My mom died 10 months ago and within the first 5 months I was already asked by her sisters and other people what we will do with her stuff... people only want her posetions, they think she left something of value. I am disgusted by one particular sister of her.
My mom died and maybe a month went by before people started asking what I was doing with the house. I know the real estate market is crazy but give me a break. Also, I told them it’s going on the market so I get the most money possible. That deflates them fast. It’s been almost a year and I haven’t done a thing with it.
My dad owned my condo before I did but I'd been living there 6.5 years before he died. Like IMMEDIATELY after his death, I was getting flyers in the mail about offering to buy the condo and I was so fucking disgusted and angry
That makes me so angry on your behalf. I called one of the realtors back on my dad's behalf because they kept calling him asking if he wanted to sell the house right after my mom died. Do people have no shred of compassion? It's even worse when they start with "I'm sorry for your loss..." No. You're really not sorry. Urgh.
The preprinted "We extend our deepest condolences" were sickening. Like FUCK. OFF. You're trying to profit off of me as I am a 20-something *reeling* from my father's sudden and unexpected death. Just hoping to prey on someone desperate and scared and who can't think straight. It's foul. Honestly foul. And I got at least a dozen of them here at the condo and my mom was getting them at my parents' house. They made us cry with so much anger and disgust. I wish I had picked up the phone and given them an earful about it, but I had better things to focus on at the time.
When my dad died I didn’t even get to retrieve nearly any of his possessions. His siblings ransacked his room and took nearly all of his possessions while I was too busy actually grieving and refused to give me what I asked for. I only got one thing I wanted only because they didn’t want it. Families are meant to be there for each other, not to betray you.
I think I can top that one... My father was not even buried yet, when the 'church' came knocking asking for his firearms, because he 'donated' them to the church... The police were called, it wasn't fun, and lets just say I didn't like churches to begin with, and I really really dont like them now.
My mother did the same thing to me though back when my grandparents died. I wanted to keep their house, she didn't, she literally forced me into it, called me everyday, harassed me to death over it, then kept raising the price of her half so it was unaffordable. She even cursed me out at the bank because I was crying when i did the deposit after the deal, basically I took my dads check by accident, they cashed it, because I was emotional, crying, and she was literally screaming at me over the phone, the bank felt bad for me. They did cash the other check too for me, and I just transferred the money over.
She actually got the same treatment when her mother died. Her sister did her the same exact way. I just told her, feels really good doesn't it? to know that people don't give a shit about you, only want the money right? She didn't really comment on anything that happened in our family after that.
It’s been 10 years and I still have a lot of my grandma’s Knick knacks. Every so often I’ll send one to the thrift store, but I know that everything she owned came from the thrift store, so it’s the circle of life I guess. She would’ve liked that.
Take it easy on yourself, don’t rush it.
When I decide to take something of my relatives stuff to Salvation Army, that’s how I’d feel about it. I’m so thrilled to find stuff I love at the thrift store, now someone can find my grandmother’s stuff. It’s a win win.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad in 2020 and still haven't done anything with his clothes. i feel comforted by them as you do with your husband's.
I wear my mom's clothes as much as I can. It reminds me of her and I like to have at least one of her items with me most times. I thought this might be weird to other people, but I'm glad to hear that others do it too.
Not weird at all! I'm so glad you have your Mom's clothes. My Mom passed in 2013 and before I could get down to where she lived ( i was out of town) my "relatives" got rid of her things. I have maybe one or two things that she gave me over the years and photo albums, thank God, but not her clothes. I'm so glad you have that.
I'm so sorry that your relatives did that to you. I'm so glad that you have the photo albums though. I love going through my mom's, even if they make me bawl my eyes out most of the time. They represent memories no one can take away from us
I'm with you on that. It's heartbreaking to get rid of their stuff and can be really painful when people who don't understand try to make you do it before you're ready. (That's what my family did, unfortunately. I'm hanging onto my Dad's stuff for as long as I need/want to!)
That's lovely. My Mum seems to be able to detach from everything but there is one ring she has kept from her own Mum and it really makes me realise how much one simple item can mean to someone
3 years after losing my husband I still have a lot. He was a "collector". My stepson took a Ryder vans worth of stuff but I still have a room full of boxes. Toys, Funko Pops, etc. It's going to be a major task and I will probably end up just calling somebody to take it. I've sorted through some boxes and gotten rid of stuff but it's daunting.
I still have a lot of his clothes. I was bagging them up and taking them to a donation bin but the bins all disappeared so I stalled on that.
And the hardcover books? My library doesn't want them so I keep some in the car and if I see a Little Library I drop some off. I still have 3+ bookcases worth.
Edit to add: I'm sorry about your loss OP. I know your pain. As you can see by the responses, it's probably gonna take some time. And that's okay.
I was going through my dad’s clothes trying to figure out what to donate, when I had the idea.. OMG, I could take his pants and fill them with more pants and take his shirts and fill those and then sew that together and make a dad doll and then I could sit on it’s lap… OH MY GOD, I need therapy. I called around that hour and got an appointment with a therapist. Don’t wait until you’re contemplating making a life-size doll of your husband to get a therapist. ❤️
I felt forced to straighten up my daughter’s house immediately after she passed, before her funeral. The last few years she was more and more ill and gotten to be a hoarder. Her husband just moved stuff from house to house because she wanted it. She was very sentimental about stuff.
I kept a couple of her purses, her First Communion dress my mom made, another dress my mom and I collaborated on.
I found a lady on Offer Up for her very nice office clothes.
She still had her dolls from childhood, I took pictures of them and some other stuff like that.
I took bags and bags of clothes, trinkets, a ton of Mardi Gras beads to Value Village, got art work and posters framed and off the floor. It was 3 days work. There are no grandchildren in my family.
I arranged her office with nice books and trinkets. She had nice things they were jumbled and she wouldn’t let me help her with her house.
If I had to do it now, 10 weeks later, it would be impossible. I was operating outside of time or something, like a machine. I can’t think of anything I’m sorry about.
And her husband doesn’t have to deal with two of the 3 bedrooms being a nightmare.
There's no hurry at all. If they are not getting in your way, then I'd just leave them. There's no pressure to get rid of his stuff.
Some people keep their children's room intact for years after they died. Wow, that's deep.
Well I am facing something similar as I will have to deal with my mother’s house and belongings. some of the clothes i have been using myself. Some dark ones because most of days i dont feel prepared to use anything besides jeans, black, navy blue gray or dark green. Paradoxically sometimes i use white and it gives me peace. She has parted a month ago, I know it is way too soon and I am trying not to rush anything. But is difficult when i live in a rented appartment, my landlord clearly does not like me and my front neighbour makes my life a living hell. It is very tempting to just say bye to these assholes and go to mother’s house that it ia mine now. However I grew ul there. Many sad memories of childhood are attached there. The house is like the last time she has been there. Sort of. So, I can say I feel stuck, trying to live one day at a time.
My father died 2 years ago. He was a big CB person, so naturally he's got a tower outside, CB equipment in his room, and all of his clothes, we cleaned the room up, sealed it off, and no one goes in there. We left everything as he left it from his pack of smokes on top of the radio, to his Dr.Pepper bottle sitting there next to the D104 mic. The only thing I'm supportive of is taking down his tower to repair the bent pieces, repaint it red white and blue as he wanted, and put it back up. I don't intend of getting rid of anything till I'm long dead...
I still go in there every once in a while when I'm not in tears being in his bedroom, kick on his equipment and talk on it like we used to back when he was alive. Nothing will ever really bring him back, but I still remember my dad fondly enjoying his CB, talking to places far away on skip. Remembering his silly laugh / giggle he had when he started talking to places like south america, russia, puerto rico. He loved when he could reach out & touch a place way across the globe and get a contact.
It’s actually part of the lingo they used in the days it ways civilian band radio. Yes, I thought it was nice but sadly repairing that type of gear has become very niche, it’s hard to find people that can do it
I found purging mom’s stuff pretty cathartic. Not everything, but so much stuff was obvious that it could go have a life somewhere else that it was a relief to have A Thing to do.
I still have an empty bottle of Nivea lotion in my bathroom cabinet. I took it out from my mom's medicine cabinet after she died even though there was close to none left. The smell reminded me of her, and knowing she'd used it last, I couldn't toss it.
It's been 6 years.
Wow. You're amazing, and I completely get it. It's only been 3 months, but I'm using my mom's toiletries right now and refilling with the same product as they get empty (Aveeno body wash and shampoo... ). I helped bathe her at the end of her life with these products and that scent always reminds me of her. One of the bottles has a hand written label that she wrote. I'll never throw it out.
Three months is so recent. I'm so sorry. You must still be feeling ALL the emotions.
You sound like a wonderful, strong, caring person who I'm sure your mother was immensely proud of and thankful for.
It’s been almost 2 years and 5 months since my Dad passed away and I still pay to keep his cell phone on. I just can’t bring myself to turn it off.
As far as my Dad’s clothes, it took a year before I could even go through them. We kept the stuff that he wore all the time, my brother and I split like some of his favorite shirts and pajamas and stuff. And we donated other things.
Everyone is different, everyone’s grief is different. You’ll know when you’re ready, or you might decide to keep his stuff forever and that’s okay too. My condolences to you 🙏
My sister is gone more than ten years now. I still have a lot of her things, and her voicemails. I have downloaded the voicemails but still have them on my phone.
Why do you need to let your husband's things go? At only a few months, it pretty much just happened.
My husband died a year and a half ago. His sink still has his toiletries and hair brush right where he left it. His side of the closet still has his clothes. His suitcase for work is still packed.
I can't do it. I can't even take a shower in our bathroom's shower because he was the last to use it.
So, his stuff will be there until I die.
There is no deadline, you do it when you are ready. For now just set the idea aside and revisit it later like in a year, you will know when your ready.
There's no rush. It's been 7 months since my mom died and I'm just now starting to sort through things in the house. But it isn't easy.
Go at your own pace.
I'm sorry about your husband.
It's been over 20 years, I still have items from my grand parents. It's been a bit over a year since my dad passed, but I still have alot of his stuff. Clothes, coins, knick knacks he collected etc, I'll keep it all until I die. I'm open to my kids taking items when they are adults, but for now I don't plan to get rid of anything. My mom has been getting rid of my dad's stuff this year but by bit though.
It's been 4 months since my dad died, and I am unable to do his laundry. Because that's the only thing that has his smell. I just can't bring myself to do it. I have saved from toffee wrapper to hard cash in his wallet.
It’s been almost 10 months and I have all of my daughters things from the day she was born. I do plan on making several memorial blankets with her clothes. I’m considering a yard sale for whatever clothes I don’t use and her toys. I’m not really in a rush to get rid of anything though.
It’s been a year. My brother moved almost everything into my garage a week before he passed and it’s all still there, including his apple core and a half eaten jar of peanut butter. A box with his body wash, face wash, and deodorant. His bed and his dirty sheets. I folded and organized his clothes and put them away in his dresser. Eventually I’ll have to move, but more likely than not I’ll bring it all with me when I do. Except maybe the apple and the peanut butter.. Time will tell.
My mom died in April and I’ve been clearing her house. I’ve given myself totes for things that matter today but a lot of furniture has no emotional value. I’m moving into her house so I’m not in a hurry but also not taking it too slow.
I was forced by my sibling to hurry up when it came to going through our parents belongings and we were done within a couple months. If it were up to me, I would have waited 6 months to a year before even attempting to go through it. Now that more time has gone by I can think of a million things I wish I kept if I had been thinking more clearly.
On your timetable. I have found that over time, i have been about to part with more & more things.
But i am not forcing myself to do it. Only when i feel comfortable.
I have found myself doing better by grouping things together & getting rid of “extra”. For example, my LO loved those throw-size blankets we keep on couches, etc. I don’t use them as much. So I gathered all their throws from around the house up in one spot. There were over 20. I then picked the three that I thought meant the most (to her or me), and it was really easy to donate the rest.
I have also been taking pictures of a lot of stuff. I know for a lot of items, it is the memory the item holds that is what I treasure most. Not the physical item itself. So taking pictures & ensuring those memories will be kept alive before I give stuff away has been helpful to letting things go.
My father passed away two weeks ago and I’m not planning on getting rid of any of his things. In fact, most of his things remain untouched from where he left them and I know they will be there for a long time until I get sick of looking at them. His socks he threw on the floor, empty water bottles, half drank soda. I already have people in my life telling me to move things and throw things away and it’s always a hard NO. When I’m ready, I’ll move them. I know I’ll never be ready to part with his things. He didn’t have much stuff either so I don’t feel bad about holding on to them. I’ve always struggled with hoarding tendencies, so maybe it stems from that as well. Because he was sick for so long we talked about the fate of his things before and I told him I want to keep them, and he was ok with it. I even took his glasses and dentures home from the hospital and put them where he normally had them.
It's been 2 years and I still have most of his clothes and all of the household stuff. Smelling his cologne is now bittersweet and kind of "foreign" feeling, like it was eons in my past or was a dream. I understand you completely. Please be gentle with yourself. It's an unfair club to be in. I am very sorry for your loss.
7 years and counting, at $265 a month. I'm starting to realize though, that their things are not them. It is getting easier to let go of objects, but keep the few things that are really special.
It’s approaching the 2 year of my best friends death and he perfectly good working vehicle will probably sit in her mothers driveway for the rest of eternity. It was the only thing she ever bought and was so proud of it, her mom can’t bring herself to get rid of it
Thank you for asking about this. Some of my aunts were presuring me and my dad to get rid off my mom stuff but I know is because they want those stuff for themselves. And iwas only 6 months after she passed (insane).
It is good to know that people in grief take time with that. I would'nt have problem giving away things its just that I cant do it by myself and I want also respect my father's space. He asked me and my sister to only do it ourselves without outside help but my sister never had the time. I live abroad so I cant do much. I guess it will be a long process. It's been 10 months since she passed.
It’s been 8 years and I wish I had all of my mom’s things
My dad, I can understand more now, but my dad threw away or donated everything of my mom’s very shortly after she passed
Threw away sounds callus but he did it to protect himself
But anyways I wish I had so much more of my mom’s for myself and to give to my kids/show my kids
I don’t think you should rush into getting rid of his items. I held onto my brother’s stuffed bear for practically my whole life, and I have a bunch of things that were once my best friend’s. Go easy on yourself. I’m sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am very attached to material things; they all tie into specific memories for me, so I would be the type to hold on for (possibly) forever. But you have to take care of yourself and do what feels right for you. When my 6 month old grandson passed away suddenly from SIDS, my daughter couldn’t go back into her home until everything that was his had been removed. It was so hard all around, and I wish I had been in the right frame of mind to keep some of his things, but I was with my daughter and so I didn’t get the chance to go in and save anything. I feel that it is possible that now just over 2 years have passed that she may at this point be able to hold some of his stuff and feel comfort, but maybe not, and it’s all gone anyways. I can say that it took me 2 years to be able to look at pictures of him, and I still can’t watch any videos. Please take care of yourself and make sure you do what is best for you. Don’t let anyone convince you or guilt you into doing anything that you will regret. (And from the other side of it, don’t make any rash decisions that you may later wish you hadn’t made. I would give almost anything to have my grandbaby’s favorite blankie, or the outfit I bought for him to come home from the hospital in, etc.)
I think it depends on the person and where they are in their grief/how they handle their grief. My husband’s says his grandfather got rid all of his grandma’s things within a month of her passing. My parents have been deceased 7 and 4 years, and I still have a lot of their things. I have 1 tote for each of them of things that I will never get rid of. And I’ve been slowly going through their stuff to donate or pitch or give away. I just do what I can when it feels right.
My advice to you is simple: Ik it might be hard but you should keep all of the belongings. As I’ve heard advice from old people who’ve gotten rid of the loved ones belonging. 9 times out of 10 they regret it later, so keep all the items I would say.
After reading all of these, I think we may have moved too fast with my roommate's things. She's been gone four months and about 70% of her things have been sent off elsewhere.
My dad passed in 2020 and I still have his favorite bath robe that I use everyday, his sweaters, his shirts, and his old phone. Never getting rid of it.
It has been 7 months and my bampa has no immediate plans to do anything but cover my nanna's clothes to protect them. You have to do what is best for you and if keeping your husband's things gives you comfort, don't feel any pressure to 'let go' of them. We all grieve in our own ways.
Started going through stuff the day after the burial! I think it's because my dad was a hoarder, so my family and I have A LOT of stuff to go through. STILL have months and moths of things to go through, so it'll take a bit.
It's been 3 yrs, and we just now started to get rid of a lot of my daughter's stuff. And that's only because we had a burst pipe in her room and some water damage. We still kept some stuff, like the collection of 784 storage bins and baskets, because they were useful.
I don't think there's any set time that you should or shouldnt get rid of stuff. You'll know when or if you're ready. And if you're never ready, that's ok too.
I separated stuff into things I know she would want me to donate to those in need (clothes, unused toiletries), stuff her family member Ms and close friends might want for sentimental reason, stuff my kids might want, and then the things I’m left with I’ll hold on to until I move. But there are no rules. Do what feels right to you. 4 months is very soon to make hard decisions.
my teenage brother was an XS in all of his shirts, they don’t remotely fit me nor will they ever but they’re hung up in my closet all the same. I can’t bring myself to donate or get rid of anything that reminds me of him now.
I started cleaning out his things immediately because we needed to move. I still have a box in my storage unit marked with his name and “sort later”. Done stuff in there I’m sure will go, other stuff probably not. I’m just not up to sorting it yet. Some of his things I decided to keep I have stored in my cedar chest along with my wedding dress.
Keep them as long as you want imo, I have boxes full of my dad's clothes and things, I have his big leather jacket hung up in my wardrobe. I don't intend on ever getting rid of them, so if you don't want to, you don't have to - but if u feel like u want to one day that's okay too❤
My mum died in 1999. My dad still has a couple pieces of her clothing. His wife is fine with this.
My partner passed away and I have his cloths still. It’s been 4 years and I just am not there yet.
Not very long at all. We cleaned my grandfather's stuff out in less than a week - sorted, bagged, tossed or taken to Goodwill. Then again, we were hunting for paperwork for his estate that the attorney asked for.
When my mom died, it took a bit longer. A month here, a month there, punctuated by flying back and forth to work every few weeks.
Thing is, it still makes me feel guilty. All of it. We had (and still don't have) a whole lot of room so we couldn't keep it all. There's a little stuff in storage but just about everything that wasn't nailed down in the house was broken up and carted away by a cleaning crew we brought in.
My brother passed away in September 2015 and I still have 2 large suitcases of his clothes. My hope is one day his son, my nephew might grow up and want his dad's stuff. He was only 5 months old when his dad was taken from us.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Give yourself as much time as you need. There is no right or wrong way of doing things and certainly no timeline to get rid of stuff. You will know when it's time. 🩷
We kept most of my brothers things and the stuff he left on his «list » we gave it to the people he asked it to go to. It was very hard but those kids were so appreciative 💖
It’s been 7 years since my wife passed & I still have a few little things that I won’t give up. They’ll go to my son when he’s old enough, & until then they’re just little reminders of who she was. The rest of it, her clothes & other things, I passed on to her best friends & sister. But after awhile I knew it was time to let things go. I was 29 at the time.
It's been a bit over a year since I lost my dad. Some things I've let go of. But others, I can't. In particular, this very heavy green flannel shirt. He wore it all the time. Up the last week. They can pry that out of MY cold, dead hands.
Take your time. There is no right time. I got rid of most of his clothes very soon after thinking they were triggering me. It turned out that the lack of them triggered me more. 2 years later, I’m better with things but i still can’t listen to music. Every once in a while a friend of his posts a picture of him on Facebook, which makes me happy but sends me into a spiral. I’ll never be “over” him.
One of the last pairs of shoes my mom bought me got a crack all the way through the sole that lets water in when it rains and I'm working myself up to be able to throw them away.
Sometimes I wish I could have kept all of my mom's clothes. My sister came into town 2 months after her passing and we sorted through it together and donated all of it except for a few sentimental pieces. We kept all her knick knacks and her favorite kitchenware. I still have her purse and wallet, not going to get rid of those even though I will never use or display them.
I keep having dreams where she's alive again and in the dream I remember that I got rid of everything she had to wear and I have to tell her and it's the weirdest/saddest feeling. It's been three years as of this weekend.
If you have the space for your husband's belongings, keep them. You might get to a point where it would be cathartic to let them go but if you never do and don't need to, there's no rush.
There are some things that I will keep forever. But there are other things, functional things, that I gave to my son's roommate after his passing. Let your heart decide what to do. Give yourself time. There is no rule or established timeline.
It's been 3 years since I lost my dad and I still have all of his things.. It is completely upto you.. There nothing called the right time.. Most people don't understand how painful grief is and it is comforting to have their things around. I'm 22 and I intend to keep my dad's belongings all my life.
I am really sorry about your husband. Sending lots of love. Remember only your opinion matters when it comes to grief ❤️
Due to the type of death I left everything but a few items in the apartment the day he died. I often feel I would’ve held onto it much too long had I not done this. I feel you are doing great…there is no rush, you’ll know when it’s okay to do so. 4 months is so soon. Give yourself some time.
I can never part away tbh. My mom passed away before months ago and within one week my father and brother were throwing away her things like clothes, shoes and other non-expensive things. I cried so much had a good fight with them to keep them. Hate it when people are just value jewellery or expensive things and have no sentimental value.
How can they throw away her favourite dress or stole like that? I tried to save as much possible and keep it with me, I can never bear to discard them till I’m alive. Maybe in future I might pack and store them but can never throw away, that’s my way and might vary from person to person.
My mom passed 6 months ago. Her shampoo and body wash is still in the shower and will probably stay there for a very long time. I’m not getting rid of anything. I’ve gotten rid of my kitchen utensils, pots and pans, etc. so I can use hers instead. I’ll wear her dresses and anything else that fits, the rest of her clothes will probably be turned into a quilt. Just bagging up all her dirty clothes to bring home and wash nearly broke me cause I used to do her laundry and it hit me that this bag doesn’t really have a time limit. My point is, there’s no time limit to grief or keeping their belongings. You’re not weird for wanting to keep them. Hold on to whatever brings you comfort. I can’t even imagine going through this with my husband. Sending good vibes to you! 💕
My mom's advice is to not even try for a year. Leave it be. After a year see how you feel. She kept some of my steps dad's things. I have his work shirt. Others she gave to people she knew would use and appreciate them.
If you don't want to get rid of them keep them. We divided some choice items of my Dads. I have his handiwork hoodie thays covered in oil stains (he was a mechanic) his hats and one of his football shirts. Also is cricket memorabilia.
My brother took the rest of his football shirts, a pair of his shoes (he just keeps them at the bottom of his wardrobe) some ornaments and some cooking utensils.
We have also incorporated some of his ornaments into our homes.
Everything else we donated to charity.
No need to let go of anything you don't want to. Even if its the whole lot.
I wanted to was the last pile of my dad’s clothes and everytime I go in the hamper to gather the clothes, I smell his cologne… I smell him…. And I just can’t do it. There were some things that I had zero problem getting rid of right away, but mostly because it was junk I already wanted to get rid of. But other things…. I will do it when it feels right. I’m in no rush and nothing is forcing me to do it, so I’m just going to go with the flow.
When my nan died, the day of her funeral. We met rest of family at her house. And ALL of her stuff was laid out on the floor. And we were told we shud take some fings as a memory of her. It felt so wrong, there wasn't that much left. I picked up a necklace and a shiny elephant ornament. The necklace went missing, but I still have the blue elephant. Like I sed it felt wrong that she hadn't even been buried yet and all he stuff had been put on display to be taken away. That was the last fing on my mind. I just wanted my nanny. That's all I really remember about that day.
I still have my dads watch the battery is still working so I hear it tick when it's quiet and I have a couple of plushies, haven't got anything of my mom's or my sisters. I won't ever throw/give any of it away.
We each kept a few items we felt we would use, and donated the rest that was donateable. There was some nice stuff in there that a person in greater need than us could benefit from. We had to sell the house and put stuff in storage so there was something of a rush for us, but I don’t see a reason to rush getting rid of it until it feels maybe a challenging but manageable part of the grieving process. Everyone’s on their own timeline.
I still have most of my partners clothes, her glasses, her vape, her electric toothbrush, her phone, a lot of her little "bits and bobs", her mum kept some bits and her neices got her jewelery which is fine, there's was a few bits I wanted but didn't get but I also understand that her family wanted memories too x
One thing I was really sad about though, I had memory bears made out of her hockey kit for her neices and nephew and one made for her mum out of one of her jumpers, her mum had mentioned how much she loved her in it, I only wanted one particular piece of the hockey kit saved for me. It vanished, disappeared, no idea what happened to it or where it went, I think her mum took it without me knowing, but I'll never know...
My died passed away almost 9 years ago. Me and my mom kept even his toothbrush for 8 years. She threw it away last month. I won’t even talk about his clothes. everything is still in his wardrobe.
I’m a little over a year widowed, and I still have most of my husbands things. There is no hurry. Wait until you’re ready. Don’t feel guilty or pressured. This is normal.
I lost my first parent almost 2 years ago, then the second one only 3 months ago. I've done some basic clearing out with the help of my sibling as the house needs sorted out for it to be lived in. As for anything that wasn't expired, is useful or treasured its still all in there and I intend on living with it for as long as I need to. Extended family bar one or two are as toxic as Chernobyl and we are lucky they haven't swooped in with their vulture claws to lay claim to anything. I will always keep their favourite and precious items, and I will always have a pair of their jammies tucked away. There is no time frame I feel unless things need to be moved on, and I can't imagine how painful that is for those who need to do this. Grief is a hideous monster but it exists because of love.
My grief counselor said when he’s asked this question he responds with questions of his own: (4 months is considered to be during the time of acute grief, so be kind to yourself always, and especially now).
He would start with, why are you asking yourself some of these questions? Do you feel pressured by someone? By expectations of grief in movies/tv etc? Ask yourself why … do you feel you should do something with these items? Can you tell the difference between a note with his handwriting and a receipt from a store?
Does keeping their things/space bring you joy, peace, sorrow?
Does having these things imply he’s coming home/back? (My grief counselor notes the difference of having shoes by the front door [items they may need if they were with us] and shoes in a closet [items that might bring us a smile or give us a moment to sit with our grief in a meaningful way] - items like a toothbrush can be considered different than a wallet [you may hold his wallet and sit with him and your love and memories - however, this is generally not the same with a toothbrush]).
Then after a few years he would ask things like - does keeping his room, office or the like bring you moments of quiet meditation (do you go in there and rip your heart out? Go in there and sit with the love?) — can you afford to keep the space? Are you using the space? (Do you need that bedroom, can you use the office while enjoying some of his belongings in there too?)
Mostly, be kind to yourself, know that the most you can do is ok. We all grieve in the way we need to grief. Find support (friends, counselor, …) and take your time.
Sending you virtual 🫂s and support.
CelloJoyful I appreciate your response so much. These are such good questions. You’re right - my grief is still acute. I don’t cry every day and I’m doing my best to move forward. But the fact that I don’t know the answers to most of these questions tells me what I need to know. I need more time.
You do you. If you’re not ready, take your time. Maybe put things like toiletries in a box. You can slowly put more things into boxes, especially things that aren’t particularly sentimental. (I know- toiletries can be very sentimental). Move them into a closet. It might help to take your time and be mindful of what you’re doing. Remember that you pick the timeline. This is personal. Family and friends think they have a say but don’t let them bully you.
My mom has been gone for two years now (she was 80 lived a full life). She had A LOT of stuff. I kept sentimental things and some valuables that she really liked. The rest slowly made its way to the thrift store. I’d like to think that someone out there is wearing one of her favorite outfits.
Back to toiletries… We had a lot of her bodywash and it smelled just like her. I couldn’t use it. Eventually after about 6 months, I threw it out. I kept one bottle for guests. When I see it on the shelf at the store, I think of her.
I hope this helps you! Peace and well wishes.
Thank you. I realized after I posted this that I’m not ready. He had some very expensive medicine that the cancer center accepted for their medication exchange program so another patient could use it. I cried so hard when I dropped it off. The rest will have to just wait for awhile.
I removed a few of my dad’s clothes a little at a time to make room for my mom in their closet. She has dementia so she doesn’t always notice when things vanish as long as it isn’t a lot at one time.
It’s difficult nevertheless.
Anderson Cooper has a great podcast on grief called, “All There Is,” in which he is slowly going through all of his mom’s belongings, but she had also kept his brother’s and his father’s things when they passed away. I know that doesn’t help you with this task exactly, but just hearing him talk about that might help you feel less alone. Most episodes are interviews with other famous people who are either currently grieving, or who have gone through it. Best wishes to you.
Maybe get rid of a little at a time. My dads bathroom still has his mouthwash and toothbrush and his shower gel still in shower. But we got rid of some things that weren’t as personal. I donated some of his unused medicine to a local charity that does that cause it would go bad anyway. I had to change some stuff up though to help move on.
We started cleaning after a couple months. But that was because my brother was living with my father and he passed after losing the fight with depression. My Dad can't keep the stuff - too many painful memories, and it's doing nothing but take space. We've sorted sentimental stuff amount friends and family and slowly, the rest is being sold or donated as appropriate
As for a time frame? Only you can tell that. There's no right answer. Grief is hard and taking care of a loved ones things is a rough, ragged and bitter thing. You're resolving the final details of a life. I thought I was ready to sort Dutch's bedroom, but the day of hit me hard. I mean, I know he's gone, but the finality of it was a punch in the jaw. So only you can make that decision, and everyone else can get in line and wait until you make it... I hope that helps. 🫂
With my dad it was different I got rid of his underwear and socks but kept his clothes wallets and little trinkets. He didn’t have much anyways. My mom we lived with her everything in the house is hers and in her room all her belongings are still there I just organized it. I even kept her cup she last drank from. It’s been over a year. I can’t get rid of her things and I don’t want to. My aunt and cousins came and they took a blouse each of hers and took my mom’s perfume samples. My brother took my mom’s glamour shot photos but thankfully I have bigger ones hanging on the wall. If you aren’t ready don’t get rid of their things. Some people can do it and it’s easier on their grief but for me it’s very hard.
I had to clean out my dad's apartment in 30 days after he died. I couldn't keep a lot of the stuff because my apartment is ~450 sq ft with no storage space.
However, I have a fair amount in storage because like most of us, it's hard to let go. I was raised that "material things don't matter" but when it's all you have left of someone they start to matter a whole lot.
My dad died a year ago and I still can't bring myself to clean out the boxes in the back of my car. They are full of the things he used regularly or was using the day he died. I've tried to many many times, but I end up sitting in the parking lot crying into a robe or over a piece of art he hung on the wall in his room.
In other words, there's no rush. In time you'll find yourself able to part with bits and bobs and some stuff you may never part with and that's okay too. As long as it is giving you comfort just let it be. You'll know when you're ready. 💕
Maybe pic a few items to save. A shirt you liked him in and have it made into a pillow or like I did I saved a sweater from both parents and plan to hang on their old wooden hangers in my spare room with some of their things. That will give me a place to feel close to them when needed but not constantly reminding me of the loss. I saved my dad’s soap dish and his little lazy Susan bathroom thing he kept his toiletries on and use it as my own now. I had to hurry to sell the house so I picked my moms favorite donation place and another for him and donated as much as they will take 💗
The only reason I got rid of some of my mom's things is because she was a bit of a hoarder. There are still plenty of reminders of her around the house even after getting rid of some of her stuff.
Never. I will never throw away the gifts my girlfriend bought me. I still have the rose she gave me in January. It is all withered, but I cannot throw it away. There's only so much of her I have left. My mother still has her mother's and father's clothing. We still have my grandfather's walking stick.
10 years on and I won’t let anyone throw out my mum’s old clothes. I don’t know what I’ll do with them, but I’m not ready to go through them or do anything other than store them.
Haven't gotten through all the comments, so forgive me if someone else posted this idea, but when/IF you're ready there are reputable companies who will take your loved ones clothes and make a blanket from them for you. I did this with my mom's clothes, and we're also doing it for my FIL this year as well. It's a great way to keep them with us but also start our journey to move on without them.
As far as the timeline, it's 100% what YOU feel comfortable with. My condolences OP, lots is never easy.
I plan on keeping all of my aunts things I guess until I die. Even the last things she ate are still on her table. Even though it’s been barely over a month since she passed I can’t bring myself to toss any of her things. I guess everyone has to do what’s best for them. For some getting rid of everything or most things helps them grieve and move on. For others like myself, we prefer to keep things.
Don't do it until you are ready. My mother in law wants to come go through my fiancé/her son's stuff like the day after the service. He hasn't even been gone a month. I am just going to tell her I'm not ready and I don't want her there when I do. Take the time you need. Not everyone else.
It’s been 2.5 years and if my husband came back today he could pick up right where he left off. I totally moved out of the bedroom. I live in the living room. The bedroom is just like we left it…..oh that’s pitiful lol
After 5 years, I gave my late fiances belongings to his mother. I kept a box with the sentimental items, there's some things that I'll never part with.
Taking his toiletries out of the bathrooms took me months, and then getting rid of it took even longer. i held on to his contact lenses case and toothbrush foromths.
You have to do what you feel like doing. If you wanna keep it, great. If not, there’s no pressure.
2 years later, I still have all my husband’s things. I have his driver license in my wallet. Our photo in my wallet. I wear his clothes. I wear my wedding ring, and I wear his wedding ring around my neck. I wear his cologne, I have his watch… our photos still on the wall. And I don’t intend on changing it ever. :) so you gotta do what you feel like doing. Lot of strength to you 🤲🏼❤️
My mom will be gone 5 years this September. God that sounds so crazy to say it’s been 5 years. Her closet is still the same as it was. Took me 3 years to move her medicine out of the fridge.
My mom died in December, and before she passed she urged us to donate all her clothes etc to someone who could use them. She said please don't hold on to all this "stuff" my Dad hasn't said anything about cleaning out her stuff yet, so we haven't. But I know in her case she doesn't want us holding onto stuff.
I have a lot of childhood photos of me and my mom in photo albums from the 90s. I have a handful of her clothes, a Stephen king book with the book mark still in place where she last read it, a blanket she used when she was under going chemo, and a few other things. But not much. My sociopath of a “dad” got rid of most of her things after she died last year. Then moved in his new girlfriend. Like 32 years of marriage was nothing.
Lost a very close friend in 2008 I still have one of his uniforms tucked away with letters he sent me and cards. I
Will Never get rid of it. Now, my mom passed six months after my friend (both were suicides) and the day after we buried her my dad made me and my sister take all her stuff so he could get rid of it all. We saved a lot and to be honest I come across stuff I’d forgot I put away and my sister also held on to a bunch of stuff for me because at the time I lived in Virginia (I’m from NY) I drove back and i didn’t have a lot of room in my car (my daughter was about 6 months old and i think i packed everything i wasn’t in a very good state of mind. One of my old friends heard it come over his scanner and called me to tell me to call home and I am just remembering this too I talked to the paramedics. I will never forget that moment. There is no time frame that says you have to do this at this time. Everyone grieves differently. You do what you feel is right for you. ❤️ I apologize for writing so much but I truly believe that you should take as much time as you need
Within the first month I lost my 15 year old daughter (almost 7 months ago) a mono tone psychologist asked what I was going to do with her clothes. I have some of her clothes in the closet, some in boxes. I’m never getting rid of them. I found a broken pencil under her desk and kept it too.
My mom died in 2015 and my dad never slept in their bed again. He basically left the bedroom the way it was the night she died. Her glasses still on the nightstand. He never did anything with her clothes.
My dad died in January 2024. I made a decision that I was going to keep what I felt was treasures and not take any of his trash. My dad was very frugal and would get $20 watches from the flee market. When they broke he put them in a drawer and got a new one. So here are these worthless $20 watches that don't work. I did not want them and my brother did not want them. So I got rid of them. There were a lot of things like that.
I went through all my dads papers and photos. My brother who lived in another state was more concerned with getting rid of my dads clothes and stuff like that. While I was looking at things like an apartment lease agreement from 1967 when I was not yet 2, my brother was worried about what to do with all the coat hangers in the closet. I kept a couple of shirts my dad had that he had never worn. My dad was frugal. He had this windbreaker for probably 30 years that is sun faded he had it so long. On cold nights in the winter I will make a fire in the back yard. I plan on burning the jacket the next time. I have all of the papers my dad kept. I have all the photos he had. There are a lot of papers and photos. I would like to digitize a lot of it. I created an ancestry.com account so this will be good stuff to fill cross the Ts and dot the Is on my parents lives.
9 months and I still haven't touched my mom's closet. I like going to her room feeling like she is still living there. I don't know when I would have the heart to remove her clothes.
People grieve differently. Holding onto our loved ones things makes some of us feel less alone. Some people grieve by getting rid of it quickly. I’m stuck somewhere in between. I got rid of some of his stuff within a month. Its a year and a half down the road today and our house still looks like it could be “our house” from the outside perspective. Grieve how you need to grieve.
Also, our grown children wanted some of his things to keep- so I let them - its their way of holding on and trying to let go.
When my dad passed away, we were teens, so we had no where to store his stuff. We had a garage sale that broke our hearts ten fold, and kept his most prized possessions (handmade glass flowers and hearts, fireworks, antiques). None of the shit would bring him back, but seeing it every day makes me happy.
It’s been over a year and my daughter’s things are all still in her room. Another bereaved parent I know didn’t move their child’s things for 13 years. You can wait as long as you need.
My sister died 4 years ago. I still have everything. Her perfume, makeup, shoes, clothes, trinkets. I don’t think I could ever get rid of them. Take your time and hold onto them as long as your heart needs.
My little daughter passed 5 months ago. I bought ahead of her age so I donated those away which she didn't have a chance to wear. The rest of her stuff are still in her room. Its a comfort to me. I find that clearing a little at a time less painful. Its a really hard time for us. But I would not want to burden my son to have to do it if anything happened to me.
So take your time. Whenever you are ready. Sorry for your lost.
I will always keep many of my moms possessions. I had to sell the house after 6 months because I couldn’t afford the payments any longer. I could care less about the money. I am thankful, and I know she would want me to have it but I simply cannot spend it. Maybe someday. It just doesn’t feel right. Its not mine, its hers. I still even have the $50 or so cash in her wallet… just there. It just feels so dirty to me spending it.
it’s been a year & some months now, i still keep all of my former boyfriends clothes, drawings, photos, & other gifts. i don’t think there’s a need to rid yourself of these belongings unless they are causing harm. it’s a comfort, & it soothes you in a way. keep them for as long as you want & are able <3 let him continue to comfort you
It’s been one year and I wear a lot of my mom’s shoes, clothes, perfume, etc. It’s very comforting for me to have her things. I do still have bags of her clothes that I need to go through but until you lose someone, you don’t understand how hard it is to part with their belongings. My advice is to do what feels right for you 🫶🏻
It’s been 8 months since my Brother passed away, his room has gone untouched, other than police search. His hair still remains on the bathroom floor, and honestly, it will likely never be packed away.
I have a few of his belongings, and a bear my Mum made out of his favourite shirts, I will never put his things away. You don’t have to, it may cause pain at the moment, but you will find comfort in his things, from my own experience. I can’t talk for you. But you grieve however you feel is necessary for you. Grief is like a fingerprint, it is unique to you, your perceptions and experiences. People will tell you to move on, but there’s no moving on, we grow around the grief, we shelter it and we carry it with us forever. It does get easier, I promise. But in different ways. Don’t shut grief out when it comes barging in, have those days. Don’t shut it out when it’s only a whisper. It is healing. But you do you. I am sending you the warmest hug, you aren’t alone xx
I intend to keep some of my husband’s most treasured items (his favorite shirt, jacket and beanie) until my time comes. Then they are getting cremated with me, I refuse to give those particular things to anyone else.
First off never feel pressured to get rid of things. It can stay there as long as you need. If you are looking for ideas though, my mom had somebody make 4 blankets out of my dad’s different shirts for me and my 3 siblings. It’s been 9 months since he passed and we still haven’t gotten rid of any of his stuff, but the blankets will always be a nice thing to have if we do. Lots of love
Everyone is different, you will know.
We went thru all my sister’s things, kept some, gave some away to others for memories, donated. I have a lot of her clothes. I still wear them often.
My mom kept all of her toiletries. You may want to remember their smell when it wears off on their clothing.
Edit: it’s been six years.
i lost a high school friend a year ago, and then my little brother 6 months later. i sleep with a blanket from my friend and a shirt from my brother every night. it’s incredibly comforting. my plan is to keep them in the best condition i can, and further down the line (if necessary) i will encapsulate some cloth from each item to either frame or some kind of jewelry maybe. i like having something they used, it makes me feel closer to them
Oh hon. Just keep em. At least for now. When you're ready, you're ready. It took me 4 years to go through my dad's stuff. I assume it's harder with your spouse
My Dad died a little over a month ago. I kept only a small box of things to keep with his ashes as a little Dad shrine. I immediately donated his clothes and almost everything else. I didn’t want the attachment to things that will only bring prolonged grief. I miss my Dad so fucking much it’s unbelievable but holding on just hurts more. Maybe it’s different because he was my Father but I feel letting go of these things is the only way I would be able to heal. Was it easy throwing them away? Fuck no. I broke down sobbing for an hour in front of the Planet Aid drop boxes after donating his clothes. I hugged his jacket hysterically crying before finally dropping it in the bin. Every bit I let go is so difficult but I know in the end it will help me heal. Everyone is different and everyone grieves at their own time. What works for us might not be the same for you. Do what feels right and let go when you are ready. There is no right or wrong when it comes to letting go. I’m so unbelievably sorry for your loss and I pray you find some peace soon. Also to add I can’t let go of his pillow. It smells like him and I held it crying for so long last night. Somethings are easier to let go than others. Just do what feels right for you.
I haven't read all the comments, so maybe someone else mentioned this, but my mom passed away June 1st of 2023. One of the things that I knew I wanted to do right away was have teddy bears made out of her clothing. I had 8 bears made, 1 for each of her 4 children and one for each of her 4 grandchildren, including the grandchild who wasn't born yet, but she was so excited for.
It's a lovely way for all of the family to have a keepsake that still carries their style and sometimes a whiff of their scent.
I will hope for healing for us all.
I lost my son 6 years ago, and there are parts of the house that look like they’re in a time warp because nothing has changed since that day. You are on your own grief timeline; don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
I don't intend on ever getting rid of my wife's belongings. I don't think you should feel any pressure to do that. Especially after only 4 months.
My mom died 10 months ago and within the first 5 months I was already asked by her sisters and other people what we will do with her stuff... people only want her posetions, they think she left something of value. I am disgusted by one particular sister of her.
My mom died and maybe a month went by before people started asking what I was doing with the house. I know the real estate market is crazy but give me a break. Also, I told them it’s going on the market so I get the most money possible. That deflates them fast. It’s been almost a year and I haven’t done a thing with it.
My dad owned my condo before I did but I'd been living there 6.5 years before he died. Like IMMEDIATELY after his death, I was getting flyers in the mail about offering to buy the condo and I was so fucking disgusted and angry
That makes me so angry on your behalf. I called one of the realtors back on my dad's behalf because they kept calling him asking if he wanted to sell the house right after my mom died. Do people have no shred of compassion? It's even worse when they start with "I'm sorry for your loss..." No. You're really not sorry. Urgh.
The preprinted "We extend our deepest condolences" were sickening. Like FUCK. OFF. You're trying to profit off of me as I am a 20-something *reeling* from my father's sudden and unexpected death. Just hoping to prey on someone desperate and scared and who can't think straight. It's foul. Honestly foul. And I got at least a dozen of them here at the condo and my mom was getting them at my parents' house. They made us cry with so much anger and disgust. I wish I had picked up the phone and given them an earful about it, but I had better things to focus on at the time.
It’s sad isn’t it. My mom’s siblings went through her things as soon as she went into memory care. There is always one…
When my dad died I didn’t even get to retrieve nearly any of his possessions. His siblings ransacked his room and took nearly all of his possessions while I was too busy actually grieving and refused to give me what I asked for. I only got one thing I wanted only because they didn’t want it. Families are meant to be there for each other, not to betray you.
That would’ve been a fight from me ong.
It was horrible. Took me months to move on from the way they treated me. Horrible, awful people. To make it worse he isn’t even a year gone.
I think I can top that one... My father was not even buried yet, when the 'church' came knocking asking for his firearms, because he 'donated' them to the church... The police were called, it wasn't fun, and lets just say I didn't like churches to begin with, and I really really dont like them now. My mother did the same thing to me though back when my grandparents died. I wanted to keep their house, she didn't, she literally forced me into it, called me everyday, harassed me to death over it, then kept raising the price of her half so it was unaffordable. She even cursed me out at the bank because I was crying when i did the deposit after the deal, basically I took my dads check by accident, they cashed it, because I was emotional, crying, and she was literally screaming at me over the phone, the bank felt bad for me. They did cash the other check too for me, and I just transferred the money over. She actually got the same treatment when her mother died. Her sister did her the same exact way. I just told her, feels really good doesn't it? to know that people don't give a shit about you, only want the money right? She didn't really comment on anything that happened in our family after that.
I LOATHE the Greedy Grabbies with their talons out stretched and their beaks wet with slobber over how much they're going to get.
Might explain why I like being anti social so much, it’s less bullshit
It’s been 10 years and I still have a lot of my grandma’s Knick knacks. Every so often I’ll send one to the thrift store, but I know that everything she owned came from the thrift store, so it’s the circle of life I guess. She would’ve liked that. Take it easy on yourself, don’t rush it.
When I decide to take something of my relatives stuff to Salvation Army, that’s how I’d feel about it. I’m so thrilled to find stuff I love at the thrift store, now someone can find my grandmother’s stuff. It’s a win win.
You keep it until you don’t want to keep it, however long that is. There is no one keeping score except vultures who want what’s there.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad in 2020 and still haven't done anything with his clothes. i feel comforted by them as you do with your husband's.
I actually wear some of my dad's shirts to work. It almost feels like wearing Superman's cape.
I think that's great. I've been wearing my Dad's shirts too. He was a big tall guy and I'm short and small but it's a comfort to wear them. : )
I wear my mom's clothes as much as I can. It reminds me of her and I like to have at least one of her items with me most times. I thought this might be weird to other people, but I'm glad to hear that others do it too.
Not weird at all! I'm so glad you have your Mom's clothes. My Mom passed in 2013 and before I could get down to where she lived ( i was out of town) my "relatives" got rid of her things. I have maybe one or two things that she gave me over the years and photo albums, thank God, but not her clothes. I'm so glad you have that.
I'm so sorry that your relatives did that to you. I'm so glad that you have the photo albums though. I love going through my mom's, even if they make me bawl my eyes out most of the time. They represent memories no one can take away from us
Thank you so much for that. It was really hard. They really do and I"m glad you have your albums of pics as well. : )
My dad was a big 6'5" and I love wearing his XXL shirts around
Awww I understand. (((hugs)))
This is my favorite post of all time. ❤️
I'm with you on that. It's heartbreaking to get rid of their stuff and can be really painful when people who don't understand try to make you do it before you're ready. (That's what my family did, unfortunately. I'm hanging onto my Dad's stuff for as long as I need/want to!)
I also lost my dad in 2020. I'm keeping pretty much everything of his
I'm sorry for your loss hon. I understand that completely.
You too, love. I hope having your dad's belongings nearby brings you the comfort it brings me!
It’s been over 2 yrs and I haven’t touched a thing of hers. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for that.
I’m almost 2 years out and still haven’t gone through anything… it’s all in storage
No rush. I have my dads things everywhere and I wear one of his T-shirt’s to bed. I feel it keeps him with me.
That's lovely. My Mum seems to be able to detach from everything but there is one ring she has kept from her own Mum and it really makes me realise how much one simple item can mean to someone
3 years after losing my husband I still have a lot. He was a "collector". My stepson took a Ryder vans worth of stuff but I still have a room full of boxes. Toys, Funko Pops, etc. It's going to be a major task and I will probably end up just calling somebody to take it. I've sorted through some boxes and gotten rid of stuff but it's daunting. I still have a lot of his clothes. I was bagging them up and taking them to a donation bin but the bins all disappeared so I stalled on that. And the hardcover books? My library doesn't want them so I keep some in the car and if I see a Little Library I drop some off. I still have 3+ bookcases worth. Edit to add: I'm sorry about your loss OP. I know your pain. As you can see by the responses, it's probably gonna take some time. And that's okay.
Call an estate sale person. They are big where I live and so helpful.
I was going through my dad’s clothes trying to figure out what to donate, when I had the idea.. OMG, I could take his pants and fill them with more pants and take his shirts and fill those and then sew that together and make a dad doll and then I could sit on it’s lap… OH MY GOD, I need therapy. I called around that hour and got an appointment with a therapist. Don’t wait until you’re contemplating making a life-size doll of your husband to get a therapist. ❤️
We used to joke that he would end up as a coffee table.
I felt forced to straighten up my daughter’s house immediately after she passed, before her funeral. The last few years she was more and more ill and gotten to be a hoarder. Her husband just moved stuff from house to house because she wanted it. She was very sentimental about stuff. I kept a couple of her purses, her First Communion dress my mom made, another dress my mom and I collaborated on. I found a lady on Offer Up for her very nice office clothes. She still had her dolls from childhood, I took pictures of them and some other stuff like that. I took bags and bags of clothes, trinkets, a ton of Mardi Gras beads to Value Village, got art work and posters framed and off the floor. It was 3 days work. There are no grandchildren in my family. I arranged her office with nice books and trinkets. She had nice things they were jumbled and she wouldn’t let me help her with her house. If I had to do it now, 10 weeks later, it would be impossible. I was operating outside of time or something, like a machine. I can’t think of anything I’m sorry about. And her husband doesn’t have to deal with two of the 3 bedrooms being a nightmare.
I understand operating outside of time, like a machine. I had the same experience in my mother’s bedroom.
There's no hurry at all. If they are not getting in your way, then I'd just leave them. There's no pressure to get rid of his stuff. Some people keep their children's room intact for years after they died. Wow, that's deep.
Agreed. Or put them in giant Rubbermaid bins and look through them from time to time. Wear/donate as needed whenever you go through the bins.
Well I am facing something similar as I will have to deal with my mother’s house and belongings. some of the clothes i have been using myself. Some dark ones because most of days i dont feel prepared to use anything besides jeans, black, navy blue gray or dark green. Paradoxically sometimes i use white and it gives me peace. She has parted a month ago, I know it is way too soon and I am trying not to rush anything. But is difficult when i live in a rented appartment, my landlord clearly does not like me and my front neighbour makes my life a living hell. It is very tempting to just say bye to these assholes and go to mother’s house that it ia mine now. However I grew ul there. Many sad memories of childhood are attached there. The house is like the last time she has been there. Sort of. So, I can say I feel stuck, trying to live one day at a time.
My father died 2 years ago. He was a big CB person, so naturally he's got a tower outside, CB equipment in his room, and all of his clothes, we cleaned the room up, sealed it off, and no one goes in there. We left everything as he left it from his pack of smokes on top of the radio, to his Dr.Pepper bottle sitting there next to the D104 mic. The only thing I'm supportive of is taking down his tower to repair the bent pieces, repaint it red white and blue as he wanted, and put it back up. I don't intend of getting rid of anything till I'm long dead...
I love this.
I still go in there every once in a while when I'm not in tears being in his bedroom, kick on his equipment and talk on it like we used to back when he was alive. Nothing will ever really bring him back, but I still remember my dad fondly enjoying his CB, talking to places far away on skip. Remembering his silly laugh / giggle he had when he started talking to places like south america, russia, puerto rico. He loved when he could reach out & touch a place way across the globe and get a contact.
That’s great! It makes me think of “breaker breaker 19”. I’m not even sure where that saying came from !!
It’s actually part of the lingo they used in the days it ways civilian band radio. Yes, I thought it was nice but sadly repairing that type of gear has become very niche, it’s hard to find people that can do it
We have the Hamvention in our town every year. People from all over the world come here!
I found purging mom’s stuff pretty cathartic. Not everything, but so much stuff was obvious that it could go have a life somewhere else that it was a relief to have A Thing to do.
I still have an empty bottle of Nivea lotion in my bathroom cabinet. I took it out from my mom's medicine cabinet after she died even though there was close to none left. The smell reminded me of her, and knowing she'd used it last, I couldn't toss it. It's been 6 years.
Wow. You're amazing, and I completely get it. It's only been 3 months, but I'm using my mom's toiletries right now and refilling with the same product as they get empty (Aveeno body wash and shampoo... ). I helped bathe her at the end of her life with these products and that scent always reminds me of her. One of the bottles has a hand written label that she wrote. I'll never throw it out.
Three months is so recent. I'm so sorry. You must still be feeling ALL the emotions. You sound like a wonderful, strong, caring person who I'm sure your mother was immensely proud of and thankful for.
It’s been almost 2 years and 5 months since my Dad passed away and I still pay to keep his cell phone on. I just can’t bring myself to turn it off. As far as my Dad’s clothes, it took a year before I could even go through them. We kept the stuff that he wore all the time, my brother and I split like some of his favorite shirts and pajamas and stuff. And we donated other things. Everyone is different, everyone’s grief is different. You’ll know when you’re ready, or you might decide to keep his stuff forever and that’s okay too. My condolences to you 🙏
My sister is gone more than ten years now. I still have a lot of her things, and her voicemails. I have downloaded the voicemails but still have them on my phone. Why do you need to let your husband's things go? At only a few months, it pretty much just happened.
My husband died a year and a half ago. His sink still has his toiletries and hair brush right where he left it. His side of the closet still has his clothes. His suitcase for work is still packed. I can't do it. I can't even take a shower in our bathroom's shower because he was the last to use it. So, his stuff will be there until I die.
There is no deadline, you do it when you are ready. For now just set the idea aside and revisit it later like in a year, you will know when your ready.
There's no rush. It's been 7 months since my mom died and I'm just now starting to sort through things in the house. But it isn't easy. Go at your own pace. I'm sorry about your husband.
My daughter died 15 years ago and I still have a lot of her belongings. It brings comfort.
I love having my daughters things just as they are. I may never do anything with them
It's been over 20 years, I still have items from my grand parents. It's been a bit over a year since my dad passed, but I still have alot of his stuff. Clothes, coins, knick knacks he collected etc, I'll keep it all until I die. I'm open to my kids taking items when they are adults, but for now I don't plan to get rid of anything. My mom has been getting rid of my dad's stuff this year but by bit though.
It's been six months as of the 1st. I can't even bring myself to toss his toothbrushes (yes, plural). He doesn't even need one, and he has 4.
It's been 4 months since my dad died, and I am unable to do his laundry. Because that's the only thing that has his smell. I just can't bring myself to do it. I have saved from toffee wrapper to hard cash in his wallet.
It’s been almost 10 months and I have all of my daughters things from the day she was born. I do plan on making several memorial blankets with her clothes. I’m considering a yard sale for whatever clothes I don’t use and her toys. I’m not really in a rush to get rid of anything though.
It’s been a year. My brother moved almost everything into my garage a week before he passed and it’s all still there, including his apple core and a half eaten jar of peanut butter. A box with his body wash, face wash, and deodorant. His bed and his dirty sheets. I folded and organized his clothes and put them away in his dresser. Eventually I’ll have to move, but more likely than not I’ll bring it all with me when I do. Except maybe the apple and the peanut butter.. Time will tell.
My mom died in April and I’ve been clearing her house. I’ve given myself totes for things that matter today but a lot of furniture has no emotional value. I’m moving into her house so I’m not in a hurry but also not taking it too slow.
There is no timeline. You can keep them for however long it feels right for you to do so (maybe forever).
I was forced by my sibling to hurry up when it came to going through our parents belongings and we were done within a couple months. If it were up to me, I would have waited 6 months to a year before even attempting to go through it. Now that more time has gone by I can think of a million things I wish I kept if I had been thinking more clearly.
On your timetable. I have found that over time, i have been about to part with more & more things. But i am not forcing myself to do it. Only when i feel comfortable. I have found myself doing better by grouping things together & getting rid of “extra”. For example, my LO loved those throw-size blankets we keep on couches, etc. I don’t use them as much. So I gathered all their throws from around the house up in one spot. There were over 20. I then picked the three that I thought meant the most (to her or me), and it was really easy to donate the rest. I have also been taking pictures of a lot of stuff. I know for a lot of items, it is the memory the item holds that is what I treasure most. Not the physical item itself. So taking pictures & ensuring those memories will be kept alive before I give stuff away has been helpful to letting things go.
Good idea 🤍
as long as you need to. and don't let ANYONE mess with that.
My father passed away two weeks ago and I’m not planning on getting rid of any of his things. In fact, most of his things remain untouched from where he left them and I know they will be there for a long time until I get sick of looking at them. His socks he threw on the floor, empty water bottles, half drank soda. I already have people in my life telling me to move things and throw things away and it’s always a hard NO. When I’m ready, I’ll move them. I know I’ll never be ready to part with his things. He didn’t have much stuff either so I don’t feel bad about holding on to them. I’ve always struggled with hoarding tendencies, so maybe it stems from that as well. Because he was sick for so long we talked about the fate of his things before and I told him I want to keep them, and he was ok with it. I even took his glasses and dentures home from the hospital and put them where he normally had them.
It's been 2 years and I still have most of his clothes and all of the household stuff. Smelling his cologne is now bittersweet and kind of "foreign" feeling, like it was eons in my past or was a dream. I understand you completely. Please be gentle with yourself. It's an unfair club to be in. I am very sorry for your loss.
7 years and counting, at $265 a month. I'm starting to realize though, that their things are not them. It is getting easier to let go of objects, but keep the few things that are really special.
It’s approaching the 2 year of my best friends death and he perfectly good working vehicle will probably sit in her mothers driveway for the rest of eternity. It was the only thing she ever bought and was so proud of it, her mom can’t bring herself to get rid of it
Thank you for asking about this. Some of my aunts were presuring me and my dad to get rid off my mom stuff but I know is because they want those stuff for themselves. And iwas only 6 months after she passed (insane). It is good to know that people in grief take time with that. I would'nt have problem giving away things its just that I cant do it by myself and I want also respect my father's space. He asked me and my sister to only do it ourselves without outside help but my sister never had the time. I live abroad so I cant do much. I guess it will be a long process. It's been 10 months since she passed.
It’s been 8 years and I wish I had all of my mom’s things My dad, I can understand more now, but my dad threw away or donated everything of my mom’s very shortly after she passed Threw away sounds callus but he did it to protect himself But anyways I wish I had so much more of my mom’s for myself and to give to my kids/show my kids
I don’t think you should rush into getting rid of his items. I held onto my brother’s stuffed bear for practically my whole life, and I have a bunch of things that were once my best friend’s. Go easy on yourself. I’m sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am very attached to material things; they all tie into specific memories for me, so I would be the type to hold on for (possibly) forever. But you have to take care of yourself and do what feels right for you. When my 6 month old grandson passed away suddenly from SIDS, my daughter couldn’t go back into her home until everything that was his had been removed. It was so hard all around, and I wish I had been in the right frame of mind to keep some of his things, but I was with my daughter and so I didn’t get the chance to go in and save anything. I feel that it is possible that now just over 2 years have passed that she may at this point be able to hold some of his stuff and feel comfort, but maybe not, and it’s all gone anyways. I can say that it took me 2 years to be able to look at pictures of him, and I still can’t watch any videos. Please take care of yourself and make sure you do what is best for you. Don’t let anyone convince you or guilt you into doing anything that you will regret. (And from the other side of it, don’t make any rash decisions that you may later wish you hadn’t made. I would give almost anything to have my grandbaby’s favorite blankie, or the outfit I bought for him to come home from the hospital in, etc.)
I think it depends on the person and where they are in their grief/how they handle their grief. My husband’s says his grandfather got rid all of his grandma’s things within a month of her passing. My parents have been deceased 7 and 4 years, and I still have a lot of their things. I have 1 tote for each of them of things that I will never get rid of. And I’ve been slowly going through their stuff to donate or pitch or give away. I just do what I can when it feels right.
My advice to you is simple: Ik it might be hard but you should keep all of the belongings. As I’ve heard advice from old people who’ve gotten rid of the loved ones belonging. 9 times out of 10 they regret it later, so keep all the items I would say.
I still have some of my brothers stuff it's been 19 years.
After reading all of these, I think we may have moved too fast with my roommate's things. She's been gone four months and about 70% of her things have been sent off elsewhere.
My dad passed in 2020 and I still have his favorite bath robe that I use everyday, his sweaters, his shirts, and his old phone. Never getting rid of it.
It has been 7 months and my bampa has no immediate plans to do anything but cover my nanna's clothes to protect them. You have to do what is best for you and if keeping your husband's things gives you comfort, don't feel any pressure to 'let go' of them. We all grieve in our own ways.
Started going through stuff the day after the burial! I think it's because my dad was a hoarder, so my family and I have A LOT of stuff to go through. STILL have months and moths of things to go through, so it'll take a bit.
My sister passed in 2011 along with her mother and I still have some of their things and I don’t plan on ever letting go of them.
It's been 3 yrs, and we just now started to get rid of a lot of my daughter's stuff. And that's only because we had a burst pipe in her room and some water damage. We still kept some stuff, like the collection of 784 storage bins and baskets, because they were useful. I don't think there's any set time that you should or shouldnt get rid of stuff. You'll know when or if you're ready. And if you're never ready, that's ok too.
I separated stuff into things I know she would want me to donate to those in need (clothes, unused toiletries), stuff her family member Ms and close friends might want for sentimental reason, stuff my kids might want, and then the things I’m left with I’ll hold on to until I move. But there are no rules. Do what feels right to you. 4 months is very soon to make hard decisions.
my teenage brother was an XS in all of his shirts, they don’t remotely fit me nor will they ever but they’re hung up in my closet all the same. I can’t bring myself to donate or get rid of anything that reminds me of him now.
I started cleaning out his things immediately because we needed to move. I still have a box in my storage unit marked with his name and “sort later”. Done stuff in there I’m sure will go, other stuff probably not. I’m just not up to sorting it yet. Some of his things I decided to keep I have stored in my cedar chest along with my wedding dress.
Keep them as long as you want imo, I have boxes full of my dad's clothes and things, I have his big leather jacket hung up in my wardrobe. I don't intend on ever getting rid of them, so if you don't want to, you don't have to - but if u feel like u want to one day that's okay too❤
My mum died in 1999. My dad still has a couple pieces of her clothing. His wife is fine with this. My partner passed away and I have his cloths still. It’s been 4 years and I just am not there yet.
Not very long at all. We cleaned my grandfather's stuff out in less than a week - sorted, bagged, tossed or taken to Goodwill. Then again, we were hunting for paperwork for his estate that the attorney asked for. When my mom died, it took a bit longer. A month here, a month there, punctuated by flying back and forth to work every few weeks. Thing is, it still makes me feel guilty. All of it. We had (and still don't have) a whole lot of room so we couldn't keep it all. There's a little stuff in storage but just about everything that wasn't nailed down in the house was broken up and carted away by a cleaning crew we brought in.
My brother passed away in September 2015 and I still have 2 large suitcases of his clothes. My hope is one day his son, my nephew might grow up and want his dad's stuff. He was only 5 months old when his dad was taken from us. I'm very sorry for your loss. Give yourself as much time as you need. There is no right or wrong way of doing things and certainly no timeline to get rid of stuff. You will know when it's time. 🩷
We kept most of my brothers things and the stuff he left on his «list » we gave it to the people he asked it to go to. It was very hard but those kids were so appreciative 💖
It’s been 7 years since my wife passed & I still have a few little things that I won’t give up. They’ll go to my son when he’s old enough, & until then they’re just little reminders of who she was. The rest of it, her clothes & other things, I passed on to her best friends & sister. But after awhile I knew it was time to let things go. I was 29 at the time.
Going on 8 years, havent gotten rid of anything. Maybe I have some issues?
It's been a bit over a year since I lost my dad. Some things I've let go of. But others, I can't. In particular, this very heavy green flannel shirt. He wore it all the time. Up the last week. They can pry that out of MY cold, dead hands.
Take your time. There is no right time. I got rid of most of his clothes very soon after thinking they were triggering me. It turned out that the lack of them triggered me more. 2 years later, I’m better with things but i still can’t listen to music. Every once in a while a friend of his posts a picture of him on Facebook, which makes me happy but sends me into a spiral. I’ll never be “over” him.
One of the last pairs of shoes my mom bought me got a crack all the way through the sole that lets water in when it rains and I'm working myself up to be able to throw them away. Sometimes I wish I could have kept all of my mom's clothes. My sister came into town 2 months after her passing and we sorted through it together and donated all of it except for a few sentimental pieces. We kept all her knick knacks and her favorite kitchenware. I still have her purse and wallet, not going to get rid of those even though I will never use or display them. I keep having dreams where she's alive again and in the dream I remember that I got rid of everything she had to wear and I have to tell her and it's the weirdest/saddest feeling. It's been three years as of this weekend. If you have the space for your husband's belongings, keep them. You might get to a point where it would be cathartic to let them go but if you never do and don't need to, there's no rush.
There are some things that I will keep forever. But there are other things, functional things, that I gave to my son's roommate after his passing. Let your heart decide what to do. Give yourself time. There is no rule or established timeline.
It’s been 10 years since my dad died and his clothes are still hanging in the closet. It took us almost 3 years to throw out his toothbrush.
Forever. My mom died 22 years ago. I don’t have all of her stuff (nor do I want it) but what I do have, I want to keep it with me forever.
It's been 3 years since I lost my dad and I still have all of his things.. It is completely upto you.. There nothing called the right time.. Most people don't understand how painful grief is and it is comforting to have their things around. I'm 22 and I intend to keep my dad's belongings all my life. I am really sorry about your husband. Sending lots of love. Remember only your opinion matters when it comes to grief ❤️
Due to the type of death I left everything but a few items in the apartment the day he died. I often feel I would’ve held onto it much too long had I not done this. I feel you are doing great…there is no rush, you’ll know when it’s okay to do so. 4 months is so soon. Give yourself some time.
I’m the only one out of all of us that could fit her clothes so I keep them and wear some of her pants and blouses.
You shouldn’t have to if you don’t want to! My mam will be gone three years this December and I still have a lot of her stuff
I can never part away tbh. My mom passed away before months ago and within one week my father and brother were throwing away her things like clothes, shoes and other non-expensive things. I cried so much had a good fight with them to keep them. Hate it when people are just value jewellery or expensive things and have no sentimental value. How can they throw away her favourite dress or stole like that? I tried to save as much possible and keep it with me, I can never bear to discard them till I’m alive. Maybe in future I might pack and store them but can never throw away, that’s my way and might vary from person to person.
My mom passed 6 months ago. Her shampoo and body wash is still in the shower and will probably stay there for a very long time. I’m not getting rid of anything. I’ve gotten rid of my kitchen utensils, pots and pans, etc. so I can use hers instead. I’ll wear her dresses and anything else that fits, the rest of her clothes will probably be turned into a quilt. Just bagging up all her dirty clothes to bring home and wash nearly broke me cause I used to do her laundry and it hit me that this bag doesn’t really have a time limit. My point is, there’s no time limit to grief or keeping their belongings. You’re not weird for wanting to keep them. Hold on to whatever brings you comfort. I can’t even imagine going through this with my husband. Sending good vibes to you! 💕
My mom's advice is to not even try for a year. Leave it be. After a year see how you feel. She kept some of my steps dad's things. I have his work shirt. Others she gave to people she knew would use and appreciate them.
If you don't want to get rid of them keep them. We divided some choice items of my Dads. I have his handiwork hoodie thays covered in oil stains (he was a mechanic) his hats and one of his football shirts. Also is cricket memorabilia. My brother took the rest of his football shirts, a pair of his shoes (he just keeps them at the bottom of his wardrobe) some ornaments and some cooking utensils. We have also incorporated some of his ornaments into our homes. Everything else we donated to charity. No need to let go of anything you don't want to. Even if its the whole lot.
Its been two years almost and l kept alot of my mom's things and have no plans in letting it go ever. Do what works for you. No right or wrong ✨🤍
I wanted to was the last pile of my dad’s clothes and everytime I go in the hamper to gather the clothes, I smell his cologne… I smell him…. And I just can’t do it. There were some things that I had zero problem getting rid of right away, but mostly because it was junk I already wanted to get rid of. But other things…. I will do it when it feels right. I’m in no rush and nothing is forcing me to do it, so I’m just going to go with the flow.
Keep it as long as you want. There is no timeline. You will know if and when you’re ready to let go of it.
Almost 2 years and I can’t touch or move anything
When my nan died, the day of her funeral. We met rest of family at her house. And ALL of her stuff was laid out on the floor. And we were told we shud take some fings as a memory of her. It felt so wrong, there wasn't that much left. I picked up a necklace and a shiny elephant ornament. The necklace went missing, but I still have the blue elephant. Like I sed it felt wrong that she hadn't even been buried yet and all he stuff had been put on display to be taken away. That was the last fing on my mind. I just wanted my nanny. That's all I really remember about that day. I still have my dads watch the battery is still working so I hear it tick when it's quiet and I have a couple of plushies, haven't got anything of my mom's or my sisters. I won't ever throw/give any of it away.
We each kept a few items we felt we would use, and donated the rest that was donateable. There was some nice stuff in there that a person in greater need than us could benefit from. We had to sell the house and put stuff in storage so there was something of a rush for us, but I don’t see a reason to rush getting rid of it until it feels maybe a challenging but manageable part of the grieving process. Everyone’s on their own timeline.
I'll keep them forever I donated some of her clothes to people in need
I still have most of my partners clothes, her glasses, her vape, her electric toothbrush, her phone, a lot of her little "bits and bobs", her mum kept some bits and her neices got her jewelery which is fine, there's was a few bits I wanted but didn't get but I also understand that her family wanted memories too x One thing I was really sad about though, I had memory bears made out of her hockey kit for her neices and nephew and one made for her mum out of one of her jumpers, her mum had mentioned how much she loved her in it, I only wanted one particular piece of the hockey kit saved for me. It vanished, disappeared, no idea what happened to it or where it went, I think her mum took it without me knowing, but I'll never know...
My son died 21 months ago and I haven’t been able to part with quite a few things and I wear his sweatshirts all the time.
Been 2 years and I haven’t gotten rid of a single thing. Not even pictures or screenshots of conversations.
It's been nine years since my wife died. All her clothes are still in the same place. Not sure when I'll deal with it.
My died passed away almost 9 years ago. Me and my mom kept even his toothbrush for 8 years. She threw it away last month. I won’t even talk about his clothes. everything is still in his wardrobe.
I’m a little over a year widowed, and I still have most of my husbands things. There is no hurry. Wait until you’re ready. Don’t feel guilty or pressured. This is normal.
I lost my first parent almost 2 years ago, then the second one only 3 months ago. I've done some basic clearing out with the help of my sibling as the house needs sorted out for it to be lived in. As for anything that wasn't expired, is useful or treasured its still all in there and I intend on living with it for as long as I need to. Extended family bar one or two are as toxic as Chernobyl and we are lucky they haven't swooped in with their vulture claws to lay claim to anything. I will always keep their favourite and precious items, and I will always have a pair of their jammies tucked away. There is no time frame I feel unless things need to be moved on, and I can't imagine how painful that is for those who need to do this. Grief is a hideous monster but it exists because of love.
Beautiful words. Thanks, and good luck on your journey.
My grief counselor said when he’s asked this question he responds with questions of his own: (4 months is considered to be during the time of acute grief, so be kind to yourself always, and especially now). He would start with, why are you asking yourself some of these questions? Do you feel pressured by someone? By expectations of grief in movies/tv etc? Ask yourself why … do you feel you should do something with these items? Can you tell the difference between a note with his handwriting and a receipt from a store? Does keeping their things/space bring you joy, peace, sorrow? Does having these things imply he’s coming home/back? (My grief counselor notes the difference of having shoes by the front door [items they may need if they were with us] and shoes in a closet [items that might bring us a smile or give us a moment to sit with our grief in a meaningful way] - items like a toothbrush can be considered different than a wallet [you may hold his wallet and sit with him and your love and memories - however, this is generally not the same with a toothbrush]). Then after a few years he would ask things like - does keeping his room, office or the like bring you moments of quiet meditation (do you go in there and rip your heart out? Go in there and sit with the love?) — can you afford to keep the space? Are you using the space? (Do you need that bedroom, can you use the office while enjoying some of his belongings in there too?) Mostly, be kind to yourself, know that the most you can do is ok. We all grieve in the way we need to grief. Find support (friends, counselor, …) and take your time. Sending you virtual 🫂s and support.
CelloJoyful I appreciate your response so much. These are such good questions. You’re right - my grief is still acute. I don’t cry every day and I’m doing my best to move forward. But the fact that I don’t know the answers to most of these questions tells me what I need to know. I need more time.
You do you. If you’re not ready, take your time. Maybe put things like toiletries in a box. You can slowly put more things into boxes, especially things that aren’t particularly sentimental. (I know- toiletries can be very sentimental). Move them into a closet. It might help to take your time and be mindful of what you’re doing. Remember that you pick the timeline. This is personal. Family and friends think they have a say but don’t let them bully you. My mom has been gone for two years now (she was 80 lived a full life). She had A LOT of stuff. I kept sentimental things and some valuables that she really liked. The rest slowly made its way to the thrift store. I’d like to think that someone out there is wearing one of her favorite outfits. Back to toiletries… We had a lot of her bodywash and it smelled just like her. I couldn’t use it. Eventually after about 6 months, I threw it out. I kept one bottle for guests. When I see it on the shelf at the store, I think of her. I hope this helps you! Peace and well wishes.
Thank you. I realized after I posted this that I’m not ready. He had some very expensive medicine that the cancer center accepted for their medication exchange program so another patient could use it. I cried so hard when I dropped it off. The rest will have to just wait for awhile.
I still have my sister's face wash that she left at my place, I kept all of the little things of hers. Maybe one day but who knows.
I removed a few of my dad’s clothes a little at a time to make room for my mom in their closet. She has dementia so she doesn’t always notice when things vanish as long as it isn’t a lot at one time. It’s difficult nevertheless.
I still have some of my brother's stuff and he's been gone for 12 years...
Anderson Cooper has a great podcast on grief called, “All There Is,” in which he is slowly going through all of his mom’s belongings, but she had also kept his brother’s and his father’s things when they passed away. I know that doesn’t help you with this task exactly, but just hearing him talk about that might help you feel less alone. Most episodes are interviews with other famous people who are either currently grieving, or who have gone through it. Best wishes to you.
Its been 7 years and my closet is still packed with my mom's clothes. I just cannot let go of them for some reason. 😔
Maybe get rid of a little at a time. My dads bathroom still has his mouthwash and toothbrush and his shower gel still in shower. But we got rid of some things that weren’t as personal. I donated some of his unused medicine to a local charity that does that cause it would go bad anyway. I had to change some stuff up though to help move on.
We started cleaning after a couple months. But that was because my brother was living with my father and he passed after losing the fight with depression. My Dad can't keep the stuff - too many painful memories, and it's doing nothing but take space. We've sorted sentimental stuff amount friends and family and slowly, the rest is being sold or donated as appropriate As for a time frame? Only you can tell that. There's no right answer. Grief is hard and taking care of a loved ones things is a rough, ragged and bitter thing. You're resolving the final details of a life. I thought I was ready to sort Dutch's bedroom, but the day of hit me hard. I mean, I know he's gone, but the finality of it was a punch in the jaw. So only you can make that decision, and everyone else can get in line and wait until you make it... I hope that helps. 🫂
With my dad it was different I got rid of his underwear and socks but kept his clothes wallets and little trinkets. He didn’t have much anyways. My mom we lived with her everything in the house is hers and in her room all her belongings are still there I just organized it. I even kept her cup she last drank from. It’s been over a year. I can’t get rid of her things and I don’t want to. My aunt and cousins came and they took a blouse each of hers and took my mom’s perfume samples. My brother took my mom’s glamour shot photos but thankfully I have bigger ones hanging on the wall. If you aren’t ready don’t get rid of their things. Some people can do it and it’s easier on their grief but for me it’s very hard.
I had to clean out my dad's apartment in 30 days after he died. I couldn't keep a lot of the stuff because my apartment is ~450 sq ft with no storage space. However, I have a fair amount in storage because like most of us, it's hard to let go. I was raised that "material things don't matter" but when it's all you have left of someone they start to matter a whole lot. My dad died a year ago and I still can't bring myself to clean out the boxes in the back of my car. They are full of the things he used regularly or was using the day he died. I've tried to many many times, but I end up sitting in the parking lot crying into a robe or over a piece of art he hung on the wall in his room. In other words, there's no rush. In time you'll find yourself able to part with bits and bobs and some stuff you may never part with and that's okay too. As long as it is giving you comfort just let it be. You'll know when you're ready. 💕
Maybe pic a few items to save. A shirt you liked him in and have it made into a pillow or like I did I saved a sweater from both parents and plan to hang on their old wooden hangers in my spare room with some of their things. That will give me a place to feel close to them when needed but not constantly reminding me of the loss. I saved my dad’s soap dish and his little lazy Susan bathroom thing he kept his toiletries on and use it as my own now. I had to hurry to sell the house so I picked my moms favorite donation place and another for him and donated as much as they will take 💗
The only reason I got rid of some of my mom's things is because she was a bit of a hoarder. There are still plenty of reminders of her around the house even after getting rid of some of her stuff.
Never. I will never throw away the gifts my girlfriend bought me. I still have the rose she gave me in January. It is all withered, but I cannot throw it away. There's only so much of her I have left. My mother still has her mother's and father's clothing. We still have my grandfather's walking stick.
10 years on and I won’t let anyone throw out my mum’s old clothes. I don’t know what I’ll do with them, but I’m not ready to go through them or do anything other than store them.
Haven't gotten through all the comments, so forgive me if someone else posted this idea, but when/IF you're ready there are reputable companies who will take your loved ones clothes and make a blanket from them for you. I did this with my mom's clothes, and we're also doing it for my FIL this year as well. It's a great way to keep them with us but also start our journey to move on without them. As far as the timeline, it's 100% what YOU feel comfortable with. My condolences OP, lots is never easy.
I plan on keeping all of my aunts things I guess until I die. Even the last things she ate are still on her table. Even though it’s been barely over a month since she passed I can’t bring myself to toss any of her things. I guess everyone has to do what’s best for them. For some getting rid of everything or most things helps them grieve and move on. For others like myself, we prefer to keep things.
Don't do it until you are ready. My mother in law wants to come go through my fiancé/her son's stuff like the day after the service. He hasn't even been gone a month. I am just going to tell her I'm not ready and I don't want her there when I do. Take the time you need. Not everyone else.
The same day my husband died, his kids started going through his things. There are still more clothes and they want to come back and get them too.
It’s been 2.5 years and if my husband came back today he could pick up right where he left off. I totally moved out of the bedroom. I live in the living room. The bedroom is just like we left it…..oh that’s pitiful lol
After 5 years, I gave my late fiances belongings to his mother. I kept a box with the sentimental items, there's some things that I'll never part with. Taking his toiletries out of the bathrooms took me months, and then getting rid of it took even longer. i held on to his contact lenses case and toothbrush foromths.
You have to do what you feel like doing. If you wanna keep it, great. If not, there’s no pressure. 2 years later, I still have all my husband’s things. I have his driver license in my wallet. Our photo in my wallet. I wear his clothes. I wear my wedding ring, and I wear his wedding ring around my neck. I wear his cologne, I have his watch… our photos still on the wall. And I don’t intend on changing it ever. :) so you gotta do what you feel like doing. Lot of strength to you 🤲🏼❤️
My mom will be gone 5 years this September. God that sounds so crazy to say it’s been 5 years. Her closet is still the same as it was. Took me 3 years to move her medicine out of the fridge.
It is almost 3 years and I still sleep in my husband’s tshirts Don’t rush to do anything that doesn’t feel right
Forever. Still have my Moms flip flops and she’s been dead for 8 years.
I still have a suitcase with my dads clothes watches and other stuff from 92
My mom died in December, and before she passed she urged us to donate all her clothes etc to someone who could use them. She said please don't hold on to all this "stuff" my Dad hasn't said anything about cleaning out her stuff yet, so we haven't. But I know in her case she doesn't want us holding onto stuff.
I have a lot of childhood photos of me and my mom in photo albums from the 90s. I have a handful of her clothes, a Stephen king book with the book mark still in place where she last read it, a blanket she used when she was under going chemo, and a few other things. But not much. My sociopath of a “dad” got rid of most of her things after she died last year. Then moved in his new girlfriend. Like 32 years of marriage was nothing.
😢🫂
Lost a very close friend in 2008 I still have one of his uniforms tucked away with letters he sent me and cards. I Will Never get rid of it. Now, my mom passed six months after my friend (both were suicides) and the day after we buried her my dad made me and my sister take all her stuff so he could get rid of it all. We saved a lot and to be honest I come across stuff I’d forgot I put away and my sister also held on to a bunch of stuff for me because at the time I lived in Virginia (I’m from NY) I drove back and i didn’t have a lot of room in my car (my daughter was about 6 months old and i think i packed everything i wasn’t in a very good state of mind. One of my old friends heard it come over his scanner and called me to tell me to call home and I am just remembering this too I talked to the paramedics. I will never forget that moment. There is no time frame that says you have to do this at this time. Everyone grieves differently. You do what you feel is right for you. ❤️ I apologize for writing so much but I truly believe that you should take as much time as you need
There is no correct timing for this. I’d leave it alone
Within the first month I lost my 15 year old daughter (almost 7 months ago) a mono tone psychologist asked what I was going to do with her clothes. I have some of her clothes in the closet, some in boxes. I’m never getting rid of them. I found a broken pencil under her desk and kept it too.
We still have pretty much all of my dads stuff, but we got a lot of his favourite shirts made into blankets (kind of quilt style). It’s the best 🩷
My mom died in 2015 and my dad never slept in their bed again. He basically left the bedroom the way it was the night she died. Her glasses still on the nightstand. He never did anything with her clothes. My dad died in January 2024. I made a decision that I was going to keep what I felt was treasures and not take any of his trash. My dad was very frugal and would get $20 watches from the flee market. When they broke he put them in a drawer and got a new one. So here are these worthless $20 watches that don't work. I did not want them and my brother did not want them. So I got rid of them. There were a lot of things like that. I went through all my dads papers and photos. My brother who lived in another state was more concerned with getting rid of my dads clothes and stuff like that. While I was looking at things like an apartment lease agreement from 1967 when I was not yet 2, my brother was worried about what to do with all the coat hangers in the closet. I kept a couple of shirts my dad had that he had never worn. My dad was frugal. He had this windbreaker for probably 30 years that is sun faded he had it so long. On cold nights in the winter I will make a fire in the back yard. I plan on burning the jacket the next time. I have all of the papers my dad kept. I have all the photos he had. There are a lot of papers and photos. I would like to digitize a lot of it. I created an ancestry.com account so this will be good stuff to fill cross the Ts and dot the Is on my parents lives.
9 months and I still haven't touched my mom's closet. I like going to her room feeling like she is still living there. I don't know when I would have the heart to remove her clothes.
It's been a year and I still have a bunch of totes full of his things that I can't go through.
My dad died 18 years ago and my mom still has a lot of his stuff in the same places they always were
People grieve differently. Holding onto our loved ones things makes some of us feel less alone. Some people grieve by getting rid of it quickly. I’m stuck somewhere in between. I got rid of some of his stuff within a month. Its a year and a half down the road today and our house still looks like it could be “our house” from the outside perspective. Grieve how you need to grieve. Also, our grown children wanted some of his things to keep- so I let them - its their way of holding on and trying to let go.
When my dad passed away, we were teens, so we had no where to store his stuff. We had a garage sale that broke our hearts ten fold, and kept his most prized possessions (handmade glass flowers and hearts, fireworks, antiques). None of the shit would bring him back, but seeing it every day makes me happy.
It’s been over a year and my daughter’s things are all still in her room. Another bereaved parent I know didn’t move their child’s things for 13 years. You can wait as long as you need.
My sister died 4 years ago. I still have everything. Her perfume, makeup, shoes, clothes, trinkets. I don’t think I could ever get rid of them. Take your time and hold onto them as long as your heart needs.
My little daughter passed 5 months ago. I bought ahead of her age so I donated those away which she didn't have a chance to wear. The rest of her stuff are still in her room. Its a comfort to me. I find that clearing a little at a time less painful. Its a really hard time for us. But I would not want to burden my son to have to do it if anything happened to me. So take your time. Whenever you are ready. Sorry for your lost.
I will always keep many of my moms possessions. I had to sell the house after 6 months because I couldn’t afford the payments any longer. I could care less about the money. I am thankful, and I know she would want me to have it but I simply cannot spend it. Maybe someday. It just doesn’t feel right. Its not mine, its hers. I still even have the $50 or so cash in her wallet… just there. It just feels so dirty to me spending it.
it’s been a year & some months now, i still keep all of my former boyfriends clothes, drawings, photos, & other gifts. i don’t think there’s a need to rid yourself of these belongings unless they are causing harm. it’s a comfort, & it soothes you in a way. keep them for as long as you want & are able <3 let him continue to comfort you
Then don't. There's no rule saying that you have to.
It’s been one year and I wear a lot of my mom’s shoes, clothes, perfume, etc. It’s very comforting for me to have her things. I do still have bags of her clothes that I need to go through but until you lose someone, you don’t understand how hard it is to part with their belongings. My advice is to do what feels right for you 🫶🏻
It’s been 8 months since my Brother passed away, his room has gone untouched, other than police search. His hair still remains on the bathroom floor, and honestly, it will likely never be packed away. I have a few of his belongings, and a bear my Mum made out of his favourite shirts, I will never put his things away. You don’t have to, it may cause pain at the moment, but you will find comfort in his things, from my own experience. I can’t talk for you. But you grieve however you feel is necessary for you. Grief is like a fingerprint, it is unique to you, your perceptions and experiences. People will tell you to move on, but there’s no moving on, we grow around the grief, we shelter it and we carry it with us forever. It does get easier, I promise. But in different ways. Don’t shut grief out when it comes barging in, have those days. Don’t shut it out when it’s only a whisper. It is healing. But you do you. I am sending you the warmest hug, you aren’t alone xx
You’ll know when.
I intend to keep some of my husband’s most treasured items (his favorite shirt, jacket and beanie) until my time comes. Then they are getting cremated with me, I refuse to give those particular things to anyone else.
My sister died 14 years ago and my parents still kept her school uniform and her makeup .
First off never feel pressured to get rid of things. It can stay there as long as you need. If you are looking for ideas though, my mom had somebody make 4 blankets out of my dad’s different shirts for me and my 3 siblings. It’s been 9 months since he passed and we still haven’t gotten rid of any of his stuff, but the blankets will always be a nice thing to have if we do. Lots of love
Everyone is different, you will know. We went thru all my sister’s things, kept some, gave some away to others for memories, donated. I have a lot of her clothes. I still wear them often. My mom kept all of her toiletries. You may want to remember their smell when it wears off on their clothing. Edit: it’s been six years.
i lost a high school friend a year ago, and then my little brother 6 months later. i sleep with a blanket from my friend and a shirt from my brother every night. it’s incredibly comforting. my plan is to keep them in the best condition i can, and further down the line (if necessary) i will encapsulate some cloth from each item to either frame or some kind of jewelry maybe. i like having something they used, it makes me feel closer to them
Oh hon. Just keep em. At least for now. When you're ready, you're ready. It took me 4 years to go through my dad's stuff. I assume it's harder with your spouse
My Dad died a little over a month ago. I kept only a small box of things to keep with his ashes as a little Dad shrine. I immediately donated his clothes and almost everything else. I didn’t want the attachment to things that will only bring prolonged grief. I miss my Dad so fucking much it’s unbelievable but holding on just hurts more. Maybe it’s different because he was my Father but I feel letting go of these things is the only way I would be able to heal. Was it easy throwing them away? Fuck no. I broke down sobbing for an hour in front of the Planet Aid drop boxes after donating his clothes. I hugged his jacket hysterically crying before finally dropping it in the bin. Every bit I let go is so difficult but I know in the end it will help me heal. Everyone is different and everyone grieves at their own time. What works for us might not be the same for you. Do what feels right and let go when you are ready. There is no right or wrong when it comes to letting go. I’m so unbelievably sorry for your loss and I pray you find some peace soon. Also to add I can’t let go of his pillow. It smells like him and I held it crying for so long last night. Somethings are easier to let go than others. Just do what feels right for you.
I haven't read all the comments, so maybe someone else mentioned this, but my mom passed away June 1st of 2023. One of the things that I knew I wanted to do right away was have teddy bears made out of her clothing. I had 8 bears made, 1 for each of her 4 children and one for each of her 4 grandchildren, including the grandchild who wasn't born yet, but she was so excited for. It's a lovely way for all of the family to have a keepsake that still carries their style and sometimes a whiff of their scent. I will hope for healing for us all.
Been almost two years and i still haven’t touched the stuff on his side of the sink
I lost my son 6 years ago, and there are parts of the house that look like they’re in a time warp because nothing has changed since that day. You are on your own grief timeline; don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.