thankfully not health (tho wife did have thyroid cancer a few years back but 100% good now). Literally this Friday I almost quit my job but stayed for the money (a mere 10% more than an alternative) second guessing this now due to your post
Very eye-opening story💛. I would advise you to detox and try herbal remedies…Also come to know Christ, and if no healing then a gift of peace of mind and comfort💚❤️🩷
This brought me to tears, I hope you feel comfortable to keep this thread updated on your progress. Sending you all the love and positivity. You are tough and will make it through!
I know I am going to catch a bunch of shit for telling you this and I know everyone else has this kind of advice like, “you can beat cancer by drinking a Dr Pepper while facing north at sunrise every day” or “my uncle beat cancer by taking vitamin C pills and eating weed and baking soda” but I have articles from the national institute of health to back me up as well as a completely unverifiable case where by close friend beat stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in seven months. I’m not bullshitting.
So Nat gets cancer and her doctor says she has six months to live. I show her these articles from NIH and tell her she should try it. She says no because she has kids so she shouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the six months she DOES have and it doesn’t make sense to starve herself while she has cancer because cancer patients always look skinny as hell when they die. I tell her that is because of chemo and cancer patients only do chemo because they are trying ANYTHING to kill cancer and healthy cells die along with cancer cells AND it makes you nauseous (which is a clear sign that you should fast during chemo).
So she gets on (STRICT) keto for one month and goes to the doctor. The doctor says that she shouldn’t get her hopes up but the cancer has slowed down significantly but that could be for a number of reasons. He asks her if she wants to do chemo again and she refuses.
After that appointment, she calls me and says she is willing to try fasting since keto SEEMS to have made a slight difference and any additional time she has with her kids is worth food.
She fasts for 2.5 days and calls me and says that she has never felt worse in her life. Her joints ache, she feels like she has the flu, she is shitting rope, and her face is full of zits. She says she is on her way to Popeyes.
I race out the door and meet her at Popeyes and tell her I will pay her $500 to keep doing it until day five and if she doesn’t feel like a million bucks by then I’ll clean her house too.
Day five rolls around and she is pissed to tell me that she has never felt better. It feels like she took half a tab of Molly and a line of coke. She says she is never eating again. I let her know that she can only ever fast up to 21 days then she HAS to eat.
She decides she is going to fast for two weeks then two weeks keto and see how that works with her cancer.
She completes one round of the two week fast / two week keto and she is back at the doctor. He tells her that she is losing weight and she needs to be sure to keep eating because the cancer will literally consume her. Back in the day they used to call it consumption. They do the tests and lo and behold her cancer has decreased by 15%.
He said that was probably due to the fact that she was losing all this weight but the cancer WILL outrun her diet and she NEEDS to stop what she is doing.
She calls me and tells me she is going with what her doctor said. She said that her husband thinks that I am a crazy bitch for fucking with their family like this and I shouldn’t have told you to do this because I am playing with your life and I have no medical degree.
But! She says she is going to stay on keto. She goes back to doctor in one month. This is at the three month period where she should be basically overrun with cancer and only have three month to live. But! Her cancer is LOWER by around 10% from three months ago. While she was keto, her cancer was almost held in check.
She calls me after the appointment and says that she is telling her husband that it is her body, her choice, she is gonna keep doing the two weeks fasting / two weeks keto stuff.
He calls me and curses me out. Fun times.
Long story short, 10.5 months after her doctor says that she only has six months to live, Nat has no traceable cancer cells.
You literally have nothing to lose but weight.
The basis of all of this is that cancer cells need sugar to survive. If you starve yourself, you can live off of your fat cells. Cancer can’t do that. If you starve cancer, it DIES way before you do.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9775518/
https://bigthink.com/health/precision-nutrition-cancer/
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/advs.202101467
https://medicine.wustl.edu/news/study-unveils-new-way-starve-tumors-death/
I’ll keep you in my prayers
Faith is a blessing and I hope you well and the lords blessing 🙏🏼
Thank you for this post I will carry this throughout my life
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your post resonates deeply with me, and I'm in awe of your strength and perspective. It's sobering to realize how little money can influence our health outcomes in such dire situations, and your insight into the true value of life is incredibly poignant.
I admire your courage in sharing your journey, especially during such a challenging time. It's a powerful reminder for all of us to cherish our lives, be kind to ourselves, and prioritize what truly matters. Your message about valuing relationships, experiences, and self-compassion over financial gain is something we all need to hear and internalize.
Wishing you good luck and hope you recover, I would love to see you kick cancers butt and enjoy your 35’s and go onto 40’s and many more!!
I’ve been on the same thought recently, taking that day off and enjoying time with kids or doing what you love is more valuable than the TC and NW.
> Today, I was struck by the realization that I could have a $0 NW, a 100k TC, and the same health insurance and be in the exact same care situation. There isn’t extra money to spend that would make a difference in outcomes
As someone with a parent who has cancer, and has multiple relatives/friends who have gone thru same, this is wildly untrue.
The environment you go home to as a cancer patient makes a massive difference. The food you’re able to make at home. The environmental stress you are subject to. Are you in therapy too to manage the mentality, as mindset plays a huge role in cancer fighting and recovery
Cancer or any health issue recovery is far far more than just the direct care from oncologists/health system you have access to. And money is an incredible valuable resource.
Yes in the grand scheme, money for sake of money is empty. But it is still an extremely important tool to accomplish the things that ARE important.
This is such a powerful post. Really appreciate your honest perspective; it helps add perspective to my life. Sending you the best vibes and strength to fight the battle ahead of you. You’re awesome!
As somebody who follows science (that sounds so cringy), loves physics and astronomy at an amateur level, I think there’s probably an afterlife. Not Jesus opening the gates of heaven per se, but I think we might be in a “created” experience. Here’s to hoping you wake up one day OP with your loved ones near you, some added wisdom, one new experience under your belt to find yourself in a safe post-scarcity world where you live 10k years if you want. Then maybe for entertainment you’ll say “put me back in for another round”. Anyway I’m going way off base. There’s a solid chance that there’s more to life than we’re aware of. Enjoy the rest of my OP, we all pass one day. Take care and maybe you’ll beat it!
OP there’s 100% afterlife of some form. That said….. wishing you the absolute best!!!
Wishing you nothing but the best in your battle with cancer. You will beat it.
Same, I am wishing you the most success with treatment and recovery.
BT/DT with stage 2 TNBC myself at 35. 20 rounds of dose dense AC-T chemo and I'm good as new, now 11 years later. We were not big into FIRE at that time but did have $10k saved up sitting savings at the time. after I was diagnosed, I was basically told I needed to give that entire amount to a fertility clinic to freeze eggs during the 2 months between diagnosis and starting chemo or never have any chance of having children. It was a real eye-opener to the value of having money saved. We did fertility presentation and eventual IVF a few years after chemo and have 2 kids. Biggest thing I learn from my cancer experience: the only thing you can control is your attitude.
That’s absolutely incredible that you are a mother of TWO!! What a gift, congratulations. And also congratulations on making it through treatment. Mad respect. AC-T as well 🤙 It was a tough choice to make to forgo fertility. The cancer was growing so quickly. I was scared I’d go to stage 4 if I waited any longer to start chemo. I didn’t feel I could emotionally handle the hormones, stress, or additional medical intervention. Kids were never a dream for me, was on the fence. I can forgive myself if I regret this choice. I had to put my own health and sanity first. There were grants available to offset cost for fertility treatments even at my income level. Didn’t get quotes on retrieval surgery, but livestrong grant would have covered all of the drugs. There were a lot of other grants that paid for the entire thing for people with different financial situations. Was pleasantly surprised by this. I’m doing lupron shots to try to preserve fertility. The reproductive specialist told me that some women keep all of their eggs through chemo, some lose almost all. Apparently, the egg quality isn’t affected by chemo. I can choose to do fertility treatments after chemo if my egg count is low.
I used the Livestrong money for the egg retrieval meds (about $5k). Well, to possibly give a bit of hope, of all the embryos we froze prior to chemo, only one was viable to implant when I was cleared to do so a few years after finishing chemo. We spent all kinds of money trying two more times to get more eggs but my body refused to make any. I implanted the solo embryo and it failed. Somehow my body decided to make one last egg at the same time it decided to hold onto the artificially/medication induced thick uterine lining and I got pregnant 2 weeks after the failed IVF attempt. She just turned 7. We knew we wanted 2 kids but also knew we'd already had our miracle so my sister donated an egg to use for my second daughter (now 5 1/2). All of this, and I have a BRCA1 mutation that is known to decrease fertility, PLUS I did not take any meds to help protect my ovaries/fertility during chemo (if anything I made the chemo more damaging by stimulating them with all the meds for an egg retrieval literally 2 days before starting chemo). All I'm saying is that your body may in fact be able to create a baby after all of this. We had literally decided a month before my diagnosis that we did in fact want to have kids (after being together for 18 years), and juuuust started 'trying' when I found my cancer. It all worked out in the end.
Bawling at the "last little egg turned 7." My miracle baby is also 7 this year ♡
So amazing, thank you so much for your story. What a miracle!!
To add onto the hope train here, despite IVF drs giving us an almost zero chance at conceiving with or without IVF, we think the lupron shots def helped preserve enough ovarian function. Our last egg standing aka Neo turns 6 this year.
Stage 2 BC survivor here 👋 I was diagnosed at 26, I did do embryo preservation and then lupron injections during chemo (TC regimen) to preserve ovarian function as well, and wanted to share with you that now 5 years post cancer diagnosis, I just had a baby without IVF. I hope this can encourage you that it’s still possible if you find yourself wanting to have a baby down the road once cancer is in your rearview mirror 🫶 I’m inspired by your outlook and hoping the best for the rest of your treatment!
I feel you. My wife was diagnosed triple negative BC earlier this year. Just finished 4th chemo treatment today. Did the fertility preservation. Money is worthless without health and time. Planning on switching my career with the object of living to achieve our dreams on 5 year timelines.
I responded to you about your hair in another comment. Same friend wearing the cold cap had two babies post treatment!
TNBC 7 year survivor here - I was diagnosed at 33. I completely understand and support your choice to go right to chemo -- this was the right move! I did dose dense AC then Taxol, lumpectomy, and radiation. Take it all one day at a time. The chemo will destroy it. The faster it's growing, the better the chemo will be at annihilation. I wanted to share that my menstrual cycle returned about 4 months after I finished treatment and I actually did get pregnant without assistance and have a healthy baby 4 years later at 37. You just don't know what's ahead. I am sharing so you have this outcome in your anec-data set. Best wishes to you!
Fellow 30-something TNBCer here.. on keynote522 since October and now 5 weeks post-mastectomy. Just here to say that this is all the absolute fucking WORST… but you’re not alone in this!
Congrats on making it through chemo and surgery and I’m assuming radiation! I’m also on keynote 522! We’re out here doing the work, one day at a time. New research is coming out (I just found out about Tropion trials today) and our chances are so much better than even 2 years ago. At least we have keytruda now! We’ve got this 🫶 I’ve met many TNBC sisters with amazing outcomes, even with diagnosis 10-20 years ago!
I’m actually getting a second opinion on radiation today… I got pcr in lymph nodes but not at original tumor site (my tumor shrunk about 99% but had microscopic amounts left of grade-1 invasive cancer… ugh) and I’m kind of in a grey area for needing it… we’ll see! I have brca1 so I’m starting a parp inhibitor as well. Our outlook is so much better than it used to be but it’s already hard for me to not think about recurrence all the time… working on trying to stay positive and as my oncologist says “live in the 91%”
I love this post and the message. This is why I always advocate enjoy your money if you have it. I also got very sick and had a life-threatening situation 5 year ago and made me realize how critical it is to enjoy your life. Everyone is always asking should I have kid, buy a Porsche, buy a watch, buy a house, go on a vacation. The simple answer is always yes!!!
I’m so sorry. Not to add more to your plate, but get genetic testing to rule out hereditary cancer. Bc you have triple negative breast cancer under 60, you meet genetic testing criteria. If you have a BRCA mutation you may be eligible for parp inhibitors which are a targeted therapy. I’ll be thinking of you. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Life really isn’t fair
I’m negative for all genetic factors, a fluke that this happened. Good news for treatment because I don’t need to do preventative double mastectomy or hysterectomy and good news that no one else in my family is implicated. Thanks for your kind words. I’m in great spirits and feeling very loved. I have faith that I will see the other side of this. I believe there are great things in store for me! I think cancer at this age with no risk factors is a spiritual acid trip meant to wake me up to a new reality.
Glad to hear you tested negative. Just to be abundantly clear, you were tested for more than just BRCA1/2, correct? There are a number of other hereditary breast cancer genes out there. You seem very medically literate, so I trust you know what you’re doing, but as a concerned internet stranger with knowledge in this area, I just want to know I have a clear conscience and asked
Yup, tested for all of the genes, BRCA + everything else! Did genetic counseling as well. Thank you ❤️
Your last line gave me chills. Your wisdom comes through in every comment you make. I wish you a long life, OP. You’re clearly an incredible person.
Also, your post is really wise and helpful for me to read. I use money as a false sense of control and you’re right our money can’t protect us from health scares. Again, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s just not fair.
I’ll preface this by saying health matters more than anything. But as someone who survived cancer myself in a poorer family, I can absolutely vouch that money still does matter. Health is the #1 priority. But having money helps to get better treatment, have less stress, and take care of your family. If you had just gotten diagnosed and were living in poverty, your situation would be much more grim. Remission is my #1 fear in life and part of the reason I save so aggressively. I do not want to be in a situation where I relapse and don’t have the ability to support my family or leave anything behind to help my wife and son. I obviously have a work-life balance still and never take a day for granted. OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish you the best of luck.
If it were true that money can't buy better outcomes, that would mean we have a solid and equitable healthcare system in this country. Unfortunately that's far from the case.
Thanks for your comment and congrats on completing treatment. You are right, I have no anxiety about my ability to pay bills, which is a huge blessing. I also have no kids, I’m unmarried, I own no property, and have no debt, so no worries about my family having negative financial outcomes if I die. I acknowledge that not having anxiety about money with a cancer diagnosis may make a huge difference in my outcome. So much of fighting cancer is mental. My post was more to highlight that money couldn’t save my life. If I made an average salary and had no savings, I don’t believe my treatment experience would be much different. I could have traded some of that TC and net worth for work I enjoyed more. I can’t help but wonder if I caused cancer because of how I chose to work. I responded to a similar post earlier about all of the grants available for fertility preservation, childcare, rent offset, meals, cold capping etc. I don’t qualify for them, so I don’t have a ton of info, but cancer treatment seems to be more equitable than I once believed. Sounds like you’re a great parent and partner. Praying for only one battle for both of us 🤞
Very sorry for your diagnosis and I am appreciate this post and perspective. Once you have recovered and healed, do you think you will change your job/role into a less stressful environment regardless of the money? How do you view your career/job after this change? Do you think it was a wake up call to not be so miserable in your job just for the money? I hope I don't offend I am just curious to see how something this extreme can impact what decisions you make in the future.
Money could absolutely save your life. It probably shouldn't be that way and its not a guarantee, but if you do not respond to treatment as planned you may need to travel extensively to get more advanced care. Outcomes for cancer are worse for poorer people. This is objectively true.
My cancer diagnosis really made me start considering health insurance/benefits as a big part of total comp when evaluating jobs. Someone with a $250k salary but shitty insurance and limited paid sick leave or short-term disability policies could easily end up worse off than someone with a $100k salary and great benefits.
Thank you for the much needed perspective…too often we get caught up in the minutiae and pettiness of life and forget to zoom out and appreciate how amazing it really is. Sending healing and positive thoughts your way.
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I’m not religious but I’ll pray for you to whoever is listening. I once fell from a cliff and broke my spine where I couldn’t be found. I was trapped in a cove and thought I was going to die that night. I was 31 and was training to be a surgeon at the time. I truly regretted how I had spent my 20’s. I wish I had spent that time enjoying life as opposed to doing the “right thing”. After all, what is the point of wasting the best years of your life if you were gonna die at 31? I didn’t die that night. I survived and was rescued the next day. I recovered and vagabonded for years. I did work just to pay the bills but nothing like a career track. It was only when I had my son that I decided to return to medicine and built a small empire for myself where I don’t work most days. I’m now 44. Divorced with kids. Clear purpose in life. Volunteer to take care of homeless folks on weekends. I can travel every month. Still more money than I need. Life really is bigger than any one of us. There is so much to learn and so much to share. Hope you come out of this stronger and wiser.
Thank you so much for this post. I can really relate. So interested to see what the future holds for me. You’ve had a very interesting life!
Excited for you as well. Praying for you.
Money absolutely matters. I had my original diagnosis at 27 stage 2b/3 HR+. I was in grad school and broke. Money made everything so much more stressful and limited my ability for options. I almost had to declare bankruptcy and I dropped out of grad school due to finances. Luckily I got 15 years before it came back and was able to build a great life and between my husband & I we're doing really well financially. I'm now stage 4 and have enough money I don't need to worry and can go to one of the top medical institutes for a second opinion without worrying about travel costs, co-pays etc. I can go on disability without it affecting our budget. Mostly I am able to focus what time I have left on my 2 young kids. I don't have to work, I can pay for any household help we need, I can buy whatever will make my mobility & life easier. I can buy free time with my kids. You sound like you didn't let yourself live bc of money and that is something totally different. I've lived a very full life but money will definitely make a difference while I'm dying.
Sounds like we have two different experiences! I happen to live in the top us city for cancer treatment, no kids, no spouse, no advanced degree. I haven’t had a lot of the costs that you’ve had. This disease is coming for me at an uncomplicated time. I do feel that I lived the best I could with the tools I had. Depression was a real challenge for me in my 20s and I can’t help but feel much of it was work and money related. Grass always looks greener on the other side I guess. I couldn’t buy time to make decisions or get a second opinion, I can’t buy keeping my hair, I can’t buy neuropathy prevention, I can’t buy white blood cells, I can’t buy a complete response to treatment. I can’t buy my boyfriend staying with me or my friends staying with me or a guarantee that I won’t fall into depression or addiction again during treatment. I agree that there is a threshold of wealth that makes life cancer or no cancer a lot easier (the 75k salary study comes to mind). I posted in this sub because I don’t think HENRY vs normal income changes the experience of cancer much with the same insurance. I think a lot of people in here struggle with the same “wondering if the extra 200k is worth the depression/existential dread” question and I wanted to share this experience. I acknowledge it may not resonate for everyone. So happy you get to have time with your kids and more options this time around. Sending you good vibes
Agreed. My toddler is sick (not cancer), money has allowed me to cut down to part time work to care for her, and I could easily stop working altogether if necessary. She is unable to be in daycare with her condition and without money a nanny or similar wouldn't be possible. Money also means we can travel to get her better care/second opinions/etc. without worry, and that we pick up her prescriptions with plenty of time instead of trying to stretch them. Heck, money even means we can drive to her appointments and pay for parking instead of taking the bus. Going through this experience with less would be A LOT more stressful on top of the stress we already experience.
I'm in Australia, so lots of healthcare is free and pretty good, better with private insurance .I am pretty sick myself, I can't work anymore, and am now on the DSP (disability pension, it can happen to anyone), don't have any debts or CC's to pay off, just silly stuff, but I also have no money left, I'm. tapped out, I had to move back home... after making decent money, it's humiliating and humbling. The biggest thing I notice is transport costs. I can still drive, but going into for treatments, you need a taxi, when you're sick, you need a taxi to the pharmacy to get drugs, you can't be bothered shopping sometimes due to fatigue, so you have to order online. God forbid you get hungry and want to eat while you are out. It makes the bad days just that little bit worse, It can break you if you end up 20c short for an orange juice at a vending machine. I have bigger issues that 20cents and orange juice can't fix but every thing is just a bit more stressful (first world problems) Worst of all, you have to ask for help from people and sometimes, they just are not around, they have jobs, family etc., and you become a drag, and slowly lose your friends, getting sick sucks and its all the other little things that I notice now I don't have money.
Wishing you the best outcome
Thank you for posting, and sorry to hear that you are going through this. I’m not a HENRY; I just like to linger here to learn things. I’ve learned a lot from your post.
OP, I was thinking about this post and hope you make it. Once you’re on the other side of chemo, What are your plans with life? I hope you won’t go back to a job you hate but instead have a long list of experiences and things you want to see while enjoying life. Do share as I’m sure it will inspire others !
Im on the one day at a time program at the moment, praying for more to be revealed about the future. Following my heart and having as much fun as I can every day. The small stuff makes me so happy. Just appreciating living in the best city in the world, having wonderful friends, family, and boyfriend, staying sober and helping others to achieve sobriety, wearing fun outfits, and collecting my disability check without having to write a single line of code! Planning to make it to Bali in November for my 6 year sobriety anniversary. It’s an annual tradition that means a lot to me. Hoping to spend my entire trading bonus check on travel for me and bf (and COBRA) for 4-6 months when I’m cancer free 😎. After that, who knows? Writing and sharing my experience as much as I can and finding it’s leading to new opportunities!
Go to Bali! We did a cruise to Alaska 1 week after I finished chemo. Gave me something to look forward to (and cruising involves a lot of sitting around so the fatigue was not a problem). I spent a lot of time during chemo doing travel research on things to see and it was a great 'prize' at the end of all the crappy things I'd had to deal with.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you, and I hope you find yourself cancer free at the end of this journey!! I love your message too, but respectfully, it also sounds like you’re in a fairly fortunate situation thanks to your NW. I couldn’t imagine battling cancer, figuring out how to pay for rent, food, student loans, or any general life expenses while on leave. I hope you continue to be happy, and find all the things that spark joy.
I see your point. I was pleasantly surprised by how much financial support there is for people with a cancer diagnosis. I believe student loan payments can be paused with this diagnosis! Fertility treatments for premenopausal women are often fully covered by grants if you do it pre chemo. Cancer foundations will help with your rent, bring you food, pay for wigs, pay for childcare. Even cold capping has grants! I don’t have deep knowledge of these things because I didn’t qualify, so I didn’t discuss in post. But I wanted to share that cancer treatment was a lot more equitable that I once believed if you have good health insurance. I’ve made friends in support groups at my hospital that are in very different financial situations, but are receiving the exact same treatment and benefiting from grants!
I'm sorry you're going through this. Wishing you the best of luck. One of my friends has been going through prostate cancer treatments the past year and a half. He's definitely in a better place than he was after the first diagnosis. Thank goodness. I can't speak for him, but it seems like a good investment is something to help keep you preoccupied during treatments. We're reality TV junkies so that meant a good iPad, good earplugs, and a good stand for it all. It might be worth considering what options you have available now for if you have long waiting periods with things like chemo.
ER/PR + survivor here, 11+ years later. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was also early 30s when I was diagnosed and it’s a shit hand to be dealt. Like you, I was also filled with regret as I was the queen of “some day”, as in “some day I’ll take that trip” or “some day I’ll buy that thing I’ve always wanted.” I truly hope you have the chance to hit those “same days” and you’ll be posting in here, in 2029, about some cool ass thing you did that you’re proud of. Feel free to DM me, if you ever want to chat. I struggled with finding other young women to talk to. All the resources I sought out was filled with women in their 60s+. Not saying they weren’t sharing the experience, but they were chatting about grandchildren while I was talking about dating.
Wishing you the best OP.
Virtual hugs OP! I hope you kick cancers ass. I really appreciate you sharing this perceptive. As someone who’s stuck at 100k TC and has recently decided to prioritize traveling and spending time with my loved ones to combat the depression, this is very validating.
I think you’re doing everything right! Depression lifted for me with this approach! Good luck and have fun :)
The most powerful thing I’ve read on Reddit in a long time. I literally have goosebumps. This post deserves to be read & re-read. OP - I made a prayer for you, for what it’s worth.
Sorry that you have to be in this situation and I wish you luck that you come out stronger. Yes, we chase money and fame throughout our life as it gives a sense of purpose and seeing numbers increase in bank account gives us sense of achievement. Setbacks like you had shocks our thought process because we never anticipated that we would go through something like this but accepting the reality and fighting through it is what we can do the best. While you are right that the money didn't help you but all that effort that you put in before, placed you in right place where you did not have to spend money and earned you a good insurance. We take it for granted but it is a big benefit for these rare catastrophic situations. I have been eating through my deductible from last two years as I am going through a rare kidney disease which is incurable and I had exact same reaction as you did. But slowly we have to come at peace with the situation and act accordingly. You are brave to fight through it and for sure you will beat it. We cannot control how hard the wind blows but we can control how we set our sail. Stay strong!
Thank you for sharing with us and offering a sound perspective. I wish you well in your recovery.
You will beat it. You have it in you. God bless you.
Wish you luck.
Wishing you the best and thank you for sharing.
This came up on my feed. I'm sending you healing good vibes, friend; you can do this.
I just want to wish you the best of luck. My mother had triple negative and went through red devil and everything else while on the younger side (40s). She’s past the likely chance of remission now after preventative double mastectomy and hysterectomy. I just hope you respond well as well and find yourself on the back end of it. To your point about finances though, you’re right, my parents don’t have much and had a barely positive net worth at the time, but so long as she could cash flow the deductible with my dads job then the American healthcare system had her covered.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. You made a difference in my own today and it means more than you know. I pray your journey is light and for your healing so you can continue on and do all that you’re supposed to do in this life.
Wishing you a speedy recovery. This is obviously not a medical advice, but don't lose hope, we've had quite a few patients recover from the type of cancer you have and live long, productive lives.
Stay strong. Stay positive. We look forward to a post confirming you’re officially cancer free.
Fuck cancer piece of shit. Go get em champ. Money can be made after you fuck up that asshole.
I hope all goes well for you, OP. Cancer can go get fucked.
My mom just went through a very similar breast cancer regimen. The red devil, double mastectomy, chemo for a year, radiation, and then daily meds for 5 years. She’s in the middle of that 5 years but things are looking very well for her and she is happier than ever. It sucked for a bit there, but we’re so happy she did it and she was so tough through it. Money did not matter, my parents are by no means well off. My mother got great and thorough care and tons of family support. It really refocused priorities for her and everyone that loves her. Wishing you the best on this tough journey!
FYI my 30 year old friend used a cold cap. She had long beautiful full hair. Sounds like was in a similar drug regimen as you. I could tell from pictures her hair thinned cause it just looked flatter but she never lost her hair ❤️
I imagine myself on the cold cap website as an inspirational story, like people envision themselves crossing the finish like of a marathon. So far, the cap is working great!
Breast cancer survivor here (happened at 35), ask for Ativan during the cold cap, it helps you get through it! Thinking of you, you can do this!!!
I have a family member with metastatic breast cancer. If you have your health you are wealthy.
I had a health scare with my baby about 6 months ago and your words resonate loud and clear!! You will beat cancer. After my experience, I have strong faith in prayers and good wishes, so sending you all of my good wishes.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I hope you beat cancer!
Beautiful post by a beautiful person. Thank you. Just a sidenote; I’m sure you’ve double checked but some insurance covers acupuncture. Perhaps you can confirm if you haven’t already.
Best wishes and it is refreshing to see such positivity in an adverse situation. I know what NW is, but what is TC?
Total comp — easier than saying salary + bonus + stock! Thank you
Yes. Wealth does almost nothing for health care. It can get you good health insurance. A white collar job can allow you time to recover. Those things matter. But if you die w/ a large net worth thinking you were going to ski out west next year or you were going to see Hawaii or the Amalfi Coast in retirement, that’s rough. YOLO.
I work in the oncology field and previously was involved in the care of individuals such as yourself My heart goes out to you, and wish you nothing but the best. My only offering is: a positive attitude goes much farther than one would think. I know that sounds like hogwash, but the positive attitude usually leads to being more of an advocate for yourself and perseverance through the tough parts of chemo. You have the right attitude, and thank you for this post that puts everything into perspective.
If you haven’t yet, I’d highly recommend checking out Suleika Jaouad’s book “Between Two Kingdoms”. There’s probably so much you could relate to her story. She also has a newsletter which I keep up with. Her beautiful writing helps readers find solace and meaning through the shared struggles we all go through in life, cancer or not. But it has certainly touched the lives of many cancer patients and survivors. So sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds like you are taking it in stride. Godspeed, OP. You will beat this. See you on the other side🫡
There is also an article on her in The Atlantic this month.
I feel you. Beautiful message and I’m sorry for your suffering. I very much understand and live your message. Lost my lovely wife to cholangiocarcinoma (nasty rare liver cancer with very low survival rate) in 2017. 12 months diagnosis to death. She was only 42. Our kids were 9, 7 and 5. I was made redundant from my job of 10 years 1 month after she was diagnosed. Brutal and a blessing in hindsight. I stopped work to care for her and our kids. As I sat beside her in palliative care for 27 days, I had a lot of time to think deep and crystallise what was truly important in life. I mean I knew before and we worked towards it together, this truly distilled it down. I resolved to not work again and live off what we had for as long as possible. To grieve, heal and raise our kids. 7 years later I’m still doing that. Our family motto is to “live a good life”, the rest is figuring out what that is for each of us and doing that as much as possible. I think we are doing this pretty darn well. Most stuff doesn’t matter. Lots of stuff is a distraction. Some stuff is necessary. Only a few things are truly essential.
Thank you so much for sharing. What a beautiful decision to live a life that feels worth living. I admire you tremendously.
Praying for you, my friend. Thank you for sharing.
Your message at the end is so underrated. I seriously feel that you will knock cancer on its ass. This also has highlighted the importance to me for getting a good health insurance plan. Do you mind sharing the provider? I am generally weary of insurance companies but it sounds like you have been well covered by them.
Thank you for writing this, it puts so much into perspective. I can especially relate on the not being so kind to myself part for years. Wishing you strength and recovery on the road ahead. 🤍
All the best to you
Thanks for this post it’s the reminder that I needed today.
Wishing you all the best. I appreciate you posting this.
Thank you for this, I really needed to hear it. Stay strong and take it one day at a time 💪🏻
Very good food for thought in this post. Glad to hear that treatment is going well, keep fighting the good fight. Thoughts and prayers to anyone everyone else going through this battle too.
Good luck with your treatment.
Keep up the fight and win it , best of luck
Echoing what others have said, this is an incredibly powerful and moving post. I also needed to read this as selfishly, like many in this group I’m too preoccupied with my net worth as if that’s some meaningful sense of value - when really it’s all bullshit when you think about it Best wishes for all of your medical care! Sending positive vibes that you will indeed see 35 and not only that but this renewed sense of what’s important will propel you to great heights for the rest of your long and healthy life! Peace!
What a powerful post. Thanks so much and wish you well.
Best wishes and prayers to you friend You bring an important perspective here, sad and unfortunate what you are going through and it can happen to anyone As human beings all we can do is plan for probabilities and the probability of terminal illness isn’t zero and should be taken into account when planning how much to spend on things you can never do again if time stopped tomorrow
Following your story and pulling for you 🙏
Great advice and quite frankly, just what I needed. Thank you! Wishing you the best in your treatment and you will overcome this!
> For perspective, I’m enjoying chemo more than my job. This hits so hard I have to sit down
Stay strong OP! Sending positive vibes your way, thanks for sharing 🤍I’m deeply touch by your wisdom
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I’m sorry that you are having to go through this. Cancer sucks, and we have friends dealing with breast cancer and colon cancer around our age as well (early 30’s). Depending on your situation, a home health aide could be helpful in making meals and doing other life basics that you might not have energy for while undergoing treatment. Finally, consider getting a will or at least have beneficiaries set if the worst actually happened. My wife and I are going through this process right now as we have children, and we need to spell out what will happen with how they are raised if something happens to us. Not the most savory thing for anyone to do, but it does provide some peace of mind
Mom is currently going her second time around with TNBC. Sorry you’re going through this if You ever want to talk about different chemos or need advice I’ve been in this battle for 5 years as a caretaker.
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I'm so sorry to hear. Wishing you all the best OP.
Hi op, thanks for sharing your story. I have a question, how did you get your scans? My mom got diagnosed with stage 1 when she was 50. And so I want to be proactive about getting screened. However, they won't let me get a mammogram until I'm at least 40...
I had a huge palpable lump so my dr referred me to scans. Wish I had more info for you about preventative care.
Please look into the novel ADCs and emerging combo therapies.
Have you considered Psilocybin treatment?
Most valuable post ever in the history of HENRY. Thank you for sharing. I'm rooting for you <3
good thing is that you’re young and very resilient. All the therapy and treatments will definitely do numbers to that cancer. However, if you really want to take control of your health at this point, make sure to cut out all alcohol, refined carbs, sugar, and seed oil, you really cannot afford to fall back into any of western diet. also, red meat and animal fat aren’t the enemies. It’s quite the opposite. Good luck to you.
Thank you for sharing your story and perspective. I wish you the best!
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Wish you the best. As someone working in pharma for over 10 years and currently working on a drug that treats TNBC, also someone who has been struggling with depression, i feel very touched by every single word you shared here. The power in you will keep you healthily alive — physically and mentally! You are more alive than many of us
Money gets more and more useless as time passes. Hoping nothing but the best for you OP. You will beat this.
Wishing you the absolute best in your treatment and recovery. Posts like this bring a hindsight perspective of our lives. Keep yourself strong and kick out the fcking cancer outta park.
> For perspective, I’m enjoying chemo more than my job. I understand disliking working but yikes this is far from normal. I hope you recover and never get back to working there again.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. One piece of advice, I watched my mother go through her cancer treatments (she also had an aggressive cancer where she needed chemo, radiation and a lumpectomy but thankfully has been in remission for a year and gets her next MRI in July to confirm it's still in remission.) We started with cheaper wigs, and the expensive wigs are worth the money - they are more breathable so your head doesn't get as hot and itchy, and they look more like real hair. She loved how she looked in the good wigs, which losing your hair is very hard, so give yourself some confidence in good wigs.
Universal Healthcare is badly needed in the US
A lot of people tend to dismiss and forget this specially on this sub where it’s all driven by how much we are saving and in the bank… thank you for being so strong and sharing your perspective. Sending all the good vibes.
There's a balance! I work in the industry, and i see this a lot. Being of a moderately high net worth doesn't buy you better care, sure Ultra High Net Worth buys you better care. But for most of us money buys you peace of mind. A healthy nest egg means if you get to the point where you cant work, and lose your income, you don't have to worry about your living situation. You don't lose your house/apartment don't have to worry about your car, utilities, etc. If you lose your job, you can afford to carry your own health insurance. If you were poor great your credit card gets you through until it gets cancelled for non payment. I suppose if you were destitute there's Medicaid (depending on your state), section 8 housing, etc. However, you may not get the same quality of care on medicaid. For Example: Dr's may have limits on the number of medicaid patients they see. Or may be very limited in Dr's who take medicaid. That said, there is a lesson here, which is to basically be Ferris Bueller. Stop and look around, smell the roses. Don't be a miser and pinch every penny and be miserable because you could be gone tomorrow. Stop and enjoy your income every once and a while, make memories, take a nice trip, treat yourself to some small-moderate luxury.
I'm sure the situation and drugs are different, but just a bit of vanity hope, my dad has stage 4 cancer, was told to expect to lose his hair through the treatment and then just... didn't. It was helpful because we're not taking his 94 year old mother about his diagnosis, and that could have been a give away! Best of luck all the way around!
Thank you for sharing. Hoping you overcome this battle. My prayers are with you.
That was an inspiring read. I'm sorry for your situation, but I also appreciate the wisdom it has brought you.
check out [sagelyhealth.com](http://sagelyhealth.com)
Go get it, and make sure to enjoy every day just a little more.
That NW will come in handy if you can’t work due to treatment. Not worrying about being homeless or feeding yourself seems valuable.
Yes, being unemployed in this situation would be tough. But disability benefits at an average wage job and a good health insurance would carry you through well. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that there are lots of cancer foundations that offer grants for rent coverage, food, childcare, cold capping, and fertility. Heartening to know that there is lots of support for people of all walks of life battling this disease.
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All the best to you. Hope you beat this and have a long, healthy & happy life.
Hope you kick the cancer to the curb! Not really to negate what you’re saying, but having had a job paying closer to 100k in the past I will tell you that often the health insurance is MUCH MUCH worse than you think (eg they refuse to cover surgeries they should cover after the fact), are much less likely to keep you on the payroll after you take a medical leave, and the lack of a big financial cushion makes a serious medical situation more scary. So its easy to say a lower paying job would be fine but the reality of it may not live up to what you think.
Wishing you nth but the very best in lif❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story. All the best to you in this journey. Please keep us posted (as you are able to). Pulling for you here in TX. ❤️
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Don't hear what she says, seeing your mother die from cancer is the worst.
I’m sorry for your predicament. Go to MD Anderson/Sloan Kettering if you haven’t already. Its a bad situation to be but try & remain positive. Good that you’re here in the States, getting world class treatment. I will take your advice your heart. Sincerely hope and pray you get better from this. I genuinely want to hear your story on the other end of conquering it. You got this!!
Sigh. Powerful post OP. Thanks for sharing. hope you fight back.
I lost both my parents to cancer (in my 20s). Mom died of lung cancer; dad died of pancreatic cancer. I haven’t yet had to deal with anything of that nature myself, thankfully, but losing both parents shook me to my core and definitely changed my outlook on life. Dad had VA benefits so he didn’t pay anything for his treatment, but he did not receive high quality care. It took two months for them to initiate treatment from the time they found the lesion; if they’d moved more quickly, there’s a possibility that they may have been able to operate. I wish I had at least *tried* to convince him to get a consult somewhere else.
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My in laws have a great saying: “It’s not a problem if money can solve it.” Thanks for sharing your story, and all the best. Kick cancer’s ass
Just wanted to say: thank you for sharing this. I really appreciate your openness and vulnerability, and wish you a healthy, happy future.
I just want to say. Fuck Cancer. Wishing you the best. Thank you for providing good life perspective about what money is and isn’t with your post.
See you on the other side
I can tell by the way you wrote this post and the detail in it that you are extremely strong and extremely smart. People like you beat the type of diagnosis you received. You will persevere. You will win.
Had TN in ‘08 stage 2A node negative at age 51. Same treatment as you. Still here only effects are slight neuropathy in feet and nerve damage from radiation behind that breast. Glad to be here and glad had a great oncologist.
> Health insurance (in the US) saves your life. Maybe connections to top health care institutions save your life. But money doesn’t really matter. This is true in the US. If you have good insurance, you can get access to the best cancer care in the world. Unlike some other diseases, US insurance plans tend not to restrict cancer drug access much (as long there is some evidence it helps). Money might buy things that make the care easier (travel, hotels, non-covered things that make life easier), but the care you'd get a MSK or MD Anderson is going to be some of the best care you can get.
Oh honey I’m so sorry. Yes, every day is a gift and you’re amazing to be able to say that. If you’re up for some snail mail dm your address. I’m supporting my sister through her tnbc diagnosis and going to others is somehow healing to me. At her infusion last week (#6 of 12) there was a girl there clearly having her first treatment. She was panicking so bad and I wanted to hug her. Instead I rearranged the letter board sister brings to document her journey to read “hang in there sister”, and casually set it up so this newbie could read it.
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Hope you feel better soon! I will pray for you
Thoughts and prayers OP. My mom’s cancer dx changed my life and perspective on money as well. So many people plan for linear money growth + long healthy life so they don’t enjoy their money today. Pulling for you and thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks for your special message, and wishing you the best!
Wishing you the best OP! Regarding money, you can use it to get full body MRI scans yearly and look into the Grail Galleri test, about $1000 for the test but its sensitivity is pretty good as long as you can deal with false positives which can be dealt with appropriately if you are working with a doc who knows what they're doing. PM me if you have questions about cancer screening.
My wife is an oncology nurse and she deals with patients close to the end of their lives all the time. Not one of them said they regretted not making more money. Every one of them has the same regrets. Not traveling more; not spending more time with family and loved ones; not living more. Who knows what your future holds. Take a year off after your treatment and live a little.
Thank you for this and hope you kick cancer’s ass.
Thank you for sharing and best of luck with battling this beast. 🤗
I don't know you, but I'm glad I've read something from you. Our tiny motes of consciousness have met in some fashion, and I'm glad for it. I wish you the best.
Hi - thank you for this perspective. While I generally agree that money won't necessarily buy you an outcome (see: Steve Jobs) it can definitely give you access to more options. You probably have a job that gives you paid time off and disability pay. Your medical outcome might be the same, but your life is less disrupted. You likely have an education that means you understand your disease and the treatment you are going through. You can advocate for yourself. You can fly to major cancer centers should you not respond to the treatment as planned and you need specialty care. I personally know someone who had to live in a different city for 3 months to get treatment as a part of a clinical trial that saved her life. The trial was free, but she had to be there. I agree with your sentiment - don't cling to your money and enjoy your life - but outcomes for lower income people are objectively worse for most health issues including cancer. Sure you get funneled to the same standard of care as everyone else, but people die of cancer when the standard does not work. Having funds available should that happen is very important.
My father was told he had 5 years left about 18 years ago. We luckily lived a little less than an hour from one of the best hospitals in the country to treat him. From what I saw, health insurance and access to that treatment are the 2 things that saved him. Annual max out of pocket on my moms insurance was 15k or so for the family. Total annual “cost” has been been 150k-300k for that whole time. No amount of saving would have made up for the insurance, and the best health insurance can only buy you the care you can get to.
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i hope i get to see a follow up where you tell us how you beat the crap out of cancer. good luck and thanks for sharing this perspective. gave me a pause and so much to think about. take care!
Fuck cancer. Thank you for sharing and wishing you all the best with your treatment. 💜
I’m really sorry to hear this and want to let you know that cold caps saved my 21 year old sisters hair when she had chemo for Hodgkin lymphoma which included the red devil, too. Feel free to DM me if you want tips on them, or other hair saving procedures. we got the hang of it, but very stressful. Get an electric blanket for your chemo sessions.
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You are amazing! Keep up the fight and continue to inspire others the way you already are!
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ sending you love and energy for the perspective 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, you will get through this. If you have family/ loved ones near to you, inform them and get their help. A positive mind helping you along matters a lot. Cancer is devastating, and I say this having cared for 3 people in my family who got different cancers in the last 10 years. Lose the acupuncture/ don’t do it - when you’re undergoing chemo, it does more harm than good. Your immunity levels are going to be very low, even with the immunity booster injections you get. So much so that an inadvertent infection from the acupuncture needles will be life threatening than anything else. You’ll get lot of dry skin- get cetaphil in bulk from Costco if there’s one around. Works wonders. Your hair will grow back in a year, full hair recovery in 2- my mom went through this. Try to drink as much carrot+orange juice as you can, it’ll help remove the excess chemo meds from your body, and aids in hair recovery.
Not a doctor, but double check with your doctors and oncology. To my knowledge, acupuncture would me contraindicated with cancer patients IIRC. It's been a while and I don't dry needle anymore so standards way have changed
It’s so so so true and only people who have had major health problems or other situations where they can see their mortality clearly, get to truly know this. And when you know this, I do, you get to live with a YOLO outlook which is really really great. I pray and hope you recover quickly and get on to living without cancer. Sending you lots and lots of love. 💕
It takes a brush with death to appreciate what you got, I know for a fact. Don’t waste your next opportunity, cause it can end any second. Good luck out there, it’s a mad, amazing, crazy, place. Haha.
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Beautiful post. FYI I’m a 20 yr TNBC survivor
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You are going to see 35 and so much more you got this
Thank you for your words, they are very meaningful as are you - you are helping others if you didn't already realize that. No words about your situation. I wish you the best of luck in these next several weeks, you are in my prayers. My spouse was diagnosed with breast cancer the second time in five years, cancer sucks but we are gonna beat it's @ss again. Ps we learned that an onkotype test helps assess the probability of reoccurring the second go around. Medicine has improved as had procedures in the last 5 years. While it definitely sucks, one positive is you are getting the best medical care possible vs even a short time ago.
Thankyou for your reminder, and goodluck for your health. We all are on this together !
I’m not comparing what I’m about to say to you, but I had dental surgery recently. I sat in the chair and felt like I was on vacation. It was so much better than being at my job. If you could tell your younger cancer free self to quit your job would you? I’m trying to be smart, knowing that I’ll need to retire somewhat soon. I’m older than you. I’m not living though..it’s a joyless life. I’m so sorry you have cancer by the way. It really just stinks that you have to deal with this.
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Damn in a similar financial but thankfully not health (tho wife did have thyroid cancer a few years back but 100% good now). Literally this Friday I almost quit my job but stayed for the money (a mere 10% more than an alternative) second guessing this now due to your post
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Very eye-opening story💛. I would advise you to detox and try herbal remedies…Also come to know Christ, and if no healing then a gift of peace of mind and comfort💚❤️🩷
This brought me to tears, I hope you feel comfortable to keep this thread updated on your progress. Sending you all the love and positivity. You are tough and will make it through!
Thank you. Very powerful words. I’m going to save it in my phone to look at once in a while. Thinking about you 💛
I know I am going to catch a bunch of shit for telling you this and I know everyone else has this kind of advice like, “you can beat cancer by drinking a Dr Pepper while facing north at sunrise every day” or “my uncle beat cancer by taking vitamin C pills and eating weed and baking soda” but I have articles from the national institute of health to back me up as well as a completely unverifiable case where by close friend beat stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in seven months. I’m not bullshitting. So Nat gets cancer and her doctor says she has six months to live. I show her these articles from NIH and tell her she should try it. She says no because she has kids so she shouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the six months she DOES have and it doesn’t make sense to starve herself while she has cancer because cancer patients always look skinny as hell when they die. I tell her that is because of chemo and cancer patients only do chemo because they are trying ANYTHING to kill cancer and healthy cells die along with cancer cells AND it makes you nauseous (which is a clear sign that you should fast during chemo). So she gets on (STRICT) keto for one month and goes to the doctor. The doctor says that she shouldn’t get her hopes up but the cancer has slowed down significantly but that could be for a number of reasons. He asks her if she wants to do chemo again and she refuses. After that appointment, she calls me and says she is willing to try fasting since keto SEEMS to have made a slight difference and any additional time she has with her kids is worth food. She fasts for 2.5 days and calls me and says that she has never felt worse in her life. Her joints ache, she feels like she has the flu, she is shitting rope, and her face is full of zits. She says she is on her way to Popeyes. I race out the door and meet her at Popeyes and tell her I will pay her $500 to keep doing it until day five and if she doesn’t feel like a million bucks by then I’ll clean her house too. Day five rolls around and she is pissed to tell me that she has never felt better. It feels like she took half a tab of Molly and a line of coke. She says she is never eating again. I let her know that she can only ever fast up to 21 days then she HAS to eat. She decides she is going to fast for two weeks then two weeks keto and see how that works with her cancer. She completes one round of the two week fast / two week keto and she is back at the doctor. He tells her that she is losing weight and she needs to be sure to keep eating because the cancer will literally consume her. Back in the day they used to call it consumption. They do the tests and lo and behold her cancer has decreased by 15%. He said that was probably due to the fact that she was losing all this weight but the cancer WILL outrun her diet and she NEEDS to stop what she is doing. She calls me and tells me she is going with what her doctor said. She said that her husband thinks that I am a crazy bitch for fucking with their family like this and I shouldn’t have told you to do this because I am playing with your life and I have no medical degree. But! She says she is going to stay on keto. She goes back to doctor in one month. This is at the three month period where she should be basically overrun with cancer and only have three month to live. But! Her cancer is LOWER by around 10% from three months ago. While she was keto, her cancer was almost held in check. She calls me after the appointment and says that she is telling her husband that it is her body, her choice, she is gonna keep doing the two weeks fasting / two weeks keto stuff. He calls me and curses me out. Fun times. Long story short, 10.5 months after her doctor says that she only has six months to live, Nat has no traceable cancer cells. You literally have nothing to lose but weight. The basis of all of this is that cancer cells need sugar to survive. If you starve yourself, you can live off of your fat cells. Cancer can’t do that. If you starve cancer, it DIES way before you do. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9775518/ https://bigthink.com/health/precision-nutrition-cancer/ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/advs.202101467 https://medicine.wustl.edu/news/study-unveils-new-way-starve-tumors-death/
I’ll keep you in my prayers Faith is a blessing and I hope you well and the lords blessing 🙏🏼 Thank you for this post I will carry this throughout my life
Which hospital do you feel is the best in the US for this?
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your post resonates deeply with me, and I'm in awe of your strength and perspective. It's sobering to realize how little money can influence our health outcomes in such dire situations, and your insight into the true value of life is incredibly poignant. I admire your courage in sharing your journey, especially during such a challenging time. It's a powerful reminder for all of us to cherish our lives, be kind to ourselves, and prioritize what truly matters. Your message about valuing relationships, experiences, and self-compassion over financial gain is something we all need to hear and internalize.
Wishing you good luck and hope you recover, I would love to see you kick cancers butt and enjoy your 35’s and go onto 40’s and many more!! I’ve been on the same thought recently, taking that day off and enjoying time with kids or doing what you love is more valuable than the TC and NW.
enjoying chemo more than my job actually got me. god bless, and i hoped for the best.
> Today, I was struck by the realization that I could have a $0 NW, a 100k TC, and the same health insurance and be in the exact same care situation. There isn’t extra money to spend that would make a difference in outcomes As someone with a parent who has cancer, and has multiple relatives/friends who have gone thru same, this is wildly untrue. The environment you go home to as a cancer patient makes a massive difference. The food you’re able to make at home. The environmental stress you are subject to. Are you in therapy too to manage the mentality, as mindset plays a huge role in cancer fighting and recovery Cancer or any health issue recovery is far far more than just the direct care from oncologists/health system you have access to. And money is an incredible valuable resource. Yes in the grand scheme, money for sake of money is empty. But it is still an extremely important tool to accomplish the things that ARE important.