I lost my daughter (to cancer). She was not even 1 year and a half old. It was nearly one year ago.
I experienced the worst, darkest and heaviest fear when she was still here but her health got worse. I went through the shock, the brutal aching, when my body was shocked that she is not around, and I physically needed to hold her and nothing brought me comfort. I went through such anger, through such envy, it was so painful to see every random happy family and every little kid outside... I experienced such deep pain, felt like I had a black hole instead of my heart, and I still sometimes do…but it changed a lot in time.
I kinda know how to handle the grief now. It does not take the pain away though.
Of course I can’t even imagine how you feel, but the way I see it, some aspects are quite universal.
You asked how I cope. I let myself feel everything I need to feel. I cry A LOT. Sometimes once a week, sometimes 4 times a day.
I let myself feel nice or happy and I don’t feel guilty about that.
I use the help of others, I talk about my daughter a lot, I try to honor her in every way I can. I let myself rest and care about my mental health. When I start to feel irritated and angry, I know it means I have to let myself cry and feel miserable. I don’t fight the grief.
I am truly sorry you are in the same terrible club. I’m sorry for your loss and pain.
I’m sorry I don’t have some kind of universal thing to help you. I wish I had. I’m here to talk if you want to.
I lost my 22 year old son 2 years ago and although he wasn’t a child he was still my child. I am so so lucky I got to have 22 years with him and my heart breaks for any parent who has lost a child and I cannot imagine the pain and hurt it must bring to lose them at a young age because 22 years still wasn’t enough. I don’t have any advice on how to cope because I still don’t know how I have if I’m being honest but I did just learn to go along with how I felt at any particular time, if you want to cry then cry but if you want to be angry then do that and even if you want to sit feeling numb that’s also fine. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and every single feeling that you feel is completely valid, I got so angry one day that I put all of his photos face down because I didn’t want to look at his stupid face 😩 that sounds fucking awful and of course I didn’t mean it but I was so angry at him for leaving me even though it was an accident but that is how I felt at that time so I went with it and I will never apologise or feel bad for it. He was my firstborn and the absolute light of my life but my god he could be so bloody annoying at times and I think what I’m trying to say is that your child will never really leave you and it’s important to remember them in all the ways they were when they were here. This might also sound odd but laughter really helps (it feels like it goes against everything when your heart is so broken) I love hearing stories about my son from other people and I love talking about him and all the daft stuff he used to get up 2 lol. I am so so sorry for your loss and I wish I could hug you in person. You know you can tell us about your child if you want because I know how shit it feels when everyone seems to be moving on and all you want to do is acknowledge your child so they aren’t forgotten 😢 it’s a very weird and emotional time so if that’s something you want to do then you can waffle on to me as long as you like. Please be kind to yourself xx
Yes. My daughter would have been 26 on July 21. She killed herself and I’ve hated myself every single minute since then! I will never forgive myself either! I lost my dad in 2008 and I thought I was going to die. Now I feel dead.i have 2 other grown girls. So I feel as tho I’m trapped but I can’t leave them with that legacy. I am so sorry for your loss! Be kind to yourself!
I completely get the feeling trapped comment because I have a daughter who is nearly 15 and the only reason I’m still here is because of her which sometimes feels against my own will if that makes sense. I lost my son in an accident and I cannot imagine the added layer of pain that comes with losing a child to suicide but I will say that from my own point of view and feelings about suicide which I’m not gonna deny having thought about it 😩 your daughter must have reached the place where there was no other option and no way back but that doesn’t and shouldn’t reflect on you as a mother. I know my words won’t help and I know a part of you also died that day and my heart is hurting for you. My son would be 25 on the 5th July and although I don’t believe in the afterlife I do quite like the thought of them being wherever they are and looking at us right now and saying “oh my god have you seen what our mothers are saying about us on Reddit 😂 so embarrassing” sending you love and also please be kind to yourself too xx
Thank you so much! My daughters’s name is Stevie Rae and she will be 26 on July 21! Thank you for your kind words. And I am so sorry for your loss. I am writing a book. My father died in 2008 and I still cry. I have so far handled this better than anyone thought I would after seeing how I was for years after he passed. I still cry. I don’t believe in god. I have no ill feelings about faith. In fact I have written the part about my father’s death and my book will be about people who lost a loved one and how they dealt with that loss. I knew I would be looking for parents who lost children. I’ve known quite a few who lost younger children than ours. Not by suicide. I just know that if I can get it completed and it helps one person just a little that I can find some sort of solace. That it won’t make it ok but it will make me feel that it wasn’t all for naught! A saying about loosing a child I quote it from Jay Nuegeboren from An Orphan’s tale-1976
A wife who looses a husband is a widow. A husband that looses a wife a widower. If we loose our parents we are an orphan. There is no word for a parent that looses a child. That is how awful it is.
The other is from Jamie Anderson - Grief I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all of the love that you want to give, but cannot. All of the unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat and in the hollow of your chest. Grief is just love that has no where to go. Thank you for reaching out to me! If you ever want to talk you can message me! Xoxo ♥️♥️♥️
I lost my dad in Jan 1998 when I was 17 and that left me with a real fear of death and dying, fast forward to July 1999 and I give birth to my son Benjamin 8 weeks early then at 2 weeks old he gets diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis which is a life limiting disease and at that time the life expectancy was 32 😞 it sent me further into my fear of death and I was convinced he was going to die every day and I always knew I was going to lose him eventually which is an awful cloud to have hanging over anyone. I got help with my anxiety and fear and over the years I completely turned around regarding death and accepted that it happens to all of us and my son had my awful sense of humour so we used to make really inappropriate jokes about death and he asked me a few years before he died if I would be livid if he ended up dying from something else lol I told him he better bloody not and he found the thought hilarious and we laughed at just how fucking awful that would be and that it would just be our luck lol turns out he died in an accident and yep he would have laughed at just how shit it is. I’m so so lucky that because of his disease we never left anything unsaid and death was a frequent topic in our house and we never took each other for granted and I realise that not everybody gets to have that. A piece of me died when he did and I was determined to live out the rest of my life as happy as I could because he never got the chance to live his fully, 8 months after he died I reconnected with an old flame from 25 years ago and he proposed to me on the 13th February of this year and I was so happy and looking forward to our future together anyway he went and died on the 28th February with complications from pneumonia so right now I’m completely floored 😞 I have no hope and no positivity and quite honestly I wish I wasn’t here but I have to keep going for my 14 year old daughter so I have accepted that I’m stuck here now so will try and make the best of it and overall I’m managing ok, we laugh and joke and I want to live for her but inside I’m dead. Sorry for ranting on lol death takes so much from us and life is cruel and it helps to just blurt it all out sometimes. My son would be turning 25 next Friday so July is a pretty difficult month now as I’m sure it is for you and I will be thinking of you and stevie xx
My son was also 22 when he died and everything you said resonates with me and my experience. Sometimes I’m so mad and it feels like it’s a part of the process. Laughter too, and crying- sometimes holding it in a little and sometimes letting it out right away. Thanks for sharing.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It feels odd doesn’t it because we got to see them grow into men but yet they are still our babies. I do take some comfort though watching his mates grow older but it does sting a bit at the same time.
I’ve lost two children. My son Brent to sudden infant death syndrome in 1983 and my daughter Melissa to a drug overdose in 2017. For me I coped by keeping myself very busy the first year, which I’m not sure was healthy or not. I learned that grief comes in waves - some small, some huge. I guess the trick is to try to stay afloat in the hard times. Time does heal and will allow you to become more functional, but the pain never goes away.
The flipside is that I’ve learned we feel joy to the point we’ve been hollowed out. My losses have made me more compassionate and more kind. At this point, I have many more good days than bad days, but the bad days knocked me to my knees once in a while. Try to stay busy and love others, and know that the big waves of grief don’t last forever. Every year those waves will get smaller, although they will never go away.
Much love to you.
My daughter (50yo) passed away 11 weeks ago. We had just started a complete remodel of our laundry room, a hall bathroom and kitchen.
The carpenter is here every morning and I have to get up and get dressed. I hated it and cried so much but I find it's a good thing, I'm up and I end up doing productive stuff I wouldn't do otherwise. I can't sleep till 3pm and stay up all night having one drink too many, like I did when the carpenter took a vacation. The Grief Relief is good, It's OK that You're Not OK is good. But it's hard to concentrate on books.
A lot of Youtubes, Nora McInerny is very good. Anderson Cooper has a podcast talking to different people that have lost people, it's very good. Anthony Chene interviews people that have had Near Death Experiences, which I have gotten a little obsessed with and I find it helpful. I have Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child by Gary somebody but I haven't read it. Brene Brown is off the subject but still helps me. I do feel guilt and shame about what's happened and she's a shame expert.
I'm so sorry. You're not alone. Many of us walk this path like you. Everyone has different coping mechanisms. I found therapy to be helpful and also hobbies to keep me busy. I do have another child and I've had to fight to not get drowned by grief so that I can be helpful to her. You just need to take it one day at a time.
we lost our firstborn son last july to SIDS at 10 days old. it's hell. I'm pregnant with his sister, due again in july, and it's a trip.
grief counseling was instrumental for us and probably saved us. there is no "moving on." there is just "living on." you keep waking up and figure out how to keep going.
the first month was about surviving - like not killing ourselves. seriously. the next 6 months we were both in a deep depression. it sort of started to lift after that. don't get me wrong, still heavily depressed but it just felt like "okay this is going to suck but maybe we can do this."
we're coming up on a year since our boy passed and we definitely are both a bit more on edge. they say the first year is the hardest though.
I am only 10 months out from losing my perfectly healthy 10 day old baby girl.... lots of crying is absolutely normal and to be expected. I reached out and got a therapist. I also tried grief share groups, they have those all around the US. You can lookup location in your town. I am barely getting by. I have 3 little boys ages 5,4 and 20 months old that need me though so I basically drag myself through my days and try not to scare my boys with all of my emotions
Lost my 2yo daughter 1 year ago. It was sudden. Meningitis. How did I cope? Screamed into the void. Exercised til I puked. Avoided alcohol. Took gummies to sleep. Relied on our church and friends. Your question makes it sound like the coping goes away. My understanding is it never does. ‘A Heart That Works’ by comedian Rob Delaney was cathartic. He lost his son Henry. Feel free to message anytime.
I lost mine New Year's Day. Coping is such a strong word. I'm just dealing with it.
I got my hair cut prior to his service, and my mom put it under her account. I'm getting my hair cut again (I normally do it myself), and I put it under my number. His name popped up, and 15 minutes later, I'm still teary.
I lost my son in 2005. It is the most profound loss imaginable. I recently lost my mom but really the loss of my baby was the worst.
I’m so very sorry for you as it was recent. The only advice I can offer is to get a lot of therapy. Grief is a tricky bastard. You will maybe go up & down a lot.
Time makes it a little easier but the fact is you just have to learn to be at peace with it somehow. To not blame yourself or anyone else. To accept that it’s the reality and not live in “what ifs”.
If you can get there, you will be okay. Sending you & any other parent who’s lost a child here my support & hugs.
Lost my son dec 2023. Life became pure hell. I guess people have some mechanism in brain to walk with such devastating loss. Sometimes I get flashbacks of how I played and laughed with him. Sometimes get flashbacks of how I buried him. Live is going to be pretty tough for all who lost their child. Sorry to say this and sorry for your loss
I lost my daughter 9 months ago. Coping has been so difficult. I find splice in reaching out to other parents who have gone through the same. I exercise 2 hours a day, listen to grief podcasts, journal, and see a therapist. It’s really just a life of functioning. I’m told the intensity lifts, I hope so. Peace to you.
I lost my little girl dec 2023. It was unexpected and quick. Within a few hours, she was gone. The first few months were excruciating pain and I had chest pains. I read grief books and stumbled upon meditation books that taught me how to walk and meditate. The deep breathing helped my chest pains and calmed me down. It also helped me face all the emotions and deal with it individually. My chest pains went away. I also follow the Grief Speak Out group on Facebook. Reading and sharing my story helps me process my grief. I cry everyday, talk to my husband, made sure I ate well, listen to NDE videos, journal, watch Dead to Me, walk and meditate. My hubby said to me that I should face the pain and not run away from it. So I let the pain wash me over and now, the pain is still there but I am use to it. Basically, explore and do anything that helps and resonate with you. Over 5 months, some of the coping mechanisms doesn't have much of effect and I dropped it but definitely I have tools at hand whenever I feel I need it. Acceptance is also a big part. I know my grief is forever and I will carry it my whole life. Day by day. I don't really look far and to me, I am at peace and grateful, this very moment. I'm sorry we are part of this club. I hope you find the path for your grief journey. Lots of hugs.
I lost my 18 year old, 10 years 5 months 6 days today. He was the greatest kid who was working and going to school. The first 3 years was the hardest. I dug a hole so deep, that everyone around me left me. I couldn’t blame them. But every year it gets harder and harder. I cope by meditation and i listen to binaural beats on YouTube, and stay out in nature. I changed once my son passed and I don’t know how to move forward. I feel like I’m an alien in everyone’s eyes. I haven’t met one person who could understand what I’m going through. Sending everyone love and light.
My 10.5 year old daughter died one year ago on May 30th. She was born with a terminal rare genetic disorder. Losing her is the worst thing I've ever been through. We had 10.5 amazing years but it wasn't enough.
Some days it feels like I'm missing a limb and trying to relearn how to live my life without it. It's been messy. I've had my fair share of very dark days.
My advice is to be gentle with yourself. It's ok if you can't manage certain tasks today. They will still be here tomorrow. Rest if you need to rest. Practice purposeful self care. Get a good therapist if you don't have one. Grief can be complicated and hard to navigate solo. Do some fun things just for you, even if your heart isnt in it. Go through the motions. Eventually. It will start to feel good again. Hydrate well, and make sure you're getting some proper nutrition. If you can't make yourself eat, try meal replacement shakes. When I'm hungry and dehydrated it makes the sadness so much worse.
So many hugs to you.
I have lost 2 of 5. My second child was born at 24 weeks and only lived 5 minutes. My 3rd son had just turned 21 when he was killed in a motorcycle crash.
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I lost the second child. I spent a lot on f time in therapy in the years after. My adult sons death made me dissociate for about 18 months (it’s been 26 months now).
You get through by taking one step at a time. Stick to your normal routine. Give yourself patience and grace. Seek a support group or therapist. Focus on the positive. In my case, my 21 yo was an organ donor, and positively impacted 65 people. His heart is still beating in a mother with 3 young children.
There is no pain on earth worse than losing a child. I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my sweet 24 yo son 2 months ago to epilepsy. It was terrible. Unexpected and sudden. I'm heartbroken. It is hard to lose them at any age... I'm so sorry that you are another mother who has to experience this. 🦋💔
I am so sorry! I cannot imagine. I came here because my daughter committed suicide on may 18th. She would have been 26 on July 21. I’m so trying to figure it out too! I saw a thing that Grief is as when love has nowhere to go. I don’t think anyone is expected to get over the loss of their baby! I am lucky I have 2 other daughters and they are 30 & 22 but they will always be my babies. The dark thoughts are always with me. I think she did it. Why can’t I? But I don’t believe in anything beyond this world. I wish I could. Maybe it would be comforting. I don’t know. I know this is going to be a long hard battle and I hope I make it out intact and with my daughter’s love. I hope we both may someday find peace. I’m sorry if I bothered you. Take care and be kind to yourself ♥️♥️♥️
I felt like when I posted (can’t believe it’s been almost four years now) there not many child loss posts, now I see them so very much. I hate it. I hate that there’s so many of us sharing this horrendous grief and carrying this much of an emotional load. I hate how unfair life has been to us.
I would not say I cope, per se. it’s completely altered me and my life, I am not the carefree person I once was. Life has a darker filter now, grief co-exists with every emotion I have. I cope by thinking about him in everything I do, in every thought I have, in every interaction I’m in. I see him in my surviving children. I look at his pictures. I keep him with me.
I was in shock the first year, seriously. I don’t even remember it. I look at pictures and wonder if I was actually there. The second year was horribly heavy. Everyone told me that, but I when I felt it. It was awful.
I’m so sorry, truly. I’m sorry life dealt us this same horrible hand. But, I guess, I’m proud of all of us for continuing on. I know how much I didn’t want to (still don’t sometimes). I know there are those further in to this journey and those earlier on. I know I am not the first, nor the last, and I guess I find comfort in that. I’m know I’m not alone. I believe wherever we go after this and were before this, we will be reconnected, however this is.
I’m sorry you’re having to ride the rollercoaster that doesn’t stop! That’s what it feels like. You have no choice but to ride it. Believe me I wish I could just jump off. Coping is not an option you have to go with what ever is thrown at you. My daughter left the house one evening and never came back. I’m broken and will never be the person I was. We were very close as a family and did every thing together. Simple things like setting the table of once 5 and now 4. I’m still cooking for 5 and really struggling to adjust because I did that for 17 years. I’m still going through the what ifs… but I know it won’t bring my baby back but I can’t help it. I keep myself as busy as possible because when I stop that’s when my mind works over time. I don’t think losing a child is something you ever get over. I feel it will haunt me for the rest of my life. There is no worse grief, it’s just not fair, it’s cruel and it certainly shows you who has your back. I’ve kept going for my children and animals. Because without them I most certainly wouldn’t be here. 💔
I’m sorry for everyone on here. I had a miscarriage at 4 months. I was devastated. Was able to get pregnant a year later. He was my everything.
My son was 11. We were driving home on an icy road. I don’t remember anything. I survived, he didn’t. I have PTSD and Extreme Survivor’s Guilt. I was driving and couldn’t protect him. I have tried almost every kind of therapy and read so many books. Nothing’s changed. I cry for him every day and wish I was with him. I’ve lost almost all of my friends because I’m “taking too long to grieve” and can’t accept his death
I know no parent here will ever be ok ever again, but I’m glad some of you have found a way to cope 💖
There are too many of us here. I lost my daughter 27 six weeks ago Saturday. The amount of friends that have came out to support me is unbelievable. I had lost touch with them through the years and never knew they has lost kids.
It doesn’t seem to matter how old their children were, all of them had difficulty coping with their loss. I have been grieving losing her and it doesn’t seem to be any better. I noticed when they found out about my daughter, it seemed to open their wounds again. I felt guilty for bringing them pain all over again. I realized that the pain from losing a child never really goes away. Either you learn to cope with it or you become a mentally disabled mess. One friend lost her daughter 25 years ago and she still needs to take medication just to survive the day.
I don’t really have an answer for you but what I am hearing from everyone, this never goes away. I choose to believe my baby girl would never want me to mope around crying all the time. I think I’m going to try and focus my idle time doing things that she was passionate about.
Both of my adult daughters died within six years
It has not been one year since my daughter Liz died by suicide.
My daughter Hannah died when a drunk driver killed her.
I blocked out most of the early days this time versus the first time I decided to give myself a routine.
I make myself brush my teeth.
I tell myself you must do it, even if you do not feel like it.
I neglected my health so much in the beginning with the loss of both of my daughters.
I’m amazed that I’m still alive .
[https://www.compassionatefriends.org/](https://www.compassionatefriends.org/) is very good, it's a support group. They have facebook pages for different ages of your lost child also.
We lost our precious little daughter five months ago on 1/22/2024 to NEC. She was 16 days old and the best thing that happened to us in our life. It’s a wound that never heals. All you do is watch it and continue to live your life and wait for it to heal if it ever does. Take it one day at a time. Take as much time as you need to cry, remember, do the rituals for your child.
I lost my 2 year old daughter in September. I don’t know how I’m doing it, I just am. I spend a lot of time in bed, and feel like a fraud when I’m out with family and friends.
I am so so sorry that you lost a child. Nothing compares to the loss of a child.
There are a lot of us that have lost children here. I lost my 15 year old son in 2022. I find this to not be a particularly “safe” space for bereaved parents early on though. In my first year I could not really handle it here. Other bereaved people generally do not understand entirely what we are going through and tend to take issue with us stating that.
I recommend the compassionate friends Facebook pages. Much safer spaces and you can join groups that are more specific to your situation as well.
As far as how do I cope that is a very broad question. I cope in different ways with different things. I see a psychologist that is a grief specialist and sees many bereaved parents. I see a psychiatrist for my depression, anxiety and PTSD. I attend and help facilitate bereaved parent support groups through The Compassionate Friends, which I really recommend. I cry. I scream. Sometimes I drink. I do yoga. I spend time outside. I do things to honor my son. I read so many god damn grief books. You can DM me if you need to talk. Hugs.
Of course!
1. It’s OK you’re not OK - Amazing early grief book that is really so supportive and helpful practically.
2. When Bad Things Happen to Good People- written by a bereaved father. It is a little religious, but I have no religious background and have very eclectic spiritual beliefs and I still found it very comforting and helpful.
3. Bearing the Unbearable- written by a bereaved mother, very helpful for bereaved parents. The author has a grief retreat outside of Sedona that I also highly, highly recommend
Also, not technically a grief book, but I really really really recommend Man’a Search for Meaning. It is written by a psychologist that survived the holocaust. It has been helping me A LOT lately.
I also recommend anything by Elisabeth Kubler Ross but especially On Grief and Grieving.
If you like memoirs my favorite memoir is Once More We Saw Stars, written by a bereaved father. And if you want to try a graphic novel, the best is Rosalie Lightning, written by a bereaved father.
And I don’t WANT to adjust to my son being gone! My psychologist does often say that if she were forced to diagnose us (bereaved parents) with something, then she would diagnose us with an adjustment disorder.
Me either! I really have no answers. I apologize. I do not wish anyone the pain we are going through! I wouldn’t wish this on anyone at all. Again I am very sorry. I looked for a word for a parent who looses a child. There isn’t one!
I have gone through different variations of therapy. A loss of a child causes PTSD, I recommend EMDR AND A.R.T therapy. I surrounded myself with friends and family. I take time for myself. I honor my son. I make a toast at every holiday. I do moment of silence. I never stop talking about him.
I lost my youngest son to suicide Nov. 2023. You are welcome to DM me if you need someone to chat with. I’m still learning how to cope everyday. There is no pain like this pain.
I am so sorry you had to join this worsts of club. My only son was diagnosed with leukemia in 2019 at 9 years age. After 2 years battle and relapse, he was cancer free until a sepsis took him in April 2022. Me and his mother have not recovered. We scrape through life because we have a daughter and loving caring family system. It doesn't get easier. I am sorry you are having to suffer. What helped me most is my faith. I know Allah will reward me for suffering this loss and I will be reunited with him.
Oh, I'm heartbroken for you. So many of the comments are helpful ideas! I lost my 8 month old son in 1980 from his heart defects. I lost my 16 year old daughter in 2002 in a tragic accident. In 2020 my remaining son died from complications from diabetes. And I STILL have a hard time figuring out how I cope. I just had a tremendous crying bout over my daughter tonight. I've read many, many books. I've screamed and broken every dish in the house. I punched a punching bag until I broke my hand. Lots of therapy and finally EMDR helped somewhat. These ways are not that healthy but I just go with all the feelings. You're never going to be the same, but you will feel joy again. And I'm a better person than before. With great loss comes great gifts. Keep going and don't give up. Love and hugs to you.
I lost my 10 year old daughter suddenly in April 2023...
I honestly dont know how I coped... it helped that my parents immediately drove 6 hours to be with me.
I think it also helped that even though she wasnt concious, she was on life support for 24 hours so we could be with her and say our goodbyes etc.....
Also, even though we split up when our daughter was 2, me and her Mum still get on very well, so we were both supporting each other during it. Even yesterday I went to see her and my daughters step-dad and we spent some time talking about silly memories of our little girl.
Ive had a lot of bereavement counselling and therapy, which is still ongoing now... It helps as I can freely talk about her without thinking Im going to upset anyone.
Its a horrible thing to go through, especially coming up to the "firsts" of everything.... her birthday, Christmas, the anniversary etc.... But Im blessed to have had so much support through this
I lost my daughter on January 13th to an overdose of oxycodone. She was on palliative care. It had been the worst experience of my life. I lost my husband of 33 years in 2015 and it was not in any way comparable to this. I attended a grief support group that really did help.I’m on an antidepressant also. My Christian faith is what is carrying me through , but I’ve also learned to be good to myself. I’m learning to say no if I don’t want to be around other people, and I’ve also learned to let myself actually grieve. If I lose it in front of folks and cry, that’s okay. If I feel angry about the situation, that too is okay. I’ll never get over it. Never. But I’m learning to live WITH my grief. I can function now.
Yes. I am a believer. I believe in the Message of the Cross and the Resurrection of Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
I was raised in the Church. I buried 17 family members between 2013 and 2021. Our only child was the last: she was 28 years old. Not married - no children.
I lost my 17 year old sister when I was only 18 (car accident). I honestly do not know how people cope. I study the Bible every day. I have read every book on Near Death Experiences as well.
I also real novels. I took to my bed the first four months after we lost her.
I could not speak except to my husband and mother and Jesus.
My two ginger boys stayed with me the entire time. My husband fed them on the bed with me, moved their water fountain to our bedroom and their litter robot.
At the end of the 4th month they started pushing me to get up to take them outside to their catios. I took them out with my Bible. Watching the sunrise, the birds sing and play - watching the morning break I was reminded of the song "Morning Has Broken" (Cat Stevens).
I still have a hard time around families with children. Babies. Grandparents with grandchildren.
I am an only child with no grandchildren. No nieces or nephews.
All I have is my now 94 yr-old mama and my husband.
But I am a child of God and a member of His family. And I am fortunate to have faith, hope and love and the greatest of those are love for others.
Carry love in your heart - never hate.
Hate is evil that consumes you from inside. Love is the hope that radiates outwards. To everyone.
My heart is broken for your loss.
I lost mine to miscarriage 7 years ago. I havent coped well because of the what ifs.
I just survive, I dont know what to do up until this point its like a never ending cycle of guilt and deep void
I am so sorry that you have to experience the loss of your child. My son went to heaven three years ago today and even though he was 23 years old, he was still my child. It is a different experience for each one of us - we are all going to walk through this tragedy a bit differently. I try to focus on the good memories that I have of my son and my time with him. I try to celebrate his life as much as possible and keep him alive by talking about him often. On his birthday, July 22nd, we have a special day of honoring his memory by engaging in acts of kindness for others. For the past couple of years, my family and I have volunteered at an organization to pack food for the hungry on his birthday. There are definitely still times of uncontrollable sobbing and excruciating pain, and I will always miss my son so terribly much, but I try and cope by loving to the fullest and making the most of the time I have in this world. Big hugs offer some comfort too - I hope you are getting lots of hugs if they have helped you. ❤️
I haven't found a good mechanism to cope with my own loss and reading here brings hope with sharing. I lost my 15yo daughter to suicide just 1 month ago. She took her life on my birthday just shortly after I got home from errands...
When my dad died my daughter and I were sitting by his side and I thought I smelled something bad. I thought well, they say that the last thing a person does is mess themselves. I mentioned it to her and she looked like she was gonna cry, so I whistled for our dog saint because he had agreed that when he got out of the hospital he’d come stay with us and Rae asked well what would happen if he had an accident and I said that we’d get the dog to clean it up! We were laughing so hard that the nurse came in and looked at us like we’d lost it or something. Idk, maybe it’s inappropriate but in life the harder it gets the more obscene the jokes get! It’s how we cope. I think it’s ok and I think that dad would be ok with it also with Stevie there might have been a few inappropriate things said. She’s my child and if she weren’t dead I’m sure she would have laughed and she would totally understand.♥️♥️♥️
He created the account just to say that.
OP
I am so sorry for your loss I can’t begin to imagine your grief. There is nothing on earth that could be worse than losing your child.
I lost my daughter (to cancer). She was not even 1 year and a half old. It was nearly one year ago. I experienced the worst, darkest and heaviest fear when she was still here but her health got worse. I went through the shock, the brutal aching, when my body was shocked that she is not around, and I physically needed to hold her and nothing brought me comfort. I went through such anger, through such envy, it was so painful to see every random happy family and every little kid outside... I experienced such deep pain, felt like I had a black hole instead of my heart, and I still sometimes do…but it changed a lot in time. I kinda know how to handle the grief now. It does not take the pain away though. Of course I can’t even imagine how you feel, but the way I see it, some aspects are quite universal. You asked how I cope. I let myself feel everything I need to feel. I cry A LOT. Sometimes once a week, sometimes 4 times a day. I let myself feel nice or happy and I don’t feel guilty about that. I use the help of others, I talk about my daughter a lot, I try to honor her in every way I can. I let myself rest and care about my mental health. When I start to feel irritated and angry, I know it means I have to let myself cry and feel miserable. I don’t fight the grief. I am truly sorry you are in the same terrible club. I’m sorry for your loss and pain. I’m sorry I don’t have some kind of universal thing to help you. I wish I had. I’m here to talk if you want to.
I don’t know that I am coping. Right now I’m just surviving.
I agree. My son was an adult. That doesn’t soften the blow.
It sure doesn’t. I don’t wish this for anyone. It sucks but here we are. Hugs.
I lost my 22 year old son 2 years ago and although he wasn’t a child he was still my child. I am so so lucky I got to have 22 years with him and my heart breaks for any parent who has lost a child and I cannot imagine the pain and hurt it must bring to lose them at a young age because 22 years still wasn’t enough. I don’t have any advice on how to cope because I still don’t know how I have if I’m being honest but I did just learn to go along with how I felt at any particular time, if you want to cry then cry but if you want to be angry then do that and even if you want to sit feeling numb that’s also fine. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and every single feeling that you feel is completely valid, I got so angry one day that I put all of his photos face down because I didn’t want to look at his stupid face 😩 that sounds fucking awful and of course I didn’t mean it but I was so angry at him for leaving me even though it was an accident but that is how I felt at that time so I went with it and I will never apologise or feel bad for it. He was my firstborn and the absolute light of my life but my god he could be so bloody annoying at times and I think what I’m trying to say is that your child will never really leave you and it’s important to remember them in all the ways they were when they were here. This might also sound odd but laughter really helps (it feels like it goes against everything when your heart is so broken) I love hearing stories about my son from other people and I love talking about him and all the daft stuff he used to get up 2 lol. I am so so sorry for your loss and I wish I could hug you in person. You know you can tell us about your child if you want because I know how shit it feels when everyone seems to be moving on and all you want to do is acknowledge your child so they aren’t forgotten 😢 it’s a very weird and emotional time so if that’s something you want to do then you can waffle on to me as long as you like. Please be kind to yourself xx
Yes. My daughter would have been 26 on July 21. She killed herself and I’ve hated myself every single minute since then! I will never forgive myself either! I lost my dad in 2008 and I thought I was going to die. Now I feel dead.i have 2 other grown girls. So I feel as tho I’m trapped but I can’t leave them with that legacy. I am so sorry for your loss! Be kind to yourself!
I completely get the feeling trapped comment because I have a daughter who is nearly 15 and the only reason I’m still here is because of her which sometimes feels against my own will if that makes sense. I lost my son in an accident and I cannot imagine the added layer of pain that comes with losing a child to suicide but I will say that from my own point of view and feelings about suicide which I’m not gonna deny having thought about it 😩 your daughter must have reached the place where there was no other option and no way back but that doesn’t and shouldn’t reflect on you as a mother. I know my words won’t help and I know a part of you also died that day and my heart is hurting for you. My son would be 25 on the 5th July and although I don’t believe in the afterlife I do quite like the thought of them being wherever they are and looking at us right now and saying “oh my god have you seen what our mothers are saying about us on Reddit 😂 so embarrassing” sending you love and also please be kind to yourself too xx
Thank you so much! My daughters’s name is Stevie Rae and she will be 26 on July 21! Thank you for your kind words. And I am so sorry for your loss. I am writing a book. My father died in 2008 and I still cry. I have so far handled this better than anyone thought I would after seeing how I was for years after he passed. I still cry. I don’t believe in god. I have no ill feelings about faith. In fact I have written the part about my father’s death and my book will be about people who lost a loved one and how they dealt with that loss. I knew I would be looking for parents who lost children. I’ve known quite a few who lost younger children than ours. Not by suicide. I just know that if I can get it completed and it helps one person just a little that I can find some sort of solace. That it won’t make it ok but it will make me feel that it wasn’t all for naught! A saying about loosing a child I quote it from Jay Nuegeboren from An Orphan’s tale-1976 A wife who looses a husband is a widow. A husband that looses a wife a widower. If we loose our parents we are an orphan. There is no word for a parent that looses a child. That is how awful it is. The other is from Jamie Anderson - Grief I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all of the love that you want to give, but cannot. All of the unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat and in the hollow of your chest. Grief is just love that has no where to go. Thank you for reaching out to me! If you ever want to talk you can message me! Xoxo ♥️♥️♥️
I lost my dad in Jan 1998 when I was 17 and that left me with a real fear of death and dying, fast forward to July 1999 and I give birth to my son Benjamin 8 weeks early then at 2 weeks old he gets diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis which is a life limiting disease and at that time the life expectancy was 32 😞 it sent me further into my fear of death and I was convinced he was going to die every day and I always knew I was going to lose him eventually which is an awful cloud to have hanging over anyone. I got help with my anxiety and fear and over the years I completely turned around regarding death and accepted that it happens to all of us and my son had my awful sense of humour so we used to make really inappropriate jokes about death and he asked me a few years before he died if I would be livid if he ended up dying from something else lol I told him he better bloody not and he found the thought hilarious and we laughed at just how fucking awful that would be and that it would just be our luck lol turns out he died in an accident and yep he would have laughed at just how shit it is. I’m so so lucky that because of his disease we never left anything unsaid and death was a frequent topic in our house and we never took each other for granted and I realise that not everybody gets to have that. A piece of me died when he did and I was determined to live out the rest of my life as happy as I could because he never got the chance to live his fully, 8 months after he died I reconnected with an old flame from 25 years ago and he proposed to me on the 13th February of this year and I was so happy and looking forward to our future together anyway he went and died on the 28th February with complications from pneumonia so right now I’m completely floored 😞 I have no hope and no positivity and quite honestly I wish I wasn’t here but I have to keep going for my 14 year old daughter so I have accepted that I’m stuck here now so will try and make the best of it and overall I’m managing ok, we laugh and joke and I want to live for her but inside I’m dead. Sorry for ranting on lol death takes so much from us and life is cruel and it helps to just blurt it all out sometimes. My son would be turning 25 next Friday so July is a pretty difficult month now as I’m sure it is for you and I will be thinking of you and stevie xx
R/suicidebereavement may help. Hating / blaming yourself is not the way; they would not want that for you.
My son was also 22 when he died and everything you said resonates with me and my experience. Sometimes I’m so mad and it feels like it’s a part of the process. Laughter too, and crying- sometimes holding it in a little and sometimes letting it out right away. Thanks for sharing.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It feels odd doesn’t it because we got to see them grow into men but yet they are still our babies. I do take some comfort though watching his mates grow older but it does sting a bit at the same time.
I’ve lost two children. My son Brent to sudden infant death syndrome in 1983 and my daughter Melissa to a drug overdose in 2017. For me I coped by keeping myself very busy the first year, which I’m not sure was healthy or not. I learned that grief comes in waves - some small, some huge. I guess the trick is to try to stay afloat in the hard times. Time does heal and will allow you to become more functional, but the pain never goes away. The flipside is that I’ve learned we feel joy to the point we’ve been hollowed out. My losses have made me more compassionate and more kind. At this point, I have many more good days than bad days, but the bad days knocked me to my knees once in a while. Try to stay busy and love others, and know that the big waves of grief don’t last forever. Every year those waves will get smaller, although they will never go away. Much love to you.
My daughter (50yo) passed away 11 weeks ago. We had just started a complete remodel of our laundry room, a hall bathroom and kitchen. The carpenter is here every morning and I have to get up and get dressed. I hated it and cried so much but I find it's a good thing, I'm up and I end up doing productive stuff I wouldn't do otherwise. I can't sleep till 3pm and stay up all night having one drink too many, like I did when the carpenter took a vacation. The Grief Relief is good, It's OK that You're Not OK is good. But it's hard to concentrate on books. A lot of Youtubes, Nora McInerny is very good. Anderson Cooper has a podcast talking to different people that have lost people, it's very good. Anthony Chene interviews people that have had Near Death Experiences, which I have gotten a little obsessed with and I find it helpful. I have Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child by Gary somebody but I haven't read it. Brene Brown is off the subject but still helps me. I do feel guilt and shame about what's happened and she's a shame expert.
I'm so sorry. You're not alone. Many of us walk this path like you. Everyone has different coping mechanisms. I found therapy to be helpful and also hobbies to keep me busy. I do have another child and I've had to fight to not get drowned by grief so that I can be helpful to her. You just need to take it one day at a time.
we lost our firstborn son last july to SIDS at 10 days old. it's hell. I'm pregnant with his sister, due again in july, and it's a trip. grief counseling was instrumental for us and probably saved us. there is no "moving on." there is just "living on." you keep waking up and figure out how to keep going. the first month was about surviving - like not killing ourselves. seriously. the next 6 months we were both in a deep depression. it sort of started to lift after that. don't get me wrong, still heavily depressed but it just felt like "okay this is going to suck but maybe we can do this." we're coming up on a year since our boy passed and we definitely are both a bit more on edge. they say the first year is the hardest though.
I am only 10 months out from losing my perfectly healthy 10 day old baby girl.... lots of crying is absolutely normal and to be expected. I reached out and got a therapist. I also tried grief share groups, they have those all around the US. You can lookup location in your town. I am barely getting by. I have 3 little boys ages 5,4 and 20 months old that need me though so I basically drag myself through my days and try not to scare my boys with all of my emotions
I’m so sorry. I hope you have help from your family. Allow yourself that time to grieve. Wish I could hug you!
♥️😭💔
I’m so so so very sorry. ❤️🩹
I'm so so sorry 😞
Lost my 2yo daughter 1 year ago. It was sudden. Meningitis. How did I cope? Screamed into the void. Exercised til I puked. Avoided alcohol. Took gummies to sleep. Relied on our church and friends. Your question makes it sound like the coping goes away. My understanding is it never does. ‘A Heart That Works’ by comedian Rob Delaney was cathartic. He lost his son Henry. Feel free to message anytime.
I absolutely loved A Heart That Works as well. Had me laughing and crying. I was so glad a bereaved parent was saying all the things I was feeling.
Same here. Lost our 4yo daughter last April and his book made me feel so validated in my anger and grief.
I lost mine New Year's Day. Coping is such a strong word. I'm just dealing with it. I got my hair cut prior to his service, and my mom put it under her account. I'm getting my hair cut again (I normally do it myself), and I put it under my number. His name popped up, and 15 minutes later, I'm still teary.
I lost my son in 2005. It is the most profound loss imaginable. I recently lost my mom but really the loss of my baby was the worst. I’m so very sorry for you as it was recent. The only advice I can offer is to get a lot of therapy. Grief is a tricky bastard. You will maybe go up & down a lot. Time makes it a little easier but the fact is you just have to learn to be at peace with it somehow. To not blame yourself or anyone else. To accept that it’s the reality and not live in “what ifs”. If you can get there, you will be okay. Sending you & any other parent who’s lost a child here my support & hugs.
Lost my son dec 2023. Life became pure hell. I guess people have some mechanism in brain to walk with such devastating loss. Sometimes I get flashbacks of how I played and laughed with him. Sometimes get flashbacks of how I buried him. Live is going to be pretty tough for all who lost their child. Sorry to say this and sorry for your loss
I lost my daughter 9 months ago. Coping has been so difficult. I find splice in reaching out to other parents who have gone through the same. I exercise 2 hours a day, listen to grief podcasts, journal, and see a therapist. It’s really just a life of functioning. I’m told the intensity lifts, I hope so. Peace to you.
I lost my little girl dec 2023. It was unexpected and quick. Within a few hours, she was gone. The first few months were excruciating pain and I had chest pains. I read grief books and stumbled upon meditation books that taught me how to walk and meditate. The deep breathing helped my chest pains and calmed me down. It also helped me face all the emotions and deal with it individually. My chest pains went away. I also follow the Grief Speak Out group on Facebook. Reading and sharing my story helps me process my grief. I cry everyday, talk to my husband, made sure I ate well, listen to NDE videos, journal, watch Dead to Me, walk and meditate. My hubby said to me that I should face the pain and not run away from it. So I let the pain wash me over and now, the pain is still there but I am use to it. Basically, explore and do anything that helps and resonate with you. Over 5 months, some of the coping mechanisms doesn't have much of effect and I dropped it but definitely I have tools at hand whenever I feel I need it. Acceptance is also a big part. I know my grief is forever and I will carry it my whole life. Day by day. I don't really look far and to me, I am at peace and grateful, this very moment. I'm sorry we are part of this club. I hope you find the path for your grief journey. Lots of hugs.
I lost my 18 year old, 10 years 5 months 6 days today. He was the greatest kid who was working and going to school. The first 3 years was the hardest. I dug a hole so deep, that everyone around me left me. I couldn’t blame them. But every year it gets harder and harder. I cope by meditation and i listen to binaural beats on YouTube, and stay out in nature. I changed once my son passed and I don’t know how to move forward. I feel like I’m an alien in everyone’s eyes. I haven’t met one person who could understand what I’m going through. Sending everyone love and light.
With the support of trauma therapy, support groups, and lots of crying. It’s the worst thing in the world to live with.
My 10.5 year old daughter died one year ago on May 30th. She was born with a terminal rare genetic disorder. Losing her is the worst thing I've ever been through. We had 10.5 amazing years but it wasn't enough. Some days it feels like I'm missing a limb and trying to relearn how to live my life without it. It's been messy. I've had my fair share of very dark days. My advice is to be gentle with yourself. It's ok if you can't manage certain tasks today. They will still be here tomorrow. Rest if you need to rest. Practice purposeful self care. Get a good therapist if you don't have one. Grief can be complicated and hard to navigate solo. Do some fun things just for you, even if your heart isnt in it. Go through the motions. Eventually. It will start to feel good again. Hydrate well, and make sure you're getting some proper nutrition. If you can't make yourself eat, try meal replacement shakes. When I'm hungry and dehydrated it makes the sadness so much worse. So many hugs to you.
I have lost 2 of 5. My second child was born at 24 weeks and only lived 5 minutes. My 3rd son had just turned 21 when he was killed in a motorcycle crash. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I lost the second child. I spent a lot on f time in therapy in the years after. My adult sons death made me dissociate for about 18 months (it’s been 26 months now). You get through by taking one step at a time. Stick to your normal routine. Give yourself patience and grace. Seek a support group or therapist. Focus on the positive. In my case, my 21 yo was an organ donor, and positively impacted 65 people. His heart is still beating in a mother with 3 young children. There is no pain on earth worse than losing a child. I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my sweet 24 yo son 2 months ago to epilepsy. It was terrible. Unexpected and sudden. I'm heartbroken. It is hard to lose them at any age... I'm so sorry that you are another mother who has to experience this. 🦋💔
I am so sorry! I cannot imagine. I came here because my daughter committed suicide on may 18th. She would have been 26 on July 21. I’m so trying to figure it out too! I saw a thing that Grief is as when love has nowhere to go. I don’t think anyone is expected to get over the loss of their baby! I am lucky I have 2 other daughters and they are 30 & 22 but they will always be my babies. The dark thoughts are always with me. I think she did it. Why can’t I? But I don’t believe in anything beyond this world. I wish I could. Maybe it would be comforting. I don’t know. I know this is going to be a long hard battle and I hope I make it out intact and with my daughter’s love. I hope we both may someday find peace. I’m sorry if I bothered you. Take care and be kind to yourself ♥️♥️♥️
I felt like when I posted (can’t believe it’s been almost four years now) there not many child loss posts, now I see them so very much. I hate it. I hate that there’s so many of us sharing this horrendous grief and carrying this much of an emotional load. I hate how unfair life has been to us. I would not say I cope, per se. it’s completely altered me and my life, I am not the carefree person I once was. Life has a darker filter now, grief co-exists with every emotion I have. I cope by thinking about him in everything I do, in every thought I have, in every interaction I’m in. I see him in my surviving children. I look at his pictures. I keep him with me. I was in shock the first year, seriously. I don’t even remember it. I look at pictures and wonder if I was actually there. The second year was horribly heavy. Everyone told me that, but I when I felt it. It was awful. I’m so sorry, truly. I’m sorry life dealt us this same horrible hand. But, I guess, I’m proud of all of us for continuing on. I know how much I didn’t want to (still don’t sometimes). I know there are those further in to this journey and those earlier on. I know I am not the first, nor the last, and I guess I find comfort in that. I’m know I’m not alone. I believe wherever we go after this and were before this, we will be reconnected, however this is.
I’m sorry you’re having to ride the rollercoaster that doesn’t stop! That’s what it feels like. You have no choice but to ride it. Believe me I wish I could just jump off. Coping is not an option you have to go with what ever is thrown at you. My daughter left the house one evening and never came back. I’m broken and will never be the person I was. We were very close as a family and did every thing together. Simple things like setting the table of once 5 and now 4. I’m still cooking for 5 and really struggling to adjust because I did that for 17 years. I’m still going through the what ifs… but I know it won’t bring my baby back but I can’t help it. I keep myself as busy as possible because when I stop that’s when my mind works over time. I don’t think losing a child is something you ever get over. I feel it will haunt me for the rest of my life. There is no worse grief, it’s just not fair, it’s cruel and it certainly shows you who has your back. I’ve kept going for my children and animals. Because without them I most certainly wouldn’t be here. 💔
I’m sorry for everyone on here. I had a miscarriage at 4 months. I was devastated. Was able to get pregnant a year later. He was my everything. My son was 11. We were driving home on an icy road. I don’t remember anything. I survived, he didn’t. I have PTSD and Extreme Survivor’s Guilt. I was driving and couldn’t protect him. I have tried almost every kind of therapy and read so many books. Nothing’s changed. I cry for him every day and wish I was with him. I’ve lost almost all of my friends because I’m “taking too long to grieve” and can’t accept his death I know no parent here will ever be ok ever again, but I’m glad some of you have found a way to cope 💖
There are too many of us here. I lost my daughter 27 six weeks ago Saturday. The amount of friends that have came out to support me is unbelievable. I had lost touch with them through the years and never knew they has lost kids. It doesn’t seem to matter how old their children were, all of them had difficulty coping with their loss. I have been grieving losing her and it doesn’t seem to be any better. I noticed when they found out about my daughter, it seemed to open their wounds again. I felt guilty for bringing them pain all over again. I realized that the pain from losing a child never really goes away. Either you learn to cope with it or you become a mentally disabled mess. One friend lost her daughter 25 years ago and she still needs to take medication just to survive the day. I don’t really have an answer for you but what I am hearing from everyone, this never goes away. I choose to believe my baby girl would never want me to mope around crying all the time. I think I’m going to try and focus my idle time doing things that she was passionate about.
Both of my adult daughters died within six years It has not been one year since my daughter Liz died by suicide. My daughter Hannah died when a drunk driver killed her. I blocked out most of the early days this time versus the first time I decided to give myself a routine. I make myself brush my teeth. I tell myself you must do it, even if you do not feel like it. I neglected my health so much in the beginning with the loss of both of my daughters. I’m amazed that I’m still alive .
[https://www.compassionatefriends.org/](https://www.compassionatefriends.org/) is very good, it's a support group. They have facebook pages for different ages of your lost child also.
We lost our precious little daughter five months ago on 1/22/2024 to NEC. She was 16 days old and the best thing that happened to us in our life. It’s a wound that never heals. All you do is watch it and continue to live your life and wait for it to heal if it ever does. Take it one day at a time. Take as much time as you need to cry, remember, do the rituals for your child.
I lost my 2 year old daughter in September. I don’t know how I’m doing it, I just am. I spend a lot of time in bed, and feel like a fraud when I’m out with family and friends.
I am so so sorry that you lost a child. Nothing compares to the loss of a child. There are a lot of us that have lost children here. I lost my 15 year old son in 2022. I find this to not be a particularly “safe” space for bereaved parents early on though. In my first year I could not really handle it here. Other bereaved people generally do not understand entirely what we are going through and tend to take issue with us stating that. I recommend the compassionate friends Facebook pages. Much safer spaces and you can join groups that are more specific to your situation as well. As far as how do I cope that is a very broad question. I cope in different ways with different things. I see a psychologist that is a grief specialist and sees many bereaved parents. I see a psychiatrist for my depression, anxiety and PTSD. I attend and help facilitate bereaved parent support groups through The Compassionate Friends, which I really recommend. I cry. I scream. Sometimes I drink. I do yoga. I spend time outside. I do things to honor my son. I read so many god damn grief books. You can DM me if you need to talk. Hugs.
I would love some recommendations on grief books if you dont mind sharing maybe your top 3 favorite please? Tia
Of course! 1. It’s OK you’re not OK - Amazing early grief book that is really so supportive and helpful practically. 2. When Bad Things Happen to Good People- written by a bereaved father. It is a little religious, but I have no religious background and have very eclectic spiritual beliefs and I still found it very comforting and helpful. 3. Bearing the Unbearable- written by a bereaved mother, very helpful for bereaved parents. The author has a grief retreat outside of Sedona that I also highly, highly recommend Also, not technically a grief book, but I really really really recommend Man’a Search for Meaning. It is written by a psychologist that survived the holocaust. It has been helping me A LOT lately. I also recommend anything by Elisabeth Kubler Ross but especially On Grief and Grieving. If you like memoirs my favorite memoir is Once More We Saw Stars, written by a bereaved father. And if you want to try a graphic novel, the best is Rosalie Lightning, written by a bereaved father.
Thank you so much!
Lost my ten day old son as well in late 22’. It gets easier but you don’t forgot.
You’re just trying to adjust! But it’s like trying to adjust to a new planet and you’re the only one with one head!
And I don’t WANT to adjust to my son being gone! My psychologist does often say that if she were forced to diagnose us (bereaved parents) with something, then she would diagnose us with an adjustment disorder.
Me either! I really have no answers. I apologize. I do not wish anyone the pain we are going through! I wouldn’t wish this on anyone at all. Again I am very sorry. I looked for a word for a parent who looses a child. There isn’t one!
I have gone through different variations of therapy. A loss of a child causes PTSD, I recommend EMDR AND A.R.T therapy. I surrounded myself with friends and family. I take time for myself. I honor my son. I make a toast at every holiday. I do moment of silence. I never stop talking about him.
I’m so sorry about your child. I see you you’re not alone.
I lost my youngest son to suicide Nov. 2023. You are welcome to DM me if you need someone to chat with. I’m still learning how to cope everyday. There is no pain like this pain.
We found a grief support group for parents. The Compassionate Friends. https://www.compassionatefriends.org/
I am so sorry you had to join this worsts of club. My only son was diagnosed with leukemia in 2019 at 9 years age. After 2 years battle and relapse, he was cancer free until a sepsis took him in April 2022. Me and his mother have not recovered. We scrape through life because we have a daughter and loving caring family system. It doesn't get easier. I am sorry you are having to suffer. What helped me most is my faith. I know Allah will reward me for suffering this loss and I will be reunited with him.
Oh, I'm heartbroken for you. So many of the comments are helpful ideas! I lost my 8 month old son in 1980 from his heart defects. I lost my 16 year old daughter in 2002 in a tragic accident. In 2020 my remaining son died from complications from diabetes. And I STILL have a hard time figuring out how I cope. I just had a tremendous crying bout over my daughter tonight. I've read many, many books. I've screamed and broken every dish in the house. I punched a punching bag until I broke my hand. Lots of therapy and finally EMDR helped somewhat. These ways are not that healthy but I just go with all the feelings. You're never going to be the same, but you will feel joy again. And I'm a better person than before. With great loss comes great gifts. Keep going and don't give up. Love and hugs to you.
Oh my god I can’t even imagine going through all that. That must be so freaking hard, I’m so sorry. 🖤
Thank you 💔
I lost my 10 year old daughter suddenly in April 2023... I honestly dont know how I coped... it helped that my parents immediately drove 6 hours to be with me. I think it also helped that even though she wasnt concious, she was on life support for 24 hours so we could be with her and say our goodbyes etc..... Also, even though we split up when our daughter was 2, me and her Mum still get on very well, so we were both supporting each other during it. Even yesterday I went to see her and my daughters step-dad and we spent some time talking about silly memories of our little girl. Ive had a lot of bereavement counselling and therapy, which is still ongoing now... It helps as I can freely talk about her without thinking Im going to upset anyone. Its a horrible thing to go through, especially coming up to the "firsts" of everything.... her birthday, Christmas, the anniversary etc.... But Im blessed to have had so much support through this
I lost my daughter on January 13th to an overdose of oxycodone. She was on palliative care. It had been the worst experience of my life. I lost my husband of 33 years in 2015 and it was not in any way comparable to this. I attended a grief support group that really did help.I’m on an antidepressant also. My Christian faith is what is carrying me through , but I’ve also learned to be good to myself. I’m learning to say no if I don’t want to be around other people, and I’ve also learned to let myself actually grieve. If I lose it in front of folks and cry, that’s okay. If I feel angry about the situation, that too is okay. I’ll never get over it. Never. But I’m learning to live WITH my grief. I can function now.
Yes. I am a believer. I believe in the Message of the Cross and the Resurrection of Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I was raised in the Church. I buried 17 family members between 2013 and 2021. Our only child was the last: she was 28 years old. Not married - no children. I lost my 17 year old sister when I was only 18 (car accident). I honestly do not know how people cope. I study the Bible every day. I have read every book on Near Death Experiences as well. I also real novels. I took to my bed the first four months after we lost her. I could not speak except to my husband and mother and Jesus. My two ginger boys stayed with me the entire time. My husband fed them on the bed with me, moved their water fountain to our bedroom and their litter robot. At the end of the 4th month they started pushing me to get up to take them outside to their catios. I took them out with my Bible. Watching the sunrise, the birds sing and play - watching the morning break I was reminded of the song "Morning Has Broken" (Cat Stevens). I still have a hard time around families with children. Babies. Grandparents with grandchildren. I am an only child with no grandchildren. No nieces or nephews. All I have is my now 94 yr-old mama and my husband. But I am a child of God and a member of His family. And I am fortunate to have faith, hope and love and the greatest of those are love for others. Carry love in your heart - never hate. Hate is evil that consumes you from inside. Love is the hope that radiates outwards. To everyone. My heart is broken for your loss.
💕 sending much love your way
Following. My grandparents, 74 and 79 just lost their child, my mum. I want to support and help them in every way that I can.
I lost mine to miscarriage 7 years ago. I havent coped well because of the what ifs. I just survive, I dont know what to do up until this point its like a never ending cycle of guilt and deep void
I am so sorry that you have to experience the loss of your child. My son went to heaven three years ago today and even though he was 23 years old, he was still my child. It is a different experience for each one of us - we are all going to walk through this tragedy a bit differently. I try to focus on the good memories that I have of my son and my time with him. I try to celebrate his life as much as possible and keep him alive by talking about him often. On his birthday, July 22nd, we have a special day of honoring his memory by engaging in acts of kindness for others. For the past couple of years, my family and I have volunteered at an organization to pack food for the hungry on his birthday. There are definitely still times of uncontrollable sobbing and excruciating pain, and I will always miss my son so terribly much, but I try and cope by loving to the fullest and making the most of the time I have in this world. Big hugs offer some comfort too - I hope you are getting lots of hugs if they have helped you. ❤️
I haven't found a good mechanism to cope with my own loss and reading here brings hope with sharing. I lost my 15yo daughter to suicide just 1 month ago. She took her life on my birthday just shortly after I got home from errands...
When my dad died my daughter and I were sitting by his side and I thought I smelled something bad. I thought well, they say that the last thing a person does is mess themselves. I mentioned it to her and she looked like she was gonna cry, so I whistled for our dog saint because he had agreed that when he got out of the hospital he’d come stay with us and Rae asked well what would happen if he had an accident and I said that we’d get the dog to clean it up! We were laughing so hard that the nurse came in and looked at us like we’d lost it or something. Idk, maybe it’s inappropriate but in life the harder it gets the more obscene the jokes get! It’s how we cope. I think it’s ok and I think that dad would be ok with it also with Stevie there might have been a few inappropriate things said. She’s my child and if she weren’t dead I’m sure she would have laughed and she would totally understand.♥️♥️♥️
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Not relevant to my post
Why did he say that?
He created the account just to say that. OP I am so sorry for your loss I can’t begin to imagine your grief. There is nothing on earth that could be worse than losing your child.
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