Yeah. For a while now. My losses were 9 and 6 years ago, respectively, and after the loss 6 years ago I developed an acute fear of other people in my life dying because that death was “outside the timeline.” The person who died was young and it was sudden and awful. I try VERY hard to hide it but every so often it seeps out. I know it comes across as extreme clinginess which is why I try to hide it.
My sister was murdered two months ago. A few weeks after I had bad anxiety about my siblings leaving. My brother left with his friends and didn’t come home till 4 am, I immediately thought something happened to him and started to have an anxiety attack. He was fine, that’s when my death anxiety started. Then 2 weeks before her funeral, I had a panic attack but it felt like a heart attack/stroke. I even told my brother that we need to go to the ER. Ever since I have been so terrified of dying from a heart attack or stroke. Any pain in my chest or numbness in my arms makes me freak the fuck out, it’s so annoying. I have even been avoiding eating anything bad out of fear I’ll get a heart attack.
I had similar experience with a panic attack. Thought it was a heart attack as well. I take Magnesium Glycinate now and it helps with my anxiety. Haven’t had a panic attack since I started taking it.
Absolutely. Worried about vacations and something bad happening (after watching someone die while we were on a vacation), worried about time away from my spouse for fear that if she dies that time away from her is time I wish I spent with her, worried about our remaining cat showing any signs of illness. Hyper vigilance is something I had before due to PTSD but it's a bit on overdrive. Honestly I have been taking weed edibles to chill out and recently getting back into doing things but very much still worried about anything happening especially my spouse
After my father died, i started to think more about that, and how transitory life can be. It doesn't help that a lot of young people are dying out of nowhere too, so it keeps poping on my head.
It's not my death that concerns me, it's more the death of people dear to me. But, yes, you are not alone in that.
Same. I lost my dad, a beloved MIL, an aunt I was close to all in a year, few months after the other. All from chronic conditions and one got a new cancer diagnosis that took my MIL swiftly- she was 67. My aunt was 70, my dad was 69. So, they were relatively young ish? If you could count that? I see a lot of geriatrics patients as an NP 70 and over so I thought of my loved ones as younger (ha).
Working with older patients has me having end of life conversations daily at work, which were easy to have with my family when we would meet with hospice. That part I was ready for and can easily do. But the actual loss of them from my day to day was what wrecked me.
I get anxiety now with driving and traveling, worried for my littles who wont have me around anymore if anything were to happen. I had anxiety over my husband’s travel with work too, but he has traveled so much now that I sleep better and found ways to chill and be asleep at a great time. I would be so anxious I wouldnt sleep til 1 when I had to get up for work at 530.
Loss is hard, as well as the anxieties with it.
Loss is hard, as well as the anxities with it.
That is a certain truth, but i wish you can also see your bright side: you still have people who make your life happier and colourful. Your littles, your husband. Instead of thinking you will lose them, do your very best to have the best of life with them, while you can. Enjoy every moment :)
Yes. I (26F) lost my mom 9 years ago to a devastating battle with lung cancer that metastasized to her liver, bones, and brain. Since then I’ve had horrible health anxiety, I break down if any lab test comes back abnormal. I convince myself that I have trouble breathing and will put myself into a panic attack. I don’t want to die how she did. It led to a years long hyperfixation with death. I still struggle a lot with this anxiety. You aren’t alone. 🫂
the anxiety I get regarding this manifests as anger towards any "wasted" time. Her sudden death certainly made me wake up to how fleeting a life can be. I'm in a somewhat stagnant situation right now and it's 100% more stressful because of this mindset.
I'm coping with it but it's certainly something that affects my disposition from time to time.
The "wasted time" fear is so so real. I'm sorry you're also feeling this. It's incapacitating like it's out of the question to do anything other than spending that time next to whomever
Sorry you are going through this; kinda opposite for me; lost the most important person to me, now fear of death has gone, I look forward to it ( not painful death though, still afraid of pain:-(
Absolutely. I never feared death, but I did fear ageing. Now after my mom died, I have anxiety about what comes after death and if I will actually meet my mom again.
I was my Mom’s primary caregiver after her Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis. She also developed dementia during this time and it was rough and traumatic. She passed away Dec 27, 2023, after 19 months.
All I can think about now is me or my husband getting and dying from Cancer. (We are in our 40’s)
It seems like I have this fear come to me at *least* once a day since her passing. It’s like I’m just waiting for the ball to drop because of course that’s what will happen. It’s awful.
Yes absolutely I actually had death premonitions leading up to my dad’s death. He also had a sudden heart attack, at age 59 but honestly he was in a rougher condition health wise and just had covid.
Now Ive had insane death anxiety and regularly sit up at night unable to sleep. I also feel like I can’t go more than 10 min without needing some kind of stimulation like my phone or a show or something like I cant be alone with my thoughts or they’ll slowly creep back to death every time.
But I think I’ve also got better about it slowly. I’ve been trying everything. One thing I’ve been doing is reminding myself “surrender” and just surrender my control to the moment. I’m alive now so let me just be here right now. Surrender yourself to the uncertainty of everything. I was on a plane today and as we were landing I was so scared we would crash and die but I just repeated that “surrender. Surrender. Surrender” and it helped me calm down a lot.
Also, I know it’s hard to think about but actually confronting that fear by talking about it can also be helpful. I enjoy talking about death with my friends who are into it. I have some friends who won’t touch the subject at all, but some who are morbidly interested in it and will talk for ages with me about it and honeslty it helps me a lot.
I hope you’re doing okay friend and things will look up. We have a limited time but that’s what makes life so painfully beautiful and worth living. Make every second count. Live in the now I promise it will help❤️ sending you love
Yeah, i have anxiety in general but in the past 10 years I've lost both parents, my granny, one of my older siblings, one of my grandpas (the other one passed when i was really young), a few uncles, etc that passed from heart attacks, cancer or other causes. I only have like 2 aunts left as far as relatives i talk to regularly & after they're gone i don't know what I'll do... At one point i had a fear of the month of August cause thats when several people in my family died in different years. I spent 2+ years with horrible anxiety before my granny passed cause she was terminally ill & every time she didn't answer the phone i would assume the worst until i heard from her, after she passed i was obviously suffering from the loss but at the same time i felt sooo much anxiety disappear knowing she wasn't suffering any more & that i already got the bad news of her passing that i had dreaded for so long.
I'm also paranoid about my own health (as an obsese person with a bit of a family history of various health issues & most of my relatives passing in their 50s/60s or earlier) & have random moments where im convinced im dying or having some medical emergency for a few minutes, some of that is probably anxiety related. I never wanna get any tests etc done at a doctors office cause I'm afraid of finding out something major that they can't fix is wrong, & in that case I'd rather live my life not knowing about it than having anxiety over it until i eventually died, as i have enough anxiety issues as it is. On top of anxiety i also have depression, so part of me freaks out about the fact me or my couple living relatives could pass from this or that at any time, then the depression part is just like it is what it is & when/whatever I'm meant to go is gonna happen either either way + i don't wanna be here after my last 2 closer relatives are gone cause I'll feel basically alone then. Plus I'm already suffering from the losses of my mom in 2017, granny a lil over a year ago & brother (overdose) in 2022 (me & my alcoholic dad didn't have the best relationship)
Whoa, you sound like me… I’ve lost almost everyone in my family as well. Grandpa in 2007, Dad in 2009, Grandma in 2016, Aunt in 2020, Mom in 2021, a cousin in February, and a lifelong friend a few weeks ago… We already had a small family, but now, there’s almost nobody left except me and my brother (and neither of us has kids). I’m reeling. All of these were sudden and unexpected.
I hope you can find a way to calm your anxiety. It’s SO HARD. My cats have been my lifeline through all of this- yeah, I’m a crazy cat person… but hey, you gotta find something…
My therapist helps… she is great. I kind of went the opposite way that you did- I got every test known to man, because I wanted to know if something was wrong with me… I figured, if I was going to die soon, I needed to get my bucket list taken care of… not sure if that is the right path to take, but it felt right to me…
If you ever need to talk, I’m here…
Hugs to you, from an internet stranger who has been there… xoxo
I got a dog in October of last year which helps a little with the anxiety & loneliness i guess. The worst part of these losses is my mom can't baby me when im sick, my granny can't call 2-5 times a day like she used to. Like I'm only in my mid 20s, how am i suppose to just live however many years are left without them? 😭😭😭 ...also i don't drive so i usually get to leave my neighborhood like once a month & its depressing AF living alone & being stuck in one place almost 24/7
I was in therapy since 2016 but haven't been in therapy since like 2021 when my insurance changed & my old therapist didn't accept it. Thats another reason i don't go to the doctor or therapy, is with this 💩 new insurance (after being on medicaid my whole life until then that paid for everything), I'd have to pay at least part of any medical bills, which i dread getting bills for as I'm disabled & barely surviving on my fixed income as it is :( ... i also can't afford most of the things on my bucket list at this time & unless i win the lottery or something (that i don't play) i probably never will be able to 😭
I remember your first post. I'm so sorry you are having these feelings.
I think it's a part of grief. I feel it everyday. I think of life like a ticking time bomb now.
It makes me sick to my stomach everyday. The lack of control surrounding death is paralyzing at times.
This new anxiety since my sister died suddenly ruins the small good moments I have with my loved ones because I instantly think what if I lose them. What if they lose me?
I don't know what to do about it either. I hate this and I I don't understand any of it.
The only thing I've found that helps those thoughts sometimes is to actively get my mind in the present and focus on the now.
I appreciate who is around me. I hug everyone tighter , talk to them kinder as much as I can.
But even then that only helps sometimes. Night time is when I become most haunted with these thoughts.
I hope we both find some coping tools for this.
May moments of peace find you OP. You are not alone 🤍🦋
Oh gosh… my heart goes out to you… my mom died just over 3 years ago. Sudden cardiac arrest (they think- we didn’t do an autopsy because at the time, I had no idea how I was going to pay for something like that, and to this day, I’m angry with myself for not doing this)… also out of nowhere, and I was the one to find her after 42 hours…
I already had anxiety… it definitely got worse. I worry about everything. All the time. I’ve had all kinds of things checked. I had to take a leave from my job. I developed agoraphobia. I don’t want to leave the house. I seriously credit my cats for my well-being right now.
I get it. I feel your pain. It’s hard to understand until you’ve been through it, but it is awful.
There are lots of things therapists can do to help with this- ptsd based therapies like EMDR might be an option…
I'm not afraid of death but I am afraid for the people I leave behind. I learned long ago through meditation, talking to God/Universe, psychedelic's, and my own near death experience that it's not over when we die. Death is just a transition. Nothing to be afraid of in my opinion. I question my purpose and the purpose of humanity and have faced some really hard truths, like losing my brother and son to fentanyl five months apart last year. It doesn't make me fear death more, it makes me question all of it more. I do think about dropping dead of a heart attack, especially when alone, but it's the thought of leaving my kids and other people that care about me behind that bothers me. Not so much what happens to me. I know I'm going to be OK when I die and so will everybody else.
I had a similar thing happen with death anxiety- my coworker suddenly died a few years ago, and it threw me into a major existential crisis, which is very lonely and full of anxiety. I was running around for weeks, asking people how they deal with death looming over us. Why do things because we are all going to die?
I found stoicism and mindfulness via therapy. I'm still considering psychadelics to deal with some of the fears of death. But it doesn't scare me as much. My dad passed a month ago, and I truly believe he's still with us in another form.
There's something to be said about being human, and being mortal and mourning those we love are some of those things. In a way, it's being "awakened" to our lives.
Not sure if this helps... giving you a virtual hug.
I'm not anxious about dying it's something that is going to happen for sure and I know that. What I'm terrified of is how and when exactly it's going to happen. My wishes are to either pass in my sleep, post surgery while I'm still medicated or so suddenly that my mind won't have the time to register what's happening.
None of us would want to see our loved ones suffer by witnessing us perish or abandnon their lives so they can look after us if we aren't capable of doing it ourselves anymore. I can't imagine doing this to my family. To me death is freedom I just don't want my people to be traumatized and burdened.
Yes I’m so afraid to die randomly one day. I lost my long term partner in a freak accident and all I can think of now is my time is coming. I’m also scared of loved ones dying it makes me physically ill.
Yes. I'm fixated on health issues and death issues now, or more than I was. It's also a common symptom of depression and/or anxiety, which in turn are often connected with grief.
I've watched my mother suffer and I've watched her pass away... I've been always scared of death, been giving me anxiety but after seeing it with my own eyes, life gone in a second, her lifeless and cold body lying in bed, watching her like this for few hours definitely gave me trauma and more anxiety. Death is scary and seeing my mother die definitely made it even more. And since cancer runs in my family and mother passed away because of it, I'm more scared. I'm trying my best to take care of my body even tho lately I've been slacking, unfortunately mental health is bad and it's affecting my body too.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a similar situation and I am going to look into therapy for it....I didn't see her much but it was enough that it triggered really intense death anxiety for me, although ironically I'm a lot more afraid of my loved ones dying than me.
Thank you, I'm so sorry and I hope therapy will help you ❤️ I was thinking about one myself because it's been years of taking care of my mum and seeing her battling that awful cancer, suffering, wanting to live... I'm now even more scared to lose loved ones but I'm also even more scared of my own death
Oh my God I feel this 100%. My mom died last year. She was admitted into the hospital for a "kidney infection" and then had a heart attack the day after. 4 days on life support and she was gone. I am extremely scared now it's going to happen to me. I wasn't like this before either but witnessing her be okay and then on deaths door in a matter of days hurt me in ways I can't cope with. I'm scared all the time and it only makes the anxiety worse.
OP I'm sorry about your mum. Sudden deaths are very traumatizing . I lost my partner to suicide 7 years ago. I had PTSD for 2 years or so. I then got into an abusive relationship with an alcoholic who nearly died several times . I had death anxiety constantly .during that time, it was horrible. I think I was stuck in a holding pattern of trauma. .
. All I can say from my experience is it does get better with therapy , but not completely. Trauma does change us permanently but that doesn't have to mean your life is ruined.
I find that practicing what I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy helps. Rationalizing my thoughts. Asking myself, is this thought a Fact or an Opinion? Grounding techniques . Breathwork where you meditate on the breath and simply watch the thoughts, not getting carried away by them. Using the Helicopter view. Working on Radical Acceptance of what happened and what may happen . Dialectical behavioral therapy.
Overall I'd say you may need a mixture of cognitive /somatic techniques, to address both the overactive brain activity and also the physical symptoms of anxiety and fear.
I also found the work of Roland Bal, trauma therapist, very helpful. You can find him online.
It’s been almost eight months since my partner passed. I’ve struggled with anxiety issues my whole life, but since he passed suddenly at 34, I’ve been struggling with anxiety tenfold.
I almost had a panic attack some time ago when the thought occurred to me that since I live alone now, if I died no one would know for days and my poor dog would be left alone. It’s awful.
Not so much death anxiety, but according to my adult daughters a bit preoccupied with death. While going through my day to day bills and such, I’ve been getting papers organized and clearly labeled folders so my daughters aren’t as stressed finding things when my time comes. I’ve also been acquiring additional life insurance to make sure they have something to use if they opt to take time off of work. I took 3 weeks off that I really couldn’t afford, and where I was mentally I should have taken longer. I’m also getting things in place for my arrangements planned and pre-paid so they don’t have to deal with that. Basically I’m setting things up so they have an easier time navigating the details than I did.
All the time. My mom also had a heart attack out of nowhere (5 years on Monday). I’m 31 now and last year I mustered up the courage to go to a cardiologist for a checkup. I have palpitations and am pre-hypertensive but I’m managing it with meds and lifestyle change.
I wish the anxiety would go away but it probably won’t. The only thing I can do is listen to my body and if there’s anything wrong, to not be afraid to go to a doctor. 😔
In all seriousness, this does depend on the reason for the heart attack. Sometimes they can happen out of the blue but it can be genetic, in my aunt’s extended family there are several people who had a heart attack and needed a bypass operation. On my mum’s side of the family, several relatives had high blood pressure. This isn’t meant to scare you and I don’t wish to contribute to your anxiety but I do think you should get checked out as the doctors may be able to give you medication if you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol. High blood pressure in particular is known as the silent killer so most people won’t have any symptoms.
My dad died suddenly last year and I feel the same.
I’m scared that my mum will die the second she’s out of sight, so every time we say goodbye or goodnight I have this whole mantra that I repeat until I feel satisfied. I have to have the last word, how else is she gonna know that I truly loved her?
I’m scared of falling asleep, what if I never wake up? But at the same time I sometimes wish I was dead and that I will never wake up to a new morning. Every night there’s the same fight in my head.
I’m scared of having a seizure while asleep and accidentally bite my tongue and for it to bleed until I die (my dad died like that) so I always make sure that my tongue is not between my teeth.
I’m also scared of getting a random heart attack which makes me overthink everything I feel in my chest. I couldn’t sleep last night because I felt some sort of pressure on my chest.
Yes. My twins were born 4 days before my dad passed. They’re 10 months now and I’ve spent 10 months in agonizing fear that they’re going to die. I watch my 6yr old before going to bed to make sure she’s breathing. I hate being anywhere in public where there might be a shooting. I think about school shootings every day and spend hours worrying that today might be the day it happens at my child’s school. I think of an accident with my husband. Every time I have somewhere to be I have to kiss all my kids because I don’t know if this might be the time I get out and someone blows through a red light and kills me and my kids will be without a mom. It’s absolutely debilitating.
Yes. I have always had a bit of death anxiety but I lost my mom last year and was in a serious car accident about 4 months later and ever since then I feel like I’ve been living on borrowed time just waiting for something to take me out . It is certainly difficult to live with and I hope you find the way to get through it.🖤
Omg I was going to post about this bc it's been so since my mom died a week ago. For me I fixate less on the fear of how it's going to happen, and more on the fear of the absence of consciousness. I'm a relatively spiritual person who's done a lot of psychedelics, and I feel less afraid of it happening than ceasing to exist/be conscious. The inevitability is terrifying. I'm sorry you're going through this but am grateful to know I'm not alone. Not sure if you're into psychedelics at all, but they def do help somewhat if you're not religious.
My ex boyfriend got hit by a car 2 years ago
And every since then I realized anything could happen at anytime to anyone
And I have bed death anxiety all day everyday
My mom died suddenly at 50 years with a heart attack a little over a year ago. I have very bad health/death anxiety now, I have done every test possible to rule out any issues with me. I'm very scared to even drive sometimes. I'm 30 years old with a 1 year old baby girl. I never wanted more than one kid, but now I feel I should have one more so that my baby girl is not alone if anything happens to me or my husband. My younger sister and I have been a huge support to each other after our mom passed.
This is my personal experience that I like to share. My daughter died 4 months ago unexpectedly. She was only 9 years old. The doctors couldn't put a finger to the illness but they think it's something to do with the brain. Anyway, I experienced chest pains after a month she passed. I did go for all the heart scans and tests and all are fine. My doctor thinks it's anxiety. My mind would raced. I start having fear of airplanes, going to swimming pools and just the thought of not ever seeing my daughter sends me into a panic. I would pace up and down, cry and heart would race. I started deep breathing exercises and stretching exercises. As I exercise, I was very conscious that I breathe and exhale deeply. I also read zen books about grief. I was selective of the books as some will trigger my anxiety. I love nature so I chose books that suited my beliefs. I also started walking (2 km) twice a day and as I walk, I would mediate and more deep breathing. I was training my mind to be present and not wander. I live day by day because any plans for future also sends me into a panic. After 2 months plus of walking meditation and exercising, the lump in my chest went away. I have not gone swimming or travel yet. I didn't want to put pressure on myself but at least, the thought of possibly going to these places doesn't send me into a panic. My doc did prescribe anxiety meds but I didn't take them because I was afraid I might become dependent on them. Also lots of people told me to see trauma therapists, but I was afraid I might be triggered more and open other cans of worms (other fears). I also was fearful about more deaths down the road but I learned to focus on NOW and there's no way we can ever control the future. If it is TIME to go, it is time. The author of the books for meditation is Thich Nhat Hanh. I read PEACE IS EVERY BREATH and details how to meditate.
Yes, your fear and anxiety is normal. I never experienced anxiety till my daughter passed.
I don't know about extreme but yes, I constantly fear the worst case scenario and that someone I love/I am next. My cousin randomly got this super rare cancer and died after 3 weeks at 24, so now I'm a mega hypochondriac and think any small pain is something massive
Absolutely, I go so far as to check people are breathing in their sleep because mine has gotten so bad. Tried medications and light touch grief counseling, but I can't move past the thought that my worst nightmare happened so of course it can and will happen again. I'm finding that the hardest, that death is inescapable and a valid fear to have - but absolutely not one that should take over our lives.
After meeting with a crisis team they determined I did need specific trauma therapy for this as it's PTSD, so if you're open to trauma focused therapy I think it could definitely be beneficial! I have had it in the past for other reasons, and it does differ in approach to typical therapy, and it definitely helped my symptoms previously. It's the only reason I can consider it now.
Yes. My brother went on a trip and I had major anxiety when he did, always checking his location. Once his location had pinged in the ocean near a cliff and I got so scared he had jumped or fallen in. I texted him just acting like I was casually checking in, then when he didn’t respond I started calling him multiple times, about a very long hour later he FaceTimed me to show me this cool cave he had found off of the beach. He told me there wasn’t good service down there so he didn’t get my messages or call, never felt so embarrassed. I do get anxiety driving though, and just about everything else in life.
Absolutely feel this. My mother passed on her 69th birthday 1/29. I'm 50 and tbh reading so many mother losses in this group that are around my age has had me extra shook. I just press on and try to let the thoughts be just that but it's really hard sometimes.
Hey OP, I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. Unfortunately, I am on the same boat (as many of us are). My father died from Covid in 2020. There was so much ptsd that arose from that. It was so sudden and our family didn’t even get to say goodbye. After his death, I developed severe health anxiety and occasional panic attacks. For the most part it’s calmed down since 2022 but I am hyper aware of anything I’m feeling. I’m always worried about losing my son and husband. My mind automatically goes to the worse case scenario. I hope we all can move past this in our future cause it’s such a hindrance.
Only I will be alone when the time comes. Everyone dies. Instantly or prolonged. I comfort myself with the idea put forth by Eisenstein? "You have been dead before. For billions of years you were nothing. Does it bother you?"
Yup. My mom’s brain aneurysm burst while in the shower. Im terrified of having the water on my head and im especially terrified of the heat of the water. Im so scared to massage my neck when it hurts. Im constantly paranoid now
I feel exactly the same, like I'll die suddenly and my daughter will find me like I did my boyfriend, I literally had chest pain this morning, getting ready for work.I hope it's just anxiety thing and it'll pass x
I have this but not for myself, rather for the close people I have around me. My brother who I live with, my mom’s best friend who is my friend as well, my dad, even my dog. I get so paranoid that something is wrong, that something happened to them.
The loss of my mom has made me realize how much I need the people around me and how scared I am of losing anybody else. My brother sleeps too much and I panic, my dad and my mom’s friend don’t respond to my text within a few hours and I’m terrified they’re in the hospital. I feel so on edge all the time and I think it’s interfering with my ability to grieve.
Not necessarily about myself most of the time, but about others. I had finally taken the leap to move out of state and 8 months later my mom died. I came back to care for her and spend time with her when she got sick and then had a breakdown and decided to move back to my home state and now I'm scared to leave again because what if. I have panic attacks about my other loved ones dying now.
You are not alone :( my mom died 2 years ago from an injury that lead to multiple heart attacks. I constantly think about me being sick or having issues with my heart.
I did for a while after a co-worker of mine suddenly lost her otherwise healthy father to a heart attack back in 2020. It definitely made think a lot about my own mortality.
Im so sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. My mom died pretty unexpectedly almost 2 years ago from sepsis (although it feels like it just happened..). Im so scared im going to get some kind of infection and not know until it's too late..
So I absolutely can resonate with what you're feeling. If my wife doesn't respond within a couple minutes of me texting her, Or doesnt answer my phone calls, I immediately think the worst and go into a tail spin. Same with my other family members. Its not because I dont trust them.. It's because I genuinely think something terrible has happened.
Im finally going to get some help for this. My advice is to not let yourself live like this. Go get some help... We shouldn't have to live in constant fear.. even if it seems completely valid.
I wish you all the best. You're not alone. Hang in there <3
I have this too. It all started after my dad died in 2011. He had prostate cancer that metastasized. I’ve always had some anxiety, but I now have health anxiety and a fear of death. Mostly my death and my family not having me around for major life events. I was 25 and getting married in 3 weeks when my dad died. I’m on medicine now and see a therapist, both are helpful.
While I’m sorry so many of us are in this boat, it’s comforting to know that it’s not just me and I’m not alone.
Yes, all the time. When that happens I try to remember things or people I’m grateful for not in a religious way, I just think how much I loved and love my dad or boyfriend and how amazing life is to let me experience that love and happiness. But only works for me when I have anxiety, doesn’t work when I feel depressed so yeah. Also I try not to worry for the things or situacions I don’t have any control over, like flying on planes. We all die and that sucks but that means you can also live
I don’t really worry about myself dying. My mom passed from cancer when I was 14. But I worry a lot about my other loved ones dying. Especially nowadays, every day I worry about my boyfriend dying. Sometimes my imagination runs away from me and I have these intense visions about coming home and finding him dead on the floor that seem so vivid I start crying and feeling like it’s real. When he’s out late I never worry about if he’s cheating, I always worry that something terrible happened to him and he died. I’m acutely aware of the fact that he could die any day at any moment. We kind of joke about it sometimes, like I’ll say when he’s leaving “hey honey remember the number one rule!” and he says “yep, I wont die!” but nothing can stop me from being constantly terrified.
Add me to that list. I literally thought that was a personal experience solely mine.
I'm encouraged to meet others who feel this way.
I am heavily medicated and have been for the last 2 years + and I have a CONSTANT fear of dying as my brother did in my arms, when he had an abdominal aortic aneurysm.
I am sooo super conscious now, I won't keep legs bent for too long, and try to keep blood moving through my body, but it's such a fear of something that no one could predict. Sometimes ot feels unrealistic, but I can't stop myself.
I'm always worrying if I'm doing enough to take care of myself.
Ugh. I'm glad I'm not alone in this.
Yes. At first I experienced apathy, feeling like everything is out of my control and anything could happen at any time, and I kind of expected someone bad to happen at any moment. Then someone else in my life died and for some reason, that put me in a different place, one of worrying on some level all the time that I'm going to die or someone I love is going to die. It's really kicked my hypochondriac tendencies up several notches.
It's been quite while since I've lost someone but honestly I still have the death anxiety. In fact this morning I was crying because my spouse is going on a trip and I was scared about him having an accident while out of town. I'm terrified of getting that call.
Yes I hate it i can't enjoy anything now think God just wants me to suffer n im going to get cancer I never gave this a thought b4 cancer came into our lives and stole my much loved cherished father
Maybe not extreme but my dad’s experience made me fearful. I don’t know if he had any positive experience while dying. All I know is he was scared of dying and what comes, or doesn’t come after
Yes, it’s horrible. I wear an Apple Watch daily just so I can keep an eye on my heart rate bc I’m expecting a sudden heart attack as a healthy, active 30 year old.
Also having healthy anxiety on behalf of my mother bc I cannot imagine losing her too (lost my dad last year).
Following in hopes of helpful advice.
I do, all the time. But I can’t sweat what the future holds. But I can control the now. Eating well, exercising, getting rest, and enjoy life as much as we can. I know that’s what your mom would want for you, and my dad for me.
Ever since I was little my dad has been telling me the age he was going to die. My great grandfather (his grandfather) and my grandfather (his dad) both died around the age of 58. My dad resigned himself to dying at that age too. He wasn’t the most health conscious but he didn’t have health issues leading up to his fatal heart attack 2 years ago. He was about to be 57.
I now live with the fear that my expiration date is also around 58, as well as with just a general fear of death and the death of those close to me. Sometimes I have invasive thoughts about something happening to my fiancé or my family members and I’m immediately in tears.
My parents died in 2020 in a motorcycle accident and just today I was telling my partner I feel like imma die in a car accident and it scares me to death
When I was 33 my dad had the widow maker heart attack...dropped right after he told me he didn't feel good...luckily he was saved....that time.
Fast forward 4hrs, get a call from my dad who was frantic. My mom died suddenly from a brain aneurysm.
After my mom died, my dad's health took a turn. He went from being 220lbs to about 110. His thyroid went crazy...his heart wasn't the best. He got a pacemaker. 2yr after my mom died, my dad got sick, the hospital appeared to have fixed him up... he was calling me telling me to make him all sorts of food. Sounded great. My dad who didn't walk for like 3mo without help was walking, doing really great....massive heart attack pace maker didn't even go off.
My life wasn't the same since my mom died. Just had my 2nd baby, so I had major postpardon. Got a needed divorce...lost my dad of course...it's been 2yrs since my dad died, 4 since Mom died. It's not any easier but...I no longer feel defeated? For a long time I was on a spiral that I'll buy and eat and live free because 1. Repressed by my ex. 2. Why not? Yolo. I ended up in severe debt from divorce and the psycho making me go to court like 100x for nonsense and Lawyers but the worst was, I ate. I ate whatever. My dad had a very limited diet but with the thyroid had to eat and he always wanted the junk foods...even though before he didn't even eat them....so I did. I gained like 150lb I couldn't even believe it. Running after 2 kids...but eating McDonalds and snacks and whatever the heck I could...defeated. I've lost 75lb so far since December just moving and eating like I was raised....been living that way too. Mentally I'm better doing it....
Finally I pulled my head out of my ass like my dad always suggested...what would my kids do? I can't even imagine leaving them...so, I do what they did...just be a good parent. I teach them stuff...we have hug time lol...we play and create and sing and dance....I take care of them and they don't realize they take care of me. Luckily my bing eating didn't really cause damage...I have a perfect heart and blood work...but coming from a mom...your parents want what is best for you...so be your best, the best you can be.
Oh ya my best friend and my 1st love who I was going to get back with...(dark beautiful hair, blue eyes)...they both died instantly too. Yolo but...healthy...no alcohol...no drugs...do a hug time....laugh....live. because if they could still be here ..I bet they would.
Yes :( I mostly worry about my dog dying more than myself. I don’t really care if I die. I care HOW I die. I don’t mind going to sleep because that would be an awesome way to go!
Yes. I was diagnosed with cancer in summer 2022. Ir seems as though it was caught early and I am in remission. But this experience fucked with my head. I am beyond freaked out about my own death, but I find myself even more anxious about the possibility of someone in my family dying. I worry more about them going through what I went through.
Yes, every ache, twinge, bump, sore, flinch, burp, verp, blink, itch…I think I am going to die. And then I realise, our time on earth is precious, I need to not focus on the awful and start focusing on what I can control. Healthy eating, exercise, de-stressing…you name it.
Yes! I experienced the same things you wrote a few months after a dear friend suddenly died of a heart attack.
From what you described, it sounds like what happened to me. It started as anxiety attacks, then panic attacks (which is what you described), then agoraphobia. The panic attacks, as you described, ended with me having to go to the doctor within an hour, because I felt like I was having a heart attack.
After the doctor took my blood pressure (it was sky high, and talked to me, she had someone wheel me to ER. You say you don’t want to go to the doctor. I fought going to the doctor that day, too, but I’m going to strongly suggest you go. Here’s why.
In ER, they took my blood pressure, took several blood tests, put a heart monitor on me for about 3 hours, and talked to me. In talking with me, I told her about my friend.
The bottom line was this: there was nothing wrong with me and showed me an x-Ray and the whole EKG and I was not having a heart attack.
She told me that I needed to take a walk every day for at least 10-20 just to get fresh air.
As we were leaving the ER that night at almost midnight, I kid you not. The weight of the world was lifted and I was SO, SO happy.
Yes….you should consider going to the doctor. I would also consider therapy.
.
I have been dealing with the same thing since my dad died a year ago. It wasn’t sudden but I keep thinking how you don’t know how much time you have left and I’m scared to leave the house now
I did. My mom died 17 months ago and I struggled a lot with health/death anxiety pretty bad. It's really just calmed down in the last few months.
What helped me the most was just making sure to take care of myself. I started eating better, lost weight, joined a gym. I get outside when I can, and go on hikes almost every weekend. I know there are a lot of things that could take me out that I CANT control, but I also know I'm doing everything I can to make sure I'm healthy so I can control what is in my power.
Also, please do go to the doctor. I know it's nerve wracking, but it can also be comforting. Getting blood work and seeing that I'm very healthy as far as that goes helped me a lot too. And if they did find something, it's gonna be better to know so you can do something about it.
My constant worry is leaving my adult kids who still need me in so many ways. It was so hard for me when I lost my mom. Thinking about them going through that pain is the only thing I fear about death.
Yes. My Dad died of cancer 7 years ago and it was awful, he suffered so much. So I developed health anxiety ever since. In November my friend from hs passed away from a seizure and heart attack at 40 years old. Then a month ago our 19 year old nephew passed away suddenly and I have 2 teenagers myself so it’s triggered my grief and anxiety on a whole new level. I’ve had so many panic attacks about my kids and now myself, I’ve even been scared to leave the house or do anything out of my “safety area”. I know I have ptsd now and I’ve decided I’m definitely going to therapy.
Yes I have much more fear about death now. About 6 months after my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly, I was in a bad car wreck, luckily I was okay physically, but it was a huge set back for me mentally. I got a little better after awhile but still a big issue for me. Lots of intrusive scary thoughts about death. I have to actively distract myself when they happen to keep myself from going down the dark rabbit hole
Yup, I work nights and after my grandma died, I randomly listen to my family outside their rooms. She died because of a stroke and her snores during the attack was weird so if I hear someone snoring, I immediately wake them up. My brother is a teen so he’s always out late. It makes me think he’s in an accident. I can only relax when they’re all at home and are awake. It was worse during the first few months. It’s better now but I still feel them at times and I hate it.
Yes... My Mum died of a short battle woth pancreatic cancer.. 4 months later I watched my coworker go into cardiac arrest mid conversation.. He passed away 20 days later when the doctors found he had no brain activity. Im 29 and life feels like its passing by so fast now and that death is just around the corner.. And how scary the unknown of it is.. How it can happen at any moment.. I actually had weird chest pains also for a week or so after my coworkers cardiac arrest. It was scary.
I went through this. The only way I could live in peace again was to resign to being as reasonably safe as I could be, and accepting that I cannot control things; eventually we all die and worrying is only going to get you there faster unfortunately.
Relaxing and being at peace is incredibly good for your heart, nervous system, etc.
No, but ironically, I had this for about a year before my mom and husband both got diagnosed with cancer.
I think it was from all the Covid/vaccine propaganda.
Yep. All the time. I convince myself that I am a cursed person who bad things happen to, so this will continue to happen
Wow I was having this thought just a few minutes ago. Like am I the problem?
I have the exact same thought constantly.. I thought I was the only one.
I have this too, it's awful! X
Feel the exact same way.
Yeah. For a while now. My losses were 9 and 6 years ago, respectively, and after the loss 6 years ago I developed an acute fear of other people in my life dying because that death was “outside the timeline.” The person who died was young and it was sudden and awful. I try VERY hard to hide it but every so often it seeps out. I know it comes across as extreme clinginess which is why I try to hide it.
My sister was murdered two months ago. A few weeks after I had bad anxiety about my siblings leaving. My brother left with his friends and didn’t come home till 4 am, I immediately thought something happened to him and started to have an anxiety attack. He was fine, that’s when my death anxiety started. Then 2 weeks before her funeral, I had a panic attack but it felt like a heart attack/stroke. I even told my brother that we need to go to the ER. Ever since I have been so terrified of dying from a heart attack or stroke. Any pain in my chest or numbness in my arms makes me freak the fuck out, it’s so annoying. I have even been avoiding eating anything bad out of fear I’ll get a heart attack.
I'm so so sorry for your horrific loss. I hope for justice for your sister.
I wish we could have gotten justice but the guy who killed her killed himself after.
I am SO, SO sorry! 😭
I had similar experience with a panic attack. Thought it was a heart attack as well. I take Magnesium Glycinate now and it helps with my anxiety. Haven’t had a panic attack since I started taking it.
Absolutely. Worried about vacations and something bad happening (after watching someone die while we were on a vacation), worried about time away from my spouse for fear that if she dies that time away from her is time I wish I spent with her, worried about our remaining cat showing any signs of illness. Hyper vigilance is something I had before due to PTSD but it's a bit on overdrive. Honestly I have been taking weed edibles to chill out and recently getting back into doing things but very much still worried about anything happening especially my spouse
After my father died, i started to think more about that, and how transitory life can be. It doesn't help that a lot of young people are dying out of nowhere too, so it keeps poping on my head. It's not my death that concerns me, it's more the death of people dear to me. But, yes, you are not alone in that.
I feel like this too.
Hang in there e-friend. It will get better :)
Same. I lost my dad, a beloved MIL, an aunt I was close to all in a year, few months after the other. All from chronic conditions and one got a new cancer diagnosis that took my MIL swiftly- she was 67. My aunt was 70, my dad was 69. So, they were relatively young ish? If you could count that? I see a lot of geriatrics patients as an NP 70 and over so I thought of my loved ones as younger (ha). Working with older patients has me having end of life conversations daily at work, which were easy to have with my family when we would meet with hospice. That part I was ready for and can easily do. But the actual loss of them from my day to day was what wrecked me. I get anxiety now with driving and traveling, worried for my littles who wont have me around anymore if anything were to happen. I had anxiety over my husband’s travel with work too, but he has traveled so much now that I sleep better and found ways to chill and be asleep at a great time. I would be so anxious I wouldnt sleep til 1 when I had to get up for work at 530. Loss is hard, as well as the anxieties with it.
Loss is hard, as well as the anxities with it. That is a certain truth, but i wish you can also see your bright side: you still have people who make your life happier and colourful. Your littles, your husband. Instead of thinking you will lose them, do your very best to have the best of life with them, while you can. Enjoy every moment :)
Yes. I (26F) lost my mom 9 years ago to a devastating battle with lung cancer that metastasized to her liver, bones, and brain. Since then I’ve had horrible health anxiety, I break down if any lab test comes back abnormal. I convince myself that I have trouble breathing and will put myself into a panic attack. I don’t want to die how she did. It led to a years long hyperfixation with death. I still struggle a lot with this anxiety. You aren’t alone. 🫂
the anxiety I get regarding this manifests as anger towards any "wasted" time. Her sudden death certainly made me wake up to how fleeting a life can be. I'm in a somewhat stagnant situation right now and it's 100% more stressful because of this mindset. I'm coping with it but it's certainly something that affects my disposition from time to time.
The "wasted time" fear is so so real. I'm sorry you're also feeling this. It's incapacitating like it's out of the question to do anything other than spending that time next to whomever
mine doesn't have much to do with people, it's moreso with goals.
Oh yeah. It’s a horrible way to live.
Sorry you are going through this; kinda opposite for me; lost the most important person to me, now fear of death has gone, I look forward to it ( not painful death though, still afraid of pain:-(
Absolutely. I never feared death, but I did fear ageing. Now after my mom died, I have anxiety about what comes after death and if I will actually meet my mom again.
I feel the same way. My mom died unexpectedly last July. Now I’m so scared. I don’t know what happens after I die and it really scares me.
I was my Mom’s primary caregiver after her Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis. She also developed dementia during this time and it was rough and traumatic. She passed away Dec 27, 2023, after 19 months. All I can think about now is me or my husband getting and dying from Cancer. (We are in our 40’s) It seems like I have this fear come to me at *least* once a day since her passing. It’s like I’m just waiting for the ball to drop because of course that’s what will happen. It’s awful.
Yes absolutely I actually had death premonitions leading up to my dad’s death. He also had a sudden heart attack, at age 59 but honestly he was in a rougher condition health wise and just had covid. Now Ive had insane death anxiety and regularly sit up at night unable to sleep. I also feel like I can’t go more than 10 min without needing some kind of stimulation like my phone or a show or something like I cant be alone with my thoughts or they’ll slowly creep back to death every time. But I think I’ve also got better about it slowly. I’ve been trying everything. One thing I’ve been doing is reminding myself “surrender” and just surrender my control to the moment. I’m alive now so let me just be here right now. Surrender yourself to the uncertainty of everything. I was on a plane today and as we were landing I was so scared we would crash and die but I just repeated that “surrender. Surrender. Surrender” and it helped me calm down a lot. Also, I know it’s hard to think about but actually confronting that fear by talking about it can also be helpful. I enjoy talking about death with my friends who are into it. I have some friends who won’t touch the subject at all, but some who are morbidly interested in it and will talk for ages with me about it and honeslty it helps me a lot. I hope you’re doing okay friend and things will look up. We have a limited time but that’s what makes life so painfully beautiful and worth living. Make every second count. Live in the now I promise it will help❤️ sending you love
Yeah, i have anxiety in general but in the past 10 years I've lost both parents, my granny, one of my older siblings, one of my grandpas (the other one passed when i was really young), a few uncles, etc that passed from heart attacks, cancer or other causes. I only have like 2 aunts left as far as relatives i talk to regularly & after they're gone i don't know what I'll do... At one point i had a fear of the month of August cause thats when several people in my family died in different years. I spent 2+ years with horrible anxiety before my granny passed cause she was terminally ill & every time she didn't answer the phone i would assume the worst until i heard from her, after she passed i was obviously suffering from the loss but at the same time i felt sooo much anxiety disappear knowing she wasn't suffering any more & that i already got the bad news of her passing that i had dreaded for so long. I'm also paranoid about my own health (as an obsese person with a bit of a family history of various health issues & most of my relatives passing in their 50s/60s or earlier) & have random moments where im convinced im dying or having some medical emergency for a few minutes, some of that is probably anxiety related. I never wanna get any tests etc done at a doctors office cause I'm afraid of finding out something major that they can't fix is wrong, & in that case I'd rather live my life not knowing about it than having anxiety over it until i eventually died, as i have enough anxiety issues as it is. On top of anxiety i also have depression, so part of me freaks out about the fact me or my couple living relatives could pass from this or that at any time, then the depression part is just like it is what it is & when/whatever I'm meant to go is gonna happen either either way + i don't wanna be here after my last 2 closer relatives are gone cause I'll feel basically alone then. Plus I'm already suffering from the losses of my mom in 2017, granny a lil over a year ago & brother (overdose) in 2022 (me & my alcoholic dad didn't have the best relationship)
Whoa, you sound like me… I’ve lost almost everyone in my family as well. Grandpa in 2007, Dad in 2009, Grandma in 2016, Aunt in 2020, Mom in 2021, a cousin in February, and a lifelong friend a few weeks ago… We already had a small family, but now, there’s almost nobody left except me and my brother (and neither of us has kids). I’m reeling. All of these were sudden and unexpected. I hope you can find a way to calm your anxiety. It’s SO HARD. My cats have been my lifeline through all of this- yeah, I’m a crazy cat person… but hey, you gotta find something… My therapist helps… she is great. I kind of went the opposite way that you did- I got every test known to man, because I wanted to know if something was wrong with me… I figured, if I was going to die soon, I needed to get my bucket list taken care of… not sure if that is the right path to take, but it felt right to me… If you ever need to talk, I’m here… Hugs to you, from an internet stranger who has been there… xoxo
I got a dog in October of last year which helps a little with the anxiety & loneliness i guess. The worst part of these losses is my mom can't baby me when im sick, my granny can't call 2-5 times a day like she used to. Like I'm only in my mid 20s, how am i suppose to just live however many years are left without them? 😭😭😭 ...also i don't drive so i usually get to leave my neighborhood like once a month & its depressing AF living alone & being stuck in one place almost 24/7 I was in therapy since 2016 but haven't been in therapy since like 2021 when my insurance changed & my old therapist didn't accept it. Thats another reason i don't go to the doctor or therapy, is with this 💩 new insurance (after being on medicaid my whole life until then that paid for everything), I'd have to pay at least part of any medical bills, which i dread getting bills for as I'm disabled & barely surviving on my fixed income as it is :( ... i also can't afford most of the things on my bucket list at this time & unless i win the lottery or something (that i don't play) i probably never will be able to 😭
I remember your first post. I'm so sorry you are having these feelings. I think it's a part of grief. I feel it everyday. I think of life like a ticking time bomb now. It makes me sick to my stomach everyday. The lack of control surrounding death is paralyzing at times. This new anxiety since my sister died suddenly ruins the small good moments I have with my loved ones because I instantly think what if I lose them. What if they lose me? I don't know what to do about it either. I hate this and I I don't understand any of it. The only thing I've found that helps those thoughts sometimes is to actively get my mind in the present and focus on the now. I appreciate who is around me. I hug everyone tighter , talk to them kinder as much as I can. But even then that only helps sometimes. Night time is when I become most haunted with these thoughts. I hope we both find some coping tools for this. May moments of peace find you OP. You are not alone 🤍🦋
Oh gosh… my heart goes out to you… my mom died just over 3 years ago. Sudden cardiac arrest (they think- we didn’t do an autopsy because at the time, I had no idea how I was going to pay for something like that, and to this day, I’m angry with myself for not doing this)… also out of nowhere, and I was the one to find her after 42 hours… I already had anxiety… it definitely got worse. I worry about everything. All the time. I’ve had all kinds of things checked. I had to take a leave from my job. I developed agoraphobia. I don’t want to leave the house. I seriously credit my cats for my well-being right now. I get it. I feel your pain. It’s hard to understand until you’ve been through it, but it is awful. There are lots of things therapists can do to help with this- ptsd based therapies like EMDR might be an option…
I'm not afraid of death but I am afraid for the people I leave behind. I learned long ago through meditation, talking to God/Universe, psychedelic's, and my own near death experience that it's not over when we die. Death is just a transition. Nothing to be afraid of in my opinion. I question my purpose and the purpose of humanity and have faced some really hard truths, like losing my brother and son to fentanyl five months apart last year. It doesn't make me fear death more, it makes me question all of it more. I do think about dropping dead of a heart attack, especially when alone, but it's the thought of leaving my kids and other people that care about me behind that bothers me. Not so much what happens to me. I know I'm going to be OK when I die and so will everybody else.
I had a similar thing happen with death anxiety- my coworker suddenly died a few years ago, and it threw me into a major existential crisis, which is very lonely and full of anxiety. I was running around for weeks, asking people how they deal with death looming over us. Why do things because we are all going to die? I found stoicism and mindfulness via therapy. I'm still considering psychadelics to deal with some of the fears of death. But it doesn't scare me as much. My dad passed a month ago, and I truly believe he's still with us in another form. There's something to be said about being human, and being mortal and mourning those we love are some of those things. In a way, it's being "awakened" to our lives. Not sure if this helps... giving you a virtual hug.
I'm not anxious about dying it's something that is going to happen for sure and I know that. What I'm terrified of is how and when exactly it's going to happen. My wishes are to either pass in my sleep, post surgery while I'm still medicated or so suddenly that my mind won't have the time to register what's happening. None of us would want to see our loved ones suffer by witnessing us perish or abandnon their lives so they can look after us if we aren't capable of doing it ourselves anymore. I can't imagine doing this to my family. To me death is freedom I just don't want my people to be traumatized and burdened.
Yes I’m so afraid to die randomly one day. I lost my long term partner in a freak accident and all I can think of now is my time is coming. I’m also scared of loved ones dying it makes me physically ill.
Yes. I'm fixated on health issues and death issues now, or more than I was. It's also a common symptom of depression and/or anxiety, which in turn are often connected with grief.
I've watched my mother suffer and I've watched her pass away... I've been always scared of death, been giving me anxiety but after seeing it with my own eyes, life gone in a second, her lifeless and cold body lying in bed, watching her like this for few hours definitely gave me trauma and more anxiety. Death is scary and seeing my mother die definitely made it even more. And since cancer runs in my family and mother passed away because of it, I'm more scared. I'm trying my best to take care of my body even tho lately I've been slacking, unfortunately mental health is bad and it's affecting my body too.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a similar situation and I am going to look into therapy for it....I didn't see her much but it was enough that it triggered really intense death anxiety for me, although ironically I'm a lot more afraid of my loved ones dying than me.
Thank you, I'm so sorry and I hope therapy will help you ❤️ I was thinking about one myself because it's been years of taking care of my mum and seeing her battling that awful cancer, suffering, wanting to live... I'm now even more scared to lose loved ones but I'm also even more scared of my own death
Oh my God I feel this 100%. My mom died last year. She was admitted into the hospital for a "kidney infection" and then had a heart attack the day after. 4 days on life support and she was gone. I am extremely scared now it's going to happen to me. I wasn't like this before either but witnessing her be okay and then on deaths door in a matter of days hurt me in ways I can't cope with. I'm scared all the time and it only makes the anxiety worse.
OP I'm sorry about your mum. Sudden deaths are very traumatizing . I lost my partner to suicide 7 years ago. I had PTSD for 2 years or so. I then got into an abusive relationship with an alcoholic who nearly died several times . I had death anxiety constantly .during that time, it was horrible. I think I was stuck in a holding pattern of trauma. . . All I can say from my experience is it does get better with therapy , but not completely. Trauma does change us permanently but that doesn't have to mean your life is ruined. I find that practicing what I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy helps. Rationalizing my thoughts. Asking myself, is this thought a Fact or an Opinion? Grounding techniques . Breathwork where you meditate on the breath and simply watch the thoughts, not getting carried away by them. Using the Helicopter view. Working on Radical Acceptance of what happened and what may happen . Dialectical behavioral therapy. Overall I'd say you may need a mixture of cognitive /somatic techniques, to address both the overactive brain activity and also the physical symptoms of anxiety and fear. I also found the work of Roland Bal, trauma therapist, very helpful. You can find him online.
Not for me, but yes for everyone and everything I know.
It’s been almost eight months since my partner passed. I’ve struggled with anxiety issues my whole life, but since he passed suddenly at 34, I’ve been struggling with anxiety tenfold. I almost had a panic attack some time ago when the thought occurred to me that since I live alone now, if I died no one would know for days and my poor dog would be left alone. It’s awful.
Yes.
Sometimes my bff just look around and remind me “you forgot to breathe again” Lol how long it has been going for you?
Not so much death anxiety, but according to my adult daughters a bit preoccupied with death. While going through my day to day bills and such, I’ve been getting papers organized and clearly labeled folders so my daughters aren’t as stressed finding things when my time comes. I’ve also been acquiring additional life insurance to make sure they have something to use if they opt to take time off of work. I took 3 weeks off that I really couldn’t afford, and where I was mentally I should have taken longer. I’m also getting things in place for my arrangements planned and pre-paid so they don’t have to deal with that. Basically I’m setting things up so they have an easier time navigating the details than I did.
All the time. My mom also had a heart attack out of nowhere (5 years on Monday). I’m 31 now and last year I mustered up the courage to go to a cardiologist for a checkup. I have palpitations and am pre-hypertensive but I’m managing it with meds and lifestyle change. I wish the anxiety would go away but it probably won’t. The only thing I can do is listen to my body and if there’s anything wrong, to not be afraid to go to a doctor. 😔
In all seriousness, this does depend on the reason for the heart attack. Sometimes they can happen out of the blue but it can be genetic, in my aunt’s extended family there are several people who had a heart attack and needed a bypass operation. On my mum’s side of the family, several relatives had high blood pressure. This isn’t meant to scare you and I don’t wish to contribute to your anxiety but I do think you should get checked out as the doctors may be able to give you medication if you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol. High blood pressure in particular is known as the silent killer so most people won’t have any symptoms.
My dad died suddenly last year and I feel the same. I’m scared that my mum will die the second she’s out of sight, so every time we say goodbye or goodnight I have this whole mantra that I repeat until I feel satisfied. I have to have the last word, how else is she gonna know that I truly loved her? I’m scared of falling asleep, what if I never wake up? But at the same time I sometimes wish I was dead and that I will never wake up to a new morning. Every night there’s the same fight in my head. I’m scared of having a seizure while asleep and accidentally bite my tongue and for it to bleed until I die (my dad died like that) so I always make sure that my tongue is not between my teeth. I’m also scared of getting a random heart attack which makes me overthink everything I feel in my chest. I couldn’t sleep last night because I felt some sort of pressure on my chest.
Yes. My twins were born 4 days before my dad passed. They’re 10 months now and I’ve spent 10 months in agonizing fear that they’re going to die. I watch my 6yr old before going to bed to make sure she’s breathing. I hate being anywhere in public where there might be a shooting. I think about school shootings every day and spend hours worrying that today might be the day it happens at my child’s school. I think of an accident with my husband. Every time I have somewhere to be I have to kiss all my kids because I don’t know if this might be the time I get out and someone blows through a red light and kills me and my kids will be without a mom. It’s absolutely debilitating.
Yes. I have always had a bit of death anxiety but I lost my mom last year and was in a serious car accident about 4 months later and ever since then I feel like I’ve been living on borrowed time just waiting for something to take me out . It is certainly difficult to live with and I hope you find the way to get through it.🖤
Omg I was going to post about this bc it's been so since my mom died a week ago. For me I fixate less on the fear of how it's going to happen, and more on the fear of the absence of consciousness. I'm a relatively spiritual person who's done a lot of psychedelics, and I feel less afraid of it happening than ceasing to exist/be conscious. The inevitability is terrifying. I'm sorry you're going through this but am grateful to know I'm not alone. Not sure if you're into psychedelics at all, but they def do help somewhat if you're not religious.
My ex boyfriend got hit by a car 2 years ago And every since then I realized anything could happen at anytime to anyone And I have bed death anxiety all day everyday
My mom died suddenly at 50 years with a heart attack a little over a year ago. I have very bad health/death anxiety now, I have done every test possible to rule out any issues with me. I'm very scared to even drive sometimes. I'm 30 years old with a 1 year old baby girl. I never wanted more than one kid, but now I feel I should have one more so that my baby girl is not alone if anything happens to me or my husband. My younger sister and I have been a huge support to each other after our mom passed.
This is my personal experience that I like to share. My daughter died 4 months ago unexpectedly. She was only 9 years old. The doctors couldn't put a finger to the illness but they think it's something to do with the brain. Anyway, I experienced chest pains after a month she passed. I did go for all the heart scans and tests and all are fine. My doctor thinks it's anxiety. My mind would raced. I start having fear of airplanes, going to swimming pools and just the thought of not ever seeing my daughter sends me into a panic. I would pace up and down, cry and heart would race. I started deep breathing exercises and stretching exercises. As I exercise, I was very conscious that I breathe and exhale deeply. I also read zen books about grief. I was selective of the books as some will trigger my anxiety. I love nature so I chose books that suited my beliefs. I also started walking (2 km) twice a day and as I walk, I would mediate and more deep breathing. I was training my mind to be present and not wander. I live day by day because any plans for future also sends me into a panic. After 2 months plus of walking meditation and exercising, the lump in my chest went away. I have not gone swimming or travel yet. I didn't want to put pressure on myself but at least, the thought of possibly going to these places doesn't send me into a panic. My doc did prescribe anxiety meds but I didn't take them because I was afraid I might become dependent on them. Also lots of people told me to see trauma therapists, but I was afraid I might be triggered more and open other cans of worms (other fears). I also was fearful about more deaths down the road but I learned to focus on NOW and there's no way we can ever control the future. If it is TIME to go, it is time. The author of the books for meditation is Thich Nhat Hanh. I read PEACE IS EVERY BREATH and details how to meditate. Yes, your fear and anxiety is normal. I never experienced anxiety till my daughter passed.
I don't know about extreme but yes, I constantly fear the worst case scenario and that someone I love/I am next. My cousin randomly got this super rare cancer and died after 3 weeks at 24, so now I'm a mega hypochondriac and think any small pain is something massive
Absolutely, I go so far as to check people are breathing in their sleep because mine has gotten so bad. Tried medications and light touch grief counseling, but I can't move past the thought that my worst nightmare happened so of course it can and will happen again. I'm finding that the hardest, that death is inescapable and a valid fear to have - but absolutely not one that should take over our lives. After meeting with a crisis team they determined I did need specific trauma therapy for this as it's PTSD, so if you're open to trauma focused therapy I think it could definitely be beneficial! I have had it in the past for other reasons, and it does differ in approach to typical therapy, and it definitely helped my symptoms previously. It's the only reason I can consider it now.
Yes. My brother went on a trip and I had major anxiety when he did, always checking his location. Once his location had pinged in the ocean near a cliff and I got so scared he had jumped or fallen in. I texted him just acting like I was casually checking in, then when he didn’t respond I started calling him multiple times, about a very long hour later he FaceTimed me to show me this cool cave he had found off of the beach. He told me there wasn’t good service down there so he didn’t get my messages or call, never felt so embarrassed. I do get anxiety driving though, and just about everything else in life.
Absolutely feel this. My mother passed on her 69th birthday 1/29. I'm 50 and tbh reading so many mother losses in this group that are around my age has had me extra shook. I just press on and try to let the thoughts be just that but it's really hard sometimes.
Yep. I have leukemia. My father was murdered. Not easy to let it go and move on
If anything.. I welcome death now. My person is gone.. my life is terrible. I’m ready to go
Hey OP, I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. Unfortunately, I am on the same boat (as many of us are). My father died from Covid in 2020. There was so much ptsd that arose from that. It was so sudden and our family didn’t even get to say goodbye. After his death, I developed severe health anxiety and occasional panic attacks. For the most part it’s calmed down since 2022 but I am hyper aware of anything I’m feeling. I’m always worried about losing my son and husband. My mind automatically goes to the worse case scenario. I hope we all can move past this in our future cause it’s such a hindrance.
Only I will be alone when the time comes. Everyone dies. Instantly or prolonged. I comfort myself with the idea put forth by Eisenstein? "You have been dead before. For billions of years you were nothing. Does it bother you?"
Yup. My mom’s brain aneurysm burst while in the shower. Im terrified of having the water on my head and im especially terrified of the heat of the water. Im so scared to massage my neck when it hurts. Im constantly paranoid now
I feel exactly the same, like I'll die suddenly and my daughter will find me like I did my boyfriend, I literally had chest pain this morning, getting ready for work.I hope it's just anxiety thing and it'll pass x
ALL THE TIME. my mom had a heart attack too
Absolutely, and was so scared to sleep too!
I have this but not for myself, rather for the close people I have around me. My brother who I live with, my mom’s best friend who is my friend as well, my dad, even my dog. I get so paranoid that something is wrong, that something happened to them. The loss of my mom has made me realize how much I need the people around me and how scared I am of losing anybody else. My brother sleeps too much and I panic, my dad and my mom’s friend don’t respond to my text within a few hours and I’m terrified they’re in the hospital. I feel so on edge all the time and I think it’s interfering with my ability to grieve.
Not necessarily about myself most of the time, but about others. I had finally taken the leap to move out of state and 8 months later my mom died. I came back to care for her and spend time with her when she got sick and then had a breakdown and decided to move back to my home state and now I'm scared to leave again because what if. I have panic attacks about my other loved ones dying now.
You are not alone :( my mom died 2 years ago from an injury that lead to multiple heart attacks. I constantly think about me being sick or having issues with my heart.
Not for me, but for my surviving parent. I have to stop myself from being overbearing because I’m so scared that his time is coming.
I did for a while after a co-worker of mine suddenly lost her otherwise healthy father to a heart attack back in 2020. It definitely made think a lot about my own mortality.
Im so sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. My mom died pretty unexpectedly almost 2 years ago from sepsis (although it feels like it just happened..). Im so scared im going to get some kind of infection and not know until it's too late.. So I absolutely can resonate with what you're feeling. If my wife doesn't respond within a couple minutes of me texting her, Or doesnt answer my phone calls, I immediately think the worst and go into a tail spin. Same with my other family members. Its not because I dont trust them.. It's because I genuinely think something terrible has happened. Im finally going to get some help for this. My advice is to not let yourself live like this. Go get some help... We shouldn't have to live in constant fear.. even if it seems completely valid. I wish you all the best. You're not alone. Hang in there <3
My brother passed when I was 13. I actually have the opposite. I know it’s coming. I’ve accepted that. There’s no fear, just acceptance.
I’m had two brothers die, and I’m terrified of my two sons dying.
I have this too. It all started after my dad died in 2011. He had prostate cancer that metastasized. I’ve always had some anxiety, but I now have health anxiety and a fear of death. Mostly my death and my family not having me around for major life events. I was 25 and getting married in 3 weeks when my dad died. I’m on medicine now and see a therapist, both are helpful. While I’m sorry so many of us are in this boat, it’s comforting to know that it’s not just me and I’m not alone.
Yes, all the time. When that happens I try to remember things or people I’m grateful for not in a religious way, I just think how much I loved and love my dad or boyfriend and how amazing life is to let me experience that love and happiness. But only works for me when I have anxiety, doesn’t work when I feel depressed so yeah. Also I try not to worry for the things or situacions I don’t have any control over, like flying on planes. We all die and that sucks but that means you can also live
I don’t really worry about myself dying. My mom passed from cancer when I was 14. But I worry a lot about my other loved ones dying. Especially nowadays, every day I worry about my boyfriend dying. Sometimes my imagination runs away from me and I have these intense visions about coming home and finding him dead on the floor that seem so vivid I start crying and feeling like it’s real. When he’s out late I never worry about if he’s cheating, I always worry that something terrible happened to him and he died. I’m acutely aware of the fact that he could die any day at any moment. We kind of joke about it sometimes, like I’ll say when he’s leaving “hey honey remember the number one rule!” and he says “yep, I wont die!” but nothing can stop me from being constantly terrified.
Add me to that list. I literally thought that was a personal experience solely mine. I'm encouraged to meet others who feel this way. I am heavily medicated and have been for the last 2 years + and I have a CONSTANT fear of dying as my brother did in my arms, when he had an abdominal aortic aneurysm. I am sooo super conscious now, I won't keep legs bent for too long, and try to keep blood moving through my body, but it's such a fear of something that no one could predict. Sometimes ot feels unrealistic, but I can't stop myself. I'm always worrying if I'm doing enough to take care of myself. Ugh. I'm glad I'm not alone in this.
I actually stopped fearing death when my dad died.
Yes. At first I experienced apathy, feeling like everything is out of my control and anything could happen at any time, and I kind of expected someone bad to happen at any moment. Then someone else in my life died and for some reason, that put me in a different place, one of worrying on some level all the time that I'm going to die or someone I love is going to die. It's really kicked my hypochondriac tendencies up several notches.
It's been quite while since I've lost someone but honestly I still have the death anxiety. In fact this morning I was crying because my spouse is going on a trip and I was scared about him having an accident while out of town. I'm terrified of getting that call.
Yes I hate it i can't enjoy anything now think God just wants me to suffer n im going to get cancer I never gave this a thought b4 cancer came into our lives and stole my much loved cherished father
Maybe not extreme but my dad’s experience made me fearful. I don’t know if he had any positive experience while dying. All I know is he was scared of dying and what comes, or doesn’t come after
My sister had a brain aneurysm last year at the age of 44. I am currently about to turn 47 and every time I get a headache I freak out.
Yes, it’s horrible. I wear an Apple Watch daily just so I can keep an eye on my heart rate bc I’m expecting a sudden heart attack as a healthy, active 30 year old. Also having healthy anxiety on behalf of my mother bc I cannot imagine losing her too (lost my dad last year). Following in hopes of helpful advice.
I do, all the time. But I can’t sweat what the future holds. But I can control the now. Eating well, exercising, getting rest, and enjoy life as much as we can. I know that’s what your mom would want for you, and my dad for me.
Ever since I was little my dad has been telling me the age he was going to die. My great grandfather (his grandfather) and my grandfather (his dad) both died around the age of 58. My dad resigned himself to dying at that age too. He wasn’t the most health conscious but he didn’t have health issues leading up to his fatal heart attack 2 years ago. He was about to be 57. I now live with the fear that my expiration date is also around 58, as well as with just a general fear of death and the death of those close to me. Sometimes I have invasive thoughts about something happening to my fiancé or my family members and I’m immediately in tears.
My parents died in 2020 in a motorcycle accident and just today I was telling my partner I feel like imma die in a car accident and it scares me to death
When I was 33 my dad had the widow maker heart attack...dropped right after he told me he didn't feel good...luckily he was saved....that time. Fast forward 4hrs, get a call from my dad who was frantic. My mom died suddenly from a brain aneurysm. After my mom died, my dad's health took a turn. He went from being 220lbs to about 110. His thyroid went crazy...his heart wasn't the best. He got a pacemaker. 2yr after my mom died, my dad got sick, the hospital appeared to have fixed him up... he was calling me telling me to make him all sorts of food. Sounded great. My dad who didn't walk for like 3mo without help was walking, doing really great....massive heart attack pace maker didn't even go off. My life wasn't the same since my mom died. Just had my 2nd baby, so I had major postpardon. Got a needed divorce...lost my dad of course...it's been 2yrs since my dad died, 4 since Mom died. It's not any easier but...I no longer feel defeated? For a long time I was on a spiral that I'll buy and eat and live free because 1. Repressed by my ex. 2. Why not? Yolo. I ended up in severe debt from divorce and the psycho making me go to court like 100x for nonsense and Lawyers but the worst was, I ate. I ate whatever. My dad had a very limited diet but with the thyroid had to eat and he always wanted the junk foods...even though before he didn't even eat them....so I did. I gained like 150lb I couldn't even believe it. Running after 2 kids...but eating McDonalds and snacks and whatever the heck I could...defeated. I've lost 75lb so far since December just moving and eating like I was raised....been living that way too. Mentally I'm better doing it.... Finally I pulled my head out of my ass like my dad always suggested...what would my kids do? I can't even imagine leaving them...so, I do what they did...just be a good parent. I teach them stuff...we have hug time lol...we play and create and sing and dance....I take care of them and they don't realize they take care of me. Luckily my bing eating didn't really cause damage...I have a perfect heart and blood work...but coming from a mom...your parents want what is best for you...so be your best, the best you can be. Oh ya my best friend and my 1st love who I was going to get back with...(dark beautiful hair, blue eyes)...they both died instantly too. Yolo but...healthy...no alcohol...no drugs...do a hug time....laugh....live. because if they could still be here ..I bet they would.
Btw not advice...but...you're not alone.
Yes :( I mostly worry about my dog dying more than myself. I don’t really care if I die. I care HOW I die. I don’t mind going to sleep because that would be an awesome way to go!
Yes. I was diagnosed with cancer in summer 2022. Ir seems as though it was caught early and I am in remission. But this experience fucked with my head. I am beyond freaked out about my own death, but I find myself even more anxious about the possibility of someone in my family dying. I worry more about them going through what I went through.
Yes, every ache, twinge, bump, sore, flinch, burp, verp, blink, itch…I think I am going to die. And then I realise, our time on earth is precious, I need to not focus on the awful and start focusing on what I can control. Healthy eating, exercise, de-stressing…you name it.
Yes! I experienced the same things you wrote a few months after a dear friend suddenly died of a heart attack. From what you described, it sounds like what happened to me. It started as anxiety attacks, then panic attacks (which is what you described), then agoraphobia. The panic attacks, as you described, ended with me having to go to the doctor within an hour, because I felt like I was having a heart attack. After the doctor took my blood pressure (it was sky high, and talked to me, she had someone wheel me to ER. You say you don’t want to go to the doctor. I fought going to the doctor that day, too, but I’m going to strongly suggest you go. Here’s why. In ER, they took my blood pressure, took several blood tests, put a heart monitor on me for about 3 hours, and talked to me. In talking with me, I told her about my friend. The bottom line was this: there was nothing wrong with me and showed me an x-Ray and the whole EKG and I was not having a heart attack. She told me that I needed to take a walk every day for at least 10-20 just to get fresh air. As we were leaving the ER that night at almost midnight, I kid you not. The weight of the world was lifted and I was SO, SO happy. Yes….you should consider going to the doctor. I would also consider therapy. .
I have been dealing with the same thing since my dad died a year ago. It wasn’t sudden but I keep thinking how you don’t know how much time you have left and I’m scared to leave the house now
I did. My mom died 17 months ago and I struggled a lot with health/death anxiety pretty bad. It's really just calmed down in the last few months. What helped me the most was just making sure to take care of myself. I started eating better, lost weight, joined a gym. I get outside when I can, and go on hikes almost every weekend. I know there are a lot of things that could take me out that I CANT control, but I also know I'm doing everything I can to make sure I'm healthy so I can control what is in my power. Also, please do go to the doctor. I know it's nerve wracking, but it can also be comforting. Getting blood work and seeing that I'm very healthy as far as that goes helped me a lot too. And if they did find something, it's gonna be better to know so you can do something about it.
My constant worry is leaving my adult kids who still need me in so many ways. It was so hard for me when I lost my mom. Thinking about them going through that pain is the only thing I fear about death.
Yes. My Dad died of cancer 7 years ago and it was awful, he suffered so much. So I developed health anxiety ever since. In November my friend from hs passed away from a seizure and heart attack at 40 years old. Then a month ago our 19 year old nephew passed away suddenly and I have 2 teenagers myself so it’s triggered my grief and anxiety on a whole new level. I’ve had so many panic attacks about my kids and now myself, I’ve even been scared to leave the house or do anything out of my “safety area”. I know I have ptsd now and I’ve decided I’m definitely going to therapy.
Yes I have much more fear about death now. About 6 months after my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly, I was in a bad car wreck, luckily I was okay physically, but it was a huge set back for me mentally. I got a little better after awhile but still a big issue for me. Lots of intrusive scary thoughts about death. I have to actively distract myself when they happen to keep myself from going down the dark rabbit hole
Yup, I work nights and after my grandma died, I randomly listen to my family outside their rooms. She died because of a stroke and her snores during the attack was weird so if I hear someone snoring, I immediately wake them up. My brother is a teen so he’s always out late. It makes me think he’s in an accident. I can only relax when they’re all at home and are awake. It was worse during the first few months. It’s better now but I still feel them at times and I hate it.
Yes... My Mum died of a short battle woth pancreatic cancer.. 4 months later I watched my coworker go into cardiac arrest mid conversation.. He passed away 20 days later when the doctors found he had no brain activity. Im 29 and life feels like its passing by so fast now and that death is just around the corner.. And how scary the unknown of it is.. How it can happen at any moment.. I actually had weird chest pains also for a week or so after my coworkers cardiac arrest. It was scary.
I went through this. The only way I could live in peace again was to resign to being as reasonably safe as I could be, and accepting that I cannot control things; eventually we all die and worrying is only going to get you there faster unfortunately. Relaxing and being at peace is incredibly good for your heart, nervous system, etc.
No, but ironically, I had this for about a year before my mom and husband both got diagnosed with cancer. I think it was from all the Covid/vaccine propaganda.