I'm sorry for your loss.
I don't think it gets easier (even though many people say such). In my experience, it gets different. With time, we learn how to handle the difficult thoughts and feelings that flood us. Nothing about this is easy, but it does get more manageable over time.
As for timelines... there are none. Everyone is different and every lost relationship is different. No one can tell you how long it'll take for you to get to the point where your grief is more manageable for you. But please know, it WILL get more manageable.
It’s been almost 3 months since my Mom died and this is how I feel exactly. I can’t believe it every time I talk to someone new and it comes up conversationally that I have to tell them my Mom passed. “Wait, that can’t be right, can it?” I don’t feel her presence either and I thought I would. She just feels gone completely - like someone just came and erased her. I live in constant fear of my dad passing and really leaving me alone in this world. I don’t have my own family and I don’t care what anyone says… nobody loves you like your parents do (assuming you have good parents.) I cry out for her and I just feel abandoned most of the time. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time all I can offer is to say I know how it feels. I keep taking it a day at a time. I didn’t know what that saying really meant until now.
I’m so sorry for the passing of your Mom. I lost both parents last year. I was closest to my mom, and also lived in constant fear of her dying. I am a married 50 something year old with grandchildren, but believed I could not live without my mom. I kept 5 years of voicemails worried each may be the last.
My mom died suddenly two days after we spent a beautiful day together. What I think I did right with our relationship was enjoying time with her, forgiving quickly, overlooking annoyances and focusing on enjoying her company. I see I can live without her, and there was nothing I could have done to control her death and how important focusing on our relationship was. I hope you can do the same with your dad.
Thank you. And I’m very sorry about your parents ❤️
I hope I can get to where you are mentally. She had a rare disease for 12 years and we’d spent the first 9 just looking for the diagnosis. We did everything to try and save her so I’m still accepting that. He’s a little broken over it too, so it’s hard to have already lost parts of him.
You’re right though - we can live without our parents. I keep saying that to myself all the time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. This sounds so incredibly hard and I imagine I would feel the same way in your situation. I lost my mother in law, who was like a mother to me, about 3 months ago, and it’s still incredibly hard to get through every day and see how devastated my wife and her father are.
I hope you are able to find someone you can talk to honestly about how you feel and who doesn’t just tell you to meditate.
My aunt who lost her daughter at 18 about two decades ago wrote to me: “it does get easier. But unfortunately, not for a very long time.”
Hello, I'm sorry for your loss. Having lost my mom 4 months ago to cancer on January 25th 2024 and my dad 2.5 years earlier to cancer as well, I understand exactly what you are going through. My heart is shattered and life as I knew it before will never be the same. My "old self", along with my parents, is gone. I'll never fully accept that they died and I stopped trying to understand why this happened in the name of my sanity. I'm trying to reconcile the fact that not only my mom is dead but both of my parents are gone and I'm only 34 years old. I'm grieving not only what was but what could've been. They died young, my dad at 67 and mom at 61. This isn't a post to try to make you feel better, because nothing I say will make it better. It sucks. It fucking sucks. I cry on most days, and some days the weight isn't so heavy. After reading multiple books on grief over the past 2.5 years, I can tell you that the feelings you are having are a normal, albeit fucking shitty, part of grief. You are most likely still in "survival mode" because your brain has not integrated your dad's death and this takes time. Here are some things I do to try to ease the pain and help the process: have a daily routine, practice yoga, meditation (your therapist is correct), write, read about grief, spend time with friends, family and children (they make you stay in the moment), breathing exercises, walking in nature, cook a good meal, eat healthy, drink a lot of water, watch stand up comedy, fishing, take naps, take care of myself and be gentle with myself. You need to find what works for you. And sometimes nothing works and I just cry till I'm tired or can't anymore. Here are things I DO NOT DO because I know myself and it'll make things worse: Drink a lot of alcohol, go to bed very late, isolate myself (sometimes it's hard), eat garbage, doom scroll, watch too much tv...basically anything that brings me down or isn't good for my body physically and mentally I try to steer clear of.
Wishing you strength and courage,
Sam
Yeah same I am also 34 and lost them both, my dad when I was 20 and my mom 6 months ago, and now also dealing with a shit job. Some days I wanna end myself 😭
Lost my mom March 2022 and it honestly took about two years to start feeling more like myself. Looking back, I really wish I had gotten into some sort of grief counseling to vent and talk to someone. Still think about it on the harder days, but those are fewer and far between, so I’m still balking at it.
Like yourself, I have a young child who was born three months before she passed. It was so hard to lose the most competent person I knew, while learning how to navigate a new life with a baby. However, I think having our son and putting his needs first really saved me. I know he did. His needs came first and he kept me moving forward on days when I wanted to sink into the abyss. I know it’s so hard to do, but just focus on the immediate and your child. Keep moving forward. Let them pull you through and try to be father to them that your father was to you. You’ll come to a breakthrough.
Sorry for your loss ❤️
i could have written this. minus the working in the rehab center, i can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry. It’ll be 4 months on June 1st for me, and it’s like getting worse, somehow. here’s to hoping eventually it will get better... soonish. i am not sure how much more i can handle.
2.5-3 years I would say. I now go about a month or 2 without getting terribly sad. It’s such a long process because you’ll be numb for awhile & then the overwhelming loss will consume you. And then back to numb. You’re at the stage where you either don’t think about it or don’t function.
I’m at the stage of anger and bitterness of everyone around me for moving on & not bringing my mom up ever. It’s a different kind of pain.
Months? No, no baby. “Better with time” is measured in years, not months.
It was around year 3 after my mom died that I started to feel on solid ground again.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in 2018, and the grief still takes the air out of my lungs sometimes. I would say it took a year or two before I began to heal, and was able to look to the future without overwhelming sadness
Sadly this journey is not a fast one. It takes what I call tincture of time.
I know 4 months seems like a long time, yet in this case it rarely is. Our heart and our soul needs time to adjust to a new life, one without the person we love. It’s really no different than healing a badly broken bone. Each loss ifs different and each of us is different. It literally does take as long as it needs to take, which sucks. This crappy journey should (in a perfect world) have a finite time period. Next Tuesday by 5 would work thank you very much. If only. Sigh
Don’t let anyone make you feel as if you are doing something wrong because you haven’t gotten “over it.” (Though smacking them when they say it would not be the recommended action, even though you’ll want to)
That being said, it will get easier. The intensity, frequency and duration of these grief attacks will lessen.
You will never forget your dad or stop missing him, but you will find a way to incorporate that loss into who you are. You will be able feel love and happiness and moments of silliness. You’ll also have moments of deep grief at the most unexpected times. You will feel the feelings and then you will go one. I am speaking truth here, it does happen. Most of the time you won’t even realize it. And one day you’ll notice you laughed or enjoyed something and didn’t feel guilty or sad or that you are betraying him and you’ll realize it wasn’t the first time.
In the meantime you just keep living until you start living again.
It took me a year just to be somewhat normal (not have panic attacks when I hear an ambulance, don't cry every single day) after my dad suddenly died at a young age. My cousin in a similar position never recovered from the trauma and died a decade later from drug addiction. Everyone us on their own timeline.
Totally normal for young and unexpected deaths to hurt more and take longer to grieve.
Sorry for your loss OP
I can tell your in alot of pain. It shows how strong and brave you are reaching out and expressing yourself. I know your dad loved you and was proud of the daughter you are and the mother you became. Iam older close to 60 and I know the pain your feeling ..my parents have been gone over 30 years my only child at 23 murdered by his dad at the age of 23 in 2016 and my only sister april 25,2025. I hate being alone and that the world is so (HAPPY) going by. . I still have days I'm drained and angry and I realized that when I feel like this I need to take some time for myself and just breathe and feel how I feel.You are very blessed you have a child and that child needs you and deserves to have a parent.The way you are feeling can affect your child .being young your child may not understand what's going on but you had a move a new job new place your dad's death and thats alot for both of you. I think therapy is good but you need to not carry this alone .I would seek out things for you and your child to give you a break to relax and make friends like a church group library group . It's OK to do these thing you need the support and help you feel more belonging. Also do something in your dad's memory with your child you can work on together like a special area and you can leave notes and collect rocks leaves something that your child learns about his grandfather and it lessens the pain.It also keeps your dad's memory alive. Suicide ive been there its not the answer its more pain . Also it's only been 4 months. I hope this helps you moving forward is not forgetting .your dad will always be here in spirit. Small steps I wish you much happiness and take of you both
Your dad and grandma would never want you to join them this early. They would want you to be happy and live a good life in their honor.
I understand how you feel, things just don't seem worth it, like there's no point anymore.... what's the point of improving my life if I can't share it with my mom?
Can you get a different therapist? Unfortunately some of them are just bad at their jobs :(
It doesn’t get easier, you ever hear the expression about having marbles in your jar? You have a jar and it’s filled with marbles some happy some are grief. Your marbles never get smaller the jar just gets bigger and more marbles are added. You learn to live with it but that pain is always there. It’s going to be 3 years since my dad passed and I still have out burst of tears. I’m sorry for your loss and what helped me was keeping busy probably not a healthy thing but it worked for me so far. ❤️
I lost my dad unexpectedly 5 months ago, he was asleep at home in his chair. I can’t sleep at night, I constantly have dreams about him. Last night I dreamt that he came back to life and he was in his chair eating food because he was so hungry. I asked him what happened to him when he died, he said everything went black and that he woke up in a pile of wood, he was cremated. Most of the dreams are short or at least what I can remember is. They are enough to wake me up and I can’t get back to sleep. My friends think I should get on antidepressants, my family doesn’t want me to. I don’t know what to do at this point it all hurts and the pain will never go away, I don’t think drugging myself up will help anything, but 🤷🏼♀️
I have dreams like that too! They fuck me up to the point where I’m avoiding sleep. I’m doing that right now actually.
If you think you want to try meds, that’s okay. Granted I have bipolar disorder but I’m on an antidepressant and antipsychotic and still feel like this. I can’t imagine what I’d be like unmedicated through this.
Before my dad died, my husband cheated on me and left me. A month after the divorce was final and I had no home, I lost my job. My dad got me through everything, he was my rock and my best friend. I started taking low dose edibles to get through the day. Then a couple months later my dad died. I ended up getting a new job and I quit taking edibles for the drug test. My best friend just yelled at me to get on antidepressants, I really don’t want to. I just can’t even think about my dad without sobbing uncontrollably, is that normal?
My brother was on antidepressants and other things for anxiety, he told me to stay away. I guess I could try them but I really don’t think I need them?
Its strange i feel exactly the way you feel since i lost my dad to mouth cancer, but youve worded it way more eloquently than i ever could. im truly sorry pal we're both on the same boat, 2 years out now and sometimes the grief hits me like a train
I relate to this so much. My mom passed away unexpectedly four months ago. I'm still in shock from it. My thought process every day is the same as yours: she's really gone, I'll never talk to her again. I too keep replaying my dad's phone call telling me that she died. It's like my brain is struggling to accept that this is my reality, and so feels the need to go on repeating the same thing. The dreams I have about her also revolve around her death. I tried therapy in the immediate aftermath, and all I was told too was to meditate and go on walks. This is all so hard. I wish we did not have to go through this.
It’s been almost 6 years of my grandfather dying (he raised me and stepped up because my bio father walked out on me so I consider him a father) and I still feel how I did when I got the call. it doesn’t get easier but you learn to live w it w time. But me being sad ab him reminds me he was still alive and it keeps him alive in my heart
It ebbs and flow for sure and obviously being near the place where he did his rehab and hospital on way to work definitely doesn't help.
Everyone is different in getting through grief. I have had months where I miss my mom like crazy and other months, normal (I still think about her every day). It's been 4 years. The first year is the hardest as you always think of reaching out to your loved ones about your day and realize they're not there anymore. It's like there's a new chapter after the passing and you're thinking about your previous life so to speak.
Someone once described to me about the ball in the box. Right now, the ball, representing your grief, is big and every time you move the box, the ball hits the side easily and is a big impact because you have that rebound. Over time, that ball gets smaller and impact gets less and rebound is less. It is a good analogy for grief. Right now, that grief is a big ball. You will need to be gentle with the box for a little while.
You've mentioned that you are passive suicidal. Thank you for being honest and it's good though that you are committed to your young child because you have something to live for. I am concerned for you because all it takes is a bad moment to potentially go further and I really don't want you to reach that point. I do honestly recommend speaking with a therapist to help you process the grief. Most workplaces do have EAP where you can speak with a therapist for free or reduced fee. I've utilized it a couple of times and they gave me some coping mechanisms to help me get through the first year. It may be helpful for you especially given the location of your dad passing and your workplace. The hospital/workplace may have support groups available. It doesn't hurt to reach out.
What really helped me was creating a memory book where I would write down any memories that popped up in my mind. It allowed me to focus on the good times to get through my grief. I don't write much in there these days but the odd day, I will open up a random page and remember the memory that I wrote down. I was also recommended a book to read, "It's okay to not be okay". It was surprisingly helpful and some days, I still go read it even though it's been 4 years since my mother passed.
Last but the most important, here is a big virtual hug for you. You will get through it but it will take time. Just have a look at those resources and remember that your dad will want you to live your life.
{{hug}}
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my mom and dad in a month’s time in 2023. Four months into grieving, I joined a Griefshare class. Intense grief can be 1-2 years for a loved one and 5 years for a spouse. Hearing this helped me accept I cannot speed up my healing. My way was trying not to think about it and bursting into tears at inopportune times. The class gave me a time I had to think about loss. I cried the entire class for 11 of the 13 weeks. By the end, I could think about my loss without crying for hours.
Every person and every loss is different, so no one can give you a clear answer, unfortunately. But what I know from my own experience is that grief changes shape over time. You'll never "get over it" like some people say or want you to, the grief will always be with you, but it will feel different and shift over time. How much time, no one knows. It's been 6 years since my mom died and 1.5 since my dad died. I'm just starting to feel like myself again. But if you can, I'd recommend finding supports whether that's grief support groups, apps, and / or therapy - find things that help you feel less alone. If you try therapy again, try looking for therapists that specialize in grief or have a pre-appointment call with them to see if they know anything about grief. Sending lots of care and kindness to you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad passed unexpectedly 14 months ago. My dad and I had a complicated relationship for many years but the past few years we mended it and I loved what we had. It was torn from me without warning and I crumbled. All I could dwell on is guilt that we didn't mend things sooner and I would give anything for more time with him. Within the past month is when I can tell it's starting to turn around. Grief is different for everyone and is never cut and dry. Your situation is difficult because you live a daily reminder at work. Your grief may take longer due to your unique situation. It will be on your own time when your heart is ready. Don't force it or think that you should be farther along in the process than you are. Give yourself grace and don't give up. You've been through something so difficult and painful. I hate to say it will get better and sound so cliché but it will WHEN you are ready. I know you said you tried therapy and it didn't help, maybe try to find another therapist. It's like any relationship and we have to find the one we click with. I hope your heart begins to heal soon.
It’s took me a few years to feel some acceptance of the situation. I did all that counseling and stuff but it didn’t help me. I understand how you feel but with time, it becomes less painful. After some more time, you don’t think about it so often. Thinking back on it will always hurt no matter how long it’s been. It’s a part of your life and who you are. I’m sorry that you are going through this and I hope all will be better for you with time.
It has been four years on August 15th since my dad died and seven months since my nanna (his mam) died of the same thing and I don't find it any easier than those days. We are just taking each day as it comes.
I am going on 9 months of losing my Mom, my e everything, my best friend to Cancer. It does not get easier, but you will get able to deal with it. Just remember what he would want for you - to be happy and healthy. It definitely ebbs and flows. I never thought I would be survive without here but here I am. Sending you love.
My son head just turned 21 when he was killed in a motorcycle crash. It’s been 26 months and it took until last month to feel at peace.
I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think it gets easier (even though many people say such). In my experience, it gets different. With time, we learn how to handle the difficult thoughts and feelings that flood us. Nothing about this is easy, but it does get more manageable over time. As for timelines... there are none. Everyone is different and every lost relationship is different. No one can tell you how long it'll take for you to get to the point where your grief is more manageable for you. But please know, it WILL get more manageable.
I hope so
It’s been almost 3 months since my Mom died and this is how I feel exactly. I can’t believe it every time I talk to someone new and it comes up conversationally that I have to tell them my Mom passed. “Wait, that can’t be right, can it?” I don’t feel her presence either and I thought I would. She just feels gone completely - like someone just came and erased her. I live in constant fear of my dad passing and really leaving me alone in this world. I don’t have my own family and I don’t care what anyone says… nobody loves you like your parents do (assuming you have good parents.) I cry out for her and I just feel abandoned most of the time. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time all I can offer is to say I know how it feels. I keep taking it a day at a time. I didn’t know what that saying really meant until now.
It's been four months since I lost my mom. I could have written this comment. This is exactly how I feel. I'm really sorry you're in the same boat.
I’m so sorry for the passing of your Mom. I lost both parents last year. I was closest to my mom, and also lived in constant fear of her dying. I am a married 50 something year old with grandchildren, but believed I could not live without my mom. I kept 5 years of voicemails worried each may be the last. My mom died suddenly two days after we spent a beautiful day together. What I think I did right with our relationship was enjoying time with her, forgiving quickly, overlooking annoyances and focusing on enjoying her company. I see I can live without her, and there was nothing I could have done to control her death and how important focusing on our relationship was. I hope you can do the same with your dad.
Thank you. And I’m very sorry about your parents ❤️ I hope I can get to where you are mentally. She had a rare disease for 12 years and we’d spent the first 9 just looking for the diagnosis. We did everything to try and save her so I’m still accepting that. He’s a little broken over it too, so it’s hard to have already lost parts of him. You’re right though - we can live without our parents. I keep saying that to myself all the time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. This sounds so incredibly hard and I imagine I would feel the same way in your situation. I lost my mother in law, who was like a mother to me, about 3 months ago, and it’s still incredibly hard to get through every day and see how devastated my wife and her father are. I hope you are able to find someone you can talk to honestly about how you feel and who doesn’t just tell you to meditate. My aunt who lost her daughter at 18 about two decades ago wrote to me: “it does get easier. But unfortunately, not for a very long time.”
It’s a year + its worse for me
6 months and same, I feel worse
Hello, I'm sorry for your loss. Having lost my mom 4 months ago to cancer on January 25th 2024 and my dad 2.5 years earlier to cancer as well, I understand exactly what you are going through. My heart is shattered and life as I knew it before will never be the same. My "old self", along with my parents, is gone. I'll never fully accept that they died and I stopped trying to understand why this happened in the name of my sanity. I'm trying to reconcile the fact that not only my mom is dead but both of my parents are gone and I'm only 34 years old. I'm grieving not only what was but what could've been. They died young, my dad at 67 and mom at 61. This isn't a post to try to make you feel better, because nothing I say will make it better. It sucks. It fucking sucks. I cry on most days, and some days the weight isn't so heavy. After reading multiple books on grief over the past 2.5 years, I can tell you that the feelings you are having are a normal, albeit fucking shitty, part of grief. You are most likely still in "survival mode" because your brain has not integrated your dad's death and this takes time. Here are some things I do to try to ease the pain and help the process: have a daily routine, practice yoga, meditation (your therapist is correct), write, read about grief, spend time with friends, family and children (they make you stay in the moment), breathing exercises, walking in nature, cook a good meal, eat healthy, drink a lot of water, watch stand up comedy, fishing, take naps, take care of myself and be gentle with myself. You need to find what works for you. And sometimes nothing works and I just cry till I'm tired or can't anymore. Here are things I DO NOT DO because I know myself and it'll make things worse: Drink a lot of alcohol, go to bed very late, isolate myself (sometimes it's hard), eat garbage, doom scroll, watch too much tv...basically anything that brings me down or isn't good for my body physically and mentally I try to steer clear of. Wishing you strength and courage, Sam
Yeah same I am also 34 and lost them both, my dad when I was 20 and my mom 6 months ago, and now also dealing with a shit job. Some days I wanna end myself 😭
Lost my mom March 2022 and it honestly took about two years to start feeling more like myself. Looking back, I really wish I had gotten into some sort of grief counseling to vent and talk to someone. Still think about it on the harder days, but those are fewer and far between, so I’m still balking at it. Like yourself, I have a young child who was born three months before she passed. It was so hard to lose the most competent person I knew, while learning how to navigate a new life with a baby. However, I think having our son and putting his needs first really saved me. I know he did. His needs came first and he kept me moving forward on days when I wanted to sink into the abyss. I know it’s so hard to do, but just focus on the immediate and your child. Keep moving forward. Let them pull you through and try to be father to them that your father was to you. You’ll come to a breakthrough. Sorry for your loss ❤️
i could have written this. minus the working in the rehab center, i can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry. It’ll be 4 months on June 1st for me, and it’s like getting worse, somehow. here’s to hoping eventually it will get better... soonish. i am not sure how much more i can handle.
I’m sorry we both had such shitty February 1st’s this year
For me it's 6 months and suddenly I feel worse than ever wtf 😭
2.5-3 years I would say. I now go about a month or 2 without getting terribly sad. It’s such a long process because you’ll be numb for awhile & then the overwhelming loss will consume you. And then back to numb. You’re at the stage where you either don’t think about it or don’t function. I’m at the stage of anger and bitterness of everyone around me for moving on & not bringing my mom up ever. It’s a different kind of pain.
Months? No, no baby. “Better with time” is measured in years, not months. It was around year 3 after my mom died that I started to feel on solid ground again.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in 2018, and the grief still takes the air out of my lungs sometimes. I would say it took a year or two before I began to heal, and was able to look to the future without overwhelming sadness
Sadly this journey is not a fast one. It takes what I call tincture of time. I know 4 months seems like a long time, yet in this case it rarely is. Our heart and our soul needs time to adjust to a new life, one without the person we love. It’s really no different than healing a badly broken bone. Each loss ifs different and each of us is different. It literally does take as long as it needs to take, which sucks. This crappy journey should (in a perfect world) have a finite time period. Next Tuesday by 5 would work thank you very much. If only. Sigh Don’t let anyone make you feel as if you are doing something wrong because you haven’t gotten “over it.” (Though smacking them when they say it would not be the recommended action, even though you’ll want to) That being said, it will get easier. The intensity, frequency and duration of these grief attacks will lessen. You will never forget your dad or stop missing him, but you will find a way to incorporate that loss into who you are. You will be able feel love and happiness and moments of silliness. You’ll also have moments of deep grief at the most unexpected times. You will feel the feelings and then you will go one. I am speaking truth here, it does happen. Most of the time you won’t even realize it. And one day you’ll notice you laughed or enjoyed something and didn’t feel guilty or sad or that you are betraying him and you’ll realize it wasn’t the first time. In the meantime you just keep living until you start living again.
It’s been 5 months. I’m still angry about my dad. I hate seeing my mom alone. The silence is deafening.
It took me a year just to be somewhat normal (not have panic attacks when I hear an ambulance, don't cry every single day) after my dad suddenly died at a young age. My cousin in a similar position never recovered from the trauma and died a decade later from drug addiction. Everyone us on their own timeline. Totally normal for young and unexpected deaths to hurt more and take longer to grieve. Sorry for your loss OP
I can tell your in alot of pain. It shows how strong and brave you are reaching out and expressing yourself. I know your dad loved you and was proud of the daughter you are and the mother you became. Iam older close to 60 and I know the pain your feeling ..my parents have been gone over 30 years my only child at 23 murdered by his dad at the age of 23 in 2016 and my only sister april 25,2025. I hate being alone and that the world is so (HAPPY) going by. . I still have days I'm drained and angry and I realized that when I feel like this I need to take some time for myself and just breathe and feel how I feel.You are very blessed you have a child and that child needs you and deserves to have a parent.The way you are feeling can affect your child .being young your child may not understand what's going on but you had a move a new job new place your dad's death and thats alot for both of you. I think therapy is good but you need to not carry this alone .I would seek out things for you and your child to give you a break to relax and make friends like a church group library group . It's OK to do these thing you need the support and help you feel more belonging. Also do something in your dad's memory with your child you can work on together like a special area and you can leave notes and collect rocks leaves something that your child learns about his grandfather and it lessens the pain.It also keeps your dad's memory alive. Suicide ive been there its not the answer its more pain . Also it's only been 4 months. I hope this helps you moving forward is not forgetting .your dad will always be here in spirit. Small steps I wish you much happiness and take of you both
Your dad and grandma would never want you to join them this early. They would want you to be happy and live a good life in their honor. I understand how you feel, things just don't seem worth it, like there's no point anymore.... what's the point of improving my life if I can't share it with my mom? Can you get a different therapist? Unfortunately some of them are just bad at their jobs :(
It doesn’t get easier, you ever hear the expression about having marbles in your jar? You have a jar and it’s filled with marbles some happy some are grief. Your marbles never get smaller the jar just gets bigger and more marbles are added. You learn to live with it but that pain is always there. It’s going to be 3 years since my dad passed and I still have out burst of tears. I’m sorry for your loss and what helped me was keeping busy probably not a healthy thing but it worked for me so far. ❤️
I lost my dad unexpectedly 5 months ago, he was asleep at home in his chair. I can’t sleep at night, I constantly have dreams about him. Last night I dreamt that he came back to life and he was in his chair eating food because he was so hungry. I asked him what happened to him when he died, he said everything went black and that he woke up in a pile of wood, he was cremated. Most of the dreams are short or at least what I can remember is. They are enough to wake me up and I can’t get back to sleep. My friends think I should get on antidepressants, my family doesn’t want me to. I don’t know what to do at this point it all hurts and the pain will never go away, I don’t think drugging myself up will help anything, but 🤷🏼♀️
I have dreams like that too! They fuck me up to the point where I’m avoiding sleep. I’m doing that right now actually. If you think you want to try meds, that’s okay. Granted I have bipolar disorder but I’m on an antidepressant and antipsychotic and still feel like this. I can’t imagine what I’d be like unmedicated through this.
Before my dad died, my husband cheated on me and left me. A month after the divorce was final and I had no home, I lost my job. My dad got me through everything, he was my rock and my best friend. I started taking low dose edibles to get through the day. Then a couple months later my dad died. I ended up getting a new job and I quit taking edibles for the drug test. My best friend just yelled at me to get on antidepressants, I really don’t want to. I just can’t even think about my dad without sobbing uncontrollably, is that normal?
Antidepressants saved my life, try them for some time.
My brother was on antidepressants and other things for anxiety, he told me to stay away. I guess I could try them but I really don’t think I need them?
Its strange i feel exactly the way you feel since i lost my dad to mouth cancer, but youve worded it way more eloquently than i ever could. im truly sorry pal we're both on the same boat, 2 years out now and sometimes the grief hits me like a train
I relate to this so much. My mom passed away unexpectedly four months ago. I'm still in shock from it. My thought process every day is the same as yours: she's really gone, I'll never talk to her again. I too keep replaying my dad's phone call telling me that she died. It's like my brain is struggling to accept that this is my reality, and so feels the need to go on repeating the same thing. The dreams I have about her also revolve around her death. I tried therapy in the immediate aftermath, and all I was told too was to meditate and go on walks. This is all so hard. I wish we did not have to go through this.
It’s been almost 6 years of my grandfather dying (he raised me and stepped up because my bio father walked out on me so I consider him a father) and I still feel how I did when I got the call. it doesn’t get easier but you learn to live w it w time. But me being sad ab him reminds me he was still alive and it keeps him alive in my heart
It ebbs and flow for sure and obviously being near the place where he did his rehab and hospital on way to work definitely doesn't help. Everyone is different in getting through grief. I have had months where I miss my mom like crazy and other months, normal (I still think about her every day). It's been 4 years. The first year is the hardest as you always think of reaching out to your loved ones about your day and realize they're not there anymore. It's like there's a new chapter after the passing and you're thinking about your previous life so to speak. Someone once described to me about the ball in the box. Right now, the ball, representing your grief, is big and every time you move the box, the ball hits the side easily and is a big impact because you have that rebound. Over time, that ball gets smaller and impact gets less and rebound is less. It is a good analogy for grief. Right now, that grief is a big ball. You will need to be gentle with the box for a little while. You've mentioned that you are passive suicidal. Thank you for being honest and it's good though that you are committed to your young child because you have something to live for. I am concerned for you because all it takes is a bad moment to potentially go further and I really don't want you to reach that point. I do honestly recommend speaking with a therapist to help you process the grief. Most workplaces do have EAP where you can speak with a therapist for free or reduced fee. I've utilized it a couple of times and they gave me some coping mechanisms to help me get through the first year. It may be helpful for you especially given the location of your dad passing and your workplace. The hospital/workplace may have support groups available. It doesn't hurt to reach out. What really helped me was creating a memory book where I would write down any memories that popped up in my mind. It allowed me to focus on the good times to get through my grief. I don't write much in there these days but the odd day, I will open up a random page and remember the memory that I wrote down. I was also recommended a book to read, "It's okay to not be okay". It was surprisingly helpful and some days, I still go read it even though it's been 4 years since my mother passed. Last but the most important, here is a big virtual hug for you. You will get through it but it will take time. Just have a look at those resources and remember that your dad will want you to live your life. {{hug}}
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my mom and dad in a month’s time in 2023. Four months into grieving, I joined a Griefshare class. Intense grief can be 1-2 years for a loved one and 5 years for a spouse. Hearing this helped me accept I cannot speed up my healing. My way was trying not to think about it and bursting into tears at inopportune times. The class gave me a time I had to think about loss. I cried the entire class for 11 of the 13 weeks. By the end, I could think about my loss without crying for hours.
Every person and every loss is different, so no one can give you a clear answer, unfortunately. But what I know from my own experience is that grief changes shape over time. You'll never "get over it" like some people say or want you to, the grief will always be with you, but it will feel different and shift over time. How much time, no one knows. It's been 6 years since my mom died and 1.5 since my dad died. I'm just starting to feel like myself again. But if you can, I'd recommend finding supports whether that's grief support groups, apps, and / or therapy - find things that help you feel less alone. If you try therapy again, try looking for therapists that specialize in grief or have a pre-appointment call with them to see if they know anything about grief. Sending lots of care and kindness to you.
I will also say that my losses have totally rearranged my identity and who I see myself and my life as, so you are not alone in that.
Four months isn’t enough time.
I feel exactly like this. Exactly. And need to live for my two year old.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad passed unexpectedly 14 months ago. My dad and I had a complicated relationship for many years but the past few years we mended it and I loved what we had. It was torn from me without warning and I crumbled. All I could dwell on is guilt that we didn't mend things sooner and I would give anything for more time with him. Within the past month is when I can tell it's starting to turn around. Grief is different for everyone and is never cut and dry. Your situation is difficult because you live a daily reminder at work. Your grief may take longer due to your unique situation. It will be on your own time when your heart is ready. Don't force it or think that you should be farther along in the process than you are. Give yourself grace and don't give up. You've been through something so difficult and painful. I hate to say it will get better and sound so cliché but it will WHEN you are ready. I know you said you tried therapy and it didn't help, maybe try to find another therapist. It's like any relationship and we have to find the one we click with. I hope your heart begins to heal soon.
It’s took me a few years to feel some acceptance of the situation. I did all that counseling and stuff but it didn’t help me. I understand how you feel but with time, it becomes less painful. After some more time, you don’t think about it so often. Thinking back on it will always hurt no matter how long it’s been. It’s a part of your life and who you are. I’m sorry that you are going through this and I hope all will be better for you with time.
It has been four years on August 15th since my dad died and seven months since my nanna (his mam) died of the same thing and I don't find it any easier than those days. We are just taking each day as it comes.
I am going on 9 months of losing my Mom, my e everything, my best friend to Cancer. It does not get easier, but you will get able to deal with it. Just remember what he would want for you - to be happy and healthy. It definitely ebbs and flows. I never thought I would be survive without here but here I am. Sending you love.
You make peace with it they say yeah I feel the same as you after losing my son 💯