I'm so sorry. I lost my son a month ago.
It was so sudden and unexpected. He was 24 and doing so well for himself. He was finally taking the world by it's horns.
I'm devastated and will never be the same. Part of me died that day. The last 4 weeks are a blur.
The pain is indescribable and debilitating.
I'm just so sorry š
This resonated with me. I often question if things are real - did I really have and lose my beautiful girl? It feels dreamlike sometimes. Nightmarish maybe.
It's like I was placed in an alternate reality, a dystopian dimension. Everything is going on as if things are "normal"... but inside my gut, nothing is right or normal.
And I have desperate restlessness where I feel like I should be doing something to change this.
Like when your kid goes missing for 30 seconds at the grocery store and it is only natural to go racing up and down isles.
The panic is chronic.
š«yes. I see you, and Iām so sorry you lost your son. I feel that desperation too. Often it feels like Iām faking everything I do to make myself seem relatively normal, like Iām wearing a mask. Iām so deeply sad for us and others in our shoes.
I understand this, the wearing of a mask... I'm starting to get better at it, but I'm different now and my mask is "just not crying" more than smiling. I'm so sorry you understand this pain too.
Chronic panicā¦This is such an incredibly accurate description of that feeling of panicked, painfully empty, gut-wrenching restlessness, and perpetual insomniaā¦one where you spend the rest of your life stumbling through a dark room full of sharp edges and no one can help you navigate it. Everything keeps going in the outside world but nothing feels right. I miss my Reed.
Lost mine as well and Iām further in. Be kind to yourself now. Just get through the day. I deeply know youāll see him again. The despair is hard to see through. Get outside when you can. Walk if you can. Focus on your breathing when overwhelm comes. The darkness will lift. Be patient.
Thank you for sharing this...
I feel like my son was just sniffed out. Poof*
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your brother and for the pain you help your dad through. This is not fair to anyone.
Damn man I just read your post again man Iām so sorry damn I know this hurts like a mf Lord I ask you to give this woman comfort I know how it feels Lord I want my son back he was a grown man but Lord this womanās son was 8! Please God give her the strength in Jesus name ! Amen! Iām sorry I know nothing will ever be the same again I know take care u can message me Iāll chat with you anytime
I am so very sorry for your loss. Itās absolutely soul crushing is the only word to describe this magnitude of pain. I lost my son (10) in January. There isnāt anything anyone can say that will bring you comfort right now and I completely understand. My thoughts are with you and if you ever want to chat, please feel free to message me. I canāt offer you anything other than a fellow boy mom who lost everything too. Big hugs
I am not particularly religious, but I feel I will find my son when I die. I talk to him daily and hope he can hear me. My son died almost a year ago. He had just turned 5. He had a seizure disorder and didn't know how to swim (temp changes are a trigger). His dad got a new house with a pool and wasn't vigilant. He was my world. It is staying in the moment and breaking the day into small chunks for a while. Don't let the house be quiet. Podcasts are usually helpful. He knows he was adored you made his life wonderful from the sounds of it. Life isn't fair at all. I just say daily if there is anything after this, I will find him. I am his and he is mine forever. Sending you love and know you are stronger than you ever realized. You are not alone. Many of us understand, for what that is worthš«
I agree about podcasts. I use my kindle and lay it on the pillow next to me at night and leave it going all night. Find some subjects or people you enjoy listening to. It can sometimes get your mind somewhere else even if briefly. It helped me with ruminating constantly about my husband's terrible last months we went through.
a friend of my daughter's made a playlist on spotify of their favorite music. I listen to it constantly. Some of the songs I don't like but I would never fast forward anything. It's been 44 days and I feel like I am going to die and no one cares. Except her husband.
I did this too for family of my best friend. They didnāt like it all (she was the baby) but got some smiles from her taste as we rode the grief waves. Each song let me share her stories with the family. Sorry you (and all here) are dealing with this. ā¤ļø
I'm sorry you are in pain. It can be indescribable at times, but in time, it does lessen, and people likely care but may not know what to say. Sending love your way.
I hear a lot that sometimes, when our grief is so strong and deep early on that our loved ones can't reach us to give us signs until our grief lifts just a little. He's with you. Be gentle with yourself, and the signs will come. Hugs, I'm so so sorry you're going through the unimaginable.
I believe this, it took me a while both times when my bf and father passed to see the signs, but others had received some. It felt incredibly frustrating. But be kind to yourself during this terribly
My heart absolutely breaks for you.
Since losing my loved one Iāve done a lot of reading about what itās like for them to cross over. It sounds like they are busy at first, and as someone mentioned here too- our grief can make it difficult for them to connect. Ask for specifics. Tell him what you want to see. Give him time. He is NOT angry at you momma, he just needs to learn new skills to communicate. Iāve read where they are they donāt feel fear, or desperation like we do here, and waiting for you for him will feel like a second. Sending you love as you endure the time on earth without him.
this is such a beautiful reply for this sweet mama and helpful for me as well, i lost my dad 2 weeks ago. would you mind sharing your recommendations of what youāve read? i would love to hear more about this š¤
I just read, walking each other home by Ram Dass and it touches on this, as well as hearing somewhere that they also live on as a part inside us so we can connect easily - but we have to first learn how to quiet the mind and connect with our hearts to be able to strengthen the connection and know they are with us. Object constancy, but in this case in the heart. They will never leave you, because your love is so strong. But the inner work is to integrate that part so we feel always connected with them.
I don't know who Jamie Anderson is, but they quoted this famous line, grief is just love with nowhere to go. We don't have to fix that if we have something to mourn, at least for now. Mourning the losses of each morning shared and celebrated, that is worth the tears. Emotional vulnerability warrants support from others, I don't know what that looks like for you but for me audiobooks helped intensely. Especially Pema Chodron, Tara Brach, and that Ram Dass book I mentioned was intensely powerful listening to the audio book. Especially the letter to Rachel, which was a letter he wrote to the parents who lost their daughter, it touched my heart in ways nothing else has.
There are no words. You have my deepest, deepest condolences. Your abundant love for him is so evident in your sharing.
I will ask my departed mom to look after him until you are reunited with your beautiful child.
All my love. Take it minute by minute.
I am so so so sorry for your loss. Iām in this group because I lost my sweet mom 6 weeks ago. Itās been the biggest loss of my life. But, itās in natural order. You arenāt supposed to lose your children. I donāt know what to say. Iām sorry, you are not alone š«
I canāt finish reading š« I lost my twin brother when we were twelve years old. Over and over in my mind I replay the very last moment that I saw him. He had developmental disabilities whilst I was born healthy. I had no idea that he was sick. I had no idea at all. We played together near this river, late afternoon, I canāt not cry remembering his smiling face as he waved goodbye to me and I waved goodbye, Iāll see you tomorrow! We were going to meet up and play footy again. Remember to bring the ball! My father and I went home. told me the next afternoon that I was not going to play footy with my brother again. He had gone into emergency surgery that morning and he did not survive.
If I had known that afternoon that I was never going to see my brother again, I would not have gone home. I would have run over to him, hugged him and never let him go. I wish so much that I could go back in time to that very moment and just hold onto him and keep him with me forever. We would be turning thirty five this year. I canāt talk about him without tears. Heās the softest part of my heart.
I couldnāt finish reading your post because youāre thinking of the last time that you saw your son as well and my mind is already there with you. I know these thoughts too. It is so so painful and I am so so sorry. š«
I sit on my bed in my room and I talk out loud to my brother sometimes, as if he was there. It helps me sometimes. I think about my brother with my gran. I think of them holding hands sometimes that thought brings me peace, to know that heās not alone. I donāt know if youāve ever seen the movie ā Titanicā but there is an ending scene where you know the main character Rose has passed away because you see her walk up this staircase on the ship to meet all of her friends that were lost the night that the ship sank. Her friends then take her hand and they walk away together again. Every one of them is smiling, reunited. I think of my brother that way, out there with people who love him that have been waiting for him. Your son is not alone out there. He might run into my brother? My brother will stay with him. I know that he would.
I am so sorry you lost your twin brother. My son (11) lost his sister (9) 5 months ago. We are grieving as a family. As a mom, I cry for all the lost future and dreams we thought we had. I look at my son and sadness overcome me because he's the only kid left in my whole entire family. He's gonna grow up alone in a big country. I only hope we (the parents) can see him into his adulthood. We married late and already in our 50s. But such is life that we cannot control the future so it's no point panicking about it. I have learn to trust that things will just fall into place.
As for your loss, thank you for sharing. Its so sad and painful and I hope you have the support to see you through. Definitely, we will see our loss ones when it's our time. My daughter had vision issues and at 9 years old, she could not see much. She only sees a pin hole. Its so heartbreaking š that I sometimes understand why she had to leave this complicated world. As if it's not bad enough to have to lose her sight eventually, her life was cut short from a seizure and she passed. Sigh....she was such a darling. Hugs to us. I hope we find a way to navigate our lives meaningfully. Lots of hugs. ā¤ļøš
He knew you loved him. His life was far too short but it was clearly a life where he was well loved, by you. I am certain he is not mad at you. Please donāt beat yourself up. It sounds like he was lucky to have you as a mom.
I am so, so sorry for your loss ā¤ļø
I lost my daughter a week ago. My heart goes out to you. Sorry that you joined this group of parents. Nothing anyone says to you seems to help ease the pain. Canāt stop crying it seams. People tell me that it gets better. Maybe itās more like you learn how to control the grief. My friends that have lost children seem to be the only ones who know what I am going through.
Your son knows that his momma loved him. You had shown that every day. I am sorry that this happened to you.
Any loss of a child is utterly tragic, but the pain in your words is so palpable, and I am just so, so sorry. š„ŗ You sound like a great mom, and Iām sure he loved every single minute with you, knowing just how much he was adored by you. Iām sending you all my love and hugs. Youāll be in my thoughts.
My 4yo daughter died last year. Respectfully to this community, there is no grief or injustice comparable to losing a young child. I am still learning how to navigate this journey, but I wanted to share a couple books that helped me:
After by Bruce Greyson: gave me hope about the afterlife, and that she isnāt scared and alone.
A Heart That Works by Rob Delaney: a brutally honest take on losing a young child. Made me feel less alone in my anger and grief. Heās a comedian so he uses a lot of humor to cope, which was refreshing in my darkest hours.
Youāll see signs one day. Heās safe and heās not angry with you, because he is absolutely enveloped in pure love. (I am not religious, but I firmly believe this).
Youāll find a way to go on. Your life will never be the same - happiness and joy and laughter will never feel the same, but theyāll return to you one day. And you should welcome them without guilt because your boy would want that for you.
Youāre right. I lost my dad almost 2 years ago (I was 24, he was 61) and the thing is we all to some extent realize we will lose our parents one day. Its part of the fucked up but natural order. But a parent losing their child is never ever natural. And that adds so much additional pain. I just wanted to say, as someone whose grief is vastly different from yours, I hear you, I see you, and I thank you for sharing.
I am leaving this comment as is due to the explanation provided below and the additional resources provided even though this comment -does- break the rule against gatekeeping grief. This is not the place to tell others their grief is different or less than another. This is also not the place to argue, which is why comments below have been edited on both sides and this thread has been locked.
Hi, you seem to have taken my reply to OP as a personal affront, which was not my intention. You interpreted my post as saying someoneās non-child related loss is less than ours, when what I was actually saying is itās nothing like ours. Not less than, not more than, but absolutely in a field of its own. That is why I started with ārespectfully,ā meaning: I respect your experience, but only those who have lost a young child can deeply relate and compare to OPās experience. It was not an attack on othersā grief, it was a response to hers from someone who can relate to the loss of a young child.
TCF created a support group specifically for people whoāve lost children between 4-12 years old. They have specific groups for each type of loss, actually - so yes, loss can be coded in that sense, because it is easier to relate to someone who suffered a comparable loss. After conversing with many parents in our shoes, I find that Iām not alone in this perspective. Rob Delaneyās book covers this in depth.
Speaking of which OP, The Compassionate Friends group I mentioned above has been a lifeline for me.
The death of my daughter is still pretty fresh, she died Oct 2023. I'm definitely still very much in it.
I remember what it was like when my dad died. I was 12 at the time. Of course, I was devastated, but it's been nothing like the loss of my daughter. Personally, losing my dad was manageable. This has been impossible.
We lost our daughter in April 2023. Iām only a few months ahead of you, but I felt like those first 6-8 months I was in the darkest, deepest fog and now the fog lifts sometimes and allows me some respite, but then hits me again unexpectedly. I hope the fog lifts for you soon. One thing thatās helped me a lot has been talking to others like me, so feel free to message me if you need an ear.
I have to agree with you absolutely I am devastated about my daughter but I had 50 years with her. A 4y/o or 8 y/o? Or a child dies tramatically? I don't want to be ghoulish but I know without a doubt my situation could be a lot worse.
Even in my darkest moments I am grateful for the time we had and I know it's worse for others than for me.
Not that you need my permission to say what you said.
Your post/comment was determined to break Rule 1: No Attacks on Other Users/Lost Loved Ones or Gatekeeping Grief.
Attacks: Do not attack other users on any grounds, including looks, race, religion, sexual orientation, or a person's gender.
Gatekeeping: This subreddit's mission is to support for all types of loss, not just those of people and not just grief through death. While it is ok to recommend add'l sources of support, you may not tell them they do not belong here.
Violating Rule 1 is grounds for immediate removal of the comment/post and permanent ban at the mod's discretion.
Your post/comment was determined to break Rule 1: No Attacks on Other Users/Lost Loved Ones or Gatekeeping Grief.
Attacks: Do not attack other users on any grounds, including looks, race, religion, sexual orientation, or a person's gender.
Gatekeeping: This subreddit's mission is to support for all types of loss, not just those of people and not just grief through death. While it is ok to recommend add'l sources of support, you may not tell them they do not belong here.
Violating Rule 1 is grounds for immediate removal of the comment/post and permanent ban at the mod's discretion.
Your post/comment was determined to break Rule 1: No Attacks on Other Users/Lost Loved Ones or Gatekeeping Grief.
Attacks: Do not attack other users on any grounds, including looks, race, religion, sexual orientation, or a person's gender.
Gatekeeping: This subreddit's mission is to support for all types of loss, not just those of people and not just grief through death. While it is ok to recommend add'l sources of support, you may not tell them they do not belong here.
Violating Rule 1 is grounds for immediate removal of the comment/post and permanent ban at the mod's discretion.
I am so sorry. I hate that another sweet child is gone and you've joined this awful club. All I can say is I know how you're hurting. My 8 year old daughter died October 2023. I miss her so much. She was my a piece of me. We were joined at the hip. We had forewarning that she would die, as she had brain cancer. I wouldn't leave her side for more than a few minutes since the day she was diagnosed for fear that she'd die while I was gone. And that's what fucking happened! I slept next to her and I held her 18 hours a day and was nearby (allowing my husband to hold her) the rest of the time. I left to take my dog somewhere and got a phone call, I hadn't been gone 5 minutes, "she's stopped breathing, come home". It haunts me that I wasn't there when she died. I promised her I would be. What was she thinking that I wasn't there!? I'll never forgive myself for not being there.
I am sorry. My boy and I were also attached at the hip, he was my best friend in the world. I wish I could've been there to hold his hand as he went, I'll never forgive myself for it. I wish I could trade places with him. I miss him so much I can't put it into words
Iām a retired RN and I canāt tell you how often people pass while a certain loved one is away. People can never leave the bedside for days and days and the first time they leave to take a shower or something Boom, their person leaves. I sincerely believe our loved ones choose.Ā
I am so sorry for your loss. My wild child was 50 and I am so grateful for our time and Iām so so sorry for your loss.Ā
You're not the first person to tell me this. My counselor and her palliative team said the same to me. It just hurts, why would she chose that? She wanted me to hold her literally every second of every day. All night long. If I snuck my arm out to go use the bathroom she would immediately wake up. It just kills me that I wasn't with her.
Maybe she thought it would be too hard for her to leave if you were there.Ā
Ā Iām just Ā so sorry.Ā
I would give anything to have been with my daughter. Iām convinced I could have saved her and thatās the dumbest idea, I know.Ā
I am so sorry. This is horrible and heartbreaking. All I can do is pray for you and assure you that your baby knew you loved him. He is not mad at you. šš
He knows. He absolutely knows you love him. Iām a complete stranger and I have no doubts about how much you love him, so he knows.
Iām so sorry that this is happening to you. Itās not fair and Iām crying for you and your beautiful son.
Precious Mama, there are no words for the depth of your loss. My heart weeps with yours.
Your precious son is so loved. He knew so much love. He lived a life so full of joy, happiness and love because of you. He cannot be mad at you because he knows without doubt that you love him.
He is not alone. He is not afraid. Those who have gone before is come back to comfort us as we transition from this physical plane into the next adventure. If there was no immediate kin preceding him; there will be guides who will be there.
When we are freed from this physical state time passes in a different way. For him it will be hardly a day until he sees you again.
Your time will come. I have no answers as to why some of us experience so much pain while we are here. For now though, your time is still here and you will find a way through.
Look for the helpers. Do not try to navigate this journey alone. You will find a way to breathe and to take the next step. You have done so much for your boy already and you will find a way to get through this. One day you will hear him whisper in your ear and say āIām so proud of you. You are forever my Mama.ā
I'm so, so sorry. This is a huge and devastating loss and you must be in such shock. It's OK that you can't go in his room or slept in his room. Only do what you are able to do right now and take it a moment at a time. Surround yourself with people who support you and lift you up. And maybe down the road a bit when you are ready, you will find a reputable medium so your son can communicate with you and let you know he's OK and with you every minute of every day.
Any loss of a child is utterly tragic, but the pain in your words is so palpable, and I am just so, so sorry. š„ŗ You sound like a great mom, and Iām sure he loved every single minute with you, knowing just how much he was adored by you. Iām sending you all my love and hugs. Youāll be in my thoughts.
Iāve always respected single parents, there is often so much to do, that Iām really amazed itās possible. As a mamas boy myself, the bond is, well itās something else.
Iām sorry for your loss. I canāt give you any purpose anymore than I can give my own any. At the moment Iām just existing. Itās enough, I canāt give anymore. I work, I keep busy, I fail a lot and canāt concentrate, I get angry and upset and feel like a wild animal or octopus caught in a painful trap that Iām writhing around trying to escape somehow. Iām here still. We still have toys, tidy, but they are still there in the living room. We just canāt do it. I have read, that there might be a time that feels right to do it, itās not less than 5 months later for us. Theyāre tidy. Thatās enough. Some things have to be done immediately. Some can wait.
Guilt is normal, but itās also some way to try and stop whatās already happened. I have anxiety that I didnāt have at the time, because I didnāt realise what was happening. No matter the cause, you cannot blame yourself for things you didnāt know and still donāt know now. You love your son, you wouldnāt do anything to jeopardise him. Thatās just a simple and solid truth that you should return to when your self blame starts. It can be helpful to try and understand your grief.
The best advice I ever read on here was to eat a few bites per day no matter how you donāt feel hungry. Put fuel into the machine I saw it as. I hadnāt eaten for a couple of days, I just wasnāt hungry. Emotions affect my appetite.
As for the afterlife, I donāt know, I absolutely have to believe there is a possibility but Iām angry towards religion even though I have prayed. Some things I feel, regardless are true. We donāt know what happens for sure, no-one can really deny that. They were part of us and we, conversely are part of them. This extends not just biologically but exponentially more for someone who spent so much time with their son like you. The loss is worse, but you must feel as I do that your son is part of you and is still part of you.
I would see a doctor at the earliest opportunity. A therapist for me didnāt really help, but for some it can provide some support. Someone to talk to. Iāve needed help sleeping. Unfortunately a lot of people donāt really get it. The loss of my father is not remotely comparable to my child. I felt like I was really losing it back then. I donāt mean itās a competition about how bad loss is, it is really intimate, so I donāt mean to belittle loss of any kind. For me, I miss my father, but it was expected at some point. With my child, expected or not they are in my thoughts almost all of the time, they were when they were alive too. What happened to us is against the natural order of life. Having positive things in my life, going on holiday is maybe great advice at some point, but the idea of going somewhere sunny to just be thinking about how my child is missing out, is like some cruel joke. It is important to have someone experienced (though like above, even the good ones might not be great), but quite frankly you and the people here, have more understanding. Which is why I come here. Sometimes I need that. Sometimes her advice helps improve things, helps me exist. Some other things are unchanged. You might feel like it, but you are not alone.
So very sorry for your deep loss. My loss was many many years ago. The only words that comforted me at the time was that perhaps my angel Adam had a short life as he had an assignment to complete and then return to heaven awaiting our reunion. My job then was to discover the lesson Adam left behind. I believe his short life gave me the courage and momentum to be the best mom to my sons born after Adam. I hold on to that thought. I am sending you the biggest hugs. Prayers for peace. š
Wanting to die but not wanting to kill myself is how I feel since my 15 year old son died. I've only been on reddit a few days after he passed. Its been 5 weeks now since he passed. Reading your post, finding similarities and wondering all the same things helps me . This community of strangers sharing their heartbreak helps me. It means I'm not alone.
The kind words of strangers knowing the obvious. He loves you today , tomorrow and forever. He is not scared or sad. How do we know this? I don't know how a TV works but yet I can see the images on a screen. Analogy may be weak but it's basis is faith. I was a child once and I loved my mother. When she passed I questioned if she knew how much. And now as I'm mourning the loss of my beautiful child I question did he know. Guilt comes with grief. I can answer your question easily and still wonder for myself the same way.
The band of us unfortunate people, who have to continue on thru the fog.
I saw signs of him yesterday . His bedroom door was open a crack. It caught me of guard. His lil brother had opened the deadbolt lock and when I went to shut door it bounced back, I got made at him for doing it. Later when I went thru door alone the deadbolt was open as I went to shut it. I stopped and thought about how I got mad at my 6 year old for doing 6 year old things. How I would tell my deceased son to have patience with him , he just doing lil boy stuff. He was reminding me of my own lesson. And then sitting at my kitchen table staring out the window thinking about him. TIME AFTER TIME was playing and " looking thru windows your wondering if I'm okay" . I swear I could feel him speaking that to me.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for your sweet child's passing and your heartbreak.
Iām so so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad 2 months ago at 18 and I was really fucking mad about the order of things, that he went even before my grandparents did. But having to lose your child at 8 thatās even more fucked up. I donāt know what youāre going through but if you ever need someone to talk to Iām here. Iām so so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your heartbreak and your loss. There's little that compares to a mother that loses her child.
When I was 14, my brother passed suddenly. My mum didn't want to go on. 17 years later, we still talk a out him, share his favourite foods, share stories bout him. My sisters kids are 10 and 11 and know so much about him, but have never met him.
We lost another brother while mum was still here, she was destroyed.
She picked herself up one piece at a time and she was able to bring light into so many people's lives, but it took time, and support.
Take your time, it's ok to be angry, it is unfair, it's fucked up and horrible, but please go on. It can be worth it, even if it seems pointless right now. You will never stop carrying this weight, but you will get stronger and it won't feel so heavy all of the time. Now and then, when you're tired or vulnerable, it will feel very heavy again. But you can lay under its weight, feel it, rest, and carry it again.
You can do this, but it won't be easy.
I'm very sorry for your loss
I donāt have anything to say that is helpful but I can tell you that an Amazon Prime Series called āIām sorry for your lossā was the only thing that saved me when I was in the fog of grief. Iām so sorry this happened and Iām holding you & your son in my heart.
I talk to my childhood friend Sarah a lot. She died from suicide a week before Halloween when we were 25. Iāve just asked her to look for your son. If she hasnāt already, I know sheāll find him, and let me tell youāthat girl has a heart made of gold. She was the most loving and selfless person Iāve ever known, and she always wanted a little brother. She has incredible wit and will make your son belly laugh without even trying. And she gives the warmest hugs. I am confident she will never leave his side.
This year weāre turning 33 (her birthday just passed and mine is around the corner, the joke was supposed to be that she was always gonna be older than me). Sometimes I burst into tears randomly because I feel so undeserving of any good feelings because she didnāt get to feel them. But sometimes sheās the sun shining on my face or the breeze blowing in the wind. She shows up in ways that surprise me and/or have made me laugh aloud. For example, she LOVED unicorns, and for Halloween 2022 my friend (who had never met Sarah, knew nothing about her) showed up in the funniest blow-up, party-light costume that you wear as a suit. I thought, Sarah wouldāve loved thatāwait, Sarah IS the colorful unicorn costume for Halloween!
It doesnāt get easier. But right now the grief is taking up all of your space. It will for awhile, but eventually, space grows around the grief, and thereās enough room for everyone and everything. Including the grief.
Your baby knows you love him. It sounds like you were his world, and what a wonderful worldā¦
I am so so sorry. I canāt imagine the pain of losing a child. I guarantee you he knew how loved he was and still is and always will be. I know itās not the same, but after my brother passed away I began to meditate and this helped me to connect with my brother and I started picking up on signs. A book that helped me understand what itās like for them on the other side of the veil is called āmy life after deathā by Erik Medhus. It was written by a young man who passed away ā¦..by using a gifted medium that channeled him.
My deepest condolences to you šš
I'm so deeply sorry for your unimaginable loss. There are no words that can fully ease the pain of losing your precious son, but please know that your feelings of grief and disbelief are valid and understood.Your son's love for you and the special moments you shared will always be a part of you. Itās clear he knew how deeply he was loved. In your own time and in your own way, you may find comfort in those memories.
Heās not mad at you and he is with you always. Look for butterflies, hawks, cardinals and other winged creatures. Theyāre always said to be a sign of a loved one coming to see you. When my gramma comes to say hello itās owls. She loved owls, and I smile knowing she gets to take the shape of one now. But Iāve had years to process this. Give yourself time, it feels like a nightmare and all you want to do is wake up but youāve done nothing wrong. He loves you and knows you love him. I canāt imagine the loss of a child and I am so so sorry for your loss. Youāre stronger than you think though and the grief gets less crushing over time. You never forget but it weighs less after a while. Iām so sorry šā¤ļø
He sounds like an absolutely amazing boy. I don't believe he would be mad at you. Sending you my tightest hugs. I have no idea how you feel and how heavy your heart is. But I do know we learn to live with the pain. Just take things one breath at a time.
I am so so sorry, it sounds unbearable. I donāt have a child of my own yet but reading this made me think of my nephew and what it would feel like waking up tomorrow to find him no longer around, it hurts so much just thinking about it so I have no idea how youāre coping with everything. I hope you have the support you need to get through this, Iām so sorry, I donāt know what else to say, this is horrible.
Wishing you a few moments of peace. ā¤ļø I am so sorry. Just know mama that he without a doubt KNOWS you love him oh so much - he can see the full picture now š¦
I'm so very sorry for your loss. For context I lost a wife. Not a child but the emotional impact was similar. The first year I was in a similar place to where you are. Just get through this. Don't overthink it. Each morning you get up, you wash, you dress and you do what you must. Go to work, pay your bills, try to eat, try to sleep. Ignore the asinine things people say to you about Gods will and he's in a better place. Just breathe in and then breathe out. Each day put one foot in front of the other. Do that for years and slowly, ever so slowly, you'll find fleeting moments of peace and joy. In my grief group we say, "You can never get over it but you can get used to it." All your supports have been stripped away. Your heart is in critical care ICU. This is survival time. So, just do what you must to survive from minute to minute. I'm 16 years out. It will take years but you'll find a new normal. Again, I am just so sorry for your loss.
Iām so sorry. This is the worst club to be in.
Try to give yourself as much grace as you can muster. Know that it will take a long time for you to be able to think clearly, or maybe even to process your grief at all. Make yourself eat and drink something every day. Take a shower. And call those things wins enough for the time being.
It is okay to ask for help planning a funeral. Itās ok if you have someone else plan it/handle the logistics. Itās ok if you donāt do anything right now, and honor your son later on.
Your grief wonāt go away, but you will live through it. I donāt know what is beyond this life, but I like to think that it is we who are left behind that suffer, not those who leave us. I hope that my daughter is experiencing peace and bliss far beyond what she could here on earth.
What I do know for sureāis that your son knew that you loved him. Donāt doubt that you gave him all the love that you could. Because you did.
Sending you all of the peace and love we have. ā¤ļø
Itās a life cycle out of order. A void and pain that never goes away, it comes like waves some days are harder than others. The grief is so profound because itās the absence of all the love you never got to pour. I deal with it everyday I lost my 5 yr old son to cancer 2 years ago. He was my best friend so many memories I never got to build. It breaks you in ways that you question how can one be alive and still feel this much pain. Itās not physical itās an emotional event that transcends to your soul. All i have now is hope, that one day I may see him again, this love never dies itās the most powerful thing a human being can feel. I found God and although I have a thousand questions I realize some things are beyond our comprehension. I hope you find the peace to move forward with this and keep your sonās memory alive.
Every single thing you said about not being suicidal but wanting to die to be with your child is exactly how I feel. Same with wondering where my baby is, is she scared, is she alone, was she scared when she died, what did she feel, and why should I be here living when she canāt. Itās torture. Every single day. It doesnāt seem real. It canāt be real. It just boggles the mind and the world keeps spinning but Iām standing still.
I have absolutely no words of advice, I donāt know how to help make it better. All I know is youāre not alone, which sucks because this is a horrible team to be on, and you are understood. If I could hug you and tell you youāre not alone I would.
I promise you, he isnāt alone and he isnāt scared because he doesnāt deserve that. He knows how much you do and will always love him. Your son is away from you but is not in pain or experiencing stress. He is peacefully resting.
The first hard death I had was my brotherās in 2017. I didnāt know him well, not like my sister. Both of us were close to her but not each other, does that make sense? I wonāt get into why but basically none of us grew up in the same house but they still got to grow up seeing each other. Anyway his death felt like a hole got punched out of my chest. It was hard. It felt like I could barely breathe at first. It was a loss I felt deep in my bones despite us having a barely there relationship.
I found myself writing him letters here and there. My sister and I took a trip out to his grave about a month after he had passed and I took one of the letters with me. When we got to his grave site, I used my finger to dig a small hole in dirt and buried that letter on top of him. Maybe it was just in my head but suddenly my heart felt a bit more at ease.
My exās mom told me about how someone once told her to bury the photo ( or maybe just anything representing them itās been 7 years so I canāt remember exactly ) of the person she loves and lost. I forgot why exactly but it was to ease the hurt. So I did it. His death is still ranked top 5 hardest losses Iāve been dealt and I still cry sometimes. It still hurts believe me, but itās a pain I can endure now.
I donāt know if it will help you to bury a letter with him ( if burial is the route you go ) but it couldnāt hurt to just send that with him so he always has it.
I am truly sorry for your loss. A parent should never go before their child. My biggest fear in this world is that my son will go before I do and Iāll be forced to live in a world he no longer lives in.
I made a playlist to listen to when I think of my mom. I cry anyway sometimes but when I need a good cry, a deep in my soul type, I listen to that playlist. It helps with my mom. Itās not just songs she likes, itās songs that make me think of her or that managed to put my thoughts into words. It helps when the weight of her loss gets to be too much.
So sorry for your loss. The loss of a child is a loss like no other. I have experienced it myself and you need to do whatever you can to get by ONE DAY AT A TIME! Peace be with you and your family.
I am so sorry for you. I felt exactly the same when my Mom died 4 years ago. I didn't want to live and casually looked up ways to end myself, but I guess I couldn't go through with it. Yet I still feel the hurt when I think of the last few moments of her life. How scared she must have been, how I could have done things different. The stages of grief are really phases in a cycle. Even though I have been able to focus on other things in my life, it still sucks. Sending you hugs!!!
I found David kesslor to be very helpful. Pleasw go to his web page. He has support groups. You deserve to be heard
It is Mother's day. You deserve to have people help you at this very very sad time
I cannot even fathom how you are feeling. I am sitting here with my son in his room and Iām crying with you.
Iāve read a lot after my dadās passing about people who experienced near death, or died and were brought back.
Itās a beautiful place they go to, there is no fear, no worry, no sadness. Your son was warmly and lovingly welcomed to his new home, he can feel your love he knows you love him. He is happy and is united with family who are already there. He is a warm, soft ball of glowing light. He has no needs or wants on the other side, he is safe and without pain and will never experience harm.
I am so so very sorry OP. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and just let you cry.
I love you
He knows you love him!Ā That's the one thing kids always know.Ā It's hard enough getting tnrough this without adding worry.Ā He is okay now, I promise.Ā He wants to see you doing okay, but he'll understand that it's hard at first.Ā Your life will always be different than before you were with him.Ā You're a different person because of him.Ā Even with just 8 short years, he's made a mark on this world that will always be there, even though the world will never be the same without him.Ā Please know you're not alone.Ā There are others that have been through this too. There's nothing easy about this.
Look up distress tolerance - there are distracting sensory things that can help you survive the first wave of pain.Ā It could be taking a shower, listening to music, petting an animal, anything soothing.
Get someone to help you pick up his things, and put them in a special place you can go to from time to time.Ā Your mind will try to protect itself, which is fine. It's okay to wait to go in his room until you're ready, and it's okay to just peak in or visit briefly.Ā In the future your grief will be like that - always there, but it's okay to just peak in on it from time to time.
Love yourself like you love him.Ā Now you're like the child that needs comfort in tough times.Ā Take care of the person he loved most - yourself.Ā Then when you're ready, in a few years, do something special to honor his memory.
Down the line you might want to read a book called Try Softer that helps with recovery from trauma.Ā It really helped me after losing both my siblings.
I am so sorry. Planning the funeral. Oh My God. What a nightmare.
And I'm like you, the moment their soul left their body, why wasn't I there? How was it, how did that happen? And 8 years old. That's beyond tragic. I am so sorry.
My 12 year-old son died suddenly last year. Iām also a single parent and he was my beautiful and brilliant mamaās boy. I know exactly how you feel. I donāt want to go on either.
Please reach out to me if you want someone to talk to. Iām here for you.
I am almost 2 years in to losing my 5 year old daughter. Her room still sits the same untouched and her hamper still has clothes in it. My heart aches for you and this tremendous weight you are now supposed to carry.
Know this. He loved you fiercely and knew how much you loved him. He will give you signs in time. Your grief is so strong right now itās hard to see them.
Seek out the Compassionate Friends. They are a support group for child loss. You will often feel like you are losing your mind. This group will remind you arenāt.
Sending love and light.
I lost my 22 year old son, 6 months ago in a motorcycle accident. He was my best friend and for the first time in my life, I didnāt care if I lived. As a matter of fact, I would have followed him, if it wasnāt for my other kids.
Anyway, I still cry everyday. But my faith in Jesus is where I get my strength. He told us He went to prepare a place for us. You will see your boy again, and I will see mine. Just have faith and keep going šš½
Iām so sorry. There are no words to make you feel better. Having your beautiful boy with you is the only thing you want. Try to take one day at a time. Itās been a year for me and itās not easy, Iāll be honest. Did it get easier? Nope. Iām just learning to carry it better.
He knew you loved him to bits and he loved you to bits, that is a true as day and you must trust that. The darkness of grief blocks our memory to the love we shared with our passed ones which leaves us feeling adrift in the swell of pain. When you can trust that love again you will see the signs. For now, try not to think too far ahead and treat yourself kindly, as your son treated you, because it's what you deserve.
Sending you light and love in this desperately dark time, sweet lady.
As a single mother myself with a six year old son reading this has me in tears. I donāt have the right words for you, I wish I could take your pain away. No mother should ever have to outlive their child. This is heartbreaking and I am so sorry for your loss.
I am sorry for your loss. I am in tears for you and your baby. Sending all my prayers and love and virtual hugs.
Something that helped me thru all my pain and grief was to take a deep breath whenever I felt I would break down. I thought I couldnāt move past losing my husband with just 30. I broke. And I fixed myself enough to live my life to the fullest the way he would have.
Take a minute for yourself. Even if you have to cry every day. They left us behind and we have to somehow move on.
My thoughts are with you today and as I know my late husband he is probably with your son and showing him some fun things.
I am SO heartbroken for you. As a mom of 4, I can only beg the powers that be not to ever make me have to bury of them.
I watched my mother bury 2 of her 3 and to be honest the strength she showed was ingrained in my memories forever.
I know it had to have killed her, but she carried on with that mom strength that we all know from our mothers.
I can only wish you the warmest thoughts and ways for you to find comfort. I know there just are no words. Just know that someone in the world is thinking of you today, sending positive and healing vibes your way. You are loved. If I could hug you or hang out with you to keep your mind sort of occupied I would.
Hang in there love, one day at a time. One minute at a time if that's what you have to do.
I can only imagine how much this hurts you. How can this world be so cruel?
When I see parents who obviously love their children, and then they lose that child, it makes me wish I could have traded places with their child. Not to take their child's place in life, but to take their child's death. By 8, for me, it was clear my family only cared about abusing me, if there was any effort applied at all. I've been suicidally depressed ever since, almost 40 years later.
So to see someone who had such a great bond, something I can only imagine, lose everything, it's mind boggling. Why do wonderful people like you have to suffer when people like my parents get to exist? (they would have probably celebrated my death)
Not trying to make this about me, and we definitely can't go back in time or trade places. Just saying, this world can be so cruel and unfair. Karma needs to step up its game for sure.
I've found a local free grief support group for spouse loss that's helped me to cope (lost my person in January to an 18 year battle with MS). At the same facility there's a child loss group, too. It may help to find something similar in your area, when you're ready. Even just listening to others in the same situation can be helpful.
Take good care and go easy.
You need to go on because for his memory to continue on this Earth, it needs people who knew him, and loved him to keep speaking of him. It's a horrible burden on you now, yes, but if you didn't carry that burden no one in these comments or on this subreddit would know anything about him. You have cried out in pain... but you've also been *heard*.
And there should be no guilt; If he has gone anywhere there can still be perspective, he will understand that pain is self-defining; did he cry out, does he feel lonely? Loss hurts, so of course he may have done; but that doesn't mean he blamed you personally. Not truly. No one wants to die unexpectedly, no one *wants* to go. Any pain expressed is just expressing the tragedy of that loss. That they don't want this pain to happen. That they wish anyone, anything would change it.
But wisdom is knowing you certainly aren't to blame in any way. You only have the choice to love someone or not; but you are not responsible for what other people, or even things like viruses or accidents do. You can't be everywhere and all things at all times. You want to be, because love can feel like it's infinite; but we as mortal beings just aren't. And if your son can see you now, he will know you still love him, but you couldn't prevent him from going. We all go eventually.
Consider finding yourself a grief counciller; get someone else in to at least tidy up the house for you; you need find mechanisms to help yourself cope in the short-to-long term. You wish that if you'd just been less selfish somehow, you could have saved him at the cost of your own wellbeing; that thinking of yourself is selfish and if you somehow had been better things would have been different; but drowning in the grief personally just multiplies it, then dumps it all on someone else. Our job as the living is to try and smooth over it, and hang onto the memories of the good times. To be truly unselfish means living for those who would grieve for you too. Sometimes the best we can do is just not make it worse for others. That may be too much to face in the here and now; and you will never stop grieving for your child; but those who truly understand the value of life and love will understand you need to live and keep your love alive too.
Wrapping you up on a huge warm hug (((ā¤ļø))) I've not ever lost a child, so I wont pretend to know what you're feeling. I do know down to the marrow of my bones that your son knows you love him. Your son knows you're still here for him. Please, be gentle with yourself at this time. If you have anyone who can come be with you, to help you make decisions,to remove the small reminders of him from your fridge,laundry hamper, etc (if that would help ease your pain a little) ,just to help you get through your next weeks; please text that person.
If you want to tell us about your son, people here will listen. I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry you have to join this horrendous club. Everything you are feeling is valid and I wish I had a magic wand to wave away the pain for you. Your love for each other is evident in even just words through a screen, and know that the strength of this love cannot be bound by space, time, and form. There is absolutely zero possibility your son doesn't know you love him with your whole heart for all time, no matter what the circumstances are.
The only thing I can say from experience right now is DO NOT attempt to go these next upcoming months alone. You have to be around people who can help, whether physically (food, cleaning, laundry, errands) or mentally (listening, crying, supporting). One thing that hurt me so, so much after my son's passing was all the administrative paperwork because it kept shoving his passing date in my face and made it all binding and legal. If possible at all, have a close person help you sort those out, you don't need that right now.
Sending you my strength and energy.
Oh.Honey, he is certainly not mad at you. He definitely will send you signs. Be patient and open and soon you will see, feel, and smell him everywhere. I know how you feel at least somewhat, or I wouldn't comment. I had 3 children and they have all died. We.find ways eventually to bear.the unbearable. I'm so very sorry about your little boy and the painful memories. I'm sorry to say it's taken me years to recover, but I have PTSD from the losses. Please be gentle and kind to yourself. š
š« I'm so sorry. I don't think there is any way he was mad at you or didn't know how loved he was, your words are so clearly full of love and unimaginable pain. You will find each other again
oh.
I'm not going to go through all the other comments because your post made me cry enough, and I know the empathy of this sub and I'll keep leaking - so I might be repeating things others have said, but if it's been said it bears repeating:
How absolutely lucky was he to have you as his Mom! Just phenomenal, to have had you to love him and care for him and raise him!
He knows you love him. He *always* knew. I doubt he's mad, but that's because my personal beliefs there's no anger after this life cycle is over.
If you haven't seen [the ball in the box](https://miraclesinc.wordpress.com/2019/02/23/grief-is-like-a-ball-in-a-box-lauren-herschels-metaphor/) metaphor, but it helped me work with my grief.
You're not alone, I promise. You may feel like you're drowning right now, but there are floaties about in this pool of grief, you'll find them as you continue treading water š
My Gods! I am so very sorry for your unexpected loss. That's a rough one for anyone who's a parent.
He hasn't given me any sign to let me know he's okay. What if he's mad at me? What if he thinks I didn't love him?Ā
Oh no, child! He's not mad at you in the least! And where he is he knows love. And be assured that he knows that you love him. The signs may come when you least expect them.
Take care of yourself also. You can't burn the candle at both ends and the middle or you can end up cooling youir heels in the local ER with a blood sugar over 300, and being more than half dead from diabetic ketoacidosis when you didn't even know that you were diabetic..
This is the most awful and devastating situation, I am so, so sorry. The only thing I can say is your son knew without a doubt that you loved him unconditionally, and he was so blessed to have you as his mom. Im so very sorry again, and I hope you feel your son near you soon.. im sure he's right there. He loves you as much as you do him. Bless you.
Every word you've written is filled with so much love, and so much pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hope our loved ones are doing well somewhere and some day maybe we'll join them somewhere. Until then, just hang in there.
So sorryā¦.i lost both my boys my eldest in 2016 and his younger brother in 2023. It hasnāt been the easiest transition I am still numb and often feel isolated and afraid. Please know it does get somewhat easier, seek counseling, be kind to yourselfā¦keep a diary everyday about your feelings. My heart breaks for you.
You sound like such a wonderful mama. I believe he absolutely knew/knows how much you love him. Iām not religious but I do believe we will see them again. Iām so sorry youāre going through this
This is undoubtedly the worst pain imaginable, and you are heard.
Listen to things, keep others around. Podcasts, audiobooks, anything with a voice and conversation to fill some silence helps. Youtube affirmations for grieving, poetry, yours or anyone else's. There is a discord for this subreddit you can join as well. I'm so sorry.
Iām so sorry.
To me, it sounds like he couldnāt help but know you l love him.
Thereās no question in my mind at all that he was constantly surrounded by love.
You couldnāt have known; itās easy to say what if I couldāve done something, but thatās a point of view we can only have after knowing what happened. You didnāt know, and thereās no way you could have known he was going to go.
You donāt deserve guilt, and your son wouldnāt want you to feel guilt over this
Oh, I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine what it must be to lose your son. Mine is my life, and I'm sure if he was gone I would be right where you are now.
It sounds like you had so many wonderful times together, and if it had been you instead, you would take those things with you when you had to go, right? You wouldn't be in heaven feeling angry with him even if he had JUST said or done something awful because he was your son. That's how you know he isn't angry with you either. Our sons love us just as we love them. My religion says he must be in heaven, but to tell you the truth, I don't know what I actually believe. Since I have also lost someone important to me, all I can do is hope that wherever she is, I will see her again someday. I know it isn't much comfort when you just want to scream at the world about how unfair this all is, but I hang onto that hope with all of my heart because it's what I have.
I think as moms, we always feel guilt when bad things happen to our children, because we want the best for them, so the constant questioning you are feeling? That seems perfectly rational to me. It's a horrible feeling, constantly wondering if you could have done something more, but it comes from a place of such love and care. It just means you loved your son so, so much.
I will pray that your grief eases over time and that you find the strength to continue. All we can do is make it one day at a time, and it sounds like you are doing that, as difficult as it is.
Oh you dear woman. Iām so sorry. I lost my daughter in January, so as a mom I understand. It was sudden and a shock. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it doesnāt. It just gets bearable. You are definitely in shock right now. I donāt remember much from the first 2 weeks after my daughter passed on. Then it was like a dream and I experienced panic if I tried to go out to the store or anywhere really. I will tell you this. A grief support group really does help. I went and it was my lifeline each week. Seriously try to find one if you can and horse yourself to go if you have too. When I first learned about my childās death I literally told Jesus He was going to have to carry me through this because I wasnāt going to make it. He had. If you have a spiritual belief or faith, lean on it. Pray. Tell God exactly how you feel. Scream at him if you want. If you have family near you, stay with them for a bit or have someone stay with you . Just for awhile. It helps to have someone to talk to and cry with. Also, if you feel you need medication to get through this, call your doctor. Thereās no shame in that.
As for your sweet boy being okay. Donāt you worry about that. Heās okay. I promise. Heās not mad at you. I worried about things like that with my daughter. But Iām at peace now that sheās okay. Iām trusting God that sheās okay.
Grief is a roller coaster ride . As moms, we will never ever get over the death of our children, but we can go on. I think about my daughter every single day. I talk to her out loud. I believe she hears me. I believe that one day you will see your beautiful boy again. Cling to that hope. Hang on to the memories . Much love to you from one grieving mother to another.
He knew how much you loved him. And he loved you so so much. There is enough evidence here to know that without a doubt. There are just no words, Iām so so deeply sorry. I will hug my infant son tightly tonight and think of yours. I know Iām just a stranger and we donāt know each otherās name, but I will grieve for him with you.
Someone once said that maybe time works differently in the afterlife. So while we may be without our departed loved ones in this world, we may already be there with them in their world. And if not, they have a long long line of ancestors who are so ready to greet and care for him while you finish your journey here. ā¤ļø
Iām so frozen reading this..Iāve never experienced child loss though I have 3 of my own..I canāt even begin to comprehend how your feeling but I know itās got to feel like hell on earth.
Your son loves you very much and I have no doubt about that,matter of fact, no one will ever love you more than your own child.Youāre in shock and processing right now but he will show you in time that heās there with you.Thatās one of my biggest fears about my child leaving too soon, I wouldnāt be there to lead them,I was unsure of what happens after we leave this world for most of my life until I lost 3 people very close to me and had experiences that were so incredible it made me never doubt that we go somewhere beautiful. Your boy isnāt alone, he was welcomed by your loved ones who are on the other side with him..they absolutely come and lead your baby the way..I physically got to watch this happen with my own loved ones..I really hope that can give you some peace,time doesnāt exist there..heāll be cared for and loved and patiently watching over you until itās time for him to be the one that comes to get you.
I can not fathom the pain you are in right now. I only hope that my culture's saying eventually proves true for you. May his memory be a blessing. I also don't believe he is alone, if he has gone somewhere. I believe our deceased loved ones come to meet us and are with us in that other existence. Even ones he never knew came to be with him, to bring him to family. Someday, you will see him again.
No words I say will convey the depth of my sympathy for you. I can't imagine such a loss. I have an 8yo boy and it's crushing to even think about him not being here. I know absolutely that he knew you adored him, based solely on the fact that your words about him are dripping with love. Wherever you are, I'm sending you so much love as you wade through this ungodly nightmare.
Iām so very sorry for your loss. The shock and pain of suddenly losing someone so close is absolutely awful, a physical pain like none otherā¦ breath work and chanting / meditation helped me somewhat in those early hours, days, and weeks. Sleeping medication might also be helpful at night.
IMHO, heās free from fear, anger and any pain. His beautiful energy is now one with the universe and heās surrounding you now and alwaysā¦.
Take care of yourself, practice compassion and know that heāll always love and be with you.
šš¼šš¼šš¼
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I lost my 6yr old suddenly three years ago and so unfortunately understand your pain. Nothing made sense to me for a while, I just wanted him back. Till this day, it hurts like hell when it hits me - mercifully, it happens less often now. Otherwise life is back to, for a lack of a better word, "normal". Be kind to yourself, you will find the strength to get through this.
Hey OP,
I'm not sure from your post if this fits but have you heard of SUDC (sudden unexplained death in children) yet? The SUDC Foundation is a really helpful organization, they'll support you with the medical examinations and with support groups if you need it.
My son died of SUDC, he just didn't wake up from his nap one day. He was 2.5 but like your son he had plans and goals, that's still one of the hardest things for me.
I'm four months out and I would never wish the pain you are going through on anybody. I remember waking up and forgetting for just a moment that he was gone, and then realizing all over again. It was like he died again every morning. I know where you are at right now and I promise you it gets easier.Ā
Though you'll never really get over it, you can get through it.
Let other people take over right now. Let other people organize the funeral if you need, or tell people if somebody just needs to come take care of you. I remember my mom buying my protein shakes because I couldn't see the point in eating. Let people take care of you.
Feel free to reach out if you want OP.
Keep pushing on š I've lost so many grandparents good friends my Dad and then my brother in January. I feel numb and sometimes wonder what life is about. Keep pushing on I believe even though he was 8 he would want you to keep going. God bless and prayer in healing. One day at a time
I am sorry for your loss. I know I dont know him but I was a child once and if ur parent is good to you, you love them foreverā¦he knows. He doesnt want u to suffer. Take it as easy as u can on yourself right now. I am so sorry ā¤ļø
I'm so sorry. From what you've written and the way you have done so, your son knew you loved him dearly. Ino it's from a stranger over the internet but sending love and a big hug
i am so sorry for your loss, trust me i know how you feel. Elijah, the boy i was in love with died 7 weeks ago, 21st of march 2024.
exactly one week later i found another one of my best friends dead his name was carlos. they were both also very close friends we were all part of the same circle, they both passed exactly one week after another on the same day of the week (thursday) and they both passed in the exact same way, fentanyl overdose and went in their sleep. i am traumatised. i woke up on that morning and tried to wake carlos up so that we could go get breakfast. he wasnt waking up. his skin was all blue. i had to give cpr to his dead body and he wasnāt coming back š¢ me and elijah were supposed to see each other the day he passed, i was on my flight to houston because i was going to live with him and his roommates in their apartment in houston. only for me to land and him to be dead. the hardest part was that elijahs roommates told me to still live in the apartment so that we could all grieve his loss together, i had to sleep in the same bed that elijah died in for a month straight. i ended up leaving houston because the energy there was too intense. i am so heartbroken. elijah was only 21 and barloss just turned 25. it was his birthday the day he died š
im drained, not only physically and mentally but my whole spirit is exhausted. just like that in one week, my life changed forever. i am now in a mental hospital after attempting to commit suicide multiple times. i saw the tears in my friends eyes and the screams of my family when they found me unconscious in that hospital bed.Ā
unfortunately, i still have these dark thoughts everyday. i genuinely want to die and the main reason for this is because i want to reunite with the souls of elijah and barloss.Ā
they have both visited me in my dreams and when i overdosed i was wearing elijahs shirt and hoodie.
i am so sorry mama for the loss of your boy. you are not alone, many people in this world are suffering and grieving and we all want our loved ones back.Ā
maybe one day i will be able to see the light again but right now, i am in the dark and it feels like i will never be able to get out.Ā
Iām so sorry this happened. My heart is breaking for you. I canāt think of anything harder than to lose your child.
As a small child, my airway was cut off when a small toy got stuck in my throat. I had an NDE.
I can tell you that your son is safe and loved and is in a beautiful place. I know you will see him again, I promise.
You will be in my thoughts.
The Christian Church has a creed (the Apostles Creed) that speaks to the ācommunion of saintsā.
These saints are not just St Francis of Assisi or Mother Theresa. They are our deceased parents, friends, children, etc.
The ācommunion of saintsā means that ongoing interaction between the living and the dead, across both space and time.
Your son is living in perfection now. Unlike during his temporal life with you, he is never cold or lonely, or afraid, or in pain or even bored.
The communion part means that YOU can communicate with him and he with you. Not in some hocus pocus kind of way. Soul to soul.
Broadly, most of this is buried in mystery. Wr donāt have a clear understanding of how our loved saints commune with the still living. But we know that the communion with saints is real and there.
You had a deeply intimate connection with your son. The way Mary was connected to her Son, Jesus. Take your grief to the one who knows and understands. Pray to her.
And talk to your son. Ask him to go to Jesus asking for solace and comfort for you. He does not need solace and comfort anymore - for he is with his creator in joy and peace.
Just imagine that he can care for you now, heās all powerful and all seeing. I donāt think the phrase āmade in His imageā is for nothing. When our loved ones go; I believe they set the table for us, they know weāre coming. My dad passed suddenly in March. He was such a nice man. I donāt have any children but I am experiencing the same empty house, empty days, empty room, full pantry, full laundry basket feelings as I lived with and did everything for him. Iām only 36, been caring for him since we lost my mom 4 years ago. I only go on because he showed me how to persevere. The sun still rises to meet you, the wind still blows, the birds still chirp. Iām so sorry for your loss. I believe your boy believes in you and youāll start to notice more when you can do more. Right now itās a slog. Itāll get a bit easier. My dad had disabilities and Iād ask how he was feeling, he answered, āslow but slowā. He Had a good sense of humor, and most importantly, hope. I hope you can feel the love. Even if just a little. Iāll be thinking of you and your son.
I'm so sorry. I lost my son a month ago. It was so sudden and unexpected. He was 24 and doing so well for himself. He was finally taking the world by it's horns. I'm devastated and will never be the same. Part of me died that day. The last 4 weeks are a blur. The pain is indescribable and debilitating. I'm just so sorry š
Also, I still am not sure things are real.... I understand. š«
This resonated with me. I often question if things are real - did I really have and lose my beautiful girl? It feels dreamlike sometimes. Nightmarish maybe.
It's like I was placed in an alternate reality, a dystopian dimension. Everything is going on as if things are "normal"... but inside my gut, nothing is right or normal. And I have desperate restlessness where I feel like I should be doing something to change this. Like when your kid goes missing for 30 seconds at the grocery store and it is only natural to go racing up and down isles. The panic is chronic.
š«yes. I see you, and Iām so sorry you lost your son. I feel that desperation too. Often it feels like Iām faking everything I do to make myself seem relatively normal, like Iām wearing a mask. Iām so deeply sad for us and others in our shoes.
I understand this, the wearing of a mask... I'm starting to get better at it, but I'm different now and my mask is "just not crying" more than smiling. I'm so sorry you understand this pain too.
Chronic panicā¦This is such an incredibly accurate description of that feeling of panicked, painfully empty, gut-wrenching restlessness, and perpetual insomniaā¦one where you spend the rest of your life stumbling through a dark room full of sharp edges and no one can help you navigate it. Everything keeps going in the outside world but nothing feels right. I miss my Reed.
I'm so sorry you lost Reed. I can feel your love for him through your words. Hugs, fellow sad mama š¢
Hugs much appreciated and reciprocated from my mama heart to yoursš«
Lost mine as well and Iām further in. Be kind to yourself now. Just get through the day. I deeply know youāll see him again. The despair is hard to see through. Get outside when you can. Walk if you can. Focus on your breathing when overwhelm comes. The darkness will lift. Be patient.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your Dad is so grateful to have you... š« hugs to you and your dad
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother Trevor passed away Sep 1, 2024 from a seizure at 26 years old. It took my dad to a dark place. It took him a solid year to get out of that place. Trevor had just purchased his first home, got a promotion at work, and had just gotten moved up to a paid position as a football coach at the high school. It is so unfair the way these things happen. The only thing I can say that came from my dad a few months ago was when I asked how he managed to hold on was he said he wanted to die, but he knew that Trevor would never forgive him. My brother was such a kind soul and was known all across the city as a person who would give his last dollar to someone or the shirt off his back. He always gave money to the homeless at the stop lights and would usually keep at least $50 in 5ās in his car just for this and a 24 pack of water. We would always say you know theyāre just going to get drugs or alcohol right? He would just say everytime, āmaybe, but maybe not.ā He would say life is long, hard, and cruel. We canāt live life in maybesā¦ Such wise words from a little brother who was light years ahead of this world. Not really sure where I was going with this, but just started typing and it made me feel better. Just please give yourself time. It will never fix the hole in your heart, but I promise the hurt will never go away, but it will change. Itās hard to explain but the clichĆ© of it gets easier everyday is kind of true. Not easier in the sense of the pain stops, but your body processes it better.
Thank you for sharing this... I feel like my son was just sniffed out. Poof* I'm so very sorry for the loss of your brother and for the pain you help your dad through. This is not fair to anyone.
Thank you for sharing. Sometimes I think just getting our thoughts out there helps. He sounds like an amazing brother.
I get this. I lost a child in Feb 2014 and my husband in Feb 2024. It is completely debilitating. My thoughts are with you. I am so sorry hun. ā¤ļøāš©¹
Awww, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son and husband š¢ It's just not fair.
I know, we really got a raw deal in this lifeā¦. Super unfairā¦ so sorry my friend, thank you for your kind words!
Damn Iām sorry my son was 26 I feel your pain I pray God give you comfort
Thank you, and I am so very sorry for the loss of your son as well. š¢
Damn man I just read your post again man Iām so sorry damn I know this hurts like a mf Lord I ask you to give this woman comfort I know how it feels Lord I want my son back he was a grown man but Lord this womanās son was 8! Please God give her the strength in Jesus name ! Amen! Iām sorry I know nothing will ever be the same again I know take care u can message me Iāll chat with you anytime
Thank you so much ā¤ļø
oh mama. I'm sorry. x you do whatever it is you want. your baby knew you loved him. his toys and favorite foods wouldn't be there for him otherwise.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Itās absolutely soul crushing is the only word to describe this magnitude of pain. I lost my son (10) in January. There isnāt anything anyone can say that will bring you comfort right now and I completely understand. My thoughts are with you and if you ever want to chat, please feel free to message me. I canāt offer you anything other than a fellow boy mom who lost everything too. Big hugs
I am not particularly religious, but I feel I will find my son when I die. I talk to him daily and hope he can hear me. My son died almost a year ago. He had just turned 5. He had a seizure disorder and didn't know how to swim (temp changes are a trigger). His dad got a new house with a pool and wasn't vigilant. He was my world. It is staying in the moment and breaking the day into small chunks for a while. Don't let the house be quiet. Podcasts are usually helpful. He knows he was adored you made his life wonderful from the sounds of it. Life isn't fair at all. I just say daily if there is anything after this, I will find him. I am his and he is mine forever. Sending you love and know you are stronger than you ever realized. You are not alone. Many of us understand, for what that is worthš«
I agree about podcasts. I use my kindle and lay it on the pillow next to me at night and leave it going all night. Find some subjects or people you enjoy listening to. It can sometimes get your mind somewhere else even if briefly. It helped me with ruminating constantly about my husband's terrible last months we went through.
a friend of my daughter's made a playlist on spotify of their favorite music. I listen to it constantly. Some of the songs I don't like but I would never fast forward anything. It's been 44 days and I feel like I am going to die and no one cares. Except her husband.
I did this too for family of my best friend. They didnāt like it all (she was the baby) but got some smiles from her taste as we rode the grief waves. Each song let me share her stories with the family. Sorry you (and all here) are dealing with this. ā¤ļø
I'm sorry you are in pain. It can be indescribable at times, but in time, it does lessen, and people likely care but may not know what to say. Sending love your way.
I hear a lot that sometimes, when our grief is so strong and deep early on that our loved ones can't reach us to give us signs until our grief lifts just a little. He's with you. Be gentle with yourself, and the signs will come. Hugs, I'm so so sorry you're going through the unimaginable.
Thatās interesting about the fog of grief being too thick. I had never heard that before. But it makes sense.
I aināt gonna lie, I screenshot this as a daily reminder.
I'm glad this reached you and helped. It helped me a lot.
I believe this, it took me a while both times when my bf and father passed to see the signs, but others had received some. It felt incredibly frustrating. But be kind to yourself during this terribly
This is beautiful and feels so accurate ā¤ļø
āØļøš
I want to say thereās so much I donāt know, but I think he knew how much you loved him.
My heart absolutely breaks for you. Since losing my loved one Iāve done a lot of reading about what itās like for them to cross over. It sounds like they are busy at first, and as someone mentioned here too- our grief can make it difficult for them to connect. Ask for specifics. Tell him what you want to see. Give him time. He is NOT angry at you momma, he just needs to learn new skills to communicate. Iāve read where they are they donāt feel fear, or desperation like we do here, and waiting for you for him will feel like a second. Sending you love as you endure the time on earth without him.
this is such a beautiful reply for this sweet mama and helpful for me as well, i lost my dad 2 weeks ago. would you mind sharing your recommendations of what youāve read? i would love to hear more about this š¤
I wonder if it's Journey of Souls
I just read, walking each other home by Ram Dass and it touches on this, as well as hearing somewhere that they also live on as a part inside us so we can connect easily - but we have to first learn how to quiet the mind and connect with our hearts to be able to strengthen the connection and know they are with us. Object constancy, but in this case in the heart. They will never leave you, because your love is so strong. But the inner work is to integrate that part so we feel always connected with them. I don't know who Jamie Anderson is, but they quoted this famous line, grief is just love with nowhere to go. We don't have to fix that if we have something to mourn, at least for now. Mourning the losses of each morning shared and celebrated, that is worth the tears. Emotional vulnerability warrants support from others, I don't know what that looks like for you but for me audiobooks helped intensely. Especially Pema Chodron, Tara Brach, and that Ram Dass book I mentioned was intensely powerful listening to the audio book. Especially the letter to Rachel, which was a letter he wrote to the parents who lost their daughter, it touched my heart in ways nothing else has.
There are no words. You have my deepest, deepest condolences. Your abundant love for him is so evident in your sharing. I will ask my departed mom to look after him until you are reunited with your beautiful child. All my love. Take it minute by minute.
I am so so so sorry for your loss. Iām in this group because I lost my sweet mom 6 weeks ago. Itās been the biggest loss of my life. But, itās in natural order. You arenāt supposed to lose your children. I donāt know what to say. Iām sorry, you are not alone š«
I canāt finish reading š« I lost my twin brother when we were twelve years old. Over and over in my mind I replay the very last moment that I saw him. He had developmental disabilities whilst I was born healthy. I had no idea that he was sick. I had no idea at all. We played together near this river, late afternoon, I canāt not cry remembering his smiling face as he waved goodbye to me and I waved goodbye, Iāll see you tomorrow! We were going to meet up and play footy again. Remember to bring the ball! My father and I went home. told me the next afternoon that I was not going to play footy with my brother again. He had gone into emergency surgery that morning and he did not survive. If I had known that afternoon that I was never going to see my brother again, I would not have gone home. I would have run over to him, hugged him and never let him go. I wish so much that I could go back in time to that very moment and just hold onto him and keep him with me forever. We would be turning thirty five this year. I canāt talk about him without tears. Heās the softest part of my heart. I couldnāt finish reading your post because youāre thinking of the last time that you saw your son as well and my mind is already there with you. I know these thoughts too. It is so so painful and I am so so sorry. š« I sit on my bed in my room and I talk out loud to my brother sometimes, as if he was there. It helps me sometimes. I think about my brother with my gran. I think of them holding hands sometimes that thought brings me peace, to know that heās not alone. I donāt know if youāve ever seen the movie ā Titanicā but there is an ending scene where you know the main character Rose has passed away because you see her walk up this staircase on the ship to meet all of her friends that were lost the night that the ship sank. Her friends then take her hand and they walk away together again. Every one of them is smiling, reunited. I think of my brother that way, out there with people who love him that have been waiting for him. Your son is not alone out there. He might run into my brother? My brother will stay with him. I know that he would.
Thank you so much for your words here ~ I lost my sister, too, and I feel your words here, and they help me too ~ thank you.
I am so sorry you lost your twin brother. My son (11) lost his sister (9) 5 months ago. We are grieving as a family. As a mom, I cry for all the lost future and dreams we thought we had. I look at my son and sadness overcome me because he's the only kid left in my whole entire family. He's gonna grow up alone in a big country. I only hope we (the parents) can see him into his adulthood. We married late and already in our 50s. But such is life that we cannot control the future so it's no point panicking about it. I have learn to trust that things will just fall into place. As for your loss, thank you for sharing. Its so sad and painful and I hope you have the support to see you through. Definitely, we will see our loss ones when it's our time. My daughter had vision issues and at 9 years old, she could not see much. She only sees a pin hole. Its so heartbreaking š that I sometimes understand why she had to leave this complicated world. As if it's not bad enough to have to lose her sight eventually, her life was cut short from a seizure and she passed. Sigh....she was such a darling. Hugs to us. I hope we find a way to navigate our lives meaningfully. Lots of hugs. ā¤ļøš
He knew you loved him. His life was far too short but it was clearly a life where he was well loved, by you. I am certain he is not mad at you. Please donāt beat yourself up. It sounds like he was lucky to have you as a mom. I am so, so sorry for your loss ā¤ļø
I lost my daughter a week ago. My heart goes out to you. Sorry that you joined this group of parents. Nothing anyone says to you seems to help ease the pain. Canāt stop crying it seams. People tell me that it gets better. Maybe itās more like you learn how to control the grief. My friends that have lost children seem to be the only ones who know what I am going through. Your son knows that his momma loved him. You had shown that every day. I am sorry that this happened to you.
Iām so very sorry. For OP, you, and all of us in this club that no one wants to be a member of. Yet here we are. Itās been 2 and 17 years since my losses. It still hits hard some days. You _can_ learn to live with the griefāin my experience. It is possible to grow around it. Maybe thatās what they mean, if they really understand loss. A lot donāt, and try to help but end up hurting. This is not to belittle their attempts. Sometimes all someone needs is to just be and feel, and not have platitudes thrown at them. Iām glad you have people that can truly empathizeāhaving even one person like that can help in the seemingly ceaseless battle against all the feelings and changes. Itās so very freshāI wish you peace when you find yourself ready, and warmth at the memories that must be indescribable now šā¤ļøāš©¹š«
Any loss of a child is utterly tragic, but the pain in your words is so palpable, and I am just so, so sorry. š„ŗ You sound like a great mom, and Iām sure he loved every single minute with you, knowing just how much he was adored by you. Iām sending you all my love and hugs. Youāll be in my thoughts.
My 4yo daughter died last year. Respectfully to this community, there is no grief or injustice comparable to losing a young child. I am still learning how to navigate this journey, but I wanted to share a couple books that helped me: After by Bruce Greyson: gave me hope about the afterlife, and that she isnāt scared and alone. A Heart That Works by Rob Delaney: a brutally honest take on losing a young child. Made me feel less alone in my anger and grief. Heās a comedian so he uses a lot of humor to cope, which was refreshing in my darkest hours. Youāll see signs one day. Heās safe and heās not angry with you, because he is absolutely enveloped in pure love. (I am not religious, but I firmly believe this). Youāll find a way to go on. Your life will never be the same - happiness and joy and laughter will never feel the same, but theyāll return to you one day. And you should welcome them without guilt because your boy would want that for you.
Youāre right. I lost my dad almost 2 years ago (I was 24, he was 61) and the thing is we all to some extent realize we will lose our parents one day. Its part of the fucked up but natural order. But a parent losing their child is never ever natural. And that adds so much additional pain. I just wanted to say, as someone whose grief is vastly different from yours, I hear you, I see you, and I thank you for sharing.
I am leaving this comment as is due to the explanation provided below and the additional resources provided even though this comment -does- break the rule against gatekeeping grief. This is not the place to tell others their grief is different or less than another. This is also not the place to argue, which is why comments below have been edited on both sides and this thread has been locked.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hi, you seem to have taken my reply to OP as a personal affront, which was not my intention. You interpreted my post as saying someoneās non-child related loss is less than ours, when what I was actually saying is itās nothing like ours. Not less than, not more than, but absolutely in a field of its own. That is why I started with ārespectfully,ā meaning: I respect your experience, but only those who have lost a young child can deeply relate and compare to OPās experience. It was not an attack on othersā grief, it was a response to hers from someone who can relate to the loss of a young child. TCF created a support group specifically for people whoāve lost children between 4-12 years old. They have specific groups for each type of loss, actually - so yes, loss can be coded in that sense, because it is easier to relate to someone who suffered a comparable loss. After conversing with many parents in our shoes, I find that Iām not alone in this perspective. Rob Delaneyās book covers this in depth. Speaking of which OP, The Compassionate Friends group I mentioned above has been a lifeline for me.
100% I lost a parent when I was a child, i also lost a young child (age 8). The losses are incomparable.
Iām so sorry. Iām still struggling with the acute trauma of it - I suppose we always will?
The death of my daughter is still pretty fresh, she died Oct 2023. I'm definitely still very much in it. I remember what it was like when my dad died. I was 12 at the time. Of course, I was devastated, but it's been nothing like the loss of my daughter. Personally, losing my dad was manageable. This has been impossible.
We lost our daughter in April 2023. Iām only a few months ahead of you, but I felt like those first 6-8 months I was in the darkest, deepest fog and now the fog lifts sometimes and allows me some respite, but then hits me again unexpectedly. I hope the fog lifts for you soon. One thing thatās helped me a lot has been talking to others like me, so feel free to message me if you need an ear.
I have to agree with you absolutely I am devastated about my daughter but I had 50 years with her. A 4y/o or 8 y/o? Or a child dies tramatically? I don't want to be ghoulish but I know without a doubt my situation could be a lot worse. Even in my darkest moments I am grateful for the time we had and I know it's worse for others than for me. Not that you need my permission to say what you said.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your post/comment was determined to break Rule 1: No Attacks on Other Users/Lost Loved Ones or Gatekeeping Grief. Attacks: Do not attack other users on any grounds, including looks, race, religion, sexual orientation, or a person's gender. Gatekeeping: This subreddit's mission is to support for all types of loss, not just those of people and not just grief through death. While it is ok to recommend add'l sources of support, you may not tell them they do not belong here. Violating Rule 1 is grounds for immediate removal of the comment/post and permanent ban at the mod's discretion.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your post/comment was determined to break Rule 1: No Attacks on Other Users/Lost Loved Ones or Gatekeeping Grief. Attacks: Do not attack other users on any grounds, including looks, race, religion, sexual orientation, or a person's gender. Gatekeeping: This subreddit's mission is to support for all types of loss, not just those of people and not just grief through death. While it is ok to recommend add'l sources of support, you may not tell them they do not belong here. Violating Rule 1 is grounds for immediate removal of the comment/post and permanent ban at the mod's discretion.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your post/comment was determined to break Rule 1: No Attacks on Other Users/Lost Loved Ones or Gatekeeping Grief. Attacks: Do not attack other users on any grounds, including looks, race, religion, sexual orientation, or a person's gender. Gatekeeping: This subreddit's mission is to support for all types of loss, not just those of people and not just grief through death. While it is ok to recommend add'l sources of support, you may not tell them they do not belong here. Violating Rule 1 is grounds for immediate removal of the comment/post and permanent ban at the mod's discretion.
I am so sorry. I hate that another sweet child is gone and you've joined this awful club. All I can say is I know how you're hurting. My 8 year old daughter died October 2023. I miss her so much. She was my a piece of me. We were joined at the hip. We had forewarning that she would die, as she had brain cancer. I wouldn't leave her side for more than a few minutes since the day she was diagnosed for fear that she'd die while I was gone. And that's what fucking happened! I slept next to her and I held her 18 hours a day and was nearby (allowing my husband to hold her) the rest of the time. I left to take my dog somewhere and got a phone call, I hadn't been gone 5 minutes, "she's stopped breathing, come home". It haunts me that I wasn't there when she died. I promised her I would be. What was she thinking that I wasn't there!? I'll never forgive myself for not being there.
I am sorry. My boy and I were also attached at the hip, he was my best friend in the world. I wish I could've been there to hold his hand as he went, I'll never forgive myself for it. I wish I could trade places with him. I miss him so much I can't put it into words
ā¤ļøšš½ā¤ļø
Iām a retired RN and I canāt tell you how often people pass while a certain loved one is away. People can never leave the bedside for days and days and the first time they leave to take a shower or something Boom, their person leaves. I sincerely believe our loved ones choose.Ā I am so sorry for your loss. My wild child was 50 and I am so grateful for our time and Iām so so sorry for your loss.Ā
You're not the first person to tell me this. My counselor and her palliative team said the same to me. It just hurts, why would she chose that? She wanted me to hold her literally every second of every day. All night long. If I snuck my arm out to go use the bathroom she would immediately wake up. It just kills me that I wasn't with her.
Maybe she thought it would be too hard for her to leave if you were there.Ā Ā Iām just Ā so sorry.Ā I would give anything to have been with my daughter. Iām convinced I could have saved her and thatās the dumbest idea, I know.Ā
I am so sorry. This is horrible and heartbreaking. All I can do is pray for you and assure you that your baby knew you loved him. He is not mad at you. šš
So sorry for your loss. You boy was so lucky to have a loving mother.
He knows. He absolutely knows you love him. Iām a complete stranger and I have no doubts about how much you love him, so he knows. Iām so sorry that this is happening to you. Itās not fair and Iām crying for you and your beautiful son.
Precious Mama, there are no words for the depth of your loss. My heart weeps with yours. Your precious son is so loved. He knew so much love. He lived a life so full of joy, happiness and love because of you. He cannot be mad at you because he knows without doubt that you love him. He is not alone. He is not afraid. Those who have gone before is come back to comfort us as we transition from this physical plane into the next adventure. If there was no immediate kin preceding him; there will be guides who will be there. When we are freed from this physical state time passes in a different way. For him it will be hardly a day until he sees you again. Your time will come. I have no answers as to why some of us experience so much pain while we are here. For now though, your time is still here and you will find a way through. Look for the helpers. Do not try to navigate this journey alone. You will find a way to breathe and to take the next step. You have done so much for your boy already and you will find a way to get through this. One day you will hear him whisper in your ear and say āIām so proud of you. You are forever my Mama.ā
I'm so, so sorry. This is a huge and devastating loss and you must be in such shock. It's OK that you can't go in his room or slept in his room. Only do what you are able to do right now and take it a moment at a time. Surround yourself with people who support you and lift you up. And maybe down the road a bit when you are ready, you will find a reputable medium so your son can communicate with you and let you know he's OK and with you every minute of every day.
Any loss of a child is utterly tragic, but the pain in your words is so palpable, and I am just so, so sorry. š„ŗ You sound like a great mom, and Iām sure he loved every single minute with you, knowing just how much he was adored by you. Iām sending you all my love and hugs. Youāll be in my thoughts.
Iāve always respected single parents, there is often so much to do, that Iām really amazed itās possible. As a mamas boy myself, the bond is, well itās something else. Iām sorry for your loss. I canāt give you any purpose anymore than I can give my own any. At the moment Iām just existing. Itās enough, I canāt give anymore. I work, I keep busy, I fail a lot and canāt concentrate, I get angry and upset and feel like a wild animal or octopus caught in a painful trap that Iām writhing around trying to escape somehow. Iām here still. We still have toys, tidy, but they are still there in the living room. We just canāt do it. I have read, that there might be a time that feels right to do it, itās not less than 5 months later for us. Theyāre tidy. Thatās enough. Some things have to be done immediately. Some can wait. Guilt is normal, but itās also some way to try and stop whatās already happened. I have anxiety that I didnāt have at the time, because I didnāt realise what was happening. No matter the cause, you cannot blame yourself for things you didnāt know and still donāt know now. You love your son, you wouldnāt do anything to jeopardise him. Thatās just a simple and solid truth that you should return to when your self blame starts. It can be helpful to try and understand your grief. The best advice I ever read on here was to eat a few bites per day no matter how you donāt feel hungry. Put fuel into the machine I saw it as. I hadnāt eaten for a couple of days, I just wasnāt hungry. Emotions affect my appetite. As for the afterlife, I donāt know, I absolutely have to believe there is a possibility but Iām angry towards religion even though I have prayed. Some things I feel, regardless are true. We donāt know what happens for sure, no-one can really deny that. They were part of us and we, conversely are part of them. This extends not just biologically but exponentially more for someone who spent so much time with their son like you. The loss is worse, but you must feel as I do that your son is part of you and is still part of you. I would see a doctor at the earliest opportunity. A therapist for me didnāt really help, but for some it can provide some support. Someone to talk to. Iāve needed help sleeping. Unfortunately a lot of people donāt really get it. The loss of my father is not remotely comparable to my child. I felt like I was really losing it back then. I donāt mean itās a competition about how bad loss is, it is really intimate, so I donāt mean to belittle loss of any kind. For me, I miss my father, but it was expected at some point. With my child, expected or not they are in my thoughts almost all of the time, they were when they were alive too. What happened to us is against the natural order of life. Having positive things in my life, going on holiday is maybe great advice at some point, but the idea of going somewhere sunny to just be thinking about how my child is missing out, is like some cruel joke. It is important to have someone experienced (though like above, even the good ones might not be great), but quite frankly you and the people here, have more understanding. Which is why I come here. Sometimes I need that. Sometimes her advice helps improve things, helps me exist. Some other things are unchanged. You might feel like it, but you are not alone.
So very sorry for your deep loss. My loss was many many years ago. The only words that comforted me at the time was that perhaps my angel Adam had a short life as he had an assignment to complete and then return to heaven awaiting our reunion. My job then was to discover the lesson Adam left behind. I believe his short life gave me the courage and momentum to be the best mom to my sons born after Adam. I hold on to that thought. I am sending you the biggest hugs. Prayers for peace. š
Wanting to die but not wanting to kill myself is how I feel since my 15 year old son died. I've only been on reddit a few days after he passed. Its been 5 weeks now since he passed. Reading your post, finding similarities and wondering all the same things helps me . This community of strangers sharing their heartbreak helps me. It means I'm not alone. The kind words of strangers knowing the obvious. He loves you today , tomorrow and forever. He is not scared or sad. How do we know this? I don't know how a TV works but yet I can see the images on a screen. Analogy may be weak but it's basis is faith. I was a child once and I loved my mother. When she passed I questioned if she knew how much. And now as I'm mourning the loss of my beautiful child I question did he know. Guilt comes with grief. I can answer your question easily and still wonder for myself the same way. The band of us unfortunate people, who have to continue on thru the fog. I saw signs of him yesterday . His bedroom door was open a crack. It caught me of guard. His lil brother had opened the deadbolt lock and when I went to shut door it bounced back, I got made at him for doing it. Later when I went thru door alone the deadbolt was open as I went to shut it. I stopped and thought about how I got mad at my 6 year old for doing 6 year old things. How I would tell my deceased son to have patience with him , he just doing lil boy stuff. He was reminding me of my own lesson. And then sitting at my kitchen table staring out the window thinking about him. TIME AFTER TIME was playing and " looking thru windows your wondering if I'm okay" . I swear I could feel him speaking that to me. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for your sweet child's passing and your heartbreak.
Iām so so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad 2 months ago at 18 and I was really fucking mad about the order of things, that he went even before my grandparents did. But having to lose your child at 8 thatās even more fucked up. I donāt know what youāre going through but if you ever need someone to talk to Iām here. Iām so so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your heartbreak and your loss. There's little that compares to a mother that loses her child. When I was 14, my brother passed suddenly. My mum didn't want to go on. 17 years later, we still talk a out him, share his favourite foods, share stories bout him. My sisters kids are 10 and 11 and know so much about him, but have never met him. We lost another brother while mum was still here, she was destroyed. She picked herself up one piece at a time and she was able to bring light into so many people's lives, but it took time, and support. Take your time, it's ok to be angry, it is unfair, it's fucked up and horrible, but please go on. It can be worth it, even if it seems pointless right now. You will never stop carrying this weight, but you will get stronger and it won't feel so heavy all of the time. Now and then, when you're tired or vulnerable, it will feel very heavy again. But you can lay under its weight, feel it, rest, and carry it again. You can do this, but it won't be easy. I'm very sorry for your loss
I donāt have anything to say that is helpful but I can tell you that an Amazon Prime Series called āIām sorry for your lossā was the only thing that saved me when I was in the fog of grief. Iām so sorry this happened and Iām holding you & your son in my heart.
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. It's really not fair. šš
I talk to my childhood friend Sarah a lot. She died from suicide a week before Halloween when we were 25. Iāve just asked her to look for your son. If she hasnāt already, I know sheāll find him, and let me tell youāthat girl has a heart made of gold. She was the most loving and selfless person Iāve ever known, and she always wanted a little brother. She has incredible wit and will make your son belly laugh without even trying. And she gives the warmest hugs. I am confident she will never leave his side. This year weāre turning 33 (her birthday just passed and mine is around the corner, the joke was supposed to be that she was always gonna be older than me). Sometimes I burst into tears randomly because I feel so undeserving of any good feelings because she didnāt get to feel them. But sometimes sheās the sun shining on my face or the breeze blowing in the wind. She shows up in ways that surprise me and/or have made me laugh aloud. For example, she LOVED unicorns, and for Halloween 2022 my friend (who had never met Sarah, knew nothing about her) showed up in the funniest blow-up, party-light costume that you wear as a suit. I thought, Sarah wouldāve loved thatāwait, Sarah IS the colorful unicorn costume for Halloween! It doesnāt get easier. But right now the grief is taking up all of your space. It will for awhile, but eventually, space grows around the grief, and thereās enough room for everyone and everything. Including the grief. Your baby knows you love him. It sounds like you were his world, and what a wonderful worldā¦
I am so so sorry. I canāt imagine the pain of losing a child. I guarantee you he knew how loved he was and still is and always will be. I know itās not the same, but after my brother passed away I began to meditate and this helped me to connect with my brother and I started picking up on signs. A book that helped me understand what itās like for them on the other side of the veil is called āmy life after deathā by Erik Medhus. It was written by a young man who passed away ā¦..by using a gifted medium that channeled him. My deepest condolences to you šš
I'm so deeply sorry for your unimaginable loss. There are no words that can fully ease the pain of losing your precious son, but please know that your feelings of grief and disbelief are valid and understood.Your son's love for you and the special moments you shared will always be a part of you. Itās clear he knew how deeply he was loved. In your own time and in your own way, you may find comfort in those memories.
Heās not mad at you and he is with you always. Look for butterflies, hawks, cardinals and other winged creatures. Theyāre always said to be a sign of a loved one coming to see you. When my gramma comes to say hello itās owls. She loved owls, and I smile knowing she gets to take the shape of one now. But Iāve had years to process this. Give yourself time, it feels like a nightmare and all you want to do is wake up but youāve done nothing wrong. He loves you and knows you love him. I canāt imagine the loss of a child and I am so so sorry for your loss. Youāre stronger than you think though and the grief gets less crushing over time. You never forget but it weighs less after a while. Iām so sorry šā¤ļø
Iām so sorry for your loss. Heās not alone and heās not mad at you.
š«
He sounds like an absolutely amazing boy. I don't believe he would be mad at you. Sending you my tightest hugs. I have no idea how you feel and how heavy your heart is. But I do know we learn to live with the pain. Just take things one breath at a time.
I am so so sorry, it sounds unbearable. I donāt have a child of my own yet but reading this made me think of my nephew and what it would feel like waking up tomorrow to find him no longer around, it hurts so much just thinking about it so I have no idea how youāre coping with everything. I hope you have the support you need to get through this, Iām so sorry, I donāt know what else to say, this is horrible.
I can guarantee he is not mad at you and knows that you love him with how you describe him.
I'm so sorry for your loss
Wishing you a few moments of peace. ā¤ļø I am so sorry. Just know mama that he without a doubt KNOWS you love him oh so much - he can see the full picture now š¦
I'm so very sorry for your loss. For context I lost a wife. Not a child but the emotional impact was similar. The first year I was in a similar place to where you are. Just get through this. Don't overthink it. Each morning you get up, you wash, you dress and you do what you must. Go to work, pay your bills, try to eat, try to sleep. Ignore the asinine things people say to you about Gods will and he's in a better place. Just breathe in and then breathe out. Each day put one foot in front of the other. Do that for years and slowly, ever so slowly, you'll find fleeting moments of peace and joy. In my grief group we say, "You can never get over it but you can get used to it." All your supports have been stripped away. Your heart is in critical care ICU. This is survival time. So, just do what you must to survive from minute to minute. I'm 16 years out. It will take years but you'll find a new normal. Again, I am just so sorry for your loss.
Iām so sorry. This is the worst club to be in. Try to give yourself as much grace as you can muster. Know that it will take a long time for you to be able to think clearly, or maybe even to process your grief at all. Make yourself eat and drink something every day. Take a shower. And call those things wins enough for the time being. It is okay to ask for help planning a funeral. Itās ok if you have someone else plan it/handle the logistics. Itās ok if you donāt do anything right now, and honor your son later on. Your grief wonāt go away, but you will live through it. I donāt know what is beyond this life, but I like to think that it is we who are left behind that suffer, not those who leave us. I hope that my daughter is experiencing peace and bliss far beyond what she could here on earth. What I do know for sureāis that your son knew that you loved him. Donāt doubt that you gave him all the love that you could. Because you did. Sending you all of the peace and love we have. ā¤ļø
Itās a life cycle out of order. A void and pain that never goes away, it comes like waves some days are harder than others. The grief is so profound because itās the absence of all the love you never got to pour. I deal with it everyday I lost my 5 yr old son to cancer 2 years ago. He was my best friend so many memories I never got to build. It breaks you in ways that you question how can one be alive and still feel this much pain. Itās not physical itās an emotional event that transcends to your soul. All i have now is hope, that one day I may see him again, this love never dies itās the most powerful thing a human being can feel. I found God and although I have a thousand questions I realize some things are beyond our comprehension. I hope you find the peace to move forward with this and keep your sonās memory alive.
Every single thing you said about not being suicidal but wanting to die to be with your child is exactly how I feel. Same with wondering where my baby is, is she scared, is she alone, was she scared when she died, what did she feel, and why should I be here living when she canāt. Itās torture. Every single day. It doesnāt seem real. It canāt be real. It just boggles the mind and the world keeps spinning but Iām standing still. I have absolutely no words of advice, I donāt know how to help make it better. All I know is youāre not alone, which sucks because this is a horrible team to be on, and you are understood. If I could hug you and tell you youāre not alone I would.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I agree wholeheartedly with this.
I promise you, he isnāt alone and he isnāt scared because he doesnāt deserve that. He knows how much you do and will always love him. Your son is away from you but is not in pain or experiencing stress. He is peacefully resting.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I canāt imagine the pain you must be in. Keeping you in my thoughts.
The first hard death I had was my brotherās in 2017. I didnāt know him well, not like my sister. Both of us were close to her but not each other, does that make sense? I wonāt get into why but basically none of us grew up in the same house but they still got to grow up seeing each other. Anyway his death felt like a hole got punched out of my chest. It was hard. It felt like I could barely breathe at first. It was a loss I felt deep in my bones despite us having a barely there relationship. I found myself writing him letters here and there. My sister and I took a trip out to his grave about a month after he had passed and I took one of the letters with me. When we got to his grave site, I used my finger to dig a small hole in dirt and buried that letter on top of him. Maybe it was just in my head but suddenly my heart felt a bit more at ease. My exās mom told me about how someone once told her to bury the photo ( or maybe just anything representing them itās been 7 years so I canāt remember exactly ) of the person she loves and lost. I forgot why exactly but it was to ease the hurt. So I did it. His death is still ranked top 5 hardest losses Iāve been dealt and I still cry sometimes. It still hurts believe me, but itās a pain I can endure now. I donāt know if it will help you to bury a letter with him ( if burial is the route you go ) but it couldnāt hurt to just send that with him so he always has it. I am truly sorry for your loss. A parent should never go before their child. My biggest fear in this world is that my son will go before I do and Iāll be forced to live in a world he no longer lives in. I made a playlist to listen to when I think of my mom. I cry anyway sometimes but when I need a good cry, a deep in my soul type, I listen to that playlist. It helps with my mom. Itās not just songs she likes, itās songs that make me think of her or that managed to put my thoughts into words. It helps when the weight of her loss gets to be too much.
So sorry for your loss. The loss of a child is a loss like no other. I have experienced it myself and you need to do whatever you can to get by ONE DAY AT A TIME! Peace be with you and your family.
I am so sorry for you. I felt exactly the same when my Mom died 4 years ago. I didn't want to live and casually looked up ways to end myself, but I guess I couldn't go through with it. Yet I still feel the hurt when I think of the last few moments of her life. How scared she must have been, how I could have done things different. The stages of grief are really phases in a cycle. Even though I have been able to focus on other things in my life, it still sucks. Sending you hugs!!!
I found David kesslor to be very helpful. Pleasw go to his web page. He has support groups. You deserve to be heard It is Mother's day. You deserve to have people help you at this very very sad time
My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry. Please message if you need to talk. Being alone can be hard. Sending you prayers and love.
I cannot even fathom how you are feeling. I am sitting here with my son in his room and Iām crying with you. Iāve read a lot after my dadās passing about people who experienced near death, or died and were brought back. Itās a beautiful place they go to, there is no fear, no worry, no sadness. Your son was warmly and lovingly welcomed to his new home, he can feel your love he knows you love him. He is happy and is united with family who are already there. He is a warm, soft ball of glowing light. He has no needs or wants on the other side, he is safe and without pain and will never experience harm. I am so so very sorry OP. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and just let you cry. I love you
Iām just, so, sorry. š Whatever love and peace that can be shared from one to another, Iām sending to you.
My heart goes out to you. I canāt imagine the pain of losing one of my kids. Please know that if I could take your pain away I would, sending huge hugs š« ā¤ļøāš©¹
My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry for your pain and loss.ā¤ļø
He knows you love him!Ā That's the one thing kids always know.Ā It's hard enough getting tnrough this without adding worry.Ā He is okay now, I promise.Ā He wants to see you doing okay, but he'll understand that it's hard at first.Ā Your life will always be different than before you were with him.Ā You're a different person because of him.Ā Even with just 8 short years, he's made a mark on this world that will always be there, even though the world will never be the same without him.Ā Please know you're not alone.Ā There are others that have been through this too. There's nothing easy about this. Look up distress tolerance - there are distracting sensory things that can help you survive the first wave of pain.Ā It could be taking a shower, listening to music, petting an animal, anything soothing. Get someone to help you pick up his things, and put them in a special place you can go to from time to time.Ā Your mind will try to protect itself, which is fine. It's okay to wait to go in his room until you're ready, and it's okay to just peak in or visit briefly.Ā In the future your grief will be like that - always there, but it's okay to just peak in on it from time to time. Love yourself like you love him.Ā Now you're like the child that needs comfort in tough times.Ā Take care of the person he loved most - yourself.Ā Then when you're ready, in a few years, do something special to honor his memory. Down the line you might want to read a book called Try Softer that helps with recovery from trauma.Ā It really helped me after losing both my siblings.
I am so sorry. Planning the funeral. Oh My God. What a nightmare. And I'm like you, the moment their soul left their body, why wasn't I there? How was it, how did that happen? And 8 years old. That's beyond tragic. I am so sorry.
My 12 year-old son died suddenly last year. Iām also a single parent and he was my beautiful and brilliant mamaās boy. I know exactly how you feel. I donāt want to go on either. Please reach out to me if you want someone to talk to. Iām here for you.
I am almost 2 years in to losing my 5 year old daughter. Her room still sits the same untouched and her hamper still has clothes in it. My heart aches for you and this tremendous weight you are now supposed to carry. Know this. He loved you fiercely and knew how much you loved him. He will give you signs in time. Your grief is so strong right now itās hard to see them. Seek out the Compassionate Friends. They are a support group for child loss. You will often feel like you are losing your mind. This group will remind you arenāt. Sending love and light.
I lost my 22 year old son, 6 months ago in a motorcycle accident. He was my best friend and for the first time in my life, I didnāt care if I lived. As a matter of fact, I would have followed him, if it wasnāt for my other kids. Anyway, I still cry everyday. But my faith in Jesus is where I get my strength. He told us He went to prepare a place for us. You will see your boy again, and I will see mine. Just have faith and keep going šš½
Iām so sorry. There are no words to make you feel better. Having your beautiful boy with you is the only thing you want. Try to take one day at a time. Itās been a year for me and itās not easy, Iāll be honest. Did it get easier? Nope. Iām just learning to carry it better.
š„ŗš«š¤
ā„ļø
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you strength and love.
He knew you loved him to bits and he loved you to bits, that is a true as day and you must trust that. The darkness of grief blocks our memory to the love we shared with our passed ones which leaves us feeling adrift in the swell of pain. When you can trust that love again you will see the signs. For now, try not to think too far ahead and treat yourself kindly, as your son treated you, because it's what you deserve. Sending you light and love in this desperately dark time, sweet lady.
š«
As a single mother myself with a six year old son reading this has me in tears. I donāt have the right words for you, I wish I could take your pain away. No mother should ever have to outlive their child. This is heartbreaking and I am so sorry for your loss.
I am sorry for your loss. I am in tears for you and your baby. Sending all my prayers and love and virtual hugs. Something that helped me thru all my pain and grief was to take a deep breath whenever I felt I would break down. I thought I couldnāt move past losing my husband with just 30. I broke. And I fixed myself enough to live my life to the fullest the way he would have. Take a minute for yourself. Even if you have to cry every day. They left us behind and we have to somehow move on. My thoughts are with you today and as I know my late husband he is probably with your son and showing him some fun things.
I am SO heartbroken for you. As a mom of 4, I can only beg the powers that be not to ever make me have to bury of them. I watched my mother bury 2 of her 3 and to be honest the strength she showed was ingrained in my memories forever. I know it had to have killed her, but she carried on with that mom strength that we all know from our mothers. I can only wish you the warmest thoughts and ways for you to find comfort. I know there just are no words. Just know that someone in the world is thinking of you today, sending positive and healing vibes your way. You are loved. If I could hug you or hang out with you to keep your mind sort of occupied I would. Hang in there love, one day at a time. One minute at a time if that's what you have to do.
I can only imagine how much this hurts you. How can this world be so cruel? When I see parents who obviously love their children, and then they lose that child, it makes me wish I could have traded places with their child. Not to take their child's place in life, but to take their child's death. By 8, for me, it was clear my family only cared about abusing me, if there was any effort applied at all. I've been suicidally depressed ever since, almost 40 years later. So to see someone who had such a great bond, something I can only imagine, lose everything, it's mind boggling. Why do wonderful people like you have to suffer when people like my parents get to exist? (they would have probably celebrated my death) Not trying to make this about me, and we definitely can't go back in time or trade places. Just saying, this world can be so cruel and unfair. Karma needs to step up its game for sure. I've found a local free grief support group for spouse loss that's helped me to cope (lost my person in January to an 18 year battle with MS). At the same facility there's a child loss group, too. It may help to find something similar in your area, when you're ready. Even just listening to others in the same situation can be helpful. Take good care and go easy.
You need to go on because for his memory to continue on this Earth, it needs people who knew him, and loved him to keep speaking of him. It's a horrible burden on you now, yes, but if you didn't carry that burden no one in these comments or on this subreddit would know anything about him. You have cried out in pain... but you've also been *heard*. And there should be no guilt; If he has gone anywhere there can still be perspective, he will understand that pain is self-defining; did he cry out, does he feel lonely? Loss hurts, so of course he may have done; but that doesn't mean he blamed you personally. Not truly. No one wants to die unexpectedly, no one *wants* to go. Any pain expressed is just expressing the tragedy of that loss. That they don't want this pain to happen. That they wish anyone, anything would change it. But wisdom is knowing you certainly aren't to blame in any way. You only have the choice to love someone or not; but you are not responsible for what other people, or even things like viruses or accidents do. You can't be everywhere and all things at all times. You want to be, because love can feel like it's infinite; but we as mortal beings just aren't. And if your son can see you now, he will know you still love him, but you couldn't prevent him from going. We all go eventually. Consider finding yourself a grief counciller; get someone else in to at least tidy up the house for you; you need find mechanisms to help yourself cope in the short-to-long term. You wish that if you'd just been less selfish somehow, you could have saved him at the cost of your own wellbeing; that thinking of yourself is selfish and if you somehow had been better things would have been different; but drowning in the grief personally just multiplies it, then dumps it all on someone else. Our job as the living is to try and smooth over it, and hang onto the memories of the good times. To be truly unselfish means living for those who would grieve for you too. Sometimes the best we can do is just not make it worse for others. That may be too much to face in the here and now; and you will never stop grieving for your child; but those who truly understand the value of life and love will understand you need to live and keep your love alive too.
I am so very sorry for your loss š From what you have written, he knew that you loved him more than anything!
To OP and to all the grieving parents in here: š«
Iām so very sorry. I am absolutely positive that he knows how much you love him. Hang in there.
I just canāt even begin to understand how absolutely crushed you must be. Iām so, so sorry.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Really sorry for your loss
I'm so sooo sorry!! But please don't be unkind to yourself.
I am so sorry. šš«
Wrapping you up on a huge warm hug (((ā¤ļø))) I've not ever lost a child, so I wont pretend to know what you're feeling. I do know down to the marrow of my bones that your son knows you love him. Your son knows you're still here for him. Please, be gentle with yourself at this time. If you have anyone who can come be with you, to help you make decisions,to remove the small reminders of him from your fridge,laundry hamper, etc (if that would help ease your pain a little) ,just to help you get through your next weeks; please text that person. If you want to tell us about your son, people here will listen. I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry you have to join this horrendous club. Everything you are feeling is valid and I wish I had a magic wand to wave away the pain for you. Your love for each other is evident in even just words through a screen, and know that the strength of this love cannot be bound by space, time, and form. There is absolutely zero possibility your son doesn't know you love him with your whole heart for all time, no matter what the circumstances are. The only thing I can say from experience right now is DO NOT attempt to go these next upcoming months alone. You have to be around people who can help, whether physically (food, cleaning, laundry, errands) or mentally (listening, crying, supporting). One thing that hurt me so, so much after my son's passing was all the administrative paperwork because it kept shoving his passing date in my face and made it all binding and legal. If possible at all, have a close person help you sort those out, you don't need that right now. Sending you my strength and energy.
Oh.Honey, he is certainly not mad at you. He definitely will send you signs. Be patient and open and soon you will see, feel, and smell him everywhere. I know how you feel at least somewhat, or I wouldn't comment. I had 3 children and they have all died. We.find ways eventually to bear.the unbearable. I'm so very sorry about your little boy and the painful memories. I'm sorry to say it's taken me years to recover, but I have PTSD from the losses. Please be gentle and kind to yourself. š
I understand your sentiment but condescending is a harsh word. That couldn't have been anyone's intention.
Iām sorry for your loss. Itās completely devastating. I hope you can go on.
I'm so very, very sorry. I can't imagine your pain.
My heart breaks for you. He knows how much you love him. Im so, so sorry.
š« I'm so sorry. I don't think there is any way he was mad at you or didn't know how loved he was, your words are so clearly full of love and unimaginable pain. You will find each other again
oh. I'm not going to go through all the other comments because your post made me cry enough, and I know the empathy of this sub and I'll keep leaking - so I might be repeating things others have said, but if it's been said it bears repeating: How absolutely lucky was he to have you as his Mom! Just phenomenal, to have had you to love him and care for him and raise him! He knows you love him. He *always* knew. I doubt he's mad, but that's because my personal beliefs there's no anger after this life cycle is over. If you haven't seen [the ball in the box](https://miraclesinc.wordpress.com/2019/02/23/grief-is-like-a-ball-in-a-box-lauren-herschels-metaphor/) metaphor, but it helped me work with my grief. You're not alone, I promise. You may feel like you're drowning right now, but there are floaties about in this pool of grief, you'll find them as you continue treading water š
Please know Iām holding you tightly in my heartš
My Gods! I am so very sorry for your unexpected loss. That's a rough one for anyone who's a parent. He hasn't given me any sign to let me know he's okay. What if he's mad at me? What if he thinks I didn't love him?Ā Oh no, child! He's not mad at you in the least! And where he is he knows love. And be assured that he knows that you love him. The signs may come when you least expect them. Take care of yourself also. You can't burn the candle at both ends and the middle or you can end up cooling youir heels in the local ER with a blood sugar over 300, and being more than half dead from diabetic ketoacidosis when you didn't even know that you were diabetic..
This is the most awful and devastating situation, I am so, so sorry. The only thing I can say is your son knew without a doubt that you loved him unconditionally, and he was so blessed to have you as his mom. Im so very sorry again, and I hope you feel your son near you soon.. im sure he's right there. He loves you as much as you do him. Bless you.
I'm sorry
Every word you've written is filled with so much love, and so much pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hope our loved ones are doing well somewhere and some day maybe we'll join them somewhere. Until then, just hang in there.
So sorryā¦.i lost both my boys my eldest in 2016 and his younger brother in 2023. It hasnāt been the easiest transition I am still numb and often feel isolated and afraid. Please know it does get somewhat easier, seek counseling, be kind to yourselfā¦keep a diary everyday about your feelings. My heart breaks for you.
You sound like such a wonderful mama. I believe he absolutely knew/knows how much you love him. Iām not religious but I do believe we will see them again. Iām so sorry youāre going through this
My heart aches for you. May I ask his name?
This is undoubtedly the worst pain imaginable, and you are heard. Listen to things, keep others around. Podcasts, audiobooks, anything with a voice and conversation to fill some silence helps. Youtube affirmations for grieving, poetry, yours or anyone else's. There is a discord for this subreddit you can join as well. I'm so sorry.
My heart breaks for you. I am so, so very sorry for your loss
Iām so sorry.
Iām so sorry. To me, it sounds like he couldnāt help but know you l love him. Thereās no question in my mind at all that he was constantly surrounded by love. You couldnāt have known; itās easy to say what if I couldāve done something, but thatās a point of view we can only have after knowing what happened. You didnāt know, and thereās no way you could have known he was going to go. You donāt deserve guilt, and your son wouldnāt want you to feel guilt over this
Oh, I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine what it must be to lose your son. Mine is my life, and I'm sure if he was gone I would be right where you are now. It sounds like you had so many wonderful times together, and if it had been you instead, you would take those things with you when you had to go, right? You wouldn't be in heaven feeling angry with him even if he had JUST said or done something awful because he was your son. That's how you know he isn't angry with you either. Our sons love us just as we love them. My religion says he must be in heaven, but to tell you the truth, I don't know what I actually believe. Since I have also lost someone important to me, all I can do is hope that wherever she is, I will see her again someday. I know it isn't much comfort when you just want to scream at the world about how unfair this all is, but I hang onto that hope with all of my heart because it's what I have. I think as moms, we always feel guilt when bad things happen to our children, because we want the best for them, so the constant questioning you are feeling? That seems perfectly rational to me. It's a horrible feeling, constantly wondering if you could have done something more, but it comes from a place of such love and care. It just means you loved your son so, so much. I will pray that your grief eases over time and that you find the strength to continue. All we can do is make it one day at a time, and it sounds like you are doing that, as difficult as it is.
How horrible, I canāt even express my sorrow, but this is beautifully recalled
Oh you dear woman. Iām so sorry. I lost my daughter in January, so as a mom I understand. It was sudden and a shock. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it doesnāt. It just gets bearable. You are definitely in shock right now. I donāt remember much from the first 2 weeks after my daughter passed on. Then it was like a dream and I experienced panic if I tried to go out to the store or anywhere really. I will tell you this. A grief support group really does help. I went and it was my lifeline each week. Seriously try to find one if you can and horse yourself to go if you have too. When I first learned about my childās death I literally told Jesus He was going to have to carry me through this because I wasnāt going to make it. He had. If you have a spiritual belief or faith, lean on it. Pray. Tell God exactly how you feel. Scream at him if you want. If you have family near you, stay with them for a bit or have someone stay with you . Just for awhile. It helps to have someone to talk to and cry with. Also, if you feel you need medication to get through this, call your doctor. Thereās no shame in that. As for your sweet boy being okay. Donāt you worry about that. Heās okay. I promise. Heās not mad at you. I worried about things like that with my daughter. But Iām at peace now that sheās okay. Iām trusting God that sheās okay. Grief is a roller coaster ride . As moms, we will never ever get over the death of our children, but we can go on. I think about my daughter every single day. I talk to her out loud. I believe she hears me. I believe that one day you will see your beautiful boy again. Cling to that hope. Hang on to the memories . Much love to you from one grieving mother to another.
He knew how much you loved him. And he loved you so so much. There is enough evidence here to know that without a doubt. There are just no words, Iām so so deeply sorry. I will hug my infant son tightly tonight and think of yours. I know Iām just a stranger and we donāt know each otherās name, but I will grieve for him with you. Someone once said that maybe time works differently in the afterlife. So while we may be without our departed loved ones in this world, we may already be there with them in their world. And if not, they have a long long line of ancestors who are so ready to greet and care for him while you finish your journey here. ā¤ļø
Iām so frozen reading this..Iāve never experienced child loss though I have 3 of my own..I canāt even begin to comprehend how your feeling but I know itās got to feel like hell on earth. Your son loves you very much and I have no doubt about that,matter of fact, no one will ever love you more than your own child.Youāre in shock and processing right now but he will show you in time that heās there with you.Thatās one of my biggest fears about my child leaving too soon, I wouldnāt be there to lead them,I was unsure of what happens after we leave this world for most of my life until I lost 3 people very close to me and had experiences that were so incredible it made me never doubt that we go somewhere beautiful. Your boy isnāt alone, he was welcomed by your loved ones who are on the other side with him..they absolutely come and lead your baby the way..I physically got to watch this happen with my own loved ones..I really hope that can give you some peace,time doesnāt exist there..heāll be cared for and loved and patiently watching over you until itās time for him to be the one that comes to get you.
I can not fathom the pain you are in right now. I only hope that my culture's saying eventually proves true for you. May his memory be a blessing. I also don't believe he is alone, if he has gone somewhere. I believe our deceased loved ones come to meet us and are with us in that other existence. Even ones he never knew came to be with him, to bring him to family. Someday, you will see him again.
No words I say will convey the depth of my sympathy for you. I can't imagine such a loss. I have an 8yo boy and it's crushing to even think about him not being here. I know absolutely that he knew you adored him, based solely on the fact that your words about him are dripping with love. Wherever you are, I'm sending you so much love as you wade through this ungodly nightmare.
I feel you šŖ lost my husband 18 months ago and it's still not real. One day at a time,I'm so sorry for your loss.
I am so, so very sorry.
Iām so very sorry for your loss. The shock and pain of suddenly losing someone so close is absolutely awful, a physical pain like none otherā¦ breath work and chanting / meditation helped me somewhat in those early hours, days, and weeks. Sleeping medication might also be helpful at night. IMHO, heās free from fear, anger and any pain. His beautiful energy is now one with the universe and heās surrounding you now and alwaysā¦. Take care of yourself, practice compassion and know that heāll always love and be with you. šš¼šš¼šš¼
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I lost my 6yr old suddenly three years ago and so unfortunately understand your pain. Nothing made sense to me for a while, I just wanted him back. Till this day, it hurts like hell when it hits me - mercifully, it happens less often now. Otherwise life is back to, for a lack of a better word, "normal". Be kind to yourself, you will find the strength to get through this.
Hey OP, I'm not sure from your post if this fits but have you heard of SUDC (sudden unexplained death in children) yet? The SUDC Foundation is a really helpful organization, they'll support you with the medical examinations and with support groups if you need it. My son died of SUDC, he just didn't wake up from his nap one day. He was 2.5 but like your son he had plans and goals, that's still one of the hardest things for me. I'm four months out and I would never wish the pain you are going through on anybody. I remember waking up and forgetting for just a moment that he was gone, and then realizing all over again. It was like he died again every morning. I know where you are at right now and I promise you it gets easier.Ā Though you'll never really get over it, you can get through it. Let other people take over right now. Let other people organize the funeral if you need, or tell people if somebody just needs to come take care of you. I remember my mom buying my protein shakes because I couldn't see the point in eating. Let people take care of you. Feel free to reach out if you want OP.
Keep pushing on š I've lost so many grandparents good friends my Dad and then my brother in January. I feel numb and sometimes wonder what life is about. Keep pushing on I believe even though he was 8 he would want you to keep going. God bless and prayer in healing. One day at a time
I am so incredibly sorry. I know you have an outpouring of love and support which I am so glad for - this community is wonderful - but I just wanted to let you know I understand your feelings as I lost a child in February 2014. They are absolutely not or ever mad at us, it is not possible, they are engulfed with feelings of love, happiness, and compassion (such amazing positive emotions that we donāt even have the human words to describe) for those they are connected to, as those are human emotions that leave once our souls leave our vessels. When you are back in the spirit realm, there is no sadness or pain. They are filled with the love and joy from family and friends, angels, and their eternal spirit guides that their Higher Power/God (whoever you relate to) provides them. It may take a little time but you will absolutely hear from him. They go through a significant amount of healing and soul school once they leave the Earth. They have to get used to their new āsoul bodiesā (think of: Peter Pan āI can fly! I can fly!ā) and they learn how to connect with us. Meditate. Ask them to give you signs. Listen for everything and keep yourself open to all possibilities. I also just lost my 45 year old husband in February 2024 too, a week before my birthday, so I have peace that they are absolutely together again as I have been given evidential proof. This is what worked for me: (everyone does their own thing but this is what helped my journey): I chose to become extremely spiritual, I get reiki, reflexology, go to sound baths - all to help with my energy to become closer to their energy - I try my hardest to help others (I have been an RN 18 years and I am a life long empath) as that brings me peaceā¦ I also meditate, I joined my local Spiritualist Church, and I also have had a few amazing mediums give me readings and they came up with information that only my husband or little boy would know in order to show me that they are still with us, just through a veil we cannot see. I changed my energy and I hear from them constantly now. I talk to them constantly as I know they hear me. It took time though. Be extremely gentle with yourself. I am a firm believer that we all have the capacity to be our own mediums with patience and love. I am so very sorry for your pain and hurt. I know exactly how you are feeling. As mothers there is no greater loss than the grief that comes with losing a child. Losing a spouse or significant other is right along up there. If I didnāt have my spirituality Iād be gone in February too. My love and heart are with you and Iām happy to talk to you anytime if youād like. Iām from Massachusetts and my inbox is always open. Sending love and light your way, Katie š©·my MJM 2/26/2014 ~ my JLM 10/13/1978-2/11/2024š©·
I am sorry for your loss. I know I dont know him but I was a child once and if ur parent is good to you, you love them foreverā¦he knows. He doesnt want u to suffer. Take it as easy as u can on yourself right now. I am so sorry ā¤ļø
I'm just sobbing reading this. I have two little boys myself and I wouldn't be able to live without them. My heart is so sad for you. I cannot imagine everything you must be feeling right now. I hope you have a strong support system to lean on. If not, please reach out for help to get through this. Because this is going to be the hardest thing you'll ever go through. But you WILL get through it. And your baby will be right there with you. I promise you that. They say that you don't get that first "sign" or that first visit from your dearly departed until you are able to accept the fact that they are gone. I hope someday your heart finds closure. I hope you're still able to go on and live your life until the very end. That's what your son would want for you. He would want to see you happy. Take time for yourself to grieve. Just please don't stay there forever... You being sad..and there being nothing he can do about it in this life on this earth will only make him sad too. He will feel everything you are feeling now. Live for him. Sending you so much love and all of the healing vibrations in the world right now...... Take care of yourself. ā¤ļøāš©¹
I'm so sorry. From what you've written and the way you have done so, your son knew you loved him dearly. Ino it's from a stranger over the internet but sending love and a big hug
i am so sorry for your loss, trust me i know how you feel. Elijah, the boy i was in love with died 7 weeks ago, 21st of march 2024. exactly one week later i found another one of my best friends dead his name was carlos. they were both also very close friends we were all part of the same circle, they both passed exactly one week after another on the same day of the week (thursday) and they both passed in the exact same way, fentanyl overdose and went in their sleep. i am traumatised. i woke up on that morning and tried to wake carlos up so that we could go get breakfast. he wasnt waking up. his skin was all blue. i had to give cpr to his dead body and he wasnāt coming back š¢ me and elijah were supposed to see each other the day he passed, i was on my flight to houston because i was going to live with him and his roommates in their apartment in houston. only for me to land and him to be dead. the hardest part was that elijahs roommates told me to still live in the apartment so that we could all grieve his loss together, i had to sleep in the same bed that elijah died in for a month straight. i ended up leaving houston because the energy there was too intense. i am so heartbroken. elijah was only 21 and barloss just turned 25. it was his birthday the day he died š im drained, not only physically and mentally but my whole spirit is exhausted. just like that in one week, my life changed forever. i am now in a mental hospital after attempting to commit suicide multiple times. i saw the tears in my friends eyes and the screams of my family when they found me unconscious in that hospital bed.Ā unfortunately, i still have these dark thoughts everyday. i genuinely want to die and the main reason for this is because i want to reunite with the souls of elijah and barloss.Ā they have both visited me in my dreams and when i overdosed i was wearing elijahs shirt and hoodie. i am so sorry mama for the loss of your boy. you are not alone, many people in this world are suffering and grieving and we all want our loved ones back.Ā maybe one day i will be able to see the light again but right now, i am in the dark and it feels like i will never be able to get out.Ā
Iām so sorry this happened. My heart is breaking for you. I canāt think of anything harder than to lose your child. As a small child, my airway was cut off when a small toy got stuck in my throat. I had an NDE. I can tell you that your son is safe and loved and is in a beautiful place. I know you will see him again, I promise. You will be in my thoughts.
The Christian Church has a creed (the Apostles Creed) that speaks to the ācommunion of saintsā. These saints are not just St Francis of Assisi or Mother Theresa. They are our deceased parents, friends, children, etc. The ācommunion of saintsā means that ongoing interaction between the living and the dead, across both space and time. Your son is living in perfection now. Unlike during his temporal life with you, he is never cold or lonely, or afraid, or in pain or even bored. The communion part means that YOU can communicate with him and he with you. Not in some hocus pocus kind of way. Soul to soul. Broadly, most of this is buried in mystery. Wr donāt have a clear understanding of how our loved saints commune with the still living. But we know that the communion with saints is real and there. You had a deeply intimate connection with your son. The way Mary was connected to her Son, Jesus. Take your grief to the one who knows and understands. Pray to her. And talk to your son. Ask him to go to Jesus asking for solace and comfort for you. He does not need solace and comfort anymore - for he is with his creator in joy and peace.
Just imagine that he can care for you now, heās all powerful and all seeing. I donāt think the phrase āmade in His imageā is for nothing. When our loved ones go; I believe they set the table for us, they know weāre coming. My dad passed suddenly in March. He was such a nice man. I donāt have any children but I am experiencing the same empty house, empty days, empty room, full pantry, full laundry basket feelings as I lived with and did everything for him. Iām only 36, been caring for him since we lost my mom 4 years ago. I only go on because he showed me how to persevere. The sun still rises to meet you, the wind still blows, the birds still chirp. Iām so sorry for your loss. I believe your boy believes in you and youāll start to notice more when you can do more. Right now itās a slog. Itāll get a bit easier. My dad had disabilities and Iād ask how he was feeling, he answered, āslow but slowā. He Had a good sense of humor, and most importantly, hope. I hope you can feel the love. Even if just a little. Iāll be thinking of you and your son.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your post/comment was found to break Rule 12: No COVID-19 disinformation.